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unknown-drug · 7 months

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Hey.. so I guess I'm officially back on my bullshit..

Been maintaining for the last year, but I woke up and chose ✨️violence✨️.

I never done the mutual thing but suppose company would be nice.

Send help

#send #help #please #bpd #anamia #ana #mia #mood #tw #relaspe #addict #back on my bullshit #hey tumblr

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supermcbitchtits · 1 year

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I thought we were better now

I thought we were better now but your always out to get me your like a parasite sucking life from me you think it's funny but it's not you always treat me like a joke and don't take me serious and one day when it wins you'll be curious why didn't you reach out why didn't you ask for help cause there's no help for sad ass fuckers like myself I screamed and cried for assistance but you musta missed it always got your blinders on so you can dismiss it I gotta pain in my chest that won't stop it won't let me sleep it wakes me up at 3 am with some horrible dreams yes I've screamed and cried and pulled out my hair but bitch where the fuck were you at when i wiped away my own tears you were never here you were always out wilden out you shoved drugs and booze in me helped me try to kill myself you were never my friend more of a silent killer fuck off and die I want nothing to do with her and wtf am I supposed to do when I'm terrified to be alone but the only place that feels like home is people and what do you do when those people are struggling on deaths door step crying what am I gonna do hold the door for em cause you see I can't put down my emotions for 2 minutes to let you have yours I'm always taking the spot light even tho I'd rather be behind doors I leave people in pain and have no words for them while I watch them suffocate I take there oxgean from em you see nobody can be sad when there around me because there afraid they will leave me feelin some type of way so as I pray for them on my hands and knees there in the house over trying to hold there head above water now all I want is for this pain to go away and I pray and I pray that it happens some day because I don't wanna lose anyone I don't wanna lose myself if that happens I'm surely not sticking around yall can send me straight to hell

#poetry #speakingthetruth #relaspe

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r0l0 · 8 months

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I have a crush but he will never like me bc I'm fat we've like spoken 5 times but I'm good friends with his mates hes the reason I relapsed I havent even told my friends bc I think they'll laugh at me

#anablr #ana and mia #analog #ana rant #tw ana fast #tw ana shit #relaspe #also im black so that gives me minus pretty points

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girl-you-never-knew · 1 year

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I relapsed.

#feelings #life #tw relaspe #relaspe #tw ed in the tags #tw edd #eating disorder

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caspiansrecovery · 1 year

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Okay, but no...for real...

Okay, this is gonna be one, so buckle up kiddos. It's been a real struggle ED wise lately, and my therapist wants me to decide by 10 am tomorrow when our session is if I feel like I can pull through this and keep in outpatient, or if I feel like I need to step up in care and go back to residential. That's a lot of pressure all at once. Like, it's been 10 months and 3 days since I left treatment and for the majority of that I've done really well, but it's just been so hard recently. While I know there's no shame in having to have extra support, I just get this overwhelming sense that I can't do this right and that I keep failing. Anyway, I think, despite it all (and with the way today has gone) I've decided that, even though it feels really fucking hard and big and scary...I'm going to need the extra support of a higher level of care. My concerns? 1) Who on my treatment team will desert me once I go? I've had dietitians drop me before because I went to treatment, and I just....love my current team so much that it hurts that someone may drop me. 2) How am I supposed to tell my dad that I'm going back?? 3) Wtf am I going to do with Gemini?? D: The 2 weeks I was gone before she was so anxious she was sick. I feel so guilty knowing that I'll be leaving her for a lot longer than just a couple of weeks. Anyway, I guess I just needed a place (other than my journal, 'cause lol what's that??) to put all these thoughts. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

#caspian gets personal #thoughts #personal #tw ed #tw eating disorder mention #eating disorder #treatment #eating disorder treatment #tw relaspe #relaspe #I think I'm going back to treatment

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endlessmidnights · 8 months

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I hate that everywhere I go and everything I see, involves me thinking of a way to kill myself