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mcmansionhell · 8 months

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mojo dojo casa house

Howdy folks! Sorry for the delay, I was, uhhhh covering the Tour de France. Anyway, I'm back in Chicago which means this blog has returned to the Chicago suburbs. I'm sure you've all seen Barbie at this point so this 2019 not-so-dream house will come as a pleasant (?) surprise.

Yeah. So this $2.4 million, 7 bed, 8.5+ bath house is over 15,000 square feet and let me be frank: that square footage is not allocated in any kind of efficient or rational manner. It's just kind of there, like a suburban Ramada Inn banquet hall. You think that by reading this you are prepared for this, but no, you are not.

Scale (especially the human one) is unfathomable to the people who built this house. They must have some kind of rare spatial reasoning problem where they perceive themselves to be the size of at least a sedan, maybe a small aircraft. Also as you can see they only know of the existence of a single color.

Ok, but if you were eating a single bowl of cereal alone where would you sit? Personally I am a head of the table type person but I understand that others might be more discreet.

It is undeniable that they put the "great" in great room. You could race bicycles in here. Do roller derby. If you gave this space to three anarchists you would have a functioning bookshop and small press in about a week.

The island bit is so funny. It's literally so far away it's hard to get them in the same image. It is the most functionally useless space ever. You need to walk half a mile to get from the island to the sink or stove.

Of course, every McMansion has a room just for television (if not more than one room) and yet this house fails even to execute that in a way that matters. Honestly impressive.

The rug placement here is physical comedy. Like, they know they messed up.

Bling had a weird second incarnation in the 2010s HomeGoods scene. Few talk about this.

Honestly I think they should have scrapped all of this and built a bowling alley or maybe a hockey rink. Basketball court. A space this grand is wasted on sports of the table variety.

You would also think that seeing the rear exterior of this house would help to rationalize how it's planned but:

Not really.

Anyways, thanks for coming along for another edition of McMansion Hell. I'll be back to regular posting schedule now that the summer is over so keep your eyes peeled for more of the greatest houses to ever exist. Be sure to check the Patreon for today's bonus posts.

Also P.S. - I'm the architecture critic for The Nation now, so check that out, too!

If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including a discord server, extra posts, and livestreams.

Not into recurring payments? Try the tip jar, because media work is especially recession-vulnerable.

#architecture #design #mcmansion #mcmansions #ugly houses #interior design #bad architecture #2010s #2019 #Illinois

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cryptiduniverse · 2 years

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Tell me smth of bex and aki you’ve been waiting for someone to ask about

anon ily. i could literally talk about them all day. i mean it. i love them so much.

Aki has a bunch of tattoos, but specifically 3 different sword tattoos. there's no symbolic reason she just thinks swords are really cool. she also doesn't drink coffee. she either drinks a monster energy or powerade in place of a morning coffee and everyone else is put off by it.

the magic in this world can cause intense physical strain on users so they often end up getting white hair from it. Bex is a very powerful sorcerer but only one of her white streaks is from magic use. the rest is just from regular stress. she also plays the electric guitar and is generally musically talented.

#Bex's magic lets her heal/revive people as well as drain the life out of them. her being an actual doctor makes her application of healing/d #decay magic more efficient because practical knowledge=more focused application=less strain from magic on the user overall #(this is an overall rule of magic as i have written it but in-world magic users are generally not aware of it like Bex is #which makes her extremely powerful because she's not wasting energy.)#also bex played roller derby in high school because her dad wanted her to have an outlet for her anger issues #it didn't work but she was really good at roller derby #aki is a gamer (derogatory) and her favorite music is like. 2010s party music like kesha.#her main coping mechanism for her anxiety is working out. shes also super strong which is probably not a coincidence #super anxious??? try getting super ripped!!! you won't stop being anxious but you can run from your problems faster!

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strongqueercharacters · 2 years

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Today we ask: what the fuck is Exy?

Exy is a fictional sport from the All For the Game series by Nora Sakavic described as the bastard lovechild of ice hockey and lacrosse. It is infamously uncleared described in the books despite games sometimes taking up whole chapters.

Today I address the 5 most pressing rules because I skipped therapy this week and need an outlet.

Q. 1) What does an Exy court look like?

Exy is played on something the size and layout of a soccer pitch but with a hard court floor like basketball and plexiglass walls and ceiling. This is shorter but wider than an American football field but much larger than an ice hockey rink.

This is unfortunately demented because there are only 6 players per team on the court at any given moment whereas soccer has 11. For scale this is how much space the 22 players on a soccer field have.

Now imagine that's 12 people. You see the problem.

Also the ball in sports like lacrosse or hurling moves very, very fast and can travel long playing fields. Hurling, an Irish traditional sport and IRL sport where the ball moves fastest, has 15 players per side on a field only 10m longer than a soccer pitch.

This in mind as we move onto those walls.

The nonshatter plexiglass walls and ceiling would be for safety given how fast that ball would be moving. Ice hockey has walls but no ceiling b/c pucks don't get into the air or bounce as much as balls (though it has happened and yes people have been injured)

However the concept of walls and a ceiling in a sport where a ball would move as fast as an exy ball would move is HILARIOUS.

Those cosest equivalents, lacrosse and hurling, that I mentioned are both outdoors with nothing to rebound off. This would be chaos murder pinball!

Q. 2 Is exy played indoors or outdoors?

This is a controversial one with fans of these books because having read the series several times I can only offer you my best educated guess.

As stated above, the court itself is a self-contained murder pinball box so stadiums could be open to the sky like football but descriptions of stadiums like Evermore sound as if they are closed roofed like hockey or basketball. Smaller, high school level etc, might need to be multipurpose/adaptable and therefore outdoors (as seen in book 1 in Millport)

Q.3 What are the actual rules of play?

Again, exy as written was "rules light" to put it mildly.

We can gather its got similar contact rules to ice hockey with the same contempt for people fouling the goalie or players not "in play". There are allowances for momentum and like ice hockey or roller derby there are multiple refs watching the game at all times because it moves so quickly.

These refs are outside the enclosed court area unlike hockey, more like roller derby that way, and we can assume from other multiple ref sports that there is a head ref for final decisions.

No offside though rule so its got that going for it (I'm still gay even after that joke)

Play has to stop to open the court doors because of the murder pinball aspect of the balls motion around the court. Refs can call a halt as they see fit. A player can call a halt to play if they are injured and can not continue the half. Play halts after any goal. Teams can use any halt to make substitutions but can only call a halt for the purpose of substitution once per half.

There are six positions striker, backliner (defensive line), goalkeeper, and dealers (offensive and defensive).

Q.4 What the fuck are dealers?

Dealers. Yeah. No one really knows so I apply best sports logic.

This brings us back to exy having only 6 players on a soccer-sized pitch. Soccer has mid-fielders to bridge the gap between forwards and defenders but the ball would be much slower than exy. Hurling (fastest irl ball sport) has 15 players.

Despite having more players, hurling has the positions half-back or half-forward, which are halfway between midfield and either full-forward (striker) or full-back (defender). This is the only logical model for what the difference between an offensive and defensive dealer is.

Do with that what you will.

Q.5 What is the protective gear like?

The armor is often left out of fanart i think because people it would be as bulky as football or ice hockey armor.

They'd ha e to use something like lacrosse armor for maneuverability. It would be made out of thick padded mesh. Helmets with face guards are an obvious must have.

In lacrosse only goalies wear hard plastic throatguards but since its murder pinball, everyone gets one

That's all I've got folks. I'm doing outing myself as a Sports Gay™️ now.

#aftg #exy #all for the game #foxhole court #fictional sports #sports gay

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solarflicker · 7 months

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Since Starlight Express (my beloved) is getting a revival, it is very important to me as an American that it flops for being too weird. It has to be off putting to boring people. Apparently it is also going to be updated for modern audiences. This is everything I would do to make it so weird it flops in no particular order.

- Trains have Bluetooth connection instead of being coupled. CB kills with an EMP. This is Cool and Modernized.

- Skate insurance is too expensive, actors must run around as fast as they can

- One new character: a car that is suspiciously similar to Lightning McQueen.

- Alt: CB is reworked into a semi truck. He rides a skateboard.

- Nuclear fission powered Rusty

- The moving seats just vibrate

- Make the bizarre spirituality even more prominent. Raise more questions about how this world works. Answer none of them.

- make it clear that Rusty is literally train God/Jesus. Crucify him.

- unnecessary turntable in every song

- The internationals are reworked into something today’s youth can relate to: tiktok aesthetics

- Woke Greaseball x Tradwife Dinah

- Pearl is an influencer car for selfie taking

- Pearl has a new personality. She is the coach car version of Bad Cinderella.

- guest appearance from Skimbleshanks. An actor has to get into full Cats costume to make a one minute appearance

- roller derby segment. No more racing, just an all out slug fest. (this is not how derby actually works lol)

- maximize tiktok integration. Anything that can have a meme should definitely have a meme, regardless of if it works or not.

- make it about generational trauma somehow. do not explain where baby trains come from.

- Ashley is back! She vapes now.

GOOD IDEAS

- Bring back Volta’s whip

- make the freight cars jam skaters

Also this just occurred to me but do the actors get mouth guards? Because the one I use I can talk and presumably sing with no problem and these guys are going like 40mph??

#starlight express #stex #starlight express revival #rusty stex #pearl stex #greaseball the diesel #electra stex

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skinks · 16 days

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last year was a complete disaster for my strength and fitness levels. between ongoing ED recovery, multiple illnesses, a badly sprained ankle that took 5 months to heal, the only reason I’ve retained any muscle whatsoever is because my job as a manual labourer made up for it, and I’m doing roller derby for 2 hours on a Friday night. Even then, all throughout summer it meant that every spare moment I wasn’t working I had to be sitting at home resting my ankle so I was able to work again the next day.

I think I went to the gym twice, maybe lifted in my garage once all year. Didn’t cycle at all, both my bikes need to be repaired. I tried to go for a run Once (1 time) in November once my ankle was ok, and immediately caught a bad cold followed in quick succession by a flu that had me fainting and bedridden. Then my fiancée visited for a month and work stopped for the winter, so I wasn’t working out at all. Then I got a new job and had multiple time-consuming commitments that have made the last two months the most hectic and sleep-deprived of my life, plus my new job, while practical with very intermittent heavy lifting, is far more inactive than my old one.

it’s been hurting my feelings a little since as a result of my problems and upbringing, I put far too much value of my sense of self into my physical capability. if I’m not a strong jock then who am i. all this to say, that given these circumstances + the fact I currently still have a cold, i don’t think it’s too bad that I managed to deadlift 80kgs/176lbs today. We will overcome

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tgsparks · 2 months

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If you play roller derby, I need your help!

I am currently trying to come up with a derby name for a super hero character. I admit I don’t know that much about roller derby, but the general vibe of the character is pop art, and she engineers things to make her able to move as fast as possible.

EDIT WITH SOME SUGGESTIONS FROM THE COMMENTS: her name is Harper, and she currently is unemployed with a passion for engineering. Specifically finding solutions to minor problems. (Her skates are modified to make them go up hills with less effort and make them not slip at all when the ground is wet.) She’s very enthusiastic, and also plan oriented. In the superhero group she’s a part of she is the planner. A bit hot headed and very direct. She doesn’t mince words. She has a very confident exterior, but also a lot of internal struggles. Especially with self worth. She started being a hero after witnessing her moms death and feeling like she needed to do more to keep people safe.

#roller derby #writing #writeblr #pls help #names #derby names

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walkawaytall · 11 days

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15 questions tag game

thank you @officialfoxsquadron for the tag :D

Were you named after anyone? No. My parents just liked the name.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I think a couple of weeks ago? I'm trying to remember if I cried in my last therapy session, and I vaguely remember tearing up. It's funny; I was such a crier well into my mid-twenties and then I just...wasn't any more. The fact that I can go a month or more without crying now is still bizarre even though I've been like this for a decade.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? I don't. I would like kids, but that has not been in the cards for me up to this point.

WHAT SPORTS HAVE YOU PLAYED/DO YOU PLAY? Okay, well, first off, I've never competed in anything. I've taken horseback riding lessons (dressage and show jumping mainly), took ballet off and on over the years, I was a cheerleader in high school (I don't think the validity of cheer being considered a sport is called into question much any longer, but also, I was a base. I lifted people. It's a dang sport.), I used to run (I have successfully completed two 5k races and a 15k, but I think I'm done with running), and for the hottest of seconds, I did some roller derby training but never competed.

DO YOU USE SARCASM? Regularly

FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their demeanor, I guess?

WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? Blue/green with some yellow around my pupils (I think it's called central heterochromia, but I'm not looking that up right now)

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? I don't like truly scary movies at all, so happy endings, I guess. My limit watching something by myself is like...The Sixth Sense. I watched Haunting of Hill House with my mom and brother and loved it, but when I tried to rewatch it, it was way too spooky for me. And I don't think most people consider that show particularly scary, so. Happy endings.

ANY TALENTS? writing, I've dabble with different artistic mediums and have been solidly okay in most of what I've tried except fiber arts stuff, my brain works a little differently than a lot of people's, which works well in my line of work because solving problems sometimes involves looking at the issue differently, and I tend to notice stuff a lot of people don't (just like they notice stuff I don't).

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Texas

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? Writing, horseback riding (though it's been nearly a year), video games, hiking if it's not 100000 degrees outside and my allergies aren't acting up (so, basically never these days)

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? Two cats, Winnie and Posey.

HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5'6". Fun(?) fact: my mom and all of her siblings grew an inch in their twenties, and I didn't expect to do that because I physically take after my dad a lot more than my mom, but I was 5'5" all through my teens and early twenties, and then suddenly was measuring 5'6", so I guess I also did the thing.

FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? English and Anatomy & Physiology

DREAM JOB? Writer of some sort.

tags: @diplomaticprincess, @smallblueandloud, and anyone else who wants to fill something out!

#it me #15 questions

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drawinbutter · 1 year

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RandoDerby 13a: Bounce. When the "crash at speed" approach to the pack doesn't pay off. RandoDerby - random word prompts for derby sketches / photos / whatever. RandoDerby Prompt List 13: Bounce, Number, Bring, Scholar, Dirty

#roller derby #rollerderby #roller derby art #roller derby comic #roller derby cartoon #doodle #comic #cartoon #blocker #jammer #jammer problems #randoderby

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celestiall0tus · 2 months

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Tales of Bloody Bug and Chat Noir - Chapter 3 - Stormy Weather

Beginning || Previous || Next

Alix arrived at her roller derby practice early. She rushed to the locker room as she got into her gear. Tikki poked her head out of the gym bag and looked around.

“Is this where you practice this roller derby you mentioned?” Tikki asked.

“Kinda. These are just the locker rooms. Gotta get in my gear and skates before I hit the rink.”

“Could I watch? I’ve never seen this before.”

“Yeah! Why not find a place to watch it from now while no one else is here?”

Tikki grinned and flew through the wall. Alix smiled as she finished getting ready. She headed for the rink as other girls flooded into the dressing room. A pair of them, a blonde and a brunette, flagged her down.

“Hey, Alix! How’s it going?” the blonde asked.

“Oh, the usual. Ready to butt heads today?” Alix asked.

“Always. Make it extra rough for her,” the brunette teased, pointing at the blonde.

The blonde tsked. “Don’t listen to her. She’s just upset that I’m voting for Aurore in the weather girl vote today.”

The brunette scoffed. “Please! Mireille is clearly the better choice than that Aurore girl.”

“Hey, Alix, why don’t you settle this dispute? Who is the better weather girl?”

“Yeah, no. I got a better idea. Why not duke it out during practice? You know, where all our problems are solved.”

“You know what? Yeah. You’re going down and I’ll prove Aurore is the superior choice,” the blonde declared.

“You’re mental. Mireille is the better and I’ll knock out your teeth to prove it.”

Alix smirked. She left the girls be and headed out to the rink.

Adrien sighed as he sat on the fountain at Place des Vosages. He watched the photographers finish their preparations for the photoshoot. He glanced around the semi-empty square and curious onlookers as they dared take photos of him.

Adrien turned away from the passersby. He didn’t want to be here for a photoshoot. He wanted to just come and enjoy the square. Gabriel had other plans and arranged for a photoshoot if he wanted to be outside so badly.

“Alright, we are ready,” Vincent, the head photographer, announced.

Adrien rolled his eyes. He stood and went through the motions as Vincent encouraged him. With each click of the camera, he zoned in and out before he moved completely on autopilot. He was pulled from his daze when Vincent yelled out.

“This won’t do! We need something. Something more. We need… we need… ah! We need an extra!”

Adrien raised a brow as Vincent looked around. Vincent beamed when he saw Alya sitting by a tree, eating an apple. Adrien gasped and looked around, seeing Marinette with a little girl as they bought balloons with Mireille’s face on them. He turned back to Vincent, but Vincent already approached Alya.

Adrien frowned. He wouldn’t mind modeling with Alya, but with Marinette, he could make up for the gum incident. He already apologized, but he wanted to do something nice for her. This was something nice, right? He was aware a lot of people, boys and girls alike, would love to just meet him. To model with him must be like a dream, right?

Adrien smirked and ran towards Marinette as she headed to the carousel. He stopped dead when screams tore through the air. He looked up to see a girl in a purple storm dress, white gloves and boots, and wild lightning pigtails. He watched as the girl waved her parasol, creating an icy wind that blew people away and trapped the carousel within an ice dome.

“Marinette!” Alya called out.

Alya ran past to the dome where Marinette, the little girl, and a few others were trapped in. Adrien rushed over to the photoshoot supplies to his bag. He ripped it open, hoping to find Plagg, but didn’t see him.

“Plagg? Plagg!” Adrien yelled in a hushed voice.

“I’m not here,” Plagg remarked.

Adrien rolled his eyes and took out a slice of camembert from his jacket. Plagg phased through one of the trunks to the cheese. Plagg inhaled it while Adrien stood.

“Let’s go. Plagg, claws out!”

Plagg disappeared into the ring and transformed Adrien into Chat Noir.

Chat Noir looked around and saw the storm girl heading out of the park. He hopped onto the fence and perched there.

“Hey, Ice Queen! What’s with all the terrorizing? Why don’t you pick on someone your own temperature?”

“My name is Stormy Weather, not Ice Queen!”

Chat Noir snorted. He slid down the fence and twirled his tail. “Listen, I’m feline more generous than usual today. So, cool down and we’ll call it quits, ok?”

Stormy Weather rolled her eyes. She opened her umbrella, summoning a dangerous gale that blew Chat Noir away.

Alix stepped out onto the sidewalk after derby practice. She took a deep breath in and sighed. She placed a single ear bud in her ear as she walked home.

“So, Tikki, what’d you think?” Alix asked.

“Well, you were very… enthusiastic.”

“Wasn’t I? Man, nothing quite beats roller derby. I honestly think I’d go insane without it. It’s not like I can do all that stuff out here. As much as I want to.”

“Well, I mean, you kinda need to as a hero. Maybe not as ruthlessly, but you know.”

“Ah, don’t be a stick in the mud, Tikki. Besides, these are bad guys, and bad guys need to learn their lessons. What better way than a swift kick and punch?”

“That’s not how you handled Stoneheart.”

Alix rolled her eyes. “That… that was different. I didn’t realize he could become Stoneheart as easily again. Doesn’t help that Ivan wears his heart on his sleeve but doesn’t have the balls to stand up for himself. I mean, I wear my heart on my sleeve, but you don’t see people messing with me.”

“That’s because you’ll likely beat them up,” Tikki remarked.

“Hey! You need to crack a few eggs to make an omelet. It’s basically the same thing, just cracking a few heads and striking fear into their hearts.”

“Alix, you’ll never make friends that way.”

“Good. They wouldn’t be able to handle me anyways.”

“Alix-,” Tikki started.

Alix’s attention was stolen away by screaming. She stopped and looked around, then up. She gasped seeing Chat Noir slam into the ground and bounce off the cars before he came to a full stop. Not far behind him was Stormy Weather.

“Shit. Save the lecture, Tikki. We have trouble.”

Alix darted down an alleyway. She ran as dark clouds covered the sky. Purple lightning streaked across it and struck nearby. She swore and stashed her bag behind a dumpster.

“Alright! Tikki, spots on!”

Tikki disappeared into the earrings and transformed Alix into Bloody Bug.

Bloody Bug rushed out into the street. She spotted Chat Noir keeping Stormy Weather occupied with his relentless attacks that she shrugged off with a mix of wind and ice with the occasional lightning. She saw him recover from the last attack and move to strike again. She twirled her yo-yo and snagged Stormy Weather’s parasol.

Stormy Weather screeched. She struggled against Bloody Bug, then screamed. The tip of the parasol glowed purple when Chat Noir struck her over the head with his staff. She released her parasol to rub her head, allowing Bloody Bug to take it. She gasped and lunged forward, but Chat Noir pinned her to the road.

“Well, color me surprised. You did good, fleabag,” Bloody Bug praised.

Chat Noir’s ears perked up. “I’m so pleased to earn your approval, Mini Bug.”

Bloody Bug’s eye twitched. “I will smack you.”

“Awe, what’s the matter, Mini Bug? Don’t like that I was the better hero today? If you want, I can give you some tips, little Mini.”

“That’s it!”

Bloody Bug roared and smacked Chat Noir over the head with the parasol, breaking it on his head. She blinked as the Akuma flew from it. She snorted and caught it while he mewed like a kitten and rubbed his head. She released the Akuma and watched the ice and storm vanish as Stormy Weather reverted to Aurore, one of her schoolmates.

Aurore blinked and sat up. “Where am I? What happened?”

“Hey, aren’t you that girl part of the weather girl contest?” Bloody Bug asked.

“I was, but I lost,” Aurore pouted.

“Seriously? And you threw a little tantrum at losing? That’s some piss poor sportsmanship,” Bloody Bug berated.

“So? I was supposed to win. The people had to love me over Mireille. I was clearly the better option.”

Bloody Bug laughed. “With that attitude? I’m surprised you even made it to the finals. No wonder Mireille beat you.”

“Excuse you. Who are you to make that judgement?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe someone standing before another someone who allowed herself to be akumatized and turned into a monster for being a poor sport. Little advice, Sunshine. If you’re going to compete in anything, you need to understand that there is always the possibility of you losing to someone better than you. Yeah, it sucks to lose, but there’s always that chance and we just got to deal with it.”

“And how would you even know?”

“Because I’ve competed in sports for years now. I was like you when I was younger and always threw the biggest fits over losing. It took time, but now when I lose, I can accept the outcome. Just like you need to. You lost, it sucks, but you need to embrace it and move on.”

Aurore growled and crossed her arms.

“Look, be angry, upset, sad, whatever, but there’s no need to become a monster. Understand?”

Aurore looked at Bloody Bug, then away. She sighed and nodded. “Understood.”

Bloody Bug nodded and helped Aurore up. “Good. Sorry to hear that you lost. Maybe next time you’ll win. Never forget that either. Just because you messed up this time, doesn’t mean it’s the end all be all. There are always chances in the future to be better.”

“Speaking of, Mini Bug, I’m waiting,” Chat Noir butted in.

“For?”

“For an apology. You hurt my fabulous head and broke her pretty parasol.”

“Wait, is your name really ‘Mini Bug’?” Aurore asked.

“No, and a certain fleabag is going to end up drowned in the Seine if he keeps calling me it,” Bloody Bug snarled.

“Awe, but it’s a fitting name for one as small and adorable as you. You’re like one of those little purse, ankle biter dogs I see carried around and getting all dressed up. You just need a bow and you’d be just like them,” Chat Noir teased.

Bloody Bug snarled. She grabbed Chat Noir’s arm and threw him. She listened as his screams faded to nothing.

“Now then. Allow me to take you back to wherever you need to be, ok?”

Aurore considered and nodded. “Thank you, uh, Ladybug?”

“Not quite. I’m Bloody Bug.”

“Seems… oddly fitting.”

“Good. Maybe this butterfly person will take a hint. Now, hold on. We’re going to fly.”

Chat Noir crashed into the ground at Place des Vosages. People shrieked and jumped out of the way as he tumbled and slammed into a tree. He meowed and rubbed his head as Alya approached him. He looked up as she shoved her phone camera in his face.

“Unbelievable! You’re here with Alya Cesaire as I meet one of our defenders, the cat boy. Tell us, cat boy, what happened? Who was that weather girl? Did you stop her?”

“Uh… yes! I, the brave and wonderful Chat Noir, brought down the evil Stormy Weather with the assistance of Mini… I mean, Bloody Bug.”

Alya beamed. “Bloody Bug? That’s her name? Is she bloody? What’s she like? What do you think of her?”

“Well, uh, I mean, she’s pretty cool. Though, not as cool as this cat.”

“What else?”

“Well, she has a strong throwing arm?”

“Was she the one that threw you? What happened?”

“Oh, we were just teasing, like friends do.”

“Friends or friends?”

Chat Noir raised a brow and tilted his head. “I don’t get what you’re insinuating, but I better get going. I have somewhere I need to be. Catch ya later, reporter girl.”

Chat Noir retreated before Alya could get another word out. He hid in a nearby alley and de-transformed before he headed back to the square. His bodyguard and the camera crew all stopped and surrounded him. They all voiced their concerns and relief seeing him in one piece.

“Now then, let’s get back to the shoot!” Vincent announced.

Gorilla, Adrien’s bodyguard, put a hand on Vincent’s shoulder and shook his head.

“We aren’t going home already, are we?” Adrien asked.

Gorilla nodded.

Adrien’s shoulders dropped as he was escorted out of the square. He looked back as Vincent and his crew packed things up. He looked past them to see Marinette and the little girl was free of that ice dome and with Alya. He smiled, happy to see she wasn’t in danger, but he couldn’t shake the disappointment. He was looking forward to hopefully modeling with her. He wanted to do something nice for his new friend.

Adrien sighed as he got into the car. He looked out the window as Marinette and Alya disappeared, and he was taken home. Maybe next time.

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seal-berry · 7 months

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sooo

-jay and little destiny left behind bonnie and jays siblings right after their father possibly died

-golbetty couldve eaten simon and he wouldve thanked her and had his wish to be with her forever granted but nope he gets to be PATHOLOGIZED! dont worry simon, your problem has a NAME and its CODEPENDENCY. phew, sure am glad that thorny, complicated topic gets wrapped up nice and neat! be sure to pick up a copy of "the body keeps the score" on the way out, simon. (no shame against that book but the things people assume after reading it are wild and labelling a relationship that has some small flaws as toxically codependent to the point of breakup is one of them)

-fionna gets to get told WHATS WHAT about how STUPID she is for wishing magic was real. just picket and play roller derby like a normal girl, its not like the world needs to REALLY change... changing it might risk what you have! and you APPRECIATE what you have, right fionna? need to watch your friends die some more so that you accept wage slavery america as the pinnacle of existence? you should be sorry for thinking it was so boring, thats not very self care of you fionna

-oh but cake gets to stay. because uhhh. idk. it would be fucked up to have a detransition narrative, i guess? and shes not a 20-something who needs to grow up. i guess we cant accidentally teach our audience to become stretchy cats, so its fine, its not teaching them anything bad! but fionna being magical, now THAT would send the wrong message

- every other couple gets to have romantic/imperfect/codependent moments-- gary sacrifices his WHOLE DREAM for marshall. but the writers know its not very 2023 of them to make the gays more problematic than just. having some psychosexual violence thrown in there for spice. but simon and betty? sorry you werent perfect and she dont want you no more

-any romance that ends with "i am willingly breaking it off with you even though we could be together" needs to work HARD for that to satisfy. golbetty couldve eaten simon and he wouldve thanked her. blowing him off into the world IS DISREGARDING HIS WISHES! it just feels like they imposed Recovery Aesthetic onto simon and fionna and were like see :) Happee Ending! dont look at all the loose threads, simon went to THERAPY! zoomers love when old men go to therapy, right?? simon and betty's issues werent wrestled hard, long, and to the ground enough on-screen to sell that she doesnt want him anymore and that that truly is the best ending she can bring with her ultimate power, it reads that golbetty truly did override betty's self and changed her into an unrecognizeable figure. its so stupid that adding a little bit of pathologizing therapy talk can make people say this was good.

and codependency IS pathologizing. how much dependency is healthy, at what point does it tip into being too toxic to save? that depends on which therapist youre talking to. humans are wired for connection, no amount of CBT and DBT will make you not mourn losing a connection, and the pain of that loss shouldnt be used as evidence that you should just be less attached. simon isnt a mind reader, and betty made her choices. you can call it a "fawn response" but that still implies that you think she was unfit for autonomy. if she really doesnt regret those choices, why doesnt she want to be with simon? that question is not answered well enough to leave it not feeling like a swerve for audience members who arent projecting their own codependent experiences onto betty. the text alone doesnt support it enough for that to ring true, not when they only actually delved into the topic for about 5-10 onscreen minutes. Not to mention the fact that the ending ends with a fucking montage where it looks like simon just turned happy and is living his dream of cheers sitcom life. is that really better than becoming one with your beloved crazy wife forever? is that actually more realistic, in the visceral emotional language that stories speak? is it a more satisfying ending, getting 80% there and then saying "actually this dramatic cool story has some Problematic Elements, I'm going home"?

i wish they gave her more lines. they couldve given her more lines, made simon talking at the audience into a real conversation, and they didnt. there were so many things they couldve done and it ended up at something just as toxic as whatever codependency they were railing against, the idea that the relationship we were shown was too toxic and flawed and that betty was clearly fawning for simon and not capable of making her own decisions while simon shouldve stepped up and fixed that for her. they want to play it like "we must go our separate ways" but there's no must. this is still a choice betty is making, to break up with simon for good, and that choice was always gonna be a hard sell but not even letting betty have more than a few lines about it? how do you expect to sell such a big emotional shift? therapy speak, apparently.

and they seriously played the "simon goes back to his life" card WITHOUT a marcy scene??? lazy heroes journey shit.

#fionna and cake

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