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yellowharrington · 3 months

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jaded - chapter 4, carmy berzatto x reader

pairing + fandom: carmen “carmy” berzatto x fem!reader (she/her pronouns used), the bear fx

warnings: smoking mention, minors dni with this story please.

word count: 2k

a/n: ok literally i am the worst ever and i totally didn't finish this fic even tho i started it so im finally posting the last part literally MONTHS later!!! sorry besties but i couldn't have an unfinished fic out there in the world so... if u fuck w this story at all thank u for reading it and all the encouraging and nice things people have said, it literally made me want to complete this fic so thank u <3

summary: tying up loose ends.

and it's a fuckin' shame that it ended like that you broke your own heart, but you'd never say that we went to hell, but we never came back

masterlist | chapter 3

It all just feels numb.

Sun coming up over the horizon and a light snowfall onto the street below. Your home is quiet, no pans in the kitchen making French omelettes, no TV playing outside the bedroom door as you sleep. No toothbrushing in the bathroom or running shower water, warm and steamy, inviting you in.

It’s not that you weren’t expecting his answer. Or, lack thereof. It’s that he couldn’t make up his fucking mind. First, he’s cooking you an omelette in your favourite pan with a cup of coffee made exactly the way you like it. He’s spending every evening on the couch with you, your hands splayed out against his stomach, comfortable beneath the waistband of his sweats. You’re in his sweater, baking fresh warm cookies so he can have one before bed, smudges of chocolate against your lips as he pushes you up against the counter, hot skin on cold tile.

Next, he has that look on his face, where he’s somewhere else. Thinking of her, in a dreamland where he can make it right again, and it all feels like it comes crashing down. The sweet nothings don’t exist in this realm, there’s no happiness here.

And when you do have to face him on Monday, it’s back to cold shoulder, nothing different. Yes chef, no chef, thank you chef.

Sydney tries to make conversation, and you feel bad because you won’t bitch about Carmy like you usually would. Richie’s having secret meetings with Natalie, probably more about Claire, but you don’t even think to join in. It hurts, it hurts so fucking much, and it’s hard enough to go outside and take a fucking break from it all, let alone be in the same cramped kitchen with him. There’s no solitude, just aching, just disappointment.

“Did you order me a new cake pan, chef?” It’s directed at Tina, who looks up at you with the same wistful softness as she always does, smiling before nodding in your direction. You don’t hear her slide over to you, but when she suddenly appears at your station, you can tell she just knows something’s wrong.

“What’s up with you?” she asks, clipboard finding it’s way to the counter beside you, where a piping bag lays. “You’re not yourself. Something… wrong. Don’t tell me a boy did this to you.” The tears prick at your eyes and you swallow it all before you can get out a word, because yeah, it all fucking aches and the hurt feels like it’s sitting right behind your eyes, in your throat, ready to come out.

“It’s nothing. It is a boy but, boys are stupid and I’m not gonna cry over one,” you sniffle, before untying your apron and letting it hang loose on your body. “Not worth it.”

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

Your blood runs cold when she gestures just outside to the bright light of the door, where Carmy sits, phone in one hand, cigarette in the other.

Luckily the kitchen is empty when you reply, only so she can hear, “how did you know?”

“I saw the way you looked at him this morning.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Fuck no. Between you and me, chef.”

You sighed relief, letting your front hit the counter as the stress left your body. “Thank fuck. Yeah, I don’t know, we were-“

“Fuckin’?” Tina’s got a sly smile on her face that makes it impossible not to laugh with her.

“Yeah, I guess. It felt like more than that. But apparently he’s still hung up on Claire so, I guess that ends it.”

She exhales slowly, joining you in a lean against the counter. “Jeff makes mistakes, everyone knows that. He’s moody and sad and he’s got fuckin’ problems, that kid, I tell ya.” She pauses for a second, eyes meeting yours, sincere. “But he’s good. I just don’t think he can handle himself, is all.” She takes a beat, letting her soft hand lay over yours, “He doesn’t let himself have the good shit because it always gets ruined. But you’re good. He’s scared of you.”

“He should be scared of me. I’m gonna fucking kill him,” you mutter, letting your floured hand meet your forehead in annoyance. “I’m not responsible for fixing his shit.”

She nods, agreeing with you, a hand cupping yours on the counter. “No, you’re not. I’m just saying he could use someone like you to bring him back to Earth, is all.”

When Carmy does make it back inside, he’s thumbing through paperwork at the desk, hand through his hair stressfully pulling at the strands. He’s trying so hard not to stare at you from where he’s sitting, noticing your cold gaze, somewhere far away. He takes out his phone to scroll through it mindlessly, procrastinating, when he meanders his way to the text icon and opens up your thread. A few texts here and there, mostly just asking about plans to come over, the occasional sexy photo or recipe idea.

[sunday, 10:26] they don't have fresh sourdough. should we just make some this aft?

[saturday, 4:35] i hate when you go in on saturdays

[saturday, 4:36] Photo Recieved

[saturday 4:36] don't you wish you were home with me?

[tuesday, 12:22] is balsamic glaze overdone? lmk. miss u.

It feels a little too domestic, seeing the way he so effortlessly became comfortable with you, a warmth and excitement that was just never there with Claire. It’s raw and it’s guilty and he’ll beat himself up over it forever, but it was never going to be perfect with her, no matter how hard he tried.

“Boss?”

Richie appears in the office, leaning against the door frame before noticing Carmy’s disheveled look. “Yeah?”

“You look worse than usual.”

“Thanks. What do you need?”

“Well, I was gonna ask if you ordered more eggs.”

“I, uh, yeah. Yeah, I think Sydney did.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

It’s like Richie could see right through him.

“Nothin’. Stupid shit.”

Richie steps into the office, leaving the door only slightly ajar.

“Cousin.”

Richie can be sweet when he wants to be, and when he’s got a hand on Carmy’s shoulder and a somber look in his eyes it’s like he already knows how Carmy feels.

“Why do I suck so bad at being a fuckin’ normal person?”

Richie sits next to him, a look of surprise. “Is this about Claire bear?”

“Yes, well - yeah, and also no. Kinda. I don’t know.”

“Is it about Miss Buttercream out there?”

He gestures to you outside the door, zesting some orange on top of the cake you were finishing up. Carmy stifles a laugh.

“We all know you’re porkin’ her.”

“Don’t say that,” Carmy laughs, hand coming up to his face to rub his eyes. “It’s more than that. We’ve been kinda, dating, I guess? I still don’t know what counts as having a girlfriend.”

“So what did you do?”

He gnaws at the skin of his thumb and lets his eyes flicker up to Richie’s. “Fucked it. Last night, I, uh,-“ his hand finds his warm forehead. “I really like her, like a lot. But she asked about Claire and I said the wrong thing, like I always do and uh, she didn’t like it.”

“She’s good,” Richie starts, letting his hands find his aproned thighs as he sits at the corner of the desk. “Claire was good for you too. But she didn’t… get it. Not like she does,” he gestured vaguely to your station outside the door. “Claire was never gonna get the restaurant and the kitchen and the fuck of it all.”

Richie's hand extends to cup Carmy's shoulder.

“Look, do whatever you want, but there isn’t really someone who matches you like she does. Claire’s history now, drunk phone calls don’t mean she’s still in love with you. If that’s what you were thinking.”

Carmy sits back in the creaky chair. “Nah, not that. I just don’t know how to do it right.”

“It’s not about doing it right,” Richie’s got sincerity in his eyes. “It’s about fuckin’… trying shit. Just go and make a move and see.” Carmy watches you hang up your apron on the hook and grab a hoodie before fucking outside. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks Richie.”

“Good luck.”

“I’m sorry.”

Carmy’s voice takes you out of your trance as you stare into the back alley of the restaurant. “Hi.”

“Can we talk?”

“You can talk, I’ll listen.”

The crackle of his lighter, orange flame against white snow. You can see his breath slipping from between his lips as he exhales out of the corner of your eye.

“I feel like a fuckin’ asshole,” he starts, plunging his other hand in his pocket. “I don’t know what to say.” A beat. “Can you look at me?” It’s gentle, a question, not a demand.

You turn to look at him. Cold blue eyes, darkened by the brightness around you. “You’re not second best to me. You’re it, this is it. I like this, I, I fuckin’,” he takes a breath, “I love… this. I want this.”

“You hurt my feelings, Carmen,” tears brimming your eyes and coating your lashes. “If you’re not done with Claire, I don’t… I don’t care. If I am your second choice, fine.”

“You’re not.”

“Even if I was. But don’t fuck me around if you don’t want me.”

“I do.”

“Are you sure? You weren’t sure last night.”

“I get it if you don’t trust me. I get it. I haven’t given you a reason to.” He searches for the right words, but chooses to take a tentative step towards you. “I’ll beg for you,” he’s quiet, unlike Carmy. “Anything.”

Your eyes meet his briefly, a soft smile pulling at your lip. “I’m not saying yes, okay?” He nods. “But I am saying I would appreciate a ride home tonight. If you’re serious.”

“I’m serious.”

“Good.”

The walk up to your apartment is easy. His heavy steps behind your light ones, hands sliding up the bannister as you unlock your door. He’s on your heels, a little behind. When he steps in your apartment, it’s familiar. Browned butter, vanilla, laundry.

“Do you want dinner?” He’s tentative, letting his shoes sit next to yours on the mat. His jacket goes up on the hooks by the door, together.

“Are you offering?”

“Yes.”

Carmy shows love through food, that’s how he always is. You can tell he’s feeling particularly sorry about it all because he’s bringing out a big pasta pot and a saucepan, pulling the only fresh ingredients left in your place and putting them next to the stove top. Your t-shirt finds its way into the laundry basket, an old sweater thrown over your bare skin.

You hate how normal it all feels, because it’s scary. To think of a domestic life with him, where there’s another girl lingering in the background of his thoughts that he has unfinished business with. Insecurities of who is better, prettier, happier, warmer… if he had the chance, would he leave? Would he jump ship?

He sits next to you while you eat, thighs against thighs, and comfortable silence blanketing your small apartment. He hasn’t gotten into one of the many pairs of pyjamas he’s left at your place, or taken his usual after-work shower, or taken out the frozen cookie dough to thaw. You can tell he’s not sure if he’s welcome here for good, yet.

When your food is done, he pushes the plates away and takes a calloused hand to wrap around yours. There’s sharpie marks small knife cuts on his fingers.

“Are you gonna stay the night?” You ask, still not meeting his gaze.

“Am I welcome to?” He doesn’t sound like himself, and you can feel his warm breath near the top of your head as you turn towards him. Your body collapses a little then, folding slightly at the middle to have your head fall right into the centre of his chest.

“Yes, Carmen,” you nod, letting your eyes flicker up to meet his. “You can stay for as long as you want.”

His hand slipped from yours then, sliding around your side and up your back. He pulled you into his embrace, lips wrapped around yours in a soft capture. Your hands found their way under his t-shirt, only slightly, his warm skin against the palms of your hands, pulling him impossibly closer.

And when you lay in bed with him that night, your face burrowed into the softness of his chest, you know the days of waking up alone are over.

#carmy berzatto fanfiction #carmy x reader #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto #the bear #the bear fx fanfic #the bear fx fanfiction #the bear fanfic #carmen berzatto x you #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmen berzatto

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baby-alien11 · 1 year

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imagine walking during a ghostface meeting

Ethan and you started dating since the last year of high school managing to have a stable relationship that included enrolling in the same university to be together

But during the time that left to start college, you and Ethan stayed at a small department to have your stuff ready for moving day

A few weeks before starting university, Ethan and his family decided to have a little reunion to planify things about the Ghostface situation

Ethan didn't had a problem that you would wake because you were tired after the activities that both of you did last night, so he was surprised to see you walk in the living room using only one of his shirts and shorts

That made Wayne to sigh in anoyance for the interruption, while Quinn only laughed at her brothers red face

"Sorry, I didn't know about the reunion", you excused yourself while walking to the kitchen"I just wanted a coffee, please continue"

"If we continue talking you are going to get involved", Quinn sayed getting a scared look from her brother, "It could be dangerous"

"What, you are planning a murder?", you joked but soon the serious faces of the three stared at you, "Oh shit"

"Y/N, come here and sit", Wayne order, causing you to sit next to Ethan who inmediatly put his hand on your thigh

Hearing the explanation of Wayne about how they lost Richie and their plan of vengance towards the Carpenter sisters, you were surprised of how detailled was everything

"You know, it's so lucky that Benoit Blanc doesn't exist in real life because all the murderers would be screwed", you laughed a little

"Wait, you are not going to run and scape?", Ethan asked with surprised

"I mean, it's crazy, but your reasons are valid", you said taking a sip of your coffee, "And I have a condition"

"What?", Wayne sighed a little anoyed

"I don't wanna be stabed or cut, maybe slammed on walls or something to don't look suspicious", you answered, "But not cuts or stabs"

"I agree with her", Quinn nodded, "Your skin is beautiful"

"Thanks sis", you smiled towards her, "Finishing this I'm going to share some of my skincare products with you"

"So, Y/N", Wayne spoke regainning the attention, "You're in?"

"Where's my mask?", you smiled

Hearing that, the Baileys looked at each other with evil smiles happy to had another accomplice

A/N: I literally wrote this in less than twenty minutes, I hope you liked it

#ethan landry #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry x you #scream #scream 6 #jack champion #quinn bailey #wayne bailey #ethan landry imagine #ethan landry x fem!reader #ethan landry blurb

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cowboylikeekatie · 8 months

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my fav theory that i realized in like 6th grade omg!!

i think people don’t realize that the horror in IT lies not in the clown but in the trauma these kids face? more specifically with henry bowers but also the home life trauma like eddie and bev? the clown becomes their worst fear and as real as it is i still view the clown as a metaphor for the pain and suffering and how it haunts them. pennywise has to exist because he forces the children to face their fears.

in the end of IT chapter 2 everyone has overcome the things that haunt them the most. richie’s in acceptance of his sexuality, ben isn’t alone, beverly escaped her father, bill knows it’s not his fault, mike can get away from the town. everyone except eddie and stan.

the fact that eddie and stan are dead is so vitally important to the plot. you either have to die or face and overcome your fears and despite eddie’s bravery he could never get away from myra and sonia. stan couldn’t accept IT.

pennywise exists in both a literal and metaphorical sense but i think when u think about it more it makes more sense. they only had to call pennywise dumb and stupid to kill him off.

they scared pennywise and made him face what truly scared him, and it killed him.

the horror is in the world around them, not in themselves. the things that scare them the most are targeted in a supernatural sense because IT is a psychological horror, pennywise doesn’t go after the kids just to eat them. he feeds off of their FEAR. he targets the scary things in their lives which makes us learn more about the characters in a skillful way (i know psychological horror isn’t in the actual genre and stuff but i firmly believe IT is more about his effects on the children rather than defeating him)

IT is a film of friendship and belonging and it’s also a horror film. in my opinion, IT will never truly have a perfect adaption because no adaptation can be long enough to show what every character goes through. the original script for IT(1990) was over 10 hours. they couldn’t fit the production costs so it was cut.

i think that in conclusion IT is psychological but also supernatural and that can coexist when you view the supernatural aspects of the movie as a metaphor for something deeper within the characters

#it 2019 #it 2017 #reddie #eddie kaspbrak #it 1990 #richie tozier #stephen king #losers club #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #mike hanlon #bill denbrough #stan uris #it 1986 #analysis #theory

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moments-on-film · 4 months

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Moments on Film: Carmy’s True Purpose

Hello everyone! I hope you’ve been well. I haven’t posted in a while, life has been hectic, but I wanted come back to share a post I had been working on this Fall. It’s is a follow up post to my series, Carmy doesn’t know who he is yet. I have one more piece to share in this series. In the first piece, I explained how Carmy is not currently in touch with who he is and what actually makes him happy because his original passion, art, has been beaten out of him. So far in his life, Carmen’s done the only thing he thinks he can do, stay in the kitchen. But he’s not living a life and his heart is frozen.

Carmy is abused, traumatized, exhausted, and his heart is simply not in the kitchen anymore, and maybe it never was.

He suffers from severe nightmares, night terrors, and debilitating anxiety, and is sick and it all stems from trauma forged in the fires of the various kitchens of his life. Because of his extreme commitment to being a chef, and a great chef, he has absolutely no personal life, no friends outside of work, no joy, no sense of play or fun or happiness.

There are so many examples of Carmy’s heart not being in the kitchen anymore, from the first episode to the last. Carmy has also never fully exhibited the true characteristics, strengths and skills needed to be a great leader. This is why he always feels off. He’s not great at communicating, he is not in control of his personal triggers, which cause his personal life to impact his professional life, he is not good at any of the backend skills that are required to be the “captain the ship”, such as business acumen, finance, interpersonal skills. This is because being the leader of the restaurant is not his true purpose, it’s literally fixing everyone else up to run it without him and then leaving to go live the life he should living, and not his sad shell of an existence. He does have a very important leadership skill needed to do this: seeing beauty, seeing the best in others, and seeing other people’s strengths before they can see it in themselves. Let me explain. How Carmy’s skill will lead him to his ultimate purpose.

In season 1

When Carmy meets Sydney, he quickly assesses her skill and potential, and almost instantly relinquishes his power as the leader of the restaurant and bestows it on her, he says he will “dial business” and tells her, “you are everything else.” Ironically, he doesn’t even “dial business”, in S2, by calling the fridge guy, leading to his own downfall.

Carmy literally says “I can’t do this” in his nightmare in 1x8.

In the Al-Anon monologue in 1x8, Carmy states his purpose, maybe to “fix the whole family” by fixing the restaurant. This doesn’t mean his family by blood. As he tells Natalie in 2x9, “family is also not an exact science.” He’s talking subconsciously about his chosen family of Sydney, Richie, Tina, Marcus, Fak. And isn’t that what Carmy spent the majority of S2 actually doing? Knowing what each person on his team needs in order to be “fixed”, pushed to dig deep, make the most of their strengths, passions and gifts and achieve their ultimate potential.

A major major revelation for me that Carmy wants out and that he has no problem handing over the reigns to his capable team took place in the finale of S1. Sydney, not Carmy, brings Michael’s spaghetti to the table.

Gif source: @chefkids

This really stood out to me when I first saw it. I immediately thought, why isn’t he doing this? Michael gave him the recipe, it was the last thing he ever gave him, and he cooked it. It should have been Carmy. It really should have. Just like it should have been Carmy that created a dish named in honor of his brother. He didn’t. It is Marcus that has the honor. Again, the first time I heard Marcus say “the Michael”, when Carmy asked what the cannoli was called, I teared up and then said out loud, “that should have been you.”

In 2x1, Carmy tells Richie, “this shits not fun for me”, and tells Sydney “F stars”, and “we’re trapped” (if we get one). Look at his eyes in the gif below. He knows what it will mean and he doesn’t want to do it anymore.

When Carmy sees Claire in the freezer aisle of Potash Grocery store, he openly tells her he told Mrs. Kelly’s son “don’t do it” when he was asked advice on becoming a chef. Then he gets reflective and says, “I should really listen to myself.”

I discussed in a prior piece how “just keep going” has been Carmy’s mantra his entire life. It’s been his survival technique because it has had to be. He’s exhausted, traumatized, sick, in pain and desperately in need of a reset. In my opinion, in S2, he’s looking for any excuse to subconsciously jump ship, not be the captain of it, which is why he let himself get distracted with Claire.

For much of S2, Carmy is actually giving pieces of himself in the restaurant away. He gives Tina his knife, which is so sweet but it’s also a little jarring. He gives Marcus a “spot” in Copenhagen to train. Tina and Ebrahim get sent to culinary school. Richie gets sent to stage at Ever, a 3 Star Michelin restaurant. Natalie is the COO and has taken over the office. It’s no longer his, it belongs to Natalie. He is setting everyone else up to take over. Sydney is the CDC. He tells her, “it’s your ship now, Captain”, and she opens the doors, not Carmy, when it’s time to open. Carmy can’t do paperwork, or manage the business end of the restaurant, but he also isn’t contributing by innovating and being a consistent leader.

In the kitchen, two hours before the soft open, Carmy is finally “there”. He’s barking orders, catching everything he’s missed, but he is completely going through the motions. His commands are joyless. Sydney, Tina, and the crew say “yes Chef”, but there’s none of the teamwork, camaraderie, and dare I say, fun, as when Richie is running the pass and expoing with his whole heart when Carmy’s trapped in the freezer.

When Uncle Jimmy asks Carmy, “do you want to be the guy? Then be the f-ing guy”, you can see Carmy glaze over. No. Carmy doesn’t want to be the guy. Not the guy in the restaurant. Not anymore.

Even Carmy’s new monogrammed chef coat is another example of how Carmy is disappearing and fading away. His former coat had dark blue initials in an elegant cursive font. His new coat has his initials in plain font, in white stitching, barely visible, unless you look for it hard.

In the end, Carmy is locked out and left behind in his own restaurant because subconsciously he doesn’t want to be there.

I have written about this in various posts, but I truly believe Carmy’s character arc is to get back to his original passion, which is art. Michael knows this is a gift of his, and thanks to the menu sketches he drew for the new most important person in his life, now so does Sydney.

Michael’s final note to Carmen was the recipe for spaghetti for him to fix for family meal, the words, “I love you dude”, and “Let it rip.” But what if Michael was really saying find the money, take it and everything you’ve learned and FIX the family to go on with the restaurant without you (something Mikey was never able to do while he was alive) and then once you’ve done that, “Let it RIP”, as in Rest In Peace. Leave. Get out. Don’t be scared. Go for it. And discover the life you’re truly meant to be living.

©️moments-on-film 2023

#the bear #the bear fx #the bear season 2 #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #sydney adamu #carmy x sydney #my thoughts

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chefkids · 7 months

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Knife Theory

This is the third part of the Spoon-Fork-Knife Theory that I believe makes up the main themes of the whole series and each season. Make sure to read The Spoon Theory and The Fork Theory too.

Carmy was on his literal last knife, as none of them were sharp, until he found his good knife on the floor after trying Sydney's stew. Sydney spent years working at Michelin restaurants and then overworking herself and spreading herself too thin with her catering business, and this was her her last hope and push forward after failing on her dream. Carmy has been on non stop knife mode for a decade, he did not even stop to grieve his brother, he just kept working and working.

When Carmy didn't have any "spoons" or help, he hurt himself using a knife. The same thing happened to Sydney because she was over exerting herself. Both of them are used to living in full knife mode. Carmy was selling jeans and his brothers jacket just to buy meat. He was literally giving his blood, sweat, and tears for this place.

Season 1 was all about Sydney and Carmy's "knives" and having to push themselves to the limit because of their passion to try and make The Beef into something better. Sydney used her knives and overspent her energy until she hurt Richie, the person that kept getting in the way of her using her knives both literally and metaphorically, and eventually she broke down and crashed. Carmy who was already on his last knife, struggling just to keep the lights on before Sydney arrived, finally felt the burn out when she left and almost let the restaurant burn down.

At the start of Season 2, Carmy is at a somewhat peaceful and chill place where he actually has free time, and the first thing he does when he's by himself is play with a knife. He needs the chaos and he doesn't know how to exist without being on high alert and pushing his passions to their limit. He then goes and sets practically impossible standards by planning to open in 3 months. He thinks he's using his knives to push himself to greatness but at the end of it all, what he has done is created new set of problems, also known as "forks", by avoiding his responsibilities and forcing others to have to use their "knives" and "spoons" to get things done because he is absent.

Tina ends up getting Carmy's knife both literally and in terms of being the one to push herself to her passion. She was putting all her energy into helping Sydney with the menu and to trying to get Ebra to have the same drive as her. Both things that really should have been Carmy's responsibility as Syd's partner and Ebra's boss. All while Carmy is off doing whatever with whoever.

Now, in the words of Carmy: if they want a Michelin star they are going to have to care about everything, more than anything. They are going to have to push themselves to their limits and they are going to have to use their "knives" again, but if they do there will inevitably come a big crash and burn at the end when everything comes catching up to them.

Read The Spoon Theory

Read The Fork Theory

#the bear meta #the bear #carmen berzatto #sydney adamu #sydcarmy #carmy x sydney #syd x carmy #spoon theory #fork theory

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nvrsaidiwasinurcloset · 3 months

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reader comforting sad ethan?? like could be something his dad was suggesting/saying and ethans really frustrated. had prob been avoiding girlfriend! reader for a bit bc of the whole plan thing. hes prob reconsidering it all bc its been the happiest hes been in his LIFE and he feels like a shitty bf for the shit abt to happen. but he obviously cant talk abt it so he tries to shut her out, which doesnt work clearly. its up to you if you wanna include smut (tbh dont see dom! ethan existing here) but definitely just angst to fluff! this boy needs a hug ):

Okay, hi! I was about to go to bed when I got this request, and just HAD to write it. No smut, I thought it was better without it. I hope you like it:)

Everything We Need - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your boyfriend is feeling guilty about being Ghostface, and wants to do whatever he can to protect you.

A/N: I LOVE THIS. There's just something about sad Ethan that makes me love him even more🥹

When Ethan met up with Quinn and his dad, he felt sick to his stomach. The plan that had been in the works for a year was coming to fruition, as two wannabe Ghostface’s had met their demise. He really wanted to back out. For the first time in his life, he had someone in his life that made him want to get up every day, and that’s been weighing heavy on his mind.

“Ethan, are you listening?” Wayne asked, Quinn rolling her eyes.

“He’s probably thinking about his girlfriend,” she scoffed, as Wayne’s face got even more serious.

“You need to keep your head in this. Don’t you let some little bitch keep you from doing what we’re all here to do,” he said, scanning his sons face. “Richie would never let me down.”

His dad always used that against Ethan. Richie and his dad were so close, while Ethan didn’t get the whole father-son bonding experience he craved. That’s why he agreed to go along with this plan in the first place. He wanted his fathers love so badly that he was willing to kill for it.

“I know, dad. I won’t let you down,” he said, as Wayne started to discuss the plan further.

“Wait, does Ethan’s little girlfriend have to die, too?” Quinn asked, as a lump formed in Ethan’s throat.

“Shut the fuck up, Quinn!” Ethan yelled, as his dad stood there, thinking about the best way to respond.

“She might. I don’t know yet. You might want to distance yourself from her. If she finds out, she will have to die,” Wayne said, as Ethan’s eyes started to water. A single tear slipped down his cheek, quickly wiping it away with his hand.

“Ethan, I don’t think I can count on you for this. Your head is obviously somewhere else, as usual,” he said, shaking his head. “Why can’t you be strong like Richie was?”

The rest of their meeting consisted of Ethan getting berated by Quinn and his father. He knew he needed to keep you safe, so he decided that maybe he should put a little distance between the two of you. He felt like shit that your friends were on the literal chopping block, and he knew how badly this would hurt you if you ever found out he was a part of it.

He ignored every text you’d sent him for the last few days. He declined every FaceTime. You were really starting to worry about him. Aside from the worrying, your heart hurt, because you’d just taken his virginity before he stopped talking to you. You couldn’t help but wonder if that had anything to do with why he pretty much ghosted you.

As you were on your way to Sam and Tara’s, you sent Ethan another text asking if he was going to be there. You hoped for a reply, but you never got one.

You sat around the living room with Anika, Mindy, Tara, and Quinn when Chad walked in. You waited for Ethan to walk in, but he never did.

“Hey, what’s up, guys?” Chad said, taking a seat next to Tara.

“Where’s Ethan?” Tara asked, knowing you wanted the answer.

“Oh, he was going to come, but he decided last minute to stay at the dorm,” Chad said, before looking over to you, “He didn’t tell you he wasn’t coming?”

“No,” you whispered, as Quinn rolled her eyes. She couldn’t stand you and hoped that Ethan wouldn’t have taken their dad’s advice. She wanted nothing more than to make you one of her victims.

“That’s really weird,” Mindy said, a confused look on her face. “Maybe you should go check on him.”

“He ignores me every time I try to contact him,” you said, “I don’t think he wants to see me.”

“That’s definitely weird because he won’t shut up about how much he misses you.”

You were so confused, but you tried to ignore the urge to go see him. Maybe he was just going through something and needed space, but you still thought it was strange that he didn’t tell you what was going on with him.

As everyone got ready to leave, you pulled Chad to the side.

“Is Ethan okay?” you asked, as Chad shook his head.

“He’s always talking about you, but he isn’t sleeping. He’s barely eating. I don’t know what’s going on with him,” he responded, a little bummed that his friend wasn’t doing well.

“I think I’m going to go see him,” you sighed, pulling your jacket on.

“I’ll be there soon, I want to hang out with Tara for a little bit,” he said.

You nodded as you grabbed your phone and started the walk to his dorm. When you got there, you knocked on the door, hoping that he was home.

Your mouth dropped when you saw his face as he opened the door. His eyes were sunken in, he was very pale. He looked like a shell of his former self.

“Baby, what’s going on?” you asked as he gestured you in.

He sat down on his bed beside you but didn’t want to speak. He didn’t want to put you in danger.

“Please talk to me,” you said, tears welling up in your eyes.

Hot, fat tears started to flow down his cheeks. You pulled him close to you as he sobbed into your chest.

“I don’t know why you want to be with me. I’m worthless,” he cried, your heart shattering at his words.

“Baby, why do you think that? You aren’t worthless,” you said, a few tears slipping past your bottom lashes.

“I’m nothing. I’m weak. I don’t deserve you,” he was choking out his words between sobs as your fingers ran through his hair.

“Ethan, I love you. I love you with all my heart. I don’t want you to talk about yourself like that. You’re perfect the way you are,” you whispered to him as you kissed his forehead.

“No, I’m not. My dad always compares me to my brother. He’s always been the golden child while I’ve been the black sheep of the family,” he said, your nails gently dragging across his scalp as you tried to soothe him. He’s never mentioned his family, and it really pissed you off that anyone could make this sweet boy feel this way.

“You’re always golden to me, baby. You mean so much to me, and it breaks my heart that you feel this way.”

In that moment, everything clicked in Ethan’s head. He knew he didn’t need his dad because he has you. Someone that loves him unconditionally.

“What if we just leave?” he asked, sitting up to look at you.

“Why do you want to leave?” you asked, taking his hand in yours.

“It isn’t safe here. I don’t want anything to happen to you,” he said, his eyes pleading with yours.

You started to think about it. All classes have been cancelled for the last week. Most of the students have already returned home because of what happened to the guys from the Film Studies class.

“Where do you want to go?” you asked, smiling at him.

“I don’t care. I want to get as far away as possible,” he said, standing up. “I’ll grab what I’ll need, and we’ll go to your dorm next.”

You helped him grab the necessities, noticing things you knew he’d need that he didn’t seem to care about in his current state. He grabbed stacks of clothes, piling them in his suitcase.

“Can you sit on this for me so I can zip it?” he asked, as you giggled. You did what he asked as he sighed in relief, ready to get your stuff so you could get the fuck out of the state.

You walked out of the dorm and went around the back of it.

“Wait here,” Ethan said, running over to the dumpster. He pulled the robe, mask, and knife out of his backpack, throwing it away.

He was smiling when he came back over to you, looking like the normal Ethan you fell in love with. He picked you up and spun you around, before kissing you.

“I love you,” he said, as he sat you back down and his forehead rested against yours.

“I love you, too.”

Once you arrived at your dorm, you grabbed everything you needed in a matter of minutes. Ethan was deep in thought as he sat on your bed.

“You having second thoughts about this?” you joked, as he shook his head.

“No, there’s nothing more that I want than to get away from here with you,” he said, placing a kiss to your forehead. “Can we take your car?”

“I was kind of hoping that was the plan,” you laughed, as you double-checked the room to make sure you weren’t missing anything. “Let’s get out of here.”

Your hand was in his as you walked through the student parking lot to your car. Once you made it there, Ethan asked you to get in so he could put the luggage in the trunk. You thought about how Chad mentioned that Ethan hadn’t slept in days, so you decided that it’d be best if you drove.

He started to feel uneasy, so he felt around under the bumper of your car.

“That stupid bitch,” he muttered, pulling off the tracking device Quinn must’ve put on your car.

“Okay, we’re ready. I just need to run by the ATM before we leave,” he said, as you looked at him, confused.

“Uh, my dad has experience with finding people, and I don’t want him to see my card transactions wherever we end up going,” he explained, as you nodded.

You pulled up to the ATM as he handed you his card and told you the pin.

“How much?” you asked, entering the pin on the pad.

“Let’s get two thousand for now,” he said, as you turned to look at him.

“How much money do you have in here?” you asked, your eyes wide. It’s not everyday a college kid pulls two grand out of their bank account.

“I have a lot. When my mom died, she left a lot of money to me,” he said, as you rubbed your hand against his thigh.

“I didn’t know that babe. I’m sorry,” you said, withdrawing the money and handing it to him.

As the two of you crossed state lines, he finally stopped looking behind him. You felt a little nervous that he was so concerned, almost like he thought you were being followed. The further you drove, the more exhausted you started to get.

“We might need to stop soon,” you said, Ethan’s tired eyes looking you over.

“Okay, let’s take the next exit. We can get a hotel room for the night,” he said, as you nodded, a yawn slipping out.

Once you got to the room, he crawled onto the bed. You helped him take his shoes off before you snuggled up beside him.

“Thank you,” he said, as he laid his head on your chest.

“For what?” you asked, starting to relax in the bed.

“For loving me as much as you do.”

#ethan landry #ethan landry x reader #scream

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eroticwound · 9 months

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The Parentification of the Berzatto Siblings: Mikey’s Mental State

Let’s take a look at Donna’s mental state, as a way of understanding Mikey’s. Donna is dealing with mental illness. She most likely has a personality disorder (Borderline would be my guess) that might be comorbid with a mood disorder (Bipolar or Intermittent Explosive Disorder), and is using alcohol to self-medicate.

Donna’s alcoholism doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Because of her mental illness and the stressors of being a single mom, she is self-medicating with alcohol, meaning she is using it to numb herself out. Between 50 and 70% of people with BPD have substance abuse issues, and 41% of those with Bipolar disorder self-medicate.

This is the state of the Barzatto Family Home: the unstable woman at the center, who can be fun and funny, but is incredibly volatile. She is influencing and modeling behavior for all of the Bear Sibs. So looking back at Michael, as the oldest son, the burden of Donna’s moods and the state of his siblings (and any guests that happen to be around) is firmly on him. And he is empathetic enough to get others out of their funk and charming enough to keep things positive and running (relatively) smoothly. But all the anxiety of this situation—the parentification, which forces a child to disregard their own emotions and well-being in favor of their parent—gets severely internalized, and then masked by his ability to be loud and funny.

Mikey is avoidant above all else. In that first interaction in Fishes, between him and Nat, he literally says, “with [Mom], not handling it is the best way to handle it.” And this approach of his pops up again and again, whether he’s avoiding Carmy (by not picking up the phone or engaging in difficult conversations, or literally, when he leaves the pantry after Carm gives him the present), avoiding handling Donna, or avoiding dealing with his own mental health. This is in no way helped by the fact Mikey is most likely dealing with some form of chemical imbalance, whether it’s depression or bipolar disorder like Donna.

Add to all this the self-medicating behavior Donna models for him, and it’s a fairly clear line from internalizing and masking his pain, to substance abuse; alcohol and pain medication and whatever else he was using are just more intense ways of avoiding his pain. They are quite literally the only ways he’s managing his distress.

In fact, so much of Mikey’s behavior is modeled off of Donna:

The first person to throw a utensil in Fishes is not Michael, it’s actually Donna. She throws one at Steve while Mikey and Richie are giving Carm a tough time about Claire.

Mikey hits himself after Carm gives him the gift, and Donna hits herself at the dinner table.

If Donna hadn’t driven her car through the wall, the scene Mikey makes at the dinner table might’ve been the big story from that Christmas.

And then of course there’s the traumatic tirade Donna goes on about killing herself. That seems like a fairly common threat in the Berzatto household. And it makes me wonder if the gun Michael used to kill himself was his father’s, the one that Donna threatened to use.

And this is a real issue with Parentification: it becomes normalized and perpetuated. These roles and behaviors become integrated into a child’s personality, and alters ideas of what normal and healthy relationships look like. You can see this in how Michael treats Carmen. It was normalized for Mikey to handle Donna in the kitchen. It never occurs to him that baby Carm shouldn’t be around that. But it is normalized *and* unavoidable, so Michael let’s him take on that responsibility. Even the way he talks to Carm, calling him moody, a saltine—these are intended to get Carmen out of his head, but they are also cruel and tell Carm that his emotions are too much, that his emotions can’t compete with Donna’s. After all, Donna and Mikey work together as a parental unit.

You see it especially in the first Mikey-Carmy-Donna Kitchen scene in Fishes, where Donna and Mikey gang up on Carmy together, getting Carm to say he’s happy to be home and loves them. This is a lie to smooth things over on Carmen’s end, but if being around Donna is bad for Carm, it’s bad for all of them. Living at home has got to be triggering, and you can tell throughout Fishes just how done Michael is with it.

Michael’s adulthood is so sad. We know that he had a trail of failed business ventures, money problems, and even had to move back in with Donna. He doesn’t seem to have a girlfriend, and is stuck telling the same old stories from his youth, because the best he can do is mask his dysfunction and entertain everyone. All of this is a self-perpetuating cycle, his avoidance making sure he cannot ask for the help he needs, and his relative functionality ensuring no one pushes the issue.

My next post will breakdown some of the key Mikey scenes in Fishes.

#michael berzatto #mikey berzatto #donna berzatto #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #natalie berzatto #sugar berzatto #the bear #the bear fx #parentification #bear meta #the bear meta #meta

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your-friendly-neighbourh00d-fag · 17 days

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godddddd late night ramblings but. the way thbe losers club loves eachother SO MUCH!!!!!!!! like literally every single combination of them is such a compelling dynamic because ALL of them are just filled with so much goddamn love for their friends. im thinking about richie and mike. and bill and eddie. and stan and bev. and ben and eddie. specifically. like the dynamics we dont get to see as much on screen, the ones that have to exist but aren't explored as much. thhey make me feel SICKKKK

#UGH #mikey.txt.#ignore me #the losers club #stan uris #beverly marsh #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #bill denbrough #mike hanlon #ben hanscom #CRAZY!!!! CRAZY I TELL YOU!!!

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eggrolls-and-fandoms · 6 months

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Nooo no you don’t get it you don’t get it. The lyrics in NPMD drive me insane. Like there’s so much to fucking unpack here. “The jock you demonized” bcus Max feels like he was demonized in life and bcus of that he was turned into a literal demon when he died. “Who will pray for me? When my body’s gone?” Bcus no one fucking cared when Max died and THATS what messes him up more than anything. “Or until another Richie comes along?” Bcus he always felt he existed just to play a role, a rule-enforcer of whatever he wanted to enforce, and he can’t deal with what it means for him if that power trip he lived off of meant nothing. If what he made his life’s purpose did nothing and was based on nothing. “Or this the eternal dark without a dawn?” Bcus he has nothing left, he’s aimless, lost in the dark forever, doesn’t even have his ideals, doesn’t have anyone mourning him. So instead he doubles down on those ideals bcus at least that’s something. I am. So normal about Max Jagerman.

#max jagerman #npmd spoilers #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #I’m subjecting you all to my brainrot live with it

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im-getting-help · 4 months

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You guys remember IT 2019? I just finished watching an alternative ending or directors cut idk, BUT LET ME TELL YOU 💀

First, english is my second language...

So, everything is exactly the same until the last like 30min? They're fighting Pennydumb, and you remember the scene where Richie is caught by the deadlights and Eddie spears Penny and saves Rich but he has to kiss him to wake him up like Ben with Bev in the first movie? Well, in this version Eddie spears Penny and falls with Richie but instead of kissing him he just shakes him a little? And Richie wakes up 😂 but then out of nowhere Pennydumb SKEWERS EDDIE WITH ONE OF THE ARACHNID/CRAB CLAWS RIGHT THROUGH THE CHEST??? Me and Bev literally screamed at the same time. So Eddie is bleeding all over Richie, blood comes out of his mouth as he says his name... and Richie is literally like 🧍🏻‍♂️ and then Pennydumb lifts Eddie with the claw and I'm watching in 4KHD how Eddie flies tf out while everyone is screaming his name. I SWEAR TO GOD I'M NOT KIDDING. At this point I'm laughing and crying at the same time, cause like, wtf is happening?? So the Losers run to wherever Eddie was thrown and THIS MF IS SOMEHOW STILL ALIVE? Then, like in the original ending Eddie tells the Losers how to kill Pennydumb, but is like super depressing, Eddie is coughing blood, so all but Richie and obviously Eds go bully the alien spider. Eddie is dying, and he says "Richie, I gotta to tell you something" and I'm thinking, alright, a little bit too angsty but ok. BUT THEN, HE DOESN'T CONFESS? HE LOOKS RICHIE IN THE EYES AND SAYS "💫I fucked your mother💫" AGAIN, I'M NOT KIDDING. And so Richie is like "heh 🙂🥲" Eventually Richie leaves so they can finish IT, lmao. They kill Pennydumb the same, they say "clown" a bunch and he perish. Then they go back to Eds who is obviously fucking dead at this point, and I'm still laughing a little cause I know that now is when Maturin appears and the Losers ask her to bring back Stan and now Eddie too i guess... WELL In this version Maturin doesn't exist apparently???????? So Eddie dies and Richie is crying over his dead body anD THEN BILL AND BEVERLY TELL HIM THAT THEY HAVE TO GO AND LEAVE HIS BODY DOWN THERE???? AND I'M 😶 SPEECHLESS.

They drag Richie out of Neibolt 😶 he's is screaming and crying and I'm screaming and crying with him. They get out and the house collapses. And the whole scene is fucking tragic, like, I'm sobbing, Richie is still screaming Eddie's name, Mike and Ben are holding him back and Bill and Bev are literally like 👀 Suddenly they're on the quarry, same scene minus Eddie and Stan. BUT IT'S SO SOMBER. They jump and they're washing themselves in silence, and Richie is CLEANING EDDIE'S BLOOD OUT OF HIS GLASSES. And Eddie is not there to be yapping about infections so Ben is like "Eddie would hate this" and they start talking about what Eddie would say if he was there, and I'm thinking 'why tf would you kill him but not write a better scene?' but I'm promptly shut up cause Richie starts crying again and everyone goes hug him, and now I'm really sobbing. But then, then they do something I can only describe as the worst possible thing you can do in front of your mourning gay friend. Richie loses his glasses like in the original but Stan is not there to give them back so the rest of the Losers start looking, and then, and I swear to god I'm not lying, Ben and Bev find the glasses but instead of giving them back they start kissing eachother. RICHIE IS BLIND AND CRYING WHILE THESE TWO KISS UNDERWATER. And I'm like NOw?????? Don't get me wrong, I love the kiss in the original, but this version is so sad and that kiss feels so out of place. After that, there's the scene in the street with them as kids, Richie and Eddie bickering and all that, and I'm ready to go wash my face BUT they added an extra scene. So in this scene Mike calls Bill whose already out of Derry, and Bill asks why they're not forgetting this time, and Mike says "Maybe cause IT is dead... or maybe because we have more we want to remember than we want to forget". AND I'M LIKE WDM?? ALL OF THIS IS FUCKING TRAUMATIC. And then Mike asks Bill if he got the letter, and apparently Stan left a fucking suicide note 💀 and it's SO FUCKING SAD YOU GUYS. They show adult Stan writing the note but you can hear young Stan reading it, and they show the Losers as adults after Derry 2.0, and everyone is happy except Richie?? Like, Bev and Ben are on a fucking boat with a dog but Richie is on the bridge going over the R+E carving while crying. And it ends with Mike smiling driving out of Derry. Is literally the worst ending ever. Like, I don't hate it just because is so depressing is kinda funny, also you guys know It 2019 is goofy af. Anyways, if anyone else saw this please message me so we can make a support group or something idk.

#it 2019 #it chapter 2 #the losers club #it 1990 #it 2017 #reddie #eddie kaspbrak #stanley uris

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boltonbritreads · 9 months

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if you happen to see this as you’re searchin or scrollin, send some love to creators you follow! right now!

it’s honestly fun- just as you’re going through your dash if you see a creator, send them a nice message! anon or not, whether they’ve posted something they made recently or not (if they have- reblog it!!), just spread some love! I haven’t really seen much of the fandom toxicity that I know exists here but it’s there and it sucks that there’s still so much shit that gets sent to creators or people don’t let them know how much they loved something they made nearly enough. If you’re a reader like me, let authors know you love their writing, edits, art, gifs etc it’s literally the least we can do!

an absolutely NON exhaustive list of authors and creators I think are incredible and deserve love and reblogs: @munson-blurbs @corroded-hellfire @pinkrelish @ghost-proofbaby @lilacletter @quinnsmunson @harrywavycurly @andvys @bvtbxtch @neonghostlights @trashmouth-richie @upsidedownwithsteve @icallhimjoey @ddejavvu @djarintreble @luveline @strangermarvelss @djo @freckledjoes @roanniom

send these guys some love, a follow, and a reblog because they’re all incredible and create content that we get to enjoy for free and they deserve the world! 💕

#eddie munson #joseph quinn #joe quinn #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things fanfic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #eddie munson smut

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iri-desky · 17 days

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SO.

I never knew Ramshackle existed, or it's absolutely amazing artist/animator, until just today, when its pilot dropped into my YouTube fyp. Its pilot found ME, I didn't find it. I watched it and immediately fell in love!! Oh my gosh, the art style!? Everything I aspire to be. The characters?! So awesome and all amazingly loveable in their own ways (...Stone...Skipp...Vinnie.... save me Stone Skipp and Vinnie...save me murder hobos...). An wacky little fever dream (in a good way) of an episode where a baby turns into a biblically accurate angel at the end alongside a literal zombified mob of richie-riches implying a universe of a strongly supernatural but destitute nature?! GIMME! Also, can I say that I love the animation again and that it's absolutely amazing with some perfect stylistic touches that entertains but doesn't burn the eyes? This is so cool, guys. This is one of the best pilots in indie animation I've ever seen and I'm definitely in desperate need of more. This is the first time I've felt this excited for an indie animated show since Lackadaisy's pilot! So awesome :]

For anyone who hasn't seen it yet, give it a watch. The artist has a Tumblr account, too; @zeddyzi . They're just as awesome and I've quickly gotten hooked on their work. :]

TL;DR : there's a new indie animated pilot called Ramshackle which released VERY recently on YouTube, which is absolutely incredible, so give it, and its creator, a shot!

#Ramshackle #indie animation #Animation

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fridgrave2-0 · 17 days

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alright, I watched the holy trinity aka tgwdlm, black friday and npmd. here's my highly subjective opinions about them !!

first of all, I like all of them, but some more, some less. I'm not dissing or hating any of them, and pls be chill if you like it more than I do

the guy who didn't like musicals: plot 6/10. very simple and basic, still nice though. if I had a nickel for every time I saw a plot with alien possession and blue shit, I'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot, but it's weird what it happened twice. paul and emma are cool, little cute couple. songs 5/10. sorry I have to be honest, but it was insanely hard for me to watch tgwdlm and pay attention when they start singing, what is an issue for a musical. sometimes I was even thinking about skipping them (I know it's a crime I'm sorry). most of the songs I forgot right after they ended, but two of them are SUCH bangers what they kinda overcompensated my experience. yeah I'm talking about "join us and die" and "let it out". they fucking killed it.

total: 5/10

black friday: plot 8/10. i enjoyed it so much I can't even describe. most of the characters are charismatic and likable as fuck and I cried like a bitch from tom's song in the beginning. everything about lex, ethan and hannah is a chef's kiss, I was SO invested. and LORE. so much lore I needed that. songs 6/10 HEAR ME OUT! i loved them, I cried at them, I enjoyed them, but personally I don't find them catchy. i don't want to relisten them like actual song in a playlist. would I want to hear them in the musical when I'll rewatch it? absolutely. besides that? not my cup of tea.

total: 7/10

nerdy prudes must die: plot 9/10. unpredictable, crazy, wild, funny. i loved every second of it, every character and every twist, even if I unwillingly spoilered ghost max thingy to myself. maybe it's my hyperfixation talking, but this is the only musical in the trilogy which I want to study with a microscope and rewatch forever. it's the best thing what happened to me in 2024. max is my bbg, pete and steph are fucking cute, grace is a menace and I love it for her, richie is a second bbg, ruth is my queen. minus one point only for max's dad existing, I hate his guts (and maybe for not giving bryce more singtime she's so good omfg. but about it later). SONGS 11/10 HOLY SHIT. the last time I could've relisten all the songs from the musical over and over again was hamilton and npmd just destroyed it like the nuke. the vocals, the music, the lyrics, it just changed my brain chemistry. i was listening to the npmd song for fucking hours in a row while drawing and i wasn't sick of it later. THE SUMMONING god the summoning holy shit!!! highschool is killing me, literal monster, hatchet town, COOL AS I THINK I AM, JUST FOR ONCE-- I just love all of them so much I can't.

total: 10/10

now it's nightmare time 🔥🔥🔥

#the guy who didn't like musicals #tgwdlm #black friday #nerdy prudes must die #npmd

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