i learned that researchers were able to predict whether or not a couple will stay together with extreme accuracy based on one partner’s reaction to things that excited the other. For example, if a wife says “look at that beautiful bird” and the husband blows it off, that’s a strong indication they’ll divorce (x)
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Ok, so polyamory is great actually. Being poly is awesome and you don't need to be or not be aro and/or ace to be poly. (You do you and be heckin proud of it, and I do not judge you for it in the slightest given the case that you are not poly though.)
See, polyamory is consensual nonmonogamy only, which means having multiple (whether romantic or queerplatonic or yes even recurring sexual) partners at the same time. It is something that everyone involved has to consent to, agree and be okay with and it is not synonymous with open relationships at all.
As in, it's not something exclusive either. Because people can choose to have those, too, within the context of a poly relationship. But that's an entirely separate conversation that needs to be had with everyone you are personally involved with to not be, y'know, cheating and a horrible betrayal of trust.
A few bad experiences and awful people in your life talking about polyamory when they seem to not even get the definition do not define the norm, actually, there is no norm. No two relationships are alike, Cishets-Allos™ are just awful at this, actually, and there's no need to blame polyamory for the issue when it's as much queering hetero-amatonormativity as anything else.
Sincerely, a sex-repulsed quirro ace who has a closed polyamorous relationship with my three queerplatonic partners who I love very much, whatever form that might take, and is honestly kinda a bit done with the slander. (In case this information is relevant somehow? No, we do not have sex, because three of us have no desire to and the fourth is perfectly willing to respect those boundaries. Shocker.)
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I’m no longer holding myself responsible for crossing people’s unstated, unspoken boundaries.
I’m no longer holding myself responsible for “reading” people and figuring out how they really feel about me and exactly how I need to behave to earn their friendship or make them happy. I will not hold myself to that standard of hypervigilance.
In my relationships with adults, I will allow them to be responsible for communicating their needs, wants, and boundaries. It is their job to communicate with me about these things. And it’s their job to work on it if talking about needs, wants, and boundaries is hard for them. That’s not my responsibility either.
I’m taking responsibility for communicating my own needs, wants and boundaries so that the people in my life can be close to me without fear of crossing unseen boundaries or unintentionally hurting me. I’m learning to speak up about these things before resentment builds, before relationships are damaged.
I’m letting go of any guilt I feel when I set boundaries, because I recognize that when I set healthy boundaries they bring my friends closer to me, they don’t push them away.
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I saw this picture in the Sam and Max Funhouse and... Fell in love.
I literally almost cried, not joking.
There is something very wholesome, sweet and domestic about this picture that shot my heart.
The two of them relaxing and eating...? Alone together...?
Then I thought " Oh this must be one of there vacations in the 'RV-Soto', *Yes RV-Soto is absolutely canon*
So I took my broken stylus, and drew, outlined, shaded, tweaked all this October 20th morning from 7 am...
I'm terrible at shading and went with mostly what steve did while adding sprinkles of my style.
Not a Da Vinci, but when I tell you I did this out of love and fun... I hope that is noticed...
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I saw this on the Sam and Max fun house page and instant went to "Oh, that's sweet🥰"
So if it is "completely in character" a lot of cuddly ideas just rush into my head about the two going on one of their vacations or their first year's into semi-retirement and stay in this while traveling together... Goodness knows where.
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Human interaction. The most complicated form of happiness I will never figure out.
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Emotions do more, though, than drive us to do things. They also feed the human connections that give life the depth and richness that make it worthwhile. It is this depth and richness which I believe provides the best answer to the question, "What is the meaning of life?" Emotional connections to others help us stave off feelings of emptiness as well as existential angst.
Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb (free pdf linked)
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When you are the only one who gives it all to make a relationship work, and your partner doesn't do their part to keep the relationship going, you will eventually get too burned out to carry this relationship alone. That's when they give you breadcrumbs: promises of change, gifts, more affection. But in only lasts for a while and soon they are back to their old ways. You deserve so much more than breadcrumbs. You deserve someone who is willing to work together to grow the relationship.
No more sorrow, no more pleading, no more crying. You can't beg for love and kindness. No more waiting for change. Move on, and find someone who will give you more than little crumbs of affection.
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Sugar baby looking for someone to give me attention and to spoil me!
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clothes strewn on the pavement
hurled by angry arms
from a third floor window
a long scream echoes
the calm disturbed
a love nest falls
another divide in the universe
another end begun
another day on paradise road
📷Hennie Stander Unsplash
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I feel iffy abt those 'pov: I fell in love with someone who is aro' videos n idk why. Like there's not many, n they aren't popular, but bc I interact with a lot of aro/ace stuff it usually finds its way to me, n it's just. Idk?? Like damn u feel attraction n ur attracted to someone that doesn't, like damn sorry for u I think maybe.
It also sometimes shows how much ppl don't know about the a-spec community, bc while u shouldn't expect it at all n not hope for it bc it's not all aros, some aros do like/want to be in a relationship, n if they r close enough with u, who knows!!!! But also, maybe the main objective is the unrequited feelings jshdjd
Also sometimes the comments on those videos can be borderline a-phobic, it's so. Odd. Like free blocklist, but at what cost
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Pop Team Freelance Police
Art by me: Sax
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i have a question i get mistaken as a cis woman alot but im a trans masc host in a DID system engaged to a demiboy, is my relationship a gayman relationship or…what is a nblnb relationship called? :0
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In what feels like a lifetime ago I was a 22 year old grad student living in my beloved studio apartment in the city center. I scraped together what little money I earned from my TA position to buy frozen gnocchi and cheap wine from Trader Joe’s and dreamt of far-off places. I yearned for recognition, for accolades, for proof that I was something special after all. I let rugged men I was indifferent about take me out on touch-starved dates and then when I got home at night I would call up a girl with silky soft skin and I would run my tongue between her cherries-and-cream thighs. Neither of us were ready to be brave. She moved to Berlin to become a painter and I became a wife to a man who could gift me all of those far-off places. You’ll choke to death on his silver spoon, she said. I’m certain she wasted no time in finding a new lover to keep secret. Women like her, like the moon—with the kind of magnetism that controls tides—are never lonely for long, or at least they don’t stay lonely alone. I think about her brilliant star-shine and I hope she’s with someone who doesn’t shield their eyes from her big, wide open life.
In the years that stretched the distance taut between us I’ve built a beautiful life here in my haunted house by the sea. It’s so much quieter than I imagined. It’s full to the brim with love—the real, steady, gentle, true kind. The brave kind. There is tenderness from a partner that touches me with the sweetest soul-deep understanding. There are little ones to raise wild, to raise in resistance, to raise up with fire and fight. There are seedlings to plant and flowers that bloom. There are mountains and oceans and sun-bleached towns thousands of miles away to see for no other reason than wanting to bear witness to them. I will not reach the end of the earth by 30, although I am deeply privileged to have seen more of it than most. I won’t die a grand adventurer or Pulitzer Prize winner now that I’ve left the miserable strive for a facade of excellence behind me. I don’t care to be remembered in history books; I don’t even want to be somebody’s citation anymore. My world is small and I grow more ruthless with its boundaries everyday. There is so much endless peace and joy and beauty to be found in a small and simple life built on have and not want.
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"There ain't no room for things to change when we are both so deeply stuck in our ways."
- "Easy on Me" sung by Adele
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Loneliness isn’t cured by finding someone to be with. It’s cured by learning to be content with yourself. If you can’t do that, every relationship you have is going to be filled with fear of abandonment, neediness, and desperation because you’re terrified of being lonely again.
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Normalize disliking people and avoiding them without starting a conflict and insisting that they're bad people. You don't actually need to be able to call someone toxic and abusive in order to justify that you're not vibing with them.
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I was on a date today. Juat because I've been in this weird limbo in my life and I'm trying to figure myself and my stuff out. So yeah, I was on a date today. And I guess I had fun...? I mean we talked a whole lot and time flew by and stuff. But now we get to the million dollar question: how do I now if I finally experience romantic attraction? And the even bigger question: Do I have to tell him if I don't?
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