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dwobbitfromtheshire · 5 months

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The Turkey Baster Experiment

Summary: Her cousin just had a baby via turkey baster, supposedly. Robin had to find out if it actually works. Based on this.

A continuation of me cleaning out my drafts.

1990, Chicago, Illinois

The Rockie Harrison Apartment (named in combination of all of their names)

It was Robin and Eddie's day off of work, so they were busy lounging in their pajamas watching Scooby-Doo. Their partners hadn't been so lucky. Steve was working as a middle school teacher, so of course, he didn't have a day off during the week. Vickie was working in a library at a different school, unfortunately, while she worked on also publishing her own book. Eddie worked as a mechanic. Robin worked at a bakery while also tutoring kids with their Spanish and French on the side. Some of them were rich kids, so occasionally, she could afford to take a few days off like she was now.

"You're such a Velma," Eddie said with a shake of his curls.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Robin said. "Velma is very cute."

"That would make Vickie Daphne?" Eddie asked.

"Duh, she can be such a Daphne sometimes," Robin grinned fondly.

"Steve is such a Fred," Eddie sighed dreamily.

"You're definitely a Shaggy," she said. "And the kids are definitely all Scooby."

"Robin. . .I'm feeling that empty nest thingy again!" Eddie exclaimed and pouted.

"It has been almost a year since they've graduated, and we moved here. Weeks since they've called us. It's not like we practically raised them or anything," Robin pouted. "Do you think they've forgotten about us?"

After the kids graduated high school, Steve and Robin decided to move to Chicago with their partners, who were happy to move anywhere as long as it wasn't Hawkins. It was in Chicago that they found a lovely abandoned old firehouse. It took some TLC, but it was liveable, and it housed them all perfectly. Plus, Eddie loved the pole that went down to the first floor, specifically when Steve used it as a stripper pole. Vickie and Robin had vowed never to use it once they learned what they did with it.

"Rob, they're in college now. El, Lucas, and Max are starting this new relationship. Will and Mike are still dancing around each other since Will broke up with Gareth. They're probably really busy," Eddie shrugged and then paused to wail, "They have forgotten about us!"

Suddenly, the phone rang, and Robin nearly broke her neck, jumping over the back of the couch to answer it.

"Oh, hey, mom," Robin said.

Eddie sighed and crossed his arms, pouting in his seat.

"Darn kids," Eddie muttered.

He focused on the show as Robin talked with her mother. Occasionally, he lifted his head when he heard Robin gasp about something. When the phone call was done, the episode of Scooby-Doo was finished, and another one was starting.

"What was that about?" Eddie asked Robin.

"My cousin finally had a baby. Although she didn't tell anyone that she was pregnant and it's crazy how she got pregnant in the first place," Robin said.

"Not the normal way?" Eddie asked in surprise.

"Well, she and her husband have been trying to have a baby for a while, but it hasn't happened, so she decided to take matters into her own hands," Robin said.

"She fucked another guy?!" Eddie gasped.

"Nope," she said.

"She fucked another girl?" Eddie asked in confusion.

"Dingus! No! She used a turkey baster and get this: she didn't use her husband's sperm to do it. She used his brother's!" Robin exclaimed.

"There's no fucking way," Eddie scoffed.

"She did. Her husband only found out because he went to the doctor and discovered he couldn't have kids," she said. "She told him the truth when he confronted her."

"No, not that. There's no way she got pregnant using a turkey baster," Eddie said.

"She did!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Didn't."

"Did."

"Didn't!"

"I'll prove it," Robin said.

"Fucking how?" Eddie asked.

"You have a turkey baster of your own. You should be able to understand the concept of how she did it," Robin said, narrowing her eyes at him.

"No, I mean how the fuck are you going to prove it?" Eddie asked.

"Well, we have a turkey baster, and I happen to be ovulating," Robin said.

"Okay, so what happens if you do get pregnant?" Eddie asked.

"Then you get a baby like you and Steve have been talking about," Robin said. "Although Vickie's been kind of broody lately too."

"So, this kid would have two moms and two dads?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah," Robin said.

"This kid is either going to be the queerest kid ever, or we're all so queer that they're going to be the straightest person alive," Eddie snickered.

"Either way, because of us, they'll be the fast talking son in the west," Robin said.

"It could be a girl," Eddie said.

"No, it's play on words for - never mind. Are we doing this or not?" Robin asked.

"Hmm, maybe Steve and Vickie are right. Maybe we shouldn't hang out without them," Eddie said.

"Coward," Robin said.

Eddie and Robin stared at each other for a while. Eddie glared at her.

"Do it," Eddie said.

"You're up first, big guy," Robin said.

"Right."

Robin gave him a cup and shoved him into the bathroom. She waited rather impatiently outside the door. A couple of minutes later, she heard him groan in frustration.

"Problems? Just think about Steve at the beach when he ate that vanilla ice cream cone, and it started dripping into his sweaty, hairy beast of a chest, but instead of you gawking at him like an idiot, you reach over and start licking - "

"Okay, it's up! Stop helping!" Eddie shrieked.

Eddie glared at her when he walked out of the room and handed her the cup. She took it, and the turkey baster into the restroom, her head held high. He leaned against the wall, smirking when he heard Robin complain loudly.

"Well, if I didn't know I was a lesbian before this, this is definitely what would turn me. Disgusting!" Robin exclaimed.

"I've heard no complaints from Steve when he swallows!" Eddie exclaimed cheerfully.

"Gah!" Robin exclaimed as she came out of the bathroom. "It's done."

"Now what?" He asked.

"Now we wait," Robin said.

She threw herself down on the couch, turned herself upside down, and threw her legs over the back of the couch.

"What are you doing?" Eddie asked.

"Helping your little guys find their way," Robin said. "Plus, it's a cool way to watch Scooby-Doo."

Eddie shrugged and copied what she did.

"Now, we wait," Eddie said.

An uncertain amount of weeks later. . .

Eddie was alone in the apartment while Vickie took Robin to a doctor's appointment. Steve was at work. Eddie was working on writing music when the door to the apartment burst open. Vickie stared at Eddie while Robin stood nervously behind her.

"Did you get my girlfriend pregnant?" Vickie asked.

"It was her idea! She seduced me!" Eddie said.

"How?!" Vickie asked.

"She called me a coward!" He exclaimed.

Vickie giggled and threw herself at him, hugging him tightly.

"It's hard to stay mad at the mother and father of my child even if it was reckless of you guys," Vickie laughed again. "Just wait until Steve comes home."

"Oh God, Steve," Eddie realized, his face pale.

Eddie waited around nervously for Steve to come home. When he finally did, he walked in with a smile on his face. Oh good, he had a decent day. . . It was a decent day that Eddie was probably about to ruin. He walked up to Steve, greeting him with a tight hug and a kiss. He snuggled into Steve’s side, his cheek pressed against his. Eddie traced patterns in his chest.

"Hi," Steve said, looking at him in confusion.

"So, how mad would you be at me if I got your platonic soulmate pregnant?" Eddie asked.

"What is this now?" Steve asked with wide eyes.

"Robin's cousin got pregnant by turkey baster, and I called bullshit on that, then Robin wanted to prove it. I jerked off into a cup, and Robin squirted it up her hoo-ha with the turkey baster. Then, several weeks later, here we are," Eddie said and paused. "So, how was your day, sweetheart?"

Steve sighed and rubbed his face with his hands, trying to wrap his head around Eddie's ridiculous description of the situation. He walked into the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and plopped down at the table.

"So, how are you feeling about this?" Steve asked Vickie and Robin.

"Excited," Vickie grinned. "We're all going to be parents."

"So, all four of us, huh?" Steve asked.

"Yes," Robin said.

"We're having a baby," he said softly, and then he grinned. "We're having a baby!"

"Three bisexuals, a lesbian, and a baby!" Eddie exclaimed, and they all looked at him. "What? Spock directed that film."

Steve laughed, pulled him into his lap, and kissed him.

"I'm happy this happened, but maybe next time you want to get Robin pregnant, maybe get all of us involved," Steve grinned.

"Hey, I was just trying to prove Robin wrong," Eddie said and smiled softly. "I'm glad I was the one who was wrong."

"I just realized this baby is going to part Robin and Eddie," Steve said.

"Oh god!" Vickie laughed.

"Hey! You guys are supposed to love us!" Eddie exclaimed.

"This baby is going to kick the shit out of me, aren't they?" Robin asked, holding her stomach.

Several months later. . . after many shenanigans during which Robin discovered that she could use Steve and Eddie as her willing puppets. . .

"Wednesday, huh?" Steve asked as he held the baby in his arms.

"You said we couldn't name her after a Scooby-Doo character," Eddie said defensively.

"Besides, you always said you love Wednesday because she reminds you of Max," Robin said.

"I'm not complaining, I love the name," Steve said grinning.

Wednesday Elizabeth Munson-Buckley had started arriving sometime during the middle of the night, much to Robin's annoyance. She had been busy sleeping. Wednesday had arrived that afternoon, surrounded by doctors and all of her parents. Now, here they were in Robin's hospital room, with Eddie and Vickie cooing over Steve’s shoulder.

"You did great, baby," Vickie said tearfully. "She's beautiful."

Vickie kissed Robin deeply before going back to gazing at the baby.

"You want to go next, don't you?" Robin asked her girlfriend.

"What?" Vickie asked.

"If we ever decide to give Wednesday a sibling, you want to be the one that's pregnant, don't you?" She asked in amusement.

"Ooh, both her and Steve could go next," Eddie said.

"Let's just see how this one goes," Steve said, laughing. "But probably."

"Oh, I called Uncle Wayne. He cried like, well, a baby when I told him I wanted to give her a w name in honor of him. He's going to call everyone else and let them know. So, we're probably going to have a full house sometime in the next few days," Eddie said.

Steve grinned and passed the baby back off to Robin. She smiled and stroked the top of Wednesday's head.

"Oh, I want her to have the whole world," Robin said.

"So, you want her to be an evil super villain hellbent on world domination?" Eddie asked.

"It's what she deserves," she said.

"She'll succeed where men have failed," Eddie said proudly.

"Yeah, that's a no," Steve scoffed.

"We're just keeping her options open, Stevie," Eddie said.

"It's not set in stone," Robin said. "We're just letting her know that we'll love her no matter what."

"I'm not supporting our daughter becoming a super villain," Vickie laughed.

"I guess we know who the fun parents are," Eddie said.

It certainly wasn't an everyday situation, and most people would call it abnormal, but to the four of them and the people they loved, it wasn't so strange. Wednesday would grow up to be well loved with four supportive parents and with an extended family to match. Stranger things have happened than a child growing up loved and isn't that the most important thing of all. . . That the child was loved?

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finntheehumaneater · 5 months

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⭐️Radio Star⭐️ part 1

(Part two)

“I just don’t understand why I’m so nervous!” Robin was rambling, one of her hands flitting around her space in the passenger seat, the other gripping onto Steve’s arm as he tried to focus on driving through the swimming colors and shapes. It hurt, but he wasn’t going to complain. “I’ve been on dates with her before, it’s not like this is any different!”

Steve squinted at the road slightly, trying to stay on the right side of the yellow lines. His vision was more blurry than normal, but it was fine. If he focused, they wouldn’t crash, and he would fine. He glanced over at her and tired to raise an eyebrow—and failed—which got a choked out laugh out of her. His eyes went back to the road. “I mean…it is your third date…”

He glanced over at Robin again as she squeezed his arm tighter, and through the cloudy-haze in front of him, he could still see the disappointment in her face. “Steve.”

“I’m just saying—,” He started, but she slapped him on the arm lightly and then grabbed onto it again.

“Ew, Steve, no no no. EW,” she said, moving her hands to press them against her face, looking like she wanted to claw her eyeballs out of their sockets, and she might have if Steve hadn’t reached over and gently moved them.

“I’m joking, Robs. You’ll be fine. Relax.” He was trying to sound cool and collected—calm, like he was supposed to be—but Robin could probably see the way that he was squinting, and the way that his voice was a bit strained as he tried to focus. She dropped her hand from his arm, but she had been holding on so hard that it still felt like it was there.

“But what if I start talking about…you know…that. And she gets weirded out and leaves?” Her voice was softer now, but still anxious.

“About—?”

“Don’t say it!” She cut in. “I don’t want to think about it.”

Steve sighed. He knew what she meant. He didn’t like thinking about it either, but still. It had to be talked about eventually, right? Come to think of it, they hadn’t really discussed it since they had gotten out. It was traumatic, and honestly? It felt kind of weird that they had stayed in contact afterwards—and that they had gotten this close, because he could still see that version of Robin sometimes when he looked at her. The one where she made herself smaller and her eyes got wide, and she stopped talking completely. She didn’t do that when she was anxious, she did it when she was scared. “I’ll help you then, alright? Make sure you don’t let slip about….you know.”

He deepened his voice at the end, trying to sound ominous, but voices were never his thing. Still, he heard Robin giggle slightly before she sighed, too. “Okay. Good. I just don’t want her to think that I’m weird for not being over this already. It happened two years ago, Steve.”

“I’m aware of how much time has passed, yes, but—some things are hard to get over. Especially what we’ve been through, okay? You’re not broken or anything for being mad at yourself over this. I am too. And it’s something we’re working on. Right?” He gave her a quick pointed look, and the car swerved slightly, so he looked back. Shit.

“I know, I know. But we’re also working on other things.” She muttered, poking him in the arm, which made him wince. He was going to have a bruise from all this.

“Sorry, Bobby, I have a reputation to uphold—“

“Does that reputation involve crashing the car and killing us?”

He went silent at that. She had a point…

He could practically hear Robin smiling, even though he wasn’t looking at her—because for now he had decided to keep his eye solely on the road—when she said, “We’ll talk more about this after my date. Agreed?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

They were supposed to meet up with Vickie at this little coffee shop near the record store that Robin’s friend Chrissy worked at. It was little, with a lot of plants everywhere that were dying slightly in the October breeze, and a chubby black cat curled up on one of the tables. So of course that’s the one where Robin chose to sit, even though she knew Steve was allergic.

“Seriously?” Steve whined, giving her fake pout, because now he would be banished to some other table and have to sit alone.

“Sorry, Steven, but he’s just a baby,” Robin stated simply, shrugging and smoothing her hand over the cat’s fur, as if that made up for all of this. The cat lifted its head up and mewed, pushing its face into Robin’s hand, who giggled and kept petting it.

Steve huffed and sat down at the table next to her, sitting at the far chair. He didn’t want to be coughing and all red while Robin was on a date, because that would be embarrassing. People already thought that he was weird enough for accompanying his best friend on her dates—purposefully putting himself in the role of the awkward-third-wheel—but in truth? Robin was nervous and flighty, and if it were up to her, she would just leave the second things got slightly awkward, even if it didn’t mean the date was over yet.

That’s why Vickie was perfect for her, because she also never stopped talking, just like Robin, who was now cooing and murmuring to the cat, its little face squished between her palms as she kissed all over it, just to cough and spit out cat hair. Yeah, Steve wasn’t going to let her touch him until she had washed her hands. Thoroughly, at that.

She looked over at him and grinned her hand fidgeting in the air slightly. “Steve, look.”

“I’m looking, Robs. It’s a cat.”

She gasped and covered the cat’s ears with her hands, kissing him on the nose again. “He is not just a cat, Stefan, he is a baby.”

“You do realize that ‘Steve’ isn’t short for anything, right? It’s just Steve,” He muttered, rolling his eyes and shrinking down slightly on his chair. It was a nice looking chair—kind of a soft, light green, with an out-of-date looking floral print. Little pink flowers. He liked little pink flowers, they were cool.

Standing up, and ignoring Robin as she was still talking to the cat and not him—“Where’s Stevie going, hm? Is he leaving? Where’s he going, baby? He’s abandoning us, you poor thing…”—he went up to the counter to get himself a drink. It was going to be a long day for him, with effectively two Robin’s babbling around him all afternoon.

There was no-one behind the counter, so he waited there for a moment, looking around. The only other person here was a guy sitting in the corner with his head down, a book out in front of him, occasionally glancing over at Robin and the cat with a small smile on his face. It was a wonder Steve hadn’t noticed him before, and honestly, he was kind of happy that he hadn’t, because now he was just standing there and staring like an idiot. His hair was long and brown, curly, but not natural curly—like he had gotten a perm or something—and he had tattoos on his arms. Maybe more that Steve couldn’t see—which, no, he was not going to think about that, fuck, his face is so red now—

After a few more seconds of gawking, the guy's head snapped up and his eyes widened. “Shit—,” he rushed out, scrambling up and over to Steve, who stepped out of his way as he scrambled over the counter and nearly tripped as he stood up fully, his hair falling into his eyes. He didn’t look like he worked there—wearing a Metallica t-shirt (Steve had no idea what that was. A band, by the looks of it) and ripped black jeans, with a shit ton of chains and rings all over him. He looked a bit out of breath, but just cleared his throat and leaned on his elbows on the counter, smiling. “What do you want?”

“Oh, uh…I…a coffe?” Steve stuttered out, still a bit shocked and lost for words as to what the fuck just happened.

The guy tilted his head and his smile got a bit wider. “Okay. What kind of coffee?”

“I—no, I don’t like coffee. Do you have, like…Hot Chocolate or something?” Why had he asked for coffee? Robin had coffee every morning (except today because he wouldn’t let her. She didn’t need more sugar since she was probably going to drink some here, with Vickie) not him. Fuck.

“You don’t like coffee? Are you sure? I think it tastes fine,” The guy said, shrugging and tugging on one of his curls like he was trying to hide behind it.

“Well, that’s good for you.” Steve said, giving him a small smile. The guy looked at him for a few more seconds, just enough time for Steve’s face to get even more red, before straightening up with a nervous laugh and going to make his drink.

It took him a while, because he kept fumbling with the cup and dropping things, tripping over his feet, while quietly singing under his breath and drumming on the counter with his fingers. This guy was a mess. But it was kind of cute. Wait, no, it wasn’t. Why would Steve think that? That was weird. It wasn’t cute, he was cute. No, that’s even worse.

Eventually, the guy spun around, looking Steve over with a stupid—yet sort of endearing?—grin on his face. “Name?”

Steve just stood there. “Hm?”

“For the order. I need your name, sweetheart.”

And if that didn’t just make Steve want to run out of there and back into his car. But, alas, he couldn’t leave Robin alone or she might try to steal the cat she was still messing with. “I’m like—the only person here?”

The guy shrugged, spinning around a bit, his hands messing with the hem of his shirt as he faced Steve once again. “Still. Need to professional.”

Steve was pretty sure nothing this guy had done had been professional, but whatever. “Steve? Steve Harrington.”

“Aw, cute name. Okay—“ He rushed off to get the drink, but instead of just handing it to Steve, he walked over to the pick-up counter and pretended to look around the room. “Order for Steve?”

Steve laughed slightly, but it was more of a confused laugh than a happy one. He walked over and went to take the drink, but the guy pulled it to his chest, squinting at him, trying to be serious—although there was a small smile at the corner of his mouth. “Are you Steve?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?”

Steve froze, his expression faltering slightly as he cleared his throat. That poked a sore spot that he didn’t like to think about. “Yeah,” He said quietly, looking away for a moment and clearing his throat. “I’m sure.” He knew that the guy was just messing around, but he couldn’t help it.

The guy handed him the drink and looked Steve over, his smile dropping slightly. “Sorry about that. I know I can be a bit much sometimes, so if I said something to offend you just know that I totally do not think before I talk. Ever. And it was an accident. Sorry.”

“It’s okay!” Steve said quickly, his face flushing as he looked down to where the guy had written ‘Steve :)’ on the side of the cup, and had checked off all of the boxes just to check them off, even if the things didn’t apply to the Hot Chocolate. “I’m just kind of tired today, sorry.”

He was lying, and the guy probably knew. But he didn’t say anything. Steve really wished people would stop doing that to him—knowing that there was a problem but not pushing to know what it was, because he just needed someone to force him to talk about everything that had happened, or he was going to melt into a pile of bloody goop. Then again, this poor guy probably didn’t want to hear some stranger rant about his unfortunate and traumatic life. He was a barista, not a therapist. And Steve refused to see a therapist. For personal reasons that Robin despised (even though she didn’t want to see one, either).

“I’m Eddie.” The guy—Eddie, that’s a nice name—offered, shrugging slightly and messing with the thick silver rings on his fingers. Steve tried not to stare at his hands so much. They looked nice. Fuck, Steve, normal thoughts, think normal thoughts—, he chided himself internally, shaking his head slightly, which made Eddie give him a confused look.

“I like that name. Eddie, it’s, uh, it’s nice.” Eddie nodded and his smile came back in full force as he bounced slightly on his feet. “Thanks! You go enjoy your drink, I’ll be okay over here all by my lonesome.”

“Cool.” Steve said quietly, and then punched himself inside for that. Which technically could have killed him, because the doctor said if got any more blunt-force trauma, he was likely to not survive, but right at this moment, he really wanted to shrivel up and rot in the corner.

He walked back and sat down. Fuck. This really was going to be a long day.

——

Pinterest board!

this wasn’t supposed to be all of part one, but I need to post something now just so that I can’t back out later and get in my head about all of this.

If you want to be tagged, comment and let me know, and if you have any questions or comments, feel free to send me an ask or tag me in a post, because I like getting asks :) (and if you want to be removed from the taglist at any point in the future, just DM me and lmk)

you can also follow the tag ‘Radio Star by Finn’ (or you could just follow me) if you don’t like being tagged in things.

REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED, AND IF YOU SEE A SPELLING MISTAKE OR SOMETHING NO YOU DIDN’T. I DON’T HAVE A BETA READER FOR THIS I JUST WRITE AND POST. THANKS. BYE.

Taglist:

@an-atlas-or-other (because I wrote this since you said I should post it before.)

@strangersteddierthings (because I showed you a snippet of it for the WIP Wednesday thing. If you want to be taken off the taglist lmk, but I thought you might like to see the full bit)

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