I hate having the kind of mental illness that makes me stay up all night on my phone desperately chasing the dopamine. Is it insomnia? Yes. Is it severe executive dysfunction paired up with my escapist behaviors and desire to have quiet time alone where I'm not being perceived? Also yes. It is nearly 9am, somebody put me down. (To bed or to death, at this point I'll accept either.)
see the thing about revenge bedtime as someone who suffered from it for years is that you don’t really have the time
Your time feels not your own during the day so you stay up late at night to take what you need. But that time too is not your own and belongs to your body (which needs it to process what it has undergone simply by existing)
If you have the chance, change your circumstances and mindset to give yourself that vital autonomy. Because something’s got to give and it isn’t going to be your body’s need to sleep
By the time I get into bed, I find myself picking up my phone and just scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. I stay up past my bedtime, despite being exhausted and knowing I'd be better off going to sleep. This behavior is called "revenge bedtime procrastination."
(via How to stop revenge bedtime procrastination and get better sleep)
"Revenge bedtime procrastination" refers to a phenomenon where individuals, who feel that they lack control over their daytime activities, intentionally delay going to bed as a way to reclaim a sense of freedom and leisure during the late evening or early morning hours. This behavior often involves staying up late to engage in activities such as watching TV, browsing the internet, playing video games, or using social media.
me: in the past 48 hours, I have had ~8 hrs of sleep. and also have been driving for two days to get home. and also just finished a week of university finals + packing up my dorm. 🤦🏻