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#rewatched the movie and i hate james corden even more
jlf23tumble · 1 year
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Hi Jen
I can't wait for you to watch aotv and share your thoughts. All I have to say is -
- I absolutely adore Jay and I'm in awe of her.
- I don't if there was a little bit too much of Harry at first or if that's what my brain chose to focus.
- At the beach with the kid was pretty meh but the kid at his show was so so cute. Extremely heartwarming watching them together.
- Helene is an absolute gem.
- The fan moments left me appalled because of the white washing and the blatant show of privilege, not my favourite part.
- I'm surprised there was no mention of afhf.
It's been more 30 hours since I watched it, and I haven't had a single thought that didn't start and end with Louis. Nothing we didn't already know, but he's just a wonderful person, warts and all.
I need to watch again because I don't remember seeing some of the things that people are talking about. Hope you have a great time!
anon 2: I thought the hug was weird until I saw the movie myself because the hug was before the last 1d performance bts and Louis was so nervous. Harry and Louis didn't hug Liam or Niall in that room but only eachother for that small second and Helene so it seemed more like a small gesture of comfort, a bit of I am right here if you need anything. Right after everyone leaves the room because Louis needs a bit more practice with Helene (they were all ready to go onstage except for Louis) and Louis goes to the door and asks for Harry so it seems they talked again off camara. They showed the performance and there on stage everyone hugs except Louis and Harry and that made me laugh because bts they did hug and we never knew until this doc. I don't know if they were broken up but still cared for eachother because Harry also kept looking at Louis in that bts footage and he had this worried look on his face.
++++++++++++
Just gonna group all these movie-related takes together since I finally watched it! I won't answer your points line by line, but here are my knee-jerk takeaways:
None of this was surprising at all, but it was cool to see it all lumped into one place where people couldn't really erase it.
Love love love and miss Jay, also, Louis is such a tremendously strong person because this is definitely edited, he was bearing a lot more weight than is portrayed here, and yet he perseveres. He seems pretty present in every moment, too, which is impressive.
I hope Helene is making a shit-ton of money because she's doing at least 3 jobs.
The negative space around Eleanor (those 2x the E tat shows up, rip) is really loud, especially with the growing number of rainbow flags (starts with one, ends with hundreds), he is definitely opting to NOT talk about any relationship, draw your own dots (but also? some of the choices here, like the extended kiss during the Grease part, okay). I still feel El was a proxy, and that makes all of her absence even more ohhhhhhkay.
Related: I want to rewatch the first 10 minutes because I could swear he does this whole double layering with the "break up" talk and how it's meant to be about the band, but it's definitely literally focused on Harry (for one, that's mainly where you see Harry, especially in some obvious VO work, but also he says "relationship" singular vs. plural in a place where with the band, the plural makes a helluva lot more sense).
Related related: the way that Louis is interacting with Liam and Niall being at the same festival he was at, yet NOT interacting with Harry when he was at one, too, hmmmm.
I need to watch the Liam G. doc because Charlie's INSANE use of in focus/out of focus/in focus/out of focus, especially with family members, is meant to make it somehow feel unstaged but increasingly becomes annoying.
I felt like the James Corden bit was one of the very truest parts of this, a lot of it was by the numbers rote media training, but Louis disappearing? Maybe he hates James, who knows, but if it's a pattern, oh man.
I felt it was about 20 minutes too long, you could start seeing the template by the end (line up of fans, empty stadium, crowd excitement, Louis's buzzing, on to the next place) to the point where it almost diluted it? I would edit that shit down or compress it, there was a point where you weren't seeing anything new except for the location.
I disagree with anon 2 about the hug (for one, we don't see all the interactions/hug moments, who knows if a lot of hugs were shared, but also when he's calling to someone, Harry's in the back, I think, not to the left? I'd have to rewatch). Also, I'm in the camp that they had a big split around this time, yet were still friendly enough to be close, support each other (possibly fuck, who knows).
The parts with Freddie and his grandparents were incredibly moving, and telling, too, in that I get the anxiety spike because there's a lot here that is telling some people shit they just don't want to hear.
AIMH Oli, you can cause trouble up in [personal details redacted], and I would want to hear more about it. Hope you're being well paid, too.
Personal projection time: there were so many, SO MANY peter pan and the (white) lost boys antics, like, I disagree that all the fan content was white-washing when the entire BAND is white boy coded (at least SOME of the fans weren't white Americans). I don't think it'll change soon, but I like to hope he'll reach out and experiment more (both in terms of music and people around him). I hold out this hope because he clearly laid out the blueprint early on about 1st album is this, 2nd album is that, 3rd album is closer to what I want to do...I promise you, Loueh, plenty of non white dude fish in that sea.
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rimtimtigger · 2 years
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I still don’t understand why the Cats movie didn’t just give the characters cat noses.
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phoebe-delia · 3 years
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please give me a rant on Cats ily btw
Hi nonnie! Omg ily too, thank you! And thank you for this ask, because ooohh boy do I have feelings about this adaptation.
First of all, I have a few disclaimers to make:
1. I love the actual musical. Yes, I know the show is very controversial--either you love it or you hate it--but I grew up on "Cats." I loved it, and the book of poems it's based on. So for those looking for a rant about the lack of plot or criticizing the show itself, this post isn't for you.
2. I'm not even going to address the CGI other than to say....that was a choice. I think the critics and social media have done plenty to criticize it, and I won't say more about that fever dream on 'shrooms.
3. There were two aspects of the movie I enjoyed: Jennifer Hudson singing "Memory" and Taylor Swift's appearance; though even the presence of my favorite artist of all time was not enough to redeem this movie.
And for you, nonnie, I rewatched both the trailer and The Rum Tum Tugger song. I will be sending you the bill for my therapy <3 ;)
Now, onto the good stuff.
I'll start with the casting. Something that a ton of movie musical adaptations do is stunt-cast big names to draw audiences because they're afraid that people won't want to see a movie musical. This happened in the "Les Miserables" movie, and while big-name choices like Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Sacha Baron-Cohen, and even Hugh Jackman had varying degrees of success, Russell Crowe as Javert was an obvious flop.
People like Jackman, Meryl Streep, and more recently James Corden have been cast in all these movie musicals because they're famous enough to get the average person into the theater. But, God, at what cost? I mean honestly, the only instance in which I think stunt casting truly worked was in the "Chicago" movie, which I firmly believe is the best movie musical adaptation ever made. (But that's another post.)
But please for the love of God can we start casting people with singing talent in musicals? Please? I'm begging.
Anyway, I digress. My point is: casting big names--even distinguished, incredible actors like Sir Ian McKellen and Idris Elba and Dame Judi Dench--will not save a movie musical from being shitty.
But here's probably my biggest problem: the acting itself.
Almost every single character was just the actor's personality projected into it. With the exception of the two previously unknown actors, it just felt like the characters were simply the actors dressed in costume and being a weird, exaggerated version of themselves. Little attention seemed to be paid to the actual characterization of the cats.
I think what hurt the most for me, personally, was Jason Derulo as Rum Tum Tugger. Oh, ouch, this one was painful because growing up I was a huge fan of the character. To be fair to Derulo, it is nearly impossible to follow in the footsteps of Terrence Mann. I mean, he played both Tugger and Javert in the original Broadway casts of Cats and Les Mis respectively--he's a musical theater giant.
But with Derulo, Tugger became...weaker and kinda one-dimensional. Rum Tum Tugger is flamboyant and funny, sort of like Elvis or Mick Jagger. He's larger than life, and Derulo just made him kinda sleazy without the high energy. I will say--his take on the iconic ending riff was good; he hit the right notes while still making it his own. Derulo is clearly talented, but I don't think he was well cast in this role.
Honestly, I think "Cats" should never have been adapted. Even if it pleased every die-hard fan of the show and did everything perfectly, it's so controversial and polarizing among theater fans that there's little chance that a non-theater fan is going to even see it--let alone enjoy it. The musical itself is kind of insane; it's an acquired taste, and it's not for everyone.
The moral of the story is, in my humble opinion, if you can't use the film genre and tools to enhance the story (or at least match the quality) then do a professional shot of it on stage, and either way, hire talented, diverse, unknown theater actors who can sing.
*sigh.* Alright, end of rant. Honestly, thank you nonnie this was cathartic. I think we can call it even on the therapy bill ;)
Send me an ask about Harry Potter, broadway/musicals, The West Wing, and/or Taylor Swift! Or just about life in general :).
Also, I have a playlist of my 99 most listened-to songs of the year so far. Pick a number 1--99 and send me an ask and I'll write you a fic based on it!
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lucyreviewcy · 3 years
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The Three Three Musketeers (or Where The F*ck Did All The Stupid Hats Go)
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I read The Three Musketeers and then I watched the 1973, 1993 and 2011 adaptations. Which one wins tho?
Adaptation is a fascinating concept, especially of texts which are frequently adapted or parodied. After I rewatched the 2005 Pride and Prejudice I was reminded how weirdly divisive the two dominant adaptations of that book are. A lot of people consider the 2005 to be an inferior betrayal of the 1990s BBC version. I actually prefer the 2005 because I think Matthew McFadyen’s Mr Darcy is a wonderfully complex character. McFadyen imbues Darcy with social awkwardness and anxiety, which Lizzie misinterprets as his pride. To overcome the “Lizzie doesn’t fancy him ‘til she sees his house” debate, director Joe Wright includes a moment where Lizzie glimpses Darcy alone with his sister. He’s comfortable, his body language is completely different, and he’s smiling broadly. That moment really sold me on the entire film because it made Darcy a full character and was a really simple addition that rounded out the story. I still like the 90s version but for me, it’s the 2005 that takes first place.  (Although an honourable mention for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies because it is an excellent romp.)
Look: adaptation is always a complicated topic. You can’t untangle one adaptation from another, because it’s pretty rare that somebody adapting a classic text like Pride and Prejudice or The Three Musketeers is not already familiar with existing adaptations. The most recent adaptation of any classic text is not simply an adaptation of that text, but the next step in a flow chart that includes all the previous adaptations and the cultural context of the newly created product. These three adaptations of Dumas’ 1844 novel are all texturally and stylistically very different, and two of them diverge significantly from the original text. What I found truly fascinating was what all of them had in common, and what each new era (these were made at around 20 year intervals) decides to add or remove. What do all these movies agree are the essential parts of the story, and what are some adaptations more squeamish about including from Dumas’ original narrative?
Before we dive in, no I have not seen every single adaptation of the story, that would be a dissertation level of research and I do actually have things to do right now (although, I will admit...not many.) I’m looking at these three Hollywood adaptations because they all had star studded casts (for the era they were made in), they’re all English language, and (crucially) they were all easily available on the internet for me to stream.
What are the essential ingredients of a Three Musketeers adaptation?
Firstly, there should be at least three musketeers. Secondly, D’Artagnan (Michael York 1973, Chris O’Donnell 1993, Logan Lerman 2011) should be a young upstart who is introduced part way through a sword fight. He should also have silly hair. He is also consistently introduced to the musketeers in all three films by challenging them each individually to duels at noon, one o’clock and two o’clock. 
The films all maintained some elements of the original “Queen’s Diamonds” storyline, and featured the Queen, Milady and Constance. The characterisation of these three varied a lot.
Our villains in each case are invariably the Cardinal, his pal Rochefort (who always has an eyepatch, although this trope is not in the book and is actually attributable to the way Christopher Lee is styled in the 1973 film), and Milady de Winter. Satisfyingly, at least two of the villains usually wear red because they’re bad. Red is for bad. 
All three are very swashbuckling in tone, have elements of physical comedy, and two of them include one of the three valet characters Dumas wrote into the original story, Planchet (1973 Roy Kinnear, 2011 James “ugh why” Corden). They also all bear the generic markings of the movies made during the same era, our 70s D’Artagnan feels like a prototype Luke Skywalker. The 90s version features a random martial arts performer. The 2011 version has CGI and James Corden in equal measure (read: far too much of both.)
What are the big differences?
I’m going to divide this category into three main segments: character, story and style. My own three musketeers, the three musketeers of movie making.
Character
D’Artagnan
D’artagnan in the book comes across as a pretty comical figure. He’s nineteen and there’s something satisfying about how similar Dumas’ caricature of a nineteen year old is to a modern character of the same age. He’s overconfident, has a simplistic but concrete set of morals, and falls in love with every woman he sees. If D’Artagnan were a 2021 character, he’d really hate The Last Jedi, is what I’m saying. He’d definitely have a tumblr blog, probably a lot like this one, but perhaps a scooch more earnest. He really loved The Lighthouse but he can’t explain why. Isn’t it nice to know that awkward nineteen year olds have been pretty much the same for the last three hundred years at least? 
In all three films he’s kind of irritating, but at least in the 1973 this feels deliberate. This version has a certain “Carry On Musketeering” quality to it and D’Artagnan is your pantomime principal, he’s extremely naïve and he takes himself very seriously. This is the closest D’Artagnan to the book, and the 1973 is, in general, the film which adheres most faithfully to that source material. 
The 1993, which is (spoiler alert) my least favourite adaptation, has Chris O’Donnell as the least likeable D’Artagnan I’ve come across. I’ve only seen O’Donnell in one other thing, the Al Pacino movie Scent of a Woman. He’s bearable in that because he’s opposite Al Pacino, and so his wide-eyed innocence makes sense as a contrast to Pacino’s aged hoo-ah cynicism. Rather than being introduced in a practice sword fight with his father, as in the other two films, D’Artagnan is fighting the brother of an ex-lover. This captures the problem with the film in general: this adaptation wants D’Artagnan to be cool. He is not. The comedy of the 1973, and indeed the book, comes from D’Artagnan being deeply uncool, and from his blind idolisation of the deeply flawed Musketeers who actually are cool, but not necessarily heroic, or even good people. Their moral greyness contrasts with D’Artagnan’s defined sense of right and wrong, but he still considers them to be role models and heroes. 
2011′s version also suffers from “Cool D’Artagnan” syndrome, with the added annoyance of that most Marvel of tropes: the quip. One of the real issues with this film is that the dialogue has a lot of forced quippery that doesn’t quite land, and the editing slows the pace of the entire film. D’Artagnan’s first interaction with Constance is a bad attempt at wit which Constance points out isn’t very funny. The problem is that Constance has no personality so there’s no real indication that she’s in any position to judge his level of wit. She’s just vague, blonde and there: three characteristics which describe an entire pantheon of badly written female characters throughout the ages. Cool D’Artagnan also means that Constance should be additionally cool, because in the book, Constance is older than, smarter than and over-all more in charge than D’Artagnan. 
Female Characters
Let’s go into this with an open mind that understands all these films were made in the sociological context of their decade. The 1973 version would absolutely not be made in the same way now. Constance is a clumsy cartoon character who is forever falling over and accidentally sticking her breasts out. This is not the character from the books, but does at least leave an impression on the viewer one way or another. 
In contrast, the 1993 has a Constance so forgettable I literally cannot picture her. I think she holds D’Artagnan’s hand at the end. That’s all I can say on the subject. 
The 2011 has Gabriella Wilde in the role, and absolutely wastes her. Anyone who’s seen her in  Poldark knows that she can do sharp-tongued beautiful wit-princess with ease. It’s the writing of this film that lets her down, in general, that’s the problem with it. The storyline and design are great, but the actual dialogue lacks the pace and bite that a quip-ridden star vehicle needs. This Constance is given simultaneously more and less to do than the Constance of the original book, who demonstrates at every turn the superiority of her intellect over D’Artagnan, but doesn’t get to pretend to be a Musketeer and whip her hat off to show her flowing golden hair like she does in the 2011. 
The best character, for my money, in The Three Musketeers is Milady de Winter. Even Dumas got so obsessed with her that there are full chapters of the book written from pretty much her perspective. In the book, she’s described as a terrifying genius with powers of persuasion so potent that any jailor she speaks to must be instantly replaced. My favourite Milady is absolutely Faye Dunaway from 1973. She’s ferocious and beautiful and ruthless, but potentially looks even better because the portrayals in the other films are so very bad. 
The 1993 version has your typical blonde 90s baddie woman (Rebecca De Mornay), she wouldn’t look out of place as a scary girlfriend in an episode of Friends or Frasier. 2011 boasts Milla Jovovich who presents us a much more physical version of the character, even doing an awkwardly shoe-horned anachronistic hall of lasers a la Entrapment except instead of lasers its really thin pieces of glass? The “yeah but it looks cool” attitude to anachronism in this film is what makes it fun, and Jovovich’s Milady isn’t awful, she’s just let down by a plot point that she shares with 1993 Milady. Both these adaptations get really hooked on the fact that Athos used to be married to Milady at one time (conveniently leaving out the less justifiable character point that Athos TRIED TO HANG HER when he found out she had been branded as a thief - doesn’t wash so well with the modern audiences, I think.) Rather than hating/fearing Milady, the two modern adaptations suggest that Athos is still in love with her and pines for her. This detracts from Athos’ character just as much as it detracts from Milady’s. Interestingly, and I don’t know where this came from (if it was in the book I definitely missed it), both films feature a confrontation between the two where Athos points a gun at Milady but she pre-empts him by throwing herself off a cliff (or in the 2011, an air-ship.) I think both these versions were concerned that Milady was an anti-feminist character because she’s so wantonly evil, but I disagree. Equality means it is absolutely possible for Milady to be thoroughly evil and hated by the musketeers just as much as they hate Rochefort and the Cardinal. If you want to sort out the gender issues with this story, round Constance out and give her proper dialogue, don’t make Milady go weak at the knees because of whiny Athos (both Athos characters are exceedingly whiny, 1973 Athos is just...mashed).
The Musketeers
These guys are pretty important to get right in a film called The Three Musketeers. They have to be flawed, funny but kind of cool. Richard Chamberlain is an absolute dish in the 1973 version, capturing all those qualities in one. Is it clear which version is my favourite yet?
Athos is played variously by a totally hammered Oliver Reed (1973), a ginger-bearded Kiefer Sutherland (1993) and a badly bewigged Matthew McFadyen (2011). They all have in common the role of being the most level-headed character, but the focus on the relationship between Athos and Milady in the 93 and 11 editions undermines this a lot. Athos should be cool and aloof, instead of mooning over Milady the entire time. The 2011 gives Athos some painfully “edgy” lines like “I believe in this (points at wine) this (flicks coin) and this (stabs coin with knife.)...” which McFadyen ( once oh so perfect as Mr Darcy) doesn’t quite pull off. 
Porthos seems to be the musketeer who is the most different between interpretations. A foppish dandy in the 1973, a pirate (!?!) in the 1993, and then just...large in 2011. I think the mistake made in the 2011 is that large alone does not a personality make. There are hints at Porthos’ characterisation from the book: his dependence on rich women for money and his love of fine clothing, but these are only included as part of his introduction and never crop up again through the rest of the film. Pirate Porthos in 1993 is... you know what, fine, you guys were clearly throwing everything at the wall and seeing what stuck. 
Aramis is our dishy Richard Chamberlain in 1973, followed by womanising Charlie Sheen in 1993 and then strikingly suave Luke Evans in 2011. I actually didn’t mind Luke Evans’ interpretation, his dialogue is forgettable but his sleek charm stuck in my head. For some reason, this version has Aramis working as a parking attendant for horses, it worked for me as a fun A Knight’s Tale-esque bit of anachronistic character development. Charlie Sheen has never managed to appear likable or attractive to me and so his role in the 1993 falls flat. In fact, in that edition there’s not much distinction between the musketeers as characters and they’re all just very 90s and American. As anyone who’s read this blog before will expect, I think Keanu Reeves as Aramis would have really upped this film’s game. In fact, Keanu Reeves as Aramis, Brad Pitt as Athos and Will Smith as Porthos could have been the ultimate 90s adaptation, throw in DiCaprio as D’Artagnan and Roger Allam as the Cardinal and I’m fully sold. 
The King and Queen
All three films try and do the “Queen’s Diamonds” storyline, but only the 1973 actually includes the Queen’s affair with Buckingham. The queen, played by Geraldine Chaplin, is a tragic romantic figure (she doesn’t have a tonne to do besides being wistful and sighing over Lord Buckingham). The king is played as a frivolous idiot by Jean-Pierre Cassel (voice dubbed by Richard Briers). He doesn’t really think of the queen as a person, more as a possession that he doesn’t want Buckingham to have. 
In the 1993 version, Buckingham doesn’t really feature, and it’s the queen’s refusal to get off with the Cardinal that prompts his fury at her. The book does touch on the Cardinal’s desire for the queen, but it’s placed front and centre in 1993. This is definitely the boobsiest version, with quite a lot of corsetry on show and a cardinal who hits on literally all the women. The king is shown as a stroppy teenage boy under the thumb of the cardinal, who just wants to ask the queen to the dance but doesn’t have the nerve. The king is, essentially, a Fall Out Boy lyric. 
The 2011 also seems to be really squeamish about the idea of the queen having an extramarital affair. It paints Buckingham (played with excellent wig and aplomb by Orlando Bloom) as a stylish villain, who’s advances the queen has rejected. Like the 1993 version, the King is a feckless youth rendered speechless by the presence of his wife. Both these versions want the King and Queen to be happy together, while the 1973 doesn’t give a fuck. 
The Cardinal and his Cronies
The cardinal is kind of universally an evil creepy guy. One of the characters from the 1973 version who actually left the least impression on me, played by Charlton Heston. I think he’s overshadowed in my recollection by cartoonishly evil Christopher Lee as Rochefort. Lee’s Rochefort is dark, mysterious and wonderfully bad, and so influential that all other incarnations’ design is based on him. The 1993 version had truly over the top Michael Wincott as a character I could honestly refer to as Darth Rochefort from the way he’s framed, while 2011 boasts a chronically underused Mads Mikkelsen in the role. 
Cardinal-wise, 1993 was my favourite with Tim Curry in all his ecclesiastical splendour. It was disappointing that everything about this film, including the Cardinal’s sexual harassment of every single female character, really didn’t work for me. Tim Curry is a natural choice for this role and gives it his campy all. 
2011 has not one but two trendy bond villain actors, with Mikkelsen working alongside Christoph Waltz who was...just kind of fine. I was really excited when he appeared but he didn’t really push the character far enough and left me cold. 
Story
The story is where the different adaptations diverge most completely. 1973 follows the plot of the novel, D’Artagnan comes to Paris, befriends the Musketeers and becomes embroiled in a plot by the Cardinal to expose the Queen’s affair with Buckingham through the theft of two diamond studs. D’Artagnan, aided partially by the musketeers, must travel to London to retrieve the set of twelve studs gifted by the King to the Queen, and by the Queen to Buckingham. He does so, the plot is foiled, he’s made into a musketeer! Hurrah, tankards all round.
The 1993 version drops D’Artagnan into the story just as the Cardinal has disbanded the Musketeers. I found the plot of this one really hard to follow and I think at some point D’Artagnan ended up in the Bastille? There was this whole plot point about how Rochefort had killed D’Artagnan’s father. In the original, and in the 1973 version, D’Artagnan’s entire beef with Rochefort is rooted in a joke Rochefort makes about D’Artagnan’s horse. I guess for the producers of this one, a horse insult is not enough motivation for a lifelong grudge. That is really the problem with the entire film, it forgets that the story as told by Dumas is set in a world where men duel over such petty things as “criticising one’s horse”, “blocking one’s journey down a staircase” and “accusing one of having dropped a lady’s handkerchief.” The colour palette and styling are very 90s “fun fun fun”, but the portrayal of the cardinal and the endless angst about D’Artagnan’s father really dampen the mood. 
The 2011 version, this is where the shit really hits the fan. We meet our musketeers as they collaborate with Milady to steal the blueprints for a flying ship (it’s like a piratecore zeppelin). Milady betrays them and gives the plans to Buckingham, they all become jaded and unemployed. D’Artagnan arrives on the scene (his American accent explained by the fact that he’s from a different part of France) and befriends the Musketeers. The cardinal tries to frame the queen for infidelity by having Milady steal her diamonds to hide them in Buckingham’s safe at the tower of London. Something something Constance, something something help me D’Artagnan you’re my only hope. MASSIVE AIRSHIP BATTLE. The king and queen have a dance. James Corden cracks wise. 
It seems like as time has passed, producers, writers and directors have felt compelled to embellish the story. I think, specifically in the case of the two later versions, this is because they wanted the films to resemble the big successes of the period. Everybody knows no Disney hero can be in possession of both parents, so D’Artagnan is out to avenge his father like Simba or Luke Skywalker. In the 2011 version, the plot is overblown and overcomplicated in what seems like an attempt to replicate the success of both the Sherlock Holmes and Pirates of the Caribbean franchises. Remember the plot of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End? No, me neither. 
Style
The style of these films grows increasingly wild along with the plots as time passes. The 1973 features a lot of slapstick comedy, some of which really made me cackle, and some of which was cringeworthily sexist (Constance’s boobs through the window of a litter.) That’s the 70s though! I love The Godfather but Diane Keaton’s character is unbelivably dull and annoying. Star Wars features a pretty good female character but she does end up in that bikini. The 70s seems to be a time of movies that were great except for their occasional headlong dive into misogyny. That doesn’t mean the entire movie is bad, it just means it’s suffering from the consequences of being made in the 70s. There were other consequences of this, I doubt many modern productions could get away with physically injuring so many of it’s cast members. From a glance down the IMDB trivia page, this film yielded a higher casualties to cast ratio than the My Chemical Romance Famous Last Words music video, and that’s a hard figure to top. 
The 1993 version is a Disney feature and suffers from having a thin sheen (not Charlie in this instance) of “Disney Original Movie” pasted over every scene. It looks like The Parent Trap might be filming in the adjacent studio a lot of the time. The vibrancy of the colours makes the costumes look unrealistic, while the blandness of the female characters means this movie ends up a bit of a bland bro-fest. Also occasionally the sexual and violent moments really jar with the overall tone making it an uneven watch. One minute it’s Charlie Sheen cracking jokes about trying to get off with someone’s wife, the next minute you see Milady throw herself off a cliff and land on the rocks. Weird choices all round. 
The 2011 version, as I’ve already mentioned, was trying to borrow its style from the success of Sherlock Holmes and Pirates of the Caribbean, with a little Ocean’s 11 thrown in. The soundtrack flips between not quite a Hans Zimmer score and not quite that other Hans Zimmer score, and after the success of Stardust it ends with a Take That song (for it to match up to the story it should have been Take That feat. Harry styles imho). Visually, there’s some fantastic travel by mapping going on, there’s far too much CGI (one of my friends pointed out that the canal in Venice seemed to be full of Flubber). Everyone is dressed in black leather, and there are not enough big hats at all. One of the best things about Musketeers films is that they’re an excuse for ridiculous hats, and in a film with a quite frankly insane visual style, I’m surprised the hats didn’t make it through. The cast, unfortunately, really lack chemistry which means the humorous dialogue is either stilted or James Corden, and the editing is just very strange. It’s one of those films that feels about as disjointed as an early morning dream, the one where you dream you’ve woken up, gotten dressed and fed the cat, but you actually are still in bed. 
Conclusion
Adaptations focus on different things depending on the context they were created in. The 2005 Pride and Prejudice is deliberately “grittier” than its 1990s predecessor, at a stage when “grit” was everywhere (The Bourne Identity, Spooks, Constantine). The Musketeers adaptations demonstrate exactly the same thing: what people wanted in the 70s was bawdy comedy and slapstick with a likeable idiot hero, the 90s clearly called for... Charlie Sheen and bright colours, and the 2010s just want too much of everything and a soundtrack with lots of banging and crashing. The more modern adaptations simplified the female characters (although the 1973 version definitely is guilty of oversimplifying Constance) while over-complicating the plot. There’s a lot of embellishment going on in the 2011 version that suggests the film wasn’t very sure of itself, it pulls its plot punches while simultaneously blindly flailing its stylistic fists. 
The film that works the best for me will always be the 1973 because it’s pretty straight down the line. Musketeers are good, Milady is evil, falling over is funny and the King’s an idiot. The later adaptations seem to be trying to fix problems with the story that the 1973 version just lets fly. The overcorrection of Milady and the under characterisation of Constance is the perfect example of this. If you want your Musketeers adaptation to be more feminist, don’t weaken Milady, strengthen Constance. Sometimes a competent female character is all that we need. A Constance who is like Florence Cassel from Death in Paradise or  Ahn Young-yi from Misaeng could really pack a punch.
I adored the energy of the 2011 adaptation, I loved how madcap it was, I loved how it threw historical accuracy to the wind. I thought the king was adorable, and I really enjoyed seeing Orlando Bloom hamming it up as Buckingham. I was genuinely sad that the sequel the ending sets up for never came, because once they got out of the sticky dialogue and into the explosions, the film was great fun. It was a beautiful disaster that never quite came together, but I really enjoyed watching it. I love films that have a sense of wild chaos, some more successful examples are The Devil’s Advocate, Blow Dry and Lego Batman. I think the spirit of going all out on everything can sometimes result in the best cinematic experience, it’s just a shame the script wasn’t really up to muster for 2011 Musketeers. 
I’m excited to see what the next big budget Musketeers adaptation brings, even if I’m going to have to wait another ten years to see it. I hope it’s directed by Chad Stahelski, that’d really float my boat (through the sky, like a zeppelin.)
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OKAY i am very sapphic and loved the musical of the Prom very much but I really did not Vibe with the movie. I really really hated how they handled Barry's mom because he /was/ the kid (idk, maybe it reminded me of my cousin getting kicked out for being gay) and then she's just, forgiven. Plus Emma was really smiley the whole time?? During Just Breathe and Zazz which she shouldn't be? Also the phone call during the fake prom sounded more... annoyed than upset?? like u are very valid but (1/2)
the movie is less valid. i don't like it as much as the musical, i will almost definitely rewatch, and i will still not like james corden's accent lol. and I'm very sorry if that sounded confrontational but I don't really get to talk about musicals or more specifically gay musicals a lot (2/2)
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see I think my thing is I didn’t really like the stage show that much 😂😂 just didn’t really do it for me, but as a fun, glitzy, feel good movie? I think it worked better in that medium idk. 
I AGREE Barry’s mom being forgiven was,,,,weird, at best. especially because when DeeDee first mentioned him contacting his parents it sound more like...she wanted him to be able to gloat, make himself feel good, rather than Forgive Them??? like ‘look at all I’ve accomplished’, which would’ve made more sense to me? so when she just suddenly turns up and gets forgiven it felt pretty out of left field (I can MAYBE see it if they said like...DeeDee was just going through Barry’s phone for something else, saw he had his mother’s number saved and chickened out of calling multiple times, and realized he Wanted to reconnect, but like. yeah it was a weird choice all around)
I actually really liked how Emma was played!!! being that smilely was definitely an unexpected choice but I think it was a really effective one! it shows you that even though she’s not exactly confident, she still tries hard to be optimistic, so that when she Does start crying at the fake prom it hits even harder because it’s such a contrast to the sunny girl we’ve known up to this point. and like...you try being a gay woman and having Nicole Kidman perform an entire saucy fosse-inspired dance number in front of you and Not Smiling lmaoooo
Corden’s accent was so bizarre I’m having nightmares about it sjnsdfjkc but his singing was fine so I’m letting him live lmao
(also I’m Always down to talk about musicals rykm)
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