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#richard siken

you are jeff

21.

Hold onto your voice. Hold onto your breath. Don’t make a noise, don’t leave the room until I come back from the dead for you. I will come back from the dead for you. This could be a city. This could be a graveyard. This could be the basket of a big balloon. Leave the lights on. Leave a trail of letters like those knots of break we used to dream about. We used to dream about them. We used to do a lot of things. Put your hand to the knob, your mouth to the hand, pick up the bread and devour it. I’m in the hallway again, I’m in the hallway. The radio’s playing my favorite song. Leave the lights on. Keep talking. I’ll keep walking toward the sound of your voice.

richard siken, crush

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a list of richard siken quotes i associate with elliot/tyrell (inspired by @cescedes )

  • “he could build a city. has a certain capacity. there’s a niche in his chest where a heart would fit perfectly”
  • “is that too much to expect? that i would name the stars for you? that i would take you there?”
  • “and you realize the one person in the world who loves you isn’t the one you thought it would be, and you don’t trust him to love you in a way you would enjoy”
  • “i’ll give you my heart to make a place for it to happen, evidence of a love that transcends hunger.”
  • “you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for.”
  • “hold onto your voice. hold onto your breath. don’t make a noise, don’t leave the room until i come back from the dead for you”
  • “so maybe i wanted to give you something more than a catalog of non-definitive acts, something other than the desparation”
  • “love always wakes the dragon and suddenly, flames everywhere. i can tell already you think i’m the dragon, that would be so like me, but i’m not. i’m not the dragon. and the part where i push you flush against the wall and every part of your body rubs against the bricks, shut up. i’m getting to it. for a while i thought i was the dragon. i guess i can tell you that now.”
  • “love, for you, is larger than the usual romantic love. it’s like a religion. it’s terrifying. no one will ever want to sleep with you”
  • “i am leaving you clues. i am singing now while rome burns. we are all just trying to be holy. my applejack, my silent night, just mash your lips against mine. we are all going forward. none of us are going back”
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June 2nd: Favorite Queer Poet: Richard Siken

Richard Siken is not just my favorite queer poet (which is quite a feat because their are so many talented poets out there right now), but also just overall my favorite poet of all time. His 2005 collection, Crush is breathtaking in every way. It won a bunch of awards at the time of its publication, but has endured 15 years to be discovered anew again and again by new fans. The collection is gut-wrenching and strange and so so relatable too. I just can’t say enough good things, you have to read him to understand.

His poem “Litany In Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out” helped inspire my Supercorp fanfiction I’d Rather Be The Dragon

Favorite Poems:

  • Litany In Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out (Crush, 2005)
  • Boot Theory (Crush, 2005)
  • I Had A Dream About You (Crush, 2005)
  • Planet of Love (Crush, 2005)
  • You Are Jeff (Crush, 2005)
  • War of The Foxes (War of The Foxes, 2015)
  • Three Proofs (War of The Foxes, 2015)
  • The Museum (War of the Foxes, 2015)

Favorite Lines:

Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us -Scheherazade

Sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell, and how I ruin everything by saying it out loud -Litany In Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out

How much can you change and get away with it, before you turn into someone else, before it’s some kind of murder? -Portrait of Fryderyk in Shifting Light

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You know, I don’t think there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to read a book. Of course, one can draw more from some given works by contextualising them, or by having shared references, etc. But at the end of the day, and especially with poetry, it either resonates with you or it doesn’t. It might just, at one point—you’ll change and your reading eye will too. But don’t beat yourself up because you’re not enjoying it as much as you think you ought.

If that’s any consolation, I didn’t think War of The Foxes was on par with Crush either. It’s not that it felt lesser, really, but I was… aware of being sidelined by it? I thought War of The Foxes was much more controlled than Crush (which, in its rawness, also has its clumsiness—both of them interesting, though), but much less textured, too. Sometimes it… grazes… something? But it rarely ever conveys it fully, to me at least.

I’ve wondered too if it’s something to do with maturity (mine)—I felt the same when comparing Autobiography of Red, which I love, then its sequel, Red Doc>, which was published 10 years later or so. Like War of The Foxes, Red Doc> left me with an off-feeling, or, because it came after Autobiography of Red and Crush respectively, a sense of the former work being slightly… tainted? Stifled? by the neutral passivity and detachment of its successor. Bittersweetness at the strange lapse between the two. But in both cases, their authors had grown more mature (in years and in writing) in the interval, and outgrown the described turmoil, and were writing after coming to terms with it. Writing about that very detachment I was grudging them. So, yeah. I’m not dismissing the possibility that maybe, those will be for me (and for you?) not now, but a little later?

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god when richard siken said “it should be. to make something beautiful should be enough. it isn’t. it should be”

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