Come watch Hogan's Heroes, we have...
• Short king firecracker chef & self-proclaimed uncle of dogs
• Sweet goofy neurodivergent cinnamon roll who does the science & has the highest kill count in the show
• Fearless leader who definitely has favorite children & could probably convince you a brick was made of solid gold
• Lovably sleazy James Bond reject card shark who charms his way into your heart & your safe
• The quiet, capable sane one who holds everything together & has occasional bouts of sass
• Guy acting friendly & refined in an unfriendly unrefined business who wonders why he loses street cred daily
• Guy who can't always be bothered, but can always be bribed with food & we don't talk about how lowkey relatable that is enough
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It wouldn’t be a hyperfixation without a daemon / His dark Materials AU, right? Part 1/2
Hogan - fox
Klink - barn owl
LeBeau - hen
Kinch - jackrabbit
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It's been quite some time since I last drew something, so I'm relatively surprised with how nice this turned out. Anyways, Klogan is peak.
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I’ve thought about this a lot & sometime over the years here made this post, but it was on a blog that got deleted so I’m doing it again! I always think about what D&D class the Stalag 13 crew would play as & maybe someday will write a full fic of them playing but for now here we go!
The Hogan’s Heroes Cast’s DnD Characters
Hogan- Human fighter, no need to worry about all that fancy stuff. Almost went paladin but he’s not out for the glory or exactly in the market to become the party tank. Still pulls risky moves to save the others, though.
Newkirk- Elf rogue one hundred percent. He considers being a bard but just goes with a rogue really good at disguises so he can break into places for the party instead of having to worry about giving inspiration at the right time.
Carter- Knows more than anything he wants to be a wizard to be able to cast fireball, but isn’t sure what race he wants to be until he learns he can also be a literal fire genasi. Somebody stop him. Except don’t actually, his character usually ends up doing the most damage. Boom!
Kinch- Goes for artificer and the others end up envying his armor and subsequently amazing AC. Plays a gnome and has fun doing a voice for his character. He and Carter are the only ones that take the roleplay that seriously unless an attractive NPC comes along. His character should be the tank but all the others always rush in first so it’s more like cleaning up their mess.
Lebeau- The others insist he play a halfling and after chewing them out he goes elf instead just to prove a point. Goes for cleric so they’ll have some healing, duh! His character acts like the others are unrefined, but occasionally turns around and goes absolutely feral in battle.
Klink- Thinks his character is going to be the smooth one like Newkirk isn’t sitting right there. Makes a Tiefling Rogue based on the ‘handsome devil’ concept but doesn’t build/play him that stealthy, trying for a more swashbuckling approach. It doesn’t usually work.
Schultz- Has no idea what he’s doing, accidentally creates the party cinnamon roll everyone wants to protect because he’s the nicest to the NPCs out of fear. Thinks being a wizard sounds fun so his character is a little halfling in the classic pointy, starred wizard hat. Halfling because he’s tired of the size jokes, thank you very much!
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Schultz: The Gestapo is here.
Hogan: Gross. What do they want?
Schultz: They said something about mysterious fires, and you being seen in the vicinity of several of them?
Hogan: Ah, I thought it was going to be about the kidnapped General. Oh well, I’ll be there in a sec.
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Currently sobbing over this clip I caught while rewatching "That's No Lady That's My Spy" (from the beginning where they're being shot at) because IT LOOKS LIKE HOGAN AND (to a lesser extent) NEWKIRK ARE TRYING TO SHIELD CARTER FROM THE GUNFIRE 😭
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If you have watched both M*A*S*H’s 5 O’Clock Charlie and Hogan’s Heroes’ Happy Birthday Adolph, you would find things to be very similar:
A MAJOR being fooled who wanted to shoot down enemy plane(s) with anti-aircraft weapons;
“Captain”(Hawkeye, Trapper, and “Hoganburg”) and a short Corporal (Radar and LeBeau);
Nazi Germany Jokes;
Plus the flags:
And no worries. Check out the IMDB page to find out their writers… Yeah, Laurence Marks, that’s probably it.
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