when everything gets too much, you can rely on bucky to calm you down.
content warning: nerd!frat!bucky x reader, fluff, mention of panic attacks/anxiety, brief mention of masturbation, soft!bucky is timid and cute and if anyone hurts him i will kill them, subtle implication of m*necraft.
You burst into the bedroom, leaving behind the booming party and instead entering Bucky's peaceful safe haven. He looks over his shoulder from where he's sitting, pulling down his headset with a frown.
"Y/N?" He's confused to see you, assuming you'd be partying with his roommates and the rest of campus.
"Hi," You breathe out, closing the door and leaning back against it. "I'm sorry, but is it okay if I just chill in here with you for a bit?"
"Uh, sure," Bucky answers, still taken aback. He keeps his eyes on you as you trek over to sit on the chair next to him. "Do- do you wanna play?"
"No, that's okay. I just wanna watch," You reply with a small smile.
He hesitantly returns to his game, side-eyeing you every few seconds with slight bewilderment. The sound of his thumbs hitting the buttons of his controller relaxes you, giving you something to ground yourself with. You sit back, looking up at the ceiling, doing your best to take slow, long breaths.
"Are- are you having a panic attack?" Bucky asks you timidly, to which you laugh softly.
"No; just doing some deep breathing," You inform him. "I'm fine, really."
He nods slowly, turning back to his game. Slowly, you sit up and budge closer before resting your head on his arm.
"Is this okay?" You ask him lowly.
"Y- yeah, of course," He replies genuinely, feeling his heart flutter. After a few moments, he lifts up his arm and mumbles, "Here," before instead wrapping it around your shoulder, allowing you to move closer to him and rest your head against his chest. The action makes his stomach flip, and he wonders where he plucked up the courage to do it.
"What do you have to do?" You ask him with a mumble.
It takes him a few seconds to realize you're talking about the game. "Uh, I'm playing this pirate, outlaw guy, and I'm tracking down my stolen booty," He informs you. "The game kinda sucks, but now I've started it, so I have to complete it. The graphics aren't bad though, and most of the side missions are fun."
You watch on with keen interest as he plays, smiling when you catch a glimpse at the character. "Did you customize him?"
Bucky snorts. "Yeah, take a look," He says before turning the camera to show you his character - and the resemblance is uncanny.
"Oh, my God, he looks exactly like you!" You exclaim between laughs. "But, not as handsome."
His cheeks tinge pink and he's glad his room is dark. "Well, video game technology hasn't yet advanced enough to be able to recreate such beauty," He says sarcastically. "One day, though."
"One day," You repeat through a grin.
Bucky pulls out his headset from the controller which causes the sound of the game to play out loud. He lowers the volume, the game's background music combined with the occasional fight sounds being oddly calming to you. You look down at his hands, watching as his fingers expertly dance on the controller, his veins and tendons popping through every so often. His metal hand steals your attention, and you stare at it in awe.
"I had to retrain it when I first got it," He recounts, somehow able to tell that you were thinking about it. "Thought I'd never be able to play again, but it actually works better than my real hand, now."
"Does ink show up on the metal?" You ask him curiously. "If you draw on it?"
"Mhm," He replies absentmindedly as a particularly intense battle begins in the game.
Reaching out to the desk, you pick up a dark purple Sharpie from his pen holder and pull off the lid. Instead of drawing on his hand which would distract him from the game, you opt to draw a little further up. Bucky feels the sensation but is too engrossed to pay any real attention to it.
"Come on, you fucker," He mutters lowly, leaning forward. His arm wraps tighter around you as the fight intensifies, until you're practically forced to lay against him. You aren't complaining, though.
Once he wins the battle, he lets out a sigh of relief before relaxing. Looking down at you, he realizes what you did and leans closer to get a good look.
"Cute fish," He comments with a smile. "What's his name?"
"Uhh..." You give it a few more details, including some air bubbles. "Bucky."
"Very original," He teases you. "How'd ya come up with that one?"
"Shut it," You mumble with a laugh, pushing against his chest. "It's little Bucky Junior."
"Aw," Bucky coos, looking down at it proudly. "Look at that; he's got my eyes."
"My scales, though," You add, drawing tiny love hearts around it.
"You're his mom?" He asks with a raised brow.
"I am the one who made him," You say dramatically. "I practically birthed him!"
"Alright, alright," He says with a chuckle, looking back down at the fish. "Sorry about that, Bucky Junior; mommy can get a little testy."
"Don't turn little BJ against his mother!" You gasp, nudging him.
"BJ?" Bucky repeats incredulously. "You nicknamed our child blowjob?"
"What you choose to connote with his nickname is down to you," You state curtly, taking his metal hand off the controller to give yourself better access to it as you begin to doodle on it.
"Do you mind? My body is not your canvas," He says, though he can't hide the wide smile on his face.
"Yes, it is," You retort, glancing up at the paused game. "You didn't have to stop playing."
"Well, my strong hand is currently occupied elsewhere," He says pointedly.
Frowning, you tilt your head. "Is it true that guys use their dominant hand to jerk off?" You ask, the shots from earlier releasing you of your inhibitions.
"Uh, it depends on the guy, I guess," Bucky answers you with a shrug.
"Which one do you use?" You ask him without even realizing what you're saying.
An awkward look overtakes his face as he glances down at his metal hand which is currently being held by yours. "Uh..."
"Gross!" You cry, dropping his hand.
"I clean it!" He swears, holding his flesh hand up in surrender.
"Doesn't it hurt?" You wonder, picking it back up again and going back to doodling.
"I thought it would, but I was pleasantly surprised," Bucky says, so past the point of shock at the fact that he's discussing his masturbation habits with Steve's pretty friend that all he can do is go with it. "Doesn't hurt at all."
"That's good," You mutter, drawing a cat. "I'm glad to hear that."
"You are?" He asks you with a raised brow.
"Of course!" You claim. "Your satisfaction means a lot to me, Bucky."
"Shut it, you weirdo," He says between chuckles, nudging you with his shoulder. "How come you ditched the party?"
You let out a loud, dramatic sigh, closing the Sharpie and tossing it back onto the desk. "It just got a little... too much," You explain as best you can. "When there's so many people being so loud and excited, it just gets overwhelming."
"I completely understand that," He tells you truthfully. "Which is why I spend my night in here playing shitty video games, instead."
"Yeah, I see the appeal," You say. "Might have to join you in here more often."
"Be my guest," Bucky offers warmly. "It'd be nice for little BJ to see more of his ma, too."
"Are you calling me an absent parent?" You scoff, placing your hand on your chest.
He winces, shrugging. "Well, I definitely ain't calling you a present parent."
Shaking your head, you look up at him with a glare. "As my baby daddy, you should respect me a lot more."
His metal hand moves to rest on your hip, making you shiver. "I'm sorry," He says with a pout. "Forgive me?"
You let out a sigh. "How could I refuse the face that even video game technology couldn't replicate?"
Bucky laughs heartily at that, and his grip on your waist tightens as he pulls you closer, making your stomach flip. Why are you so nervous? It's only Bucky.
Glancing down at his hand to see your newer doodles, he snorts when he reads, 'I jerk off with this hand and it doesn't hurt,' written on his wrist and palm.
"Thank you for that," He says dryly. "That's exactly the kind of thing that'll stop people being scared of it."
You laugh at his words before your face drops and you frown. "People are scared of it?"
Bucky raises a brow. "You haven't heard anyone say that?"
"Well, my only friends are your best friends," You point out, glancing back at his bedroom door. "And something tells me they aren't scared of you."
"They're not, unfortunately," He says with a chuckle. "But, yeah. Maybe scared is giving myself too much credit, but they're definitely weirded out by it."
"Oh," You utter simply, before linking your fingers with his cold, metal ones. "Well, they're missing out on the best canvas I've ever used."
"They don't deserve it," He mumbles, resting his head on yours. "They don't deserve to know little BJ."
"Right? Our BJ was born of love and beauty," You say, tracing over the little fish. "I gave you BJ despite how hard it was."
He grins, shaking his head. "So stupid," He murmurs between laughs.
You can't help but laugh along, looking up at him with a wide smile. Having not realized how close you were too each other, you're a little taken aback by the proximity of his face to yours. Of his lips to yours. His eyes are wide and glued to yours as he feels your breath on his chin, making him shiver. For a few seconds, you both forget that the outside world exists.
Pulling yourself out of it, you sit up straight and look ahead. "Do you have any two-player games?" You ask him casually.
Bucky clears his throat before pulling out another controller. "Do I?" He replies pointedly. "You bet your ass."
You take the controller from him and watch as he turns it on and signs in for you.
"What do you wanna do?" He asks, scrolling through his vast library of games. "Beat me up? Build a house? Race me?"
"I wanna beat you up," You answer him bluntly. "Because I'd never be able to in real life, but I've got a good chance in a game."
Narrowing his eyes, he smirks. "I wouldn't be too sure about that, baby," He mutters without even realizing what he's saying.
The nickname makes your heart race but you do well to recover, keeping your eyes on the screen. "We'll see, Bucky Senior," You reply lowly, subtly moving back to where you were before with one of your shoulders resting against his chest.
You grin as he shows you secret moves and special combinations, his eyes lighting up when you get the hang of it quickly. "That's my girl!" He exclaims proudly, grinning. "Beat the fuck out of me- just like that. Have you played this before?"
Once you're done beating him up, he puts it on a calmer game, the two of you working together to build Bucky Junior a home. The music drowns out the noise from the party, and once again, it's just the two of you that exist in the world.
You smile to yourself as he explains the difference types of stones and bricks to you, his low voice making you feel safe and grounded. Though you've never really spent any time with Bucky before tonight, you find yourself getting along with him as though you've known him your while life. God, are you glad you came into his room tonight.
Bucky feels himself relax with the weight of you against him. Leaning his head on yours, he lets out a content sigh. He's never had the balls to talk to you before, as most of Steve's friends don't give Bucky the time of day and aren't the type of people he'd wanna be friends with anyway, but you just showed up and completely took him by surprise. God, he's glad you came into his room tonight.
part two >
i don't have a taglist, follow my side blog for update notifications: @kinanabinksupdates
buy me a kofi <3