#relationships cant be sunshine and roses 24 7 tgats not realistic

[ineffectualdemon]

When people say they don't trust couples who never argue I think there is a misunderstanding

Because people hear that and think it's big fights about big shit like money or boundaries but that's not what it means (or at least not what it should mean)

It's talking about about the kinds of fights that are healthy, normal, and kinda sus to NOT have

The examples of healthy fighting are:

1. The "You're irritating the crap out of me right now" fight:

No one is free of annoying traits and no one is capable of avoiding annoying their loved ones forever. So you'll have fights because one of you is tired and the other won't stop goddamn humming!

Or because the other person forgot to change the fucking loo roll again!

Or because they are being irritating on purpose because sometimes your partner is a little shit

It's not serious but sometimes you have to squabble it out. Usually ends with both of you going "Okay yeah that's a fair hit"

2. The "I love you but you're being a jackass" fight:

Sometimes you or your partner is being a dick and needs to be told they're being a dick.

If you love someone you sometimes have to call them out on their bullshit

3. The pointless crap fight:

The subject matter is dumb and pointless and it's certainly not worth the time and energy you're both putting into this but they are WRONG about which Disney Princess would win in a cage fight with the others and you are going to prove it!

4. The "I'm sorry, what?!" fight:

They say something you know isn't correct (but not hugely important. Like what actor played a character in a film, not about the validity of vaccines) and instead of accepting your correction they decide to double down and smooth sharks you

5. The "only you do x" fight

Usually about snoring. You both insist that the other one totally does this small annoying thing while knowing deep down you both do it. You know it, they know it, they know you know it and you know they know it.

And yet you both insist

_

The point is these aren't fights that are serious or lead to hurt feelings or anything (and if it does you step back and apologise immediately)

Like I know I'm aromantic but I totally have and would argue with my friends like this and if you aren't comfortable doing the same with your partner what's the fucking point?

So yeah if I hear a couple say "oh we never fight" and they call my good natured bickering with my husband about idk the layout of the apartments in friends or how annoying it is to wake up the other a "domestic" I am going to have Doubt about their relationship. Because that tells me they don't feel comfortable enough to say when their partner is annoying them or to be snarky back if the situation warrants it

Like you don't want to make your partner feel bad about themselves and this isn't about that. But you should be able to call your partner out when they are being an irritating little shit

#relationships #marriage #relationships cant be sunshine and roses 24 7 tgats not realistic #sometimes your partner is being an jerk #sometimes youre the jerk #there is no such thing as a perfect conflict free relationship #the question is if its big things or littke stuff you can laugh about later #been with husband and my best friend 20 years this November btw