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angsty-nerd · 3 years

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Max + Identity in Season 2

In the pilot, when Max self-identifies who he is to Liz, he tells her, "I'm a son, I'm a brother, I'm a cop...I'm just a guy from Roswell." All of those pieces of his self identity are systematically destroyed in Season 2, to the point where in the season finale he's grasping onto the last thing he feels like might be real about himself -- his role as the savior. A role that he scoffed at before his death, that he didn't really seem to believe, until all of the things he did believe about himself were gone. And then he loses that too, upon the discovery that he's not the only one, that he lacks any form of individuality. That Jones is just like him.

We get our first hint that this is coming in 2x05 when Rosa and Isobel get a glimpse inside Max's mindscape. They are literally traveling through the dying remnants of Max's mind, watching as these pieces of him are slowly fading away. There are three key visual clues in these scenes that give us insight into how he sees himself.

Most obviously, in his mindscape he is fully dressed in his Sheriff's Department uniform. This is the self-identity that he projects to the outside world in Season 1. There are many good metas out there about the layers behind that. How he takes his hat off when he's not on the job because he doesn't feel he deserves it. But all in all, his internal self image is the deputy that the public sees. I’ll add a link below to one where Mo and I were discussing this.

He is surrounded by Liz. And slowly losing her. This could be (and is) a meta all on its own about his psyche in general. He said it himself in 1x03 when he told her that he loves her. "That's what everything is about for me!" And this is the visual embodiment of it. His internal identity completely encompassed and consumed by his memories of Liz and all the things that represent her for him. And yes, their slow degredation are a literal representation. Of his memories of her slowly disappearing, but I also definitely would argue that it's exposing his deepest fear as well - that she'll leave him again.

And of course, he is chained to the floor. We are still, at this point in the season, just getting a glimpse at the layers of trauma hidden within his subconscious, but this is a direct look inside of him and his trauma is right there staring him in the face. These are hidden scars that he hasn't even begun yet to discover, but slowly begin to reveal themselves throughout Season 2b. And I expect will be prevalent in Season 3 as well.

The progression of Max's identity crisis started from the moment he woke up, with a portion of his self literally erased through the loss of his memories of Liz. A lot was made of the sweetness of him telling her at the end of the episode "I am not whole without you." But in a sense that statement could have been almost a thesis for his character arc in Season 2. He spends the entire season not whole, losing little pieces of himself one by one until he's not sure who he is at the end of 2x13.

Once his memory returned in 2x06, it briefly seemed like Max was back to normal, but that quickly got undercut in the opening scene of the next episode when it was first hinted at that he shouldn't be using his powers anymore. In 2x07 it was suggested that Liz was just being overly cautious, but her fears were proved to be accurate in 2x08 when Max does use his powers and immediately suffers chest pain. Its a physical reaction to his powers that's further emphasized in 2x12 when he almost dies trying to kill Flint. Nothing was explicitly stated, but I still speculate he had a full on heart attack in that moment, or that the pacemaker briefly failed, given how hard it was to resuscitate him. But without his powers, he's not complete as an alien anymore.

In 2x09 he loses what he thought he understood about his own origin story. Sheriff Valenti's version of the incident in the group home not only undercut certain facts about himself that he always had believed to be true - that he was the solid, stable one. That he was the strong one. Suddenly he's being told that he's the traumatized one, that he's the one with the behavioral pattern of being a loose cannon.

He loses his job. Okay, officially he quit in 2x07 to search for Jenna, but let's be honest here...if he hadn't quit, then he certainly would have lost his job when Sheriff Valenti arrested him in 2x09. We saw in his mindscape and heard from his lips in the pilot how strongly he identifies as a cop. But now that uniform, and that identity, have literally been stripped away from him...and replaced with a new uniform, sexy Wild Pony bartender man!

So, we have him stripped of his identity as an alien with powers, stripped of his identity as a cop. And in 2x10 he gets stripped of his identity within his family, when he learns that he and Isobel are not related. All of those self-identified aspects of himself have disintegrated, and he's left floundering to figure out who he is without those things. Which is why he begins to throw himself into trying to regain his memories, potentially even at the expense of his health through the use of the serum. Because he is so desperate to find a truth about himself to hold on to.

But that journey is also doomed to undercut him. One of my favorite musical moments of Season 2 is the second time he experiences a memory flash triggered by his own reflection, at the end of 2x10, with the cover of Bullet With Butterfly Wings playing over the scene. @echoapothecary did a great set on this scene right after the episode aired... link below.

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Someone will say what is lost can never be saved

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Tell me I'm the only one

Tell me there's no other one

Jesus was the only son, yeah

Tell me I’m the chosen one

I think in the moment we were supposed to take the visual flash at face value and assume that this was about Max's trauma from being imprisoned as a child, but on rewatch (and frankly, listening to the song over and over and over…) I really think the choice was more about identity, and foreshadowing the reveal of Jones as a mirror, clone, relative, something….to Max?

While in the middle of the S2 experience, one of my favorite gif sets that @maxortecho made for me was this idea of Max, and people constantly cutting him down, while Liz loved him regardless of those things (linked below). At the time I was really focusing on him and his reaction to being constantly told he was a let down. Add to that the appearance of Diego in 2x10, and Max isn’t even trying to hide his low self esteem and feelings of insecurity anymore. But take those constant undercuts and add to it the tidal wave of an identity crisis as all of the things you believe to be true about yourself fall apart, and we're left with the Max we see in the last couple episodes of Season 2. A man on a mission, manic and desperate to figure out who he is now, exacerbated by the fact that he's literally on drugs (the serum).

Only then, in his desperate, manic state, does he find himself willing to believe the implausible (to him) reveal at the end of Season 1 that he might be the Savior. Because it's the last thing that makes him unique, that makes him feel like he has a role, a purpose…until he loses that too at the end of the episode when they release Jones, a literal copy of himself, from his prison.

All of these gifs were gratefully borrowed from @maxortecho, with two exceptions. Wild Pony Max 🔥 is @rosaortecho’s work, and Howdy 🧔🏻 is (I think) @darlingnotso’s. (Please correct me if I’m wrong).

#roswell new mexico #max evans #rnmmarchformeta2021 #my meta #long post #tw trauma #tw near-death-experience

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buriedbybooks · 3 years

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RNM March for Meta Day 3: Scene

One of the silent characters of the show is the scenery. The landscape is beautiful and wild, and I find it absolutely captivating.

The image is a watercolor landscape of the desert with Max and Liz painted in miniature using gouache. Max is 2cm tall.

Happy Watercolor Wednesday!

#rnmmarchformeta2021 #rnm #rnm edit #max evans #liz ortecho #watercolor landscape #watercolor wednesday #cgc art tag

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lsobelevans · 3 years

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Horror tropes? In my Roswell, New mexico? It’s more likely than you think!

In this essay I will...

...be mentioning a few horror/thriller movies and while nothing explicitly gory or scary will be shown in this post, those movies definitely contain scenes and themes that can be disturbing/scary/triggering, do your researches if you’ve got doubts!

...be focusing on the Maria and Alex road-trip, from the moment the car breaks down to the last scene with Travis’ twin. I’m probably going to be led to briefly mention the other scenes that are intertwined with this arc (the echo date and the Planet 7 Kyle and Isobel scene, as well as the marlex car drive when I feel like it is relevant).

...be approaching specific themes that are used in the scenes that compose this little arc and also more general ones like sound, editing, cinematography and color.

... be reaching a lot. I do not think everything I will be mentioning is 100% thought-out and voluntary (although you never know). But I’m a firm believer that in filmmaking, yes even inside a CW show, the symbolism comes through subconsciously. So like, maybe they didn’t mean to use corn field as a mark for transition, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that this symbolism works with the story they’re telling and for the journey the characters are in that moment. Additionally, lighting, decor and costumes are always a choice, just like the camera doesn’t position itself randomly, someone’s behind and thinking of the composition of shots that, even if it’s in a basic way, has meaning.

... be starting chronologically but I’ll also make jumps backward and forward, grasping on themes when they come up. Ok, then, let’s dive in!

This episode references and uses a lot of the iconic mechanisms of the horror movie genre. Alex and Maria’s comfortable road trip atmosphere, open hearted conversation in the car, breaks at the same time as the car itself breaks. The camera, steady so far, the shots following a well known pattern of shot/counter-shot, becomes more unpredictable and shakier and suddenly we’re out of the car, and bam, large shot.

From the moment they’re out of the car, you won’t be able to see the horizon. Maria and Alex are stuck in a corn field, and they’re stuck in the frame.

Then poof, Travis appears out of nowhere, accompanied with a pang of music, frightening us and them. Well, more exactly, it cuts on a shot that we’ve seen before without Travis, now with Travis, which gives us the appearing out of nowhere effect.

Alex says it best.

Well now they’re stuck with a strange guy with an axe, and in a corn field 😬

Hey, have you seen he’s got an axe??? or do you need a close-up???

Okay, this scene ends there. So, let’s take a break and talk about cornfields. There’s many examples of horror movies making use of a field of corn as a location, famously Children of the Corn (1984), Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1995) Signs (2002), that last one also involving, you guessed it, aliens.

Screenshots from the Signs trailer.

Corn fields are strongly associated with rurality, especially rural America. More largely, they can represent renewal, fertility or abundance. In the contrary, they can be seen as a very ominous location due to their immensity, a labyrinth in which you can’t see very far away and from which you’ll have trouble coming out.

Although I’m pretty sure Maria’s chase in the cornfield is more of a reference to The Shining (1980) it reminded me of one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies Tom à la ferme (2013), in which Tom is basically held hostage in rural Canada. The corn field chase is a turning point, the last of Tom's attempts to escape.

Cornfields apparently also often imply scarecrows, which are inherently scary in my opinion but we’ll talk about it more later.

The next scene takes place inside of Travis' cabin.

The lighting here is pretty low, the light coming from a few small sources, creating a lot of shadows. The main color is a greenish/yellow which can be associated with nature and earth, rurality, dirty, suffocating. If we look at it, the color scheme of the entire road trip is very much following this pattern of browns/yellows/greens because of the cornfield and the color of the characters costumes (the exception being Maria’s truck which is a bright red). In opposition, the scenes that are intertwined are either blue and orange for Max and Liz or a lot of pink/blues/purples for Isobel and Kyle in planet 7 (bi bi bi).

The cabin is messy, supposedly reflecting the state of the owner’s mind. We get a nice close-up on meat + a knife and all of the creepy skins on the walls. Also, it’s noticeable that from this moment on, the camera is shakier, we experience different angles too.

We are given many visual clues that something is wrong.

I’m gonna pass on the sound of the sound of the cow parodying a werewolf + the vampire diaries inside joke.

Btw, if the fact that Travis names his cows -- that he skins for a living -- like human women isn’t enough for you to think mmmm. we are in danger. Well, don’t worry. The cw spells it out for you!!

We know Alex! We got contextual clues!

Right after this, Alex and Maria make another direct reference to being in a horror movie situation.

ALEX: This is why I don’t like horror films. The gay guy always dies first.

MARIA: ????

ALEX: Or... second. Okay, that’s fair. That look, that’s fair.

I think this bit is interesting, because not only does it denounce an horror movie cliché (the black person of the cast dies first, the queer person is second) but also in this situation I believe it can be see as kind of a callout on the fandom’s behavior that i’m not gonna spell out for you but yeah. Fellow queer people, don’t forget you’re not the only one who is sometimes badly/unfairly represented.

Moving on. In the next scene, Alex is searching the cabin for clues, and we are also given some about Travis.

Either he has a twin brother or he’s got a framed picture of himself on his wall. Oh, and he’s military.

Then Travis startles Alex and plays a little bit of banjo, which is a good excuse to stop and talk about music. The show uses a lot of diegetic music aka music that is present in the universe of the story, that the characters can also hear. It justify the use of said music and it ties the audio with the picture.

The banjo already is heard at the very beginning of the arc during a cut from the planet 7 scene to the road trip scene. We get a few notes that indicate a change of scenery and that helps smooth up the transition, and I’m pretty sure it was also supposed to be diegetic music coming from Maria’s radio. The banjo, like the corn field, is super linked with rurality and rural America (again!)

Another reference of the banjo in horror/thriller would be Deliverance (1972).

youtube

I can’t not think of this movie when I hear banjo unfortunately.

The way Travis plays, aggressively bad, and while singing I Think We’re Alone Now, is supposed to make you think about that scene in The Umbrella Academy be quite unsettling, another point for isolation horror.

So sweet of Travis to attack Alex with a guitar, and then a smol knife, and not with the axe <3.

Then we’ve got a traveling zoom-in (or equivalent I’m not sure it isn’t a steady-cam here but the effect is the same) on Maria. This kind of effect can feel a little bit over-the-top and dramatic, in a old genre movie kind of way. It is usually used to bring the audience in, make it feel like you’re evolving in the same universe as the characters (here you’re walking toward Maria). In a scene where you should feel scared, it can be a mean to make you feel more engaged, as well as underlining Maria’s expression, her fear. In my opinion, this is also a way to tell you that from now on, Maria is the main character of this arc, the one that you will be following after the commercial break (that occurs right after) and making it more suspenseful.

The scene after the break is the start of the corn-field chase. Travis steps out of the cabin, the cuts are faster, many close-shots, some even out of focus, that accelerate the rhythm, and a long fade-in of a new song: a modern, electronic song (Kim Petra’s Close You Eyes) completely in opposition with the acoustic banjo and with the atmosphere of the scene, which makes it strange and makes you think oh, what a weird choice! (at least it did for me lol). The lyrics, however, go very well with the scene.

I feel it coming on You've got nowhere to run There's no way you'll make it out alive

Yep.

We find out right after that the music is in fact diegetic but for Isobel and Kyle, it’s another use of music to ease a transition between 2 scenes that are different in every possible way.

Now, the corn-field chase. As I mentioned before, I believe it’s a direct reference to The Shining’s ending chase scene where Jack Torrance chases his son Danny through a vegetal labyrinth with an axe.

From the shots to the lighting (from behind or on the side, making the characters look like silhouettes) both scenes are very similar. Also, Travis is styled like Jack Nicholson ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh look, Michael’s here to save the day!

Oh well, guess not.

Yeah, in this scene, and like we’ve been shown before, Maria is going to be the one that saves everyone. The racist cliché of the black character dying first in a horror movie is reversed, Maria is the last one standing. The scarecrow (that looked conveniently a lot like Maria) is supposed to play in favor of the bad guy, it’s a scary element, creating confusion and unease, but here the character decides to basically take it into her own hands and bend the rules. This character says i’m not that archetype, and she’s going to be using the horror movie tools against itself.

Lastly, the final horror movie recurring theme that I’m going to talk about is the twin/the double.

Yes, twins is a spooky tool used in horror movie because their similarities make them unsettling, uncanny.

There’s also the idea that if one were to replace the other, you wouldn’t be able to tell. The impostor is a very scary concept that Roswell has also dealt with before.

I can’t be the only one that has been traumatized by that halloween special of the Simpsons where Bart has an evil twin...

It’s the last twist of the arc, there is a bad!Travis and a good!Travis. The bad one kept the other locked-up somewhere and had taken his place.

It’s particularly interesting for Roswell that has a history with twins/doppelgänger, and that since the original show. It is a clear instance of in-world foreshadowing here! (howdy)

My conclusion about all this is that the people who worked on 2x06 had a great time building the episode and it shows, while also making it enjoyable to watch and yeah, we love to see it!

#roswellmarchformeta2021 #rnmmarchformeta2021 #meta #or whatever this is ahah #tw violence #i'm so sorry i'm late for this ;___;#mine*

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ober-affen-geil · 3 years

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Entropy

For Day 4 of @rnmmarchformeta, “Lines”

Begin image description

Gif 1: Flashback to 2008, teen Michael and Alex (out of focus in the foreground) are sitting side by side in the shed. Michael is looking in front of him as he finishes his thought, then looks at Alex with a smile. He says “When I play, my entropy changes.” The word “entropy” is highlighted in yellow.

Gif 2: In the mindscape, closeup on Noah who is talking to Max and Isobel (offscreen). He says “ Destruction is chaos, is entropy, is energy, is power, is victory.” The word “entropy” is highlighted in yellow.

End description

#roswell new mexico #rnm #roswellmarchformeta2021 #rnmmarchformeta2021 #michael guerin #noah bracken

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chasingshhadows · 3 years

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It was in the way she smiled.

Third grade at Liz’s birthday party, eyes scrunching up as her mouth split wide; giggling happily as she swayed around the room, fluid and graceful like a dancer. Helena Ortecho glowed in the dark light of the Crashdown, seeming totally oblivious to the eyes on her as she parted the crowd toward her youngest daughter.

“¡Feliz cumpleaños, mi hija!”

Liz could only beam back, so happy to be holding her mama’s attention. Helena pulled her into a tight hug, sticky pink lipstick leaving a mark on Liz’s cheek as she drew back, tucking a piece of candy from the piñata into Liz’s fist. She was so happy her mama was here - she hadn’t seen her in weeks. Papa kept telling them not to worry, but she’d missed her so much.

Liz didn’t notice her father frowning in the corner. She didn’t notice Mimi’s pursed lips. She didn’t notice the way her mother collapsed into the booth, unbalanced and clumsy.

She only saw her mother, bright, beautiful, happy. Que linda, Liz thought. She wanted to be just like her.

It was in the way she danced.

Liz could only watch, mesmerized. The way she kicked her heels up and carried the skirts of her dress through each movement. Even when she tumbled, spilling across chairs and tables and trashcans, she just picked herself right back up and kept spinning.

Rosa nudged at her shoulder. “Papi didn’t think she was coming back this time.”

Liz frowned. “Of course she came back. She always comes back.” Her voice sounded small and young, even to herself.

Rosa just raised her eyebrows, shrugged, and walked back through the kitchen to the stairs, pounding up them in her scuffed combat boots. Liz watched her go, eyebrows scrunched.

“Elizabeth, ¡baile conmigo!”

Liz turned back, smile growing as she watched her mother twist and sway to the beat, hands outstretched towards her, beckoning. She grinned, skipping forward into her mama’s arms, letting herself be spun and dipped.

She caught Helena at the hips when she tripped, laughing and falling into Liz. Her breath smelled of tequila and her eyes were glazed and distant when she put her hands on Liz’s shoulders to stand up straight, twirling away to the jukebox.

She was here at least. That was what mattered, wasn’t it?

It was in the way she laughed.

Loud and unashamed at Rosa’s quince, hand dropping heavily onto Jim Valenti’s shoulder where she tucked her smile. It rolled out of her, filling her corner of the ballroom like a fog. Several heads turned her way, but Rosa didn’t even so much as stutter as she chatted away with one of the Carrera boys.

“Mamá, come dance with me,” Liz said excitedly, standing and pulling at her mom’s shoulder.

“Not now, mi hija.” She swatted absently at Liz’s hand without turning and Liz dropped back on her heel, frowning.

“I’ll dance with you.”

Liz turned to see Kyle Valenti standing behind her, tilted forward on his toes, the lines of his tuxedo smooth and flattering. His smile was warm, inviting; Liz blushed, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

“No.”

“Papi, please!” Liz twisted back to look at her father, let her bottom lip pop out, unafraid to beg.

He was shaking his head sternly, but her mother spoke up. “Oh, Arturo, cálmese. We’re not in México anymore, let the girl have a dance.”

“¡Gracias, Mamá!” Liz planted a kiss to her mother’s head and caught Kyle’s hand to drag him to the dance floor before her father could offer any more protests.

She pretended it didn’t hurt, that Helena didn’t even so much as glance up to witness her youngest daughter’s first dance with a boy. She’d only been back for three days and Liz couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d already left again.

It was in the way she frowned.

“No sé por qué siquiera me molesto,” Helena grumbled aloud, tripping as she stepped into Liz and Rosa’s doorway. Liz was alone, working on her science project at the desk, a representation of the energy functions within different types of cells in the body. She was about to glue the neuron graphic together, but looked up at the tone.

“Rosa is out of control.” Helena slumped back against the doorway, peering miserably at her. Liz put down her project, confused and worried. “Your father does nothing but glare at me. And my own baby girl won’t even spend an evening with me. Nobody wants me here anymo-”

Liz was already moving, up and out of the chair. “No, no, no, Mamá, I - I want you here.” She flung herself around her mother, grasping tightly. “I didn’t mean to leave, I just came to work on this while you talked to papá-”

Helena gently pushed Liz away, shrugging her shoulders and eyes glistening. “No no, I get it. It’s more important than me - you have your own life now, with no room for your poor mamá.” She turned to leave and Liz grabbed her hand in both of hers, heart clenching as she pictured her mom walking out again.

“No! Wait, please don’t leave again!” Liz swallowed, trying to think of what her mom needed to hear. “I’ll tell you whatever you want, I’ll tell you everything! Please don’t go, Mamá, I love you,” she begged.

Helena’s lips pursed and Liz held her breath, staring. Now that she looked, her mother’s eyes were totally glassed over and unfocused. She blinked a couple of times and looked over at Liz’s desk. “Well, fine. Tell me what this is.”

Liz sat down in her chair and hurriedly explained it all best she could. “The science fair is Thursday. I’m gonna win,” she added confidently.

At that, Helena finally smiled, eyes focusing and brightening for just a moment. “Yes you are, mi hija. And when you do, I’m going to be so, so proud of you.” She reached out to pinch Liz’s cheek and kiss her forehead, and Liz felt the happiness of her mother’s affection swell inside her. “I’ll take you out for cupcakes at that little bakery.”

“Yeah?” she asked excitedly. “You promise?”

Helena nodded. “I promise.”

It was in the way she cried.

Ugly and unkempt, mascara smeared down her cheeks, hair stringy and falling into her face, red dress rustling as she blew her nose. She was on the floor and leaned against the wall of the bathroom when Liz nudged open the door, following the sounds of her sniffles. Liz remembered thinking, back when she was young and naive, how pretty her mom looked when she cried, how graceful and elegant.

She wasn’t quite so naive now.

“Mom, you need to get up.”

Her mother shoved away at her, wailing into her kleenex. “No!” Helena shrieked, pitch echoing off the tile. “No. Leave me alone, I’m fine.”

Liz knelt down to her mother’s level, talking softly in a practiced tone. “Mom, you have to get off the floor,” she tried again, gentle but firm. “You can have my bed, come on.”

Helena was drunk, probably high, and slumped on the floor of the Crashdown women’s bathroom. It was early on a Saturday morning, the breakfast rush only just starting to trickle in.

That is, if there were any customers left after Helena, crying and yelling, stumbled her way into the diner. Liz was the only one that could handle her mother when she got like this, so she’d been sent to deal with her.

Helena just blinked at her, scrunching up her eyes in confusion.

“C’mon, I’ll help.” Liz extended an arm and grabbed her mother’s wrist with her other hand.

Grumbling but compliant, Helena leaned heavily on Liz, smelling heavily of tequila and thick perfume. The combination made Liz’s stomach roll, but she ignored it, carefully escorting her mother upstairs and to her and Rosa’s bedroom.

As Liz crept back downstairs to help her dad in the kitchen, she wondered when she’d gotten so used to this.

It was in the way she called.

Liz’s cell rang almost two hours after the dance started, a buzzing in her clutch as she and Alex walked around the town center bullshitting and trying to pretend they were having a great night while they waited for their respective rides. She finally managed to dig out her phone and check the caller ID, answering just as the fifth ring started.

“Hello? Mamá?”

There was a sharp intake and some rustling on the other side of the line before she answered. “Elizabeth. ¡Mi hija bonita! I thought you were at the dance!”

Alex’s eyebrows drew together when Liz answered the phone, and he was looking at her intensely as she answered.

“Mamá! I was, but I already left.” Liz took a quick breath before she continued, heart pounding. “I uh, I thought you were going to help me get ready tonight? Since it was my senior prom?”

“Oh, mi hija, I’m so sorry! That’s why I was calling. My car broke down on the way and my phone died. Lo siento mucho mi hija.” There was a pause and Liz’s heart sank - she’d bought her mom a car charger and an external battery after the last time this happened. Out of her car fund. She gritted her teeth, trying to ignore the ache in her chest as Helena continued. “But! Your papi sent me a picture and you looked so lovely - it’s like I always say! You don’t need me at all,” she added cheerfully.

Liz swallowed, ignoring Alex’s stare. “Right. Well, I gotta go mami. I’m still with friends.”

Helena’s voice brightened. “Of course! I don’t want to keep you. Bye!”

Her mother hung up before she could answer and Liz pulled the phone away from her face, snapping it closed.

It was in the way she smiled.

Empty. Slick like the fish Papi ordered cheap from his buddy in San Diego for their Men in Blackened Salmon, sliding away the more you tried to hold on. She smiled like a mirage, like the hope of what you wanted most.

Like a disappointment.

#liz ortecho #helena ortecho #roswell new mexico #rnmmarchformeta2021 #rnm fanfic #this is basically the culmination of my projection onto these characters haha #i have a lot of liz & helena feelings and this is how they fell out #i just relate so much to the anger liz shows and i know where it comes from #so this is that story #alcohol abuse #mentions of drug abuse #my writing #my fic #my rnm fic #honestly this is as much a meta as a fanfic #long post (remorseful)

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rnmmarchformeta-archive · 3 years

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[Image description:

The camera pans slowly across a desk in a home office scattered with books. A person is sitting at the desk (head out of frame) with their hands resting on the surface, writing on a notepad. There are shelves filled with books and a leather easy chair in the background. The text across the center of the gif reads “Roswell, New Mexico March for Meta March 15-19, 2021″.

End description.]

Calling all couch critics!

We are asking you to put on your analyst hat and share your meta thoughts on everyone’s favorite alien drama. The prompts are made with analysis in mind but all contributions are welcome. Tag your posts with #roswellmarchformeta2021 or #rnmmarchformeta2021 in the first five tags and we’ll reblog them here. Or just tag us in the post!

No meta is too small or too long, but we will not be reblogging posts with added commentary so if you want to riff you should create your own. The more the merrier! We will be tagging for triggers, and any post that contains explicit character/ship/creator hate (especially those with slurs or blatant racism/queerphobia) will not be reblogged.

March 15, Day 1 | Tonight’s theme is: Themes Theme/trope: What’s a theme that stands out to you? That’s handled well (or not)? Defines an arc? A season? A character? What’s a favorite trope that’s been used? Subverted?

March 16, Day 2 | Strength of character Character: Who is your favorite minor character and why? Main character? Best antagonist? Protagonist? Which character would you like to see more of (and why)? Which character has had the most development? The best development? In what ways?

March 17, Day 3 | The scenic route Scene: What scene defines an episode? A character? A ship? What’s your favorite dramatic scene and why? Comedic scene? Romantic scene? What’s an underrated scene, in your opinion?

March 18, Day 4 | Line please! Line/moment: What’s a line that stuck with you? Gave a character or situation more clarity? Your favorite line and why? A line that defines a character? A scene? An episode? A line that gave new meaning to a previous scene? A line that hits differently on a rewatch (and why)?

March 19, Day 5 | It’s all in my head Free day/pet crack theory: Explain a plot hole; connect (existing?) dots; invent a conspiracy; justify a headcanon; predict the future; break the fourth wall and talk about shots, angles, lighting, music, locations, or references to other media; explore the road not traveled with scrapped scenes/lines from behind-the-scenes sources; let loose!

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im-the-punk-who · 3 years

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@rnmmarchformeta Day 1: Tonight’s theme is: Themes

Malex and Music: Tracing a relationship through music used in the show - Part 1

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Given that both Michael and Alex have a personal connection to music, I wanted to go over some of the intricacies of what the music choices and lyrics/stories behind the songs used might tell us about Malex. The music choices in Roswell New Mexico are deliberate and often incredibly pointed. Particularly in the case of Michael and Alex there are elements of their relationship that are not so much underlined as written about only in the lyrical choices that play under their scenes. This choice for me made rewatching the series a lot of fun because as I discovered the lyrics to some of the more obscure song choices I kept discovering new intricacies and motivations for each of their decisions. Below the cut for length.

(Author’s note circa 2007: (rawr xD) I’m focusing specifically on the parts of these songs that play over or in direct correlation to scenes where Michael and Alex are both present. I would love to explore this theme in the wider context of the whole show and how their interactions with other characters might change some of these but...this is already like 6k and that’s just how the peas and carrots cooked. That said I will be referencing other characters and relationships as relevant, particularly, I will be talking at some length about Milexa and the airstream scenes in 2x06. I personally have a favorable reading of the scenes and what they mean for Michael and Alex. I also talk briefly about Milexa in a few other spots - they’ve been marked as ‘Milexa’ or ‘Miluca’ if you wish to skip them, although I don’t know if this will make sense as a whole without them. But, should you wish. Proceed accordingly. <3)

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Posted on AO3 here.

Sedona - Houndstooth (1x01)

The first song we hear in relation to Malex is ‘Sedona’ by Houndstooth. The song plays during the reunion as we see Alex confront Michael about the chemicals found around his airstream. The verse that plays underneath the scene references how, due to its scenic beauty, the town of Sedona was once a highly sought after filming location but had fallen into obscurity when cowboy movies went out of style in the late 70′s.

Similarly, Alex tells Michael that he is ‘wasting his life.’

“Does the macho cowboy swagger thing ever get old for you?”

“Did it get old for you?”

For me, this scene is as much an introduction to the past between these two as their present. Gone but not forgotten, their interactions are a ‘script’ that the two of them play off of. In other words, Michael and Alex don’t so much interact as play off of what the other expects from the other. This becomes especially clear when in 2x05 we learn that Alex has at least once before warned Michael about ‘wasting his life.’

When The Truth Hunts You Down - Sam Tinnesz (1x01)

The next scene is this one, in which we see Alex contemplating an old picture of himself. We then see Michael watching him.

Later, the last line is overlaid with Jesse telling Kyle about the existence of aliens.

The truth about Michael’s alienness is quiet literally hunting them, but so is something about Alex’s past. As we get to know him, we learn just how much his father is interconnected with all of the worst moments in his life and everrything he has buried and tried to run from in order to avoid it. Michael, Roswell itself - Alex ran halfway across the world to try to run away from the trauma of his youth, and yet here he is.

“Nostalgia’s a bitch, huh?”

“You know I thought when I got back from Iraq you would be long gone.”

“Is that what you want?”

“We’re not kids anymore. What I want doesn't matter.”

We also find out something of the nature of his and Michael’s relationship and that there are clearly still feelings between them - no matter how much Alex is trying to deny it.

Give Me The Night - Des Rocs (1x02)

This is one of my personal faves from the Malex soundtracks. It just *slaps* okay?

Aside from the obvious nod to Michael’s alienness, this song underscores the divide still between Michael and Alex despite the passionate kiss they shared at the reunion. Michael is initially flirtatious and full of swagger - until Alex shuts him down.

The fallacy of Alex’s rebuke and his dismissal of the feelings behind the kiss are underscored by his refusal to even look Michael in the eye as they talk. Even if he tries to deny them, the truth of his feelings hunts and haunts him because he feels he can never act on his own desires. And in turn when presented with the about face, Michael turns bitter as the push-pull is reinitiated. Michael falls back to the script they’ve been rehashing to save his feelings - ‘puts on a show’ as it were, and Alex falls for it hook, line, and sinker. He is still unwilling or unable to see the truth that lies beneath the surface.

“Isn’t there some law about building on a historical site?”

“A historical - oh you mean because the UFO crashed here? Yeah, we’re not supposed to build on Santa’s workshop either.”

For Michael, who at least to me was obviously hoping things would change this time around, this must feel like a bucket of cold water, especially in the face of Liz Ortecho’s knowledge and seeming easy acceptance of the aliens’ existence. While Max might get his happy ending, Michael is left to keep hiding from the person he loves, never being seen and wondering if Alex’s feelings are even real.

Two Princes - Spin Doctors (1x02) (Miluca)

In rapid fire we have the next three songs as Michael and Alex spend some time at the Wild Pony. This verse plays under the interaction when Alex comes in the bar and spots Michael.

“Though he got kinda hot. In a ‘sex in a truck, smells like a river, never introduce him to your mama’ kind of way.”

“I hadn’t noticed.”

My boy. My child. My bluntest instrument in the tool kit. Has no one ever told Alex Manes that saying you hadn’t noticed an objectively hot guy is hot is basically code for ‘I haven’t stopped staring at him since I walked in and my brain is not functioning at a high enough level to mask that fact’? Son, please, this is a drunk Wendy’s.

(Also this is huge foreshadowing for Miluca - Michael and Maria don’t have sex *in* a truck but it’s pretty close, we find out later that Michael/the aliens smell like rain, and she tells him he’s not meeting her mother at one point. The angle of this shot is also, for me at least, a hint that Michael is going to become the object of these two ‘princes’ affections, at some point.)

Anyway this is basically poking fun at Alex Manes, repressed disaster, for having no clue what love is and trying to express his affection through like, everything except anything anyone would understand as romantic love. (And we will see this in the flashbacks as well as present day - that Alex mostly uses his station or advantages as a way to show the people he loves he loves them, rather than using words. When he offers Michael the shed, brings him the guitar, uses his military connections to find out about Michel’s mom, hacks into Maria’s computer...listen I got more.) But that isn’t enough, as we’re learning. If only there were some way Alex could also learn that lesson.

And seriously, “This one said he wants to buy you rockets?”

How’s It Going To Be? - Stephen Edwards (1x02)

“Is there really nobody in this world that you wouldn’t risk everything to save? Sad.”

Oh Isobel, if only you knew.

So, aside from returning the kiss Michael initiated at the reunion, Alex has soundly rejected every advance Michael has made for a relationship. Despite that Michael seems to have been harboring some hope that things might be different not that Alex is back more permanently. But now with Isobel bringing into question what he’s willing to sacrifice, I think he might be realizing that toll has been extremely steep already.

(Also truly obsessed with how both Alex and Michael have positioned themselves so that they can casually glance over at each other without arousing suspicion. *Boys*. It’s not that complicated what is this middle school?)

We know that Michael doesn’t like having to keep secrets, and again I have to wonder if he’s regretting not telling Alex he’s an alien, or wondering how that conversation would have gone.

From the previous scenes we can tell something in their relationship is coming to a head - maybe Michael is hoping it’s that he can finally stop keeping secrets from Alex and show Alex who he really is - that Alex will stop misreading him. That Alex will change.

But there is also the expectation that if that happens, Alex will likely leave again. Not just because that’s what Alex’s trauma makes him do, but also because that is how Michael frames all of his relationships. As ‘until you leaves’. He is shown to have a habit of catastrophizing because he doesn’t believe himself to ‘belong’ anywhere(HA) and this is one of those times we’re shown that.

Come With Me - Gold Star (1x02)

“Home can be a person.”

And here we have Alex “thinking about who he was” as Maria closes up the bar. Given where this scene leads with him and Michael, I think the rest of the lyrics to the song are incredibly poignant.

Tell me what were you dreaming? Tell me who were you trying to reach? Gimme something real to believe in Or gimme a reason to leave So i left her standing under shining stars in the Silver moonlight by old Borough Hall - whoever you are

We know that after this evening Alex attempts to rekindle his relationship with Michael, still thinking about who he was, and maybe for the first time trying not to run from what he wants. He’ll be unsuccessful this time, but it’s the first clue that Alex is attempting to break a pattern that has held him in place for ten years.

While he may have been misreading Michael’s stunted growth, we’re starting to see Alex contemplate change in himself. This is the start of Alex’s two season long journey to break out of the fortress he’s built around himself. To ‘put his weapons down’ in an effort to be with Michael.

(She lets her guard down on her way back//to close her eyes and fall asleep - “It was late....I was tired.”)

God of Wine - Third Eye Blind

So clearly the writers were like ‘how can we hurt Milo specifically’ because these lyrics are *so good* as we hear malex talk about the way they view their relationship for the first time in the show.

The music starts just as Michael picks up the old photographs, first of the pod squad, then of himself and Alex playing guitars in the desert. As he packs up the airstream to move it off Foster’s Ranch, Michael is also thinking about the past.

Throughout the series, we’re given a bunch of musical lines about how Michael and Alex can’t go back to what they were, that they have to move forward. And it’s true - as we’ll see over and over again the dynamic they’ve had has been incredibly unhealthy for both of them. But they also cannot avoid the other’s orbit. And when Alex comes to talk to Michael it’s the first time we see him actually decide to initiate - to try and take what he himself wants, rather than waiting or hiding from it. But it is also very much Alex falling back into the ‘madness that holds a truth he can’t erase’ of Michael’s really, very, super, incredibly obvious feelings for him. Our boy is not subtle.

But Alex is still hunted by the past - before we know his history we assume that when Alex references ‘who he was before he went to war’ he means Iraq. But Alex’s war is his father. As much as combat can absolutely be a traumatizing experience, for Alex I never really read that as his main source. As he’ll tell Forrest later - “My PTSD triggers are a little more complicated”.

And so when he tells Michael he’s been thinking about who he was “before he went to war” for me that’s more a callback to who he was before Jesse found the two of them in the toolshed. “When this started.”

As Michael tells him “From where I stand nothing’s changed” the words “I know, I know, I know” repeat in the background because WE KNOW. We all know, except Alex.

“And that’s a problem for me, Guerin.”

And the siren’s song that is your madness

“Because every time you look at me, I’m seventeen all over again.”

holds a truth I can’t erase

“- and I forget that the last ten years even happened. And then you look away and I remember all over again. And it almost kills me every time.”

All alone on your face

“I never look away. Not really.”

For Michael this is basically confirmation of what he’s been realizing over the last few days - that Alex has been totally misreading him and that yes, Michael, you’re going to have to use your words on this one.

To which we see Alex’s brain 404-blue-screen for a minute as he realizes what Michael means. Which I personally really appreciate.

And especially since we’ve just learned that a lyric of this song was written on Rosa’s hand the night she died, I can’t believe it’s a coincidence in this being the song that plays underneath this scene - where Alex says he was thinking about who he was before. Everything changed that day for everyone - including Michael and Alex. Michael had gained a terrible secret he couldn’t share, that meant he changed his whole life and started needing to hide and lie and act out, and Alex - not knowing the truth - assumed that it was Michael’s way of trying to push him away and end the relationship. Which leads to the decades long miscommunication of Alex seeing Michael do that over and over again.

For the last ten years, Alex has been seeing Michael as the boy who looks away, then looks back. A Michael whose focus shifts to and away from him and who he sees as wasting his life; directionless and aimless. But as he realizes what Michael is saying he has to recalibrate everything he’s thought their relationship is.

This is possibly the first time Alex has realized that his view of Michael has been wrong. That he really doesn’t know Michael at all.

And we know this interaction has a profound impact on Alex in terms of how he views their relationship. I feel like this is one of those things that becomes a mantra for Alex, later down the line. He repeats it to Michael at Caulfield, and in his song as well, “You never looked away, now I won’t look away” to express his commitment to breaking down the walls he has built up for himself.

Even though we know the relationship is doomed at this point, it’s the first time a stone falls from the walls Alex has built around himself in a decade.

Here - Chance Peña - 1x03 (Alternate title: “Home”)

Okay I would like to petition to make it illegal to have unreleased songs in episodes, Chance Peña help a bitch out. I had to watch a *fish show* to hear the full lyrics because they’re edited in the show! ( I will also note the next lyric is ‘goodbye, my dear’ which. rude.)

Anyway, we’re given these lyrics as Michael wakes up to seeing Alex has stayed the night. I took the editing, with the previous song choices, to be a reaffirmation of this being something new to Alex, but not necessarily to Michael. Michael knows what he wants from a relationship with Alex - even if he’s put the hope aside from time to time the want is always clear.

For Alex though, a relationship with Michael is something that scares him because of his fear that it can be taken away. (”I just thought that I could be happy, and not be afraid that if I loved anything my dad would destroy it.”) He is trying to make it work - “drawing near” to Michael - but he knows that in order to do that he is going to need to be uncomfortable. To face the fears that have held him back and kept him in comfortable limbo for so long.

I’m also going to flail about how, while RNM has the song listed as ‘Here’, the producer of the other show(Battlefish) identified the song as ‘Home’. I hope I don’t have to yell at y’all, other Roswell New Mexico fans, about how often that word has snuck up on me and knifed me in the back regarding malex. Especially since Alex *is* currently - well, here. With his home. Kill me please it would be kinder.

But then of course we see the old insecurities pop up again as Isobel arrives. Even if he is trying - Alex is nowhere near ready to jump out of the closet yet.

Fast Aint Good Enough - Inkwell Echo (1x06)

I debated adding this one because it’s a little bit reachy, but I thought it was significant in that even when they were seventeen, the thing Alex is ‘afraid of’ is his feelings for Michael - not necessarily of being gay but of what people like Kyle and his father do with information like that.

Wish I’d found the words when we were seventeen-

Kyle asks

“What are you so afraid of?”

-just as Alex catches sight of Michael.

(“I wanted to be the kind of person who won battles. It felt good.”)

Aside from Alex’s general need to protect Michael in any and all situations, I feel like the lyrics of this song - about the singer’s attempt to leave an abusive relationship - underscore that even before the toolshed, Alex was fighting. Even before the toolshed, he has been fighting to this cycle he is trapped in.

While he and Michael build their relationship he starts thinking seriously about leaving and not just surviving but he will ultimately choose to trap himself for years in order to hide his love for Michael.

Like so many gay kids, Alex is fighting a system that deems him guilty of sin - and takes his fighting back as a sign of his guilt. And in order to actually be able to love Michael, he is going to have to figure out how to put down the weapons and the hurt and break the cycle.

First Day Of My Life - Bright Eyes (1x06)

Are they serious right now I swear to god.

So obviously, we’ve got the origins for everything we’re told about Michael and Alex’s lives changing based on their feelings for each other in like two and a half verses of song. Forget the entire second season we have everything we need right here.

“It was the first time I liked our hometown, though.”

“Alex made me believe there was a place for me here.”

We know that for both of them this is really a moment of self discovery as much as it is a discovery about each other.

For Michael in particular, who doesn’t know why he’s here or who he really is, and who previously had no plans besides leaving the planet, this is the moment that he realizes what he wants - to be with Alex.

And for Alex, to me, this moment is a brief glimpse into what his life could be like. We don’t have any confirmation if Michael is his first kiss with a boy or not, but we do know that this moment is significant in that it’s the first that makes Roswell feel like a place he enjoys being.

And as he is realizing that, the lyrics echo it -

But I realized that I need you // And I wondered if I could come home

(Screeching from the background: WOULD YOU COME HOME)

But of course, as the song says, these things take forever because...well....

(It’s because Alex is dumb. My poor dumb emotionally stunted child. Please go to therapy.)

In essence, this is the moment that sets Michael and Alex on their entwined path. The path that Alex will have to fight to get back to - the path Michael will lose faith in before he later starts to regain the hope that it exists. I also like to think about the link between the last lines:

Remember the time you drove all night // Just to meet me in the morning?

and the line from ‘Would You Come Home’

Would you meet me in the middle // Could we both stop keeping score?

I like to think about the parallel here, about meeting people where they’re at, and the love and care and effort it takes to be willing to drive all night to meet someone. Listen a bitch is soft and gay don’t look at me.

You Can’t Love Me - Novi & Tyler Blackburn (1x12)

(*Whispers and rocks back and forth* this is fine it’s all fine)

Once again we have a song whose lyrics give us a tailor made road map to Malex, and will pop up later in ‘Would You Come Home’. We’ve already seen the implosion of the way Michael and Alex have been orbiting each other for a decade, but now that Alex knows the truth, he actually has the ability to understand Michael in ways he hasn’t been able to before. (Something we’ll see later in Season 2 when he talks with Maria.)

And because of that, we see the true beginning of the journey of Michael and Alex back to one another in a healthier way.

But part of that journey is going to be realizing that what they’ve been doing and the way they have loved each other in the past isn’t sustainable - and maybe isn’t even the way they want to love each other.

“They’re my family, Alex!”

“Alright, maybe! But you are mine. I don’t look away, Guerin.”

“No. We’ve been holding onto this thing. And it’s gotten us nowhere. Just let it go.”

Even though the words are said in anger, there is some truth to what Michael says. Their relationship so far hasn’t been a good one. Where Alex is trying to repeat the words that Michael said to him that made such an impact on him, Michael is (well, a, trying to save his dumb boyfriend from getting flambayed) using the opportunity to reveal how little faith he has in their relationship. To say that no, this doesn’t feel like love.

But as much as the song lyrics are about loving someone who isn’t good for you, they’re also about changing and growing, and about a commitment to be better.

(Sound familiar? Brb, I’m gonna go jump off a cliff.)

Love is messy, and especially for Michael and Alex, love has always been something that hurts. “Home is where the hurt is” - and a really important part of their journey is realizing that, and realizing there is a different way of loving each other.

Additionally for Alex, this is when he starts to realize the full extent of his family’s involvement in hunting and hurting Michael’s family. It isn’t just his dad - his entire family line has been involved in this since before Alex was born. And still is. This is really where he starts realizing the roots of the guilt and shame he’s going to have to deal with in order to be anything to Michael - not even a partner but a friend.

This is the first step in that journey. Not just the commitment that yes - I want to build a home for you - but that first, I don’t know, maybe I need to put down these weapons and pick up a different set of tools?

ON TO SEASON TWO