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#restless_maknae
restlessmaknae · 4 years
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so should you
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♦ Pairing: Beast!Jihoon x Rapunzel!reader
♦ Genre: Beauty and The Beast x Tangled AU; fantasy; angst; dark
♦ Words: 2k
♦ Warning: major character deaths, emotional manipulation
The room was dark. Just like his heart. Just like his fate.
Neatly sewed spider webs were covering the unoccupied furniture, dust leaving a fine, thick layer over the unused belongings. There were stumpy candles all over the room, on the bedside table, by the window, over the fireplace. Even now the only source of light was the faint light that came from a candle that was already half-burnt.
The room looked more like a prison than anyone’s room. It was dirty, dark and clearly not well taken care of. There were even parts of the walls that seemed to have been destroyed on purpose, marks of well-directed punches and traces of scratches painting the dirty-white walls.
It should have been a room though, but to Prince Jihoon, it did seem more like a prison. His punishment for being greedy, for wanting more, better, the best, the most beautiful, the most immaculate... Weren't all human beings greedy though? Why was only he punished for his sins?
Or so it seemed to him that he was the only one, but the witch who had cursed him didn't care about others. She was a heartless monster, the most wicked one among witches. He should have known, he should have expected dark magic being her forte, but he was stupid, foolish and young, and now he was locked up in his own palace, being the monster he was, waiting for his days of suffering to come to an end, the rose to wither away and for him to wither away with it.
He didn't want to live anymore. He just wanted it all to end. To become one with the darkness as he should have done a long time ago.
The palace wasn’t lit, nor did it seem that anyone lived there, but Rapunzel didn’t care. She had just managed to escape the tower and with that, her mother who had wanted to lock her up for all her life when she had just wanted to see the lights. She needed to see the lights once in her life.
However, when she had decided that she would want to run away from her mother, she hadn’t thought through where she would stay and how she could actually get to see the lights, thus now she was sure that she had already lost her way, and it didn’t seem to help either that nighttime came and she still had nowhere to go.
Carefully, she put one foot after another, her hands reaching for the doorknob, her heart racing rapidly. What if she wouldn't find anyone? What if they wouldn’t help her? What if they would want her to go back to her mother? What if they already knew who she was? After all, her mother was well-known or so she had always said this to Rapunzel.
Nevertheless, she knew that this palace was her best chance for now. If not here, then she would need to spend a night outside under the moonlight and she didn’t want that. She was afraid that her mother was right and that the world was cruel and dark and she really should have stayed in the tower for the rest of her life. At least she was safe there.
A wolf howled in the distance as if it had been a warning from mother nature, but Rapunzel had never learned when to stay away from danger and she had never known what danger really was. Until she stepped into the palace of the cursed prince’s and came face-to-face with the monster he was.
“You…” The half-animal, half-human creature growled at her when she oh so carelessly wandered around the chambers and rushed into the prince’s room. His eyes were of an animal’s; hungry and out for blood. There was no mercy in his expression either. He was cold, heartless and dark like an endless pit. Not a drop of warmth had been hiding in his pitch-black orbs.
“How do you know me?” Rapunzel cried out, her heart thumping wildly, desperately asking for a halt. Even though the monster hadn’t even touched her, she was terrified. Just the look on his face was enough for her heart to close up in her throat.
“I know your mother, and that’s enough for me,” he gritted through his teeth, reaching out for her arm and dragging her to the darkest, dirtiest, tiniest chamber he could find.
He didn’t loosen on his grip even when she was objecting fervently, fighting with her arms and legs to prompt him to let go of her. He wouldn’t let go, not when she had oh so innocently walked into the devil’s house.
Most importantly, he wouldn’t let go when he had the daughter of the woman who had cursed him. To be precise, the step-daughter as he himself had known the story. He had seen through the witch and that caused his downfall. He would never ever make the same mistake, he would never ever speak so carelessly.
He pushed Rapunzel to the wall when they arrived in the tiniest chamber. He watched with an evilish grin as she was trying to get rid of the dirt on her purple silk dress. There was no use, she wouldn’t be able to clean it. Not now, not anymore.
“I suffer because of your mother, so should you,” he spatted out the words and without waiting for any response from her, he turned around and locked the girl.
Oddly enough, Jihoon found joy in her inhumane screams and endless crying. It was as if he was drinking from a glass of poison, and he enjoyed the way it seared his tongue, burned his throat and squeezed his heart until it gave up for good.
He let out a laughter every time he walked by her chamber, he pitied her so much. Just a naive, silly girl who should have known that she shouldn’t go to strangers’ places. How much the witch must have been looking for her, how much she must have been nearing the edge of her sanity. Even with her dark powers, she couldn’t sense where her precious Rapunzel was, magic couldn’t help neither her, nor the girl with the longest hair in the world.
Jihoon made it his goal to make Rapunzel beg and cry and feel as worthless as he did, being locked up in his own palace with no one but his own, toxic thoughts and twisted mind. She had to suffer the way he did; slowly yet surely, loneliness and hopelessness spreading through her veins until she started hoping for the days to end and for her to end her own life.
Stupid as she was, she was still hoping for her mother to come by. Oh, if she knew… If she just knew who her mother was for real, if she just knew that she was no more than a prisoner herself; she had been locked up by the witch, so that she wouldn’t be seen by the royal couple. The ones who were Rapunzel’s real parents.
That pathetic, foolish girl still dared to hope. The more she was deprived of food, the more she insisted that her mother would come, that this couldn’t be the end of her story, that he must have something good left in him to let her go.
“I’m evil with every beat of my heart. Your mother is the one who made me this way,” he confessed, letting a wicked grin stretch across his lips. “Now you are going to see what your mother is capable of,” he added triumphantly, sucking in the way she cried out for help yet again.
There was no use anyway. She was his prisoner now and only his.
Days turned into nights and nights turned into weeks ever so mercilessly, and just like time didn’t stop, his ways to torture the girl didn’t stop either.
He didn’t touch her, no more than he had been touched by that witch, but he tortured her mind, her heart and her soul. He destroyed her from the within, pulling the trigger of doubt and letting its bullets reach her heart, crimson blood tinting the battlefield of their wicked mind game.
Jihoon could feel the time passing each and every day, his heart beating slower and his breathing becoming more erratic. He could see the rose in the attic losing more and more of its petals, and he could feel it. That heaviness in his body, that numbness in his train of thoughts and the bitterness of the past memories.
He wasn’t afraid of dying. If anything, he was the most prepared one to die. Facing something that he had been prepared to face was not a difficult thought to digest. He was very well aware that this was how he’s going to disappear; without anyone knowing or noticing.
That’s why he would make Rapunzel suffer the same way. He knew that she wouldn’t last long without food or water, he could see the sparkles leaving her eyes, her lips becoming chapped and her skin becoming dry. She tore her dress in many parts, her screams could no longer be heard, they were only silent screams. From the bottom of her heart, the depth of her sorrow and the source of his joy.
In his last days, he sat on the other side of the girl’s chamber’s door and listened to her as she was mumbling to herself.
“She will come to save me. I know she will… Why isn’t she coming? Mom… Please, if you can hear me, come! Come save me! Please… Mom…”
He smiled, he smiled that wicked smile of his, laughing to himself.
What a foolish girl she was! She would die anyway without knowing the truth, he was sure of it. Because the witch had cursed him and his palace, so no one who was equally as much of a monster as him could visit him, only pure-hearted ones could have entered but they hadn’t. They had heard his story, they were afraid of the monster he was, of the monster he became.
Only the witch’s precious prisoner hadn’t known about him and only she was as stupid as to enter his palace. And now, she’s going to die because of the witch’s curse. It wasn’t him who made this happen, it was all because of that damn witch.
Jihoon knew when the time came.
He could feel it, he didn’t need to watch the last petal falling onto the ground. He could feel it in his body as well, becoming weightless and his mind cleared of thoughts.
There was absolutely nothing that covered him, only thick, unbreakable darkness. Only what he had been prepared for, only what he had never let go of. His inner demons, his darkest desires, his thirst for blood and pain and suffering.
It was all pouring onto him, he saw crimson and black stars everywhere, shadows dancing in the room before death kissed him on the lips and sucked the last breath out of him.
The room was dark. Just like his heart. Just like his fate.
Neatly sewed spider webs were covering the unoccupied furniture, dust leaving a fine, thick layer over the unused belongings. There were stumpy candles all over the room, on the bedside table, by the window, over the fireplace.
There was no source of light anymore. No heartbeat, no hot breath, nothing. Just two bodies lying lifelessly on the floor, the lesson learned.
The witch was right: the world was cruel and dark, and it was always the good ones who died the most horrifying deaths.
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dat-town · 5 years
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Just wanna say that no such thing as too sweet sounds so cute, I swear I squealed a bit when I first saw it! *-* Anyway, even though there are so many good options (and with such creative titles, oh my freaking god, how can you come up with them???), I'm most interested in a little snippet of rule no.3 feat Chani. *-* Thank you! ❤(and thanks for tagging me too ❤) - Beth ~
► No such thing as too sweet
I actually remember telling you about this story! This will be the bakery vs. coffee shop au aka the fluff enemies to lovers drabble (oneshot? who knows?) and knowing how much you like Yunhyeong our new resident prince, I’m really glad you like the title!
► Rule no. 3
There are 3 rules to survive this game: 1. Don’t tell anybody your name 2. Don’t let anybody see your code 3. Don’t trust Kang Chanhee.
I know it’s like a tiny little snippet but this is the beginning of the story and the rest is just random dialogues and thoughts all over the place but I think this sums up it well. It will be a dystopian au in which there’s a game of survival because of overpopulation. The girl will obviously be in the game as well as Chanhee who is said to be dangerous. But let me spoil it: he’s just misunderstood.
wip titles
P.S. @restlessmaknae of course I tagged you, I can’t wait to see your titles ;)
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sakuurae · 6 years
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pass the happy!! when you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications!! 💖❤️ - Beth (restless_maknae)
Aw ;~; thank you dearie, 💓💖 much love
Five things that make me happy are...
exploring new places with my friends (my bf and his friends found this sick place entrance to get to a rooftop for photos :’ )))
talking to those dear to me and making them laugh
seeing children run around and play at a park, hahaha
starting off the morning right, like with serene music and coffee, or reading a book and running right after !!
hearing about stories from my friends!!
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restlessmaknae · 4 years
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flavour to my fantasy
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Kim Seokjin is an aspiring food vlogger, loved by thousands on all social media platforms. While he marvels around Seoul one day, he enters a burger place where he meets Jang Nara and a whole new culinary experience begins.
♦ Pairing: food vlogger!Jin x vegan restaurant owner!OC (Jang Nara)
♦ Genre: fluff, comedy, romance
♦ Words: 5k
Kim Seokjin was wandering around the downtown area of Seoul, searching for a hidden place that hadn’t yet caught his eyes. He was constantly looking for new places with new foods and new drinks to try. Considering that his job required him to always evolve, to always come up with new ideas and new recipes, he liked getting inspiration from random visits at Seoul’s food places, let them be popular ones or hidden gems.
This was also a district he wasn’t familiar with, and he decided to go with his gut feeling, and chose a random, cosy-looking place called ‘Burger & Land’ and stepped inside. He was immediately welcomed by the scent of mediterranean herbs and freshly cut veggies, lovely little plants all over the place from the ones on the tables to the ones on the counter and by the windows, the variety ranging from cactuses to tulips in all colours of the rainbow.
The place was rather small, only a few tables with wooden chairs, but considering that it wasn’t a franchise, it couldn’t have been any larger. There was tranquil music being played in the background, not too quiet to go unnoticed, not too loud to disturb any customer. The atmosphere was friendly and homey, not like the nosy burger place he had expected but he was genuinely surprised in a good way, he had to admit.
As he sat down at an unoccupied table, he was immediately welcomed by a pretty waitress with the widest smile he had ever seen who handed her a menu. The options were both in Korean and English, and the range of burgers, side dishes, sauces and other meals such as seasonal soups and cream soups and desserts made his mouth water. He hadn’t expected such a variety, especially after seeing that everything was fresh and made on the spot. He had indeed come to the right place, there was only one thing he didn’t catch sight of.
“Good afternoon! What can I get for you?” The pretty waitress came back with that trademark smile of hers after leaving a few minutes for him to decide on his order, making Seokjin smile in return. He didn’t want to sound rude or inappropriate, so he flashed his best charming smile as he leaned forward, almost as if he had wanted to know a secret.
“Perhaps, do you have something with meat? As I can see, you only have tofu, seitan, mushroom and veggie-based burgers,” he inquired curiously, putting his elbows down on the table.
Something akin to amusement flashed across the woman’s face, but she didn’t show any signs of confusion, she answered patiently.
“It’s because we are a vegan place. You can also see on the menu that our burgers are 100% plant-based.” She pointed at the little line on the bottom of the menu.
“Oh really?” Seokjin chuckled a bit nervously, ashamed that he had made such an amateur mistake. Though when the meaning of her words actually kicked in, he shrieked as if he had seen a ghost. “OH REALLY?” he repeated, totally bewildered, and his sudden loud exclaim made the girl jump a bit.
“Well, yes.”
There was a moment of silence before Seokjin could pull himself back together, and start anew. He couldn’t believe that vegan food had never crossed his mind even though he was very well aware that it was a rising trend on the food market, and it had become common that vloggers like him were eating plant-based meals. How could he not think about it before?
He cleared his throat, averting his eyes from the menu to the girl, starting his explanation with a wide smile.
“You may not know me but I’m Kim Seokjin, I’m a food vlogger and I’ve been looking for inspiration for new recipes but I couldn’t find anything that piqued my curiosity,” he shared with her his latest mishap. Being a food vlogger, it was usually fun and challenging, he had a lot of ideas, he was brave enough to try all kinds of foods, plus he was so enthusiastic that he didn’t seem to run out of meals he had wanted to make. However, after almost two years of uploading videos twice a week, countless recipe tastings and restaurant visits,  he felt like he got a bit stuck lately.
“But why have I never thought about vegan food before? I think I found my call!” He continued joyfully, almost ready to bolt up from the table to celebrate his victory, but he decided to stay still in the end. He didn’t want to make a fool out of himself, there were some people at the nearby tables, so he didn’t want to embarrass neither himself, nor the pretty waitress.
“That’s great! I’m really happy to hear that,” she cheered him on equally beamingly, and there was just something about her zealous behaviour that made his smile grow even wider. With her little buns atop of her head (those were the so-called space buns, right?), that broccoli-patterned apron on her and her petite figure, she looked like a fairy, a fairy who was sent by mother nature. She was indeed cute.
“Do you think you could show me how you make your burgers? Or suggest some vegan recipes?” Jin asked immediately, his enthusiastic reaction making her giggle.
“I’d love to, actually, but maybe you should taste our burgers first. You know, there’s always a slim chance that you wouldn’t like it,” she remarked almost playfully, yet he wasn’t one to get mad hearing her words. 
In fact, it was such a nice start to a whole new culinary experience, and the waitress was right, it could also happen that he didn’t like vegan food. Not that he usually didn’t new foods, but he was rather interested this time.
“Yeah, sure, you’re right.” He agreed with a slightly aggraveted laughter and looked down at the menu yet again. He was such a fool really, but he tried his best not to show what kind of emotions were going through him, because that would have made the situation even more awkward. “I’ll take the Broccoli Dream burger then with sweet potato fries and guacamole on the side and as for drinks… one medium strawberry lemonade,” he decided a minute later, and so the pretty waitress disappeared with his order jotted down in her notebook and a smile that lasted until she came back again.
The burger arrived a bit more than half an hour later but it was understandable since the meals were made on the spot with fresh ingredients, thus they couldn’t just put it in front of him like they did at burger franchise places.
However, based on the smell of the freshly made burgers, the fries and even the guacamole, he knew that he was up for a good feast and the nice exterior probably hid a delicious interior.
“I can film here, right?” he asked just in case before he could have dug into his food and record the whole thing.
“Yes, sure,” the waitress responded with a pretty smile and walked back to her usual place behind the counter.
Seokjin turned back to his burger, brought out his camera from his bag, adjusted the angles and the lightning, made a few pictures to test out the waters and then he could finally start the recording.
“Hello, everyone!” He greeted the imaginary viewers on the other side of the camera with a wave of his hands and a wide smile. “I’m Jin, you’re watching Eat Jin, and today I stumbled upon this lovely place called Burger & Land. This is a vegan place, and it’s also my first time trying vegan food, let alone a vegan burger, but I’m curious. Let’s dig into it, shall we?” he introduced the video’s theme enthusiastically, and spoke a bit about the ingredients of the burger he had chosen before showing his order to the camera. He made sure to zoom on the colourful veggies and sauces well, so that the viewers could have the best point of view.
Then, he put down his camera again and took the first bite into the burger, humming satisfyingly when the flavours kicked in.
“Oh my gosh, this is so good! The flavours are so intense, and this sauce resembles mayonnaise so much that it’s almost scary!” He commented zealously between two huge bites of the burger, then reached for the fries as well and digged them into the guacamole sauce. He enjoyed having all sorts of foods at the same time, thus it was no surprise that he decided to eat the burger, the fries and the sauce all at once. “The veggies are really fresh and crispy, they complement each other so well. I especially love the bean sprouts because we don’t use them often but they always give an extra flavour to a meal,” he mused out loud after digging in more, and the more he ate, the more content he was.
He continued his mukbang, talking about the different flavours and how they mingled in so well; that he had never thought a broccoli-based patty could be this good and also the fact that he was genuinely surprised that he didn’t miss the taste of meat. For once, that was for sure, because he couldn’t have assumed the rest. Yet, one thing was for sure, he really enjoyed his feast and didn’t even leave a single fry behind, he ate everything.
Tummy full and content, camera turned off, he wasn’t ready to leave, not yet. After telling the pretty waitress just how much he had enjoyed the meal and asking if he could come by next time and learn a few recipes, it turned out the waitress was actually the owner of the place, the one who had came up with the recipe herself, and she also liked to help out in the kitchen when she wasn’t helping customers.
“I would be really glad if you could show me some basic vegan meals I could make, they don’t have to be burgers. Of course, we can also talk about sponsorship as well,” Jin cut to the chaste after he had been enlightened about the person behind the whole concept of Burger & Land.
She smiled that wide smile of hers that seemed so endearing, almost like the sunshine peeking out from behind the clouds on a rainy day. He couldn’t help but smile back at her, the reaction seeming so natural and easy. No matter how pumped up, confused or overly excited he was, she could handle it well for the time being. He hoped that it would stay the same.
“Yes, sure. Let’s decide on the time then,” she suggested beamingly, and a few minutes later, Jin left the place with a full stomach, a sweet aftertaste in his mouth and a (strictly business-related) encounter for Friday after working hours.
No matter how many places Jin had already visited and no matter how many chefs he had already met, he was always looking forward to another encounter. This time was no different, he was definitely looking forward to meeting Jang Nara again, the petite, fairy-like waitress and the owner of Burger & Land with the widest smile he had ever seen. There was something enchanting about her, her whole persona was radiating warmth and kindness, so how could he not be excited for Friday?
When he arrived at the place at 9pm, it was closed as expected, but she had told him beforehand that he should come by from the backdoor, and so he did, gently knocking on the door before he would have come off as a sudden intruder.
When he opened the door and stepped inside, the girl was already in the middle of rushing to the door but stopped halfway when she caught sight of him and bowed politely.
“Hey!” Nara waved a bit, her smile stretching from one ear to the other. “I still need to do a bit of cleaning, but it won’t take longer than five minutes, so make yourself comfortable in the kitchen,” she suggested zealously and disappeared (probably) into the restaurant part of the place, leaving the boy alone.
He did as he was told, getting rid of his coat, pulling his fluffy, beige sweater’s sleeves up to his elbows and fishing out his little recipe notebook that he always had on himself in case he needed to jot down some recipes or ideas while he was commuting. Then, he looked around a bit in the cozy kitchen with neat, organized cutleries and kitchen essentials on multiple shelves. Cute little cactus pots occupied some empty places, painting the otherwise white and black scenery with a little bit of green. The aroma of some kind of scented candle (maybe vanilla and cinnamon?) lingered in the air, soothing the boy’s nerves with its sweet and warm fragrance.
He didn’t even have a lot of time to look around before Nara came back and put a cactus-patterned apron around her waist. She was so quick that Jin didn’t even have the time to suggest helping her, she was already finished by the time he could have opened his mouth.
“I’ve thought that we could make pad thai with crispy tofu and my favourite peanut butter-based sauce,” she suggested with a wide smile as she started putting the ingredients onto the counter. She was so organized and focused, he was already baffled by her professionalism even before she could actually show him anything.
“Sounds really good,” Jin exclaimed with an impressed whistle. “Can I help you with something?”
“I’m going to bring together all of the ingredients, so I don’t think you can help with it, but maybe you can put on an apron,” she explained and pointed at some aprons on a hanger by the door between the kitchen and the restaurant part of the place. “Though I’m not sure they will be to your liking because they are all for girls,” she added cheekily, and it was so fun to see this side of her.
Though Jin wasn’t one to be intimidated by pink aprons with hearts painted all over the material. In fact, he was actually pretty glad to wear something like that.
“Don’t worry for a second. Pink is my second name,” he joked around and flashed a confident grin. She immediately burst into laughter.
“Alright, Pink Jin. I’ll keep that in mind.” She winked at him before turning to a random cupboard and reaching for a chopping board.
Jin walked to the hanger with a smile plastered into his face, not quite believing what he had just witnessed. He wasn’t sure that she would be so free around him, especially not after his slightly awkward first question that should have probably not been asked at a vegan restaurant. Plus, somehow he always imagined owners of such places to be serious and no fun, he had actually met quite a few of them, but Jung Nara wasn’t one of them. Maybe it was because she seemed fairly young and she had such an authentic, homey place with not too much hype around it that she could let herself loose while still taking everything seriously. Or maybe she was always like this, he couldn’t tell for the time being.
“Are you ready?” Nara clapped her hands when Jin walked back to her and the ingredients were all placed on the counter.
“Yes, I’m ready.” He nodded and clapped his hands just like she did, earning a little giggle from her.
“Okay, so we are going to start by making the tofu because we are going to put them in the oven and bake them for around 30 minutes or until golden-brown,” she introduced zealously, bringing the chopping board, the tofu on a plate and a knife closer to them.
“I’ve never thought about baking tofu in the oven,” he admitted with a little laugh. He already liked this girl, it seemed that she liked extraordinary methods.
“Spicing them and then baking them will make the texture crispier,” Nara explained patiently, exchanging a glance with Jin before letting him chop up the tofu into bite-sized pieces while she was working on the tofu’s coating.
They worked together so well, and Jin really enjoyed that he also had something to do, she didn’t want to make everything on her own. It was much more fun this way. She was also a patient and enthusiastic chef with clear instructions and such hacks that he had never even encountered before. He was in awe more than he would have liked to admit, not just because of the cooking process and the recipe itself but also because of Nara’s personality that was like a ray of sunshine through the cloudy sky. 
She was like a delicate flower growing in a blossoming field but she had her own thorns as well, the responsibility of someone who owned such a place after her grandmother had died. Her mother was never interested in cooking, thus she would have abandoned the tteokbokki place, yet cooking was Nara’s everything and it was because of her grandmother that she had learned how to make her own dishes, so she couldn’t let it just go to waste. Even though no one in her family had their own business apart from her grandmother, she tried her best to make things work, and she learned from her own mistakes during the years. 
It wasn’t always easy, her vegan place was not even the most popular one in Seoul, but she was glad to have motivated and joyful employees and even the regular customers from nearby work places who had lunch at hers almost every day. She even told Jin that the name of the place was one of her friends’ idea: burger standing for the fact that she sold burgers and land for the other plant-based dishes she offered.
After finishing with the meal, they enjoyed a warm and delicious dinner by the scented candle’s light, sharing with each other the hardships of constantly evolving businesses and coming up with new recipes. Nara told him that it was difficult to have a daily lunch offer because she didn’t want to be too repetitive but at the same time it was sometimes bothersome to get every ingredient she wanted for certain dishes, so she had to be very clever with her choices. Plus, local and seasonal ingredients were a must, and she changed most of the burger options seasonally as well which was also challenging. 
He shared with her how many times he usually made something before he would call it a recipe and how he had to give his leftovers to his friends and relatives because wasting food was a big no-no, yet there were days when he made dishes all day and ended up with 16 servings of food all to himself. Plus, sponsors and financing were a tricky thing when he was his own boss and his content wasn’t something that people could directly pay for, so he had to find ways to earn money for his work, but he seemed to be balancing it out well.
Through their hardships and angst stories, they could actually get to know each other a lot better, and by the time they finished with their dinner, they had already agreed on cooking together next Tuesday as well. They even walked to the nearby metro station together after Nara had closed the shop, but they went different ways from there.
“See you on Tuesday then,” Nara bid her goodbye with one of her trademark smiles, waving in the man’s direction.
“If anything comes up, you know my number.” Jin winked playfully and waved back, watching as she hopped on the metro, looked out of its window with an equally wide smile he looked back at her.
There was just something about her than made him feel like he was enchanted, but oh how much he enjoyed it!
The more time they spent together, the more Jin liked spending time with Nara, and no matter what they cooked, what they talked about or how long of a silence fell upon the two of them, everything seemed so right. 
Those nights spent cooking together were always fun despite him sometimes being too weary and cranky after shooting videos for long hours or not being able to come up with the perfect recipe. If she could, she liked to help him out, thus the idea of shooting an actual cooking video with her came to his mind. 
At first, she objected fervently, saying that being on camera was really not her cup of tea, but after some little nudges and the ultimatum that if she didn’t like the final outcome, Jin wouldn’t upload the video, she gave in.
That’s how they found themselves in the Burger & Land kitchen, fully equipped and ready to kick off the shooting.
However, Jin noticed that the petite female played with the hem of her apron as if she had been a bit overwhelmed, so he asked playfully:
“Are you nervous?” he inquired with one of his trademark smiles, hoping that his attitude could melt the girl’s anxiety away.
“Yes.” She nodded almost immediately and let out a bit of a laughter. He had never really seen her in such a state and it surprised him. Though he really tended to forget that some people were not as used to cameras as he was, and that he didn’t feel intimidated anymore while shooting, but a lot of people had never really been filmed like this.
“But why?” he inquired further while busying himself looking around, making sure that they really had everything they needed on hand.
Nara giggled a bit hearing his question. She looked particularly fairy-like that day with her messy bun atop of her head and her long, colourful, heart-shaped earrings framing her beautiful face. Even if she would have been frustrated, she would have looked adorable, and one couldn’t change Jin’s mind about that.
“Because you are filming, obviously.” She huffed almost comically but he had the perfect response.
“Not because I’m too handsome?” He wiggled his eyebrows seductively, earning a whole-hearted, genuine laughter from the girl.
“Might as well be because of that,” she joked, her little giggle reminding him of the heartwarming twingles of Christmas bells. Gosh, when did he become so weak for her? He couldn’t quite pinpoint the exact moment, maybe it was already during their first encounter, maybe not. No matter what, one thing was for sure and that was the fact that her whole persona was charming and he couldn’t get enough of it.
“Are you ready?” Jin threw the same question at her as she had done when they first met, and he saw the realization flashing across her face. She flashed a little smile as she recalled the memory of their very first encounter.
“I’m ready.” She nodded confidently, letting out a long sigh before looking up at him again. He couldn’t help but smile seeing her nervousness, it was rather cute, but at the same time he felt a bit guilty for putting her in such a situation.
That’s why he didn’t even think when he put his hands on her shoulders and patted them.
“You’re going to be amazing! I know it!” He said as he gave her a thumbs-up. She smiled that sweet smile of hers, tucking a loose strand behind her ear.
He didn’t know if she believed her but she had done great nevertheless, talking casually and naturally finding a way to look between the camera and Jin’s face. They had made the same pad thai recipe she had showed him during their first encounter but as the food vlogger he was, he needed to add some extra ingredients like lemon zest into the sauce and sesame seeds and kale as additional toppings.
They worked together just as well as they always did, and even when they said something that was slightly embarrassing or unprofessional, they merely laughed it off and moved on. He had a feeling that Nara even forgot about the camera by the end because she stayed the same even when they had finished and he turned off the camera.
“How did you enjoy the recording?” Jin grinned at her, hoping for the best possible answer.
“It was actually pretty fun. At least more fun than I would have expected,” she admitted beamingly, getting rid of her apron and folding it in two, then putting it back onto the rack by the door.
Then, just as she walked back to the counter and stopped beside Seokjin, the food vlogger turned to face her and seriously spoke up.
“You did really well,” he whispered gently and smoothly leaned closer to her, pressing a chaste, soft kiss on her left cheek that turned into scarlet red the moment he backed away. The roses that were painted on her pale skin by his simple action were even more beautiful, almost mesmerizing. He didn’t regret his little kiss in the least, not when a blushful smile stretched across her lips, not when she looked away so coyly.
She didn’t reject him and she didn’t oppose, that’s what mattered the most.
Weeks passed by and after Jin had uploaded the edited video and it had received a massive amount of positive feedback, he decided to make the cooking session with Nara into a series - of course with her own consent. 
They had tried to make a lot of different dishes, not just main meals but desserts and snacks as well with easily accessible, seasonal ingredients, they had even made a video about student dorm-friendly, budget-friendly lunches. With time and practice, Nara got less and less nervous in front of the camera, and Jin’s chest swelled with pride whenever he looked at her while shooting a video together. Her features were much more relaxed and her smile was much more genuine and radiant on-camera than before, and he wanted to believe that he had also contributed to that outcome.
Of course Jin knew very well that he couldn’t make only vegan videos forever because his focus wasn’t just plant-based foods and also because Nara was busier than ever with Christmas getting closer and closer. So they decided to put an end to their collaboration for the time being, but it didn’t mean that he didn’t come back anymore. 
In fact, he had tried to come up with some plant-based recipes on his own and he loved when he could surprise her with his creations after an exhausting work day. Sometimes she finished by the time he arrived, but sometimes he decided to help her with the cleaning or washing the dishes because she could definitely use a helping hand, and he didn’t mind assisting her a bit.
It was after another time when he was helping her out and after Nara calling it a day with a clap of her hands, Jin let out a long sigh and turned to the girl.
“So I was thinking, would you like to go on a date with me?” he inquired out of the blue, the previous topic of favourite scented candles’ fragrances long forgotten.
Nara was apparently taken aback by his question, her eyebrows were delicately elevated after hearing his words. She blinked a few more times, her lips slowly yet surely being lifted up into a smile. The silence was seriously dancing on his nerves, but at the same time he was already weak for her, and he could have just looked at her for hours without getting mad or bored.
“Yes, I would love that,” she admitted with a wide, childish smile and took off her apron to put it on the reck. “Are we going to a restaurant?” she asked as she turned back to him, curiosity filling her beautiful, star-filled eyes.
“No.” He shook his head confidently and took a step closer to her. “I’m cooking for you. In my territory. All vegan, don’t worry,” he concluded his plan with a wide smile that grew even wider when she let out an airy giggle.
“I’d love that.” She nodded zealously, taking a step closer to the young man. 
Then, she looked up at him, the smile never leaving her lips, not even when he planted a kiss onto her rubin-coloured ones, their first kiss as sweet as the aftertaste of the vegan bounty cake they had previously shared.
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restlessmaknae · 5 years
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tears & raindrops mingle
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In which you bump into the CEO of a nearby bar when you are just as heart-broken as him, and it doesn’t seem to go well at first.
♦ Pairing: bar CEO!Yunhyeong x jewellery shop CEO!reader/you
♦ Genre: fluff, light angst
♦ Words: 4.1k
♦ Warning: mentions of cheating (on other characters’ parts)
♦  Dedicated to: @flora-jimin​ for the Spring Fic Exchange based on the spring rain prompt! I really hope you enjoy my story as I’ve really enjoyed writing it! 💖
Song Yunhyeong had the most horrifying day ever. It wasn't enough that he got to know that the girl who had been his girlfriend for 3 years and to whom he had proposed a month ago was with him only for his money. He even eavesdropped that she was planning to hijack the success of his business using his weakness (aka her) against him. She knew that he would do as much for her as he could do within his power, but he would have never thought that she would want to ruin the image of his bar by a scandal. She said that she would gladly be found humping with another man in Yunhyeong's office, caught by a gossip magazine's journalist who was hungry for any juicy details in the CEO's life.
The young man couldn't believe his ears. Where did it go wrong? Was she a traitor from the beginning? How could he not see it? It's true that Yuri and him had almost the same opinion of everything and had almost the same preferences but was it all for just to seduce him? Was it all fun for her? While he knew from the beginning that Yuri was nowhere near as rich as him, it never bothered him. He didn't have a say in which family he was born into and she didn't have a say in it either. So why? Why did she do it? Was she really that heartless? Was Yunhyeong that terrible at reading people?
He was raging, feeling like a volcano that could erupt anytime soon, as he walked down the corridor from his office to the security guards and IT guys' office, bursting in without knocking on the door first. Everyone assumed that he was in a bad mood if he wasn't being dead polite.
"Do not let Kang Yuri into the bar ever again! Not today. Not tomorrow. Never!" He yelled frantically, and his fervent reaction was enough for the guys to shut their mouths and don’t ask about the reason behind his command. He shot another glance at them before he turned on his heels and shut the door behind him, listening to the echoes while he walked down the corridor.
He pushed the emergency exit door with all his power as he stepped into the chilly midnight air. The moment he stood outside, he was showered by rain, but he didn't mind. He didn't mind that his expensive suit was about to get totally drenched, he didn't mind that he would look like a fool who got caught in the sudden downpour that was so common in spring. He didn't mind. He was used, he was betrayed, he was being played. He couldn't care anymore. He wasn't going to go home anyway; he needed some time to himself to decide on the least problematic and most peaceful way to end whatever was going on between him and Yuri. Even if she didn't deserve it.
While he was just standing there in the rain, inwardly enjoying being hit by the merciless raindrops, you bumped into him and murmured a quiet apology. No matter how gentle he usually was, he couldn't take it today.
"I don't think I've heard what you said," he blurted out coldly, the air becoming even chillier around him. The equally soaked you was about to walk away, then suddenly turned around to face him. You were examining him, eyebrows furrowed in question, looking all businessy in your black women's suits, stylish high heels and designer bag. You wore an expensive necklace that stuck to you like second skin due to the raindrops claiming their place on your exposed neck.
Yunhyeong had no idea if you were always this stern, fierce flames dancing in your eyes, or it was the situation that made you uncharacteristically frustrated.
"I've said I'm sorry," you repeated again, lips in a firm line. "There must be something wrong with your hearing." You fixed the bag on your shoulder as you shot him a glare and was about to turn around again if Yunhyeong's words wouldn't have stopped you.
"Are you really trying to play this game?"
"I wasn't the one who started this," you stated matter-of-factly, the dancing flames in your eyes starting a more fervent routine than before. You seemed unfazed by the rain that was pouring onto you, not caring about the condition of you expensive dress. Funny how you seemed all tight and rich (and annoying), yet you let your designer bag get soaked in the rain. Not to mention your perfectly braided hair.
"You bumped into me," he pointed out as he took a step closer to you. He didn't seem to intimidate you though. Maybe it's because you were as tall as him with your high heels, or maybe you had just enough pride in you not to be swayed by a man like him.
"That was accidental. Haven't you heard about accidents?" You got back at him immediately and took a step closer to him, so that you would be even closer to him, your faces only an inch away. Yunhyeong could hear the erratic beating of your heart and wondered if he had played a role in its state.
"Oh yes, I did. I certainly did." He nodded nonchalantly, bitterness scratching his throat. "I've accidentally eavesdropped a conversation today that made me realize that my fiancée's with me only for my money. You can tell that I don't like accidents," he confessed straightforwardly, not caring if you knew who he was or if you would pass on the news. He didn't care. After all, his fiancée has wanted to do something similar to him.
"Today, I've accidentally walked in on my best friend having sex with my boyfriend of four years whom I've thought would marry me soon. And if that's not enough, they did it in our apartman, on my birthday, before I was supposed to go out for dinner with him. So you can tell that I don't like accidents either," you told him without a blink of an eye, without being ashamed of the past events. It's not like Yunhyeong thought that you should be ashamed. After all, it wasn't you who had cheated on your boyfriend.
On the other hand, the fact that you got to know about it today and you seemed so composed surprised him. A lot. On top of that, he was convinced that boyfriend of yours must have been either completely dumb or just another chaebol who didn't care how much money he lost by such a scandal. If it was ever going to surface.
"You look like you need a drink," Yunhyeong said quite emotionlessly, even though his grudge against you wasn't so powerful anymore. He began to understand you a bit more.
"Oh yes, I do." You nodded, half-laughing and half-snorting.
"I'll buy you a drink."
It was a mere offer on his part. If anything, it was a kind one. He knew you both had your own hardships to deal with, so he assumed that a drink or two may come in handy for you. On the other hand, you didn't take his side.
"I don't need your pity."
"If not for your douchebag boyfriend, then for your birthday. I'm the CEO of Full Moon, and I would need a drinking buddy anyway. You can join or you can go home drinking alone." He shrugged, his vision getting blurry because of the raindrops that got into his eyes. The rain didn't bother him though, it felt like as if it was going to wash away all the events from the day, all the bad that had happened. Even though he knew a mere spring downpour couldn't solve his problems, at least it wasn't sunny to make him feel even worse.
You weren’t bothered either. You were standing fierce and tall, clothes getting soaked and hair looking like a lost girl’s.
"I'm not going home," you blurted out after a few seconds of complete silence, except the sound of rain.
"Exactly." Yunhyeong bobbed his head agreeingly, and waited a bit before he headed back to his own bar. He wasn't surprised when you followed him, it wasn't that hard to imagine after seeing the flames in your eyes that became more powerful when you declared that you wouldn't want to go home. Considering that you had mentioned having a shared apartment with your boyfriend, he could understand why you didn't want to go home.
So you did. You followed him into his bar, taking a seat on the black leather seat beside him, elbows resting on the cold surface of the wooden counter. You enjoyed the slight jazz music that was playing from the speakers, the dim light that illuminated only what was needed to be illuminated and the rest was left in mysterious darkness, the chic yet somewhat fitting design of the whole place, black and burgundy being the dominant colours. There were only a few people at this hour, but considering that Yunhyeong had introduced himself as the CEO of the bar, you weren’t afraid that you would find yourself outside the place because of closing hours.
He ordered himself a drink and so did you. You seriously needed something strong, hoping that the euphoria that the alcohol would bring would be enough to erase the picture of your best friend getting down on your boyfriend, or at least to help to ease the pain. Anything but to face the consequences.
"So did it happen to you today, too? Getting to know about your fiancée's true intentions?" You couldn’t help but ask since the young man himself seemed so easily annoyed by a simple act of carelessness on your part. He must have gotten to know about it lately or he must not have been over it yet.
"Yes." He nodded, an aghast sigh escaping his lips. "I wish it didn’t happen today though. I should have known about it before. I wouldn’t have proposed to her then," he explained, eyes staring far ahead, breathing more erratic than it should have been. You looked at this heartbroken young man and wondered if he was really that blind to not see the signs or his fiancée was that good of an actress. After all, you couldn’t see things coming your way either. Maybe you were both too lost in your own feelings that you didn’t catch up to what was going on around you. Maybe you both just wanted to be loved and feel loved.
"It’s still better that you got to know about it now than if it happened later," you pointed out with a tilt of your head, thinking of the consequences of a later revelation. They hadn’t gotten married yet, so at least he didn’t need to worry about that part if he decided to leave his fiancée for good.
"Maybe." He nodded hearing your words, and you could definitely feel the sorrow in his words. It soaked through his voice, his shirt, his actions. He was a heartbroken man, his confessions dripping rawness and desperation. No matter how much he tried to hide it, you could see the real man behind the mask, you noticed his intense gazes and momental daydreams.
You soon fell into a comfortable silence that only the light music from the speakers interrupted. Your drink was ready in no time, and the barista put down both your order and the man’s order at the same time. You exchanged a glance with the CEO as you reached for the glass.
"Cheers!" He said, holding up his shot of vodka.
"Cheers!" You emulated his actions and consumed the soju in one-go. You immediately felt the warmth spreading through your body, the alcohol making its way through your system. It wasn’t a very familiar feeling as you didn’t drink a lot. In fact, you only drank if it was socially required at parties or other events that were more about your money than you personally. Sometimes you really hated your life. Sometimes you were thankful that you could start your own business because you were born into a rich family. Sometimes you imagined being just an ordinary woman, sometimes you enjoyed the glamour. It was nothing new though; the chaebol life had always been ambivalent.
"Oh, and happy birthday!" The CEO added after he gulped down his own drink and visibly flinched when the taste hit in. You bobbed your head as a sign of gratitude.
"Maybe it’s not my day but it can be my year," you added with a bittersweet smile as you looked at him, his lips also curling upwards. It wasn’t a friendly smile though, it was more like an empathetic, an understanding one. It was genuine and raw, it was all you could have asked for in such a situation.
"You’re right. You deserve better."
You had no idea what to say. You didn’t even know each other, you had met half an hour ago, and he was already talking about you as if he had known you all your life. It was weird, this kind of act right at the beginning of your conversation when you were so used to people sugarcoating their words or outright lying to you, keeping their distance from you when they got to know who you were. He either didn’t care or didn’t know how it was supposed to be.
"You don’t even know me," you remarked rather confusedly, hoping that he wouldn’t take your words the wrong way. He didn’t though.
"No one should be cheated on," he mused out loud, keeping the eye-contact for another minute or so before he turned back to order another round. Then, he casually loosened his necktie and stared far ahead.
You assumed that you two had more in common that you would have previously thought, and this night was enough to prove you right. More than enough.
The next morning you woke up at the exact same spot you talked to Yunhyeong the day before. You probably dozed off after your fourth bottle of soju because you had no recollection after that, hence the location seemed fitting. You didn't mean to stay the night, you didn't even mean to drink so much, but through the shared sorrow and compassion somehow you found talking to the CEO quite enjoyable. He was a breath of fresh air after meeting so many lifeless, two-faced rich people you had the chance to encounter. He was intelligent, not the obvious one, not even the fake one, yet the way he connected the dots and looked at the world was saying it all. He was kind and considerate too, not the pushy type though, he had just the right amount of curiosity. He was also a lot kinder throughout the night than compared to the way you met. Maybe it was because you went through kind of the same, or maybe he was usually this kind. You didn't know, you knew only a tad bit about him.
When you opened your eyes, you needed a minute to realize where you were and why you were there.
You stood up, but you immediately knew that it was a horrible idea when you needed to hold onto the bar counter, so that you wouldn't fall down.
"Easy there," a familiar male voice suggested gently, yet you could detect a bit of amusement behind his words. You could already feel him smiling even without properly looking at him.
"I'm perfectly fine," you tried to reason as you turned around to face a perfectly sober Yunhyeong with a neatly ironed shirt and clean cotton pants. So you were the only one who got knocked out last night. Good to know.
"Your reflexes wouldn't say the same." He giggled to himself before his features became solemn again. You eyed each other for a few seconds before he made his way around you and got behind the counter, filling a glass with water. "Here. You must be dehydrated," he added while a faint smile was dancing along the edges of his mellow lips. You knew that he was right as your throat was as dry as a desert, yet you needed a moment before you reached for the glass to gulp down its content in one go.
You put it down with a satisfied sigh, and looked back at Yunhyeong.
"Thank you." You bobbed your head as a sign of gratitude, hoping that he wouldn’t expect too much of you in such a state. You wouldn’t say that you had a headache or that you were that hungover. However, you definitely felt the heaviness in your body and you were definitely thirsty like never before. You should have eaten the night before, too, you reckoned as your stomach growled loudly.
"Seems like someone’s hungry," the CEO commented with a lopsided smile that you wished you could swipe off his face. You weren’t used to such cheekiness, especially not from someone who was your age (as you had discussed that you were the same liners). Yet, there was something childishly innocent about his playful behaviour you couldn’t quite pinpoint. He had this duality, and you weren’t sure when to take him seriously and when not to.
"It’s okay." You shook your head. "I’ll grab something on the way to work," you declared as you looked at your watch and realized that it was time you headed out for work. Even though you were the owner of your very own jewellery shop, even though you could have come by any minute and you could have skipped any day without notifying anyone, you weren’t one to abandon what you’ve been working for years, and you were definitely not one to call in sick just because you had a drunk night.
"Are you sure you don’t want to eat here?" Yunhyeong inquired with a quirk of an eyebrow, but you nodded anyway.
"Yes, I’m sure. You’ve already done enough."
"It was nothing, really." The CEO shrugged like it was really nothing when it was more than you could have asked for. Even though it wasn’t intentional, at least you had somewhere to sleep, at least you didn’t need to face neither your boyfriend, nor your best friend, and at least Yunhyeong kept you company. Come to think of it, it wasn’t that bad of a night despite the horrible events that led you to the bar.
"Thank you, Yunhyeong," you repeated with a grateful smile for which the young man just shook his head.
"No problem. You can come by anytime," he offered with a soft smile, and you felt odd under his stare. Maybe it was because you were still very much affected by what happened the day before, or maybe it was because you had lost all faith in males, and there was this gentle young man showing you that not all guys were as much of an asshole as your boyfriend was. Or ex-boyfriend. Whatever. There was still something left to discuss with him.
"I will," you promised equally casually, and headed out of the bar with a lighter heart and a newfound acquaintance in the same district you had your own shop.
As both your shop and Yunhyeong's bar was on the same shopping street (which was said to be the most chic in Seoul), you didn't hesitate a lot when you finished with work in time, and didn't feel like going straight home. Yunhyeong even paid for your drinks every time you were there even if you insisted that you earned enough, so you could pay for your own order. When it came to business, he was as serious as no one you had met before, yet when he was off-work, he wasn't so stern. He joked around a lot and whined like a child even though he was already in his mid-twenties. He seemed like such a brat sometimes. He was also very enthusiastic and curious, so when you showed him around your shop for the first time, he looked around like Alice in Wonderland. It was odd seeing him among all those fancy rings and necklaces you were selling, and it was even more weird because he was a male. You didn't like stereotypes but males were rare to find in your shop.
Truth to be told, you weren't used to having a companion almost every day. You tried to be on good terms with your employees, but none of them were close to you. Not to mention your family. You didn't hate them, but you didn't even fancy spending time with them when it wasn't necessary. You were thankful for what you had, yet you had such different mentalities that it was difficult not to pick a fight with them whenever you spent time together.
With Yunhyeong, you weren't lonely even if you had just broken up with your boyfriend and had also lost contact with your best friend after what had happened. You knew that it was over, but you decided to give a chance for both of them to explain themselves, and it didn’t go well, to say the least. You ended up drinking at Full Moon yet again, complaining to Yunhyeong about what those two had dared to bring up as their excuses.
You didn’t keep count of the weeks and months that passed by because you were always looking forward to each and every day to meet Yunhyeong, to get to know him a bit more. Despite your initial dislike towards him, he turned out to a very gentle, attentive and incredibly funny young man, and soon your days became filled with his contagious laughter and self-made meals because the CEO loved nothing more than cooking.
This is how you actually ended up in his house one day after he had insisted that he would want to teach you how to cook one of his favourite meals. It was about half a year after your first encounter and also your first time to visit his house.
It was all going well as Yunhyeong was a very patient chef, and he didn’t make you feel completely useless even though he did most of the actual work. You weren’t a kitchen fairy, but you’ve tried your best, and worked as diligently as you would do at your own shop. It wasn’t until a careless turn on your part and his closeness that the atmosphere became somewhat awkward. You had just turned around to look at him and ask what else you could do, but he was already behind you, so you practically bumped into him and almost lost balance but he caught you in time. He grabbed you by the waist, and even when he could see for himself that you were stable, he didn’t let you go. You didn’t care though. You were more focused on his face. To be precise, on his eyes.
You didn’t even dare to look away, you didn’t feel like you knew how to do so. You were mesmerized, stuck in the moment, in the fantasy world that the situation created. You had never been this close to Yunhyeong ever before, and the close proximity did odd things to the state of your heart. You found it difficult to breathe properly, and your lips were parted because you were about to say something, yet nothing seemed right.
Then it happened. All of a sudden, only for a moment, your lips touched his, and you were even more mesmerized than before. However, your rational part made you back away and apologize immediately.
"I’m sorry. I really didn’t…" You started immediately but he cut you off.
"It’s okay, it’s really okay." He shook his head, then a lopsided grin started stretching on his lips. "I was just about to ask if it’s okay if I kiss you," he added with a nervous giggle and sheepishly scratched his temple.
You were so shocked than you didn’t even know what to say for the next few seconds. Your heart was racing so wildly that you were afraid that you would have a heart attack soon. Luckily, Yunhyeong saved you.
"Then, it’s my turn next," he declared as he hovered over you and waited for you to push him away, to reject him. Needless to say, you did neither, and so he kissed you while you could feel him smiling to himself. You did the same as him, your insides melting.
What an interesting turn of events when it all started with an innocent little cooking session.
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restlessmaknae · 5 years
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that summer when love comes
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Sungjin is assigned to be the team leader of the most mischievous kids (the so-called Stray Kids) at the annual summer camp, but he soon founds out that this year will be different from the others for a different reason.
♦ Pairing: team leader!Sungjin x team leader!OC
♦ Supporting characters: the rest of DAY6, Stray Kids and many more idol cameos
♦ Genre: comedy + fluff + no angst
♦ Words: 9.7k
♦ A/N: The ages of the supporting characters are different from their real ones. Apart from DAY6, you have to deduct 4 years from the others’ ages aka Bang Chan is 17 and Jeongin is 13. *-*
Sungjin knew that the summer camp would be difficult with almost 50 students, but he would have never thought that it would be this difficult.
He was always said to be a leader type, someone who can take responsibility for both his and his team’s actions, someone who’s always punctual and reliable and has the ability to make others listen to him. That's exactly why he was assigned to be the leader of the most mischievous kids in the 8th and 9th cabin whom everyone called the Stray Kids because they were always all over the place, messing around and pulling pranks on each other.
“Jeongin, please don't put glue on Jisung's head while he's sleeping! It's really difficult to get it off him when he wakes up.”
“I've told you, Felix, that we don't have a girl group dance cover battle this year. Wonpil decided not to renew the tradition because of the ridiculous costumes some elder students put on last year and because the girls got offended.”
“Hyunjin, I know it's hard to resist, but I kindly ask you not to steal Seungmin's clothes because your own clothes will end up in the lake just like they did last year.”
These and other similar sentences left his mouth from the moment he entered the little camp site where the wooden houses were like dots on a green canvas. The scenery was beautiful as always with overgrowing trees sheltering the area, the pleasantly cold lake offering the chance for a quick and refreshing swim, and a huge forest with multiple little animals and flowers in all colours of the rainbow. If anything, this was really the perfect venue for such an event.
No matter what, Sungjin was certain that he could handle the kids, he wasn't chosen the best team leader three years in a row for nothing. Though last year Wonpil snatched his place because the girls loved him so much that they kindly asked the organizers (aka the organizing committee who consisted of the four team leaders and Jae) to let him get the trophy just this once and seeing their cute aegyos, the guys didn't have a heart to protest.
The organizers were best friends anyway, the five of them have been a part of the summer camps ever since Jae’s uncle – Mr Park Jinyoung – was chosen as the headmaster of the high school they once went to, so helping the so-called JYP’s students out became the most exciting and adventure-filled two weeks of their summer holidays. No matter how naughty the kids were, at least they had some fun and had some pocket money for the rest of their break. Not to mention that they were still kids at heart, so taking care of children wasn't that difficult of a task for most of them.
Though Wonpil and Dowoon were usually shy when it came to youngsters, they eventually got used to their roles, and always got along well with their teams after some initial mishaps. Wonpil was with the girls from the very start as he was the most gentle and caring, plus he seemed the least likely to hurt the girls' feelings with unnecessary teasing and stupid games. Needless to say, the girls were always head over for him. Dowoon was usually the one who got the calmest, quietest group of children, this year his team consisted of Xiaojun, Hendery, Yangyang, Jaemin, Renjun, Jeno, Dino and Vernon.
“They are really nice kids, I swear. Maybe one of the chillest ones I’ve ever had,” the youngest team leader boasted with his huge, trademark grin, giving the others a thumbs-up. 
Jae almost laughed straight into his face, clearly unconvinced by the truth behind Dowoon's words.
“Oh, I think they just need the right team leader to bring out the worst in them,” Jae retorted smugly, ever so proud of the fact that he didn't need to lead a team as he was the one who organized the group activities. He would have probably lost a kid or two if he was chosen to as a team leader. If not more, really.
“The girls are lovely as always,” Wonpil admitted coyly, a blush creeping onto his face. Young K couldn't stop teasing him about his teams, they really had a soft spot in his heart, small wonder he immediately cooed at Wonpil’s words. “Chaeyoung had made me a flower crown and Tzuyu invited me to bake with them tonight,” he announced proudly, his toothy smile showing.
Jae and Young K exchanged a look while Sungjin rolled his eyes.
“My boys have overheard it, and they were about to ruin your little baking, but I managed to convince them to come fishing with me instead,” Sungjin said, and the ever so innocent Wonpil was so dumbfounded, he looked like a little puppy who just got lost.
“Fishing? Are you kidding me?” Jae chortled. “That's the most Sungjin thing ever. Indeed our reliable Busan guy,” he joked as he patted the said leader's shoulder who didn't even bat an eye as he was already used to his friend's antics. He merely rolled his eyes, knowing all too well that Jae would be talking his ass off instead of doing anything for his team if he was given the role of a team leader, so he was sassy only until he didn’t have to control 8 to 12 kids all day long for two whole weeks.
“But don't forget about the karaoke night today. We'll start at 7 sharply, and we won't accept late registrations like last year,” Young K hinted as he glanced at Jae who didn't let the words affect him. He merely shrugged his shoulders.
“Kevin's team was the one who came in first place anyway. It would been a shame not to let them join us,” he pointed out, arms raised in defeat. Young K couldn't help but let out a laugh. What were rules anyway to Mr Park Jaehyung?
Sungjin shook his head with a knowing smile on his face, then he cleared his throat to regain everyone's attention.
“Alright, let's end this meeting here if no one wants to say more!” He suggested firmly, looking for any kind of disapproval in the other's eyes. He liked to have quick meetings to gather everyone and see how they were doing with the youngsters, but he didn’t like when the meetings got dragged on without anything useful to be said. They knew about the activities that were held for all of the other teams and not just their own, so there was no need to emphasise who would organize what.
“Moonbin wants to know what's for lunch today,” Young K butted in, everyone smiling at his request. The so-called Bro Brian had a really versatile group from cool kids like Chani, Hwiyoung and Taeyang, playful kids like Q, Kevin and Hwall, and sometimes whiny but very very lovable kids like Moonbin, Rocky and Sanha.
The others looked at Sungjin for an answer as everyone knew that he was the one who could have known such things. He wasn't just a team leader, he was also the so-called info man because no matter what you asked, he knew the answer to it or at least he was willing to find it out.
That’s why no one was surprised when he knew the options as if he was reading them from the menu.
“Lasagna with a banana and apple juice, or noodles with veggies and tofu, plus an apple and banana milk on the side.”
“Gluten-free?” Jae teased, a smirk evident on his face.
“Yes, both the lasagne and the noodles.” Sungjin nodded seriously, and Jae couldn’t have been more amused by him. “The banana milk is made from coconut milk, so it’s naturally lactose-free and vegan,” Sungjin announced and Young K clapped his hands like he was clapping for the president itself.
Frankly, the camp’s chefs had a hard time considering all the allergens and nutritional preferences of children, so they’ve tried their best to satisfy everyone’s needs. JYP had paid a generous amount of money for the camp anyway because the students who were there were talented and intelligent students in at least one field of life, so the two-week long camping was actually the reward for their hard work. That’s why the chefs could actually afford to make two dishes every day and offer some fresh fruit or vegetables on the side. Knowing that Sungjin liked his stomach almost as much as he liked his own group, he inquired about the daily menus first thing in the morning.
“Very nice, Sungjin, very nice!” Young K patted Sungjin's shoulder teasingly, then rose from his seat to start planning his afternoon with his own team.
“We’re going BBQ-ing anyway,” he announced before he finally left the scene and let poor Sungjin fume inside. Why would it matter what would be lunch if they were eating on their own anyway? Though Moonbin could eat a lot, so it wouldn’t have come as a surprise if he had lunch at the canteen and then one with his team at the BBQ. Who knows?
“Plus, tomorrow there’s the afternoon trip to the nearby look-out tower, don’t forget that!” Jae reminded them loudly, so that everyone could hear it. It’s not like the team leaders didn’t talk about the group activities, it was more like they forgot to bring their kids to a certain place and instead they organized programmes for their own teams.
 Sungjin sat by the lake with the kids by his side, letting out a long, long sigh in disbelief. He was already worn out even if they had just started.
Jeongin had almost poked his own eyes out with the fishing rod, Jisung had almost fell into the lake when he was chasing after Seungmin and was chased by Hyunjin while Bang Chan and Changbin were sulking like emo kids at a unicorn-themed birthday party, Woojin was daydreaming about chicken and fussing why they didn’t have a barbecue like Young K’s team, Felix was dancing to Gashina and Minho was flirting with the girls from the camp which was on the other side of the lake, flexing his muscles and showing off his award-winning smile.
After all the mess in the beginning, finally everyone was quiet, and the most enthusiastic kids even tried fishing as much as they could while the ones who were too immersed in their self-sorrow or their flirting didn’t make any mess anyway, so why bother reprimanding them? As long as no one hurt themselves or others in the process (last year, Changbin had broken a leg when Jeongin pushed him down the stairs to test if he was going to miraculously save himself from the fall or fall down for real… needless to say, what happened was the latter), it was okay. On Sungjin’s part, it was.
Six girls from the camp on the other side of the lake came to see Minho for themselves, cheering and gasping when they saw the boy in person. Even though the girls from school were pretty much neutral towards Minho (and Sungjin had no idea if it was because they didn’t care or because they had already dated him and he had dumped them all, could be both honestly), he seemed to be pretty popular amongst the other girls. At least, it was their third day at the camp, and the other camps’ females were already head over heels for him, so Sungjin could draw such a conclusion.
The team leader of the Stray Kids looked at the scene in front of his eyes, wandering why he had never been lucky with the ladies. He had some girlfriends, some really nice and lovely girls, and he had his fair share of blind dates thanks to his friends, especially Jae, who always felt the need to set him up with someone. On the other hand, there was the sixteen-year-old Minho and a smile of his was enough to attract six girls’ attention.
“Girls, I’ve told you not to go away from the team!” A firm female voice called out, showing up beside the said girls, hands on her hips, eyebrows furrowed in frustration.
She had long, jet-black hair that fell over her shoulders like a waterfall, cheeks tinted in pink from both the summer heat and the intensity of the situation and beautiful, almond-shaped, star-filled eyes. Eyes that held stars that were waiting to shine, to light up the sky and to die out as the most beautiful ones he had ever seen. Her features were defined, feminine and rounded in just the right places, and she radiated confidence that swept him off his feet. She wore the same uniform as the young girls beside her, except the fact that hers said ‘Mom Mirae’, indicating that she was (probably) like their mother figure. She was a bit shorter than Minho, yet the vibe she gave off made even the flirty boy shut up on the spot, waiting for further instructions.
“Why is it so bad that we wanted to talk to him? Just talk to him?” One of the girls whose team shirt said Yuqi whined just like a child who didn’t get to lay her hands on the dessert she had wanted.
“Not on my watch, young lady, not on my watch,” Mirae warned her, shaking her head in disbelief. Then, her features became even more solemn and she looked the girls straight into their eyes, one after another. “You’re only teenagers, you have your whole life to talk to boys!”
“Sure, then we’ll end up single like you,” a shorter girl (Soyeon according to her shirt) snorted, giving Mirae a disgusted look.
The team leader acted like she was immensely hurt when it could be seen that she was merely dancing around the edges of her patience.
“You can talk to him when we’ll have the trip to the watch-out tower tomorrow,” she explained after letting out a sigh. Then, the events took an unexpected turn, and Mirae caught sight of Sungjin watching the scene and turned to him with her whole body. “You are going there tomorrow, right?” she inquired as she raised her voice to be heard properly, tilting her head while she was waiting for his response.
Sungjin was so shocked to get caught staring that he opened and closed his mouth like a fish while he was trying to gather what was left of his pride. After a few more seconds, he finally regained his senses; he shook his head and cleared his throat.
“Yes, we’re going there too.” He nodded still dumbfounded, but he didn’t even have the chance to ask how the girls’ team leader could know about the other camp’s plans because the group of girls were already leaving the scene, reassured that they would have the chance to meet Minho the next day, too.
Sungjin watched Mirae’s fading silhouette, his brain still not catching up with the events. He knew she knew that he must have been with the boys because no other man could accompany the kids, and he was apparently the eldest. Yet, he was still surprised that she talked to him without hesitation and without even a hint of anxiety. She was born to be a leader, that was for sure.
“Our hyung is totally whipped,” Jisung cooed gleefully when Sungjin finally looked back at the boys to see if anyone had been doing something wrong.
Even before he had the chance to protest, Jeongin was about to run after the fishing rod which got a catch and poor boy nearly fell into the lake because the fish was so adamant and so heavy. Sungjin saved him in the last minute, and instead of saying thanks, Jeongin started crying that he had missed his best catch because of their team leader.
Oh really, Sungjin started to realize that this year was definitely different from the ones before. Not just because of the mischievous kids he was assigned to look over but also because of the girls from the other camp and their confident team leader.
 Sungjin was definitely looking forward to the trip to the watch-out tower, not because of anything in particular… he was just excited. He felt a bubbly feeling in his stomach, and it was so strange, so stupid to wait for the time when he could see her again. He didn’t even know her, he didn’t even know if she would want him to know her. He only knew her name because of her shirt, nothing else. What if she didn’t even want to talk to him?
“You alright, Bob?” Jae nudged the guy’s shoulder to get his attention.
Sungjin casted him a deadly glare when the blondie called him by the nickname he had given him. He really didn’t see the resemblance between the said figure and himself but oh well… Jae always saw the world differently.
“Sure.” He nodded, looking like he wasn’t distracted by the thought of a certain someone. “You sure you have the map and everything?” Sungjin asked just in case Jae didn’t prepare well enough for the trip even if it was his time to shine. The team leaders could organize activities for their teams individually, but Jae was the one who organised the activities for all of them. Some of them went pretty well but for example, last year, they did a trip to a nearby folk village and Jae ended up directing them in the opposite direction, so they ended up at a graveyard instead. Needless to say, Renjun passed out on the spot.
“Of course.” Jae shrugged his shoulders. “It’s not like it’s so far away. We can’t even get lost on our way there,” he explained ever so casually while Sungjin rolled his eyes.
“That’s exactly what you said before we walked 20 miles instead of 10, right?”
“That was a one-time thing!” Jae exclaimed, putting a hand over his heart like he was so hurt by his accusation.
“It happened twice,” Sungjin corrected him, giggling when his friend couldn’t bring up anything to deny the facts. Truth to be told, Jae was so much better at talking about plans and whatnot than actually making it a reality, that’s why half of his activities turned out to be failures. Though until the other half turned out to be a success, JYP didn’t really mind. At least, the kids could always tell their parents such amusing stories.
“Alright, is everyone here?” Jae clapped his hands together to get everyone’s attention, and when the kids calmed down a bit, he started counting who was there, and was surprised to find out that one child was missing. Later, he was informed that Moonbin had eaten too much BBQ chicken the day before, so he needed to stay at the camp with the nurse who would take care of him for the day.
After gathering together and making sure that everyone had enough food and drinks for the one-day trip, the group headed out. Sungjin was taking care of all the 9 kids he had, walking beside them to make sure that he could watch every single one of them while they were walking. Apart from the fact that Jeongin couldn’t stop pulling Seungmin’s hair, Woojin couldn’t stop whining about the BBQ chicken of Young K’s team and Felix was singing Chungha’s Why Don’t You Know on the top of his lungs repeatedly, everything went smoothly.
Though he had to admit that he was extremely puzzled when Minho came up to him to ask a question.
“Have you ever been in love?”
The straightforward question took the team leader by surprise because he would have imagined anyone else to ask the question but Minho himself. Yet, Sungjin knew that there was nothing he needed to hide about his love life, especially when a younger one was curious about it. Sungjin was also really curious when he was younger, he didn’t know what it felt like to be in love and be loved by someone other than your friends and your family, so of course Minho wanted to know the same.
Sungjin cleared his throat before he gave him an answer.
“Yes, a few times.” He nodded, thinking back to all the girlfriends he ever had. It’s not like he was so heart-broken that none of his relationships worked out in the end, yet when you are in love, you never think about the end, and that’s what makes the pain ever worse.
“What’s it like? I mean being in love?” Minho inquired with wide eyes, and even Jisung turned his head in their direction upon hearing the question.
“Well…” Sungjin chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. How could he explain it? There was really no right word for it, everyone had to experience it to know it for themselves. Plus, he was pretty sure being in love meant different for everyone, and everyone acted differently when they were in a relationship. “You want to see the other one more and more, you want to get to know every little thing about them, whatever they do make you smile, you start remembering something you’ve done together multiple times a day and at very random moments, and suddenly you find yourself thinking about them all the time,” Sungjin concluded dreamily, earning a few snorts from the younger ones.
“Eww, gross…” Seungmin snickered, making a disgusted face.
“You’ll know when you feel it,” Sungjin continued nonchalantly, not caring about the others’ disapproving glances or eye-rolls. It was no surprise that 13 to 17-year-old kids didn’t feel like falling in love or wanting to experience the feeling. He had his first girlfriend when he was 18 years old, and he didn’t want to fall in love either. It just happened, it’s not something you can be prepared for or you can prevent.
“Thanks, Sungjin,” Minho said thankfully, patting the other guy’s shoulder. Sungjin really didn’t know why he was so grateful as he didn’t do anything extraordinary, he merely told him how he felt.
Luckily, the rest of the walking didn’t include any love-related talk, so the team leader didn’t need to feel uncharacteristically uncomfortable around the kids. They busied themselves and started playing all kinds of games anyway, so he didn’t need to interfere to calm them down or to stop them when something was getting wild. They were acting like chill kids for the first time during the first three days of the camp, and he couldn’t have been more glad.
Time went by fast since he didn’t need to supervise them so intensely, and by the time his thoughts could go back to Mirae, they were already at the watch-out tower and settled down to have a picnic. Much to Sungjin’s dismay, the girls weren’t there, neither was their team leader.
The youngsters were busy munching on their sandwiches and cookies they had gotten from Wonpil’s team, they didn’t even notice that Sungjin’s attention was completely elsewhere and not on the kids, especially when the other camp arrived at the resting area in front of the watch-out tower. Maybe he really started hallucinating things, but he could have sworn that Mirae’s eyes found his for a second, for only a tiny bit of a fraction, yet it was enough for him to completely get his hopes up. He couldn’t even tear his gaze away for the rest of the lunch, his eyes were only on the girl and her team. Though he caught sight of other groups and their team leaders too, but he was too mesmerized by the way she firmly yet caringly took care of the girls that he couldn’t concentrate on anything else.
The six girls were chattering casually, eating their little lunches while they glanced in the boys’ direction, especially Minho’s who waved back at them, earning a few excited squeals and giggles from the others. That’s when Mirae and Sungjin finally exchanged a glance, and when they did, their lips curled upwards at the same time, and they soon broke into little fists of laugher.
Sungjin turned to Minho.
“Go, talk to them! You have 15 minutes,” he told the young boy who was so taken aback that he didn’t even know what to do for the next few seconds. However, after that, it was no turning back, he jumped up and ran to the girls, sitting in the middle of the circle they had created for him.
Mirae found this moment to excuse herself and leave the scene, walking further from the lovestruck group. When she was getting closer and closer to Sungjin, the team leader got more and more nervous. What was he about to say? Was she really going to come and talk to him? Would she even remember him?
Though all his questions were answered the moment the confident female showed up beside him and pointed at the blank spot on the blanket beside him.
“Can I join?” she inquired casually to which Sungjin could only nod fervently. She hopped down beside him in the next second, her eyes darting between the face of his and the kids he was looking over.
“Are you the team leader of eight boys?” she asked in awe, her lips parted in disbelief. Well, since they didn’t have a lot of volunteers, all of their team leaders had at least nine children on their watch, so it was no surprise that he had to take care of such a large number of youngsters. On the other hand, Mirae’s question was very much reasonable considering that their camp didn’t seem to be short on volunteers. There were at least 6 team leaders apart from her.
“Nine with Minho,” Sungjin corrected her with a soft giggle, earning a same reaction from her.
“Wow, that must be difficult!”
“Oh, it’s really not that bad!” He shrugged, and even though it would have looked like he was just trying to show off, it wasn’t about anything like that. He merely got used to the silly and childish behaviours since he was a part of the organizing committee for the sixth year already. After a while, people get the hang of it and nothing seems too extreme.
“I’m Mirae, by the way,” she introduced herself with a soft smile, one that was like a breeze of the gentle spring wind after only seeing her cold demeanour. She may have looked rigid and strict when she was with the girls, but maybe they needed this amount of strictness to behave well. After all, Sungjin knew all too well that you have to use different methods with different children.
I know, he wanted to say, but he bit down on his tongue before he could say anything that indicated that he was stalking her. To be precise, he was examining her from head to toe the last time they met, and that’s how he took notice of the name on her shirt.
“I’m Sungjin.” He bobbed his head with an equally friendly smile, reaching his hand out and Mirae immediately shook hands with him; quickly and gently. When they both backed away a bit, a moment of silence fell upon the two of them, yet Sungjin had been meaning to ask her a question even the day before, so he didn’t want to dismiss it this time. “How did you know that we would come here today, too?”
Mirae let out a chuckle when she heard his question. Her chuckle was like a flower that was in bloom: beautiful, elegant and thriving. Sungjin knew he could listen to it without getting sick of it, without getting sick of the sight that accompanied the pleasant sound.
“We know about your schedules because we don’t want to interfere with your activities too much. We never know if our kids would get along well with yours, and we really don’t want to hear complaints that the children had to spend time with the kids from other camp just because we couldn’t take care of it,” Mirae explained thoroughly, her eyes shining with fondness.
“Honestly, we don’t know anything about your schedules,” Sungjin admitted nervously, wondering why JYP had never contacted them about the other camp’s activities. Maybe he really didn’t pay as much attention to the issue as Mirae’s superiors. Maybe they couldn’t even call it an issue since kids were bound to get along after a while, so why would have it mattered anyway?
“Until one of us knows, it’s okay,” the female voiced out reasonably, making Sungjin let out a genuine smile. He could already see why she was a team leader, she was not only confident and smart, but she could also make the younger ones listen to her. Even Young K, Wonpil and Dowoon were all different kind of leaders when it came to the kids in the camp, so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that Mirae was also totally unique.
“And will we have another event together?” Sungjin asked smoothly, secretly curious if he could see her again.
“Well, our encounter yesterday wasn’t even planned, so I think only time will tell.” She shrugged her shoulders, not even giving a proper answer to his question, but maybe she was just as smooth as Sungjin himself, and she knew exactly when and where they would meet up again.
“Alright, then don’t tell me classified information,” Sungjin joked, acting like he was so sulky, and the girl smacked him in the chest.
“You are almost as nosy as the girls.”
“I’ve just wanted to know if your girls will steal our Minho again,” he teased with a wide grin, pointing at the guy who was laughing freely with the six girls around him. He seemed to have fun with them, and even though his team leader knew that he couldn’t have fallen in love with all of the six girls, at least he had made some new friends too.
“If you are that curious, I can reassure you that we’ll steal your Minho only twice in the future,” Mirae responded with a cheeky smile.
Sungjin was aware of the fact that they could still meet more than twice (just like yesterday which was indeed unplanned), but it seemed unfair that they were so close, yet they didn’t frequently bump into each other. At least, it seemed unfair to him considering that he wanted to see her more.
“Alright, alright, that’s not too bad,” Sungjin concluded with an unfathomable facial expression, and may it be leader instinct or the fact that he didn’t check on the boys for a while, but he looked at the youngsters just in time to see when Changbin almost choked on some rucola.
“Oh gosh, Changbin, are you okay?” He ran to the boy to hit his back a few times, helping the boy to cough some more. The dark-haired kid merely nodded but he couldn’t talk for the time being because he was still caught up in the aftermath of his actions.
“Y-yeah, sure,” he managed the words out after he was over the worst part of his coughing and held onto Sungjin’s shoulder until he became himself again.
“Drink some water to help your insides going!” Sungjin suggested gently as he went back to his own water bottle to give it to the poor boy who received it thankfully. Maybe that was the first time Sungjin could earn a thankful smile from the usually closed off guy, and the fact that he could achieve something like this warmed his heart a bit. Of course, he wouldn’t have admitted it for the world, yet he was extremely thankful that he could be there for him, and he didn’t dismiss his help. For moments like this, everything that he had to endure during those two weeks was worth it.
“Thanks,” Changbin said as he let go of Sungjin’s shoulder and let out the last cough of his. When the team leader made sure that he was really okay, he retreated back to Mirae, and sat down with a sigh.
“Is he okay?” the girl inquired though she was probably not as worried as she had been if Sungjin hadn’t taken care of the boy.
“Yeah, sure.”
“You are really good with kids,” Mirae complimented casually, and it wasn’t the first time he had heard the exact same words, but it was definitely the first he felt uncharacteristically nervous because of such a compliment. Hearing it from someone like her did mean a lot to him.
“Oh well, I’m just trying my best,” he remarked gently, thinking of all the times he had managed to assist the children and prevent any mishaps. Needless to say, mishaps were likely to occur, and even if he had been their father, he couldn’t have saved them from some bruises and falls, but until everyone was happy and in one piece, it was okay. Kids recovered quickly, both from injuries and bad memories, so he wasn’t as worried about them as he had been when he first started out as a team leader.
“Alright, everyone, let’s go up that watch-out tower!” Jae announced with a clap of his hands, and Sungjin could have strangled him in that moment for ruining his moment.
“I’ll go back to my girls then,” Mirae said with a bitter smile and stood up to brush the dust off her jeans.
“Sure, see you soon then!” Sungjin waved in her direction, not knowing what else to do because he couldn’t have made her stay.
“Sooner than you think.” She winked and before he could ask what she meant by that, she was already out of his reach, taking care of her own team.
“I’m pretty sure that he’s really whipped now,” Jisung muttered under his breath, but of course Sungjin could still hear it. When he looked at the kid who was smirking from ear to ear, he wished he could swipe that smirk off his face, yet he was right after all. He was really whipped for Mirae, and they didn’t even speak a lot. What was in the air, really?
The two exchanged a few glances here and there in the next hour while they were going up and down the watch-out tower with different groups and started wrapping up their picnic in the resting area. For some odd reason, Felix couldn’t stop singing High School Musical songs the whole time, and when the high notes part came, and his voice resembled a pan that fell onto the ground, Bang Chan covered the younger’s boy mouth to shut him up but it was no use since the moment he removed his hand, he went back to Something New anyway. Sungjin shook his head at the boy’s antics, yet he couldn’t stop smiling while they were walking back to their base.
He really hoped that Mirae was right and that they would meet sooner than he would have assumed.
 Two days passed and still no sign of Mirae or the kids from the other camp. As they were situated on the completely opposite sides of the lake, and for safety reasons, even those cabins were pretty far from the lake, there was no chance of them even interacting if they didn't go near the lake.
During those two days, they had a games' night when the different teams were competing against each other in almost every possible game including football, cheerleading, arm wrestling, mini archery, IQ quizzes, roleplays from famous kdramas and Activity. Then, the next day, they had a bake-off between the different cabins, and needless to say, it turned out to be a literal mess. Considering that even Sungjin's team was in two different cabins, he didn't know where to help out, and some kids looked like they had never set foot in the kitchen. Hyunjin almost turned on the mixer when Jisung's hand was still in the dough, Seungmin poured too much milk into the mixture and was surprised when it turned out odd while Woojin still couldn't let go of the BBQ idea. Bang Chan and Minho were the ones who tried their best to keep their cabins together, plus they knew a thing or two about baking, so they could save their teams from complete failure.
Young K's team was, on the other hand, a complete mess, and since the guy himself liked eating more than making food for himself, he nodded to every idea the kids had, and that's how even the two cabins had completely different cookies from the very same ingredients. Moonbin, Sanha, Rocky, Chani and Hwiyoung ended up making vanilla-raspberry muffins with star and heart shaped food decoration and even though the dough stuck to the baking paper, it was at least edible. Q, Hwall, Kevin and Taeyang made a chocolate-raspberry dough and put it on the tray with all kinds of edible decoration and called it a cake. It was a bit too sugary and a bit too artificial because of the amount of artificial colouring they put into the mixture, but the taste wasn’t so bad.
Wonpil's cabins were the best as always as the girls were really good at cooking and baking too. Even those who were not so interested in baking took part in the making, melting Wonpil's heart with their efforts. Wonpil was watching them from a safe distance, murmuring to himself how lucky he was to get a team like this.
Surprisingly, out of the boys, Dowoon's two cabins were the best ones, at least their cookies looked decent and their tastes were good, too. Plus, the way Hendery smiled throughout the whole preparation warmed everyone's heart. Though everyone knew that Dowoon would have complimented the outcome even if the boys had totally messed it up because last year he even ate a totally burnt cake just to save his team's pride. Needless to say, he had a horrible stomach ache for the rest of the day.
The two days were eventful, that's for sure, yet despite it all, Sungjin missed talking to her the most, and he had already regretted not asking for her number. That way at least he could have contacted her even if they had been on the opposite sides of the lake.
He was already starting to give up when on the third day after they met, everyone was invited for a movie night to watch Spiderman: Homecoming. It was an outside event, the movie was shown on a screen beside the lake and it shouldn't have come as a surprise that the other camp was also there since it was organized by the dude who ran the whole place including the two camp sites with the lake and the secluded forest.
When Sungjin settled down with his own kids, he caught sight of the confident team leader who had just sat down with her girls, lying down on the blanket with the six girls. Mirae was also searching for a familiar face, Sungjin was sure that she was looking for him becaseu she stopped looking around only when she caught sight of him. They both broke into a huge smile when they exchanged a look.
“You can go, you know.” Bang Chan nudged his shoulder, pointing in Mirae's direction.
Sungjin suddenly felt guilty for being so obvious that even the kids themselves realized that something must have been going on with those two. Yet, he really couldn't help it; Mirae was really charming, and the more time he spent without her, the more he wanted to see her. It was crazy that he was already missing her when he couldn’t see her for two days, yet it was the truth.
“Ah no, I can't let you be alone,” Sungjin protested right away and shook his head in disbelief. He couldn’t just leave those kids alone, they could have seriously hurt others or themselves. He always put the kids' safety first. Always.
“Come on! We are just watching a movie, nothing can go wrong,” Bang Chan reasoned, giving a slight pat on the team leader’s shoulder to prompt him to move. Sungjin knew that he was right, yet he was still very much unconvinced about the whole idea.
“You sure?” He furrowed his eyebrows, yet the 17-year-old guy nodded so hard that his head almost fell off.
“Yeah, sure. Just go!”
With a few more encouraging smiles and nudges, Sungjin was finally reassured enough to get up and walk towards Mirae and her girls. It didn't take a lot of time for the little group to realize that he was approaching them; when the wavy-haired girl squealed, so did the rest of them, and soon enough they pushed Mirae towards Sungjin.
“We don't want to see you until the end of the movie. Period,” the shortest girl (maybe she was Soyeon, Sungjin couldn't really recall her name) told their team leader who seemed so shy all of a sudden. It looked like Mirae wasn’t the boss here anymore, it was rather the teenage girl who literally told her off.
“Alright, but take care of yourself and let me know if something happens or if any of you need anything,” Mirae told them after she had recovered from the shock her own team caused her, furrowing her eyebrows worriedly.
“Yeah, sure, we will, just go! Don't make your Prince Charming wait too long,” the girls chattered cheerfully and laughed when they saw how red the two adults' faces became. They were sure not prepared for such reactions from their kids.
They silently decided to move away from the mass of people, so they decided on a little bench that wasn’t far from the scene, but it was far enough for them to at least hear each other properly.
“The kids are surely up for something,” Sungjin remarked with a soft giggle, earning a joyous laughter from the girl.
“I wonder what,” she topped his comment with a wide smile, and she was so beautiful under the sunset, Sungjin had a hard time breathing. She was painted crimson by the last rays of sunshine on the horizon and her jet-black hair seemed chest-nut brown in the midst of the colour palette that the nature has created around them. Her eyes seemed to be holding the stars that would soon move onto the night sky, shining and twirling in joy and affection. Her laugh added a mesmerizing melody to the background music that was presented by the chattering of the kids, the chirping of the birds and the sound of the scattering leaves. Everything was so picturesque, and her feminine charms added even more to the beauty of the sunset. It was crazy how beautiful she was in her own natural way; no make-up, no lipstick, only her nails were painted baby blue, but it was probably the girls’ work and not her own.
“So what have you been up to these days with the kids?” Mirae inquired and curiously titled her head. Sungjin blinked a few to get back to reality and to avoid staring at the girl so intensely. Although he was pretty sure he had already messed up the latter.
That’s how he started talking about the bake-off and the games’ night and their solely camp-related conversation soon turned into getting to know each other, about the other’s family, brothers and sisters, their university studies, dream jobs, most memorable memories when they themselves were kids at camps, family vacation stories and their favourite foods. Sungjin may have embarrassed himself once or twice but Mirae was an excellent company, she couldn’t stop laughing at his facial expressions, and her laughter was contagious. Once, even a group of children turned back to shush them because they were being loud while it was time for a confession scene, and they almost died of laughter, they tried so hard to contain their emotions.
Sungjin never knew that he could get to know so much about someone in such a short spare of time, yet since they were both quite talkative, it all went well. On top of that, they were both the types to use hand gestures while talking, small wonder Mirae once accidentally hit Sungjin’s head when she was talking about a family holiday of hers. Yet, they merely laughed it off, there was nothing to be sorry about.
It was already the end of the movie with the credits list when they realized that they would need to go back to their own groups before they would make a mess without adult supervision.
“Wait!” Sungjin yelled after Mirae before she could scamper away, leaving him in misery for another few days. “Can you… I don’t know… at least give me your phone number, so that I can contact you?” he inquired nervously, tilting his head. He usually didn’t find it hard to bring up such topics, but he was oddly anxious when it came to the ever so confident team leader.
Mirae let out a soft chuckle in response and nodded her head.
“Of course,” she gave in without hesitation and told him her number on the spot. Even when she left, Sungjin was smiling to himself at the number on his screen, not quite believing what had just happened.
He was sure one very lucky man.
 “What’s good everybody?” said Jae that night, walking into the organizing committee’s cabinet like he was on the runway with such posture. Then, he pointed at his phone, wiggling his eyebrows to add to the whole ruckus. “I’m sending this song to our local lover boy, Bob the Builder!” he hollered gleefully, his trademark smile never leaving his face.
Everyone looked at him as if he had lost it; Wonpil blinked confusedly, looking like he was about to solve a Maths question with that furrowed eyebrows of his, Young K was grinning to himself even though it could be seen that he was merely there for the drama, he actually had no idea what was going on while Dowoon merely turned over and went back to sleep. Sungjin was the only one who knew exactly what the lanky guy had tried to imply, that’s why he was the only one whose face remained stern.
“I wanna know, know, know… what is love?” Jae busted from his phone, the lyrics accompanied by his stupid high school cheerleading dance. Young K snorted at the sight, covering his mouth not to make a lot of noise while Wonpil still resembled a statue.
“Mind sharing with us what’s going on?” Young K inquired as he glanced at Sungjin who let out a sigh. He knew there was no way he could hide it from the other guys, plus they were his friends after all. No matter how annoying they could be, they deserved to know the truth.
“There’s this girl who’s a team leader in the other camp and we’ve started talking.”
“And he’s also asked for her number!” Jae butted in with a knowing smirk, winking at the so-called lover boy.
“Yes, we’ve exchanged numbers, too,” Sungjin admitted as he put his hands into the air. There was really no way he could have got away with it if Jae was around. Considering that he was in charge of the group activities and didn’t supervise a group all day long, he had a lot of time to examine every single thing in the camp and to catch up with everything that was going on.
“Oh, nice one, dude!” Young K clapped his hands, cheering his friend on. Wonpil, who was lying down on the bed beside Sungjin’s, merely gave him a wide, supportive smile. He was always more serious and reserved than others, yet even his little actions meant a lot to him.
“And guess who’s managed to organize a bonfire night for both camps?” Jae asked overly enthusiastically, and even without waiting for a second, he exclaimed. “Yep, that’s right, it was me! So who’s your favourite boy, Bob?” he shouted into Sungjin’s ears when he got close to the boy.
Sungjin was more dumbfounded by the words he had said than by his actions, that’s why he didn’t push him away. Otherwise, he would have told him off right away.
“When it’s going to take place?” Wonpil spoke up for the first time since Jae’s grand entrance, yet the blonde guy couldn’t have been happier about the fact that he had decided to join in.
“This Sunday, my friend,” he answered immediately, then leaned closer to Sungjin to whisper into his ears. “Hope you’ll gonna thank me one day, buddy,” he remarked playfully, then patted Sungjin’ shoulder and continued on signing to the Twice the top of his lungs much to Dowoon’s annoyance who woke up from his peaceful sleep.
On the other hand, Sungjin couldn’t have cared less about Jae’s childish behaviour because his mind was already preoccupied with the news of the bonfire night. He immediately texted Mirae, asking if she had known about it, and she confirmed that she got to know about it during their daily meeting with the team leaders. She event sent a smiley emoji to him which warmed his heart, and his expression must have been expressive too since Young K cooed at him and Wonpil gave him a toothy smile.
“He’s so cute when he’s in love,” Young K mumbled to himself, but it was loud enough for him to hear it. Though he couldn’t deny it, instead he threw his pillow at the boy who grinned even wider after that.
Man, it was difficult to have such friends.
 After that, Sungjin felt like he was a part of a modern comedy. It seemed that the whole camp knew about his feelings towards Mirae and vice versa. Not just his kids but even bratty ones such as Chani gave him glances whenever they walked past him, and girls gushed over the fact that the team leader was all heart eyes for another team leader from the other camp.
As promised, Jae managed to get the bonfire night organized without any inconveniences, and he even tried to help Sungjin out by looking over the Stray Kids himself while Sungjin was talking with Mirae, yet it ended in Seungmin’s clothes catching fire and Jeongin almost burning himself when he wanted to reach for his sausage that fell into the fire, plus Woojin was still not over the fact that he hasn’t eaten chicken for almost a week, so Jae seemed more stressed after only a few minutes with the kids from the 8th and 9th cabin than he was all his life.
Needless to say, it wasn’t the first time things got out of control when others merely tried to help them to meet up again. When Minho and the six girls tried to set them up and got a whole picnic date ready, Yuqi twisted her ankle in the morning, and Mirae had to be there for her the whole day (at least, she wanted to be there for her) until she made sure that Yuqi was doing okay, and that the other five girls would assist her whenever she needed help. Not to mention the time when Young K invited Mirae over to their cabin for a dinner, yet it turned out that Sungjin was on a night trip with his group, so she was introduced to the other guys instead, and she had the opportunity to see a very dumbfounded Jae as he was walking out of the bathroom half-naked, a toothbrush hanging from his mouth, a very shy Dowoon who didn’t know what to say to the girl, an angelic Wonpil who smiled the whole time and praised Sungjin as much as he could and an overly anxious Young K who mentally killed himself over and over again for messing things up so badly.
Though there were times when they could finally meet up, usually during sleepless nights and at the break of dawn when the kids were still sleeping, yet they gladly gave up their precious sleep just to talk a bit or to see each other a bit more. The more they met, the harder he fell for her, and he knew there was really no going back. The thought of Mirae occupied his thoughts all day long, and he waited to see her every day like a kid waits for Christmas every year. He was still a kid at heart, of course he was, yet this newfound enthusiasm really made him feel like a child, just like the ones he was watching over. Sometimes it was enough for him to know that she was doing okay, and no one fell into a trash bin in the other camp (yep, it happened once with a guy named Wong Yukhei), other times he was over the moon hearing her laughter that could light up his heart more than any firework could.
Yet, as all good things come to an end, the two-week long camp was also nearing its end very soon, and just when things were about to get serious, they already had to start packing. The goodbye was inevitable, therefore they decided to meet up personally before Sungjin and JYP’s students would leave since Mirae and the other kids came later, so they also stayed a bit more.
Sungjin was uncharacteristically nervous on the day of their departure, and when all was well and every student was on the bus that would take them back to Seoul, his eyes were searching for the oh so familiar orbs. They had agreed on meeting at 9 as the bus would take off at 9:30, so they would have some time for themselves, yet it was nearing 9:15 and the girl was nowhere to be seen. He was a bit afraid that she had forgotten about it even though he knew well that she hadn’t forgotten about anything. He had a hunch that something had happened at the camp and she couldn’t leave earlier, so when Mirae came panting and catching her breath, he knew that he was right.
“I’m so sorry, Shuhua was pranked by the girls and I needed to calm her down before she would set fire to the whole cabinet. Oh my gosh, I was so afraid that I wouldn’t get here on time,” Mirae explained so fast that Sungjin could barely get the words out.
“It’s okay, it’s really okay,” he reassured her as he put a hand on her shoulder, and merely laughed it off. Even her presence was enough to pacify his crazily beating heart. Even her voice was enough to make him feel satisfied even though they were about to say goodbye.
“I really wanted to say a proper goodbye,” Mirae admitted with a bittersweet smile, unsaid confessions and worries hiding behind her ever so lovely smile. Even if she had been running to get here, even if her hair was in a really messy bun and her clothes were still dirty from the previous night’s storm, she was so utterly beautiful.
“You know we don’t have to,” he said gently, his hand not leaving her shoulder. “We can keep talking even when the camp ends.”
“Well, after all, we live and study in the same city.” She nodded and let out a relieved sigh. Maybe she was afraid that Sungjin wouldn’t want to see her after the camp. Maybe she was afraid that he didn’t feel the same way. He couldn’t tell why she was so relieved all of a sudden, but her reaction prompted him to ask the question he had been meaning to ask for a while.
“You want to grab lunch with me when you finish here?”
Mirae froze for a second before her lips started curling upwards, eyes shining with joy. Sungjin thought that he had totally messed up everything when her eyes widened, yet it seemed that she was merely surprised about his question and not shocked.
“Sure.” She nodded enthusiastically and seeing her smile becoming wider and wider was like watching the sun rise on the horizon. “Is it a date?” she blurted out cheekily, and now it was Sungjin’s turn to get surprised.
Yet, he assumed that because she asked such a question, she actually thought of the possibility of them having a date. Which meant that he could also think that way.
“Yes, it is,” he concluded with a nod of his head.
“Then, it is,” she repeated with a wide grin and cutely scrunched her nose when her cheeks turned really red. Sungjin would have never thought that he would see the ever so confident and quite solemn team leader become so embarrassed. but he was glad that he could see yet another side of her.
“Get on, lover boy! We need to go!” Jae hollered after him, breaking their little moment into tiny little pieces.
When Sungjin rolled his eyes, Mirae slightly nudged his shoulder.
“Go!” She pointed at the bus where the kids were waiting for their scene to come to an end. Sungjin knew that they had been watching the whole thing from afar, yet he hoped that they didn’t hear a thing. “We’ll see each other soon anyway,” she promised with a sweet smile and before he could even respond to that, she gave him a quick peck on the cheeks and turned on her heel.
“Oh my gosh, she kissed him!”
“Shut up, Jeongin! That was only a kiss on the cheek!”
“I saw what I saw!”
“Then get new glasses!” Seungmin snorted and rolled his eyes at the youngest’s antics.
Needless to say, this year’s camp was full of twists and turns, but at least they were all in one piece and they had one more lover boy in the crew.
Maybe next year’s going to be even better.
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restlessmaknae · 5 years
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love is a crime
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Europe is a hidden diamond with many beautiful places, attracting millions and millions of tourists every year. Can a crime writer with tsundere heart finally find himself in one of these cities? Can a tour guide who doesn’t really know the definition of home finally feel herself at home?
♦ Pairing: crime writer!Yoongi x tour guide!reader/you
♦ Genre: fluff, comedy, slight angst
♦ Words: 5.5k
♦ Dedicated to: @lily-blue because you deserve a wonderful Christmas! Thank you for always brightening my day and please never be afraid to be yourself, you are such a beautiful person with a beautiful soul, and we love you (and we’ll always do) for who you are. ❤️
"You arrogant chaebol!"
"Miss Know-It-All!"
"Indifferent!"
"Hot-headed!"
"Untalented!"
"Annoying!"
"When do you think they will throw each other into the Seine?" a sassy kid of the group who was watching the scene unfold in front of his eyes asked from his friend who was sitting beside him. The other little kid shrugged his shoulders.
"Sooner than we think," he added with a mischievous smile, but unluckily, the two arguing adults heard their conversation.
"Kiddo, you should be in school and not on a European trip, so I suggest you don't butt into the adults' business!" Min Yoongi retorted, his face red from the anger that was boiling inside him. He could easily lose his temper, that was for sure, but he was significantly more short-tempered ever since he embarked on this journey with a bunch of overly excited tourists and a tour guide who made it very clear that she wouldn’t treat him differently just because he was famous.
"It's school break, Mr-I'm-The-Best-Crime-Writer. Did you go to school in February?" the younger boy reminded him with an amused smirk, absolutely not affected by Yoongi's words. The writer had already known that the two kids were extremely sassy (sassier than he would have liked), so he wasn’t surprised that he got such a nickname with such an answer.
Yet, before he could even open his mouth to say something, the equally frustrated tour guide turned back to him.
"See, even the kids don't like you, so don't start whining to me that I'm the only one who has a problem with you!" Inhye who was standing in front of Yoongi raised her voice to regain the writer's attention who merely huffed in response.
"I'm not whining, I was merely pointing it out." Yoongi puffed his chest out to look more confident, then half-heartedly added: "Whining is for girls!"
"That's why you have a problem writing about romance! You stereotypize girls and don't see the same diversity in them as you see in men!" Inhye shouted at him, her voice hurtfully accusing. Her hair was in a mess thanks to the windy weather during the boat tour that they were supposed to enjoy without any kind of calamities. However, the rising tension between the tour guide and the infamous crime writer could be detected from the very beginning of the trip, small wonder they couldn't suppress their hatred towards each other during the 90-minute tour.
It all started when Inhye ‒ the tour guide ‒ was talking about the history of the Louvre, and Mr Min Yoongi decided that it was time he let her know that she couldn't tell him anything new about Paris because he had already done his research about the city for his previous book. The usually patient and kind tour guide was on the edge because of the writer's sarcastic and annoyed remarks ever since he told her that he didn't even want to be here, the "inspiring European tour" was by his publisher’s idea; they were the ones who sent him away for this break (a forced one in his opinion) because he had seemed to run out of ideas. When, in fact, Yoongi told her, it was only because his editors didn't find his ideas appealing enough to give their name to his stories. Needless to say, Inhye didn’t care in the least why Yoongi was a part of the group she had to guide through Europe for more than a week, she merely wanted to do her job (which Yoongi only made more difficult).
However, as time passed by, these two seemed to infuriate each other even more and it was only a matter of time when they would burst. They were doing remotely okay in Frankfurt, but Paris seemed to be a sensitive spot for Inhye and for Yoongi as well. Of course, it had to be in the city of love, on a boat tour, in front of every single member of the tour group that they started arguing freely without censors and barriers. 
Inhye seemed to have won because the writer couldn't counter-attack her statement. Truth to be told, Min Yoongi knew deep down that he wrote crimes because he found logic in the way his characters acted; he could always come up with a concrete explanation for almost all of their crimes. On the other hand, girls were absolutely unfathomable, mysterious and unpredictable ‒ there was no logic or pattern in the way they acted. He didn't know the other gender well, he had some girls here and there, but none of them could make him feel interested. None of them could make him want more. None of them could make him feel like he could live his life with them by his side. So maybe, he just didn't want to write about something he himself couldn't decipher.
"I won!" One of the two kids hollered as Yoongi's breath was caught in his throat, the words not slipping out of his mouth even though he tried so hard to form comprehensive words. However, nothing came out.
Inhye gave him one last glare and turned back to the other tourists, talking about the Notre Dame as if nothing had happened. Yoongi walked back to his seat, plopped down and stared at the scenery on his right instead of looking at the girl on his left. He was not used to girls talking back to him like this, he was not used to girls shaking up his state as much as Inhye did. He was used to girls giving in easily as soon as they realized who he was and agreeing to everything he had said. Even though he had got bored of it, he was actually pleased he had such an impact on girls. 
On the other hand, there was this stubborn tour guide who wouldn't let him live. How would he survive five more days with Inhye?
Well, that was a real mystery, and he hated nothing more than mysteries like that.
 It was on their flight from Paris to London that Inhye decided to put an end to their radio silence.
Unfortunately, they had such luck that they were assigned to sit next to each other on the plane as the tourist group had to stay together (and Fortuna must have hated them too), and guess who had to stay beside each other for more hours than it was absolutely necessary? Of course, it had to be the two of them.
“You know, you can just leave,” Inhye broke the silence that had been covering them ever so gently for the first thirty minutes of the flight, luring Yoongi into the false hope that she wouldn’t say a word to him after their heated conversation on the boat.
He had to suck in a deep breathe not to let any profanity fly out of his mouth.
“Excuse me?” he asked instead, his voice raised a pitch higher. He couldn’t understand females in general but Inhye was on a whole new level. She was the most unfathomable girl he had ever met.
“You can leave whenever you want. You can catch the first flight back to Seoul. You don’t need to suffer through the rest of the trip with me,” she explained not bating an eye because she was already used to seeing his overly cocky expression.
“Ah no, you know I enjoy it way too much.” Yoongi shrugged, satisfaction filling up his lungs at the way the words danced on his lips. The eye-roll was the least he had expected from the pretty tour guide.
“What? You enjoy teasing me?”
“Going back before the end of the trip would mean that you’ve won. I can’t let that happen,” he retorted, putting his index finger on his upper lip and pouting like he would lose too much if he left right then and there. Oh no, he was too stubborn and proud for that!
However, Inhye was even more worked up after his reply, there was something so undeniably disgusted yet hurtful in her features; as if he had reprimanded her for something and didn’t just play this stupid, stupid game of cat and mouse.
“Jesus Christ, you really think that it’s a game?” She quirked one eyebrow in question, turning to the writer with her whole body. “Can’t you just stop thinking about winning and awards and reputation for a moment and just enjoy life as it is, enjoy exploring the world? You know, the world is not as ordinary as you think.”
“What a lie.” Yoongi snorted, knowing all too well that he was already bored of the world around him and nothing could change that. He was a famous writer, he had his fair share of book signs, award shows, press conferences and trips to god knows what nameless city just to promote his book. He had been to many places, many cities and continents, and nothing could make him stay. Not even Seoul where his home was. He spent every single one of his days as any another day, counting the words on the paper and the numbers on his pay check. His world was small, grey and full of numbers and letters. He didn’t feel like the world around him was really his after being cornered for years. Why would Inhye think that she was able to change that?
“I can show you,” the tour guide announced matter-of-factly, her mellow lips turned into a stern line. She was so utterly confident that Yoongi didn’t even feel like protesting anymore. He challenged her instead.
“Then, do it! Persuade me that it’s not dull and boring,” he suggested cockily, tilting his head to his left. “I warn you, it’s impossible to change my mind,” he added quickly before she would think too highly of herself and get her hopes up before she even starts her one-girl show to prove him wrong. A lazy, smug grin was forming on his lips after practically asking her to a dance that would either leave them both satisfied or make her feel like she wouldn’t want to dance with anyone ever again.
“I’m ready for it,” Inhye gave in right away, not breaking the eye-contact. As they were eyeing each other, Yoongi had to admit that the tour guide had mesmerizing eyes, ones that he hadn’t taken notice of before. They were an outstanding shade of bamboo-green and midnight-blue, something he had never seen before. Even though he had written multiple descriptions of eyes for his books before, he was sure he could write more than one paragraph about Inhye’s eyes.
Oh wait what? No, he wouldn’t write about girls’ eyes in his book. Never. Not even for all the money in the world. No, no way, it was just a momentary mistake, it was just his lustful desires taking hold of him. Nothing more.
Feelings. No. They were not in his dictionary. Never were, never will, and not even a stubborn tour guide could change that.
 London had a special place in Inhye’s heart; as she used to attend a language school when she was a high school student, she had to learn English on an advanced level. Not that she had any problem with it as she truly enjoyed learning languages, especially English. English was literally a key that opened doors to the other parts of the world, it was the language that provided a bridge for nations, cultures and people.
No matter how many times Inhye had been in London, she couldn’t get enough of the feeling that took hold of her when she was in the capital city. There was something outstandingly reassuring and calming about the crazy-busy London. It could be the afternoon rush hour or the break of the dawn, she felt at ease nevertheless whenever she was walking around the city; it may be because of the growing number of green areas or the well-located buildings or the lovely architecture. Even the air was different in London.
Of course, she had to show her tourist group the most popular places such as the Madame Tussauds, the London Eye, the Buckingham Palace, the Big Ben and the Tower of London. They’ve also been to the Covent Garden Market, the Kensington Palace, the two Tate, the National Gallery and the Westminster Abbey, but she loved the little hidden authentic tea rooms, the brunch places, the contemporary museums and the second-hand book shops the most – the ones that weren’t in the tour’s details, the ones that were her favourite places to go.
Small wonder when it was time for their last night in London, she decided to show Yoongi the true nature of the buzzing city. She wanted to show him what was hidden, yet what was fascinating in her opinion. She didn’t want to win this game (she didn’t think it was one), but she wanted to prove him that there was so much more to places that we think are trivial and overhyped.
Her choice was a relatively new literature milkshake bar that was hidden in the heart of London, not far from the famous British Museum. Its design was modern, aesthetic yet gave off that cozy vibe that she always associated with her favourite pastime activity. The furniture was made of wood, the place was well-lit and the shelves were full of books, one by one on top of each other, the walls decorated with quotes from well-known and lesser-known books, each written with lovely calligraphy. Anyone could choose if they preferred to lie down on a couch, sit down in a fluffy armchair or sip on their milkshake between two shelves and by a little table.
Inhye had already been in the milkshake bar once, so she wasn’t nearly as surprised as Yoongi when they set foot into the shop and chose a table for themselves surrounded by huge shelves.
“Sadly, I don’t think your books have inspired any milkshake here but maybe next time,” Inhye remarked with a playful smile, her fingers reaching for the menu on the table. The writer let out a lazy smug and mimicked her actions.
“You can start a petition for that,” he said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders like he didn’t care at all although he watched the girl’s reaction from the corner of his eyes.
“Why would I? I don’t even like your books.”
The confession slipped out of her mouth before she could think her words through. Though at least she was honest with him, and didn’t sugarcoat her opinion – as expected of her who told him the first time they met that she wouldn’t treat him differently just because most people in Korea already knew his name.
“I mean, the crimes are okay, but the stories lack emotions for me. I love stories that are more focused on the characters’ feelings and development and not necessarily the actions,” she explained truthfully, and let the words sink in while she was ordering for both of them (because Yoongi’s English was limited to airport and hotel-related words mostly, maybe some food names here and there but nothing more than that).
Then, as soon as the waiter left them, she turned back to the writer who was waiting impatiently to say what was on his mind.
“Well, that’s you. I feel more comfortable writing about action than feelings.” Yoongi looked straight into her eyes, his stare piercing a hole through her heart. She could feel the burning passion behind his words, she could feel the strong-headedness working in him. She knew she couldn’t change his mind, she didn’t even want to, yet she couldn’t deny that she was curious, utterly curious.
“Why?” she inquired with a simple question and with a single raise of her eyebrows.
Yoongi didn’t blink an eye at her question despite the fact that his answer was as heavy as the raindrops that weigh down on the newly bloomed flowers.
“I don’t even know what I’m feeling, so how could I put my characters’ feelings into words?”
It would be an understatement to say that Inhye was dumbfounded; she felt as if someone had replaced the oxygen in her lungs with something toxic. The fact that the infamous Min Yoongi who wouldn’t admit anything related to his emotions ever since they met confessed that he didn’t know what he felt was both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. She herself felt a lot of times that she didn’t know how to decipher her feelings, so she knew how he must have felt. They were both human beings, they weren’t lifeless robots without feelings, they needed time and self-love to start working on their feelings.
“Maybe it’s time to face your feelings,” she whispered gently, not wanting to seem like a know-it-all when it came to feelings.
“There’s no such thing as facing your feelings,” Yoongi retorted immediately, his voice laced with doubt and frustration.
“Yes, there is. You just shouldn’t deny them in the first place,” Inhye counter-attacked rather vigorously because she knew that men tend to think that showing how they really felt and showing their vulnerable side was something to be ashamed of. She had never understood why was it a question of the genders; why couldn’t they be more open-minded when it came to feelings? It’s not like women had looked at them in a different way if they saw them cry or break down.
She let out a long sigh, then looked at her intertwined hands and started talking as if she was telling a story. Well, after all it was a story; it was her story.
“You know, being a tour guide is also difficult. I’m always on the run, I spend more time abroad then in Korea, and yet I always feel like something is missing. I don’t know what home is, how it should feel like being home. Being with my parents was always suffocating, that’s why I initially wanted to be a tour guide; I wanted to see if I can feel more at ease anywhere else and I do feel more at ease, but I still don’t get that homey feeling.” She gulped down a dose of bitterness when her parents came to her mind, the numb feelings that she experienced whenever she was around them reminding her why she lucky to have such a job. It’s not like she hated her parents. She merely didn’t feel comfortable and loved around them; who would judge her to want to be away as much as possible?
“However, when I realize that it’s okay to feel this way, there’s no need to rush anything, and that I still have plenty of opportunities to find what home could mean to me, I feel better. You gotta face your feelings, you gotta know that it’s okay to feel whatever you are feeling right now and just let it go,” she concluded on a more hopeful note, looking up at the writer for the first time since she started her confession. What she saw was different from what she had expected; Yoongi didn’t seem judgemental, he seemed to be deep in thoughts. Maybe her words weren’t in vain after all.
The conversation died down a little when the waiter arrived with their orders, yet they didn’t stop there. Inhye was sure that Yoongi purposefully avoided continuing where they had left off. However, at least he asked her questions, something he hadn’t done before. At least he seemed genuine and less judgemental. At least he cracked a smile here and there.
And maybe Yoongi himself didn’t mind being comfortable around her either.
 The more days passed, the more things Yoongi noticed about Inhye. All those little things that he wouldn’t care about before; the way she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears when the wind messed up her locks, the way she gestured wildly whenever she was talking about the history of the monuments or the way her tone changed when she changed to a different language. It was endearing how she wasn’t even aware of what she was doing, yet Yoongi’s mind kept circulating around the thoughts of her, these little things about her and he just couldn’t shake them off.
Leaving London meant leaving the conversation they had in the milkshake bar behind. However, the writer was actually interested in Inhye’s life after their little talk. After she had opened up a bit, he wanted to know more. Maybe it was because he loved putting the pieces together when it came to his own stories; every character had their own past that shaped them, and he wanted to know about Inhye’s reasons. He would have never assumed that she wanted to become a tour guide because she wanted to get away from her toxic family life and she also enjoyed travelling. He thought that it was merely because she enjoyed going from one place to another and fancied history just as much as architecture.
On the other hand, he knew from first-hand experience that some things were left unsaid for a reason. It was the same for him regarding the beginning of his career. He had his own story that he didn’t want to share with people even if the truth would have been so much easier to bear than a white lie. However, back then he felt like he didn’t have another choice; he had to do what his parents wanted him to say. He was a chaebol, that was true, yet his parents didn’t support him at all; he was given an ultimatum when he had just started. If he could sell his first book before he graduates and it turns out to be a success, he doesn’t have to go to business school. On the other hand, if he fails to make himself a name, he has to do what his parents wanted. Luckily, his first book was a hit, and even though he was called a prodigy for writing such a piece in less than a year beside his studies, he knew the truth; he was just desperate to become a successful writer.
That’s why Yoongi was waiting for the right moment to ask the tour guide the question that had been turning in his head over and over again ever since they had that fateful conversation in London. He couldn’t deny that Edinburg’s charms mesmerized him, and he finally felt like he could explore something new, something extraordinary (probably also thanks to Inhye’s enthusiastic stories and explanations), yet his goal has changed. Inhye really proved him that the world wasn’t as dull as he had initially thought though he wouldn’t have admitted it for the world. Right now, he couldn’t have cared less about his initial goal; right now he wanted to talk to her.
He chose the top of the Edinburgh castle to ask his question.
“Have you never felt at home? Not even once?”
Inhye was definitely surprised by his sudden question; she had assumed that he would leave the topic behind, that he wouldn’t want to ask her more regarding her hardships because it would make her feel more uncomfortable. On the other hand, she was glad that he decided to ask her. Maybe deep down she yearned for it just as much as Yoongi yearned for saying it out loud.
“Only once.” She nodded, turning her head to the scenery at their feet. Her diamond-like eyes were shining with bittersweet fondness. “I’ve just started my job and met a boy in Paris. I’ve been in the capital city for a week with my group at that time, and I spent every night with that boy,” she started with a heavy sigh, then glanced in the boy’s direction to see if she could continue. However, instead of confusion or boredom, she saw cheeky playfulness in his eyes.
“Not in the way you think! I can see your smirk, okay? No,” she stated vigorously and shook her head. She needed a moment to gather her courage and face the past yet again. “He was an artist, a painter. He had the most beautiful soul and the most caring heart. But the next time I went back, I didn’t tell him beforehand that I would visit him, and he was already with another girl. Turned out he was just as passionate about girls as he was about his paintings, yet his interest was quick to burn out.”
Her voice faded away with the light breeze of the late winter, leaving Yoongi with a cold flower blooming in his heart. He didn’t take girls seriously either (not usually), yet he wasn’t one to make them believe that they worth more than he wanted them to think. They knew what they should have expected from him, but the French boy Inhye was talking about didn’t seem to tell her about his real intentions. That, in his opinion, was a big ass jerk move.
“That’s why you hate artists?” He quirked an eyebrow, the correlation hitting him hard.
“I don’t hate artists. That’s generalizing, Yoongi,” she told him off with an offended edge to her words. “I just don’t like being reminded than I can be someone’s next wrathful painting or heart-breaking song.”
“Why is that such a bad thing if people are inspired by you?”
“I don’t want to inspire people, so that they could show my weaknesses and secrets to anyone. If I inspire someone to do better or to be more positive, that’s okay. But I inspired this boy to paint about women’s body and sadly I was only just an inspiration to him, nothing more. He loved me only for my body,” she concluded with her lips drooped. It could be seen that talking about it hurt the girl, but it shouldn’t have come as a surprise since she was talking about a part of her life that was more than personal. Yoongi didn’t even know why she was willing to tell him so much, yet he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
“Really? And you call him the most beautiful soul?” he exclaimed as confused as ever. His eyebrows were furrowed in question, eyes piercing through her soul.
Inhye was truly taken aback by his question. Why was Yoongi suddenly so protective of her when he didn’t know the boy himself? Of course, Inhye knew better now than to trust boys whom she knew only for a few days but during the time she spent with Pierre, she really felt loved and valued. However, those feelings faded away with the first blooms of the French trees and eventually dried just like the tears on her cheeks.
“Oh shut up! You said yourself that you can’t understand girls.”
“I can’t understand you,” Yoongi said full of emotions, voice more frustrated than he had intended to. “You should value yourself more, and don’t call someone a beautiful soul if they love you just for your body. That boy was a plain jerk. Just saying,” he confessed without a blink of an eye, not feeling sorry that he called the French guy a plain jerk. He was definitely a jerk for playing with Inhye’s feelings and no one could change his mind.
On the other hand, the pretty tour guide was more interested in his reasons for saying that Pierre was a jerk than the actual fact that he called him like that. She knew that Min Yoongi wasn’t the type to act nice, but she hoped that it wasn’t just his usual neutral antipathetic self showing.
“Since when do you protect females?” She raised an eyebrow in question, more interested in his answer than she had probably ever been before. She wasn’t naïve to think that the writer liked her as he didn’t show any signs that he did but maybe, just maybe she wanted to challenge him and make him say something honest.
There wasn’t any grand scene, no fireworks, no rain, no overly romantic confession, only their hearts beating at the same time, the city buzzing under their feet and the wind blowing between them.
“Since I know you don’t deserve such treatment.”
Inhye’s lips parted at the serious confession, the writer’s pitch-black eyes like shooting stars crossing her sky, making her wish upon his words.
I wish you wouldn’t make me feel this way. I’m afraid to fall again.
 Yoongi would have never thought that he would say that it was a shame that the trip was over. 
In a way, of course he didn't mind that it was over; spending more days with upper-class senior citizens and annoyingly cocky kids wasn't a part of his plans. Seeing the well-known places of some well-known European cities didn't interest him either. On the other hand, getting to know the hidden gems of a certain place, learning about the history of certain monuments and listening to a certain someone's voice was what he had regretted not getting more of. He wouldn't say that he liked Inhye, yet he was definitely interested in her. She was still a bit of a mystery to him and as a crime writer who wanted to solve every problem and know every reason behind his characters' actions, he couldn't stand not knowing Inhye that well. She interested him, that was sure.
However, he wasn't a man of words (not when it came to females and not when it came to females who had an effect on him), so he acted like he didn't want more from the girl. It was easy as they headed back to Seoul and they were seated far away from each other on the plane, him beside the two sassy kids and Inyhe beside an elderly lady. It was easy when the chaos at the airport took hold of everyone and their luggage mattered more to them than anything else. It was easy when Inhye was saying goodbye to the tourists who had small talks with her, thanking her and showering her with hugs. It was then that Yoongi realized that he still didn't move an inch, he merely watched the people around him pass by.
"Oh damn it," he cursed under his breath as the realization hit him hard, and as someone who wasn't capable of handling his emotions well, he did what he did best: he avoided facing his feelings, turned on his heel and left the airport. Without a proper goodbye, without a wave of his hands and without a single trace of a smile.
 Inhye was preparing well for another ten-day trip but this time it wasn't Europe-based, the target country was South Korea instead. It was a refreshing change after so many non-Korean places and even though Europe had a special place in her heart, she loved travelling in her home country, too. There was always so much to see, so many new things to explore.
It was the beginning of March with cherry trees blooming and nature flourishing, that's why the trip was called "A healing escape from the busy city life". The destinations were lesser-known, less populated cities that would heal their souls and recharge their energies just as spring rolled by. Inhye was glad to kick off the new season with such a trip, that's why she was even more enthusiastic than usual, ticking off the names of the tourists on her attendance sheet.
However, when she got to a certain name, her lips parted.
"Min Yoongi..." she read quietly, still not believing her eyes. Then, she cleared her throat and called his name again. "Is Min Yoongi here?" she asked, raising her voice while some people were gasping in disbelief. Everyone turned their heads to search for the writer who came out from the shadows, a suitcase in his hands and an annoyingly lazy grin on his chapped lips.
"Here," he gave her a little wave of hands to signal that he was indeed there, and they weren’t dreaming. Inhye was sure that she had either lost her mind or Yoongi had lost his. Why would he come to another trip of hers? Why would he even go on a trip when he hated people in general (especially after his experience with the two sassy children and the nosy elderly women last time)? Plus, why would he come so soon?
The tour guide blinked a few times before she could continue her task, yet her mind always went back to Yoongi and his reasons to show up. That’s why it was difficult for her to concentrate on anything else until she could sit down on the bus and have some time to re-arrange her thoughts. After a few minutes, Yoongi showed up in the aisle beside her, plopping himself down in the seat next to hers without her permission.
“What are you doing here?” she inquired curiously, looking into the boy’s pitch-black eyes.
“I’m looking for adventure.” Yoongi shrugged, an amused grin playing on his lips.
When their eyes met again, Inhye couldn’t help but burst into laughter. It was just all too surreal and sudden, yet with a crime writer beside her, why was she even surprised in the first place?
Maybe love was a crime for Yoongi, too.
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restlessmaknae · 5 years
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control
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Nobody knew his name when he first walked up to the stage, but everyone knew it when he walked down.
♦ Genre: psychological blurb with slam poet!Namjoon
♦ Words: 0.7k
♦ Warning: -
Nobody knew his name when he first walked up to the stage.
Everyone minded their own business without even glancing in his direction. The bar was full of heartless gossiping, lustful whispers and smoke-filled conversations. Everyone was paying attention to their acquaintance or if they didn’t have one, they found company in their ordered drinks.
Nothing was unusual, unique or fascinating. Life went by without stopping at their nonsense stories and uneventful days.
Yet, he walked up to the stage with all the bravery in this world, grabbed the microphone and started speaking. His voice was the same throughout the whole slam poem; confident and convincing. His voice didn’t break or shake.
 Control.
This is what it’s all about. Are you the one in control or are you controlled by someone?
You are what you are or are you playing a role?
Time is yours or are you chained to the endless duties of infinite time?
Do you own the castle of your success or you blame it on luck and fate?
Tears are made of smooth-like silk and made of joy or tears are scarlet like bloodspots on the glowing white snow?
Life can sweep you off the ground or lift you up to the skies?
No matter what, you’ll eventually end up in the dirt again.
Why? Why is this happening all over again? Why is it like a broken cassette playing the same old melody day by day? Why does it always sound so sorrowful? Why do you feel like the cassette player is bleeding out in front of you every time you decide to listen?
Listening doesn’t mean understanding. Listening doesn’t mean facing your emotions that the same old sound triggered in you. Listening doesn’t mean sitting with your feelings and letting them consume you, suck the life out of you and leave you sobbing on the floor, wounded and soundless like a soldier after a defeated war.
Listening is listening. Just as living is living if you don’t invest more time into living it the way you wish to live it.
Is it easy? Of course not.
Are you the one to blame?
No answer is appropriate for this question.
Would you believe anyone if they told you that you are the one to blame? Would you let out a sigh of relief if they said you aren’t? Would you feel guilty after either of the answers because no matter how much you respect or love that person, you still doubt their words?
Control.
This is what it’s all about.
Are you controlling your emotions and thoughts or are they controlling you?
Some time ago, my father said that you have the right to be angry, yet you also have the right to get over it by avoiding screaming at someone or hurting their feelings. He said that it’s the same vice versa: you can decide if you get hurt by others’ words or not. You can put your shame, hatred and rage aside and get over it.
Wrong.
Who on Earth can tell you whether you can control what you feel or think? Yes, to some extent you can decide but what comes after that certain extent, is up to your inner self. Your hidden, unknown you.
Your most fragile yet most powerful self. The side of you that prompts you to leave your comfort zone when an opportunity comes and that side that convinces you that you have to stand up for yourself despite the consequences. Your hidden self that’s wild like a tiger and vulnerable like a new-born bird.
Believe in this you. It’s you, it’s more you than you would think. It cares more about the wants than the shoulds. It cares more about you than you care about yourself.
Believe in it.
Believe in yourself.
Once you do that, you’ll be the one in control without controlling anything.
 After his first ever slam poem, everyone knew his name.
He gave the most sophisticated, thought-provoking and raw slams. He was the only one whose voice could fill the bar. His was the only one that could attract approximately a hundred people every single week without exception.
He was Kim Namjoon and everyone knew his name.
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restlessmaknae · 5 years
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a flower that can’t bloom
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When the wedding dance teacher falls in love with the bride.
♦ Main Characters: wedding dance teacher!Jimin; bride!Sojung (OC); fiancé!Taehyung
♦ Genre: angst (this is some heavy angst with no happy ending)
♦ Words: 4.2k
♦ Warning: -
This was the day they had been waiting for. The so-called big day of a woman’s life, probably one of the bests ever. Han Sojung couldn’t have been happier to marry the man of her dreams – Kim Taehyung ‒, and Taehyung couldn’t have been happier to marry the woman of his dreams – Han Sojung.
Park Jimin, on the other hand, was watching the couple from afar; a bittersweet smile dancing along the edges of his mellow lips. He was eagerly waiting for their dance, the one he had choreographed specifically for the couple and the one they had been practicing diligently. Hours filled with sweat, late nights filled with doubts and questions, dance sessions ending is small arguments… every single step along the way led to this very moment.
Jimin was the one who had taught them the choreography, yet his heart was now dancing to a different song, his body following different beats and making different moves. Maybe they had been destined to meet, yet they had been destined to part ways. After all, not all choreography has an elegant ending, not all choreography makes you want to see more.
Maybe the gods above didn’t enjoy their performance, and decided to end things here.
Looking at the couple yet again with a bittersweet smile on his lips, Park Jimin couldn’t help but curse his foolish destiny, the one that gave him the wrong cards, the one that made him fall in love with the bride.
A wedding dance teacher always spent an awfully lot time with the bride. However, he was never supposed to fall in love with the bride.
It’s a shame, Jimin thought as he looked at the joyous smile on Sojung’s face, a smile that he would never be able to call his, it’s such a shame that his heart didn’t listen to him.
He was doomed from the start.
 The first time they met was when Jimin held an introductory class for the couple to get to know them and their dancing abilities a bit more, so that he could get an idea for their wedding dance. Not all couples were capable of the same, not all couples had the same style, so it was vital to meet them face-to-face before he would actually put together a choreography.
Yet, unexpectedly, the pretty brunette showed up alone with no husband in sight. When she knocked on the half-open door of the practice room to gain Jimin’s attention who was immersed into his own thoughts regarding his next choreography, the boy thought that she was someone completely different. He thought that she was merely lost and found a different room than she had wanted. She was so young, so beautiful and so full of life; almond-shaped eyes sparkling with stars, cheeks tinted with freckles that resembled the colour palette of the spring sunrise, and heart filled with joy. She was so petite, almost a head shorter than him, yet she was so confident that she was literally radiating confidence, her upbeat appearance taking the boy by surprise.
However, his assumptions were proven wrong when the charming girl introduced herself.
“Hello! I’m Han Sojung, and I’m supposed to meet our dance teacher here,” she explained with an adorably coy, yet wavering smile. Jimin couldn’t neglect the fact that she had said our dance teacher instead of her own dance teacher. He had already suspected that she was indeed in the right place, but it was always better to be safe than sorry.
“Your wedding dance teacher?”
“Yes.” She nodded, her whole face lighting up as a shooting star crossing the pitch-black sky, her smile shining brightly, almost blindingly.
“Then, you are in the right place,” he concluded with a welcoming smile, reaching out his hand for a simple, friendly handshake. “I’m Park Jimin, your wedding dance teacher,” he added as Sojung shook his hand, her touch lingering on his skin way longer than it would have been acceptable on Jimin’s part.
“Oh wow, you are so young!” The girl chuckled as she examined his features, her words making his heart jump a bit. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise though; couples were dumbfounded when they saw that a 20-something guy was supposed to be their wedding dance teacher.
On the other hand, the other couples he had worked with were also older, so hearing it from someone who was almost the same age as him (according to Jihoon who was his friend and the one who suggested the couple to get in contact with him) did actually surprise him.
“So are you.” He let out a carefree laughter, watching as Sojung’s eyes slowly formed little crescents. She was smiling with her whole being, not just her cheeks and her eyes. It was truly endearing.
A moment of silence fell upon the two of them. Jimin took this time to steal some glances in her direction while Sojung was looking around herself, checking out the practice room.
“My husband will be here soon. He’s just held back in a group work,” she explained when she averted her eyes back to the dance teacher, earning a gulp from him. What would have been more important for his husband to be late? Didn’t he think that it was serious, so he could have easily excused himself?
Yet, Jimin had no right to dwell on such thoughts. He was nowhere near marriage, so he didn’t know a lot about the matters of the heart. Taehyung must have had his reasons, and probably the circumstances weren’t ideal either. He knew he couldn’t jump to conclusions; Jihoon who was a friend of both guys said that Taehyung really loved the bride and vice versa. They were a match made in Heaven, childhood sweethearts from the age of 10. They had been dating ever since they were 17, and Taehyung finally decided to ask the question a few months prior. Everything was like a fairytale. He had no right to doubt their loyalty.
“No problem,” Jimin reassured her, gesturing with his hands that his absence was okay with him. “We can discuss your preferences then,” he suggested kindly, offering a free seat in the room.
Sojung gladly took her offer, and oh boy, Jimin didn’t need to ask her the very same, very basic questions, she said it herself before he even had the chance to open his mouth. She was so enthusiastic that it was making his heart yearn for something similar, for the feeling of loving something so bad – or someone so bad. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her, his thoughts circling wildly in his head. A part of him said that it was only because she was so beautiful and someone who was her age, yet his heart kicked and screamed above his rib bones; it yelled that he was a liar. Nothing more than a liar.
Small wonder he was actually thankful when Taehyung showed up around the end of their first class together, panting like he had just ran a marathon. Jimin couldn’t help but pity the other boy who seemed to have tried so hard to get here. Not to mention that from the way Sojung and Taehyung looked at each other, he assumed, no he actually knew that they were meant to be; they would never abandon each other.
Even he himself didn’t know why the thought saddened him, but he was definitely gloomier when he left the dance studio and went home alone to an empty flat.
 Both Taehyung and Sojung were diligent during practices. Even though the fiancé didn’t seem like he was the most responsible and most serious person on Earth, for her, he tried his best. It could be seen that they were indeed close, really close, the special bond that they had created during their childhood years showing in every single movement they used towards each other. The way Sojung ruffled the boy’s sand-like hair, the way Taehyung pried his head into her shoulder, the way they gazed at each other with so much affection and longing.
Jimin could put up with them as if they had been any other couple; he may have had a more difficult time, considering that Sojung was so inexplicably charming that it shook the state of his heart. Yet, he didn’t interfere with their blooming relationship, nor did he make any stupid moves to get closer to the girl. Sojung was as kind with him whenever Taehyung was around as she was the first time they met, the ever-so-mesmerizing smile never leaving her rosy lips.
Though he had to admit that it became harder and harder to ignore what the couple was doing, and how affectionately they treated each other. It was almost fairy tale-like; a gorgeous prince with a surprisingly amusing side to him and a beautiful princess who was the kindest one in the kingdom. They were meant to be, and their seemingly perfect relationship made Jimin wonder why he was never lucky in relationships. May it be because he was a busy person – teaching wedding dances while managing his studies at university – or may it be because he wasn’t the type to ask out every pretty girl he talked to. He sometimes questioned if there was something wrong, if it was so wrong of him to not want more from some girls, yet he knew now that there wasn’t anything wrong with him; he could feel, he could feel all sorts of emotions towards a girl, even if it was someone whom he would never get. Even the idea made him sick, he was truly disgusted of himself for feeling such a way.
It was ridiculous, isn’t it? He waited so long to feel this way, yet now that he did, he wanted nothing else but to go back to those good old days without the immense guilt he felt and the disturbing thoughts that kept him awake.
Not until he ended up with only Sojung during a dance practice, did he really hit the ground hard. After the first class, Taehyung was never late; he came together with the girl, and they didn’t stay long after they were finished with the class.
However, Sojung came alone that day, her hair wet as if she had come out of the shower, her clothes totally drenched, tiny little raindrops sitting on her chocolate-brown locks. Jimin could see that it was raining outside, yet he wouldn’t have assumed that the girl would come without an umbrella. So the moment he saw her, he immediately rushed to her side.
“Do you need anything? Maybe a towel? Or some tea?” Jimin inquired worriedly, his eyes full of care. Sojung smiled that sweet smile of hers, one that could melt and crunch his heart at the same time.
“Tea sounds lovely.” She nodded, her gaze lingering over his features. He would be lying if he said that he didn’t enjoy the way she was examining his face, but he knew deep down that it was so wrong of him, that he shouldn’t have felt this way. The whole situation was slowly driving him crazy.
Jimin didn’t do anything more, he immediately left the practice room to get her some hot tea from the buffet downstairs. As soon as he was back, Sojung turned to him with a thankful smile.
“Do you think I could leave my drenched coat somewhere?” she inquired, holding the coat in her hands that were already trembling from the cold.
“Of course.” Jimin nodded and gave her the cup of tea while he took care of her coat.
“Thank you.” Sojung looked him in the eyes after he had placed her coat on the rack, his legs getting weak from the intensity of her stare. Jimin knew, he knew too well that she would never look at him the way she looked at Taehyung. Jimin wasn’t her fiancée, nor anyone whom she should love more than an acquaintance. Unfortunately, his heart didn’t listen to his rational part, and didn’t care whether she liked him or not. His heart was beating ever so wildly, causing him to feel suffocated. Guilt tore him apart, tore him into tiny little pieces, small wonder he felt more exhausted than he did after multiples dance sessions. His heart was getting tired of this game.
“Anytime,” he said with a sad smile, one that Sojung would never be able to decipher. Because no matter how hard he fell for her, at least he was a good actor. The girl would never be able to find out how he felt whenever she was around, whenever she invaded his mind and whenever her face appeared while he was walking down the memory lane. She should never be able to see it.
Needless to say, Jimin wasn’t particularly happy because Taehyung couldn’t come to the dance practice. It was only partly because of the lack of his presence, it was mostly because that meant he had to dance and practice with Sojung for almost 90 minutes straight. The problem wasn’t the girl’s ability because she was exceptionally enthusiastic and precise. It was the close proximity he had to keep to be able to show her the moves properly and act like he was Taehyung. He wished to be anywhere else but the practice room. He felt like he would go crazy if he stayed longer. The air was suffocating, his lungs were screaming for oxygen and his heart was threatening to give up. It was too much, it was all too much.
Why did it have to be Sojung out of billions of people? Why did it have to be him who would fall in love with a bride?
Because it was what it was about; Jimin fell in love with Han Sojung as quickly and beautifully as the first ray of sunshine stretches across the horizon. It seemed there was no turning back.
 It was almost the last dance practice when Jimin could see the first crack in the system.
It could be seen from the very start that Sojung was uncharacteristically moody that day. She didn't say anything when she arrived with Taehyung, but her trademark smile was gone and replaced by a sad frown. The tension between the usually lovey-dovey couple was also evident as they hadn't exchanged a single word for minutes after they arrived. Jimin couldn't pinpoint the reason behind their obvious sulkiness, and he had no idea how to break the awkward silence.
In the end, he merely started the class as if nothing had happened, and made sure to help them go over the dance moves in detail. He already knew that it was way more efficient to start a class by revising step by step rather than to ask them to present the whole dance. Though it had to happen sooner or later, and when it was time for the couple to show what they had got, it was anything but pleasant to watch. They didn't enjoy the performance and there wasn't even a single trace of confidence in their moves. According to Jimin, there was nothing worse than a dancer whose heart and soul couldn't be showed during a performance.
The bomb exploded sooner than expected. There was a move where Taehyung was supposed to help Sojung to stay balanced, but she slipped out of his hands way too easily and fell to the ground. Taehyung immediately rushed to her side to help her get up, but Sojung pushed herself off the ground on her own.
"Why can't you be a bit more careful?" she asked instead, her voice laced with fury. Jimin had never seen her in such a state, and it scared him to the core. She was quite frightening.
"I'm sorry, okay? It won't happen again!" Taehyung promised, his chestnut-brown eyes swimming in sorrow. He was definitely hurt by the raised voice of his fiancée, yet something else could be detected in his features, and that was guilt.
"You never take these classes seriously!" Sojung retorted, her petite body shivering with frustration. The boy was quick to react.
"Because dancing is not my field. Besides, you were the one who insisted to have our own wedding dance!" He added smugly, not caring about the consequences of his words.
Jimin could already feel that his comment would throw Sojung off because she cherished the dance classes with all her heart, her enthusiasm evident in her moves. She had shared with Jimin that it's because she used to dance as a hobby, learning kpop choreographies with a kpop club in high school. Ever since then, she could never say no to a dance class.
That's why the girl's reaction didn't surprise him.
"I've asked you if it was completely okay with you, and you said yes. Don't put the blame on me!" Sojung huffed, her chest rising up and down in a crazy pace.
"I'm not blaming you!"
"Then what are you doing?"
Her question was followed by dead, cold silence. Neither Taehyung, nor Jimin found the right words to say. Jimin was reluctant to say something because who was he to interfere with the couple's life? On the other hand, wouldn't it be odd of him to leave without even trying to help them?
In the end, her latter question prompted him to make a move, and a sentence was already on the tip of his tongue when Taehyung's deep voice literally broke the silence into tiny little pieces.
"You know what?" He threw his hands in the air in frustration, then scratched the back of his neck when he let out an aghast sigh. "I'll come back when you calm down. I get that you had a bad day, but you shouldn't vent it out on me!"
"Are you really going to‒" Sojung asked, raising an eyebrow in question.
Before she could even finish her sentence, Taehyung turned on his heel and left the practice room, leaving a dumbfounded Jimin and a shocked Sojung behind.
"Amazing!" She snorted. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting Jimin see behind the flawless facade. He couldn’t have imagined that he would see Han Sojung angry, let alone heartbroken. Yet, now that he examined her features, he could tell that she was immensely tired, partly because of her studies and mostly because of the wedding preparations.
Jimin had no idea if he had the right to say or do anything, that's why he did what his heart dictated.
"Are you okay?" He stepped closer to the girl, his legs moving without his consent. He didn't want to do anything stupid, of course he didn't, but he wanted Sojung to see that he cared for her.
"Yeah, sure." She nodded, gulping down her frustration. "It's common that we argue about the wedding. The closer we are to the day, the more misunderstandings arise."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Jimin confessed gently, his lips curled into a sad smile. "You two looked like such a peaceful couple!"
"Ah, we aren't always peaceful," she counter-attacked almost immediately although most of her frustration seemed to have vanished as they talked it through. Her orbs still had a heartful edge to them, yet she seemed a bit more composed than before. "Our personalities are quite different, so we pick a fight sometimes. It's okay though, I know he loves me. I would never question his affection," she admitted with a bittersweet smile, memories flashing before her chocolate-brown eyes.
If there was one thing Jimin was sure of, that was Sojung's honesty. Sojung had always been genuine, and it hadn't changed a bit. The way she talked about Taehyung was ever so respectful and affectionate. She was also kind of rational in the sense that she could easily draw a line between momentary sentimentalism and permanent affection.
Nevertheless, Jimin couldn't deny that his heart churned with sorrow. He realized, once and for all, that he did like Sojung, and it was so pathetic because he could see time and time again that the once childhood best friends still trusted and loved each other the same way they always did. He, on the other hand, was nothing but a fool; a lovesick fool who would never be loved by the one he loves the most.
Love was such a funny thing, wasn't it? He didn't yearn for it, he didn't crave it, and he was totally fine being alone. When he didn't have Sojung by his side, he was so content. Nonetheless, now he was doomed. He could have the chance to be with her but not in the way he wanted to.
How could his first love be so painful? How could he be so unlucky?
Fate must have hated him. A lot.
 The more time passed, the harder it was for Jimin to suppress his emotions. His love for Sojung was like a wild animal that he wanted to encage; the more he tried to push it back, the stronger it tried to reach the surface.
The guilt was eating him alive. It was killing him, driving him crazy. He cursed whoever wrote the story of his life, he cursed the whole world, himself and his stupid, stupid heart. Why? Why did he have to fall in love with a bride? Why did it have to be Sojung out of all people? Why couldn’t his heart just let her memory fade away as rain dries after a storm? Why couldn’t their love be a flower that blooms?
All of those questions suffocated him, blocked the way into his lungs. There was some unknown force dragging him to the dance studio, forcing him to move beside both Sojung and Taehyung whenever they made a mistake, even though it was the last thing he wished to do. He even considered changing the final schedule before the wedding and telling them to come less frequently, yet his conscience didn’t let him. He knew they needed practice, and he knew his sense of duty was stronger than his fragile heart.
It didn’t mean that when the time came, and he was invited to the wedding to watch the outcome of his and the couple’s hard work, he didn’t struggle. In fact, his heart churned so much that it physically hurt him. Sojung was so utterly beautiful in her wedding dress that her radiance almost blinded him, anyone could tell that she was a flower in bloom, she was as pretty as no one else in the room, and it was all because she was the wife of Kim Taehyung and she had finally gotten married. She was the definition of happiness that night.
The way she moved was so precise, her moves elegant and delicate. She had improved a lot during the months they spent together, and Jimin couldn’t have been prouder of her. Her hard work paid off; hours of practicing even without Jimin could be seen in her confidence. The way she carried herself and let herself get lost in the moves and the rhythm was breath-taking.
Taehyung was also good himself. He had a different confidence about him, yet he really tried his best and his diligence also paid off. They made some minor mistakes here and there, but overall it was a very satisfying dance to watch, and Jimin felt really proud.
Despite everything, he was also heartbroken. He was touched by the performance, but he was more touched by the way Taehyung and Sojung observed each other, how they moved together and followed each other’s moves. Their gazes could tell more tales than there were in a child’s book, their passionate kiss at the end topping everything that had happened before.
They were happy, he knew it. He had also contributed to their happiness with his choreography, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t happy for them. He was, really. He was just pitying himself for choosing the wrong girl, for having foolish dreams and sleepless nights over something (someone) that would never be his.
So after congratulating the couple on their wedding and on their performance, Jimin bid his goodbye and left the wedding. Even though Sojung insisted that he should stay, he didn’t want to suffer even more. He couldn’t have taken it any longer.
He was walking back to his apartment alone and heartbroken just like he did ever since he met Sojung. The remains of girl’s affectionate hug were still lingering on his skin, her touch seared into his body. He wished she had never hugged him, yet she was in such a euphoric state that she immediately crushed him into a hug when they finished with their performance. Who was he to protest anyone?
He was no more than a foolish boy, his heart a compass that showed the wrong directions. It was time to pack up and find the destination where he really needs to be.
It was time to go home.
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restlessmaknae · 5 years
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liar paradox
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I love you, she said. (Am I lying? You never know.)
♦ Pairing: iKON’s Yunhyeong x OC
♦ Genre: angst, angst, angst
♦ Words: 1.1k
♦ Inspired by: iKON’s I’M OK & the liar paradox
♦ Warning: - 
I love you, she said.
I love you too, he said.
Yunhyeong believed her.
He believed every single word that left her crimson lips, sugarcoated sweet little nothings and lies dipped in the sea of truth. He followed her words like children follow their mother’s orders, not questioning how and why, doing everything nevertheless, moving mountains if needed. He fell in love with her words, the way they danced along the edges of her mouth, following every single one of its curves and corners. He became one with her words, wanting to be what she wanted him to be, wanting to resemble the man she had always talked about.
Silly, I’m just lying, she said, making him believe that she was lying, yet she didn’t actually lie, but that’s exactly why she was telling the truth, and oh he should have known better, oh he should have believed anything but the devilish circle of lies she had built up during the years. No matter if she was telling the truth or lying, he could never tell, he merely wanted to believe that she was always honest with him. As if someone like her could ever be honest; lies to her were like drugs to an addict. The more she used, the more she wanted to get her hands on, sucking the life out of everyone who was around her and wanted to take care of her.
I know you aren’t. I’m not a fool, he said.
He was really a fool, a fool who was yearning for the loving gazes, the lipstick-stained marks on his pale skin, the lustful whispers into his ears, the shiver-inducing feather-like touches all over his body. He needed it, he needed it all. He was just as helpless as a lost child in the forest, in fact he was helplessly stuck in his own cage made of unrequited love, fear of abandonment and the human need to be loved and feel cared for.
„Is it too much to ask?” He cried, salty tears sliding down his defined features, staining his skin-canvas with transparent lines, dotting his cheeks like raindrops on an autumn night. Tears became his second skin, he couldn’t get away from them, he couldn’t run away from them. His fate was chasing after him. „Is it really too much to ask for love? A love without lies?” He cried out, his words resonating from the stern walls that could do nothing but to listen to the ugly sobbing of the young man, watching the downfall of a lovesick fool, being as heartless as the one who had broken his heart.
You aren’t good enough, she said.
How could I be enough? he asked.
By changing for the better, she replied.
He should have known better than to believe her. He would never be enough, it was a lie from the very start. A very sweet, very promising lie, to be precise, one that was deceiving as the most beautiful rose in a flower shop; because the most outstanding, the most shining ones have the most number of thorns and the most hurtful thorns. The interior is always hollow, he should have never thought otherwise.
Yet, he believed her, he wanted to believe her, but he was literally fed with lies, and that’s what he got used to. After a while, it became a sweet treat, an exotic taste on the tip of his tongue that mangled in with her equally dishonest kisses. He didn’t know that lips could lie, that touches could leaving searing marks on the skin that was exposed just to be touched by those hands, and that hearts could break as quickly as a vase that falls to the ground, scattered pieces all over the ground, bleeding out on the battlefield. Loving someone was going to war, and only those could survive who weren’t weak, who wouldn’t dear to dream about a better tomorrow, about a better future and a better life, only those who had no room for emotions and sentimentalism.
“I’m okay, it’s not like I’m dying,” Yunhyeong exclaimed, voice scornfully unconvincing. It felt as if his own words had been laughing at him, pointing their accusative fingers at him, throwing disgusted flinches in his direction. He was already used to it anyway, slowly growing weary from the constant worried questions, from the bittersweet glances, from the unwanted attention.
Love is just an illusion, she said.
That was the only thing she was right about, and even though he would have never said anything about it, in fact he would protest with all his might, he knew better now.
“And only those will fall in love with the wrong people who want to believe in illusions. For whom reality isn’t enough,” he mumbled to the third bottle of soju in front of him, his rough fingers reaching out for the drink, his throat welcoming the bitter taste time and time again. “And you were the most beautiful illusion. My illusion,” he added after gulping down the remaining content of the bottle, mouth burning from both the strong taste of the alcohol and the heavy confession. He let the tears fall endlessly until there was no more left, until there was nothing left to cry about.
The wind blew between the buildings, its howling creating a melody for the wandering souls. The first rays of sunshine appeared on the horizon, just behind the bridge Yunhyeong was under, painting the sky light orange instead of pale lilac. The newly born day was ready to wave goodbye to the previous night, one that was leaving with all its heavy suitcases full of worries and heavy heartsighs.
Yunhyeong snickered at the sight, nothing could make his heart more broken than the possibility of a new day.
“I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be okay?” He shouted into the silent dawn, scaring some seagulls off the rails. He fell to his knees, his legs giving in for the immense amount of feelings rushing through him, his body not being able to handle everything that had happened to him. “Why wouldn’t I…?” He cried, face buried into his own hands, chapped lips tasting the smoke and dust on his own hands.
Love is just an illusion, she said.
You can’t keep illusions to yourself, he said.
You eventually need to let go.
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restlessmaknae · 5 years
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beware: woman on board!
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When the mighty pirate captain, Koo Junhoe, has no choice but to take an annoyingly talkative rich female on board, he immediately regrets his decision. Yet, money is more important to him than his own pride.
♦ Pairing: pirate captain!Junhoe x rich!Minji (OC)
♦ Genre: fluff, comedy, slight angst in one scene
♦ Words: 4.8k
♦ Dedicated to: @binkygee aka my beloved twin soul who deserves the world! Thank you so much for being in my life, I’m so happy to have met you! You are such a wonderful person and I wish you all the best! Have a beautiful Christmas, dear! ❤️
Koo Junhoe had never had any luck with women. Especially not with women who had a lot of money, and especially not with women who not only had a of money but who were also annoying blabbermouths.
But Koo Junhoe was a man who didn't give up easily, and one woman could not break his persistence. Not even Ryu Minji who was a pain in the ass, the nuisance he didn’t need in his life. Even though she had promised him a very generous amount of money to be shipped to the furthest island possible (for that, Junhoe was pretty sure she was either exaggerating to look more dramatic or she had lacked more braincells than he himself did), her crazy rich antics were slowly getting on everyone’s nerves.
“Cap’, do we really need to keep up with her behaviour?” Chanwoo, the youngest member of the crew, inquired rather indignantly, quirking a brow at the captain of the ship.
Junhoe merely let out a frustrated sigh in response.
“She has a lot of money,” he reasoned as if it would have made up for all the things Ryu Minji had done ever since she was on board with Junhoe’s crew, starting from demanding a cup of hot tea when she arrived, asking a dumbfounded man to wipe the dust off the wooden place she would have wanted to sit on and wanting to have lunch precisely at 1pm every single day. She was lucky that Yunhyeong, the chef, had the heart of an angel, and he was rather glad to be able to share his food with someone who would finally appreciate it. It’s not like anyone else on the ship didn’t like his food, but they were boys, they didn’t compliment each other so easily.
“How much did you lose on that last bet?” Chanwoo inquired a bit too curiously for Junhoe’s liking, even though he knew that all of his crew members knew about his deals; he bragged about them whenever he won, and he kept his mouth shut when he lost.
Small wonder the others got suspicious when they hadn’t heard about his bets for a while.
“A lot, matey. A lot,” Junhoe admitted honestly, patting the younger boy’s shoulder. He didn’t like having Minji on the ship either (especially because it was his ship, his territory), yet money was what he needed in that moment, and if she was willing to give him money, he would endure the way Minji acted up.
Of course, he should have known that something like this would happen from the moment the obviously rich female showed up in the port, quite short of breath and with a surprisingly little luggage. She looked like she had just run away from someone, her hair in a complete mess, her features alarmed. Even though she had flipped her hair back several times while she was talking down to Junhoe and his crew members to convince them to get her on board, Junhoe could sense that something was wrong. Why on Earth would someone as obviously rich as her who could have easily bought a ship for herself would ever deal with a pirate? He had made it very obvious that he was one, so either she was completely stupid (which wouldn't have come as a surprise) or she had an exceptionally good reason to run away. From whoever and for whatever reason she wanted.
However, he decided to shrug his unnecessary questions off since he had nothing to do with the petite female’s business. Not like he would have wanted anything to do with her, except her money. For a while, he could listen to his crew members complain about the girl, but when one day she started whining because they sailed too fast for her liking, Junhoe couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
“Look! This is my ship, and I’m the captain, so I do what I wanna do. Whether you like it or not,” he practically spat the words, scoffing at the absurd request of Minji.
She looked obviously hurt by his tone and the way he told her that her opinion didn’t matter in the least, yet instead of asking herself why would he treat her so poorly (like any other intelligent human being), she counter-attacked him instead.
“This is how you treat a lady’s request?” She raised an eyebrow at him, her voice rising. Donghyuk was merely passing by at that moment, but he couldn’t stop himself from glancing in Junhoe’s direction, seeing the way the girl stood in front of the captain, her hands firmly on her hips, looking amusingly bossy for such a short woman.
“Aye, wench, and I’m not even gonna change the way I act.”
Minji couldn’t believe her ears; her eyes became twice as wide as before, burning from fury and frustration. She was trying so hard to say something back to him, opening her mouth several times, anger boiling up inside of her. In the end, she only managed a sentence out, and even that seemed ridiculous.
“You uneducated buff!” She shouted at him, throwing her hands into the air. Donghyuk found this the perfect opportunity to leave the scene, knowing all too well that Junhoe’s reaction to the girl’s outburst wouldn’t mean any good anyway.
Junhoe merely laughed it off. He had been called a lot of things in his life (including some particularly nice and some not so nice ones) despite his surprisingly young age as a captain, and not so despite his job as a pirate. So hearing her (kind of) polite cursing, he laughed like there was no tomorrow.
“Blow me down!” He pretended to be shocked, the words rolling off his tongue ever so naturally. “I’ll take that as a compliment,” he added, theatrically saluting to her before he went back to steering the wheel as casually as he always did.
“Do you even know what the word ‘buff’ means?” Minji retorted, challengingly wiggling her eyebrows.
She acted like a total know-it-all, probably to cover up the fact that she wasn’t the most intelligent girl on Earth. She may have been educated, but to Junhoe, intelligence didn’t equal knowledge. She was stupid enough to trust pirates, so he wouldn’t actually call her intelligent. Even though Junhoe’s crew didn’t like to use force against woman until it was completely necessary, it didn’t mean that she couldn’t be called names or be looked down while she was on the ship with them. (Both of which had already happened, but she was the one to blame for that, not his mateys.)
“How would I know?” Junhoe shrugged his shoulders, focusing on the vast sea stretching out in front of him instead of the girl. “I’m the Scourge of the 7 Seas!”
“The what?” The woman gasped, and the sight of her knitted eyebrows were much more hilarious than they should have been under other circumstances.
“See, we don’t speak the same language, wench.”
“Don’t call me wench!” She protested right away, puffing her chest out as if she had wanted to prove a point. “It’s making me feel inferior,” she added with a disappointed pout.
“Well, you are inferior here,” Junhoe admitted without a blink of an eye. Though he may have expected her to get mad at him, seeing her flushed face and the way her body was trembling in anger made it all worthwhile. She was such an amusing sight, whether she was annoyed, frustrated or confused. He was sure she could have made a really good street comedian.
“You… you…” She pointed a finger at him although her hands were trembling, so the effect she wanted to leave on him was anything but intimidating.
“Yes?” He quirked an eyebrow, enjoying the situation way too much.
“Just ship me to the next island and you’ll get your money.”
“With pleasure.” He tilted his head a little to add to the effect, making the woman fume even more as she turned on her heel and left the captain alone, throwing some deadly glances in his direction that he couldn’t see because he was staring far ahead, grinning to himself like the smug idiot he was.
 Minji was a real pain in the ass. Seriously. Junhoe had never had more headaches in his whole life than he did during the last week while Minji was turning the life on the ship upside down. She was acting like she owned Junhoe's most precious treasure, and he couldn't have hated her more for that. If there was something he couldn't stand, it was the people who made him feel like he wasn't the owner of his own his ship.
The other guys were obedient, that's true, and he was glad he managed to recruit such a crew. Yet, it didn't mean that they had to be obedient when it came to Minji too. But that's exactly what they did.
They did what she asked even if it was ridiculous, totally unnecessary or almost impossible. It was as if everyone had been under her spell except the captain of the ship himself. Junhoe tried to convince himself that he would get rid of her soon, yet he knew that considering the alarming weather conditions and the area they had sailed through, it would take a couple more days until they could reach any habited island. It didn’t help either that even his crew members tried to talk him into understanding the girl a bit more. He didn’t lead a charity organization, he didn’t need to show empathy towards a woman who acted like he owned his ship.
Though it was definitely interesting what Yunhyeong had told him one day.
“You know, she’s not that bad of a person. She just wanted to get away from her family, and I can totally understand why,” the chef remarked as if he was telling a story, looking up at Junhoe at the end of the sentence.
“What? Are you on her side?” he huffed, putting his hands on his chest. Wasn’t it enough that the other crew members were against him, now even the closest ones were trying to ask him to act nice? Hell no.
“No.” Yunhyeong shook his head immediately and raised his hands in front of him to indicate that he wasn’t there to cause any kind of misunderstanding or start a war of words. “I’m just saying that it couldn’t have been easy on her that she was forced into a marriage with a man who was treating her in an inappropriate way,” the chef babbled on and on, spilling the beans without noticing the slight raise of Junhoe’s eyebrows.
“What?”
“Maybe if you hadn’t been so obsessed with arguing with her, you could have got to know the same.”
With that being said, the chef went back to his own territory aka the little kitchen on the upper floor of the ship, and Junhoe was left dumbfounded in the middle of the open area, lips slightly parted hearing the other boy’s words. Sure, Yunhyeong could always get along well with others, he didn’t have that defensive mechanism in him that the captain of the ship had built during the years to avoid getting hurt and feeling guilty for every sinful thing he had ever done. He wouldn’t have become a respectful leader if he had left his emotions get in the way.
However, the fact that Minji was willing to share something so personal with Yunhyeong surprised him. But of course, it could have also happened that she had just spilled the beans without intending to tell him anything. She was a real blabbermouth after all.
After their conversation, Junhoe examined the woman a bit more in depth, looking for any sign that would indicate what she must have gone through before she got on the ship. On the other hand, he couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary, anything that would prove that she had a better reason to run away than to order the members of a pirate ship as she pleased.
Not until the day they had encountered some sirens did his opinion change.
 Minji was downstairs, looking at her nails, calling for someone (anyone) for the fifth time already. She was getting bored without a book, without anyone to talk to and without anything to look at. The ship felt like a prison sometimes, and she was definitely missing her grandiose room. Though whenever she thought of her home, a chill ran down her spine, reminding her why she had run away. She didn’t need a man in her life, let alone a man with no feelings, a man who would only use her to give birth to their child and a man who was also 24 years older than her.
Minji knew that not anyone can get what they want but she couldn’t stand it anymore. Her father had literally sold her to that old man just for the sake of more money, that’s why it wasn’t a surprise that she wanted to escape before she could even be properly sold. She didn’t want to step a foot into the old man’s mansion.
As stubborn as she was, she was willing to do anything to achieve what she wanted, so even if it meant that she had to bear multiple noisy and uneducated man drinking whisky and sometimes speaking a totally different language, let it be. It was still better than her arranged marriage.
Though it didn’t mean that she didn’t have her own requirements and preferences. She didn’t like if she was left alone for a long time, that’s why speaking to the ship’s chef was a pleasant pastime for her.
However, she was now left alone in one of the cabins downstairs and the ship was quieter than ever. She had no idea what must have happened, so she tried to call out for someone – to no avail.
“Come on! Can’t anyone tell me why we are slowing down? And why we had just stopped right now?” She shrieked as the ship had seemed to come to a halt. She immediately started suspecting that something was definitely not going as planned, but she couldn’t suppress her sarcasm either. “I swear these men can’t do anything without a woman on board.”
With that being said, she got to her feet and walked up the stairs to reach the upper floor. What she saw there made her blood run cold in an instant. All the crew members who were there seemed to be hypnotized by some unseen force, their faces showing no emotions, their features numb. They either wandered by themselves or looked at the waves of the sea very, very close to the edge of the ship.
As Minji walked closer, she realized what exactly they looked at. It wasn’t the sea they looked at; it was what was in the sea. To be precise, who were in the sea.
The waves hid their bodies well, but Minji could tell that they were sirens; sirens with flawless skin and seducing gazes. To her, their voices sounded awful but to the men around her, it seemed like it was like a lullaby; they were under its effect, they were ready to throw themselves off the edge just to get closer to the beautiful creatures.
Minji didn’t think her plan through when she noticed Junhoe walking closer to the edge of the ship. She rushed to his side, trying to wake him up, gently (and then not so gently) punching him, his face, his chest, his side… Junhoe still acted like she was invisible, not taking notice of her presence, nor her attempts to stop him. She had no idea how to get him out of this state, she had never even seen sirens in the first place. She wasn’t used to such dangers situations, that’s why she was helpless when it came to good solutions.
In the end, she did what seemed like her only choice. She didn’t think it through, she merely kissed the pirate with all her might. It wasn’t pleasant, of course, it was more like desperate. But it had an effect because Junhoe’s eyes widened as soon as she sealed his lips, and he seemed to have come back to life judged by his dumbfounded expression.
Minji was the first to back away after she saw that she had succeed, taking a few tentative steps back.
“Wait, what? What’s going on? Why did you kiss me?” he asked confusedly, looking at her with countless questions in his eyes. He was just coming out of his whole hypnotized state, so Minji knew she should have been a bit more patient, but he wasn’t the only one who needed help.
“I’m trying to save your life if you can’t see!” she shrieked, gesturing wildly but the pirate’s eyes could only see her and her rosy-coloured lips.
“By trying to kiss me?” He raised an eyebrow in question, her statement obviously making him even more confused. Minji’s patience was already wearing thin, she didn’t need the pirate’s useless questions to add more to her building frustration.
“If you looked around you instead of arguing why a pretty woman like me ever laid her lips on your dirty ones, you could see that we are in the middle of a siren attack!”
“Hey, my lips aren’t even‒” Junhoe protested fervently, but stopped halfway when he realized what she had tried to imply. “You said what?”
“Oh, these bloody men!” Minji huffed, not believing that she was the only one who had more than two brain cells on this damn ship. Men really thought of themselves as the dominant sex, but she wasn’t sure they could ever be able to lead anything without asking for a woman’s help. Seeing Junhoe and the other males on the ship, she started questioning how they even got there without losing a member here and there.
“Just help me distract your crew members or tie them to something until we are out of the siren zone!” Minji practically ordered him because he didn’t look like he took the situation seriously even though his eyes were roaming around.
“Do you want to distract them too by kissing them?” He turned back to her, slight amusement plastered on his annoyingly handsome face.
“You ungrateful buff!”
“Okay, okay, I’ll handle it from now on! Get anyone you can from downstairs, and ask them to help us out!”
“With pleasure,” Minji spitted as she rolled her eyes, not believing that it took so long for the captain to come up with a reasonably good plan.
She hurried down the stairs, looking for anyone who might be able to help them. Luckily, she found a sleeping boy on one of the wooden beds, so even if he wasn’t particularly happy to be woken up, he immediately ran upstairs when he heard what was going on. Then, Minji even found Yunhyeong who was in the middle of cooking (probably coming up with a new recipe), small wonder he didn’t realize that there was something going on outside of his precious kitchen. When he alarmed the chef, he looked so guilty as if he had been the one who asked the sirens to come by. Together, they went back to assist Junhoe as he finally came back to his senses and did everything he could to save his crew members. After they took care of the hypnotized boys, Junhoe focused on navigating the ship instead, so that they would be out of the danger zone sooner.
When all males were back to their own selves, Minji couldn’t help but let out a relieved sigh. Maybe she did care about them after all. Maybe that kiss with Junhoe was worth it after all.
 Minji didn’t want a proper thank you. She didn’t even want a nice sentence coming from Junhoe’s mouth, but at least she wanted a good damn word for saving the males’ asses. She may have been looked down because she was a woman and she was whining like a child (she was aware of that, bad family example, that’s it), but she felt like she deserved better after the siren attack, especially from the captain of the ship.
On the other hand, he seemed to be the only one who wasn’t thankful to her. Everyone on the ship thanked her or at least treated her better after they got to know what she had done for the crew (except the kiss part, neither Junhoe, nor Minji wanted to highlight this particular piece of information). Everyone but Junhoe himself.
It wasn’t until after a quite uneventful day that the captain did say something about what had happened before.
Minji was reading by herself in her “room” (a random corner that was said to be her room), elbows resting on the wooden table with the book in between. She didn’t fancy joining the pirates’ nightly conversations because they usually ended up in overexcited pirate songs and too much rum. Instead, she liked to have the time to herself, wondering about the what ifs just like this particular night.
“Hey. Can I sit down?”
The all-too-familiar voice asked from behind and she couldn’t help but let out a weary sigh. No matter how uncharacteristically gentle the captain’s words were, she really wasn’t in the mood for a conversation with him. Not after complete days of radio silence.
“It’s your ship, isn’t it? You do what you wanna do. Isn’t that right?” She raised an eyebrow challengingly, quoting the words the young man had spitted at her not long after she got on the ship. Well, he wasn’t the most hostile captain but at least he didn’t throw her out.
Junhoe also let out a sigh. Indeed, when two adamant people got together who could suffocate each other any minute, it was difficult to find a balance and let both of them have a say in the matter without trying to kill each other.
“Look, wench…” The captain started and not until he caught Minji’s dead glare, did he realize how he had called her. “I mean, look…” He hovered over the last part of the sentence but decided to drop his idea in the idea. It didn’t matter how he addressed her, what he was about to say was more interesting than mere nicknames. “I think we misunderstood each other,” he admitted bluntly, his sincerity not moving the girl’s heart.
“I would say we have quite different manners.”
“We can put it that way, too.” Junhoe was quick to react as he didn’t want to anger her even more, especially because he knew she deserved a proper thank you after the siren attack or at least she deserved to feel valued.
Yet, as an emotionally malfunctioning jerk he was, it was difficult for him to reach out for her after she had practically saved their asses. So what did he do? Instead of trying to talk to her somehow, he didn’t say anything. So typical of the almighty Koo Junhoe. He really didn’t know how to act around females.
“So uhm… thanks for what you’ve done for the crew.” For me, he wished to add but the confession was already weighing down on him, and his heart wasn’t sure it would be able to bear even more.
Minji’s features softened a bit upon hearing his words, but she was still more tense than usual, and he had no idea why. He really didn’t know how to approach women, so it was no surprise he couldn’t decipher Minji either.
“I may be annoying, and I may be just a woman, but I have a heart, and I couldn’t just let you all suffer like that. Let me be the only woman who causes you headache. You don’t need sirens for that,” she explained with a playful edge to her words, making the pirate laugh for the first time they met.
Even though he would have said it differently himself, he was sure that in her own annoying way, the gorgeous female was really taking care of them. They may have been upset at her for telling them to stop drinking too much rum or to stop shouting at the seagulls when they had already become tipsy, but maybe she did it in a loving way, they were just not used to such form of affection.
Though he was more interested in her future plans now that she seemed to have let go of the grudge against him.
"What are you gonna do?" Junhoe inquired, subtle curiosity easily detected from his voice.
"What do you mean?" She counter-attacked although she knew what he was trying to imply. She merely wanted to save herself some time until she could properly think over her answer.
"What are your plans after you leave the ship? Cause we'll arrive at a port city soon," the pirate explained, his intense stare piercing through her heart. She knew that it was a question she couldn't avoid, yet deep down, she didn't want to think about the future.
She was already accustomed to Yunhyeong's childish whining when the boys didn't compliment his new creations, she grew fond of Donghyuk's smile that outdid even the Sun itself, she was used to seeing Bobby sleep anywhere and everywhere he could, she didn’t even blink an eye when Chanwoo was telling childish jokes, and she was no longer unfamiliar with Junhoe's grumpiness in the morning. Or the way his eyes widened, and his jaw dropped comically when something didn't go as he had planned. Or the deadpan expression he fathomed when someone said something slightly insulting to him. Or the duality of his interior and exterior. Or the way he raffled his hair when the wind blew too strong. Or the smooth way (even smoother than usual) he talked after drinking too much rum.
Maybe she would miss all of these if she decided to leave the ship and with it the crew itself.
"I don't know, I didn't give it too much thought." Minji shrugged, her fingers playing with the hem of her dress. She knew it was her time to go, but the captain’s soon felt too soon all of a sudden.
"You can stay, you know," Junhoe offered rather seriously, but before she could comment on it, he added something more, taking back the serious edge of his words. "We won't throw you out of the ship."
"That's very kind of you." She let out a little giggle, letting the conversation soothe her nerves. She could see the sincerity in the pirate’s eyes (something that she had never expected to see in his orbs), and even if she wouldn’t admit it to herself, she was glad that he would like to see her on the ship in the future as well.
Maybe she wasn’t the only one who didn’t regret that kiss.
“I’m serious,” Junhoe stated matter-of-factly, earning yet another giggle from the girl.
“I know.”
“But of course, we won’t keep you back from leaving the ship if that’s what you want.”
“I know.” Minji nodded, her lips raised into a cheeky smile as she watched the always so confident and smug captain babble in front of her. It was a rather comical sight, and she enjoyed every moment of it, especially because she knew he was being embarrassed because of her.
“But if you want to stay, I can’t take it anymore and I have to tell you that‒”
“I know.”
“But I didn’t even finish my sentence,” Junhoe quirked an eyebrow in question, examining the girl’s features. She may or may not have known what he was about to say, but it didn’t really matter who would take the first step. She was willing to do it. After all, she saved his ass already, why wouldn’t she save him from another five minutes of embarrassment?
“I know.” She bobbed her head, then rose from her seat and closed the gap between her and the pirate. Junhoe was seemingly taken aback by her bold move but he couldn’t deny the way he tried to gulp down his nervousness.
Minji sealed his lips in the next moment, their kiss definitely more passionate and less desperate than the first one. Now, Junhoe was also having his fair share, enjoying it to the very end. The kiss was just perfect this time; it was exactly what they both needed after the recent events and what their hearts yearned for ever since they met.
After all, love and hate were only a tad bit apart.
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restlessmaknae · 6 years
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when petals fall, we move on // pt. 1
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♦ Words: 26.5k in total
♦ Parts: 3 // Part 2 - past events; Part 3 - back to present day
♦ Pairing: Wong Yukhei x Kim Yena (OC)
♦ Genre: angst, fluff, slice of life
♦ Summary: A story about childhood best friends growing up and battling their own demons. A story about forgiveness, guilt and self-love. A story about mistakes, endings and new beginnings.
♦ A/N: Special thanks to my beta @dat-town! ♥
Chapter warning: minor character death, emotional manipulation 
Present
Growing up is like travelling around the world.
The further you get, the more scared you’ll feel. Then, at one point, you become comfortable with the spontaneity and become more confident that the path you chose was the right path. Other times, you are terrified of the world around you and the world within you. It seems scary, unnatural and odd. Like it’s not even you, it’s the moon that keeps coming back night after night; the side of you that can only be seen under special circumstances. You don’t know yourself anymore; everyone keeps telling you that you are this and you are that: you’ll never become one of those lazy, unsuccessful people, you’ll never be mentally ill and you’ll never get divorced and cheated on. They say you’ll change your mind; you don’t want kids now but later on you’ll definitely want to have one, if not more. They talk like they know you; like they know you better than you know yourself. But who are they to tell you who you are? Who are they to talk about you like a character out of a book – when even you don’t know yourself?
Times will come when you just keep going, hopping on and off trains and visiting yet another city. Feeling like a part of the flow, of the mass of people and feeling like only a tiny part of the world. You keep going; you don’t know the destination, you don’t know where the train is heading, you just keep going.
Sometimes, life decides your path. You don’t have a say in your fate; you must follow it no matter what. Endure the injustice, not breaking out of the strings of fate and accepting that this is your new destination. The train drops you off at a station you know nothing about. Then, you get stuck there. You don’t know for how long but you’ll stay there. Not knowing where to go next. Not knowing if you even want to go forward.
There’s a station that was life-changing for Kim Yena.
She was living her life as a confused young adult; not knowing if the path she chose herself was really hers. Not knowing who she was, who she wanted to be because she was trapped in the cage others’ expectations created for her. Although it was suffocating, she couldn’t break out. She thought that even if she tried to start a riot, she would face harsh criticism and punishment. No matter what, living like others wanted her was still easier than finding her real self on her own. At least she knew her role; she didn’t have to find it out for herself.
Yena was studying Law ‒ as her mother wished to ‒ at the Seoul National University. Her dream was to become a writer yet when she faced the instant disapproval of her mother after telling her the truth, hearing that she can’t make a living out of it because only those who are outstandingly talented and have relations with publishers will have stable jobs in the future, she got worn out. She was tired of hearing the same old words over and over again, at every single occasion or whenever her mother talked to the parents of Yena’s friends.
Not to mention the time when her mother asked Yukhei to talk some sense into her and persuade her to study Law because her parent apparently wasn’t a good enough example for her although she was the most successful and well-known lawyer in Busan. Of course, the boy didn’t do it. He was supporting her at that time. In fact, he always supported her but they both changed during their teenage years and that changed their relationship as well.
She was supposed to go home after her Roman Law course when her phone rang. She looked at the number of the caller but it was unknown to her.
“Hello? It’s Kim Yena.”
“Hello, it’s Kim Jungwoo from the Yonsei Sarang Hospital. I’m calling you because your number was in Miss Choi Jieun’s contacts. Do you happen to know her?” The unfamiliar yet soft voice asked, taking Yena by surprise.
She was in utter confusion, not knowing what to think about the information she had just received. Why would anyone call her from the hospital? Had something happened to her mother? Why was she in Korea in the first place? She was supposed to be enjoying her new life in New York with her new boyfriend. Yena should have been there as well but life decided otherwise. She didn’t mind though, only her mother’s constant mocking and belittling annoyed her.
“Yes, I know her. I’m her daughter.” She stumbled upon her words, her voice sounding like it wasn’t her own. She felt like she was speaking from the other side of a glass window. Everything felt odd, unfamiliar and quiet. Even the busy hustle-bustle of the city and the buzzing of the people at the bus stop where she was waiting felt still. Frozen like a castle made of ice and rigid like a lifeless body.
She didn’t dare to ask the question. Did something happen to her? The words were floating around her but she wasn’t brave enough to reach out and touch them.
“I’m truly sorry to inform you, Miss… Your mother has been transferred to our hospital because she was involved in a car accident. Her car and a school bus have collided.” The man from the other side of the phone informed her in a gentle yet sympathetic tone, though he couldn’t deny the shakiness of his voice.
Yena had to hold onto a bench near her because her legs became weak. She couldn’t balance herself as the blood was rushing wildly through her veins. She felt like the world was spinning around her, her rapid heartbeat matching perfectly the pace of her thoughts. The glass world that she was living in suddenly fell apart and she was bruised and hurt by the falling pieces. She didn’t want to think about the worst possible outcome yet she couldn’t stop the thought from popping up. What if… it sounded too awful… too cruel… and too sudden.
The words were stuck in her throat. She didn’t know what to ask. Is she okay? Was she hurt? How badly injured was she? She felt selfish for thinking of her mother only when a school bus was also involved in the accident. Kids. Children younger than her. Children who had loving families waiting for them at home, thinking that it was just another usual day in their lives. In reality, maybe some of them would never see their families again.
Yena’s whole body trembled at the thought. She felt nauseous thinking about dead bodies as helpless dolls in a doll house, scarlet-red bloodstains as wild and reckless splashes all over a piece of white paper and body parts scattered in the muddy grass like puzzle pieces that had yet to find their missing parts.  She was shivering even from the thought despite the quite pleasant spring weather.
“Our doctors are trying their best to save her life but she’s still in a critical condition.” Mr Kim broke the uncomfortable silence, providing her with enough information to prompt her to move.
“I’ll be right there.” She stuttered as she hung up the phone. Her thoughts were scrambling, running over each other like soldiers in a war, not caring about what’s going on around them. She was trying to come up with the quickest way to get to the hospital but her legs were already impatient; they moved without her knowing and soon she found herself running, excusing herself whenever she bumped into a stranger. Yet, she kept going and going.
After that, the afternoon was a blur to her.
She was running and running until she was out of breath and almost collapsed in front of the hospital. Luckily, it was only a few blocks away from the bus stop where she received the call but it didn’t mean that the run didn’t exhaust her.
Once she was already in the building, she felt like throwing up.
“Are you okay, Miss?” An elderly man asked as she was stumbling on her feet, looking as pale as the walls of the hospital. Yena couldn’t do anything else but to reassure him with a weak smile.
She let out a ragged sigh and rushed to the reception desk where they navigated her to the wing where the people injured in the accident were transported. The waiting room of the area was already full of helpless pleas and horrifying cries. Couples hugging each other, little brothers and sisters shaking in fear and grandparents holding each other’s hands like they were holding onto dear life. The scene made Yena’s heart skip a beat. What happened? Who was at fault? Was it her mother who crashed into the bus? Or was it the bus driver’s fault?
She stood there trembling, her hands shaking and her lips quivering for God knows how long. Her mind couldn’t process the sight. All these lives, all these lives that should have been lived to the fullest were on the line. No one knew who would live or die. Yet, no one gave up. A sparkle of hope was evident in everyone’s eyes. As soon as a doctor came out of an operation room, a group of acquaintances hurried to him, asking what happened.
Yena didn’t know whom she should ask, so she reached out to the first nurse she happened to see.
“I’m sorry, Miss.” Her voice came out hoarse, her words barely a whisper. Yet, the nurse looked at her patiently, sincerity evident in her eyes. “Do you happen to know where Choi Jieun is?” Her heart was in her throat when she spoke up, not knowing what to expect.
“Yes, they are trying to resuscitate her at the moment. She’s in room 204.” The young woman pointed to a room at the end of the corridor but before Yena could even take a step towards the room, the nurse added. “Wait until the doctor comes out. You can’t get to know more about her condition even if you barge in.” She reasoned with an inexplicable flinch on her face. Yena nodded, signalling that she understood the weight of her words.
Walking down the corridor to room 204 was probably one of the longest walks of her life. Every single one of her steps felt heavy as if she was walking in water. Her body felt tiny compared to all the chaos that surrounded her. It was all black and grey; nothing seemed bright, nor joyful. She couldn’t help but feel that something might go wrong. The white walls welcomed her with their numb invariance, sending chills down her spine when she leaned onto the wall in front of room 204. She tried her best to perk her ear but she couldn’t hear anything. The walls must have been sound-proof because she didn’t hear a single thing, except the frantic beating of her heart.
What would happen to her if her mother became paralysed? What would she do if she became an emotional wreck? They were never close, so how could she help her mother without feeling guilty yet not feeling suffocated? Her mother was a poison that slowly killed Yena’s real self, thus she always tried to avoid her as much as possible. Not like it was difficult considering that Choi Jieun wasn’t the typical loving mother. She was strict, demanding and inconsistent. She abandoned her though she emphasised that she was always there for Yena when she needed. Of course, it couldn’t have been further from the truth.
After Yena’s father left them when she was only four years old, her mother changed her boyfriends like girls change their outfits. Unable to find the love of her life, she even gave in for one-night stands, often inviting her lovers to their giant house. Yena was only ten years old when she first discovered what her mother was doing with those unfamiliar men who never lasted long. She was a curious and innocent child back then; her mother assumed that she was still in school, so when the little girl opened the door of her mother’s bedroom, the question regarding the peculiar noises coming from the room already on the top of her tongue, all three of them froze.
After that day, Yena always spent her afternoons at her best friend’s house who was no other than Wong Yukhei. The half-Thai, half-Chinese boy was her best friend ever since he was asked to sit beside her on his first day of school. Yukhei joined her class a year after she started school, so not only the language barrier scared the little boy but the new environment and the new faces too. On the other hand, Yena was always a loner. Due to the fact that rumours spread about her mother and her lovers, not to mention their wealth, people were most likely to ignore her or act like she was invisible. Small wonder why she was so excited when she was given a seatmate.
Thanks to the English lessons she was commended to take because of her mother since the age of five, she could communicate with the boy who spoke in a weird mixture of Chinese and English. As time went by, Yukhei taught her Chinese and she taught him Korean while both of them could speak English pretty well. He was the only one who didn’t see her differently – not even after he finally understood enough to know who she was and more importantly who her mother was – yet he was thankful that Yena didn’t treat him like the new kid he was. He hated being the new kid and was extremely glad when a few months later another transferred kid showed up – Mark Lee from Canada.
However, at this crucial moment, Yena knew she couldn’t find shelter in Yukhei’s home anymore, nor in his tight embrace. She had to bear it on her own – whatever was waiting for her, she was all alone.
Hours or maybe only minutes had passed when the first person came out of the room. She was waiting impatiently in front of the ward, unable to sit down or move, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her worn jumper. When she stepped forward, the young man – Dr Seo – noticed the hungry anticipation in her eyes and probably realised who she was. The expression on his face was unfathomable yet she didn’t dare to ask anything. She was afraid that if she might say the words out loud, they would come true.
Dr Seo let out an agitated sigh as he looked down at the girl. His hazelnut-brown eyes were already telling little secrets that only the gods above and the doctors in the room knew.
“I’m sorry, Miss.” His shoulders slumped as the dreaded words left his mouth. His stomach churned just as it always did when he saw that expression on the relatives’ or the acquaintances’ faces. Overall, he loved his job more than anything but he hated the part of telling about outcomes like Choi Jieun’s.
“I-I…” Yena stuttered as her hands began shaking. The world seemed to flip upside down. She didn’t know what to say. Nothing seemed appropriate.
“We’ve tried everything we could but she was already in a critical condition when we could start resuscitating her.” The young doctor explained with a hurtful wince and placed a hand on her shoulder sympathetically . “I’m truly sorry.”
Yena couldn’t even feel his touch. Her body and her mind went separate ways; it was like as if she saw the whole situation from an outsider’s point of view. She wasn’t present in her body, only the erratic beating of her heart indicated that she was still there.
“I-I know…” She whispered, the first tears streaming down her face. She couldn’t be bothered to wipe them off; there was no need. She knew more would come later.
Dr Seo said something about dealing with the paperwork later because she needed to deal with the agony first but Yena didn’t comprehend what he said. She heard him but it felt like she was under water and he was speaking from above.
“If there’s anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to tell me. You can say your last goodbye to her if you want.” The young man suggested as he pointed to the room although he gulped after he saw the expression on Yena’s face.
She didn’t want to say goodbye. She couldn’t. Not only did she have to receive the news of the accident but now her mother was already dead. How could it happen so quickly? Everything took a dramatic turn in a blink of an eye. One minute she was fuming about the number of essays she would need to hand in by the end of the following week and the next minute she was already at the hospital. How did it all happen? Why did it all happen?
She didn’t want to face the reality. She wanted to kick someone while holding back her tears. She wanted to run to the end of the world and never come back. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, into the void, into the afternoon filled with the breeze of the spring wind and the restless chattering of birds. It was too beautiful of a day for lives to end.
Instead, she ignored what was going on around her and what Dr Seo tried to tell her and she started running. Again. For the first time in her life, she wanted to leave responsibilities behind and do what she wanted to do. Her mother was no longer there to hold her back but the thought made her feel even sicker. Her feelings were too much to handle. The pain, the guilt, the selfishness. The consequences, the legal rights, the unanswered questions and the what ifs. It was all too much to bear.
She was running like she was running for her life. There was no guide how to act when the mother you hated so much suddenly died when you didn’t even know why she was in Seoul in the first place. There were no rules, textbooks or lectures. It was her and the weight of the world on her shoulders. Yena knew she wasn’t strong enough. She was never strong to begin with. If she was, she would have never been studying Law and following her mother’s command. She was fragile like a drop in the ocean, just a tiny bit of the vast universe that was always dark and unfamiliar to her.
She was running until she hopped on the bus that she always took when she was heading back to her flat. She was out of breath when she sat down, her tears constantly streaming down her face. She didn’t look at anyone, she looked straight out of the window. She tried to hold it all in – at least until she got home – and muted the sobs that were trying to reach the surface.
It seemed like an eternity until she could hop off at the stop that was almost right in front of the block of flats she lived. After all the running, she found it hard to drag herself to the flat, walk all those stairs and let herself into the accommodation.
As soon as she stepped in, she heard the all-too-familiar, smug voice coming from the living room and she didn’t have to think twice; after locking the door, she kept walking. The lounge was the closest to the entrance and she had to walk through the open area between the kitchen and the living room to get to her own room.
“You know it’s not too nice of you to leave all those dirty dishes on the table when you always reprimand me for not cleaning up after myself.” Yukhei remarked, the annoyance apparent in his voice.
Yena was thankful that Yukhei was paying more attention to the tv in front of him than the girl who had just arrived because she could slip into her room without the boy looking up from watching the news. He was sitting on the couch while she was walking to her room behind him which was fortunately really close as it was only a tiny apartment.
She let out a sigh when she closed the door behind her. That’s when the first real tears could resurface. After that, there was no turning back. Her ugly sobbing soon filled the silence of the room, creating an oddly outstanding cacophony made of pearl-like tears and uncontrollable, raw sobs.
Yukhei furrowed his eyebrows in question as he tried to process what had just happened. Even though they may not have been on the best terms with Yena, she usually responded to what he was saying. Or talked back to him in the sassy way she could use only with him because she was perfectly aware of the fact that Yukhei didn’t take anything to heart. At least, he tried not to take anything to heart after their fall out.
“She must be on her period. That’s when she doesn’t even talk to me.” He mumbled to himself as he averted his eyes back to the screen. As soon as he reached for the bag of chips on the other side of the couch, he heard unusual noises from Yena’s room. She was usually a quiet, reserved person who didn’t like to make a lot of noise or to interrupt anything – as expected from someone who was taught this way – and she didn’t like to show how she really felt under that cold surface.
Yet, Lucas knew what he heard. It was Yena crying. The last time she was crying was… Nevermind.
The boy hesitated for a moment before he finally had enough courage to stand up and walk to her room. Though when he reached her door, he suddenly found his plan a terrible one. Who was he to try to console her? They weren’t best friends – not even friends – anymore. They didn’t chatter about their days – if so, only in a mocking way. So did he really have the right to ask what had happened?
Yukhei shook his head in an attempt to get rid of all the questions, yet nothing was solved by his act. The more he heard the sobs from the other side of the door, the more he realized that he didn’t have any right to interfere in her private life. He was nothing to her, only a nuisance. They meant nothing to each other. They were supposed to mean nothing to each other.
He gulped nervously. He walked back to the couch, hopped down and averted his eyes back to the tv screen. It was a channel mainly for the news and now it was time for the latest ones ‒ including an accident that had happened some hours prior. Pictures of the ones who had lost their lives were displayed on the screen and that’s when Yukhei’s heart skipped a beat.
“No way.” His jaw dropped, chills rushing down his spine. He knew one of the victim’s features too well. He could recognise her face even if it was an old picture of her.
Choi Jieun.
Suddenly, it made sense why Yena hadn’t said a thing to him when she arrived and why she started crying the moment she closed her bedroom’s door. Nevertheless, it was enough of a reason for Yukhei to break down the walls that were built between the two of them in the last few years.
Without a second thought, he rose from his position and rushed to the girl’s room. He didn’t hesitate this time and didn’t even ask for her permission. In fact, he almost broke the doorknob because he was so eager to see her. He didn’t know what he had expected but a sudden rush of restlessness was rushing through his veins because he wanted to be beside her so bad. Like she was there for him all those years ago.
Yena either didn’t hear the boy entering her room because of her loud sobs or didn’t want to acknowledge his presence. Whatever the case might have been, Yukhei walked up to the crying girl and tenderly hugged her, trying to squeeze everything into that one fragile moment. She didn’t hug him back; she was like a lifeless doll that was supposed to stay the same no matter how many people touched her or toyed with her.
“I’m so sorry.” He whispered gently, hugging the now all grown up Yena who seemed so tiny and vulnerable in his embrace. Her sobs didn’t soften, in fact they got louder but he didn’t mind. This raw and ugly side of her was the one that only a few people got to know and he was thankful that she didn’t push him away.
Yukhei wanted to be there for her no matter what had happened between the two of them and no matter what would happen after she lets everything out. She was once hugging him like this, not in this flat but in Busan, her noodle arms holding his already growing body, her hair falling into his face and her fingers drawing invisible hearts on his back. Now Yukhei did the same. Maybe Yena didn’t see the similarities but one thing is for sure; the roles had definitely changed this time. The boy would never think that he needs to be there for her after the death of her mother because she always seemed like someone who wouldn’t need to deal with hardships like this. She was always the lucky one.
On the other hand, after they drifted apart, she seemed like a wall that couldn’t be destroyed. He didn’t know what she went through, nor what happened to her under the cold and rigid façade. Yukhei only knew that she didn’t want to stay in Seoul yet she was stuck due to something that Yena’s mother tried to keep within the two of them. They had already sold their house when something came up, so she had to stay in Seoul while her mother started a new life in New York with God knows who. Thus, Yena had to stay in the capital city with Yukhei as her last chance.
Yet, Yukhei once again had to realise that even the strongest souls could be broken sometimes and everyone needed a helping hand that could put the pieces back together.
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restlessmaknae · 6 years
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Those damn words
The final part of my series called That damn thing we call love.
Part 1 :: Those damn boots :: Boy meets that damn thing we call love.
Part 2 :: Those damn lies :: Boy meets that damn thing we call heartbreak.
Part 3 :: Those damn smirks ::  Boy meets that damn thing we call second chance.
Part 4 :: Those damn words ::  Boy meets that damn thing we call confession.
Genre: fluff, comedy, slice of life, a bit of angst
Setting: high school!AU
Words: 12k
Main Characters: Jeon Jungkook x Park Miyeon (OC)
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Senior year was one hell of a ride.
Miyeon never thought that it would be this difficult, even though everyone kept saying that they have to prepare themselves for the worst. Yet, she didn’t want to think of it until she was there. Sadly, she was right there.
She was now one of those students who spent 9 hours at school a day, going to after school preparation classes after, getting home at 10pm and still studying for the next day. Her days seemed countless, the abyss of words, numbers and historical names were spinning in her head like a crazy tornado. She was lost in maps, schedules, Chinese characters, English listening tasks and all she could think about was the insecurity. What if she wouldn’t make it? What if she won’t do well and her future will be ruined? After all, her future depends on one single day.
People often called the CSATs the most merciless tests of all; they had to take the exams for all 5 subjects on one day, sitting 8 hours at the exam centre, waiting nervously for one to pass and another one to come. It was driving them crazy but they had to. It was what the society wanted them to do.
She learned to hate the system, the school, the subjects and even herself. It was the time of her life when she barely had time to recollect her thoughts at the end of the day without falling asleep. It was unbearable. She was constantly afraid of looking in the mirror, seeing a fragile girl who wanted so badly to fly high but her wings were cut off. She was nothing but a bird kept in her cage, unable to leave her responsibilities and worries.
The only thing that kept her alive was Jungkook. If he hadn’t been there for her, she swore she would have gone crazy. Amidst the black, terrifying darkness that wanted to seize her so many times, he was the one who grabbed her and led her to see the light again.
Because when two broken pieces come together, something unexpectedly wonderful would come out of it.
 ▌▌
 Of course, senior year wasn’t all about life-changing decisions and stressful days. It was mostly about that but there were also some lovely moments that they shared together, despite all the hardships and pressure. Miyeon wanted to engrave all those memories in her heart and carry them with her when she goes to university. She wanted to remember all those delighted smiles, contagious laughs and unforgettable times.
The bowling competitions that Jungkook always won and the other boys couldn’t stop complaining because the golden maknae beat them again; the breaks between classes that were filled with Seokjin’s magnificent rice cakes and more than perfect spring rolls; the canteen talks when everyone’s weekends and afternoons were discussed and there wasn’t a time when Hoseok couldn’t give them a reassuring smile when they complained that they barely had time for themselves; the study sessions in the library when all of them were preparing for a test and seized the opportunity to study and spend some time together and all those afternoons or late night chat talks when they couldn’t sleep or kept themselves awake to study a little bit more and they all made their best to cheer each other up.
Her favourite moment was still that PE class when she didn’t have a jumper and they had to go outside to jog around the school’s building, Jungkook immediately coming to the rescue.
“Oh, you’re freezing!” his eyes widened in surprise when he caught sight of Miyeon who was literally shivering from the cold. It wasn’t that bad, though. It was only the beginning of November but she couldn’t bear chilly weather. Not at all. “Here, take my jumper!” he made an attempt to take off his favourite School ruined my life black hoodie but she grabbed his wrist in the progress.
“Don’t you dare, Jungkook! You’ll catch a cold if you don’t wear it.”
“I won’t,” he shrugged her hand off and finally got rid of his hoodie. A little bit of his abs was exposed while he was struggling to take it off and Miyeon looked away guiltily. Not like she didn’t see his bare skin before but she was still amazed at how masculine and good-looking his boyfriend was.
“I’m a tough guy, you know,” he boosted a proud smirk and her face slowly dissolved into a sheepish smile. Oh, she could give in only a short spare of time if it was something related to Jungkook. He had that effect on her. “But please, take it! I don’t want you to get sick, especially with the exams coming up,” he said lovingly and her heart fluttered at his words.
She was sure that she was the luckiest girl on Earth due to the fact Jeon Jungkook was her boyfriend and the more time they spent together, the deeper she had fallen for him. There wasn’t anything that she particularly disliked about this boy, everything was so right when it came to him. He was so pure, innocent and light-hearted but at times he could be cocky, playful and prominently cheeky. He had so many sides but he never – not even once - hurt her with his behaviour.
She swore that he wasn’t a human being. He was more like an angel that stuck on Earth and accidentally bumped into her. She had no idea how she was able to deserve his love but she made sure to let him know how thankful she was, so she gave a quick kiss on his luring lips.
“Jungkookie, I’m freezing, too!” Taehyung blurted out in a childish manner when he saw their cosy scene. Miyeon took a step back and bit her lower lip in embarrassment. Right, the boys were there, too. To be precise, the whole class was there as well. It was a PE class, after all. Oh boy, the presence of Jungkook literally makes me forget everything else.
“Sorry, I don’t have another jumper,” Jungkook turned to his friend, a bratty smile evident on his face.
“Please…” Taetae pleaded with his puppy eyes and the boys who joined them one by one burst into laughter when they heard his response.
“You’re not my girlfriend, so you can’t get my jumper.”
“I’m your friend, remember?” he huffed like a furious little kid who couldn’t get his favourite candy at the shop. The others couldn’t stop laughing beside them, Jimin even had to grab Yoongi’s shoulder in order to prevent himself from collapsing to the ground in between his contagious giggles.
“Looks like that doesn’t matter anymore,” Namjoon nudged his shoulder gently and everyone knew that it was just an act to tease him. Everyone knew that it wasn’t true, that’s what made the situation even more hilarious.
The boys had never complained that Jungkook put Miyeon over them as it wasn’t true. He spent as much time with them as he used to – the only thing that reduced the time that they could spend together was studying – and found a balance between his duty as a boyfriend and his role as a friend. It was fortunate that Miyeon got along well with the 6 dorks because this way, he could be with his buddies and his girlfriend at the same time. He was sure a lucky guy.
“I swear I’ll get a jumper for you for Christmas, okay? But right now, my girlfriend needs it more than you,” Jungkook reached out his hand and mushy or not, he made a pinky promise right then and there that he would buy a jumper for Taehyung for the next Christmas which wasn’t even far. The CSATs would take place on 17th November and Christmas was only a month later.
“I love how he emphasises the fact that Miyeon is his girlfriend. It’s so cute!” Hoseok put a hand over his heart, his reaction making the lovebirds slightly nervous but also thankful. They still couldn’t get used to how supportive the guys were and they had seen it as a real gift from the boys.
“Whenever I ask Miyeon about Jungkook’s whereabouts, she doesn’t say that ‘Jungkook has gone to the library’, no, she always says that ‘My boyfriend’s in the library.’ I guess they just want to make us feel worse since we don’t have girlfriends.”
“That’s not true,” the couple chorused in unison after Seokjin’s words.
“At least, we have no pressure as what to buy for our girlfriends for Christmas,” Taehyung shrugged his shoulder like it was nothing but his sentence struck them like lighting. The thought that Christmas was coming up in weeks didn’t seem to cross their mind amidst all that studying but they did their best to cover it up.
“You know what you’ll buy for me?” Miyeon raised an eyebrow in question but his boyfriend answered within a second.
“Of course!”
“Oh really? But it’s only the beginning of November.”
“If you hadn’t already noticed, I don’t like to procrastinate things,” he directed a smug smirk at her but in reality, he had no idea what he wanted to buy for her. And in reality, she was perfectly aware of that little fact that her boyfriend was lying. Nevertheless, she smiled softly and let him believe that she knew nothing.
Because until he only lied about such things, it didn’t really matter.
 ▌▌
 The day before the CSATs was a nerve-wrecking one.
Something in Miyeon’s guts told her that it would be the best if she didn’t study more but she couldn’t resist the urge to go through her exercise books one last time. To make it easier, she turned off her phone, so that she could concentrate on the pages in front of her, instead of the adorable messages from the boys.
She was in the middle of re-reading some Chinese practice tests when she heard a knock on her door.
“Come in!” she shouted indignantly as a frown was making its way onto her face. Who would dare to interrupt her when she was studying for the exam of her life?
The sudden visitor opened the door so quietly that she wasn’t even sure that anyone had tried to come in. She turned her head to see who it was and her heart skipped a beat when she realised who was there to see her.
“Jungkook!” she squealed happily, her weary thoughts immediately replaced by a sudden jolt of gratitude. “What are you doing here?”
It wasn’t peculiar for her to see Jungkook in her room as they were officially together and after her parents also received the news, his visits became frequent again. She was lucky because her parents approved of her boyfriend and when he got there, they always greeted him like he was also the part of the family. Small wonder how he could show up at her door on such a day. Her mom must have let him in.
“You didn’t pick up your phone,” the boy pouted.
“I wanted to concentrate on studying, so I turned it off,” she explained and felt a bit guilty from the thought of making him worried.
“Ah, come on!” he came up to her and seized her book. She got up in an instant, getting ready for a fight to get her property back but Jungkook held it up above his head, so there was no way that she could reach it. Her frown deepened. She needed a back-up plan really quickly.
As she was tiptoeing for the book, an excellent idea popped out of her mind. She took a step back and waited for the boy’s reaction. As expected, he looked dumbfounded but didn’t lower the book, so she had no choice but to go through with the easiest method; tickling. She took the opportunity to use his confusion and playfully smacked him in the chest. It caught him off-guard and Miyeon could easily snatch the book from him.
“You’re so cunning.”
“Perhaps, I learned a thing or two from you,” she grinned childishly, making her boyfriend laugh. It was true that it was usually Jungkook who used such tricks on her but they spent enough time together, so she knew his weak points by then.
“Then, you could also learn that we don’t stay up late to study the day before the exam,” he said half-jokingly, although his voice was laced with concern.
“I know, I just feel like I need to−“
“You need to rest,” he cut her off and reached for the book again which she still held to her chest. The more he spoke, the easier it was for her to let go of that book. In the end, he could easily take hold of it and put it in her drawer. “You have to recharge your batteries and go to bed early, so that you can be relaxed tomorrow. Plus, it’s absolutely useless to revise everything today because you are already well-prepared.”
“I−“
“You are, Miyeon. Trust me. I know you and I know how hard you worked. You will do your best tomorrow and you will have wonderful results,” he protested as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
His eyes were shining with fragile fondness, the little stars on the sky of their love the indicators that he really cared for her. It wasn’t an act, he wanted the best for her and wouldn’t stop until she gave in. She knew it, she knew it all too well. Those months together taught her that one person can leave scars on the road of your soul that never seems to heal while others can leave innocent seeds that would eventually turn into a beautiful, resistant tree. The more they care for it, the more it grows.
After his soothing words, she dropped an agitated sigh and sat down at the edge of her bed. Jungkook soon emulated her action and slang an arm around her shoulder. She couldn’t deny that his affectionate words soothed her nerves a little but she was still shaking inside. What if something goes wrong? What if she won’t make it? Such doubts nestled into her mind and kept her in their rigid cage. No, everything will be just fine, she reminded herself while making an attempt to shake off the unwanted thoughts. It wasn’t easy but she tried her best. If Jungkook was there for her, she knew he would do anything to distract her. This time, she wouldn’t even mind it.
“It’s so weird that this will all end tomorrow,” she whispered while her fingers were toying with Jungkook’s fingers. His hand was prominently big compared to her small ones but she liked the sight of it because despite the apparent difference, they seemed like a perfect match. It was like they were made for each other. His hands in her hands, his skin to her skin, their hearts beating like one. Nothing seemed more perfect than that. “We will be over it. No more exhausting PE classes, no more canteen talks, no more classes with the same teachers and same students. It feels peculiar.”
“Change is not always a bad thing,” Jungkook pointed it out wisely and she couldn’t argue with that. However, she wasn’t sure that she was ready for such change.
“But I’m afraid of that change,” she admitted, nervously biting her lower lip. “Aren’t you?” she looked up at her boyfriend who was currently drawing tiny circles on the top of her hand.
Every single time he made physical contact, his touch triggered pleasant chills running down her spine. It was searing but not in a dangerous way, more like in an attractive way. It was almost like playing with fire; feeling the heat while knowing for sure that she won’t get hurt. Jungkook was the fire that could be passionate and gentle at the same time. She wasn’t afraid to get closer to it.
Her melancholic tone echoed through the silence of the room. For a minute, she could hear nothing, except the lovely melody of their heartbeat. Maybe for someone else, it could be heard as crazy cacophony but for her, it was the most beautiful lullaby.
“I am,” Jungkook cleared his throat but his voice was barely audible.
“You don’t seem like you’re afraid.”
“I know,” he nodded. “It’s hard for me to express my feelings well but I’m afraid, too. Mostly because of the boys,” he confessed, his eyes suddenly filled with grief. His orbs always reminded her of the peaceful waves in the ocean which mildly crashed against the nearby shore, unlike the others which were wrathful and merciless. Now, if she looked into those jet-black holes, she couldn’t miss out on their mournful glistening.
“Are you afraid that you will drift apart?”
“Yes,” he hummed. His voice was so fragile, it hurt for her to hear him like that.
She knew that most of them had chosen a different path. Yoongi wanted to be an interior designer, Hoseok a human resources manager, Seokjin a business manager, so that he could open up his own restaurant one day and wouldn’t face financial difficulties. Namjoon wished to study psychology while Taehyung and Jimin were interested in teaching – especially primary school students -, the grinning angel as a History teacher and the latter as a PE teacher. Jungkook hesitated concerning his future goals because he was quite self-conscious, despite the fact that he was good at almost everything. In the end, he opted for computer engineering because it would allow him to make lots of money and still have time to teach dancing for kids as he always wanted to. Last but not least, Miyeon wanted to be an interpreter because her enthusiasm and skills for both English and Chinese motivated her to choose this path.
All in all, it was obvious that they would attend different universities – luckily, they would all still stay in Seoul – but she knew that it shouldn’t be a problem. Nevertheless, she wanted to ease his worry, so she started talking about her experiences regarding drifting apart.
“When Taeyeon said that she would like to be an exchange student, I encouraged her without giving much thought. As soon as I got home, I broke down in tears. I realised what I would miss if she wasn’t beside me and it hurt like hell. It hurt even more when she left. But eventually, things got easier and it didn’t hurt that much. People get used to missing others. People come and go but as they leave their traces in our lives, we also live our traces in their lives.”
Her words were followed by an inexplicable silence. It wasn’t embarrassing or unpleasant though, it just felt odd. It was like a resigned goodbye. They were perfectly aware of the fact that life was always like this; it was a mysterious ballroom full of people who knew that they may never see each other again, some came on their own, some in the arms of their lover but there was one thing that was common in all cases: they were all there for a reason. Just sometimes they didn’t know the reason themselves.
“Now, you’ll be the one who goes somewhere else,” Jungkook drew another sigh as he thought of the following year.
“That’s right,” she gulped nervously. Even if it was painful, it was her life now; her future, her destiny. She couldn’t do anything besides accepting her fate. “Taeyeon says that it’s totally okay and we’ll still talk but I know it’ll be hard. I will be a university student while she will be a senior and it won’t be an easy thing to arrange dates for us to meet up,” she murmured, a sorrowful sigh escaping her mouth. “But we’ll try our bests. Because that’s what we do; we fight for those who we love,” she made an attempt to give him a warm smile but it was barely a flinch.
She was uncertain, worried and undeniably terrified. Even though she would still live and study in Seoul, she knew it won’t be easy to adapt to the new environment, getting to know new people, new professors and different learning methods. This year, she couldn’t even speak to Taeyeon as much as they used to do because she studied so much. Moreover, Baekhyun was there for her when she wasn’t, so Taeyeon couldn’t complain that she felt lonely. Without a doubt, love can change friendships, too.
Miyeon started fidgeting in his arms as another thought flew across her mind. It was screaming in her head for so long, she knew it was time they talked it through. She took a deep breath and asked as seriously as possible.
“What about us?”
“Us?”
“Yeah, you know,” she bit her lower lip as she wasn’t sure what she wanted to hear. Yet, her boyfriend gently patter her head, his silence an encouragement for her to continue. “We’ll attend different universities and have different schedules. I’m really afraid what will happen to our relationship,” she stuttered, her voice almost as shaky as her heart.
She knew that university didn’t mean that her life would end and all her relationships would come to an end. Nonetheless, even her parents couldn’t deny when she asked them that it’s the time of her life when relationships tend to change. Love can change, too. Despite the fact that she trusted Jungkook with all her heart, she wanted to give him freedom, so that when he goes to university, he wouldn’t have to spend all his time with her. On the other hand, she didn’t want him to think that she wanted to push him away either.
Miyeon knew that he also had a say in this, that’s why she asked him. And his response couldn’t have been more reassuring.
“We’ll make it work, Miyeon,” he claimed confidently. “I promise that together, we’ll get through this, too. We’ve overcome so many hardships, I can’t let university stand in our way,” he shook his head fervently and his reaction made her heart leap.
At times like this, she was sure that this boy was a miracle. No matter what happened, he always fought for them, he always fought for her. Even when he had difficulties, he made sure that his tenseness wouldn’t affect her. She had to make him see that she wanted to be there as well. And slowly, as trust started to break down the walls between them, he let her see the side of him that only some people were allowed to see. The more she saw the fragility of this boy, the more she was in love with him.
“Pinky promise?” she held out her hand, her lips raising into a childish smile. Jungkook interlocked their fingers without further hesitance.
“Pinky promise,” he boosted that smirk of his that was seriously beyond words and slowly kissed her on her forehead.
She found heat crawling up her skin while her nerves were beginning to fray. Even her cheeks flamed up at his affectionate skinship but Jungkook always had this effect on her. She tried to cover up her embarrassment, so she laughed it off.
“We are so pathetic, aren’t we?” she giggled, looking down at their intertwined pinkies. It’s a promise that can never be broken, they said. Oh, how she wished it would be true for them, too.
They soon broke into little fists of laughter and it was one of those moments that she wanted to keep for herself so badly. She wanted to remember this special day, this special conversation. It’s true that there was nothing extraordinary concerning their little heart-to-heart talk because there were hundreds of others like this one but still… It was their moment.
“Jungkook?” she poked him on his forearm to get his attention. He averted his eyes back to her, his orbs filled with the most beautiful shooting starts that she had ever seen.
“Yes, babe?” he asked, making her slightly cringe. She found a liking to be called by her new nickname.
“I’m the luckiest girl on Earth to have a boyfriend like you.”
Her sudden confession caught him off-guard but nevertheless, he was thankful for sure. He struggled to say something for a second but then, his lips curved into an ethereal smile.
“What would I do without you?” he sighed, pulling her closer to his chest, so that she could hear as their hearts were beating together in perfect harmony.
I hope our promise can never be broken either.
 ▌▌
           The day had come.
She had already woken up when her morning alarm broke the utter silence of the room. She slammed her hand on it but she was so nervous, she almost pushed it off her bedtable. She swiftly put on her school uniform and after she had put her hair up into a strict ponytail, she stayed in front of the mirror for one more minute. It was the last time she had to wear her school uniform and it suddenly felt so saddening. She couldn’t run away now, the day that they all dreaded for most of their life had arrived after all. It was now or never.
“I wish I could go back to enjoy just one more day at school,” Miyeon murmured under her breath and gave her reflection one last nod before she headed downstairs.
Her parents were already waiting for her in the kitchen and her mum even made her favourite tuna mayo kimbab with rice, just to make sure that she could start her big day right with enough energy and the sufficient amount of nutrition. She had to force herself to eat because she didn’t have an appetite as her stomach churned with worry every single time she remembered what day was it.
After breakfast, her mom packed even more food for her but in the end, it was her dad who gave her a lift to school along with Chanyeol who was still trying to stifle yawns. He had to get up earlier if he didn’t want to miss the opportunity to cheer for his sister who was nervous as hell.
“I got up at 6am even though I don’t have school today because I wanted to perk you up but I don’t think I’m doing a good job,” he pouted like a little kid and looked at Miyeon who chuckled feebly in response.
“I really, really appreciate your effort, Yeollie, but there’s nothing that could make me feel at ease right now. When you take your CSATs next year, you will understand why I feel the way I do.”
“Really?” he raised an eyebrow in question, a sly smirk insinuatingly appearing on his face. “Even my aegyo can’t?” he wiggled his eyebrows and if it hadn’t been the day of her exams, she would have chortled at his reaction but she wasn’t in the mood at the moment.
“Nope.”
“Don’t be sad, no no no. You’re not alone, no no no. You always became a light for me,” he sang the iconic No No No by Apink at the top of his lungs but the worst of all was the fact that he sang it with his high-pitched voice. The whole situation was beyond hilarious because Chanyeol was so into singing that he didn’t take notice of his surroundings, thus he didn’t realise when they finally arrived at their school.
Miyeon glimpsed at their dad sideways who managed to keep his cool but he couldn’t hide that his lips curved into a bashful smile and a shade of light pink tinted his cheeks. It was a song that was known by him, too, because it was her favourite song some years ago and whenever they went to a karaoke bar, she whined annoyingly until she couldn’t sing it.
Now that she heard it in Chanyeol’s performance, it somehow seemed so ridiculous but exceptionally entertaining. Consequently, she couldn’t keep her composure in check, she immediately burst into laughter. That’s when his father gave in as well.
“Oh, please, stop!” she demanded in between laughs but his brother continued on singing his heart out.
“Hold my hand, come and lean on me. I’ll always be your strength.”
“I didn’t know that my son is such a passionate singer,” their dad giggled while he was trying to find a free parking spot in the crazy hustle-bustle around the school.
The whole street was buzzing, everyone was going up and down, concerned parents were giving their kids one last hug before the students went into the school building and Miyeon caught sight of several police officers who were on duty at the scene. The government’s priority was to make sure that the CSATs would take place without any bothersome incidents, so this year their tightened their security.
“The point is that I could make Miyeon smile with my singing skills which she didn’t believe that I would be able to do,” he puffed his chest out in pride.
“Yeah, you’re right,” she nodded in submission. “And thank you so much for your little performance, I really enjoyed it,” she complimented and gave her brother a quick peck on his cheeks. Chanyeol’s jaw dropped upon the way she decided to indicate how thankful she was and despite being the blabbermouth, this time he couldn’t manage a single sentence out.
When he finally scooped himself up and opened his mouth to say something, his father cut him off.
“It’s time, honey,” he reminded her tenderly and got out of the car to open the door for her. Miyeon dropped an anxious sigh and literally forced herself to skip out of the vehicle.
“Good luck, Noona!” his brother followed them outside and gave her a big bear hug. She felt safe in his hands, knowing that no matter what happens, he will always be there for her. His presence was reassuring and although the tenseness of the following hours were weighing down on her, she felt at ease until he didn’t let her go. “I know you can make it! You’re the best,” he whispered into her ears, affectionately stroking her hair like he was the older and she was the younger who needed to be taken care of.
“Thank you,” she gulped, struggling to hold back her tears.
When it was time to say goodbye for real, she swore she saw as her father was trying to wipe a tear away with the back of his hand. She assumed that the resemblance between her first day of school and this day – the last day of school – set him on edge as well.
When her dad gave her a lift on the first day of primary school, Chanyeol also accompanied them, holding her hand like he never wanted to let her go. He was curious to see how his sister steps into the big world of studying, so he went with them. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t forget what he said then.
“No matter where you go, Miyeon-ah, I’ll always be with you,” he patted her head and boosted a proud grin. “You can always find me there,” he pointed to her T-shirt but when she looked down, she realised that he didn’t mean the flower pattern on her shirt but he pointed to her heart.
The lovely memory got her back on track and gave her a definite push to head to the classroom where she would take her exam. As they were divided up into groups in alphabetical order, she had to sit for the exam with Jimin, Yoongi and some other guys who were closer to the squad – such as Jinyoung – but she obviously searched for those irresistible, jet-black eyes and that bunny smile of his.
No sooner had she found him that someone pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her waist. Jungkook’s sweet scent immediately wafted through her nose and filled her lungs. She loved to breathe in his scent – the relaxing vanilla and mesmerizing cinnamon – because it felt like home. He felt like home.
“Did you have enough sleep, babe?” he whispered with hushed voice and earned a jealous glare from Jimin who was walking towards the couple. On his right, there was Yoongi who could barely keep his eyes open. It was probably not because he studied until late at night but she assumed that it was because the day of the exam shortened his hours devoted to sleep.
“I did. And you?”
“Me too,” Jungkook smiled down at her and planted his lips on hers. She melted into his quick yet passionate kiss and forgot about everything around them. That was only until Jimin showed up and huskily started prattling.
“Looking at them, I really wish I could have a girlfriend right now. She would also hug me from behind and ask if I had enough sleep. Or she would bake something for me,” he babbled dreamily, his eyes staring far ahead. Yoongi scowled and looked at him like he didn’t know the guy beside him. He was certain that it wasn’t Park Jimin. If yes, then he wasn’t his friend.
“Did someone mention baking?” a soft male voice asked behind them and Miyeon didn’t have to turn around to know who had just arrived.
Kim Seokjin was grinning like a mischievous little kid, holding a huge food box in his hands, adamantly clutching it to his chest. Some of their classmates gave him disapproving looks as he was manoeuvring himself through the crowd to get to the rest of the squad. Namjoon, Taehyung and Hoseok accompanied him by both sides but all of them looked less enthusiastic and more anxious than him.
“Oh gosh, finally! Here’s my saviour!” Jimin placed his hands on his chest in relief when he caught sight of his friend. To be precise, his friend’s food box. “Perhaps, you’ve baked something for us, right?” he raised an eyebrow in question, a cautious smile spreading across his lips.
“Of course! There’s no way that you could do well without my magnificent hotteoks!” he stated wittily and handed out some pancakes for all of them. Miyeon was a bit taken aback by the fact that Seokjin even had time to cook before their big day but maybe that’s how he relieved his stress. Come to think of it, she spent her whole afternoon talking with Jungkook and since Seokjin didn’t have a girlfriend to keep her company, maybe that was his way to prepare himself for the exam of his life.
“Everyone just calm down, okay?” Hoseok suddenly blurted out and he looked so frantic that Namjoon felt a need to place a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.
“I think you need to calm down the most from all of us.”
“Yeah, eat your rice cake, Hobi!” the eldest suggested gleefully. Everyone knew that Hoseok tried to look manly and cool all the time but he was the first to get scared when it came to such situations. Nevertheless, they were always there for him and if they stayed with him, he believed that everything will be just fine.
Namjoon cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention and when Taehyung stopped looking into space and Hoseok finally managed to avoid biting his nails, he solemnly clapped his hands.
“Guys, remember that if you mess up, the world won’t end. You have to take the CSATs one more time but you will have another chance. However, I know everyone’s going to do well, so you don’t need to worry! Life is full of tests and trials and although it is an important one, it’s not our first and not even our last fight. And because we are together, we are stronger. You know what we always say,” he playfully winked and everyone – including Miyeon – already knew the answer to his question.
“Teamwork makes the dream work.”
Their motto echoed through the hall and filled the lockers, filled the silence and filled their hearts.
“That’s right, guys. Now, let’s do well! Everyone, hwaiting!” he raised his arms into the air, his hands balled into fists. Everyone emulated his action and repeated his words in a festive manner.
Consequently, Miyeon suddenly felt like she was a part of the army which was ready for war. Whereas, she was delighted to fight along such brave and warm-hearted soldiers. She wouldn’t change them for the world.
 ▌▌
 As the saying goes, Christmas comes but once a year.
Miyeon was honestly so thankful that she didn’t have to survive two Christmas-like occasions in the same year because she had enough problem with finding the most suitable present for everyone once. For starters, she didn’t even have a single idea regarding Jungkook’s present, let alone all her relatives’ and the boys’. As she wasn’t particularly fond of procrastinating things, she made an attempt to buy everything weeks before Christmas but she ended up purchasing them in the last minute.
She had almost one month after the CSATs to get ready for the holidays but in the first weeks, she didn’t do anything except sleep and spend as much time as possible with the boys, her wonderful boyfriend, her lovely brother or her best friend. She finally felt like she had time for herself as she didn’t have to study until late at nights and it felt unknowingly relaxing. A sudden spike of guilt sometimes ran through her when she was watching a romantic drama or reading a book because it was so obvious that her duty was to study. On the other hand, being free was something that she couldn’t afford for a long time, so she was glad to enjoy such lazy days.
“Honey, Jungkook is here!” her mom shouted from the kitchen while she was working diligently in her room, wrapping up Taehyung’s present in cute, Christmas-style paper.
“One sec,” she exclaimed, putting her tongue out in concentration as she put on a snowflake sticker on the boy’s box. She dropped a weary sigh and deftly put the present in a bag with a satisfied grin on her face. She hoped that they would all like her gifts because she had a hard time choosing for them, although she knew them for more than a year now.
Miyeon seized all the things she needed and sneaked a last glance at her figure in the mirror before hurrying down the stairs, getting ready to meet with Jungkook.
The boy was wearing his favourite Timberland boots, black ripped jeans and a fluffy, beige sweater, the one that she had bought for him last Christmas. She felt a blush staining her cheeks pink when she realised that he did it on purpose. Otherwise, he wouldn’t boost such a guileful smile.
“Hey!” he bent down to place a light kiss on her forehead. “You sure have a lot of presents!”
“I do,” she chuckled. “Can you help me carry the bowl my mom put on the table? She baked gingerbread for the boys and I don’t want to exaggerate but she baked a lot,” she emphasised the word because seriously, her mum packed three times the amount she thought that would be perfectly enough for them.
“Sure. My mom also sent some cupcakes with me.”
“Oh gosh, we will get so fat this Christmas!” she joked, a chortle escaping her rosy-coloured lips.
“Never mind,” Jungkook shrugged his shoulders and waved his hands, indicating that he didn’t care about such things. “Even if you are 110 or 330 lbs, I don’t care. I still like you the way you are,” he confessed, making her face turn scarlet-red. His compliment sent warm shivers down her spine and she found herself trembling, bathing in his endless affection. “Still, you need to eat a lot! I don’t want you to lose weight again!” he poked her nose in fondness but his tone was anything but playful. He cared for her like a loving boyfriend would do and she couldn’t be thankful enough for his courtesy.
Miyeon blushed deeply as she was listening to him because she felt like she was being admonished. However, it wasn’t anything like that. He merely wanted to make sure that she wouldn’t skip meals and lose as much weight as she did when she was preparing for the CSATs. She devoted all her time to study and solemnly had appetite, therefore, she had lost several pounds but after all the hustle-bustle with the exams, she was gaining weight again, so he didn’t need to worry.
“I won’t,” she promised sheepishly, making him feel at ease.
Jungkook casually slang his arm around her shoulder, pulling his girlfriend closer. His close proximity was warm and reassuring like a chilly night beside the fireplace. His love was the fire itself, his little compliments and actions the flames that would set their relationship on fire, making sure that it wouldn’t get burnt down or go out. He was the light for her and the warmth that it produced. Every single time her heart was beginning to get frosty, he would melt it down with only a touch of his hand, a soothing word or one of those little things that always reminded her the she was loved.
After all, it wasn’t always a bad thing to get close to the fire.
 ▌▌
 Half an hour later, after a joyful bus ride, they finally arrived at the Kim’s house which was decorated with lovely Christmas festoon lights and garlands around the window and door frames. On top of that, they even had a wonderful outdoor tree! The whole house was so pretty and cosy, Miyeon couldn’t wait to step into the hall.
Jungkook confidently knocked on the door three times before the host appeared with a cheerful smile on his face and a fuzzy brown reindeer antlers headband on his head.
“Yay, even more cookies!” Seokjin clapped enthusiastically, immediately shooing them into the warm hall. The smoky winter air was replaced by cinnamon and apple scented candles and the remarkable smell of baked goods. Overall, the homey atmosphere was filled with joy, love and care. “I thought nobody would bring dessert, so I prepared a lot,” the boy giggled whole-heartedly while helping them with their boxes and clothes.
“How many?” Miyeon inquired, tiptoeing behind his boyfriend who busied himself with putting on their coats on the coatrack.
“3. I made maejakgwa, mochi rice cake and red velvet snowballs. And yes, if I failed to mention, we also have yuja tea and dessert punch with persimmon, cinnamon and ginger.”
“Wow, hyung, you are really something.”
“I know,” he wittily rolled his eyes. “But since I’m the host, I have to make the most out of this Christmas lunch, right?” he winked playfully, his bright smile never leaving his face. His festive mood was seriously contagious; she immediately found herself grinning with him, curiously looking around herself.
Upon seeing her enthusiasm, Seokjin gave her a little tour around the house since she had never been there before. It wasn’t peculiar, though. They knew each other but they mostly hang out at school, in the city centre or at Taehyung’s house whose parents were literally the most adorable couple on Earth. They loved their squad like family and they even acted the same when she was around. Although she wasn’t their son’s girlfriend, she was always welcomed.
“I need to have a look at the turkey but you will find the boys at the living room, so just feel yourself at home!” Seokjin announced a couple of minutes later and shifted his attention to Miyeon. Honestly speaking, she was quite nervous amidst all those beautiful decorations and the totally unknown environment but she nodded anyway and let Jungkook take the lead.
His boyfriend blandly led her to the living room where all the other guys were waiting for them – or perhaps the food – to arrive. On the way to the noisy room, he suddenly pulled her closer, lacing their fingers together. She looked at him sideways, just to catch sight of a small smile forming on his lips. He was such an overprotective boyfriend, even at times like this.
“Miyeon-ah!” Hoseok hollered and almost scarred the hell out of Yoongi who was beside him, totally spaced out. Unbeknownst to him, his friend gave him a deadly glare as a warning.
“Hey, I don’t even get a hello?” Jungkook snorted slightly, making the older boys snicker in amusement. It was so fun to tease him.
“Sorry, Jungkookie. Then, let’s start again! Welcome, Park Miyeon and Jeon Jungkook! My name is Jung Hoseok. How may I help you?”
“Actually, you can help me eat the gingerbread my mum had made,” Miyeon suggested as she took a seat beside Taehyung who gave her a high-five. God knows why he motioned such a childish gesture but she had to admit that almost from the moment she met him, she grew to like his infantile nature. There was no need for justification, he was adorable.
“Did someone mention gingerbread?” Seokjin shouted from the kitchen.
“Yummy!” Jimin ran his tongue around his lips like he was already hungry.
“No way, guys!” the host protested fervently when he arrived with a pot of steaming soup and put it on the table. Everyone swiftly took their seats and moved from the couch to the dining table, earning an approving thumbs-up from the chef. “You will need to eat the lunch first and then can the dessert come.”
“You’re such a killjoy!” Taehyung pouted but Seokjin merely stuck his tongue out at him. After all, no one could blame him as he was the one who had devoted his morning to cook for 8 people and bake 3 types of cookies for them. Perfectionist he was, he put all his effort into this celebration but didn’t want to start the lunch right away.
“Would someone like to say a toast?”
“How about all of us saying a few words?” Namjoon looked around, waiting for the others’ reaction. Yoongi was the first to counter his intentions.
“No, I didn’t sign up for this!”
“Ah come on, you can say a few nice words to your friends once a year!” Hoseok nudged his shoulder, his trademark grin displaying on his face. Maybe it was his bright mood or perhaps Yoongi realised that he was being a bit too harsh on his friends but he gave in a couple of seconds later.
“Alright. Then, I’ll start,” he cleared his throat. A moment of silence followed his words, everyone anticipating his confession. He wasn’t the type to just voice out his feelings, he was fond of keeping it all to himself. For this reason, they were on tenterhooks to learn how he actually felt.
“So, you guys all know that I can’t express myself well,” he admitted gingerly. A solemn yet hopeful atmosphere fell upon the room, the boys’ silence a push for him to continue what he had started. “I tend to act strong but I’m actually weak. I know I still lack a lot but I want you to know that I’m always thankful that you are with me. You are like my second family. I couldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for your affection and acceptance,” he acknowledged with a hushed voice, his words leaving a sentimental aftertaste.
The boys couldn’t cover up their bewilderment, Taehyung’s jaw dropped and Jungkook’s eyes widened like he didn’t want to believe his own eyes. As far as Miyeon was concerned, a sudden jolt of warmth simmered through her body, filling up her cells and melting her heart. “Thank you everyone for staying with me this year! Merry Christmas!” he wrapped up his speech with a thankful smile, leaving no choice for his friends but to tremble with gratitude.
“Oh, that was so touching” Hoseok put his hand over his heart, testifying that he was truly dumbfounded. The others nodded in agreement but Yoongi didn’t want to be in the spotlight anymore, so he asked for the next volunteer.
“Next?”
“Chimchim!”
“Since I’m so popular here, I’ll go next,” Jimin chortled when he heard Taehyung’s exclaim, a bit of a blush making its way onto his face. He ruffled his coal-black hair in embarrassment before he managed to scoop himself up and started speaking. “I’m so happy to spend this afternoon with you. I think Christmas is a magical time and it always reminds me that I’m lucky to have such friends. Not just you, guys, but you too, Miyeon-ah,” he averted his eyes to the girl who gathered the ends of her hair and crossed it over her face. She was sure that her cheeks were already burning. The boys couldn’t help but giggle at her endearing reaction. As expected, Jungkook came to the rescue and gave her a reassuring squeeze on her hand before Jimin could share his wish with them. “I hope we can stay together like this for a long time. Maybe forever is too much to ask but for a long, long, long time,” he accentuated, his eyes hinting at his honesty.
Hoseok was already in high spirits when they got together but Jimin’s speech boosted his eagerness, so he was the next to share his thoughts with them.
“I’m sure of it,” he commented on his friend’s last words. He was so confident, nobody dared to question his desire. “We are friends for more than 7 years now and I wouldn’t change those years for anything. We were always able to give strength for each other and I think we are even stronger since we have a lady on the team,” he winked at Miyeon who had already freed her hair but felt a need to cover his face again. “I wish you all a holly jolly Christmas and never forget that I love you,” he shaped a heart with his hands and laughter erupted when he did some aegyo, too. Jungkook wouldn’t let the chance slip to tease him.
“So mushy!” he rolled his eyes like he was ashamed of his mate but deep down everyone knew that he wasn’t.
This was an evidence for the value of their friendship. They could mock each other without anyone getting upset and they could be themselves without anyone looking down on them for their behaviour. Friendship consisted of bare souls connecting to each other in the most beautiful yet most inexplicable way. There were no mirrors, walls or masks; there were only touches, nerves and hands. Friendships never asked for a lot; only when the parties involved gave their all could it fully bloom.
They fell into a comfortable silence until Hoseok squinted at Seokjin who was sitting beside him, motioning him to speak up. He was more than happy to accede to his request.
“I honestly love Christmas the most out of all holidays,” he started, donning such a gorgeous grin that Miyeon questioned why he was still single. Not that Seokjin was more handsome than his boyfriend because it was impossible for her to see other guys more attractive than Jungkook, but it was a fact that he was good-looking. Plus, he could cook and take care of others well. What else do you need in a boyfriend?
“Not because I can try out new recipes but because we always spend it together. As the oldest, I always think of you as my little brothers and since we met Miyeon, I also try to do my best to take care of our lovely Miyeon like she was my little sister. And even though you mock me a lot, I’m proud to be the eldest,” he puffed his chest out and she felt the basic sincerity of his words. “Last but not least, I hope you will like the lunch and also my presents. Merry Christmas, everyone!” he fidgeted in his chair, clapping enthusiastically like a 4 year old kid would do on his birthday party. Nevertheless, the boys appreciated his words and wished him the same in unison.
It was time Namjoon gave another psychology lesson, so it came as no surprise when he took his turn.
“We have gone through a lot this year. We were diligently preparing for the exams which we could successfully wrap up, so we deserve some rest now. On the contrary, we all know that it’s still not the end of our obstacles because they always come yet they always go. We have a lot to learn, a lot to prove, a lot to give and a lot to receive. I wish to experience it with all of you, so that we could help each other to become a better person and a better friend.”
As there was no hint of amusement in his voice, everyone stayed silent for a minute. His words were wise and represented the blunt reality. There was no use of disagreeing with him because all he said was true and it was what made them speechless. Reality scared them.
Namjoon was the first who wanted to break the silence and that’s why he nudged Taehyung’s shoulder to show that he wanted him to be the next. The messy-haired guy’s chestnut-brown eyes suddenly lit up and shined with fondness. There was only one thing that could trigger him to react like that; when he talked about his family.
“My father said that walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light,” he paused and pondered for a thought. Then, he continued like nothing had happened. “He was right. I can fool around when you’re around and I can be the real me without being ashamed. Thanks for putting up with my weird personality! I know you all take care of me, even though you sometimes whine or roll your eyes at me. And I also try to take care of you but sometimes you can’t even see it. But I hope later, you will see it, too,” he bit his lower lip coyly.
Miyeon was taken aback by his timid behaviour because he wasn’t usually like that but she blamed it on the seriousness of the situation. This conversation ended up being way more heartfelt than she would have guessed at first.
“We see it, Tae, and we are really thankful to you. Don’t ever doubt that!” Namjoon slang his arm around his friend’s shoulder, ruffling the younger guy’s hair affectionately.
“Next one?” Taehyung looked around, searching for the ones who still hadn’t poured out their hearts yet. He seemed relieved after he had said out the words that were stuck in his throat.
“Jungkookie,” Hoseok cheered loudly, earning a sheepish smile from the guy.
Jungkook nervously played with their intertwined fingers while he was searching for the right words to say. She pursed her lips, examining the state-of-the-art boy who was at a loss for words. Usually, he was her compass; he showed her the way and guided her through the darkness. Whenever she needed an anchor to stay steady, he became one. Without asking him, he always knew what to say and now, he was the one who sat there, sinking into his chair, holding her hand tightly. No word could escape his mouth.
“You guys supported me from the very start,” he mumbled after a minute of unbreakable silence. His voice carried an enigmatic air that chilled her to the bones. “Even when I didn’t believe in myself, you taught me how to accept who I am and how should I stand out for what I want. You didn’t judge me nor leave me when things got hard. I still have a lot to learn but thanks to you, it seems less frightening,” he confessed, looking straight at the steaming pot on the table. Everyone knew that it wasn’t because he was rude or because that’s how he tried to cover up his lies. It was merely because he wasn’t used to opening up. “I hope we can continue to be as great friends as we are now. Merry Christmas, guys!” he finished with a tiny little smile. His beautiful jet-black eyes were all the lights on the Christmas tree, shining brightly and fondly. One couldn’t get enough of looking into them because in every minute they showed something new, something more.
“No words for Miyeon?” Yoongi furrowed his eyebrows in question, making his doubt clear.
“I want to talk to her in private,” he responded coyly. Miyeon had no idea what he was up to and looked away in embarrassment. Her cheeks were burning like the vanilla-scented candles on the table.
“Oh, I sense a confession!” Jimin cooed and the others soon joined in.
“Our lovebirds!”
“I swear they are the cutest couple I’ve ever met!”
“They make me feel lonelier than I usually am,” Yoongi murmured sulkily. Upon seeing his reaction, the boys immediately erupted in laughter. Taehyung laughed so hard that he almost shed a tear while Seokjin patted Yoongi’s shoulder to show his most sincere sympathy.
“Miyeon, would you like to add something?”
Namjoon’s question caught her off-guard as she wasn’t prepared to give a speech. She thought that it was the boy’s little heart-to-heart talk, despite the fact that she was also mentioned several times. Nonetheless, she didn’t think that she would have to share her thoughts but she did it anyway. It turned out to be a bit rushed and she didn’t even know if it was a jumble of words or her lips formed actual words but it was time she thanked the guys for their love and care.
“I honestly feel like I’m the luckiest girl on Earth to have met you, guys. You always act so naturally with me, even though I’m your friend’s girlfriend and guys don’t usually accept their friend’s girlfriend.”
“We are gentlemen, aren’t we?” Hoseok wiggled his eyebrows.
“Yes, you are,” she chuckled, her lips curving into an ethereal smile. “Your behaviour didn’t change when we broke up with Jungkook and I’m really thankful for that. It couldn’t have been easy for you,” she suddenly shifted her gaze away in shame. She didn’t intend to broach up the topic but the words had already slipped out of her mouth when she realised that it wasn’t a good idea.
“Yah, Park Miyeon!” Seokjin exclaimed fervently, making her slightly jump in surprise. “Don’t you dare to think that we don’t like you and we only bear the sight of you because of Jungkookie! You are a lovely lady and a supporting friend, so I don’t want to hear another sentence like that!”
“O-okay,” she stuttered. Her eyes were widened in shock. Without a doubt, Seokjin’s overprotective mommy side showed up again and she definitely didn’t see that coming. She needed another second before she could get herself back on track and continue her monologue. “So the thing is that I’m really happy to be in your squad and be here with you today. You’ve helped me a lot with your constant support and cheerful messages, so I feel like it’s already a gift that I can spend this special day with you. Merry Christmas!”
The moment she finished her speech, the guys’ wishes filled the room and echoed back from the walls. It didn’t take long to found herself in their affectionate, big group hug. Needless to say but she didn’t need to think about it twice; it was her best Christmas ever.
 ▌▌
 After the wishes and speeches, the lunch was served and all of them ate well. Seokjin was undoubtedly a super talented chef, his menu was definitely appetizing and extremely delicious. He prepared seaweed soup, roasted turkey with rice and wok vegetables and the already mentioned desserts; red velvet snowballs, maejakgwa and mochi rice cake. On top of that, he did it without any help because his parents spent their Christmas Eve with their friends who lived in Gimhae, so they already left in the morning. Not to mention that he specifically wanted to make it on his own, so he was lucky that his parents let him.
After lunch, it was time for presents! Everyone was buzzing and repeating the same – they hoped that the others will be happy when they receive it. Miyeon bought a pink apron for Seokjin, a psychological book - Demian by Herman Hesse - for Namjoon, scented candles for Yoongi, a fluffy scarf for Jimin, a mug for Hoseok with the caption ‘Fluent in the language of dance’, an anime collection for Taehyung and an art sketchbook for Jungkook with an aesthetic iron. Luckily, everyone seemed to like their presents and she even received a long, thankful kiss from her boyfriend who was yearning after a new sketchbook for so long.
The guys bought together for the couple and she would be lying if she said that she expected a totally ordinary gift. Yet, she couldn’t say a single word when she unwrapped the box with Jungkook. A moment later, they both broke into little fists of laughter.
“Whose idea was it?” Jungkook raised his eyebrows, a grin evident on his face.
“Mine,” Seokjin raised his hand in an instant. Apparently, he was proud because he puffed his chest out. “But aren’t they cute?” he whimpered, looking at the couple pyjama set in admiration. They got the same checkered set with a long-sleeved shirt and pants and the only difference was in their colours; her pyjama was red and his was blue.
Jungkook’s present was the last but it was the icing on the cake. Her boyfriend printed lots of pictures about them – some of them she had already seen and some which she had never seen before – and put them in an aesthetic, hand-made photo album. The pictures showed both the most beautiful and most difficult moments of their relationship, small wonder why she almost broke into tears when she finished watching them through. She was so touched that she couldn’t say a proper thank you but compensated him with a sweet kiss.
For the boys, Jungkook did the same but everyone got different photos and different album covers. They were laughing at how ridiculous they looked and there were some photos that they had never seen before, so they were surprised to face them now.
Time went by as quickly as a summer’s night and it was already late at night when they bid their goodbyes and headed home. Jungkook promised to walk her home and she didn’t even protest. They were walking down the streets, holding hands and talking about the afternoon. It was so reassuring. The chilly night air of winter kissed their cheeks, leaving their marks on their bare skin to be remembered. Tiny snowflakes painted the ground dazzling and slowly fell on their coats, putting a new costume on them.
“You said that you want to talk to me in private,” she reminded the boy after some time because she was on the edge to know what he wanted to talk about. Jungkook seemed to forget about it because he suddenly ruffled his raven-black hair in frustration.
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“What is it?” she inquired, her eyes searching for those irresistible black holes. When he looked her in the eye, her legs weakened. Her heart was beating like a drum, waiting so damn impatiently for his answer. Deep down, she wanted him to say those words but she felt numb from the thought of him saying them out loud.
On the contrary, Jungkook was just as nervous as the first time he confessed. He knew that it would be another important milestone in their relationship but he wanted to make this moment a bit more special. He wanted her to remember the words for the rest of her life. He didn’t want them to fade away like the warm spring coming after the freezing winter, healing the wounds that the cruel weather caused. He didn’t want them to disappear with time, he wanted to make them immortal.
“Actually,” he cleared his throat but he didn’t need to get her attention, she was already looking at him. Her caramel latte-like eyes were glistening like precious little diamonds. “I wanted to say it somewhere else not on this street, maybe not even on Christmas Eve but then I’ll say it now,” he slowed down and came to a halt.
Miyeon struggled to keep her composure in check. Her heart was hammering away rapidly, making her feel a bit dizzy. She was longing after those words, those damn words that neither of them dared to say out loud. It was funny to think that how three single words could give them headaches and frazzled nerves, keeping them awake at nights or cherishing them to sleep. Maybe they weren’t like the oxygen that was essential to every human being but they were more like water that their relationship needed to stay hydrated.
“I was thinking of it for quite some time now,” Jungkook started nervously, scratching the back of his neck. His jet-black eyes represented the whole universe for her, she wanted to get lost in them and never be found again. But until he was there to look for her, she wasn’t in danger. “I am so thankful that you stayed with me and even though you had a hard time with those bullies at school, you’ve still chosen me. I wish I could give you more but that’s what I can do. I only know how to take care of you and I sometimes think it’s not enough because I don’t tell you how I feel as often as I should,” he admitted, his voice trailing at the end.
“It’s okay, Jungkook. You don’t have to tell me everything,” she tried to easy his worry with a reassuring smile but he shook his head.
“But I want you to know how lucky I am because you are beside me,” he tilted his head, his gaze fixated on her eyes. He held her hands tightly, squeezing them like he never wanted to let her go. She was trembling like the falling snowflakes around her. She was afraid that this beautiful and quiet glass would eventually break, scattering into pieces. Was it an exception that their house of cards wouldn’t collapse this time?
“I love you, Miyeon,” he whispered to her, into the cold night air, ensuring another magical moment for Christmas Eve.
Miyeon’s heart missed a beat as his words made their way out of his mouth. His voice was barely audible but she knew that he meant it seriously. She could see her own reflection in his jet-black eyes, seeing the past, the present and the future at the same time. She didn’t want this moment to pass, she wanted to hold it in her hands, stopping the time that was ticking by.
For a moment, she stayed right there and the boy thought that she got scared off, so for the first time that day, his confidence waned, his eyes widened in fear.
“I love you, too, Jungkook,” she managed the sentence out and without thinking it through, she crashed into him for a bear hug. He chuckled as her fragile body pressed against his and her vanilla-scented hair tickled his skin. When she was in his arms, he felt strong again, he was ready for a fight, he was prepared for any war. In the name of love, he would voluntarily fight until the end. And she knew it and that was love was really about.
Sometimes you need to question the other’s intentions and make sure that you feel the same way. Other times, you already know the answer because he’s right next to you, holding you tightly, gently strolling your hair, whispering soothing words into your ear. Your hearts are beating at the same time but no words are exchanged. Sometimes those damn words can make you feel at ease but sometimes you don’t even need words. A soft touch, a kiss on the forehead and a press on your hand is enough.
Sometimes his presence is enough.
■ ◄◄
17 notes · View notes
restlessmaknae · 6 years
Text
Those damn lies
Part II of my series called That damn thing we call love.
Part 1 :: Those damn boots :: Boy meets that damn thing we call love.
Part 2 :: Those damn lies :: Boy meets that damn thing we call heartbreak.
Part 3 :: Those damn smirks :: Boy meets that damn thing we call second chance.
Part 4 :: Those damn words ::  Boy meets that damn thing we call confession.
Genre: angst, fluff, slice of life
Setting: high school!AU
Words: 9.3k
Main Characters: Jeon Jungkook x OC
Warning: emotional manipulation, bullying
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“I’m sorry.”
That was the last words Miyeon had said before she got to her feet and left the library. Although she had apologised for the hundredth time, the words still felt unnatural and incredibly cruel. She couldn’t even once look into his eyes – his beautiful, jet-black eyes which were filled with despair and insecurity – while she said that. She felt ashamed but all those stuff that happened since they had been a couple was weighing down on her.
She was literally running away from the library when tears started to leak out. She couldn’t stop; she had to run and cry. She didn’t peer over her shoulder, she didn’t look sideways. She didn’t need to. Jungkook didn’t follow her. It was over. There was nothing else to say.
“We need to break up.”
Those five words had to be enough.
 ▌▌
 Everything started to go wrong when her little brother – Chanyeol – started to go out with Dara. She was a tall, slim, model-like girl with long, straight, pit-black hair and a kind of attractiveness which with she could wind the guys round her finger. Chanyeol had a crush on her since he started high school. Poor boy, Miyeon always thought. She was a pretty popular girl and her brother simply didn’t know how to behave to a lady. He could talk with them; he could easily make friends with them. But to flirt with them? No way! He was too shy and innocent for that.
Yet, it seemed to change after Dara had said yes when he asked her on a date for the first time. Miyeon didn’t like her but it was just her being her usual cautious and caring self. She was his Noona, after all. She always kept an eye on them but they seemed pretty okay after a few weeks, so she let her precaution to subside.
It was a week or so after they were officially a couple when Dara’s true self was revealed.
Miyeon was sitting in the cafeteria, waiting for Jungkook and his squad to show up, but instead of the fun-loving and loud boys, Dara was the one who decided to sit beside her. She widened her eyes while the other girl was running a hand through her hair.
“Well, I suppose you remember for our little talk,” Dara started, looking straight into her eyes and she suddenly felt so small and worthless next to a shining creature like her.
She is insanely beautiful, said Chanyeol one day. She wanted to know why he felt that way. However, all she saw was a primadonna girl with tons of make-up on. She could have been beautiful but she didn’t let the world to see her natural beauty. So, as far as she was concerned, she was just another one of those rich, shallow-minded girls.
“Yeah, I do,” she nodded anxiously while searching for a familiar face.
“Good,” Dara added with a dangerous grin. The next moment, her usual kindness vanished and something more serious and baleful came into her eyes. “Then, let me ask you something. Do you know why I am dating your brother?”
“I guess because you like him,” said Miyeon crossly.
Dara narrowed her eyes. She suddenly looked so scary and dangerous that Miyeon had to look away to make sure that she wouldn’t start crying. She remembered for this expression on Dara’s face. She found it difficult to forget; she looked just exactly like this when they first encountered. When Dara threatened her.
It was approximately a week after Jungkook and Miyeon revealed that they were a couple. She was walking to her classroom when somebody took her by the arm and stopped her. When she looked up, she found Dara standing in front of her, still not letting go of her hand.
“Do you really think that your life is a fairy tale? That you can get your Prince Charming?” Dara raised one of her eyebrows in question while giving her a frowning look.
Miyeon looked puzzled and didn’t even know what to say or do. She tried to remain calm but it was extremely hard while somebody was teasing her and holding her hand stiffly.
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh, don’t act like you don’t know,” she let out a silly, high-pitched laugh. “I’m talking about you and Jungkook.”
Miyeon edgily rolled her eyes. Yeah, right. Who wasn’t talking about them? The whole school seemed to know about the ‘KookYeon’ couple as the usually called them. Even though they didn’t kiss in the hallways – not like they kissed so many times but still −, confess to each other in front of their classmates – both of them even waved the idea away – and they barely held hands in school – just sometimes under a table in the library −, everybody was talking about them. To tell the truth, not exactly in a polite way. More like in a nasty and envious way. Almost a bitchy way.
That couldn’t bother her in the beginning but as time passed, she started to have enough. Yet, that day, she couldn’t even imagine what was following.
“Yeah. What about us?”
“You little loser think that you can get him away from me but I’m not going to let that happen,” exclaimed Dara with unquestionable shrillness. “I am the one who deserves him and not a cheap girl like you. So you better break up with him or else…”
“Or what?” Miyeon finally found her voice. She couldn’t be scared because she got used to all the hate and nasty gossip. Even though Dara’s threat was a little bit too much, she couldn’t intimidate her. She was a strong girl. Or at least, that particular time she was.
“Oh, look at you! The loser is trying to win against a real princess,” she guffawed ridiculously. If Miyeon’s life was a fairy tale, it seemed that Dara was the Evil Queen. “Or else, I’m going to make my moves. So you better watch out. And you better know where you belong.”
Her words were harsh and intimidating. In spite of all this, Miyeon maintained the eye-contact and waited for her next move. Dara was the first to back off and released her hand. She gave her a final, frowning look and walked away.
She watched her leaving while trying to suck in some air and calm down. But after that particular encounter, her heart was never at peace.
Weeks passed but it felt like nothing had happened since they last met like this, face-to-face. Dara was grinning, enjoying the rare time when she knew something that other people didn’t. Miyeon was utterly nervous because she suspected that she didn’t want to hear her reasons.
“Not at all, sweetheart,” she shook her head while pouting. “I’m dating him because I’m getting my revenge on you. You know, if I hurt him, I will hurt you.”
Miyeon had to force herself to sit still and be quiet. She could have cursed at her like Yoongi did whenever a teacher was messing with him. She even wanted to slap her even though that wouldn’t solve the problem. Dara wasn’t just annoying but also cruel. It wasn’t enough for her and her squad to abuse her when Jungkook or the boys weren’t around? To call her a ‘fat and ugly bitch’, to act like she’s invisible, to mess with her whenever she makes a mistake? To spread rumours and fake things about her? To ruin her life and beautiful relationship with Jungkook?
Now, she wanted to say that dating his little brother was also part of her plan? Oh God! That girl was totally insane! How could she be so heartless? To use a boy like that? Miyeon had no idea of Dara’s plan and the worst was that Chanyeol didn’t know either. It seemed that he was perfectly happy in a fake relationship.
“You are so bad, Dara. Do you hate me so much that you use my brother to hurt me?”
“Oh, yeah,” she confessed right away. She didn’t even blink, she didn’t even smile. She just let the words to slip out of her mouth like it was an obvious fact. “And I’m going to succeed because I know how much you love your brother.”
“I’m not going to break up with Jungkook,” she said stiffly and rose from her seat. She looked down at Dara who was now smiling but not in a kind or a beautiful way. Most likely in a dangerous way.
“We’ll see,” she whispered mysteriously but Miyeon had enough. She confidently walked away but when she finally got out of the building and reached the backyard, tears started pricking her eyes.
 ▌▌
 Dara committed her biggest crime when she broke up with Chanyeol. Not to mention that she said that it was because Miyeon told her to do so. Like every broken hearted guy with a caring Noona, he also believed that and didn’t even listen to Miyeon when she was trying to tell the truth. He was falling apart and she couldn’t do anything to help him to get over it because she was also falling apart.
Chanyeol now hated her and clarifying herself was almost a dead case. Due to the fact that he couldn’t even hold a grudge for more than a few hours, he wasn’t like this before. He wasn’t resentful. Or at least, not to that extent. But for the time being, he couldn’t even stand being beside her; not even in the cafeteria, on the bus or at the kitchen table.
By implication, Dara’s teasing was crueller than ever. The worst was that she couldn’t even talk to anyone. She couldn’t explain anything to his little brother who wouldn’t believe her after all the time when she was holding in her emotions. She once blurted out how Dara teased her but he didn’t believe her and said that she was a total liar. After that, she didn’t even want to look her in the eyes, so how could she even try to persuade him?
She didn’t want to talk to her parents because she was pretty sure that they would make a big deal out of it and she didn’t want that. Taeyeon was always busy attending afternoon programs with her hostage family, so she didn’t have the heart to bother her.
And there was Jungkook. She was afraid to tell him anything because she knew that he would start to blame himself. Miyeon knew him well and didn’t want it to happen. She also realised during those months that she didn’t deserve his love. He was so kind and caring and warm-hearted. Such a beautiful person!
Every single day, he asked how she was doing and she didn’t want to let him down saying that the whole school hated her because she was Jeon Jungkook’s girlfriend. He always said goodbye with a kiss on her forehead and every single time neither of them had CSAT preparation classes or trainings, he walked her home and held her hand tightly. She always found it difficult to let his soft hands go. Those times were special and calm. Something that she wanted for a long time.
Jungkook was her shelter and her heart was always trembling with great anxiety when he leaned down and kissed her − slowly and gently. As far as they were concerned, kissing was rare because they were still both shy and liked to keep things simple and sensible. It didn’t mean that they didn’t like each other. It meant that whispered confessions and interlaced fingers were the perfect combination for them.
Jungkook was even cuter as weeks passed by. He even bought her a warm, fluffy scarf for Christmas when he noticed that she wasn’t wearing one and was so freakingly proud when she finally wore it with their couple boots.
He sang for her and she loved the way how the boy’s angelic and soft voice could make her heart flutter. While she was listening to his beautiful lullabies, she could forget about everything that was bothering her: the haters from school, pressure from teachers and parents due to the CSAT, sleepiness and tiredness and even her doubts concerning their relationship. It was just Jungkook and his beautiful voice, nothing else. These times represented perfect calmness and joyful happiness. Beautiful and sweet memories.
However, if something is sweet at present, it would eventually turn into a bittersweet flashback as time goes by. She couldn’t deny it. These were now all sorrowful reminders of those so-called better days.
After all, Dara was right about one thing − that her plan would succeed. She broke up with Jungkook. The reasons were clear; Dara was just the top of the iceberg. She knew that she wasn’t strong enough to bare the pain that the haters caused them. It was November when they became official and now it was February. 6 months passed since their first real encounter.
They were exactly just like 6 months ago. They were total strangers who didn’t want to talk to each other. The difference between now and September was the great sorrow that they had to experience when they bumped into each other. Anxiously looking at each other, bowing ashamedly when all they wanted to do was to say sorry.
But somehow, they couldn’t say it. Not again.
▌▌
 Nearly three weeks passed since Miyeon told Jungkook that they should break up. During those weeks, she had two interactions with the boys but neither of them involved the golden maknae.
Once, she was in the library, looking for an English dictionary when she bumped into Taehyung who seemed pretty radiant to see her. He asked how she was doing and constantly asked questions about her. He didn’t seem embarrassed or puzzled to talk with his friend’s ex-girlfriend, so she also tried to be confident and casual. In the end, they had a nice, little chat before they both headed home.
Next, it turned out that Yoongi would be his partner for a literature class. At first, it seemed that they wouldn’t talk about anything, except the book that they had to read for class. But to her great astonishment, the blonde-haired guy didn’t get to his feet as soon as the bell rang. Instead, completely out of the blue, he blurted out:
“Kookie told us what had happened,” he started running a hand through his hair. “And you know what? Just don’t give a crap about those haters. They aren’t worth it.”
Miyeon was truly surprised at the boy’s words. Even though it seemed that he tried to act cool and be his usual swag self, she could feel the basic sincerity of his words. She didn’t even see this side of Yoongi before, so she was particularly thankful for him.
“But it’s not that easy,” she sighed while her heart was aching.
“I know,” the boy nodded firmly and seriously. “A lot of people accused me of being an impervious jerk but you know what I say?” he asked raising an eyebrow at her but she shook her head in response. “Never mind. Because you are valuable and important for some people and you only need to know what those people think about you.”
His words were filled with confidence, honesty and loving care. Miyeon didn’t realize that he was such a reserved but thoughtful person until this particular talk. Now, she saw what other people were missing when they walked past Yoongi, saying that he’s just a reckless and rebellious teenager. He was so much more than that.
“And I don’t believe you should grieve over gossips and hateful comments. Neither does Jungkook,” he added firmly and still maintained the eye-contact.
It was pretty hard for her to even breathe. Her heart sank whenever she heard Jungkook’s name because she couldn’t get used to the thought that he wasn’t with her. Although, she made the decision first and he accepted her opinion, she somehow wished that he didn’t do so. Now, that he wasn’t holding her hands, kissing her forehead or putting his soft arms around her waist, she undeniably missed him.
She knew why they said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. She missed him so much and it hurt like hell.
“Thanks for saying that,” she said thankfully but she didn’t know that her attempt to give him a grateful smile succeeded or not.
Yoongi simply waved his hand and shrugged his shoulder. He probably thought that he didn’t do anything special, except expressing his opinion but his words meant so much for her.
“Anytime,” he offered politely. Then, he yawned, rubbed his eyes and walked out of the classroom.
Due to their rare encounter, she didn’t think that after talking with Taehyung and listening to Yoongi’s words, there would be another interaction soon. But on a rainy March day, it happened again.
“Where is your Prince Charming, Miyeon? She’s saving another girl, huh?” Bobby asked pouting but she didn’t even look sideways. She was looking straight forward and trying to have control of herself. She remembered Yoongi’s words and suddenly felt a rush of emotions going through her body.
They were sitting in their classroom, waiting for the bell to ring and the teacher to enter. Bobby – her shameless, bold and arrogant classmate who wished to be cool but he couldn’t win over Jungkook and his squad – chose this moment to start teasing her like almost every single day.
„Oh, come on! You knew that would happen someday, right? I mean he’s just too good for you. He could have any of the girls, so why you? You’re not sexy, you’re not easy-going and you’re not even popular. You just don’t belong together, accept that,” he continued in such a reckless tone that she would love to snap him.
Fortunately, before she could even respond, a confident voice filled the classroom.
“You are one of the reasons why things are like this, so you better shut up before I kick your ass,” said Namjoon walking to his seat, followed by his six friends. Miyeon was looking for one particular face but Seokjin got in the way, so she couldn’t see Jungkook’s reaction.
“Okay, okay, easy, man! I’m just messing, you know? Nothing serious,” claimed Bobby and for the first time that day, his boldness waned. He even took a step back from her table and tucked his hands into his pockets.
“Yeah. Even if it’s nothing serious for you, it was once serious for them,” added the eldest of the squad, stiffly looking into Bobby’s eyes, which was surprisingly and unquestionably scary. Not a single person saw Seokjin acting like this before.
“Back off!” exclaimed Yoongi impatiently while giving him a frowning look and sitting down at his table.
Bobby seemed to be pretty frightened and immediately walked to his seat. He was scared and didn’t even say a thing for the rest of the class. Miyeon thankfully smiled at the boys and mouthed a ‘thank you’ for the three of them who stood out against the fearless boy. Seokjin gave her a reassuring smile, Namjoon nodded firmly while Yoongi didn’t even care about what happened after his confident shout.
Jungkook caught sight of her but didn’t act awkward anymore. He flinched like he exactly knew what she was going through and this was just a simple and small sign. A sign of love.
▌▌
 She couldn’t forget Jungkook’s face, even when she was going home after finishing her CSAT preparation class.
Maybe it was because they were always walking together these streets until their break-up. They got on the same bus, headed for the same direction and also figured out the perfect route from school to Miyeon’s house. Then, he walked for some more minutes to his dad’s house, or took the bus when he was at his mom’s.
Now, this streets felt lonely and empty without him. Too calm and too scary. There was no sign of joyful laugh, happy giggling or excited screaming, not even from the distance. It was just her and the sound of her boots when she stepped into a puddle.
During the day it was pouring with rain but it seemed that by 7 o’clock, it had slowed to a heavy wet mist. It didn’t matter for Miyeon because she didn’t take an umbrella with her, so she would definitely get wet sooner or later.
She let out a tired sigh as she was walking. She got to a narrow, dark street which was terrifyingly frightening because the lamps weren’t even lit up.
“That’s my luck,” she murmured to herself while trying to walk confidently. First, it was just Bobby and his usual teasing routine. Then, she bumped into the squad and caught sight of Jungkook. Thirdly, her CSAT preparation class was harder and more tiring than ever. Not to mention that she didn’t have an umbrella. On top of that, she even had to walk a totally dark street alone because someone didn’t change the light bulbs. What a lovely day!
She almost turned into the next street when she noticed a figure who was leaning his back against the wall of an abandoned shop and it seemed that he was struggling. He even murmured to himself but she couldn’t understand him. She didn’t make an effort to do so as he was just a total stranger after all.
Then, when she finally wanted to march on, she realized who it was. Her heart immediately missed a beat.
“No, that can’t be,” she whispered open-mouthed, but out of curiosity and great fear, she took a step forward to the stranger. Then, another one. And then, she crouched down to him.
“Aigoo, Jungkook!” she cried out in horror, examining the boy’s bruises. It looked like he had got beaten up. Badly. His cute, innocent, childlike face was now covered with bruises. “Are you okay? What happened to you? And did you call the ambulance?” she asked stiffly, didn’t want to waste another minute examining him. He was hurt, she was certain of that. He needed help.
Jungkook just looked at her with a tired smile but his eyes were wide open. It was obvious that he was surprised to see her. Not like it wasn’t her neighbourhood. But they didn’t meet one single time in this area after their break-up. So, it must have been fate that she happened to notice him that particular day.
“Jungkook, say something!” she touched his face to make sure that he was awake. “Are you even conscious?”
“Yeah,” he nodded slowly, still amazed at her who was looking down on him with worried eyes.
“I will call an ambulance,” Miyeon decided and took her phone out of her pocket but Jungkook stopped her. He grabbed her wrist, earnestly but softly. His eyes were begging her not to. His whole appearance was calm and tired. It exactly looked like he was trying to recover after a huge fight.
She withdrew and let out a sigh. She couldn’t even imagine who was the one who had beaten him. Did he start the fight or the other guy? Well, it must have been a guy after all. And what was the reason of their fight? What could it be?
“Okay,” she said finally, still maintaining the eye-contact. Jungkook took the hint and released her hand. She tucked away her phone and looked at the boy, still insistent. “But you need help. I mean, medical help.”
“I’m okay. Don’t worry.”
“You tell me not to worry?” she asked, almost furiously. “Then, you shouldn’t get into a fight and get beaten up! I do worry about you, and even if you don’t want to, I will still do.”
Miyeon’s confession was sudden but still sincere. Although she wasn’t thinking what she was saying, she didn’t regret it.
A surprised look came into the boy’s eyes after hearing her headstrong sentences. His eyes widened and were filled with solemnity and undeniable sadness. They were like those bright stars that you see at night − still searching for their place in the world while lightning up the dark sky. Just like those small stars, Jungkook didn’t know either that he could hugely affect people. For instance, Miyeon’s life was hugely affected by him.
“Alright, then. If you don’t want to go to the hospital, I won’t force you. But at least, come with me! I have antiseptic and plasters, so I will make sure that your wounds won’t get any worse,” she offered but really wanted him to come with her. It hurt her even to see him in that condition, so she didn’t want to make it even worse. Jungkook needed someone to take care of him and if he was stupid enough to struggle alone in a dark, abandoned street, then anyone would do better than him.
“Deal?” she exclaimed impatiently. Jungkook thought for a moment and then, nodded slowly. It wasn’t a confident nod but it was still one.
“Deal.”
“Alright. First things first. Have you hurt your leg? Can you walk?”
“I’ll try,” the boy said as he got to his feet and took a few steps. His condition didn’t seem so bad but he walked cautiously, so she offered her help. First, he wanted to resist but then he changed his mind as he almost fell after a few meters.
He leaned his weight on her shoulder and she helped him walk to her house. They both remained silent until they reached their destination. There, she took the keys out of her bag and opened the door. Once they got in and she locked it, a joyful, soft voice shouted from the living room.
“Hi, Mimi!”
„Oh, no! I’ve totally forgotten about her,” she frowned realizing whose voice it was.
It was her grandmother who was there because she was going to spend the whole weekend with her. As their parents were celebrating their wedding anniversary, they decided to go on a weekend trip to Busan. They left that afternoon and were not coming back until Sunday evening. They literally ordered her grandmother to take care of Miyeon until they were gone. Not like she couldn’t stay at home alone for a few days at the age of 18. More like they thought that she would burn down the house or throw a party without their permission. Even though it didn’t make any sense because she wasn’t that kind of girl.
„Mimi? Is that your nickname?” Jungkook suddenly asked with an amused smile.
„Shh…” she tried to make him quiet, so she put her index finger on his lips.
„It’s kind of cute,” he still muttered while smirking. Oh, that damn smirk! She would have given everything to see him like this in the last few months but now, she just wanted that grin to disappear from his face.
„Hi, granny. Where are you?”
„I’m in the living room. Come, and join me! Your favourite show is on. You know, the one with the fake married couples.”
„Do you watch We Got Married?” chuckled the boy and he didn’t even make an effort to stay quiet. He looked particularly amused, even his eyes were laughing at her.
„Shh…” Miyeon said in annoyance, giving him a frowning look. „Okay, one sec. But I really need to go to the toilet,” she added as a back-up plan. The golden maknae found this even funnier and almost started to laugh if she didn’t cover his mouth with her hands.
„That’s alright, honey. Should I peel some apples for you?”
„Oh, no, thanks, I’m not hungry. Just watch the show, you better not miss any of it because I’ll have to know what’s going on.”
„Okay, hurry up,” she shouted and stayed silent for the next few seconds.
Miyeon let out a relieved sigh because she was sure that her grandmother wouldn’t come out of the living room to look for her. She couldn’t walk well due to her age and the living room was also far enough from the corridor so that they could go upstairs silently.
Once they got in her room, she locked her door and felt a need to facepalm. It was almost like a scene from a silly comedy. She mentally gave herself a good slap for being so oblivious.
“Your grandma is cute,” Jungkook blurted out, still leaning his weight on her shoulder. He was excitedly looking around him and she only realized from his facial expression that it was his first time entering her room.
“Aigoo! I’m really sorry. I swear I’ve forgotten that she’s here,” she insisted as she was helping the guy to lean his back against the wall and sit down on her purple carpet.
“It’s okay,” he shrugged his shoulders and smiled. Gosh, he still smiled like an angel and she got goose bumps every time she saw him smiling. „Where are your parents?”
„It’s their wedding anniversary, so they are on a weekend trip to Busan,” she answered while sitting down on her chair, so she could finally rest and even see Jungkook properly. The words seemed to bite into him and she immediately knew why. „I’m sorry,” she apologised right away but he merely shrugged. Even though his parents were divorced a few months now, he still had that hurt look when the topic was happy parents without problems. Or at least parents who hadn’t divorced yet.
„No, that’s okay. You shouldn’t apologise,” he gave her a fake smile and it was sad and hurtful to see him like this. “And your brother?”
“He took the chance, so he’s going to be with his buddies all weekend. I think they are at Baekhyun’s,” she answered but couldn’t look into his eyes.
Chanyeol was now one of the things that she didn’t like to talk about. It was even scary to think how much he hated her. It was crazy how things changed after Dara. Once, they were teasing each other, fighting for the remote control and laughing uncontrollably. Then, he couldn’t even stand eating dinner at the same table with her. She knew that everything can change in the blink of an eye. Yet, she didn’t know how true this saying was until she had to experience it.
„So, why did you get beaten up?”
She broached the subject so directly but couldn’t hold it back anymore. Jungkook’s smile immediately vanished and a more serious look came into his eyes.
„I can’t tell you. You will get mad,” he shook his head while trying to avoid eye-contact. His whole presence was calm and it looked like he had perfectly taken control of his emotions. However, there was something suspicious about him. He hid something and Miyeon needed to know what it was. Even though they weren’t a couple anymore, she still cared about him. Probably more than an ex-girlfriend should have done, but what could she do when her heart immediately started to beat faster the moment she saw him? And seeing his bruises made her feel more than terrified. She was scared to death.
„We didn’t keep secrets,” she pointed out to him but regretted right away. Jungkook looked up, directly at her and his eyes said otherwise. She knew that she was lying. He knew it, too.
„Obviously, you did. You didn’t tell me that you felt uncomfortable around me. That you really do care about what others say about us. That they hurt you and threaten you.”
„You didn’t have to know that,” Miyeon insisted and was having a hard time expressing her hidden feelings. It was so hard to tell the guy who she was in love with and who she is still in love with that it wasn’t his mistake that she wanted to break up. It wasn’t about him. It was all about wrong timing, wrong situations and wrong choices. It was all about her.
„I was your boyfriend! I should have known that,” he raised his voice to be more convincing and the clumsy fondness in his voice was kind of reassuring. How could he still be like that? So warm-hearted and caring in spite of all the hardships she caused him? Because accepting her decision was one thing. But bearing what was following after the news spread that they weren’t together was another one. However, Jungkook remained invulnerable, no matter what. Something that she wasn’t capable of.
„You couldn’t have done anything to stop them. I was the weak one, I couldn’t bear their nasty gossip,” admitted Miyeon and shifted her gaze ashamedly. It was so hard to maintain eye-contact when all she could see was the bitter sparkle in the boy’s eyes.
„But still. If you said to me, I could try to do something.”
„Stop it, Jungkook!” she said solemnly and didn’t even the least intend to scare him but he still cautiously flinched. “You don’t have to blame yourself.”
„Why not? You said that we should break up because I’m too popular and you can’t stand all the hate that you got. Because of me, of course. So, I guess it was all because of me.”
„Jungkook, you were the most perfect boyfriend I could have asked for. And you’re still the most caring and light-hearted person I know, so believe me, it wasn’t because of you,” Miyeon explained, trying to sound confident and firm but she failed as her voice shook a little when she continued. “I’m the one to blame because I’m not strong enough, okay? I hate myself but I just can’t help it. I care about what they say and I can’t be cool and tough when someone threatens me. I just can’t,” she cried out and almost burst into tears.
She hated herself, even more than before. She always had low self-esteem but after those nasty stuff and sorrowful break-up, she could hardly look in the mirror. The girl she would see was weak and fragile. But the girl she wanted to be was brave and reckless. Someone who wasn’t afraid of anyone. Someone who she could never be.
„But that’s what boyfriends for,” exclaimed Jungkook with fierce gaze. It seemed that he didn’t want to give it up; he was a tireless fighter when it came to the matters of the heart. He probably thought that this case was also worth fighting for. “To protect their girlfriends and get them away from those haters.”
Miyeon wanted nothing more than to hug the boy and feel his strong as well as soft arms around her tiny body while breathing the scent of his recently washed shirt. The scent of vanilla and cinnamon. The scent of Jungkook.
However, this was all her imagination now. Those times were long gone when things like that felt natural and convenient. She didn’t deserve his love anymore even though she wanted to. Even though he said those words that proved that he wasn’t over her.
She let out a heavy, sorrowful sigh.
„It’s all over now,” that was all she could muster.
„Yeah, it is.”
Jungkook agreed in a nod and they maintained the eye-contact for God knows how long. She let herself get lost in his view and her eyes went every detail of the boy sitting on her carpet, leaning his back against the wall. He was charming in every single way. He could be cute with his bunny smile and exploding cheekbones but that day, he was just an appealing guy who got beaten up. His wounds made him even more attractive. They kind of fit to his jet-black eyes, raven-black hair and solemn expression.
„You really don’t want to tell me why you got beaten up?” she insisted to know the truth because Jungkook wasn’t a bad guy. He was usually a calm, peaceful personal who had perfect control of himself. During those months when they were together, she saw him being angry or getting offended at something but she couldn’t imagine him getting in a fight.
Instead of answering, the golden maknae shifted his gaze away in shame. Miyeon sighed.
„Right, I’ll get some antiseptic,” she decided while ruffling her hair in frustration. She got to her feet and almost reached the handle when Jungkook asked her:
„Do you still like me?”
It was so sudden that Miyeon had to remind herself to breathe. The feelings which filled her heavy heart exploded right away and she soon felt that chills were running down her spine. She immediately stopped and stared at the door open-mouthed.
After a few seconds of silence, she opened it and walked to the bathroom, the question still repeating in her mind. She didn’t need to think about her response.
Of course I like you. I never stopped liking you.
Her answer was as simple and as complicated as that.
 ▌▌
 A few minutes later, she came back with an antiseptic and a disinfectant which she quickly made after examining a book of her parents’ about minor cuts and abrasions.
„Are you sure that you don’t want to phone the boys?” she crouched down to him, trying to concentrate only on his bruises but it was extremely hard when his jet-black eyes were sparkling like little shooting stars.
„I texted Namjoon. I’m sure that he told the others.”
Miyeon nodded with a slight smile. Of course he told the boys while she was away. These seven guys were like real brothers. They were literally glued together and spent all their time together. When Miyeon and Jungkook were a couple, she spent most of her time with them. Even though they were undeniably odd and a little bit too childish but they were boys after all. She could handle them after spending her childhood beside a little brother and other than their crazy periods, they were surprisingly warm-hearted and caring guys.
„And your parents?”
„No way!” he shook his head decisively and pursed his lips. “They can’t know that their son got in trouble. They would get into a fight again and start blaming each other. I don’t want that.”
She could understand his persistence. Little by little, as they started to get closer to each other, Jungkook revealed more and more about his life, consisting his parents. She knew a lot about what it’s like to be the only son of divorced parents and what concessions he got and what rules he couldn’t break.
„But I’m sure they are worried about you,” she went on but he merely shrugged his shoulder. When he finally spoke, his voice seemed cold and insensible but she could read him now. He was hurt. Maybe other people would have thought that he was such an ice prince, he didn’t even have feelings. But as far as she was concerned, she knew that he had feelings. That’s why he acted like that − it hurt to have feelings.
„They think that I’m at Namjoon’s house. If they call him, he will lie that I’m there.”
She didn’t know what to say, he planned it so precisely. But what could he do? He got beaten up and she wanted to take care of him, so she dragged him home with her. Even though she was selfish, she didn’t want the boys to show up. Not yet.
„What? Am I bothering you? Then, I’ll call one of the boys and−“ offered the boy with a cautious flinch but she immediately protested, decisively shaking her head.
„No, no! I’m just… worried about you,” confessed coyly and had to bit her lip. It was so weird to say something like that to your ex-boyfriend. Because she couldn’t deny that the feeling in her heart was steady; she still liked him. Even though she knew that she didn’t have another chance.
„Some things never change,” Jungkook said while resting his head in his hands. He gave her a shy smile that almost caused her a heart attack. Well, obviously the way she felt about him didn’t change either.
„And I can’t understand you,” she sighed heavily. Was it really that hard for him to tell her the truth? Was she really such a big sinner that she didn’t deserve to get answers anymore? “Why on Earth a boy like you get into a fight?”
„You really have no idea, right?” he clicked his tongue and furrowed his eyebrows questioningly. Miyeon pouted.
„No. And you don’t help, either.”
„I promise it’s nothing serious,” he demanded and his stubborn attitude was slowly getting on her nerves. Gosh, he was so mysterious! She remembered that meeting him was almost as secretive as this particular talk but she thought that it wasn’t that big of a deal. However, it seemed that he didn’t intend to talk about it at all, so she just added in annoyance:
„If it was nothing serious, you wouldn’t get beaten up.”
The next few seconds were spent with gazing at each other, trying to read each other’s minds. Neither of them said anything and the only thing they could hear was the intense beating of their hearts and the distant sounds of the television downstairs. Finally, Miyeon decided to get to her feet because she couldn’t stand maintaining the eye-contact. On top of that, she was really hungry, so she wanted to get some food.
„You know Bobby from our class…” Jungkook started speaking when she almost reached the handle. His voice came out hoarse but confident. She shifted her attention to him, nodding constantly. „He works at a bakery where we used to go.”
„Yeah, I remember,” she said crossly but bit her lip because the boy finally wanted to talk and she immediately interrupted him. She mentally cursed herself for being such an idiot but Jungkook didn’t seem to mind it. He let out a heavy sigh before he continued the story.
„So, I walked in the bakery today, and he was smiling the whole damn time while I was there. I asked him why and first, he said that it was nothing. And then, he asked: ‘What? Isn’t that brunette girl coming with you? Oh, wait! Right, I heard that she dumped you. But you know, there’s always a bitch like her,’ ” he quoted with a disgusted flinch on his face and his acting was so impressive that she had to hold her breath for a moment. She was totally speechless, her heart and her whole body was trembling with great fear and anxiety. She didn’t even want to speak for a moment. Not like she could.
Oh my dear! She couldn’t believe it, it all seemed to be a piece of a big puzzle which she wasn’t able to solve. But when she figured out the whole story, her heart missed a beat.
„And then you−„ she started cautiously looking at the boy who nodded confidently.
„I punched him. And I still don’t regret it,” he clicked his tongue, shrugging. It was a whole new side of him, he wasn’t even ashamed of what had happened. Miyeon didn’t know what was more surprising − to know the truth or to know that he got beaten up because of her. “He said that you are a bitch. And that I can find someone like you anywhere. Those are two damn lies.”
She stared at him for a moment, her lips slightly parted. A mixture of surprise and sadness was running through her body while her heart was still beating like a drum. The seconds seemed unbreakable.
„Hey, your favourite couple comes up next,” her grandma shouted suddenly and even her usual soft and joyful voice scared the shaking girl. She budged a little, still gazing at Jungkook. “Don’t you want to see them?”
„I’m coming, granny,” she shouted back when finally found her voice. She blinked more to try to get over the shock which she had been through some moments ago. „Stay here. I’ll make sure that she won’t come up until… until you stay here,” she pointed at the golden maknae who looked at her, curiously raising his eyebrows, his bruises almost shining on his pale skin and she noticed a slight twinkle in his jet-black eyes.
„Can you get some food for me?” he asked cutely and for the first time that day, she couldn’t help herself but to laugh. It was such an ordinary and somewhat innocent request that she almost forgot what they had been talking about. „Hey, I’m hungry. And I got beaten up.”
„Okay, I’ll see what I can get for you,” she promised right away and turned to open the door. She couldn’t deny that a small smile appeared on her face the moment she stepped into the corridor.
▌▌
 The hours flew by quickly. They didn’t even need to try hard to come up with topics to talk about because they always had something to ask or share. They both eased off after some time and ate their dinner together. Obviously, her grandmother was sort of suspicious when she went upstairs with a big plate full of food, even though she had said before that she wasn’t hungry. Jungkook was eating joyfully and she had to force herself to concentrate on her food and shifted her gaze away from the boy.
Eating and telling stories was something they used to do when they were a lovey-dovey couple but it still remained cosy. They were a little bit cautious at first, trying not to say something that would hurt the other. However, they even started to tease each other after a while and got into a pillow fight. It all started when Miyeon wanted to give Jungkook a pillow since he decided to sleep on the carpet and not in Chanyeol’s room, so she grabbed one and launched it at him. It hit him right in the face and before she could apologise, he threw it back. And after that, there was no turning back: they probably had the best pillow fight of their life, although the boy didn’t even get up from the ground. It was a night that she thought she wouldn’t forget easily.
When it was time to go to bed, Miyeon felt a pleasant kind of sadness. Jungkook still acted like they were good friends and didn’t scoff at her for being such a coward to ask him to break up. He was just his usual self but that was enough for her to fall for him again and again. How could anybody be like him? So generous and warm-hearted, even after their break-up? Gosh, if he wasn’t an angel, she didn’t want to believe there was one.
“Can I ask you something?” Miyeon asked cautiously after covering Jungkook with blankets and walking to her bed. She sat down, looking down on the boy who was raising his eyebrows curiously.
“Yeah, sure. What is it?” he responded in such a cool way that she knew he thought that it was something ordinary like ‘What was the Maths homework?’ or something like that. But she wasn’t exactly thinking about that.
“Why are you like this?” she asked and her voice sounded faint. “I mean I’ve hurt you even though you didn’t deserve it and you still treated me like I’ve done nothing wrong,” she added while lacing her fingers together and started examining her nails. She wasn’t brave enough to look at the boy because she was so afraid what she would see. The picture of Jungkook − hands trembling, looking paler than ever while his eyes losing their usual sparkle − was still hunting in her nightmares.
The golden maknae didn’t say anything for a moment or so. She could only hear his breathing and the sound of her heartbeat. Time seemed to stop there; everything was quiet, sleepy and fragile. Then, his whisper broke the silence.
“Even stars lost their ways sometimes,” he murmured mysteriously and her heart missed a beat. He looked at the boy curiously but he had already closed his eyes and was breathing quietly. She stared at him for God knows how long, thinking how could she deserve to know him? What would happen if he didn’t start a conversation on 1st September when they were on the same bus? What would they miss if they didn’t have that deal?
She was thinking, playing different scenarios in her mind until she finally fell asleep.
 ▌▌
 The next morning was sunny and bright; all the rain and grey clouds disappeared from the sky. Miyeon slowly opened her eyes and started to get out from her bed when last night’s memories stricken her like lightning.
“Oh, hey!” Jungkook welcomed her with an amused smile, seeing her surprised face. But how could she not be surprised? That damn guy was doing some stretching in her room! His legs seemed perfectly fine and he seemed more than attractive doing those exercises. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” she nodded, still puzzled. “You look very refreshed after sleeping,” she noticed suspiciously, still looking at him who was now finished with his warming up and stayed in the middle of the room, his hands behind his head, showing his perfect muscles. She gulped.
“Well, maybe because your cream works like magic. Or maybe because I didn’t hurt it so bad,” he shrugged and innocently raised his eyebrows. Miyeon had to think for a moment before she exclaimed. Her voice was demanding but not furious at all. More like surprised.
“Oh no! You can’t say that you didn’t even hurt it!”
“Of course I’ve hurt it. But I believe my acting was so impressive that you thought that it really hurt like hell,” he explained with an appealing smirk. Oh dear! How could she be mad at him when he smirked like that? She knew that this boy was her weakness, her addiction and her best mistake so far. It was impossible to be mad at him for something so childish like last night’s trick.
“Aigoo, Jungkook! You’re so cunning!” she admitted, still shaking her head in disbelief. The boy smiled smugly, looking so freakingly proud of himself. “Then, if your condition isn’t as bad as I’ve thought, how long are you planning to stay here?” she asked curiously, tilting her head in contemplation. She didn’t want to be rude but it was a sensible question. On top of that, she knew that she couldn’t keep him as a secret for the whole weekend because her grandma was suspicious enough for the time being. But telling her that a beaten-up guy was sleeping in her room was something that maybe she couldn’t handle and she didn’t intend to give her a heart attack.
“It’s really, really bad, believe me…” he protested, touching his left leg but when their eyes met, he laughed out loud. “No, no, I’m just kidding. I’ll go right away if you want me to,” he continued and she knew that he wasn’t acting now.
Miyeon had to ponder for a thought to decide what to say. It was sensible to send him home after staying at her house for a whole night but she couldn’t deny that she was having so much fun beside him. Also, Jungkook suddenly pouted sadly and she felt so bad, she immediately changed her mind.
“Can you help me with the Maths homework before you go? I’m sure I’ll need some help,” she said anxiously but it was true enough that she wasn’t good at Maths. Not like Jungkook, of course.
“Sure. Let’s do it together then,” he announced excitedly and clapped his hands. Miyeon suppressed a smile while they were both looking for their Maths book. She thanked God that Jungkook even had his bag with him, so they could really do it together.
It turned out that Jungkook wasn’t a bad teacher after all. He was precise, patient and consistent. He really tried his best to help her and she appreciated that. It was way easier to solve the tasks together and she didn’t even feel herself stupid. The minutes passed so quickly and it was her turn to be the teacher when the boy asked her to help him with the English homework. She knew that English wasn’t his favourite subject but he tried his best to do the tasks, so it wasn’t hard to be his teacher. Sometimes she couldn’t help but to stare at him and examined his coal-black hair and athletic body when he was immersed into solving a task.
They just finished with the homework when someone knocked on the door. Miyeon got to her feet, almost running to reach the handle and whispered to Jungkook to hide in her wardrobe. The boy stood there confused for a second, his eyes wide open and didn’t even try to budge. Then, he rushed to her wardrobe and closed the door behind him.
She let out a relieved sigh and was ready to open the door.
“Good morning, Mimi,” her grandma started with a huge smile on her face. She looked totally radiant and Miyeon had to admit that she didn’t seem to suspect anything. Thank God! How could she explain what had happened? Her grandma didn’t even meet Jungkook, so it would be a terrible idea to blurt out that she was hiding his ex-boyfriend in her wardrobe. Who got beaten up, to make matters worse. “Breakfast is ready but I’m going to go shopping, so I leave you alone for an hour. Is that okay, sweetie?” she raised one of her eyebrows curiously and gave her a delightful smile.
“Yeah, sure. Thank you, granny,” she nodded and quickly kissed her on the cheek. Even though it was an ordinary act, she still looked surprised.
“You’re welcome,” she shrugged and finally walked away. She didn’t even close the door until she made sure that her grandma left the house. Then, she walked to her wardrobe and knocked on its door.
“Everything is clear now,” she announced and a second later, Jungkook got out of her wardrobe. When their eyes met, they both burst into laughter.
“I believe it was the sign that I must go now,” he declared, still giggling but she knew that he meant it seriously. She suddenly felt so bad because the night before wasn’t even as chaotic as she thought that it would be. They were comfortable around each other, telling stories, joking naturally and having fun. Everything was just as ordinary and heart-warming as a scene from a love story. She didn’t want it to end but knew that they have to say goodbye.
Miyeon nodded in agreement and watched as he was packing his Maths book away and grabbing his bag, ready to go to Namjoon’s. His plan was to spend the weekend at the tough-looking guy’s house as his bruises were still visible and he didn’t want his parents to notice them right away.
She led him to the front door where they both stopped and stood face-to-face. His jet-black eyes were shining like beautiful diamonds and his bunny smile was like a ray of sunshine. She couldn’t help smiling like an idiot.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Miyeon asked insistently, raising one of her eyebrows. Even though the golden maknae had played a trick on her for acting like he really hurt his leg, she was still worried about him.
“Yes. Thank you for taking care of me,” he added, running a hand through his hair which was way more attractive than it should have been.
“Anytime,” she confessed but bit her lip when realized what she had just said. Her heart was already beating faster than ever but when Jungkook cracked a little smile when he heard her response, she thought that her heart would explode.
“Goodbye.”
“Goodbye,” she waved as he was walking again, looking back from time to time with a cute smile on his face.
Miyeon knew that this goodbye wasn’t as painful and decisive as the last one. Maybe it was a start of something new.
But there was one thing she knew for sure − sometimes those damn lies are enough to separate you. And sometimes even two damn lies are enough to get you closer.
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restlessmaknae · 6 years
Text
Those damn smirks
Part III of my series called That damn thing we call love.
Part 1 :: Those damn boots :: Boy meets that damn thing we call love.
Part 2 :: Those damn lies :: Boy meets that damn thing we call heartbreak.
Part 3 :: Those damn smirks ::  Boy meets that damn thing we call second chance.
Part 4 :: Those damn words ::  Boy meets that damn thing we call confession.
Genre: fluff, comedy, slice of life, a bit of angst
Setting: high school!AU
Words: 10.6k
Main Characters: Jeon Jungkook x OC
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It was an exceptionally beautiful August with the sound of cheerful birds singing on top of trees and golden rays of sunshine painting the mackerel sky.
As far as Korean students were concerned, the school year had already started despite the beautiful weather and the effort to spend outside as much time as they could. Miyeon was also pouting sadly, looking up at the picturesque sky dotted with tiny cirrocumulus clouds while listening to Taeyeon’s enthusiastic chattering about her attempt to taste the well-known Peking duck.
They were walking side by side after taking the same bus, recalling those good old days before Taeyeon had left to China. Now, her student exchange program had come to an end and she was back again to start the new school year with Miyeon. Well, with one little twist; she was attending the junior’s classes because her mother insisted on repeating the grade as her Chinese trip was just a once in a lifetime cultural experience and not an educational course. As a result, they weren’t in the same year, so Miyeon would have to take the CSAT one year earlier than her best friend.
“Believe me, that guy is seriously way too gentle to be real,” her best friend stated with awe and shifted her attention to the girl walking beside her. Taeyeon suspiciously raised an eyebrow in question, making her doubt clear. Miyeon blushed ashamedly as she realized that she was totally lost in thought and tried to puzzle up the words she had said. “You have no idea who I was talking about,” she went on and her lips slowly curved into a teasing smile. Her chocolate brown eyes were filled with playfulness and sparkled like two little diamonds. That was what she had missed the most; when she was way too happy and couldn’t suppress her beautiful, angel-like smile. That girl was seriously too beaming to live in this degenerate world.
“Well, not really,” Miyeon admitted, nibbling her lips and cautiously shot her a timid smile. Taeyeon couldn’t hold herself back anymore, she immediately burst into laughter.
“Alright, I was talking about Mark, our new exchange student, but who cares about him when your favourite boy is coming just our way,” she started in a mocking tone which immediately turned into the typical ‘I exactly know what’s going on’ Taeyeon tone. She nudged her and pointed to a bunch of boys who were walking towards the school’s entrance door. They were chattering loudly and joyfully, sometimes bumped their fists together or slightly hustled each other but totally ignored everyone around them, they were just having fun.
Unfortunately, Taeyeon chose time moment to leave her alone because she noticed Byun Baekhyun pushing the entrance door and hastily ran after him. She watched as her silhouette faded away and let out a heavy sigh. She knew that there was a lot for the two to talk about but she really had to disappear at such an unfortunate timing?
She understood her because the couple had lots of quarrels regarding Taeyeon’s student exchange program which she signed before she got closer to him. Yet, they still got together and she still insisted on going to China. They had a serious fight on the day of her departure and didn’t even talk until she got back a week ago. Now, everything was a little bit awkward and confusing for them but it was obvious that they still liked each other. Plus, they had a lot of time to puzzle out their feelings and spend more time together as they were classmates from that year because lucky Byun Baekhyun was one year younger than her. Not to mention that he was one of Chanyeol’s best friends.
Marching on alone, the encounter was inevitable. It must have been fate but Miyeon and the squad reached the entrance door at the same time, thus they had to decide who would go first. It was a little bit embarrassing as the boys’ conversation suddenly stopped and it was followed by an awkward pause. Miyeon caught sight of the subtly smiling Jungkook and felt her face turning red. He got even more attractive during the summer break and looked manlier than ever. Nonetheless, when he shot his typical bunny smile and his cute cheekbones exploded, he was the same old Jungkook who she was so fond of. Not that she didn’t like him waggling his eyebrows or giving a smug smirk directed at her but she fell in love with that innocent-looking Jungkook who looked at her so dearly when they spent their birthday together a year ago.
“Miyeon-ah, so good to see you!” exclaimed Taehyung, grinning from ear to ear and subconsciously hugged her. It was a rather clumsy but affectionate hug but she was so startled to get such a warm welcoming that she could hardly speak.
“Good to see you, too, Taehyung,” she patted his back and waited for him to let her go. She noticed Jungkook gulping a little bit too edgily but shook off the thought right away.
“Please, Taehyung, just let her go unless you don’t want this poor girl to suffocate!” Hoseok joined in, rolling his eyes in disbelief but one of his trademark grins was forming on his lips. He looked exactly the same with his obsidian-black, slightly curly hair, smiling eyes and sloppy jeans. He was still good-looking but couldn’t defeat Seokjin who had probably got a new haircut because his hair looked a little bit shorter and it was just as neatly-cut as he had come from the hairdresser’s.
It came as no surprise that Yoongi now changed his hair colour from bleached blonde to mysterious grey but it actually suited him. Jimin was no longer the redhead but opt for the natural look with fluffy, brown curls which actually looked better than anything else before. There was no change in Namjoon’s hair colour or behaviour, he kindly waved at her direction but cautiously glanced at Taehyung who finally let her go.
Lastly, she couldn’t forget about the seventh boy who was coyly smiling at her, his jet-black eyes shining like attractive black little holes while his intense stare seemed to pierce into her soul. Oh boy, was he even aware of the fact that he was so appealing that it was almost illegal? He was like an addiction, a drug or the most dangerous sickness of all times; as you were spending time with him, you impulsively wanted more and more.
“It’s been such a long time since we last saw you,” Jimin ran his hand through his chocolate brown hair while the others nodded in agreement. “What have you been up to?” he asked and the curiosity in his voice didn’t go unnoticed. Everyone else also stared at her with their eyes wide open and shining with fondness. Miyeon couldn’t help but peeked a bit at Jungkook’s direction but immediately turned her face away when he shot her one of his typical smirks. That boy was unbelievable!
“Nothing much,” she shrugged but continued, noticing the boys’ disappointed glances. “Visiting my grandparents, reading a lot of mangas, watching animes and finishing an English course.”
“An English course?” Namjoon raised one of his eyebrows in question but after her confident nod, he flinched appreciatively. Hoseok was clapping heartily, Seokjin shook his head saying that she was way too good at everything, Jimin and Taehyung were grinning proudly as if they had finished the course themselves while Jungkook started at her open-mouthed. She wouldn’t think that it would be a jaw-dropping mark but for him, it seemed that it was.
“Maybe you should teach Jungkookie,” Taehyung blurted out with his totally innocent look which resulted in the golden maknae’s irritated grumble. The eldest immediately comforted him by saying:
“He’s not that bad.”
“I remember vividly that the first English sentence which I’ve heard from him was ‘I like you,’” Namjoon recalled the memory with a playful twinkle in his pitch-black eyes while the other guy’s cheeks suddenly flushed. He looked so embarrassed, exactly the opposite of the way too charming guy during dance practices. Miyeon giggled a bit but tried hard not to show her huge grin. She was having so much fun.
“Omo, what a cheeky boy!” Hoseok said, patting the youngest guy’s back and cheerfully guffawed. She looked at this almost ordinary situation and wondered how precious these guys were. They could never get offended at whatever the others said and even comforted each other during hardships. She almost forgot how much she liked the boys but whenever she almost did, they always showed up and reminded her that the feeling in her heart was still steady.
“I’m sure you’ll nail the CSAT,” Yoongi added rubbing his chin and suppressed a yawn. She felt delightful from the thought of him not even changing a bit because she liked the way he was. After his reassuring statement on the haters’ issue, she respected the boy even more and considered him as someone who she would go if she needed a piece of advice.
“Nah, don’t mention it on the first day of school, please,” she pouted sadly, thinking of the exams which felt closer than ever but still a little bit further at the same time. She always got goose bumps when she realised that it was her senior year. The last year with the class, the last year in high school and the last year with the boys. The last year with Jungkook.
“How about you? What’s up with you, guys?” she made an attempt to change the subject because she got nervous all of a sudden. However, the squad didn’t seem to mind her request and started sharing their stories about visiting relatives in Busan, trying out a new kimchi recipe, building a bird house, writing some poems which were published in a magazine or even making new choreographies. The golden maknae was characteristically quiet but proudly smiled at all his friends’ achievements.
Suddenly, someone cleared his throat and it turned out to be Jackson Wang who wanted to get to the entrance door but they were in the way. Of course, he teased them a bit as they bowed ashamedly and decided to continue chatting in the hallways but didn’t take the situation too seriously as he wasn’t that kind of guy. He even joined in and she soon found out that he was actually a quite talkative person.
“You guys are performing on the dance festival, right?” Jackson raised his eyebrows while looking mostly at Jungkook, Hoseok and Jimin. Miyeon knew that the three boys were at the same dance association, in the same team but never really saw them performing on a festival. She recalled the memories when the golden maknae let her watch some of their practices and made her even more speechless. That guy was exceptionally talented, small wonder why he wanted to be a dance teacher. He was a totally different person while dancing but she couldn’t mind it. He was charismatic, charming and undeniably sexy. Miyeon was surprised to see the change in his behaviour after coming up to her with his usual bunny smile and giving her a sweaty hug.
She shook her head to get away from the memory because now looking at him, it stung right at her heart. She had the chance to be her girlfriend but she was a coward and let him go. She didn’t deserve him but he still acted so affectionately!
“Yeah,” Hoseok responded with his joyful grin. “It’ll be our last performance, though. You know, before the exams,” he added with a little whimper and let out a weak sigh. Jungkook was staring far ahead, probably lost in thought and averted his eyes elsewhere but the others’ face.
“I can’t wait for it. I’m sure you’ll kill it!” Jackson threw his hands in the air in an excited manner which made the boys either bashfully smile or smugly grin.
“It would be hard to do better than you guys,” Jimin complimented immediately, making the blonde guy almost blush before he waved the idea away. Miyeon looked at them, totally confused and helplessly glanced at Jimin who was considerate enough to explain the whole situation. “Jackson and Jinyoung are also at the same association with us but in a different team. And these guys also have some killer moves, so we should practice harder in order not to get ashamed of our own performances.”
“Hmm,” that was all she could master, shifting her attention to the cheerfully giggling blonde one who she knew from school but never imagined that he would be capable of dancing. However, she believed Jimin and accepted the fact that he was pretty good.
“You know what?” Hoseok suddenly clapped his hands in excitement and made poor Kookie bounce in caution. Miyeon couldn’t suppress her chuckle, seeing the boy’s cute reaction. “If you have some free time, you can come and watch our performance. I’m sure you’ll have a great time,” he announced enthusiastically which immediately caused a huge combustion within the boys. They were all in favour of his idea and showed their approval of the plan, even Jackson assumed that she should come and see them. Miyeon listened to them, her heart thumping in bewilderment imagining the boys – and especially Jungkook – on stage, performing one of their incredible choreographies.
Nonetheless, she still cautiously waited for the golden maknae’s reaction who caught her staring at him and his lips slowly curved into a smile. His jet-black eyes were sparkling with beautiful blossoming flowers and shiny shooting stars. He nodded in agreement and although it was just a small sign, it was undeniably a small sign of love.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” she exclaimed happily, making a mental note to herself to remember not to make any plans for the 27th of August when the performance would take place. The boys shared all the details and she couldn’t help but smiled like an idiot. Was it a chance for her to make things right? Or it was just a friendly invitation?
Whatever the case might be, she was sure that she would do anything to attend that festival.
 ▌▌
 The following weeks flew by so quickly. She only realized that the dance festival’s day had come when she was staring at her figure in the mirror while trying out different outfits. As she was rummaging the clothes in her wardrobe, flashbacks and thoughts were scrambling in her head.
August was exceptionally quiet and peaceful as nothing extraordinary had happened. Her heart was finally at peace, knowing that her best friend made up with Baekhyun and was happier than ever. Plus, the squad slowly started acting just as naturally as they did before their break-up and it came as no surprise that they got along pretty well. She wouldn’t let herself believe that she deserves to be happy and surrounded by friends who would keep her company but they were good friends. Sometimes, they even accompanied her and Taeyeon at lunchtime, always making the other girl hysterically laugh who was getting used to the boys’ presence. Well, his boyfriend wasn’t happy about that but they spent pretty much every single second together, so lunchtime was only for the girls. And sometimes the squad’s, too but Taeyeon admitted that she didn’t mind having them around. She even acknowledged that it was impossible not to love them and suspiciously glanced at her, whenever Jungkook was around. She knew her well, so Miyeon didn’t even have to tell her everything; she had already become her relationship consultant.
“Ah, you two are so dense!” her best friend rolled her eyes in annoyance one time, after she saw her waving at the golden maknae’s direction who immediately gave her one of his cutest sheepish smiles. “You still love him and he obviously still loves you! I don’t see what the problem is!” she flung her arms in the air, childishly whining. Even though Taeyeon was in her shoes not too long ago, she acted like a real expert now. Miyeon just nudged her and let out a sorrowful sigh as she continued.
“I don’t want to hurt him, okay? I’ve already broken his heart once, I don’t want to cause more pain,” she nodded her head in great disapproval and tried to shift her attention to the floor of the school’s hallway and not her best friend’s face. She would easily read her and she didn’t want that. Both of them already knew that it hurt like hell to say things like that but this is how things worked for couples who broke up. They still carried their wounds and even if their own scars healed, they weren’t sure about the other party’s condition.
“And what’s with his confession?”
“What confession?” she blinked innocently, although there was one particular conversation which she couldn’t forget so easily. His words were still as soft as a fluffy blanket and covered her with their fondness and warmed her heart. She got goose bumps, every single time the flashback popped up in her mind and couldn’t shake off that hopeful thought that maybe, just maybe it might have meant something.
“Even stars lose their ways sometimes,” Taeyeon quoted with her sweet tone and it sounded so different this time. “So poetic, by the way.” she mumbled to herself, examining her nails, probably thinking how that Byun Baekhyun guy had never said such a thing.
“That was a long time ago,” she resisted, still trying to persuade herself that he probably didn’t mean it that way. It could have been a reassuring comment of a friend, he didn’t mention anything about love or ex-girlfriends.
“Alright, maybe,” she rolled her eyes in frustration and ran a hand through her blondish curls.  “But if he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t invite you to the dance festival.”
“He didn’t invite me,” she added, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her right ear. She didn’t intend to be rude but wanted to make everything perfectly clear. Hoseok was the one who came up with the idea of her attending the festival and she was more than happy to give in. “One of his friends did.”
“But he didn’t protest,” Taeyeon pointed out and she knew that there was no point in disagreeing; she obviously lost the battle. She couldn’t deny that she was absolutely right. Jeon Jungkook wasn’t a toddler anymore; if he didn’t want her to be there, he would have said it. Yet, he didn’t.
Suddenly, there was a determinate knock on the door which made her bounce in surprise. As she was walking towards to open it, she made an attempt to snap out of her thoughts.
“Hey!” yelled Chanyeol with a joyful grin as she finally discovered who the owner of the knock was. “Have you seen my sketchbook? I literally can’t find it anywhere!” he tried to glance into her room and when she looked at her again, his eyes rounded and he let out a surprised squeal. “Oh, wow, where are you going? That dress isn’t something that you usually wear,” he commented, examining her from head to toe which made her blush so deep. He didn’t want to bump into her brother around the time of the festival because she didn’t want to explain the whole story. Why was she even going? Because her friends were there? Or it was all because of Jungkook? Well, she wasn’t even sure about her feelings, so she didn’t want to get tangled up in weird conversations.
“I’m going to a dance festival,” Miyeon answered after she had realised that there was no point in lying to him. His little brother just curiously raised his eyebrows in response and couldn’t suppress his teasing smile when he next started speaking.
“You’re going to see Jungkook, right?” he waggled his eyebrows and didn’t even budge when she slightly hit his shoulder, rather offended.
“I can wear dresses like that even if I don’t meet up with a boy,” she sniffed and gave him a frowning look. He couldn’t mope over her little act as he was having so much fun, seeing her Noona’s reaction out of defence. She was way too obvious.
“Hmm, I see what’s going on,” he rubbed his chin and acted like a total know-it-all. “He’s trying to get you back,” he cooed eagerly while twirling her around for a closer look. She was wearing a pretty, white dress with laces which was once a Christmas present from her granny but she never actually tried it on. Miyeon didn’t even think that there would be an occasion when she would wear it but this dress was the one that caught her attention while she was rummaging in her wardrobe.
“No!” she squealed huffily and shook her head in disagreement. From Chanyeol’s point of view, it was acceptable that he misunderstood the whole situation as he didn’t know that Hoseok was the one who invited her. He wasn’t the only one, though, who acted like that. Everyone seemed to misinterpret their case, even Taeyeon insisted that Jungkook wanted to get her back. Not like she would mind it but instead, she decided to wave the idea away. Why would he even do such a thing? “So, you say that it’s a bit too much?” she asked curiously, looking down at her dress and then up at his little brother. Oh, how she wished that she could wipe off that small smirk on his face.
“No, no, not at all,” he raised his arms in defeat and gave her an affectionate smile when he continued. “You look beautiful, Noona,” he stated in his usual, loving little brother tone and playfully ruffled her hair. His compliment made her heart leap and couldn’t even suppress the smile that crept onto her face. “Should I be worried?” he raised one of his eyebrows in question but her instincts told her that he didn’t even take his own question seriously. “Someone might attack you on the way to the dance festival, you know. Nowadays, there are several creepy freaks on the streets.”
“I can take care of myself,” she stated mildly and her confident response set him at ease. His shoulders loosened and his lips slowly raised into a grin. Miyeon suddenly pinched his cheeks, simply out of amusement but he didn’t seem to mind it. He just laughed at her while his warm, caramel-brown eyes formed happy, little crescents.
“Take care.”
“I will,” she nodded joyfully and waved at the boy who decided to go back to his own room.
Miyeon closed the door while her mind seemed to dwell on those sorrowful months when things were terrifyingly different. When Chanyeol wasn’t her lovely, little brother but almost a stranger who she couldn’t reach out to. Luckily, those weeks didn’t last forever as Baekhyun convinced Chanyeol that Dara was lying and Miyeon was right. He eavesdropped when Dara was once messing with her, blurting out that she didn’t even love the guy, she only needed him to hurt her. It was not until the weekend – the same weekend when Jungkook stayed in her house while Chanyeol was with his buddies – when the beagle line played “Truth or dare” that everything was revealed. After that, as soon as his little brother frantically got home, he bowed ashamedly and asked for her forgiveness. She was so startled that she couldn’t even say a thing. Instead, she let him embrace her while listening to his whispered sorrys.
That day changed everything and the two started acting like nothing had happened. After that weekend, Chanyeol even made a scene with Dara and told her off for lying. She didn’t see him being so furious for the time being but silently gloated at her victory. His brother’s movement resulted in the tranquillity of the following days and weeks. There was no more bullying, no more scoffing and no more rumours. Nothing.
Nonetheless, she wasn’t brave enough to consider making up with Jungkook. Not then, not when her scars hadn’t healed yet. But now, starting the new school year, boosting her self-esteem during the summer break, she knew that the time had come. She was pretty brave, or at least brave enough to give it a try.
 ▌▌
 Everyone was buzzing around the stage of the Big Hit Dance Studio’s Autumn Dance Festival which was held outdoors. She excitedly bounced as she arrived but started to dread the sight of the huge crowd and tried to peek over people’s shoulders. She was craving for a familiar face and pouted sadly when she realised that it was almost a dead case. There were so many people, she suddenly felt so small and elegantly dressed compared to the hip-hop lover spectators who wore shabby trousers and colourful T-shirts.
All of a sudden, she felt a slight pat on her shoulder and when she turned her heel, she saw a familiar face, standing right in front of her.
“Oh, Seokjin, thank God!” she let out a relieved sigh and her face slowly dissolved into a half-smile. The handsome guy looked puzzled for a moment, not knowing why she was so grateful that he showed up but then, he gave one of his cutest proud grins.
“I know, right? Every single day, I thank God for my handsomeness−“ he started smugly but was cut off by an excited scream.
“You came!” Taehyung exclaimed, slightly shoving the elder guy who rolled his eyes but not in annoyance. Soon, Namjoon and Yoongi showed up behind the childishly giggling Taehyung who insisted that he had noticed her from several hundred meters and ran to welcome her as soon as possible. The other two guys were walking in their usual pace but got there on time when they started discussing Miyeon’s dress.
“You look pretty.”
“You’re literally stunning,” Taehyung joined in after Seokjin’s compliment that both made her face turn scarlet-red. She wasn’t used to such nice words because she was either wearing her school uniform or a pair of trousers with a nice T-shirt. The boys rarely see her without the uniform, small wonder why they were so dumbfounded.
“I hope Jungkookie won’t faint when he sees you,” Namjoon added, his eyes hinting at his amusement. She felt her cheeks flushing and her heart beating in bewilderment. Although she forced herself not to think of it, she blushed deeply at the thought of Jungkook seeing her like that. A weird kind of confidence had taken hold of her as she was wearing the pretty, white dress, knowing that the guys approved of her outfit. On the contrary, she almost regretted opting for a dress over an aesthetic blouse with jeans because it was quite windy and she would definitely have to stand there for a few more hours. It was already the end of August, a lovely Saturday afternoon and the dance festival was perfect for that day but maybe not for her outfit.
“When will they perform?” Miyeon inquired, her chocolate-brown eyes shining with curiosity.
“They’ll be the last to perform,” Yoongi responded with a bored yawn and averted his eyes to the stage where staff members had already started fidgeting. She let out a frustrated whine because she was on the edge; she wanted to see the boys’ performance as soon as possible. But that was her luck. Of course, they would be the last.
“Ah, I feel you,” Taehyung caught her disappointed flinch and patted her shoulder sympathetically. “I’m so excited to see what they’re coming up with. And honestly, I can’t wait to tease them if they make a mistake,” he added, mischievously waggling his eyebrows. Namjoon gave him a frowning look, Seokjin mildly smiled at his childish threat and Yoongi shook his head like he knew him too well and was totally aware of the fact that he wouldn’t do so.
“May I have your attention, please?” a husky, confident voice filled the air which resulted in the audience’s excited buzzing. Miyeon turned around to face the stage where a middle-aged man held a microphone with a stern look displaying on his face. As he started talking again, it turned out that he was Bang Si Hyuk, the founder of the Big Hit Dance Studios.
After his greeting, the dance festival officially started. The next one hour was filled with constant surprises and gummy hustle-bustle. She saw several jaw-dropping performances and didn’t even make an attempt to hide her awe. The dancers’ moves were always on point, so precise yet so passionate. They were beautifully elegant and mysteriously attractive at the same time. Everyone was exceptionally talented but she couldn’t shake off that lingering feeling as she only wished to see one particular performance. Her heart always missed a beat whenever the MC announced who would come next and felt a bitter kind of disappointment when he didn’t say the guys’ names.
Luckily, although she could barely notice one or two familiar faces on the stage, Taehyung and Seokjin always mentioned who was giving a performance.
“That guy is a genius. His name is Kwon Soonyoung and he dances so well. He’s like the leader of their hip-hop group but the others are also pretty good.”
“NCT is already the girls’ favourite, even though it’s their second festival so far.”
“Now, that is a killer combination. A roundoff backhandspring! Yah, Jackson knows how to do a good show.”
They were constantly talking without a pause and she tried to remember the names and groups and feedbacks but got lost after a few. So instead, she decided to let them talk and a genuine but ‘I don’t even know what’s happening here’ smile was evident on her face. Taehyung was in the middle of giving a summary about Jongin’s dance skills when the MC appeared on stage and announced the festival’s last performance. Miyeon felt her cheekbones exploding and her heart thumping, beating like a drum. Pleasant kind of chills ran down her spine, giving every of her cells a huge overdose of excitement.
Suddenly, the stage went dark and the spotlight was only shining on one person: Park Jimin. He was in an impressive, white shirt and showed his contemporary side through soft and precise moves. The song was a beautiful, slow melody with piano instrumental, small wonder why she got goose bumps right away. It was so enjoyable to just look at him but she couldn’t deny that she wanted to see someone else. After Jimin dropped to the floor and got up again, Hoseok and Jungkook also walked onto the stage and a funky, playful jazz song started playing. It was Hoseok’s turn to show what he was capable of and gosh, that guy was totally amazing! He danced so naturally and moved while grinning from ear to ear. Then, as expected, Jungkook came next and she realised only then that he was wearing a white suit with a white shirt and a black tie. He looked so damn attractive, she was the one who nearly fainted. She eyed him top to bottom, examining him as he enjoyed his stage. Without doubt, he was a completely different person while dancing than in real life. Just like any other times when she peeked his practices, he was so manly, confident and totally immersed into the moves, ignoring everything else around him.
If she thought that the first part of their performance almost gave her a heart attack, she could voluntarily die during the next one. She immediately knew the familiar song because whose mother wasn’t into Shinhwa and chanted Perfect Man while cleaning up? But the three guys in those outfits and their cheeky moves took the song to a whole new level. The stage was on fire, the guys were dancing like professionals while the audience seemed to lose their minds; all girls around her were screaming so loudly, especially when Jimin got off his jacket. Maybe Jungkook should have done the same, Miyeon thought crossly but blushed deeply after realising what she had wished for. She couldn’t take her eyes off the boy but gulped innocently whenever he made an intimidating move. Not to mention those damn smirks! He wasn’t even aware of the fact that his damn smirks could do such odd things to the state of her heart; they weren’t only resulted in her crazily racing heartbeat but also gave her goose bumps. Oh boy, she was out of words. She unconsciously fell for him. Again.
As the performance came to an end and the boys bowed to each side of the audience, Miyeon joined the claps and the screams. She was so proud of them, they put on a wonderful show, she couldn’t even describe how brilliant they were. They didn’t even make a mistake, they were in perfect harmony and totally nailed the festival.
“Well, I didn’t expect less,” Yoongi cleared his throat beside her and his sudden confession made her bounce a little. She was so immersed into the dance and the combustion around it that she wasn’t prepared for starting a conversation.
“Ah, these kids can really dance,” Seokjin added vigorously and smiled like a proud daddy. His reactions were always fun to watch as he couldn’t hide his amazement and during the last two hours, his jaw dropped several times. He also shared with her that he gave up dancing after a few attempts, so he absolutely respected the guys for trying so hard to do their best. Maybe he wasn’t a good dancer but he was incredibly supportive; he was almost like their number fan. Seokjin was the one who brought his home-cooked meals to the boys after training sessions or bought them dinner.
“Guys, I’ve got the password!” announced Taehyung excitedly and looked up from his phone. Miyeon looked puzzled but Namjoon explained that they had to come up with a password to pass by the guards and go backstage to meet the boys.
“What is it this time?” Yoongi asked knitting his eyebrows in question and looked at the younger boy who grinned so proudly, it was almost guilty.
“Infires, man!” he answered smugly and the response was sudden. Everyone burst into laughter while she just slightly chuckled at the boys’ reaction. On their way to the backstage area, Seokjin was considerate enough to tell her the whole story about the saying ‘Infires, man!’. It was a tiny mistake that Yoongi made while doing an English listening task in class when he misheard the word inspires as infires but the boys were more than pleased with using it as a teasing.
Miyeon was laughing uncontrollably because after this flashback, Taehyung and Namjoon decided to have a fierce battle of sharing the most embarrassing story regarding the seven friends. They were in the middle of analysing the failure of Kim Seokjin’s beatbox lesson when an over-excited figure literally jumped in front of her.
“We were amazing, right?” Hoseok yelled, waggling his eyebrows and soon, his two dance partners showed up as well. They were all still sweating but changed into a more comfortable and natural outfit, Jungkook for example was wearing grey sweatpants with a white T-shirt and his favourite dark-blue jumper. Still, Miyeon felt like she could faint anytime soon.
“Yeah, of course, of course. I’m proud of you, guys!” Yoongi started the compliments which went on and on and she didn’t want to miss the opportunity to congratulate the guys on such a sensational performance, so she also accentuated her opinion.
“You were amazing! No doubt that you were the best of all the participants. You were unique and brilliant and your moves were always on point. It would have been a shame if I had missed it. So, thank you so much for inviting me, it was the greatest dance festival which I’ve ever attended.”
“Thank you for coming!” Jimin grinned seeing the girl’s enthusiastic chattering but she wasn’t in the mood for holding herself back. There were so many emotions rushing through her body and so many thoughts on her mind that she just wanted to share them as soon as possible. “You look lovely, by the way.”
“Yeah, I agree. You are undeniably the highlight of the festival,” Hoseok ran a hand through his obsidian-black, slightly sweaty hair and gave her a big, bright smile. Miyeon wasn’t good at getting compliments and immediately blushed in embarrassment. The guys also noticed the change in her behaviour but nudged Jungkook to say something to her. As far as he was concerned, he looked so dumbfounded, his lips slightly parted and he stared at her for a few seconds. His jet-black eyes were playing tricky little games with her vision; once she saw them shining with insecurity and other times she thought that they were just cute, little clouds hovering on the mackerel sky; so pure, innocent and calm.
“Uhmm, well, thanks,” he cleared his throat, obviously responding to her fangirling and that made her slightly disappointed. She was a girl, she was craving for the boy’s compliment who she had a crush on and when she didn’t get what she had expected, she couldn’t help but huffed lightly.
“Oh, come on! You dance like that on stage and still can’t say some nice words to a girl?” Hoseok whined in a high-pitched tone and gave him a ‘Don’t you dare to do this with me’ look. Seokjin patted the energetic guy’s shoulder and clapped his hands to make sure others shift their attentions to him.
“Don’t embarrass him, Hobie,” he warned the dancer, knitting his eyebrows but when he next continued, he was affectionate and proper just as expected from Kim Seokjin. “We have more important things to do. Get your stuff and we’ll go a restaurant to celebrate your amazing performance! The bill’s on me, guys!” he promised while a kind smile was forming on his lips. The boys started cheering almost wildly and it didn’t even take too long to get all the seven guys together to head to their favourite restaurant. Miyeon was also invited to the celebratory dinner but she was quite reluctant at first. She only gave in when Jungkook stated that she can’t miss it and gave an attractive smirk directed at her.
 ▌▌
 They ended up having dinner in a cosy, little restaurant which she had never been before but the boys insisted that they should go there as it was their favourite place to eat. As soon as they arrived, the squad swiftly sat down around a random table, so in the end, she had no other option than to plunk herself down beside the one and only Jeon Jungkook. She was aware of the fact that it wasn’t fate, it was obviously on purpose; the guys were definitely up to something.
Luckily, waiting for their food to arrive wasn’t boring at all. What is more, Miyeon laughed so much that she had already forgotten that she was as hungry as a wolf. The seven boys didn’t intend to stop broaching more hilarious and more remarkable moments of their friendship and the more stories she heard, the more she realised that they were such adorable human beings. They were lovely even one by one but when they were together and casually enjoyed themselves, it was the best. She felt a pleasant kind of warmth hanging around her the whole time; it seemed that the boys’ joy and high spirits were so gummy that she also couldn’t stop smiling. She wanted to get lost in that feeling, she wanted it to last forever.
Being with the boys made her realise how much she had missed these moments: the fun conversations, the loud laughs, the little bickering and the cheerful giggling. Her anxiousness which she felt in the beginning flew away so quickly, thanks to the squad’s amicable attitude. Not to mention that they were such gentlemen; when she pulled out her wallet to pay back the money which Seokjin paid for the food, he shook his head violently.
“No, no, no, no!” he emphasised every single ‘no’, it was almost like an overreacted feedback of a restless fangirl. “Do I look like someone who would make you pay for the food? Oh no, Miyeon-ah, I’m not that kind of guy.”
“No, he’s not that kind of guy,” Taehyung imitated Seokjin’s reaction which lead to another round of laughter. Even the latter guy slightly chuckled and ruffled the younger one’s hair in amusement.
“Just let him pay it!” Namjoon motioned with a dimpled smile. “Or else, we’ll have to listen to his whining all weekend!”
“Okay. Thank you for the food, then!” she gave in, putting her wallet back into her bag. Seokjin let out a relieved sigh and finally paid the bill, a total amount of 78.000₩.
„That’s a lot of money.”
„Well, kids eat a lot,” the mommy figure elucidated naturally but the others weren’t safely out of hearing range, so they heard it, too. Yoongi simply suppressed another yawn, Namjoon nodded in agreement, Hoseok grinned brightly as always but the maknae line was actually kind of offended. Jimin sulked over it by wrinkling his nose, Taehyung let out a grumble while Jungkook knitted his eyebrows. Surprisingly, the golden maknae was the one who wanted to point out that they were just few months younger than the eldest guy.
“We’re not kids, you know.”
“Say it when you finally turn 19!” Hoseok guffawed amusingly and pinched his cheeks just like a grandma would do to his grandson. Miyeon laughed at Jungkook’s reaction who caught sight of the giggling girl and a dangerous smirk started to creep onto his face.
“You’re also underage!” he blurted out childishly and she felt a need to whine but instead she just stuck her tongue out at him. No doubt that he was right as they both had their birthday on the same day, so they were both still 18. But 1st of September wasn’t that far away. To be precise, it was only 4 days away.
“Come to think of it, how will you spend your birthday?” Namjoon inquired while curiosity filled his eyes. He directly looked at her, so it was obvious that the question was for her. Still, she pondered over the thought before she finally said it out loud.
“Nothing really special. Maybe a birthday cake but nothing more extraordinary,” she shrugged absent-mindedly because she had no intention of celebrating it in any special way. Her birthday would be on Thursday when both Chanyeol and Taeyeon had after school activities and she also had to attend her CSAT preparation classes. On top of that, her parents usually worked until late at night, so this birthday didn’t seem to be so interesting. At least, not as interesting as the last one.
“Well, we’re celebrating Jungkook’s birthday on the 4th if you would like to join,” Jimin said, rather smugly that he was the first one who came up with the idea. She couldn’t deny that the invitation piqued her curiosity but she still wasn’t sure whether it would be a good idea to spend more time with Jungkook or actually a terrible one.
“I’ll think about it,” she finally mustered while her eyes were glued to the golden maknae. He didn’t show any sign of relief, so she knew it would be the best to suppress the intense beating of her heart which almost seemed like a passionate composition.
Soon enough, the boys had to go home as parents’ concerned phone calls occurred one after another and Miyeon also knew that it was time for her to go. Although she was having so much fun and literally had the best time of her life, she bid her goodbye and headed home.
She started roaming alone, dwelling on flashbacks of those good old days when she didn’t even spend a day without seeing these seven guys. The bittersweet nostalgia consumed her and she couldn’t prevent the painful melancholia from engulfing her thoughts. She tried to snap out of it by shifting her attention to the scenery around her but it didn’t help at all; it rather made her feel agitated. The city was picturesque and its lively streets were swimming in the tangerine waterfall which was created by the beautiful sunset. Memories of Jungkook and her watching sunsets popped up in her head and the sudden rush of loneliness slightly broke her heart.
After marching towards for a few minutes, she heard hasty footsteps from behind and a tall, slim figure suddenly caught up with her.
“Do you mind if I come with you?” Jungkook asked with a shaky voice and started walking beside her, still kind of short of breath. It looked like he was running until he saw her and this observation triggered getting nervous butterflies in her stomach.
“No, not at all” she shook her head decisively. “Are you at your dad’s this weekend?” she asked out of curiosity because his dad’s house was the one which was close to hers but immediately wanted to bite her tongue. She realised how painful this question might have been for the boy and mentally gave herself a good slap for acting like a total idiot. Luckily, Jungkook didn’t get offended and just nodded in agreement.
The next 15 minutes were spent in comfortable silence which neither of them wanted to break. Maybe for a period of time, it could have been exceptionally awkward but that day changed something. The border between them seemed to shatter after that particular day in March when Jungkook got beaten up and spent the evening in her house. They didn’t stammer anymore when they bumped into each other or had to do a pair work in class.
Nonetheless, they didn’t even get closer. Miyeon didn’t exactly know why. She wasn’t sure about her feelings, not to mention the golden maknae’s intentions as he didn’t say anything offensive but neither anything that would give her hope. Yet, false hope was the cruellest of all kind of cherished feelings; it was poisonous, believing in something for so long and didn’t get it in the end. She wanted to prevent herself from that painful disillusion. Which also meant that she had to force herself not to fall in love with him again. But it was already too late now; her border was totally ravaged.
Walking the same path as they used to do after such a long time was a new kind of experience. It was weird, refreshing and somehow reassuring at the same time.
“Oh, look!” she suddenly exclaimed, noticing the Banpo Bridge which was illuminated by hundreds of lights and she immediately walked faster to get closer to the bridge fountain, which citizens commonly called as the Rainbow Fountain. “I guess we’re just on time to see the show!” she bounced happily and stopped at the barrier to enjoy the colourful water show which was taking place in front of her.
It was weird to think of it that this was the bridge which they crossed when they celebrated their birthday together. Small wonder why Jamsu Bridge – and Banpo Bridge which was on top of it - had a special place in her heart and she felt that she had a strong connection with this place. It wasn’t just her favourite sight but also a lot of Koreans and tourists liked it. It was the world’s longest bridge fountain and held wonderful fountain shows several times a day when dancing, rainbow-coloured jets of water could be seen in the air in synchronization with the music. It was breath-taking and she couldn’t get sick of it, even though she had seen it several times before.
“Despite the fact that I see this show almost every day, I’m still amazed. It’s so beautiful!” she trailed off with her mouth agape and couldn’t take her eyes off the view. Jungkook also said something but he muttered so quietly that she couldn’t understand it. Miyeon shifted her attention to him and gently asked him to repeat what he had said.
“You’re beautiful, too,” he merely blurted out and the dimples deepened with his cute bunny smile. She had to look away not to look ridiculous because she was sure that she was blushing deeply. Well, maybe it was more sincere and heart-warming than if he had said it in front of the other boys and in all that noise and combustion during the dance festival. All that disappointment and bitterness vanished from before as if she hadn’t even felt it at all.
“Thanks,” that was all she could muster after a pause that lasted longer than she intended. She gave him a bashful smile and they were gazing at each other for God knows how long. She was lost in his beautiful jet-black eyes which had that adorable, prominent glint. The black and white completed each other so well that they resembled little dominos. Not to mention that his stare was almost like a cage; it locked her every single time their eyes met. Jungkook was dangerous and addictive but the best of all kinds of wrong.
“So, this was your last time when you danced before the exams?” Miyeon cleared her throat and tried to pacify her thumping heart and scrambling thoughts.
“Yeah,” the golden maknae nodded and a sheepish smile was forming on his lips. “I have CSAT preparation classes and I think it’ll be too much to attend both of them. I want to do my best on the exams, so until we’re finished with them, there would be no more dance practises, nor performances,” he continued and it was an uncharacteristically long answer from him. The enthusiasm in his voice didn’t go unnoticed and his eyes were shining with undeniable passion. She loved this side of Jungkook, so much that it almost hurt. He was so immersed into talking about dancing that you could see the slight twinkles in his eyes. Maybe she was in love with him just as much as he was in love with dance.
“I’m pretty sure you’ll secretly dance in your room, though.”
“How did you know that?” he chuckled and looked rather amused. It was so good to see him like that, it melted her confused heart. “Yeah, probably. You know me well,” he admitted while forcefully grasping the barrier. His eyes were staring far ahead and he looked totally amazed by the fountain show. Nonetheless, she could read him pretty well and knew that he wasn’t thinking about the beauty of those water-jets but something completely different like the time they had spent together.
She exactly knew that feeling; that insecurity and fear which was triggered by the joyful memories. That kind of fragility was something she wasn’t afraid of when she was a kid. But as years went by and she grew older, she understood why the elderly had that bitter expression every time they were prattling about a fond memory. She had been through it all: getting hurt and hurting others; falling down and keep running again; trying to break down someone’s wall but building up her own and loving someone and making them hate her. She had been through a lot since she met Jungkook but she was so thankful for him. Immature as she was, she couldn’t consider herself an adult even a year ago but he changed her. He taught her how to chase her dreams no matter what, ignore others’ expectations but her own and he also taught her about love. He was definitely a chapter of her book, a very decisive one.
“But even though we know each other well, I still don’t know your answer,” he stated out of the blue and finally turned to face her. He slightly raised one of his eyebrows in question while she merely looked at him, totally dumbfounded.
“What answer?”
“Your answer concerning whether you still like me or not,” he said right away and gazed at her, not letting Miyeon avert her eyes elsewhere but his face. It would have been an understatement to say that she was shocked because she was at the verge of fainting. She was extremely devastated, didn’t even know whether to drop her jaw, hug Jungkook tightly or run away from him. Even her heart decided against her will and started to thump like a ticking time-bomb which would explode any minute. She didn’t even think that he remembered for that night just as vividly as her, not to mention the fact the she left his question unanswered.
Miyeon blinked a few and coyly tucked a loose strand of hair behind her right ear. As she noticed the desperate anticipation in his eyes, she knew it was now or never. She had to tell him the truth unless she didn’t want to live her life miserably thinking about those what ifs. So, she cleared her throat and let out a faint, fragile sigh before she started speaking.
“I-I do,” she mumbled nervously and continued before he even had the chance to take a breath. “But I wasn’t prepared for all the attention we got. You know, there was nothing wrong with the fact that people recognized us but how they used my little brother to hurt me was beyond my imagination. It was bearable until they only hurt me but when they hurt him, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I thought that I could end all this if I break up with you−“
“Do you regret it?” Jungkook cut her off but it wasn’t even a bit irritating, instead she felt a rush of relief running through her body. Now, she felt like she could breathe again. Keeping secrets and never telling him the truth was undeniably poisonous, she sometimes felt a need to make sure she wouldn’t suffocate from all those nasty words.
“I assume that Chanyeol would have found out the truth sooner or later even if I don’t break up with you, so yes, I regret it now. But then, I thought that it was the best thing to do.”
“I know,” he said solemnly, nodding a bit as a sign of sympathy which set her at ease. Gosh, she was so afraid to talk to him again and not only did they talk for so long now but they also had an in-depth conversation, trying to elucidate their actions and finally make things right. “Your brother told me about it.”
“He did?” her eyes widened in surprise since Chanyeol had never pointed out that he had talked with Jungkook regarding the Dara case. Miyeon was pretty pleased with his greatly wrathful fight with his ex-girlfriend, she would have never thought that he also did such a thing.
“Yeah, a couple of days after he told Dara off. He thought that I deserved it because he was one of the reasons why you broke up with me.”
“So, you knew it all along?” she puzzled up the words the boy had said but still didn’t want to believe it. It didn’t make any sense. If he knew about it, why would he never say a thing to her? It was her initial intention to hide the truth from him as she didn’t want Jungkook to feel even worse, after realising that she had enough when Chanyeol got involved in their story. It was easier to say that it was because of all those nasty gossip and heartless bullying. Well, it was partly why she broke up with him but she got utterly pissed off when they hurt his little brother. It was alright until she was the only one who got hurt but she couldn’t let them hurt his brother. In the end, it seemed that nobody could survive the battle without wounds; Chanyeol, Miyeon and Jungkook all had to suffer the consequences of her action. Nonetheless, as time went by, their scars started to heal and the hideous pain was bearable, or they were merely accustomed to it.
“I knew. But I thought that I’m selfish if I want to hold onto you since I hurt you so much,” Jungkook admitted and his voice came out horse and extremely painful. He ashamedly looked away but she caught him nibbling his lips. She almost wanted to protest that it wasn’t true, he couldn’t blame himself for what had happened but he seemed impatient to wait for her answer and continued speaking.
“I needed you. Maybe more than you needed me. I needed someone who can accept my family background. Who I can talk to about nothing and everything. I never once intended to give you pain,” Jungkook whispered and his grievous words sounded like a pleading pray.
Miyeon’s heart immediately sunk after his confession and her whole body trembled in great shock. She was still in the abyss of his words, both lost in their shared memories and comprehending the present actions. She was examining Jungkook as he was standing beside her, digging his nails into his palms, the genial wind ruffling his hair and his whole presence displaying innocent purity and aching solace. He was so fragile; she was afraid that if she touches him or even says a single word, he may disappear.
“I know, Jungkook,” she said after a few seconds of silence. “I know. It wasn’t you. It was Dara, Bobby and all those horrible people that are jealous of others who are doing well. For some reason, they can’t stand it,” Miyeon insisted vigorously, suddenly feeling like a soldier who was ready to fight. But it was all past now, she was aware of that. She couldn’t change it, she couldn’t turn back time but she couldn’t control her aching heart either. There was only one thing she could do.
“I’m sorry that it had to be like this. You didn’t deserve it,” she shook her head, lips quivering, feeling nervous all of the sudden but all her words were sincere and affectionate. It was true and she couldn’t deny it; the one thing that hold her back from getting together with Jungkook was the shame. The shame that consumed her because she had caused so much pain and let him endure it all alone while she tried to make things right with Chanyeol. It wasn’t fair and she couldn’t help but dread his anger.
However, instead of shouting at her or leaving without answers, he merely said:
“I’m sorry that you had to get through all this,” he finally looked at her, so she faced a state-of-the-art boy whose eyes were filled with dismay and regret. The black and white in those little holes were the perfect representation of the yin yang symbol. They interconnected so well but one couldn’t exist without the other. Like light and dark or fire and water, Jungkook was also the description of duality, not just his beautiful jet-black eyes. All his little things were individually precious but added up the whole and made him even more vulnerable. Miyeon loved all of his sides, even the insecure, anxious dark side with the joyful white part and the pure, innocent white side with the inevitable darkness.
“We’re restless fighters, aren’t we?” she pointed out and a hopeful smile was evident on her face. She couldn’t bear the sight of the agitated boy, so she decided to clear the tension in the air. She even slightly nudged his shoulder which triggered his face slowly dissolving into a sheepish smile. Gosh, his smile was beyond words. “Actually, I’ve learned a lot from it. If we could turn back time, I would definitely give us another try. I believe I can handle things better and even tell them to go to hell if I get sick of their teasing,” she chattered, almost joyfully and her bold statement made his jaw drop.
“Wow! I’ve never thought I would hear such things from you,” he ran his hand through his coal-black hair while a childish giggle escaped his mouth. She let herself chuckle with him and for the first time that time, she felt weightless. It was that kind of feeling which made you feel like a butterfly that could finally fly away from its cage, far away from its problems, doubts and worries.
Yet, Jungkook’s face suddenly stiffened, so she hoped for the best and prepared for the worst. The question still made her heart leap.
“But if we didn’t turn back time, just try it out right now, would you say the same?” he asked recklessly and his eyes were pleading. Now, they were standing face-to-face, illuminated by the lights from the colourful lights of the show and gazing at each other, the closest that they happened to be in the last few months. She had to remind herself to breath because she was utterly nervous. Of course, she would, she wanted to shout, hug him while saying how much she had missed him, his voice, his lullabies, his touch, his vanilla and cinnamon scent, his beautiful eyes and those damn smirks. Gosh, how much she had missed him.
Though, she had to hold herself back and she finally opt for the most sensible option: the honest answer without showing any affection. Then, if he approved of her decision, she could hug him as much as she wanted.
“Yes, I would say the same,” she nodded decisively and the boy’s shoulders immediately loosened. He let out a heavy sigh and looked up at her, one of his typical smirks forming on his lips.
“Good. Because that’s what I was thinking, too,” he added, rather proudly and they smiled at each other, immersed into each other’s beautiful eyes and this new kind of feeling was starting to fill them up. She realised that she couldn’t hold it back anymore, so she walked up to him and hugged him tightly. Jungkook let out a chuckle as he embraced her and it felt just so perfectly right. She rested her chin on the crook of his neck while he patted her shoulder, slightly reluctantly and nervously but definitely affectionately.
“But don’t you dare to give me one of those damn smirks like you did during your performance!” she warned him, withdrawing for a few seconds to look up at him and facing a smugly smirking Jungkook. Oh boy, he was starting it again!
“Like this?” he asked as he challengingly wiggled his eyebrows and gave her the most attractive smirk ever. She blushed a bit but pinched his cheek which she knew he didn’t like. Unfortunately, Jungkook also remembered that she was extremely ticklish, so he didn’t miss the opportunity to get his revenge. She was screaming while trying to run away from him but it was a hopeless case; he was way too fast. He was tickling her while she protested that he should stop but he couldn’t take it serious. Honestly, Miyeon didn’t mind it either.
Maybe they needed those months to make them realise how much they missed and loved each other. But it was perfect this way; they grew to become a better person and learned how to stand out for themselves while they were apart. When they finally got together, they learned how to love again.
It was just right. It was all alright.
But those damn smirks were not. She had to do something about it, she made a mental note as she made an attempt to escape from his embrace. Fortunately, her attempt was a total failure.
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restlessmaknae · 6 years
Text
when petals fall, we move on // pt. 2
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♦ Words: 26.5k in total
♦ Parts: 3 // Part 1 - present day; Part 3 - back to present day
♦ Pairing: Wong Yukhei x Kim Yena (OC)
♦ Genre: angst, fluff, slice of life
♦ Summary: A story about childhood best friends growing up and battling their own demons. A story about forgiveness, guilt and self-love. A story about mistakes, endings and new beginnings.
♦ A/N: Special thanks to my beta @dat-town! ♥
Chapter warning: childhood emotional neglect, emotional manipulation, minor character death
Past
Yukhei’s first day at school
“Everyone, please welcome our new transfer student, Wong Yukhei. From now on, he’ll be your classmate. Please, be patient with him as he’s recently started learning Korean.”
The homeroom teacher announced with a tender smile, her hands resting on the little boy’s shoulders. Yena tilted her head out of curiosity and tried to look over the other students who were seated in front of her. She hated how small and tiny she was, almost the shortest in their class. She hoped she would grow up well and grow really tall.
“Nice to meet you, everyone.” The little boy waved in every direction and then bowed politely. Nervousness was evident on his face, his smile was still a bit forced and unnatural.
“Nice to meet you, Yukhei.” The students said in unison, their childish voices filling the silence of the classroom. Upon hearing their response, Yukhei got even more embarrassed and his face turned scarlet red in a matter of seconds.
After fidgeting awkwardly for a few more seconds, the boy was shown his desk by the homeroom teacher who then went back to the board and started their class. Yena was taken aback by the fact that the transfer pupil was now sitting beside her, their desks only a few inches apart. She coyly looked in Yukhei’s direction, trying to remember his features when the other caught her staring at him. She gulped and nervously looked away. She didn’t know how to react. Even though it was exciting that they had a new classmate, she was never taught how to make friends and start a conversation. It was something that nor the school, nor her mother taught her.
The class soon finished and little Yena found herself looking at the transfer student. Again. Yukhei was already staring at her when she locked eyes with him, small wonder they both reddened to their ears when they caught each other red-handed.
Yena blinked nervously, trying to avert her eyes but his face was like a magnet. Besides, he was so peculiar to her. There was something unusual about his features and his skin-colour. Maybe he wasn’t fully Korean? She didn’t know, he just seemed a bit different than other kids she knew.
Then, Yukhei broke into a childish giggle and bowed respectfully in the girl’s direction. Her eyes widened in astonishment as she tried to process what she had just seen. Even though she was shocked that the transfer student was so polite from the start, she mirrored his action and bowed back.
“Can you speak English?” The little boy asked with a hopeful smile that grew wider the moment she nodded. She was tutored by a private teacher because her mother wanted her to be the most intelligent and sophisticated student in her class, thus she was forced to attend special classes even before she started elementary school. She was taught how to read, how to write and how to articulate well, plus she was taught basic English. At first, she found it all very exciting; finally she had people who praised her and encouraged her to do well, not merely reprimanded her or yelled at her when she made mistakes. However, as time went by and she started attending public school, she found it boring because she had already known most of the things the teachers were talking about.
Even though she didn’t think that her English skills would come in handy so soon, she couldn’t hide a tiny little smile when Yukhei asked the question. It was the first time she finally felt like her efforts paid off.
“Do you like Pokémon?” The little boy asked with eyes that resembled hidden treasures on a deserted island and the Sun – the brightest star on the sky – among the constantly dying stars. His smile was hidden under his curious, child-like gaze and his big doe eyes. Not until she nodded in agreement, did she finally see that smile of his in full swing.
“Do you want to see my sticker collection?” His hazel eyes lit up at her reaction, one that she found both endearing and adorable.
“Yes.”
Yukhei soon fished a folder out of his school bag and eagerly opened it to reveal a massive amount of stickers in all shapes and sizes. Yena didn’t need to look through all of them to know that every single major and minor character could be found in his collection which was absolutely breathtaking in her opinion. She had never seen so many stickers before.
“Do you have Clefable too?” She looked up at the boy, tilting her head in curiosity. Yukhei boasted a boyish grin and immediately pointed at one of the figures in his collection.
“Do you want to keep it?” He averted his huge eyes back to the girl who was blushing deeply at his question. She was never allowed to buy any of the stickers because her mother protested and said that buying anything like this was a waste of time, thus she was never able to trade stickers like her classmates did. Oh how she wished she could!
Yet, her mother wouldn’t have to know about this one, right?
“If you don’t mind…” She fluttered her eyelashes as she was trying to deal with the heat that was going through her body. She felt like she was on fire. Was she breaking the rules? Was it really that exciting to do something her mother wouldn’t approve of?
“No, I don’t. Here…” Yukhei carefully removed the little figure and placed it on her pencil case. Looking at her plain white pencil case being decorated with something so colourful and cute made her heart leap. Joy was rushing through her veins. “Clefable has a new home now.” He grinned at her, his chocolate-brown hair falling into his eyes.
“I love it.” Yena whispered, mesmerized by the sight in front of her.
“Me too.” The transfer student added beamingly and when they locked eyes, something magical happened.
An innocent, pure and simple friendship was born amidst the excitements of new school days, colourful stickers and bright smiles that were so familiar yet so mesmerizing at the same time.
The day Lucas’ home became her own
“Breathe in… and breathe out… breathe in… breathe out.” Yukhei’s mother instructed as the girl was sitting in front of her, her eyes closed and her heart shattered to pieces. The boy was sitting beside her on the couch, his hands resting on top of hers, his eyes full of unanswered questions and sparkling fireworks that were bound to explode anytime soon.
Yena was young and innocent enough not to understand that she had just walked in on her mother making love with another man but the incident was as shocking as it could be for someone her age. On top of that, her mother did the exact same thing she always did when she felt like her daughter was the one to blame for something; she started yelling at her. As a result, the little girl slammed the bedroom’s door and ran down the stairs, out of the house and down the streets until she arrived at Yukhei’s house.
She didn’t know what she was doing. She didn’t even know what she was supposed to do under the circumstances. She may have acquired outstanding education and possessed a certain level of knowledge in all fields but she was never shown a good example. She only got to know affection, care and love because she met Yukhei. The boy gave her a sense of warmth she had never felt before. He was her safe haven; the church in which she found peace and serenity when she wanted to run away from who she was. He was a sheltering tree under which she felt like a lost girl who finally found her place in the world. Though one who doesn’t know what love is may not know whom she should trust, she trusted Yukhei. She was cautious around others, always seeking their approval or disapproval, always waiting to be reprimanded and always striving to be better, constantly wanting to do better. On the other hand, beside Yukhei, she was herself. The most honest, sassy and raw version of herself. The most silly, girlish and beaming version of herself. And Yukhei… oh boy, he was also being himself.
Being the dork he was, he never failed to make her smile with his multilingual remarks, undying love for stickers and newfound passion for everything that was sports. Whenever she could, she sat on the school field watching him play football, volleyball or whatever he was trying out. He was constantly searching for something that he could call his. He tried everything and if something didn’t live up to his expectations, he didn’t get discouraged, let alone give up on searching for his place in the world. He was as unpredictable as a sudden downpour in the middle of a hot summer night. Yena never knew what she should expect from the boy but she sure knew that he would either make her laugh, smile or giggle because of second-hand embarrassment. There were times when he complimented her and she blushed so hard that she was sure a brand new shade of red tinted her cheeks; there were times when he promised that he would marry her and be the best husband in the world, his firm statement turning her into an emotional mess. He was her best friend and she was sure she doesn’t need to take him seriously but she couldn’t help her face from flushing when he said those lovely words.
Whatever might have happened to her – let it be disappointing her mother with her academic achievement, a sudden jolt of fear concerning her future or the early stages of puberty leaving its mark on her mood –, he was there like the star that’s always accompanying you to your midnight star-gazing. This time was no difference.
As soon as Yukhei opened the door with that smile that could make the early rays of sunshine during sunrise jealous, he knew something was off. Yena was short of breath, her hands were shaking and her hair was a mess from running non-stop. Yukhei’s young heart clenched at the sight of the usually composed girl and he found himself reaching out for her hands the moment he invited her into the house and started inquiring what had happened.
Then, as she was about to answer, the boy’s mother arrived to welcome the guest and stayed to calm her down because apparently, she needed her. Yukhei’s mom was a therapist, in fact a licensed marriage and family therapist, and she was working at a special care centre based in Busan for Thai families. Small wonder she kept an eye on Yena in case she needed her support. Though she had to admit that her son was being the perfect support for the girl with his laid-back and positive attitude that made her feel at ease. She had witnessed cases like Yena’s and not all of them ended well. She tried her best to talk to Yena’s mother but she was as ignorant as one could possibly be – not admitting her mistakes, not making effort to change her behaviour and not finding a flaw in her upbringing of the child. Plus, she looked down on her because her Korean wasn’t the best the first time they met even though she was improving day by day.
It’s true that it wasn’t a therapist job’s to take care of everyone’s physical and mental health out of her office but Yena was an exception. Not only because she was her son’s best friend and she owned her a lot for helping him out since the first day of school but also because she was such a pure and amicable soul. One that was extremely rare to find, especially after what Yena had been through since her father left them and she was stuck with one emotionally unavailable parent. She may have been given everything she needed materially but her mother was never assisting her through the storms and falls of her life. Upon observing Yena and the relationship between them through open days at schools, parent-teacher conferences or when they accidentally bumped into each other, she assumed it was a case of CEN – Childhood Emotional Neglect.
However, it was even more difficult this time to be the mother Yena never had. Talking about intimate relationship and sexual desires was something that was either Yena’s mother or the school’s nurse job. Of course, she was capable of talking about it in a way that wouldn’t upset her and threw her off the edge but it wasn’t easy. Yukhei was a curious and ever so eager kid, so they had already discussed the basic facts he needed to know about intercourses because it was better to hear it from a parent than from the movie he had accidentally started watching. Needless to say, she almost had a heart attack when she caught him switching to a porn channel one day.
The frightened and utterly confused little girl’s mumbling was enough for Yukhei’s mom to get the basic idea of what she had witnessed, so after some breathing exercises, the woman started talking to her calmly and slowly, making sure that she was ready to hear what she was about to hear. As with Yukhei, she dealt with the topic professionally and made it easy to comprehend by kids.
As minutes passed, Yena ‒ who was known to be an intellectual ‒ shyly started asking questions, obviously able to grasp the topic better after getting the answers for her question. It may have been fifteen minutes or an hour, none of them knew, but she finally seemed to feel at ease again. Her chest didn’t rise as frantically as it did when she appeared on their porch and her hands stopped shaking somewhere along the way.
A comfortable silence covered them like a soft cotton blanket as she ran out of questions and neither Yukhei, nor his mother knew what to say next. Instead of adding anything more, the woman offered to bring a cup of water for her to which she happily agreed.
“Do you want to colour with me?” Yukhei broke the silence with his slightly high voice which was still the voice of a child. His big hazel eyes were glowing like the flowers that could only be seen at night, his dark orbs completing his whites like the yin to the yang; seemingly opposite yet interconnected as you dig deeper. Despite the fact that he could be a moodmaker, he didn’t hesitate to put his jokes aside if he took notice of something bothering the one he was talking to. In this case, it was Yena whom he wanted to comfort.
However, the girl was taken aback by his abrupt question. It had been quite a long time since they last coloured together. Not that she considered it a childish activity, more like because they found other activities with which they could pass the time.
“Colour with you?” She raised an eyebrow in question, her eyes squinted in curiosity. She knew that expression on Yukhei’s face that signalled that he was being serious yet she never knew what to expect from him. He was like a character of an anime; always showing a new side of him, always coming up with extraordinary ideas and always looking like he had the time of his life, no matter what he did.
“Yes.” The boy nodded without any hint of frivolity in his voice. “My mom got me a colouring book and I use it whenever I’m upset.” He confessed quietly, his lips quivering a bit at the sudden sincerity of his words. A tiny coy smile was hiding in the corner of his lips, not wanting to be seen yet being prominent enough to be noticeable. Yena rarely saw him like this.
“You’ve never showed it to me.” The girl remarked absent-mindedly, her gaze landing at their intertwined hands. She didn’t know when but she felt her fingers being captivated by the already longer yet delicate fingers of her best friend. His touch soothed her nerves like an organic cream that you put on a searing scar when you hurt yourself while wandering through the forest. The heat of his body warmed not only her body but her soul as well.
Yukhei was always like a wild horse that couldn’t be kept inside its stable. He yearned for the world, he was burning like a fire, igniting from nothing and avoiding becoming one with ashes and complete numbness at all costs. He wanted to set the world on fire, making sure that everyone felt alive around him; hearts that were tired of the weary and monotonous workload, souls that left their bodies after not being properly taken care of and minds that were too preoccupied with the future tangled by fears and doubts. His heart was so full of love that he wanted to mend everyone’s broken heart by giving away a piece of him.
“It’s because I’m never upset around you.” Yukhei turned to face her, his eyes searching for the doubt or uneasiness in her onyx-black orbs. Yet, none of this happened because she was slightly dumbstruck by the seriousness of his words, so he took this opportunity to explain further. “Mom says it’s a good stress reliever.”
Words could be swords against people we love and against people we dislike. Words could be serenades being chanted in the middle of the night, only being interrupted by the first ray of sunshine creeping onto the horizon. Words could be scars that we can’t get rid of and whenever we look at the marks on our skin, we are being reminded of what we had done. Last but not least, words could be a form of medicine that heals the scars that others had left. In Yena’s case, her best friend’s words were more than medicine; Yukhei not only gave her hope that her situation would get better but he proved again that he would be there for her no matter what ordeal comes their way.
“Then, let’s colour together!” She said gently, her voice barely a whisper. The boy looked relieved after seeing the newly born stars in her onyx-black eyes and gave her a reassuring squeeze before they went to his room hand in hand, their hearts closer than ever before.
Friendship blooms in the most unexpected places at the most unexpected times and such magic can only happen to those who aren’t afraid to be themselves and give their all to the most intense and ground-breaking power in the world; that is love itself.
The day the flowers bloomed and so did their love
Summer cheekily asked spring out to a dance and they never looked back since, leaving the cold, bone-cracking days of winter behind and invading warmth and life into the awakening nature.
Years passed by like the autumn leaves falling from the almost bare tree; languidly yet swiftly. Years didn’t ask for their permission, nor did they wait for them to realize how many years they had spent together because time wasn’t one to deal with foolish human’s wishes. During this time that felt annoyingly long and heart-wrenchingly short at the same time, Yukhei and Yena both grew – both physically and mentally – and neither of them could see how much they had actually changed.
Yukhei was now taller than her, towering over her whenever they were walking side by side. The boy couldn’t get enough of teasing her with their height difference; whenever he had the chance, he stole one of her books and held it above his head, cheekily grinning down at her who was fuming like a volcano. Not to mention the boy’s overflowing confidence and changing teenage body that was more and more packed with muscles and strength that seemed inhuman to her. He was working out quite frequently and even joined the school’s football team, earning a few admirers who drooled over his manly physique. Even though they were already sixteen years old, Yena found the behaviour of Yukhei’s newfound fans quite infantile.
Truth to be told, she was very well aware of her best friend’s fit body. Oh boy, how couldn’t she when all Yukhei did was flexing his muscles in front of her or sleeping shirtless when she was at his place? He knew… oh he knew well that Yena didn’t fancy his behaviour yet he wouldn’t change a thing. Deep down, he knew that it was all just her trying to mess with him when she didn’t find anything else to point out on him. Plus, he enjoyed seeing her flushed face too much whenever he got rid of his shirt in front of her without warning. Why would he tell her what he was about to do? It was more fun if she didn’t know about it.
Regardless of everything that changed him appearance-wise, he was still the same witty and odd kid whom she met years ago. As Yukhei became more and more easy-going and found his place at his new school, his Korean also improved dramatically, thus it was a lot easier for him to be his most genuine and authentic self. He didn’t act like he was someone else, never for a second did he pretend to be anyone else but Yukhei to please others. Even if people threw disgusted or outright horrified glances at him, he didn’t intend to stop joking around, speaking in his own multinational language or letting others hear that high-pitched laugh of his that didn’t match his deep ass voice.
Out of all the things she loved about him, his sincerity was the one she loved the most. When her life seemed like a fake tv show with all that drama and gossips about her mother, her constantly changing boyfriends and Yena’s grandparents, Yukhei was not a copy, neither a replica, he was simply being Wong Yukhei with all his windshield laughs, toothy smiles, strong muscles and that big, big heart of his. That was more than enough for her. He was like a breeze of fresh air after a sandstorm; nothing could be compared to the way she felt around him. She felt safe and sound, it was as if his presence put her in a bundle of blankets with a cup of warm tea and singing lullabies to her to make her fall asleep (which happened a couple of times when rainy or stormy nights came). She felt like everything would be alright when she was beside him. He was the home she never had and the home she never knew she had from the moment he showed her his Pokémon sticker collection. He was also the one who taught her that:
“To be yourself is to be courageous. To love someone is to be bold.”
Yet, as soon as roses bloom, thorns come too. Life is like a card game; you have to deal with what you get, you can’t decide which cards you want, you can only decide how much you bet on your win. They both had hardships that they didn’t see coming and ones that put their friendship to the test.
As for Yukhei, with his passion for football and working out, there came the haters and clingy admirers who wanted to flirt with him. Nothing too crazy as they were only sixteen years old but the amount of (sometimes unwanted) attention he got only for his appearance drove him crazy.
“It’s weird how many people start talking to you after you join the football team and start working out. I’m glad you are still here with me. At least I know you love me for who I am, not for how I look.” Yukhei pondered once while they were having lunch together, a piece of rice cake stuck between his chopsticks as he came to a halt while eating.
A sudden rush of warmth spread through Yena’s body as she was listening to his words. The boy may have been an actual jokester who couldn’t shut up for a minute but he had a serious (and surprisingly mature) side to him. It was because he didn’t show this side of him a lot, only when they were having a heart-to-heart talk at the break of dawn when neither of them could sleep, let it be a sleepover at Yukhei’s, a school trip or one of those nights when nothing seemed to put them to sleep.
Hearing him say those words out loud in the cafeteria without any antecedents meant more to her than she would have admitted. Yena was truly thankful though she tried not to show it. Yukhei would think too highly of himself if she did.
“I’ve never said I love you. I just put up with you.” She remarked teasingly, her rosy-coloured lips raising into a child-like smile. It wasn’t uncommon that she acted like a brat when she was around her best friend because he was the only one who accepted her the way she was. Yena would never dare to act this way with any of their classmates, teachers, let alone her mother. She was humble, down-to-earth and quiet when she was around others, she only showed her real self to those who were closest to her. In her case, that person was Yukhei only.
“Very funny.” The guy rolled his eyes like he was hurt but there was a hint of playfulness in his voice. He cooed closer to her, his hazel eyes widening as he was eyeing her, his gaze never leaving hers. She was used to the close proximity, so she didn’t even think of backing away.
Then, Yukhei continued, still not tearing his gaze away.
“I know that deep down, somewhere under that nerdy and unimpressed exterior, you actually love me a lot and even dream about me sometimes.” He wiggled his eyebrows, showing off that oh so boyish and smug grin of his, one that could drive her crazy. Not only because it somehow made him more attractive but also because she couldn’t stop herself from smiling like an idiot when he acted like that.
“You wish.” Yena clicked her tongue as she gently pushed the guy back, so that she could continue eating without her best friend nosing into her food.
On the other hand, Yukhei didn’t turn back to his food, instead he kept looking at her. She almost asked why was he acting so strange when the boy confessed something that he had never shared with her before.
“I do dream about you sometimes.” The words rolled off his tongue like honey; they were smooth and sweet.
To say that she was absolutely dumbfounded would have been an understatement. Despite the fact that she was already used to the duality of the almighty Wong Yukhei, she never thought that she would hear something like this from him.
“What? Really?” She tilted her head in confusion, her eyebrows furrowed in slight shock. Yukhei wasn’t one to open up so abruptly. Even though he could constantly surprise her by sharing something vulnerable with her; something so dull and juvenile to the average eye and maybe even to her at first sight yet it turned out to be another reason why she loved him - despite all those protests -, he was still hard to decipher. His actions, his words, his moves. He was a jewellery box with so many drawers, so that even if she had the key to all of them, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to open them all even if it costed her a lifetime. “And what do I do in your dreams?” She raised an eyebrow as her thoughts were running wildly in her head, her mind wandering off to mysterious forests with maze-like routes and moonlight-filled nights.
Yukhei was reluctant at first, not sure if the words that were on the top of his tongue would do more harm than good. His big doe eyes were scanning her face, examining every bit of her delicate features, afraid that he would might say something – anything – that could ruin everything between them. He didn’t want their relationship to be destroyed by the reckless waves that would wash away the sand castle that they had built with their own hands. A relationship so genuine and so fragile built from nothing can’t turn into ashes because of his foolish greediness. It’s human nature to want more, to strive for more yet he couldn’t risk what they already had between them.
Instead of saying what was on his mind, he went along with what felt right; joking and messing with her like he always did when he got scared by his own raw and bare feelings. Whenever he felt like running away like a coward, he stayed and played the fool instead.
“I won’t tell you.” He cleared his throat, trying to regain his usual bubbly self. “It’s a secret.” He winked at her playfully, earning a weak smack in his chest. No matter how hard Yena tried, Yukhei saw the slight twinkle in her onyx-black orbs, the one that he loved oh so dearly for shining so fondly and brightly especially when she was around him. He never saw it when she was with someone else, so it felt like it was his own reflection in her eyes.
Truth to be told, their friendship was as pure and innocent as one can be when they first met. They started off with drawing and playing together, teaching each other words in their own native language and spending every lunch break together. After a while, it evolved into something fragile, something more vulnerable. Childhood best friends may not stay together forever but they do share a special bond that no other kind of best friends do. When you literally see each other growing up, it really feels like you are closer than family. Concerning Yukhei and Yena, they sure went through that phase of their friendship when they acted like brothers and sisters. For instance, when they went out to have some ice cream at the shop on the corner of the boy’s neighbourhood, the cashier complimented Yukhei for taking care of “his adorable little sister” so well. At first, the said girl wanted to protest and tell that old folk the truth but in the end Yukhei always managed to speak up first and boasted about his good manners instead.
As they grew older, they had been through some changes in every way. Yukhei started growing so tall that she lost count of the centimetres between them, looking nostalgically at the wall in the boy’s bedroom where they used to track their heights year after year. His shoulders were wider, his facial features more defined and mature, his hair longer and messier than ever, though it all made him look oh so handsome. Handsome like a young boy who was on the verge of adulthood while still acting like a little kid sometimes. The way his hazel eyes widened whenever he saw something for the first time or the way he could laugh so freely whenever he heard something immature and inappropriate, not to mention his half-teasing, half-serious remarks about Yena’s changing body; you could tell that he wasn’t one who took responsibility for his actions, nor did he carry the weight of growing up on his shoulders. He was still free like a bird, flying high and trying whatever he could with his wings that took him to place he had never seen before.
Then came a breaking point; it was like a wake-up call for him. Yena already knew that her best friend took her presence for granted even after he had started making new friends who couldn’t get along well with her – to be precise, wouldn’t make an effort to get along well with her – and she was alone. Being beside someone who made you feel lonely was worse than being alone, and she had her fair share of that horrendous feeling.
Despite everything, she was there for him when he received the news of her grandmother’s passing. He was practically in love with her grandmother and it didn’t seem to change no matter how old he got. Although Yena had never met the boy’s grandmother because she was living in Hong Kong, she knew how much he loved his precious relative from the way his eyes sparkled whenever he got a call from her granny or the way his voice was a pitch higher when he was talking about visiting her. When summer came, the Wongs usually went back to his hometown for a week or so, spending their time with their precious family members whom he loved very much despite the distance and language barrier.
Small wonder it was so sorrowful to see him falling apart because of the sudden news. Yukhei might have lived in a more realistic world than a small child’s but his world was still full of hope and optimism, there wasn’t room for remorse and pain. His life wasn’t sunshine and rainbows but until this particular case, he took everyone around him for granted. He slipped into his life as if it was the best and didn’t want to wake up from his beautiful daydream. Yena couldn’t blame him, at least he was able to hope and believe in the small yet beautiful things in the world. On the other hand, aside from Yukhei, her world was all grey and dark.
They were in the library, studying together for their History test, when the boy’s phone beeped. He muted the device because they weren’t allowed to use their phone while they were in the library and he was obedient – only because Yena told her to do so – because he didn’t want to get into trouble. When he saw that the call was from his father, he excused himself and walked out of the library.
Yena didn’t pay much attention to him as Yukhei’s father sometimes asked him to go and grab a few things at the local supermarket before he headed home, so there wasn’t anything odd about his call. However, when her own phone’s screen lit up with a message from Yukhei, saying that he wants to talk to her outside the library, she knew something was up. She immediately rose to her feet and with a bob of her head in the librarian’s direction, she exited the room.
As soon as she was out, her eyes were searching for the familiar fondness of the puppy-like hazel eyes but instead she came in sight with something hurt, something broken. When their eyes met, Yena couldn’t help but gulp. She had never seen her best friend like this before. His features were displaying utter shock and devastation. It was as if he was caught up in a thunderstorm without anything to keep him safe. He had nowhere to run, he was completely trapped.
“Yukhei! What’s wrong?” Yena stumbled to her feet as she made her way to the boy who was leaning against a wall, his eyes staring far ahead after he couldn’t bear the eye contact anymore. He still held his phone in his hands like he was frozen for a few minutes. Like he was trapped in the past. The hourglass was broken and all the sand was flowing between his delicate fingers and he had no other choice than to watch it absent-mindedly, not having any power to stop the inevitable.
Instead of answering her question, he looked at the black screen of his phone in disbelief.
“Yukhei…” She whispered gently, her voice full of doubts and unanswered questions. She didn’t know what happened and she wouldn’t want to think about the possible outcomes. Yet, the way the boy’s hands were shaking like he was possessed by some unknown force was rather worrisome. His messy, sand-like hair was falling into his tearful eyes and he didn’t budge to push it back. When the first pearl-like tear slid down his cheek, Yena’s heart skipped a beat. Apart from some bruises he got when he was younger and being his overly energetic and careless self, she had never seen Yukhei cry or even tear up. The sight was eating her up alive.
She had no idea what to do. She wanted to hug him and tell him that it would be alright but judged by the expression on his face, she might not have been right. He was apparently unable to move and the more tears resurfaced, the more frightened she got. As she reached out to wipe one tear away, Yukhei literally collapsed into her arms, his growing body holding onto her waist like she was the last loose strain that kept him alive. Even though she was smaller than him, she held him with such power she didn’t know she possessed. She was the tree protecting him from the storm, the rain and the sunlight, sheltering him from the reality. Keeping him in a glass bead that was said to be unbreakable yet cracks could be seen on its surface. Despite the internal turmoil that she herself was going through, she tried her best to catch him while he was falling. Falling, falling into the pit of darkness and numbness.
Both of them knew that nothing lasts forever. Both of them knew that people come and go. Both of them knew that humans aren’t immortal. Yet, neither of them was prepared for losing someone so precious and dear to their heart. They were young and naïve. The only way they could deal with the pain was hugging each other; tightly and frantically like a malnourished man who gets his hand on the first piece of bread after weeks of starving. They were both sobbing quietly, the seconds passing by like shooting stars. Yena drew invisible hearts on his back in an attempt to distract herself and Yukhei too.
It was the first time they realised that what others had said was true; you grow through pain and loss, thus only while losing can one gain something else.
Yena was there with him the night after, the week after and the month after. She supported him as much as she could and listened to his heart-wrenching thoughts, even if it meant that she had to pull an all-nighter. She listened to the cacophony of his ragged breathing and the symphony of his quiet sobs. She listened to the heavy beating of his heart, one that resembled ancient pendulums clocks that were about to stop swinging. She let him hold onto her as a crying baby holds onto his mother and let him cry all over her shirts.
The first month was the most difficult one yet his pain became less and less unbearable as time went by. He learned how to breathe again after his grandmother’s funeral and it became easier day by day. His heart that couldn’t be pacified found solace and tranquillity once he remembered that his grandmother was like an angel sent from Heaven and now she could finally go home. The air wasn’t as suffocating as before and after he came back from Hong Kong where the funeral took place, he seemed a bit more at ease. He wasn’t alright, not yet. He was forever scarred from a loss that he had never thought he would have to bear.
While Yukhei was away to attend his grandmother’s funeral in Hong Kong, Yena had to come to terms with the fact that she hadn’t seen her own grandparents for half a year. They lived in Busan like she did but they were never close to begin with. Yena’s mother made sure that she wouldn’t keep in touch with them and they encountered only during Christmas or Chuseok. Nothing too intimate, nothing too personal. A mere dinner at a fancy restaurant that usually ended in a heated quarrel over how Choi Jieun shouldn’t treat her daughter the way she did and that’s exactly why she didn’t want her to see her grandparents. They actually wanted to help her because they knew their daughter was bossy, strict and inconsistent because she never listened to them. That way, Jieun’s parents were practically cut off and Yena could never even receive a letter or a present from them because her mother would totally lose it and throw a tantrum. On top of that, due to the fact that she didn’t even know who her father was, the grandparents on her father’s part were almost dead to her.
She never had a real family but she knew family wasn’t necessarily blood-related, thus she could confidently say that Yukhei was her family. One she never had and one she would never imagine that she would have. One she never thought that she would lose one day.
Yet, as time went by, the Chinese-Thai boy eventually returned back to his usual self and even though life taught him a tough lesson, his boyish grin couldn’t be replaced with a soulless frown or a forced smile. His hazel eyes got back their usual sparkle that challenged the brightest stars on the pitch-black skies and his heart became full of affection once again.
So when the flowers bloomed, so did they love. Yukhei wasn’t stupid, he knew that the loss of his grandmother only brought them closer, yet he didn’t want to risk anything. The fact that he was more vulnerable than ever and had a scar that didn’t heal properly made him ponder. If the death of his grandmother caused such soul-crashing pain, what would he do if he lost Yena too? She was like his second family; the brightest sun on his grey sky, the bittersweet coffee he needed in the morning, the smell of spring lilacs, the touch of little puppies after being bathed, the sight of the sunrise after a storm, the last piece of his puzzle and the other half of his impatiently beating heart.
He didn’t want to think about the possible consequences of losing her, so he stayed quiet and his love for her remained a secret kept at the bottom of his heart, hidden and safe until the time would come when he feels ready to let her in. He didn’t know if she felt the same way but he was more than happy to love her even if it meant that she didn’t love him back.
Just loving her was enough for him.
The day the gap became wider
Growing up and maturing brought about a lot of changes.
There came junior and then senior year. All those responsibilities regarding overly anxious students under the pressure of demanding teachers and parents who expected them to do perfectly on every single test were now a part of their everyday life. The extracurricular activities filled their afternoons and usually stretched into night as well. Those who sought after the best possible results pushed themselves to the best of their abilities and sometimes even further. They never stopped, they never took a break and they never realized that something was clearly wrong about how they handled the pressure.
The competitiveness and the monotonousness of their days seemed to go on forever. It was like a foggy winter afternoon that prevented them from seeing anything around them. They didn’t know how to escape from the vicious cycle because they weren’t supposed to stop. Everyone told them to bear the unbearable and break the unbreakable; they should have gritted their teeth and never think about stopping for a second. Their job was to study and studying always came first.
Of course, not everyone had the same problems and not everyone was affected by the inhumane system as much as Yena was. Her mother was one hell of a woman during those years and no matter how many times Yukhei told Yena to confront her mother and tell her that she didn’t want to be a lawyer, she would have rather opted for creative writing, Yena got upset. Even though the girl told him over and over again that her mother wouldn’t support her and thinks that writing is only for the most talented and most outstanding ones, he wanted Yena to give in and finally let go of the dream of her mother. He hated nothing more than to see her work and sacrifice so much only for her mother. It would have been fine if she did it for her own pleasure, to make her own dreams come true. Nonetheless, when it came to his best friend, she was still playing in Choi Jieun’s marionette-play while the boy knew that it was time to put an end to that stupid play of hers.
On the other hand, Yukhei knew he had it easy. A friend of his father recommended him for a radio programme one summer and despite the fact that he was inexperienced in radio shows, he was accepted after being auditioned. After that, he was taught by his mentors and fellow hosts, yet it never seemed like work because he truly enjoyed it. As opposed to being only a young, inexperienced boy, everyone praised his natural talent for finding the right balance between joking around and digging deep into a topic. Plus, he only had to work during the weekends, so he had other ways to pass the time outside the radio station including hanging out with his new friends and going to football practice. His programme was specifically for the weekends, something between music and movie recommendations and talk shows with special guests on various yet appealing topics to the public, especially to young people.
Initially, he had no intention of being on any radio programme but after working there for the summer, he decided to stay and soon he found himself a new dream. He wished to work at Arirang Radio in Seoul that aimed to connect international fans with their favourite Korean artists – actors, actresses, authors, producers and idols. He had already sent out his demo tapes to multiple radio stations in Seoul – including Arirang’s –, hoping that he would get accepted. If not, he could still stay in Busan and continue working at his current workplace. A degree wasn’t needed to fulfil his dream according to his co-workers, so he rather spent his time enjoying the opportunities he decided to take and working on his skills as much as he could.
However, Yena wasn’t that lucky. Yukhei felt sorry seeing her study so much – too much – and seeing how hard she worked only to be reprimanded by her mother for every little thing she didn’t do – or didn’t do as properly as Choi Jieun wanted – besides studying such as cleaning her room, taking out the rubbish and doing grocery shopping. She usually assisted her mother while she was running errands but it became too much for her while her days were full of extracurricular activities and English classes.
Jieun filled in an application form in her daughter’s name to apply for a scholarship at Yale because she wanted her to continue studying abroad. That’s why Yena was left with all that unnecessary paperwork and even more classes; she didn’t want to let her mother down. Plus, who wouldn’t be intrigued by the possibility of studying at Yale? Yena was as humble as ever and insisted that she would be more than happy to be accepted at one of the SKY universities but Choi Jieun wasn’t one to take others’ opinion into consideration.
Small wonder everything was crumbling down and by the time Yukhei and Yena finally poured their hearts out to each other, the house of cards had already fallen apart.
It was their senior year. The sun was setting on the horizon, the colourfully blooming trees were bathing in the tangerine light and birds were chirping on the branches, letting everyone know that spring was just around the corner. Yukhei and Yena were walking beside each other, both exhausted after the tremendous workload earlier that day, thus silence was no other than a reassuring companion on the road heading home.
Yukhei’s home was first, so when they arrived at the Wong’s house, both of them thought that his goodbye would put an end to their shared path. Nevertheless, as soon as the boy came to a halt and turned to her to bid his farewell, Yena looked up at him with her obsidian-black eyes pleading for their hourglass to stop for a moment.
“Yukhei, we need to talk.” She announced with a heavy sigh, the bags under her eyes ‒ indicating the hours she spent on studying instead of sleeping ‒ turning into a terrifying raven-black shade under the dim light of the setting sun.
Even though he wanted nothing more than to say how he felt about the fact that they spent yet another 30-minutes saying completely nothing to each other, he knew that it wasn’t the best time to start arguing with her. They were both worn out, probably too vulnerable for such a meaningful conversation.
“Is it anything urgent?” He shrugged his shoulders casually, pointing at the watch on his wrist. “ ‘Cause I’ve promised the guys that I would watch their performance.” He explained nonchalantly because he already knew what Yena was thinking of the guys. She didn’t fancy seeing them around because she didn’t know how to shrug off their brotherly teasing and mocking. Yukhei had to admit that they sometimes went too far but that didn’t mean that she needed to avoid them at all costs. Besides, when she wasn’t there with him, with whom he was supposed to hang out? Her abandoning her social life didn’t mean that he had to do the same.
“Well, maybe I’m the only one who feels this way but I feel like something went wrong between us.”
Yena’s eyes were shining apologetically, yet her words were painful like a bullet. They hit his heart hard and despite the enormous pain that came after, he didn’t want to acknowledge that the harm was already done. It may have already hit him but the worst was yet to come.
“What do you mean?” He raised an eyebrow in question, playing dumb as he always did when he wanted to avoid a certain unpleasant, let alone serious situation.
It could be seen that the girl was struggling to phrase how she felt. Yukhei once read some of her stories and knew that she had a unique way with words, she used such vague vocabulary and diverse expressions, he wasn’t even sure that he knew half as much words as she did.
Yet, right now when she needed words the most, she encountered an utter lack of them. Fate was a pitiful creature.
“I don’t feel that special bond anymore.” She spoke up after long, anxiety-filled seconds and let her words fill the tension between them before she reasoned further. “We used to be so close, sharing practically everything with each other and now I don’t even know if I can count on you because you are too busy with everything else.” Her voice trailed off at the end, her eyes wandering far ahead.
She didn’t want to meet his gaze, that oh so familiar, oh so precious yet oh so painful gaze of him. Every single time she looked at her so-called best friend, her heart churned with worry. What if he would fade away like a shadow? What if he would also leave her because she didn’t deserve to be loved and then her mother could boast that she was right? What if he would find happiness without her and sadness only when he’s with her?
Something went downhill the moment she became more reserved and less confident while he was never more content and outgoing. Yukhei made new friends who made fun of her perfect grades, perfect clothes and perfect answers when in fact nothing was perfect about her, except the exterior. The interior was collapsing like shelves in the fire of the Library of Alexandria. Her insides were eaten by the flames, leaving nothing but ashes behind. Nothing vulnerable was left, nothing lovable and nothing precious, only ashes. Yukhei was right there, he witnessed all of it yet he never once asked what was wrong. He wasn’t there to catch her fall yet she was already falling. The worst part was… he also knew well that he wasn’t there when she really needed him.
“Hey!” The boy raised his hands in defeat, clearly hurt by the tone of the girl and the weight her words carried. He was perfectly aware of the fact that he was sometimes the one to blame but not all the time. “I’m not the one who turns down our sleepovers because of studying.”
“I can’t do anything about the fact that I have extracurricular activities until 8pm and evening is the only time I can actually start studying.”
“Well, if it weren’t for your mother, you wouldn’t have done half of it.” Yukhei blurted out carelessly, rage already building up in his body. The moment the first angry thought popped into his mind, he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from attacking her so cruelly.
Nonetheless, Yena merely gulped and lifted her chin up. There was a peculiar sense of determination in her. She may have been the ice princess hiding behind closed doors most of the time but she wasn’t one to back away that day. She was ready to fight.
“You know it’s not easy for me either. I have my own dreams and I want to live my own life but I can’t because my mother is the only one I have. I can’t make money because I don’t have time for that and without money I wouldn’t be able to pay for my tuition fees. Yet, if I accept that I’ll study Law, my mother would pay for it.” She reasoned calmly, acting like an already experienced businesswoman. It was the same when they were debating in class; she never raised her voice but the aura around her was different. Everyone knew that she would say something worthy. Everyone was paying attention to her despite the fact that she was practically invisible any other time.
Yukhei had no intention of looking away when their eyes met. The fire in her eyes was dangerous, almost fatal. He didn’t know if it was cautionary because she was going to stay the exact same throughout their conversation or because she would eventually burst. You never knew when it came to a dormant volcano. Considering what she piled up during their teenage years – both from her mother and her best friend –, she seemed pretty dangerous to him.
He let out an agitated sigh. He didn’t want to argue with her but there was no other way they could solve their problems.
“You know, you broke the rules here and there.” Yukhei reminded her gently, his deep, hoarse voice filling the silence between them. From the moment she met him, she changed for him. She was so radiant and joyful when she was a child and if she had listened to her mother’s warning, she would have never made friends with him. “Where’s that girl who stood up for me in front of her mother when she said that you can’t come over to my place?” He mused nostalgically, a sudden jolt of resignation going through him.
Yena merely gave him a tired, sad smile.
“I grew up, Yukhei. So should you.”
“Excuse me?” His voice rose to a pitch higher than usual. Her words bit into him like a wild animal. He didn’t see such an attack coming but he already felt the excruciating pain engulfing him, especially his heart. His heart that he kept only to himself for so long because he was afraid to be fragile, he was afraid to be weak yet one question of hers at the age of six was enough for him to let her in. Since then, he never let her out. Not even for a second.
“Can’t you see that I feel uncomfortable when I’m around you?” She flung her arms in the arm, frustration written all over her face. “I get it, you have new friends and I’m totally okay with that. Yet, that doesn’t mean that you should act differently when you are around me because you’ve spent too much time with them. I feel lonely when I’m with you.”
“So you think I’ve changed?” He bellowed furiously, taking a step closer to her as he talked to her. He didn’t want to look menacing but he wanted to see if he could still recognize the same old Yena in the obsidian-black abyss of her lifeless orbs. “Well, sorry to break it down to you but you’ve changed too. I can’t even tell you my silly jokes anymore because you either frown or roll your eyes. I can’t even come up with plans because you either have classes or study at home. I know that I also have football practice, work at the station and spend more time with the guys but we just can’t seem to make it work. When I see you, there’s something different about you. You are a different Yena. More reserved, quieter… It seems like you don’t live your life anymore. You just try to survive everything.” He confessed straightforwardly, the words dripping off his tongue like medicine. It felt so reassuring to get everything off his chest yet the outcome was still yet to be seen.
Yena gulped at his last words. Maybe she had felt the same, maybe she didn’t. She was excellent at concealing her emotions, maybe because she was told to do by her mother. However, after a minute or so of keeping an intense eye contact, she snapped. Her eyes suddenly became teary and he also caught sight of the trembling hands by her side. Maybe she didn’t want to keep everything to herself after all. Maybe she wanted to tell him everything.
So she did. Even though he was waiting for the truth, he wasn’t ready for repeated bleedings of his already broken heart.
“Yes, I’m stressed because I’m studying a lot and out of the two of us, I have to study because I will go on to study at a university. However, I’m more stressed because I’ve noticed the shift in our relationship and I’ve tried to save it. You know, I was there for you when your grandmother died or when you were told that you have to take extra classes or else you’ll fail Maths. I was there when you cried or when you doubted yourself. I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong. Yet, apparently I did because it wasn’t enough that I’ve tried my best when I was with you, even if it wasn’t much time.”
“It was enough, believe me. I appreciate what you’ve done for me ever since the start and I know we both had our ups and downs and I’m thankful for you. I really am. I know how hard it’s been on you in the beginning yet you seemed to have everything under control in the past years. But what could I do when you didn’t let me in as you used to?” Yukhei shrieked and winced, something that Yena had never seen before. His voice was so desperate for answers, for what ifs and for the precious past memories, it almost made her wish she had never said anything in the first place. However, after a long time, at least she could be honest with somebody. Even if it meant that she hurt her best friend with her confession, she wasn’t ready to let it slide and see what the fire she had just spitted on him had left.
“Because you were just talking and talking about what you did with the guys or how your niece reacted to your present and I was there listening to you and the moment I wanted to open my mouth, the bell rang or you went to talk to the other guys. I genuinely care about you and your days but by listening to you all the time, I held everything in.” Yena huffed fervently, her cheeks tinted scarlet by the frustration that swept her off her feet. She didn’t care that she was being uncharacteristically honest or furious, it was time they showed their cards and decided on the result of their poker game. They were both so good at dealing with the cards of fate but they had to put an end to their suffering. For both of their sake.
Looking back at all the precious memories from the start until the end, Yukhei didn’t regret anything. He had changed but so did Yena. Even though it hurt his heart to see her in such a state because of him, at least he could see her standing up for herself. Even if it meant that she was against him. Karma was indeed a bitch.
“You know…” He started, something unpleasant settling in his stomach. Was it shame, guilt or worry? Was it because of what the girl had said or was it because he knew what was coming? “I’ve noticed that you were having a hard time.” He whispered wholeheartedly, hoping that his best friend wouldn’t doubt his words. Or were they friends anymore?
Yena didn’t doubt him. He held the same loving and fragile universe in his eyes that he did from the moment they met. Yukhei always loved the way her laugh sounded like little bells at Christmas or when her cheeks were pink full of blushful shyness. He adored the way her full lips turned into a mischievous smile when she was about to break a rule. He was so fond of the way her eyes sparkled whenever he gave her one of the polaroids he took of them, albums on top of albums hidden in his drawer that he never revealed to her. He kept so much to himself, hoping that he would be able to keep her with him forever and more. When he wanted to feel her presence but knew he couldn’t reach out to her, he took out an album and looked at their shared memories. The nostalgia tasted bittersweet in his mouth, it was like coffee without any sweetener.
Yena’s lips trembled as she asked the question that was the final stub in his heart. He knew the game was over.
“Then why didn’t you ask about it?”
Yukhei wished to deny everything but he couldn’t do it. Not to her. He knew that both of them were at fault because you need two people to create a bond and you also need two to break it. However, it didn’t mean that it hurt any less. In fact, it hurt like hell, knowing that both of them turned to a nasty war instead of a simple talk in the beginning of the end.
“Because it was easier not to talk about it.” He admitted shamefully, his heart leaping at the sight of Yena’s parted lips.
“Oh I see.” She nodded as if she wanted to understand and accept his decision, a forced smile already making its way onto her rosy-coloured lips. She was putting on a façade for him just as she did when she was with her mother and it tore him apart. What did he do to her?
The moment the first tear escaped Yena’s eyes, she wished she had never let anything slip away. Her friendship with Yukhei was the only thing that kept her together when she had a hard time and even though it was dying right in front of her eyes, she didn’t want to let go. Yet, all the sand in the hourglass landed and their time ran out. The more tears surfaces, the more she hated herself. She should have let Yukhei go sooner instead of holding him back. He deserved better, someone fuller of affection and attention. She couldn’t help how she felt but she didn’t want to pull him into that hole of darkness with her.
Hasty footsteps and ragged breaths were their own bittersweet farewell, untold confessions and proper goodbyes hiding behind its mask.
As the last ray of sunshine escaped the horizon, the light moved to their hearts and left an open scar that would forever remind them of the lost, loved and forgotten.
The day fate decided otherwise
After that day, they have tried time and time again to save their dying friendship but eventually they decided that it would be better if they went on separate ways. It hurt both of them to see the other laughing or smiling but there was a tiny part of them that was happy that the other was also happy. They couldn’t erase ten years full of precious memories, bittersweet moments, salty tears and contagious laughter. They couldn’t throw everything to the wind just because they drifted apart. No. Subtly, they always observed the other one to see if their smile was genuine or if they truly felt comfortable around others.
The words they spitted out on that particular spring day were painful like bullets. Yet, even though the pain was excruciating, the bullets weren’t fatal ones. Both Yena and Yukhei reflected on what they had been told and tried their best to learn from them. If you never make mistakes, you can never learn from them. If you do make mistakes, you can strive to be a better person and find your real self.
Yena was glad that Yukhei was doing well and got a job in Seoul right before they graduated. She had to admit that the boy was doing better without her because she realised she must have been a bad influence on him. Maybe even a toxic one. It was true that she didn’t go out with him, nor did she give in to his beloved ideas such as sleepovers and movie nights. She merely didn’t have time for him and her poor time management skills on top of her packed schedule slowly yet steadily suffocated their friendship. Yukhei must have felt trapped because of her when all he wanted to do was to break out of that cage that the prejudices and expectations towards the once new transfer student built around him. He was literally blooming in front of her and instead of making sure that he grows well, she held him back. She should have let him go so much sooner.
Yukhei blamed himself for not being honest about his feelings and not caring enough about Yena’s. He knew she was going through hell yet he had never asked how she felt or if he could do anything to assist her. He assumed that she was way better without his unnecessary prying and useless questions, so he talked about himself instead. What a fool he was! Having more guy friends killed that sensitive part of him that always nudged him to ask about the girl’s day and to make sure that her smile was genuine. As he was changing, he also lost a part of himself but not the worst one. Later on, he could see that the guys he used to hang out with during his last years of high school abandoned him when he actually moved to Seoul. They didn’t support him nor did they want to keep in touch with him. He couldn’t believe he was so blind to see that they were being with him only because of his popularity.
However, Yukhei’s parents fully supported their son and rented a flat for him in a reserved area of Seoul’s downtown as soon as they got the news of his successful application. The summer was a blur to him; he spent all his time exploring Seoul’s wonders and working as an intern at a small yet cozy radio station in Seoul. He was working on the entertainment segment, gathering information about events all over the city before he could move on to presenting them. He was a night-time radio host which meant that he worked from 10pm to midnight and despite the low expectations towards the number of listeners, his programme quickly exceeded the expectations. Of course, it was still nothing compared to the peak hours but it was better than most of the other radio station’s statistics at such an hour.
Not long after he settled down and started enjoying his life in Seoul, he got a call from Yena’s mother. The moment he saw the name on the screen, he immediately flinched. There were so many things he wished to say to that woman but none of them was actually appropriate and polite. At first, he assumed that Choi Jieun called the wrong person yet seeing that she didn’t hang up after half a minute, he decided to answer the call.
“Hello? It’s Wong Yukhei.” He picked up acting like he didn’t know the caller because he knew Choi Jieun might not remember that she had given him her number. Even though he never made use of the information, he hadn’t deleted her from his contacts either. He didn’t actually know why, maybe he longed to have something that still connected him to Yena.
“Hello Yukhei! It’s Choi Jieun, Yena’s mother.” The woman introduced herself in a business-like manner while Yukhei tried his best not to snort while she was speaking. He hated Jieun so much, it was as if she did something unforgivable to him. Though she never once attacked Yukhei face-to-face ‒ only behind his back ‒ but she made his best friend’s life miserable and that was something he couldn’t forgive.
“Nice to‒”
“Look, Yukhei.” The woman cut him off which threw the boy over the edge. How could she be so bossy right after they started talking? Not like he had any right to rebel against her but the impatient tone in her voice made him uncharacteristically grumpy. “I know you were on good terms with my daughter once, so I assume you wouldn’t have a problem if I asked you a favour. Unfortunately, there was an administrative error with her application to Yale, so she couldn’t be accepted but we only got to know about it a few weeks ago, thus she couldn’t start the spring semester in Seoul. Yet, after dealing with some paperwork, it seems that she can start her studies at the Seoul National University from the fall semester and I know that you’re still looking for a flatmate, so I’ve thought I would ask if you were willing to share your flat with her.”
Unbeknownst to Yukhei, his lips parted slightly upon hearing the news. Ever since they graduated in February, he hadn’t heard from Yena but it came as no surprise since he moved to Seoul pretty quickly. He was pretty sure that the girl was already in New Haven for her fabulous new life and excellent education, he would have never thought that she didn’t get in and had to stay in Seoul. Not to mention that Yena’s mother – the mighty Choi Jieun herself ‒ made a phone call to make sure that she still had a place to go. He knew that Yena’s grandparents lived somewhere close to the capital city but hearing the request, he was convinced that Jieun didn’t want to let her daughter spend more time with them. Yukhei may not have been their last hope but almost the last one. Her life didn’t seem so perfect after all.
“Well, I still don’t have a flatmate, so I‒”
“Perfect! Then I’ll drop her off at your place on Friday and we’ll sign the contract.” Jieun stated matter-of-factly, her remark taking Yukhei by surprise once again.
He couldn’t believe that the woman was trying to control the conversation, so that the boy wouldn’t be able to finish any of his sentences. He didn’t even know what to say because he was still in the state of utter shock after the realization hit him hard that he would be living together with Yena. It was something that they dreamed about when they were younger but nothing seemed more inappropriate under the circumstances.
“Don’t worry! I’ve seen your advertisement, so I know the address and money can’t be a problem either. Thank you for your help! See you on Friday!” With that, the woman hung up, leaving a dumbfounded Yukhei behind who merely gulped at her antics. He was sure that he wouldn’t be able to live a day beside a monster like Choi Jieun and he suddenly felt sorry for Yena.
It’s been a long time since he thought about her so fondly yet after the news of her unsuccessful application, his heart churned with worry. How did she feel about the fact that she had to stay in Seoul? Did she regret that she studied so much, only to be encountered with an administrative problem that costed her chance to study in the US? Did she know what her mother was doing or did Jieun call him without Yena knowing anything about her future flatmate?
Yukhei shook his head in an attempt to get rid of his questions. Questions that he knew he couldn’t answer because the only person who could wasn’t there with him. Yet, soon she would be living with him and despite everything that they had been through, he couldn’t help but feel a sparkle of hope. A hope for a more prosperous and balanced friendship between the two of them.
Despite everything, he couldn’t hate her. He couldn’t hate the way her lips raised into a shy smile or the way she blushed when she heard a compliment. He couldn’t hate the way her eyes lit up when she got an answer right and the way she sipped on her coffee, her heart feeling at ease after the newfound energy. He couldn’t hate the way her locks always seemed so soft and straight no matter if it was raining heavily or snowing fervently. He couldn’t hate the way his heart started racing every time he felt her presence in the room and the way blood rushed through his veins when he heard her voice.
Despite everything, she had still been his best friend for ten years. Despite everything, she was still his first love even though Yena never knew because he didn’t have the courage to confess.
Now… he didn’t know who she was to him. He dreaded founding it out yet he couldn’t wait for Friday to come.
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