#religious abuse tw

[genderkoolaid]

What is lovelessness as an identity? For me, it’s a response to a world that pins my worth on the ability to desire, feel and perform certain shapes of love. It’s inextricable from my experiences as an autistic, where love deemed acceptable to allistics demands certain words, gestures and behaviours, our natural expressions dismissed as lesser. It’s inextricable from my experiences with family, where their love rarely softened invalidation’s wounds but often demanded my pain as its price. It’s inextricable from my experiences as an non-partnering, allosexual aromantic, where only love and marriage may cleanse my sexuality of dirt and deviancy. Western society and my mother’s religion, Catholicism, demand that I love to be decent, deserving, good. Lovelessness is a casual shrug. Really? Do I have to?

Love and Attraction: Yet Another Shape of Allo-Aro Antagonism by K.A Cook

#m. #quotes #loveless #aro #aroallo #ableism #religious abuse tw #alloaro

[swordsonnet]

témoin, or: guidance for a martyr

and in the morning, when the men come with their pitchforks and flaming torches, to drag you across the village square and to your violent end, let it be known that you did not resist. you have always known this was going to happen. you have always prayed for this to happen.

to be a woman in this world is to be an open wound. to have a body like yours is to have a target painted on your back. you tried to purify your body, turn it into a temple, but it was never clean enough for that, so you had to make it a sacrifice instead. the lamb, after all, is always innocent.

when they strip the skin off your naked body, when they burn the flesh clean off your bones, when they cut off your breasts and leave you androgynous as an angel, you must not scream. your lips must not make a single sound that is not prayer.

remember that your torment is the divine weapon you wield, not just another act of senseless violence. remember that you are a torchbearer, a blaze of righteous truth, not just another beautiful corpse. remember that your flesh was rotten from the start. remember that your body is only holy when it bleeds.

when they rip your still-beating heart from the desecrated ruin of your body, will they hold one last fragile piece of god in their hands? will your suffering have been worth it?

you have to believe that. whatever happens, you must have faith. faith that the sun will rise for you once more. faith that you will leave your fleshly prison far behind and ascend to a kingdom of pure light, where the rivers run golden and the trees bear the sweetest fruit, where your wounds will be healed and your blood turned to honey, where pain is but a distant memory.

you must believe. if you don't, all of this will have been for nothing. if you don't, your blood will just be blood, soaking into vulgar soil. even when there is nothing left to hold onto, no more holiness to claw from your broken bones, you must believe.

fix your eyes upon the light. trust that there is a god above who has seen something to love in your shattered soul and will not let you fall.

don't lose sight of that light. maybe every scar you bear has been a sign from god. maybe you were never a victim, always a saint. the most tragic thing in the world is pain without a purpose.

#poetry #spilled ink #poets on tumblr #my writing #martyrs #martyrdom #sacrifice #i'm not religious but the catholic church kinda went off with the concept of martyrdom ngl #anyway i wrote this like half a year ago and i dont really remember what inspired it but i dont *completely* hate it so ig i'll post it #death tw #violence tw #religious abuse tw #gore ment tw #just in case. lmk if you need anything else tagged #sneaky little reference to martyrs (2008) in the title lol

[one-abuse-survivor]

I feel safe and comfortable talking about my abuse and bad experience I went through or have a bad panic attack and unwanted flashbacks without mentioning religion with strangers online who are in the same situation as me. I feel bad that I just want a normal conversation without having religion in it, all the time.

Like example - I have a sudden panic attack and unwanted flashbacks, what reply I got from my religion Christian mom is "Your heart has a hole and you let evil spirits in it", "must pray and read the Bible", "the Lord is here" etc etc... that's it. I don't want to hurt my mother that All I want is to talk without religion in it. All ears, listen to my problems. Am I wrong?

Hi. I sent an ask before, about I want a normal conversation with my mom without religion in it. I told her that people (here) were nice and never mentioned or used religion. And here's what mom replied (English is not her first language): - Anything as you wish - You trust someone online mami trust God - Coz my breath given by God... I thanks God in every circumstances... - I never find pple online to help... You n (my siblings) both the same... That's is why mami now keep quiet... Everything you two know coz you can go yr self - Trust thing online... Right wrong but put God 1st... Seek God 1st It hurts to see those messages.

Hey, nonnie.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. You are absolutely not wrong for not wanting religion brought up in conversation like your mom constantly does. It's clearly a trigger for you, and even if it wasn't, it's a perfectly valid boundary to not want people to preach to you about their God for any reason. She's the one in the wrong here for not wanting to respect that.

If you have the ability to put some space between you and your mom, I would consider doing so, because she's clearly not interested in respecting you or care about your well-being. If not, please remember that what you're asking of her is perfectly reasonable, and her attitude is not a reflection of who you are, but of who she is.

Sending all my support your way ❤️

#ask #Abuse #Abuse tw #Trauma tw #religious trauma #religious abuse #Christianity tw #Gaslighting tw #Religious abuse tw

[dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night]

How/why/What caused you to be so familiar with the Bible?

I grew up in the christian church. My family and our particular church were very cult like. Everything short of having uniforms and drinking kool-aid.

There was definitely a hefty amount of religious abuse happening, which I am willing to talk about if anyone is curious. Let's sum it up with emotional and psychological abuse, including extensive gaslighting and love bombing.

I read the entire Bible, King James version, front to back by the time I was twelve. I have read various chapters and books of different Biblical translations since then.

Honestly, half of my writing is just projection of religious trauma with purple prose, and I don't mind that one bit.

The Bible has some very interesting, not to mention disturbing and/or hilarious, stories in it. If you're in a good headspace and not at risk of indoctrination, I would recommend taking a year or two to read it cover to cover.

It's truly fascinating. Even if a lot of it makes my stomach turn now. Too many bad memories.

-Abraham ♡♡♡

#Abraham original: Hot off the press #Asks #Religious abuse tw

[betwccnworlds]

// thinks about that time I read about how puritan children were treated. like. they weren’t allowed to sit at the dinner table and had to stand behind their parents and wait for things to get handed to them. babies weren’t allowed to crawl and had to learn how to walk as soon as possible. kids weren’t allowed to express emotion-- individuality-- no free will-- HM

#abuse tw #religious abuse tw #// I hate it. all of it. #tbdeleted

[absolveres]

religious headcanons for john

john’s belief system is complex. and as someone has been manipulated the majority of his life, he can twist his own beliefs to serve most purposes. and while the baptisms, the confessions, the focus on sin, etc are very christian influenced, i don’t portray john as following christian doctrine. he isn’t one.

i see PEG as a very syncretic ideology. but this isn’t going to be a post trying to dissect eden’s gate. this is about john.

christianity was weaponized against john. it’s the common thread in years of abuse. john’s memory of old man seed is limited, but it starts there and continues with the duncans. everything john did, said, john’s very existence was somehow attached to the idea that he was inherently sinful.

if you meet john in high school, he’s still heavily involved in his parents’ church. he’s terrified of his future, terrified that he’s destined for hell, etc.

he travels out of his parents’ reach for college. you won’t hear a word uttered about religion at this point in time. it’s the beginning of him pushing away.

once his parents die, it’s over. he plays the role at their funeral and that’s it. he has more resentment and trauma circling christianity. as a lawyer, john isn’t religious. his belief system is complex bc he spent his whole life as a believer. he’s not atheist by any means, but he’s also not about to confront his beliefs.

once joseph finds him, that’s the first time he really thinks about faith again. in the book of joseph, john and joseph share a lot of the same beliefs about the world. john also looks up to him incredibly. after all, john confesses his life story and just vomits his emotions the second he sees him again. the idea of god having a purpose for him and god using them as tools to help others gives him something to cling to. the fact that it gives him a reason to rage against the world at the same time is just a bonus ( this also isn’t the post for me to go into a tangent on the manipulation of john’s anger ).

john is more of an omnist. he sees truth in various religions and ideologies, but does not see the voice as the god of abraham. his use of christianity in sermon and in the way he presents his message has two overall purposes. first being that he’s reclaimed it. second, he’s from georgia, now montana, most of his followers are probably more familiar with abrahamic religions. he can draw people in easier with what they understand.

and he’s learned all his life how to weaponize and twist it. just like everything in his life, john knows how to manipulate.

does he believe what he says? yes. for the most part, that’s what makes it dangerous. is he christian? no. does he see himself as part of a christian-based group? even stronger no. christian fundamentalists abused john. same with his brothers. so there’s a lot of bitterness and anger there. 

#headcanons. // #religion tw #religious trauma tw #religious abuse tw #when talking about religion and real world influences on a fictional religion #i do want to be extremely careful #hopefully my hc posts come across as that way #but i really also love diving into his belief system #i am just really in a headcanon mode lately! #i know i have a ton of asks and posts to answer #and i'll get to them probably later tonight #i've been sick #and trying to catch up on work bc of it #but i'm always down to just dive into hcs

[variantia]

BELLUM.   oh yeah by the way I did promise you guys that as soon as this most recent chapter of my Chara x reader came out, I’d tell you some more things that the cult leader did to Chara when they were a child, that has led to them being very fucked up

because until I posted that chapter and there were flashbacks, these things were technically spoilers

(and, be warned, I did say y’all would be angry at this information)

so, the things we saw in that chapter that the cult leader did to Chara

locked them in a basement closet because they failed to manifest magic and “talked back” when he was verbally abusing them for being unable to manifest magic

drugged them using a liquid antihistamine mixed with water so that they would pass out, so he didn’t have to worry about them causing trouble while he left the house, because they’re easier to control when they’re drowsy or unconscious

handcuffed them to their bed in nothing but their underwear, after freezing the room with ice magic, while also denying them food (and probably after a beating), as a punishment for sneaking out of the house

and, not to mention, every time he talked to them about how either they deserved it for some ‘wrong’ they’d done

or told them that he didn’t want to have to punish them either

or, when they complained that the water tasted bad, told them to “accept the blessing you’re given even if it isn’t perfect”

or, in Chara’s own words from the third flashback, told them that “the gods need you to suffer for forgiveness”, a concept they can’t understand because they’re gods, why do gods need their suffering??

Chara has told exactly nobody about any of these things, nor anything else he did to them or what their childhood was like, and the only reason Reader-chan knows about any of it is because of her magic letting her go into their mind and see those memories while Chara was having a massive anxiety attack about the cult leader

even as an adult they don’t speak about it ... but as a child, it happened not that long ago, and they try to keep a very tight lid on their trauma

but if they trust someone, they might actually talk, and either way, you can very clearly see the effects of what was done to them in the way they behave, because children who weren’t abused don’t act the way Chara does

listen ; I came up with the cult leader character, and all I can say is that I’d call the man a monster if ‘monster’ didn’t mean something different in Undertale.

#abuse tw #drugging tw #religious abuse tw #is that a fucking gremlin ?? ( OOC. ) #(( everyone please give Chara a hug #they probably won't understand why but I will they have been through FUCKING HELL ))

[thedepressedweasel]

“Oh yeah, they’re just kids! They’ll forget everything that happened to them haha”

WRONG!!! Kids will never forget anything that happened! They’ll actually always remember everything that happened to them!

I remember that when I was 15 and I wanted to shop at Hot Topic, my sperm donor immediately called me a “spawn of Satan”.

I also remember when I was sharing my first suicidal thoughts with my egg donor and she immediately told me that she would be a lot happier if I would just kill myself.

I also remember when I accidentally spelled the word “foggy” as “froggy” in my process of doing my homework back in my sixth fucking grade year and she immediately ended up beating me up while screaming in my face that I was useless, that I was the most [r slur] [h slur that rhymes with “Momo”] that she had ever seen, that all of my CORE classmates at that time were so much better than me at everything, that even her family friend’s daughter back in San Francisco would never misspell words like that and that I was too stupid to follow “even the simplest directions” and then when I started to cry, she was like “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!”

I also remember when I was going to Golden View Elementary School back in my hometown and a bunch of mean kids would bully me and even try to steal whatever Beanie Baby I would bring to school and yet whenever I cried to my egg donor about it after school, she was like “Well, there must be something seriously wrong with you, not them. Just stop being autistic and start getting better haha!”

A kid will always remember what happened to them, so stop assuming that they will forget it because kids never forget anything that happens to them!

#bad parenting #child abuse #homophobia tw #ableism tw #r slur tw #h slur tw #religious abuse tw #abusive mothers #abusive fathers #abusive parents #childhood abuse #childhood trauma #trauma #ptsd #cptsd

[frauleinfunf]

Rewriting the Evernevers bc God were they wasted potential

Me actually talking about Riverdale Season 3 in the year of our Lord 2022 bc I'm petty and also egotistical enough to think I could do a better job (actually that's not egotistical a two year old hamster could do a better job)

Edgar grew up in a Quiverfull-like Evangelical cult

He married super young and his wife got pregnant super fast like most people in those cults

His wife died from trying to self induce an abortion bc before she got pregnant she was planning to run away and like many women in those cults she would've rather died than be trapped for the rest of her life

Instead of confronting the ideas he was raised with, Edgar became too extremist for his extremist cult and started his own

Sometime later, Evelyn's mother joins the cult as a pregnant teenager who was just kicked out and abandoned by her boyfriend

As Evelyn grows, Edgar thinks she starts to bear a striking resemblance to his late wife and starts grooming her

When her mother finds out and tries to leave with Evelyn, Edgar poisons her and tells Evelyn she died of an illness

He formally adopts Evelyn

He starts to poison her food, not enough to kill her but enough to make her a sickly child and convince her she has the same kidney disease as her mother, bc she starts asking questions and he needs her as dependent on him as possible.

I probably would've had the narrative treat her as a snobby and judgemental when she first appears, as she would've been raised to treat people who are "of the world" like that

Slowly there would be hints at how abusive Edgar is, with the Heathers episode really starting to explore it with Kindergarten Boyfriend and Betty starting to realize that Evelyn is a deeply manipulated abuse victim (I esp imagine a scene where Evelyn is being dodgy about how she broke her arm, and Betty is suspicious and interrogates her until Evelyn shamefully admits she disobeyed her father by keeping a teen magazine Josie gave her. She then hides in the bathroom, wonders why she keeps disappointing Edgar, and that's where Kindergarten Boyfriend comes in)

Also Josie I feel like is the only one of the teens with any emotional intelligence whatsoever (as well as intelligence in general) and is the first to realize how fucked up Evelyn's situation is and actively tries to reach out to her. This makes her storyline parallel Veronica better, thus giving her meaningful screentime in the Heathers episode and also like actual impact on the story

Evelyn slowly comes out of her shell after the Heathers episode, becoming friendlier with the Riverdale High student body, and eventually develops a crush on Chuck (bc you know what he deserved a storyline where he wasn't the bad guy or the scapegoat)

One night they kiss, and Edgar finds out

Edgar tells Evelyn that she has sullied herself kissing a boy, and one who is worldly at that, but he'll marry her out of the kindness of his heart to save her purity by entering a Godly marriage.

I would've had Alice being a mole revealed way earlier (like idk she tells Betty before doing all that shit like donating her college fund to the cult or sending her to the Sisters) and she's the one who tells Betty about this

There would've been this big dramatic climax with Betty stopping the wedding and all that, and at some point they find out about Edgar poisoning Evelyn and her mother (like idk how but it's Riverdale I don't have to be scientific or believable)

Evelyn turns on Edgar after finding all this out (obvs I would have her starting to internally doubt what Edgar has told her her whole life as she starts interacting with kids her age, and this would be the moment when it all came crashing down)

In the aftermath I'd have the Keller-McCoys take her in bc they're the best parents on this show and tbh the only ones I'd trust with a deeply traumatized child (I'd trust Fred too but that poor guy already has to house every other wayward child in his two bedroom house he deserves a break)

#riverdale #mid20sdale #evelyn evernever #edgar evernever #child abuse tw #csa tw #religious abuse tw #now that i think about it one of the reasons i love hunter owl house's storyline so much is bc it's what i literally wanted for evelyn #there's really way more to explore with abused child of a cult leader instead of she was just his evil wife all along #that's one of the reasons riverdale ran out of storys they were so invested in their heroes (read: betty) being right all the time #that they bent the stories to conform to that and sacrificed so many interesting avenues to explore

[one-abuse-survivor]

Ice Anon -

Oh my God, I think my dad is going to hit me later. For context I just had a breakdown again because I was going to be forced to church again, I was fighting going, I told mom how going makes me want to die/kill myself, and even explained some stuff to my father.

I felt like throwing up, I was shaking, my breathing was not right, even my heartbeat was fucked up. I was getting vivid images on how to kill myself, I actually picked up some scissors and tried to cut into my neck and wrist but they were too dull.

He kept preaching to me about how I was a slave to fear and how I needed to stop, how I needed to go cause it was the right thing to do and how I might miss something. How the devil is trying to attack me by making me feel this way. He kept talking about love and how I need to go.

I can't stand it, people like him make me hate church, they preach love but hurt me all the time. Mom actually listened to me and was trying to convince dad to not make me go, she seems worried and I even admitted to her while crying that I fucking hate him.

The reason I'm scared my dad is going to hit me when he gets back is cause the more I refused to go, the angrier he go, and right before he left he said, "I'll deal with you when I get back." I'm so scared, I don't know what to do.

My tears have dried by now, but I don't want to deal with that man when he gets back, I have the door locked but since we're traveling we all share a room. My sister said if he goes to hit me she will jump in front, but I told her that she should record it instead, and she agreed and asked me to charge her phone for her cause it's dead. She went to church with our parents and was very concerned.

I'm going to try and not think about it anymore

Ice Anon - Update, he didn't hit me but the fact that both my sister and I's first thoughts was that he was going to hit me isn't great. Also doesn't help that last night I realized I might have delusions sometimes.

To elaborate sometimes I will be convinced the world is ending and nothing I, or anyone else does can convince me other wise, and since that is a big fear of mine I freak out. It goes away on it's own eventually but in the moment I am convinced it is true, even if I tell myself it's stupid while it's happening. (Meaning when in this state I sometimes know this thinking is bullshit but I am still convinced)

So I don't know how to feel anymore

Hi again, nonnie. I'm so, so sorry this happened. This sounds like an extremely traumatic and distressing situation, and one where you needed your safety to be put first. Instead, your dad decided to overstep all your boundaries and abuse and threaten you. I'm so sorry he said those things about the devil; I frankly can't begin to understand how horrible that must be to hear when you've already gone through this kind of abuse/trauma. You have every right to hate him for what he's put you through.

I'm really relieved to hear he didn't hit you in the end—but that doesn't make his threats and verbal abuse any better.

You deserved so much better than this, nonnie. I'm truly sorry you've been put through so much.

I don't think I've ever experienced delusions, so I can't help with that; but I hope you find answers and support in that regard as well.

Sending so much support your way ❤️

#Ask #Ice anon #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive father tw #Physical abuse tw #Physical abuse #Religious abuse tw #Christianity tw #Suicide tw #Suicidal tw #Suicidal #Suicidal thoughts #Anxiety attack tw #Panic attack tw #Nausea tw #Intrusive thoughts tw #Trauma tw #Self harm tw #Self-harm tw #Self-harm #Sh tw #Cutting tw #delusions tw

[hayleyclaire-taylorsversion]

I can't believe homophobia is still a thing in 20 fuckin 24 🙄 clearly this motherfucker didn't hear TS when she said SHADE NEVER MADE ANYBODY LESS GAY 🙃 and this specific conversation/person I'm referring to was using the Bible as his reasoning FOR his homophobic bullshit, continuously cutting me off by yelling "IT SAYS IN THIS BOOK!" or some variation of that when a few of us that live in my building were having a discussion that went a bit wayward. He was saying that you can't be both Christian and LGBTQ.And up until last night, I had considered him a friend. I even gave him another chance TWO previous times that he showed me red flags, but after last night, he's cut off. Also, I was a victim of religious abuse when I was a freshman in high school by a teacher when I had my first girlfriend, and last night with that dude really triggered me and reminded me of that shit and how awful I felt just because I refused to hide being bisexual. And that is just unacceptable.

#homophobia #tw homophobia #homophobia tw #rant post #you need to calm down #b-o-r-n-t-o-d-i-e #bisexual #lgbtq #lgbtq community #actually bisexual #religion #tw religion #religion tw #religious trauma #tw religious trauma #religious trauma tw #religious abuse #tw religious abuse #religious abuse tw

[inkist]

So, to give you guys an idea of her story.

Rory does have her past life memories, and she’s still haunted by her life as a holy knight. She still has fears stemming from the abuse she faced, she retained her knowledge of the blade, and she’s never really been a kid before this new life of hers.

Honestly though, Rory rather just eat sweets than hold a sword again.

DO NOT REPOST // DO NOT STEAL

(Okay to Reblog)

#Rory; #my art #knight #reincarnation #religious abuse tw #religious trauma tw