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#roman said a thing
what-even-is-thiss · 2 days ago
I find it so weird how often I see tiktok videos about how men can never be friends with women without being weird about it because for my whole life I’ve been surrounded by men that are friends with women.
I’ve always hung out in groups of friends that were very mixed in terms of gender. And the adults in my family have always seemed to do the same as well.
With all these bold blanket statements I see people make about men all the time I feel like I’m the guy that went skinny dipping and didn’t get eaten by the shark. And in fact didn’t even know that there was a shark.
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what-even-is-thiss · 2 days ago
Someone: I’m getting bullied and harassed on the internet.
A genius: Uhm, just close your laptop.
Someone: Yeah but within the platform I mostly use to connect to family and friends I keep getting harassed no matter how often I block people. Also I’m in a pretty bad mental state already and I even if I do close my laptop I already saw those nasty comments. Closing my laptop can’t just erase the effect they had. Also someone is trying to find out where I work so they can harass me irl.
A genius: Uhm, have you tried closing your laptop?
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what-even-is-thiss · a day ago
If Shane Dawson won’t frick off can we at least somehow convince him to go to film school because these “documentaries” of his all suck ass.
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what-even-is-thiss · 24 days ago
Love this sentiment.
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what-even-is-thiss · 5 months ago
A fun way to get yourself to do chores when you have adhd is to simulate a sense of panic by setting horrible deadlines that fit into other things that you’re doing.
For example, you set up a kettle of water to boil for your tea. Quick! Wipe down the whole counter before it’s done boiling, for the love of god you’re running out of time! Wipe it down! The water is almost boiling.
The water is boiling and your counter is clean. Now set your timer for your tea for three minutes and of my god there’s cups in your room! Quick! Get all the cups from everywhere in the house! Run! You’ve only got three minutes! Get all the dishes into the kitchen!
Oh would you look at that. You got all the dishes in the sink and now your tea is ready. Nice. Now you can chill with your tea.
I’ve found that little stuff like that helps me. Forcing myself into unexpected last minute deadlines. It fills up empty space and my house is a little bit cleaner.
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what-even-is-thiss · a month ago
If you wanna stop self deprecating and are having a hard time stopping, you should try sarcasm. It’s like a nicotine patch but for a self hatred addiction.
Instead of “haha I’m an idiot” try “oh, aren’t I a genius?”
Instead of saying “like my ugly-ass hair?” try “oh, like my luscious locks?”
Just say compliments to yourself in sarcastic tone. It still feels like you’re insulting yourself but you’re not.
You know how you start saying a weird slang word ironically and then eventually it evolves into you legitimately saying it unironically? Same principle.
Do self neutrality or self love for the lols. Do it as a joke. Do it for the vine. It’ll make the process easier if you’re the sort of person that copes with humor or self deprecation.
Don’t focus on actually loving yourself right now. Just make a joke out of it. The bigger things will come long-term.
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what-even-is-thiss · 6 months ago
If people don't admit that alcohol is a drug so help me God I will pour an entire bottle of wine on their hair.
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what-even-is-thiss · 6 months ago
Me: Am I too privileged and spoiled because my dad is willing to help me move halfway across the country and has the financial means to do that even though the expense is kind of a strain on him
Someone else: *becomes a landlord at age 22*
Me: Ah, never mind.
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what-even-is-thiss · 2 months ago
Me: So because of my income I qualify to use this local food pantry and...
Dad: Yeah, game the system!
Me in my head: Why do you say "Game the system" every time someone in our family needs help from a charity or the government? Are you afraid to admit that maybe we aren't completely self reliant even though your personal politics dictate that the system should work for its citizens and we are citizens lucky enough to be born into the system? Does it baffle you that I have no strong feelings about accepting help affording food? What did the 1980s drill into you? Why did you never accept help, or so you claim? Was it just not there? How many nights did you live off of potatoes and salt because nobody would help you? Would you have even accepted the help? Why do you insist upon seeing accepting aid as a sort of con?
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what-even-is-thiss · 5 months ago
My dad was telling me about something that he described as a “gun that put vaccines through my skin” when he was a kid and I looked it up and I think he’s talking about jet injectors
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These things aren’t widely used anymore because if they’re not used correctly they can give some people infections but they used to be used in mass vaccinations.
Basically these things use pressure to get medication through your skin and into your fat and muscle layers underneath which… ouch but they work.
My dad says a couple of times during elementary school some med students and nurses showed up and they were all lined up on the playground and told to show their shoulders and the med students and nurses just locked and loaded these bad boys and pop pop pop pop pop a couple minutes later all the kids were vaccinated against whooping cough and they all went back to class with sore arms.
I don’t know why it’s funny to me. Probably because with the way my dad describes it he was clearly in that place when you’re a kid between like four and nine years old where something weird happens to you and you just move on from it. He was like seven and got hit with a vaccine gun with almost no explanation from the adults around him and went “okay well that was weird. Anyways, back to class.” Like wow. The weird shenanigans that you don’t think about till you’re well into adulthood. Like my dad is almost 60 and he’s just now remembering this now that all the covid vaccinations are going on.
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what-even-is-thiss · 22 days ago
I’m pretty sure I’d still have panic disorder if capitalism didn’t exist tbh
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what-even-is-thiss · 7 months ago
Newborn babies all have terrible eyesight so that their brains don’t have to process as much information. Which I think is a little bit funny.
Nature was like “Look, we get it. There’s a lot of stuff out here. A lot of pores on your dad’s face. You have no idea what a hand is. Don’t worry about the pores for now. Just figure out, in general, what a hand is and then maybe we”ll pump it up to high res.”
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what-even-is-thiss · 9 months ago
My grandparents are baffled when we just don’t care about certain things. The last time we did a socially distanced lunch they were complaining that our neighbor keeps really old broken cars that he likes to work on in his front yard and we were like “Yeah, and?” and they didn’t know how to respond to that.
Like the very idea that we would just mind our own business and tolerate mildly annoying behavior from other people is like rocket science to them. They just can’t comprehend it.
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what-even-is-thiss · 10 months ago
Fairy: Hey I didn’t get your name.
Me: Yeah that was on purpose.
Fairy: Oh my god stealing people’s names has been categorized as a war crime for like a hundred years. Do I seem like the kind of fairy that would do war crimes?
Me: Well yes, but that’s just my impression of you personally. Not fairies in general.
Fairy: You’re smarter than I thought.
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what-even-is-thiss · 6 months ago
Witch: Ah, so you've come to me.
Maiden: Yes. I need your help.
Witch: Unwanted baby?
Maiden: No?
Witch: Want someone dead?
Maiden: What? Of course not.
Witch: That's all I know how to do. What do you need?
Maiden: I'm starting to see why you were shunned from the village.
Witch: Yes, I've killed a lot of people. What do you need?
Maiden: There's a pox in the village.
Witch: It wasn't me this time.
Maiden: I know. Can you fix it or not?
Witch: No. I'm not licensed for that.
Maiden: What do you mean you're not licensed for that?
Witch: I got kicked out of the herbalist's coven.
Maiden: For killing people?
Witch: For killing people.
Maiden: Great, now what do I do? There isn't another witch for at least three towns over.
Witch: And he's an enchanter blacksmith type. Makes protective amulets and beefs up swords. Makes really good horseshoes. Can't fix poxes. Makes a mean rabbit stew though. And...
Maiden: And is very good at sex and hard to kill, yes everyone knows that. You tell us repeatedly. Even though we kicked you out.
Witch: It's important. How are you not dead yet, by the way? You're an adult and you haven't bought anything yet so you should be dead by now.
Maiden: I'm not into people that way. Your weird sex based spells don't work on me. That's why I'm the one that came.
Witch: I would branch out but I'm barred from taking more classes at the guild. Because of the murder.
Maiden: Right, well I'm gonna go before you poison me.
Witch: What about the pox?
Maiden: I do have a mild form of it so you've been exposed too. Someone of your age is much more likely to die from it.
Witch: What?
Maiden: I'd suggest you find an accredited friend that hasn't been convicted of unnecessary murder.
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what-even-is-thiss · 9 months ago
Somebody tell me a joke please. An innocent stupid joke that would tickle the fancy of a ten year old.
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what-even-is-thiss · 7 months ago
Trans afab people didn't abandon womanhood. If a lime is yellow (which happens sometimes) and you mistook it for a lemon you don't say that it abandoned the lemons when you bite into it and realize that it's a lime.
I didn't defect from or abandon anything. You have lost nothing. I was a lime the entire time. There's still the same amount of lemons as there was before.
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what-even-is-thiss · a year ago
And now one of the people who guards the football has tested positive. Great.
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what-even-is-thiss · 28 days ago
One of the first things they tell you when you’re indoctrinating yourself into the transmasc society is to NEVER USE BANDAGES TO HIDE YOUR CHEST and yet every tv show and fanfic alike is still full of people hiding their boobs with ace bandages.
All these characters have permanently damaged ribcages now, I’m pretty sure. I’m also pretty sure that this trope is the reason we have to grab baby transmascs immediately and make sure that they’re not slowly strangling themselves. Because I definitely would’ve gone the ace bandage route if every trans YouTuber I found hadn’t gone “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT DO THAT”
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what-even-is-thiss · 10 months ago
The English: This is our legendary King Arthur. His bravest knight is named Gawain who cut off a green giants head
The French: That’s cool, but what if his coolest knight was FRENCH and practiced INFIDELITY with the QUEEN
The English: That’s not...
The French: His name is Lancelot.
The English: Okay actually that name frickin rules. Proceed.
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