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oddinary4bts · 1 year

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The Forgotten Spaces | ch 4 (jjk)

☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there will be mature content in later chapters)

☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff

☆warnings: nausea, hangover, the park jimin effect, drinking, cursing? a time skip of a month

☆word count: 9.6k

☆a/n: why is posting making me anxious? fun fact, I'm posting from New York City this week! Went to the two first Agust D concerts ayyy

☆a/n pt2: always and forever thankful for @moonleeai and her dedicated work as my beta reader <3

☆series masterpost here

☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces

☆☆☆☆☆

For this meeting of our end of the world

It's with you that I want to sing

On the threshold of the memories the dead of today

Them that breathe for us

The forgotten spaces

Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)

☆☆☆☆☆

Saturday, May 19th

Jungkook feels sick. Sick of everything, but mostly sick because his hungover has kept him in bed all day. He doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to pull up for dance practice later. All he knows is that his room has been spinning whenever he wakes up from naps, and that he fucked up majestically last night.

He doesn’t quite remember everything he said. He just remembers you, in his room, and then you being gone, replaced by Jimin and Taehyung.

The only thing he knows is that you know. The text that’s been sitting on his phone all day is reminder enough.

[11:12 am] You: hey, i hope ur okay this morning.. if u ever wanna talk about last night, we can grab a coffee or smth😌

He doesn’t know what to say, so he hasn’t replied. Because he’s not okay at all, and he doesn’t want to talk about it. Especially not with you.

Especially not when he hasn’t been able to eat anything since the first time he woke up today. It’s nearing 4 pm now, and he technically needs to be at the studio in two hours. Hobi already said he’d pick him up, but he’s still far from being presentable right now.

Jungkook groans, hiding his face in his pillow. You come up in his mind, the look of horror on your face last night making everything spin around him twice as much as before. Whenever he closes his eyes, you’re there, and he almost hopes to go blind.

Though he’s pretty sure you’d find a way to haunt him even if he was blind.

Another groan escapes him, and he turns his head to the side as someone knocks on his door. “Uh?” he lets out, loud enough for whoever it is to hear.

He’s surprised to see it’s Yoongi as the man opens the door. “I made you soup,” Yoongi says, and sure enough he is carrying a tray with a steaming bowl of soup on top of it.

Jungkook expects the thought of eating to make him feel worse, but surprisingly enough, no nausea rises inside of him. Instead, he realizes his stomach feels dreadfully empty, so he forces himself to sit, wincing at the throbbing pain at his temples.

It’s almost enough to make him forget the pain in his leg.

“Did you take any painkillers?” Yoongi asks as he puts down the tray at the foot of the bed. “And have you drank any water?”

“Yes and yes,” Jungkook replies, voice raucous from disuse. “Pretty sure I could use some more painkillers though.”

Yoongi nods, watching his younger friend carefully. “Do you need me to go get you some?”

Jungkook slowly shakes his head no. “I need to get out of bed if I want to make it to dance practice.”

At that Yoongi laughs. “Good luck with that.”

Jungkook frowns, glaring at Yoongi. “I’m very capable, I’ll have you know.”

“Your room smells like someone died in here.”

Though he’s usually sensitive to smell, Jungkook’s hungover state keeps him from being able to tell if the room really does stink. “Tae and Jimin cleaned up.”

“Then you must be the dead body,” Yoongi says, in that deadpan kind of way of his. He shrugs his shoulders, before adding, “Anyway, just eat and then take a shower. I’m sure you’ll feel better.”

Jungkook nods and watches as Yoongi makes to move out of his room. Yoongi’s at the door when Jungkook says, “Hyung?” Yoongi turns around, a quizzical look on his features. “Thank you for the soup.”

A smile breaks out across Yoongi’s face. “Anytime.”

And then Yoongi leaves, shutting the door softly behind him, and Jungkook is left alone once again. He looks down at the soup, and he realizes he really is hungry. He pulls the tray closer to him, making sure the soup doesn’t spill over the rim of the bowl, before grabbing the spoon.

The first spoonful of soup has his eyes fluttering shut with delight. Yoongi’s always been an amazing cook, and he hasn’t disappointed today. It awakens Jungkook more than anything else could have, and he’s finished the bowl of soup so quickly he almost considers eating the tray.

He’s still famished, but at least he’s got something in his stomach now. It’s enough to get him to stand from his bed, and though everything wobbles for a few seconds, he’s able to start gathering what he’ll need for his trip to the shower.

The shower really helps make him feel human again, and he’s relieved. As he steps out and looks at himself in the mirror, eyes dipping to his scars, he feels ready to confront the whole world if need be. He won’t have to bail on dance practice after all.

He’s down in the kitchen, eating some reheated pizza from last night, when Hobi arrives. His older friend pats him on the back, before putting down a Gatorade in front of him.

“Thought you’d need this,” he says, before climbing on the stool next to Jungkook.

Jungkook chuckles, immediately uncapping the Gatorade to take a long swig. It’s the last thing he needed to feel as good as new, and he offers Hobi a wide grin as soon as he puts the bottle down.

“I sure did,” he says, and the two friends laugh.

One thing that doesn’t change though, is the heaviness in Jungkook’s heart. Because if you know, then it’s just a matter of time before the rest of the crew knows. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to deal with everyone pitying him at the same time.

Maybe then he’ll just have to dip again.

Jin comes into the kitchen, and he stops as he sees Jungkook and Hobi at the counter. Valeria trails behind him, and Jungkook is struck dumb once more.

He never thought Jin would be able to pull the girl. He’s still surprised that she does exist, and whenever he’s alone with Jin he makes it a priority to remind his older friend.

“Sup’ losers,” Jin says as he starts moving again, heading towards the fridge to store the bottle of rosé wine he’s holding. “Surprised you were able to get out of bed.”

He says that over his shoulder looking right at Jungkook, who rolls his eyes. “I’m not a senior citizen like you, I’ve still got youth on my side.”

“Listen you little shit,” Jin bursts out, and Valeria starts laughing. It has the effect of a calming shower on Jin, who only glares at Jungkook. “You’re lucky the lady is here. Otherwise you’d be dead.”

“If you’d be able to catch me, that is.”

Jin looks towards Hobi.

“Don’t ask me for help,” Hobi says, raising his hands in defense. “You’re all alone on this.”

Jin’s head turns towards his girlfriend next. She’s shy, and Jungkook has never really talked to her before. So when he and Hobi look at her too, she blushes, before shrugging.

Jin lets out a childish whine, before saying, “Alright then, I’m old.”

“We like you like that.” Valeria is the one that speaks, and Jungkook chokes on a laugh as he turns back towards Jin.

“You heard her.”

Jin is fake-glaring at his girlfriend, but then his features soften. “Yeah, but at least she’s pretty.” And just like that he moves out of the kitchen, pulling Valeria behind him.

“I’ve been told I’m pretty too,” Jungkook yells behind Jin, and Hobi laughs next to him. “He’s so whipped,” Jungkook says after a few seconds, just to make sure Jin is out of earshot. His comment makes him think about another couple that’s starting to form, and he turns to look at Hobi. “And you? What’s up with Jiho?”

Hobi chokes, flushing fully red, up to the top of his ears. “What do you mean?”

Jungkook raises his eyebrows as he tries to hold in the shit-eating smirk that wants to form on his lips. “What do I mean? Why did you invite her yesterday?”

“I –” Hobi says. “I just thought it’d be fun to hang with the crew…”

“The crew?” The smirk has won now, and it breaks across Jungkook’s lips.

“Well, you know, just like…” Hobi falls silent, before letting out a strangled laugh. “I honestly didn’t see it coming.”

It’s cute, and Jungkook’s smirk turns into a softer smile. “To be honest, me neither.”

“She’s got balls though,” Hobi says, laughing lightly this time. “She’s the one who suggested we should go on a date, after dance practice last week.”

All that Jungkook remembers of that night is that he walked with you after. The rest is a blur of anxiety and his leg hurting. But he’s not surprised that Jiho’s got balls: she has to be your closest friend for a reason.

“You said yes, I hope,” Jungkook says.

Hobi slowly nods. “Yeah. But I invited her yesterday because of that too. And we’re going to a restaurant she suggested tomorrow.”

Jungkook doesn’t have to fake the happiness that takes over him right now. He’s happy for his friend, he really is. For his friends, plural. Because Taehyung, Jin, Yoongi and now Hobi… They’re all happy. They all have met someone, someone to care for them where no one else can. Strangely, it’s something Jungkook doesn’t really want for himself right now, maybe because he’s too stuck in the past.

Too stuck trying to heal from the crash, knowing some parts won’t ever heal and refusing to give up the fight for now.

It brings him back to you. To last night, and to whatever he said. He wishes he could remember the words, just to know how bad he fucked up, but he doesn’t. He won’t remember, and he won’t ask you.

He won’t take you up on your offer for coffee. He knows pity when he sees it, and he abhors it. Especially when it comes from you.

Instead, he focuses on Hobi, on the smile that lights up his friend’s face as he tells him about Jiho, about how they’ve been texting almost constantly. It’s all Hobi talks about on the ride to the studio, as he mentions stuff Jiho told him.

Stuff she told him about her when she was younger, but also about you. About how you’ve been friends since the first day of kindergarten, when someone pulled her braids and laughed at her and you punched them in the face.

He’s not surprised child you would punch someone that deserved it in the face. He’s pretty sure adult you would do it too.

Hobi parks his car next to the studio, and they are getting out of the vehicle when Jungkook notices you walking, hands buried in yet another oversized sweater. You’re wearing yoga pants underneath, and your hair is pulled up in a high ponytail. You catch his gaze a few seconds after he notices you, and he’s about to smile at you when you just look away, walking in the building without once glancing back.

What the fuck?

Jungkook frowns, especially as Hobi says, “What happened with Y/n last night?”

For some reason, Jungkook immediately grows defensive. He shrugs, a little vehemently before starting to walk towards the door. “Nothing happened. Just let it slip that I got into a car crash.”

“So she knows?” Hobi asks.

Another shrug of Jungkook’s shoulders. He buries his hands in the pockets of his black sweatpants, just to hide the way he’s clenching his fists even though he’s trying to stay calm. “Yeah. So everyone will know.”

“I don’t think so,” Hobi says, and Jungkook glances at him, brows knit together. “I mean, she’s good at keeping secrets.”

“She’s probably already told Jiho,” Jungkook points out as they reach the door. He doesn’t see you on the other side, and that’s the only reason why he opens it.

“Well, Jiho didn’t say anything about you, if that can reassure you.”

Hobi has felt the switch in his mood, hasn’t he? Because his voice is careful, as if he’s afraid to spook him.

“I don’t care,” Jungkook lies. Because he really does care. He doesn’t want everyone to know. Because it makes it too real, and for now he still can pretend it hasn’t happened.

He wishes for it to stay that way.

Hobi doesn’t push him more, and a tense silence moves between them. Jungkook wishes he could go back to his previous good mood about his friends’ happiness, but he’s back where he was last night. Somewhere in the dark of his own mind.

Not a good place to hang, if he’s honest.

He already knows he’s going to see you when he reaches the studio. Somehow, it still makes his heart constrict in his chest, that same way it did last night. As if someone is clenching their fist around it, and it makes it harder to breathe. He shrugs it off, taking a deep breath to calm down, before looking around.

Everyone but Heather is already here. And no one is looking at him, no one seems surprised or seems to be pitying him. You don’t even act like you noticed him entering – you take off your sweater, dropping it in a corner of the room with your phone and your keys. He hates it, but his eyes follow the curves of your body, and he wants to curse you for only wearing a sports bra.

Your body is lean, the results of dancing for most of your life with a mother that used to be a ballerina. Jungkook is pretty sure she’s controlled everything you ate growing up, and drilled it so hard into your head that you can’t stand bad food now. He remembers, when you were younger and someone brought cake to practice to celebrate a birthday, you always barely took a bite before saying you were full. You claimed you didn’t like cake, but he always noticed the way you eyed it while everyone else ate.

He used to make fun of you for it, and today he knows he was an asshole. All he can hope is that your relationship with food is better now. And it looks like it is – you’re not as thin as you were before. You look healthy, and your skin and hair are glowing.

It takes him a few good seconds to realize he’s staring, as if something about you has changed. And he doesn’t know what changed, just knows that he feels struck.

You notice him staring, and you furrow your brows. “What are you looking at?”

It’s said aggressively. As if you’re angry. He only then realizes that you might be, and maybe that’s why you ignored him outside. He can’t for the life of himself figure out why you’d be angry – did he say something yesterday?

“Nothing,” he replies, and he looks away as his heart beats out of his chest.

You act like that for the whole of practice. For all the pity looks Heather throws his way, you send twice as many glares. It feels like last night never happened, and maybe it didn’t. Maybe it was just a nightmare, and he never told you everything.

He knows you know though, because whenever he puts too much weight on his leg as he demonstrates the movements he has in mind, you clench your jaw. A muscle feathers under your skin, and then you look away. Shame passes on your features, and then it’s gone to be replaced with a scowl.

He’s getting tired of it by the end of practice, so he pulls you aside to talk. Jiho stubbornly stays next to you, until Hobi walks up to her and asks if he can talk to her, probably sensing that Jungkook needs some time alone with you.

You both glare at each other while the others filter out, wishing you good night. Jungkook hears Scottie teasing Lance about meeting up with a girl, and the last thing he hears is Lance telling him to fuck off before everyone is finally out.

It takes almost twenty seconds before you blink and say, “What do you want?”

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks, folding his arms on his chest as he cocks an eyebrow.

You scoff. “With me? Nothing. What’s wrong with you?”

Do you know or do you not? He’s a little confused as you just look at him, clearly expecting an answer. He’s dumbfounded – the last thing he expected from telling you everything was you being furious at him.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks.

It’s just a back and forth of questions at this point, with no visible answers in the distance. Indeed, you just say, “Do you think you did something wrong?”

It’s absurd, and it makes him laugh. Which, he reckons, might be taken as insulting. And of course you take it the bad way, because how else would you take it?

“You’re so fucking oblivious,” you grumble.

He’s still laughing. He wants to stop, but for some reason he cannot.

“What’s so funny?” you enquire, and your cheeks are turning red.

“Just,” he starts, “I don’t know. The last thing I expected from last night was you getting angry at me.”

You roll your eyes. “If you were looking for pity you won’t get any from me.”

That’s the thing. He doesn’t want any pity from you. And you saying so makes something warm blossom in his chest, and it sobers him up. His face falls serious, and he holds your gaze long enough that you raise your eyebrows in question.

“Thank you,” he says.

You scoff. “You’re fucking weird, Jeon.”

He shrugs. “That’s why you like me, uh?”

Your eyes widen, and you look so appalled he just starts laughing again. “Quite the opposite actually,” you say even though he’s laughing. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know,” he repeats. “I’m just relieved you haven’t changed.”

He really is. You have no idea how much.

“Okay?” you let out, and it sounds like a question. You scoff again, before adding, “Why didn’t you reply to my text?”

Oh, so this is what it’s about. You’re upset because he ignored your text. It feels absurd and stupid and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, so Jungkook just smiles and shrugs. “I genuinely don’t really want to talk about last night. I’m all okay today.”

And he does think he is, now that he’s talking to you.

You remain silent for a while, pulling at some dry skin on your bottom lip. You then brush a strand of hair that’s fallen from your ponytail behind your ear, nodding your head. “Understood. Won’t be nice to you again.”

“Oh please,” Jungkook teases. “You can’t resist it.”

He’s happy. The more he talks to you, the happier he is. He feels like he’s floating, and he wishes you’d both stay right then and there, in the studio, until the end of time.

He hasn’t felt so light in forever.

“Oh, I can, Jeon.” You fold your arms on your chest, imitating his posture. “Watch me.”

But there’s a teasing glint in your eyes, probably awakened by his own teasing demeanour.

“I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your text,” he apologizes, because he feels like he needs to clear the air with you. He doesn’t want you to be upset with him anymore. “I genuinely didn’t know what to say, and I figured I was going to see you tonight anyway.”

You look away for the first time in the conversation. Your eyes move down, and he’s pretty sure you’re looking at the scar on his stomach. It makes it itch, and if he weren’t with you, he’d scratch it. But he resists, offering you a tight-lipped smile as you look up at his eyes again.

“Well, forget I suggested coffee then,” you say. You wink at him. “I’ll start being a bitch again now.”

“Please do.”

You look startled. “You want me to be a bitch?”

He laughs, scratching the nape of his neck. “No.” He scrunches up his nose, thinking really hard about what he wants to say. Only he doesn’t know what to say. He feels like he’s never talked to you before in his whole life. He can barely remember breaking down in front of you not even twenty-four hours ago. “Yes? Just be your same usual self.”

“Noted,” you say, nodding your head forcefully.

It’s cute, and it makes your ponytail swing behind you. He has half a thought to reach and pull on it, just to annoy you, but he resists.

Instead, he looks around, before resuming his attention on you. “Just, one thing.”

You hold his gaze, cocking an eyebrow in question as you purse your lips. “Mmh?”

“Please don’t tell the others,” he says. It’s a little more serious than he was just a second ago, but he feels like it’s needed to get the point across. “I’d prefer if they didn’t know.”

The corners of your lips stretch into a small, soft smile. “I didn’t plan on telling anyone. I figured you’re the one that should tell them if you want to.” You glance towards the door, and you’re not watching him when you add, “I think Bridget told Heather though. And I don’t know if Heather will remain silent”.

He doesn’t care if Heather tells the others. He just doesn’t want you to do it. It makes no sense, but at the same time it makes all the sense in the world to him.

“Yeah, I think she knows too.” He pulls at his piercing, letting out a small sigh. “I’ll talk to her.”

You nod, and the room falls silent. He wishes he had more to tell you, but it seems you’ve run out of conversation topics, because you eventually wet your lips and say, “Well, I guess I’ll be going home now”. And then you laugh, shaking your head. “I was supposed to leave with Jiho, but I’m pretty sure she’s gone with Hobi.”

“Hobi talked about her for like an hour before we got here,” Jungkook admits, relieved that you provided a topic. “They’re going on a date tomorrow.”

You smile, widely, and he reckons you’re like him. Your friends’ happiness makes you happy, and happiness truly looks good on you. It makes your eyes sparkle, and you look like a kid who’s just received the perfect gift on Christmas morning.

“I know!” you yelp, taking him by surprise when you even clap your hands. “They’re going to the restaurant I suggested.”

There’s something warm in Jungkook’s chest. It just becomes stronger and stronger the more he looks at you, and it makes him feel wary. Enough so that he looks away and tries to tame it down.

“I hope everything will work out for them,” he says, and he scrapes his throat because the warmth is choking him up now.

“I’m sure it will”, you reply, confidently. “Jiho has been into him for like three years now.”

Jungkook feels bad for her, because three years ago Hobi was still with his ex. But it seems patience makes miracles, because she’s getting a date with Hobi now, isn’t she?

It makes Jungkook realize that sometimes, the right person for someone might have been around all along. They’ve just been blind to it. Now, that’s a thought that makes him want to get out of this room. To flee this cloud before it breaks, and he meets your gaze.

You’re watching him already, with a wistful look on your features. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

He hates it. Hates everything that your little sentence makes him feel, so he just nods his head, before saying, “It’s getting late, I should hurry if I want to catch the bus”.

Your eyes widen. “I’ll order you a Lyft, come on.”

“No!” he refuses. “It’s all good.”

“But it’s late,” you insist, and you bend down to grab your phone on your sweater.

It offers Jungkook a straight view to your cleavage, and he freezes, right as pink dusts his cheeks. “I swear,” he reassures you, adding your name before continuing, “I’d rather take the bus. But thank you for the offer.”

You fake-glare at him. “Right, I’m supposed to be a bitch anyway.” You fold your arms on your chest, cocking an eyebrow arrogantly, and you look just like you’ve always looked when you say, “What the fuck are you still doing here? You’re wasting my oxygen.”

It makes the both of you laugh, and Jungkook just shakes his head. “Please, I know you love looking at me.”

You look offended, somehow, and you scoff. “I’d rather gouge my eyeballs out of my head instead of having to look at you for a second longer.”

“Ouch, that was rough.”

“You deserved it.” You shrug your shoulders, before motioning at the door in a swooshing motion. “Now, go lick your wounds somewhere else.”

“Aren’t you leaving too?”

You glare at him now, and you’re so good at it he almost thinks you’re angry. “Why, do you want to walk me home?”

His mouth falls open. Would you let him walk you home? For some reason, he’s pretty sure you’ll punch him if he even suggests it. So instead, he chooses to say, “And suffer the whole way? Nah, I’m good.”

It’s a low-key mention of his injury. You immediately catch on to it, and Jungkook hates the look that takes over your features. He thought that you didn’t have pity for him in you, but it seems you do. You do and it feels like the fist around his heart is back, and the air burns a little.

You seem like you want to say something, but he’s quicker than you.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Jungkook.”

“No, I’m serious, don’t you fucking look at me like that.”

And just like that the light atmosphere shifted back into darkness.

You scoff, shaking your head. “And here I was starting to think that you’re a decent guy. Never mind, Jeon.” You scoff once more, and the corners of your mouth are pulled down in a look of pure disgust. “I’m going home.”

He lets you go. He doesn’t even look at you as you pick up your stuff and leave, not once glancing back.

No matter how enjoyable this interlude in your usual relationship was, Jungkook prefers the usual hate. It’s safer, more comfortable, and a habit that protects him from the vulnerability.

Why then is he staring at your text two hours later in his bed at home, unable to fall asleep, wishing he didn’t say what he did?

In all truth, he knows why, he just doesn’t want to formulate the thought. Doesn’t want to give it the power to exist in the confines of his brain. So he ignores it, shoves the warmth in his chest so far down in the hole occupied by his lost dream that he can’t really feel it anymore.

Only then does he feel safe again, but he still can’t fall asleep.

He hopes you’re not struggling with insomnia as much as he is.

Thursday, June 28th

The auditions for nationals are in a week. Seven days, and you’re still not sure you’ve mastered the choreography well. You’re anxious – have been for weeks now – and all you want is to lie down on the floor until everything is over.

Which, coincidentally, is what Lance has been doing for the last fifteen minutes, claiming he needed a break from Jungkook. Because Jungkook is worse than Hobi, making you repeat the choreography for stupid unnecessary things like Jiho’s hair was in her face or Scottie’s shirt rode too high while he was doing a certain move.

In May, when you learned about what happened to Jungkook, you had a few days of feeling bad for him. Wishing you didn’t get in a fight with him during that dance practice, wishing your relationship with him wasn’t just hateful.

It feels like there’s been too much history between you for it to ever change. Because you saw a glimpse of something else, for a few minutes that night. Jungkook was more open, calmer, and his expressions were set in a softer look. It was easier to be around him, more enjoyable, and you wished for a fleeting moment that it could last.

Alas, it only lasted a few minutes before he moved back to the harsh look he reserved for you, only because he assumed you were pitying him. Which, maybe you were. You don’t know. It’s hard to tell when you haven’t been through what he has, and when you can tell he suffers.

But you’re not sure if it’s pity or concern. You don’t think he can tell the difference either.

“Lance,” you grumble as you finish the choreography, heart beating out of your chest. “Get the fuck up we need you.”

Lance mumbles something incoherent, before turning his head away from where you’re glaring at him. It makes you look up to catch Jungkook’s gaze, and he immediately looks away the moment your eyes meet. He’s been doing that a lot now too. Where he used to glare at you or smirk insufferably, Jungkook just ignores you.

You don’t think you like it. But you’ve gotten used to it over the course of the last few weeks, so you just roll along with it now.

You’ve kept his secret safe. You thought it would be hard, especially to hide it from Jiho, but after a few days it just became normal. Jiho has more to tell you about Hobi anyway.

Because they’ve found time to go on dates every week since then. Sweet dates, with him picking her up and bringing her flowers and doing things that he knows make her happy. Even at dance practice, everyone can see how they are sickly into each other. You’re happy for Jiho, you really are, but it’s starting to feel a little lonely.

At least you’ve got Jo and the other girls now too. You’ve met the mysterious Kiko now – a sweet girl with the voice of an angel – and your girl’s nights with Jiho have turned into Thirsty Thursdays. You haven’t understood the meaning of the Thirsty yet, considering all of them are dating now, but you just roll along with it.

It’s led to fun nights, and that really is the only thing that matters, right?

Tonight makes no exception. Jiho, Heather and you have dance practice until 10 pm, and then you’re supposed to meet with the girls at a bar on their side of town. Which means you’re already dressed up, though you put on a sports skirt to avoid showing off your ass to the rest of the boys. Not that it would matter – Scottie is not interested in women at all, Lance only has eyes for Chaeyeon now, Hobi is way too respectful for that and Jungkook doesn’t even look at you anymore.

You scoff, glancing away from Jungkook to settle your gaze back on Lance. “Get up,” you repeat, before walking over to him to kick him in the ribs. “Or I’ll tell Chaeyeon how much of a loser you are.”

He fakes offence. “Me, a loser? Nah, we’re going to win this shit.”

The sudden confidence is a boost to everyone’s mood, and soon enough you’re back to dancing, with a much-needed vigor. It’s enough that Jungkook lets you go after you’ve done the choreographies two times more, telling everyone they did a good job.

“Same time Saturday,” he says.

You think you notice him looking at you in the mirror, but as soon as you turn your head in that direction he’s already glanced away, focusing himself on typing something on his phone.

“We know,” Lance says jokingly, before punching Jungkook in the shoulder.

Jungkook snickers, and he deadpans, “You were two hours late last week because you were too busy with your girlfriend”.

“Can’t blame me,” Lance says, shrugging his shoulders. “Chae comes first, the rest of you can suck it up.” It’s cute and endearing, and your heart feels warm as Lance glances your way. You have no idea what brings him to think of that, but he scans the whole room before suggesting, “We should rent a cottage. After the auditions. We should all get shitfaced for three days straight.”

Hobi laughs from where he’s standing next to Jiho. “Scottie is too young for that.”

“Hey, I’m twenty-two!” Scottie exclaims. “I can get shitfaced.”

“You’re a baby,” Heather puts in. “Just accept it. I refuse to acknowledge the fact you are major now.”

Scottie rolls his eyes, placing a sassy fist on his hip. “Then sucks to be you because I am, and I’m going to get shitfaced with Lance. Right?”

Lance has a large grin on his lips. “Damn fucking right.”

“As long as we get a cottage with a hot tub I’m in,” Jiho says innocently. Hobi cocks an eyebrow as he looks at her, as if he didn’t just say Scottie can’t go. “What?” Jiho adds, shrugging her shoulders. “A cottage weekend does sound like fun.”

It does. It really does. You haven’t gone to the countryside in years now, and you can already picture a cute, picturesque cottage on the side of a lake, with a long quay you can lie on and stargaze. The cottage has a fireplace, a circle of rock in the middle of which flames burn at night until they turn to embers and you roast marshmallows on it. You can almost feel the warmth of the hot tub, and the laughter of friends seems to almost overtake your ears…

Yeah, you’re due for a trip out of the city.

“I want marshmallows,” you say, sighing dreamily. “I haven’t had marshmallows since like…”

“Since the camping trip when we were thirteen? When Jisung got shit on by that seagull?”

You burst out laughing at the same time as Jiho does, right as the memory comes back to you. It had been a fun camping trip, with Jiho’s parents renting a camper. They had invited you along on their trip, and you had gone to the beach with them.

Good memories indeed.

Your laughter recedes, and you notice everyone is looking at you. Even Jungkook. His eyes are a little widened, as if he’s surprised, and there’s a light flush on his cheeks when he looks away.

It’s the strangest sight to see, and you’re unable to shake the feeling away while you get ready with Jiho later to rush to the bar where Jo and the others are already waiting for you. Jiho notices your unease as she applies your eyeliner.

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” you immediately say, way too fast for it to sound casual.

She just cocks an eyebrow and keeps applying the makeup. At least she has the decency to ignore the blush that creeps on your cheeks.

“It’s just…” you sigh, and turn your head when she starts to work on your second eye. “I don’t know.”

“Jungkook?”

You want to kill her for knowing you so well, so you remain silent, choosing peace over violence.

“I’m going to say something right now that might make you want to kill me,” Jiho says, lips pursed.

“I would advise not saying it,” you mumble and she playfully pats your cheek.

“Don’t move.” You pout, but obey nonetheless. She continues working in silence for a time, before saying, “I know about the accident”.

Your heart stops in your chest, and you’re pretty sure all colours have drained out of your features. You still try to play it cool, saying, “What accident?”

“February last year? Jungkook got injured, then ghosted us. Ring a bell?”

You can’t really pretend you don’t know what she’s talking about, can you? “How do you know?”

“Hobi told me,” she admits. “He made me promise to never talk about it, but he mentioned you knew already.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t blame you for not telling me,” she reassures you, having sensed your discomfort. “Actually, it tells a lot about your relationship with JK that you respected his decision.”

You scoff as she pulls the eyeliner away from your face, putting it down on her vanity to grab her La Neige lip tint. “My relationship with Jungkook? We’re not even friends.”

“Why though?”

It’s a good question that just pisses you off further. “Because he’s a dick. He told me about the accident and got angry at me for looking concerned and then he started ignoring me.” You chuckle bitterly. “It’s not like I’m going to try and make him talk to me. I don’t give a shit about him.”

Jiho is silent for a long time. Far too long for it to be normal. Like she doesn’t believe you at all and is waiting for you to realize. You’re just as stubborn, so you don’t say anything as she puts the lip tint on her pretty lips.

It makes for an awkward two minutes, but she’s the one that breaks first. “You don’t believe that.”

You furrow your brows. “Why the fuck would you say that?”

She laughs. Not in a mean way, probably just because your cheeks are burning and she believes she can read you like the back of her hand. “Because you don’t believe that.”

You fold your arms on your chest, sitting back in the chair she’s forced you to sit in while she did your eyeliner. You remain silent once again, clenching your jaw as you choose not to get upset. You’re not sure it works, and Jiho just playfully punches you on the shoulder.

“Calm down, babe,” she says. “He’s changed.”

“He’s still an ass with me,” you point out. “He’s changed with the rest of you guys, but he’s even worse with me. He’s been completely ignoring me for weeks.”

“Because he’s scared of what you think about him.”

“He doesn’t give a shit about what I think of him? He’s made that clear enough.” Jiho goes back to her infuriating silence. And you don’t want the conversation to keep going in that direction, so you ask, “How has it been going with Hobi anyway?”

She flushes red as she always does whenever Hobi is mentioned. “Do not think this conversation is over,” she says, threatening you with the lip tint bottle. “But it’s been…” She chuckles. “It’s been great. I think we’re pretty much official now.”

It’s disgustingly cute. It makes you think of Lance and Chaeyeon, of Heather and Bridget, Jo and Taehyung and Kiko and Yoongi…

It makes you feel lonely, like Lance did earlier. It’s a feeling you’ve grown accustomed to growing up, so it’s easy to let it slide over you instead of letting it fester inside.

“Look at you,” you say teasingly. “Who knew you’d pull your lifelong crush?”

“Lifelong?” she snickers. “I’ve had a crush on him for like two years.”

You throw a no-bullshit look her way.

“Okay maybe three…”

It makes you both laugh, and it diffuses the situation that was escalating just a moment ago. You’re relieved, because you’re pretty sure if she mentioned Jungkook just once more you would have blown up in her face.

You take shots downstairs with Jisung and Felix before going, and you giggle in the Lyft on the way to the bar the other girls chose. As per usual, you’re the two last to get there – fashionably late is the way to go, right?

It takes you way too long to realize girl’s night will in fact not be girl’s night. Yoongi is the first you notice, maybe because he’s looking at the exit when you walk in, as if he’s just waiting for the right time to bail. He nods as he sees you, and Kiko turns. She smiles her shy smile, the one that doesn’t show her teeth, and she nods as well, almost a copycat of her boyfriend.

Then it’s like a domino effect, and everyone turns to look at you. Nine pairs of eyes, all on you: Jin, Valeria, Taehyung, Jo, Bridget, Heather, Kiko, Yoongi and Jimin. The latter offers you a secretive smile.

You might have been texting him a little. Nothing serious, but he does appear in your dms once in a while, replying to a story you posted. You always decided to ignore him, only liking his replies, but tonight there’s something in the way Park Jimin is looking at you, sitting there, that makes something warm trickle down your spine.

Maybe because of your conversation with Jiho. It’s hard to tell, and your best friend pulls you towards the rest of the group before you can figure it out. The feeling only increases tenfold when you stop next to the table, and Jimin gets up to greet you, quickly followed by the others.

You hug everyone, and Jo holds you a second longer. “Sorry for inviting the rest, Tae begged and I figured…” You pull away from the hug, and she does have a sheepish look on her features. “Thirsty Thursday doesn’t mean no men?”

You laugh at that comment, shrugging your shoulders. “It’s fine, don’t worry.”

And really, you don’t mind. You like hanging out with them all. You’re relieved they didn’t think to invite Jungkook though, because one thing you’ve figured is that, where Jimin goes Jungkook usually follows.

The night starts off with talking and a few drinks with the group, until you find yourself intoxicated more than you have initially planned to. It doesn’t really matter – you have a day off tomorrow at the internship. Indeed, it only goes from Monday to Thursday, since the lawyer you follow takes the day off on Fridays for the whole of summer.

So you drink, and when they clear a spot for the dancefloor, you let Jiho pull you to it. Let her dance with you, like you usually do when you’re trying to get a guy’s attention. You reckon she’s drunker than you – she’s a giggly mess and she keeps stepping on your feet, which she never usually does. It’s fun, and you feel some anxiety peel away from your skin as if you’re an onion and someone’s about to cut you up to pieces.

You do feel like somebody is about to cut you up to pieces when Jimin moves closer to you, and the smirk on his lips sets something on fire inside of you. Or maybe it’s the alcohol. It doesn’t matter because you pull away from Jiho to move closer to him, almost instinctively.

It’s like he fits like a glove. You face him, throwing your arms around his neck to pull him into the dance as his hands find your waist. One of them slips to your back, and he presses you against him as you move to the music, the rhythm a sensual dance between the two of you.

“Hello, you,” he purrs, and you look up at him.

“Hello,” you reply in the same tone, and he makes you spin until your back is facing him. He’s impossibly close and as his hands guide your hips, your eyes trail up.

You entirely stop moving when your gaze meets Jungkook. He’s standing near the door, clad in different clothes than earlier today, but in that same black shade he seems to adore. He also has a chain, with large links that give a rougher vibe to him.

The look on his features is rough too, especially as Jimin leans to speak into your ear. “I thought you might want to piss him off.”

You chuckle, turning your head to gaze at the man behind you over your shoulder. It brings your face way too close to his, and you have to resist the lava in your blood that makes you want to close the gap.

It’s the self-destructive kind of magma, and you don’t feel like indulging in it. Instead, you purr, “Why do you think I’d want to piss him off?”

Jimin chuckles, and you turn your head away from him because damn him, his lips really are inviting. “He’s been a little shit at home. I assume he’s been that way with you too.”

You laugh, and it’s bitter, angry. It surprises even you. “He’s been ignoring me.” You turn in Jimin’s arms, until you’re facing him. You keep your head hung low, enough so that he can’t lean down and press his lips against yours. Jimin is a gentleman though, you know he’d never kiss you without asking for consent first.

“Explains why he’s been a little shit then,” he says matter-of-factly. He straightens a little, putting a comfortable distance between your faces.

“And you think this little show is going to piss him off?”

He smirks, tilting his head to the side. All the while he’s been making you move to the music, and you know to outside gazes you look like you’re flirting. Can planning to piss Jeon Jungkook off count as flirting?

“Oh, I know it will,” Jimin says, shrugging his shoulders. “Jungkook wears his emotions on his face.”

Maybe he does. Around you, his emotion is usually mostly contempt, so you don’t really know.

“What do you gain from pissing him off?” you ask, and you genuinely wonder. What is Jimin trying to do?

“Nothing,” he admits. He purses his lips, before offering you yet another dashing smile. “Mostly I just want to see what he’ll do.”

Jimin pulls you a little closer, and his forehead presses against yours.

“What are you doing?” you murmur, as your heart beats like a hammer against your ribcage. Hell, even if you’re not really into Jimin like that, he’s Park Jimin. You don’t think anyone in their right mind could stay indifferent to him.

“He’s looking right now,” he replies. He chuckles, before saying, “Now, let me tell you what you’re going to do”. His lips move so close to you it feels as if your brain is short-circuiting in your head. “You’re going to act as if I’ve just offended you, and you go to the bathroom.”

“Why?”

“He’ll follow, and maybe he’ll finally…”

Jimin never finishes his sentence. Someone bumps into you, and it breaks the contact between you and him. Instead of pulling you back in, Jimin motions towards the bathroom, offering you an encouraging smile. You’re stunned for a moment, and you hope it does the trick. You hope you really do look offended, because in truth, you were enjoying Jimin’s proximity.

You don’t like that you were. It feels like you shouldn’t be enjoying his proximity at all. He’s not even really your friend anyway.

You don’t have a choice but to follow his advice though, and you turn around, beelining straight to the bathroom. You make your way through the crowd, scrunching up your nose in disgust at the sweaty guy your hand accidentally touched, and a few seconds later you finally find the line to the bathroom.

It’s a unisex bathroom, with three stalls that are currently all occupied. There’s a guy in front of you, and you glare at him as he smiles at you. He frowns, but it works and he turns back around. A stall frees up a little under a minute later, and you’re mindlessly watching a girl washing her hands when a large hand finds the small of your back.

You startle, and you turn around fully ready to knock some sense into whoever it is, until you see it’s Jungkook.

You freeze for a few seconds, and then let out a laugh as you realize whatever Jimin was doing worked.

“You and Jimin, uh,” Jungkook says bitterly, and his hand clenches into a fist where it falls at his side.

You cock your head to the side. “So you’re talking to me now?”

He plays with his piercing in silence, before scoffing. “I was never not talking to you.” You widen your eyes and let out a disbelieved laugh as you fold your arms on your chest. “I’m serious,” he adds. “I just…”

“Don’t even try to explain, Jeon, save your oxygen.”

He’s frowning now, and you reckon he probably has the same expression on his features that you have on yours. “I thought you said you weren’t going to flirt with Jimin.”

“That was over a month ago,” you point out. “People change, unless you haven’t noticed.”

“Oh, I know,” he says, chuckling bitterly. “But Jimin? There are dozens of guys in this bar, can’t you just choose someone else to fuck?”

You’re starting to see red. You feel it in the tremble that starts deep down in your core, before taking over the whole of your body. “I’m not going to fuck Jimin. He’s just a friend.”

“You dance with all of your friends like that?”

You turn away from him, hoping one of the stalls will be free now, but you’re in no luck. He grabs your arm, forcing you to turn back around. Your eyes drop to his hand on your arm. His fingers are gentle, way gentler than his features. “Fucking let go of me,” you snap. “I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t know what part of getting into an accident made you want to act like you’re just a fucking victim of everything around you but my life has nothing to do with yours. Why do you fucking care?”

He looks stunned. “I… What?”

His confusion douses your fury, and you furrow your brows. “What do you mean, what?”

“I don’t care.”

You don’t know who he is trying to convince right now. And you don’t feel like getting to the bottom of it with him. In fact, you really don’t like the look on his face, and you just want to put distance between you and him. So you roll your eyes, before saying, “Alright then, leave me alone, Jeon. I won’t dance with Jimin again.”

He doesn’t even look happy or relieved that you’re saying that. Instead, his features fall a little, moving from a frown to a sad expression that makes something stir in your chest. “I… If you want to get with Jimin, you can.”

Now, you really are confused. “You come here to be a little bitch about this all and now you’re saying it’s fine?”

He pulls at his piercing, and his eyes flicker to the man that walks past you, indicating that a stall must be free now. “Yeah. If that’s what you want, who am I to tell you not to do it?”

You don’t know. You have no idea how the conversation managed to take this turn, so you wet your lips, cocking an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I…” he trails off, shrugging his shoulders. “I was being a dick. You’re right, I should stop acting like I’m a fucking victim.”

Now, your heart really does ache in your chest. Because what you said was inconsiderate, and you don’t even really mean it. Not the way that he interpreted it though, that’s for sure.

“Jungkook…”

“No, it’s really okay,” he says. He still looks sad, but he offers you a tight-lipped smile. “I’m sorry.”

Just like that he’s walking away, and why are you following him? You stop him by grabbing his arm, just like he did to you a moment ago. You hold on to him longer than he did to you, because his skin is warm under your fingers. His tattoos didn’t take away the softness of his skin, and you don’t really want to let him go. Not just yet.

“I didn’t mean it.” You look him in the eyes as he turns just enough so that his gaze can meet yours. “I got angry.”

“No but you’re right,” he insists. “I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know why I don’t like you talking to Jimin. You can do whatever you want.”

You let his arm go, albeit reluctantly. “If it can reassure you, I am not interested in Jimin like that. Like yes, he’s attractive, but I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”

At that Jungkook laughs. It’s somehow melancholic, and you reckon you’ve brought his demons to the forefront of his mind tonight. “Jimin-hyung doesn’t do relationships, you’re in luck.”

“No,” you grumble, and you shut your eyes, as if you have to explain something to a thick-headed five years old. “I’m really not interested in Jimin. Like at all.” Your eyelids flutter open, and you catch the movement of Jungkook’s eyes as they snap away from you.

“Okay,” he lets out flatly. “I’m sorry I ruined it.”

He looks genuine. You’d be angry at him if he didn’t really look as genuine as he does right now.

“Nothing’s ruined, I promise,” you reassure him and you offer him a small smile. “I was tired of dancing anyway.”

The word ‘dancing’ has his gaze trail to the dancefloor, and he bites at his piercing before glancing back at you. “Oh.”

You realize this is awkward. Because what you said really seems to have upset Jungkook. And you can’t really blame him, it was low. The only thing is, you’re not close enough to him to make him understand. So all you can do when he says he’s going to head home is wish him goodnight.

You feel horrible as you watch him leave, and he’s only just crossed the doors leading to the world outside when you break into a small jog. You make it outside in a hurry, just to see he’s leaning against the wall next to the door.

He seems startled to see you, and you feel just as startled to see he hasn’t really left yet.

“I was wondering,” you let out, and you take a deep breath to steady yourself. “Are you going to come to the cottage? You didn’t say you would earlier.”

You have no idea why that’s come to your mind, but you’re just going to roll with it.

“Uh.” He glances down at his phone in his hand. “Am I even invited?”

You wet your lips, shrugging. “I mean, you’re part of the crew, of course you are.”

He holds your gaze for so long you think the Earth has time to revolve around the sun once before he speaks again. “Am I really part of the crew?”

You reckon he might need to hear it, so you don’t hesitate when you say, “Of course. We’d be nothing without you.”

At that the sad expression on his features melts away. It does so slowly, starting with his eyes. They crinkle at the corners, sparkling a little, and then it trickles down his face, until the corners of his lips tug upwards. It makes you smile too, and you just gaze at each other like that for a few heartbeats. It feels intimate, miles away from the usual bickering and hatred that you share.

It’s new, but it doesn’t feel scary. Jungkook doesn’t feel scary when he’s smiling softly.

“Yes, I’ll come,” he finally says.

It makes you blink, and it’s like the scene is coming back into focus. You realize there are a couple of people smoking a few meters away, and a soft breeze pushes the smoke towards you. You hate the smell, but somehow you can’t shake the smile from your lips.

“Good.” You nod once, and you glance towards the door. “I guess… I guess I’ll let you go home then.”

He nods too, and he tilts his head to the side. He’s surveying you with those big eyes of his. They shine with stars right now, as if his happiness brings the constellations to his gaze. Or maybe it’s just the reflection from the streetlights and car headlights, but it’s beautiful.

Jungkook has beautiful eyes.

“Just waiting for a Lyft,” he says, motioning up with his phone.

You worry at your lips, before flattening your skirt mindlessly. “Is it going to be here anytime soon?”

He looks at the rectangle of light, face falling serious. It takes him a few seconds, but then he nods. “Yep. Should pull up pretty much now.”

You glance at the two sides of the street, and sure enough a car slows down until it stops in front of you. “Alright then,” you say. “Good night, Jeon.”

You don’t usually say his last name like you said it just now. It feels different, in all the right ways that it can.

“Good night,” he echoes, tentatively adding your name at the end. “I’ll see you at practice Saturday?”

“Yes. See you then.”

You’re grinning like an idiot when you’re home later, thinking of the interaction. It felt refreshing to be with Jungkook like that. As if you can be friends.

You never imagined you would want to be friends with him, but somehow tonight you want it. It only doubles up when a series of texts appears on your screen, hiding the top part of the anime you’re watching in bed before going to sleep.

[3:02 am] unsaved number: lmaooi jmin saud i cockblocled him😂 [3:02 am] unsaved number: cockblocked* [3:02 am] unsaved number: sry im drunk

You laugh softly, turning on your back as you pause the anime. You go to the conversation, and you’re about to reply when he adds,

[3:03 am] unsaved number: plz ignorr this

You don’t hesitate when you save his number under his name.

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What do we think of this chapter?? Enemies to lovers not too enemies anymore uh? Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!

Taglist: (strike-through means dumblr is not letting me tag you my bad)

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striderepiphany · 1 year

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My favorite reddie fics masterpost

I have an absolutely insane number of reddie fics saved in my bookmarks for how recently I joined this fandom so I decided to share my absolute favorites with you. Please give these authors some love and let me know which ones are you've read and enjoyed!

the year of the goat and your kid back by derryfacts2

1 chapter, 14,838 words, No Archive Warnings Apply. Summary: The day you get the most important email of your life, there’s a new black skidmark on the wall of the stairwell, and you know exactly whose fault it is. “Margaret,” you intone to the harried, wild-haired woman in the lobby. She sighs at you as she tries to jimmy her mail key loose. “I know.” It wouldn’t even be that bad if the kid would just skateboard outside. Or get good at skateboarding. Either of those things. Maggie’s a nice lady, though, and she’s had “trying my best” scribbled all over her since they moved into 6B maybe eight years ago. So you try not to be a dick, even if her son is a gold-standard pain in the ass. He’s good for three things: smells, noise, and reminding you how big Eddie must be by now.

The first It fic I read that made me go "holy shit, this is fantastic" and remains one of my all-timers (hence why its first in this list). Really fun and unique outsider POV from Eddie's estranged gay dad, and tells a very sweet story mostly through dialogue. Young adult Eddie and Richie are very cute.

i think the clock is slow by derryfacts2 (again)

3 chapters, 15,815 words, No Archive Warnings Apply. Summary: So there was that reason that work wasn’t boring, too. There was Richie’s soppy campaign of making cow eyes at the back of Eddie’s head as he passed, gently pressing Betty for details about his personal life (“I don’t think he has one. He had this awful fiancé a few years ago, but we’re all glad that’s over”), and chasing the incomparable high of a quiet, muttered “Thanks, Rich” whenever Richie picks something up for him from the copier.

Richie is a wannabe stand-up comic daylighting as the receptionist at Eddie's office. Eddie is a tightly-wound corporate asshole. They are both disasters. Or: five times Richie watched Eddie and one that Eddie watched him back.

I really enjoy workplace dramas and this one satisfied the itch so well. So many good scenes and dialogue, this author characterizes them in a way that really works for me. The perfect read-in-an-afternoon fic.

listen to my heart (can you hear it sing?) by vampirerising

12 chapters, 137,708 words, Major Character Death. Summary: "You need to wake up now,” Stan says softly. “This isn’t real.”

“I know, but I can’t,” Richie sobs. “I don’t want to be here.” Not again. Never again. It is dead, why is It still haunting him?

Stan fixes him with one of those looks of his, the one where he can see his every thought as if it were written on his face. “That’s not true, Trashmouth.”

Alternatively: We all know Richie gets caught in the Deadlights, but do we really know what happens after?

(Deadlights, timelines, Stan’s ghostly meddling—oh, my.)

This one is fucking weird in a way that I absolutely adore. Kind of like a sci-fi novel in that it requires you to pay attention to figure out what the fuck is going on but its so good and worth it. The MCD is Stan, not Eddie, and the last couple chapters are actually a very normal domestic Eddie lives AU. One of the first reddie artworks I made was fanart for a scene from this fic that I really enjoy.

a strange sense of familiarity by Katranga

21 chapters, 103,571 words, No Archive Warnings Apply. Summary: "So Eddie, what brings you to the bar tonight?" Richie asked. "Gonna rebound from the divorce? Pick up a hot young twenty-something to feel young again?” “Fuck you,” Eddie said, jutting his chin forward. “What a terrible way to ruin the mood.” “I’m sorry, all my moods are poorly cultivated. What mood were you looking for?” A nervous lump grew in Eddie's throat. He threw back his drink to get rid of it.

Hand wrapped around the glass he’d just slammed back onto the bar, he said, “The mood that gets me leaving with a schlubby forty-something.”

Pre-chapter two, Eddie and Richie meet and don't remember each other, but have an instant connection anyway...

This one is just... so fucking good. Decently long without ever feeling like it's dragging. Part 1 is them developing their totally-casual-I-swear relationship, which blows up right when Mike calls them back to Derry. Part 2 is them navigating both killing a nightmare clown demon and the awkwardness between them. Also everybody lives! So that's nice.

change partners by avacadomoon (with podfic available)

1 chapter, 30,453 words, No Archive Warnings Apply. Summary: "Rich," Eddie says heavily. Meaningfully, and Richie holds his breath, both afraid and hopeful that Eddie is about to say something really sappy, like I always knew and it didn't matter to me, or you know I support you no matter what. Eddie takes a deep breath before he speaks, and Richie closes his eyes, braced for it. "I didn't look at your dick pics."

"Well hey, Eds, thanks," Richie says, laughing incredulously. "Thanks for that."

I LOVE THIS ONE SOOO FUCKING MUCH. I urge you to consider this as a rec for this author as well, as they have a bunch of other reddie fics I think are fantastic. I have a weakness for any reddie fic that lets them be just a little mean to each other. As a treat. (Also the podfic is very well done, you should check that out too.)

check raise by avacodomoon

1 chapter, 15,061 words, No Archive Warnings Apply. Summary: "Eddie, not a fan of stand up comedy, not a fan of his beer," Rich says, leaning back on one elbow and squinting at him, like he's lining him up in a camera lens frame, "but what is he doing drinking alone?"

"I was alone, and now I'm not," Eddie says. "Some prick sat down next to me and started yapping."

"Ah, unpleasant to talk to," Rich concludes. "Explains a lot."

I know I meant the last rec as a blanket rec for all this author's works but I'm including this one specifically because it has a twist ending that is well-foreshadowed and it slapped my dick clean off.

Things that Happen after Eddie Lives by IfItHollers

11 chapters, 107,947 words, Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings. Summary: In a world where Richie manages to save Eddie from It after the deadlights, they still have problems on their to-do list. Featuring everything from Derry to Los Angeles—Richie Tozier's murder trial, Eddie Kaspbrak's divorce proceedings, bedsharing of the platonic and non-platonic varieties, an investigation of magic, a truly disgusting séance, the quintessential morosexual road trip, and OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES.

Definitely NOT your average Eddie lives AU. Drama! Mild peril! Psychic abilities! The ghost of Stanley Uris collect calling from beyond the grave via Richie Tozier's vocal chords! Fun and freaky and weird. Three things that make any fic a Josh favorite.

I'm going to stop there because I'm sleepy but let me know if you want more! Like I said I've got like 70 of these lovingly tucked in my bookmarks and I'm happy to share with the class.

#reddie #fic recs #it sk #it 2019 #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak

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fayes-fics · 2 years

Note

Congrats on 200 followers. May I make a request? I love Anthony Bridgerton modern AU. Maybe something with the prompts “friends don’t do shit like this” and “i love to hear you moan my name.”

Thank you, you’re the best!

Are we friends?

Friends + Masterpost

Pairing: Anthony Bridgerton x fem!reader, Modern AU

Summary: Modern AU. Old friends become something more.

Warnings: 18+ smut, minors dni, oral sex (m to f), vaginal sex, swearing.

Authors Note: Hi Nonny! Thank you and thanks for this prompt. I've never written modern AU before and can I just say this was SO MUCH FUN!! Yet again I have written a fucking epic, rather than 500-word ficlet. This is a little late for posting as it is a 3K MONSTER. I need a strong word with myself. I hope you enjoy. <3

House parties. Sometimes they suck, and sometimes, well, they are a revelation.

You are never happier than when your oldest and best friend Daphne finds Simon. But attending their house-warming party is, well, intimidating. You’ve known the Bridgertons your whole life, your parents' farm backing onto a corner of their giant country estate, but it appears Simon is from another level of wealth even than her. The place they have bought together is frankly ridiculous—the penthouse of a fancy all-glass building overlooking the Thames. Everything is tasteful, chic, modern and eye-wateringly expensive. It makes your cute garden flat in Ealing look, well, pokey as fuck, to be honest. As you self-consciously wander around stealing delicious canapes, you feel out of place; your perfectly presentable high-street-store heels probably shouldn't even be allowed to walk on such pristine marble.

You round a corner to a quiet nook, into what appears to be a home office when you see him staring out the window across the lights of London at night. Daph’s oldest brother, head of the family, and CEO of Bridgerton Investments, Anthony. Yours has always been an antagonistic dynamic. He carries himself with the ease and arrogance of a rich man of the upper echelons of London society. So much of his demeanour and standing is almost an affront to your hardworking, make-your-own-way-in-the-world mentality. Fuck if he isn't handsome, though.

“Y/n,” he greets with a rich tone, “it's been too long. Still bringing the world to rights?”

He remembers you’re a journalist.

“Anthony,” you respond in kind, “still making the rich richer?”

He barks a laugh at your riposte and takes a swig of something expensive looking.

“Come now, have a drink with me; let’s both give the world a rest for the night,” he suggests, pouring you something from a side cabinet.

You shrug and move to take the glass he proffers, “I can do that, old friend.”

“Less of the old,” he chides, giving you a sideways glance as you pull up in front of the same view.

“I've known you my whole life Anthony,” you volley, “you can't lie to me about just how close to forty you are, not the way you do to all those Mayfair girls.”

“Ouch,” he feigns a chest injury, “don't forget, I remember when you were born, you can’t pretend to be twenty-five anymore either y/n.”

“It's rude to ask a lady her age; it's even ruder to remind her,” you shoot back, taking a deep draw of the liquor. Damn, this stuff is good.

It's like no time has passed since you last did this. This is always your dynamic - antagonistic friendly fire until he finds a younger, less challenging, prettier woman to take home. Not that you’ve ever thought it would go further, but he always seems so flirty.

He turns his whole body towards you, leaning a shoulder casually on the window. “No boyfriend?” his tone smug.

“Left him handcuffed to my bed,” you jest, draining your glass.

“Lucky fuck,” he breaks into a suggestive smile.

You give him a pointed look and waggle the empty glass at him. He raises an eyebrow, then takes and refills it. He crowds a little closer on his return, his fingers lingering on yours as he hands you the drink.

“Seriously though…”

“Too busy,” you shrug, deciding on honesty, “no one worthy.” You take another swig, chasing the louche feeling you get after a couple of drinks when the world doesn't seem so bad.

“That last part, I can believe,” his voice pitched a little lower.

It's your turn to throw him a sideways glance. “How many drinks have you had?” you ask warily.

He gusts a laugh that you feel over your cheekbone. “Enough to know what I'm doing, not enough for it to impact performance.”

This is something new—blatant sexual allusion.

You turn to face him, almost akin to a challenge. If he wants to try this, you're intrigued to see how just how far he’ll push it.

“Performance often a problem, Bridgerton?” you raise an eyebrow, invoking his last name and draining your second drink.

He takes both of your empty glasses and sets them aside.

“No complaints yet,” he crowds closer, his hand reaching to brush a lock of your hair behind your ear, “but maybe you can give me some honest good old-fashioned friendly feedback, hmmm?”

It's the last thing he says before his lips land on yours.

He tastes of whiskey and expensive cigars he likely smoked earlier on the balcony. He pulls you against his body, snaking one arm around to rest low on your back, the other curling around your head to direct the kiss. And what a fucking kiss. You can't deny he knows precisely what to do. His tongue is teasing but skilled, parrying and dancing with yours.

“Thoughts?” he murmurs against your lips, pulling back a little, his fingers edging lower onto your butt.

“Friends don’t do shit like this,” you respond opaquely, smiling against him.

“Are we friends?” he queries with a playful tone, moving to kiss down your neck.

“Hmm, good point, at best you are my friend's arrogant older brother,” you reply, running a hand up into his luscious thick hair and scratching your nails across his scalp.

He hums against your skin in response. “And you are the bratty know-it-all friend of my little sister - definitely not friends.” He concludes, biting lightly at the spot where your neck meets your shoulder.

“Well, with that decided, perhaps we should get on with things?” you challenge with your best seductive tone.

He smiles wolfishly and pulls back, taking both your hands in his and walking backwards out of the room, pulling you along with him.

“Where are we going?” you laugh.

“Where I should have taken you a long fucking time ago,” he gruffs, “to bed.”

“Anthony!” you admonish, shocked at his audacity.

“Oh, don't play coy with me now, y/n,” he scolds quietly, “we have been playing this game for almost ten years now, and finally, you take the bait I've been offering you all this time. I'm not letting you go now.”

The possessive, arrogant attitude oozes out of every fibre of his being; on any other person that would have earned a slap and maybe even a drink in the face. But on him. Well, it's disarmingly attractive.

“And where do you propose we do that? I'm not going to have sex in my best friend's bed!” you hiss.

He pulls a face at the idea of doing anything in his sister's room, then, after a pause, leans forward. “Who do you think owns the other penthouse in the building?” he buzzes near your ear.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” you roll your eyes.

“Actually, I am,” he chuckles, squeezing your hands, “wouldn't want to live that close to Simon. It's a friend’s place; he lent me his keys while in Dubai this week. Figured I’d want to crash there after this party.”

“Is there anyone rich in London you don't know?” your voice incredulous, but a smile creeps over your features despite yourself.

He pretends to consider the question. “No one worthy of knowing,” he winks. Then his face takes on a more sober mien. “So, will you?”

“Will I what?”

“Come with me,” he whispers, pulling you into him and nudging his nose against your temple.

You realise he’s giving you an out. All the bluster of the early challenge was just that. He is serious, making a fond feeling bloom in your chest.

“Yes,” you murmur with a shy smile, giving his jaw a quick kiss.

“Good,” he says, spinning to stand by your side, keeping one hand in yours. “Let’s get out of here before they rope us into something truly horrendous like karaoke.”

“Karaoke, really?”

“Simon bought a machine,” he physically shudders as he recalls it, pulling you across the hallway towards the front door.

_____

You suspect it might be awkward once you are alone in the other apartment with Anthony, but he doesn't give you a chance to think about it.

Soon as the door is closed, he doesn't even flip on the light; he just crowds you against the back of the door and pulls you into a deep, sensual kiss. The kind that makes your bones liquefy, feeling like you could slide into a puddle on the floor. The fucker knows how to kiss; you’ll give him that.

As he kisses you senseless, a hand quests up under your dress. You are astonished when he full-on cups your pussy with force, almost lifting you against the door.

“Give a girl some warning,” you pant, breaking away from his lips. The heat and pressure of his hand making you flood your knickers even more.

“I've given you ten years of warning; I'm not about to go slow now,” he announces with a tone that brokers no argument.

Oh fuck. This could get dangerous, real fast.

His middle finger starts to stroke hard against you, dragging into your slit, pushing the material against your soaked skin.

“I can feel how wet you are through these,” he growls. “So don't pretend you need any more teasing. I could fuck you right here.”

“Take them off,” you surprise yourself with that breathless request.

“Gladly,” his hands slide to your hips, pulling the material down. His smile is deadly as he sinks to his knees, dragging his hands heavily over the contour of your legs. You step out of them, and he pushes your dress up above your waist and buries his nose right against your trimmed public hair.

“God, you smell good,” he moans, inhaling deep, his tongue snaking out and lapping a line into your slit, catching against your clit.

“Fuck, Anthony,” your moan loudly.

“I love to hear you moan my name,” he growls, lifting one of your legs over his shoulder and diving deeper into you. “Do you know how many times I've thoughts about this?” he hisses against your heated flesh. “And still reality exceeds expectation.”

“You have thought about this?” you struggle to form a sentence as he works his tongue so hard you see stars.

“Ten fucking years y/n,” he answers, almost pained, looking up and holding your gaze fiercely. “And now I'm going to make sure you never want to fuck anyone else.”

The challenge, the possessiveness, the desperation in his voice - it's blisteringly hot.

“Please fuck me, Anthony,” you breathe.

“Only once you have cum into my mouth,” he answers, making you cry out as he buries a finger into your cunt. Then another, pushing hard.

“But I need you now, please, please”, you chant.

“Not yet,” is the last thing he says before he pushes his whole face into you and uses everything to make you cum faster than anyone has before in your life. His nose, his lips, his tongue, his fingers. The vibration he creates through his rich sounds. Nothing, and you mean nothing you have experienced before, comes close. He actually bites your clit between his teeth. It's just the right side of pain, and that is what pushes you over the edge. You know you are babbling and screaming, and god knows what. Usually, you would be embarrassed by the gush you feel, but he just heaps praise as you come hard onto his face, greedily lapping it up and asking for more.

“Now you are ready,” he preens as you stare down at him slack-jawed, panting, almost lightheaded.

He pulls you to the floor and finds the zip on your dress, peeling it off your body while you are still floating in some blissful state. Your bra soon follows, and you only start returning to the room as he hovers over your naked body, his lips dragging near your nipples. Him still fully clothed.

“Get undressed,” you grouse at him, pulling at the buttons low on his shirt.

He chuckles and sits up on his haunches between your legs, quickly unbuttoning the shirt and tossing it aside.

“These too,” you swat at his jeans as if they cause you personal offence. Pausing to admire his torso in the moonlight as you so do.

“Are you always so bossy after an orgasm?” he laughs.

“Give me another one some time, and maybe you’ll find out,” you retort, having no idea where that came from.

“Some time? Some time?” He repeats incredulously, pulling down his zipper, “how about right the fuck now?”

“That works,” you shrug, “let's see if you can,” then break into a grin.

“I can't believe you still want to spar with me, even naked” he shakes his head, but there's an affection in his voice. He is peeling down his jeans and underpants, lowering himself back onto you. You bring up your feet to push his jeans the rest of the way off and reach to grab his bare, shapely ass.

“Anthony Bridgerton, there is nothing sexier in the world than sparring with you,” you sigh, your mouth running away from you, those two drinks making your lips looser than usual. Too late now; it's out there.

He goes still above you. “Do you mean that?” his voice sounds a little winded.

“Always,” you reply, and even in the darkness of the unlit apartment, you see a few emotions flash over his handsome face.

Wanting to break the slight tension, you pull a face at him. “Now, are you going to fuck me on this very expensive-looking, very soft, by the way, rug? Or do I need to drag you to that outrageously overpriced couch?” He’s giggling now. “There’s probably a bed that costs more than my entire apartment somewhere if you prefer?” you joke, the buzz of his amusement cresting hard through your veins.

His laughter peals louder the longer you speak. “I can honestly say I have never laughed this much while about to have sex,” he almost snorts.

“You haven't been fucking the right people,” you retort, grinning.

“Clearly not,” his reply is droll. “Good thing I am now,” he adds, raising an eyebrow and giving you a surprisingly tender kiss.

You don't really want to think through all the connotations behind that statement.

“Shit,” he breaks away and drops his head suddenly onto your chest, “I forgot condoms. Fuck! Do you have any? If not, I can see if may….”

“Anthony,” you interject calmly, “are you clean?”

“Yes, of course,” he frowns.

“So am I, and I have an IUD. So y’know it's ok, really.”

“Really,” his eyes go wide.

“Really,” you repeat and touch his face.

“I've not done it like this in a long time,” he admits in a surprisingly quiet voice.

You smile up at him and reach between you, grabbing him for the first time. His breathing stutters, and he moans hard against your ear. You can't see much in the low light, but he feels wonderful. Girthy enough to be a proper handful, long enough to need two hands, most likely. Oh yes fucking please is all you can think. You guide him towards your body and let him take over.

He teases, ploughing against you, catching your clit with his tip. You inhale sharply at that. Then he leans down to hook his lips onto yours as he pushes lower and finds your entrance.

He pushes into your body at just the right pace - it's not a tease, it's not violent - it's just an insistent delicious stretch getting stronger and stronger as he advances. This is what the fuck it should always be like, you think to yourself, exhaling hard.

“Oh fuck y/n,” Anthony gulps when he reaches the hilt. “I'd forgotten what this feels like. You are so hot and tight, and fuck, I'm sorry, I'm not going to last long. It's just….”

“It's okay,” you reassure him; you are already halfway there again; it won't take much to pull you over the edge. Just feeling so viscerally invaded, the stretch pulling all the skin around your cunt, your clit pulled down taut towards his shaft. “Just fuck me, Anthony.”

He groans at that and starts to move, withdrawing from your body slowly and then pushing back in fast. You rasp with the feeling, him almost bodily moving you across the floor. Then he increases the pace and strength of his thrusts, resting his forehead on yours, staring into your eyes intensely. He is dragging along all the right spots, and you push up hard against him, loving the scratch of his chest hair against your nipples.

He growls and changes angle, hooking his arms around your shoulders. Now he is catching against that place deep inside that hurts so right. It makes your skin hum, and your body shake. You grab his bum and pull him into you harder, begging for more. He reacts with an almost predatory kiss, plundering your mouth. It's never been quite this intense before. It feels like he is everywhere all at once. You draw your legs up either side of his hips, widening your stance, opening yourself up more to him; to this. His public bone is hitting right onto your swollen clit. Yes, that is it. Fuck, if you don't want this to hurt a little, something to remind you of this fantastic night.

You don't have time to warn him before the pulsation starts deep inside, gripping him like a vice, and he roars your name. It's different to your first orgasm; it's wave after wave of body convulsions that you don't fight. You feel him stutter and curl against you as he pulses hard inside you.

He collapses on top of you, spent and breathing heavy. You both seem incapable of words. Just hands caressing and slowing heartbeats.

“Anthony,” you whisper after a few moments.

“Mmmm,” he barely raises his head from your shoulder, kissing the skin there.

“Do you want that ‘honest good old-fashioned friendly feedback’ now?” you parrot his words from earlier back to him.

“Do your worst,” he chortles against your neck.

“No complaints,” you sigh. “Absolutely no fucking complaints,” you state categorically, running your hands over his back.

“Good,” he smiles against your skin. “Cos, we are going to need to do this again.” He pulls up to look down at you. “Repeatedly.”

Tagging: @makaylan @foreverlonginguniverse @iboopedyournose @kkpolakow

#200 followers celebration #anthony bridgerton #anthony bridgerton fanfiction #anthony bridgerton x reader #Anthony bridgerton x female reader #Anthony bridgerton x you #Anthony bridgerton imagine #Anthony bridgerton smut #bridgerton fanfiction #bridgerton imagine #bridgerton

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scribbling-dragon · 1 year

Note

Not sure if you are taking requests for the red bandit AU but...maybe Tango gets caught by some old acquaintances for some reason and Jimmy is the one that ends up coming to his rescue.

a brief dabble in being kidnapped

summary:

“This is just boring at this point.” Tango shakes his wrists to punctuate his sentence, bound with too-tight rope that is beginning to cut off all feeling in his hands. “And unoriginal.” He adds, just to send the point home. The rope is also beginning to tug at the short fur around his wrists, pulling at it in a way that cannot be described as anything other than agonisingly irritating.

“Shut it, Red.” Bandit one growls, looming over him. He’s far too tall for his own good, having to hunch over until he’s nearly bent at the waist to leer down at him. At least, Tango assumes he’s leering, because he can't actually see tall bandit’s face. It’s covered by a bandanna, which is certainly a classic move, but is also going to make identifying him later an issue, if he even needs to identify them at all.

(ao3 link)

(masterpost)

(2,253 words)

“You talk too much for your own good.” The second bandit adds, glaring at him. Tango’s not actually sure what he’s done to that guy, but he’s certainly pissed with him. He’s done nothing but glare at Tango once they had him bound and tied like a misbehaving animal.

“I've been told that by several people in the past,” he grins, or at least makes an attempt at one, as the tall bandit yanks on the rope joining his wrists, forcing him to his feet. He gives Tango very little time to rebalance- and the way the world is spinning around is probably not good. He blinks a few times, hoping that it might go away, but it continues, leaving him stumbling after his captors. “They love to remind me! Bandits especially, worried I might give them away on some heist.” He scoffs a laugh, tripping over a rock and then desperately trying to pretend he didn't. “As if I'm going to jeopardise my own safety. Say, were you one of the people that told me to be quiet before? I could've sworn I recognised your guys’ voices from somewhere-”

“Red!” The second bandit whirls on him, yanking the rope from his companions hands. It burns around Tango’s wrists as he’s yanked forward, and he’s forced to bite his lip at the sudden pain that sparks over his arms. “He told ya to shut it. And when he says so, you shut it! Got it?”

He takes a moment too long to respond, and the bandit yanks on his wrists once more, burning over already raw skin. The second bandit’s face is far too close to his own, almost pressed nose to nose, the bandit’s breath hot on his face.

He feels his ears press back, flat to the sides of his skull, without his permission. “Got it.” He manages, forcing the words out of a throat that feels far too small to fit them through.

The bandit grunts and turns back around. He doesn't hand the rope back to his companion, instead content to continue dragging Tango along behind him, uncaring of when he stumbles, like he’s some kind of cattle. The humiliation is enough to make his face burn, even beneath the hot sun, ducking his head and staring at the ground.

The sand beneath his feet doesn't swirl as much as the sky does, at least, remaining fairly steady beneath his feet as they trudge along.

He wonders, briefly, why they don't have a horse. It’s rather unusual to see a bandit in these parts without a horse, so it’s enough to make him wonder, staring at the backs of his kidnappers. Is kidnappers too harsh a word to use for them? They didn't exactly give him a choice with going along with them, but he was also meant to be in Dawn for a rather nice, romantic dinner with jimmy about thirty minutes ago, so he’s not incredibly worried about his survival.

He’s not worried about the survival of the bandits currently dragging him along, either. Mainly because he doesn't actually care about what Jimmy does, but also because Jimmy wouldn't kill someone. The most he’ll do is send them off to a high-security prison- the kind they won't be able to escape from. Tango respects him for being able to stick to his morals so closely, especially when several of the emperors scattered around the continent seem intent on testing his patience.

Something flutters behind the first bandit, the one not currently dragging him along, and his eyes zero in on it, staring at it. He has to squint a little, to see past the wavering of the what in the air and the swimming of his own vision. But the shade of red is rather familiar- the crimson dye is not something that can be easily obtained from Chromia, not something that bandits would be able to afford. Or, if they can, not something they would choose to spend their gold on.

Scott told him, once, about the exact way they make the crimson dye. The way that it isn't just red with a fancier name, and that he should put some respect on the fae’s craft. They had also been investigating a break-in at one of the dye workshops at the time, poking around to see if they could find any evidence of the culprits.

And they had, managing to nestle them safely away in one of Stratos’ larger prisons. The design on the small scrap of cloth is incredibly similar to the insignia of that small group of bandits, but that had been far more than two bandits in that group. They hadn't even been sure they’d managed to catch all of them.

There’s a tight canyon ahead of them, several rocks clustered around the entrance to it. The shadows lay thick and heavy over the land beyond those rocks, leaving whatever lies within up to the imagination. He…almost swears he can see something moving within those shadows, though the wavering heat does plenty to trick his eyes.

Jimmy had agonised over the stolen dye and its culprits for several days, before Tango had finally managed to convince him to close the case and simply declare the five bandits they’d managed to discover and capture. Seems as though this is more of a personal vendetta than simply seeing the Sheriff’s right-hand and deciding that it would be a golden opportunity.

“You certainly are an interesting bunch,” he decides to begin running his mouth again, ignoring the way the second bandit’s head snaps around to face him, eyes almost blazing with fury. “Tell me, how’d you get into the business? From childhood? Or you just looking for some kinda thrill?” They continue to approach the canyon ahead, the shadows becoming firmer as the shortening distance gives the heat less of a chance to play tricks on his eyes.

“Don't see how that’s any of your concern, Red.”

“From one bandit to another.” He says. He leans back for a moment, but one yank on the rope binding his hands is enough to remind him why that is a bad idea. He hops forward several steps, biting back a hiss of pain as his wrists continue to burn. “Pure curiosity. And boredom.”

“You're not a bandit anymore.” One of them snaps. He’s not sure which one of them it is- they both have incredibly similar voices, worn rough by the constant sand in the air and lack of moisture. “You ditched us for that dumb Sheriff.”

“The Sheriff is certainly not dumb.” He straightens up a little, intent on defending Jimmy’s honour. If he has to fight these two, concussed and bound, he’ll do it. He’s not afraid to bite either of them. “I do believe you're the dumb ones for walking into his trap, completely of your own accord.”

The second bandit scoffs. “Sure. Your precious Sheriff is here to rescue you, huh? And what if he’s just abandoned you, gone lookin’ for a right-hand that ain't an ex-criminal, huh?”

“A Sheriff with such easily swayed loyalty is hardly a good Sheriff, now, is he?”

The look on either of the bandit’s faces is priceless as Jimmy emerges from his hiding spot from behind the rock, guiding Arrow to block the pathway into the canyon. Tango can't help the laugh that bursts out of him at their faces, even though it gets him a nasty glare from both of the bandits and a fresh burning sensation in his wrists.

“We have two options here, lads,” Jimmy dismounts, the sound of his hooves against the earth almost thunderous with the way it echoes down the canyon. “We can have a nice evening, you come along with us quietly, and you don't have to sit in a cell bruised and miserable. Or,” Jimmy’s hand moves to his hip, towards the whip that he hardly uses but is truly adept with, “we can do this the harder way, and I get to see how close to death you come before you give in, hm?”

“Beating us within an inch of your life isn't very Sheriff-ly of you,” the second bandit sneers. “Besides, we have your right-hand here. What happens if you hit him instead?” The bandit yanks on the ropes then, finding that there is far less resistance than he expected. And far less rope still attached, the ends singed and still smoking.

“I do believe you should be far more concerned about him hitting you.”

Tango probably shouldn't take satisfaction in how quickly the bandit crumples when he hits him. It’s not a very good and lawful citizen of him. But the ache in his knuckles is nothing but satisfying as he pulls his hand back, staring down at the crumpled bandit at his feet. He didn't hit hard enough to kill him, just enough to shut him up for a little while.

“I surrender!” The first bandit cries, sticking his wrists out to be cuffed immediately after he saw the fate of his friend. A cowardly move, but certainly one he can understand. The bandit is giving him a nervous side-eye, watching him almost fearfully even though he was the one to bring this on himself because, again, he was just minding his own business. There was truly no reason to kidnap him.

“See,” Jimmy steps forward to cuff him, the handcuffs clicking shut around the bandit’s wrists. “That was so easy. And you get to see your friends again! I’ll make sure to send word onto Stratos that they're getting a few more prisoners now, and to make sure to keep them away from those other ones that got sent in for the dye incident, hm?”

The bandit doesn't respond, simply following behind Jimmy as he walks back to his horse. The bandit then stands there like an idiot, unsure of what else to do. Tango ignores him, heaving his buddy up and slinging him over Arrow’s back, adjusting him a few times to make sure he doesn't slip off at the smallest jolt of movement. It’d hardly do for Arrow to kill the man with one of her hooves.

“I don't suppose you saw Revenge on your way through?” He asks, stepping back from Arrow.

“No,” Jimmy frowns, “though I'm sure someone’s taking care of him for you. He’s a rather recognisable horse.”

“Hopefully.” Tango continues frowning. “Sorry I missed our dinner, I know it took you a while to get that booking.”

“You weren't supposed to know that it was a dinner,” Jimmy chastises. “Did you go through my letters again?”

“Hard not to when they're so easy to reseal.” He grins. “I think it’s cute that you booked it so far in advance. Plus, everyone else knew about it anyway. You're not subtle.”

“Who knew?”

“Gem told me. Thought it was really sweet that you were doing it for me.”

Jimmy grumbles something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like, “That’s the last time I tell Gem anything.”

“Besides,” he grabs the first bandit, the still conscious one, by the arm. He looked as though he was considering making a run for it, and that simply wouldn't do. “This has been a rather nice evening, hasn't it?”

“There was an attempting kidnapping.” Jimmy deadpans. “Of you.”

“Only attempted!” He adds. “Look on the bright side, and all that. Plus, you got to be all badass coming out from your hiding spot. Did you see those bandits, they were scared shitless- don't even try to protest that, I saw your face.” The bandit snaps his mouth shut again, glaring at him but not moving to do anything more extreme.

“You're gonna make me blush, Tango.” Jimmy ducks his head. “Besides, there’s paperwork to do now, and unless you have some romantic spin to put on paperwork, then I'm afraid the fun of the evening ends there.”

“We could…not do it?” He tries.

Jimmy snorts. “I appreciate the attempt,” he says, pulling himself up onto Arrow. “But we have to do it. Just, the sooner you get Revenge and get back, the sooner it’ll be done.”

“The longer I take the more time I have before I have to start the paperwork.” He counters, shouting after Jimmy as he begins trotting away.

“You take longer than forty minutes, I'm going to assume you got kidnapped again!”

Tango grumbles in response, kicking at a stone. It is far less satisfying than he thought it would be, beginning to trudge along, pulling his prisoner with him.

“So,” the bandit says, “you and the Sheriff?”

“Shut it.”

“Alright.”

#juno.writes #red bandit au #asks #aura-bird #empires smp #empires smp fic #tango tek #tangotek #jimmy solidarity #empires jimmy #empires tango #solidaritek #team rancher #rancher duo #empiressmp #empires smp s2 #empires smp season 2 #trafficshipping

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carsonnieve · 11 months

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masterpost of my fics on ao3

Just doing this because I want to have something pinned on my page here but well, a reminder of my old fics from different fandoms because kudos and comments are appreciated as well so it motivates me to keep on writing. Hopefully there's new ones updated soon as long as my inspiration kicks in.

Currenly working on two mevie fics so let's see how that goes!

username: carsonnieve

Let's start with the ones that are completed and I'm really proud of.

it's always about fate pairing: beca and chloe (pitch perfect) rating: T

Summary: Chloe sighed and walked in the coffee shop with the phone in her hands. She didn’t want to have this conversation today and yet there she was, talking about it when she just wanted a coffee and have a relaxing afternoon writing down new ideas for her stories and not pining over her online friend. Then the moment she looked up she saw someone she really wanted to see too and the reason why her heart was so divided and yet confusing. Beca.

2. unsay these spoken words pairing: regina mills and emma swan (once upon a time) rating: T

Summary: Because maybe, after all, she could take the pain and continue with her life. But maybe she thought she could, when actually her heart was already broken and the scattered pieces all over her chest were not enough to make her realize that she was alone, and hurt. She had hope... until she saw the ring on her finger.

3. fool for you pairing: harry hook x evie grimhilde (descendants) rating: T

Summary: Her smile forever gone after the images came back to her mind, sending chills all over her body and a strange feeling going slowly up her spine. And in that instant, she closed her eyes. Right when it hit her. Right when Harry stood up and placed a hand on her arm. ��It reminds ye o’ that night, eh?"

4. let me pairing: mal and evie (descendants) rating: T

Summary: "Mal?" "I'm fine. Let's change and go dance, okay?" The girl tried to slip away from her arms but Evie kept holding her because she knew something was off. And it was right there, in that hug, when she felt a sting of pain way worse than the last. Her hand immediately went to her skin to keep it hidden. But Evie's eyes were already on the injury. And Mal was so ready to hear her complain about the dress she just destroyed because she wasn't careful enough with it. And to be honest, she just couldn't deal with that in that exact moment.

5. watch me ride the beat pairing: mal and evie (descendants) rating: E

Summary: “Oh! I’m so sorry! I wasn’t looking.” Wow, she’s even prettier in front of me. Evie thought with both of her hands on her shoulders for support, as the blonde’s hands kept a hold on her hips, keeping her still. “I’m really sorry.” The brunette ran her fingers through her hair and her other hand touched the girl’s nape, without her even noticing it. She seemed to be too busy holding Evie by her waist. Her fingers slightly touching her bare back. “Don’t worry. It’s not your fault. I wasn’t paying attention either.” or the smutty club!au fic no one asked for but i needed to write

and here comes the unfinished ones but that will be finished one day, trust me.

some things are meant to be pairing: mal and evie (descendants) rating: M

Summary: Everyone knew what a soulmate was back in Auradon, where princes and princesses lived their own happily ever after. Where their parents taught them what true love was without fear. Needless to say they believed in their own destiny but the idea of having a soulmate was so exciting for all of them. But back on The Isle… Descendants of pure evil weren’t fond of the idea, especially considering what their parents taught them; "love is not for us, love is weakness, we’re villains and you are our next generation to take over the world and finally get the revenge we so desire." But everything changed when four of them were sent to Auradon. And it all started when two girls were 6 years old... or the Soulmate!AU nobody asked for but I really wanted to write.

2. to find the light even in the darkest places pairing: mal and evie (descendants + shadowhunters universe) rating: E

Summary: Evie and Harry are two of the best shadowhunters of their generation. They never get in trouble and they always get the job perfectly done… until they go on a mission and everything starts to change and leads them into an unexpected path. Should they continue their normal lives or live as they want to without thinking of the consequences? Is it more important to find and follow love than their duties as shadowhunters and working for the Clave? Even when a new source of evil arises and things start to get more serious… is everything worth fighting for? It all starts with a simple order from the Clave… or the shadowhunters!au no one asked for but we needed to write

There's also two in Spanish in case I have followers who actually speaks the language and not just me and the last one is one of my favorites from my favorite couple so please check it out, thanksssss!!

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intplayboy · 1 year

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SCHLIMAZEL [ PROLOGUE ]

youtube

Above is the book teaser, please watch in full 4kHD and turn on subtitles! (English, Russian and Spanish are available!) Here is the link, if you prefer to watch it on the youtube app/web.

summary: this prologue is basically going to be a brief back story of Y/N so that you'll understand future references as you continue to read the book.

pairings: idol bts ot7 x female reader

warnings: mentions of medical disabilities, and slight verbal bullying.

tag list: @kimana122, @borahae-reads, @lalavione1309, @luvsbngtn, @tetehearts, @babybunli, @xanny91 (the tags that are strikethrough could not be tagged)

complete the form if you want to be part of the tag list.

masterpost | intro + characters | chap 1

copyright © 2022 by kumiko. all rights reserved. my works or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without express written permission from me except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

sau·da·de an intense melancholic longing for something or someone that one cares about and/or loves. Additionally, it often conveys the repressed realization that the subject of longing may never be obtained again.

Looking back on your childhood years before the pre-teen stage, you thought that you never truly had a "challenging" or "difficult" life. However, you must admit that it wasn't the most ideal sobering realization that you weren't always favored by everyone, even within your family and among your "friends" at the time. And that's because you and they both knew that others were just better than you, making you feel as if you were an outcast.

It was true, your medical condition did limit you, restricting you from doing and experiencing some of the things that a normal healthy child can.

Being born with epilepsy and unilateral hearing loss was the perfect combination for reminding you that every kid you met or saw was either a step or a long way ahead of you. Because of your epilepsy, you had to tread cautiously in almost all activities as a child. Even though no one said it, you felt like a ticking time bomb.

It was a long list of things that could set you off, and it forced you to avoid those situations, no matter how minor. It included naming a few, mental and physical stress, fatigue, dehydration, low blood sugar, flashing lights, high fevers, and menstruation. Can you believe that? Menstruation can possibly set you off—when that's normal for a female, and something you can't completely control.

Even with unilateral hearing loss, you couldn't enjoy playing in the water as much as you would like because you only have one good ear—which is sad because you live on an island surrounded by water. However, the doctors strongly advised against taking any chances. It was either wearing an ear plug or not go plunging your head in the water with your other family members.

To be honest, you felt embarrassed, and you had difficulty answering the commonly asked questions, such as why do you always wear that? Does it hurt when you wear it? It got to a point where you refused to get into the water for a while to avoid the needless attention. And that made you feel slightly better.

But it didn't last because you remember being at a family game party at a beach park, and at the end of the celebration, all the kids and young teens were invited to play in the grass with water balloons and water guns. Your parents weresoclose to allowing you to join them until theimpeccabletiming of the rain began, and they flatly refused your pleas to join them.

And, to top it all off, having these disabilities, as the doctors called them, was a golden opportunity for you to be teased and humiliated by some of your peers and even close family members, such as your older brother and three older cousins. That's how you realized you weren't one of those people who everyone liked. You will always be deemed 'different' since you are unable to do such simple things at their age.

Their hurtful comments always replay in your head.

'You're such a retard.'

'Shut up, you're dumb anyways, don't you know?'

'It's no wonder you're like that, it's cause you have scars on your brain.'

Even though there was some skepticism that the last sentence was true, it nonetheless wounded you deeply. But of course, a part of you believed it, knowing how frequently you went to doctors and hospitals to track the effects of your diagnosis on your brain. To you, the doctor's office and hospitals basically became your second home considering the number of times you would visit it within just a year.

You remember holding back your tears and trying to swallow that burning sensation in your throat when your older brother said those words to you. You tried— keyword 'tried'— so hard to maintain an unfazed appearance in front of everyone, then went into private to call your mother. But as soon as she answered the phone, your sobs erupted. You recall asking her, in between hiccups, if you really did have brain scars. That's how much their insults affected you. Plus you were only seven when it happened.

To your momentary relief, she assured you that this was not the case. It wasn't the first time you'd called or left a voicemail informing your parents about the bullying from your family, and it didn't help that they would brush it off and excuse them, telling you they were probably just playing around with you. Playing around with you? It didn't feel like that. Instead of finding solace, your parents' remarks merely led you farther down the path of self-hatred and loathing.

Why couldn't you be like the other kids? Why did you have to be the one with the chronic medical condition that also made you feel like a financial burden to your parents (given being on medication for most of your life)?

Perhaps that's why, when you were welcomed into your first all-girl friend group, you started to feel more secure about yourself, seeing how they were so accepting of your condition and you as a person. They were only a few years older than you, but they made you feel like you could be yourself, and they were like the older sisters you never had.

The same applies to your first early high school crush. You befriended him so quickly and soon fell into the puppy-like love relationship, which elevated your self-esteem even more, since after all those years of rejection and hurt, you believed you were now loved and favored by someone in general.

But falling into that puppy-like love so fast and so early, at the tender age of fourteen, when you barely started your high school life, was sure to crumble sooner or later. All of your friends warned you about it and him, but you disregarded them all because you've never known what it's like to be wanted by someone. You also ignored it because you were young, which meant you were naïve. And you were blinded by prior mistreatment, that distorted your judgment.

Now, at the age of nineteen, looking at your current situation, you've returned to square one. Not only did you feel self-hatred and loathing, but also the overwhelming guilt for not listening to your dear friends.

You should've known... Should've known, that love like that... The love you desired merely took away the precious remaining years of your youth that you could have lived out without feeling like you had one hand tied behind your back. The love that slowly and surely devolved into an on-and-off destructive dynamic and squandered the remainder of youth years, which you could've spent like the others in high school, exactly as you wished throughout your elementary years.

The love that left you mentally and emotionally hurt as well as, unexpectedly and worst of all, physically hurt. That's when you understood that love didn't help you find peace within yourself, and even if you did, it was only temporary.

To make the long story short, you were simply too young when you took a lot of crap from unfair people. And you were only able to gain that internal peace you longed for, after learning it from seven men you found yourself particularly drawn to. And, coincidentally, they're the same men who saved you.

masterpost | intro + characters | chap 1

Ngl I basically ranted my feelings on here... LOL anyways, I hope that wasn't too confusing for any of you. And I hope you guys will enjoy this story, thanks for reading.

Also if you're on a computer, i suggest you use this google chrome extension called "InteractiveFics". What it does is replaces "Y/N" with your name, which you will have to type in. It really helps to feel more connected to the story. Here is the link to the extension.

#bts angst #schlimazel #bts ot7 x reader #bts x you #ot7 bts x reader #ot7 x reader #bts x reader #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #jhope #suga #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #bts fanfic

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broodybuck · 6 months

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Breaking Up the Neighbors | Series Part 3

Series Summary: Steve moves into his dream home and falls for his engaged neighbor.

Series Tags: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes | Rated E | Tags: 18+ explicit smut, consensual cheating, pining, neighbors AU, no powers AU, top Steve, bottom Bucky, established Bucky and Zemo

[Masterpost]

[PART 1] [PART 2]

“Are you nervous?” Steve asks to break the silence.

“Yeah.”

“We don’t have to do this, you can always change your mind,” Steve reminds him.

“No, I want to. I — you’re the first guy who’s ever made me rethink my relationship,” Bucky admits.

“Really?”

“Yeah, you were just so nice and good-looking and I knew when I was starting to feel something…”

“Feelings change, Buck. You don't have to feel guilty about it.”

“I know, it’s just a lot. I mean, Zemo has taught me everything I know,” Bucky blushes.

Steve smirks. He steps closer and brushes his hand lightly down Bucky’s arm.

“I bet I can teach you a few new things.”

In response to his suggestive words, Bucky slowly closes his eyes. It sends a surge through Steve.

“Would you like that?” Steve asks him low.

“Yeah,” Bucky says breathily. Steve sucks in a breath at hearing his voice like that for the first time, heavy with desire.

“Why don’t we start with something simple,” Steve suggests. And with Bucky’s eyes still closed, he frames the man’s face gently in his hands, leans in, and finally tastes the lips he’s been dreaming about for months now.

Bucky kisses him back automatically and Steve’s thrilled it already feels so natural. Bucky even grabs onto the hem of Steve’s shirt like he needs to keep him close. It makes it easy for Steve to glide his hands down to his neck, press his tongue into his mouth, and revel in the moan that sounds from Bucky.

Steve lets the kiss wade and he slowly leans back to open his eyes. He looks at Bucky with his eyes closed, mouth parted, standing practically limp in front of him like he’s waiting for Steve to lead every step of the way. And Steve can’t fucking wait to. He’s nearly giddy as his skin burns with anticipation. He slides his fingers under the hem of Bucky’s shirt and hears his breath hitch.

“Could we take this off?” Steve asks, pausing his hands.

Bucky nods and lifts his arms as Steve slides the material up and off his body. Steve drops the shirt on the ground as his eyes rake down the man’s beautiful torso. He soaks in every inch of it, too excited for his own good, his fingers race to the belt wrapped around Bucky’s jeans.

“How about this too?” Steve asks, although his fingers are already working the thing open.

“Yeah,” Bucky allows belatedly. His belt already crashing against the hardwood floor and Steve’s moving on the button and zipper of his pants.

The jeans come off next and when he’s left in his underwear, that’s when Bucky opens his eyes and a wave of self-consciousness crashes over him. He steps back, folding his arms across himself. “Um, wait.”

Steve stands still, tries to resist drinking his body in, and keeps his gaze level with Bucky’s face.

“You should undress too,” Bucky says.

Steve nods and easily whips his shirt and pants off much faster than Bucky seemed to expect he would. Bucky’s mouth parts, he looks suddenly worried.

“We can slow down,” Steve tells him.

“No, um… I just…” Bucky glances around at the walls. “I just haven’t shown anyone else.”

Steve nods, “You can leave them on for now.”

Bucky shakes his head like he’s willing himself to get through this.

“I want to — I need to,” Bucky says and with that, he shoves his boxers down to his ankles and stands tall for Steve to see all of him.

Steve’s eyes train down to his cock, he blinks slowly, taking in the sight of Bucky half-hard.

“Is it… pretty enough?” Bucky asks so low Steve could’ve missed it.

“Oh honey,” Steve’s skin prickles. He smiles so lovingly, he can instantly see the effect it has on Bucky. “It’s so fucking pretty. You’re perfect.”

Steve watches his words coat Bucky’s skin like a layer of relief. He breathes in slowly.

“My turn?” Steve asks.

Bucky presses down a smile and nods. Steve slides off his underwear and watches Bucky’s eyes drop down.

“Is it big enough for you, honey?” Steve asks him. He hears Bucky’s breath shudder, still staring.

“Yeah, you’re bigger than… I thought,” Bucky marvels.

Steve closes the space between them and when Bucky’s eyes haven’t lifted from his cock, Steve gently tilts his chin up and kisses him. Bucky sighs into it, sounds relieved again, kissing him back in time, and Steve melts into this man’s mouth. Zemo’s been so lucky to have access to these perfect lips all this time. Why in the world would he ever give this up, Steve wonders.

“If you could… um, just tell me if it’s going alright, okay?” Bucky requests softly when they part.

“I’m having a great time,” Steve grins and Bucky can’t help but smirk a little.

“I meant…” he starts shyly.

“I know,” Steve frames his face again. “I’ll tell you all night how good it’s going.”

Without warning, Steve hooks both of Bucky’s legs and wraps them around his waist, hoisting the man up. Bucky gasps, wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck. Steve walks him to the bed and lays him flat on the mattress.

Bucky smiles widely for the first time tonight and Steve needs to immediately lean over him and kiss the smile on his face especially now that he can. Steve kisses him long and hard, sliding their naked bodies together until Bucky starts to moan under him.

��This is so good,” Steve murmurs in between kisses and then slips a hand down Bucky’s body. He grazes his cock and then glides it underneath to his hole. “Can we get you open, baby?

“Yeah,” Bucky breathes, lifting his hips and spreading his thighs apart.

“Let me get the lube,” Steve says and kisses Bucky once more before leaving the bed to search through his nightstand.

Steve takes his time working Bucky open and all the while, he’s kissing Bucky nice and slow. He knows how much progress he’s making every time Bucky needs to pull away from a sensual kiss to groan and squirm from Steve’s spreading fingers.

“Are you ready?” Steve asks.

Bucky opens his eyes and stares up at him. He grabs Steve’s face and kisses him like it’s the first time. Like he’s been waiting for this moment and puts all his force into it. It knocks Steve’s breath out of his lungs.

“Yes,” Bucky says after he draws back.

Steve rolls on top of him and pushes his knees up. He lines his cock up, his breath going shallow with want as he carefully begins to push inside. Bucky whines from the breach. Wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck, Steve kisses him as he pushes in to the hilt and they both moan when he gets there.

“That’s so good,” Steve gravels, closing his eyes as the pleasure blurs over his senses. He kisses Bucky’s forehead and then rocks forward. “Gonna move now.”

“God, Steve,” Bucky moans only a few seconds into Steve’s gentle thrusts. “Oh, god.”

“So good,” Steve mumbles again, unknowingly picking up the pace now.

Bucky’s grip tightens, his nails digging in. Steve feels his self-constraint leaving him, he hasn’t felt this animalistic in a while. He had wanted to take this slow, move at Bucky’s pace, but he’s finding himself ramping up the speed without meaning to. He finds his needs taking charge without him wanting them to.

Bucky’s moans are constant in Steve’s ear making everything harder. Steve grunts after a rough succession of thrusts and tries to slow himself down.

“Good for you, baby?” Steve asks.

Bucky presses his face into Steve’s shoulder, bucks up his hips, and whines again.

“Fuck, so good - don’t - stop,” Bucky huffs, rutting his hips up and down Steve’s cock until a guttural groan leaves Steve’s throat and he has to keep fucking him.

He thrusts back into a rhythm and there’s no question now that Steve’s losing it. He can feel the pleasure mounting in his spine. He wants to slow down even if it’s just to savor the moment, remember every sensation of being inside Bucky, but he can’t.

“Buck, please— tell me you’re close,” Steve gripes, still fucking him in earnest.

Bucky doesn’t answer, his nails buried into Steve’s skin, his face pressed against him. Steve’s about to pull back, look at him and ask again, but then Bucky lets out a wail. His body clenches around the base of Steve's cock. Steve’s motion falters from it, he clambers for balance and Bucky falls back down on the pillows, his body arching back as he comes across his stomach.

Steve barely has time to appreciate the sight when his eyes close sharply and his release rushes through him. He groans loudly, his cock pulsating violently as he fills Bucky in large spurts. It drains him enough that when he’s done, his weight gives in and he falls on top of Bucky.

The sound of their panting fills the room and they’re quiet for a few long minutes just trying to regain their breath. Steve doesn’t want to pull out, feels like when he does it’s officially over. And his biggest fear right now is that Bucky will walk out of this room and never let Steve inside him again.

As Steve’s breathing finally calms he’s close enough that he can plant small kisses on the side of Bucky’s neck. Bucky heaves in a breath as his chest finally levels out.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks. Within the pause before his answer, Steve sits up so he can look at Bucky’s face.

“I’m good, really good,” Bucky smiles.

Steve smiles right back, relieved. He kisses him although part of him worries he’s not supposed to kiss him anymore but Bucky lets him, kisses him right back too.

Steve stares down at him, still trying to stall having to pull out. Bucky chuckles briefly, sensing Steve’s resistance to go anywhere.

“I could help you get cleaned up,” Steve says. “In the shower or…”

“Yeah,” Bucky says before Steve rambles for too long.

Steve finally commits to pulling out and sits back on his knees to watch the come drip out of Bucky.

Bucky sits up and surprisingly cups Steve’s face and grants him another kiss. Steve smiles so wide when they part.

“Shower’s good,” Bucky says.

Steve nods and hops off the bed to start the water. When the water’s warm, Bucky stands in front of him and lets Steve drag a washcloth over his body. He lets Steve wipe under every curve and crevice until he’s clean. He doesn’t say anything. When he finishes, Steve presses one kiss into his neck and then drops the washcloth.

“All done,” Steve says, trying not to sound sad.

Bucky doesn’t move, doesn’t turn around either and Steve wonders what he’s thinking.

“Steve,” Bucky says finally.

“Yes?”

“About what I said before… about this being a one-time thing.”

“I hated that,” Steve confesses.

Bucky spins around so fast, water from the spray splashes Steve’s face. He wipes a hand down his eyes and then meets Bucky’s wondrous gaze.

“You mean that?” Bucky asks.

“I don’t want tonight to end,” Steve tells him and pulls him closer by his waist.

Bucky blinks up at him like he can’t believe the words he’s hearing. Then he lets his hands fall to Steve’s chest and caresses his wet skin. Steve has no idea how he’s going to let him leave, he wants these hands imprinted on his body forever.

“I don’t want it to end either.”

“Really?” Steve smiles.

“I’m leaving him.”

“Good,” Steve says on impulse.

“You’d want me, though?” Bucky asks. And it’s such a silly question, Steve can’t help but laugh.

He holds Bucky’s face and kisses him before he answers.

“I want you more than anything, Buck.”

Bucky smiles with disbelief. Then he falls into Steve, letting his head rest against his chest and hugging him with his arms. Steve hugs him back tighter and smiles to himself.

Somehow he got his handsome neighbor and now he’s never letting him go.

#stucky #stucky fanfiction #stucky series #series #tumblr fic #breaking up the neighbors #series part 3 #stucky smut #bucky barnes fanfic #steve rogers fanfic

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sublimecatgalaxy · 1 year

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♥️ To Do List ♥️ 11/27/22

Hi everyone! This idea was inspired by a post by my lovely friend @sweetpeapod cuz I wanted to give you guys an idea on what I have planned to post over the next week or so.

Just a reminder that my requests are opened and I have updated my character list so give it a peek :)

Let me know in the comments which ones you guys are most excited for!!

-Liz :)

Planned (this upcoming week):

Liability Part 2: Rafe Cameron x Reader Summary: After a month and a half of meeting, tensions rise. But not in the way that either of them expected.

I'm also going to be sorting out my masterlist/masterpost situation because I'm not a fan of it. I'll be moving stuff over to my secondary blog, @sublimecatgalaxies too.

Requests (this upcoming week):

Anon Smut Request: JJ Maybank x Reader Summary: "JJ Maybank smut with best friends to lovers? Maybe they get super high and they get into mischief?"

Anon Smut Request: Fezco x Reader Summary: "The reader fakes an orgasm and gets an interesting reaction from Fezco."

Anon Fluff Request: Daryl Dixon x Reader Summary: Daryl's grumpy attitude changes when he sees the Readers pretty dress and the braids that Carol braided into her hair.

Eventual (TBD):

Oneshot Request by @bringinsexybackk69: Daryl Dixon x Wife!Reader Summary: Daryl and his wife were separated at the fall of the prison bit the Reader manages to escape with Glenn. When they end up upon Abe and his crew, reuniting, they form a group looking for the rest of their family. At Terminus, once all the fighting is over, Daryl and Reader reunite.

'Him + I' Multipart Series: Bodyguard!Daryl x Mafia!Reader Summary: Daryl is entrusted with protecting his bosses daughter which, in all of his years of working, is proving to be one of the most difficult jobs he's been given. Not because the job is difficult but because she is difficult.

'Breathe Me' Multipart Series: Bucky Barnes x Therapist!Reader Summary: Bucky's difficult part and sharp attitude makes their sessions difficult but his therapist gets right through to him with some 'unconventional' methods.

'Cruel Summer' Oneshot: JJ Maybank x Reader Summary: JJ Maybank makes it his personal job to see that Topper's older cousin is given the full tour of all that the Outer-banks has to offer, including his way of life.

'Daddy Dearest' Oneshot: Negan Smith x Reader AU Summary: Strictly for the pleasure of @ncllywrites, this lengthy oneshot is about the situationship between Negan Smith, a CEO in New York City, and one of his many assistants. Of course he goes after the one girl who doesn't fall at his feet, making it his personal effort to win her over by any means necessary.

Lights, Cameras, Action Oneshot: Rafe Cameron x Camgirl!Reader Summary; Rafe falls in love with his most recent camgirl that he's been going to when he craves human (electronic) interaction and affection. Simple as that.

Boarder created by the lovely @delishlydelightfuldividers :)

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the heart @vampviolets@haylee-e @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife

@officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr @aaaaslaaaan @witxhy-lexx @minjix @luvroseee @tee-swizzle @savageneversaw @admiringlove @hysteriahall @piceous21 @starlightandfairies @igotmajordaddyissues @drewstarkey-wife1 @manyfandomsfanvergent

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hongjoongscafe · 2 years

Text

✧*̥˚ The Doll *̥˚✧

-ˋˏ [Part 3; Serieslist] ˎˊ

-ˋˏ In the riddle brain ˎˊ

⚘ pairing: wizard!wooyoung×doll!reader (Jihyun)

⚘ genre: fluff, angst, smut, fantasy AU.

⚘ summary: his loneliness made him desperate for a partner.

⚘ word count: 2.4k+

⚘ note: AU suggestion and the picture edit by @nanibecute. Thank you so much 💓 this is how Liz looks like.

⚘ Masterpost

⚘ DO NOT REPOST, PLZ

He floated closer, "but I will say one last thing before going for now… Use your task intelligently," he winked and disappeared back into the wand.

"Why would you say that, Hobble Bobble? Why do I feel like you know something and I don't!" Wooyoung frustratedly said to himself as he tried to figure out his assignment.

It has been a week since that night and now all he could think about was his assignment. Hobble Bobble made it very clear that he had to make something and turn that thing into a living and breathing thing.

A dog…

A cat…

A reptile, perhaps?

"Ugh!" He fisted his hair. "Hobble!" His frustration was fogging his mind that he didn't see or heard the slight thumping and shaking of his wand.

Hobble Bobble's cute little shiny eyes blinked and fell on his struggling wizard. He huffed cutely in his signature baby voice and roamed over his wizzy's head.

"Hobble Bobble, where did you push me? I can't understand the assignment. It's too hard!" He whines.

"What's so hard about this?" Wooyoung flinched and looked at Hobble Bobble in horror. "What?"

"When did you come?" He asked, calming his heartbeat.

"Just now when you were desperately calling for me," the pink cloud blinked.

Wooyoung nodded slowly and said, "ah, well, I was just talking… to myself," while pouting.

"Why can't you understand your assignment? It is so easy. You should use it for your good. It's an opportunity for you to be satisfied," the cloud said nonchalantly.

"How?" The wizard dragged his word.

Hobble Bobble let out a tiny haaa noise. "Use this assignment for your own good. The missing thing is what you want."

"It sounds like a bad riddle," he whined.

"No, my statement is not a riddle, your brain is. Understand your brain, you will know what I mean," he said and moved closer to the wand to go back.

"No, wait!" Wooyoung took his wand away. "Don't go. Please," he pouted.

"I left my game in between with Tubby-Toodle," the cloud whined.

Wooyoung curled out his lower lip even more and looked at Hobble Bobble with puppy eyes, blinking rapidly.

"Fine!" The cloud sat on the coffee table.

The Wizard went back to thinking about what he wanted. He was not aware of what was missing or how to decipher his brain that was, apparently, a riddle.

"Something that I want. Something that I want. Hmm," Wooyoung talked to himself. "What can it be? I have everything. Nothing is missing."

Hobble Bobble sighed. It was going to be a long day for him. He should forget his game already.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Wooyoung and Hobble Bobble went on a walk later on when the wizard couldn't think of a single thing.

The cloud, he knew what the wizard wanted and was missing. But it would be cheating if he helped him any further.

As they were walking down the street, talking about random stuff, they stumbled across a toy shop. From the display, there were many things. Cars, buses, trains, doll houses. But what caught his eye the most was the big doll in the box, she was probably the height of his leg.

Wooyoung stopped there and admired the doll closely. It reminded him of Liz. She was enthusiastic about dolls. Within a few minutes, she changed his views about dolls. It left a sweet smile on his face.

"Wizzy?" The cute cloud called. "Is everything okay?"

He chuckled and looked away from the doll and walked forward, "just remembered something cute."

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

They were sitting in the park. The grass under them was soft and refreshing. The tall trees were happy to provide shade to the tired passerby. The birds were singing songs of happiness, the children were playing the games of house-house. The chitter chatter of the ladies was just some whispers in the background.

When Wooyoung was young, he would play this game with his cousins. They would make him play ridiculous roles. Sometimes he would join them for tea parties. He chuckled at the bittersweet memories. They are so good that it hurts now. He wished he had someone with whom he could play these things now without being worried about getting judged.

It wouldn't be bad right? Asking someone to play something so childish now when he and she are grown up. Definitely weird and probably they will be leaving him the next minute.

Well, it is how it is.

"I wonder when I will be alive again," Wooyoung sighed.

"If you use your brain enough, no one is stopping you from feeling alive again," Hobble said.

"You keep on saying that and I'm still confused as fuck," Wooyoung laid back on the ground and the cloud found its place on the wizard's belly.

"You have everything in front of your eyes, why can't you see it?" He said.

"I don't know what I am missing?" He tilted his head.

"It can be anything," Hobble Bobble said. "A feeling maybe."

"Hm, still confused, Bobble."

"Nevermind, I'm going now, you are so slow!" He cutely huffed and disappeared in the wand.

"Great! What am I supposed to do now?" He got up and walked to the one place where he could find answers.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

"Saaaaanie," Wooyoung knocked on his best friend's door. "Look who came to meet you."

"No one is inside, my friend," Wooyoung flinched when he heard San's voice from his back. San cackled.

"You scared me," he whined. "Anyhow, where were you?"

"Hm, Mary was out of town this week. She came back last night. So I got some stuff she was out of," San informed.

"Oh, oky. Can I come in?" Wooyoung asked with puppy eyes.

"How can I say no to you?" San showed his infamous feline smile. "Come on in."

San opened the door and closed it after Wooyoung stepped in. He knew about his assignment and he was sure that he came to him related to that. Wooyoung doesn't show his puppy eyes for anything. San was more than happy to help.

"So, what can you not understand?" San asked without any formalities.

"What understand?" Wooyoung asked.

"Don't be like that, just say it," San poured some water for him and his pouty friend.

"There is nothing as such," he said.

"The assignment, you know what you are gonna do in that?" San knowingly asked.

"Well," he dragged. "I don't know," San chuckled. Wooyoung also told him about what Hobble Bobble said about something that is missing.

"It's alright, Wooyoungie. I know you will figure it out."

"There is something more…" Wooyoung sheepishly said.

"I'm all ears," San sat on the counter stool.

"I kinda feel like I should go somewhere else. Like kinda vacation?" He thought about it, "yeah, a vacation."

San's face turned serious. It's not bad that Wooyoung wanted to go on a vacation but it was the weight of pain that his voice held. "What is going on, Woo?"

"I don't know. I feel like maybe going away for a while can be better for a change and environment. I just need some space… away from here," Wooyoung's eyes were glossy.

"Are you sure it is what you want? I mean, you can go whenever and wherever you want but please, don't part ways from us," San got up and hugged his friend, "maybe you can use your loneliness as an excuse for your assessment."

"What do you mean?" Wooyoung frowned.

"I mean, love is what you are missing, right? That's what Hobble said: something that is missing. Why can't you use this to your advantage and make an assignment from which you can cure your loneliness?" San explained.

Wooyoung's mouth opened a bit at the realization. 'So that's what Hobble Bobble meant?' He asked himself in his mind. "Ah, I'm such a fool. Why couldn't I figure it out!? Bobble is right, I'm so slow," Wooyoung whined and hugged his friend tightly. "Sannie."

"Ah, pabo. I need to ask you to leave now. Mary will be home any minute and I want her to myself," San patted his friend's back.

Wooyoung smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. "Okay, San. We get it," he teased.

"Aish," San playfully huffed.

As Wooyoung opened the door, Mary was right there about to open the door, "hey Mary, have fun~"

Mary looked at Wooyoung's back with a confused expression and turned to San who was now standing by the threshold. He just shrugged and brought her inside.

"He is never gonna grow up."

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

"We don't throw people away when we don't need them, do we? They also leave when they are needed. But dolls? Dolls stay with you forever. They won't leave you, you leave them on the dark streets like they meant nothing. They soaked many tears and giggles in them but it meant nothing in the end. People are ungrateful, they only see them as a non-living things. Dolls won't laugh at you when you cry. Dolls will not be sad because you are happy… The doll will always be there with you and will stick by your side forever," she said. "Unlike people, dolls are forever yours. Dolls fill the void in the heart and give us the warmth we need the most."

The doll. That's what he needed. Wooyoung couldn't contain his happiness as he was walking with a jump in his steps. Oh, he wanted to kiss San so bad for his idea that lit a big bulb in his brain. How can he forget Hobble Bobble? That little cloud ball helped him so much. Liz, he was near her house. So he thought of stopping by.

"Liz!" He knocked. Instead of Liz, her mother opened the door and looked at him skeptically.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Oh, hello Ms." He bowed. "Is Liz home?"

"Why do you ask?" She asked while bowing back slightly.

"She helped me a lot that night! I understand your worries about strangers… but please, let me just say thank you to her," Wooyoung requested.

The lady slightly nodded and called Liz. She came running and beamed with a bright smile when she saw him. "Hi, how are you?"

"Hi, Liz. I'm good. I just stopped by to say thank you so much for sharing your feelings about dolls. It helped me a lot. So, thank you so much, Liz," ne smiled.

"Really? How did I help?" She asked. Her mother was standing behind, listening to them talking.

"Do you know Wizard Hanbin?"

"Oh, the master of masters?"

"Yeah," he happily nodded. "He gave me an assignment. I am supposed to make something out of scratch and turn it into a breathing thing."

"Like Chip Pot? Lumière?" She asked wide-eyed.

"Yes, just like that," he nodded.

"So you gonna make a doll?" Her interest peaked.

"Yes!" He excitedly exclaimed.

"That's so fun! I'm sure it is gonna be so gorgeous!" She clapped.

"Thank you!" He paused. "Also, as you said that the dolls fill the void in our hearts… I hope my doll fills the void in my heart as well."

"What void do you have?" She asked softly.

"Loneliness," he sadly smiled.

Liz moved closer with teary eyes and hugged him tightly. "I hope it does… Right, Milli?" She asked the doll in her arms. Bringing her face close to her ear, she said, "Milli said right!"

"That's wonderful! Okay, now I should get going, okay?" He said.

"Will you show me your doll to me?" She asked.

Wooyoung looked at her mother who nodded in agreement. "Sure! I'll show the doll."

"Okay, see you!" She said and went inside.

Wooyoung turned where he was going with a content smile on his face.

"Wizard! Stop," Liz's mother called.

Wooyiung stopped and turned around. "Yes?"

"I have never seen her this excited. She doesn't have friends. Her obsession with dolls kinda keeps other kids of her age away… I know, I came out to be rude but I worry. It's not easy to be a mother of a daughter… I hope you will be her friend?" She shared her pain.

Wooyoung's heart clenched. Liz was a wonderful teenager. She deserved nothing but happiness and health, "it is not an obsession. It is what keeps her happy. The doll is what makes her happy and fills her void. I think she can understand me better and I can understand her," he smiled. "She is already my best friend. Don't worry."

With that, he turned around again and walked back to his house.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Now the question was: how he was going to make the doll?

Wooyoung was laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. His mind ran in the past. As Hobble Bobble said earlier: "You have everything in front of your eyes, why can't you see it?" He said.

He tried to think of things that could make his doll perfect. Not that he had any perfection in his mind but at least realistic.

Cloth? Nah, too plain.

Crochet? Mm, too decorative.

Wool? Ah, too wintery.

Fluff cloth? Nope, too irritating.

Wooyoung huffed and closed his eyes. His mind pondered the scene of his date with Nari at the wax museum.

"I love going to wax statue museums. It's like, I am looking at real people," Wooyoung's date, Nari, said as they looked at beautiful wax statues. "They can't talk or do anything. Even the worst person's statue is clear of any sins. You can make them however you want. It's fascinating. Don't you think so?"

He gasped and sat up straight. His heartbeat was running wild and bubbled with excitement.

He picked up his wand and called for Hobble Bobble.

The little pink cloud ball appears with tired eyes. "What is it, Wizzy?" He asked and yawned.

"I know what I am making for the assessment!" Hobble Bobble's eyes widened and hugged his tiny arms around Wooyoung's face.

"I'm so happy! Yay! What are you gonna make?" He asked.

"A wax doll!" He smiled. "Tomorrow, we will be going to buy the material. And you are coming with me."

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

⚘ Sanaa's note:

The behavior of all the characters is visualized.

⚘ Taglist:

@veneziamadness @cheline @jhmylove @sansmilkbread @jayb17 @mirror-juliet @woo-stars

*lemme know if you wanna be added to the permanent or specific taglist*

Have a nice day/night💓

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give-grian-rights · 4 years

Note

Why does one of wilbur's old skins look like grian, america explain-

WE MADE A BROTHERS/TWINS AU FOR A REASON MY FRIEND..

i’ve seen the old skin, and even still the new one also looks similar just- i-.. it. it makes sense

#reminder for me to make a masterpost with summaries of all my aus #mika-posts #twins au #td;lr grian and wilbur has similar skins so now they're twins and grian's immortal for canonical reasons #brothers au #wilbur soot #grian #mcyt au #mcyt #wilbur soot au

129 notes · View notes

minniepetals · 2 years

Text

cry me a river | the gentle heart

— summary: keep your heart warm, no matter how cold they have been to you

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, mafia!au

— word count: 8.4k

— warnings: emotional/mental abuse, violence, character death, allusions to physical abuse

— a/n: shorter as compared to parts 2 and 3 but i thought this would make a good chapter by itself

— PART 4 / previous part / masterpost

“How pathetic of you to bully a child twice your age. Do you have no shame in yourselves?”

Three heads turn your way, two of them a few years older than you and one with her knees on the floor, tears ready to stream down her little cheeks. You know those two older ones, you recognize them. They once served under your mother before she passed away, and although they openly glare at you, they do well with holding their tongues back in the presence of the failed daughter who returned home.

Scramming away without a word, not even apologizing or bowing your way, your brows furrow slightly as you hear their feet scurrying away before turning your attention back on the third maiden.

A poor little soul, clothes torn and dirty, different from the clean ones those ladies had on, with her cheeks puffy red and swollen eyes, tears ready to spill at any second yet she holds them back when you stand before her.

A small little girl.

“How old are you?” You ask in a gentle voice.

“T-thirteen,” she stutters, head lowered.

Thirteen.

Just thirteen years old, already working under the Reapers, meaning her parents probably faced the wrath of your father and were eliminated, or she was simply an orphan child to begin with, having stepped into the wrong line of an alleyway and messed with the wrong people.

You can’t help her, you have no power, and for a second watching the lithe little girl cowering before you, it almost reminds you of the face of the little daughter no one had ever cared for.

You see yourself in her and lower yourself to your knees.

“How long have you been here?” You ask and she answers obediently.

“Two years, my lady.”

Two years, so about a year after you left the Reapers household.

A small bitter chuckle leaves your lips. “Do you know who I am?”

“I…” She looks up timidly, tears still held back but despite it all, you see courage and strength in them. “Y-You’re the...the daughter of..of the boss.”

“That’s right,” you nod, “then you should know that I am not a.. ‘my lady’ to anyone here, right?”

“...” She doesn’t say a word to that, brows furrowing slightly and for a second you almost think her tears are for another reason. “But…”

“I am a nobody in this house. I have no power, so even if I want to help you, I cannot do anything for you. The only thing I can do is drive the presence of my lower subordinates away.” You give a rueful smile. “They do well in leaving the room when I am present. They will not help nor listen to me, but they will leave. So if you should ever need anyone to stop bothering you, just come to me and no one will dare to stay when bathed in my presence.”

You thought that she would nod, listen to your kindness, but instead, she hits you with a question.

“But why?” She asks in her small voice. “Why do they do that, my lady?”

My lady.

You almost want to laugh at the way she’s still calling you that title despite the fact that you’ve already told her of you having no respect in this house.

“I am incompetent,” you simply say. “I am nothing but a pawn,” you pause, giving her a small smile, “a useless pawn. That’s why I returned here, because I couldn’t be made useful to my father or my ex-husband. When you can’t do anything right, when you can’t have an answer as to what you’ve done wrong, when they can’t even give you an explanation...that’s how you come to know that you are unloved and uncared for. That’s how you know that you are useless. And that’s why I came back. Silence holds a lot of answers, little one, and sometimes that silence can damage you so much more than any word can ever do.”

You stand back on your feet, ignoring the small dust particles your dress has picked up from the floor, and begin to walk away from the little girl who watches you with pitiful eyes from behind.

You hadn’t expected her to run to your side that quickly but she does, the very next day, knocking on the door to your room with innocent doe eyes looking up at you. You take one glance to the side and see the back of a man walking away to realize someone was bothering her again.

“Good job.” When you pat her lightly on the head, you see the most sweetest smile with the most precious eyes which turns into crescents at your praise.

She doesn’t speak much, but you find out her name a few days later after her daily visits, yet it becomes too frequent and you begin to grow weary.

“You cannot keep relying on me, Yuna.” A tilt to the side and you know a little girl her age doesn’t understand what you’re saying. “I cannot continue to protect you, you will have to eventually learn to defend your own self.”

Her face falls at your words and you hate the way you know you’ve probably shattered her hope in life. But what else can you do? You can’t even protect your own self.

“If you keep coming to me, my father will eventually find out. If not by himself, then his servants will let him know and no one,” you stress, “wants me to be happy.” Her little brows crease and you let out a small sigh, not wanting to explain this to a child but she has to know. This is the world of the mafia, after all, and concealing her innocence will only harm her.

She has to know.

Otherwise one day she may lose her life if the warnings never reach her ears.

“If you keep staying by my side, if you keep coming to me, and if you let anyone know of our kindness to each other...you will die.”

Her small body freezes in place, her eyes kept still, but you see the fear in them as they begin to tremble and her own body begins to follow soon after. She wants to ask you something, you know, but Yuna can barely even open her mouth without her voice cracking before you.

She wants to know what you mean.

And you let her know.

“You will die,” you repeat, voice a little softer, a little weaker, and a little more frail. Your eyes fall to the floor yet you keep your tears behind, knowing that showing weakness is unpleasant even towards a young child. “You will die, just as the first person who had ever shown me kindness.” She looks at you with an arch of surprise and curiosity and a bitter chuckle leaves you. “Perhaps some servants have wanted to show me kindness, perhaps they’ve wanted to reach out and lend me a hand…but they know the consequences to that. Father will kill them if they ever care for me.”

“They’re cowards.”

You’re surprised by the utter venom that leaves the lips of a small child, surprised by the amount of hatred she holds in her eyes as she speaks of those servants, and a part of you yearns for that sort of courage she has to hate others.

You want to hate others but…

Keep your heart warm, no matter how cold they have been to you.

You take a silent breath in and a silent breath out.

“Perhaps, but it changes nothing, as you can see. No one wants to reach out and no one wants to die. That is why...I cannot protect you, Yuna,” you tell her softly. “Even if you weren’t the one to reach out, if I were to ever care for someone...father will kill them as well. That’s why you shouldn’t associate yourself with me. I will only kill you.”

“No, I…” She shakes her head from side to side, tears welling up along her eyes as if the single thought of leaving you will break her. “You’re the first kindness I’ve ever met.”

Just as Mister Butler was to you. But you killed him in return and you know more than anyone to never do that to a child.

You stand from your seat and turn your back on her. “I will not allow myself to kill a child.”

“What did I tell you?”

Yuna lets her tears fall, it’s the first time she’s ever allowed her tears to fall, and your heart breaks knowing you’re the cause to them. But she quickly goes to wipe them away as if she understands, as if she knows just how much her tears are affecting you. How much of a burden they are to you.

A small child but knowing that someone before her is suffering and hiding her pains. She knows she can’t burden you with her tears when you have your own ones to deal with.

“I..” She clears her throat but even then, when she speaks again, her voice still breaks, “I can’t leave you.” A small sniffle and she looks up at you with such a desperate expression. “Please,” she says as she claps her hands together. “Please, my lady, let me stay, I-...L-let me vow my loyalty to you...only you.”

You frown. “No,” you tell her firmly. “What is the use in giving your loyalty to someone who can’t even defend herself? Need I remind you that I have no power?”

“I don’t care,” she cries and cries. “I’ll serve you. Only you.”

“Yuna—”

“My lady.” A strong voice, broken yet strong, her eyes though filled with tears, are also filled with such determination and for a moment you’re speechless at how earnest and stubborn this little girl is. “Let me serve you.” A knee to the floor and a head bowed. “Until the day I die, my life is in your hands.”

A lost child, orphaned, and hurt, looking for guidance and a parental figure and she finds that in you. Just as you had seen Mister Butler, she sees you in that light and the mere fact of you deserting her will only result in a shattered child with a loss of hope.

How can you ever do that to a child?

You can’t.

“You have to promise me something.” Her eyes widen slightly when she looks up at the frailness in your voice, at the sight of your tears forming along your waterline. You lower yourself before her, meeting her at eye level as you take her small, poor little hands into yours and wrap them up as a mother would a child. “You have to promise.”

“I..I-I’ll do anything for you, my lady.”

“You have to promise me that you won’t love me.”

Yuna freezes in place yet you stay firm and shake your head.

“If you love me, I will not allow you to stay by my side,” you warn her softly. “You got that? The second I see that in your eyes, I will discard you.” She doesn’t say a word so you push her further. “Yuna.”

You’re so small, so small and weak compared to your father, yet the way you speak her name is so commanding Yuna almost loses her composure for a second. Tears fill your eyes, desperation, but at the same time there is strong determination and so much strength in them that Yuna knows right at that second, there is no one else she would rather follow than you.

“I promise.”

The first promise made from the first follower of the ruined Reaper’s daughter.

You’re pushed so hard into the very room you hoped to never return to and stumble onto your feet, causing a hard landing onto the floor. The pain on your shoulder hurts but you pay no mind to it as you rush back onto your feet, not daring to glare at the man who handled you unfairly but pleading at your father instead.

“Please,” you say as you fall to your knees, hands tightly clapped against one another as you look up at him. “P-please don’t keep me here. Anywhere but here.”

A disgusted scoff falls from his lips. “So shameful,” he utters without emotions and it stabs at you in ways you’ve never hurt before because hearing this from a father you love and being reminded of the very words your ex-husband once told you hurts more than anything.

Namjoon still haunts your thoughts everyday just as the rest of them and it hurts. Your stomach twists in ways it’s never done before, filled with heartache and fear which threatens to consume all that you are. Every word that he’s ever spoken to you repeats in your head and you try to block them out by covering your ears but that stops nothing.

His words stab countless needles into your heart.

Stop it, please stop.

“You’re a grown woman yet you still dare to shed your pitiful tears before me? If you really wanted respect, you wouldn’t dare show your tears nor bend a knee to anyone.”

“Please, father, I—”

“Useless. Utterly useless.” He turns his back to you without another word and just as he begins to walk away, you see the little girl that has vowed her loyalty unto you, eyes filled with so much hatred as her jaws clenches hard.

Yet you shake your head her way, losing faith, and her eyes which shows so much disgust and protest is the last thing you see before the door is slammed shut before your face.

The wind hits you hard and you’re reminded once more of another scene with Namjoon.

The first and last fight you had with him when he had shut you out and everything began to fall apart.

You can feel your body trembling as you try your best to avoid the condition of the White Room, knowing more than anyone how terrifying it is. Perhaps it may look like an ordinary room to just anyone, a once white room that’s now filled with black and dirty marks like jagged knife scrapes, but to you, it is a nightmare.

A nightmare you can’t seem to ever escape.

You crawl yourself to a corner, facing the wall so you don’t have to see anything, and push your knees so close to your chest. Then with a bit of discomfort from your aching shoulder, you hug yourself as you begin to rock your body back and forth.

It’s comforting in a way.

Comforting.

It’s supposed to be comforting and keep you away from the fears but how can this ever be a form of comfort anymore after you’ve had people who were by your side to hold you?

“But they’re gone,” you whisper to yourself. “Gone…”

A tear falls and another falls and you shake. You tremble hard.

“Hoseok,” you hear yourself call out a name. “Hoseok please…” You don’t know what you’re begging for because he’s gone now, you’ve pushed him away, left him alone to deal with the problems for himself. You left him, you left them all.

Yet…

“Hoseok, I...I’m scared. I’m so scared.”

“You can come to me.” You hear his voice in the back of your mind, so soft, so gentle, as he holds out his arms for you. You want those arms, to collapse into them, to let them hold you and take all the fears away. He loved you still and maybe Hoseok could have been the key to fixing the relationship but you were too afraid to find out. You want to hold onto him and rely on him yet at the same time, you’re afraid of him.

And now they’re gone, the promise is gone, just as you will never be able to go to Hoseok ever again.

“What do I do...what do I do, Hoseok? Who do I rely on now? There’s no one but me yet I...I scare myself the most. What do I do, Hoseok?” You cry pitiful tears and your voice breaks and fails at times but almost as if thinking alone won’t help you, as if you have a chance at him hearing you if you were to speak your thoughts aloud...he’d come.

“Please save me...Please hold me...Hoseok…”

Yet no one comes.

And no one ever would.

Ever again.

“Why?!”

You fall quiet when Yuna expresses her anger for the first time ever.

“Why do you just let him do that to you?! Why didn’t you fight back?!”

Why indeed. Why, why, why? You ask yourself that every day yet the same answer comes back to you every single time.

“To survive,” you tell her. “That is the only way I can survive.”

“But don’t you want to live and not just survive?!”

Of course you do. Of course.

But how? How can you?

You want to scream and shout and blame the world for the life it’s given you, faulting it for every single thing that has happened to you but how can you? How can you blame anyone else for your very own life choices?

Keep your heart warm.

“It’s my fault for being weak and useless.”

“No, that’s not it.” Yuna cries and cries for you. She gets angry, gets upset, and wants to hurt others for you. Just for you. “You can’t blame everything on yourself because none of this is your fault.”

You shake your head, not wanting to hear any comforting words at the moment because it reminds you of them, of what they once were before the coldness got to them.

Keep your heart warm, no matter how cold they have been to you.

Cold. The room is so cold.

“Please leave,” you ask Yuna without sparing her a glance and you know, you know she wants to protest but you can’t have her in the room no longer. She will only give you false hope and you can’t love anyone anymore.

They’ll all leave in the end.

“Leave.” So you decide to shut them out first. “You’ll die if he ever finds out you’re only loyal to me.” It’s an excuse, an excuse, and although Yuna probably understands that, she knows not to go against your words. “So please leave.”

Keep your heart warm.

You don’t have the heart to look at her because you know she’s probably crying for you, wanting to help, to reach out and lend a hand. But you can’t take it, you can’t even allow her to hold her hand out in the first place.

She’ll leave in the end, just like the rest of them.

“What happened to you?”

It aches a little but you allow Yuna to apply some poultice on the shoulder you injured when that man had pushed you onto the floor a few days ago. You couldn’t get it treated yourself, not since you were locked up in the White Room for around three days, and although you had hoped to keep it a secret from Yuna, she eventually found out and is now tending to you.

“The shoulder?” You ask a question with a question.

“No,” she shakes her head. “I know how you got that and I’ll deal with him late—”

“No.” You quickly say in a firm voice. “You can disobey my orders with anything else but interfering with anything that involves my father or openly standing up for me is an absolute no. I will not kill a child.”

Yuna falls silent for a moment, eyes a little fearful when you stare down at her but eventually she nods solemnly.

“I’m sorry, my lady.”

Keep your heart warm, your voice echoes in your head and you let out a sigh. “You’re a good kid,” you say with a small pat to her head, “I don’t want you dying for my sake. Being like this is already dangerous enough but luckily no one enters my private room. You have to be careful.”

“Yes, my lady.”

You turn around once more to allow her to continue tending to your shoulder. “What were you trying to ask?”

“I…” her hand pauses mid-air, “I wanted to know why...why you returned,” Yuna asks. “Aren’t you afraid of your father? Unless...Mr. Kim was worse?”

“No,” you shake your head lightly. “Mr. Kim treated me much more fairly than father could ever do.”

“Then why?”

You fall silent for a moment and the room echoes in silence, but Yuna doesn’t say a word. She knows how to be patient, she knows when it isn’t the right time to speak, when to listen well, and that is what she does. She listens to your silence, until the moment you can speak again.

Yuna listens.

“I fell in love.”

She remains silent but you know she’s surprised by your answer to her simple question, a question that hurts to hear, a question that hurts to answer, and a question that keeps swarming in your own head every single day.

Even if Namjoon and the others didn’t love you anymore, you could have stayed, safely and securely from the pain of your father, from the trauma he has instilled onto you.

It was one of the toughest decisions to ever make and even now you wonder if you’ve made the right one.

Even if Namjoon and the others no longer loved you, you could have lived hiding away from your father.

“He loved me too...they all did.”

But staying with them has hurt you far more than you could have ever imagined.

“They?”

“Mr. Kim had six lovers before me, before the marriage, and they were the ones to fall in love first. I was scared then, scared of their love, afraid that one day I’d be left abandoned and some misfortune would befall us if I were to accept their love. I was afraid of falling.”

You remember the kindness they held in that moment, the soft hands which caressed you so gently, the kind whispers, the tender smiles and touches. You remember it as if it were yesterday. Yet yesterday is no longer, just as that precious moment.

“They made me a vow, a promise. They promised to catch me when I fell. And fell I did, pretty hard. They caught me though, just as they promised to. But just as they caught me...they were also the very ones who dropped me and shattered me.”

You aren’t even sure if your words make sense to a thirteen years old but it doesn’t matter.

Nothing matters.

“...Oh.” Yet Yuna responds well. “Why?” She asks. “Why did they catch you just to let you fall?”

“...That’s a very good question,” you say with a rueful smile so transient it’s become a habit of Yuna to catch that split moment when you give her a smile. Fake as it is, she catches them all.

When she finally finishes wrapping the bandage on your injury and helps you put your sleeves back on, you turn to the young girl who has yet to understand the concept of love. “This is why you cannot love me.” She listens to your words, her eyes never leaving yours as you speak directly to her. “I lost once, then all seven at the same time. Love...doesn’t work for me. If you love me, I will be the one hurting in the end and I don’t think...I don’t think I can handle a false hope anymore.”

She bites her lower lip for a second, eyes trembling. “Do you believe I will one day leave you too?”

“Everyone does,” you say and allow no words of hers to protest against that. “And I suppose that’s why I returned. Because in here, I can predict the outcome. I’m used to the pains and sufferings here. In here, in the Reaper’s house, no one loves me so I don’t have to be disappointed in the end. I can predict the hurting so I can hurt a little less.”

“That…” Her tears return once more as her brows furrowing with frustration. “That’s not...you shouldn’t...it’s not…”

Yuna doesn’t know how to form her words yet you understand at the sight of her strong fingers clenching onto her skin so tightly.

“It’s stupid, isn’t it?” You say with a bitter chuckle. “But I’m fine. I’ll be fine...one day.”

A child like her shouldn’t have to trouble herself with your nonsense. She has her own troubles to worry about.

“How do you expect to survive in this world if you can’t even hold a gun?” The words your father spits out are harsh as he always has been when he watches you from afar, gaze as sharp as that of a hawks’, with two of his men standing tall on each of his sides. “Pick it up,” he demands and you stand there, staring at the handgun you had failed to hold just seconds prior, now dropped on the floor helplessly.

You close your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath in, because you know that despite how afraid you are of that thing, your father’s disappointment far exceeds any other fear you hold in your heart.

When you crouch to pick the gun up once more, you aren’t sure if your slow breathing is occurring any longer, the only thing on your mind is to try and keep calm as you feel the metal in your hand.

You feel yourself trembling, the beat of your heart racing a thousand beats per minute, and suddenly you can’t see what’s before your eyes any longer. Images of the two dead bodyguards and Mister Butler flashes in your mind like a recurring nightmare that will never go away.

A shot to the head. A bodyguard falls.

Someone holds you down, shielding you from the bullets. A shot to the head and he too, falls limply onto your body.

The weight is heavy against your chest and you aren’t sure how to breathe.

“Mister Butler!”

You hear a gunshot far in your memories, so distant, so faint, but you remember being so alert the second you heard it. At the time the sound was so loud and clear, ringing and ringing in your ears, and the next thing you knew, you were standing right before a pair of eyes that no longer holds light.

He was your sun.

Hands far too unstable to hold onto something, you feel the gun slip out of your grasp and when it hits the floor with a loud thud, your blurry vision falls clear once more as your mind retraces back to reality.

“F..Father…”

Ah, you’re scared.

You’re scared.

You close your eyes tight, not wanting to look at that disappointing gaze of his, not wanting to face his wrath.

Yet you hear it loud and clear when his heavy footsteps marches towards your smaller frame. Your shoulders tense up, hunching close to your ears as your body shakes uncontrollably, yet the thing he lashes his anger out on isn’t you and when you hear a harsh slam of the gun to the floor right before you, you know he’s picked up the gun meant for you and smashed it to pieces.

“Are you that incompotent?! How weak are you to not even be able to hold a simple gun?!”

You flinch at his booming voice and bite hard onto your lips in order to keep your whimpers from escaping. If you make even the slightest noise, he’ll bring you back to the White Room. He’ll punish you.

“Fine,” you hear his strained voice when he turns for a moment. “If you can’t hold a gun, then hold this.”

Your eyes open to face what he has to offer but you weren’t at all prepared to be thrown a dagger right at you.

“Ah!” The sharp blade cuts your palm and drops to the floor and blood quickly begins to drip heavily. You let out a gasp, holding onto your wrist when the pain stings but fear more of the moment your father takes a harsh inhale.

He holds his temple as if suppressing his anger, and when that doesn’t work, the fire in his eyes is enough to make you tremble as he turns from you. “Take her to the White Room.”

Your eyes widen.

“W-wait..I..–Father please!”

Two strong arms take ahold of you when the door opens wide and father leaves the room without a word. “Fa—” Just as you’re about to call out for him, you catch sight of a familiar little girl and her screams.

Two people are dragging her away forcefully and your heart stops.

“Let her go. Hey!!” You rush to run to them but is forcefully held back by your own people and quickly struggle to leave their grasps. “Stop!! Let me go! I order you to let me go!!”

Yet no one listens to a word you scream out.

“Let me go!!”

You scream and shout, trashing your body as much as you can but they’re far much stronger than you will ever be, and in just a split moment, the sight of the little girl who looks up to you so much falls out of sight.

No one listens to you and you’re thrown back into the White Room once again.

Yet this time you’re more desperate to get out, this time you scream until your lungs give out, until your throat sores and can no longer take it, throwing fists after fists, banging onto the metal door so hard, begging and pleading and not caring for the blood and blisters that forms along your hands. Yet no one listens.

No one hears as they fall deaf to everything that is uttered from your very own lips, from the only daughter of the Reaper.

You aren’t sure how many hours you’ve stayed in that room, you aren’t even sure when you passed out but you did and when you open your eyes again, it’s when the doors to the White Room have opened up once again.

A gasp leaves your lips and before the guard can even tell you you’re free to leave, you stand up so fast and dash straight out of the room in just a split second.

Darkness fills your vision, your head spinning and your feet stumble upon one another but you don’t care to treat your own self just yet. You have a mission and that is to find Yuna, to make sure she’s alright.

You hear voices, asking after people, and though they show open disgust towards you, they tell you where Yuna should be and you run after the place.

You aren’t sure how many minutes have passed but even though you’re out of breath, even though your head spins in endless circles, you don’t care one bit unless you see it with your own pair of eyes that Yuna is alive.

She has to be alive.

That little girl with so much passion, so much life in her eyes.

They can’t kill her.

They can’t.

You hear a few voices from a room and immediately hide behind a wall, waiting and watching until the door opens and two familiar men emerge from the door. The same men who took Yuna away.

Anger rises from your chest but you know better than to confront them. You’ll risk Yuna’s life that way and even though there’s a chance she might not even be alive anymore, a part of you still has hope.

When they walk down the opposite hall from where you came from, it takes a few more seconds to watch their backs disappear before you stand before the door leading into a room.

Room 157, it states.

A long corridor of rooms fills this space up, a building different from the main house but still resides in the same property of the Reapers.

You feel so sick you want to throw up. Who knows how many other prisoners they’re keeping in here.

You shake your head to rid of the useless thoughts as you know that right now, confirming Yuna’s life is far more important.

The door creaks open and the first thing you notice is the cold air immediately taking over your body. You shiver and hold yourself. One single light source falls into the room from an open window, illuminating a small, little body, who holds herself up into a sitting position, her head hung over towards the floor as her arms are wrapped against her stomach.

You let out a gasp and quickly run towards Yuna after making sure the door was locked shut.

“Yuna!”

Upon your voice, her head slowly looks up.

“Yuna!” You feel tears stinging your eyes and in just a split second, you’re right by her side and allowing her to lean onto you for support.

“Ah…my lady…” She calls in a frail voice. “Why are you here?” It’s barely audible but you hear her. You hear every single word.

“You’re so cold.” You leave her for a moment to shut the window closed before returning to her side with your jacket taken off in order to wrap her up well. “What did they…do to you..?”

The sight of her is enough to know just what it is that they did to her.

Her face is bruised, cut lips, red markings on her neck and arms, and she holds onto her stomach so much you know they’ve probably gone there as well.

Tears fall from your eyes as you hold onto her. “I’m sorry,” you cry. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t come any sooner.”

“No,” Yuna shakes her head lightly, “If you did…I would have been in a worse state. I would have died.”

“Still.” You can’t forgive yourself. You can’t. “If I…If I came sooner..—”

“What are you talking about, my lady?” She leans away from your hold, brows furrowing as she examines the state you’re in. “They locked you up, my lady. There was nothing you could have done,” she says as she takes both your hands in her hold, letting you gaze down at how they appear before both your eyes.

One palm smears with blood from the dagger, your knuckles and the side of your hands cut and filled with red blisters from all that banging in hopes of knocking that door down.

You were so desperate to save Yuna you forgot about your own pains.

“We’re in the same boat,” Yuna says as tears fill her eyes and begin to roll down her cheeks before she can even hold them back. “I wanted to save you but I couldn’t and you…you wanted the same.” Her little hands tremble as they hold yours, pain and guilt filling her expression as she looks at them. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“How can you say that? Why would you apologize to me?”

“I don’t know, I…I don’t know anything.” She falls into your chest, crying and crying. “I just…I just want to make it all better.”

But she can’t and she doesn’t know how.

Just like you.

How do you save someone when you can’t even save your own self?

Yuna bandages your hands up so that you can treat her wounds.

The room is quiet, so so quiet, but the silence is comfortable and the silence is soft. You need no words exchanged in order to understand each other, not when you’re the only ones who can rely on each other.

Yuna is but a child trying to survive in this world after your father took her parents away from her forcibly. She yearns for your affections, for your love, and although you know you cannot accept her love nor can you give it to her, you let the little girl stay.

After all, she’s the only one keeping you sane at this moment.

With Yuna, you can breathe, even if it means a little. Because a little goes a long way and a little is just enough for you to open your eyes the next day.

She lays on your lap when you finish bandaging her petite body up, lying there as a child would seeking for their mother’s warmth. Her body curls up closely, head resting on your thigh as you sit there on the floor of your bedroom, lightly running your fingers through her hair.

Eventually her breathing slows, eyes no longer twitching, body no longer trembling, and the grip on your hand loosens. A blanket falls on her body as she falls asleep right there on your lap.

You hum a light tune, watching over her with a gentle gaze even as your heart aches at the sight of her peaceful expression.

Although Yuna is only ten years younger than you, still you feel a connection with her in ways you’ve never felt before. If you ever had a child, would it be like this?

But then again, that would mean having lovers, wouldn’t it? Having a husband who still loved you?

Your brows furrow and a silent tear falls from your cheek.

In the silence of the room, you’re far too afraid to let out a cry so you sit there, watching Yuna carefully as your own tears descend silently.

Two broken souls holding onto each other so the other doesn’t fall.

You only have Yuna now, and she only has you.

“You want me to...remarry?”

You can hear your heartbeat racing hard, hard, and hard. It drums so loudly, so quickly, as your mouth dries and your throat clogs up with an invisible force after hearing those words uttered from your father when he passes you a folder with the man he wishes you to remarry.

Yet you don’t wish to open any of its content and see the face of a stranger.

Not again.

“Father, who would want to marry someone who had just recently divorced?”

“Why does that matter? It’s not as if I’m asking the both of you to love each other.”

“But I—”

“Do you wish to disobey my orders?” He raises his voice, a glare leveled your way to make sure you know not to go up against him and normally you will cower, normally you will sit back down and lower your head and listen to his every word but this...you can’t do this again.

You’ll only hurt in the end and you know that if you were to ever fall into another mafia’s household, you may break. Who knows what sort of man this person is but either way, whether they will be kind or just as your father is, the outcome will remain the same and you know more than anyone that you do not wish to shatter once more.

“Please father, please reconsider.” You run to his side, kneeling down the floor and lowering your head before him. “I know I’m only a pawn but I’m useless, aren’t I? I can’t do anything right and if you send me to another mafia house, this one might not be as forgiving as Mr. Kim was. Mr. Kim was gracious enough to lend you his power even after the fact that we’ve divorced but—”

“Then why did you let him divorce you?!” You flinch under his raised voice but keep yourself still under his foot, knowing you can’t back down despite how afraid you are of him. Your eyes are squeezed shut and you know, although you know that father isn’t one to hit his own daughter, still you await the hand to come down at any time.

“Why are you such a worthless, incompetent child who can’t even keep her own husband? Just how much of a nuisance were you for him to return you yet be kind enough to still lend me his power? You’ve never done anything right and for once I believed things were going well, I thought that for once you were doing your part yet here you are, back on your very knees and at the foot of her own father. You’re useless.”

He stands from his chair and you hear his footsteps stomping away with a storm right behind him. “I’ll be a damn fool to send you elsewhere. Send her to the White Room.”

Your eyes open wide and your head is quick to turn towards the figure of your father walking away. Two men walk towards you, both of them you hadn’t seen before, both of them tall and bulky and fear overrides you.

“Please…” You beg, yet no one listens.

And once again, you’re handled roughly and without a care, dragged back to the very room you’ve dreaded your whole life.

When the door shuts after they’ve thrown you into the White Room, you remain lying on the floor without moving a muscle.

Tears fall from your eyes as your heart aches and your stomach churns and your nostrils thicken and your body trembles. You hold your hands to your mouth, trying to keep the noise from leaving your lips because you know uttering a single sound will only anger your father.

You don’t want to face any more of his wrath. You don’t want him to throw you away again and into another mafia.

You told him it was because the inevitable would come with you returning as a useless child but the truth is, you just don’t want to marry anyone else other than the very same boys who had broken your heart and left you completely shattered.

You don’t want to marry anyone else but Namjoon.

Kim Namjoon who hates you.

You love him, you love him, with all that you are, no matter how worthless and foolish you are and no matter how much you never deserved to love him. Any of them.

Even still, even as you were the one to break the chains around your wrists, even though you were the one to call off the marriage and asked him to never let you meet them again, you love him still. It hurts more than anything to love someone so hard, to still love when the other party has already forgotten.

You fell into the relationship like a fool, knowing the consequences that you’d face yet risking it all despite it. You are the fool that thought you could ever have love and keep it until the day that you die. You are a fool, a dumb, useless fool.

“Worthless, incompetent child.” Your father’s words echo in your head.

“Stop,” you tell yourself. “Stop it.”

Worthless.

“Stop..shut up.” You hit your head.

Incompetent.

“Stop, please..”

Useless.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“So shameful.” This time these words belong to Namjoon and you choke out a cry yet it fears you so much because you’ve made a sound.

“Please,” you beg at no one at all as you slam your fist down onto the hard floor. “Please.” What are you begging for, you aren’t sure. Why are you begging, you aren’t sure. But you want it to stop, you want everything to stop.

You don’t want to feel anymore, you just want to be numb.

Numb to the pain.

Yet you can feel it all. You can feel every little ache that stabs needles into your heart countless times. You can feel the stinging of your knuckles as you slam it onto the floor. You can feel your pounding headache, your aching heart, your wet tears, the coldness of the room. Everything. Everything.

Keep your heart warm, no matter how cold they have been to you.

Keep your heart warm.

Warm.

Ten Years Later

A shot right through the chest and he falls, like a completely wasted plastic bag. A useless, utter fool.

Thump.

You’ve pierced him straight through the heart, just as he deserves, for all the countless times he’s stomped on it without a second thought. He doesn’t hold a heart in the first place, so what use is it to him at all? If anything, you’ve only done him a favor.

When you walk towards the hopeless man with clicking red heels and stand right above him so that he can see the face of the very person who’s sending him straight to hell, his eyes widen a little.

“Huh,” you speak, completely unfazed, “that was a bit...unsatisfying. I thought it’d be more thrilling killing my own father.”

A string tugs at the corner of his lips. “Who knew…” He coughs a few times, face anguished in pain as blood pools around him. “Who knew the very person..I brought into this world...Would be the one to end me.”

You stare at your father without any sign of emotion masking your face. You feel nothing as you watch him lying there helplessly. “You never saw it coming?” You ask and it takes a few painful seconds for him to shake his head.

“I would be mad but...I’m actually quite proud.”

Proud.

What a foreign word to both you and him.

“Are you?”

“You don’t seem happy.”

“Should I be?” You ask flatly. “Perhaps I would have ten years ago, before I finally realized how shitty you were and that I would never live up to your expectations. But now?” You watch the night sky, noting at the darkness of the clouds and the coldness of the air. Rain is coming. “Now I feel nothing.”

“How foolish.”

“How foolish indeed,” you agree. “Though I didn’t do this for my own satisfaction, although that could have been a bonus,” you say. “You were just an obstacle in my goal so I had to get rid of you.”

“That’s right...Because you..you are daddy’s little girl.”

A small scoff leaves you as you return your dead gaze back on the very father who you once yearned so much for. “You’re wrong about that, father. I’m no one’s little girl. I’m my own girl and I belong only to myself.”

Bang!

A shot straight through his head and his eyes are no longer filled with light. They never were in the first place, never had any sort of light, and now they belong completely to the dark. Just as it should have been from the very beginning.

And right on time, the sky rumbles and the rain falls from the sky.

You close your eyes and tilt your head towards it, allowing the rain to simply fall and fall, and for a moment you think it’s rejoicing, as if to fill in the void of your emotionless self who doesn’t understand the concept of joy. The sky rejoices in your stead, screaming in thunder claps, filled with such a storm, the wind howling and crying, yet you stand there, standing still beside the corpse of the Reaper.

You’ve done it.

You’ve killed your father, the very person who has tormented you your whole life. He’s gone now and never to return ever again.

Yet you feel nothing.

No joy, no sadness, you simply feel...nothing.

He was proud of you, he said, and you scoff because of how dumb that was. It doesn’t make you happy, it only fills you with disgust. That man doesn’t deserve to utter such words to you, as if saying so will make a difference and have you begging him for forgiveness.

But you’re done with that. Done with apologies, done with crying.

Done.

And now that the very man who held the highest position to the Reaper’s chair is dead, it’s your turn to take the throne and wear your crown.

You’re the Reaper now.

You hear a small gasp behind you and with the click on your heel, you turn at an instant with your gun leveled right at the very man who made the sound and—

Right before your finger can pull the trigger, you meet the very eyes of a man you once loved long, long ago.

Kim Namjoon and his lovers right behind him.

They stand tall, crisp black suits, with brows furrowed and mouths slightly agape at who they see before them; an ex-wife, an ex lover. Eyes as dark as the eclipsed shadow, it widens slightly as they burn straight into your soul and for a moment, just one split second, you think you may have felt your heart taking a single leap.

But it ends there and once more, you feel absolutely nothing.

Hm.

You stand there with your gun pointed at Bangtan’s boss for a moment, eyes never leaving Namjoon as he takes up your challenge. Silence fills saved by the pouring rain and the noise of the city street.

Ten years has certainly been long since you no longer feel that yearning, aching, and love you had for them long, long ago. You no longer tremble before them, no longer cower, and no longer watch them with the eyes of the pitiful mafia daughter who could do nothing to defend her own dignity and honor.

No longer that shameful, pitiful wife.

You’re the first one to break eye contact.

You tilt your gun back, spin it along your forefinger before placing it at your side.

Well, you hadn’t expected your ex-lovers to be the ones to catch you in the act of killing your own father but it is what it is. They always believed you to be a spoiled little princess and daddy’s little girl but here you are, an image entirely different from what they have always known.

You take a step back onto the edge of the skyscraper and without blinking an eye, let yourself fall and have the wind catch you.

They never disappoint unlike some certain people.

“Y/N!” Hoseok calls.

Hoseok.

It was Hoseok.

Ah, he sounds as concerned and worrisome as you once remember so well. The memories slowly retrieved for just that moment, the same ones you’ve forced yourself to shove back which had been hidden so well under all the darkness that you have succumbed to.

When you let your eyes open, you see their alarmed faces but in just a few seconds, your body is caught in the arms of a certain second-in-command, who holds you securely without falter until the moment the two of you are back on the ground.

A small smirk curls along your lips as you hop onto your motorcycle and ride off, knowing fully well that their eyes are trailing right behind you, just as you once were ten years ago.

But that weak hearted girl then is no longer here. You’re the owner of this body now and you will no longer tolerate anyone getting in your way.

2K notes · View notes

neowinestainedress · 2 years

Text

daffodil

all’s well that ends well to end up with you :

↳ part 3 | part 1 | part 2 | part 4

title: daffodil

pairings: jeong jaehyun x oc x suh johnny x lee taeyong

summary: Sometimes it takes a miracle to bring light into somebody’s life, but other times it only takes three amazing strangers to show that love is not as terrifying as it seems and that somewhere on earth there’s a place to call home. And surprisingly, home can be found in the arms of the people you never expected to fall in love with.

genre: established relationship au, getting together au, first love au, poly relationship, fluff, smut, angst, emotional hurt/comfort, model!jaehyun, photographer!johnny, teacher!taeyong,

warnings: smut, unprotected sex (she’s on the pill and they’re dating but still), sex with multiple partners, minor use of daddy and sir, minor dom/sub dynamics, body worship (f&m receiving), soft sex, praise kink, kitchen sex, slight exhibitionism, slight choking, rough sex, minor orgasm control, dirty talk, dom!johnny, dom!jaehyun, switch!oc, sub!taeyong, angst (more emotional h/c), mentioned biphobia, past abusive household, past sa/prostitution (nothing graphic), PTSD, smoking as an addiction (not heavily present though), implied suicidal thoughts (nothing graphic, it’s barely there), blackmail(?), toxic relationship with a big age gap in the past | if I missed something let me know

word count: 33.970k

taglist: @nz06s @thelmathinks @leighsoo | if you want to be added comment under the masterpost of the series

a/n: Here’s Taeyong’s backstory! I PROMISE it’s not as tragic as it seems in the warnings. This is my favourite part of the series tbh. I’d die for Taeyong and Jade. As always, if you want to let me know what you think I appreciate it.

“Do you think I look good like this?” Johnny asked when he walked into the kitchen where Jaehyun and Jade were having breakfast and chatting. It was an early morning of March, and Johnny was a nervous wreck, anxious for this new thing his agency sent him to do; a fashion photography workshop in a high school in town.

Jade was the first one to look at him and smiled immediately as she examined his attire, “You look amazing, love. But you know that you won’t wear a suit for the next lessons, right?”

Johnny rolled his eyes and walked over to the table to grab Jaehyun’s cup full of coffee, but the younger slapped his hands away. “You already drank one. Stop! It will make you even more anxious.”

“But what if I make a terrible first impression? What if they hate me?”

“You’ll do great,” Jade reassured him, standing up to fix his tie and brush back his black hair. “They are just teenagers, they don’t bite.”

“You said it, they are teenagers, that’s the whole problem.”

“You’re not the first adult they see, come on. Why would they hate you?” Jaehyun said, not understanding why he was so anxious about this. Sure, it was a new thing, but Johnny was good with people, he never feared talking in public or meeting strangers.

“Because it’s a workshop, extracurricular, more work to add on their shoulder?”

“It’ll be fun, they can’t complain. You’re there to teach them how to make their creations shine in photos, not to make them cry on math homework,” she reminded him. “And now, go, or you’ll be late.”

“Shit,” he cursed, eyeing the clock. “If I don’t come home, it’s because they ate me alive.”

“Oh my, just go, you’ll do amazing,” she exclaimed, pushing him out of the room.

“If you want to be alone, you can just say it,” Johnny joked, winking at his lovers.

“Unfortunately, we miss you when you’re away,” Jaehyun confessed. “But seriously, drive safely and smash it.”

Johnny smiled and then grabbed his jacket; well, at least it was sunny for his luck today. “One kiss?” He asked, pouting to Jade and then to Jaehyun, and when they both leaned closer to peck his lips, he felt like he could finally face the day ahead. “That’s better, bye, good work to you too.”

“Bye,” they greeted him again, and once his car left the driveway, they closed the door and got back to the kitchen.

“Are you busy today?” Jaehyun asked, sitting back at his place, staring at Jade placing the used cups in the sink.

“Mh, yeah, I have to send a project to my boss, and it will take me all morning, but then I’m free. Why?”

“Thought we could spend some time together. Is it a problem if I go to the gym this morning, and then we’ll hang out when you’re done?”

She nodded, “Fine by me. I have to go to the therapist later, though.”

“I’ll drop you by, and then we can go somewhere else.”

“Okay, then let’s get ready.”

“So, how was it?” Jaehyun asked when Jade walked out of the therapist studio. It had been a little more than two months since she started going there. They could finally breathe financially since Johnny and Jaehyun’s jobs were going great. Jade still worked at the bar ’till December and then started working for an agency as a designer, so she was also bringing home a bigger paycheck. It was their habit to talk about what happened there. She knew people usually didn’t do that, but it helped her think about the session, and it also helped her open up to them.

“Great,” Jade replied, intertwining their arms together as they walked to the car. “She says I’m doing better.” She then hesitated to see if she should tell him that or not. “I had to tell her about us. I mean, it slipped when she dug a little too deep into my biggest fears for relationships, and she was surprised that I managed to be in a relationship like ours.”

“Why are you looking at me like this? It’s fine. She can’t tell it to anybody anyway.”

“Yeah, but we said to keep it a secret, and I felt guilty.” They thought about it a lot, but the bigger Jaehyun became, the more they were convinced to keep their relationship as private as possible. Sometimes it was a pain in the ass, especially when they were all together and had to pretend to be just close friends, but it was for the best.

“She’s your therapist; you need to be honest with her, Jade. Johnny and I are fine with it,” he reassured. “And how did you feel?”

“I don’t know, I told her that I was afraid I was being selfish, like, using you two to fill up all the love I never received in my life, but she reassured me. And she said that I need to stop thinking I don’t deserve good things. Gave me some exercises to do, and then she proposed to do once again what we did last month.”

“Sit down and talk?”

Jade nodded. “Yep, she said that it can be helpful doing it weekly. Especially because I still hold onto the toxic mechanism of ‘I’m not telling you that you’re hurting me because if I do I’ll lose you’,” she repeated, faking a robotic voice. “I’m really trying to get better, but sometimes I just slip.”

“Hey, it’s okay. Remember the note she gave you the first time you went there? Healing is not linear. And you’re doing great. And we’ll do anything to help.”

She hummed, “I know, you already did so much for me,” she replied when they reached the car and got inside, ready to start their little date.

“Do you see our relationship as a burden?” He asked once they were on the road.

“No,” she answered. “It’s just personal. I still tend to overthink every small thing you do. I know that if any of you has a problem with me, you will come and tell me, but there are some days I can’t just help but analyse one of your answers, or a different tone or a cupboard’s door closed more forcefully.”

Jaehyun almost gasped at her words. She never seriously opened up about her parents, only showed them the surface of the problems, so this was surprising. “Was it that bad?”

“It wasn’t bad, it was tiring. Running after my mom, asking her what was wrong and then receiving silence as an answer even if I didn’t do anything to her. Craving validation that never came no matter how well I did something. I just have no idea what healthy boundaries are, and I’m terrified of losing somebody because every time I put myself first, even if it was just a small thing, a fight would happen, or I got called selfish, and you know…” Her voice trailed off, not finishing the phrase, feeling like it was getting too much once again.

“That’s why college was so important for you.”

“Yeah,” she replied, looking down where her shoes played with the angle of the floor mat under her seat. “I wanted to prove to them that I could do something for myself by myself, but mostly I needed to run away from there.”

“Why you never opened up with us?”

“I was ashamed, I still am. And I’m trying so hard to open up with you because my therapist says that it will help with trust and will benefit our relationship, but it’s so hard for me. I don’t want to stop and think about all of that, and I know that I have to but,” she stopped, trying to calm her breathing. “And you and Johnny come from perfect families, I just feel so wrong. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that, you can’t understand me. You didn’t have to be the third parent, or even the only parent at times, of your siblings. You’ve never been the emotional punching bag for your parents. You didn’t have to carry the trauma of your entire family to try to protect your siblings from going through the same things,” she paused to take a deep breath. “And I’m glad for you, I would never wish for somebody to go through this, but… it’s just hard to open up with somebody that had everything I always dreamed of.”

Jaehyun nodded. He felt shaken, the few times she opened up she said just a few things and never said how deeply it hurt, so this sudden emotional dump shocked him, but he was glad she did. “Then don’t tell us,” he said, surprising her. “I think we know enough for now. And there’s enough trust in our relationship already. Open up with her and when you’ll be ready, you can come and tell us more.”

“Are you sure?”

“You don’t owe us an explanation about your past. It’s not your fault, and we will never judge you for that. Just, try not to bottle up things about the present,” he said. “As much as we’d love to, we can’t read your mind, and if you don’t tell us that something makes you feel bad when can’t correct ourselves.”

She hummed, “I know, I’ll try to do it.”

“Pinky promise,” Jaehyun sang, leaning his hand to her with his little finger up. She smiled, intertwining their fingers. “Pinky promise.”

“They are not that terrible, see?”

Johnny laughed, nodding lightly, “Yeah, I was just paranoid,” he replied. He was walking down the school’s corridor to the teacher’s room with the fashion teacher by his side, Lee Taeyong. He was his age and put him at ease since the start; it turned out Johnny wasn’t really good at hiding his anxiety.

“Made a great first impression. I know with kids it’s a shot in the dark, but you did better than me,” he commented, smiling brightly at him before he opened the door with his hip and held it for Johnny to follow him inside.

“Oh yeah, really?”

Taeyong snorted and rolled his eyes, “Wanted to quit on the first day.”

“How terrible could that be?” The eldest asked, grabbing his things, waiting for Taeyong to do the same, he had some tests to take with him and correct for the next lesson.

“Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

“It will make me feel better,” Johnny joked, this time holding the door open for him.

“Fine, but you’re coming to lunch with me, I’m not risking somebody else to hear this story again.”

Johnny chuckled, “Fine by me. Can’t wait to know more.”

After half an hour drive to the first decent restaurant, the two men were sitting at a table next to the windows waiting for their orders to arrive.

“So, what happened to be this tragic?”

Taeyong pressed his lips together and then pointed a ‘threatening’ finger at him, “Promise you won’t tell anybody.”

“Promise,” Johnny said, crossing his heart.

“Okay, so I was super nervous, and for some reason, as soon as I entered the class, I forgot I was the teacher and not the student. So, I kept stammering the whole lesson, and I was struggling with the computer and iPad to the point that I simply gave up and decided to stick to know each other. To pretend that I was relaxed, I decided to stand up from the chair and walk between them. Little problem: the teacher’s desk was on a step I forgot was there, and fell face on the floor in front of the first class of my life.”

Johnny’s eyes widened while he tried to hold back a laugh and then asked, “And then?”

“I wanted the floor to suck me in, but unfortunately, it didn’t happen,” he said, playing with the end of the napkin and blushing. “They were nice, though. Guess new generations are not as cruel as ours.”

“You talk as if you are next to retirement, please,” Johnny laughed.

“Well, definitely not close, but my body feels like it.”

“Do you train?”

Taeyong scoffed, “Have you seen me?”

“Well, I don’t check out strangers and then tell it straight to their face, but even if I wanted to, I couldn’t tell much,” he affirmed, pointing at his clothes; they weren’t baggy, but not even skin-tight, and he was fully covered.

“Yeah,” Taeyong smiled — a sad smile Johnny would’ve dared to say. “I don’t like to show, and I don’t even have much to show anyway.” He raised his gaze, looking at the other’s blouse, and then said, “What about you? Those buttons are fighting for their lives.”

“Yeah, I go to the gym at least once a week. My bo – my friend’s obsessed with fitness. Like not obsessed, but he’s a model, needs to be in shape, and he can’t drag our other roommate, so he drags me.”

Taeyong quirked a brow. “Roommate?”

“Yeah, I know. We enjoy each other’s presence, we’re really close,” he lied, trying to don’t sound awkward. He hated having to keep them secret. Hated to weigh every word when it came to them. He just wanted to brag about having the two hottest people in town as his partners, but he couldn’t, and it sucked.

“No, that’s fine. I don’t know, you seemed like the young, wild and free type,” Taeyong admitted, drifting his eyes from his. He also wanted to add he didn’t expect somebody as famous as him to be in need of a roommate, but sometimes money problems are not what keep people together.

Johnny snickered, “Nah, stopped being like that a long time ago.”

“So, you’re not the type that messes around?” Taeyong asked, and he didn’t even know where he found all that confidence. Maybe it was because Johnny put him at ease… or maybe he was trying to flirt.

Johnny shook his head. “No, not really. I’m happy… like this.” It was also always a struggle to keep his partner a secret and at the same time let people know he wasn’t available… he wasn’t available, right? Their relationship was just a three-piece thing, already an exception that happened because Jade fell for him, too. But he also loved Jaehyun before he loved her, and now they were all together and why he never questioned himself if he was open to more people or —

“Are you okay?” Taeyong’s concerned voice brought him back down to earth.

“Yeah, sorry,” he smiled. “What about you?”

Taeyong tensed at the question and then coughed, trying not to show it, but Johnny already got it. “Single, fine like this, too. I live alone, in a shitty apartment out of town, but I survive.”

“They don’t pay you there?”

“Have you seen the conditions of the school? I was already surprised when they hired somebody like you for my proposal of the workshop.”

“I’m not that big.”

“Oh, for that school you are. Also, I personally really like your works, so I was excited to meet you.”

A fond smile crept on Johnny’s face as he stared at Taeyong’s eyes. There were stars in them, but at the same time, it was as if a veil of sadness prevented them from shining at their best. “Thank you. Well, I could see from the way you presented me to the class, the excitement wasn’t something just to make them pay attention.”

Taeyong chuckled, even if his cheeks tinted red, “Please, don’t take me as a stalker or a crazy fan.”

“Nah, with that pretty face you could never.” Oh, shit. Here he was again, flirting with somebody he had barely just met. “Sorry,” he apologized when he saw Taeyong’s startled expression.

“Oh, no, I was just surprised,” Taeyong stammered, burning red even more. “It was out of the blue, and I’m not used to compliments.”

“Then you’re surrounded by the wrong people.” Again.

Taeyong smiled, he wanted to tell him that he wasn’t surrounded by people at all, and the ones he had in his life before were more right than him about him, but didn’t and, before it could get more embarrassing, food arrived.

Johnny was confused. He couldn’t understand how it was possible to be so attracted to somebody after such a little time. And he also felt guilty toward Jade and Jaehyun for what he felt for someone else.

But the most confusing thing was Taeyong. One second, he was shamelessly flirting with him too, and then he would back away, almost afraid when Johnny made the first moves.

“I need to talk to you,” Johnny said, falling down next to Jade that was cuddled up on the sofa with Jaehyun at her side. “Shut the tv, please?”

Jade felt her heart racing, already fearing the worst, and Johnny immediately got it. “It’s not about you, it’s not about us, I mean yes, but no. No need to worry.”

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asked, shifting on his spot to sit better after shutting the television.

“No, and we never discussed the rules of our relationship, and now I need to know how exclusive we are. If we are.”

“Aren’t you two poly?” Jaehyun asked.

“Aren’t you, too?” Jade asked, facepalming. They were all dating each other now. After Jaehyun finally realized he had feelings for Johnny buried deep down somewhere in his heart.

“Yeah, well, I don’t know, I guess for me it’s just the two of you kind of thing?”

“Well, technically, you don’t know. If you know that you can love more than one person, there shouldn’t be a limit to it, right?”

“Yes, but you know, people can decide what the rules are when they start a relationship like ours, and we never did. I think because it all happened so quickly that we simply went with the flow, but now the flow is taking me somewhere else.”

“You don’t love us anymore?” They both almost yelled in unison, and Johnny rolled his eyes.

“I said that it’s not about us. If I stopped loving you, it would probably mean I’ve been switched with a clone. Goddamn, chill.”

“Sorry,” they mumbled, signalling him to go on.

“Can we see other people outside our relationship?”

Jade and Jaehyun looked at each other and then nodded, but they didn’t seem convinced. The thing was, they never thought about the possibility of another person being added to their trio. Johnny was right, they simply went with it and didn’t consider the fact that all of them could potentially fall for somebody else.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, we never discussed this before, but yes,” Jaehyun replied. “Maybe we should still talk to each other, make sure we’re all okay with this person entering everybody’s life somehow, and mostly, make sure they’re okay with keeping this a secret. And seeing whoever they’re dating less, since this place is not big enough for somebody else.”

“And even if it was, I’m not really sure I would want a stranger in, to be honest,” Jade added. “Like, after some months if we also get to know them okay, but not straight away.”

“Okay, and what about having sex with other people?”

They went silent, not really sure about what to say. The idea of random sex with strangers didn’t make them really excited.

“Okay, what if it happens, but you like that person? I’m not talking about going out and fucking randomly, but maybe you’re just starting seeing somebody, and it just happens.”

Jade hummed, “Oh, okay, fine like this, but can we put the rule of using protections until we’re not sure they’re clean and they’re not seeing somebody else?”

“Yeah, I think that’s the best thing to do,” Jaehyun agreed.

“Yes, that’s okay for me too. So, no random sex, but if it happens with somebody we’re having plans with, it’s okay, right?”

They both nodded, waiting for him to go on. “Kisses?”

“Yes, but be careful, possibly not in public,” Jaehyun said with a nervous grin on his face. “I know it sucks, but if they’ll become part of this someday, we have to be careful.”

“No, yeah, of course, we don’t kiss each other in public, I surely won’t risk it for somebody else,” Johnny agreed. “What about us?”

“Like, what?”

“When can we talk to them about us?”

“When we trust them, I guess,” Jaehyun whispered. He wasn’t really sure there was going to be a right moment to do it. It wasn’t fair the other person didn’t know but at the same time they had to protect themselves, so it sucked.

“I think the other person should know as soon as possible that they won’t be the only one, not everybody is into this, and you may never know how they will react, and it’s only fair to don’t give their hopes up,” Jade stated.

Johnny nodded, “Perfect. For now, I think that’s all. Do you think we still have to talk about something?”

“The only thing that I’m wondering right now is, who’s the one that got you so flustered?” Jade teased, and Johnny rolled his eyes.

“The teacher,” he whispered, not able to hide the blush on his face.

“Uuuh, the workplace brought two birds together,” Jaehyun taunted.

“Wait, you’re really okay with this?”

“Yeah, from what you told us, he also seems nice, so there’s no problem with it.”

“Even for you, Jade? Like, are you sure you didn’t say all of that before just to don’t let me down?”

“No, it happened to you, but it also could’ve happened to me, so I don’t mind. And as long as we keep talking to each other and just be honest, I’m fine. Trust me, those aren’t the things that scare me in relationships.”

Johnny smiled, finally finding more peace, knowing that his partners were okay with it.

“Tell us more about him.”

“So, he has stars in his eyes, mh,” Jade taunted while they were laying in bed together. Jaehyun was in his room, not for a choice, but it was really hard to fit in a bed in three, so unless there were special reasons, they would split, taking turns every night. And now it was theirs to sleep together.

“Is it jealousy that I smell?” Johnny teased, playing with her hair.

“I’m not,” she lied. Okay, maybe just a tiny little bit. But Johnny seemed so much head over heels for him that the most insecure part of her faltered a little. What if he was better than her? What if Johnny stopped loving her because he was less of an emotional burden than she was? Less broken, less insecure, not a liability. No. No more thinking that she didn’t deserve her partners. No more thinking that they deserved better. She was the best for them because they had chosen her.

“Analysing yourself again?”

“Ugh, I’m just trying to don’t let my intrusive thoughts take over, but I’m still scared,” she confessed, cuddling up to him.

“I told you I’m not going anywhere, and you should listen to me, not the voices in your head.”

“But so many people before said the same thing and then left me.”

“I’m not so many people, you’re not getting rid of me.”

“Is he pretty?”

“Now, why are you doing this to yourself?”

“I’m just asking.”

“No, you want more reasons to stay up at night and torture yourself. If you’re into pain, we can try masochists kinks in bed, but I don’t want to see you break yourself apart,” he said, rolling around to cage her under his body.

“I don’t think I’m into painful stuff,” she joked, playing with the collar of his shirt.

“Mh, no? Not even a bit of degradation?”

“Not now, I will cry, please, don’t,” she said, joking but not even much. She truly didn’t mind a little bit of degradation when it came to dirty talk, but it was the last thing she wanted right now, especially from him.

“No, no, I just want to see you cry if it’s because it feels good,” Johnny whispered, leaning down to kiss her cheek and then her lips and her neck until he reached her collarbones and then moved her nightgown to the side to leave a small peck on her chest. He raised his body and quickly pulled the fabric over her head, placing it on the other side of the bed, and then stared at her. “Beautiful,” he beamed, hand moving to caress her waist, belly, and boobs. “The most beautiful.”

“You’re saying this just because,” she complained with a pout.

“I’m saying it because it’s the truth.”

“Yeah, and what about all the stretch marks? And the scars on my left thigh? And the fact that I’m almost never perfectly shaved?”

“That means that you’re real,” Johnny replied. “You’re not a beauty star, and not even they’re like this. Trust me, I work with them, and I’m the one that edits out all of their so-called flaws. But they’re not, I also have marks on my skin, and I also have body hairs.”

“Yeah, but you’re perfect, you’re fit and tall and gorgeous.”

“I’m not perfect, I’m just like you. And, spoiler, I don’t have an ass like yours, so this is at least 1000 points less.”

Jade laughed loudly and then stared at him. “You’re stupid.”

“But it’s true, and I’m not soft like you.”

She furrowed, “Soft?”

Johnny hummed, leaning down to get closer to her. “You’re soft, and I don’t know how to describe you in any other way. You just look like cotton candy.”

She chuckled, throwing her head back, “Cotton candy, really?”

“Yeah, you look like a cloud passing by but not in a bad way, not to bring rain, just to bring softness.”

“That’s the weirdest compliment ever.”

“But it’s true, you are light when you walk around, and your curls are so big and voluminous I just can’t wait for you to come near me so I can sink in them, and they smell good, I don’t know which one of the thousands of products that you use is, but it makes them smell good.”

“And then?” She asked, feeling her heart beating at thousands of miles per hour. When they got together, they were past the age of silly random compliments to try to win each other’s hearts, so it was good now to hear all the things he loved about her.

“Then your hips, and your thighs, they’re round and soft, and I love to rest my hand on them and squish them.”

“Yeah, I know, you do it a little too much.”

“But you love it,” he replied.

“You’re not talking about your favourites,” she joked, talking about her boobs. “Trying to make it look romantic even if you have me all naked in your bed?”

Johnny laughed, “No, let me get to them,” he joked. “Well, do I have to explain it, really?”

“Nah, you praise them enough while we have sex.”

“Good,” he said and then lowered to kiss her boobs, slowly moving south to arrive at her stomach. “And your belly,” he started. “I know you hate it, and always say that you wish it was as flat as the ones of the models or influencers of Instagram, but I think it’s really cute like this. All I care about is that you have the brightest smile on your face when you eat, I don’t want you to think about your tummy while you have delicious food in front of you.”

Jade smiled, but deep down was trying hard not to cry. She knew all of those things, and she also made so many progress since she was a teenager at accepting her image, but the pressure of the outer world still made her feel not enough sometimes. And hearing those words from one of the people she loved the most brought joy to her heart.

She had found somebody that loved her for who she was, inside and out, and she couldn’t be happier.

Johnny pushed her panties down and then did the same with his pants and boxer, too.

“And do you think we care about some missed hair or the regrowth of them between one shave and the other? You think we focus on them when we have all of this,” he pointed at her body, “All of you in front of us, ready to do all we want. Babe, we’re not dumb.”

“No, you’re horny,” she joked, making him roll his eyes and then giggle.

“Anyway, you should stop worrying so much about your appearance,” he said. “Horny or not, we love you anyway. Also, we love your persona, not your body.”

“But I’m horny too, so can you take your shirt off?”

“Anything for you, milady.”

“Can you stop being a crackhead at least in bed?”

“I wanted to lift you up since you were furious my heart’s beating for more than just you and Jae.”

She huffed, “Great, now I’m in a bad mood again.”

Johnny laughed, and then spread her legs open, placing a hand between their bodies, “I don’t think you’ll be for too long.”

“Mh,” she hummed as he started playing with her clit. “Then prove me you love me, and I’m the most beautiful.”

“Greedy,” he mocked. “But I am, too. God, it’s been so long since I had you,” he complained, inserting two fingers inside her.

“You’re always busy, it’s your fault.”

“It’s unfair because I’m always out, while you and Jae spend more time at home, and I don’t even want to know what you do.”

“I work from home, I don’t have free time to let him fuck me around the house, so please, can you do it?”

“Sure.” Johnny slipped his fingers out of her and lined his cock to her entrance, slowly making his way into her tight, wet walls.

“Always so wet for me, fuck,” he praised, leaning his head against her forehead and leaving a soft kiss on her lips. She hummed in pleasure and then wrapped her legs around his waist, pushing him closer against her while her hands were tangled in his hair.

Johnny started moving and so did she, and soon their hips started rocking against each other to a steady rhythm.

“Fuck,” Johnny moaned against her lips as his fingers intertwined with hers. “I’d do this forever. I’d hold you forever,” he whispered, mouth moving south to kiss the skin of her neck and then the soft flesh of her boobs, pulling lightly just to let go and kiss her again.

With only his legs supporting his body up and doing all the work, rocking in and out of her, his hands pressed hers against the mattress as his eyes tenderly looked at her pleasured expression.

Jade forced her eyes open, just that much that she could appreciate the way he was staring at her. She knew Johnny loved her; he reminded her every single day with the smallest things, the kisses on the forehead she loved so much, the way at least once a week he bought freshly baked focaccia for her, how he would always find time to sit next to her and listen to her rants about a book she had just finished and the way he always praised her even for the most insignificant things she did.

But right now was different. He rarely showed how much he appreciated her in bed, not that he didn’t praise her or touched her with love, but the other times weren’t like this. This time it was like he wanted to make sure she could feel how madly he cherished her. How perfect she was in his eyes.

A broken moan of his name rolled out of her lips, and he leaned down to kiss her again, and again and again, swallowing her soft whimpers and moans.

“God,” he moaned, throwing his head back for a moment before detangling his right hand to touch her skin. “You’re so soft,” he mumbled, kneading her waist and hip, massaging her softly. “Perfect for me.”

Jade rolled her head back and suppressed a louder moan, squeezing her hand tighter around his. She wanted to talk, but words died in her mouth when his lips started sucking on her nipples again and his hands kept touching, squeezing, caressing, and massaging her skin and his hips moved rhythmically into her. Johnny was so fucking good at this; she was sure she was never going to get enough of him.

And neither could he. Because Johnny now was more than sure that he could never, not even in a million years, fall out of love with her. He needed her like a heartbeat, and he was so glad that she had been brave enough to risk it all for this. For them.

“I’m close,” she breathed out, feeling the familiar sensation creep in her bones. “I’m – fuck,” her voice died when Johnny’s teeth grazed the skin under her lobe and his deep voice whispered, “Come for me, angel. Let go in my hands, I’m – fuck – here.”

And she did. Squirming and whimpering under his touch, under his kisses and his sweet praises, she came undone, triggering his orgasm too.

And when Johnny pulled out of her, they stayed tangled with each other for some more.

“Now, was it good enough to put in that pretty little mind of yours that I love you?” Johnny chuckled, caressing her cheek with his thumb.

A smile crept on her face, and she lifted her head to kiss him again, softly, and slowly. “It was more than enough.”

Time passed and nothing much happened. Between him and Taeyong, there was nothing more than some casual flirting that led Johnny to go home and cry to his two lovers about how pathetic he felt for falling so deeply for someone that probably didn’t see him the same way and, on the other way around, made Taeyong panic more and more for what he felt for him.

Johnny was attractive. He had always been since he first laid eyes on him in college. To be honest, in college he was more concentrated on his friend, Jade, than him, but since they were always together, he surely wasn’t blind to don’t see how attractive he was.

And now that he was older, he was even hotter than then. He was smart, charming and also showered him with compliments. And Taeyong really wished he reacted better to them to don’t look like a weirdo, but he truly wasn’t used to nice words, and honestly, didn’t even think he deserved them.

He was scared to death. And it was even scarier now that Johnny was in his ugly and small house with a glass of cheap wine in hand while they tried to work on the project for the students. It wasn’t supposed to last this long, but Johnny was busy all day for a shoot and could only make it to his place late in the afternoon. So now they were there, still putting down some ideas while they ate junk food and drank something.

Taeyong was mortified for what he had to offer, but he didn’t expect him to stay so long. If he knew, he would’ve used his savings to buy a cake or a bottle of wine that tasted like something, but well, it is what it is.

“I think we’re done, for now. They should have enough material to work on,” Johnny said, letting the pen fall on the table, stretching, and turning back to look at Taeyong that was lost staring at him. “Are you okay?”

“Mh, yeah,” he replied, shaking his head. “I was just thinking about the project.”

Johnny smiled, “You always look so stressed, though.”

Taeyong gulped and averted the gaze. “Nah, I’m fine.” Lie. He wasn’t fine at all, and he wasn’t sure he was going to be anytime soon.

He jumped lightly when Johnny’s fingers traced his knee and asked, “Are you sure?”

He simply nodded, swallowing the saliva in his mouth. Johnny’s touch was foreign, and it felt… strange. It had been years since anyone touched him in such a place. And it never happened that somebody touched him like this, gently, a brush full of… worries? Taeyong wasn’t sure he could bet that Johnny cared about him, but he liked to believe that was what it hid behind his every touch and word.

Johnny on the other hand didn’t want to pressure him to do anything. He couldn’t read him like he wanted, it was like Taeyong carefully crafted what sides of him people could see or not. It scared him, and it reminded him of Jade. Taeyong slipped away from his hands just like her every time he tried to dig deeper and know what was going on inside him.

And he was worried, he didn’t know how far he could push with him. Sometimes it still felt like walking on eggshells every time he had to confront Jade, and they knew each other for so long. How could he do that with somebody that was basically a stranger?

“Can I kiss you?” He asked without thinking, the words were out of his mouth before he could realize what he had said.

Taeyong widened his eyes, he had no idea if he was more surprised because he wanted to kiss him or because he was asking him first. Consent? For a kiss? For him?

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Johnny said, shaking his head before moving to gather his things on the table, but Taeyong’s hand wrapping around his wrist stopped him.

“No, you can,” he replied, feeling his heart beating a hundred miles per hour. He could trust him, right? And then it was going to be just sex. And that was the only thing he was good at. The only thing somebody would want him for.

Johnny smiled, and then, after looking for any sign of discomfort, he gently cupped Taeyong’s face and pulled him closer to him, kissing him slowly.

Taeyong tasted of strawberries and cigarettes and his lips were chapped, but in that strange mix, Johnny found comfort.

Taeyong was clearly hesitant, but then his hands found the courage to wrap around his waist and pull him closer. Johnny made him feel safe. In another person, his tall and broad figure probably would’ve scared him, terrified they could have so much power over him and do anything they wanted with him as if he was worthless and just there to be used. But Johnny wasn’t like that, right? He could trust him.

When they pulled away, Johnny felt on cloud nine, and he just wanted to have more. He wanted to have him in his life, and he hoped Taeyong wanted this just like he did.

But Taeyong wasn’t sure how to feel. He simply knew for sure that if Johnny was looking for more, he couldn’t give it to him. And there it came, exactly what Taeyong didn’t want to hear.

“I think I like you, Yong,” Johnny confessed with so much gentleness in his voice and eyes that Taeyong felt his heart break.

“You like me?” He asked hesitantly, with his throat getting tighter with every breath. “What do you mean with that?”

“Yeah, you know, I like you, like the usual.”

The usual. But nothing in his life had been usual. Taeyong had no idea what ‘the usual’ was. Or better, what was normal for him wasn’t normal for anybody else.

“Like, you find me fuckable,” he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck and taking a step back from Johnny. Suddenly he didn’t feel safe anymore.

“No, I mean, you’re hot, but I like you for who you are.”

Fuck. So, he was serious?

“You don’t even know who I am,” Taeyong replied with an awkward bitter laugh, backing away more, trapping himself in the corner of the kitchen.

“But we can get to know each other better, that’s how it works,” Johnny explained. He wanted to walk closer to him, not understanding why he was getting so defensive. “I thought,” he started saying, trying to gather the thoughts running in his mind. “I imagined you wanted this too.”

“But why?”

“We flirted, we kissed. I don’t know, I read between the lines, I didn’t think we were on such different tracks.”

Taeyong exhaled and then started turning around. He needed a way out, but he couldn’t find it, and Johnny was right there, waiting for an answer that wasn’t going to be what he wanted to hear.

“I only… I find you attractive, but I don’t, I never,” he stammered. “I don’t know, okay? I simply thought we could fuck.”

Johnny felt pain in his chest at those words. He didn’t know why he hoped so much that he could want some more, but he did, and now it hurt to know Taeyong just wanted to fuck.

“I never imagined you wanted me like that,” he tried to correct. He had no idea what he wanted and what his mind was telling him to do. He liked Johnny. Or at least, he loved the attention he gave him, and he loved the way he helped him not focus on his problems and the things that fucked him up on the daily. But a relationship? Him? God, he didn’t even know if he believed in love. If he was able to love and to be loved. “I never, I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship.”

Johnny pressed his lips together. He once again flew too high. “It’s okay, I didn’t want to scare you.”

“No,” Taeyong said. “It’s not your fault, I wasn’t expecting you to confess this soon. I just… I need time.”

Johnny furrowed. Taeyong was talking about them, but behind his voice and his hands nervously running on his arm seemed to be hiding something else. Something Johnny couldn’t understand.

“You don’t have to force it,” Johnny tried to reassure him.

“I’m not, I’m sure I like you. I really like spending time with you, and you’re beautiful, inside out, but I…” he left the phrase hanging, he couldn’t tell him he had a talent at sabotaging all the things he loved. He couldn’t tell him he believed he didn’t deserve good things in life. He couldn’t tell him the mess he was.

He had spent years trying to craft a mask that protected him from the world and showed the others the best parts of him. And now, he just couldn’t let it fall to the ground for him.

“So, do you want us to give it a try or just keep it like it is?”

Taeyong pondered the answer for a while, fighting with the voices inside his head. ‘You just want to use him because he makes you feel human.’ ‘You’re being selfish, you know you can’t love, and you know you don’t deserve it.’ He shook his head, pushing his intrusive thoughts in the back of his mind.

“Yeah, we can,” he answered before his worst side could get the best of him. He deserved good things, too. He knew he was valuable. Maybe he still didn’t truly believe it, but deep down he knew it.

Johnny smiled, finally feeling the weight lift from his chest. “Maybe you could come on my sets sometimes, see how insufferable I am when I’m working.” He was pretty busy lately and finding time to stay together out of work could’ve been a little more difficult, but they were going to find a solution.

Taeyong chuckled, “You’re not terrible when you work with me.”

“Just because they’re kids.”

“Maybe we could… I don’t know, go out to drink something?” Taeyong really didn’t have much saved, he couldn’t afford to go to expensive places, but for the first date that was what people usually did, right?

“Yeah, I’d love to,” Johnny replied, and then his phone lit up with the notification of a next. Taeyong’s gaze fell on it, and he furrowed. Who were the people on the lock screen?

“Who are they?” He asked, feeling a weird tightness in his chest. They seemed close; their faces pressed against each other while Johnny rested his chin on top of their heads, smiling brightly.

“Oh,” Johnny mumbled. Right, he had to tell him, that was what they agreed. And he had the right to know since they wanted to give this a try. But Johnny was scared, he never told anyone about them. “They are my… my partners.”

Taeyong quirked a brow and tilted his head, “Like, your roommates?”

“No, lovers, romantic partners.”

Taeyong felt the floor fall beneath his feet as he stared up at Johnny. No sign of joke on his serious face. “Two partners? You’re already seeing somebody?” He also wanted to know if they knew about each other, but given the photo on his phone, it seemed obvious.

“Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but it’s not cheating. We simply believe there’s more love to give than just to one person.”

Taeyong felt dizzy. No, he felt like he wanted to puke. And everything around was spinning fast. He was already dating somebody else, and not one person, but two. What kind of sick sex thing was that? Why did he want him to be part of that? It was all just a nice way to sugarcoat him into their orgy things. Because Taeyong was done with that. Being thrown and used around by so many people that at one point he just had to shut his brain to don’t think about what was going on. Johnny was just as crazy as anybody else; he was just trying to buy him with his charming façade.

“I know it’s not common, but this is not a sex cult or cheating, I love them. We love each other.”

Taeyong wanted to scream at him, but his voice simply couldn’t come out. He was…disgusted. And he felt pathetic, how could he even think for a second that somebody wanted him in his life and truly cared for him. He was just going to be a sex toy to spice up whatever things they were into.

“Yong, please, say something.”

“Don’t call me Yong,” was the only thing he could say before walking out of the room. He turned his back to him and felt his body starting to shake. Dumb. He was so fucking stupid, he was right.

“Please,” Johnny begged, feeling on the verge of crying. “I really like you; I think it’s just fair that you know I also have somebody else.”

“And what were you waiting to tell me?”

“I needed to know you were into this, I can’t go around and tell everybody we’re dating. Our boyfriend is trying to build his name in the model industry, we can’t risk this to go out.”

“If I didn’t ask, you wouldn’t have told me.”

“I would’ve, you didn’t give me time.”

“Well, whatever that is, I don’t want it.”

“Tae, please.”

“Stop it,” Taeyong said, moving his arms from him. “Take your things and leave.”

“Are you mad at me? I would’ve told you.”

“You played me. And how can you love so many people at the same time? How can you give them time and attention? I don’t want this. I can’t do this,” he almost cried. “Now, leave, please.”

Johnny nodded, gathering his things, and then walked to the door. “Goodnight, Taeyong,” he said before locking the door behind him. No answers came from the other boy, who simply ran to his bedroom and cried all the tears he had in his body.

“You’re home, I was afraid something happened,” Jade said, turning around on the couch as soon as she heard the door open. She had been waiting for her boyfriends all day, it felt so weird to stay at home completely alone for so long. Jaehyun had just come home like half an hour before and was still in the bathroom, exhausted after a long day of work trying to put himself back together with a shower. And well, Johnny arrived just now and didn’t even reply to the text she had sent.

“Hey, are you okay?” She asked as soon as Johnny sat next to her and hugged her tightly, snuggling his face in her neck.

“He hates me,” he simply mumbled, and Jade hugged him tightly when Johnny started crying. She had never seen him so vulnerable, so open, even defenceless. Not even when he had to carry the weight of loving his best friend in secret. Not even when he realized that he had also fallen for his best friend’s girlfriend.

“Babe, who are you talking about?”

Johnny sniffled and pulled away from her reluctantly. Her embrace was the safest place to be now, but he couldn’t talk much in that position. “Taeyong.”

Johnny opened up, ranting about everything that happened, and in the meanwhile, Jaehyun had also arrived and was now sitting behind him, caressing his hair while Jade was holding his hands.

“I feel like shit. He didn’t say much, but from the look in his eyes I can tell he’s disgusted by me...” He hesitated and then added, “By us.”

Jaehyun sighed, “I don’t know him, but I don’t think you can blame him. Maybe he was just surprised. Give him time, I moved to a whole different country when she told me she wanted to also be with you, I don’t think his reaction is the most dramatic.”

Jade nodded and Johnny chuckled a little. “Or maybe he’s afraid in general. You said that he also didn’t seem much convinced of just dating you. What if relationships are just not his thing?”

Johnny shrugged. It could’ve been. He had no idea. He didn’t know him and, surely, he wasn’t going to know him now. He kind of damned himself, how was he able to keep his love for Jaehyun a secret for twenty years and not hide a small crush?

“I’m sure he’ll come and say sorry, or any way you will fix this. And who knows, maybe if he really likes you, he will try to see if this can work for him too,” Jade said.

“I hope so.”

“For now, remember that you always have us. If anything happens, we’re here,” Jaehyun added. “Want me to prepare hot chocolate?”

Johnny smiled tenderly at him. Jaehyun was clearly tired from the day and probably just wanted to go to bed, and yet here he was, listening to him rant about a crush that now despised him, and was willing to prepare his favourite hot drink.

He nodded and Jaehyun left a small peck on his lips before going to the kitchen, leaving him with Jade.

“Come here,” she cooed, opening her arms to let him have space to snuggle against her again.

And even if his heart hurt, he was glad he had his favourite people at his side.

Johnny felt a lump in his throat every time he had to go to school and see him. If he looked forward to their meetings before, now he just wanted them to be over as soon as possible.

Taeyong barely talked to him anymore, or better, he only stuck to work talks and nothing more. And, even if his partners told him he was just being paranoid, he was convinced that Taeyong was uncomfortable around him.

Johnny had fucked it up way worse than he expected, so it was no wonder that the ride to his place was awkward. They had to define the last things for the workshop since the students had finished the small middle projects. Taeyong would’ve preferred going to the library, but they couldn’t because they needed too much stuff. And his place was off the table. So, the only place left was Johnny’s.

When they arrived at the front door, Johnny found the courage to say something. They couldn’t spend the whole day silent, right?

“It’s not really big, but in the living room, there’s enough space for what we need to do. You can leave your things in the cabinet at the entrance. It should be empty since nobody’s home.” Jaehyun had something to do at his agency and so did Jade, so they were all alone.

Taeyong nodded, holding his stuff tighter, and then patiently waited to make his way into the room.

“Here it is,” Johnny said, hanging his coat and waiting for him to give him his, so he could do the same.

“Thank you,” he whispered with a small smile.

“Love, you’re late.” A voice exclaimed from the kitchen, making them both turn around in surprise. And there was Jade, smiling with her pink apron on, and sauce everywhere. “I cooked your favourite dish.”

Taeyong blinked swiftly as he stared at her, he didn’t really see the people on his lockscreen that night, and he didn’t realize who the woman was. That couldn’t be… She couldn’t be… And why was she looking at him like that?

“Wait, I know you from somewhere…” she said, walking closer to him, she stopped a few steps from him to don’t invade his personal space as she studied him. Johnny never showed them any pictures, simply because he didn’t have them. Taeyong was nowhere to be found on social media. “Oh my God, of course, Taeyong! You always used to give me extra biscuits at the college cafeteria!” She exclaimed, eyes lighting up while she clapped her hands, happy she remembered.

She remembered him? Taeyong felt his face heat up and scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I used to do that with all the most loyal customers, and you were always there,” he chuckled. No, he only did it to her. It was the useless special treatment because he hoped she would notice him and start to go past the formal greetings and some weather talks. But it never happened. She didn’t have eyes for him. But only for her boyfriend, Jaehyun. Wait, was Jaehyun the number three? What kind of sick torture was that? Hadn’t he suffered enough?

“You were so nice,” she smiled. “Well, great to see you’re doing okay. So, you were in fashion?”

Johnny coughed to bring the attention to him and then said, “Jade, love, weren’t you working today?”

“Oh, yeah,” she replied. “But then I decided to work from home. Actually, finished what I had left for my agency and then started working on something for me. I’m trying to find some clients again. I want to go back to being a freelancer.” As much as working in an agency gave the same and safe income at the end of the month, it was also creativity-killing. And especially didn’t allow building a name or have different and bigger projects. The works were always the same, and she was starting to hate her job more and more, and that wasn’t what she wanted.

“Are you sure it’s not too early?” Johnny asked, a worried frown on his face.

She nodded, “I’m doing better, and also I have you two, so nothing can go wrong. Oh wait, does he know?”

Johnny facepalmed at her. He had cried the whole night just two weeks ago because he rejected him – and that was the nicest word he could find – because of that.

“Oh, right, well, sorry. Why don’t we stop making it awkward and eat? I prepared delicious food,” she changed the subject and, after a quick glance at Taeyong to seek his approval, Johnny nodded, and they walked into the kitchen.

“I don’t know what you think about us, but we’re not sex addicted or superficial people,” she said out of the blue in the middle of the lunch. The silence was getting awkward, and she couldn’t stand it anymore. And also, maybe Johnny was right when he said that Taeyong seemed almost disgusted by him, well, them.

Taeyong lifted his eyes from his plate and stared at them, he wanted to say something, but she went on.

“I’m not saying this because I want you to give Johnny a chance, I totally get it if you’re not okay with sharing a partner, but I want you to be comfortable around us. We don’t bite, and we don’t jump on people. We don’t go around looking for sex just to use people or anything of that kind. He wasn’t playing you, he genuinely likes you.”

“I don’t need a lawyer,” Johnny chuckled, hand moving to caress hers for a second.

“I know, but this is not about you only. He’s our guest, and I just think it’s fair to clear the doubts I’m sure he has.”

“I didn’t mean to judge you that night,” Taeyong apologized. Maybe he did, and maybe he still thought that wasn’t totally… normal? But he didn’t mind. It was their life, and even if he didn’t get it, it wasn’t his problem. “I was just surprised, never heard of anything of the kind before. Well, just in,” he stopped. If he was in their place, being compared to a porn category wasn’t something he wanted to hear, so he shut up. “Just not my thing.”

“Yeah, totally fair. It wasn’t our thing either before it just happened,” Jade chuckled. “Just don’t feel awkward.”

“I won’t,” Taeyong smiled, and then lunch went on. It didn’t go perfectly, but better than the first half.

Then they parted ways. Johnny and Taeyong were staying in the living room and Jade locked herself in the room, trying to put up some new things. And they went on like this until the afternoon.

“I’m devastated,” she exclaimed, walking out of her room to make her way to the couch. “Please, tell me you’re taking a break I need support,” she whined, and Taeyong scooted over to make room for her, consequently getting closer to Johnny. “And I also need something to eat”

Johnny smiled at her and then said, “Pre-period?”

“Yes,” she whined. “I wish the pill stopped making me go through so many PMS, but it does shit,” she complained, lolling her head back. She really wished she wasn’t a walking stereotype of women during their periods or the tragic, tremendous, odious week before (for her it was probably even worse than the week), but she was. She had everything. The random mental breakdown over the smallest things. The random cravings of absurd foods. Being extremely irritable to the point she could barely stand somebody existing in the same place she was. And this just to don’t talk about the physical problems.

“Want me to cook you something?”

“No, now I want something sweet. I’ll grab the ice cream and come back here, so you can give me some ideas,” she huffed, getting up from the couch and stretching herself, immediately regretting it when a cramp in the lower abdomen hit her. “Want some, Yong?”

Yong. Really? “Mh, no, I’m fine, thanks,” he answered, trying to shrug the way that surname rolling from her lips made him feel. Lord, he was way over that crush, but why did he feel good with her around? He hated the fact that she never lost her calming aura. She was like the personification of yellow. She was like daffodils in human form. Or a sunflower, but for him, sunflowers were way too used as a metaphor.

“I grabbed a spoon just in case you change your mind and want it too,” she informed, sitting down next to him again. Her thigh lightly brushed against his, and he felt that part of skin burn.

“So, how is it going? Are the students happy?”

Taeyong hummed and begged his brain to get words out. She wanted to talk to him, not to Johnny. She had him around 24/7, she could ask him that anytime she wanted. But no, she wanted to have a conversation with him. “Yeah, I feared the worst at the start, but they seem to enjoy it. I mean, I would too if I had photos of my clothes to post on socials photographed by a professional.”

“Yeah, Johnny’s good at his job,” she praised, smiling at her boyfriend.

“Technically, I’ll be there just to supervision, the whole point is that they’ll learn how to shoot. When you start, you rarely have money to pay other professional figures to help you on set.”

“Well, I think that’s really great. They have fun and at the same time learn something that could always be helpful.”

“And what are you doing?”

“Putting down ideas for the different themes of the shooting. We have three groups, and they’ll do different things. They have to create outfits and pictures based on the themes that we propose. They can pick between… ten? Right? We decided on that?”

“Yep, ten themes,” Johnny agreed.

“Great, then, why don’t you also let me know, so I can find some inspiration, too?”

“Music, that could be a song, an album, or the instruments. Movies, a genre, the colour schemes, or a scene. Nature. Cities. And we’re still working on the others, also because we have tons of other details to put into each category.”

“I’m getting in your way, I got it,” she giggled. “But you know, I think music’s great. I could use that.”

“Why are you without ideas?” Taeyong asked before he realized. But Jade smiled at him and reassured him silently.

“Let’s say the last months hadn’t been easy, I had to quit because I couldn’t finish the commissions and decided to work in an agency. It’s not like you don’t need creativity there, but you work with people that know what they want and give stricter instructions, so the job is halfway done. With clients that think that a logo shows up on the screen thanks to some heaven-sent miracle it’s even harder, and you have to blow their mind when the instructions are ‘I want it green and big’ and nothing else, you have to turn in a mind reader and don’t you dare let them down.”

Taeyong laughed lowly. “Then why do you want to do that again?”

“Because I chose this career for that. It’s true that they are a pain in the ass most of the time, but at least I can create what I want.”

“Oh, well, I hope you’ll get back on track soon,” he said, beaming at her.

“Thanks,” she smiled. “I’ll leave you alone again to your work. But I’m taking this with me,” she said, shaking the ice cream box in her hand, before disappearing into her room another time.

“She’s… energetic,” Taeyong whispered, turning around to look at Johnny that was still smiling at her.

Johnny chuckled, shaking his head, “Yeah, I’m glad she’s starting to understand she doesn’t carry the weight of the world on her shoulders and is taking life easier.”

Taeyong hummed, not really getting what he was referring to, and then said, “Shall we start again?”

The evening passed quickly. Johnny was surprised to see Taeyong talk more than usual, and even be fine with the bare minimum physical touch when it casually happened.

And Taeyong strangely felt good. He wasn’t uncomfortable anymore, and he didn’t even know why. Maybe it was Jade’s presence, he really didn’t have an idea, she simply put him at ease, even if she didn’t spend much time with them again. Or probably it was the place itself. It felt like home. Something he hadn’t felt in so long, or honestly, something he never felt.

He liked it there. There was a big picture of them hanging on the wall in front of the couch, right above the TV. Some plants on the windowsill that faced the main road. Books and albums on the shelves. A big black lamp at the corner of the living room and next to it there was a turntable. And their coats, shoes and bags next to the door. It was cosy, warm, and safe.

Around seven pm, the bell rang, and Johnny got up to answer, coming face to face with Jaehyun that looked beyond pissed.

“Wow, is everything okay, babe?” Johnny asked, moving to the side to let him in.

“No, today I simply should’ve stayed in bed, just a bad day,” he replied, huffing deeply. “Hug me?” He whined, opening his arms. Johnny smiled and pulled him closer, leaving kisses on top of his head, and they stayed there for a while until Jaehyun saw a stranger’s head peeking from the couch.

“Oh, hi, we have guests?” He asked, pulling apart from the hug, and at that moment Taeyong turned around, waving at him with a small smile on his face.

“Yep,” Johnny replied. “Taeyong, Jaehyun. Jaehyun, Taeyong,” he said, presenting each other.

“Hi,” Jaehyun greeted, walking over to him to shake his hand. And Taeyong greeted back, before eyeing the clock. Maybe it was time for him to go, it wasn’t like they were going to do anything else now, anyway.

“Jay!” Jade exclaimed, coming out of her room and running to hug her boyfriend.

“Hey, love,” he greeted, leaving a peck on her lips, “How was your day?”

“Good, Taeyong put a spell on me, and my inspiration came back, I think I’m on the good track to be a freelancer again.”

“Wow,” Jaehyun exclaimed, tilting his head to take a look at the guest that was reddening. “Are you some kind of walking miracle?”

“Oh, no,” he stammered, “I didn’t do anything, actually. She did it all herself.”

Jaehyun smiled, and then brushed her hair out of her face and whispered, “I’m happy for you, when you’re ready, you know we’ll support you, right?”

She nodded and then looked up at the clock.

“It’s late, why don’t you stay for dinner?”

It took Taeyong a minute to get that she was talking to him. “Oh, no, really, I should get going. You already did too much for me,” he answered, starting to gather his things.

“It’s fine for us, where three eat, there’s space for somebody else,” Jaehyun remarked. “Or do you have somebody at home?”

Taeyong shook his head, “No, I’m alone, actually.”

“Then stay,” Johnny said, walking to stand at his lovers’ side.

Taeyong really wanted to say no, he felt like a burden already, but then the message that popped on his screen made blood freeze in his vein. No. There was no way he was dealing with it at home by himself. Maybe being here was better than falling into the fear and panic of his empty home because of him.

“Fine,” he said, locking his phone and turning it around, so he couldn’t see the screen. “But at least let me help with something.”

The three smiled happily and then Jaehyun proposed, “Come help me cook while they set the table?”

Taeyong nodded and then followed him inside the kitchen.

“So, you’re the famous Taeyong?” Jaehyun said, head buried in the fridge to grab what they needed to cook.

Taeyong gulped. Here they were, was it just an excuse to scream at him for the way he treated Johnny? Jade pretended to be nice and then Jaehyun was going to end him once for all…

“Fa-famous?” He stuttered, shifting from foot to foot.

“Yeah, I can’t blame Johnny for being head over heels for you,” he replied, turning around. “With your pretty face.”

His cheeks were now a bright red, “Pretty face?”

Jaehyun smiled fondly, “Low self-esteem?”

“Aren’t you mad at me?” He asked instead, trying to drift the attention from him and get what he wanted.

“Why would I?”

“Because I turned him down. Because I said… you know.”

Jaehyun shook his head, and then pulled out the chopping board to cut the meat. “You’re talking to the overdramatic king right now. When Jade confessed to me that she had a crush on Johnny too and wanted to date both of us, I acted like an asshole and then left. Just to come back crawling to the both of them because I couldn’t leave without them,” he confessed. “Cheesy, I know.”

Taeyong furrowed and then handed him the knife he was pointing at and rested next to him. “So, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows how it looks?”

“Right now, yes. We’ve been working a lot on ourselves, as a trouple and as individuals, but at the start, it wasn’t easy. Like every relationship, you know?”

No. Taeyong didn’t know. But he nodded anyway. He really couldn’t get it. Stories didn’t work when there were just two people, how could they work with three… or more, since Johnny had also fallen for him. Fallen, now, what a big word. Taeyong was sure that Johnny just wanted to fuck him, like everybody else.

“But how does it work?” He asked. “I don’t want to judge,” he mumbled. “But I truly don’t get it. How do you make it work?”

Jaehyun smiled before moving back to open the door where they kept pots and pans and pulling out a pan to put the cut meat inside. “Patience. Communication. Respect. And love.”

“And just with that… it works?”

“Yeah, I’m not saying it’s easy, but love is never easy, so, it’s worth it.”

Love easy. Love worth it. Taeyong didn’t believe any of this, and Jaehyun seemed like a hopeless romantic.

“And when did you find out you loved them?” Taeyong knew he had to mind his business, but while they were there, he might as well free his mind from all his doubts, so maybe he could stop being so weirded by everything. And also, it was better to keep the conversation on them than on him.

“Is it a ‘how we got together’ or ‘when did we fell’?”

“How you discovered you could also love somebody else? Doesn’t it feel like cheating?”

“I can’t answer it. When I realized I also loved Johnny, we were already together. It was a vee.” At Taeyong confused expression, he chuckled. “Never imagined I would be the one giving out explanations about polyamorous relationships, but here I am. To make it simple, only one of the three partners is dating two people in the relationship. The other two are not together, not romantically at least, but of course, they can be friends.”

“And…do you do everything together? Like, it’s being split between two people, it’s hard.”

“Probably if you don’t live together, it can become more laborious, but we lived together, so to be honest, nothing much changed between us when we became a triad. I stopped being so jealous, though.”

“A triad? Wait, so there’s jealousy?”

Jaehyun chuckled. Taeyong was cute. Clearly curious but afraid of crossing lines. “A triad is when all the partners are dating each other. And yes, jealousy is normal, just like it’s normal that sometimes you want to spend time with one of the two and get a little mad when they’re already busy with each other. A bit of jealousy is not the same thing as being possessive and not letting your partner breathe and exist with other people, that’s toxic, and also monogamous people should get it.”

“And how do you work on not being the centre of attention?” He asked. “No, sorry, worded it badly, but how can you give everyone the same amount of attention.”

“With boundaries.”

Boundaries? And what was that? None ever respected his boundaries. And how did they keep a relationship together anyway?

“It’s not a job, it’s love. If I want to go and spend some time with Jade or Johnny, I just do that. We don’t have time limits or things like that, it’s just natural, goes with the flow. What’s important is respecting each other time, space, and energy.”

Respecting each other time, space, and energy? Taeyong was starting to believe that the oddest thing about them wasn’t the fact that they were three, but the way they treated each other. Was that a joke? Were they faking to be so nice because they were trying to lure him into some sick game? He didn’t know.

He wanted to ask some more, but Jade entered the kitchen and eyed the pots, “Oh my, you two, stop talking and cook something. I’m starving.”

“We’re doing it, I can do two things at the same time.”

“I know well you can,” she teased, smirking at him. “Oh fuck, sorry, Taeyong.”

“No, it’s fine,” he mumbled, turning around to hide the flush on his face.

“Get out, now,” Jaehyun said, trying to suppress a laugh. “Enough trouble for today.”

Dinner dragged out longer than usual, with talks and chats about so many funny stories from college, or some old grudges against some professors, and so on. Taeyong wasn’t used to all of that, he was used to eating alone on his couch while the TV played, even if he paid no attention to it. But it felt good, and he was kind of sad when it was time to go.

Jade was almost tempted to tell him to sleep there, but then realized that it probably was too much. He was just starting to open up with them and get comfortable, she didn’t want to push him over his limits. Also, because she actually liked him. He was a nice person to have around, and even if it wasn’t going to be in the way Johnny wanted to, she hoped he could stay by their side at least as a friend.

“Thank you for everything,” he said, standing out of the door while Johnny was already going to the car to drop him off.

“Nothing. It was a pleasure having you here,” Jade replied with a big smile on her face, and Taeyong felt his heart do a little flip.

“Bye then, Johnny’s waiting,” he waved at them again and then ran toward the car.

The car ride back to his place was quiet, but less awkward than the one of the morning. Taeyong still felt a little hurt and confused by all of that, but he had realized that Johnny meant no hurt the other day. He was genuinely into him, or at least, that was what his lovers said. Taeyong still couldn’t believe it and was terrified he just wanted to use him. Not that he minded, unlike all the other people that used him, at least Johnny was hot and didn’t seem creepy or with weird kinks that would put him in danger. Maybe he could just have a fun ride with him without catching feelings.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even realize they had arrived at his place. When Johnny parked on the driveway, Taeyong looked out of the window and gulped. The complex appeared even colder now.

“Thank you for dropping me by,” he said, turning around to look at him. Johnny smiled and then shrugged, “No problem, really. I hope they weren’t too much to take today, you know, they can get a little invasive sometimes.”

Taeyong chuckled and then shook his head, “No, really, they were so nice and fun to be with. I actually had a great time.”

“So, you won’t mind coming back there if we need to?”

“No, not at all.” He grabbed his bags that were next to his shoes and then opened the door. “Goodnight, Johnny.”

“Goodnight, Taeyong.”

And when Johnny’s car sped away in the streets, Taeyong felt the same old lump in his throat. He was alone again. And now that he made his way into his apartment, it felt even colder and emptier. But unfortunately, he wasn’t alone. Because he always found a way to remind him that he was nothing and deserved no happiness.

The screen of his phone lighting up again was a clear reminder that he couldn’t run from him, no matter how far he was.

‘You know I don’t like it when you ignore me.’

Soon it was mid-April, the weather was starting to turn hotter, and the sun decided to shine more in the sky.

Everything was going strangely well. Jaehyun was slowly starting to build his name as a model. Jade was getting better. And Johnny was booked and busy – even too much for his partners’ liking – between different shoots and the school project. And about the school project, Taeyong was spending lots of time with them.

They had found out that his doubts weren’t much on their type of relationship, but relationships in general. And that, unlike what Johnny believed, he didn’t hate him, actually, he liked him a lot.

But that was it, Taeyong liked Johnny. He was funny, caring, charming, full of light. And Taeyong liked being around him, a lot. He enjoyed his company, enjoyed his talks, his attentions, his touch even – it had been hard to get used to it. But he was sure what he felt for him wasn’t love. Now, being sure when it came to love matters wasn’t something Taeyong was good at, but he had asked Jaehyun, that seemed the most hopeless romantic of the three, and came to the conclusion that he didn’t feel all of those things for him, not so strong at least.

“What is love?” Taeyong had asked while he and Jaehyun were sitting on the bench under their porch while he was smoking a cigarette, a bad habit he never let go of. He was supposed to work with Johnny, but the oldest was tired and asked if he could sleep for at least an hour, and Taeyong was okay with it. At home there was Jaehyun, and he liked spending time with him.

“How can I explain it,” Jaehyun mumbled, playing with his fingers. “Love is complicated. Probably is not, but we make it complicated. I don’t know, I realized that the more I tried to push people away the more I cared for them, and yet it had to happen twice for me to realize it.”

Taeyong scrolled the ashes to the ground and then said, “Yeah, but how do you know you’re in love?”

“When you look at someone and the thought that crosses your mind is ‘damn, I’m fucked’, does it sound like a great explanation?”

The oldest chuckled, “So that means you feel something, right? Like something happens to your body. Isn’t it what people always say? The heart skipping a beat, the butterflies, the blushing and stammering.”

Jaehyun laughed lowly, “I never realized I was in love like this. It has always been in the small things that the other person did. Do you want to know why I fell for Jade?”

Taeyong nodded, even if he would’ve preferred he talked about Johnny. He didn’t like the way he felt about Jade. Like something was bubbling in his stomach every time she entered the room or accidentally touched him. He didn’t like how excited he was every time he heard her voice when he stepped into their house.

“I can’t describe it, but it was the way she made me feel. I tried to hate her so much, you have no idea how much we pushed each other away for so long. But then, every time my eyes landed on her, I couldn’t help but feel my heart burst in happiness. I realized I was into deep when, after a terrible day of college, her smile was the only thing that took the weight off my shoulders. When all the little attention she would give me made my day. And when we stopped fighting each other off, it just felt nice. I didn’t have to wonder and cry and question myself if that was the right place to be. I just knew she was my place, my person. We fit into each other perfectly. Just like we do with Johnny.”

“And that’s all? You just feel right?”

“You feel fine. When you’re in love, and it’s healthy, you feel comfortable when you’re with that person. And well, yes, also your chest flutter, the stomach curls, the excitement rising. And I don’t mean it sexually, it’s a different type of excitement.”

“It sounds bad, not good.”

“Do you feel it for somebody?” Jaehyun questioned with a teasing smirk.

“M-maybe,” Taeyong mumbled. “I don’t know.”

But Taeyong knew it damn well. And the person that made his heart flutter, his throat dry, his cheeks heat up, and his stomach twist wasn’t Johnny. It was Jade.

Every time that she would sit next to him and their legs brushed. Every time they would watch TV and she rested her head on his shoulder. Every time she played with his hair because they were soft. Every time that she simply existed.

He had no idea what the hell happened. But she made him happy, genuinely happy. Carelessly, even. Like all of his problems weren’t there for a split second. And every time he had to go back to his place, he hated it because he couldn’t bear to stay without her for so long.

Also, he felt like shit toward Johnny. Why couldn’t he fall – big and scary word – for him? Why her? That was just so cruel.

And the thing was, why did he fall in the first place? Taeyong didn’t even know the concept of love, never felt it or lived it or saw it in somebody else. The only time he thought someone loved him, it turned out it was just to use him as his personal fuck toy and make money off of him. So why was he putting himself into something that wasn’t for him?

“Do you think what I’m doing it’s stupid?”

Taeyong snapped out of his thoughts when Jade talked to him, a pout on her stressed face.

“No, why would it be stupid?”

“Because what do I need this for? My job doesn’t require knowing languages, and here I am, stressing to learn more.”

“I think that’s kind of cute,” he admitted. “You’re dedicated to learning something even if you don’t need it. And there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a passion without making a profit out of it.” Okay, probably that wasn’t what he found cute. It was the way her nose scrunched up every time she forgot how to read a word. Or how she would puff her cheeks because she couldn’t put the words in the right order to form a phrase. Or her cute Korean accent, that for a non-native speaker, was excellent.

“I guess. I asked them to talk to me in Korean to help me, but they never do. They don’t even speak to each other in Korean,” she complained. Sometimes Jaehyun would say some things, random words – mostly curses, but surely not something that helped her have a conversation. So, she had to learn all of that by herself.

“Are you doing it for them?”

“No, I always loved languages. It was my other big passion along with graphic design. Studied French and Spanish in school, tried studying German, and gave up, and I know a tiny little bit of Italian. So, I wanted to give Korean a try. But I’m terrible,” she whined.

Taeyong was impressed, those were a lot of languages. “That’s not true, you’re really good.”

“You say that just because you have to.”

“No, really. You started four months ago, right?” She nodded, probably even less. “You can read hangul, make basic sentences and your pronunciation is great. Korean it’s not easy, and you’re gifted with languages.”

“Thanks, I still think you’re too nice,” she beamed. And Taeyong felt his heart flip in his chest. No, not again.

“I could help you if you want,” he proposed. He had no idea where he found the courage, but he did, and now there was no way out. But his fear left his body when her eyes lit up, and she straightened her body in anticipation.

“You would? Aren’t you busy?”

He shook his head. “I can always find some time for you.” Dammit, Taeyong, that was fucking cheesy and pathetic. What was wrong with him?

Jade felt her heart beat faster. She had no idea if she was going crazy, but the thing was that she liked Taeyong very much. They got along well, with no need for big words or anything. They just…fit. And the way he was always so sweet and nice to her made her heart falter in her chest.

“I’d love to, then,” she simply said, trying to hide how excited she really was, but the big smile on her face was a free getaway to her emotions.

But Taeyong wasn’t used to all of that, so he simply believed she was happy about learning a new language, when in reality she couldn’t wait to spend more time with him.

So soon it became an everyday thing to text to each other in Korean, and every time he tried to push her to make bigger sentences with harder words.

But those messages soon became the highlight of their days. Jade had started to let him know pretty much everything that happened. It was a continuous rant about work, traffic, the pretty shade of pink she had seen on a skirt while she walked to the agency, a song that played on the radio that reminded her of when she was too young to get the dirty innuendos. It was random, but it made Taeyong’s heart explode in happiness. He felt like he was there, and if he closed his eyes, he could even hear her high-pitched excited voice and her little jumps around or the bright smile on her face.

It was scary, but he couldn’t get enough.

It was good, and he deserved something good.

He deserved the happiness that was starting to grow in his life. He was a good person. He was worthy. And he had no intention to let that happiness slip from his fingers now that he had found it.

But life always has other plans.

Hey Jade, are you up? Can I call you? I know it's late but I have no one else to reach.

The massage lighting up her screen confused her. What was Taeyong doing up at such a late hour? She didn’t hesitate to pick up her phone and go to his contact.

On the other line, Taeyong was shaking. He was already regretting texting her, and he thought she was sleeping, or he had woken her up and she hated him. But when her name appeared on the screen, he breathed again for just a second.

“Yong?” Her worried voice made his heart drop. He really didn’t want to be a burden, but he really felt hopeless right now. No matter how far he would run, he would always come back to him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up,” he started ranting, but she stopped him immediately.

“No, no. I was awake, got the random inspiration for a project, and I was making sketches. Where are you?” She felt her heart shake, she never heard him so broken.

“At home. But I really don’t want to be alone, and you said I could call you anytime, and I have no one else to talk to. Are they mad?”

“Johnny and Jaehyun? They’re sleeping together. What’s going on, prince?”

Taeyong smiled at the petname. She had started calling him that, and he really loved it, it made him feel special even if he knew he wasn’t. “I don’t know for how long I can keep going on.” He broke down crying, loud sobs and whimpers, and somehow Jade could see him shaking from the other side of the phone.

Her senses perked up; what was going on? “Yongie? What do you mean?”

“I’m falling apart and no matter how hard I try, I have no reason to go on. You make your lovers happy, and your family is proud of the woman you become for sure, you have friends and I have nothing. I’m worthless. And he keeps reminding me that.”

Jade felt her heart fall into a million pieces. She swiftly got out of her nightgown and put on the first pants and sweater she found, and then rushed outside, trying not to make any sounds, so she wouldn’t wake up the other two.

“Don’t say it. You’re not worthless,” she said, voice shaking as well. She ran to the kitchen and grabbed a pen and a piece of paper to let them know where she was going in case they woke up and didn’t find her there.

“But it’s the truth, he was right. He is right.”

Who was he talking about? What was going on in his brain that he didn’t tell anyone? “No, listen to me. Stay in line, okay? And don’t do anything stupid.”

Taeyong chuckled bitterly, “As if somebody would be hurt by it.”

Jade shook her head, grabbed her bag, and then said, “I’ll be hurt by it. Johnny will be hurt by it. And even Jaehyun.”

“But you have each other. I’m nothing compared to you.”

Jade huffed, grabbed the keys of the car, and then stormed out of their place.

“You are my prince, remember? My beautiful and talented prince,” she reminded him, getting into the car. Luckily for her, the drive to his place wasn’t too far, especially now that the streets weren’t busy.

“No, I’m not. I should let you sleep. I’m sorry for bothering you. Goodnight, Jade,” he said, and before she could talk back, he hung off the call.

She slammed the wheel and then accelerated. Fuck traffic violations. You can always pay them, but you can’t save a life once it’s gone.

Once she reached his apartment, she rushed upstairs and knocked on the door. She couldn’t even care if she woke somebody else up.

“Taeyong, please. Open the door,” she half screamed. And when his head peeked out of the door, she threw herself in his arms and hugged him tightly.

“Don’t do it ever again. Don’t scare me to death like this, Tae. Please.” Her voice was basically a desperate beg, while tears of relief started streaming down her face.

“Why are you here? What about them?” He asked, still surprised she showed up at his door. He was shaking, and his voice was weak, his face marked with tears, and the last thing he expected was for her to come all the way there, to him.

“I’m here because I care about you. Because that’s what people do when they love each other. Because I couldn’t bear to lose you,” she said, voice shaking from the cries.

Taeyong looked at her with incredulity in his eyes. She... She loved him? Or was it in a friendship-like kind of way? She was afraid of losing him? And she really meant it by showing at his place?

“I didn’t want to scare you; I was afraid of myself, and I needed somebody to calm me down, but I’m afraid of getting between the three of you. I’m broken and none of you is. I would just screw your beautiful relationship up.”

Jade smiled and caressed his cheek. He didn’t like contact with people much. She could see how he avoided it every time somebody came close to him. But not her. He never pulled away from her. And he always reached for her.

“Come with me. I have something to tell you.”

The parking lot was empty when they arrived and sat there in silence. It was comfortable, it always was with her, and he wasn’t even afraid they were in the open.

“One confession from me. And one from you. If you feel like it,” Jade proposed, breaking the silence. “My therapist says that the key to people opening up to you is showing that you’re also open to let them in. I guess it worked, things between me and them started to get better when I started to open up.”

Taeyong quirked a brow, tilting his head to stare at her. “Therapist?”

“Yeah, I know. I was against it too, but then I realized it was the only solution to heal.”

To heal? From what?

“And to live my life to the fullest, or at least try. Starting to accept that I deserve good things, and I’m not an imposter that leads people to believe I’m good when I’m not.”

“Oh,” Taeyong gasped, still confused about why she needed to go there. “Do they go, too?”

“No, but I kind of bring them with me. They don’t come in, but then I always end up telling them everything she said to me once I’m out. It’s odd, but it helps me. I have already opened up to somebody that is a stranger, so I just feel more comfortable opening up to the people I love,” she explained, shrugging.

Taeyong nodded, pressing his lips together, “Was this a confession? Do I owe you one?”

Jade chuckled, shaking her head, “No, this was just me losing my trail of thoughts. Going to therapy is not a confession.”

“Don’t people usually hide it, though? It’s bad, right? Only people with problems go there.” That was one of the main reasons why he never wanted to go there. It was accepting that there was something wrong with him, admitting to a stranger that he was weak and letting them judge him and shame him for what he let people do to him.

“Yeah, but it’s not something you should be ashamed of. We’re all going through something, someone’s worst, someone’s better, but I believe therapy would help everybody.”

“And how can somebody that doesn’t know you help you?”

“It’s a different kind of help, it’s not the one that the people you love can give to you. It’s without judgment and biases,” she explained, playing with a loose string of her pants. “It helped me a lot. Maybe you can come with me once. I can ask her if she can do an exception for you.”

“No, thanks. I don’t need it.” He shifted in his place, crossing his arms on his chest. There was no way he was going there. He was fine. “Can you tell me your confession, now?”

“Fine,” she whispered. “My family is not proud of the woman I became. Actually, I don’t hear from them since, like, five years ago.” She couldn’t even remember how long it had been since she last called them or texted them.

“Are they... gone?”

“To me, yes. But I just cut strings off with them,” she explained.

“Why?” Taeyong asked, truly surprised. They all seemed so perfect.

“I had to do it for me, put myself first for once, after spending an entire life being the mother of children that weren’t mine. And also, being the parent of my parents. I don’t know when my house stopped feeling like home,” she shrugged, trying to suppress the shakiness in her voice. It was always hard to open up, but she felt fine with doing it with Taeyong. She had no idea why, she knew him less than she knew her lovers, yet, something about him put her at ease. She could see herself in him.

“I was the one that had to keep the family together. Mediate every fight between my parents, keep my younger siblings busy in their room so at least they were safe from screams, curses, and objects thrown at each other,” she sighed. “And at some point, I just stopped feeling anything, I couldn’t be another problem, another mistake in that fucked up family,” she stopped, eyes drifting to the view in front of her as she tried to don’t break down crying. “That’s why I never told them anything about how I felt, I was used to it. Used to keeping the concerns for me and fixing them by myself. Used at pushing under the rug things that people did that hurt me ’cause I was afraid they would get mad at me, you know, just ’cause they would tell me I was selfish when I was simply trying to put up boundaries.”

Taeyong felt his heart clench. She had been through all of that? She had been through the same things he did? Well, not the same, but close enough.

“And your parents? Were they at least grateful?”

She laughed bitterly, “I was never enough. No matter what I would do. It wasn’t enough. Being good, succeeding, listening, and doing what they told me to do was never enough. I would always slip somewhere, there was always a missing piece. A spot in the house I forgot to clean. A grade that just wasn’t good enough. A shirt that wasn’t folded exactly how she wanted. And that led me to think that love meant going all the way for the person you loved. I never say it to the others, but I’m terrified that if I’ll stop shining in the same way, they’ll simply stop looking at me, loving me, wanting me. I’m working on it, I’m really trying. But love sometimes still feels like a painful chase, even if they’re there, and I know they love me. But you know, no matter how many steps forward you take, sometimes all your worst thoughts just come back crashing.”

He nodded. Oh, how much he got it.

“It gets better, it truly does. I now know there’s light and love, but some days it’s all I can think about,” she chuckled bitterly. “I was a little jealous of you when Johnny told us he loved you.”

Taeyong widened his eyes. She was jealous of him? And Johnny loved him? It wasn’t just a silly crush for real, then?

“Of me?”

She nodded. “I had never seen you, but the way Johnny described you, they way his eyes lit up, terrified me. He was so enamoured of you, I genuinely thought there was no space for me in his heart anymore,” she smiled. “He told us you have stars in your eyes, and I can’t help but see it now that I’ve known you.”

He thought he had stars in his eyes? That was the sweetest thing someone ever said about him in his life. They truly cared for him that much.

“And I’m sad you can’t see it, Yong, but I see why you swept him off his feet.”

“Just because I’m fuckable?”

Jade was taken aback by the comment and frowned for a second, but then shrugged it off and said, “No, you’re so much more than that.” But when he laughed, she stopped. “You don’t think that?”

He shook his head. “Sex is the only thing I’ve ever been good at. Not like I’ve ever done much, I would just take it, hoping for it to pass.”

“Who did it to you?” She asked now panicking. She always suspected Taeyong had been through something, but she never expected it to be so bad.

“Why does it matter? What can you do about him being everywhere? In my mind, on my body, and looking for me because he can’t get enough. Because he will follow me to the end of the world because I’m the best fuckhole he ever had.”

Jade felt her stomach twist in discomfort and her heart break at how nonchalantly Taeyong used those words about himself. And anger started to boil in her veins. “Who the fuck is he, Yong? Is he here? Does he follow you? Did he come to your house before?”

Taeyong denied, shaking his head, trying to suppress a sob. “I don’t know, he wants me to fall apart every time that I put myself back up. I shouldn’t even be here with you; I don’t want him to hurt you or the others. I should just take my distance from you.”

“No,” she said, grabbing his hand and caressing his back with her thumb. “I’m not letting you go, Taeyong.”

“What will happen if you lose me? Nothing will change if I go.”

“It will. You have no idea what kind of warmth and happiness you bring to me. If you leave me, I’ll be devastated. If anything bad happens to you, I would never find peace again.”

He shook his head, “That’s why I have to leave. You can’t take me away from him.”

“Taeyong, please, let us help. It will get better. We’ll do anything to don’t let him come close to you anymore.” She didn’t even know the story, she had no idea what was going on, but she couldn’t care.

“It’s not worth it,” he mumbled. “I’m not worth it.”

“You are. You are my prince, remember?”

“A prince should have value, should be important.”

“And that’s exactly what you are for me. Please, don’t go.”

“But I’m broken. I’m a mess.”

“That won’t stop me from loving you. There are people that are willing to love you even at your darkest.”

Taeyong felt his heart falter as he looked back up at her. “I’ve never felt love, though. I don’t know how it works. I don’t know how to don’t screw up the things I care about. I don’t even know if I believe in it.”

“You only have to believe that we won’t go away,” she replied, squeezing his hand tighter. “And now let’s go home. You need to sleep in a warm bed.”

Taeyong woke up with a pair of arms wrapped around him and his face buried into the crook of somebody’s neck. The sweet scent of vanilla and the warmth of another body made him smile.

Home.

That’s what it felt like. Something he was now sure he never felt before.

He snuggled closer and heard a low chuckle roll out of the other’s lips.

“Somebody’s pretty affectionate this morning.”

He moved away a little to take a look at her face smashed against the satin pillowcase, he could remember she told her the night before it was so that her curls wouldn’t ruin, a better option since the headscarf always flew somewhere in the bed in the middle of the night.

She was beautiful, even if she had just woken up, even if sleep was still in her eyes.

“Mhh,” he hummed, wrapping his hand around the fabric of her nightgown. “I like it here,” he admitted.

“Yeah, this mattress is really comfortable,” she joked, brushing his hair out of his face.

“No,” he replied. “I like being here, in your arms.”

A smile crept on her face as she fondly stared at him. He seemed a bit more relaxed than the night before. It had been tough making him fall asleep. Just like it had been hard to convince him to wear Jaehyun’s clothes and sleep in her bed. And she was sure he stopped arguing to sleep on the couch just because the tears had tired him down.

“So, I guess you slept well?”

Taeyong nodded and then lowered his face, “I’m sorry for yesterday. I didn’t want to scare you and make you worry about nothing.”

Jade sighed, “Stop apologizing, you didn’t do anything. And also stop saying that is nothing.”

“Yeah, but really, I just overreact.”

She wanted to roll her eyes but didn’t and instead asked, “Can you tell me what happened? Like, he must’ve told you something for making you react like this.”

Taeyong sighed and pursed his lips in a thin line. He didn’t want to think about him. He just wanted to pretend that was his life. He was happy and part of their happy little family. He was dating her, and he woke up with her arms around his body every day. He didn’t exist in his happy little bubble.

“I know it’s hard, but just tell me enough so we can help. Then I won’t bring him up again.”

“I don’t want to keep you out, but I’m ashamed.”

“Why would you be ashamed of something you suffered? You are the victim, not the guilty. He should be ashamed of himself.”

Taeyong nodded. He knew that. But it was his body that still carried all the proof of what happened, all the pain and wounds. Still, he had to do it.

“I was fifteen when my dad discovered I liked boys. He was already disappointed in me. I always had a passion for fashion and dance, all things that for him weren’t manly enough,” Taeyong breathed deeply and then searched for Jade’s hand, holding her was the only thing that calmed him a bit. “Then he realized I was bisexual, and somehow he became even harsher with me. He believed it was even worse, that I was greedy, a whore, you know, just the usual.”

Jade squeezed his hand tighter while she felt her stomach twist. She understood him, biphobia wasn’t something she was foreign to, it was always clear what people thought about bisexuals.

“And then he started to beat me, every smallest thing that would happen, he would take it on me. It went on like this since I was eighteen.”

“Wait, is that scar caused by him?” She asked, pointing at the scar under his right eye. She always wanted to ask him about that, but knew how much of a sensitive topic it could’ve been, so she avoided it.

He smiled and shook his head. “No, I have scars that he left on my body, but not that. I had atopy when I was a kid and was terrible at not scratching me, so here it is.”

“Oh, I like it. It reminds me of a rose.” Now that she was sure there wasn’t a tragic reason behind that, she felt lighter to let him know that she always found it gorgeous.

Taeyong mouthed a thank you and then went on. “Then it just got worst, I don’t want to go into detail, but he made me reach my limit. That’s when I realized I couldn’t take it any longer and started studying English to come here, fly the farthest away possible. But I needed money, and I didn’t have a job. So, I did the worst mistake of my life.” He was shaking. He hated remembering his past, even if it pretty much happened every night. But at least they were just thoughts, he never had to explain it out loud. Nobody ever cared about him enough to know what happened to him.

“You don’t have to go on if you don’t feel like,” she reassured him, caressing his hair with her other hand.

“No, I can, I just… need some time,” he replied and then exhaled deeply. “I met this man, Jiwoo. He was rich, and I thought he was all I needed to escape. He made me believe he loved me, that I was important, that I was special, even,” he chuckled bitterly. He felt stupid, he couldn’t believe his past self believed all his empty words. And he hated himself even more because sometimes he missed those old times, probably it was just a defence mechanism that his brain used to make him believe that there was something good in all of that pain. “He was thirty, and I was eighteen, and I believed I could mean something to him.”

“It’s not your fault, you know, right?”

“Yeah. I guess I could’ve been more careful. Wiser. But I was just a dumb, useless boy, so I fell into the trap. And soon, all the magic turned into madness. He offered me a job that would’ve paid a lot, and I thought it was a place at his company, but it turned out I just had to be a slut for everybody that knew him.”

Jade’s blood froze. How can anyone be so careless and cruel? Especially with a boy just turned eighteen.

“In Korea, strip clubs aren’t legal, but rich people always find a way to break the rules. He had told me I could be a dancer in this private club during the weekends, it was a big pay. I could pay him back for all the money he had spent on me.”

“He spent money on you?”

“I needed to get a risky operation for my back problems, but the healthcare put me on a waitlist that was too long, so he decided to pay double the price to a doctor he knew to make me pass immediately. I accepted, I believed he was doing it for love, and I needed to be fine to come here. But he didn’t, he didn’t care about me,” Taeyong mumbled, and he had to stop for a moment. Jade pulled him closer, making him snuggle against her chest while she caressed his back.

“Hey, it’s fine,” she cooed. “Take your time, we aren’t in a rush.”

He knew, but now Pandora’s box was open, he really didn’t want to stop. He wanted her to know. He needed to let this go. He was sure the pain was still going to be there, but maybe it would’ve weighed a little less.

“I started working there. At the start, it was truly just dancing… with skimpy clothes that barely covered anything and hungry eyes on me, but it was just that,” he stopped again but forced his eyes open to stare at Jade. He knew that if he closed them, all the memories were going to come back; they were still vivid in his brain. “Then all the men there showed their true colours. He dragged me around, showing me off, saying I was his pretty… well, you can imagine. And before I could say anything to make him stop, they were all over me,” he broke down crying. He just wanted to forget. Wanted to stop thinking about how their hands felt on his skin. Rough and harsh and foreign. He just wanted to remember Jade’s soft touch, and Johnny’s… and Jaehyun’s. Their hands were soft, gentle, and they all seemed so careful with him. No trashing him around, no throwing him on the floor, grabbing him by the hair, no need to force him to do anything.

“You don’t have to tell me the details, it’s already enough.”

“I know, but I still feel dirty sometimes. I still have scars on my body, cigarettes burns, belt bruises that never healed, wounds everywhere.”

“But you aren’t your scars, you’re not even what they did to you. They’re in the past.”

“No, not when I went through that so many nights. I can’t drown them out. Their touch, their words. I will never be clean.”

“You will, you just have to let us in and help you. If you don’t want to go alone, I’ll ask the therapist if I can come with you or Johnny if you feel more comfortable with him than me.”

“No, I want you. I want to go with you.”

Jade smiled, “Then I’ll be there for you, okay? And you’ll get over this. I won’t lie, some things can’t just be erased, but it will get better, you have to trust me on this.”

“I do, I trust you, a lot. More than I’ve ever trusted anybody else.”

She beamed, caressing his cheek. “Good, because I’m not going anywhere.”

“But what if he hurts you, too?”

“But you left, right? He’s in Korea, he can’t hurt you.”

Taeyong shook his head. “He said he knows where I am, that it took him ages to find me, but he finally did. He said he wants me back and that I still owe him something.”

“But you don’t,” she said. “You paid him back, and you can’t just own people as if they were objects.”

Taeyong gulped and Jade stared at him with confusion on her face. “You paid him back, right?”

“Partially…” he whispered, voice barely audible.

“How much is that part?”

“I still own him eight thousand, three-hundred and something pounds, more or less.”

Jade’s eyes widened. So fucking much?

“But why?”

“I couldn’t take it anymore. I just had to leave, it was killing me, and I just left. Sold one of my dad’s watches and came here. Cutting all bridges with Seoul, but he found me, and I’m terrified. I don’t want to go back there, I don’t want to be used like that again.”

“You won’t, we’ll pay it back,” Jade said, shushing him.

“We?”

“Yes, we. Let’s go talk to the other two.”

“No, wait. I can’t involve you in this.”

“That’s what happens when you’re with somebody, Yong. I’m not letting that disgusting man take advantage of you ever again.”

“They will judge me,” he said, stopping her by grabbing her gown.

“They won’t, we don’t even have to tell them the whole thing. Let me handle it, okay?”

Taeyong wanted to retort, but honestly, had no strength. He trusted her, and he was also sure that, without their help, the only option was going back to Seoul and going through that over and over again.

“Look who’s up, sleepyheads,” Jaehyun greeted, turning around from his chair to stare at the two.

Johnny was laying against the countertop, smiling at them. “Is everything alright?” He asked, immediately sensing something was wrong. “What happened tonight?” They were pretty concerned when they read the note on the table this morning when they woke up, but didn’t want to wake them since they were sleeping so peacefully.

“Yong, sit down,” she said and then moved the chair to sit next to him. “Johnny, can you please come here, too?”

The eldest nodded and sat in front of her.

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong muttered before Jade could say anything. “It’s all my fault. I didn’t want to reach her, but I had nowhere else to go. I was afraid to do something stupid, and she was the first person that came to my mind.” He gave an apologetic look at Johnny; how could he ask for his help when he loved him, and he was probably falling for his girlfriend?

“You don’t have to say sorry. She’s not our property that always has to stay with us,” Jaehyun reassured him, but Taeyong didn’t smile or did anything. He simply broke down crying. He couldn’t do this to them. He couldn’t put them in bankrupt because he fucked it up when he was a kid.

“Hey,” Johnny called, reaching for him, but he pulled back and stood up.

“Yong, stay here,” Jade screamed, but he was already out of the door. She ran after him, and what she saw, left her speechless.

A man was sitting on the front porch with a sly smirk on his face. Taeyong was frozen on the spot, tears streaking his face and body shaking.

“Yong, come in.”

“No, no,” the man sang. “He’s actually coming with me,” he said, standing up and walking to him, wrapping his hand around Taeyong’s arm.

“Let him go,” she screamed, causing Johnny and Jaehyun to rush to the door.

The man snickered, “Now you became a home service slut? Still making money in the same way because that’s the only thing you can do. Well, I hope they paid you a lot because you owe me a lot.”

“He doesn’t owe you anything,” Johnny chimed in, walking past the door.

The man laughed, and then forced Taeyong’s head up, grabbing him by the hair roughly.

“Let go of him, you’ll hurt him,” Johnny ordered, walking closer to him, but the man took a step back. “Oh, who is he? Your boyfriend? Made you feel like you are worth more than a fuck? Or was it that little girl there? You’d let anything breathing use you, anyway.”

“Stop it,” she snapped, walking forward, but Jaehyun grabbed her. He didn’t want her to get hurt. Johnny could defend and attack, while she couldn’t. “Let him go. Aren’t you disgusted by yourself?”

“Disgusted? Why would I? I missed him so much, can’t believe his dumb brain was able to make it so hard to find him, actually.”

Johnny punched him at those words, making him fall to the ground, and making Taeyong scream. “No, please, stop,” he squealed. “Get back in, I have control over this. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fucking fine,” Johnny almost growled. “Who does he think he is?”

The man spat the blood on the floor and then started getting up, but Johnny swiftly grabbed Taeyong and moved him behind him, shielding him. “The one that owns him.”

“You can’t own people,” Johnny retorted, and the man scoffed.

“Yeah, because he’s not one.”

Taeyong felt his heart fall to pieces and clenched his hand around Johnny’s shirt, he knew he should’ve just ended it all that night instead of calling her. Now he had dragged them into this mess, too. And they didn’t deserve it.

Another punch followed, and Jaehyun launched himself forward to pull Taeyong out of that.

“Talk about him like this again, and you won’t have any more teeth once I’m done with you.”

“Really? All of this for a whore?”

Johnny wanted to punch again, but Jade rushed between them, and he stopped immediately to don’t hurt her.

“We’ll pay you back, but you have to leave him alone. Forever,” she said. And Johnny and Jaehyun stared at her in confusion.

The man snickered, and looked back where Taeyong was standing, head low. “You didn’t tell them? Didn’t tell them how many men passed you around? All the things I did for you?”

“You hurt him, that’s what you did to him. You were fucking an eighteen-years-old and let all of your disgusting friends do the same. He was only eighteen.”

“He needed that. It’s not my fault he was desperate for money. Not my fault his back was fragile and needed a cure.”

The two men were even more confused and stared back at Taeyong that wasn’t saying anything. He was just shaking and crying lowly.

“Tell him, Taeyong. Tell him how much money you owe me.”

“Around eight thousand, three-hundred pounds,” Taeyong mumbled.

“Are you sure? Let’s say ten thousand, five-hundred and fifty pounds, even.”

Taeyong’s head snapped up, and so did everybody’s. “No, I paid you back more than that.”

“Oh, yeah, you did. But you know how it works, interests,” he smirked. A disgusting, unsettling smirk that made shivers ran down their bodies.

When Taeyong started walking to him, Jade tried to stop him by the wrist, but he pulled away.

“What are you doing?”

“Going back, it’s the only thing I can do.”

“No, you’re not going back,” Johnny replied instead. He didn’t even have a clear picture of what was going on, but Taeyong wasn’t going back to him.

“It’s too much money, I can’t pay him back here.”

“We’ll pay for it,” Jaehyun intervened. “We’ll give you everything back, and you’ll disappear from his life and if you dare to come back, we’ll sue you.”

The man shrugged, “A loss, you’re my favourite slut after all, but I’ll take it. Only if you have the money for tomorrow night.”

Taeyong was about to complain, but Johnny already agreed, and Jade pulled him back with them not giving him the chance to retort.

“And now get lost,” Jade spat, glaring at him.

The man laughed, “You’ll realize soon that he’s not worth it.”

“Fuck you,” she yelled and then turned around to go back inside.

“You shouldn’t have,” Taeyong cried as soon as they entered the house again. “He’s right, I’m not worth it.”

“We did it because we all care for you, Yong,” Jaehyun said, sitting next to him on the couch, handing him a glass of water. But Taeyong declined. He felt like throwing up, and he was shaking like crazy.

“You don’t even have all this money,” he said. “And I have a very little to put into.” He probably could pay like two thousand of it, not more.

“We have savings,” Johnny reassured him. They were the money for a new house, but this was way more important than a pretty place to live in.

“I don’t know when I’ll be able to fully pay you back, though.”

“You don’t have to, we don’t need it,” Jade said.

“Yes, you do. You wanted to move out of here, I’m sure the savings are for the house. And now you’ll have to use them for me.”

“Hey,” Johnny cooed, caressing his cheek. “If I start getting contact now, I can fit five or six weddings this summer, and we’ll be back in with the money.” Johnny had stopped doing weddings when his job in fashion launched. But at the end of the day, they still were the things that paid the most. He either had big projects for editorials, or else the pay wasn’t much. While with three days of work, he could take home around two thousand pounds, or more, since now he was popular and could afford to raise the price. It wasn’t his dream job, but he didn’t mind much.

“The only thing that matters is that you’re out of his way and free from him,” Jaehyun added.

Taeyong couldn’t understand why they were so nice to him. He wasn’t even part of this. He was a stranger.

“That’s what family do,” Jade reassured him, caressing his back.

“I’m not part of your family.”

“Oh, I think you are,” Jade smiled. “Didn’t you say you loved being in my arms? And look how good you look with Jae’s clothes on.”

“That’s not enough to make me part of your happiness.”

“I think it is,” Jaehyun insisted. “It’s nice having you around. Honestly, I’m starting to miss you when you’re not here because you go back to your place.”

Taeyong looked at him. He didn’t love him, right?

“But… what if this isn’t for me? What if I can’t fit here?”

“We don’t want to keep you here,” Johnny explained. “We just care that you’re out of that hell. We’ll pay him, and that’s it. It won’t mean you owe us something.”

“So, it’s fine if I give you a little every month?”

“We’re fine, Yong,” Jade repeated. “You’ve had this bottled up for so long, we just want you to be fine.”

“Yes, but why?”

“Because we care for you,” Johnny explained. He wanted to say he loved him, and probably, in different ways, even the others did, but he didn’t want to scare him away.

Taeyong wanted to ask why they cared for him when he didn’t do anything for them, but didn’t. He had no strength to think about feelings. “Can I stay here just for the weekend? I don’t want to go back there.”

“Sure,” Johnny replied. “Why don’t you go take a shower? Maybe it will help you relax, and we’ll prepare for lunch.”

“Can I?”

“Sure,” Jade said. “I’ll take a clean robe for you.”

Taeyong never stayed just for the weekend. Even once they paid that piece of shit, he couldn’t bear to go back to his place. Not when being there brought him so much serenity. Not when sleeping in Jade’s arms didn’t make him have nightmares.

It had been a little more than four weeks now, and he couldn’t say he was doing amazing, but he was doing great. He was starting to open up more, and they were helping him a lot. He even went to the therapist with Jade once. They couldn’t afford another therapy, but she was so gentle to leave him exercises he could do by himself to help him cope until he could actually follow a cure.

“Do you know the meaning of every flower on heart?” Johnny asked while laying on the couch staring at him while Taeyong fixed the bouquet of daffodils on the windowsill. They had just come home from the supermarket, on their way back, Taeyong had seen a flower shop and asked Johnny if they could stop by.

“Not all, but a lot of them,” he replied. “Do you know why I chose these?”

Johnny shook his head.

“They are the first perennial flowers that bloom after winter. Usually, they bloom under the snow, meaning that the long and cold winter is over. So, it’s obvious they symbolize rebirth and hope. I always loved them because in my eyes they’ve always been like little warriors that endure the cold and even after all the difficulties bloom in all their purity,” a bitter smile curled his lips. “I always wanted to be like them, but I never seemed to make it to the good part.”

“But now…” Johnny said, smiling at him.

“Now, I think there’s potential,” he smiled back. “A new begging, inspiration, endless love. All things that I’m starting to believe can be part of my life.”

Johnny beamed tenderly and then walked to him, wrapping his arms around him. He was so proud of his little steps. He knew it hadn’t been much, and there were going to be so many fall downs in the way, but he was really proud of him.

“Oh, and they also remind me of Jade,” he added with a dumb smile on his face. Taeyong didn’t confess to anybody, but Johnny was pretty sure he felt something for her. And he couldn’t even be mad for not being the one he loved. It was endearing seeing him add her into every conversation, think about her everywhere he went, or see his cheek burn red when she kissed him before going to work.

“Do they?”

Taeyong nodded, wrapping his arms around his. “They’re bright and beautiful, and they bring me joy.” And Taeyong didn’t even realize how lost he was for her. He just talked and talked without stopping his thoughts.

“You should tell her,” Johnny hummed against his ear. “I know she looks all tough and confident, but she loves compliments more than she shows. And this one’s pretty nice.”

Taeyong nodded, “I will. What can we do now?”

“I could propose different funny things, but the food is begging to be put in its place,” he joked, leaving a peck on his cheek. Taeyong was also becoming more open to physical exchanges, he craved contact much more, almost as if he needed it. They all knew not to cross the line, especially him and Jaehyun, but it was nice to know he was comfortable around them, especially after knowing everything he had been trough.

“Fine. When we’re done with that we could bake something for Jaehyun,” the brown haired suggested. He was working extremely hard to finally take a step forward and don’t just be any model, but make a name for himself. That meant he was always out working twice as hard. They almost barely saw him, and Taeyong also felt a little guilty because he had basically kidnapped Jade all for himself, but he really couldn’t sleep with nobody else.

“I’m sure he’ll love it.”

And so, they started putting what they bought in its place and then started baking together. Okay, baking together was a big word since it was more like Taeyong reading the recipe and spitting orders while Johnny had to do all the job, but it was still fun spending time together.

“It’s a waste not to put all those muscles to work,” Taeyong teased, feeling his forearms. And Johnny rolled his eyes.

“You always do that, put me to work, and make me do all the things that make me suffer.”

“Maybe it’s just an excuse to see you flex those muscles,” the younger taunted, winking at him.

“Don’t tease,” Johnny warned.

“I’m not, but you’re hot, and you know it because you always walk around the house with just a tank top, and you know it’s killing all of us.”

Johnny raised a brow and smirked, “Uh, you included?”

Taeyong blushed and then turned around, pretending to be reading the recipe, but Johnny started tickling him, making him laugh and beg him to stop.

“Admit it,” Johnny teased close to his face. He wanted to kiss him so fucking bad, but he knew he couldn’t. No matter how much Taeyong flirted and had opened up. He just couldn’t throw away all his steps forward.

“Fine, you’re average,” he gave up, winking. But Johnny started tickling him again, and he screamed, “No, no, okay, fine, you’re hot, you’re hot.”

Johnny smiled content, “Good, what I wanted to hear.”

“You’re so full of yourself,” Taeyong joked, throwing his head back, and Johnny took the occasion to start to attack his neck with playful kisses. “Johnny!” He screamed, laughing uncontrollably. “Stop it,” he said, trying to tickle him, but with no success. “We’ll burn the biscuits.”

Johnny laughed, before pulling away. “You’re lucky I care too much about Jae,” he said before leaving a peck on his forehead, making him blush.

“Can I kiss you?” Taeyong asked, catching him by surprise. The eldest turned around again with shock written all over his face.

“Are you serious?”

Taeyong bit his lower lip while nodding.

“You don’t have to, you know, we’re fine like this,” he said. Their relationship was weird, but he didn’t mind, it was better than nothing, and he didn’t want to ruin anything like the first time they kissed.

“But I want to,” Taeyong stated, intertwining their fingers. Maybe he didn’t love Johnny, but he knew he liked him, like, a lot. And he was sure it wasn’t just sexual attraction, he deeply cared for him, and he liked how safe Johnny made him feel, he simply wasn’t there just yet. But he wanted to feel him just a little closer. As absurd as it was, kissing him scared him less than the thought of kissing Jade.

“Are you sure?” Johnny asked again, just to make sure he wasn’t crossing any line. And when Taeyong nodded and moved closer, he leaned down and let their lips crash together. They still tasted like cigarettes, but now the strawberry taste was replaced by Jade’s peach lipstick, and they were slightly less chapped. And this time the kiss was softer, slower but not hesitant, there was no fear in Taeyong’s lips or in his hands that gently wrapped around his nape to pull him closer.

And Taeyong knew for sure that he liked Johnny, now. Not as much as the older did with him, but enough to know that now, falling deeper wasn’t as scary as it seemed before. Probably it wouldn’t have happened now or anytime soon, but one day.

He was sure one day he wouldn’t have minded being Johnny’s boyfriend.

And this time when they pulled away, they were both smiling while being on cloud nine.

Johnny knew that the one that got Taeyong’s heart racing wasn’t him, but this was already more than enough.

“I’m exhausted,” Jaehyun whined as soon as he entered the house, throwing his things on the cabinet next to the door. “Where’s my kiss?”

“Johnny’s in the shower, is mine okay?” Taeyong asked, reaching him.

Jaehyun smiled. He had no idea what his relationship with Taeyong was. Truly, nobody in that house knew for sure. But he liked him. Friends seemed like a good word to describe what they had, but sometimes it felt like it wasn’t enough. But he already knew Johnny liked him and that Taeyong liked Jade, so he didn’t want to add himself to that mess and screw him over. He had just started recovering, there was no need to ruin it. And also, it was nice just having a friend around.

“Sure, bubu,” Jaehyun smiled, “Come here.”

Taeyong stood on his tiptoes as he left a kiss on Jaehyun’s cheek and then hugged him tightly. “I missed you,” he confessed, letting Jaehyun hug him back. It was true that he didn’t feel any romantic attraction toward him, but he really enjoyed spending time with Jaehyun. They had a lot of things in common, and also his hugs were the best, yes, probably even better than Jade’s and Johnny’s.

“I missed you, too,” Jaehyun replied, leaving a peck on top of his hair. “Had fun today?” He knew he had no classes on Wednesday and since he hated being alone, Johnny always took a day off too just to stay with him. Jade didn’t have much freedom and, well, he was super busy and had no choice but to accept everything his company gave him. Being full was better than having no jobs at all, also considering that agencies and photographers had the tendency to pay months later. So, his paycheck was always delayed, and he hated it so much.

Taeyong nodded and then pointed at the vase on the windowsill, “Look, I bought them for us.”

“Yellow roses?”

Taeyong glared at him, and he took a step back, scratching his neck, “I guess they’re not roses.”

“They are yellow daffodils, and they are the best flowers in the world.”

“I’m sorry, I’m really terrible with everything that involves nature,” Jaehyun apologized, walking closer to get a better look. “They’re lovely.”

“I know, they are a symbol of hope, figured we might need some luck.”

“Do you believe in those things?”

Taeyong shrugged, “I don’t know, they just bring me hope, it’s silly, but it keeps me grounded.”

Jaehyun nodded. He never really got anything of that kind, Johnny always said that he was too cynical, but he just couldn’t grab onto those things. Still, it was nice when people believed in them and knew what they were talking about.

“You might give me a lesson about flowers one day, then,” he proposed, genuinely interested in the matter.

“Careful, he might never stop talking,” Johnny chimed, making his way into the room, only a towel covering his lower body.

Taeyong rolled his eyes, “Cover up, God. You’re shameless.”

“It’s for your eyes, I’m doing you a favour. Not many people have the opportunity to see all of this.”

“Not many people want to see it,” he replied, sticking his tongue out.

Jaehyun laughed at their little bickering and then moved over to Johnny. “Since the shower is free, I’m going in, leaving you two alone, hoping I won’t find someone’s dead.”

“We won’t kill each other, don’t worry,” Johnny said. “A kiss?”

“I don’t know, already had Taeyong’s,” Jaehyun teased.

“Fine,” Johnny said and then walked closer to him to whisper in his ear, “Next time beg Taeyong to suck your dick.”

That year it felt like June arrived sooner than usual, brining along the hot weather and sunny days – for what they could be, considering how fickle the London sky was.

Taeyong was definitely feeling better.

Given the situation, Jade’s therapist decided to make him pay half the price for the therapy, and he could finally approach professional help. It required some sacrifices, but thankfully Johnny managed to book himself for seven weddings, so they were pretty sure that by the end of summer they were going to re-enter of the money they paid Jiwoo and also breathe again. The new house was still out of question, but they didn’t mind. Jade’s room became also Taeyong’s, and she was fine with it, she was used to sharing rooms all her life anyway. She couldn’t afford to be a freelancer again, the money was never safe that way, and they already had Jaehyun’s paycheck that came late, they needed something fixed along with Taeyong’s teacher pay.

But they were all happy, and that was the only thing that mattered.

Taeyong was starting to fall in love with life for the first time ever. He finally had a reason to make it through the day, well, three reasons to make it. And he felt good in a way he never felt before.

Jaehyun was right. Love was never easy, but it wasn’t supposed to be an eternal battle. Love wasn’t scars, and tears and begging people to stay with you on bleeding knees. Love wasn’t walking on eggshells with the fear of falling and making a mess and getting screamed at. Love wasn’t black and white and hostile like the cold wind of winter. Love was bright, bright yellow like daffodils blooming under a thick surface of freezing snow.

Love was coming home and taking a breath of relief because finally the place he lived in felt safe. No hands on his body, no harsh words thrown at him, no pain. Coming home now meant opening the door to the scent of Johnny’s freshly cooked food. Or to Jaehyun playing the piano. Or to Jade singing songs loudly.

He now got what Jaehyun meant by feeling the weight of the world being lifted off his shoulder. Because love wasn’t supposed to make you feel heavier, but lighter. Light enough to make you fly.

Love wasn’t supposed to be cruel, it wasn’t a game as many said. Love was warmth.

Love was the giggling on the bed while Jade desperately tried to make conversation with him in Korean, and he would get too hyped and talk too fast. Love was cooking on Friday night with Johnny, waiting for the other two to come home and tell them about their day. Love was teaching Jaehyun how to sew while their favourite albums played in the background.

And he didn’t care he loved all of them differently, and probably with Jaehyun wasn’t even that kind of love, he didn’t want to fight over labels. Like Jaehuyn had told him, it just flowed. And he was going to let it flow. He was done stopping good things from happening to him. He deserved happiness, God if he deserved it. And now that he had found it, he wasn’t letting go.

“Can I tell you something?” Taeyong asked Jade. They were dancing in the living room as the turntable played a random album they picked up, it was something ambient just to keep them company. They just wanted to do something cliché now that they had the house for themselves. Johnny and Jaehyun were away for a week for a quite big project that hopefully would’ve opened more doors, especially to Jaehyun, and maybe brought enough money to Johnny to open his own studio.

She nodded, humming lowly.

He really wondered for long if he should’ve confessed or not. But he couldn’t take it anymore. He had her right there, and the fact that he couldn’t kiss her anytime he wanted like the other did, killed him. He was terrified. Terrified of his feelings for being so strong. Terrified it was all in his head, and she only liked him as a friend. But in the pit of his heart, he felt it was safe to admit it now.

“Cat got your tongue?” She teased playfully, caressing his cheek, and right at the moment, with the light hitting his face just right, she realized that she had never seen someone as beautiful as him. Sure, Johnny and Jaehyun weren’t ugly, but there was something about Taeyong. He truly was her prince, and she felt so lucky to have him in her life.

He shook his head, “No,” he mumbled, lowering his gaze to the floor. “It’s just… I’ve never done this before, and I’m scared.”

“You never danced?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.

Taeyong bit his lower lip, pulling his skin for the nervousness, and shook his head again. “No,” he replied. “This,” he whispered and without thinking twice moved forward, making their lips meet.

Jade was surprised and widened her eyes, but then she soon melted in his embrace. She closed her eyes and pulled him closer, hands intertwining in his hair. And they both could swear that nothing felt so intimate and yet so fragile and vulnerable. That kiss felt as if they could finally start to breathe again. As if, finally, all their wounds were cured. They had found each other, and no one else could understand each other the way they did.

Taeyong pulled her waist closer, almost afraid she would slip away, but he knew it wasn’t like that anymore. She was there, right in front of him, between his arms, hanging from his lips, and wasn’t going anywhere. Just like she promised.

They deepened the kiss, and she felt intoxicated by the faint scent of cigarettes that still lingered in his mouth – he was trying to stop – and the taste of her lip balm mixing together. She smiled, thinking that they were already there. His taste and hers were already on his beautiful lips.

And Jade’s lips were soft and plump, and they felt better than he could ever dream. And he could feel her smile against his and couldn’t help but smile back.

When they pulled away, they felt like they weren’t there, but in another dimension where everything was fine. “I really like you, Jade,” he confessed, turning a light shade of red. “Actually, I think I love you.” That confession was a lower whisper, but they were so close she could hear it anyway.

A smile curled her lips. “Took you long enough to let me know.”

“I thought you didn’t feel the same, I didn’t want to lose you or make it strange. And also, I feel guilty about Johnny.”

“Well, good for you, I do feel the same,” she said, and her eyes crinkled up. “Or else it was going to be weird since there’s only the two of us at home. But don’t worry about him. Johnny’s patient, and I know that you like him. He’s fine with what you have.”

Taeyong felt his heart skip a beat and the butterflies in his stomach take off. “You do?”

She nodded. “You were actually scaring me, I feared you only saw me as a pillow,” she joked, and he laughed.

“I would never only see you as a pillow,” he replied. “Also, like a blanket,” he joked, and she playfully pushed his chest back.

“Can we make up for lost times? Can I kiss you again?”

Here, that was something Taeyong still wasn’t used to. Consent. Always. Even for the smallest thing. He was so used to people just taking what they wanted that it felt so weird how they all respected each other’s boundaries.

“Yeah,” he breathed out, voice shaky, still incredulous this was happening. She beamed and then leaned in again, gently cupping his face and kissing him slowly. And he wasn’t sure what was happening to his body, but after a while, as they kept swinging around without stopping kissing, he realized he wanted more. His body craved her. He wanted her.

“Jade,” he gasped between a kiss, pulling away just enough to breathe again.

“Yes?”

“I want you,” he whispered, feeling heat creep on his face again. “I want to make love to you.” He knew it was cheesy, and he knew that it was still sex, but he needed to remind himself that this wasn’t that kind of sex, this was different. This was something he was going to enjoy with the person he loved.

She pulled back a little more, with a confused expression on her face. “Are you sure? Isn’t it too early?” Yes, it had been ages since anything physically happened to him, but it had been just two months since he started working on his past traumas and everything was being brought back to the surface. Just last week, he had a nightmare after going to therapy. She didn’t want to cut the wounds again.

“I am. It’s you. I know I want you. I want to be loved,” he confessed. It was the most honest confession he could make. He needed somebody to put up his pieces back together. He needed somebody that reminded him how good he was. Somebody that gave him hopes that his body wasn’t stuck in the pain of the past, but in the beauty of the present.

Jade smiled and grabbed his hand, starting to walk to their bedroom. “But if you change your mind, or anything makes you feel weird, tell me, I’ll stop right away.”

He nodded, feeling something bubble up in his stomach. But this time it wasn’t fear, it was anticipation. It had happened he had overheard some of them have sex in the other rooms. The walls weren’t really thick and even if they did their best to keep it quiet, it didn’t always work out the best. And he was so jealous, he just wanted to feel it too, to know what it felt to be loved in every aspect.

Jade kissed him again, and then they made their way to the bed. There wasn’t a rush in their movements. No hunger in their hands, and it felt new for both. Well, for Taeyong it was obvious why. And for Jade simply because with the other it was never slow, well, unless it was a morning thing or late-night super lazy fuck. But this was totally different. They felt like two teenagers at their first experience. Their hands seemed insecure, unsure of what to do.

Jade wasn’t used to being the one in control. She wasn’t even sure she liked it or was good at it. Usually, it was always one of them having control. But now, that Taeyong was beneath her, looking at her with sparkling eyes, she felt a new feeling in her bones.

She smiled and straddled his lap, feeling his hardening member, without stopping kissing him. She could only imagine how much Taeyong needed to feel it. To stay grounded there and don’t let his mind wander to dark places. And she was going to give him all the reasons to stay there with her.

When her hands reached the hem of his shirt, he gasped for a second, and she stopped. “Everything alright?”

He nodded, “Just... it’s not the best view.”

She smiled fondly at him. Oh, how she could understand him, even if it was for different reasons. “That’s up to me to dictate, don’t you think so?”

He smiled and nodded before biting his lips, once again nervousness taking the best of him. Reducing the number of cigarettes was really messing him up.

She slowly moved his shirt over his head and dragged her gaze on his body. Taeyong held his breath, terrified she was going to be disgusted by it, but… “Beautiful. You’re so pretty, Yong.”

Pretty.

He liked the word pretty. It made him feel… things. It was soft, and for some reason, he associated it with pink, and he loved pink.

He loved being pretty.

Not sexy, not hot, not flexible, not handsome.

Pretty.

“Can I?” She asked, hand hovering over a cigarette burn on his left hip. He nodded, he never touched them for what was possible, but he wanted to have her everywhere. That was his body, and no matter how broken it was, he couldn’t run away from it.

She smiled and then let her hands run over the kind of circular scar, and up, to his stomach and under his ribs where there was a small cut. Then her fingers reached his right shoulder where another cigarette scar was, she felt her heart break just imagining everything he had been through, but it didn’t matter now. He was here, safe, in her arms, and she was going to show him what love meant.

She leaned down and started kissing his skin. Every inch of it. Every scar. Every bruise. Every hand that had touched him was being kissed away by her. They didn’t matter anymore. They weren’t there.

“Jade,” he moaned, closing his eyes, relaxing under her touch.

“Yes, prince?” she asked, raising her head.

“I need you,” he whimpered. “Please.”

“Are you sure?” Jade asked again, she had to make sure he was on board. She couldn’t risk making him regret it.

“I am. I need you, need to feel loved.” Taeyong never felt so vulnerable, so exposed to someone, but as raw it was, it wasn’t a bad feeling.

“I’ll show you, prince,” she whispered, moving to kiss him again, and he wrapped his hands around her body, pulling her close. “I’m going to make you feel so good.”

“I know,” he replied, arching his ass up to grind on her, and she had to pull herself together again before getting lost in the moment too much. Her hands swiftly reached for his pants and pulled them down with his underwear. He was now completely naked to her eyes. And she couldn’t help but stare in awe at his body. Yes, there were scars. But he was just so beautiful, Jade felt she could stare at him forever.

“Your body is so pretty, baby. I could stare at you forever,” she praised, caressing his thighs. “God, your skin is so soft, and they’re so plump.”

Taeyong felt his heart do a small flip in his chest as he enjoyed the feeling of her fingers on his skin, higher and higher, until they wandered around the spot where he needed her the most.

He couldn’t remember when was the last time he felt like this. Probably never, since he never had somebody that loved him that much in his life.

“Can I touch you here?”

“Yes, please,” he begged, arching his back, begging for more even with his body. And he felt his breath get stuck in his throat when Jade’s hand wrapped around his dick.

“So pretty,” she cooed. Probably would never say that about a penis, but his truly was. It wasn’t the biggest she had ever seen in her life, but it was oddly aesthetic. It was surreal for her just how everything about Taeyong was delicate, pure, and pretty. “And so needy for me.”

He was. There was no point denying it anymore. “I want to see you, too,” he whined, reaching for her dress, even if in the position he was, he couldn’t take it off. His attraction for her had never been physical, she rarely showed much of her body, mostly because they met when it was still chill. But now that summer arrived, she had started to expose more of her skin, and he couldn’t deny he sometimes stopped to wonder what she looked like under all those clothes. Johnny had told him she wasn’t super confident, she had got better but wasn’t there yet, and he just wanted to see what made her so insecure.

Jade shifted on the spot to move the dress that was trapped under her knees and then took it off, revealing herself to him, the only thing covering her was the pink panties since she wasn’t wearing a bra.

And Taeyong felt his breath get stuck in his lungs when he saw her body. She was beautiful. But it was clear she didn’t want much attention on her since she immediately moved to kiss him again.

“I want to see you,” he whined, resting his hand on her waist.

“It’s nothing sensational.”

“It’s you, it is something sensational.”

She sighed and then moved back, letting him look at her body. Her eyelids closed when Taeyong’s hands started moving on her, making her skin crawl and her nipples perk up. He was so, so gentle with her. His fingers felt like a feather.

And Taeyong was in awe. Her thighs, her hips, her belly, her boobs, everything about her body was beautiful.

“Can I take them off?” He asked, fingers hooked with the elastic band of her panties.

“Yeah,” she replied. “Here, let me help.”

“You’re perfect,” he purred, looking at her fully naked figure.

“Guess we make a perfect match then,” she giggled, leaning down to kiss him again. And honestly, would’ve never stopped doing that. His kisses felt like a drug. He felt like a drug.

And when his hands finally started being more adventurous on her body, she felt her heart beat faster.

He wasn’t used to this, to the contact, the good one. Skin on skin. And he needed it so badly. He wanted to feel her close, he wanted to feel them become one. He couldn’t even care it was hot, and he felt like he could barely breathe, he didn’t care about the mess, he just wanted her.

And he didn’t even want to be desperate, but even with just her grinding against him, he felt so close. Surely it was the intimacy and vulnerability of the moment, but Taeyong felt like he could completely fall apart in her hands and be safe still.

“Jade, please,” he whimpered, squeezing his hands on her waist. “I need you, need to be in you.”

She hummed and then slowed down to grab the base of his cock as she raised her hips to line herself, but then she stopped.

“Are you okay with doing it raw? I’m on the pill and, well, you know who my partners are.” Honestly, she wasn’t even sure they had condoms in the house anymore, so she hoped he was okay with it.

“Yes, yes, I am,” he replied, nodding swiftly and bucking his hips up. “And you? Do you want me like that? Aren’t you… disgusted by…?”

Jade shook her head, “No, stop even thinking that. You’re not that person anymore. I would never be disgusted by you.”

“I’m clean, by the way, got myself checked up,” he said, he just wanted her to know. He felt like it was a miracle he never contracted anything, but at least in all that mess, something good happened.

“Stop worrying, babe,” she reassured him, kissing him again and then raising her hips to line him up at her entrance. “Just let me love you.”

Taeyong rolled his head back as soon as she sank on him, her wet walls wrapping him perfectly.

“Fuck,” he moaned, squeezing his eyes shut, enjoying the sensation.

“You feel so good,” she moaned, staying still for a second, just enjoying being full.

A light shade of red crossed his cheeks, and she couldn’t help but smile too. He really wasn’t used to genuine compliments, was he?

She started moving her hips slowly back and forth, barely lifting up from his body, and once she got he was enjoying it just as much as her, she started bouncing up and down. To steady herself, she rested her hands right above his ribs, and that made him open his eyes suddenly.

“Jade,” he said with a line of voice and for a moment she thought it was a moan, but then he said, “Can you stop?”

She immediately froze and pulled off of him, “Did I do something wrong? Oh God, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

He shook his head and grabbed her wrist. “I’m fine, just, can I sit up, so we can be closer?”

“Sure,” she smiled. “But did I do something wrong?”

He shook his head as he sat against the headboard of the bed. “I guess the hand kind of triggered me. I know you’re not like them, but they used to… keep me still.”

“Do you want to thrust in me? Maybe it’ll give you more control?”

“No,” he said. “I like it like this. You’re really good,” he chuckled, looking at her with a shy smile.

“Umh, and you haven’t seen anything,” she joked, crawling back on top of him. She also liked this position better. It didn’t change much, but they were closer, and it always made her feel super comfortable.

“Then show me,” he whispered, tracing his fingers on her waist. “I promise I won’t stop you this time.”

She smiled and then kissed him again, a longer kiss that dragged until she sank on him again. This time, Taeyong’s arms wrapped around her as she started lifting her hips up and down, her forehead met his and her arms rested on his shoulders for more support.

This definitely wasn’t something Taeyong was used to. The slow sex, the slow thrusts, her going all the way down and then moving up gently, making him feel every single thing. He wasn’t used to hands touching his skin as if he was an expensive jewel and not just some cheap piece of meat. He wasn’t used to the sweet kisses and the sinful, but harmonious, moans mixing together on each other’s lips. But he loved it. It felt so good. She felt so good.

And he felt sorry for not really doing much and just sitting back, enjoying her doing all the job, but she looked so pretty like that. Her curls falling at the sides of her neck, her boobs bouncing up and down with every move, her ass slapping back against his thighs, her face contorted in pleasure.

“You’re beautiful,” he moaned, moving a hand up to her nape, pulling her even closer.

“And you feel so fucking good, prince,” she praised, feeling the familiar knot in her stomach already. She tangled her fingers in his hair but didn’t pull, and he moaned when he felt her clench around him.

“Shit,” he whimpered, biting his lips to suppress a moan, but she brushed them with her finger, making him free his lower lip from the hold.

“Don’t hold back, your moans and whimpers are so pretty. I want to hear you.”

And Taeyong did, it was the only thing he could do for her. Be vocal and let it all out. Let her know how much he was loving it.

And his pretty sounds were what made her lose her mind. He sounded so good. She always had a weakness for men’s moans but his, God, Taeyong’s moans were just something else.

“Yes, babe, yes,” she moaned, starting to rock her hips harder and faster, their chest pushed against each other, making her whimper at the brush of her nipples against him.

And she felt the tiredness in her thighs, she wasn’t used to this, she was the one that got pampered, the one that was under, but she didn’t care now. She couldn’t. Not now that Taeyong was just so beautiful, lost in his pleasure, and kept spilling praises and nice words for her. Not when he was holding her up so gently, so tenderly.

So, she kept moving, muscles shaking every time his dick hit perfectly inside her.

“You’re perfect,” she whispered, cupping his face with a hand to pull him in a kiss, “Perfect, perfect, perfect.”

And Taeyong felt a warmth in his chest he had never felt before. He was perfect. Nobody ever considered him perfect. Nobody ever called him that during sex.

“You’re my pretty boy, aren’t you?” She cooed, caressing his cheek, trying to don’t get too lost in her pleasure. But it was harder than expected, maybe she wasn’t so good at having control, she had no idea how her other boyfriends could be so concentrated during the whole time. “My perfect, pretty prince.”

“Yes, please, please,” he moaned. “I’m yours,” he mumbled, staring at her eyes. He was hers, but not in the same way he had been somebody’s else belonging in the past. It was affectionate. It was sweet. It was love. And he felt like he couldn’t take it anymore. All those little things, small attention, words, touches, and kisses were making him lose his mind, and her clenching around him so hard surely didn’t help.

He didn’t want this moment to end, but he couldn’t resist much longer. And also, they had eternity in front of them, right? She was finally his. He didn’t have to be jealous of the other two anymore. He didn’t have to pout because he couldn’t kiss her or touch her how he wanted. He finally had her now.

“Are you close, prince? Want to come with me?”

He nodded, not able to let out any word, barely able to keep his eyes open. He wanted to look at her, he wanted this to be even more intimate, but it was so hard.

“Then come, come with me,” she encouraged, moving a hand to play with herself and push both of them over the edge. All it took was one last bounce and a tighter squeeze around him to make him fall apart. Whimpers and curses spilled out of their lips as they rode the orgasm, forehead pressing against the other’s and hands desperately trying to hold onto each other. The orgasm washed over them and made them feel dizzy, it made them feel closer. And Taeyong had no idea how long it lasted, but it seemed never-ending, and he felt disconnected from the whole world for what felt minutes.

“God,” she whispered, finally coming down from the high, forehead still resting against his. She then chuckled lowly, and he asked what was so funny. “That was intense,” she said. “Guess I have to start letting Jae drag me to the gym for legs days, or you’ll get me killed before the year ends.”

Taeyong laughed and caressed her back, “Maybe next time I’ll do all the job.”

“No, I like this, it’s new. I’m just lazy as hell, but this is good.”

“Are you sure?”

She nodded. It wasn’t what she was used to doing with the others, but she felt she could get used to this. Start trying something new. Taking things slower and sweeter for once. Not that she didn’t like sex with the other, but not everyone has to be the same, right? And there was something good about having control over everything and being more in charge. And there was something beautiful about Taeyong trusting her so much to fall apart in her hands.

“I am, just give me time to train, and I’d like to see if you can keep up with me after.”

Taeyong laughed and then pulled her into a kiss. “You’re underestimating me,” he joked.

“Can’t wait to put each other on a test, then.”

He hummed lowly and kissed her again. He simply couldn’t get enough. He felt like a child excited about a toy he had been begging for ages. He had kissed people in his life, and yet, nobody felt like her.

“Thank you for before,” he said.

“For the orgasm?”

“Also,” he smiled, blushing. “But, for stopping immediately, you know, as soon as I told you.”

Jade saddened. How could he think that the bare minimum was so much? “It’s the bare minimum, babe. And I know you’re not used to it, but you should never thank somebody for respecting your limits.”

“I know, I’m trying but, still, you made me feel good,” he smiled, hands still caressing the curve of her waist. It was soft, and he loved it, he loved the soft flesh that met her hips. “Not only physically. You made me feel loved.”

She beamed at him, brushed his hair behind, and then caressed his face. “Because you are loved.”

He blushed and then blushed even harder when he realized he was still inside her. “Oh, mhh, maybe you should, you know, get up.”

Jade chuckled and then lifted her hips. “Maybe we should also go take a shower. If my legs can carry me out of the bed.”

“I’m not strong like Johnny or Jaehyun to carry you there, I’m sorry.”

“I’m kidding, I’m not that tired. Come on,” she said, jumping off the bed and reaching out to grab his hand.

They spent at least an hour inside the shower, cleaning each other’s, chatting, kissing, just enjoying the cold water on their skins. Until they decided that it was better to go to bed.

And right there, between her arms, Taeyong was at peace, and finally sure that it was safe for him to fall.

The other four days of the week passed quickly. They called Johnny and Jaehyun every evening before going to sleep, but they still missed them like crazy.

The house felt incredibly empty without them. Especially for Taeyong that wasn’t working for the summer break. He tried to keep himself busy, already planning lessons for the new academic year, trying to study some more to always be updated, but he really hated being alone at home. It had never happened since he had moved in with them. And he didn’t want to be a burden, but he couldn’t lie about the level of anxiety he felt in his body every day Jade left to go to work.

He knew healing wasn’t linear. His therapist always reminded him that. The others always reminded him. But he couldn’t help but feel like sometimes all of this was just going to be useless.

And some days it felt like he had this terrible weight on his shoulders again. He still didn’t pay them back fully, and not only that, but they also had to add him to other bills (the electricity, the water, groceries, and everything else), and his pay went there too, but it wasn’t as close to filling all they had spent on him.

He wanted to get a new job, especially now that he had the summer free. But he wasn’t really qualified for much other than teaching and fashion. He had worked as a barista in the past, but that wasn’t a job that put him at ease. At least when he was in college, he was safe because it was the campus cafeteria, but now it was the real world. And it still felt scary.

Rationally, he knew that Jiwoo was far away. They had paid him, he promised he wasn’t going to come back, Taeyong wasn’t even worth much for him, so he surely had no reasons to come back to him but… but what if he came back? What if he was crueller than what he imagined? What if he just wanted to make him pay?

Taeyong dwelled on that much more than he liked to, and the thing that scared him the most was that his therapist told him that it was normal, that to get past the trauma he had to face it first, and that was the part that hurt the most. He had walls built up in his brain and he had to take every single brick down. But every brick was a painful memory, a harsh word, a slap, a scream, or worst.

And now he was sitting on the couch, shaking at the slightest of sounds, with all the windows closed, terrified somebody would break in, as he patiently waited for somebody to come home.

And then he heard a sound, the door rustling, and somebody trying hard to open it. He felt like passing out, but he couldn’t. He had to fight. So, he looked around, trying to see if there was something he could grab. The kitchen, a knife, the only thing that could save him from him. He was too strong, too big compared to him.

And so, trying to don’t make any sounds, he grabbed the meat knife and hid behind the door.

“There’s nobody here,” a voice said. And if he was lucid enough, he would’ve recognized it straight away, but fear had won over him and when the footsteps reached the kitchen, he jumped out holding the knife up, hands shaking, and eyes squeezed.

“Don’t come close to me,” he screamed.

“Taeyong, it’s me, it’s us.”

“I said, leave! What?” He opened his eyes slowly, finally seeing Jaehyun and Johnny on the door frame, and he let the knife fall on the floor, soon followed by his body.

He could’ve hurt them. He could’ve killed them.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I thought it was, it was him.”

Jaehyun immediately rushed to him, wrapping his arms around him, but Taeyong tried to push him away.

“I could’ve hurt you,” he cried.

“But you didn’t, it’s okay,” he reassured him, caressing his back. “Why are you alone?” They never left him alone for a reason, they knew how hard it was for him to be alone with his thoughts.

“She’s... she’s working,” he mumbled, wrapping his arms around Jaehyun’s body.

“You’re shaking,” Jaehyun noted, kissing the top of his head while rocking him left to right slowly. “Get up, let’s go on the couch.”

“Why did you think it was him? You know he’s far away. He won’t come back in your life again,” Johnny reassured him this time, sitting next to him.

“I wasn’t expecting you this early. And she always calls me when she comes out from work, so I know when she’ll be home. And you didn’t even knock.”

“We thought there was nobody because all the windows were closed, and the door was locked,” Johnny explained. It was really hot inside the house. They had decided to don’t turn the ac on to save some money, but he couldn’t lock himself in and don’t turn it on. “Why didn’t you turn the ac on? You’re sweating.” He caressed his hair back from his forehead, trying to calm him down.

“Mo-money, I make you waste so much.”

“You don’t,” Johnny said. “Why don’t we go take a shower?”

Taeyong shook his head. He could barely stand on his legs. The adrenaline that was pumping in his vein just tired him more.

“You can turn it on if you feel safer with the windows locked,” Jaehyun said, still caressing his back while Johnny turned the conditioner on.

Taeyong nodded, but he wasn’t really listening.

“I didn’t even ask how it went in Scotland,” he cried, snuggling back into Jaehyun’s neck. He felt so selfish at times, he just wished he had more control over everything, but he still wasn’t good at that.

“It was good,” he replied, “We missed you, though.”

“Do you want some water, Yong?” Johnny asked, but he denied.

“I want to stay here,” he replied. He hated when he had these breakdowns. He felt like he was letting them down. After all the money they had spent on him and were still spending, he wasn’t getting any better. Yet, he needed comfort, and he could only find it in their arms.

“I missed your cuddles, you know?” Jaehyun cooed, lulling him again and caressing his back. It wasn’t a lie. He really liked cuddling with Taeyong. It often happened when Jade and Johnny wanted to spend some time together, or alone, and Taeyong searched for him. Especially when it happened at night, and he really couldn’t sleep alone. “Missed the scent of your shampoo,” he said, face smashed in his hair. “And even the scent of tobacco.”

“I almost quit,” Taeyong said, a small smile curling his lips. He was getting better even with that. He did it for his health and because he had to cut all the extra money.

“I know, Jade told me. I’m so proud of you.”

Taeyong felt his heart falter at his words, he wasn’t proud of himself, but he was glad somebody else was.

“I wanted to cook something, but I couldn’t find the strength to do it.”

“It’s alright, you already did so much today, didn’t you?”

Taeyong shrugged, “I just woke up and showered, then sat here all day.”

“You woke up and showered, and that’s so much,” Jaehyun said. “You can’t always have busy days.”

“But you -”

“It’s about you. Yesterday you cleaned the house, didn’t you?” He nodded. “See, today you’re a little tired, it’s fine like this.”

“Can I cuddle you some more?” He asked, lifting his head to look at him. Jaehyun had warm eyes, big and bright, and they really made him feel safe and welcomed.

“Sure, we can stay here for as long as you want.”

“For how long have they been there?” Jade asked, looking at the two men on the couch.

“Since we arrived, around three,” Johnny answered, arms wrapped around her waist and chin resting on top of her head. Johnny had left them alone for some minutes because he needed to get changed and when he came back, they were both sleeping, tangled in each other’s arms. Taeyong was obviously shaken by what happened, and Jaehyun was drained by the week he had been through. Even if it went well and they had big news to tell home.

“He had told me he was doing fine staying alone at home.”

“You can’t take days off to stay with him, Jade. And you know that he didn’t have bad intentions, he’s really trying to get better. Maybe he thought he could last for five days.”

“I know, but he shouldn’t push himself. He won’t heal faster like this.”

“You know he’s headstrong,” Johnny said. “Reminds me of you.”

Jade rolled her eyes, but Johnny wasn’t so wrong. She had done the same in the past, but her recovery was less delicate than his, and she didn’t want him to get more hurt.

“Should we cook something for them?” Johnny proposed.

“Yeah, why not.”

They locked themselves in the kitchen, but did anything but cooking. It was useless denying it, spending time apart made their hormones go crazy as soon as they got back together. Also, even when he was here, they didn’t do much because Taeyong would rarely leave her side. So, it wasn’t surprising that they were kissing each other while Johnny pressed her body against the kitchen top, hands roaming on their bodies hungry for more.

“God, I missed you so fucking much, angel,” Johnny moaned against her lips while his hand moved down between her legs.

“I want to suck your dick,” she said with no shame, working to pull his shorts down.

“Damn, like this? No hesitation?”

She rolled her eyes. “No, daddy,” she teased, running her tongue on her lower lip.

“If you don’t stop,” he warned.

“What are you going to do? Shut my mouth?”

“Fuck you till you’re a complete mess? Does it sound good to you? Your make-up is so pretty, it would be such a waste to ruin it and even wake them up when they’re so peaceful.”

She smirked and then fell on her knees. “Sounds like a good thing to me, not a threat.”

Johnny snickered, rolling his head back, before looking back at her that was already pumping his hardening cock.

“I wanted to fuck you.”

She huffed again, “Let me do what I want, please.”

“Fine, but I’m not coming in your mouth.”

She winked. “We’ll see if you can control yourself.”

Johnny couldn’t control himself. He blamed the fact it had been months since she went down on him, but Jade kept bragging and teasing him, even now that he was pounding into her from behind.

“Keep quiet, or we’ll wake them up,” Johnny reminded her again, moving his hand to wrap it around her mouth.

She hummed something he couldn’t comprehend and rolled her head back, enjoying the sensation of Johnny’s thrusts. She couldn’t remember when it had been the last time he took her like that. The last time it felt spicier and like a little secret. Maybe she was a little bit an exhibitionist, enjoyed the idea of being possibly caught more than she wanted to convince herself, because the chance of being caught right now made her pussy clench harder around him and her heart beat in excitement.

“Fuck,” Johnny moaned, digging his nails into her waist. “We don’t fuck you enough, how can you be so needy and wet and tight, God.”

She smirked and started bouncing back against him, moving her ass, making him go crazy even more.

“Can you stop being such a tease?” He whispered against her ear, moving his hand to let her talk.

She chuckled, “Not when it’s what I do best.”

He rolled his eyes and then wrapped an arm around her upper body, right above her boobs, and pulled her behind, making his chest and her back touch. “Let’s see what you’ll do now,” he teased before starting to thrust harder in and out of her, the new position trapping her and not making her move.

She let out a louder moan when he reached deeper into her, and Johnny immediately wrapped a hand around her neck, squeezing just enough to keep her quiet. “Don’t you dare wake them up,” he warned, and she nodded, biting her lips and desperately trying to hold the whimpers in.

“Good girl,” he praised, making her clench around him. “That’s my fucking good girl.”

She felt her head spin around at his words and his precise strokes, she was so close.

“Da-daddy, please, I’m — fuck — close,” she slurred, feeling the familiar knot in her stomach and the muscles of her thighs shake.

“Me too, baby girl,” he moaned lowly, holding her closer. “Come, come on my cock, angel,” he ordered, moving a hand between her legs to play with her clit, and the slight touch was the last drop that send her over the edge. She came, clenching hard around his throbbing cock, and her walls spasming around him was what he needed to come. They stayed there for some moments, trying to calm their breaths, and then Johnny pulled out of her after leaving a few kisses on her neck.

“You were so good,” Johnny praised her as he helped her fix her shorts back up and then did the same with his.

Their lips met in another kiss but before the moment could get heated again they pulled apart.

She turned around and, still leaning against the top, chuckled when she glanced the clock.

“Take out?”

“I have big news to tell you,” Jaehyun exclaimed while they were all halfway done with their pizza. He wanted to say it before but decided to wait when they were all calm and together, and they had just finished sharing the most exciting things that happened during the work trip, well, leaving the most exciting for last.

“Really? What is that?” Jade asked.

“Guess who has been selected to go to New York and Seoul fashion week for Prada?”

Jade’s eyes widened as she stared at him in disbelief. “Are you kidding?” She screamed, almost throwing her pizza box on the floor to launch herself in Jaehyun’s arms. He smiled at her while she hugged him tightly, barely making him breathe. “That’s what you always wanted. How did it happen?”

“We might thank Johnny’s friends. We went out for dinner on the first day and, well, met some people, and then they reached my agency to ask for my other works and said that my face was wasted to don’t be the face of a big brand.”

“And they’re fucking right. God, you deserve to be on every billboard on this earth,” she exclaimed, making him laugh. She had always been extremely supportive of him, probably the first one with Johnny that truly supported him in his career change of paths and knew how much he wanted to make a big step in his career.

“That means you’ll have to leave again?” Taeyong asked, trying to hide the sadness in his voice. He was truly happy for him, but not having him around kind of sucked. Not being in four sucked; the house was almost never empty, but it still wasn’t the same when one was out.

“Well, yes, but it’s just one week. One’s in September and the other is in October, but if everything goes well, this could be such a big change for all of us. Do you have any idea of what it would mean to get bigger and better exposure? No more delayed pays, no more cheap pays, and shootings that are actually fun.”

“Yeah, but this is a big win for you, don’t make it about us,” Johnny reminded him. He got that with that also came a lot of money and future changes. But it was something he always wanted to do. It was his win, his moment.

“I know, but I could take you with me, we could visit many cities. And we could finally get a bigger house, we could finally breathe, stop worrying about making it at the end of the month. I would stop feeling so useless when I don’t get jobs for three weeks or just one that is going to pay me after a month.”

“Okay, but just have fun. Also, if they booked you for October it means they are excited to have you,” Jade said.

“I guess so, my manager said that this is already a secured shot. They want to bet on me, so let’s hope for the best.”

“I would’ve bet on you a long time ago, but they’re stupid.”

“Jade,” Johnny scolded her, rolling his eyes.

“It’s true, they’ve been sleeping on him. He’s also funny and kind, most of the models are just assholes.”

“Are you ready to see fans going crazy about him? Tweeting all day about how badly they’d love to be in his bed?” Taeyong teased.

Jade turned around to face him so fast she almost broke her neck. “Now, take that back,” she threatened, pointing at Taeyong that was laughing.

“You know I’m right. It’s hard not to thirst on his handsome face.”

She pouted, crossing her arms on her chest, but she knew it was true. He already had a fair number of followers, but he wasn’t very well-known. More fame meant more money but also more fans, and more fans meant more people falling for him, and more people wanting to be somebody in his life. And that also meant for them to be even more careful about their relationship.

“You share me with two people you can’t be mad for some strangers on the internet,” Jaehyun said, not even realizing he had said two and not one. Taeyong’s cheeks flushed a bright red at that. It was nice being included even if he still had no idea who he was for the two men.

“I know, but they’ll think you’re single, and then I’ll have to go under your pictures and read their comments.”

“So, you have a little bit of jealousy inside you,” he teased, tickling her.

“Oh, shut up,” she whined. “Let’s not go too far with fan service, though.”

“Fine, no fan service. I mean, I believe it is better like this, let’s not give hope to people who don’t have it, right?”

“Yes, that’s better,” she agreed, kissing him.

“Now, can we finish the pizza? I’m starving.”

“Sure,” she said, jumping off of him. “Actually,” she added, going back to her place. “We also have something to tell you.” She looked over at Taeyong, waiting for him to nod and let her know he was still sure.

“Really? What is that?” Johnny asked, a small smirk creeping on his face, already imagining what it was about.

“Well, we are, we are dating,” she confessed.

“No,” Johnny gasped, pretending to be shocked. “Don’t tell me, I could never believe it,” he rolled his eyes. “Finally opened your eyes?”

Taeyong looked at him in confusion. “You knew?”

Johnny beamed at him, “It was clear in everybody’s eyes that you had a big ass crush on her, babe.”

“Was it?” He asked, turning to Jaehyun that was smiling and nodding while eating a slice.

“Yep,” he mumbled and then swallowed the bite. “We were just expecting for you to make the big step.”

“And… aren’t you mad?” He asked Johnny, surprise written all over his face.

He shook his head. “Why would I?”

“Because you loved me first, you brought me here, you... loved me for so long and I don’t know what I feel for you, yet.”

“You care about me, and trust me, that’s enough. I saw it coming that this was going to happen. There’s a reason if you found each other first. You needed each other.”

“Hey, can I sleep with Johnny tonight?”

Jade turned around. “Feeling guilty?” She joked, walking to Taeyong to ruffle his hair, and he chuckled.

“I miss him and figured I could leave you some time with Jaehyun. I had him for the whole afternoon.”

She laughed, “Yes, sure. Do you want to sleep here with him?”

He smiled, “No, I’ll go to his room.”

“Fine. Goodnight, prince,” she greeted, kissing him on the lips before he walked out of the room.

Once she was ready for the night, she walked to Jaehyun’s room, knocking on the door before opening it a little to peek inside.

“Jae?” She called and then saw him laying on the bed, scrolling through his phone. “Were you about to go to bed?”

He raised his head and then patted the empty spot next to him. “No, come here.” She walked in, closed the door behind, and then sat next to him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Actually, I’m not tired at all,” he whispered against her neck, placing the phone on the bedside table. “Maybe we could have some fun before people on the internet will start to want to take your place.”

“You want to get on my nerves, don’t you?” She joked, slapping his arm.

Jaehyun chuckled, “No, but I like it when you get a little mad. Remember how good our hate fucks used to be?”

She rolled her eyes and rolled on top of him, “Oh, if you want to do it rough, you don’t have to come up with excuses,” she teased, nibbling his neck.

“And you don’t have to be a vampire.”

“I should mark you, so everybody knows you’re taken.”

“You’ll get so much hate from my makeup artist, love.”

“I don’t care. They’re extremely good at hiding the love bites.”

“I’ll let them know that the number one reason for their curses would like to compliment them.”

“They’re not even that bad, I’m good. I only sometimes leave some on your chest. Do they look at your chest?”

“Mh, and even other places,” he teased, flipping their position with a swift, unexpected movement, making her yelp and laugh.

“Don’t do that, you scared me.”

“Oh, sure, as if you don’t love being turned and tossed around.”

“Can you just stop talking and fuck me already?”

“God, one week without us, and that’s the result?”

“It’s not a week, you know I haven’t done anything with you in ages. Well, I might’ve fucked Johnny before.”

Jaehyun widened his eyes, “Really?”

“And Taeyong like four days ago.”

“You do that?”

“It happened. It was really special. But I had to ride him, and I was exhausted when I was done. So for your happiness, I guess I’ll start coming to the gym with you.”

“Or I could train you at home,” he teased, lifting her nightgown over her head, exposing her body.

“And how?”

“Making you ride me over and over again.”

“That’s not fair,” she pouted.

“Oh, I bet it is. You actually look super pretty when you’re concentrated trying hard to do all the job, desperately bouncing on our cocks because you need to feel more. Your pretty tits bouncing, your ass too, your thighs shaking because you know you can’t take it.”

She moaned, and that was his getaway to know that she wasn’t going to talk back much more.

“You like that, don’t you? Maybe I should start tonight.”

“No, sir, please.”

He smirked, moving her panties down her legs and then getting rid of his clothes too.

“Please, what? You don’t like that? But my cock fills you up so well in that position.” His fingers reached her clit and started moving in circles, making her close her legs, but he swiftly pulled them apart again and then let a finger slip past her wet walls.

“Not answering? I think your pretty pussy’s excited enough,” he mocked before pulling out from her and laying on the bed. “C’mon, love, get on top of me.”

She whined but at his stern glare, she immediately moved to straddle him.

“Show me how good you are,” he ordered, resting his hands on her thighs.

“You’re not helping me?”

He shook his head and signalled her to go on. And she did, she sank on his dick and started moving shallowly. Hips grinding against him, head threw back in pleasure as she cupped her boobs.

“Look at you, so fucking perfect,” he praised, thinking she wanted some more encouragement to start moving. But even when she started bouncing up and down, her moves were so slow.

“Is this all you can do?” He teased. “Is this how you pleasured Taeyong?”

She shook her head, and started moving just a little bit faster, but not enough to give him what he wanted. She knew her plan was going to work soon.

“I said ride me, not rub against me. Fuck yourself on top of me,” he ordered, cupping her chin to force her to look at him. She nodded, putting on her façade of innocence, and started riding him faster but messily. She went on like this for a while until she stopped.

“I can’t, I’m tired,” she lamented, collapsing flat on his body.

“Did I say you could stop?”

“No, but –” her words died in her mouth when Jaehyun started thrusting up back into her, making her roll her eyes and moan loudly.

“No, but, what? Think you can disobey me?”

She shook her head and tried to stand up, but every stroke made her launch forward. He was hammering back up into her with no mercy, just like she wanted.

“Fuck, ‘s good.”

“Yeah, of course, ‘s good, that’s what you wanted, to be fucked, hard and rough.”

“Yes,” she moaned, gripping the sheets under him, and then Jaehyun flipped them over again. If he had to do all the job, he was going to do it how he liked it.

He grabbed her ankles and placed them on his shoulder, making her whimper before he started thrusting into her mercilessly.

Her eyes spread open as she gasped, “Shit, too much.”

He scoffed, “Now’s too much? Such a big girl and then you can’t take my cock?”

“No, I can — fuck — I can.” She closed her eyes and felt her toes curl as he hit inside her exactly how she wanted, exactly where she wanted.

“Then take it and stop whining,” he groaned, slapping her ass, making her clench hard around him. “This was exactly what you wanted, riding me so lazily just to get on my fucking nerves.”

“No,” she whimpered, going on with her little play. She missed messing with him. He was dominant in bed, but at the same time so easy to play around and rile up over the smallest things.

“Don’t fucking lie to me,” he warned. “And don’t smirk like that,” he groaned, before leaning down to pin her wrists on top of her head. “Don’t tease me more.”

“Sir, please.”

Jaehyun scoffed, shaking his head. “Begging? You want to come already?”

“Please.”

He shook his head, “That’s because you let Johnny fuck you. I thought you could take more than one orgasm, how’s that too much?”

“You’re just so good,” she cooed with a pout, arching her back up at him.

“Don’t do this. I know you. I know the games you play.”

“Mhh, please, I can come another time.”

“No,” he replied in a stern voice. “You’re coming with me, when I say so. You decided you didn’t want to be in control before, and now you take the consequences.”

She whined, but then gave up and decided she was going to hold it in.

“Good,” he moaned lowly, lowering his head to trap her lips in a messy kiss as he pushed her legs even flatter against her chest, reaching deeper inside her.

“Fuck,” she hummed, rolling her head back and arching her ass again, feeling impossible to hold back.

“Taking me so fucking well as always,” he praised, moving his head down to leave small bites on the skin of her collarbones and boobs. “Love being stretched, love feeling full, don’t you?”

“Yes, sir, yes — shit,” she mewled, trying to keep her voice low and control her body from coming right there at the moment.

“God, you’re so wet,” he groaned. “How badly you wanted this?”

She opened her eyes and met his gaze; he was intensely staring at her, and she felt her heart skip a beat. She gulped and then replied, “So much, I want you so – so badly, please.”

“You’re so pretty when you beg and squirm under me,” he praised, kissing her again. “Beg some more, babe.”

“Sir, please, please let me come,” she whined, struggling to try to touch him, but he had no intention to loosen the hold on her wrist.

“You’re not going anywhere, love. Stay right here and beg,” he ordered, voice low and deep. “And if your pleas are pretty enough, I might make you come.”

She almost groaned, throwing her head back and closing her eyes again, but a quick squeeze around her wrists made her open them again for a second.

“Look at me while you beg,” he smirked, “that’s the fun of it.”

She wanted to roll her eyes but knew better than to do that, so she simply tried to keep them open and then started begging over and over again between curses and moans that never stopped coming out of her mouth.

“Good girl, my fucking good girl,” he praised. “Come with me since you want it that badly and you’re asking so nicely.”

She finally relaxed, and with a few more thrusts she let go, eyes rolling back, mouth hanging open and chest panting heavily as Jaehyun kept pounding into her, sending her straight to heaven for how strong that orgasm felt.

“Fuck, that was so good,” he groaned, resting his forehead on hers and trying to steady his breath when they were both done riding the orgasm. “Are you okay?” He asked, freeing her wrist and caressing her face.

She nodded, before wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him down into a kiss.

“Maybe next time you could just ask if you wanted it rough,” he joked, starting to pull out of her and then grabbing his shirt to place it under her, so the cum wouldn’t have dripped on the sheets.

A giggle escaped her lips, “It’s so much fun like this, watching you getting worked up.”

“And then you have the courage to lie when I call you a tease.” He got up from the bed, stretching his back, and then handed her his hand. “Shower? I mean, it’s not a question, you’re not sleeping in my bed in this condition.”

“You’re so cruel,” she whined before taking his hand and standing up on wobbly legs.

“That’s life, love.”

“Can we at least eat something once we’re done? I’m hungry.”

“Again? We just had dinner.”

“But I’m hungry.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, “You’re like a child sometimes, but I’ll see what I can cook. Now let’s take a quick shower.”

She jumped on the spot, left a small kiss on his lips and then walked to the bathroom before him.

“So, your legs don’t hurt when you want to.”

When the leaves turned all shades of red, yellow, and orange, things were going incredibly well in their lives.

Jaehyun started to believe that Taeyong’s flowers had been miraculous because they really brought prosperity to their place. Talking about him, his face was everywhere. Prada decided they couldn’t wait till the fashion week to have him as one of their faces, and as soon as he started working with them, the proposals were overloading. Saying that he was busy wasn’t enough. He couldn’t even remember when it had been the last time he had a day off. And now that he had just come home from the New York Fashion Week, things were going even better. Shootings, commercials, sponsors, cosmetic campaigns, and rumours had it, he was soon going to appear on a TV show.

Jade had finally fired herself from that shitty agency and started working on her own again. She had the chance to work with some of her old clients and also some new people, some of them even pretty important. But mostly, she was free to do what she wanted and take care of some minor personal projects too.

Johnny was the one that always had it better, also considering he had started before everybody else, but now everybody died to be shot by the same photographer that took so many photos of the famous Jeong Jaehyun – and that was the only thing they knew. But still, it was something good. And if everything went as planned, he was going to open his own studio sooner than expected.

And Taeyong, well, Taeyong was doing better than he ever did. School had started again, and he felt a new type of confidence in his bones that also reflected on his students that now enjoyed studying even more. Therapy was going well and so was his healing process. There were still ups and downs, but he came to terms that it was always going to be like this. Healing isn’t an arrival point, but a process that lasts the whole life, and he was fine with it.

He had found out that dating wasn’t a suffocating experience, scary and dark. And even the most broken like him could get nice things from life.

He felt confident in his body for the first time in his life. Mostly thanks to Jade that never stopped kissing his insecurities away and praising him on any given occasion. She loved him like he was brand new, never been used, never been scarred. Like a perfectly shaped jewel just created.

And he also realized that it was possible to fall for more than one person. He had no idea why accepting his feeling was so hard when it came to Johnny. Falling for him felt different from when he fell for Jade.

Jaehyun had told him that it was normal. That it had been different for him, too. Because every person is different, and therefore so will be the way we fall and love them. But he couldn’t get it much.

He still had this bad habit of rationalizing his emotions instead of feeling them. And probably that was the reason why what he felt with Johnny felt so strange… instead of feeling it, he was trying to understand it. But love is not rational, you can’t explain it.

“I never thanked you enough,” Taeyong said to Johnny while they were cuddling on the sofa. They weren’t alone at home, but Jade was locked in her room working, and Jaehyun was sleeping, he had left the house early in the morning for the shooting of a commercial and came back just later in the afternoon.

“For what?”

“For falling for me.”

Johnny furrowed, stopping for a second to caress his hair. “And why would you thank me for that?”

“Because if you didn’t love me, if you didn’t kiss me… I wouldn’t be here today.”

Johnny smiled fondly at him and then pulled him closer. Taeyong always felt so small between his arms – well, because he was – but unlike all the other men that made him feel like this, this time it was a good sensation. He didn’t feel inferior, but protected and loved.

“I didn’t have much choice, you really just took my breath and heart away.”

Taeyong chuckled, “Yeah, I think you did that too,” he confessed, and Johnny stared at him in confusion. “I know it took me ages, but I wanted to be sure, I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Hurt me?”

The younger nodded. “Yeah, I made so many mistakes in my life when it came to feelings, I didn’t want to do it again. Let you down after raising your hopes up.”

“You never let me down, and you will never, babe.”

“I would’ve if I told you I loved you, and then it wasn’t true.”

“But you never told me.”

“Yeah, but now I know.”

“Know what?”

“God, and then me and Jade were the dumb ones,” Taeyong whined. “That I love you, idiot. I love you so much, and I never imagined it was possible to love two people at once, but here I am. I don’t want to fight it anymore. I want to be your boyfriend,” he confessed, taking his hands in his. “Well, if you still want me.”

Johnny felt his heart beat ten times faster than normal. “Are you crazy? Of course, I still want you! I never stopped loving you, I simply respected your boundaries and your feelings.”

“So… do you want to be my boyfriend?” He asked, feeling his cheeks heat up as he stared at Johnny that was smiling brightly at him.

“Yes, I want to be your boyfriend, Lee Taeyong.”

And now that the winter was approaching again, Taeyong didn’t feel so much cold in his bones. He knew that winter was never going to be this harsh ever again. He now knew his value. He wasn’t the things that scarred him, the things he hated, the things that kept him up at night. He was defined by the things he loved. He was defined by all the little things that made him who he was. He was defined by love.

And now that he was sitting on the couch, laughing with the people he loved the most in the world and loved him back, he knew the darkness that enveloped him for more than twenty years of his life was far gone. There was just the bright sun now, with some clouds occasionally, and rain, storms even, but he knew the sun was always going to come back in his sky.

Eight months ago, Taeyong was sitting alone in his empty house full of ghosts and skeletons. And he would’ve never imagined finding himself here, in a new home, with a girlfriend, a boyfriend, and another boy that messed up with his heart.

Eight months ago, Taeyong would’ve never imagined how far he could’ve come. How the past would’ve started to hurt less and less. Eight months ago, Taeyong believed that, in his life, there was no place for love, and if there was, it was going to be a kind of love that made him bleed more than fly. Eight months ago, Taeyong would’ve never believed that the only way to take a step into the future was facing the past and let it go little by little.

Eight months ago, Taeyong wasn’t even sure he was going to make it to November. Yet, here he was. Stronger than he had ever been. More loved than he had ever been. Happier than he had ever been.

Taeyong had finally become like his favourite flowers. Taeyong was a strong daffodil that managed to bloom under the thick layer of snow. And now he knew that the only way he was going to face was the bright sun, letting daylight peek through clouds, always reminding himself that no matter how dark his life could get, the sun would’ve always come out if he had love around him.

Taeyong knew that nothing, no winter, no snow, and no cold, was going to take his happiness away from him and burn them down.

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