Déjà Vécu: Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Two : Choices
Summary: Regulus f*cking Black, ladies and gentlemen.
Characters: Remus Lupin/Reader, Sirius Black/Reader (no use of y/n), James Potter, Petter Pettigrew, Regulus Black, Marlene McKinnon, Mary MacDonald, Lily Evans
Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI; language, violence, mild peril?
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November 11th, 1975
Regulus Black had officially become the Slytherin’s new seeker, much to Sirius’ vexation.
“He’s just trying to copy me, he’s never been interested in Quidditch a day in his bloody life!” He whined over breakfast the morning that the new rosters were posted.
“I mean, isn’t that what younger siblings do?” She asking through a bite of toast, “They want to be just like the older one?”
She looked to Peter for confirmation. As an only child, she had no idea what sibling dynamics were like, though she doubted they were always as erratic as Sirius and Reg though.
Peter shrugged and shoveled eggs into his mouth.
“Thanks for the help Pete,” she muttered sarcastically.
“Anytime,” he smiled, elbowing her in jest.
Sirius groaned loudly, “I can’t believe this is happening to me.”
She stared at him incredulously, “I’m sorry, but what exactly is happening to you?”
“Just promise me you’ll knock that cocky prick off his broom,” he avoided the question (as he tended to always do when he was being overly dramatic), “Hufflepuff faces Slytherin before we do, so you’ll be able to draw first blood.”
“Jesus Christ, Sirius, I’m not going to purposefully aim bludgers at your brother just because you’re mad at him.”
He scowled at her from across the table as if she’d struck him.
She gave him a pointed look as she threw the strap of her bag over a shoulder, rising from the table, “I’m a professional, I don’t take out petty grudges on the pitch.”
James looked up at her and nodded with pride. Sirius aggressively stabbed a sausage with his fork.
“With that in mind,” she said primly, “If a bludger just so happens to come a little too close to Reggie’s sparkly new broom, I can’t be held accountable for just doing my job as beater.”
Sirius looked up at her with a devilish grin, as James opened his mouth to more than likely recite something from the ICWQC handbook, but before he could begin, she turned on her heel and headed to Potions.
———
November 26th, 1975
Regulus stared at her from across the pitch.
She knew it was supposed to be a fear tactic, but Sirius’ words were still ringing in her ears from earlier that morning: I’m rooting for you, little bee.
She was a better player than Regulus, but by the looks of his slick new broom, she wasn’t sure if she could out maneuver him.
The whistle blew from below, and both teams erupted into motion. Immediately she lost sight of Reg, a bludger shooting right towards her courtesy of a Slytherin beater. She quickly smacked it away, aiming towards the opposing chaser making a (rather impressive) dive towards the Hufflepuff player currently holding the quaffle tight under their arm.
The match was a brutal one.
She tried to keep one eye out for Regulus at all times, Sirius having warned her that he wouldn’t play fair. Sure enough, during the second half of the game, he almost ran her into the stands, cutting so close to her broom that she was forced to swerve aggressively towards to a cheering section of second year Hufflepuffs. As she righted herself, Regulus continued his ascent, turning back with a sly smirk.
Fuck playing nice (She’d say that to James’ face later).
Gritting her teeth, she shot after him, adjusting her stance to increase speed. Suddenly, his head snapped to the side, and she knew he had spotted the snitch.
Regulus bolted towards the left, and she quickly followed, weaving around players as they soared through the air. She knew her captain would have some choice words for her later, but in the present moment she couldn’t care less.
It happened in the blink of an eye, and in hindsight, she could retrace all of her mistakes, but as Reg kicked the bludger towards her, she couldn’t move quickly enough.
It smashed through the front of her broom, causing her to lose control and plummet towards the ground. Pulling up on the broken handle with as much force she could muster, flashbacks from her first time on a broom ricocheted through her mind. Please don’t let me fall in front of all these people, she thought desperately.
Meters from the ground, she finally leveled out well enough, the old school-issued broom slowing enough to let her feet hit the grass at a speed that wouldn’t break any bones. Her toes scraped against the packed earth, sending her flying from the seat and onto the wet grass. She closed her eyes right before impact, rolling onto her side protectively.
The crowd gasped, but there was no whistle.
Mentally, she assessed her body for injury. She wiggled her toes, followed by her fingers, and then twisted her neck slightly. She was okay, there would most definitely be a mean bruise on her side by tomorrow, but nothing was broken. Opening her eyes, she rolled onto her back and watched as Regulus did a victory lap around the pitch, snitch in his outstretched hand.
———
“That fucker did it on purpose!” Sirius yelled, almost having to be physically restrained by a professor as he ran from the stands onto the pitch.
She had chucked the shattered broom onto the grass, leaving it in her wake as she stormed back towards the changing rooms. She couldn’t believe that she was bested by a brand new seeker, let alone Regulus fucking Black.
Sirius ran up beside her, cutting off the path and grabbing her face.
“Are you alright?” He asked, eyes scanning every bit of her body for injury.
“I’m fine,” she growled, trying to break out of his grasp. At that point, the other three boys had caught up.
“Brilliant save,” James crowed, “that could’ve been catastrophic!”
She ignored him entirely, pushing past Sirius to continue her walk of shame. None of them tried to chase after her, and for once she was thankful.
After a scalding hot shower, during which she stood under the spray and let the water wash away the layer of brash anger coating her body, she finally emerged from the changing room feeling slightly less irate. The pitch was empty, the crowds having gone back to either the Slytherin common room to celebrate, or to the Great Hall to wallow.
As she turned the corner of the stands, she heard someone speaking in a low, gravely voice. Following the angry tone, she found Remus, wand out and pressed against Regulus’ neck.
“—you’re pathetic,” Reg spat, backed against the wooden stands.
“And you’re a fucking coward,” Remus pressed closer, causing the younger Black to shrink further into the wall.
“If you so much as breathe near her again—“
“Remus!” she hissed.
He snapped his focus to her, but didn’t remove his wand from underneath Regulus’ chin.
“We were just having a chat,” he said, turning back to face Sirius’ brother.
“I bet,” she stated calmly, though her heart was beating erratically in her chest, “Let’s go back to the tower, Moony.”
He nodded, pressing his wand into Reg’s neck one last time for good measure. As he walked to her side, she took one last look at Regulus.
“Until next time, Reggie,” she said softly, grabbing Remus’ arm before leading him back toward the castle.
Once they were out of earshot, she dug her nails into his bicep.
“What the fuck do you think you were doing?!” She whisper-screamed, “He’s Sirius’ little brother!”
Remus shook his head, “I assure you, Sirius would’ve done worse.”
The tone in his voice made her pause.
“What are you talking about? He might fight with Reg, but he’d never threaten him like that.”
Remus’ expression was contemplative, like he was once again holding onto a secret he didn’t want to share. The thought made her bristle.
He sighed when he saw her face harden, “You left before it happened.”
“Before what happened?”
“Sirius got two months of detention,” he breathed.
“For what?!”
“One for his ‘exceptionally colorful language’ as McGonagall called it, and one for taking a swing at Reg.”
Her eyes were so wide that they might fall out of her head. “W-what?”
Remus gave a half-hearted shrug, “I grabbed him before he could make contact, but McGonagall saw, and after she handed out detentions to both him and James, she ordered Sirius back to the castle.”
“James?”
The corner of Remus’ mouth quirked up, “He may have had some choice words for Regulus as well.”
She’d never condone their actions, but her heart was swelling at the image of the boys standing up for her over something so trivial. Lacing her arm back through Remus’ elbow, they began their walk back across the grounds, as she rested her head on his shoulder.
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Déjà Vécu: Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen : Hollow
Summary: Feelings are happening =)
Characters: Remus Lupin/Reader, Sirius Black/Reader (no use of y/n), James Potter, Petter Pettigrew, Regulus Black, Marlene McKinnon, Mary MacDonald, Lily Evans
Warnings: Minors DNI, 18+ only!, angst, anxiety/overwhelming feelings, language, mentions of death and self harm, mentions of abuse, mentions of drinking.
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June 22nd, 1973
She was delusional to think she had made progress with Sirius Black. After everything that had happened, everything that had come to the surface; after his birthday when he shared his scars, and when he confessed his parents cruelty amongst the seclusion of his bed curtains. At the end of the day, they were opposing forces, her pulling and him pushing away. No amount of spilled secrets or clandestine confidence would change that.
James was upset by how Sirius had acted under the quidditch pitch, apologizing to her on his behalf incessantly.
“You’re not the one that needs to apologize, Jamie,” she said in-between bites of toast at breakfast one morning. She’d been sitting at her house table ever since Sirius’ comment. She had been reminded of her place, and it wasn’t amongst them.
James raked an exasperated hand through his unruly hair, “He’s just…stubborn, and kind of an idiot, I’m sorry.”
Before she could add on more negative adjectives to describe Sirius Black, Professor McGonagall cleared her throat at the lectern at the front of the Great Hall.
“Good Morning students, your attention for just a moment please. As the end of term is fast approaching, could I have all rising Third through Fifth year students see me to receive their Elective Selection Form. Please return these to my office no later than June 28th. A reminder: think hard about your future career path, this will determine which classes to pursue.”
She rose quickly out of her seat as soon as McGonagall took her place on the dais, James following close behind and still trying to talk her down.
Engrossed in the paper chart in her hands, she returned back to her seat and began to read through the course offerings. After a few moments, she felt the familiar lingering presence of James Potter sitting back across the table. Doubling down on the effort to focus on her own selection form, she ignored him entirely.
Third-years were able to choose two new electives, the first of her choices being Care of Magical Creatures. She was re-reading the descriptions of Divination and Ancient Runes when the boy across the table pushed his chart towards her.
“What’d you pick?” The voice did not belong to James Potter.
She looked up, brows furrowed at the familiar yet unexpected voice of Remus, “How long have you been here?”
He shrugged, “Ten minutes, give or take.”
“Where’s James?”
“Went back to our table, mumbled something about Sirius being a prat. Any idea what that’s about?”
She couldn’t tell him the truth, she had made a promise to the rest of the boys to keep the animagus plan a secret. “I mean…he’s always being a prat, so it could be anything.”
Remus smirked, reaching over to grab her chart, “So what’d you choose?”
“Care of Magical Creatures, but I’m stuck on whether to choose Divination or Ancient Runes…”
“If it helps, I chose Runes as well…we could help each other study? Divination is a joke anyway.”
She laughed, “You don’t think it’s interesting?”
Remus scowled, “Predicting the future with tea leaves and cards? It’s absolute rubbish.”
Looking back down at his chart, she looked at his other choice, “…Arithmancy? That’s supposed to be really difficult.”
His eyes flicked to hers, flashing gold briefly in the morning light, “Luckily for me, I love a challenge.”
Looking past his head, she groaned, “Ugh, speaking of challenges…”
Snape was drawing closer with Regulus by his side. He was explaining something to the younger boy, Reggie listening intently and nodding along. As the two Slytherin’s passed, Severus spun around, face filled with unsettling amusement.
“Ah, look Regulus,” he drawled, “the muggle convention is having their monthly meeting!”
Reggie let out a dry laugh while she rolled her eyes.
“Very original, Severus. Truly, some of your best work…” she droned.
“What’s that? I couldn’t hear over the sound of Lupin’s incessant panting over you.”
She looked up at Remus’ face, blushing red and staring intently at the wooden table.
“At least they’re mating with their own kind,” Regulus snarked.
What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
“Don’t you have something else better to be doing, Reg?” She looked him in the eye, choosing to ignore the comment altogether.
Regulus’ face hardened, “What did I tell you before about speaking to me directly, mudblood.”
Remus was standing before Reg could take another breath.
“What the fuck did you call her?” His scarred hands were clenched so hard they were white. The Hufflepuff prefect heard the commotion, quickly walking over to stand between the boys.
“You two,” he pointed at Severus and Reg, “go to your house table. And you,” he motioned to Remus, “if you cannot behave in a civil manner, I’ll have to ask you to leave as well.”
Remus sat back down, fuming as Reggie and Snape walked to their table smirking.
She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes as Remus turned his attention to her.
“What was he talking about?”
“Hmm?” She hummed.
“Regulus said ‘telling you before’. What happened before?”
The tone of his voice made her breathing quicken.
“He uh…we had a run in on the train…after winter break…”
“…He’s called you that before, hasn’t he.”
The protectiveness in Remus’ voice raised the hair on the back of her neck.
Snapes words echoed in her head: Lupin’s incessant panting over you.
She shook it off, all of it. Snapes comment, Remus’ tone, the increasingly overwhelming question of where to place the emerging feelings in her chest.
Nodding a confirmation, she watched Remus clench his jaw.
“Please don’t say anything, especially to Sirius,” she begged.
“You need to tell him, he needs to know what his brother is doing—“
“It won’t change anything, it’ll just hurt him. Please Remus, don’t say anything.”
He shook his head, gazing over towards the Slytherin table, “If he comes near you again, I’ll kill him.”
———
September 1st, 1973
Remus wrote her constantly. So much that her hand had started to cramp halfway through the summer from holding a pen almost every waking moment. She’d begun to try to respond with her non-dominant hand, teaching herself to write with both just in case. For each full moon that summer, she sent Remus drawings and the usual poem. Doodles of constellations and celestial bodies filled the pages, the stars watching over a sleeping wolf, a crown of wildflowers on his head.
She didn’t hear from Sirius all summer, something that didn’t come as a surprise after what he had told her in secrecy after Christmas, but it still hurt nonetheless knowing they hadn’t spoken since before school let out. The anger was still there, though it was now being clouded by worry. He could hate her all he wanted, call her every name in the book, but at the end of the day she would still lay in bed and hope that he was alright.
James and Peter invited her to Diagon Alley again, shopping for their third year supplies with the help of Mrs. Potter. From the window of every shop, she looked for Sirius.
Little progress had been made in the animagus plan, with James explaining their difficulty in finding dew that had not seen sunlight or been touched by human feet. She didn’t say anything, having already said her piece last year. They were going to do it regardless, but a part of her was little happy that they were finally getting a taste of how difficult the process actually was.
———
The walls of the train compartment were closing in on her. Remus sat beside the window, reading quietly while she tapped her foot nervously. James, talking to Peter about quidditch or something (she stopped listening ages ago), would dart his eyes over to her anxious body every few minutes like he was waiting for a bomb to explode.
Sirius wasn’t there yet. Flashbacks from last year ran through her mind on a loop. Walburga’s pinched expression; Regulus’ cold stare; Sirius’ scars. She wanted to cry, the sensation of which was beginning to choke her to the point of taking strangled breaths.
Remus reached across the compartment and took her hand, squeezing it reassuringly, “He’ll be here, I promise.”
You can’t promise that, she thought, but the words were stuck in her throat. She didn’t know what time it was, but from the way James was checking his watch, it had to be close to 11. Maybe Sirius’ parents had kept true to their word, maybe they really did send him away this time. How would they even know? She couldn’t ask Regulus, not after Remus’ threat from last year, (not that he would tell her anything anyway).
As the crowd on the platform began to thin, the compartment door flew open.
Sirius was grinning from ear to ear.
Like a dam breaking, air filled her lungs.
“Alright lads?” He smiled at them, never landing on her. She didn’t even care, the only thing that mattered was that he was okay.
The atmosphere in the compartment eased greatly, the boys falling into jovial conversation immediately as Sirius sat down next to James. She didn’t involve herself, just happy to sit amongst her friends.
“—I have to say mate,” James laughed, “You seem a lot more…relaxed than you usually do after spending time at home.”
This made Sirius smile even bigger, “I think I’ve turned a corner.”
“…with your family?” Peter chimed in skeptically.
Sirius nodded, “When I first got home, it was the same thing as usual,” he rolled his eyes, “but by the middle of July…it had all just…stopped.”
“They just ignored you?” James furrowed his brow.
“Not entirely. They spoke to me whenever necessary, but the rest of the time they just let me do whatever I wanted.”
Remus shot her a concerned look from across the compartment, “What brought this on? What did you do?”
Sirius crossed his arms smugly, leaning back against the seat, “I may or may not have…redecorated my room a little…”
The four of them stared at him.
“…I put up some Gryffindor quidditch banners with a permanent sticking charm…”
James’ expression was somewhere between shock, alarm, and pride.
“…as well as some…muggle posters,” Sirius’ smile was borderline unhinged, something that wasn’t lost on Remus.
“What kind of muggle posters, Sirius…” he asked slowly.
Sirius waggled his eyebrows, “Muggle women. They’re wearing rabbit ears, Mum had a fit when she couldn’t take them down.”
Remus’ eyes almost shot out of his head, “YOU PUT PLAYBOY CENTERFOLDS ON YOUR WALLS PERMANENTLY?!”
James and Peter were both staring between them confused while she sat in the corner trying to stifle a laugh. Sirius met her eyes for a split second, sparkling with mischief before he quickly looked away.
Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair, “You’re lucky they didn’t kill you.”
Sirius shrugged, pulling some money out of his pocket as the candy trolley stopped outside of their door. He bought them all sweets without asking, tossing boxes around the compartment happily. The last package he threw was to her.
Peppermint Toads, her favorite.
———
As the train pulled into Hogsmeade Station, the five of them stood and began to collect their various bags and items, quickly throwing on their robes in the process. Swinging a leather satchel strap over her shoulder, she gave the boys a small wave as she headed out into the corridor, “See you lot tomorrow or something, yeah?”
Sirius stared at her with mild confusion, following her outside the compartment “You’re not sitting with us for the feast?”
She turned around, mimicking his confused expression, “I—I didn’t think you wanted me to?”
Sirius scoffed, “What?”
“Sirius, we haven’t spoken in months…”
He raked a hand through his hair, which had grown even longer over the summer (an obvious choice to piss off his parents, no doubt).
“I know, I was a complete arse to you, it was unfair of me. I just…talk before actually thinking through things…”His face softened as his eyes fell sheepishly to the floor.
“You can’t keep taking your emotions out on other people, Sirius,” she whispered, and his blue eyes snapped up.
“…I know…” his voice was soft, but an edge of annoyance was begging to break through, “Please, sit with us, it’s not the same without you.”
Any leftover anger she had for him melted away. Sirius seemed to have a way of softening her that none of the others did, not even Remus, and she couldn’t figure out why. It was alarming sometimes, how easily she bent to him, how often she found herself gravitating towards him like a magnet.
The corner of her mouth twitched upwards in a smug grin, Sirius gingerly pointing his wand at her robes and transfiguring them scarlet, and the five of them reconvened to make the journey up to the castle together.
———
To an outsider, you’d never know she wasn’t a Gryffindor, not by the way the rest of the house greeted her when she sat down with the boys. Marlene practically shoved Remus out of the way to occupy the seat beside her, wanting to hear all about her summer, while Lily leaned over to participate (much to James’ pleasure). Just as they all got settled, Mary came over and squeezed in beside Sirius, whispering something in his ear that made them both laugh. The sound caused her to divert attention away from Marlene and Lily, glancing over just in time to see Sirius brush Mary’s hair behind her ear.
The sinking feeling in her stomach from last year came back immediately.
Maybe once she ate something she’d feel better, the only thing she’d had so far was the chocolate on the train.
Mary met her eyes, “Hiya! Good summer?” Her voice was like honey, smooth and sweet.
She nodded, returning a friendly smile as Dumbledore rose to the podium for the start of year address. Every year he gave a speech to kick off classes, mostly a bunch of fluffy sentiments about friendship and academic excellence, but this year it was different. He spoke of unity, of coming together and working towards a harmonious future. The hall was silent as he spoke, the majority of students faces solemn as the headmaster implored them to seek out the light and follow it passionately.
They all knew the implication.
They couldn’t escape the war, not even at Hogwarts.
———
November 3rd, 1973
Mary was becoming a more prominent fixture in their group. It wasn’t a problem, it was just…a lot. It had finally become public knowledge that Sirius and Mary were an item, and soon after, the PDA began. Sirius it seems, had been reduced to a one handed man, his less dominant appendage always attached to her body in some way, shape, or form. When they did separate, which was rare, the other was not so far removed, leaving only a few fleeting moments of normal conversation until they were all over each other once more.
The worst was the snogging.
It started at Sirius’ birthday party, which happened to fall on a Saturday, meaning that he was on another level knowing he didn’t have to wake up early for classes the next morning. After a third go-around of his new record (a band called Queen, who were beginning to make waves in the muggle music scene), the rest of the common room had had enough for the night and were begging for someone to replace the album with something else. Because she had gifted the vinyl to him, she took the responsibility to try and sneak some new music onto the record player. Pushing through the crowded Gryffindor common room, she searched for Sirius to ask if she could go dig through his collection. After two trips around the room, sifting through bodies and dodging drunk 7th Years, she realized he was gone.
“I’m just going to look through his records and ask for forgiveness later,” she said to Remus over the back of the couch.
He looked up from his game of exploding snap with James and Peter, “Do it, I’m sure he won’t care. Dorm door is unlocked.”
She nodded, weaving her way upstairs towards the boys room.
The music was too loud, the fourth rendition of Keep Yourself Alive ricocheting off the stone walls. It was so loud in fact, that she didn’t hear the noises coming from the top of the spiral staircase.
Pressed against the railing was Mary, Sirius seemingly eating her face alive. Their hands were everywhere, and the sight made her stomach flip. Averting her eyes as best she could, she slipped past them unnoticed, sneaking into the boys room and picking up the first record she saw: Aladdin Sane. With the image of her two friends intwined, she ran downstairs and quickly threw the record on, returning to sit beside Remus on the couch.
“Alright?” He looked over, having removed himself from the game with the other two.
She nodded quickly, “Yeah, why?”
“You’re breathing heavy, and keep glancing back at the stairs. Did something happen?”
Feigning ignorance, she shook her head, “No, I’m just—I ran down here, I couldn’t listen to Great King Rat again…”
Remus chuckled, throwing an arm over the back of the couch as they watched a card explode in Peter’s face.
She’d begun to doze off towards the end of Side 1 of Aladdin Sane, sinking further into Remus’ heater-like body on the couch. At some point, another student must have flipped the record, because a short time later Sirius came bounding down the stairs when the opening chords of The Prettiest Star began.
“This is my song!” He leapt over the back of the couch, landing aggressively close to her sleeping body.
The sudden assault jolted her awake, Remus (who was half asleep against the arm of the sofa) reached over to punch the birthday boy in the shoulder.
Sirius laughed, dodging the hit, “Oh come on! There’s no sleeping at my party!”
He began to jump on the cushions, leading to a low groan from her.
“Come on, Yellowjacket, dance with me!” He grabbed her arm and pulled her unwilling body off the couch while she held back a smirk. She could never say no to him.
Her limbs felt heavy as they wound around his neck, the beckoning call of sleep echoing from the couch. Sirius began to sing out loud, though it might as well have been directed at her by the way his eyes never left her face.
“Where’s Mary?” She mumbled sleepily, resting her head on his shoulder as they swayed.
“Went to bed, she’s like you lot—her fun energy expires at midnight.”
She swatted him lightly, “Not all of us strive to live like rockstars, Sirius.”
He laughed lowly, “Damn right!”
Spinning her one last time as the song drew to an end, he placed a kiss to her forehead before they separated.
“Happy birthday Siri,” she whispered before retreating back to Remus’ side.
———
She’d like to say that Sirius’ birthday was the only time she had stumbled upon him and Mary snogging.
She’d like to say that it was a one-time thing and that the two of them had learned their lesson.
But she couldn’t.
It seemed like almost every other day, one of them was running into Mary and Sirius sucking face behind a statue, or in a vacant corridor, or even on the common room sofa. Even James was becoming annoyed, which didn’t happen often, especially with his best friend.
“I need him focused,” he grumbled as he sat down across from her and Remus in the Great Hall for lunch, “He almost fell off his broom the other day during practice because she showed up in the stands. We have a big match against Ravenclaw in a few weeks, he needs to get it together.”
She didn’t contribute, just kept her head down and picked at the food.
“I just wish there was a way to know where they were, like a map of safe hallways, that way I wouldn’t have to walk into them practically eating each other’s faces off,” Peter groaned.
Remus’ perked up beside her, “Pete, that’s…that’s actually a brilliant idea.”
Peter beamed across from them, as Remus dug through his bag for something, eventually resurfacing with a folded up piece of parchment.
“Remember last year, when I told you all about my…problem?” His voice tapered into a whisper as he glanced between her, Peter, and James, who all nodded in response.
“Sirius had said something about wondering if there were more secret passageways throughout the castle…and there are,” Remus unfolded the parchment to reveal a map of Hogwarts, sketched out roughly, with random annotations and comments scribbled throughout in different colors of ink.
The four of them absorbed all of it while Remus continued to speak, “I’ve been working on this since then, adding things as I find them, just for fun—definitely not for nefarious purposes—“ he gave her a quick glance before smirking devilishly, “but Pete, what if we could find a way to add location markers to people in the castle? What if we could actually track where people are coming and going?”
She met his eyes and smiled, “A homonculus charm might work.”
Remus grinned wildly, “You’re a genius.”
“I just—“ she let out a resigned sigh, “—I need you to solemnly swear to me that you’re not going to use this just to cause mayhem all over the castle.”
The three boys looked at each other, telepathically choosing their next words wisely.
“I can promise none of it will be traced back to you,” Remus shot her a wink, the other two giddy with excitement, “there’s actually a new finding I want to test out, if you’re all interested…”
James looked at him through his lashes, clearly intrigued, “What’s your theory Mr. Moony?”
“I think there’s a passageway to Hogsmeade…and if I’m correct, it leads directly under Honeydukes.”
Peter almost jumped out of his seat, James’ eyes sparkled.
———
“I can’t believe you did all of this without me,” Sirius hissed from under the invisibility cloak.
They finally had the chance to tell Sirius about the map, after he had returned from what was clearly another rendezvous with Mary. Though ecstatic about the map idea, he was visibly put out at the notion of the four of them conspiring in his absence.
“Stop whinging,” James shushed him from the front, leading them towards the third floor, Remus squished close behind with the map in his hands.
“…maybe if you came up for air once in a while, you’d be included in things,” she whispered to Sirius beside her, who proceeded to stick out a foot and trip her. Stumbling forward, she quickly grabbed onto Remus’ jumper, who angrily spun around.
“Oi! Knock it off, both of you!” He growled, causing her to shrink back in embarrassment.
“Sorry Moony…” Sirius grumbled, she glared at him.
“Jealousy isn’t a good look for you,” he whispered.
She scoffed, mouth agape as she turned towards him, “Jealousy? Is that what you think this is, Black?”
The smug grin on his face said it all.
“All you do is snog your girlfriend in your free time now, you’ve completely abandoned us, this has nothing to do with jealousy.”
As the words came out, she prayed he believed them.
She prayed she believed them.
———
January 2nd, 1974
After winter break, James called an emergency meeting. They all knew what it was about before he even opened his mouth. The mood had grown incredibly dark, mimicking the desolate icy landscape outside of the castle windows; the war was drawing closer.
“He’s gaining followers at an alarming rate,” James spoke lowly from the end of his bed, the rest of them piled around the dorm room, faces grim as he spilled everything he had found out about the war from his parents.
“There’s been more attacks, more than the Prophet is reporting,” Peter chimed in from his bed, gripping a pillow tightly to his chest.
“Dad thinks they’re afraid to write anything more, scared of retaliation,” James frowned.
Across the room, Sirius was staring at him, stone-faced. She knew he was thinking of his family, and whether or not they were involved in any of this. The urge to go over and sit with him surged forward, but her legs felt like cement, her body heavy with dread.
“What about our side? Can we help?” She frankly had no idea what kind of use a bunch of teenagers would be, but she had to try.
James shook his head, running a frustrated hand through his unruly hair, “No, I ask Mum and Dad constantly. They tell me to focus on school, and enjoying my time at Hogwarts.”
After a few quiet minutes, Peter shifted uncomfortably on his bed.
“Is it true what they’re saying…that you-know-who is recruiting…dark creatures?”
From behind her, Remus bristled, sitting upright from his lounging position on the bed.
She’d never wanted to kill anyone more than she wanted to kill Peter Pettigrew in that moment.
James shot him a reproachful look, and from Pete’s expression he had clearly realized his mistake.
“What do you mean by ‘dark creatures’…” Remus asked cautiously, eyes narrowing.
She reached over and placed a calming hand on his leg, mentally pleading with him to relax.
James cleared his throat awkwardly, “He’s been reported to be recruiting vampires, some giants, and…”
“Just say it, Potter,” Remus growled.
“Remus, please,” she whispered.
“No, I want to hear him say it. I want to hear what other dark, dangerous creatures we should be on the lookout for.”
James held up his hands in defeat, “Mate, it’s not like that—“
“Say it!” Remus stood up, and she could see that his hands were shaking.
“…werewolves. He’s recruiting werewolves. There’s been an increase in attacks—“
Before James could finish, Remus was storming out.
“Way to go, you fuckin knob,” Sirius chucked a pillow at Peter’s head.
She quickly jumped off the bed and followed him down the stairs, calling his name while he exited through the portrait hole.
“Remus, please, wait!” She was out of breath from trying to keep up with his long strides.
“Leave me alone,” he grumbled, never breaking gait to look at her.
She let out a fake laugh, “We both know that’ll never happen.”
Continuing on, she jogged to finally come within arms reach. Launching forward, she hugged him tightly from behind, forcing him to stop walking. They stood in the empty corridor silently, with her face pressed against his back, arms snaked around his middle, while he stared ahead fuming.
Eventually, she felt him soften, hands finding their way to grip hers. She let go, and he spun around to face her, pulling her back in for a proper embrace.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair, “It’s just…hard to be reminded of what I am sometimes…”
“…and what exactly are you, Remus?” She pressed her cheek into his chest.
“Dangerous. A monster—a dark creature…something that certainly shouldn’t be allowed in functioning society—“
“Remus John Lupin,” she looked up at him, eyes hard and demanding, “You are the antithesis of all of those. You’re my safe person, the one I trust more than anything. You’d never let anything happen to any of us.”
“Those people…the ones they’re attacking. He’s trying to build an army,” Remus’ voice was strained as he said it.
Her blood ran cold.
Forcing herself to speak, she gripped the back of his shirt for stability, “He can’t guarantee they’ll join him though, just because they were changed doesn’t mean they’re automatically on his side. They’re still people, they still have free will and a good conscious—” she looked back up at him, “—even if they’ve been dealt a shitty hand.”
“Regardless, he’s ripping their lives out from under them. There’s no resources for them, there’s no future. It’s not like the ministry is lining up to hire people like me,” his laugh was dry and emotionless, “The only option is to find any semblance of stability and hope it sticks.”
She felt him hug tighter, knowing that along with the other boys, they were the only stable thing in his life. She thought of four-year-old Remus, transforming alone for the first time; his tiny screams of agony ricocheting off the walls of the cage a father built to contain his son. The confusion he must’ve felt, the fear; she didn’t understand how he had survived, more so—she didn’t understand why the rest of world had no sympathy.
“It’ll be different, I promise,” she whispered, burying her face into his chest to stop the tears from forming, “I’ll fix it, I’ll fix all of it.”
Remus shook his head, “You can’t promise that. Werewolf Support Services at the ministry are almost non-existent, and you can’t reap any of them unless you’re registered anyway, which is problematic at best.”
“I know that, which is why I’m going to fix it,” the statement was punctuated with finality as she pulled back to look at her friend, “After school, I plan on working for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, specifically the Being Division. I want to reform the entire Werewolf Support branch, I want to make the actual change that is so long overdue.”
Remus stared down at her, eyes searching hers for any bit of humor or anything to let him know she was joking. He found nothing but sincerity.
“When did you decide this?”
She shrugged, “Last year. You saw my elective choices, remember? How did you not put it together?”
He grabbed her face in both hands, “You don’t need to do this for me…”
“I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for all of them, all of the innocent lives altered by this terrible affliction, but also by the stigmatization the ministry enforces.”
Remus smiled slowly, kissing her forehead, “How did I get so lucky to have someone like you?”
“Right place, right time, I guess,” she giggled, wrapping him into another hug.
———
March 9th, 1974
“Ugh, gross—“
“How long is it going to go on for?”
“Are they even breathing?”
Sirius and Mary had been going at it by the fireplace for the entirety of Remus’ birthday party, much to the disgust of the rest of the common room. The only person who didn’t seem to mind was James, who was too preoccupied in planning his next move on Lily Evans. From the sofa, he stared dopily at her across the room. She was with Marlene near the entrance, laughing at a joke that Frank Longbottom was currently enchanting them with. When she caught James staring, her entire expression dropped into an icy scowl, spinning so that the only view he would get was the back of her head.
Watching the entire thing, Remus patted James sympathetically on the shoulder, “Tough luck mate.”
“Little does she know, I could stare at the back of her head all day and never tire,” nothing fazed James Potter. He was hopeless.
She rolled her eyes just as Mary shifted to straddle Sirius on the rug, “I need to get out of here, there’s too much…obsession happening in this tower.”
Remus rose when she did, “Wanna go upstairs? I’ve got a hidden stash of Honeydukes.”
“Oh! That sounds great, I can give you your birthday present too!” She grabbed her bag off the floor and followed Remus upstairs.
Flopping down on his bed, she searched the contents of the bag for a carefully folded parcel. From the foot of the bed, Remus tossed boxes of chocolate onto the quilt as he found them buried in his trunk.
Finally procuring the expertly folded bundle of parchment, she held it out excitedly to him as he sat across the bed.
Remus shook it jokingly, “What is it?”
“Just open it, dummy.”
He carefully unfolded the parchment to reveal an intricately inked map of Hogwarts, including the hidden passageways they had found. He traced his finger over a delicately drawn picture of the Whomping Willow.
“No offense, but the original map was extremely chaotic. I figured if you’re going to make it more advanced, the foundation needed to be cleaner and cohesive…none of that frantic sketching you had done,” she explained, reaching over to open a chocolate frog.
Remus stared at the map, speechless. After a few silent moments, he mustered out a muted question, “How did you do it?”
“Oh, easy. The library has tons of maps and illustrations of the layout of the castle and grounds, obviously without the tunnels we know of. I added those in from memory.”
“This is…this is brilliant…” he was still tracing the hallways diligently.
“The best part,” she leaned over to point at Gryffindor Tower, “Look at the common room.”
Tiny dots were inked near where the fireplace would be, each one labeled with a name of their friends: James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black. She watched as his eyes searched for the dorms, smiling when he saw their names as well on two matching dots.
“I just did us, to see if it would even work. You lot can do the rest, I’m not going to start cataloging the entire student body,” she laughed.
Remus looked at her in awe as he laid the map between them.
“This is amazing, you’re—you’re amazing…” his eyes gleamed in the dim light of the dormitory, the music downstairs seeping through the crack of the door as she beamed back.
“It’s not much but—“ she started.
“—shut up, it’s fantastic,” he grinned, “I love it. I love you.”
“I love you too, Rem, happy birthday.”
Even in the low light of the room, she could see his eyes flash gold.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, causing a blush to creep into her cheeks.
Her heart began to pick up speed, as Remus leaned closer.
“Can I try something?” He spoke softly, eyes searching for a confirmation.
She nodded slowly as he placed his lips to hers.
Remus was warm. He was steady, with a mix of delicacy and restrained strength that put her heartbeat at ease. Chocolate swirled with cinnamon and butterscotch. He was solace. He was familiar. There was no rush, no urgency to the kiss. But most importantly: there was no substance. There was no spark.
They pulled back simultaneously, staring at one another in question.
After a few tense seconds, Remus spoke, “Did it—“
“—Feel like you were kissing a sibling? Yes.”
They both burst into laughter.
He reached over and grabbed her hand, “I do love you though, that’ll never change, even if it’s not…romantic.”
She smiled, leaning over to place a chaste kiss on his cheek, secretly thankful that their relationship wasn’t in danger of changing. For a fleeting moment, she thought of Sirius.
She wondered if he felt as hollow when he kissed Mary.
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REQUESTS & PROPMT LIST
Hey y’all! I am opening requests for imagines! You can use the list of dialoge prompts below, or if you just have an idea! You can check out my Masterlist on my page; it’s the pinned post right when you open my page. It shows what I am comfortable writing for! I do NOT do smut! I know I only have Charlie Gillespie/Luke Patterson stuff right now and that is where my inspiration has been recently, but I want to write for other fandoms as well! These promts are from @creativepromptsforwriting. Request away!! :D
(PROMPTS UNDER KEEP READING)
“You make me a better person.”
“Do you want a hug?”
“You’re so cute when you blush.”
“Everything alright?” “I just missed you.”
“I wouldn’t want to be here with anyone else.”
“That’s so sweet of you.”
“Rough day? Can I make it better?”
“Come on. Let’s go home.”
“Just close your eyes. I will still be here when you open them again.”
“Sure, you can use me as a pillow.”
“I’d come for you. No matter what, when you need me, I will be there.”
“Can you walk? I’d be happy to carry you.”
“This is not who you are. I know you better than that.”
“I know, it hurts. I’m so sorry, but we have to get this out.”
“You can hold my hand.”
“The nightmares are just an illusion. I’m really here.”
“Tell me to stay and I will be here for as long as you’ll have me.”
“It’s okay to be afraid sometimes.”
“Just keep breathing. In and out. You’re doing great.”
“You don’t have to be strong all the time.”
“It’s alright. I’m not going to let go.”
“If you don’t know where to go, you can always come here.”
“You can go to sleep now. I will keep watch.”
“Hey, listen to me. You’re safe. Nothing is going to hurt you.”
“I want you to know that it’s okay to cry.”
“Take all the time you need.”
“If you feel safer with me being there, you know I will always be there.”
“Just look at me. Forget everything else.”
“They won’t take you away from me ever again.”
“You need to keep your eyes open. Just a little longer.”
“Don’t let your fears dictate your life.”
“I’m going to ask you how you are and I would like you to answer me honestly.”
“You don’t have to like me, you just need to pretend you do.”
“I think they bought it. We can leave now.” “No way, this was just 5 minutes and I have a reputation to uphold.”
“Your parents will take one look at me and know it’s fake. I’m just so far out of your league.”
“Are you doubting my acting skills?”
“You know we’re not actually dating, so why did you propose to me in front of my family?” “I’m sorry, I panicked.”
“I know this was all fake but… it felt real to say that I love you.” “And it felt real when I said it back.”
“It’s just going to be for one night and there will be so much food and drinks and it’s all free, you just need to say yes and maybe take my hand a few times that night.”
“There is actually no downside to acting like we would be dating.” “Yes, except the part where people would think I was dating you.”
“If you want this to work out, you eventually have to suck up and hold my hand.”
“Aww, this sounded a lot like you like me.” “I’m just a good actor.”
“What?! No one said anything about consummating the marriage!”
“You’re actually a really good kisser.” “You’re actually very average.”
“I guess we don’t have to pretend any longer.” “Maybe we can just tell the truth from now on.”
“You want to practice kissing to make it believable? How about we practice having an argument and you sleeping on the couch?”
“Not everything was fake… just saying.”
“If you call me one more of those stupid pet names, I will tell everyone the truth!”
“But you have to tell everyone it’s your fault, when we break up.”
“Stop staring at me to distract me!” “Oh, I’m not staring at you to distract you.”
“Thank you, and I’m going to wash the sweater you lent me and give it back to you as soon as possible.” “Oh, please keep it. I like you wearing it.” “Really? I thought it was your favorite one.”
“Why are you blinking like that with your eyes? Is everything ok?” “That was supposed to be a wink!”
“I like your costume, you look very cute.” “Are you making fun of me?”
“It’s so cold, you should hold my hand, so it doesn’t freeze.” “I’m not that cold, I can give you my gloves if you want.”
“Aww, you’re blushing. I like that look on you.”
“You flirt in the most awkward situations.” “You know you love it.”
“I think your parents may like me even more than you.”
“Annoying you is what I’m best at.”
“You’re very lucky I love you.”
“I can’t concentrate, when you look at me like that.” “Well, you should be concentrating on me instead, so…”
“Do you like what you see?” “You know I always do.”
“This is not something I normally like to do, but… I want to try for you.”
“I want this. I want you. In any way I can have you.”
“Sometimes I will probably not like being very affectionate and I just want you to hang in there.”
“I won’t always know how to do this relationship thing. But I’m open to learn.”
“I love you, I’m just not that good at showing it.”
“I was always afraid of being in a relationship, because I can’t always be affectionate like people expect me to be. But you always seem to know how far we can go and I trust you so much.”
“I love that you trust me and I promise you, we will go at your pace and I never want to do anything to lose that trust.”
“I could listen to you all day.”
“Have I already told you how cute you look?”
“One kiss is just never enough.”
“Not to sound cheesy, but your smile really lights up the room.”
“I cannot find the words to describe how I feel about you.”
“Being happy, fortunately coincides with making you happy.”
“Call me when you get home, so I know you’re safe.”
“Tonight was just perfect.”
“However many years we have left, I want to spend them all with you.”
“I have the feeling that you’re trying not to kiss me and I give you permission to just do it.”
“You remembered my favorite food.”
“Sometimes, being with you feels like a dream that I don’t ever want to wake up from.”
“Being half-asleep is a very good look on you.”
“You can always talk to me, I will always be here for you.”
“I’ve missed you so much.”
“You really are dumb. I love you, but you’re an idiot.”
“Are you going to hit me if I kiss you?” “I might if you don’t.”
“Being in love is not a weakness, you know?”
“Are you trying to flirt with me?” “Yes. Is it working?”
“Have you ever felt like this before?”
“Can you take me home?”
“Do you believe in love at first sight?”
“Can I see your beautiful smile?”
“Please, can this moment last forever?”
“Will you still be here tomorrow?”
“Why do we have to get out of bed?”
“Can you feel my heart beating?”
“Is everything a joke to you?”
“It’s my fault, I didn’t listen to everyone saying this would be a mistake!”
“Why does everything have to be a struggle with you?”
“I can’t believe you sometimes!”
“Great. Really great, this is just perfect.”
“Why can’t you just let it go?”
“That is the dumbest excuse I have ever heard!”
“Maybe you should just leave now.”
“Oh yes, you’re so great.”
“I really don’t understand what’s going on with you sometimes!”
“I will leave now, or I’m going to say things I will regret later.”
“Have you never actually thought about how I would feel about this?”
“Maybe this is it, because I can’t do this anymore!”
“Don’t you dare just walk away right now!”
“This wouldn’t even be a problem, if you wouldn’t make one out of it.”
“How does that make it okay?”
“Do you even listen to yourself?”
“I’m glad I finally get to see who you really are.”
“Stop! Just stop it!”
“Please, don’t make this worse than it already is.”
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