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#retroactive jealousy
kaeyolost · 9 months
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he says he loves me but i can’t help but feel like he looks at me the exact same way he looked at all the girls who came before me
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jellygirlw · 2 months
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retroactive jealousy is comparing yourself to their ex. nitpicking all the details on why they are so much more attractive, and why he probably found her so hot. it’s imagining disgusting scenarios of them in your head and wanting to throw up. it’s your kind being taken up by their exs. it’s their ex being the only thing you think about. it’s wanting to ask questions and questions you don’t want to know the answer to
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grotesque-illusion · 16 days
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retroactive jealousy fucking sucks ass I will kms if I have to continue thinking about this
it's genuinely messing with me n my self esteem n everything else
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whisperingsleep · 4 months
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Retroactive
Every time I see your hands, I can’t help but think about where they’ve been, and when I’m kissing your back, I think of all the mouths that have been there,  It’s irrational, it’s sick, but I fear there’s no cure for this. 
Every time I see your face I think of her lips on your cheek, every time you say you love me I think of all the times you’ve said that to her before.
It’s stupid, it’s sick, I fear there’s no cure for this. 
Every time you see me, I think about you thinking of all the other faces you thought were the best thing ever, and every place we visit, I wonder which spots you visited first with her.
It’s horrible, it’s sick, I fear there’s no cure for this. 
Every time you touch me, I imagine you touching her, every time you talk of our future, I think of you getting down on one knee for her.
It’s devastating, I’m sick, I fear there’s no cure for this. 
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blckasf · 6 months
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Do you know what I fucking hateeeee!!! The fact that I have terrible terrible retroactive jealousy😭😭😭
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allesungesagte · 7 months
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Und manchmal, manchmal kommt Eifersucht in mir auf, Eifersucht auf die Frauen, die er vor mir hatte und es tut weh, es tut so verdammt weh.
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shiftingforyeonjun · 9 months
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I wanna do this blog differently.
Lately, I feel like I’ve been losing myself and losing my spark. And this is something I’ve always struggled with especially when I’ve gotten into a new relationship.
If I haven’t stated before, I struggle with many mental health issues such as BPD, depression, anxiety and ocd. And honestly, I’m sick of feeling like this all the time and I want to do differently.
So along with manifestation and shifting, I want to also talk about spiritual growth and mental health.
I want to share my journey and experiences with my mental health and help the stigmatization of it, especially BPD.
Remember, this is a safe space for all. Your feelings are valid. Let’s grow together.
If you struggle with any of the following, follow my blog and join me on our healing journey where we will share our experiences and learn to grow together.
- Borderline Personality Disorder
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Relationship Anxiety
- OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Retroactive Jealousy
- Anxious Attachment Style
- Self Love
- Fear of abandonment
- Anxiety VS Intuition
- Lack of self
- And much more
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writerinherhead · 1 year
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Does anyone else think the song Question...?by Taylor Swift could be about Retroactive Jealousy?
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notapersonactually · 2 years
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so i guess i’m guarding my heart after all
just like i once was told to
after all the times i jumped
to fly
or for someone to catch me
i’m afraid i’m not the same girl anymore
the girl who believed in dreams
and magic
i wonder if i can ever get that back again
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pinkbunnieskill · 14 days
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why is retroactive jealousy so weird
i know that's just your past and i am your present but
i be like
'i know you love me but what if you secretly and subconsciously want to go back to your ex huh?'
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vvayn · 11 months
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why did he have to be with someone else before me
why couldn’t i be his first
why is there someone else who knows him the way that i do
why couldn’t he be just mine, always and forever
why can’t i be the only person to say that i’ve known and loved him
why did he have to experience the little things with someone else before me
why couldn’t i be the only one
why did he need someone else before me
why couldn’t we be each other’s only one
why is my heart so broken
why can’t i get over it
why is it ruining me
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luvtxt · 26 days
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Every once in a while I get confronted by a human experience that is so utterly alien and unrelatable to me that it shocks me into a sort of catatonic state for several minutes until I'm able to grapple with the fact that other people live like that
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thesleepingnini · 1 year
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ano po pede gawen pagnakita mo jowa mong may pics and vids pa ng ex niya sa old harddrive niya? HAHAHCJDBSHSJSHS TANGINA PLS, alam ko naman na baka di niya na kasi tinitingnan yon and no time to remove those PERO ANG SAKET PA REN??? send help siguro HAHAHA
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feral-ballad · 3 months
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Savannah Brown, from Closer Baby Closer; “Retroactive jealousy”
[Text ID: “Someday I’ll care for something / without wanting to close a door behind it.”]
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anashins · 4 months
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Five Times a Day
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Pairing: Jaehyun x You
Genre: angst, romance, smut
Word Count: 3.7k
Summary: After Jaehyun's ex drops the fact that they have once done it five times a day, you are eager to keep this record up.
A/N: Retroactive jealousy is real and this is me processing this problem. Maybe some of you can relate - remember: We're in this together and are stronger than our insecurities!
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You sipped on your smoothie, barely listening to your friends who were excitedly talking across each other. Under usual circumstances, you would have been able to enjoy this gathering among you girls, but today… not at all. 
In fact, you were in a sulk. And it was all because of a guest from a past you had deemed forgotten already.
“By the way…” Said guest suddenly turned to you with a feigned, overly sweet smile. “How is Jaehyun?”
You rolled your eyes, refusing to look into the face of the girl who had just asked you this question. You had known she would eventually come up with this topic. After all, your boyfriend, Jaehyun, was her ex boyfriend. Justifiably his ex, though!
She had gone behind his back and cheated on him with his friend. It had been you who had mended his broken heart with no ulterior motives in the beginning, but after that cruel woman had moved away, it had evolved into something that the both of you had underestimated.
You had given him time, treated him with nothing other than patience and understanding, until one day, he had been able to move on with you who had no intention of hurting him in the same manner ever again.
“He’s perfectly fine, we’re so happy,” was your equally overly sweet reply.
Your best friend’s nudge into your side with her elbow pulled you out of your sulking attitude as she was silently begging you to get a grip of yourself. You just shrugged, reminding her that you had only tagged along because you were nosy and wanted to boast, and that you had no intention of being friendly. You just couldn’t have missed this opportunity to see how she was doing, no matter how much you resented her.
Jaehyun’s ex had been in your friend group back then and was now in the city for a few days, so everyone had accepted her invitation to meet up to reminisce about the old times - including you and your big ego. You slowly regretted it, even though you had only come to brag to her how much happier he was with you. It was just so exhausting to be fake-friendly.
But to prove to your best friend that you were ready to compromise, you added sharply with triumph in your voice, “We live together now.”
“Oh, I’m so happy for you!” the ex’s voice echoed through the café as she clapped into her hands. “I also have a new boyfriend with whom I live with!”
The other girls congratulated her, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so as well. All you could think of was whether that guy was also a poor soul she would soon destroy. That was until she mentioned something else that only you could probably hear.
“Now that we live together, we do it like five times a day.” She chuckled, lowered her voice and leaned in to you. “Jaehyun has been able to do just as much. Say, does he still live up to it? You must for sure know.”
You resented her so much.
____
First
You woke up way before Jaehyun when the sun shone right into your face as you had forgotten to pull the curtains together the night before.
It was almost 7 in the morning, and soon, your alarm would go off so that you would only see each other again later that evening when you came back home from work. You were determined to beat the clock before that would happen.
With much caution, you lifted the blanket and crawled under the duvet to Jaehyun’s side of the bed. He only groaned when you accidentally leaned on his shin, but you were still able to settle on his legs under the blanket without waking him up fully. 
You reached out your hand and stroked the small mound under his pajama bottoms. It didn’t take long for that mound to turn into a firm bulge and for Jaehyun to react to your stroking with his thighs moving against your palm.
You didn't know whether he was awake yet or not from under the covers, but you liked the thought of this exact uncertainty. To push this act further, you hooked your fingers into the waistband of his bottoms and dragged the fabric downwards to the point where you could get a hold of his member and pull it out entirely.
Your fingers wrapped around Jaehyun’s length and you started moving them along his shaft until it stood nearly parallelly to his stomach. Sitting yourself up to be able to tug your own panties down, you shuffled forwards and guided his tip to your entrance.
When you slowly sank down onto him, you heard a loud moan from the other side of the blanket that was still covering you. Tight hands gripping onto your bum when you had taken him in fully, confirmed to you that your boyfriend was now awake - and ready for whatever was to come.
“Good morning,” you whispered, your head now peeking out from under the duvet.
Your boyfriend was still lying on his back with his eyes closed, but you still perceived his sensual and exciting expression as he licked over his lips and groggily fluttered his lids open.
With a grin, Jaehyun greeted you hoarsely, “‘morning.”
Your palms were placed flat onto his chest as the blanket slipped over your shoulders along your back and revealed your upper body that was only covered in your silken top. To Jaehyun, this was a sight he couldn’t get enough of, jolting him entirely awake now.
You put your weight on your forearms, just enough for you to lift your hips and come down at him again. Not much later, your moans filled the entire room, sunlight dancing across your skins on whichever part was currently in the right angle as you bobbed up and down on him.
Your back arched, your hair falling over your shoulder blades in long, silken streaks as the strands simultaneously moved to the rhythm you applied to Jaehyun’s groin. Not much later, your skin was glistening with sweat and you fell limply on your boyfriend’s chest as you had run out of strength.
Putting his arms around you, Jaehyun hurried you along until you bit into his shoulder to suppress your scream as you shook in his embrace. Shortly after, when you slowly calmed down, it was his turn. With his fingers entangled in your hair, he whispered sweet nothings into your ear, faltering between every syllable as he came.
You had never doubted that Jaehyun loved you very much. You had been very sure that he loved you even more than when he was the happiest with his ex-girlfriend.
But now, you weren’t quite so sure anymore. 
Not even when he took his time and risked being late to work just to cuddle with you in the aftermath.
____
Second
“What are you doing here?”
Jaehyun looked at you with very much surprise from across his desk when you closed the door behind you. You had visited him a few times at his workplace already, to bring him food or quickly say hello when you had been in the neighborhood - but never with such an intention.
The fabric of your trenchcoat felt cold on your skin as you wore nothing underneath other than the lingerie that you had actually wanted to save for your anniversary celebration. But until then, you had decided, you would buy a new set and use this one for this certain occasion.
Jaehyun couldn’t believe his eyes when you opened the coat’s belt across your waist and flashed him the sexiest set of red underwear that he had hopefully ever seen in his life. You physically watched his jaw drop and him taking off and then putting on again his glasses just to make sure that what he was currently witnessing was, indeed, real.
“Today is not my birthday, right?” You saw him gulp as his Adam’s apple moved along his neck, and you had to suppress a chuckle catching him so off guard. “Then I must be dreaming.”
“You’re not,” you answered and approached him in your heels that were also new. “Today is just your lucky day.”
“Then can every day be my lucky day?”
When you stood right in front of him after he had come forward from his seat, you let the trenchcoat slide down your shoulders, revealing the new bra fully, and your boyfriend couldn’t take his eyes off of you once again. 
“You are so beautiful,” he whispered before his head disappeared between your breasts. “I can’t get enough of you.”
“Then show me,” you challenged him. “Show me how much you want me. Right here and now.”
… and not her, you added silently in your mind, but pushed this intrusive thought right aside, because you wanted to live in this moment with Jaehyun and no one else.
“Very well,” he agreed and helped you take off the trenchcoat.
You were allowed to keep wearing your lingerie when Jaehyun grabbed you by your buttocks and placed your legs around either side of his hips just so that he could carry you. With one swift motion, he had turned you to his desk and kept you in place with one arm while the other reached out and threw everything in his reach from the desk onto the floor. 
Then, he placed you on the surface and parted your thighs with his hips. The moment he loosened his tie was the moment you lost it too, because, once again, it hit you out of nowhere how perfect your boyfriend was and that you actually shouldn’t care who had been with before and what he had done with that person.
Jaehyun was all yours when he slipped his fingers into your lace panties and pushed them into you to collect the fluids inside of you as you had gotten so wet already. He was all yours, when he dragged his hand along your folds and caused you to shudder with this motion only as they reached your clit. 
And he was also all yours when you couldn’t bear it for much longer and put your heels up on either side right on top of the desk to give him better access to enter you.
You were laying flat on the surface with your elbows propped up for support so that you could watch him thrust right into you. Jaehyun’s hair swung with each push and grew damp over time on the tips that touched his sweaty forehead. His fingers were still buried into your upper thighs so that no thrust would go astray, and when he looked up, you encountered this hungry look in his eyes.
He was long not done, and you only hoped that his short lunch break was enough for what he had still in store for you.
And as you were finally letting yourself go too, lying back down on the desk and moaning his name just loud enough to not to travel to the other offices, you wondered if he had done something like this before just by the way he knew what to do and how to enjoy it.
____
Third
You had set up a fancy dinner for Jaehyun later that evening. After having surprised him at his office, you had gone straight back to your own workplace and finished earlier to buy and prepare his favorite food.
By the time he was home, you had the appetizer and steak with side dishes ready, and even though you had been in a hurry to fix dinner, you were pretty impressed with how everything had turned out. After all, today, everything had to be perfect for this mission.
“Are you sure it’s not my birthday or another important date that I forgot about?”
Jaehyun raised a brow when he saw that you had set up the whole atmosphere with fancy crockery, cutlery and even lightened up candles. Usually, on weekdays, when you both had to work, you just threw something easy and light together and ate on the couch in front of the TV.
“Can’t I just do something nice for my boyfriend when I have the day off?”
“I mean… I’m not complaining. But this is the third nice thing you’re doing for me today. What did I do to deserve this?”
You put your hands around his neck and shook your head. “You’re just being you. Isn’t that enough.”
You got on your tiptoes to kiss him and were already looking forward to serving him dessert. And with “dessert” you didn’t mean ice cream or cake, because you had not prepared such. With “dessert” you meant having Jaehyun right under you at your mercy not even an hour later.
“Stop, stop!” Jaehyun breathed and stretched out his hand to gently lay it on the top of your head.
With a slurping sound, you let go of him and looked up to your boyfriend who was spread out on the couch underneath you. 
“You don’t like it?” you worried, because Jaehyun actually never said no to getting head. Again, you wondered what you did wrong and if he had ever said no to his ex. You bet not.
He cupped your face and softly pulled you up to him so that you were now hovering over his chest. “That’s not what I mean,” he grinned and kissed your smudged lips. “You did so much for me today, let me do something for you too.”
Not much later, you were a writhing, whiny mess, legs locked between Jaehyun’s head while he licked you like you were his literal dessert after this feast. You had cum twice in a row already and were thinking that if he wouldn’t stop now, you wouldn’t have much energy for the real deal soon.
“Already out of breath?” 
“Please… I just want you inside of me,” you begged.
“Very well.”
He took you on all fours from behind this time, fingers entangled in your hair and pulling you back every now and then to either kiss you or groan lewd words into your ear that made you blush slightly. In no way would one assume your boyfriend had this side to him if one were to meet him on the streets. 
How lucky you were. 
And other girls before that too, apparently.
But again, you pushed that thought aside when Jaehyun smacked your cheek and you let out a shriek that blended with your orgasm in the exact same moment. Pain and pleasure became indistinguishable, and that made it even more exciting as you experienced a high that only seldomly occurred. 
When you laid with your sweaty bodies chest to chest, you came to the conclusion that it probably truly didn’t matter what had ever been before you when the present was so beautiful. 
You didn’t want your insecurities to get the better of you, but your boyfriend was so perfect that you constantly wondered if one day, he would have enough of you if you couldn’t give the best like he deserved.
____
Fourth
“No.”
Your heart sank and you directly pulled your dressing gown close again. Underneath it, you wore a negligee that only rarely got put into use, but for the fourth time today, you wanted to present it to Jaehyun when he returned from the bathroom.
You only had two more times to go, you assumed you could get it done right now.
Your disappointment and shock were very visibly written all over your face though, and immediately, your boyfriend started to apologize.
“Look…” He seated himself next to you on the bed and looked at you with apologetic eyes. “Don’t beat yourself up over this! I really appreciate everything you did today, but it was a long day overall for me and I have to get up early again tomorrow. I just can’t keep up anymore today. It was great three times, but I’m physically at my end too and I really need to sleep soon.”
You didn’t want to say it. You truly didn’t. But your impulsive part had gotten the upper hand as all your feelings that you had been suppressing throughout the day boiled down to this one sentence,
“I bet you didn’t say that to your ex when you did it five times a day.”
For an unusually long time, Jaehyun stayed quiet and you feared that you had sabotaged your relationship at this point. 
“I knew there was something up with you,” he eventually said. “You shouldn’t have gone to that gathering, even though the other girls are still friends with her.”
“But I did, because I’m nosy and foolish.” You paused. “Are you mad now?”
“Yes.” Your heart dropped, but before you could defend yourself, Jaehyun continued, “I’m mad because you have let her confuse and make you question our relationship based on… what?”
Ruefully, you confessed, “She said that you had sex five times a day.” You sensed how he repressed laughter that was deeper than usual, so he wasn’t making fun. “What is it? Is it not true?”
Honestly, perhaps you should have asked Jaehyun before reacting blindly out of impulse, because after all, this cheating girl was a liar. But sadly, he dismissed your glimpse of hope.
“We did.” Jaehyun’s head dropped at the same moment as your heart. “This is true.”
“Oh…” 
You knew the person you should be angry at was yourself, not Jaehyun or his ex. You hadn’t been romantically involved at that time, it had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with you. But you couldn’t help but to compare yourself to her over and over again. 
What was wrong with you? Why couldn’t you just switch this off? Why was there no button connected to your feelings?
Something warm suddenly touched your hand, and it was Jaehyun’s, taking yours into his. You didn’t dare to look up, that was how ashamed you felt for yourself. 
“It was only one time,” he started calmly. “There was a snowstorm outside, so it was dangerous for her to go home. She stayed an entire day and night, that was when it happened. And do you know why it happened?”
You shrugged. You were unsure whether you actually wanted to know all the details to feed your insecurities even more.
“Don’t worry, the answer won’t be as you expect.” Jaehyun squeezed your hands and continued with a patient, tender tone, “The reason wasn’t because I found her more beautiful or hotter than you. Believe me, you are the only one for me. I cannot even look at other women and not think ‘Wow, I got the most beautiful girl out of all the girls in the world. She’s so perfect, I’m so lucky!’” Your cheeks were burning, but you kept listening diligently. “The reason was because we literally had nothing to talk about.”
Now, you lifted your head and faced your boyfriend who encouragingly smiled at you. He was sincere, you saw it clearly in his eyes. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that whenever we spent so much time with each other, we never had something to talk about. We had absolutely no common interests or topics of which we felt the need to engage in. The only attraction we had was a physical one, so when we were forced to stay with each other so long, there was nothing else that we could do.”
Jaehyun let go of your fingers and wrapped his hands around your waist instead to pull you into his warm lap, and you let him.
"Absolutely nothing?” you wanted to make sure. This indeed surprised you.
He chuckled ironically. “Yes, absolutely nothing.”
“But we always talk non stop.”
“I know.” You felt his full lips pressing into your cheek and smiled. “We are not only physically connected, but emotionally as well. Isn’t that beautiful? Do you know how much that is worth and that some people seek for a connection like ours an entire lifetime? I enjoy physical contact with you just as much as our conversations and laughter. There is no need to fill a void, because there is none in the first place.”
You had never thought that Jaehyun felt like that and it touched your heart very deeply. “When I heard her saying this, I was worried you would soon be bored with me if I couldn’t keep up.”
“No, don’t ever think that!” Jaehyun drew you close to his chest and you laid your head on his shoulder. “Our love came unexpectedly for each of us, and I think we both had to learn that the right love was calm and steady, not these highs and lows with many fights. This is how it’s supposed to be, don’t let it make you feel unsure because you’re not used to it too. We’re here now, we shouldn’t look back.”
Hearing this from him set your mind at ease. It made many things better that were here temporarily, but you were also aware that in order to fight any doubts you were holding against your relationship, you had to fight your inner demons first. 
It couldn’t be done in a day, but you would work hard, taking one step at a time and just believe in your boyfriend who assured you every day in many ways that his feelings were true and unwavering, no matter how big the demon had grown at this point. 
“I love you, Jaehyun.”
“Of course I love you too.” He chuckled. “You make me laugh, you defend me, you fight me, you challenge me, and whenever I’m at my wit’s end, you bring me back to life. This is worth so much more and there is no one else I can ever imagine being with again. To me, you’re perfect.”
“Funny,” you whispered as you felt him pressing a kiss onto your parting. “I always think that about you too.”
There was no need for a fourth or fifth time.
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sarahisslytherin · 1 month
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•❣•୨୧ 𝙙𝙧𝙪𝙣𝙠 𝙖𝙨 𝙙𝙧𝙪𝙣𝙠 ୨୧•❣•
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felix catton x reader
summary: after seeing felix continuously surrounded by girls at his birthday party, you try your hardest not to get drunk on jealousy.
contains: jealousy, angst, fluff? oh, and like a million references to drinking.
a/n: this one's for all my fellow retroactive jealousy girlies out there! yey mental illness! wrote most of this at 2am so don't mind the elusive ending.
word count: 0.8k
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the cicadas have been droning on for what feels like an eternity as you wait for felix beneath the minotaur statue at the maze’s heart. the inky sky above you stretches on beyond the garden walls, fractured by an array of white-hot stars. you cross your arms, tap your heel briskly against the earth, indicating your frustration to no one but yourself. all night you’d watched girl after girl fawn over felix, linking their arms into his own, batting their lashes with an evident goal. you couldn’t watch any longer, stomping away towards the maze, wishing for nothing more than to get so lost you would never be found. nevertheless, you have been. 
“so this is where you’d disappeared to.” felix sighs, golden angel wings glimmering in the moonlight. “i’ve been looking for you all over.”
“surprised you even noticed i’d gone.” you scoff.
felix purses his lips. “i’m sensing some tension. what have i done now, hm?” 
he cocks his head at that, a confused look about his features. he holds up an offering, a bottle of fine wine he’s clearly been helping himself to. you refuse it, try teasing him to forget your emotional turmoil, but it comes out all wrong. “wouldn’t you rather get drunk with your fan club?” 
felix wastes no time towering above you, a gentle hand clasping your chin, a soft pair of lips pressing your own. “are you jealous, love?” he asks, and you can practically hear his smirk. “this has to be cutest thing. sure, maybe they were a little enthusiastic, but you know i only have eyes for you.”
“oh, hush!” you whine, swatting his hand away. “why don’t you go bother one of your girlfriends.” you know you’re being petty, but you can’t bring yourself to care.
“i only have one.” he says, voice gravelly and stern. “and don’t you forget it.”
felix has grown to be well-versed in the art of comforting you. he knows you often feel insecure or not worth his time, a concept he will never truly grasp, in spite his best efforts. what he doesn’t know is the gut-wrenching feeling of imagining your lover leaving you for someone else. the knowledge that he loved someone else before you, who knows how many. you try to fight it, remind yourself this is a natural thing and in no way his fault.
“i’m sorry.” you click your tongue. “i don’t mean to be annoying or toxic.” your voice takes on an edge, a subtle quiver only a trained ear such as felix’s could detect.
“hey, none of that.” he playfully scolds, enveloping you in strong arms. “you’re the only girl for me, you know that. i’ll remind you as many times as you need.”
“why do i feel like this?” you asked. “you’re nothing but understanding and loyal.”
he gives you a warm smile, plants a kiss atop your head. “it’ll pass, love. trust me.” there’s a silence so heavy neither you knows how to break it.
“want a drink?” he asks, holding up the wine. felix smirks as he tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear. perhaps a bit of humor will do the trick. “in a way you’re kind of an alcoholic, you know, only drunk on jealousy.” 
you give him a roll of the eyes and a faux laugh. “at least i’m not an actual drunk.” you tease as you take the bottle from him. 
“we all have our faults.” he jests. “you feel better?”
“sort of.” you sigh, but you realize it’s a lie as you start to spiral once again. you wonder if you’ll ever be able to harness those feelings of yours that lead you to this state. the jealousy that feeds you manufactured visions of felix`s past, one where he was happier with someone who wasn’t you. one where another person slept on your side of the bed, touched him the way you do. you know it isn’t real (not anymore), but the mind can be quite a convincing thing —
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“love?” you hear felix say, and suddenly you’re on a staircase; your makeup is fresh, the night still young. “you look amazing!” he says proudly as he takes a drag of his cigarette. it’s the first he’s seen of you this evening, and he can’t stop himself from drinking in the sight before him. it was all in your head. now the party has just begun and your mind will not stray. the vicious cycle will not repeat itself. there will be no comforting, no drying of unnecessary tears tonight. you will focus on the man, the angel before you and steer clear of the maze of jealousy. yes, you will get drunk tonight, drunk on open-mouthed kisses, drunk on someone who wants you and only you.
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