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imsadstuff · 1 year

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Loving You Is Red - A Jeon Jungkook Fic

Synopsis: Jeon Jungkook's name was unheard on the Formula 1 paddock till he got a chance to drive a Mercedes car as a reserve driver. His 2020 starts looking brighter as he signs with Ferrari and meets you, his team mates little sister. So many cliched tropes, strangers to friends to lovers, slow burn, dating brother's best friend, and most importantly Jeon Jungkook looks smoking hot in a Ferrari! Genre: Fluff, angst, slice of life and humor Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, I've been busy with university stuff. This took a lot of time and energy, so I hope you enjoy reading this. If you do please leave me a like or comment, please don't be a ghost reader! Word Count: 28k+ (I reccomend reading on a desktop if possible!) Warnings: Sexual themes, drinking, and just a whole lot of fluff.

Link to my masterlist if you want to check out my other stuff : here

AO3 link incase you prefer that: here

Race 16 Singapore Grand Prix 2019

Race weekend is always exciting, especially when it is a night race. The city felt alive as the crowd buzzed around, ready for the race to start. Walking beside your father, you stop periodically as he stops and talks to a million people through the paddock.

The Ferrari garage is buzzing with tension as your father goes up and pulls your brother in a tight hug, “Lets win, just like last year!” your father is gleaming with pride thinking of your brother’s glorious win in Singapore last night.

“How did the doctors go?” Philip asks as you kiss his cheek, after a shattered ankle, back injury and multiple head injuries a year ago, doctor visits have been regular for you.

“There’s progress, I might go back on ice again” you reassure him and he gives you a big, pleased smile. Phillip soon gets back in the car as everyone gets ready to race, he looks at home in the car.

“The two-time world championship winner Phillip Lee is starting at pole position followed by the other ferrari and mercedes” the commentator's voice booms in your headphones as you look at the cars line up.

“It’s an important race for ferrari to maximise points. The mercedes team feels weak today as their lead driver has to sit out of the races due to sickness. The replacement is mercedes reserve driver Jeon Jungkook, starting at P10” the camera pans to a new face for you, you’ve heard Jungkook’s name a few times, after he almost won the Formula 2 championship last year.

Jungkook feels like he’s given a unique and once in a lifetime opportunity when he was asked to fill in for Hamilton. His dreams of driving for a formula 1 team have felt impossible as he was still out of a contract mid-way through the season, this race is his opportunity to show how deserving he is of a seat.

You can feel your heart beat loudly as the countdown starts and within a blink of an eye the cars are zooming through. You’ve seen a million races by now, but each gives you the same adrenaline rush, you wonder how great it’s for the drivers.

Usually, the race would be focused on Hamilton and Phillip fighting to be the lead, but tonight the mid field seems to be more intriguing. “Oh, he’s fast, so fast” your father says as you watch the 14 number car zoom through the midfield. “What is my current position?” Jungkook asks as he starts lap number 30. “P 5, that was the fastest lap of the race. Keep out on turn 6, there might be some debris” his engineer says and Jungkook can feel a migraine coming, but he pushes through.

The crowd is visibly in awe as Jungkook zooms through the other mercedes car, just behind the two ferraris. “Jungkook, 2 seconds behind you and he’s catching up fast, mode push” the engineer tells Chuck, the other ferrari driver as he groans. The two of them go tire to tire for two turns until Jungkook finally takes over and you aren’t proud but you’re cheering against your brother right now. “Fantastic overtake Jeon, let’s push and try our best” Jungkook engineer says and Jungkook asks, “Who’s ahead of me?” “Phillip, five seconds ahead, the focus is to keep dodging Chuck” “Copy”

Everyone’s literally holding their breath as the race enters the last five laps. Jungkook has been struggling to keep off Chuck but it’s the final two laps when Jungkook goes from fast to, extraordinarily fast.

“Fuck!” your father and multiple engineers in the ferrari garage groan as Jungkook successfully manages to overtake Phillip. “Today’s race is going to be one we’re going to remember for the rest of our lives. Currently the driver from South Korea who started at P 10 has managed to end up at P 1, his skills have surprised everyone as he continues to dodge the two-time world champion Phillip” the commentator says and Jungkook enters the final lap of the race. There is a moment at turn 7 when Phillip almost overtakes him, but Jungkook keeps his position.

“This has been one of the most impressive things I’ve seen in the last twenty years of F1 history. A twenty-year-old rookie driver is finishing in the pole position in his first ever formula one race” the commentator says and your father groans as Jungkook crosses the chequered flag.

“Holy shit, HOLY SHIT, FUCk” Jungkook’s voice is barely audible over the radio as the crowd cheers for him and he sobs behind his helmet. “Right ahead park at the P 1 slot Jeon, this has been a life changing race mate!” Jungkook’s engineer sounds elated as the mercedes Jungkook is driving comes to a halt.

You watch through the tv as Jungkook barely gets out the car, the world watches as he sobs, placing his head by a tire, his body feels drained yet he feels like he’s at the top of the world.

Phillip isn’t in the best of the moods as they arrive for the press interviews post the celebrations. But he still turns to Jungkook to congratulate him on the win as they sit down for press interviews.

“So Jungkook, the smile doesn’t seem to be disappearing off your face any time soon. How does it feel to finish at a pole position in a race you ended up in because of Hamilton being sick?” an interviewer asks enthusiastically and Jungkook adjusts his cap before answering.

“It feels surreal, like I’m going to wake up any moment and realise all this was a very vivid dream. I knew when I got a call this Thursday that this was going to be a once in a lifetime opportunity for me and I just wanted to make the most of it” Jungkook is visibly happy as he talks.

“You’re still looking for a seat for 2020 season, offers must be lining up after tonight” another interviewer directs a question towards Jungkook and he takes a deep breath before answering, “I’m cautiously optimistic about my chances of driving next season. Being that it’s mid-season and a lot of teams and locked up their line up for the next year, let’s see what happens”

“Question for Phillip, how do you feel about the 2020 season with a high possibility of Jeon joining a team and racing you next year” and interviewer asks and Phillip chuckles before answering, “Excited honestly, today was one of the most tough race for me of the season and Jeon pushed me to my absolute limit and competent competition like him is what brings out the best in me as a driver”

Jungkook finally catches a breath as he sits down for dinner with his parents and manager. “So, we have an offer from McLaren, they want you to get the feel and spend time at their garage at the next race” His manager says as he barely chews the rice. “McLaren have a good car, top of mid field” his father comments and he nods in agreement. “Who else hasn’t locked up their line up for next year?” Jungkook asks with a mouthful of food. “Aston Martin, McLaren, Alfa Tauri and Ferrari” Jungkook gasps when he hears the last name, not expecting to be on this list. “Chuck might be moving to Alfa Tauri, he’s still in the middle of negotiations but ferrari is a little out of reach to be honest” Jungkook nods when he hears that, historically ferrari is not a team that bets on young drivers. Jungkook doesn’t fall asleep that night, afraid this dream might end.

Race 17 Japanese Grand Prix 2019

Jungkook was all excited to spend the weekend with McLaren’s team, but fate must be really working for him because he was informed late Thursday that he’ll be driving for mercedes again. Hamilton is in better condition but still not in a place to drive

“Tonight's race will tell us if Jeon’s podium finish last week was a stroke of luck or a show of his phenomenal skills. He qualified at P4 so let's see where he is at the end of the race” a news host talks to the camera as Jungkook arrives at the paddock. The second he steps out his car, he’s swarmed with fans and media, he’s still not used to the attention but he smiles and takes a million pictures with fans anyway.

“You must be on the top of the world?” Pierre Gasly asks Jungkook as the walk beside each other, Pierre is a driver for Alpha Tauri, he might be his teammate next year. The two of them go back to carting days, and have known each other for years.

“I’m trying not to let it get to my head, just not think about how much of my career is riding on this” Jungkook answers candidly as they reach the mercedes garage. They talk some more for a few minutes till Pierre’s girlfriend comes and interrupts them.

“Congrats on last week Jeon, I texted you but you never replied” Francisca complains as the two of them hug.

“My phone’s been blowing up, I might have missed it” Jungkook says with a big smile, he can see someone walk up to them.

“Fran come on we gotta get to our seats- oh” you look up from your phone to realise that it’s not just Pierre and Fran, it’s also last race’s winner Jeon Jungkook who gives you a very polite smile. “Hi” you say awkwardly waving a hand at him, he giggles as he waves a hand back. “You guys are watching from the grandstand?” Pierre asks and you nod showing him the tickets. “I have a friend watching too, come on they’re waiting” you say and Fran, she grumbles and reaches over to plaster a big kiss on Pierre’s lips.

“Jesus fuck is he hot” Lily exclaims as Jungkook appears on the big screen, the camera follows as he puts on his balaclava and gets in the car. “Is he dating someone?” she asks Fran and she nods no, “He had a pretty serious girlfriend but they broke up some time this year” Fran has the inside scoop on anything and everything.

There is this silence as the cars line up to start the race, Jungkook’s mind goes absolutely blank as the lights go off and he’s cruising. The first turn results in a big crash between Chuck and the other mercedes car.

“The safety car has been deployed, and both ferrari and mercedes have only one car in the race now” the commentator announces and you watch as Jungkook drives behind your brother once again. Jungkook takes a pit stop in lap number 40, pushing him from P2 to P7, “You have Sainz in front of you, three seconds away” “Copy” Jungkook answers overtaking and reaching P6. It takes him around five more laps to get back to P2.

“Jungkook is tire to tire with Phillip but the ferrari driver is riding on older tires, Jungkook tries to overtake again, and OH Jeon manages to push Phillip off the track a little and takes the pole position” the commentator is basically shouting at this point.

“He was in my way, and hit me” Phillip complains on the radio and his engineer sighs waiting for a word from the stewardess. The accident is shown on the big screen again and the ferrari fans sigh with defeat.

“Phillip is given a five second penalty, maximise distance while he boxes” “Copy” Jungkook’s car zooms by where you’re sitting and it’s hard not to be awed by him.

Phillip is pissed as he walks by Jungkook to talk to a reporter, if he could he’d be back at his hotel room but he has to talk to people. “What a gripping race, you and Jeon were wheel by wheel so many times but he came on top at the end” the interview says and Phillip passes him a tight smile.

“He’s a tough competition but I’m hoping to make up the lost points in the coming weeks” Phillip is very media trained, no matter how pissed he is right now, he is going to try and stay level headed.

“What does it feel like right now? Two consecutive pole positions far from what mercedes must have expected of you two weeks ago” the interviewer asks and Jungkook grins widely as you watch him get interviewed from a distance.

“I’m excited to have my own episode in the next season of drive to survive, thank you Netflix in advance” Jungkook says with a cheeky smirk making everyone around him laugh out loud.

“So, this has to stay between us right now but McLaren made a counter offer” Namjoon, Jungkook’s manager whispers to him and his eyes go wide.

“How much?” Jungkook asks and Namjoon shows him by pulling four fingers up.

“There’s something else too, ferrari’s team principal has requested a meeting later today” this makes Jungkook gasp out very loudly, garnering attention from a few people around them.

Race 18 Mexican Grand Prix 2019

Midway through this year, your schedule has been emptier than expected. Right now, you were supposed to be at the Olympic camp as a part of the figure skating team, instead you were sunbathing in Mexico. Putting on your cover up, you are heading back to your hotel room when you run into someone very unexpected in the elevator.

“Hello” Jungkook is standing against the wall with his manager on the other side. You mumble a meek hello as you stand in front of them. The two of them are talking about last week's race till the elevator reaches a stop and his manager steps out.

“I have some stuff to work out with the lawyers but I’ll come and get you for the signing” the manager says and Jungkook nods. There’s silence as the two of you walk back to your rooms, awkwardly in the same direction.

“So, you are a figure skater?” Jungkook finally breaks the silence and you nod, looking at him a little surprised.

“How’d you know?” “I looked you up on Instagram” he answers with a teasing tone, like, duh he looked you up on Instagram.

“How are your injuries?” he asks, surprising you again. Sure, you make a long post to announce your injuries, but you didn’t expect him to bring it up.

“They’re there” you answer and he gives you a sympathetic smile as he opens the door to his room.

“Congratulations on signing with ferrari” you shout as you walk away from him, he turns around, his big bambi eyes looking around with terror.

“Shhhh!!!! how’d you know?” he says very seriously only, making you giggle as you open your room diagonal to him. “I have my ways” you say with a small smile and he looks away shyly.

The paddock is absolutely buzzing as people continue coming up to Jungkook to congratulate him. His seat on Ferrari was announced last night, and it still does not feel real to him. He makes his way to the ferrari garage as everyone gets ready for qualification.

Photographers take a million pictures as he goes up and greets Phillip, “Welcome to ferrari” Phillip says with actual excitement. “Thank you! It still doesn’t feel read” Jungkook says and Phillip laughs and remembers this feeling. “It won’t till you’re actually in the car” Phillip says and Jungkook chuckles nervously. Jungkook goes around, greeting everyone and all the team members seem to be fascinated with him. By the time the cars go out, you arrive at the garage.

“Good afternoon” he greets you with a cheesing smile that comes up to his eyes. “Afternoon” you mumble looking at the screens as Phillip drives quickly. “So, how are you planning to celebrate Jeon?” your father asks from the other side. “Training and lots of it, I’m also starting Italian lessons” he says and your father chuckles loudly. “buona fortuna!” (good luck!) you say giving Jungkook a thumbs up. “Grazie” Jungkook says with a twinkling smile.

Jungkook is taking diligent notes through the race, you don’t understand half of it between the scribbling and bad handwriting, but he seems focused.

“You’re going to need a red diary now” you tell him and Phillip enters the last few laps of the race, tonight’s race wasn’t as exciting as the last two ones.

“They delivered all this ferrari merch, there has to be diary in it too” Jungkook says shutting his diary.

“What are your plans over the winter break?” you ask him removing the headphones, his have been off the whole time.

“Moving to Monaco, skiing with a few friends and training” Jungkook was dreading the winter break, all he wanted to do was be back in the car.

“What are you doing?” he asks and you sigh having no actual idea. “Doctors appointments, decide if I want to absolutely give up on my dream of figure skating, stay at home and rest because my doctors going to be asking me to do that” you answer absolutely dreading the lonely winters. Jungkook doesn’t know how to reply to that, you might have laid way too heavy stuff on him.

“It’s not all that bad, I’m going to be drinking lots of wine and reading twenty books” you say bringing up the kindle in your hands, you always carry it around with you.

“Reading just requires too much concentration for me” Jungkook answers completely given up on watching the race at this point, he can always rewatch it.

“Yet you drive a formula 1 car with precision” you say with a taunting tone, earning a big laugh from him.

Race 19 United States Grand Prix 2019

You aren’t attending the race this week, instead you decided to fly back home for a doctors appointment. “There’s very slow progress, how does this feel” the doctor asks slightly turning your foot and you grumble with pain.

“The fractures and injuries are healed but there’s some swelling, have you talked to your coach?” the doctor asks as you sit up, you had and he wasn’t happy.

“What are my chances?” you ask the doctor and he sighs, you know you aren’t going to like the answer.

“Your foot injury is healing slow, but your back injury is what alarms me, even with the physiotherapy I’m worried you’re going to have a flare up if you go back on ice” the doctors words are ringing in your ears. You knew this was coming, but it was going to take you some time to accept it.

You’re waiting for your food to be delivered as you get a notification, Unknown Number: *video* You play the video immediately and realise it’s a video of your brother driving out the garage, the camera turns to reveal Jungkook cheering on with your father. Unknown Number: Where are you? You: How’d you get my number? Jungkook: to quote you, “I have my ways” You: You got it from Pierre Jungkook: I have my ways… Jungkook: Where are you? You: I had to see my doctor, I’ll be back for the next race Jungkook: How’d it go? You: I’m drafting my retirement press release soon so not well Jungkook: I don’t know any appropriate response to that, it must be heart breaking You: Just tell me it’s going to be fine Jungkook: ___, I’m sure that it’s going to be fine

Race 20 Brazilian Grand Prix 2019

This is your first time in Brazil, and to put it simply, the food is delicious and for once in your life you aren’t overthinking after eating. You were walking around with Phillip and it’s hard not to be stopped every five seconds but he had to get some shopping done before his trip.

“Why are you being so anxious about perfume, it’s just perfume” you groan as Philip smells the nth perfume of the day.

“Because it’s my first getaway with Maya and I want to smell amazing, it’s very important” he says and the sales person chuckles.

“What are you dinner plans?” you as Phillip as he opens his ferrari, he only drivers a ferrari, on and off track.

“I’m having dinner with Jeon” he mentions nonchalantly and you give him a surprised look.

“I thought you didn’t like him” “I didn’t on track when he beat me, but he’s on my team now, I’d rather him be on my team” he explains driving through the packed city.

“Plus, we’re going to be spending a lot, LOT of time together, I want to get along with him” Phillip has a very close relationship with Chuck too, no matter how much they fight on track.

“So, what are you guys doing for your date?” you say with a teasing tone and Phillip laughs sarcastically.

“I suggested golf but he doesn’t know how to golf so we’re doing a very boring dinner and drinks” Phillip says stopping on a red light.

“Have fun on your date, too bad you won’t get some” this earns another sarcastic chuckle from Phillip. “Jeon’s too pretty for me anyway”

Jungkook’s massaging his head as he walks to the mercedes garage to watch the qualifying. Last night, he drank for himself and Phillip and it resulted in a bad headache and an even worse hangover.

His PR manager comes and finds him for an interview and he groans, reading the agenda. “It’s a simple fluff piece, they’d want to talk more about your interests and hobbies, what you are like as a person and not the f1 stuff” the PR manager says and he nods putting on his sunglasses, the sun might feel a little too bright today.

“I pick up a ton of hobbies, photography, video games, bowling, I’m very good at bowling.” Jungkook feels a little carefree during this interview, no hard-hitting questions.

“No golfing?” “I tell people that I don’t know how to golf when the truth is that I’m bad at golf” he answers, earning a hearty laugh from the interviewer.

“Last night, Phillip posted pictures with you, are you getting along with your future teammate” “Absolutely, I am still a little starstruck around him and I’m glad that I get to work along with him-" Jungkook loses his train of thought when he watches you walk into the paddock. “I, um, so so lucky to be driving for ferrari and learn from a two-time world champion” he finishes the thought massaging his head.

“This is the question I’m curious about the most, do you have a girlfriend?” “I don’t, right now the focus is training for the coming season”

Jungkook: why were you limping? You: When did you see me limping? Jungkook: Arriving at the paddock, what happened? You: Just a flare up, obsessed much Jeon ;) Jungkook: the words you’re looking for is worried, caring, thoughtful, etc. You: Close the thesaurus Jungkook, I’m fine Jungkook: you should ice it, do you have an ice pack? You: yeah I stole one from Phillip You: How’d the interview go with the pretty lady? Jungkook: Obsessed much ___ ;) You: The word you’re looking for is observant, attentive, aware, etc. Jungkook: Focus on icing your foot and close the thesaurus You: Fuck off Jungkook: Gladly :)

Race 21 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix 2019

“Final race of the season and after last week’s competitive race, Hamilton ended up at P1, making your final score close to equal. So much pressure on this race, how are you feeling?” the interviewer asks pushing a mic in Phillip’s face.

“It’s been a tough season, I’m just happy it’s ending” Phillip says before walking away.

You’re in the hospitality area of ferrari, waiting for your father to be done talking to someone, again. Jungkook walks in, flashes you a smile before he goes and talks to someone.

Today you aren’t watching from the garage, the first time Phillip won the world championship, you were late and in the hospitality area, and given how superstitious Phillip is, you’re stuck in the hospitality area.

You: where are you watching the race from? Jungkook: I have a few friends waiting in the grand stand, so from there Jungkook texts you back quickly, looking up and quirking an eyebrow towards you. You: Lucky… I am going to be stuck here Jungkook: Come with me, I got an extra ticket You: Can’t

Before he can ask another question, Phillip walks in the room, and takes a seat beside you. “How you feeling?” you ask him and he sighs leaning back in the sofa.

“I feel like I’m going to throw up” Phillip has a lot riding on today’s race, he can’t lose.

“Want some water?” you offer him a bottle and look up to find Jungkook sitting opposite Phillip.

“Let’s all get drunk after you win, and not just me drinking this time” Jungkook can sense how tense Phillip is, this makes Phillip chuckle a little.

“I’m going to be drinking none the less,” Phillip says and Jungkook chuckles standing up.

“Good luck for the race! I’ll get going my friends are lost” Jungkook says making eye contact with you for just a second.

“Thanks” Phillip stands up, mumbling something about seeing an engineer, you look up at Jungkook, and he taps on your phone, like he’s signalling for you to check it. Jungkook: Text me if you get bored

You’re holding a throw pillow pretty tightly as you watch Phillip enter the last lap of the race. “Hamilton is 2 seconds behind, mode push, mode push” “Stop talking on the radio, I’m trying to win” Philip yells on the radio as the two of them almost touch at a corner but Phillip comes ahead and the crowd goes wild as he zooms past the cheeked flag.

“So sorry for yelling” Phillip apologizes and you wipe a tear, “Don’t worry mate, if you’re winning the world championship for the third time, you can yell all you want” his engineer says and Phillip chuckles.

Phillip doesn’t seem as excited as he walks up to the podium, he seems relieved. Phillip looks around for you in the crowd, but you’re missing.

You know you should be happy for your brother right now, but all his victory does is make you feel miserable about your lost career. Your family doesn’t know about the tough conversation you had with your coach last week, they don’t know about the press release that’s going to be released some time next week.

You notice people coming back to the lounge so you leave, not wanting to answer any question. “___?” you hear a familiar voice as you bump into someone on your way out, looking up you realise that it’s Jungkook. Sniffing your nose, you walk away like nothing happened but Jungkook follows, the image of your running mascara worries him.

“___ what’s wrong?” he stops you, holding you back with your wrist, the question only makes you sob harder. Quietly, he pulls you into a dark corner, not wanting anyone to see this.

“I am the worst sister ever, thinking about myself when my brother achieved something great” you cry out, leaning your head against his chest. Jungkook knows his words can’t console you right now, so he just hugs you tightly till you stop crying.

January 2020

“So, three-minute-long hug and you haven’t talked to him since?” Lily asks and you nod sitting up on the counter. The two of you are hiding in the kitchen during your brother’s birthday party, it’s just too important to gossip about boys.

“He replied to my stories a few times but we haven’t really talked, and I know he’s training and busy and I’m far from his mind but it’s still driving me insane” you grumble eating the cake you stole on your way in.

“It’s his first formula one season, of course he doesn’t have the time for a gir- Jungkook!” you squeal his name as he walks into the kitchen and Lily turns around with a big smile.

“Hey” he says waving his hand as he walks towards you. “Hi” your voice comes out very high pitched, this makes Lily giggly. “Phillip told me you were hiding in the kitchen” Jungkook says running a hand through his hair, his eyes are fixed on you, he hasn’t even noticed the woman standing beside you completely.

“Not hiding, eating cake and-“ “Okay so you two clearly don’t see me” Lily complains, flustering the two of you. “Jungkook, this is Lily, my friend-“ “Her best friend and I’m going to leave, nice meeting you Jungkook” Lily leaves you with a teasing smile and you look at her like an helpless puppy. “Hi” you say again, your face flush with embarrassment, Jungkook has a million things to ask you, a million more to tell you, but he feels tongue tied right now.

“Your parents moved to Germany when you were six months old?” you ask with amusement and Jungkook nods taking the pint of ice cream from your hands. As the party escalated to a club, the two of you disappeared in the crowd, staying back at your brother’s apartment.

“My father got a big mechanical engineering job so we moved from Seoul, they’ve been living in Frankfurt” he says looking at the ocean as he takes a big bite of the chocolate ice cream.

“There’s so much I don’t know about you” you whisper snugging even more into the blanket, it's was pretty windy out here on the balcony.

“I could say the same” he whispers laying his head back on the sofa, it’s hard not to stare in his eyes but you snap yourself out of it.

“How about we each ask a question and both of us answer it” you suggest and he nods immediately. “Comfort food?” you ask turning to face him, he ponders for a second but lights up as he answers, “Any soup my mom makes” “Mine would be a good, juicy, greasy burger” “Favourite movie?” he asks and you answer immediately, “Pride and Prejudice” “Iron Man 2” his answer makes you scoff, so on character for Jungkook. “I’ve never seen a marvel movie to completion” this earns a big old gasp from Jungkook, he sits up straight to look at you with shock.

“Sci-fi and the superhero trop is boring to me” “Don’t you dare sully the good Iron Man’s name” Jungkook says very seriously and you giggle, moving a little closer to him. “I’ve never seen any harry porter movies too” you confess and he laughs sarcastically.

February 2020 You: How’s testing going? Jungkook: I wasn’t able to sleep because of how excited I was to drive the car, and it went not as well as I expected You: What happened? Jungkook: Some engine problems but I’ll be fine Jungkook: What are you up to? You: I am studying to finish the last year of school, and I forgot how bad studying was Jungkook: Sucks to be you, I am out celebrating Jungkook: Why are you awake right now? It’s past midnight in Monaco You: Isn’t it even more past might in Bahrain? Jungkook: Yes, answer me first You: I had coffee late in the evening and now I’m all jittery and anxious You: Now, answer me second :) Jungkook: I had a photoshoot and event later, and another after party and now I’m drunk in bed

Without thinking too much, you press the video call button and he picks up immediately. His flushed face is very close to the camera. “Heyyyyy” Jungkook says dragging the y, knowing it’s going to make you laugh.

“You’re still in a suit, you’re going to wrinkle your suit” you say turning around in bed too.

“I don’t have to wear this again, at least for a while I think” Jungkook wonders out loud getting up from the bed, no matter how tired he is, sleeping in a suit is uncomfortable. He walks up to the massive washroom and places his phone by the sink.

“I’m going to back to the room and change, no peeking” Jungkook says very seriously earning another round of giggles from you.

“I said no peeking ___” Jungkook shouts from the living room, this definitely shows just how drunk he is. “I physically can’t Jungkook” you yell and he is very quiet until there’s a loud groan.

“What happened?” you yell, a little too entertained by drunk Jungkook. “I forgot how to open pants” “I don’t think you open pants, you unbutton them” you correct him, earning another groan from him.

“You know, you can be a huge know it all” he says as he walks back in the washroom with just a towel, hanging very low on his hip. He might be drunk, but he notices the instance change in your demeanour.

“Like what you see ___?” Jungkook says resting his hands against the sink, it takes a full minute to process what he just asked.

“Cockiness is not very attractive Jungkook” you challenge him and he hums splashing some water on his face.

“From my experience, it is” he says and you bite your lip, refusing to show just how much he can affect you. The two of you are playing a dangerous game, but refuse to give up.

“Make sure to drink some water, you can’t afford being hungover” you say looking away from the screen, needed a break from his piercing eyes.

“Worried about me ___?” he asks trying to rile you up again, but your response absolutely softens his heart. “Yes, very much so”

Race 1 Bahrain Grand Prix 2020

“Hey?” Jungkook picks up your call as he catches an elevator up to his room.

“Are you back to the hotel?” “Yeah, I’m on my way to my room” Jungkook says pressing his floor number.

“Can you stop by my room, it’s 504” Jungkook hums a reply, not knowing what to expect.

You’re in the middle of attempting to tidy your room when you hear loud knocks, way earlier than anticipated. Swinging the door open, Jungkook smiles widely, not having seen you in almost two months.

“Cute pj’s” he comments as you let him in, they are in fact not cute pj’s. What you sleep in is a very old, oversize t shirt and gym shorts.

“Sit” you order and he complies immediately, taking a seat on the bed beside you. Wordlessly, you pass him a pale paper bag, there’s some paper rustling till he reaches the gift.

“oh, wow this is embossed” Jungkook says feeling the soft leather of the diary. He’s about to open it when you not so gently swat his hands, “Do that when I’m not there” you whisper and he chuckles, seeing just how embarrassed you are about this.

“I can’t use this, it’s too precious a gift” Jungkook can’t help but keep fiddling with the diary.

“I bought it for you to fill it with diligent notes,” you say, turning to face him.

“Thank you ___” Jungkook’s the one feeling shy right now, more accurately vulnerable. Tomorrow is the first race of his first season, there’s so much pressure and he feels like you can sense just how heavy his shoulders feel.

“Don’t tell Phillip, but I kinda want you to win tomorrow” you say, reaching for his pinkie finger with yours, Jungkook immediately takes charge, intertwining them.

“But whatever happens, it’s going to be alright” you reassure him as he holds your finger very tightly.

“How can you be sure?” he asks, finally looking you in the eyes, his eyes give away his fears and tension immediately.

“Because when I was going through something tough, you told me it was going to be alright and it’s starting to feel alright”

Race 2 Australian Grand Prix 2020

Jungkook finished fourth in last week's race, in an ideal world he’d want to be first but it wasn’t bad either. Jungkook was more excited about his sister and niece joining him for the week in Australia.

“What are you guys up to tonight?” Jungkook asks Phillip to get to the paddock for a test.

“Nothing much, might go to a steakhouse. Why?” “I’ve rented a yacht for the evening, some family is in town, you guys want to join?” was this a ploy to spend more time with you, yes.

“Sounds fun, maybe together we can convince ___ to jump in the ocean” Phillip says with a playful grin on his face.

“Um, excuse me, my fear of the ocean is very rational. I am not a fish, I can’t breathe in water” Phillip and you are arguing about this for the nth time as you walk up the dock.

“How can you two have the same argument with the same statements every time” Maya, Phillip’s girlfriend groans giving the two of you annoyed looks.

Jungkook’s laughter is the first thing you hear as you step onto the yacht, as you walk further up the deck you spot an adorable face that’s been mentioned to you several times.

“Oh, Hi guys!” Jungkook hollers waving his hands as Harper wiggles in his arms. Harper is Jungkook’s two-year-old niece, and seeing Jungkook with kids is not helping you with your “weird” feelings about Jungkook.

“Fish!!!” Harper yells from beside Jungkook and he returns her excitement with actual seriousness. The funniest part of their dynamic is Jungkook talking to her like an adult.

“Nemo” “No that’s not nemo, something else but definitely not nemo” Jungkook corrects Harper and you choke on your beer, finding this very ridiculous. Jungkook looks over at you with questioning eyes as you continue to cough like you’re going to die.

“Can you just let her believe that a fish is Nemo?” you ask standing up to sit a little closer to them. The two couples are off riding the jet skies the minute you got here.

“I’m setting her up for life and all the disappointments that come with it” Jungkook says, stealing the bottle of beer from your hands and taking a long swig.

The offended look on your face doesn’t faze him as he takes another swig. You go back to reading as the two of them look at fishes, Harper’s very into fishes.

Jungkook wants to bring up the diary, specifically the note you’d written on the first page, but you seem too focused on your book. Every time he turns around, he’s fascinated by the intrigued look on your face, sometimes you gasp or laugh with glee, the last one is definitely his favourite.

“Jeon, who was spectacularly starting at P1, unfortunately had to retire the car because of the engine on fire. This is definitely not the spectacular start everyone expected from him this season” the commentator says as you watch on the tv a frustrated Jungkook jump out his car.

“He’s going to be beating himself up about this even if it isn’t his problem” Sora, Jungkook’s sister, comments sitting beside you. Jungkook’s pissed to put it lightly, he’s already dreading the media questions that are going to be thrown at him.

But he pushes through, getting back to the garage and talking to the team principal. Wanting to get away from all this, he changes out of his driving suit and makes way to the hospitality area.

“Uncle Koo!” Harper says, springing up with excitement as Jungkook walks into the room. He picks her up immediately, cuddling her close.

“Next one will be better” Sora tries to comfort him with a gentle pat on his arm.

“Hopefully” Jungkook says, taking a seat beside you. You try and look him in the eyes again and again, through the race, but he keeps avoiding them.

“It’s going to be her bed time soon, I’ll take her back to the hotel” Jungkook’s brother in law says, and he gently transfers an already drowsy Harper from his arms. People are quick to leave when Phillip crosses the race in second place, wanting to go out and celebrate.

“Hey” you say, brushing his hand ever so softly, you want to reach over and hug him, but you don’t know if you should.

“Please don’t tell me the next one is going to be better. I’m tired of hearing that” he says flopping back on the sofa, he feels exhausted like he’s never before.

“I won’t,” you say, reaching over for his hand again, this time he holds onto it, not wanting to let go.

Race 3 Italian Grand Prix 2020

For a ferrari driver, the race in Monza is always the highlight of the season. Jungkook hasn’t gotten used to the fans and attention, but this week has been unreal. Everywhere he turns, he sees someone in red, he realises just how important this race is.

Jungkook: Where are you? He hadn’t heard much from you after the race in Australia, you had mentioned something about taking a little trip while in Italy but he didn’t know you if you were going to be here for the race. You had a plan, you were supposed to explore the Italian countryside and have all the pasta your heart desired for. This was supposed to be the year of fun and travelling around, instead you were laying on the crappy hotel bed with an ice pack on your back.

You: In bed at the hotel, my back hurts like hell Jungkook: What happened?

There’s no response from you for another hour and Jungkook’s all anxious and worried. He’s spaced out for most of the qualifying debrief and Phillip takes note.

“You alright man?” Phillip asks as most of the staff members leave the room. “Just worried about the race, I haven’t been off to the best start” it wasn’t all a lie, Jungkook was worried like he’s never been before about his performance.

Phillip knew Jungkook was his biggest competition, at the end of the day they were fighting for the same title but he couldn’t help but have a soft spot for Jungkook, maybe because he was once a tensed rookie driver.

Jungkook doesn’t let the amazing qualifying performance get to his head. Starting ahead in a race always make his chances of winning the race, but right now tomorrows race is not what he’s thinking about.

“Jungkook?” you exclaim as you swing the door open for him, Jungkook has a wide toothy smile as he shows you the box of pizza he picked up on his way.

“Feeling better?” he asks as you sit on the bed, waiting for him to join you. Jungkook can see how not okay you are based on how difficult it is for you to move.

“Why’s there a sad box of steamed veggies too?” “That’s my dinner, what are you watching?” he asks, sitting against the headboard too. Jungkook’s starting to understand your obsession with the office as he watches along with you. He notices how you turn around every now and then to see if he finds a joke funny, like you are testing him.

You know Jungkook’s in bed by 10 on a night before the race, he’s very particular about his sleep schedule. You reduce the volume when you hear his soft snores beside you, his head awkwardly resting against the headboard can’t be good.

“Jungkook,” you call for him gently, shuffling closer to him. You’re close enough to be able to count his eyelashes, in a moment of weakness, your hand softly grazes his hair off his face.

“Come on, we can’t have your neck hurting tomorrow morning” you say, softly patting his cheeks, this does wake him up. He begrudgingly gets up from the bed, his head knows what the right thing to do is but his heart wants five more minutes.

“Thank you” you whisper to him as he puts on his shoes, he looks back at you with confusion, “For what?” he asks as he watches you stand up in front of you.

You don’t answer his question, instead you get on your tiptoes and softly lay a kiss on his cheeks, “Good luck for tomorrows race”

“You’ve done it mate! That’s P1 in Monza!” Jungkook’s engineer cheers on the radio and his mind goes blank as he enters the cool down lap.

“Fuck, FUCK, Unbelievable!” Jungkook’s short of words as he brings the car to an holt, he has the same feeling he had in Singapore, the feeling is winning is like nothing else.

Jumping out the cockpit, Phillip is already celebrating his second position with the team as he joins them. “Congrats Jeon!” Phillip sounds ecstatic as he greats the younger man. Everything is a blur to Jungkook after he jumped on the team, shouts as he celebrated.

Jungkook’s hair smells like champagne as he gets back to the hotel room, he noticed that you weren’t watching the race from Hospitality like you usually do. He can’t help but smile as he notices a few texts from you. You: CONGRATUALTIONS JUNGKOOK!!!!!!! You: I jumped so hard when you won, might have injured my back more You: So fucking happy for you!!! You: Internet on the flight sucked but I watched you win!!Jungkook: Flight? You: Yeah I flew back to Monaco, my back was getting worse and I wanted to see my doc before it became unbearable Jungkook: hope you feel better :( You: I wished I could’ve seen you win in person :( Jungkook: Don’t worry, I’ll win more races just so you can see me win more

Race 4 Portugal Grand Prix 2020

“The two of you getting along? Is the bromance flourishing yet?” the interviewer asks the ferrari drivers and the two of them break into loud, hysterical laughter.

“I’ve had more dinner’s with Jungkook this year than I’ve had with my girlfriend, so I’d say we’re getting there,” Phillip says and the crowd laughs along with them.

You watch the two of them get another round of questions about the coming race, and it’s fresh to see Phillip getting along so well with a teammate. This had been an issue for him in the past, but friendship with Jungkook came naturally to him.

You click on another pre race promotional video of the two of them, it’s a chaotic game of Song Challenge. The basic premise of the game being the one to guess most of the song names, winning.

“Oh god, this is my game to lose, I don’t listen to a lot of music” Phillip confesses and Jungkook looks at him like he’s confessed to a murder. The game starts as a fun, silly thing but by the end of it, Jungkook’s literally jumping up with excitement when he guesses each song correctly.

“How did you even know all this, you’ve guessed most of them within ten seconds” Phillip grumples, clearly losing this game.

“I listen to music, lots and lots of it” Jungkook says cocklily as the final song plays. The two of them wonder what the song is for a while till Phillip smashes the buzzer.

“Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol” Phillip yells with excitement, knowing he’s right about this.

“You don’t recognise Beyonce’s song but recognise this song?” Jungkook asks with a sour look on his face, he is not a pretty loser. “It’s my sisters favourite song”

“Today was your second pole position of the season, how does it feel?” the interviewer asks right after the race.

“Well, finishing P3 is nothing compared to P1 but it’s exciting to see Ferrari finish with a double podium” Jungkook answers by fixing his cap.

“Around lap 50 you were asked to let Phillip through, sending him from P4 to P1 subsequently,” the interviewer isn’t asking a question, he’s stating a fact to get a rise out of Jungkook.

“Well Phillip was going for the fastest lap and I was happy to let my teammate through,” Jungkook answered pragmatically.

“Are you worried that strategies like these are going to place you as the number two driver in Ferrari?” he has to take a long deep breath before he answers.

“It’s about playing the long game, my team mate is always going to be my biggest competition but at the same time I want to establish my relationship with Ferrari.”

Jungkook looks pissed as he walks away from that interview. It had only been four races so far, but this was each reporter's favourite question, wanting to know if he was brought on board just to help Phillip win the championship.

Jungkook: Are you going to be attending the race in Spain? You: Nope, dad’s going to be attending, I still have some getting better to do Jungkook: :( you feeling any better? You: A lot, even did some yoga today You: I’ll definitely be there in Monaco ;) Jungkook: Are you cleared to do yoga? You: Yes I am , just some stretching and meditation Jungkook: Please be careful… also I have a favour to ask

Race 5 Spanish Grand Prix 2020

Jungkook’s apartment is nothing you imagined it to be, it’s emptier than expected. It’s a humble two-bedroom apartment that’s surprisingly empty. He’d asked if you could be there while someone delivered and built two beds. He'd been sleeping on a mattress on the ground for all three months of the winter break he spent in this apartment.

Jungkook wanted to fix up the apartment mainly because his parents were flying down to watch the race and stay with him while he got a week off between races in Monaco.

“How was qualifying?” you ask Jungkook on facetime, you’re still at his apartment late in the evening.

“P4, could’ve been better,” he sighs as he lays down on the bed, all he was looking forward to was the few days off in the coming week, he desperately wanted to do nothing.

“It’ll be fine, onto more important things. Why aren’t there any plates in your apartment?” you ask and Jungkook laughs, imagining you going through his sad, empty kitchen.

“Because I mostly ate out or ate directly from the pan” “You have two playstations, a full shelf full of marvel figurines, a very expensive racing stimulator but no fucking plates?” your outrage seems adorable to him.

“It’s about what’s important and plates clearly didn’t make the cut” “Well, I bought you a set, and also some snacks and fruits for your parents. I also hung up the curtains you very clearly gave up on, how were you living like this” you ask and he chuckles getting cozy in bed.

“Don’t strain your back for me” Jungkook pleads and you smile looking straight at him.

“I am not, this is just a way for me to distract myself from the fact that I’m bad at studying, it’s almost like I forgot how to study” you sigh sinking deep into his very comfortable sofa.

“How about, to return the favour, I help you study. You might not know this, but I’m very academically gifted” he brags nuzzling his head into the pillow, he’s exhausted from thee day and minutes from falling asleep.

“You need to be spending time with your parents Jeon” you tease, watching his heavy eyes. “I can make some time for you”

Tonight is a rare night as your father and you both watch the race from the living room instead of actually being there. Your father would attend most races in person if he could.

“You want some more?” you ask your father as you get yourself another glass of wine.

“No, I have an early morning with my accountant” silence envelops the living room again as you two silently watch the race. Your relationship with your father has always been a little awkward and distant. You’d spent most of your young years training and skating, your mother was more involved in your life while your father focused on Phillip.

“So, how’s the studying going?” he asks in an attempt to make some small talk.

“Going well, still trying to figure out my plans for college. I’m thinking business or advertising” you offer some more information than he asked, wanting to keep him in the loop.

“Have you thought about real estate? Not to brag but you are related to one of the biggest real estate moguls in Monaco” he says and you chuckle sitting up straight on the sofa.

“I’ve never thought about it, do you think I could do that?” you ask and he nods looking straight at you.

“You can do anything you put your mind on, remember how you’d fall on the ice every five minutes when you first started” he recounts with a grim smile on his face.

“How about this, you come with me to work next monday, spend the day at the office, get to see what a day’s work actually entails?” he offers and you seriously think about it before mumbling. The two of you talk some more about work that you almost miss Phillip finishing third in the race, and Jungkook second.

Race 6 Monaco Grand Prix 2020

“I haven’t been on a date in ages and it’s making me anxious” Lando confesses to Jungkook as they’re walking back from a free practice. Lando was a driver at McLaren, similar to Jungkook’s age so they naturally got friendly towards each other.

“I haven’t been on a date in… a year” Jungkook says and Lando gives him a scoff.

“Why? Not to sound gay but you’re a hot dude Jeon” Lando says and Jungkook laughs hysterically. Jungkook hadn’t ever thought of himself as special looking until he started driving in Formula 2, most of the attention he garnered was based on his looks. The craze just went deeper as he joined Ferrari, at least it has landed him sponsorships with major brands.

“How about we go clubbing after the race, there’s a ton of amazing places here and we got to party when in Monaco” Jungkook agrees to it immediately, he needs to let loose and party a little.

Jungkook: where you at? You: hospitality lounge, chatting with your parents You: they just told me the adorable story of you finding out Santa isn’t real at the ripe age of 10 You: Adorable! Jungkook: Why?? Don’t? You: They’re fun! your mother has a ton of baby pictures on her phone ;) You: The particular pictures of you and sister having a tea party, immaculate! Jungkook: Don’t you need to be studying some algebra? You: Don’t you need to be getting ready for qualifying?

“Don’t fight Jungkook, he’s faster” Phillip’s engineer tells him on the radio as the two of them go tyre to tyre on another turn. Jungkook started the race behind Phillip, and midway through the race the two of them were fighting to get ahead.

“Tell him to back off” “He’s on new tyre’s Phillip, he’s faster. We’re going with strategy 3” his engineer says and Phillip groans but doesn’t fight Jungkook anymore.

This is all Jungkook needed because within seconds the gap between them is increasing to great lengths, Phillip can’t deny Jungkook’s amazing skills that let him be so fast.

“That’s another victory for you mate! P1 in Monaco” “Yes, YESSSS, AGHHHHHHHHH!!” Jungkook had a lot of motives to push through tonight's race, he wanted his parents to see him win, he wanted you to see him win.

Jungkook spots you by your parents, he sends a victory wink your way as he bites his lip with excitement.

For the post-race press conference, the Ferrari drivers are paired together and Phillip isn’t very delighted about it. “Talking about the race today, the two of you seemed to be fighting around lap 30, and Phillip you were asked to not fight Jungkook, which ultimately cost you P1 today, how do you feel about strategy calls like these?” the reporter asks and Jungkook bites his cheek, knowing this isn’t an easy question to answer.

“It was a team call I wasn’t super delighted with but I wasn’t going to cost the team points because of my selfishness” Phillip answers truthfully and Jungkook continues staring around blankly, not willing to give any fodder to the reporters.

“Your team mate seems to be much faster in the same car as you, do you feel threatened about your position as the world champion?” another interviewer asks and Phillip smiles tightly. “I’m driving to win and so is Jeon”

Jungkook ends up at a yacht party instead of the club, he looks around for you as he gets himself a drink. “Check out the chick at 2 o’clock” Lando says and Jungkook turns around as nonchalantly as he can, he doesn’t check out the chick but he does spot you talking to some other man.

“Not really my type” Jungkook says chugging his drink in one go, his mood is definitely different now.

“What is your type?” Lando asks and Jungkook laughs sarcastically,

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be single” Jungkook takes hold of another drink and downing it again.

“Are you the kind to date to marry?” Lando asks and Jungkook takes a second to think.

“Not necessarily” Jungkook answers and watches you walk up to them.

“Then go talk to that chick-” “Hello boys!” you say cheerfully, greeting the two drivers.

“Jeon’s about to go talk to her” Lando says subtly, pointing at the gorgeous model.

“You are?” you ask, turning to look at Jungkook and he nods, downing his third drink. It’s hard not to look away as Jungkook charms the woman, of course he’d go up and talk to the gorgeous woman, why wouldn’t he.

“So, what about you? Should we find someone for you too?” Lando asks as you stare blankly at your drink, why’d you delude yourself into thinking Jungkook was remotely interested in you.

“Who’s he and why is he making bedroom eyes at you?” Lando asks, talking about the friend you were talking to earlier, just an old friend you ran into.

“The hell are bedroom eyes?” you ask with disgust and Lando chuckles at you bringing forth another shot of vodka for the two of you.

“I think the name’s self explanatory, come on go talk to him. Tonight, I’m the wingman for everyone” Lando says and you shake your head with disappointment, absolutely in no mood to talk to someone. ‘I think I’m gonna go home”

Jungkook: hey? did you get home safely? You weren’t expecting this text from Jungkook the next morning, putting down your cup of coffee, you contemplate what to say. You: Yeah, I saw the million pictures. You must’ve had fun Jungkook partying had taken up your explore page, around sometime that night he took over the mic and started singing, how could someone sound so good while being drunk off their mind? Jungkook: It was, would've been more fun if you were there This is why you were delusional about him, texts like these You: Why? The model wasn’t any fun Jungkook: She isn’t really my type You are enticed to ask him if you are, but you don’t. You: Go back to sleep, enjoy your day off

Race 7 Azerbaijan Grand Prix 2020

Lily has a semester break from college, so she decided you join you. The two of you spend all of friday and saturday exploring the beautiful city of Baku.

“Are you really going to work for your father?” Lily asks as the two of you sit down at a restaurant for dinner.

“Yes, right now I’m just learning and doing some of his assistant work and it might look boring but it’s better than doing nothing. Plus, I get to attend most race weekends” you explain reading the menu, your father was adamant on attending all the races, at least the European one’s and he had the fortunes to do that.

“So, taking this job has nothing to do with your massive crush on a certain driver” Lily asks and you’re starting to regret being a little too truthful with Lily.

“It’s just a teeny tiny one and it’s going to go away, this is all about supporting my brother” it was partly that, Phillip was all on his own during this early years as a driver, it’s nice to have family around.

“Why won’t you just ask him out?” Lily sounds frustrated about all this, to her all this looks very simple.

“Can we drop this and talk about your disaster of love life? Still sleeping with that professor” you ask with a teasing smile and Lily groans, hate being put on the spot.

“He’s barely a professor” “He’s 35” you retort and Lily is tempted to throw the water in your face.

The car starts feeling weird to Jungkook mid way through the race, between trying to get control of the car, he’s hit by someone and this causes him to lose all control on the brakes.

“Break fail! I have no control on the breaks” Jungkook’s panicked voice booms through the radio and everyone watches as he crashes into the side, taking two other cars out with him.

“Jungkook, are you okay?” his engineer asks and he groans, having hit his head pretty bad. The red flags are issued as an ambulance rushes to him, you shaking with nervousness as Jungkook is barely pulled out the car.

“We’re told from the medical officials that Jeon might be concussed, maybe even injured because of the sheer speed at which he hit the barriers. Let’s get a replay on the incident that caused this” the commentator says as you watch Phillip hit Jungkook on a turn, and him crashing the car at a dangerous speed.

You don’t notice the tears that well up in your eyes as you hear the ambulance sirens. Shutting your eyes, all you can see is the last few things you saw after your very ungraceful fall on the ice. Clutching your heart, you remember Phillip tightly clutching your hand as you were driven to the hospital, how every part of your body seared with pain. You open your eyes to stop reliving that day, but the massive tv’s in front of you focus on the ambulance that is driving a probably very injured Jungkook.

“Seriously, I want to be by myself right now” Jungkook’s getting a little irritated by all the people crowding his hotel room. He was a little woozy after the crash, but the doctor cleared him of any concussion, he just had a sprained wrist.

His team principal and trainer are the last to leave, checking on him for the millionth time. Jungkook sits up against the headrest as he checks some messages from other drivers checking up on him. You: Please text me when you’re fine Jungkook: I promise you I’m fine but can you still come and visit me :( You: Of course, which hospital are you at? Jungkook: I’m not at a hospital Jungkook: room no. 1011, I’ve left the door open for you

“Jungkook?” you ask knocking on his door and it swings open before he can answer, you’re not proud of it but you might have run up to his room.

The worried look on your face is still there as you gently pad over to him, Jungkook confusion grows as you wipe your tears.

“Hey, hey, ___, I’m not hurt at all. I fainted a little before but-” “You fainted?” you ask with a small voice as your big brown eyes look at him.

“It was because of dehydration” he says as he pulls you closer with one swift move, you sit opposite him, still shaking with fear.

“I know this is kind of a big ask, but can you stay here? Just for tonight?” Jungkook asks fiddling with your hand.

“You want me to?” you ask from beside him and he nods, your eyes are bloodshot red still, he doesn’t want you all by yourself right now.

All the lines are crossed that night as you cuddle closer to Jungkook. You know this isn’t going to end well, but right now you couldn’t care less. His hand is gently rubbing your back as your head lies on his chest.

Jungkook knows that you’re obviously working through something else, probably about your incident on the ice. The two of you never talk about it, Jungkook doesn’t know how to bring it up, or if he should ever bring it up. Jungkook knows that the situation is shitty, but he is happy about you being in his arms, he could get used to it

Race 8 Austrian Grand Prix 2020

“Why?” Jungkook asks as he’s walking to the Ferrari office. It’s a meeting and photoshoot heavy day for him.

“Because I have a job now, even if it’s sorting my father’s emails and arranging his meetings, I can’t be there every weekend” you explain calmly as you swivel around in your office chair.

“What’s your day like today?” he asks as a fan stops him for a picture, he’s becoming better at being popular as every race happens.

“We have a few apartment showings, so I’ll be shadowing him, start to figure out if I want to do this or not” you say sipping on your coffee, you’d been arriving early at the office to have some moments of peace before the chaos starts.

“What is your day like?” you ask him and he just grunts, knowing how bad it is to sit through meetings.

“I have a strategy meeting, another meeting with the communications team, lunch with a bunch of promoters and in the evening we’re shooting a bunch of videos for ferrari’s youtube channel” Jungkook reiterates his schedule for the day, and he’s already starting to feel tired.

“Press has just been awful since the last race, no wonder we’re having comms meeting two days in a row” Jungkook had been trying to stay away from the negative headlines but everyone was absolutely shitting on Phillip this week.

“They like pitting you and Phillip against each other, last week was all the ammunition they needed” you had been screening all the click baity articles, they were absolutely making Phillip lose his mind.

“Do you think he hit me on purpose or was I really in his blind spot?” Jungkook asks opening the door to the conference room, most people are already here. Phillip is already slouched against a chair, looking defeated already.

“No comments” “Boo Freaking Hoo” he says and you can’t help but smile like a stupid idiot.

“Call me later if you can” you say and Jungkook hums a goodbye as he takes a seat opposite Phillip.

“So, lots of bad press, people are divided” Claudia says, placing down multiple article print outs and newspapers on the table.

“And thank you Phillip for snapping at the sky sports reporter, just handing them their headlines” this hasn’t been Phillip’s week, and he’s done with cameras and reporters.

“We need to take hold of the narrative or at least change it because the sponsors aren’t happy with the two drivers seemingly fighting each other. How about you go golfing or something this tuesday” Claudia suggests and Phillip immediately nods his head no.

“He can’t golf to save his life and I have my sister’s birthday party that day-” “So, just invite Jungkook, because I really need the news narrative to change” Claudia says with an authoritative tone, the two of them can’t even think about going against her.

“I don’t want to intrude on a family thing-” Jungkook sounds a little offended by the whole situation, mostly he’s a little ticked off about you not telling him about your coming birthday.

“It’s not, it’s a surprise party with a few friends, I was going to invite you anyway” Phillip says and Claudia smiles widely.

“This is sorted then, I need at least a story with the birthday girl on the two of your Instagram’s” The two of them are left alone as Claudia leaves, there’s still this animosity in the air.

“Just so we’re clear, I didn’t hit your car on purpose,” Phillip says, looking Jungkook square in his eyes.

“I know that,” Jungkook replies, a little too confidently. “How can you be so sure?” Phillip asks as he sits up straight.

“You’re competitive, not petty” Jungkook leaves with a big smirk on his face, he’s been enjoying the season so far a little too much.

You: P3!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!! You: Still have that migraine? Jungkook: Why didn’t you tell me about your birthday being next week? You: How’d you come to find out about it? You: Did Phillip tell you? You: He is throwing me a surprise party isn’t he? Jungkook: Wow you derived to the bottom of it pretty quickly Jungkook: I mean no, I don’t know of a party if there is one Jungkook: Why didn’t you tell me? You: Because I’m not the kind of person who celebrates their birthday Jungkook: But there are other people who want to celebrate you turning twenty You: So, you just confirmed the surprise party Jungkook: If this get’s back to Phillip he might actually push me off the track intentionally this time You: Now I understand why Lily wanted to take me dress shopping You: Give me more details Jeon! Jungkook: I’m sorry I have no idea what you’re talking about

Race 9 Austrian Grand Prix 2020

It’s week two of the grand prix in Austria but Phillip is suspiciously in Monaco on Monday evening. “Why are you here?” you ask, dropping your handbag and a million other things you take to the office in the hallway.

“I know you know why I’m here because I know Maya sucks at keeping secrets, so just go up and get ready” he says flashing you a big smile. Phillip and you have always tried to celebrate birthdays, between him training and racing and you always practicing, there wasn’t always time to celebrate.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you actually did this” you squeal with excitement when you see the decked-up ice rink, you’ve always wanted to celebrate on a ice rink.

You’re awed by the classy decoration, one would almost forget that this is an ice rink, a few of your friends already skating around.

“I love you!” you squeal like an excited thirteen-year-old as you hug Phillip, he has a genuine smile on his face too.

“Please be careful tho, I don’t like the smell of hospitals” Phillip says as you watch Maya walk up to you, a little uncharacteristically you hug her tightly too, knowing she had a big part in planning this.

“Girl!!! you look smoking hot, so glad you went with the black one!” Lily comments taking a long look at your dress, it was a simple bodycon with a huge slit up your left thigh.

Jungkook arrives sometime around midnight, right as Phillip walks up with a massive cake and sparklers. Jungkook watches from the crowd as your face lights up with delight, he’s truly never seen you this happy. Your smile is contagious, infectious, he always wants you smiling like you were when you shoveled cake in Phillip’s face.

“Staring a little too much are we?” Lily comments from beside Jungkook and he snaps out of it, turning around and flashes the familiar face a polite smile.

“Am I being too obvious?” Jungkook doesn’t try to deny the accusation as he sheepishly ruffles his hair again, a nervous tick.

“The two of you are hopeless, go on, talk to her” truth be told, Lily was getting a little tired of your pinning on Jungkook.

Jungkook’s a little powered up by Lily’s comment, maybe there could be something between the two of you. He’s hopeful as he approaches you, maybe it’s the whiskey getting to him.

“Happy Birthday” Jungkook whispers in your ear from behind you, you’re a little startled till he comes around with a smug look.

“Thank you for not telling me about this party!” you shout a little, leaning closer to him. The lights have been cranked down and the music is much louder now.

“Aren’t you going to go on the ice?” he asks and you look up and shake your head no.

“I don’t know if I’m there yet, I’m just happy being in a rink right now” you answer and he takes hold of your hand, leading you away from the crowd.

“I should be back there, dancing and drinking” you whine as the two of you make way to a dimly lit supply office.

“You’ll be back there in no time, I just want to savor the moment of giving you your gift” he says, finally coming to a stop. You hop on the desk, outreaching your hands for the gift.

To your amusement, he places a tiny box in your palms, looking at you expectantly. You gasp as you pick up the delicate ring from the box, it’s a simple gold ring with an ice skate designed in the middle.

Jungkook had prepared a speech in his mind, he had his reasons for why he had this ring made. But at that moment as he watched you slip the ring on your index finger, his mind went blank.

The silence is suffocating the two of you as Jungkook’s hand reaches over to play with the ring, he got your size almost right. His warm hands around the cold band are starting to sober you.

Wordlessly, you pull him closer by the collar of his shirt, stopping right as Jungkook takes a deep breath, trying to brace himself.

“I was feeling so heartbroken about the figure skating chapter of my life ending, that’s all I’ve know of myself as, it has made me restless and anxious like never before, and this, is always going to remind me of that heartbreak” you say looking Jungkook straight in his eyes and his heart absolutely shatters, he can hear his heart breaking.

“I didn’t mean to-” you shush him by placing a single finger on his dry lips.

“But it also reminds me of some of the happiest moments of my life, it reminds me of my potential. If I could start skating at the age of four, I can start something new at the age of 20. It gives me hope, you give me hope” you whisper the last part your head rests on his chest. your arms circling around his waist.

Race 10 British Grand Prix 2020

The race in Silverstone has everyone on the paddock a little too excited, maybe it’s because of the upcoming two week summer break that everyone desperately needs. Jungkook is seated with Lando, Phillip and Daniel for another set of press conferences and he’s starting to understand why drivers hate press day so much.

“Question for Jungkook, the first half of the season is almost over and you’re up there on the drivers championship charts just behind Lewis Hamilton and just ahead of your teammate, how does it feel to be considered serious competition in your first year in F1?” a reporter asks, somehow complementing Jungkook and taking a dig at the other two drivers who haven’t had the best year so far.

“This is a very competitive sport by its nature and only 20 superbly skilled drivers get to drive a formula one car, and being able to be on this lineup is a dream come true for me. My first year so far has been filled with highs and lows and it’s surreal to me to be on the top of the list right now, but it all can change in a couple of races. Teams are constantly working on their skills and cars so we never know when the championship takes a turn, right now I’m at a place of cautiousness, a lot can happen over the span of 12 races” Jungkook answers calmly, and Phillip sits back, a little awed.

Phillip has been in the sport longer than Jungkook, but the way Jungkook handles and answers each ridiculous to serious question is motivating for him.

“This has been a very highly requested question, you drive under the number 14, what’s the significance behind it” you’ve been watching another set of interviews of Jungkook, apparently people just can’t have enough of him. Phillip is also very focused on the screen, wishing he was as charismatic as his team mate.

“It’s my mother’s birth date. She was vehemently against me going into racing, she was worried not just about my safety but she also didn’t want me working under this kind of pressure since a young age. Despite that, I made it here, and this was just a way to make her proud and spite her, just a little bit” Jungkook says confidently, making the female reporter chuckle and Phillip scoff.

“His PR manager really spun a great story for him” Phillip says snacking on some popcorn while you turn around to give him a weird look.

“You too drive under our mother’s birthdate” you state and Phillip rolls his eyes, something is definitely up with him.

“That’s because she died, it’s a dedication to her” Phillip says increasing the volume to listen to the interview properly.

“If you weren’t a f1 driver, what would you be doing today?” “I’d be a college student, probably getting a degree in computer science. During my year as a reserve driver, I did some soul searching to really think about a future outside of racing, and computer science is what I landed on” Jungkook says with a charming smile and you watch the interviewer literally swoon for him.

“Who in the hell does soul searching?” Phillip complains again and you turn around to get some answers from him.

“What is up with you today? I thought you liked Jungkook” you ask and he looks away with a guilty look.“I have this feeling that ferrari is pushing for him to win the world championship, they want the youngest driver to win the championship to be him” Phillip offers and you’re the one rolling your eyes this time.

“And why wouldn’t they, he’s smart, handsome, great with press, very skilled, drives fast, he’s the golden boy they’ve been looking for” Phillip has never felt this threatened by a team mate, but with Jungkook there’s something different.

“You’ve been reading too much of all that nonsense gossip, you’re a three time world champion, ferrari wants you to be a four time world champion too” you try and reassure Phillip but he just exhales.

Jungkook’s glad to be seeing his sister and Harper again during his week in the UK, he’s maybe been a little too homesick. Sora and her husband both work in London, and for once he can sleep at a place resembling something close to home rather than another hotel room, even if just for a night.

Sora and him stumble around the kitchen, making the most of their mother’s kimchi for their dinner. “So, who have you been texting all night? Want to talk about her?” Sora has a know it all smirk on her face as she watches Jungkook lock his phone and put it down on the table, screen down.

“Why would you assume that it’s a her?” Jungkook asks, filling the two of their shot glasses with soju.

“It can be a he, she, they for all I care, I know it’s someone you’re interested in romantically” Sora knows Jungkook well, a little too well for his liking.

“I’ve been conflicted about asking her out, I’m worried that she sees me just as a friend and by making a move, I’ll ruin a great friendship” Jungkook comes clean with it, it’d be nice to talk to someone about it.

“I got her this meaningful gift, and I thought she was going to kiss me, but she hugged me. Not that I’m complaining, but it confused me” Jungkook had been racking his brain ever since that night in Monaco, he never stopped thinking about it.

“And there’s this another layer of complexity, she’s related to someone I work with-” “Oh my god, you’re talking about ___” Sora explains loudly, almost waking Harper up.

“Why? How’d you even get to that?” “I saw the two of you during that race in Australia, you were all pissed and grumpy about retiring the car but you came and sat beside her and suddenly you weren’t so pissed off” Sora had made that observation pretty early on, and it makes Jungkook wonder if they haven’t been so lowkey about each other.

“___ likes you” Sora says it like it’s a fact of life, like the world wouldn’t make sense if it weren’t true.

“Make sure to not rub that know-it-all attitude on Harper and explain” Jungkook asks and Sora laughs boisterously.

“Remember when we had that dinner on a yacht, you had some mustard on your hand. A good friend would point it out, maybe even hand you a tissue. Someone who’s interested in you will just swipe the mustard off, like it’s the most natural and sensible thing to do, she wouldn’t cross that line if she wasn’t interested in you” Sora’s explanation leaves Jungkook utterly shocked, Australia was a long time ago, have you been interested in him all this time?

“Is it really that simple?” Jungkook asks, now directly drinking Soju from the bottle. “Love is simple Jungkook”

Summer Break 2020

Summer in Monaco is beautiful, everyone enjoys a host of activities in the mediterranean summer, not that Jungkook would know anything about it. All he’s done for the first week is exercise, train on his stimulator and rot in his apartment, and he’s savored every moment of not having an engagement or meeting.

“Am I travelling somewhere? Nope, I needed a break from airplanes and hotel rooms” Jungkook talks looking straight to his camera as he phenomenally loses a race in a video game. He’s streaming while playing on his stimulator, he used to do this a lot last year, now not so much.

You ring the bell to Jungkook’s apartment a few times but he doesn’t answer, you wonder if the passcode to his apartment is the same one he texted you a few months ago. In a moment of impatience and wanting to pee after a long flight, you type in the code and to your surprise the door opens.

Jungkook hears a door in his apartment close and sits up straight, very alert right now. Namjoon had been begging him to get some security cameras and right now he’s regretting not listening to him. The stream is still going as Jungkook jumps out the seat and gingerly walks out the room.

He picks up a random shoe as he knocks on the occupied bathroom door, what’s his plan with the shoe? He doesn’t know but at least he has something to protect himself with. The world feels like it’s in slow motion as the door swings open, Jungkook was expecting a robber but it’s you, with a very confused look.

“What is with the shoe?” “I thought someone broke into my place” Jungkook whispers, knowing the stream is still live.

“I’ll be back” he says and you follow him into his spare room, “Jungkook what is it-” he shuts you up real nice by placing his palm on your face.

“I have a twitch stream going, go wait in the living room” “Okay” you mumble against his hand and he can’t help but smile.

You feel rejuvenated after spending a week with your grandmother and Phillip, it’s hard to get some quality time with the family all over the place.

Your grandmother on your father’s side lived in the countryside outside London, still in the same house your father was raised in. You had some ulterior motives for flying to Monaco before your father and brother, you had some work to take care of at the office and second, you wanted to spend some time with Jungkook.

And if watching tv and eating too much food counts as quality time, you’ve been doing that all evening since you arrived this morning.

Your head is itching very close to Jungkook’s shoulder the more episodes of the office you watch. He feels your head flop on his chest somewhere before 9, he turns to find you deep in sleep.

If he was a good friend, he’d wake you up, maybe even offer to drive you back home. But he was someone with a lot of romantic yet confusing feelings for you, he gently picks you up.

Jungkook lays you on his bed, and tucks you in. He sits by the bed for a minute, taking in every detail of your face, Jungkook’s never noticed how beautiful your eyelashes are before this. He was tempted to lay in the bed beside you, but he does the right thing and struggles with falling asleep in the guest room.

“Oh come on, you’re flying out to France the day after tomorrow. It��ll be race after race, after this weekend! Please just say yes” you plead over the phone as you walk back from the office.

Jungkook wasn’t the clubbing type, neither were you. But seeing all your friends having the best time of their lives all summer was giving you fomo.

“It’s going to me Lily, Stuart, you and I. I got us access to this new club’s vip lounge and I need you to say yes” “Who’s Stuart?” Jungkook asks drying his hair with a towel.

“Lily’s situationship, can you pick me up from my place around 11, we can get a cab from here” Jungkook doesn’t like a lot about this plan, clubbing, going someplace after 11, paying for expensive bad drinks, but he whispers a yes anyway.

Jungkook rings the bell at your family’s townhouse right at 11 pm, you don’t need to know that he’s been waiting on the stoop for five minutes. Swinging the door open, you smile with delight as Jungkook brings forward his hand with the prettiest set of flowers.

“These are for me?” It's surprising because most people don’t show up with flowers before they go clubbing.

“Yeah, I didn’t want to come here empty handed” he makes the most unbelievable excuse, but you take the flowers anyway, you haven’t been given flowers, ever.

“I just need a minute to accessorise,” Jungkook isn’t listening the second he takes a good look at your very short, red dress.

“So, are you excited about getting back in the car?” you ask Jungkook as he takes a seat on the bed, through the vanity mirror you catch him staring.

“I’m thinking sneakers because heels are just impractical but it’s a fancy place so I want to be presentable” you say, bending a little with your back still facing him. Jungkook clears his throat nervously as you turn around, clearly having caught him checking you out.

“So, this is how I find out you’re an ass man?” his ears are blood red as you tease him.

Jungkook’s suspiciously quiet since you teased him, maybe you’re starting to feel bad about it. He makes some small talk with Stuart, but none with you.

“We’re going to get drinks, shots for everyone!” Lily and Stuart leave to get drinks the moment you get there, probably to make out in the bathroom.

“I am so sorry about earlier but please talk to me” you shout to Jungkook, sliding closer to him in the booth. The low lights and loud music are a reason enough for the two of you to be sitting so close.

“Sorry? I should be the one apologizing, it was inappropriate of me-” “I love how super sweet and nice you are, but I’d rather you check out my ass than anyone else's. Does that make sense?” you ask, sliding even closer, till your bare thigh is touching his.

This flusters Jungkook as he looks down sheepishly as he drapes an arm behind you. To your surprise, Stuart and Lily come back with not just shots, but also bottle service.

Around shot number 5 you pull Jungkook up, dancing with him off beat to a trendy pop song. Jungkook watches with loving eyes as Lily and you do a very bad job at dancing and singing to a song.

Jungkook doesn’t watch anymore as you stumble for the third time, he takes hold of you by your waist and the two of you stumble together, Jungkook’s pretty drunk himself.

“Your eyes sparkle, has someone ever told you that?” you had noticed this a long time ago, Jungkook has by far the most beautiful eyes ever.

“I want your eyes when you die” your seriousness makes Jungkook laugh like an idiot, him laughing like that makes you laugh like an idiot and it’s just a vicious cycle of laughter fuelled by vodka.

“I don’t want to go back to my empty home, can I stay with you?” you ask Jungkook as you lean his shoulder. There’s some music playing in the cab and your head is still spinning.

Jungkook has come to the realisation today that it’s hard to say no to you, mostly because of the soft smiles and pleading looks. You clutch onto his palm tightly as you struggle with walking on the cobblestone street.

“You’re sloshed” Jungkook states wrapping an arm around you, the heels were a mistake.

“You smell amazing” you whisper, starting to sober up as the elevator stops on his floor. Jungkook smiles sheepishly as he intertwines his hand with yours, doesn’t let go as the two of you walk into his dark apartment.

The events of the night as coming crashing back to you as you look Jungkook in the eyes, he has this confused look. Reaching over, you crease his stressed eyebrows and your hands drop to his neck, the two of you insanely close to each other.

The moment just feels right, with Jungkook’s arms circling you closer by the waist, you can’t help but lean into his lips, but right at the last second Jungkook turns his face around, your lips landing on his cheek.

“___, we’re wasted” he remarks breathing against your hair and you just nod.

“I have actual feelings for you, and I don’t want to sabotage my chance with you because we were drunk and made a mistake” it’s taking everything in Jungkook to not pin you against the wall and kiss your lips till he forgets how to breath.

“Can we go to bed?” you ask against his chest and he just nods, picking you up again.

Every limb in his body hurts as Jungkook shifts around in bed, he’s sweaty, uncomfortable and your head is nuzzled right in his chest. This isn’t like the time he woke up with you beside him after the accident, there isn’t any distance this time.

Jungkook squirms around and somehow turns the ac on, the cool wind makes you snuggle even closer to Jungkook’s hot body. He wants to detach himself from you and get some water, but since it’s been established that Jungkook is weak for you, he snuggles you back to sleep.

The next time he wakes up it because of pots banging in the kitchen, turning to his side he notices you’ve left the bed, again no one breaking into his place it’s just you.

The events of last night flash in his mind as he brushes his teeth, so many lines crossed, he’s worried that now you’re sober and awake, you regret them.

“So you didn’t have any groceries, all that was in your pantry was ramen and coffee so I made that. And I know you’re watching what you eat so there’s also a side of broccoli but I haven’t cooked broccoli before-“ Jungkook literally crashed you against the kitchen counter as his lips capture yours.

Jungkook kisses you with fervour and it takes you a second to process it, but soon enough your hands are tangled in his hair, biting his lip Jungkook has the most bashful smile as you pull away, absolutely needing to breath.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t wait any longer” he whispers against your lips as he kisses you again. Right there, as you are smiling against his lips, Jungkook understands what Sora said about love being simple. It’s simple because it’s meant to be, anything else just wouldn’t make sense.

Race 11 French Grand Prix 2020

As it turns out, the weekend of the race things get a little complicated, not between Jungkook and you. Some fan captured Jungkook and you on the way to his apartment and the pictures were all over the internet, the only bright side to the situation, you were the mystery girl, your face wasn’t captured in any of the blurry pictures.

“I’m sorry but I’m not releasing a personal statement, my personal life is none of people’s business and they shouldn’t have been photographing us in the first place” Jungkook says putting away the statement Claudia handed him.

“Okay but you keep it quiet if any reporters bring her up, and please for the love of god be careful.” Claudia leaves with that, she has more important things to take care of.

Namjoon sits back with disappointment, the fans and press are really having their time with this.

“Who was she?” his manager asks as Jungkook does some before race stretches, he’d usually play with a football outside but he’s in no mood for press or fans.

“Are you going to see her again?” Jungkook does answer this question with a simple nod.

“This isn’t like you, you aren’t the hooking up kind” “We didn’t hook up, hyung I really care about her and I don’t want our relationship to end even before it starts. Can you have the press go easy on this?” Jungkook pleads and Namjoon sighs standing up.

“I’ll try, maybe you’ll have to do a special interview with one. Give them something else to talk about”

Jungkook: it’s 10pm, where are you :((( You: Maya arranged a dinner to celebrate Phillip’s win, we’re on our way back to the hotel Jungkook: What about soothing my loss of coming second Jungkook: I had a thing planned You: I’ll be there in a few minutes, just stay put Jungkook: room 1202, I’m waiting

“So, we’re getting drinks with a few other drivers and their partners, wanna tag along?” Maya asks the four of you leave the restaurant. It was an amazing French delicacy restaurant but all you could focus on the entire time was being back at the hotel.

“I’ll just tag back with dad, we have a early flight and-“ “oh my god you are dating Jungkook aren’t you” Maya accuses you with a whisper as she pulls you aside.

“That’s just, um, how did you even, we aren’t dating Maya” you as a little frazzled by the accusation and Maya just gasps loudly.

“Because we bought that red dress together, you weren’t so sure, I thought you looked amazing, later we also had that conversation about me borrowing that dress and oh my god you’re dating him aren’t you” Maya accuses you and again you try and defend yourself.

“We aren’t, that night we just went clubbing, fell asleep at his apartment and kissed in the morning. But we absolutely aren’t dating” this isn’t you defending yourself, this is you spilling the beans the first chance you get.

“So, where do you guys stand now?” this question stuns you, you haven’t talked to him about the two of you since that morning. It’s too soon to ask that question.

“I don’t know but you can’t tell Phillip, he’ll go all big brother and I want to figure it out myself”

Jungkook’s suite is suspiciously quiet as you make your way in, things start to make sense as you catch Jungkook who’s fallen asleep while waiting for you. There’s also a table set with food, wine, candles and flowers right by him.

“Jungkook, come on let’s get you to bed” you say sitting by him as your fingers tap his cheek. He stirs awake right away, smiling when he realises it’s you.

“I’m so sorry to have kept you waiting, come on you’ll sprain your neck” you say as he sits up straight but Jungkook’s not listening to you. He just pulls you up with him and walks over to the set-up table.

“I thought we could have our first date tonight, even though you’ve eaten already and it’s too late for dinner” Jungkook whispers in your ear as he pulls a chair for you.

Jungkook lights up the candles and pour some wine before he takes the seat across you. “Now tell me, what’s your favourite color?” he asks as you laugh putting down your wine glass.

“Really, that’s the big opening question” “Yes, this is quintessential first date question, now tell me” he pleads with his glimmering eyes and you give in.

“Sage green, what about you?” you ask and he smiles looking down at his hands.

“Guess” “Blue?” you suggest and Jungkook really thinks about it, he’s never really thought about what his favourite color was, but the way you lit up when he nodded yes to your guess, it might as well be.

Race 12 Belgian Grand Prix

It’s a few days before the race, Tuesday to be precises and Jungkook has an invaluable off day with no schedule or work at all. He decided the best thing to do was explore the city of Brussels, with you.

Jungkook had the entire day planned, which started with a bright and early morning of exploring the city and it’s beautiful architecture. “So, is this our second date?” you ask Jungkook as the two of you put on sunglasses and hats before leaving the hotel, hopefully no pictures are taken this time.

“I guess” “Hopefully today tops the cold pasta and warm wine” you joke fixing his beanie.

“It was a spectacular first date! you laughed so hard you choked on that warm wine” he whines circling his arms around you.

“If you want a third or any more dates with me, promise me you’re never going to bring that up again” you whisper, leaning dangerously close to him.

“I’m making no such promises” Jungkook whispers before kissing you, every kiss with him is full of the same fervour as that morning.

“Come on, we have the city to explore” you say pushing his chest away and he groans, seizing the distance again.

“How about I explore every inch of your body instead” he says pulling on your earlobe just a little. The previous smile on your face is replaced by a tighter, forced one as you again push him back.

“As tempting as that offer is, we’d regret not making the most of the day” you say pulling him out the hotel room by his arm and Jungkook slides down his hand, intertwining it with yours.

The night was getting darker as the two of you walked back to the hotel, hand in hand. To put it simply, it had been one of the most perfect and romantic day and you were starting to dread having a difficult conversation with Jungkook.

“Hey, so, um, kinda wanted to come right out with it because it’s very embarrassing for me” you say and Jungkook stops in his tracks and quirks an eyebrow at you.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook’s voice is laced with concern and you have to look away.

“Nothing is wrong per say, but, um like, how do I say it without me sounding like a complete weirdo?” “It can’t be that bad” Jungkook pleads and you scoff, knowing it’s a little bad.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend, not that I’m assuming that we are a couple. Since I’ve never had a boyfriend, I’ve never been with someone, sexually. I just never had the chance before, and someone right never came along and now I’m this 20-year freak with no dating experience at all. I’d understand if you never want to see me again, I’d be fine with pretending we never-“

“___, breath” Jungkook says cradling your face and forcing you to see him in the eyes.

“You’re not some freak, you’re only 20 it’s natural to not be that experienced. We can take it at a pace you’re comfortable with, I promise I’ll be patient with you” Jungkook reassures you and you’re worries about this are starting to fade away.

“It’s just that I gave this speech to some other guy and he didn’t react so well” you say hugging him tightly.

“Well, give me that jerks name so I can punch him square in the face” Jungkook chuckles as he kisses the top of your head.

“If you’re going to go around punching people for me, I have a list” you laugh and Jungkook detaches himself, giving you a knowing look.

“What else are boyfriends for if not to punch people that have wronged their girlfriends”

You: Please be careful with the rain and all, I don’t want another incident Jungkook: I’ll try, if there is one just no crying this time You: I’ll try Jungkook: Also, when I win, if I say ‘yeah baby’ on the radio, know that I’m saying that to you You: ‘When’, little too cocky aren’t we Jeon Jungkook: You’re my girlfriend now, you have to support me, in cockiness and health

You’re a blushing mess as you re read Jungkook’s text, it’s a little unbelievable being called his girlfriend. Tonight, it’s just you, your books and the race on the tv.

“And there goes Jeon Jungkook, crossing the checkered flag a whole 5 seconds ahead of his teammate at P1, this win is puts him whole 12 points ahead of his teammate and at the top of the championship” the commentator cheers and the crowd goes wild.

“That’s P1 mate and at the top of the championship, you were stunningly fast this race!!” the team principal cheers on Jungkook through the radio as he doesn’t stop the random shouting out of joy.

“Thanks for the team, this car has been delivering race after race. So incredibly lucky to be driving a ferrari, seriously so fucking lucky. YEAH BABY!!!!!!” Jungkook cheers and you’re blushing so hard it’s embarrassing. Race 13 Netherlands Grand Prix 2020

“You’ve won seven races this season, eight if you win tomorrow, it must feel incredible to be this close to winning the championship” the reporter says and Jungkook chuckles looking away.

“Winning always feels incredible, things have been working out so positively for me that it feels surreal. Eight months ago I was thinking of giving up on my F1 dream and now I’m here and there are days when this doesn’t feel real” Jungkook says as Phillip comes around for his interview.

Things had been tense in the Ferrari garage to put it simply. There had been far too many strategy meetings out of which Phillip had stormed out of. He’d also made some comments regarding the team favouring Jungkook and devising strategy that helped Jungkook get closer to the championship, it had been a PR disaster.

“Now Phillip, Ferrari has clearly produced a winning car but you’ve had fierce competition from your team mate. Are you still hopeful about winning the championship?” another interviewer asks and Phillip tries very hard to not roll his eyes.

“Well Jeon is a fast driver and I could learn a few things about his break skills, but I have seven-year experience of driving on these tricky circuits so I’m hopeful” Phillip answers the way he’s been advised by his PR team, the interviewer can sense the fakeness in his tone.

“Ferrari has not historically been a team that gambles on young drivers but the bet they made on Jeon Jungkook is clearly working out. Now your contract is up to expire next year, do you feal threatened by the younger driver replacing you?” this time Phillip does roll his eyes.

“Ferrari isn’t in the game for gambling, they’re in the game for winning, and I win”

“Your brother called me pretty boy during a comms meeting, I was offended and delighted at the same time” Jungkook says placing his phone against the pillow, it was race day tomorrow he had to sleep early.

“Can we not talk about work, I don’t want you bitching about my brother. Phillip just got done bitching about you” you groan shuffling in bed yourself, you’d spent the entire Saturday studying and you were starting to get better.

“I don’t understand why he doesn’t like me? I’ve been nothing but nice to him” Jungkook groans and you sit up in bed and groan too.

“Phillip’s always been competitive, when we were little, he once made me cry after I won against him in chess. This isn’t your issue, it’s his” you say sighing with defeat, the better the season got for Jungkook, the worse it got for Phillip.

“How many men have made you cry ___? There are only so many punches I can throw” Jungkook tries and joke to make this situation a little less tense, he’s successful based on the way you’re smiling.

“I’m starting to miss you, luckily I’ll be there next week” “Starting to? You’re starting to miss me after two weeks?” Jungkook’s offended tone only makes you laugh harder and him more offended.

The race starts off fine, the race is almost a little boring till lap 30. “The two ferrari are once again one tenth of a second away from each other. The two drivers have been competing with each other all season and, OH turn 3 and Phillip tries and overtake Jeon but Jeon maintains his P1 position” the commentator says and you’re sitting on the edge of your seat as Phillip fails at overtaking again.

“Phillip box now, box now” “I’ll box after I’m done overtaking” Phillip yells over the radio and you wince, taking a big swig of your beer.

“Please the strategy is to maximize distance with competition and you need to box-“ “Shut up!” Phillip yells and manoeuvres an overtake and you gasp with shock as the two ferrari’s make contact.

“What is wrong with him?” Jungkook asks frustratingly over the radio as he somehow keeps the lead.

“Phillip please don’t damage the car, box now box now-“ “And the two ferrari’s make contact again, Jeon’s rear crashing with Phillip’s front wing, taking both the cars out” you look at the tv in shock, knowing this isn’t going to end well.

Jungkook’s searing red with anger as he walks into the garage, he takes quick strides towards Phillip who’s talking to an engineer and pushes him back by the shoulders.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jungkook shouts and the engineer stands between the two of them, not wanting any more of this happen on camera.

“Look I’m sorry, I should have listened to-“ “Damn right you should’ve! Your ego cost us so many points, FUCK!” Jungkook walks away as he notices the sheer amount of camera’s around them.

Race 14 Italian Grand Prix 2020

“I think I’m going to need the two of you to hold hands or kiss in public” Claudia says very seriously and Jungkook snickers, tired of this week already. It’s safe to say the press has been having their fun with the articles and headlines, to be fair the two of them handed them everything on a silver platter.

“This isn’t my problem, I wasn’t the one who attacked my car. I have been complaint with the decided strategy, even when it didn’t favour me, that’s because I know how to be a team player” Jungkook says standing up and putting his cap back on.

“He’s right, I just need to go through some difficult press questions and be done with this” Phillip says, stopping Jungkook in his tracks. It had been bad for Jungkook but it had been absolutely shitty for Phillip. Usually, Jungkook would be understand, maybe even sympathise but he’s angry still.

“I have a list of questions and answers prepared, the two of you will absolutely stick to it” Claudia says handing the two drivers a big stack of papers. Jungkook is ready to leave the garage when Phillip jogs up to him.

“Look, you were right, I let my ego get the best of me. Can we hash it out with dinner?” Phillip asks tapping Jungkook on his shoulder. “I have dinner plans with my girlfriend” Jungkook dismisses the proposal immediately and Phillip lets out a defeated sigh.

This has been the worst week of his life, and watching the office with you is a great escape. “Why are you so fidgety tonight?” Phillip asks as he plops on the sofa with a big bowl of popcorn. There was only one reason for you being this fidgety, Jungkook had planned a romantic dinner, he picked out a restaurant and everything but you had to cancel last minute. Leaving Phillip while he’s a whinny, complaining mess was just not an option.

“I had coffee after 6” you dismiss shovelling a bunch of popcorn in your face.

You: I’m so sorry … You: I promise to make up for this, no matter what it takes You: Jungkook please respond to my texts

Another episode starts and Phillip sits up, wanting to ask you something all this while.

“so, um, I know you had a few therapy sessions after your incident. How did you go about it?” Phillip asks and you finally realise why he wanted to hang out, he was anxious about therapy.

“I’m still in therapy” you say and Phillip looks at you like he doesn’t believe you.

“Therapy can be a difficult, excruciating process, first they usually start with ‘Why do you think you’re here’” you say and Phillip sits up straight, really thinking the question through.

“I have some serious self-esteem issues, it sometimes feels like people give me their time of the day only when I’m successful, and that terrifies me of losing” Phillip’s honestly stuns you, he isn’t the kind to be vocal about his emotions.

“How did your first session go?” Phillip asks, as he turns to look at you.

“So much crying, I remember falling crying to sleep, the first few sessions would leave me exhausted” your head falls back with exhaustion just thinking about it.

“I feel like a bad sibling for letting you crying to sleep, I wish I was there for you” Phillip says reaching for your arm and patting it.

“You were there for me Phillip, and time went by and the thoughts in my head started terrorising me less and less every day.” You are getting a little chocked up just thinking about it, you can’t help but play with the ring signifying your past.

“But you have to be patient, even when the process feels like it’s pushing you to your limits. When it starts feeling like too much, you come to me and we’ll watch the office together” you say and Phillip smiles thankfully.

Phillip leaves after a while, mumbling something about having to call Maya and you’re still stuck on the sofa. Jungkook hasn’t responded to any of your texts and you can already imagine the first fight. Playing with the key card to his hotel room, you’ve missed him so much and a fight is worth having if you get to see him.

His room is pitch dark as it always is as he falls asleep, and you stubbing your toe against the table is enough to wake him up. Jungkook groans as he sits up, resting his naked torso against the headboard. Dodging his eyes you slide into bed beside him, the stiff silence in the room making you anxious.

“Phillip has been in a terrible condition and I just couldn’t tell him I had plans when he wanted to talk to me” you say and Jungkook sighs, turning his head towards you.

“I understand ___” Jungkook says as his hand intertwines with yours.

“You do?” your voice is laced with extreme shock, not expecting this response at all.

“Yes, did I want to spend some quality time with you, also yes” Jungkook says and you turn to face him too.

“How about, tomorrow, we wake up bright and early and have a breakfast date before practice?” you ask and Jungkook answers with a soft kiss. The kiss just intensifies as Jungkook pulls you in his laps, his hands grasping your waist tightly.

Things are starting to get hot and heavy, you can feel his bulge against your centre and it’s driving you insane. Jungkook snaps out of it as your nails leaves some marks around his neck.

“___” he whispers your name as his forehead rests on yours, his hot breath fanning your flushed cheeks.

“We should go back to sleep if we want to be up early tomorrow” Jungkook can’t believe the sheer restraint he’s showing. The two of you snuggle as close as humanly possible and Jungkook sighs against your hair, tonight he’s fine with just getting to fall asleep with you in his arms.

Race 15 Singapore Grand Prix 2020

“How does it feel being back in Singapore? You left an impressive mark as a mercedes reserve driver just a year ago and now you’re second on the drivers’ championship, what a year it has been” the interviewer asks and Jungkook smiles widely, thinking back to his year.

“Singapore is always going to be special to me and after the win last weekend the team and I are trying to maximize out chances for the championship” Jungkook answers and another interviewer stands up to ask another question.

“Talking about team, how is the tension in the Ferrari garage after the incident in Netherlands?” Jungkook was expecting this question, and Phillip tenses up beside him the second he clears his throat to answer it.

“Well, tensions can be high in this sport when the difference between P1 and P2 are hundredth of second, but we’re working on keeping it civil, Phillip and I are in couples therapy of sorts” Jungkook adlibs the last part, but based on the approving smile Claudia gives, he did good.

“Hey, can we talk?” Phillip asks as they’re leaving the press conference. Jungkook just mutters a sure as they quietly walk to the Ferrari garage.

“I never really apologised to you” Phillip says sitting opposite the Jungkook, the hospitality area is empty after the practice.

“You don’t need to” “No, I do need to. You’ve been nothing but nice to me and I’m been an absolute piece of shit” Phillip says and Jungkook chuckles, trying to ease the situation.

“Since I fucked up my chances at the championship this year. I’m not going to block you, anymore” this is uncharacteristic for Phillip, Jungkook doesn’t know if he’s being serious or not.

“Phillip, I’ve admired you as a driver because of how competitive you are. And our competition is what makes racing fun, I don’t want you to stop fighting till the end” Jungkook says and Phillip chuckles, crossing his legs.

“Let’s just steer away from costing the team millions in damages, but there are seven races left, anything can happen” “You’re a polite motherfucker, game on Jeon”

Jungkook is back at the podium after a difficult race, he was sweaty, exhausted but it’s nothing compared to being drenched by champagne.

He spots you cheering and sends a wink your way, all he wishes was for a congratulatory kiss from you, a kiss that tells the entire world that you are with him.

But he waits till he’s back at your hotel room, pinning you against a wall, he hungrily kisses you, his hot hands wandering under your shirt.

“Take off your shirt” you whisper in his ear, tugging on the red ferrari polo. Jungkook toned abdomen distracts you for a second, and Jungkook takes advantage of it, unbuttoning your shirt.

“___ are you sure? We can wait” his question makes you contemplate for a full few seconds.

“How about we test the waters instead” “Third base?” Jungkook asks picking you up as your legs wrap around him instinctually.

Jungkook sits on the bed, you still on his lap as he takes a quick look at you, you seem to shiver with anticipation for what’s about to happen.

“Have I told you just how pretty you are” he says pushing some of your hair out of your face.

“You have, but right now I need you to lay back so I can suck your dick” you surprise him by pushing him back in bed.

“I’m going to fall in love with you if you keep talking like that” he moans lightly at the last part as you cup his bulge. “That’s the plan baby”

Jungkook is not so gently tugging on your nipple as another finger enters you, making you moan even louder. Your hips are shaking with an orgasm as Jungkook reaches for you lips, kissing them gently. Exhausted after the activities of this night, he plops on the bed beside you, the two of you still breathing very heavily.

There’s comfortable silence as Jungkook stands up and returns with a clean towel, wiping you off and getting you some water.

“___, baby, please say something, I’m kinda starting to freak out. You have this stoic look and I don’t know if you regret what just happened-“ “I don’t, I just can’t think straight still” you say standing up and slipping on one of his t-shirt.

“So, you don’t regret it?” he asks sitting back on the bed.

“Of course, I don’t, I’ve just, um, this is new to me and I don’t know how to react and I’m so exhausted and can I just say, the thing you did with your tongue, WOW” you say sitting on his lap and circling your arms around him.

“I could say the same ___, about the tongue thing” Jungkook confesses as his neck flushes, just thinking about the earlier events.

“Kook, I’m glad you were my first about tonight, and will be many more of my firsts for more things. If you were any other guy, you’d be impatient, needy, definitely wouldn’t have waited three months to go third base. So, thank you for being patient, kind, caring and so fucking handsome it’s unreal” you say and Jungkook breaks another one of his shy smiles, they’re pretty rare so you savour them.

Race 16 Japanese Grand Prix 2020

There’s a camera on the study table as you step out the washroom, still drying your hair.

“What’s with the camera?” you ask Jungkook who’s sorting the two of your luggage in the closet. There was a week off and while most drivers chose to fly home, Jungkook had convinced you into a four-day trip in South Korea.

“I want to document our first trip, now come on we have to be places” the camera focuses on you for the most time as the two of you explore Seoul, you might have to fly back just for the food.

The inevitable happens during day 2 in Seoul, Jungkook’s spotted and asked for some pictures. Now you understand why Jungkook insisted on you wearing a mask and cap, because you just take a few steps away from him, letting people take as many pictures as they can.

“I’m so sorry guys but I’m out with my girlfriend” Jungkook says to the enthusiastic group of people. He jogs up to you, intertwines his hand with yours and kind of pulls you along.

“Why’d you do that?” you ask as you sit in the rented car beside him. “Do what?” Jungkook asks sheepishly, knowing exactly what you’re asking him.

“Announce to the world that you have a girlfriend” “I think you just answered my question” you check twitter a few hours later, and of course the biggest mystery is who is the ferrari golden boy dating.

“Did it hurt?” you ask as your fingers gently hover around the first tattoo Jungkook just got.

“Hurt when I fell from heaven?” he jokes and you scoff getting out of your boots.

“The tattoo you dumbass,” “I like dumbass more than baby, but I did almost like a constant ant bite, not too severe but present” Jungkook says as you fall back on the bed, a little too tired from todays walking around.

“I’ve always wanted one but I can never commit” you say tracing lines on your arm, thinking of exactly what tattoo you want.

“I made a pact with myself, every time I go through something difficult, once the difficult part is over, I’d get a tattoo. To remind myself of the pain but also to have something that symbolised me getting through it” he says plopping on the bed beside you, and you turn pushing some of his hair away.

“What difficult part compelled this one?” “June last year, my racing future was looking pretty bleak. I couldn’t afford another year of being a reserve driver after 13 years of time and money invested to get me to Formula 1. I was terrified and anxious, wondering what the next year was going to look like, and by luck I was given one saving chance. And a year later, I’m in love, driving for ferrari and in the lead for the championship” Jungkook’s voice and eyes both hold you in place, with a magnetic hold.

“You love me?” you whisper and Jungkook snaps out of it, realising what he just blurted out.

“I have for some time now, I was waiting for the right time and I guess today is it. ___ I know we’re taking it slow and there’s no kind of pressure-“ he stops talking when a big bright smile appears on your face, the same one he saw the morning he kissed you.

“I love you Jungkook” you say throwing your arms around him and pulling him closer for a kiss and a million others.

Apparently, the complete paddock saw the thousands of tweets speculating the identity of Jungkook’s girlfriend. A usually boring driver’s parade in Japan is turned into a speculative morning with a million questions for him.

“How long has it been going on?” Lando asks and Phillip nods enthusiastically, wanting a scoop of gossip too.

“Five months” Jungkook answers nonchalantly and Lando is hooting immediately.

“Five months? How come she hasn’t been at the paddock yet” Phillip asks and Jungkook is a little stunned, having to decide between how much he has to lie.

“We’re just kinda taking it slow, and with press and fans involved it can get intense” Jungkook answers honestly, omission isn’t lying.

“That is pretty smart, one day you’re in a chill romantic relationship, next day all of the internet is too involved in everything you do” Phillip speaks from experience.

“How’d you meet each other?” Lando shoots another question and Jungkook smiles tightly, knowing he can’t get away from them.

“Common friends” Jungkook is kinda right about this, at least that’s what he tells himself.

“Jesus, you can’t even just think of her without smiling, can you?” Phillip say smacking his shoulder ever so slightly.

“I’m in love” Jungkook confesses like a love sick idiot, glad to be talking about you with someone other than Sora.

Race 17 United States Grand Prix 2020

“I have exams next week, I’m sorry if I can’t drop everything and be in Vegas with you” you say on the phone and Jungkook groans getting out the car.

“But I thought we could blow stupid amount of money on crap we don’t need, and when we do get sloshed, I would have kissed you this time” he says locking the car as he follows one of the manager that leads him up to his room.

“As tempting as a sloppy make out sounds, you know how bad I’m at history. And if you want a well educated girlfriend with a respected job in the future, you’ll stop whining, get changed into something classy and go out and have some fun” Jungkook can imagine you sitting sternly as you say that.

“Okay, fine, I’ll go out with Lando and we’ll gamble a stupid amount of money, will that make you happy” Jungkook says as the manager hands him the hotel room key with a big smile.

“Oh so happy, but remember to buy me something expensive with all the money you win”

“How can you be so sure that I’m going to be winning tonight?” he asks as he opens the hotel room, dropping his bag in the hallway.

“Honey, you’re going to be winning tonight” Jungkook doesn’t just hear your voice from the phone, he also hears it from the room in the suite.

“I thought you had to study” Jungkook whispers, not believing you are sitting in his bed.

“And I thought we could play strip notecard game, every answer I get wrong you remove an article of clothing” you say pointing to the huge stack of notecards you’ve been studying through.

“That isn’t right, you’ll just be answering wrong on purpose” he says sitting on the and pulling you closer by your chin.

“There’s a twist, for every five answers I get wrong, you add back another layer of clothing” you say pecking his lips, ever so gently.

You are starting to regret the romantic, sexy, fun game because you forgot to factor in your boyfriends stupid level of competitiveness. “Come on baby, you’re one wrong answer away from me putting back my jeans” he teases as you continue to huff about the difficult question, getting more and more worried about the coming test.

“Oh! I am so infuriated by you right now, it’s past mid night, we should have already had sex by now” you complain as you scoot closer to him and swat the notecards away from him.

“I’m not losing this game ___” he says as you sliding even closer, eventually landing back in his lap.

“You hate losing, don’t you?” you ask grinding against his growing hard dick.

“I do, but I also-“ Jungkook stops talking the second you slide off your sweater that’s been hiding your naked tits.

“I think I’m going to be winning this one” you whisper against his ear, leaving a soft kiss on his cheek and pulling back.

“Baby, I don’t think I’m going to be hypnotised by your tits, this terrible game just proved how much you need to be studying, and jesus christ” he whispers the last part as cup one of your breasts, and Jungkook knows he’s lost this game.

“I might be losing this one but first, I’m going to fuck you till you see the stars for teasing me all night. And second, we’re going to sit down and study because I can’t have you failing on my watch” Jungkook says flipping you around and pinning you down.

“Failing, like you’re failing right now” you say and he groans as his lips hover over yours.

“I love how cocky you are” “More than you love me?” you ask daringly as his lips touch yours.

“Nothing is bigger than my love for you ___” that’s the last thing Jungkook says before he accomplishes the task of turning you into a moaning and shaking mess.

“I wanted us to go to a male strip show but Phillip is being a little bitch about it” Maya says as the two of you walk to the ferrari hospitality for the race.

“How about we tell him that we’re going shopping and sneak out and catch a sexy little show” you suggest and Maya scoffs.

“Phillip knows me too well, he’s going to know I’m lying” “Well, it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission” you say as the two of you sit down on a sofa.

“Is that your strategy with dating Jungkook and not telling Phillip about it” she gives you a pointed look as she says that, Maya has tried her best to not pester you about it, but she’s getting concerned.

“It is the 21st century, I don’t need anyone permission to date anyone-“ “As much as I love a good feminist rant, you and I both know it’s not about permission but rather keeping things from your brother. Important things like dating his team mate, who he’s had a sort of turbulent relationship, and they’re finally getting along” Maya says as the two of you look at the two drivers discussing something pre-race.

“I know, that’s why Jungkook and I have decided to tell him after the final race. Once the season is over and everyone is a little relaxed, then maybe we four could even do a trip to the Bahamas” Jungkook and you had talked about this, extensively.

“Jungkook wanted to come clean earlier, but we’re just in this romantic cocoon and everything feels so right and we don’t want to change anything, for as long as we can” you say and Maya smiles supportively, she can absolutely understand the romantic bliss you’re in right now.

“He’s the one isn’t he” Maya asks and you’re too distracted to answer her, Jungkook and you hold each other’s eyes through the distance and it’s hard to look away.

Race 18 Mexican Grand Prix 2020

It was exam week, and you were starting to give up on the idea of college. The night before the test, you remembered exactly why you dropped out in the first place, but you don’t have to time to freak out, you need to be studying.

“___?” your father ass knocking on your door. He comes in and places a warm cup of hot coco on your desk.

“It’s just an exam” he says running a hand through the hair you might have been pulling on too much.

“But what if I fail at this too” you say, biting your lip as an attempt to not cry. Your father sighs, sitting across you on your bed.

“You didn’t fail at figure skating, you cracked half your body giving your best and you’re still sitting here, that’s not failure honey. You’ve given your best before a million times before during each competition, I’m sure you can do it again” these words of reassurance are all you needed, your father isn’t the biggest touchy feely person, but tonight he is.

“And you are too fiercely independent to be someone’s trophy wife, so I have the utmost faith in you” he says as he again ruffles your hair, trying to soothe you a little.

“That is the best compliment I’ve received, ever” you are feeling a little better after talking to him and the warm cup of coco, you’re not as anxious as you drift off to sleep.

Jungkook knows he should be mediating right now, it’s his pre-race ritual that he sticks to religiously. But today he’s all sorts of distracted, waiting for a text or call from you. Today was the last exam and during the week, there’s been a few texts from you, he understands that you’re busy. But he still got his hopes up about a sweet good luck text.

Usually there’s quietness from Phillip’s side of the driver room, but today he seems to be talking to someone. The voices aren’t clear but Jungkook hears a ‘I told you it was going to be fine’, he assumed Phillip is on call with you and sticks his ear to the shared wall, not one of Jungkook’s proudest moment.

“I can’t believe the questions were so easy, I was kinda prepared for the worse” Jungkook’s suspicious are proven right when he hears your voice through the wall, making him feel a little less stupid about this.

Jungkook shakes with surprise when his phone vibrates against his thigh, You: I know you’re deep in your meditation right now, so I’m not going to disturb you. You: Good luck on the race! Please be safe ❤️ You: I love you ❤️ You: And I crushed my tests, like you told me I was going to You: I’ll see you in Brazil ❤️

Jungkook doesn’t reply right away, too distracted blushing over the fact that you were indeed thinking of him.

“My father has always been a major racing fan, and he’d take my sister and I karting all the time, somewhere along the way I started doing it competitively and here I am” Jungkook answers the podcasters question of how he got into racing.

“What about you sister?” “She found her computer more interesting, she works in big data now” Jungkook answers jokingly. They go back and forth about this season, team, other teams, strategy and other technical stuff.

“You’ve had one of the most phenomenal F1 debut in the history, and the build up has been keeping everyone on their heels. What does it mean to win the championship this year?”

“Everything, it literally has been building up for 13 years. This was an incomprehensible dream to me just a year ago, there are some days when I wake up wondering if this has all been a very vivid dream” Jungkook says and the host nods knowingly.

“How is your relationship with Ferrari looking like, they signed you for two years last year, do you think this relationship is going to extend” they ask and Jungkook chuckles, sitting up straight.

“I think I’ve done everything in my ability to prove to ferrari that I’m a driver worth having on their team, and right now the future looks positive” Jungkook says, alluding to a possible contract extension.

“We’ve covered your racing career extensively, how about a few questions about your personal life” the host asks and Jungkook smirks, knowing this was coming all this time.

“You were spotted with your girlfriend in Seoul and not since, is the relationship over” “It’s the opposite, we are in a very relationship, we just want to stay away from the cameras and media for as long as possible. The attention on me has been immense since I started with Ferrari, while I absolutely am grateful for the fans love and attention, I also have this wish to protect her for all kinds of attention that comes along with dating me” Jungkook answers and the host sits up with another question.

“You haven’t invited her to the paddock yet, will she be here cheering for you winning in Abu Dhabi?” “We haven’t discussed it yet, but wherever she is, she’ll be cheering for me” Jungkook answers pragmatically, giving away as least information as he can.

Race 19 Brazilian Grand Prix 2020

“Put the white t-shirt down Kook” you threaten him jokingly as he down put down the t-shirt. After persuading Jungkook for a mere few seconds, he’d agreed for you to help him shop. He’s been wearing ferrari merch like uniform and desperately needs help, as you put it gently.

“We can get a white t-shirt, but not the plain kind, something with waffling that looks classy by itself but also great under a blazer or jacket” you say picking up another thing for Jungkook to try on.

“What kinda clothes do you want?” you ask and he hums with wonderment.

“I like your style, shirts, knit sweaters, also that half zipper jumper you love, I need multiple of those” he says feeling a sweater and you stand there, delighted.

“Also, a few straight fit jeans, I’m bored of the skinny ones, and a chunky pair of sneakers, also a good bomber jacket” the list of stuff Jungkook wants just rolls off his tongue, and you snicker, thinking back to his earlier statement of ‘I don’t need new stuff’

“What about you? New handbag? Boots?” “I was thinking a skirt, now that the surgery scars on my thigh are fading, I want to try skirts again” you mention and Jungkook eye’s light up immediately, pulling you to the women’s section.

“Baby I want you to dress however you feel comfortable, but I’d also like to make a formal request to add skirts back in your rotation” Jungkook pleads as you spin around to give him a good look of the leather skirt.

The two of you sigh with exhaustion as you sit down on the park bench, Jungkook’s arm immediately comes around your shoulder, your face nestling on his chest.

After a long morning of shopping, you surprised him with a fancy dinner at a restaurant, a rare event for two of you together. You feel contentment as you feel his warmth, contentment is something you haven’t felt in a while.

Turning to look up at him, you smile lifting your face to look him in the eyes. “Why don’t you ever ask me about my accident?” you have been wondering about this for a while now.

He bites his lip as he thinks his answer through, “I’ve wanted to, but I also don’t want you to think of the accident again” he answers truthfully, and to his surprise you smile encouragingly.

“Ask me, I really want you to know” “How did it happen?” a simple question has you back on the ice.

You tell him about the night before an important competition, you had a complicated routine and wanted to practice a few times before the morning came. The ice rink was especially quiet as you slid across, calming yourself with a few deep breaths you begin the routine effortlessly. Everything feels natural till it comes to the triple axel, you knew you were doing it wrong the second your feet were off the ground, falling flat on your face.

You felt some blood on your lips, your nose was possibly bleeding but you attempted the jump again and failing, concussing yourself. By the third attempt you were crying because of frustration and fear for tomorrow, but you end back on your feet, having handed a perfect triple axel.

“So, you landed the move?” Jungkook asks with confusion, this is not what he was expecting.

“I did, and I was confident as I left the rink, but I was also very concussed. Nothing felt off till I walked to the stairs to get out the centre, I was holding on to something as I was lightheaded, one miss step and I was barrelling down the stairs, that’s what injured me” you say as you remember shutting your eyes with pain as you lay on the cold concrete, multiple parts of your body feeling broken.

“A maintenance worker found me bleeding and next thing I remembered was Phillip sobbing as he called out my name” you say and other tear escapes your eyes, his warm hand, wipes it away again.

“I was so happy being able to do a graceful triple axel and down went my dreams” you whisper snuggling even closer to him.

“I had a broken back, shattered hip and bleeding from my head but I’m still here, it could’ve been worse. I could have died if I bled out on that concrete floor for another hour” you shudder thinking about the what could haves of that night.

Jungkook doesn’t know if his words could ever comfort you, so he kisses your forehead as he wipes away another string of tears.

Race 20 Qatar Grand Prix 2020

“___, I have to leave for qualifying soon, I can’t be late” Jungkook complains as you look for something in your luggage. You’d just landed in Qatar and came straight to his hotel room.

“I know for a fact that you have another half hour to spare, so sit your ass down” your sternness does make him sit on the bed, usually he likes to get to the garage a little earlier than expected, but not today.

He looks at you with confusion as you place a small velvet box in his hands. Opening it, he discovers a dainty silver chain, and his confusion just grows.

“I was 15 and it was my first time competing at the Olympic level. Apparently, in figure skating wearing a necklace is considered a good luck charm, but I didn’t have one before the competition. So, my mother removed this chain and put it around my neck, I made a ring out of the pendent, and the chain is a very late birthday present for you” you explain with a soft smile.

“It indeed turned out to be a good luck charm for me, and now it’s yours” you continue and the endeared smile on his face only grows.

“This is too personal, don’t you want to keep something your late mother gave you?” he asks closing the box and his hands reach for yours.

“I want you to have my good luck charm, especially when I’ll too busy to attend your races because I’ll be busy at university next few years” you had already started with university interviews and were hopeful.

“Years? You think we’re in it for the long haul?” Jungkook asks and you mumble a simple yes and a hopeful smile.

“I think so too” Jungkook whispers as he kisses your lips, today he could care less about being late.

Race 21 Saudi Arabian Grand Prix 2020

Jungkook was cornered into a meeting with Namjoon and Claudia after the race. He didn’t know what to expect as he walked into that office but the stoic look on their faces didn’t sit right with him.

“Congratulations on the win” Claudia says as he takes the seat opposite him.

“Thanks” Jungkook says picking up the envelope Claudia put in front of him. He gingerly opens the envelope, and to his surprise, it contains a few blurry pictures of you and him at a restaurant, possibly from Brazil.

“Is that ___ Lee and you?” Claudia asks and Jungkook nods, putting the pictures down.

“Are you dating ___?” she asks and he mumbles a yes, not understanding the point of all this.

“Break up” she says strictly and Jungkook looks at her with bafflement, expecting for her to explain.

“I just got done dealing with all sorts of articles pitting Phillip and you against each other, a sponsor almost pulled out after all that bad press we got after you almost fighting Phillip in front of camera’s. We’re exhausted with the gossip, so break up with ___” she explains standing up, ready to leave.

“Ferrari is willing to discuss the terms of your contract extension once this is done” those are the last things Claudia says before she leaves.

Jungkook and Namjoon have been sitting in silence for long enough for it to start feeling awkward.

“So, ferrari is threatening me to break up with ___?” Jungkook asks, still not done processing the earlier conversation.

“They wouldn’t have cared if you were dating anyone other than your team mates sister, why didn’t you tell me?” Namjoon asks, massaging his forehead.

“Why didn’t I tell you what? That I’m dating ___ or that I’m dating my team mates sister” Jungkook asks raising his voice a little.

“You know it’s the latter, if not you’d have told me. You knew this could’ve been an issue, that why you hid it from me Jungkook” Namjoon reasons, staying as calm as ever.

“I’m sorry but I’m not doing that” Jungkook protest, standing up.

“Let me give you a scenario, you don’t comply, ferrari doesn’t extend their contract with you so all of next year you’re treated as their number 2 driver who doesn’t win the championship, out of a contract, your relationship with ferrari absolutely ruined. A top team will be sceptical signing you, given how ferrari didn’t have confidence in you because of a two-year contract. You end up at a mid-field team, the car’s okay, but not world championship winning, you spend another two, maybe three years with them, again out of a contract. What is your next step? To be out of a seat again by 25 because you stood up to Ferrari?” Namjoon’s voice is a decibel louder than it usually is.

“You’re willing to throw it all away for love? For someone you’ve loved for less than a year? You’ve loved racing for 13 fucking years Jeon Jungkook!” Namjoon says standing up too, wanting Jungkook to understand this, loud and clear.

“Jungkook you’re young, ask her to wait a few years” Namjoon asks softly, noticing how red and watery Jungkook’s eyes are.

“If it’s meant to be, you’ll find your way back to each other” Namjoon tries and comfort him with a soft pat on his arm.

Jungkook feels sick as he walks into his hotel room, you seem to have fallen asleep, the food you ordered for the two of you long cold. Just the image of you sleeping calmly in his bed is freaking him out, rushing to the restroom, he splashes his face, not knowing what to do next.

“Kook?” you call out for his name, him coming into the room having woke you up.

“Go back to sleep, I need a quick shower” Jungkook shouts from the restroom, not wanting to look you in the eyes right now.

Jungkook picks up your book and takes off your glasses as he gets back to bed, his hands softly caressing your face but he snaps himself out of it.

He’s wide awake as he slides in the bed, he keeps a respectful distance but you cease it all by cuddling into his chest.

“Did something come up?” you ask as your face presses into his naked chest.

“Kinda, did you have dinner?” Jungkook asks and you nod a yes.

“Did you?” you ask looking up as your eyes barely open.

“I feel like I’m going to throw up” Jungkook says and you force your eyes open, to get a good look at him.

“Do you want some water, medicine?” “I just need to sleep it off” Jungkook whispers as he nuzzles even closer. He can deal with his issues tomorrow, tonight he just wants to fall asleep with you in his arms.

Race 22 Abu Dhabi 2020

Jungkook: I got you a separate hotel room, I really need some time by myself and I don’t want us to fight about this Jungkook: Just get the key card from reception You: Why are you pushing me away? Jungkook: I’m not pushing you away, tomorrow is one of the most important race of my life. I don’t think I’m asking too much by wanting some time by myself You: You aren’t asking for too much, it’s just so unlike you and it worries me Jungkook: Well don’t, I’ll see you in the morning You: Call me if you can’t sleep Jungkook: Thanks

Jungkook feels sick to his stomach as he rereads the text exchange between the two of you. He hasn’t been able to breath properly since the comms meeting last weekend, it might have affected his qualifying today as he starts tomorrows race at P7, not at a winning position.

Jungkook knows what he has to do, he just can’t bring himself to do something he though he’d never have to do.

Like promised you do see him in the morning, more like late afternoon once he’d done training. One good look at him and you can see he’s not been sleeping well.

“Jungkook, you’re starting to scare me, what’s wrong?” you ask taking a seat on the bed beside him.

“Last week, Ferrari agreed to extend my contract” he prefaces with good news before he unleashes the ugly truth.

“Isn’t that good news” you ask as your hand comes up to caress his cheek, to your surprise he flinches because of your touch.

“They had some stipulation, well one to be exact” he whispers looking at his hands shamefully as you retract your hand. Jungkook’s trying his best to form the next sentence in his mind, wanting it to come across as gently as it can.

“Kook, whatever it is, it must be worth agreeing to. Driving for Ferrari has been your dream, just say yes” your soft voice triggers another set of tears in his eyes.

“Is it worth agreeing to if I lose you in the process?” he asks looking you in the eyes and watches as you bite your lip with confusion, wanting him to explain.

“They want me to break up with you, they don’t want me dating my teammate’s sister because they don’t want any more gossip or bad press and I wanted to scoff in their faces, I really did. But I-“ he’s at a loss of words when he notices the tears in your eyes too.

“___ I don’t want to do this, but I don’t want to throw my career away for love and later regret that” Jungkook pleads as you stand up to get away from him.

“Okay” you whisper, “Okay? You’re okay with this-“ “How the fuck can I be okay with this but it seems like you and I don’t have a say in this matter, DO WE?” you yell as your eyes turn red with anger.

“___, please-“ “Do I want you to fight them and keep dating me, yes. But between the two of us, I’m the only one who’s had to give up on a dream without having any say in it, and it’s painful and frustrates the life out of me, so please for the love you have for me, let me go” you can’t help but be rational about this, seeing him like this is making your heart hurt.

His eyes are fixed at you as he watches you, he wants you to fight for this relationship. “The idea of letting you go hurts too much ___” he says as he stands up too, taking small steps till he’s face to face with you.

No words could encompass every emotion you’re feeling, reaching onto him one last time, you bring his face closer to yours, his forehead touching yours.

“I love you” you whisper one last time and Jungkook ceases all the distance, his lips kissing you with desperation. You can taste the salty tears on his lips as you peck him one last time before pulling away.

The kisses turn into a tight hug and as each second passes, Jungkook knows he has a second less with you. He kisses the top of your head as your tears stain his polo. The moment is interpreted by loud knocks, followed by Namjoon’s voice.

“Jungkook, we’re ready to leave for the race” his manager announces and Jungkook sighs, pulling you even closer.

“Promise me something” you ask as you begrudgingly pull away. “Win the championship tonight” you ask and he sighs with defeat, he’s not in a headspace to driver, or even win.

“And remember, that’ll I’ll aways be cheering for you” you say as you leave a soft kiss on his cheek before you walk out that hotel room.

“Jungkook last two laps, you’ve .1 second away from Hamilton” the engineer announces over radio and Jungkook zooms through, fighting to overtake.

“And Jeon manoeuvres another overtake at turn 3, AND HE OVERTAKES THE MERCEDES” the crowd cheers as Jungkook zoom’s through entering the last lap. Usually when he’s inside the car, his mind is blank, only focus being driving. But tonight, as he zooms through, a montage of the last six months of his life is on replay once again.

“Jeon Jungkook you are the 2020 World Champion!!!” his engineer is practically yelling on radio as the montage starts to disappear in his mind.

His face is stained with tears as he gets rid of the balaclava, for a minute he’s overcome with joy as he team hugs with shouts and cheers. But it all starts to come crashing to him as he’s standing on the podium, looking around and not seeing your face in the crowd.

As he returns to the empty hotel room, Jungkook feels like the biggest loser. He reaches for the velvet diary you gifted him early this season. His finger traces the little note you left on the first page. Whether you win or lose, it’s going to be okay!

Phillip’s 30th Birthday (2022)

The Monaco breeze sends a chill down your spine as you take Christian’s hand as he guides you up the yacht. You watch as the water glimmers under the late evening sun, Christian’s hand still on the small of your back as you make small talk with some acquaintance.

“So, congratulations on the pregnancy” you whisper to Maya as she’s chokes on the tiramisu.

“How’d you kno- I’m not showing yet, am I? I haven’t told Phillip yet and it’s a big surprise for him, and shut up!” Maya is clearly a little panicked about the complete ordeal.

“Again, how did you know?” Maya asks as you pass her a wicked smile, sipping on your champagne.

“You weren’t drinking and I took a shot in the dark, oh my god you’re really pregnant” you’re starting to freak out just thinking about it, and your freaking out does not help Maya. The freaking out doesn’t last for too long as you see a familiar face walk across from you.

“So, I didn’t tell you Jungkook was invited because I didn’t want you to cancel” Maya says and you turn to give her a look of disappointment.

“You never told me why you guys broke up?” Maya asks as you watch as Jungkook looks over at your side and you dodge his eyes.

“We were just fighting a lot, and we knew I was going to be busy with university and wouldn’t be able to see him as often. Breaking up seemed like the natural thing” you lie through your teeth as you down another glass of champagne.

Before Maya can shoot another question towards you, you notice Christian go up to Jungkook and talk to him.

“Christian, I think I should introduce you to some of my cousins” you say desperately, trying to stop your ex and your present boyfriend from talking.

Jungkook holds your eyes for a little too long, you haven’t seen him in the eyes since that night in Abu Dhabi and it’s hard to look away.

“Of course, darling, we were just talking about the upcoming race in Monaco. I think we should attend it” Christian’s arm comes around your waist as he says that and Jungkook has to physically look away.

“I’d be great but I have midterms in a week” you answer noticing how familiar the sweater Jungkook is wearing, it’s the half zipper you helped him pick out.

“Midterms? What university did you get accepted into?” Jungkook asks and Christian answers before you can, “University of Oxford, we met on ___’s first day. She was late for her first lecture, I was rushing to submit an assignment. We collided into each other; her coffee ruined my project. To make up for it, she offered to buy me dinner and the rest is history” Christian says the last part as he turns to look at you lovingly, but there’s just a uncomfortable smile on your lips. Jungkook has a million questions to ask you, but seeing you with some other man is making him sick.

“Well good talking to you” Christian says cheerfully as you tug on his arm again.

“Likewise,” Jungkook says with a small voice, as he watches the two of you walk away.

Race 22 Abu Dhabi 2024

A rush of memories come back to yobtu as Maya and you walk into the Ferrari hospitality. You haven’t been on the paddock since Jungkook and you broke up, and you’re here today only because it’s Phillip’s final race. Maya had a tumultuous pregnancy, and after Phillip missed the birth of his son, it was decided, he was going to retire. He’d had a good ten years as a driver, now it was the time for him to be a father.

“Hey, I’m going to go look for Phillip” Maya says as she walks off with baby Aiden. You are a little fidgety as you take a seat, not wanting to see Jungkook but at the same time also wanting to see him.

To your surprise, Jungkook walks in, hand in hand with Ava, his girlfriend now for a year. Ava and him met during an Armani photoshoot, the two of them hit it off right away.

Jungkook keeps her at an arm’s length as he goes around talking to a few people, you keep eyes on them like a creepy ex-girlfriend, wondering if this is what he’d been like you with publicly.

It's when Jungkook’s hand goes up to massage his neck that you notice the shining silver chain around his neck, why would he keep it after all these years? Or more importantly, why would he wear it after all these years?

The after party is a little out of control, the ferrari people are celebrating two things, Phillip retiring and Jungkook winning the championship for the third time.

“So, you’re graduating this spring?” A random dude in the club asks as he leans even closer to you.

“Yeah, with a degree in education” you say as your eyes wander around the club for a familiar place, you spot Jungkook by the bar.

He’s not by himself, he whisper’s something in Ava’s ear and she turn around to punch him on his shoulder and lean in for a kiss. That sight is enough for you to be done with this night, making your way out the crowd is difficult but you manage it somehow. You’re almost out the club when someone tug’s on your wrist.

“Can we talk?” Jungkook asks but doesn’t wait for your response as he’s pulling you someplace quiet.

“Congratulations” you mutter and he smiles dropping your wrist. Jungkook changed so much over the last four years, his hair is longer, his face seems mature, his left forearm is full of tattoos, he looks like a champion in his fancy clothes.

“Where’s Christian?” Jungkook asks the question that he’s been waiting to ask since he spotted you in the ferrari garage earlier today.

“He proposed so I cheated on him, because I was too much of a coward to break up with him. I was an ugly, messy end” you don’t have any filter as you talk to him, maybe it’s the vodka you chugged earlier today. His lips are agape with bafflement as he stares at you, not knowing what to say.

“Just tell me it’s going to be fine” you say with a teasing smile, repeating something you said to him years ago.

“I’m sure it’s going to be fine” Jungkook mutters with a wide smile, thinking back to 20 year old you, because 24 year old you is so different it’s hard to recognise.

You keep your naturally long hair in a bob now, so many piercings along your right ear, you dress in mostly darker colours now instead of the pastels you favoured earlier.

“Seriously, I’m so happy for you. Three championships you wouldn’t have won if you didn’t break up with me, two actually” you try and joke but your tone is a little too serious.

“Don’t say that” he whispers looking down at your hands and noticing the missing golden ring.

“It’s the bitter truth tho, how are you and Ava? You guys in love?” you ask bitterly, taking a step away from him.

“___, don’t make me feel guilty about moving on-“ “I’m not trying to, I’m just frustrated that you can move on as if we never happened and I’m still stuck feeling broken because I can’t get over you!” you shout as the tears start to well up in your eyes again.

Jungkook wants to reach out, pull you into a tight hug, whisper how everything is going to be fine, but he doesn’t. He has Ava now, and reaching out to you like this would just give you false hope. Instead, he watches as you walk away again.

Spring 2025, Phillip and Maya’s wedding

“You guys were supposed to sleep apart the night before the wedding!” you bark as the couple as you break into their hotel room.

The couple just groans as they barely life of the bed, you’re just thankful none of them is naked.

“I snuck in because Maya was freaking out about getting married” Phillip whispers as he’s clearly hungover.

“You’ve been dating for over seven years, have a four year child, how the fuck are you nervous about getting married?” you shout and Maya springs up in bed, “Oh my god! Where’s Aiden?”

“He’s with your parents, seriously how much did you guys drink-oh my god five bottles of wine!” you shout some more as you spot the bottles by the bed.

This immediately triggers Maya’s tears, she’s clearly very hungover too.

“I’m going to be hungover on my wedding day” Maya cries and Phillip turns to glare at you, like her being hungover is your doing and not his.

“I’m going to get you a smoothie that’ll either fix your hungover or make you throw up and not be sick anymore. Phillip, get out, the makeup and hair people are going to be here soon, and please for the love for your son, no more crying till the wedding. Got it?” you ask with a stern voice and the couple nods with uncertainty.

You thought you had delt with the last of today’s problem but there’s a nth knock on your hotel room.

“Who’s it?” you shout struggling with the zipper of your dress, another thing to add to your drawbacks of being single.

“Jungkook” he says as he nervously ruffles his hair again, had he been looking forward to seeing you all weekend? Yes. Does the idea of seeing you make him incredibly nervous? Also, yes.

You swing the door open with confusion and are met with Jungkook holding up a tie he’s obviously been struggling with.

“You’re the only person I could think of to ask for help” he says and you smile and nod letting him in, weirdly enough you back into the room with your front facing him.

“I thought you were bringing Ava?” you ask leaning against the door, taking deep breaths to calm yourself.

“Ava and I broke up, long long time ago, a year ago” Jungkook says as he stands by the bed, watching as you stay fixed by the door.

You whisper a ‘oh’ as you walk towards him. Jungkook can’t believes he’s in an another hotel room with you, he had convinced himself this was never going to happen again.

“I can help you with your tie only after you zip up my dress,” you say turning around and exposing your bareback to him.

Jungkook’s dazed for a second but he snaps himself out of it as you take all your hair towards the side. The movement earns a surprised gasp from Jungkook.

“You got a tattoo?” he says and finger has a mind of his own as it traces your soft skin, making you flinch under his touch.

“You got a hand flipping of on your lower neck?” he asks with amusement as he zips up your dress quickly.

“I was so drunk and I thought it would be a great idea to get this, so that I was flipping off everyone behind me. How’d they allow people so drunk they need subtitles to understand get a tattoo is beyond me” you grumble about that stupid night is college again, no matter how fun it was, it was stupid.

“A stupid but kinda cute tattoo is part of the college experience ___, I’m just glad you weren’t holed up in your apartment every night, crying while reading a book” he teases and you snatch the tie away from him.

“You only walked in on me sobbing while reading a book once-“ “Twice actually” he corrects you as you move closer to raise his collars, bantering just like in the past.

A quietness blankets the room again as you hand sternly tie the tie around his neck. Jungkook’s looking away, this proximity feels like too much. “About the last time we talked-“ Jungkook’s interrupted by more rapid knocking on your door.

“Phillip is missing, I can’t find Phillip, oh my god he ran away!” you recognise the voice that belongs to one of Phillip’s groomsmen.

“I, um, have to take care of that” you whisper looking in Jungkook’s eyes as you take a step away from him.

“Of course,” he says tightening the tie and fixing his jacket.

“Phillip’s not missing, you check with Maya’s parents because he might probably be with Aiden. I’ll go and kick his ass if he’s getting Maya drunk again” you spring into action mode, somehow running in 4-inch heels.

You’re thankful about the waterproof mascara as Phillip and Maya exchange their vows. It was a beautiful ceremony, the sun was setting as they walked off as husband and wife. As the night gets darker people start to get more liquored up. Walking up to the couple, you pull the two of them in a tight hug, “I can’t believe you stupid idiots are married!”

“Can you not call us stupid on out wedding day?” Phillip grumbles and you chuckle sarcastically.

“Sure, I can’t believe you morons are married” “Talking of morons, have you talked to Jungkook yet” Maya says and you grumble snatching her drink.

“I can’t believe you told him” you say giving Maya a pointed look.

“Husbands and wives aren’t supposed to keep secrets from each other” Phillip announces, a little too happy about this.

“Maybe we should tell Phillip about the time you stuffed ones into a very chiselled man’s-“ “Why are you going around ruining people’s relationships because your love life is miserable” Maya raises her voice just a little as she shuts you up, gathering attention from a few people around.

“Hey, my love life isn’t miserable I’m dating myself, oh who am I kidding. I haven’t been on a date in three months” you grumble snatching Phillip’s drink too and he just look at you with concern.

“Maybe you should go talk to him, and stop stealing people’s drinks” Phillip says as he pulls Maya along with him. Turning to face the rest on the party, you spot Jungkook talking to a woman on his table.

Jungkook finally gets rid of the woman who’s been eating his ear off for most of the reception, maybe his mother is right, he’s too polite. Jungkook scans the room for you, and not to his surprise you’ve escaped the party. But it doesn’t take him too long to find you, Jungkook spots you on the other side of the lawn, sitting on a park bench.

Knowing you startle easy, he clears his throat to let you know of his presence. You give him a shy smile as you watch him walk up to you.

“Can I have a dance?” he asks as he offers you a hand. You had almost forgotten the feeling on his warm rough hands against yours and you take his offer. The band switches to a soft romantic song right on que, like it fated to be, or more like Jungkook slipped them some money to do that.

The two of you savour the moment, a rare sweet moment. Your cheek rests against his chest while his arm snakes around your waist as you sway together. He gets a hit of your perfume and it’s the same soft, vanilla sent and it’s making him lose his train of thoughts.

“You were wrong” he mutters, gaining some courage to talk to you.

“Wrong about what?” you ask, moving your head to look up at him.

“Ava and I weren’t in love, she or any other woman was a mere distraction to not keep reminding me of you shaped hole in my heart” he whispers as he watches your chest heave.

“I have an arm full of tattoos because ever few months I’d delude myself into thinking I’m over you, get a tattoo to symbolise it and then a week later be back to zero” Jungkook says this for the first time out loud. The look on your face is unreadable, maybe he’s lost his chance with you.

Jungkook drops his arm from around you and takes a step back, wanting to respect you.

“I’m sorry for bringing up old wounds, when it comes to you I always manage to do the wrong this” Jungkook can already feel a migraine coming as he thinks of all the overthinking he’s going to be doing. This finally evokes an emotion in you, a frown but still an emotion.

“You didn’t do something wrong when you broke up with me Jungkook, you have to stop beating yourself up about it. You were put in a corner, and that was the only solution to the problem” you say as your hands come up to cradle his face.

“Sure, I was irrationally angry with you for a while, but then I’d see you win during a race and feel like maybe the pain was worth it” you say with a twinkle in your eyes and Jungkook chuckles looking down.

“And you kept winning, I have some suspicion that Phillip partly retired because he was sick of you and the South Korean national anthem after most races” you say in attempts to ease the tense moment and this does make him smile.

“I had my suspicions about that too, but I didn’t bring it up because I’m sure Phillip would’ve punched me” Jungkook says snaking his arms back around you.

“That was smart of you, Phillip would have punched you square in your pretty face” you say as you lean your cheek back against his chest.

“Pretty still? I think it’s more ruggedly handsome face now” he whines as the two of you start swaying again.

“Sure, Phillip would’ve punched your ruggedly handsome face” you give up and hear another round of chuckles from his side.

“I missed you” you say as you bring your arms around him, and just like that the twinkling is back to his eyes, maybe he still is pretty face.

“I love you, I mean I missed you, FUCK!” Jungkook shuts his eyes, the migraine is starting to assault his senses but the rapidly blinks his eyes when he hears your boisterous laughter.

“Is my misery funny to you Ms Lee?” he asks pulling you closer and you just nod, mouthing a very.

“If you were any other man who’d said what you just did, I’d be running out of here. But lucky for you, I never stopped loving you” you say as you lean in for a kiss, and with just one singular kiss it feels like the last few painful years never happened.

taglist:

@blancflms @nadzzzblog @kookiewhtaee @jksoftiitii @oiseul @elisaaru @coralmusicblaze @tearyjjeonn @moonchild1 @jungkooksseuphoria @cookysstuff

640 notes · View notes

writingmochi · 14 days

Text

cast: trainee!niki ✗ seatmate!fem.reader (ft. &team's taki (takayama riki), p1harmony's soul (haku shota), niziu's nina (makino nina), and xg's cocona (akiyama kokona))

synopsis: graduation is such a melancholic concept, happy to finally be able to escape school, but sad that people will separate to their own road. it is no different for riki. on his graduation day, he spends one last day with his seatmate of three years before he pursues his career across the sea

genre: melancholia, hurt/comfort, coming of age, slice of life, trainee au, high school au, fluff, angst

based on: music hindia's "besok mungkin kita sampai" (2019) (genre: indie pop)

word count: 13011 (13k)

warning(s): blood, some curse words, mention of bruises, pretty heavy life stuff even for a high school age

message to the moon: remember that this story is fiction and do be careful and read the warnings at the top. all the idols mentioned here are not what they are in real life. (y/f/n) = your full name!

i had to open up my japan 2020 trip memories to remember the whole atmosphere + adding a bit of my knowledge and experiences too. i have to post this in april since it is the right momentum for it and riki’s graduating class is THIS YEAR! i wanna thank @oiwxa for her insight into a japanese high school graduation and its rituals (especially since you rb the og riki as a regular hs student hc like that is very useful) and my friends who indulge in japanese culture for helping with additional insights :D this is also part of my milestone now closed collab "discover: 200" which you can check out! hope you enjoy!

masterlist

what does one think about when they hear the word “foam”?

a child will imagine a white porcelain bathtub, the one they are sitting in with most of their seated body underneath the water that fills from the bottom of the tub. bubbles made from the mix of the running water and the poured liquid soap to create a magical concoction of science. more and more fill the tub until it overflows and splashes outside, landing on the tiled floor. one can pick up childish giggles as the bubbles caress the skin before it pops, creating a ring of soap on the skin nearest to it. one could imagine their parent beside them following their giggles, helping wash them up after playing in a grassy park and falling on the dirt patch chasing a squirrel. but the child was having too much fun trying to make their hair stand up from their scalp to care about the suds that clean away the dust and soil.

a person who visits a beach will be reminded of the white foam that flows to the coast, pushed by the tides to escape the blue waters. froths created from the combination of nature’s rhythm on the breaking of seawater and dissolving salt or tiny planktons. one can walk to the edge where the land meets the sea and meet the foams by themselves, letting their leg submerged into the wet sand before the incoming wave tries to push you away with its natural force. the water tickles above the ankle as foam created from the physics of it before receding into the ocean along with more grains of sand. the image of it pairs with the familiar crunchy sound of the waves that instantly show up in the head and from the popping of the tiny bubbles.

for riki, it was both of them and one more.

his hand is full of white fluffy foam. the boy's eyes stare at it before turning to the mirror in front of him. he sees the visual of a makeshift white full beard made from the tiny bubbles on the surface of his skin, all of them spread out to the jaw, cheeks, and even around the top of his neck, making him look like a younger version of father christmas if he ever goes to meet the children in spring—a season too late for the tradition and years too old for him as he knew about the truth of his parents being the “mythical man” that gave him gifts by the bed. the boy opens the tap.

the water runs down and cleans his hands, letting the residue drain down the hole before he picks up the item that he’s been learning and still is learning to adapt to at his age. the shaving razor he had that is in the same color as his toothbrush.

the razor glints under the lights beside the mirror. his hand grips its handle, following the steps his father had taught him. the older man told his child that facial hair grows in different ways depending on where they’re located, and how he has to shave it the other way for the most efficient result.

“if it’s on the cheek, then you have to shave it diagonally downwards to the corner of the lips. if it’s above the upper lip, then you have to shave it outwards from beneath both nostrils.”

riki recollects the words accurately as he imagines the visual vividly. how he can see himself in the mirror as his father when the boy remembers he stood beside him, a razor in his own hands as he teaches his son how to shave the facial hair he might not want to own—right in front of the same mirror he stood across now.

shaving your own facial hair seems to be a rite of passage for a boy who is nearing the end of his puberty days. their growing plates are still growing as riki still remembers how he was slightly shorter than his father when he was taught his first lesson in shaving facial hair. now he is taller than his father, either from how many times he has to jump along with the moves of a choreography or run along with a rolling ball on a grassy field.

riki can definitely feel and see the difference. his lanky body now shows more prominent muscles from the physical activities he does, notably his bigger calves from moving on his feet so much. the baby fat on his face has burned enough that his bone structure sticks out as he notices the apples of his cheekbone protruding on his facial features. his voice also deepens as he can still remember how itchy it is, dropping step by step until he can perceive the vibration of his neck’s skin from the moving larynx; a voice that screams baritone or bass, even reaching vocal fry level if he wants to learn the technique.

all of that happens in the three years of high school. if middle school him could witness him now, he wouldn’t believe that that is what he’s going to look like. so many things happened in the past three years that month by month—even day by day—he can feel himself changing physically and mentally.

and today, his three-year journey in high school ends. his graduation day from being a high school student. also, his last day home before pursuing his dream in seoul, south korea.

riki has always been an active kid, but there are two constants throughout his activities in his 18 years on earth: soccer and dancing. one may look at both of them differently, but he has always found a resemblance between the two. the agility of dancing helps control the ball if it’s in his possession. the stamina training he had done to run from one side of the field to another helped him practice longer, thus making him learn the choreographies faster than the other kids.

his hopes and dreams are tied between the two of them. he even wants to continue it to his adult. many of the kids were always asked “what you’ll be when you grow up?” and their answers will be different years later. yet, riki’s stayed the same. always between the two of them.

but he has to choose one to pursue even further, to focus on even in the hardest times he might get in his life.

after seeing korean idols on stage performing in front of thousands of people, he chose to dance. he wants to be like them one day.

yet, that doesn’t mean he’ll let go of soccer that easily.

soccer is still there for riki as a hobby. but he decides to push his dream of being a soccer player behind to train more for his dancing: learning between the street dances and contemporary ones he is still lacking in, yet determined to improve on. it sacrificed him hours of rest time to nail each of the basics in each study, peaking his figure to one of an all-rounder dancer who learned multiple branches of the certain performing arts.

his fruit of labor comes at the right time and moment when he joins an open audition for a big label in south korea that is hosted near here. riki rubs his hand on his pants as he sees a tv playing in the waiting room of a live performance he watched with his own eyes. his figure between all the visible moving lightsticks that decorated the arena, resembling a starry night. they all gave their best to show their craft on stage where people had encouraged them so much to achieve their dreams until that level. it tugs little riki so hard on his heartstrings that he can’t think of his other activities that can bring him the same sense of joy and pride at the same time. soccer seems to be the nearest one but what if he falls out of love and wants to retire early? being a performer means he could also explore other avenues of performing arts if he wants to experiment. though there is a school for it, art is the outlet for human creativity. and each person has their own way of interpreting what they want.

the audition process was nerve-wracking for him; fear flew and crowded the room as riki saw the people he had to compete with. getting tunnel vision from his anxious self, all he could think about when seeing them was how better they were compared to himself. even the lone camera on a tripod makes him nervous as he knows the implications of the recordings being sent to the highest of the higher-ups who have the choice to make his life change forever. as the person before him steps aside, he takes their place and introduces himself like what he practiced. the words flowing out of his mouth smoothly before he let his mind back to when he was alone in the dance studio he called his second home: his actual home is the first and the school’s soccer field is his third.

the fluidity of his body lets him perform the routine he practiced countless times, a routine he trained with his dancing coach that highlights his greatest strengths in performing arts. riki feels how his eyes droop down, letting his movements and muscle memories do the work for him, something he allows as he has been practicing with the lights out.

“when you lose one of your senses, another sense grows to complement it,” his coach reminded him.

riki didn’t even break a sweat when he listened to the unfamiliar song. he just freestyle danced to the rhythm as best as he could to the song he used as a lesson. one has a faster bpm than the other, so he has to adapt with how many milliseconds he has to let his arm stay in the air. in his consciousness, he is confused as to why none of the judges stopped him like the other contestants. many of them were better but stopped earlier that they didn’t even reach the end of the choruses for songs, making his eyes tremble more behind his eyelids. yet, he continued until something stopped him. well, the music does as it fades away.

the process was rigorous when he had to sing and do body shots in another room—alone from the other contestants with people he assumes are higher in the recruitment process. when the papers of the contracts were placed in front of riki, he was halfway through his high school career. a contract to be a trainee in south korea, the place where the performers he saw reside. the headquarters of the leading asian pop culture in the world. riki has to be there to feel it himself.

he had his mom beside him as she read through the contract, a small smile on her face as she tried to understand the best of the contract with the formal and legal lingo that is used alongside the translator they hire for this and her family member who is a lawyer. he had already met up with the trainers before—the judges he auditioned to and more through video calls—and they agreed that riki has the potential to be something more.

he signed the paper that seals the next chapter of his life, agreeing to move to korea when high school ends.

riki returns to the mirror when his hand is unconsciously shaving the foamy area; following a set routine of the parts he has to shave and what section is next. that’s when he sees the thin foam turn pink. eyebrows raised, the sting comes too late as the soapy substance meets his open wound. he instantly flipped the tap open and cupped the water in his palms, brushing the soap substance away as fast as he could, gritting his teeth when he felt the cold liquid caressing his skin. blood flows along with the water as he smoothes the skin down, not recognizing any more slippery base substance when he gently dries his wet area. turning his face, he sees the long thin slit on his clean cheek, right under his cheekbone and going horizontal above the jawline, almost like a secondary of it. the razor he holds is placed under the running water when he sees the translucent crimson color flow down the drain hole.

placing the razor away, he opens the cabinet door for the first aid kit he had always picked up. being such an active kid doesn’t mean that he is immune to injuries. open or close wounded, he has scars of his injuries all around his body. the nasty scar on his right kneecap from when he tripped on himself while playing soccer on an asphalt road, bruises on his forearm from when he slammed himself too hard on the dance studio’s floor, and many more. he once feared that red color flowing on his skin layer, but seeing it so much and its purple-ish-blue companion, he throws that fear away and lets it sink into the ocean that is just a walking distance from his abode.

the first aid kit is filled with the most essential items riki uses to heal himself. his mom always told him to treat his injuries as soon as possible so no nasty virus or bacteria could infiltrate the atoms that encompass his functioning body and destroy it from the inside. and make him worse instead. he always thought the scars he got litter on his skin would disappear one day. time goes on as it denies his assumption. he learned this from biology class where the teacher mentions that the cell tissues of skin cannot get rid of scars because the injuries are being repaired by the same cells that create a scar. the cells in those areas are ever-healing; never going to stop healing because it has been injured before.

another scar to tell, i guess. he sighs as he dabs the wound with the red-brownish antiseptic on cotton all along the opening before he grabs the bandage and sticks it on the wound. pressing it down gently, the bandage nearly blends in with his skin color as it creates an abnormal diagonal patch on his somewhat clean yet acne-scar-filled skin. a minor bump rising because of the white pad on the sticky side. brushing his black hair away from its place that fallen on his forehead, he closes the distinct naruto-themed bag of his first aid kit and brings it to his room.

the navy graphic t-shirt he wore has droplets from the water but not of the blood from the small rectangle mirror sticking on his wall. on his bed lays the final piece of his gakuran as he picks up the suit jacket. riki pushes the golden buttons through the holes in an order, leaving the last button open right at the top so that he looks cooler—and so that he doesn’t get easily choked. his eyes scan his nearly clean room where items are still cluttered here and there. that is until he sees the large suitcase at the leg part of his bed. all the clothes and essentials he has packed to be used in korea are already in there. his flight is tomorrow morning; flying from haneda airport. the open duffel bag of his is still on his bed as he puts the naruto-themed first aid kit inside.

“riki!”

“yes?” his hand on his chest from the surprise calling of his name passing by the barrier of the wall.

“we have to go. we don’t want to be late.” his mom’s voice calls from outside the room. the boy lets the bag rest on the mattress before he picks up his trusty backpack and saunters to the door of his room and opens it, seeing his mom cleaning the dishes and dad slurping on a cup of ramen on the small dining table after leaning almost half of his body. both of them are in an outfit he isn’t used to seeing. only in times of graduations, weddings, or funerals.

“i made one for you.” riki followed his mom’s eyesight to the steaming cup of ramen across from his dad. “your sister has left for school earlier, but you don’t want to be late for your assembly.”

the boy’s long legs reach the seat where the cup of ramen is. its familiar smell enters riki’s senses as he picks up the folding plastic fork and scrumptiously enjoys the hot noodles. he felt the tangled noodle warming up his esophagus while his dad was pouring a glass of water from the pitcher on the table. as riki looked at his dad, he could see himself in him. his dad’s feline-like eyes—combined with his mom’s—make riki’s signature aggressive-looking eyes, like a leopard ready to pounce on its prey. his sisters are also like him but softer as how biology designs feminine features. but, all of them didn’t expect riki’s growth to spurt as he entered high school. he definitely thanked his genetics but also the nutritious homemade food mom made for him full of the omega-3 of fish and the glutinous yet small grains of cooked white rice.

the sunlight enters through the window of the dining and kitchen area where he sees a small garden that is full of little plants and flowers. the beam highlights the light brown of the wood from the last time his family renovated the house fully. small, quaint, yet architecturally smart; with hidden compartments for storage and changing furniture. he can describe his newly renovated home as one of the best things japanese architecture offers. his father learns so much about architectural innovation from watching renovation shows while his mom has the say in interior designing—picking the type of wood to use, placement of the furniture, and others. his new room became his favorite place in the world, with the floor-to-ceiling cabinet and wardrobe combo to put his childhood things he couldn’t bear to let go. though small, he’ll miss his room and the window that overlooks the small one-lane road filled with houses of neighbors he knows.

his nimble fingers expertly pick up the narutomaki along with the noodles from his seafood cup noodles with his chopsticks. the orange-reddish broth colors the inside of the cup as he stares at his phone, scrolling down the news of his favorite player transferring teams—a player exchange that costs millions of US dollars, a japanese player. the player was pretty new for his time, but riki can relate to him so much as the player enters such a big league at such a young age. in a way, riki lives his soccer player dreams vicariously through him. now, as he sees the familiar name transferring from playing in the Premier League to La Liga, his lips pursed as he can imagine the player playing in matches with the likes of many of the skilled players he idolizes in his life.

cupping the cup, he drinks the remaining broth as it warms his stomach, accidentally burping as his dad lets out a giggle in front of him. both of them wait for mom as she finishes up and walks to the shoe cabinet. riki picks up his beaten shoes—his favorite shoes since he bought them in his first year of high school. he remembers how his father agreed to pay him for the pair of shoes before realizing that it’s too big for his feet. yet now, his feet are grown to match their sizes, making them fit him perfectly. he uses those shoes all the time, especially for dancing and soccer. he wore the exact same pair of shoes when he auditioned. but now, he looked at its battered shape with seams ripping from the sole. nevertheless, he wore it to celebrate his and his shoes’ journey every day from when he went to school and the dance studio. riki rather see these shoes break because of his activities than never use them all because of their fragile state.

something he also has to let go like the life he has here to continue to live.

climbing up the last stair to the train platform, riki could see the coastline of the beach that is a five-minute walk from where he is. there’s a chugging sound of the moving train from the rails behind him going in the opposite direction of where he will go. behind the curtains of the three and more story high-rises, he can see the light yellow patch of the beach before gliding his eyes to a long grey platform of the small harbour. even with the distance, he can hear the sound of the crashing wave meeting the land. his eyes slowly relax as he stares at the neighborhood and city he calls home and the ocean in its background. the ultramarine spectrum healing his vision along with the lightly cloudy sky as specks of black dots are far at the edge of the horizon. the fishermen fishing for the catches to then be served in the most fresh condition possible in a large franchise sushi restaurant of a small mom-and-pop sashimi booth. the small taste of saltiness in the air because of how close he is to the source.

even with the small islands in his view, he still couldn’t believe that the body of water he was seeing was leading to the largest ocean on this blue rock. how the nearest landmass from japan is the united states with hawaii placed near the middle of the pacific. it always blew his mind whenever he realized how big the world is when he always saw the scaled-down version of it in a map app. he didn’t realize how big japan is when he realize that sapporo is near russia and the western and southern parts of okinawa is nearing taiwan or the phillipines. maybe, the vastness of the unknown world beside his city, the cities he visited, and the little buildings where people he knows do their activities is the one making him rub his palm on his pants so much.

the walk to the train station was short as he viewed people living their lives behind his parents’ footsteps on the clean sidewalk. entrances to office buildings opening one by one, the large signages of buildings that house pachinko machines stay idle as the mini convenience store below it shuts much of its fluorescent light after leaving it on for the night, and sparse numbers of motor vehicles running down the two-lane streets as bicycles are being dominated by workers. riki also found kids his age roaming the sidewalk to their nearest school. some of them wearing their uniforms just fine, while others were still shivering from the leftover winter wind—wearing puffy jackets to conceal them. he could recognize students from the neighboring schools just from the uniforms they were, some wore gakurans but others also used a more modern prep school uniform he has seen looking like the korean ones he found on the internet.

the sound of the distinct train station melody flies through the air as he watches the chugging commuter train on its way to the platform. his head stands out of the crowd as his height helps with easier detection when he identifies the small sliver of color that corresponds with the train line it is. from the outside, he catches a faded reflection of himself with a few people inside; people wearing masks to cover themselves from the flu because of pollen and the cold while others let their faces open as they can smell and inhale the clean spring air. the white LED lights illuminate the train car as he steps in—ducking his head cause he feels like he could slam into something hanging on the ceiling anytime. he turns to stare at himself from the glass’ reflection, how the corner of his mouth turn a bit downwards, which created a slightly intimidating frown. riki knows about what his friends call his resting bitch face, so he mostly gives a small thin smile after wetting his lips, which he did when he notices it on the reflection. his fingertips rubbing against each other to warm himself up before touching the backpack that is hanging by the straps to keep it safe in his arms.

the train is chugging down on the rail as the view outside moves with relativity. riki sees the familiar passing billboards he has seen time to time, changing its every advertisement from new ramen flavors to new animation movies to new j-pop album releases. yet the distinct enormous billboard hangs near a pedestrian crossing of a larger station that he always goes by. people walking about to their destination as the melody sounds every time the train stops at the station, spoken in both english and his native japanese. riki’s being is alert as the sound calls the name of the station near his school, eyes looking at the screen on top of the door as the train stops at another elevated station. the boy could sense how the train wobbled beneath him as he and the others stepped out of the cart. tapping his card at the gate, riki strides along the familiar pavements towards school.

approaching the building complex that has housed him for three years, riki sees the recognizable sailor uniform the girls wears—the same uniform hung outside of his room for his little sister to bring into her room—as he steps forward with every step. calls of names are spoken between one another as he walks closer, some are calling his name which he gives different greetings while others are gathered with each of their friends. in a cautious state of mind, his eyes scoured around to see the groups of parents crowding around their children; some stood up like skyscrapers compared to them. he sensed the bandage on his skin a bit heavier than before when he turned to face his dad, who was staring at him. mom is out of his sight as he watches his father’s hand caressing his injured cheek.

“from shaving…” riki replies after letting out a light hiss, widening his eyes so he wouldn’t turn away. his dad lets out a small giggle as he pats his cheek, making riki actually retreat and copying him with his own giggles. the smell of the distinct flowers and leaves crowds around him as the sakura petals fall down on the paved road of the school that is surrounded by cherry blossom trees. but different flower species are also showing up in the number of bouquets the graduating class has on their hands. the sakura pinks being the background contrast with the whites and yellows in the bouquets. that is when he found a single person who has purple flowers in their bouquet. lifting his head to see the owner’s, the corners of his lips rise just from identifying the familiar face.

you are clutching the ends of the bouquet your parents have surprised you with. your own backpack hangs on your shoulders as you hug your father, seeing a little red panda wearing a graduation cap on the top as your mother asks one of the parents to help capture the picture. posing in between your parents, you let out a wide smile as you hear the familiar clicking sound a few times before you drop from your tippy toes—something you always unconsciously do when taking a picture. you admire the way the white and purple flowers makes the bouquet looks grand yet still screams you—purple has always been and will be your primary color.

seeing the bouquet and the many students makes you wonder if your friends are here or not. you raise your head and chin up, curiously looking at the stream of students and parents gathering at the front of the gate and school buildings before the graduation ceremony begins. that’s when you see the familiar tall boy who was always sleeping on the table beside yours whenever both of you were in class.

“riki-chan.”

he can follow your mouth’s movement, grinning when he picks up even a small sample of your voice on the other side of where he is. your voice calls to him like a siren as he takes one step forward. that is when he felt a hand slapping his back as riki could already guess who it might be.

“shota! i almost choke.”

riki hears shota’s infamous giggle as he turns around, finding him with his eye smile as he wraps his arm behind the boy’s back, “come on, niki. don’t be so serious. we’re graduating today.”

“i know,” he replied. he wanted to return to your presence once again when he let his eyes squint and something flinch to grow on his lips. riki watches his father approaching him with his mother as he takes a peek at the yellow-flower-full bouquet she is holding, knowing that it will be for him as he sees his parents trying to conceal it—even though they failed by how flustered they are to see their son already has his eyes on them.

“ta-da!” his parents proclaimed as he saw the bouquet in close detail, seeing a few white petals scattering the bouquet as the yellow slowly became softer in his eyes. creating a more pastel yellow than the ones that shock his eyes with how bright the yellow is.

“thank you, mom and dad,” he replies as he carefully picks up the bouquet and cradles it in his arms. his father greets shota as he asks the boy questions on where his parents are while his mother finally notices the bandage on his cheek, hearing her clicking her tongue as she tries not to laugh at how clumsy her son was.

shota helped in taking photos for the family, even though his sister is there but it was so hard to reach her when she was already with her friends. he glances at the clock on top of his screen after seeing his chat with his younger sister when he realizes it’s almost time for the graduation ceremony. riki reminds his parents of where the parents will gather as he slowly places the bouquet under the care of his mother. waving and saying a “see you later”, he and shota go to the crowd where the graduating students are—dividing into each class crowd as he is letting the memories of the graduation ceremony replay in his mind from the rehearsals..

shota greeted most of the class students as riki stayed behind, letting the guy feel the fame once more as he couldn’t help but grin at seeing another boy in their usual circle of six—walking towards them with his own grin on his face.

“taki-chan.” riki calls for taki as he did their bro hug. his hand playfully ruffled his dyed locks as he commented, “you’ve already bleached your hair?”

“yes, let’s just say that it’s my graduation gift from my parents. i have to look stylish when i moved to germany for university. how about you, niki? why do you even have a bandage on your face?” taki playfully poked riki’s face as he turned his head, wanting to bite the finger like it was a clawing game for making him sense the reminder of the pain of the cut skin.

his circle of six has two rikis in them. so, to differentiate them, they use their first syllable from the last name as their new nickname during their high school: creating the unstoppable taki-niki duo. taki is also part of riki’s dance studio, but he’s doing it more as a hobby than a career like what riki is doing. shota, on the other hand, frequents the arcade during their high school times. in the nearest arcade from school, he has a high score in playing the arcade’s taiko no tatsujin; even having a pair of specialty gloves he said could help with the grip of the drumsticks. his love for rhythm gaming also shows in school when shota showed riki his device when he plays osu!—the game that successfully gets taki actually after he is numb to it by dancing to hip-hop and b-boying.

“there you guys are!”

the three boys all glanced to the side to find the three girls had completed their circle of six. kokona stands in the middle as he catches her pouting face with her hands on her waist; one part of her hair is already highlighted and even riki can notice she is wearing a slight faint of eyeliner on her eyes. beside her, he sees you with your wide eyes-small smile combo, and nina who is playing something on her phone.

kokona is the musician of the group—"a born-to-be musician" as she likes to call it—as riki has always found her making lyrics upon lyrics, from the most poem-like to outward disses as he knows she can beat him in a rap battle if he wants to. nina is the brains of the group. having mixed parents like shota makes her able to speak in four different languages, but she is also academically smart as she is always representing the school for a social science olympiad and she spearheaded the economics club in school. and, you. you are the artist of the group. every time riki meets you in class, you always have a manga on one side and your sketchbook on the other as you try to read and draw at the same time, making the characters in the manga you are reading on the sketchbook in your own art style.

riki is lucky to have his circle to be as creatively well-versed and supporting each other’s endeavors. they were the first ones to know that riki is now a trainee for a label in south korea. and they couldn’t have been more proud as shota even gifted him his old korean language 101 books for him to start his language learning early; even adding a few korean terms the boy learned from his mother as riki tried to familiarize himself with them.

his homeroom teacher, mister terada, reminds them to stand in line according to their last names instead of seatmates, making all six of you scattered as riki stands with a boy in front of him and a girl behind him. he could hear the coordinator’s voice slowly letting the classes in one by one into the hall where he has seen his parents are in—seating at the bleachers at the top that are lining around the open middle area. riki could sense his legs being numbed as he didn’t know how long he had to stand up when he felt your touch on his wrist as your line was beside his, holding him up as you let out a pout. when it’s his time to enter the hall, he basks in the large space to see the parents sitting in the bleachers surrounding the students. said students all sit at their assigned seats from the rehearsals as riki recalls his path when he'll be walking to the stage to get his diploma.

the assembly finally started and both the boy and girl beside him started to chuckle when he had to cover his mouth to let out a huge yawn. the tiredness of packing his stuff for his later flight last night got into him as he just wanted to be his class’ turn so he could get his diploma and maybe take a few minutes of a power nap. he could hear nina asking for him a few seats away, watching her discreetly pushing her hand out. he reached his own as he felt something on his curled palm. opening it up, he found a small wrapped mint candy that he recognized as a staple of nina's as their “awake pill”. the spicy mint taste makes his nerves alive and aware as he sees the first few classes already getting their diplomas. he had to remind himself of all the rehearsals he had done after the exam for the past two weeks—the correct place to stand while waiting in the line, the etiquette and who to shake hands with, and where you pose for your graduation photo.

riki graciously stands up and stretches his tired body from sitting too long as he walks to the path he had track with his eyes and is currently in the line awaiting his turn. he spots kokona already sitting down with her diploma and also shota who is walking to sit down on his seat. step by step as more and more names are being called, he is now one step away from the short flight of stairs to getting his diploma.

“nishimura riki.”

his name is called as he puts out a smile he has been learning while walking across the stage, bowing deep and shaking the hand of the principal before meeting mister terada who he gives another bow to before he receives the diploma with both of his hands. he turns towards the end of the stage and poses for the camera at the end before sitting down, looking up at the bleachers as he can catch his parents’ voices, cheering for him.

yet, for him. finally, it was time to get a nap as he awaited the last homeroom of his high school career.

thud.

that’s what riki picked up before he leaned down to grab his usual drink from the vending machine’s slot at the bottom. his backpack has been placed once again on his back after he met up with his parents when the assembly was done. he really had a pretty good nap before the boy beside him shook him to wake up when the ceremony comes to an end with the last hurrah from his juniors—seeing his younger sister too as riki chuckles when they both catch each other’s eyes. too many people were crowding the floor when the mc said it was over over, but he knew he will reunite with his friends once again after fulfilling the parchedness of his esophagus.

straightening his back, he felt the weight of the bouquet fall down and rested on the bottom of his bag alongside his diploma as he awaited for the final things to do here: cleaning up his shoe locker and one last meeting with the homeroom teacher about his career sheet. his parents had long gone home and he had already done the nearly complete family photo with his younger sister. riki glanced at the view behind him as he saw a few kids playing soccer in their 30-minute recess time—he could see himself in them as he either helped in attacking towards the goal or defending it against his friends. 30 minutes that seemed like a lifetime when he was there to feel it himself now appears so short as he sees it from an outsider’s perspective.

“boo!”

riki turns around in a whiplash, almost spilling his drink from the bottle before he pauses and calms himself to stare at you. your purple backpack sways alongside your own movement as you laughed—even making you nearly folded yourself to get a grip on your knees because he was too funny. your laughter dies down as flip your backpack around to put your diploma inside the main pocket.

“thought you’d be here,” you mumbled, pulling out your wallet from the bag as you approached the vending machine. the backpack hangs only on one shoulder as you plunge the coins in and press the button of the drink you want.

“you always get a drink when you’re sleepy.” you then added, making riki chuckle.

it’s a habit of his he had always overlooked but, somehow, you remember. once in class, he had been taking a huge nap during japanese history class as he let the thick textbook cover him. he had a very late practice session for a choreography because he hadn’t nailed each move—maybe because it was near the exam time or whatnot. yet, no one seems to wake him until the end of the period. lifting his head up groggily, he looks at his classmates who are eating or talking with each other. that shock coming from him made the thick book fall as he heard a snicker coming from one of the crowd. riki sheepishly smiled as he wanted to crouch down to grab the book when he finally noticed the light-colored soda on the edge between his and your desk. the brand is his favorite, yet he thought it might be yours. but with the way the bottle sits behind the line between yours and his desk, he knew that it must be for him as he unconsciously swallowed his saliva; picking up and cracking the bottle lid open as he sipped the soda before going to his usual hangout place with the rest of the six.

he picks up the familiar set of thuds as you lean down and grab your purchase—the same brand yet different flavors. he watches you as you playfully shake the bottle, seeing the foam forming from the chemical reaction as he remembers what you say: “i like the soda fizzy.” but it is also like you that you are not careful when you open the bottle, seeing the pastel-colored foam flowing out of the cracks and landed on the pavement before you instantly gulp nearly a third of the bottle.

you let out a huge aahhhhh as you felt the coldness of the soda trailing down into your stomach, looking behind the color-glazed bottle to catch riki with a small smile on his face, but no movement in his eyes, gazing at you—making blood flow towards your cheek.

“hello? riki-chan?” you waved your sticky soda-stained hands in front of riki’s face before he seemed to snap out of it. that’s when you finally notice the little bandage on his cheek, spread wide right underneath his eye and cheekbone.

“what happened?” you softly poke your finger against the bandage, making riki back off as he looks away, eyes moving so rapidly before he lets out a small smirk.

“pressed my shaving razor too hard. it bleeds, so… yeah. gotta have to be reminded of that whenever i see my graduation picture now,” he told you in such a nonchalant manner, making you let out your own chuckle.

“you look like those bad boys i’ve seen on high school animations… you just need your lollipop and done!” you tuck the closed soda bottle beneath your armpit right after you say that.

“aren’t i a bad boy, though?” he raised his eyebrows, mimicking those bad boys you described by poking the tip of his tongue towards the inside wall of his cheek—as if there is a lollipop there.

you scoffed, “you? nishimura riki? a bad boy? bah…”

laughter falls out of you because you can’t seem to see him in the bad boy role. sure, he being a former soccer player and a dancer makes him popular with other people. you remembered near valentine’s day this year that many girls—including your juniors—asked you about his favorite candy or chocolate brand and flavors so that they could give that to him. some even leave gifts to you so you can give them to them and you are obliged to give them because you don’t want to experience the wrath of a teenage girl; you know that feeling too much yourself. yet, riki seemed to be more nonchalant about that, dividing the chocolates into the rest of his circle and not really giving anything back on white day—except for giving you, nina, and koko-chan different popin’ cookin’ sets you recognize costs money.

maybe he is a bad boy after all because of that. but, to you, that is his charm. riki doesn’t seem to be someone who is trying to please what society asks of him. he should’ve felt proud to get so many gifts for valentine’s day, but he doesn’t, and he is not afraid to show it. he has this sense of agency in him to know of what he is seeking even at such a young age, and to him, it is dancing.

“we don’t want to be late.” you get a last glance at him when he nods his head, brushing his bangs away from his forehead as he leads the way toward the locker area.

riki views some students replacing their outside shoes with their indoor slippers as he had done the same, tucking in his battered-up shoes inside his locker as he had to remind himself to bring the slippers home instead of putting them in the locker. or maybe it can be a gift for the first-year junior who is going to be assigned his previous locker for their shoes. that’s for him to think more about because he still sense he has time to think about it—the day felt both fast and slow at the same time.

the hallways are as clean as ever as he and you climb up the flights of stairs toward your homeroom class. his eyes gaze at the ever-changing properties hanging on the wall, yet he can definitely remember what it looked like when he was first here.

the newly painted wall now has chips of paint fallen off to show the dried concrete. the bulletin board where each club is advertising their project changes with every new administration. some plants he had first seen as sprouts now grow into a beautiful shrub. with a few of the existing shrubs died because of various reasons. yet, the look of the hallway still is the same as he could pinpoint places he had touched before: he had leaned his body against those set of windows, he had taken a peek inside one of the classrooms as he awaited taki to come out of the class, and he had also sat down on the floor there with his circle to their bento boxes because their usual hangout place is being renovated.

riki reached the handle and slides the classroom door as he is greeted by some students already sitting there, hearing the same roar as you step inside behind him. his eyes landed on the seats where you and he had sat for the past year, empty and inviting to both of you as you gazed at your classmates with their own bouquets (if they have one) and definitely their own diplomas as you watched them still admiring it. your eyes gazed to see the rest of your circle already in the classroom as you placed your backpack to hang on the seat and immediately walks towards nina, asking if she has any wet tissue.

“what took you so long?” riki heard shota’s scolding from the seat in front of him as he placed his own backpack beside his desk.

“didn’t expect for all of you to be here already. so (y/n) and i took our time,” he answered so honestly, hearing taki’s snicker beside shota as he was eating a snack. riki sits on his chair as his hand reaches for the cupboard underneath the desk in front of him, tapping his palm against the surface to recognize if he has any leftover items he hasn’t brought home. that’s when he felt sheets of paper that were united by a paper clip. he pulled it out, seeing the dusty paper of what looked to be a musical notary for his music class exam.

he remembered it was a final group project for the music class, and he had to do it with all six of the circle. riki remembered all the music lessons he had learned from his brief training with the trainers as he helped the group create their own song. shota in the drums, taki on the bass, nina on the guitar, and you on the piano whilst kokona and riki sing along with koko who uses her lyricist prowess to make a song that is seemingly about friendship and farewells. if riki hasn’t been accepted by his south korea agency, he would definitely pitch the idea to all of you to create a band. maybe all of you can be the latest sensation japan will meet on those shibuya crossing’s digital billboards.

yet fate says otherwise.

riki’s nose itches as he dusted the paper as the specks of dust floated towards the ground, looking at the clear version of the notation and even his own scribbles as he remembered how kokona berated him for not being able to match her melody—"i’m a dancer, koko-chan. not a singer." “but you’re an idol trainee. surely, you can sing.”—before carefully tucking it into his bag as he pulled the bouquet out of the bottom and let the bag open because he just knew that his whole backpack would smell like it if he kept it close.

looking towards the surface of the desk, riki sees a shadow standing menacingly in front of his desk. the shadow slides the glico’s pocky box in his vision. his head shifts upwards as he sees nina holding two more boxes of different flavors, making him look to his side to detect both you and kokona already having your own pocky with your own differing flavors.

“my gift to you all because i know i won’t be able to see you much in america.” nina says after putting the rest of the boxes in front of taki and shota. he could hear the two boys coo and send her gratitude before grabbing the boxes and opening them to ravage them for themselves. riki finally took a closer glimpse of yours as he finally noticed how both of your boxes are green-colored.

“did she give us the same flavor?” he mumbled to himself, yet he mumbled outwardly, making you shift your head and face him.

“i think our flavors are similar, let me see.”

you gently grip the wrist he is holding the box with and bring it beside yours. riki examines how his box has a dark chocolate gradient on it while yours is fully green, trailing his eyes down to read the flavor name on the front of the box.

“see, yours says green tea while mine is rich matcha.” you say what you observed as he can’t help holding back a giggle as you seem to unconsciously play around with your lip after you say the word “matcha.”

though purple is your favorite color—matcha is your favorite flavor. you have always been seen with matcha-flavored everything if you are given a chance. matcha lattes whenever all six of you visit a cafe, matcha mochi whenever you buy mochis, or matcha roll cakes when the gang is trying to buy something inside family mart. it’s no surprise nina gives you that, but why did she give him a similar, lighter version of it?

whatever, let’s just eat-

the sliding door opens and behind it, the figure of the class’ homeroom teacher appears. everyone, including riki, is applauding him—slightly drops the box on the table as he didn’t get to rip it properly. mister terada slowly steps inside, a surprised face on his face as he slowly walks to stand by the table in the middle of the class. he is carrying a large box with both of his hands as the holler continues, which is followed by whistles before he places it down on the table. mister terada raises his hands and slowly pushes it down as the volume follows.

“settle down kids. this is our last homeroom meeting.” mister terada says as riki gazes at the open box, knowing that it’s probably the yearbook that he had shot the photos for in january. he remembered that day cause it was still cold as heck. many of his classmates brought their own properties for the shoot, yet riki only wears his gakuran with a loose button and his trusty shoes—the black and white soccer ball is being lent by the committee because he has and wants to represent soccer on some sort so that he won’t forget.

“today, i’ll be giving you your yearbooks and also recapitulate your career sheet to see how each has progressed. i’m sure by now you have picked to focus on one of the three choices you made from those you picked in your first year to pursue.” mister terada stated as he started to call each name in the student's list, starting with the class president.

the giving off of the yearbook is also followed with a mini consultation of each student's progress. yes, right in front of the class, which can lead to embarrassment if they can’t keep up. but so far, everything still goes according to their plan, some even find themselves straying from their primary focus to explore something new or getting caught in something that becomes their infatuation.

most of his friends that have come forward and got their yearbooks have spoken about the same thing that they have spoken about just between the six of you: kokona is going to music school, nina is going to america and studying macroeconomics, and shota is pursuing game development. then, it was time for his turn as he heard the calling of a certain nishimura riki.

“that’s our idol!” he picked up taki's shouted words as the rest of the class laughed. everyone knows just how much riki likes to dance. he had shown his skills numerous times in the school’s talent shows either alone or with taki as the riki duo that they are. so it isn’t also a surprise for his classmates to find out he had been accepted into a label in south korea that has been throughout his school—courtesy of taki, as he is the one that always spills it.

it even created a whole discussion on why riki picked a korean label instead of japanese one, but one thing is prevalent in the discussion: the korean idol industry will see his dancing skills as more valuable than in the japanese idol industry. it’s just the way those industries goes honestly. but riki also wants to appreciate the korean idols that inspired him to be who he is right now; especially with the existence of japanese people in the korean idol industry and how the numbers are still going up.

the class seems to unanimously sing yoasobi’s idol as riki playfully does the gesture in the viral dance challenge as he now stands in front of mister terada. bowing down to greet him, he picks up the yearbook with two hands as the teacher asks, “how is it with your idol training?”

“it’s going good. i’m actually already planning to move to seoul after graduation so i can train better and have a higher chance of debuting.” yet, riki didn’t mention he will actually move tonight.

“well, we can’t wait to see you on the world stage, riki-kun. i love how consistent you are with it and i sure hope that your consistency could also inspire the juniors to follow their dreams.”

“thank you, mister terada.” he bowed his head once again before returning to his desk as mister terada called for the name after his. he playfully opened the yearbook and skimmed it before landing on his class. his fingers flip the paper to finally open to the page where all six of his friends are—because they shoot their pictures together. riki’s photo is the one where he had all the gakuran buttons off from their respective slots and he is holding the soccer ball against his hips.

“look at that, a very bad boy of a manga.” he could hear his thoughts speaking to him in your voice as he wished you acknowledged that. he also moved to the superlative pages as he could remember his same-year peers and juniors him in the running. he didn’t expect to win most changed by his peers. maybe it is because he has his growth spurt as he could tell that he might even grow 10 centimeters whilst in high school. but also with how his voice changes because of puberty and how his style changes to accommodate his interests, including more exposed yet baggy clothing and the clip-on earrings he likes to wear.

“(l/n)(y/n).”

riki heard the scrapping from the chair beside him as he watched you standing up and walking towards the front of the class. though you haven’t fully spoken about what you wrote on your career sheet, being a mangaka is what everyone knows that you wanted to be. your illustrating prowess has always been shown in the festivals the school made yearly, whether it is when you helped with the class’ food market by creating brochures and banners or when you even opened an illustration service where you drew students and teachers alike for them to have. it seems that you’ve got your life in line alongside him. and that’s why it shocked him to listen to what you’ve answered to mister terada’s question.

“yes, my progression with my university application is great. i’ve been accepted as a student in the international relations major in kyoto.”

riki’s eyes enlarged because he can’t believe what he is hearing. he turns his head towards his friends who are also looking at each other in quick succession, all of them having confusion on their faces before returning to you who is smiling like you didn’t even feel the quake that shook your friends’ beliefs about you. as you walked to your chair and look around at each of your friend’s face, you give them a tight-lip smile. yet, all of them hesitate to ask you why you choose international relations instead of design or art school. they have to respect your choice just like any of their classmate's changes.

the revelation shocked riki the most as he thought that you had trusted him enough to tell him everything. he has been your seatmate for three freaking years and you have grown up together since the first year. he had always seen you drawing in sketchbooks you bring in class, even ignoring some lectures so you can focus on drawing and reading manga. sure, he can see you must picked studying social science for a reason but he thought that—maybe just like he is as you both are creatives—you just don’t want to do math and natural science like he is.

the number of students without the yearbook dwindles as every desk has one on top of it. mister terada stares at the group he can call his kids while mumbling, “i’m so proud of all of you. hopefully you can continue to grow and be impactful towards society-“

“wait, mister terada!” the class president shouts as she scrambles to get something underneath her desk to then watch her pick up a new bouquet. “this is our gift to you so you also have your own bouquet alongside us.”

riki remembered when the class treasurer suddenly asked him if he wanted to contribute to gifting a bouquet to mister terada during the class’ yearbook photoshoot. he gladly accepts it as mister terada is the nicest homeroom teacher he had throughout high school. some of his other homeroom teachers are unnecessarily harsh towards the students and even shamed for not following through with their career sheets—knowing that teenagers also can get stressed too in doing so. mister terada is the only teacher riki can comfortably consult about his choice of being an idol. at that time, he was contemplating if he should audition for one or just focus on becoming a professional dancer. yet, mister terada’s push also helps contribute to him filling in the audition form.

mister terada received the bouquet from the class president as he stared at it, his eyes glimmering before saying, “thank you so much. could we get a class photo with all of us?”

the students are standing up as they try to set their places. one of the student’s parents, who is watching the class outside from the hallway window, steps in to take the picture. riki stands beside you, taking a peek to see you already in your pose as he can’t help but put his hand on your shoulder. what’s wrong with friends of the opposite sex being touchy with each other anyway when he had seen all the different hugs and leaning against shoulders between the six of you?

as the click of the phone camera taking the picture rings and dissipates, it’s followed by a chorus of thank yous being thrown around as some students hug each other. he is busy too, as some of his classmates are trying to take a few last selfies with riki before he becomes famous—making the rest of the gang just snicker from the side.

“i’m going to miss you guys,” shota spoke as all six of you were huddled in the group hug. one last warm hug before all of you are going to your separate ways. riki also should go back home to rest up as he will go to haneda airport later but when the hug separates and all of you six are promising to catch up and communicate in your line group chat, he is trying to keep up pace with you who is tidying up your purple backpack.

“(y/n)-chan.”

“yeah?” you looked up from the backpack after zipping it up, wanting to grab your drink and the pocky that you know you’ll be eating on your way home. yet, with the way riki is looking at you; you know he is trying to let something out.

“do you wanna hang out on the rooftop? for old time's sake, as it is our last chance.”

you held down your smile, knowing that you also didn’t want today to end so early.

“yes. let me text the others in the group-“

“just,” his voice cuts yours, “just the two of us.”

you watched as his glittering eyes told you something, telling you to follow him as you could definitely feel that something was hanging that you had to speak about. and you knew it was about the changes in your plan for the future, especially as you confide with riki so much of your dream in creating your own manga series.

putting the straps on your shoulders, you point your chin towards the door and say, “ok.”

the breeze comes rushing in even if you stand behind riki’s figure, blowing your hair as his figure turns into a silhouette when meeting the afternoon sun. you step out onto the concrete ground as you glance at the half wall circling around the perimeter, seeing a few chipped-out paint coming off from said walls before you turn around to be greeted with the rooftop garden. the rooftop that you and your friends have always been on since your first year.

the rooftop is a somewhat famous destination per se, but only the people who are brave enough to trudge against the ever-changing weather could remain here even within the three terms. so that’s why only a handful of people can call this rooftop their hangout place—other than the back of the school or the cafeteria. you glance at the shorter half wall near the garden, the place you and the rest of the six usually hung out at; ate lunch at, doing homework at, and spending your free time at. you can even remember when you initiated the circle’s “logo” as you write your name in an arch, making the others write their own to create a full circle following the curve.

you’re going to miss this place when you’re in kyoto. you’re going to miss the friends that you meet here.

stepping in front of you as you follow, riki approaches the short half wall that is also acting as a multi-use bench, eyes taking a glimpse at the garden’s chlorophyll coming back after winter has frozen them up. insects that seemed to be brave enough to fly this high are visiting here, carrying the pollen for the plants to grow faster. you follow his movement as you sit beside him, gazing at the beautiful view behind the half wall of the sky as the sun is on the way to setting on the west horizon.

riki reaches for his pocky as the sound of the box ripping is heard beside you, making you take your own opened one as you finally rip the plastic packaging open that separates you from the delicious cream on a biscuit stick. yours were more green than riki’s—hence the “rich matcha” flavor nina gave you. silently, you both take a bite of the stick that you pull out. your taste buds are overwhelmed by the combination of the matcha-flavored cream with the matcha-flavored biscuit stick. you look between the front of where you’re sitting to peeking from the corner of your eyes as you see riki doing the same, making you hold back the chuckle before awkwardness comes to remind you quick, making you finish your whole biscuit as your hand reaches inside the aluminum bag for another one.

“you said you want to be a mangaka?”

the breath that you are holding is slowly dripping out, knowing that your intuition is right as to why he brought you here.

“i thought we were gonna fulfill our dreams together…” riki’s voice seemed so cold—even colder than the leftover winter wind in spring.

your facial muscles twitch, maybe it’s because of the sudden sensitivity your face felt the breeze or is the answer that you don’t wanna think about suddenly popping into your mind. yet, when you turn your head—forcing yourself to be brave—you find riki already staring at you. his piercing eyes making goosebumps rising on your skin as, even through his eyes, you can read what he is telling you. you’ve drawn and seen characters in those eyes, but feeling it in real life feels different. much more hurting. much more loathing.

you try to think of the words that you remember you discussed with your parents as you talk about the future, as they’ve reminded you of how dangerous that industry could be—"many animators are crunching their hours. we don’t want to see you like that."—and the fact that they knew, they knew you couldn’t be creative under pressure makes you rethink it. and here you are, trying to explain that to your number 1 supporter, just as you are to him in his dancer-now-future-idol career.

“i, i don’t know if it’s viable for me…” you started, glancing between the pocky box you’re holding and him as you let out a sigh.

“then choose something else other than an illustration, like, i don’t know, painting? graphic design? you like those, right?” you can hear the way riki’s throat is getting hoarse as he speaks, how he is gritting his teeth when saying those words before he takes another stick from his pocky box and takes a bite. the muffled crushing of the biscuit is much louder than when you both are eating it.

“i have to think about my future, riki. you do know i like history and geography and international relation calls to me the same time as a career as a mangaka.” you said in nearly the same tone, not wanting to hold back as you can’t believe just how one-sided he seemed to think of you. that you’re not more than just an art kid in his eyes. “just like how you pick between being a dancer and a soccer player.” you said the last sentence, voice getting lower until the sentence ends near mumbling. but you know riki’s listening.

this is now the correct time for you to pour why you hid your choice from him.

“don’t you know just how dangerous the animation scene in japan is? people are overworked to churn out season upon season nearly every year. being an independent mangaka is also hard when you have to fight against the big guns in the industry. though i’m good at drawing, i don’t know about my writing skills-“

“you’re writing skill is perfectly fine.” he cuts your tangent, pivoting his head back towards you, still not stopping you from continuing.

“okay, but people are suffering there and if i join that system, i know i’ll be suffering too.” you rub the bridge of your nose near the corners of both of your eyes, pressing down on it as you don’t want a single tear out. not right now when you are trying to defend your choice. you’re willing to let out different words just to try to make him understand.

“and if i’m going to school in international relations, that doesn’t mean that i’ll be giving up on drawing. maybe i could join an organization or event there that needs someone to illustrate stuff. maybe i could try doing freelance whilst also working part-time in some convenience stores near tourist spots in kyoto. that doesn’t mean i’m going to easily give up on that dream, it’s just i’m taking the longer way.”

riki held his breath as he heard your reasoning, the way the look of your eyes seemed to dwindle but also increased in sparkles as he couldn’t figure out what feelings you were trying to say. anger? sadness? satisfy?

but when he felt your hand reach to hold his, he knew that you now want him to, at least, believe in you.

“you don’t know just how frustratingly messed up my thoughts are when you said you are accepted to a korean label and to fulfill your dream as a k-pop star.” your thumb caressed his pinky finger, “because i know that it’s going to be hard for me or for anyone in our circle to reach your level of success this young and to talk to you in general because you’re either going to be in korea all the time or you’re going to be layers behind bodyguards when you’re not there.”

you gulp down your saliva, “i’m glad one of us is going to fulfill our dreams faster.”

the last sentence hits riki so much that he has his life’s perspective turn in some random of degrees. he had heard of his parents talking about his older sister who is now in university, about just how different her childhood dream is compared to what she pursued whilst growing up. the same goes for riki, who wanted to be a soccer player before becoming a professional dancer and now being an idol. you must be facing the same thing. he recall how you mentioned you wanted to be a chef during your childhood, how it changed to your love for drawing, before seeing yourself as a diplomat, yet that could definitely change given you have four years of university.

life is definitely much more mysterious than what riki has been accepting. people’s wants and needs change given the situation, from the farthest to the nearest. dedicated people are there but the environment and instinct seem to tell them to change paths. he definitely realizes more that one person doesn’t have a definite answer to what is their purpose in life. is it like him to perform on stage? is it like what he thought you’d do in making a best-selling manga? all of that is a possibility, but that is not definite.

now he knows that the purpose of life is to live. every change of heart is there for a reason that is at the same level as every dedication. that, in life, anyone can define themselves as plural, like his mother who is also a businesswoman, and his father who is also an engineer. like you, who may become a diplomat and an artist. or even maybe him, who can be an idol but likes to play soccer. he had felt that he was erasing one dream for the next. but actually, he is just changing priorities to the one he is focusing on. that is his idol career for him and the international relations major to you—because that dream is still there, now lying dormant.

“you can fulfill your mangaka dream too, (y/n).” your ears perked up at what he was saying. your hand rests and is idle on top of his as you can feel his hand underneath yours flipping unto the other side. “what you said is true. that you can still have drawing as a hobby to help relieve you from school stress, that you can make pocket money out of it. that the place is still there for you even if you change your destination to try something else. and i’m sorry for not realizing that.”

his fingers move to be in between yours before curling in, making you look down at them before at his face, “i don’t know when we will arrive at the place that we want to go. maybe never. maybe someday. maybe even tomorrow.”

riki let out a tremendous sigh.

“but i believe that you can still get there. i believe that you, me, and our friends will eventually reach there,” he spoke his mind, making him turn away his head because of how his hand is randomly holding onto yours.

before he turns his back, he felt your fingers also curling to meet his hand, locking both of your hands as the sky is turning from a blue to an orange, letting you know just how much time you have with him as he had told you, and only you, that he’ll be leaving tonight.

“thank you.” your sentence of appreciation is enough to lift a smile on his face as it reflects on yours.

the scribble on the half wall remains there as you hoped some school officials wash it or paint it some months after today. the sunbeams shining through the window to the hallway where students are finishing cleaning up their class so they can return home. the green grass on the field creating short shadows beneath them as the sun starts to sink. your hand remains in riki’s as you both step out from the school gate for the last time—seeing your juniors, giving you a sad look to see you for the last time, but also a cheeky look after finding your connected hands.

you and him stood in front of the gate as you faced each other. both of your houses are on separate ways as you slowly let go of his hand, letting out a shrug whilst also having a small pout on your face.

“so, this is a goodbye, then? i can’t even contact you anymore because you’re going to be busy,” you spoke out the truth—knowing that k-pop trainees aren’t also allowed to have their phones most of the time.

“more of like a see you later because i know that i’ll be giving you and the rest of us six tickets if i someday hold a concert here,” he replied, holding onto the strap of his backpack as you find his pocky box peeking out from when the water bottle is supposed to be placed—mirroring your own self.

riki’s eyes seemed to glimmer with something as he reached to the buttons of his gakuran, tracing his fingers on the thick gold button as he reached the second from the top, easily popping it off as he pushed it towards you. you looked down and up at his face, not wanting to show the shock on your face as you reached for the button, pinching it between your fingers before you placed it on your palm and instantly curled it up to keep it safe.

his body got knocked back as he felt the arms wrapping around him. his arms are in a pause before he naturally lets go, raising his hands to rest on your back as he tugs you in closer. his mouth beside your ear.

“promise me you’ll remember me,” he whispered, sending chills running down your spine.

“i promise and i hope you do the same,” you replied, sensing a single tear falling out of your eyes as you wiped it away with his uniform.

“of course, i do,” he spoke back. his body seemingly not wanting to let go of you as you pull yourself back, feeling him holding onto your upper arms as you let out a tight-lip smile.

“go on. you have a flight to catch,” you smirked and took a few steps back when you sensed his grip loosen. your curled hand with the button in the grip is resting by your heart while you see riki’s wide smile as he steps backward opposite to where you are going. flailing his arms as a wave of goodbye as you just want him to go back fast so you can finally shed the tears that are wetting your eyes.

you raise your own hand as you wave a goodbye when riki looks at your figure getting smaller and smaller with every step he takes backwards, wanting to run back to you to give you one last hug because he knows he’ll be missing you so much. he hopes that you’ll arrive at your dream tomorrow, but he will always give a word of encouragement to you in his mind even if he is training in the dance studio in seoul starting tomorrow.

he hopes you keep and take care of his second button, just like how you have supported and encouraged him to pursue his dream. and he is now more determined than ever to make you and everyone who knows him deep down proud as he closes this chapter of his life and opens up the next.

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