#relying on you for this!!!

[autumn-may]

Mostly spoiler free summary of my viewing experience

#The boy and the heron #how do you live #studio ghibli #ghibli #in all honesty that movie was legitimately so fantastic and im like changed as a person #Story wise as well! It hits really hard if you know a bit about miyazaki and his legacy. Its a very personal movie i think #And you can feel it in every aspect #The eng dub voice actors were really good as well and the animation was beautiful as always #Also really loved the tone!!! The story really relied a bit on the use of negative space in both sound and pacing and i enjoyed that alot #in conclusion go read a article about miyazaki and his son and then go watch the movie it’s probably going to be one of my favorites #image id in alt

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[boom-katsuki]

One of my favorite flavors of batfam angst is when one of the batkids—competent, independent, would-fistfight-a-god-stubborn vigilantes—would look for or scream for Bruce (not Batman but Bruce, Dad) when faced with something that’s got them truly shaken and at the end of their rope. Like, these are the Bats. Everyone’s either afraid or in awe of them but at the end of the day they’re still Bruce’s children. And if they’re ever pushed to the very limit, past the fight and the grit and the bravery, they know that Dad can do something about it. Dad will know what to do. Dad can fix it for them.

(Here is the thing about fathers, however. Behind the cowl and the cape and the broad shoulders, he is still only a man.)

#it’s the angst of watching these established heroes in a situation that pushes them to rely on instinct #that is Call Bruce and he’ll know what to do #can you imagine what needs to happen to get a bat to call dad #also also #it’s the fact that Bruce knows that he’s not infallible so there’s that self-doubt #bruce wayne #batman #batfamily #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #duke thomas #damian wayne #barbara gordon #dc

[cemeterything]

i'm such a huge fucking fan of having and using magic requiring effort. whether mental, physical, or both. i'm so fond of magic systems that make you sweat, bleed, cry and get your hands dirty when you use them. i love it when powers are earned, not inherent, through years of study and/or exercizing them like a muscle. and i love it when a seemingly effortless display of power is terrifying because of this.

#🐉 #thinking about eragon. locked tomb. fullmetal alchemist. #all media where the magic system relies on you to identify and make your strengths work for you

[peasantexchangeprogram]

idk i think learning basic dogwhistles is more effective than any callout bc 99% of the time ppl dont even try to hide it and imao you should not need people to point out to you that a user named smth like wombynation is a radical transmisogynist or that valhalla8148 is a nazi like

#do you need 'receipts' or can you just search the word trans on that persons blog? #the dogwhistles are there on PURPOSE they RELY on ppl picking up on it. #mine*

[rukafais]

honestly i think a very annoying part about the AI art boom is that techbros are out here going BEHOLD, IT CAN DO A REASONABLE FACSIMILE OF GIRL WITH BIG BOOBA, THE PINNACLE OF ARTISTIC ACHIEVEMENT and its like

no it’s fucking not! That AI wants to do melty nightmare fractal vomit so fucking bad and you are shackling it to a post and force-feeding it the labor of hard-working artists when you could literally pay someone to draw you artisanal hand-crafted girls with big boobs to your exact specifications and let your weird algorithms make art that can be reasonably used to represent horrors beyond human comprehension

#like AI art generation is inherently unethical because nobody will be transparent about sources #and AI art cannot exist without human input both at a concept level (because it needs art to train on) and at an output level #but like also COME ON #THIS IS ALL YOU CAN COME UP WITH?? #WEIRD LANDSCAPES AND GIRLS WITH TITS? #to clarify bc jesus christ this post took off: AI art gen as it is now is inherently unethical as long as it relies #on scraping unedited human art into its mouth and using it for training #there are ethical ways to do it and it is essentially just a tool #people are just greedy and dumb

[mtomauw]

There we go, that's all of them o7

#Kinda don't like uploading on tumblr anymore but idfk there's no point burning all my baskets if they're all shit :/ #Request that if you enjoy art you continue to support non generated shit cuz that's all I can really rely on now #Art #One piece

[laniakea314]

This gets me every time. He must’ve been so happy 🥹

Afterwards it’s like he can’t help using the term, even though he seems careful when he says it.

Perhaps, after Crowley saved his books he wasn’t so sure if what he felt for him was just friendship.

But whatever they are, he trusts Crowley completely.

Even with his life.

“You said ‘trust me’” “And you did”

#I could always rely on you #you could always rely on me #we’re a team #a group #group of the two of us #good omens #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #good omens 2 #crowley #aziracrow #david tennant #michael sheen #neil gaiman #go2 spoilers #go2e4

[collophora]

Sleep time.

#star wars #the bad batch #star wars fanart #the bad batch fanart #tbb #tbb fanart #I was trying coloring methods #idk #they still rely on me doing a clean sketch #and I'm really bad at doing clean sketches #and color tooo #It felt like most of the time I success randomly without knowing why #which is a problem if you wanna do it on command to get a job ya know #or do commissions #oh btw I finally cut my hair #I baked sweet potatoes cinnamon rolls too #Ok bye

[sophsun1]

FARSCAPE

3.18 Fractures

#farscape #farscapeedit #cinematv #filmtvcentral #userthing #smallscreensource #userelysia #chewieblog #syfysource #userstream #tvedit #you can always rely on your bestie to give you the truth on your outfit choices #kwistowee #2k

[i-am-a-fish]

i have a headache can someone please give me an ibuprofen

#rp #I have a headache right now so i can't be funny im relying on you to make the post funny please just reply with an image of a hot dog or so #ething

[indigovigilance]

How Aziraphale Responds to being Pinned to a Wall

Aziraphale trusts Crowley more than God, part 1/?

bonus:

#Aziraphale trusts Crowley more than God #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens meta #aziraphale #aziraphale x crowley #ineffable husbands #ivoc #if somebody catches this at 666 notes send me a screenshot #it is at 660 but I have to go to bed I am gonna be so mad if I miss this post being blessed by Beelzebub I'm relying on you guys #this post has been Blessed by Beelzebub and surpassed 666 notes thank you everyone!!!

[nightmaretour]

Anti-technology people who insist they're not ableist crack me up. What about people who rely on machines to breathe, eat, keep their heart functioning, or otherwise stay alive? "Well not that technology, obviously!" Ok what about AAC users, people who use hearing aids, or otherwise use technology to interact with the world in ways they otherwise couldn't? "Not that technology, obviously." Okay, my mobile phone is my memory, my sense of time, my sense of direction when I get lost, my ability to contact someone when I need help. It is my personal freedom because without it I would need full time care and supervision. But yes, that technology, right?

I hate how technology is made and utilised under capitalism as much as the next guy, but to pretend that technology doesn't greatly improve the lives of countless people, or even allow them to continue being alive, is to be willfully ignorant to the existence of disabled people. A world without technology is a world where a lot of disabled people don't get to survive. Capitalism is the problem, not the technology. Technology can (and should) exist just fine without capitalism.

#cripplepunk #cripple punk #disability #anti tech #actually disabled #don't even get me started on how technology is necessary to synthesise a lot of vital medicines #A whole lot of supposedly left wing ideologies rely on just pretending that disabled people don't exist #Or even outright admitting that we would no longer exist in their 'ideal' future #Apparently eugenics is fine if you put an anti-capitalist badge on it #Anti tech is ecofascism you can't change my mind #(Side note I forgot the word activism for a solid 5 minutes writing this and I'm scared) #eco fascism #1k #2k #3k

[heritageposts]

Podcast w/Rania Khalek and Nima Shirazi, link + transcript above ↑

#worth reading/listen to rn seeing how western politicians and the media keeps relying on the 'Big Scary Iran' narrative #to justify the ongoing genocide in gaza #(with iran presented as this 'puppet master' dictating the actions of non-US aligned groups in the region) #before the words 'iran-backed' leaves your mouth you should at least be able to identify who the axis of resistance is and why they exist #also... what happened in iran in 1953? who was mosaddegh? what were his political goals and achievements? and so on #anyway... #palestine #axis of resistance #iran #ansarallah #hezbollah

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

it is. so weird to me that I'm having to say this again after a real-life cartoon supervillian already once ran for president on a platform of hatred & fascism and won, but.

it's November, please fucking vote

#not a shitpost #serious post #this election cycle will DETERMINE what legislation gets passed #it will DETERMINE THE FUTURE OF ABORTION RIGHTS AND GAY MARRIAGE AND OTHER LGBTQ+ PROTECTIONS #the supreme court plans to destroy as much progress as possible and that means we have to rely on congress to protect those rights #which they can only do if the Dems control the senate and the house #we are in FULL BLOWN DAMAGE CONTROL MODE here #especially because it is still somehow perfectly possible and actually probable #that the festering pile of garbage in human form who recently tried to overthrow the government will end up back on the ballot in 2024 #we still haven't recovered from 4 years of trump and if we don't show up at the polls it is perfectly possible we will get another 4 years #vote this november to protect basic human rights #and vote in november 2024 so we don't have to survive another 4 years under trump #because many of us--the most vulnerable of us--won't survive. and many many more will suffer #vote to protect yourself and your neighbors. vote to protect those who most need protection. #vote because it is the right thing to do #vote out of kindness #and vote out of spite--because billionaires are spending insane amounts of money to prevent you from voting #so tell them to get fucked and vote anyway #do it out of spite and do it out of heart and do it out of rage and do it out of love #show up #us politics

[uncanny-tranny]

I think respecting trans people comes with a territory of like... just because many people will pass as cis doesn't mean that it's a great idea to use their passing as a way of legitimizing how absurd transphobia is

Transphobia isn't absurd because I "look like a [cis] man," it's because transphobia is fucking ridiculous. It would be ridiculous whether or not I passed or whether I look like a "conventional man." I use myself as an example, but ultimately, passing or appearing normative should never play into whether or not transphobia is bad.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #transphobia #transphobia tw #like sometimes you do have to meet people where they are if you're trying to convince them to change their mind #but it does feel weird when people only have 'but she looks like a woman!!!' as a way to delegitimize the transphobia somebody would face... #...in that example would it suddenly be okay if the transphobia that trans woman* faced couldn't be defended because people didn't... #...~think she looked like a woman~ #for me at least i don't think it's a sustainable strategy to rely on one's passing/percieved passing to legitimize transness... #...or to point out how ridiculous transphobia is... #...you know transphobia does a good enough job of making a fool of itself without us almost... stooping down to their level