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#relationship problems

Saturday night, I said to my whole family that I would never date someone who’s profile picture is them holding a fish (I’m from the south and this is too common)

Well, a couple hours later, I met my best friends cousin and we “hit it off” as she says, and we’ve been snapping ever since.

Just went to his Facebook profile and was kinda disappointed, it ain’t a fish but it’s a dead turkey 😩

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People are so quick to get married and have kids without really knowing their partner and after they have kids the problems start because they start to know who their partners really are which ends with divorce or a fucked up marriage and the poor kids suffer their whole lives because of their parents stupidity and selfishness.

So please people choose your partners carefully for yourself and more importantly for your future kids.

A request from a person who is fucked up from her parents and saw her older siblings became even more fucked up than her.

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I think couples have “ fighting patterns or dynamics ” that is the couple might argue about a few things but they have this one thing that keeps repeating itself creating a pattern. The reason or the incident might change on the outside but if you inspect it carefully you’ll realize “ it’s always the same thing ” deep down. And the apparent reason might be different from one couple to the other but the repetitive pattern, the dynamics, the tactics, that’s what’s common. For example, your partner might tend to get totally swamped with work or whatever that you lost touch with them for long hours, they’d forget to even send one text. Or they might go to sleep without checking on you/ texting you. When you confront them about it they’ll explain that they were so tired they just slept as soon as their head hit the pillow or that their battery died and stuff, and you’d probably know they’re being honest and you’d believe them but it would still upset you. So they’d apologize about it and make it up to you. Fast forward a few days or weeks later, they’d still do the same thing. The situation might change but the act would still be the same at core. It’s like they can’t change, no matter how many times you argue about that one thing, it’s a part of who they are. And by the same fashion, you can’t change either, even if you already know the pattern and you already predict it even, it would still upset you. The fact that you feel hurt by it is a part of who you are as well. So the pattern keeps repeating itself. Eventually, our whole life is a series of patterns, we just gotta carefully choose the least to non-toxic patterns I guess.

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anyway back to my regularly scheduled complaining

Bruh they actively sext while I’m in the room and right fucking next to them. Like yes, he is going away for a month. It will be sad, but it will not be the end of the world. He will return and you will see each other every single day for extended periods of time like you do now.

I have a feeling the real reason it’s so hard on her is that since they’ve been together, they’ve pretty much never spent a day apart (regardless of whether I’m there or not, these days it tends to be on the not side because I’m really fed up with it).

They’re both each other’s love interests, significant others, support systems, and only friends here. There’s a lot of dependence involved in all of those roles and when it’s all of those roles combined it’s like a recipe for a storm.


Edit: my unofficial main is @charliebasil, where you can find the rest of this thrilling saga, I meant to post it there lmao

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I do struggle with most social interactions as it’s very hard for me to make connections to others. It doesn’t come natural to me. .

I’ve often tried to change myself in order to “fit” into relationships with my exes but obviously it doesn’t work like that. I’ve yet to meet someone who I feel like I can truly be myself with in a rom relationship. Which is hard to find when I literally have no social life and don’t really meet new people ever.

It’s ridiculous. You want to have relationship, but you don’t give yourself a chance for that.

 Now I’m talking to myself.. maybe it’s signs of Schizophrenia.

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You know, I caught myself mid smile today and corrected myself because what if he saw? It wasn’t even about anything important. A stupid meme I suppose but still funny enough to generate a smirk. I forced my smile into the pit of my stomach so he wouldn’t see because as soon as he would, he’d have turned to me and asked why in that accusing voice like nothing should make me happy except for him.

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No Contact is NO Contact


It’s important to just stay away. You will not heal, or it will take longer if you give in to temptations.


Don’t try to look him up on social media.

Don’t ask your friends/his friends, or anybody else about him.

Don’t go places hoping to run into him.

DON’T WAIT FOR HIM


No contact means exactly that. This person must be completely cut from your life if you will ever heal and improve your situation. It’s so hard to avoid the urge to see what your ex is doing, but if you can avoid it, be proud of yourself. That means you are doing the right thing for YOU!


Please take my advice and continue 200% no contact, in every single way. It’s so fucking hard especially in the beginning.


I basically had a meltdown today and convinced myself that I just had to know as much as I could (without asking people he is friends with). And I regret it. It only made my mind wander more. It only gave me more shit to speculate about…more made-up situations in my mind even though I have no clue what the reality is.



Even though it doesn’t feel like it, no contact is supposed to be our time to shine…


Don’t sit there counting the days since you last spoke. Don’t sit there and “wait” for them to hopefully contact you. We put our lives on pause by doing this.


I will try to remind myself every day to stop counting the days, and to stop speculation. Will this feel impossible? Absolutely. But can I still try? Yes.


Clearly I’m having a sound moment in my mind, because my posts are usually on the opposite spectrum of this.


Right now I need to focus on a hobby or some way to improve upon myself. I have no idea where to start, and I don’t think that I’m good at anything, but it’s one of the most important things to try doing during no contact.


I really don’t know how I’ll ever see it happen, but I want to see me be a better me.

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18th October 2020, 10:25pm

My life has tumbled into a spiral, me and L officially broke up today. I’ve promised him that I would get myself well and better, to overcome my trauma so I can be my best for him and support him. I know he hates me for doing it, I really didn’t want to take the high ground but I have, I might regret it but I know deep down this is the best choice for us and to save our relationship in the future.

I’ve never loved anyone as much as I’ve loved him and I hope he will one day understand that.

I will be sighing off for a few weeks to find myself in a better mental situation. If you’d like an update on my weight nothing has changed.

I’ll see you all on the other side, I’ll be returning in December 2020. Stay safe, you are always loved.


Yours,

Counting kid

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The floors of hell crack open allowing all of mankind’s sins to plague this world.

Me: Goddammit Satan, I said not today.

Satan: You never have time for me.

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