#roman: man logan's so cool :(((

[bowieandqueen11]

Kissing Roman Roy Would Include...

Request: oh my god! your kendall roy kissing headcanons were adorable! would it be possible to get some for roman as well? i just know that man is touch starved and definitely had an awkward time kissing the reader early on in their relationship. obviously, you can choose to ignore but thank you!

Awww yes of course you can get some my love this man is 100% touch starved you’re so right <3

LADS OKAY I’M COMING BACK TO SAY THIS IS NEARLY 7K AND MY LONGEST FIC BY FAR LMAOO BABYGIRL CODED anyway comments are much appreciated because I am so tired lol ty ty ily all! :)

Warning: mentions of injuries/ blood, childhood abuse, and some swearing! Also MAJOR spoilers for Season 4!!

(I do not own Succession or its characters, all rights go to creators. Gif credit goes to @xihatiancai.)

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°

We all really took one look at Roman Roy and went wet pathetic disgusting meow meow man I love you, and I really love and appreciate that for all of us. Because like... if not babygirl, why babygirl coded?

The first time you guys ‘kissed’, you were both around seven years old: on the tennis court, Shiv had sent a ball flying at Roman that had bent his hand backwards, and left quite a nasty gash of blood running down his arm. Instead of comforting the brother she had just bruised for the umpteenth time, the set of Roman crawling down to sit on the grass while cradling his arm just made her furious, and she went storming off towards the kitchen for some chocolate milk to cool down. You had been watching from the doubles side line, dropping your own racket as soon as Roman began to snivel, squeezing his skin back together and wincing as warm blood gushed out onto the grass. You run over to kneel in front of him, the harsh rays of light blushing across your head like a halo as you grab onto his elbow. You press the back of your shirt against it, hoping it will do until a nurse or one of the waiters comes running out with a first aid kit; as you glance up, the furious face of his father comes pacing past the balcony doors, and so you turn Roman’s head to look at you instead, praying that he won’t spot him. It will only make him whine more. It surprises you when he curses curtly instead at the feel of your fingers pressing down hard against his wound, but when you mumble an apology he finally stops scowling down at the ground and looks up: it’s as if he’s seeing you properly for the first time. His eyes light up as you gently lean down and press a kiss against the bloodstains; just the slightest hint of pressure, and tingling warmth of your your lips is enough to send a flourish through his body and make Roman Roy feel nourished. No longer withered, no longer left to rot. Roman gazes up at you: past the dappled sunlight, past the dotted clouds, past the earth and skies and heavens, and past it all he sees you. 

You’re the first and last person he’s ever wanted to kiss. Like craving poison, he knows it will pass through and destroy him if he allows himself to indulge. But by god, if it wouldn’t taste so sweet as it pours down his throat and overwhelms every dilapidated part of his body.

The first time he works up the nerves to kiss you back, is in one of the pool storage huts just past the outer boundaries of his father’s estate. Shiv had finally convinced her father to allow her out into the city to go shopping for some new suits, and Ken had been chained into a business meeting to take notes for Logan, so Roman had been left all alone to wander around the ostentatious shadows and lonely halls of the house he hated to call home. Feeling trapped, like he couldn’t breathe, he wanders towards the ‘safe space’ the two of you had created a couple of years ago: a small nook you and Roman had spent the day nestling out (and nearly breaking his arm shoving unused surfboards and pool cleaning chemical boxes) in the dim, and slightly damp room. Finally feeling at home as he stepped into the mildew-steeped scent cloud that enveloped the square box stuffed full of things his father had wanted out of his sight, his heart is allieved to spot you already there. You don’t even have to look up from your book as he comes dawdling towards you like a puppy afraid it’s about to be kicked. When you open your arm up to him willingly, the true him comes leaping forth: like a darting hummingbird, he comes flying  into your side, nestling his chin on the hard part of your shoulder so he can scan the words lazily past your head. After about half an hour of him gripping onto your shirt, as sweet and softly as infant spring, he glances up towards your face and an overwhelming urge overtakes him. Before he can stop himself, before he can make sense of his decision, before he can chide himself for his weakness, he lifts his head up and presses his lips firmly, if a little harshly, against the side of your cheek. Your book crashes to the floor with a thunderous slap, lifting a small cloud of dust as you raise your fingers to the wet spot in surprise. He immediately shuffles backwards at the noise, before making an awkward, fumbling excuse and running out the door.

He never brings it up again, but whenever you’re round at the Roy residence after that you can feel the intensity of his eyes land on you far more often. He blinks away and scratches the back of his neck nonchalantly whenever you catch him, or sometimes scrunches his nose up and starts biting the edges of his fingernails if he’s really nervous. But the love is there. He just can’t say it yet.

Once, when you were the only person in the house besides Connor and Logan, you were asked by the second-born eldest son to help him find Romie. With a concerned sigh, Connor wanders off to check behind the bathroom door off the living room, his lips forming a tight line as he disappears off down the corridor. Turns out, Logan had found out that Roman had been the one to spill his ice cream cone in the car on the way back from his fencing lesson, and Roman had run off cursing and crying when he heard the roar reverberate out from his father’s office at the news. You know where he is, instinctively. Of course you do: you don’t even need to think as your feet guide you towards his bedroom, and your body shrinks down to scoot under the bed and lie on the pristinely clean floorboards. He’s hiding behind the tendril weeds of his fear, making himself as small a target as possible as he balls himself up, trembling like heavy branches when lanced with frost. From behind his raised elbows that protect his face, he’s sniffling, his feet leaving the ground every few seconds from how harshly they shake. You lie down carefully on your side beside him, so hyperaware of any part of yourself brushing against him, in case the wounded creature decides to bolt. Thankfully, he comes sliding towards you, only stopping when your chest does the job for him; being as physically close as he can get to you, he huddles into your embrace while you stroke back the few curls by his ear. Once you’ve finally managed to choke back your own tears, your lips latch onto the spot of skin by the lobe of his ear, eyes closing and ticking his skin. He warbles against you, shivering, and the kiss just makes him whine more harrowingly against your chest.

Romie’s always around you. Always. He finds it difficult to actually be physically intimate, so it says quite plainly (even if you can’t understand it yet) that you’re the love of his life when he comes barrelling down the front stairs of the veranda and straight into your hug whenever your first foot falls onto the estate. It also means that during family dinners, when he’s finally mastering the skill of slouching back in his wishbone chair and tuning out all the horrible and spiteful things wrapped up in faux sincerity his family are saying about each other, he turns instead to kick your feet under the table. The brush of his ankle against your shoe is soon followed by the heavy pressure of his fingers reaching over onto your lap and entangling with your own. When the two of you are finally excused, you decide not to go back inside straight away. Instead, the two of you go for a dander around some of the verdant fields around the edges of the property: a few green patches here there that are filled with the scent of honeysuckle and freshly blooming rainbows splattered amongst the dirt. You decide to stop and sit for a while on the edge of a cobbled stone wall, laughing as Roman nearly falls off the uneven patch as he settles down beside you. He shrugs you off with a wave of his hand, but he’s smiling as you pluck a daisy from between the blades and tuck it behind his ear. For a while, the two of you just exist: watching the sunset brew violet and lilac gleams across your eyeline, talking shite and poking fun at each other, until Roman shyly takes a break from his rapid talking to blink slowly. He leans his torso forward, and after a bashful burn flickers over his cheeks, he squeezes his eyes shut and plants a wet kiss against your cheek, just like he had done all those years before.

He climbs into your room later that night, and you nearly hit him with a baseball bat when you come strolling out of your bathroom to see a teenager laying splayed out in a heap on your rug, a few pages of your homework flying over your desk from where he had banged his knee and tripped. With a lopsided grin, he decides to just stay lying there (once you had convinced him that you weren’t going to actually hit him). Sometimes Roman just likes to watch what you’re doing: to observe as an outsider what normality, what contentment should and could feel like. As you sit by your lamp and finish off your english essay for the next morning, you notice with furrowed eyebrows that Roman is moochier than normal tonight: he keeps squirming, rolling about and whining as if he’s debating something in his mind. That’s why when he’s gripping onto the ivy and finally climbing back down into the darkness later that night, you grab onto the collar of his sherpa jacket and heave him up through the air like a flustered bird towards you. After his initial surprise at the feeling of you pounding your lips against his own, he melts into you: clumsily, messily, desperately, but with one hand gripping so hard onto your window frame that he splinters the wood. His top lip refuses to let you go: capturing onto your bottom lip over and over and over again, the sweet taste of cherry flooding your senses as you bite down on the lip forcing its way into your mouth. When he pulls away, he looks so uncharacteristically serious for a moment as he hovers a few inches away from your face. His eyes never break from your lips, as if he he looks away the miracle he’s been graced with might fly away and he’ll be left with the hellish nightmare of his normal reality. But it doesn’t, and so you let him go.

He burns a crimson red and starts muttering incoherently as his feet work their way back down the garden lattice, but he’s got this giddy smile and a spring in his swishing walk the whole way home.

I mean, like, of course Connor invited you on the camping trip. And man, I mean the tension that had been expanding between you and Roman over the last few years was becoming more and more obvious to his brothers, and it pierced Roman’s heart with a stroke of fear when he realised it was to him as well. Connor’s little fishing expedition by the river turned out a little differently than he expected: instead of a placid moment between family, learning and teaching new skills together and bonding over one activity they could all share in, it was more of a ‘watch little gremlin Roman flirt obnoxiously with Y/n and, once again, ignore everyone else’ fest. Kendall sat on the shore, itchy against the reeds of grass and sighing every time he looked down at his watch. Connor was still having fun, though, from where he was wading his brand new, and never worn again wellies into the shallow end of the creek. It was just that every now and then he would have to trip over his fishing line and scoot to the right to avoid large splashes of weedy water landing on him; Roman had decided a much better use of his time was to try and pull up handful of mud and chase you around the river side with it. Your squeals, as you ran around the tamarack trees and peered around the sides like a meerkat, could be heard from the campsite. So, too, could Roman’s hyena laugh as he went laughing around the bend after you, and Connor had to spend half the night ignoring your shared snickers as he apologies to camper after camper. 

I don’t even know how, but somehow the two of you managed to convince Connor that it was a great idea for you and Roman to share a tent. Thanks to Kendall’s pointed warning for the two of you to behave and ‘not embarrass the family name anymore’, you were both surprisingly well behaved during the night. Mainly due to the fact that before you fell asleep, you leant over and left a chaste kiss against Roman’s cold forehead, before turning onto your side facing him and wishing him a goodnight. He wiggled down into his sleeping bag like a little worm as the electricity from your touch spread down like firebolts through his body. That man did not sleep one wink that night. Not one. Instead he rolled onto his left side, and chose to spend his time contemplating you: taking you in. The milky buzz of twilight flooded through the loose zip, the chirp of bouncing crickets on the darkened rocks outside match the intense thudding of his heart. Fumbling his fingers up so they rested underneath the side of his jaw, he made himself comfortable as he observed the way your chest rose and fall: the way your nose crinkled up in disgust when you were in the throes of a weird dream, the way your mouth mushed as you turned more into the stony ground. How much he loved you. How happy he could be if he could just summon the bravery to tell you. How fucked he was. How, if he did, his father would immediately utilise it, weaponize his love against him.

Roman wasn’t stupid, but he was. He didn’t know if he could find a way to escape this cage. Deep in his heart, he knew there was no key to this dog kennel, to this bird cage, to this leash. But he lay there, still, dreaming of freedom.

You get invited along on their family holidays a lot, mainly because Logan spends his whole time on phone calls and not mentally being present so he doesn’t really notice you’re there. If you and Roman aren’t spending the afternoons sitting together on a sun lounger, reading aloud softly to him by the pool side, it’s spent actually in the pool. A freshly seventeen year old Roman had seemed nervous, besides the usual annoyance at having to wear nothing but swimming shorts: shaken all day; when you touch his pinkie finger and grip onto it, silently asking him with your stern expression if you were okay, only the most miniscule of grins could cross his face in response. He still seemed unsettled in the water, besides the fact that Shiv’s foot nearly thwacked him up the face as she and Kendall wrestled each other under the water, both unrelenting in their accusation that the other had lost their splashing match. While you watched on in horrified curiosity, you nearly jumped when you felt Roman softly touch your elbow and lead you away from the affray. You think he’s trying to guide you towards the Jacuzzis as you bob across the water, or perhaps back to his room to escape the antics of his family. Instead, Roman leads you further into the deep end for a moment; after a sharp turn right, you’re surrounded by a small well, a shallow area just out of sight of the main swimming area. The imposing walls loom over your head as you take a perched seat on the brick bench that runs around the semi-circle, and Roman’s breath trembles as he follows suit, sitting maddingly close to you. You open your mouth to ask him what’s going on, but before you can get a squeak out he’s lunged at you, fervently enough to make you nearly bite your tongue. It’s not super romantic, and it’s incredibly clumsy as an inexperienced Roman Roy mashes his lips against your bottom one until he can feel his teeth clash against yours. You can taste a touch of pineapple from the inside of his mouth as he sloppily raises his cupid’s bow, and soon after the tang of chlorine as he falls too far forward and sends you both tumbling backwards into the water. But when you come back up for air, heaving him up by his underarms and staring dumbstruck at him as he pants heavily and tries to look anywhere else, you burst out giggling. Roman’s smile grows brightly enough to blight the sun as he looks incredulously at you, the laughter only stopping short on his lips when he catches the squinting look of his sister watching the two of you from the boundary edge.

It’s the first and last time Roman Roy kisses you for a while, terrified that one of his siblings will go squealing to daddy and he’ll take you away from him. And then, suddenly, the two of you have grown up. Roman’s still stuck to you like glue, but the repression festers away in his stomach until he feels as if some kind of scaly tooth monster is gnawing away at his insides. He feels the leather tighten around his neck whenever he’s standing like an affronted ostrich in that office with his father, his master, his demise, his ghost, him. 

So, Roman starts to try and avoid you whenever he’s at Waystar, worried that the grief that never seems to leave his mind will strangle you if he lets you in. Terrified that his father will die, but also that his father will never die. That this is just another cage. Eventually, after weeks of him turning on his heels with a manic jolt and running out of every board room he spots you in: after months of the child dressed up as a man putting his phone to his ear and having nonsensical phone calls every time he passes you in the corridors, you manage to nab him when he’s walking out of the break room. Even though a stuttering cousin Greg thinks you’re trying to kidnap him when you grab Roman by the collar and start dragging him to the elevator, you refuse to let go until Greg’s waving hand is firmly shut behind the metal sheets. You let go, and he fumbles backwards onto the hand-rail that runs around the small rectangle with a bemused ‘what the actual fuck’, but you just cross your arms and stare at him, refusing to talk first. 

Your austere façade quickly drops, and you’re quick to slam your first into the emergency button on the panel, gripping onto Roman’s sleeve as the elevator lurches to a stop between the twenty-second and twenty-third floors. A kind of acceptance has washed over Roman, some kind of known and familiar claustrophobia from having spent his whole life locked up, his whole life thrown about sets in. He picks at his fingernails as his eyes dart about, wild and brutal and crushing as he looks around for an escape route. It’s only when you put a hand on his shoulder and draw him in for a hug that he breaks down; he squats down so the two of you are resting a few inches off the floor, his face buried just atop of your heart as he shakes and he cries and he allows himself the security to just crumble. To melt down. To kick his feet and hope his father feels the wring of the shackles against his own ankles. He hopes for the first time in his life, as you stroke the back of his head and shush him comfortingly, that they hurt him. 

Something changes between the two of you that day. You’re kinder to each other, and slowly to yourselves. It’s not outspoken, or rushed, or ravenous, but it begins to grow and grow and grow until it’s not only confusion and anguish that lies at the pit of Roman’s rotting core.

It starts with him becoming more comfortable showing affection to you around his family. Like you sitting on Roman’s lap at Shiv’s wedding reception, not listening to the speeches but trying to hide your giggles in Roman’s palms as he’s busy trying to take roses out of the centre piece and pin them through your hair. Or his full weight against you during the professional photos out on the balcony, and not even Shiv flicking her brother or Tom waving his hand at Roman to try and get him to behave could stop him from leaning backwards and planting a kiss underneath your jawline once the man said he was taking the final photograph. The two of you go out into the gardens later that night, trying to escape the ear-hammering loud beats of the D.J., and to try and make an early escape from the growing fight that seemed to be coming between Tom and Shiv’s old work acquaintance. With two beers and slightly tipsy heads, you sit down and talk on the dew-ridden grass, shoulders swaying against the other’s in time with the falling pine leaves. You felt like children again, and against the smouldering clash of fireworks that brandished the sky in bursts of red and gold, you both felt undying as well. He kisses you then, his hand reaching up to brush against the side of your cheek, his bottom lip teasingly tugging at your bottom lip and making you swat him away with a laugh. As you take his hand in your own and press a promise filled kiss against his middle knuckle, he hopes that one day he’ll be able to kiss you at your own wedding.

When you know he’s having a rough day at work, you like to try and sneak into his office and wrap your arm around his stomach, peppering kisses up and down his spine. Although he tries to shake you off like a startled starling at first, when he realises that you also managed to close the blinds on your way in without him noticing, he quickly relinquishes himself onto your barrage of adoration. He becomes all whiny, and soft, and needy, and all the things he’ll never allow himself to be outside of the security blanket of this closed off room. Although he still isn’t comfortable with anything too sexual, you won’t find him complaining as he wrestles you to the sofa. Once you’ve had the wind knocked out of your lungs, and Roman’s satisfied with how fully you’re splayed out on your back before him, he’ll go scuttling over to the end of the sofa and kneel down beside it. With a mischievous glimmer in his eye, he’ll swish his hips from side to side and come crawling up the sides of his body like a wolf slinking towards its dinner. Then he attacks: his tongue heavy and slick as he draws a hickey out just under the pulse point on your neck, pressing him firmly against you if you try to squirm away, chiding you with a warning. When it becomes too much, he lets you grip him up by his tie and walk him backwards until his thighs hit his desk. He jumps up to perch on it, and you stand between his legs as they tighten around you. You’re slow and careful as you loosen the material between your fingers, opening the first button of his shirt, and only the first so he doesn’t become too uncomfortable, with a satisfying loud pop. He whimpers as you lean over to scrape your teeth against the exposed skin, working your way up until your lips are tantalisingly hovering over the stubble on his jaw. He can feel your breath, hot and unsteady as it pants against him, but he still can’t stop the shiver that racks through him as he takes your hand and guides them under his shirt. With your hands firmly planted against his abdomen, you look at him quizzically, worried, but he just keeps his fingers on top of your own and answers you by sweetly pressing his top lip over his own. Just once, he wanted to feel safe, to feel okay with the love of his life touching his body.

The two of you have this game where you try to steal kisses from each other during the most inappropriate and annoying times possible. Oh, Shiv’s trying to talk to you in her kitchen about how her trip to England went? Roman barges in between the two of you, nearly making Shiv chop her thumb off, just so he can interrupt his sister by smirking against your mouth. Kendall wants to run through a presentation the two of them have to give the next morning? You’re grabbing onto Roman’s head as you run through the office, nearly giving him a heart attack as he scrambles backwards and allows you to drop his head back onto the cushion. With a full plant landing on his already pliant lips, Kendall’s left with a fed-up ‘hey’, yet unsurprised look of disappointment on his face as you run off back to your own desk.

When his father called Romie a moron in Prague, the look of desolation that crossed through his teary eyes was enough to make an angel weep. But it broke you even more when he pattered out of the dining area, walking shoulder to shoulder with you, but not saying anything. He was just staring down at his hands as if they were blotted: stained with specks of blood, and he would have to spend another sleepless night scrubbing them out of his skin. It wasn’t the first time he heard it, but it was the first time you were there to hear it too, and you weren’t going to let him get comfortable wallowing in that fearful acceptance. You grip onto his shoulder and steer him away from the milling crowd of sheep, stuffing him into a bathroom stall of the east wing of the hotel. Crowded together, Roman’s hamstring bumps against the porcelain as the two of you scoot about until you’re standing facing each other as best as you could. He looks at you, bleary eyed, and you look at him, bleary eyed. He breaks. Choking, gasping, breathless sobs, drowning in his misery. He grabs onto your shirt, clawing into the meat of your shoulders as if he’ll sink if he lets go. He keeps babbling through bubbles of spit about how he just wants to make his father proud, how he wants to be just like him, how he wants to prove that he can rule all this too. How he can never replace him. But he can. He wants it all to burn, but he wants to stand on the ruins and be the one to plant the foundations again. To make a better world, in honour of his father: in honour of the god of war that rages within his head. You press quick kisses on his sweaty forehead whenever you can, doing your best to dodge the quick turns of his head and wiping away the trails of tears with your thumb. All you can do in that moment, as you press your lips against the side of his ear and whisper it to the most intimate, lost parts of himself, is to let him know that you’re proud of him, no matter what happens next. You always have been, and even the ghost of Logan that possess Roman can’t stop that.

The sloppy kisses he gives you the next morning omg. When the two of you are sitting on your bedroom steps, and you’re biting your bottom lip in concentration as you try to do up the buttons of his dress shirt and make him look presentable in front of his family. Like a feral dog, he uses all of his leftover energy trying to nip and bite your fingertips, catching them on his tongue and pursing them against the roof of his mouth whenever he can.

You cannot convince me that Roman isn’t a jealous bitch. Like at Kendall’s fortieth birthday party, when he finally gives up trying to get up into his special little secret treehouse club, and Shiv has left him to go ham on the dance floor instead. You finally manage to convince him into relaxing for a fricking minute, making him join you at the bar. If someone tries to grab your waist, though, or butt into your conversation while the two of you are hyena giggling and seeing who can spurt more beer into the other’s face, Roman will full on goad them into fighting him. I mean, chest puffed out, crazed look in his face, hands up by his side until they send a weak shove in their general direction. It only ends when Roman either: near topples you to press a bracing kiss against your lips, or you dragging him off and having to hold him through the brackets of his arms. In the corner of the room, over by the sheets of warbling fire that seems to be coming from a central room, you stand behind his feet and wrap your arms up his chest. You can feel the fury roll off him, allowing him a moment to blow off the steam, until his head finally falls like putty and begins to synchronise his breathing to yours again after you hold your lips against the nape of his neck.

The kisses when he comes back after being held hostage (I am doing this so out of order apologies) omg??? He clambers sombrely to sit beside you on the deck of the boat, looking so out of place and serious as he leans back against the cushions. His siblings make fun of him, and tease him, and although he realises it’s harmless and he’ll see it as a key bonding moment a couple of years down the line, in the inside the typical Roy storm is brewing. He can’t say anything: just hides behind the jokes and snide comments so the words don’t choke him. You just feel his weight fall against yours little by little, until his hand reaches out and takes your own so tightly you know it’s going to bruise. The muscle in his jaw tightens and he squeezes his eye shut in an enduring pain at the sight of his father’s helicopter coming in to land. So, for that kind second before his life comes crashing back down around him again and he has to revert back, to hide behind the brick wall again, you take him over to the railings. It’s just the two of you, the warm sea salt stinging against your grimacing faces, and the ungodly sight of a near-naked Cousin Greg lying stretched out beside the slide below you. After a few goes, you manage to unlatch his claws from the white metal and replace them with your soothing palm, rubbing semi-circles against the back of his hand. You’re here. You’re here, with him. You’re not going to let him go it alone again, if he wants.

And he does. He could cry, he so desperately does. Some of the tension falls from his shoulders as he raises your joint hands to his lips and kisses them, gracing over every inch of skin his mouth can latch onto. 

You both know, in that moment, that it’s enough. It’s a promise. You’ll stick together, no matter what. You’ll love each other through everything, no matter what. You’ll stay around, no matter what or who he becomes.

Which brings me to... kissing him when you find out about the passing of his father. Standing on that boat, on the most joyous of occasions, feeling as if the whole world is shattering around you. Feeling miserable at the knowledge that deep down, some part of you is overjoyed by the news. Feeling even more downtrodden to realise, as the streaky eyes and thousand-stare faces of the Roy siblings flash back and forth in your line of sight as they pass the phone to each other, that Logan will never really be gone. They’re talking to his lifeless, empty shell through the speakers, but it doesn’t matter, because he’s here in this room. He’s staring through their eyes. Talking in their quivering, harsh voices. Pounding through their feet. Tearing them apart as they try to cling onto each other. In their accusations that burst through their mouths innately. In the ordered instructions hurled out to keep business running smoothly. Hidden between the cracks of their voices as they sharpen their words and seethe them out between clenched teeth when the slightest chance of Logan even being dead is raised. He’s here, right now, as you let go of the death grip Kendall and Shiv have on both of your hands and catch sight of Roman rocking backwards and forth on the floor.

Giving a final squeeze of apology to Connor’s arm, you take Roman out of the room before he combusts. The whole air seems to be chilled: still, like something’s lurking unspoken between the threads of air. Like you’re leading Roman through the cold remains of a morgue. He wanders around for a minute, not even hearing the click of the door as you close it behind you. Not even crying. Not even speaking. For the first time in his life, he looks so much like his father. Too much. It scares you. Until eventually he just closes his eyes and trods over to the wall, thumping his forehead down on the cool metal until it burns. He holds his hand out to you, cufflinks gleaming like the edge of a knife past the ceiling lights, as if he’s offering a contract out to you. Apprehensively, your tentative hand creeps out and places itself gingerly on top of his own. He takes it, his dry lips latching onto you until the bridge of his nose is resting now upon your hand. The deal is done.

When you get back to your apartment though, and Romie finds out that Matsson wants him to fly out and meet him in Norway... that’s when Roman gets weird. Devastated. Freaks out. Grieves. You come out from your shower, wearing one of his suit shirts as your pyjama top, and he doesn’t even give a whistle of appreciation. Instead he’s crumpled on the floor by the canopy of your bed, cradling his knees to his chest, swearing into his kneecaps furiously. But you - you, oh god, you’re the only thing that can stop him from being swallowed up by Logan’s fury. You tilt his chin up during a tangled rush of expletives I don’t dare to copy down here, a scowl setting itself into his face like stone. It begins to soften when he realises you’re touching him, when he can feel the scrape of your nail around his jugular. You do your best to warble an unconvincing smile as you turn his head to the side, so you can better wipe your bottom lip against the edge of his throbbing mouth. You mould yourself to him, working at his pace as he winces at first, before slowly falling more and more easily into your grip. His hands loosen from his arms and fall onto your triceps as he deliriously tries to come back to himself through searching through the velvety warmness of your mouth: by swiping against your tongue and choking back his grievances as you pant into his open, waiting mouth.

You wake him up the next day with a fond kiss against the tip of his nose, and for the first time in a long while he smiles before he wakes fully up. The morning light cradles his bleary face as he sleepily runs a few fingers over the edge of your cheek, before cradling himself into your side again. He feels safe, weary, anguished, loved enough to fall asleep again, after pressing a few gentle licks behind your earlobes to try and hear you laugh again. Even through it all, his main concern is you. 

You trace his features while he restlessly dreams, although he squirms from time to time and alludes you to the fact that he’s secretly awake. A kiss here, between the junctions of wrinkles on his furrowed forehead. A kiss there, on the patchy stubble just underneath his left ear. A few there on the dark circles underneath his eyes, until you’re balancing over him and holding yourself up by the hands splayed over his pillow. He just needs to be reminded he’s beautiful from time to time. That he’s perfect. That he doesn’t need to try and be someone else. To encapsulate his father. 

But also like, Roman fucking hates Matsson. The way he looks at you during the whole field trip, like a hunter about to swallow its prey whole. Although the continuous comments about his family, and the two new Co-Ceo’s, and the legacy of his father make him burn down to the pit of his stomach with a white hot fury, he can deal with them if he would just leave you the fuck alone. He doesn’t take kindly to anyone but him looking at his soulmate with such adoration and lust in their eyes, so if that overgrown yeti gives you the up and down check out one more time he might actually just deck him in the middle of the retreat. He bites down on his tongue so harshly that his taste buds begin to bubble and prickle with blood, deciding it best to storm off and collect his thoughts before he lashes out and does something he can’t take back. You finally manage to track him down a little way off the beaten track, winding your way over some cobbled steps to find a branched alcove with nothing but a bench and a breath taking view of the gushing river down below. He’s hunched over with his fingers knotted over his knees, his lips so tightly drawn together that at first you don’t even spot the droplets of blood until he turns with a raised eye to look at you.

He knows it’s not your fault, so there’s no convincing or apologies when you join him. Just Roman finally getting all of that pent up sorrow and distress out. After an awkward moment of bouncing your foot up and down, you decide your best course of action is to just open your arm up to him again, like you used to do when you were children. At first he raises a confused eyebrow, before the realisation dawns over his face, and his features crumble. His lips purse, his throat bobbing as he heaves the tears back down, but he can’t stop his lips from trembling as he falls into your side. That kiss was the sweetest, as he leans his chin familiarly against your shoulder and bumps noses with your own. He frowns, sobbing at the knowledge that he can kiss you, finally, in the way he’s been yearning for all his life, and yet it all feels so wrong. So upside down. So far away from what he had dreaming. The freedom feels like a tether, and yet he juts his chin out and latches placidly onto your bottom lip anyway, the tears trickling down and falling between your mouths. 

It’s an act of defiance. A key sliding into the lock. He still can’t say it, but he won’t allow himself to smother the feeling anymore. The first sip of poison gliding down his throat, and Roman prays as he presses his forehead tearfully against your own, that it would kill the Logan part of him first.

#succession #succession imagine #roman roy #roman roy imagine #roman roy x reader #kendall roy #shiv roy #roman roy headcanons #logan roy #roman succession #roman succession imagine #succession season 4 #greg hirsch #connor roy #tom wambsgans #succession spoilers #kieran culkin #succession fanfic #succession fanfiction #x reader

[brookheimer]

Roman at Logan’s funeral: All right. Okay, here we go. Let’s do this. Here I am, Roman Roy, doing a eulogy, let’s go. Logan Roy, who was he? What was his deal? Well, he was a man. Uh, he was born in 1938. He died in 2023. One time, he went to a parade, and one time, he smoked an entire cigarette in one long inhale. I watched him do it. Truly a remarkable man. Lived a full life, that guy. Just, all the way to the end, which is, uh, now I guess. Really makes you think, though, huh? Life, right? Goes by, stuff happens. Then you die. Okay, well that’s my time, you’ve been great! Tip your waitress! No, I’m just kidding around, there’s no waitress. Now what? I don’t know. [to the coffin] Dad, you got any ideas? Anything? Dad? No? Nothing to contribute? Knock once if you’re proud of me. [silence] Can I just say how amazing it is to be in a room with my father, and I can just talk and talk without him telling me to shut up and fuck off? Hey, Dad, knock once if you think I should shut up. No? You sure? I mean, I don’t want to embarrass you by making this eulogy into a me-logy, so, seriously, if you wanted me to sit down and let someone else talk, just knock. I will not be offended. [silence] No? Your funeral. Sorry about the closed casket, by the way. He wanted an open casket, but uh, you know, he’s dead now, so who cares what he wanted? No, that sounds bad. I’m sorry. I-I think that if he could’ve seen what he looked like dead, he’d agree it’s better this way. [clears throat] Here’s a story. When I was a teenager, I performed a comedy routine for my high school talent show. There was this, uh, cool jacket that I wanted to wear because I thought it would make me look like Albert Brooks. For months, I had wanted this jacket. But when I went to the store it was gone. They had just sold it to someone else. So, I went home and I told my father, and he said, “Let that be a lesson. That’s the good that comes from wanting things.” He was really good at dispensing life lessons that always seemed to circle back to everything being my fault. But then, on the day of the talent show, my father had a surprise for me. He had bought me the jacket. Even though he didn’t know how to say it, I know this meant that he loved me. Now that’s a good story about my father. It’s not true, but it’s a good story, right? I stole it from an episode of Maude I saw when I was a kid, where she talks about her father. I remember when I saw it, thinking, “That’s the kind of story I want to tell about my parents when they die.” But I don’t have any stories like that. All I know about being good, I learned from TV. And in TV, flawed characters are constantly showing people they care with these surprising grand gestures. And I think that part of me still believes that’s what love is. But in real life, the big gesture isn’t enough. You need to be consistent, you need to be dependably good. When you’re a kid, you convince yourself that maybe the grand gesture could be enough, that even though your parents aren’t what you need them to be over and over and over again, at any moment, they might surprise you with something… wonderful. I kept waiting for that, the proof that even though my father was a hard man, deep down, he loved me and cared about me and wanted me to know that I made his life a little bit brighter. Even now, I find myself waiting. Hey, Dad, knock once if you love me and care about me and want me to know I made your life a little bit brighter. [silence] My dad would hate it if he knew that I spent so much time at his funeral talking about myself. Or maybe he’d think it was funny that his idiot son couldn’t even do this right. Who knows? He left no instructions for what he wanted me to say. All I know is he wanted an open casket, and his idiot son couldn’t even do that right. I’m not gonna stand up here and pretend I ever understood how to please that man, even though so much of my life has been wasted in vain attempts to figure it out.

#if the funeral episode isn’t just roman reciting the entirety of free churro then what’s even the fucking point. #anyways i could’ve added more but tumblr won’t let me post a longer paragraph than this lol #considered framing this like a script leak but figured that would be cruel so you’re all welcome for the lack of clickbait #anyways. go watch bojack horseman #succession #succession spoilers #bojack #bojack horseman #roman roy #logan roy #free churro #long post #ALSO CRAZY FACT THE OG EULOGY SAID BOJACKS MOM (who the speech is about) ALSO WAS BORN IN 1938!!! #SAME YEAR AS LOGAN #the year of abusive parents #i hope this finds the target audience. the center of the bojack succession venn diagram etc #100

[vclvetfleur]

Obedient Chapter 6

roman roy x fem! reader

Summary: You have been spending a lot of time Roman that you finally had time to spend with Jess. You both go out for shopping and invite someone to your dinner plans.

Warnings: veganism, implied addiction problems

Word Count : 4.4K

Notes: So sorry to do this to my meat lovers and dairy lovers, but OC is canonly vegan. It'll be a funny bit later on, but as a vegan I approved it. sorry.

Chapter 6: goodnight texts

You said your goodbyes to Roman for the day, finishing some things off before you left his office. You were just waiting for Jess to finally finish up with Kendall so you could both head out together for the day. You got the text from Jess before heading to the elevator to meet with her. She turned the corner and sped walked over to you, quickly pulling you into an embrace.

“What are you both up to?” Kendall asked in a friendly way. Despite having to deal with Roman being really nasty to him, he was kind of cheery. It could’ve been genuine, but Jess knew that was just the front he put on around everyone to make them think he was stable.

Kendall was anything but stable. He just hid it well enough by being more likable than his siblings and more understanding than his father. He played his cards right and he was strategic. He wanted to gain everyone’s respect and he thought by trying to be the cool guy that he would keep it. He wanted respect, but his need to be liked overpowered his personality entirely.

In reality, Kendall relapsed again a couple weeks ago. After trying to take down Logan and spending hours and hours out of his days to take Logan down, after Shiv’s wedding he completely cowarded to his father again. He was an empty shell of the man he was before.

Worst of all everyone knew he relapsed again. He tried to act as if he had it under control and as if barely anyone knew, but we all saw through it. He was a complete mess. Roman even had to fish him out of trap house after smoking crack with some strangers he found at a bar. Kendall’s addiction turned into a darker turn than it had ever done before. And no one could stop it, no matter how hard they tried. Truth is, Kendall didn’t want to be sober. He just wanted to forget.

He wanted to stop thinking about it.

And being high was the only way to stop it.

But of course, Logan knew and used it to his advantage. It was another play he had on hand to take advantage of his children. He always had some kind of leverage to make them bend at his will. He had a lot, while they had none. It was like playing Monopoly with toddlers for him. Roman’s weird and queer behaviors. His fear of intimacy and the fact the last person he had sex with was the girl who blew Tom, and he couldn’t even manage to even properly do it. And everyone knew. Cause every girlfriend Roman had outted his sexual problems to everyone out of frustration.

Kendall’s intense drug issues and the fact he was too weak to run the company. He couldn’t even properly overthrow his father. Kendall’s whole life was set up for CEO, but Logan wasn’t ever planning to step down, even in death. Kendall was just Logan’s bark dog. He did what he asked in hopes to get the position he’s fought his whole life for. He wanted to be nothing like Logan, but everything like Logan at the same time that he got his weaknesses and strengths. An absent father and backstabbing family member to not just his father, but his siblings too.

And Siobhan. Well, the only thing Logan had against her was she was a woman and a liberal. Two things Logan couldn’t stand. He saw those qualities as weak. Powerless. She was never going to be taken seriously. Cause Logan created an atmosphere in the office that allowed the man at the top to use their power against women. And he gave them the courage to use their manhood to exude that power. Along with his company ATN spewing alt-right propaganda. He knew the company would not take Shiv seriously. They would think she was gonna change too much around there and weren’t going to have ‘creative freedom’, as if Logan wasn’t already feeding them his own agenda.

Reality is he didn’t stand anywhere politically. Just whatever would give him more power and money. Cause whoever got elected did so because of him. He looked for men who were powerful, but also scared of Logan and his power. And he spread an agenda to the American people. Logan knew his influence. And knew none of them could live up to it. Cause they were all too soft, despite fighting to be as aggressive and terrible as him.

Kendall just wanted to be like Logan despite what he said. But also wanted to be liked. He didn’t know which was more important.

Jess felt pity for him. She had seen him go through it. She knew Kendall more than most. He practically treated her like a personal diary.

She just gave him a comforting smile and answered for the both of you. “Well y/n just got her first paycheck and we were gonna go shopping for new office clothes for her. And to get dinner, but don’t be scared to call me if you need me.” She reminded him. He nodded before stepping in the elevator with the two of you. “So-uh-where are you both gonna get dinner?” He asked you both. You looked at Jess, assuming she would know since she was the one that offered. She didn’t think about it though.

Kendall always seemed to be stumbling over his words. It kind of seemed like he over thinks about everything he said. He taught too much about it. “No clue, we were probably gonna grab a table at whatever was near and good enough.” She confessed.  Kendall tried to find of a spot for the two of us before finally coming up with one.

“You both- I think at least- should go to- it’s incredible really, its new- to this place. Uh fuck- what was it called?” he tried to remember. He spent a while before finally remembering the name. He snapped his finger, pointing at us “Boulud Saud!” He seemed so proud of himself for remembering it. He didn’t really remember names of places like that. Just where they were.

“How do you even spell that?” You laughed, pulling it up on your phone. You all left the elevator together, you and Jess heading towards the subways as Kendall seemed to follow.

You unfortunately always had to look up the menu to places. Because you were scared to admit this to Roman, but you were had been vegan for a couple of years now. I know it was truly a crime of humanity and to some people’s culinary experiences, but you were. Kendall tried his best to spell it out before you all just stopped on the street to find it. Unfortunately for you it didn’t work out for you. “I can’t. Sorry.” You apologized to both of them. Jess because you needed to now look for another place and Kendall for wasting his recommendation.

“Uh why?” he asked. He took it as a blow to his personality. As if he messed up already. In his head, you rejected him because you had an issue with him. His fear of being unliked surged up. You took a deep breathe dramatically, putting your wrist over your head, reaching out to Jess. She just giggled, holding back, watching the dramatic scene play out. “Don’t hate me Kendall, but I- I don’t eat meat. Or egg. Or cheese. Or anything with animals. Ugh I’m awful I know.” You whined, hiding your face.

Kendall was just happy enough that you were actually being friendly to him. You didn't dislike him. He really thought you would since you worked with Roman. But you weren’t like everyone in the building. You were like Jess. You weren’t raised with money. You didn’t find a need to pick and play games like everyone. Work was work. And Kendall wasn’t use to it. He was so use to everyone using things against him and using him for their own gain. He just laughed at you. “Wow. I-I-I don’t know if I could forgive something so repulsive” He played along, stuttering over his words as he usually did.

“It’ll be fine Ken, we’ll just go to one of our usual spots.” Jess reassured him. He nodded and figured it was his time to depart from the two of you. A sadness washed over him again. He had to be alone. Alone with whatever he was thinking. With all of his anxieties. Jess saw it. “Unless you don’t mind meeting us for lunch. It’s not really fancy though. It’s just normal people food.” She shrugged. You looked at Jess then Kendall, you weren’t sure why he had to join since you did expect just a day alone with Jess. But you wouldn’t mind it. Just caught off guard.

“No-uh-no-it’s alright, you both just have your-uh-fun girl thing.” He tried to make himself not look pathetic. But he did. That whole family was. It was a tragedy to watch. Almost Shakespearian.

“No come on, is it cause you don’t wanna eat with normal people?” You asked jokingly. He tried to rebuttal, but you caught him off before you could make him more nervous and upset than he was. “We’ll text you the place before we get there. We’ll see you there.” You offered. Jess appreciated how sweet you were being. It was only 40 minutes of your day. You both had the rest of the day to be spend with Jess. You could just end up at Jess’ apartment later.

You waved goodbye to Kendall, locking arms with Jess. You walked your separate ways as you started your day with Jess. You both decided against the subway and walked to Soho instead. It was only a 15 to 20 minute walk, and it was a beautiful day out. A bit chilly, but just chilly enough that it felt nice.

“So you and Roman.” Jess started as if it was going to turn into a talk. “You enjoying the job?” This felt like a trap. Depending on how you answered could cause Jess to have a talk with you and you weren’t sure if you wanted to have one yet.

“Yeah, Roman is actually trying now.” You shrugged. You avoided her looks.

Jess knew you. She knew how to spot certain hints about your life. You spent 2 years together in a dorm room. Jess was 2 years older than you and moved out, but you still hung out after and even spent nights with her after the semester was over. So, you basically lived with her for 3 years, technically, considering all the months you spent with her during your summers and winters off and even after you left college, you spent weeks with her before you got your expenses together. So, if anyone knew you, Jess did.

“I’ve never seen him at work this much. Last time I saw him at work, he came on his window.” She brought up. You stopped, your jaw dropping almost immediately before you slapped your hand over your open mouth. You looked at her, practically screaming WHAT?

“No fucking way!” you hysterically laughed. You needed to make fun of him for that later. Honestly it wasn’t entirely too surprising. You could expect that from him. “I thought that shit would end after leaving minimum wage.” You tried to say your sentence, but you couldn’t stop laughing.

“Nope. Most fucked up, like a month before you got here, Logan pissed in Logans office.” She bit her bottom lip in amusement, trying to keep herself from breaking out laughing on the street.

“SHUT UP! OH M- What the fuck is wrong with this family?” You shook your head. It was the craziest thing you could ever expect. This is like reading stories of what your favorite celebrity used to do when you could get away with terrible shit.

“You don’t even know the beginning of it. It goes so much deeper than that. That was all within a month or two.” She revealed. You practically begged her to tell you more, but she had too much already. If someone were to find out she said anything, she could get in serious trouble. All thanks to the NDA that they were made to sign. You let it go. You didn’t want to press too much.

You and Jess went from luxury store to luxury store to buy you suits and dresses for work. It was so nice to have Jess around. She knew what it was like being like me. She went through the same exact thing when she first got hired. She knew exactly what kind of mistakes to avoid and what to actually buy. Her first mistake was buying something from Zara.

You had been carrying bags throughout each store, not even paying to attention to how much you swiped, cause no matter how much you did swipe, it didn’t decline. How much did you get paid? You decided to check later. Right now, your arms hurt, and you needed to put the bags away. Thankfully Jess’ apartment was only a couple blocks away.

You rushed inside once Jess unlocked the doors and set everything down. “Fucking hell…” You moan, rubbing your wrists. You laid on Jess’ couch before looking at your phone to see texts from Roman. You decided to change his name to Rome. It was better than what he had put in your phone before.

You giggled, immediately texting back since you hadn’t been able to respond the entire time you spent time with Jess. You and Roman were just getting close. It was normal. You both just enjoyed being around each other. That’s all. Jess found you smiling a bit too hard at your phone. You had a certain glow to you. Jess has seen this glow before. Back in college whenever you’d pick your boy of the month. “Ooo who’s that?” She asked, sitting next to you, leaning down to see your phone to only see Roman’s name again. Her face dropped. Someone fucking dig up Jesus Christ or find him immediately cause God is dead.

“Nope. Fuck y/n, this can’t-“ she was way to stunned. You put the phone down and looked up at her.

“Oh calm down, we’re just being friendly.” You reassured her. You sat up, placing your phone face flat. You never did that around her. Only others when you wanted to hide something. But you didn’t do it consciously. It just was a reflex.

“Y/n promise me. You cannot get involved with Roman. I love you way too much for you to go down this path.” Jess held your hands in hers. She noticed the phone. She knew something you didn’t. You thought she was being extremely dramatic. You didn’t have a crush on Roman. He was just nice to be around. Disgusting. But nice. It was fun. You both had fun with each other.

Besides he was your boss. You’re professional. You knew what could happen if you got involved. You already thought about it. You knew a relationship with Roman could never exist unless you wanted to risk your job possibly. You read the contract. It’s not that you’d be terminated, but there were consequences you weren’t willing to take. But it was also about the public scrutiny you weren’t willing to deal with.

“Nothing is gonna happen Jess, he’s Roman. And plus, you know me. I would not ruin a good thing for something so stupid.” You scoffed. “Hey, don’t forget to invite Kendall to dinner.” You reminded. You just needed to find a place that he wasn’t going to be too uncomfortable in. You weren’t sure if he’s eaten anywhere normal before. He probably had $40 appetizers wherever he ate. You both settled on Dirt Candy. It was a restaurant you always wanted to try but couldn’t afford. It was a Michelin star restaurant despite the name and the appearance of the outside of the restaurant. But the fact it had a star was probably enough for Kendall.

You picked your phone back up and continued to respond to Roman, except trying to hide it better. You held back your smiles enough and tried to not stare at it as often. But it didn’t fool Jess, she saw right through your façade.

You were just making stupid jokes and updating each other on what was happening. You told him you had went shopping for clothes earlier.

‘you gonna do a little show for me tomorrow?’

‘can you ever not sexualize everything i do?’

Jess decided to ignore. She trusted your judgement enough, but entirely, but enough.

“Okay he’ll get there by the time we do.” Jess tried to get you organized. You pulled away from the screen and asked her to repeat herself. She sighed and just walked, knowing you’d follow. You grabbed your jacket and followed Jess around as if you were her assistant now. But you had always followed her around realistically. She was like the older sister you wish you had. You admired her. She was the coolest person you knew. There was nothing she could do wrong in your eyes. Except when you argued about mediocre and mundane things. Then she could do a lot wrong.

You got to the restaurant with Jess, waiting for Kendall. You both just got your drinks.

Jess liked spending time with Kendall. Her job was stressful only when Kendall made his life stressful, which he did a lot; especially recently. She felt pity for him. She saw his potential and knew he can make it far if he could just get over his insecurities. He was smart. He knew what he was doing. But his ego was getting in the way of his success. His dad was constantly in his head.

You watched as the tall black haired man walked into the restaurant searching for you both. He noticed the two of you and made his way over. You and Jess got up to greet him was a hug before sitting back down. You waved the waitress down so Kendall could order a drink for himself as well. He got a menu and looked over what to order. But he couldn’t for the life of him settle on anything.

“Uh-hi. So how was your-uhm- what did you guys exactly do?” He asked you both.

“We just went shopping. I needed a wardrobe for work.” You shrugged. You already had your choice set in place. Jess too. You both just waited for Kendall to make a choice. “I’ve honestly been wearing the same button up for the past couple of days. My outside clothes don’t really fit the office.” You shrugged. “I’m shocked you had anything that wasn’t either see through or more than 5 inches of fabric.” Jess overly exaggerated. You mimicked her before flipping her off. “Wow Roman is really rubbing off on you.” She joked.

“How dare you compare me to him?” You let out a gasp. Your lip curled into a smirk, sipping on your drink. “Credit, you knew me before. So, you know for a fact I’ve always acted this way.” You tried to point out, but Jess really wanted to know your feelings for Roman. She tried to see how’d you even react to him being brought up in conversation. But you barely had one. In fact, you tried to even avoid texting him because you wanted to prove it to her. You did not have a crush on Roman Roy.

“Where’d you two meet again?” Kendall interrogated. Everything was usually about him usually. He did love to talk about himself and what he did, but since his life has been crashing down, he had nothing to brag about, nothing to uplift himself.  

“Oh ya, a strip club. Jess was my pimp.” You clearly lied, Jess kicking your foot lightly under the table.

“College.” She corrected you.

“I think Jess is right, Roman is rubbing off on you.” Kendall said with a quickness that apparently the entire Roy family had, as he stood with Jess. You looked at him in shock. “I grew up with him. I should know.” He raised his hands up in defense before bringing the waitress over as he finally settled on something.

“I’m not that bad though. Come on, right?” You asked the two of them as they ignored you to order their food, essentially giving you their answer. They were joking, but they did assume you were acting like Roman purely because of how much times you both spend together. Kendall more so because he didn’t know you before, Jess less because she knew you were always this quick and witty. But she couldn’t help but remind herself of the way you were glued to your phone. She had to see it for herself in person though. How did you act around him? “Oh, screw you both” You huffed, crossing your arms. “You’ve started to act more like Kendall then.” You tried to fire back; your chin raised up. But really Jess hasn’t. She’s just more grown since when you first met.

“How?” Jess asked amused. Kendall leaned in amused as well to hear what you had to say about him.

“Well, you dress nicer now.” You tried to make any point you could. "You're a lot classier." You mocked, flicking your wrist and batting your eyes.

“Yea cause of work.” She corrected you. “Boo try again.”

“Fine uhhhh….” You thought for a while.

“I don’t think she has anything.” Kendall pointed out to Jess. She nodded at him, agreeing as she watched you with amusement as you tried to pull something out of your ass.

“Oh! I know! You’ve been more docile. You’re not a party girl anymore.” You pointed out. But again, you were only pointing out the fact she’s aged and gotten more mature than when you had first met.  “She used to down at least 8 shots a night in college.” You lied to Kendall.

“Kendall parties.” Jess pointed out. Unfortunately for you, you didn’t understand the double meaning.

“Yea at rich people stuff.” You made a point, but you didn’t know Kendall enough to know how he was. I mean just a few weeks ago he was at a club doing coke with his cousin. Well not with. He made his cousin do it. But he had to pretend to be sober in front of everyone, despite everyone knowing that truth.

“No-I don’t- how about one night I’ll show you.” He offered. You raised your eyebrow, wondering if it was really the best idea to do so. “It’ll be a good time. Trust me.” He left the offer on the table for you to take. You looked at Jess, her shrugging at the request.

“Okay. Next time Kendall Roy is going to party, I’ll be there.” You laughed.

Kendall wasn’t as bad as Roman tried to paint him as. You didn’t understand the dynamic they had. You didn’t know where all this resentment came from. Anytime you seen them, they plotted against the other to ruin the other. They seemed to hit a rough patch.

Honestly, the only issue was they had hit was Kendall trying to recruit people to vote Logan out. Roman was supposed to vote for it, with Kendall, but Logan refused to leave the room. It was a sight to be seen. No one had seen Logan so angry before, despite his health not being in the best shape. He threatened to fire whoever voted against him. And he did. He even took Roman to put his hand down before he got the chance to put in his opinions. And Romans eagerness to please his father mixed with fear of his father, he did what he was told.  And Kendall continued to try to ruin the company. He wanted it gone if he couldn’t have it, not even considering his own brother. He said it was because he wanted Logan to step down, but it was only because it wasn’t his. He thought it was his birth right. But after the accident, Kendall was back. But he knew his future with the company was practically nonexistent now that everything transpired. Now Roman was being offered everything he was promised. And the two brothers had no idea, but so was Shiv. Logan was setting them both up as he did with Kendall years ago as a kid.

You just felt sorry for them. They didn’t seem to have a lot of people around them or anyone to fight for them. They were both dealing with their father and decided to turn their issues into a competition rather than seeking refugee within each other.

The Roy family was an American Tragedy.

The three of you spent awhile in the restaurant together, even after eating. When you finished you just ordered dessert and drinks. Jess watched over Kendall though. She did truly worry about him. The three of you actually had a nice time. Kendall was nice. He was a lot more respectful than Roman was. Just not as intense. He had an intensity that was just different from Roman’s. His was more comparable to Logan’s intensity. He was fun, but still very corporate to you. He was always careful of what to say and how to say it. He always wanted to play safe. No wonder Logan set him up for CEO. If you didn’t know any better, you thought Kendall would end up running Waystar one day.

You split up, giving Kendall a hug before leaving him alone. “Don’t forget to invite me to your totally awesome and not uptight rich people party!” You shouted, walking backwards as you cupped your hands around your mouth to amplify the noise. He nodded, putting a thumbs up.

You turned around, walking with Jess. “He’s fun.” You started.

“See, that’s what I’ve been telling you. That’s why I was so upset you’d be Roman’s assistant instead.” She reminded you. If only Jess got to know him, maybe she’d like him better. But there was no changing her mind. She’s seen how Roman has been. Especially to Kendall. Roman was vindictive. He didn’t even feel any sympathy for what Kendall was dealing with, in her eyes. He just did Logans dirty work and pushed him farther down.

You and Jess had just the entire night together before you decided it was time to get home. You were exhausted. You just decided to get an uber, knowing carrying Louis Vuitton and Chanel and other designer bags down your neighborhood at 1 am in the subway wasn’t safe.

You laid on your bed and finally got the courage to look at your bank account. Before you look login to your bank account you saw one last text from Roman.

‘night. see you tomorrow’

You smiled to yourself, powering your phone off for the night.

Note: Sorry about the end of the chapter if it's a little sloppy. I wrote it while half asleep.

Chapter 7

#roman roy #succession #succession hbo #roman roy fanfic #kendall roy #hbo succession #roman roy x reader #roman roy x you #succession fanfic #jess succession #shiv roy #siobhan roy #connor roy #logan roy #hbo original #hbo max #hbo series #tom wambsgans #greg hirsch

[zantetsukenedd]

the forehead kiss scene is so obviously homoerotic but i feel like the tomgregs don’t talk enough the “wrestle me to the ground” scene. because there is NO explanation for that.

like yes, we know that tom is upset with greg because he’ll be leaving for parks and he won’t going to prison. you could read more deeply into that, but set it aside for a moment. tldr; our pathetic meow meow, tom wambs, has offered to go to prison for logan and he’s regretting it.

i believe the nero/sporus comparison is homoerotic enough on its own –– but one could play devil’s advocate and say that tom only wants companionship from greg because shiv has been offering him little to none. and because of the prison ordeal, he’s in desperate need of both companionship + emotional support. it’s been established that he projects the failures of his marriage onto greg, so –– fair enough? push your wife down the stairs, castrate your assistant. cool.

+ in a deeper sense, the nero/sporus metaphor is seemingly tied to tom’s feelings of emasculation. it’s no surprise that tom says this hours after he challenges shiv’s dominance in their relationship and loses ... miserably.

correct me if i’m wrong, but sexual practices in ancient rome were based on activity and passivity –– aka, masculine dominance and feminine submissiveness. (citing my classics prof for this, lmao.) from what i’ve gleaned, this dichotomy is what defined social views on homosexuality in ancient rome.

it would make sense for tom to read this story of an ancient roman emperor and be reminded of his desire to be more dominant/masculine in his relationships.

summarily, if he can’t be dominant in his relationship with shiv, he can be dominant in his relationship with greg. it’s an unromantic perspective, but ... oh well. succ isn’t too romantic to begin with. it would also be a way for tom to (unhealthily) reconcile with his romantic feelings toward greg. ie., sure, i’m attracted to him, but that doesn’t make me any less masculine. just think of nero the emperor!

it seems to me that tom wants to be seen as a masculine man. (as a matter of fact, he makes mention of his masculinity in the scene above.) which is understandable, given that his relationship with siobhan is depicted as very unequal. so yeah –– it could be written off as standard feelings of emasculation coming from a man, but honestly?

i’d argue that due to a lifetime of repression, internalized homophobia & some preconceived notions, tom believes that his homosexual desires make him less masculine. i believe it stems from his repressed homosexuality. like –– why else would he be so desperate to appear masculine, despite ... not being very masculine by nature.

(he may have even sought out this story in particular so that he could feel better about having these romantic desires for a man to begin with ...)

so that explains the nero/sporus reference.

but when tom says “wrestle me to the ground”, what is he asking for? as in, that is a genuine question. maybe i’m just tomgreg-pilled, but it really does seem like:

tom is just so desperate to know greg’s touch that he’s willing to wrestle him, like the nude men who fought in bygone stadiums. (something which conveniently relates to that book about the romans that tom mentions.)

he’ll never know his touch as a lover, tom tells himself –– so he’ll have to settle for this. after all, he’s being sent to prison and greg is all set for his new career in parks, where he’ll no doubt forget all about him. it’s now or never.

it’s an act of desperation.

and greg says no, understandably –– but tom persists. he’s worked himself up, fists raised, pushing greg up against a wall. a force of anger and repression. as usual, he’s just too much. he’s self-destructing. at last, greg stands up for himself tells tom to stop, which he does. it’s then the humiliation sets in. he’s humiliated himself.

and THIS –– this is when it comes full circle.

tom feels stupid and embarrassed, so he tries to make greg feel doubly stupid and embarrassed by mocking him. it’s a see-through attempt at saving face. downright childish.

he then looks spurned and troubled for a few moments before he shouts, “neither do i, greg! it was a JOKE, you idiot!” when it ... obviously wasn’t.

he’s the picture of someone who’s been rejected and can’t seem to take it: hurt and defensive.

it’s strange, no? tom bullies greg all the damn time and he’s never once thought to make excuses about it. he doesn’t feel an ounce of shame when he calls greg a coke whore in front of kendall. but this time –– this time he feels embarrassed.

and i immediately think back to their first conversation. the infamous “would you kiss me? if i asked you to?” because ... tom said that was a joke, too. maybe it wasn’t.

ALL I’M SAYING IS THAT I LOVE THIS SCENE. matthew and nicholas are goddamn phenomenal and i really hope season 4 brings us some closure in regards to the psychosexual power struggle that is tomgreg. ahhhh!

#tomgreg #analysis #aka me posting my thoughts bc where the hell else am i gonna put them #paranoid that i’m reading this scene VERY WRONG but oh well #personal interpretations x

[wambsgansshoelaces]

Turmoil: Chapter 3

Roman Roy x Reader

a/n: idk what it is guys, but I kind of hate this chapter. I feel like I didn’t hit the nail on the head this time but instead hit someone in the face. garbage writing aside, I hope you enjoy x :,)

Word Count: 2.186k

Your new apartment isn’t much of an upgrade, but it’s still nice, and you’re confident you’ll be able to turn it into your own.

After his drunken confession in the car, Roman had cried, thrown up in the toilet, and promptly passed out on the couch. You think it’s best you let him sleep. He’s exhausted himself like a toddler unaware of their body.

You sit cross legged on the armchair adjacent to the couch, leaving you able to keep an eye on Roman. Sure, he was an asshole, but he’d had way too much to drink and you didn’t want him to hurt himself.

The only part of getting a new apartment that miffed you was the fact that Logan had made sure it was a single bedroom. When you’d asked him about it, he’d given you some bullshit about how you had to keep up appearances. You know it’s about the money, but you find it pointless to say so.

You decide that since you have to stay up to make sure Roman doesn’t kill himself in his drunken stupor, you’ll start on the paperwork for Connor’s lawsuit. If he really wants to waste your time, like Roman had suggested, he’d found the perfect way to do it. You begin drafting, Roman tossing and turning.

As you begin to fill out the same forms you had many times before, your mind floats elsewhere. What Roman had said in the car had admittedly made your heart flutter. The idea that there could actually be something between you two was something, to your dismay, that you wanted to explore. But because he was so damn drunk, you can’t take anything he said seriously. You doubt he’ll even remember anything when he wakes up.

He keeps shifting in his sleep, troubled, and from your vantage point you can see beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

You set aside your laptop and find a clean towelette in the kitchen. You get some ice from the fridge, chill some water, and dunk the rag into it before bringing it back to the living room.

Perching on the edge of the sofa, you gently coax Roman onto his back and drape the cool rag across his forehead after gently pushing his hair out of the way. He visibly relaxes, lips parting in a sigh.

Your heart aches a little, staring down at him. In another world, this might have worked.

But you have to stay in your current reality. And the lawsuit wouldn’t draft itself.

You don’t realize you fell asleep until you wake up the next morning. Your laptop still sits on your lap, and the stiffness in your joints is searing. Roman’s not there anymore. You don’t think he’s even in the apartment. So much for you staying to take care of him.

You find your phone on the floor. No messages from Roman, and you know the apartment is empty now. You sigh, feeling a bit dumb.

There is, however, an obscene amount of text messages from Connor. You deign not to respond, for your own mental health. Apart from Connor making you want to chuck your phone into the Hudson, there’s a message you actually find a little endearing.

At the dinner you’d asked Shiv to give your number to Greg so you two could sort things out for when you had to go to Norway.

xxx-xxx-xxxx; Unknown

Y/N,

Congratulations on your engagement, you will make a beautiful bride! I know we have some things to figure out, so I’d like to take you out for a friendly dinner. Please forward my congratulations to Roman. He has me blocked on everything.

Gregory Hirsch

You type out a response, biting back a laugh. You both agree to a casual dinner in a few days time- your treat, you insisted.

You mute Connor, who’s continued to spam you, and scroll through your emails when Kendall gives you a call. You pick up, and he asks, “Is bribery a felony?”

“Yeah, but it depends.”

“So. Hypothetically.”

“Hypothetically…”

“A man owns a large conglomerate that earns him millions. A certain politician runs a campaign that, if they were to come into power, would destroy said company from inside out because of some, er, under the table acquisitions…”

“A monopoly?”

“That’s the word. This person can’t come into power, that’d ruin things. But how do you get someone to lose that’s statistically projected to win?”

“What connections does Logan fucking have?” you hiss.

“Not on here.” Kendall sighs. “Is Roman with you? He won’t pick up his phone.”

“He got completely blackout drunk last night and passed out on the couch. I don’t know where he is.”

“He’ll turn up. Don’t worry. Board meeting in two days, okay?” He hangs up. You don’t dislike Kendall at all, he just has his… own way with words.

You’re pretty sure you can get away with working from home today. You’ll have your assistant fax whatever crosses your desk while you rot on the couch.

She does. The pictures Connor promised come through, and you thumb through them absentmindedly. Some rings, a Rolex, a jade bracelet, more expensive bullshit you don’t think anyone needs. You’ll tally the prices, inflate for ‘emotional damage’ and your time, and serve the hotel.

Your assistant texts you something about Connor bitching about the jade bracelet and how it’s one of a kind and you need to get it back. You make a note to get her a fancy gift for putting up with this bullshit.

You’re happy to have a calm day to yourself. You lounge around on the couch, idly doing some work. You hear a key moving around in the lock before Roman shoulders the door open.

He falters when he sees you.

“Uh, I’m home.”

You look up at him blankly.

“What? What’s with that face?”

You sigh and turn back to your computer.

“Hey,” he whines. “What’d I do?”

“You got drunk, fell asleep on the couch, then got up and left in the early morning without telling anyone where you went.”

He kicks his shoes off by the door then comes over and flops down next to you. “I’m here now.”

“Whatever.”

“I don’t like this side of you. You’re making me feel guilty.”

“Maybe you’re feeling guilty because you did something wrong.”

“I literally remember nothing from last night. I woke up early and went to the gym. That’s it.”

“Kendall’s been trying to contact you.”

“Yeah. Board meeting.” He props his feet up into your lap. “Can we talk?”

“About?”

“Us.”

You sigh and set your laptop on the coffee table.

“I know I’m a jerk. And I know I was a dick the day we met. And the day after that. And this morning.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small velvet box. “So I thought I’d atone for my sins and get you something.” He shifts, replacing his feet with his head and instead letting his legs stretch out on the couch. With one hand, he takes yours and sets it on his chest, and uses the other one to pop the box open.

You can swear you’ve seen that ring in your dreams before. It’s gorgeous- perfect, even. And it’s the right size.

“Roman,” is all you can say.

“Give me your left hand.”

You do, and he slips the ring onto your left hand’s ring finger. He inspects it, albeit lopsidedly from his vantage point tucked up in your lap.

“Are you sure you remember nothing from yesterday?” you ask quietly, your other hand still perched on his chest.

“Not a lick. Difficult day.” He shifts his gaze to meet yours. “I think, despite everything, we can be friends.”

Friends.

“Yeah.” You pause. “You didn’t have to get me anything, you know.”

“It’s the only thing I know how to do. Throw money at things.”

☾𖤓

The sting of Roman’s words stay with you for the next few mornings, then when you’re getting ready for the board meeting. You don’t really know why you’re disappointed. What were you expecting? Why were you expecting anything in the first place?

He’d left for Waystar much earlier than you did. There’s a weird sort of tension between you now, even after your conversation. You’re wearing the ring. You can’t bring yourself to take it off.

You finish getting ready and find yourself in the harsh lighting at Waystar. You close your eyes in the elevator, the fluorescent lighting pissing you off more than usual.

“Hey, everything alright?” Greg Hirsch nudges you gently as the elevator lurches.

“Oh, hey!” You try to snap yourself out of it, but you can’t seem to get rid of the strain in your eyes. “Yeah. Fine.”

“I know things get pretty stressful. Especially in the position you’re in. Things get quite difficult.” He glances down at you. “Um, that sounded like a threat. Which it wasn’t. I’m on your side, to be clear.”

You chuckle. “I appreciate it, Greg.” You talk about nothing as he walks you to the conference room, and he gives you an encouraging pat on the shoulder before you step in. Kendall looks like he’s about to shit himself, Roman’s face down on the table, and the few others that are there are concerned with themselves. Kendall gives you a stiff nod, his leg bouncing up and down.

“Forget how to breathe?” you ask him, trying to lighten the mood. He ignores you and keeps himself locked in his self-imposed hell. Roman sits up at the sound of your voice, pulling out your chair for you. As you settle in, the room begins to fill.

Logan Roy is late.

When he actually does decide to grace the room with his presence, it’s twenty minutes past the meeting start time. Kendall hasn’t gotten any calmer, and Roman’s chewing on his cheek. He leans towards you and whispers, “What if he knows?”

“If he knew, he’d have all our asses on the curb.” Even you’re beginning to get restless. “Does he always do this?”

“He’s always late, but never…” He’s hushed by his father hobbling into the conference room on a cane. The brothers exchange a glance you could never begin to understand, and Kendall gets to his feet.

“Sit, I’m fine,” Logan rasps. Kendall reluctantly obeys. “Don’t mind me, folks. I had an… accident on the way.”

Roman throws you a look that says what the fuck? and drags a hand over his jaw.

Thankfully, that’s all that Kendall needs. “You’re late.”

Logan scoffs. “What’re you going to do, fire me?”

Kendall swallows. “Just extending you the same courtesy that you would me.”

Frank clears his throat, and Kendall steels himself.

“I’m calling a vote of no confidence,” he blurts.

“Are you?”

“I am.”

Father and son stare at each other from different ends of the table. “You’re not.”

“That’s, uh, not how this works,” Kendall continues. “We vote in private. Then the verdict speaks for itself.”

“I’m not leaving this room,” Logan insists. “And I know how fucking corporate politics work.” His gaze sears over everyone gathered. “Did we know about this?”

He does another sweep of the room before his eyes land on you. You give a minute shake of your head.

Suddenly, he slams his hands on the table. “Fucking go on, then. Who wants me gone?”

The room is silent. You can feel your stomach churning. Roman sits tense next to you, barely moving- barely breathing.

“Let’s, uh, put it to a vote, then.” Kendall shakily gets to his feet. “All those in favor of ejecting Logan Roy from position as CEO of Waystar?” He’s the first to raise his hand, and you raise yours not long after. Three partners follow your lead. You turn to Roman.

His hands are tucked firmly under his arms. He stares blankly at the ground, seemingly dazed. You can see the emotions warring in his eyes. But you have no sympathy.

You begin to bristle, and Kendall lets out a strangled breath.

“A tie,” Kendall says deflatedly.

“I have two votes,” Logan practically shouts. “I’m going to ruin you,” he spits at Kendall. You give Roman a nasty look then push yourself to your feet.

“It’s not a tie. Nor did you win,” you begin, raising your voice as you go. “You are the subject of this vote. You are legally not allowed in this room, Mr. Roy. Any vote you cast is regarded as null and void. As your lawyer, I advise you to take your things and leave.”

He opens his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it. “I did not get a degree from Harvard Law for you to so blatantly disrespect it to my face. Your time here is over. Get out before I call the police and have them escort you.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he murmurs lowly.

“Really? Perhaps I will when we go to trial. You have quite a few hefty criminal charges hanging above your head, Mr. Roy. I’d hate to see them fall.”

#succession #roman roy slowburn #roman roy x you #roman roy x reader #roman roy #succession fic #succession x reader #wambsgansshoelaces #turmoil #succession hbo #succession slowburn

[romeulusroy]

Being Roman's Favorite Sibling Would Include:

Requested: I looooved the "being connor's favourite sibling" headcanons and I was wondering if you could do some for bwing roman's favourite sibling as well? :) xoxo - anon

A/N: He is so baby boy. He is so little man. How much I love little man. Lol anyways!!! I hope you like it my love!!! Thank you for requesting!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Being Connor's Favorite Sibling Would Include:

Roman didn't like that you were born. There were enough of you running around, he didn't need another sibling. Especially not one as young as you considering he was almost a teenager by the time you were born

Still, there's not much he could do. Like the rest of your siblings, he looks after you. He starts to like you when you're about six months old. That's when you start to look and act like a little person and not, in his words, some gross little flesh monster

You immediately love him from the start. Roman is your everything. He's the one you want when you cry. He's the one you want to sit next to. To play with. To follow around and copy. He secretly loves when you'd take his sunglasses and a pair of his shoes and walk around your little toddler walk pretending to be him

"I'm you, Romey."

"You're not as cool as me."

From a young age you call him Romey. Everything is Romey. Even when you're upset or fighting or anything, he will always be Romey

He likes you now that you can walk and talk and go to school. When your other siblings can't, he'll walk you home from school

"Guess what I learned today?"

"Brain surgery."

"Noooooo Romey, I learned how to multiply."

"That's helpful too, I guess."

All you wanna do is hang out with him, be his little shadow

You know that your father is not a good man. When you fall off your bike and get hurt you don't run to Logan, you never have, instead you go to Roman. He's not very sympathetic, but he'll sit you on the counter and clean you up

"I want the dinosaur bandaid."

"You can't always get what you want."

He gives it to you always, not wanting you to be upset

You're the only one who can go near him after Logan's hit him or berated him. He tends to self-isolate and pushes everyone away. Only you can open the door and come inside and wrap your arms around him. He doesn't push you off, he can't. That would be like acting like your father. He lets you stay as long as he needs and when he's done, he tells you he's okay. Somehow you always know when he's telling the truth and when he's lying

"I'm sorry about Daddy."

He makes it very clear if Logan ever touches you like that you go to him. Not Connor, not Kendall or Shiv, him. He has this terrible feeling that Logan can't differentiate between you two, that he sees you as an extension of Roman instead of your own little person

The older you get the closer you become. You pick up on his sarcasm, his wit, and annoy your siblings to no end when you gang up on them

"Kendall's gone crazy."

"He's been crazy for a while, you're just noticing?"

"Can you guys please stop talking about me?"

"You're forgetting I grew up with him."

As a joke, and maybe not as a joke, he has you in his phone as Mini Me. Mini for short. He'll call you on the phone and text you and you're always Mini

"Mini, where's Shiv?"

"How should I know?"

"Mini get out, the adults are talking."

"I'm an adult!"

"Not with that attitude."

You guys tend to stick together. Roman was right after all. Logan goes after you like he does with Rome. You're a teenager the first time you show him what's been going on since he left the house. Your eye is bruised and swollen shut. You try to put ice on it and get rid of the swelling, but it's too late. When he sees you, he loses his cool. You have to hold him back from going to your fathers study

"Please don't go after him."

"Y/n-"

"Please. It'll only make things worse. You lnow this."

"Fine. Fine, okay? Fine."

From then on you have more sleepovers at his apartment. He makes up a bed on the couch and you stay up and watch movies with snacks

"Isn't it past your bedtime?"

"Do I look five years old?"

"Four and a half."

"Fuck off."

Your first word was a swear courtesy of Roman. It was most likely fuck, but he swears he can't remember. It was the best day of his life listening to you say fuck over and over again, giggling in that little baby voice. He tries to play it off like he doesn't care abut really, it'll be etched into his memory forever

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Romey. Dad does it all the time."

It makes him feel sick knowing you were going through all that and he wasn't there to protect you. You protected him and you're the baby sibling. It's his job to look after you, to protect you

You guys fight all the time. Not in a mean way or a serious way, more like calling ewchother stupid and dumb and pushing and shoving. You never go too far, you never do anything to hurt one another, just as a means of disagreement

"You're so fucking stupid."

"Me? Are you kidding?"

"See! Can't even tell when I'm being serious."

"You're never serious, Romey."

Whatever you accomplish, he's always quietly cheering you on. He's not going to be as outwardly affectionate as Connor is. It's just not in his nature. When you get your degrees and find your place at Waystar he visits your desk multiple times a day

"Look at you becoming a corporate pig."

"I learned from the best."

You and Roman actively make fun of Tom and Greg

"Did you see what Tom was wearing?"

"Fashion disaster, I know."

"Why is Shiv even with him?"

"Daddy issues. Mommy, too."

You stick up for Roman when your siblings make fun of his lack of dating/sex life. It's none of anyone's business

When you do start to date and bring people home and find that someone special, they know they have to get through Roman for things to be serious

"Where'd you find this one? A back alley?"

"Please be nice, I really like them."

"Are you paying them? Are they paying you?"

Say what he will, he's happy you're happy. It hurts watching you grow up. You were his Mini Me not so long ago. Now you're taking part in the company and finding love and you've got your own place. You showed everyone that despite being the baby of the family, you're a force to he reckon with

He loves you. He loves you more than he loves himself. He doesn't say it, and when he does it never comes put right, but you're his baby. You always be

#requested #roman roy #roman roy imagine #roman roy headcanon #roman roy x reader #succession #succession imagine #succession headcanon #succession x reader

[forlornkiller]

I think this ending was so good for this show because it keeps everybody in a state of motion. We’re able to almost picture or envision what the future is going to be like for them because some cycles are destined to repeat but each character has such different destinies you know? this show is so amazing every scene has so much to unpack…. im only gonna choose a couple moments but I hope they resonate

comparing Kendall and roman……. I think we all knew that roman was abused by Kendall growing up but in previous contexts, it seemed like he had changed…. at least yelling at Logan for his direct abuse but to see Kendall do that to Rome was fucking heartbreaking man . tears in my fucking eyes like he does not. deserve this. nobody fucking deserves this and fuck Logan Roy and every fucking abuser that willingly and even gleefully chooses fucking abuse. kendall seemed resigned to his fate to abuse his brother but it’s just not true man. maybe there was more sorrow than glee in his abuse but only maybe. and either way it’s not fucking right. The acceptance of their nothingness is different yet the same…… so many things are different but the same do u know what I mean ?

Kendall, with protection, but never able to do anything again is a fate i can accept for him. It was really interesting to see how their relationships with other people were again and may I just say. I think it’s quite incredibly clear what Kendall and Stewy had and currently flirt with…… i love that but I hate that for them. As delulu it might be for Stewy to think he can save Kendall, he totally thinks that and who knows . maybe some cool fuck shit happens and Kendall’s able to keep one relationship in his life he cares about. but I guess we won’t see .

Oof going back to Roman’s dig about Rava and her kids…….. i think his relationship with them is so fucked and there isn’t enough time for repentance. He spent so long holding onto a dream that was never real and not even worth having in the end, and knowing that so much of his life was around this one thing. seven years old to now….. maybe some intense psychotherapy and retrospection for years is what he needs. it’s probably the only thing he’s gonna get

,, and in this sense I almost wonder if Connor and Kendall are closer than ever as eldest boys. Connor was never offered the dream, and he never became anything. Kendall is what happens when you offer it and it disappears, making u realize it was never really there in the first place. Might’ve been something, but definitely isn’t now. I also think reducing Connor to nothing is not a fair characterization but he’s not really something either.

Shiv……… i wish there was a way free for her. I’m not the greatest at imagining shiv futures but I somehow see purgatory yet nothing at all. She got the deal, she didn’t get CEO and her reputation got a bit fucked but she’s still married to the CEO. whose baby she’s pregnant with. And who she doesn’t like, i don’t think. Because hurting her has been the way she understands love, i think she’s more into Tom than ever and i think she needs him. He holds a lot of power but in the end he offers love one way, she doesn’t respond that way and they stay together but apart. I can’t tell anymore if it’s real or fake. I think Shiv believes what she said, that once you say all the worst shit to each other you can still be together but part of that is WANTING to be together. If you say all the worst shit and at the end don’t know if you want to come back, then I think you shouldn’t get back together. They just keep making bad decisions. Sometimes relationships are best when both people realize how close they are is not how close they actually want to be or should be. Tom offering his hand in the car…….. she called him a phony and I think I agree. There might’ve been love there.. an opportunity to win love but Shiv doesn’t fight for those things, she takes them as givens. A lot of the tragedy in succession is about timing. Bad things happening right when things were getting good, maybe. The consequences of their actions meet later actions and become perfectly destructive. Okay i got distracted back to shiv and Tom i can’t tell who is trapping who with this baby. I am incredibly sad for this future child and wish that Tom got out now, fuck waystar royco and take his piece of shit and go!!!! but they’re in too deep now.

Switching to tomgreg 🤩 sucking the dick of white supremacy, but maybe making changes internally about how things are done. Tom is better than Logan on most levels I think, and great at his fucking job. Will he be able to counter Logan’s legacy with his own consider his part in advancing Logan’s? Wash his hands free from sins?? i don’t really think so but I think he might want to…….. i always have hope like a dumbass hehe but yea I have been wanting Tom and Gerri team up since the beginning on season 4 and while it’s sad to not see that in action, im glad it’s a definite future. I think she’ll see that Tom can actually be competent. Okay sandwiching Tom and Gerri with Tom and Greg, that sticker shit was fucking cute and I totally thought they were gonna kiss before that. Their fight was so fucking funny LOL i did genuinely enjoy watching that. Fed my tomgreg soul for sure 😌

In regards to mattson (and then I’m going back to Gerri and then I’m gonna SLEEP!!) i think what he wanted with his numbers happened, them getting lost in the deal dazzle? It went through and now everybody’s fucking rich. The thing is idk all the legal business stuff so is this gonna fuck everybody over in a couple weeks to months? No clue but for now Mattson’s kinda on top of the world. I really don’t like him tho hehe i hope he gets smashed to death by a pile of his own blood bricks. I wonder if Tom will actually be his front man, or try to kill him at some point too? The urge to serve is so strong in him…… but do I firmly believe that with a healthy kinky relationship with somebody PERHAPS GREG. he would be able to fulfill that and also rule the world? Absolutely man it’s just abt balance 😌 my belief that the acceptance of bdsm would fix so many things in our society & in succession is unshakable okay don’t question me. ANYWAYS

Gerri….. a queen as always. Roman pining from afar is so sad so tragic reminding himself of her with every drink he drinks and thought he thinks. One of THE biggest regrets and him saying that he’s nothing, that all the sibs are nothing? I think in this moment it’s true. I can feel how that is truth for him. With Gerri’s brief flashes of emotion during the funeral ….. i have hope. Succession aside, i really believe have faith in love and its power to save lives & transcend death. I think what they had bw them was real, and with the scripts as well I don’t think that connection was faked. What makes my heart hurt is that in the past it seemed like Gerri was the only one in the room who cared if he was hurt. She can’t necessarily protect him but she sees him. He doesn’t have that, the three sibs don’t have anybody that really loves & knows them enough to be able to deal with this trauma but I don’t think hope is totally gone. I’m an optimist in the end

God this is fucking long I’m a wordy person but overall? GOD i love this show!!! I really think they ended it at a great spot in this way where things keep going. Nobody’s story ever really ends, it feels like it does and to the person living their story it might but being able to watch their lives? You realize that it doesn’t end. I think Jesse’s commentary on the fear behind ending Succession here is super valid though, because there is a message here that is ultimately anti capitalist. If we were able to really see, at length the way we’ve seen the first cycles, how their cycles continue I think it would really wake a lot of people up to how things operate in this society. The longer this nation goes on, the longer the abuse this nation was founded from goes on. I’m going to end here but wow this show has given me so much to think about when it comes to love, abuse, capitalism, society & American culture as a whole like goddamn. What a show man what a show

#succession finale #LONG ASS FUCKING POST OKAY #kendall roy #roman roy #logan roy #tw abuse #stewy hosseini #kenstewy #rava succession #connor roy #shiv roy #tom wambsgans #tomshiv #greg hirsch #tomgreg #lukas matsson #gerri kellman #romangerri #succession thoughts #thanks for reading my essay :)

[roseianxiety]

All wrapped up by the fireplace

Ship: Romantic Roceit

Content Warnings: Mentions of alcohol usage, drunkenness, foul language, slight innuendo

Synopsis: Roman has some alone time with himself after their little Christmas Eve celebration, but a certain drunken snake approaches him and ruins his peace. At least that's what he thinks.

AO3

“Roman, is it really necessary for you to turn the living room into THIS?” 

Logan queries loudly as he gestures to the living room, now completely covered in Christmas decor and where their TV stood was now replaced with a grand brick fireplace. Roman really put a lot of effort into all this grandiosity.

“Yes, Logan, it is necessary.” Roman drawled out as he gave Logan a look while hanging the last ornament on the Christmas tree. He then added, hopping off his little stool. “You'd really expect ME to NOT go all out on Christmas?” he remarked at Logan.

Logan merely sighs and rolls his eyes, making his way towards his recliner chair. “I shouldn't have expected less from you and Patton when it comes to celebrating festivities,” he stated, gently sitting down and opening up one of the newspapers Virgil gave him. 

Roman hums proudly before strutting to the kitchen to check on whatever Patton was working on.

“Hey, Popstar, how's the baked goods doing there?” Roman questions cheerily from across the counter, propping his palm under his chin while he watches Patton do his thing.

Patton turns around, slightly surprised at Roman's sudden appearance but then giggles. “Oh hey ya, kiddo, didn't see you there.”. He continued, pulling out a tray of gingerbread man cookies out of the oven. “I'm almost done with the last batch. Careful, they're very hot.”.

He says before placing the tray down on the countertop to let it cool. Roman immediately reaches for one but hisses in pain and pulls his hand back when he burns himself with the piping-hot cookies. “Ow…”.

Patton tuts and shakes his head at Roman's impulsiveness, “I did tell you they're hot. You saw me take them out of the oven just now.”. He reaches to take Roman's hand but the other declines and pulls away. 

“Nah, it's okay. This burn is far from reaching my intestines anyway, so I'm cool. I was merely excited to taste your fantastic cookies, Padre.” Roman shrugs and moves to try and take one but Patton gently slaps his hand away. The creative prince pouts at that.

“No no, they're still piping hot. And, we still have to wait for the last batch before we can finally eat all of these.” Patton states with a raised chin, trying to seem authoritative but he looks silly and cute. Don't tell him that.

“Bummer,” Roman mutters with a pout before sighing. He straightens (ha!) his posture and stretches his arms over his head, turning on his heels. “Anyways, you better continue that while I go check whatever chaos Remus is doing. Don't want him ruining my party.”.

He says as he makes his way back to the living room. As he does so, he could see Virgil hissing aggressively at Remus while his twin brother was teasing the crap out of the anxious facet.

“Come on, take him! He's Mr. Fuzzy’s boyfriend!” Remus exclaimed, trying to give another handcrafted hairball abomination to Virgil who was desperately trying to get away from him. And Janus was there, laughing his drunk ass off by the sidelines.

Virgil notices Roman walking towards them and immediately calls for him while trying to stop Remus from getting close to him. “Roman! Come get your unhinged brother!” He exclaimed, before hissing at Remus.

“Hi, Roman~” Janus giggles drunkenly as he gives Roman a small. Geez… he really was drunk. Roman chooses to ignore him.

“Sorry Virgil but you're gonna have to deal with him yourself.” Roman hums, raising his hands in defense. Virgil groans at his response, now more annoyed. Remus then pushes the hairball abomination right at Virgil's face, causing the other to yelp.

Roman leaves them be and walks towards the couch, plopping just beside Logan who was engrossed with his puzzle thing or whatever it was. He tried to take a peek at it only for his face to scrunch up in confusion, not understanding one bit of it. Roman didn't what was so interesting about it but eh, at least Logan was having the time of his life.

He leans back on the couch while he watches as the fire crackles in the fireplace, emitting a cozy warmth that he always loved. Roman might now admit it out loud but he loved enjoying his Christmas with everyone. It’s good not to be alone.

“To be honest, I didn't think Remus would be this… tame when he is drunk. How surprising.” Logan comments as looks down at Remus on the floor before sipping on his wine. The chaotic individual was currently splayed out on the living room floor, already deadbeat asleep.

Patton carefully takes the empty mug from Remus’ grasp, trying not to wake him up. “So alcohol is just the way to calm him down?” He says, letting out a soft yelp when Remus grumbles and pulls the mug away from him, hugging it close. Patton frowns and leans back on the couch but not before grabbing two cookies from the snack platter.

“You know, it's already late and I already feel the spirit of Christmas welling up inside me. And by that, I mean vomit. Merry Christmas y'all, I'm gonna go bury myself in the comforts of my blankets.” Virgil suddenly says as he gets up from his usual place on the couch before sinking out, not letting anyone say a word.

Logan proceeds to check the time on his wristwatch. “Virgil is right, it is past twelve and my bedtime schedule. Merry Christmas everyone. Be sure to sleep well.” He says in a monotone, glancing at the rest of them. He then leaves as well, following right after Virgil.

“Aww geez, everyone's going to sleep now. I'm starting to feel eepy too. So sorry your party didn't go the way you wanted it to, Roman.” Patton apologizes with a small frown as he looks at the princely trait but Roman waves it off.

“It's quite alright, Patton, I am not easily upset at something so trivial.” He says casually, getting up from his spot on the couch and beginning to stretch his arms, hearing satisfying pops from his joints. “You go ahead and rest your adorable self, I'll deal with all the mess here.” Roman then added.

“Are you sure? I can help you—”

Roman immediately cuts Patton off before he can even continue his sentence, “Shush, Patton. I can handle this. You've been dozing off a lot, it's best for you to rest.”.

“Plus, I've still got a pump of adrenaline in me so I'm not that tired yet. I'm gonna spend all that leftover energy cleaning all of this.” He chuckles, trying to reassure the fatherly figure.

“Oh…if you say so. But don't forget to rest too. Merry Christmas, kiddo! I love you!” Patton exclaims before throwing himself on Roman, giving the other a tight, warm hug. Roman smiles fondly, hugging the other back. Eventually, Patton sinks out and returns to his room.

When Patton left, Roman immediately started his work. He cleaned all of the junk left in the living room, from the torn gift wrappers to the various cookie crumbs lying around. Roman resorted to carrying Remus onto the couch, Remus might not be the physically built one between them but God, was he heavy. 

He continued to clean the living room and even cleaned the kitchen as well, making sure there wasn't any mess left in the morning. After half an hour or so, he was finally done.

He makes a little nest out of pillows and blankets by the fireplace before situating himself in his creation. Even after all that cleaning, he still wasn't tired. And he couldn't think of anything to do. So why not look at fire instead?

Janus stumbles down from the stairs, drunk as fuck. He was planning to get some water but his eyes landed on something by the fireplace. Or more likely, someone.

“My my, what's our beloved prince doing here all by himself?”

Roman suddenly snaps his head back as soon as he hears that all too familiar sultry voice. His eyes narrow at the very presence of his archenemy. Janus was making his way towards him, while almost tripping on his own feet. He clearly was still not sober.

“What do you want, Janus? I'm not exactly in the mood to deal with you right now.” Roman groaned before turning back to the fireplace, crossing his arms over his chest.

“What? Am I not allowed to be in the living room? I just wanna get warm.” Janus huffs before plopping down beside the prince, causing the other's face to scrunch up more in frustration and annoyance. Roman scoots away from him and avoids meeting his gaze. He crosses his arms further, a big pout already forming on his lips. 

There was a big silence between them, and Roman liked it that way. Heck, he even forgot Janus was there beside him in the first place. Out of annoyance and trying to avoid the other, he got distracted by watching the fire slowly move and crackle in an intricately artistic dance. Not until Janus said the most out-of-pocket thing ever which ruined the vibe.

“You know, you could've done other things to warm me up than buy me socks.”

Those. Those were the very words that ruined his perfectly good vibes. Because what the actual fuck!?

“W-what? No!” Roman remarked quickly in sheer embarrassment, his whole face as red as his sash. Now why did Janus have to say that?!

Janus only tilted his head at him, staring at him innocently for a few minutes before letting out a sadistic cackle, making Roman turn red. “I'm just messing with you, Roman.”.

He then stops momentarily, batting his eyelashes at Roman as he bites his lips suggestively. “Unless you want to…”.

Roman's whole face immediately burned up like the fire in the fireplace. For some random reason, the way Janus was saying that in a low and sultry voice while biting his lip was absolutely sending him. Jesus Christ on a stick, it was not the right time to be a gay mess.

“How many bottles of wine have you drunk today?” Roman queries, gently gripping Janus' face as he tries to look for any sign of sobriety.

“Just a bit. Like, three or four bottles. I don't know, I forgot. Silly me.” Janus giggles, looking up at Roman with a drunken gaze, his whole face dusted in pink. Okay, but truth be told, he was quite cute when he was not up to something devious. Not that Roman would admit it.

“Geez, you're so drunk right now. You need to go back to your room and sleep.” Roman clicked his tongue before letting go of Janus, causing the other to slump forward against him.

The deceitful facet whined, clinging close to him. “I'm not drunk! I am very sober as you can see. Iz jus very very cold… hmm, you're warm.” he grumbled lowly, nuzzling close to Roman. The creative prince was having second thoughts if he should push Janus away or let him cuddle with him, he's still not on good terms with Janus after all and the latter was drunk.

“Even while drunk you still have the gall to lie.” Roman scoffs with a roll of his eyes.

“So warm… you are like a walking furnace. Very warm. I like warmth.” Janus babbled, not wanting to let go of Roman. The other could do nothing but grimace, having no choice but to let Janus cling to him like a koala bear.

“Not gonna lie, you're sorta cute when you're drunk. And pretty annoying too.” Roman commented, glancing at Janus for a moment.

“Awww, you think I'm cute AND pretty, Roman? Do you like meeee?”

The creative trait could feel his cheeks heat up at Janus' bold words. He tries to hide his blush by averting his gaze from Janus while his heart begins to ram against his ribcage.

“No way! I-I meant pretty annoying! Nothing else.” Roman exclaims in defense but Janus merely chuckles at him, clearly not convinced with his answer. And of course, Janus doesn't stop taunting him.

“Then why are you blushing?~” Janus teases as he reaches to grab Roman's face, urging the other to look at him. 

“I'm not!”

“You so are.”

Roman let out a frustrated groan and covered his face. Janus was going to be the death of him if he didn't stop teasing him. He wanted to rip out his hair and scream. Roman took back what he said, Janus was not cute when he was drunk, more like annoying.

“By the way, how did you know I'm cold-blooded? I never truly told anyone that.” Janus wonders, seemingly having calmed down from his amusement. Roman glances at him, slightly caught off guard by his question.

Roman thinks for a moment, he didn't think of the possibility that Janus might ask that question. When he got Janus for Secret Santa, his first plan was to give him something shitty like a passive-aggressive letter but he scrapped that because he might seem like too much of an asshole. So he went for something useful. He may or may not have done some research for Janus' gift.

“I just assumed because you're a snake and all,” Roman muttered, still refusing to look at Janus at the fear that the other would tease the crap out of him or if his heart would fully jump out of his chest. “They're not that special, just some pair of yellow socks.”.

“I like them though, they're yellow and keep my feet warm.” Janus hums happily before raising one of his feet up to show off his cool new socks, then wiggles his toes a bit just to fuck with Roman. The princely facet gave him a disgusted look but it quickly melted away into a hearty laugh.

“Didn't expect you'd wear them immediately. Thought you might throw it away because it does not match your ‘Disney Villain’-esque aesthetic.” Roman chuckles softly. Janus smiles at him, a sincere and genuine one at that.

Roman wanted to admit it, but Janus was growing on him. He had never seen this side of him before when he was sober. He was less villainy and scheme-y, although Janus still got that sass and all. Yet it was his first time seeing him smile so genuinely. It was a fresh sight to see.

Their eyes suddenly met for a moment, the both of them could feel a quick spark of electricity as soon as their gaze landed on each other. Roman could only watch as Janus slowly leaned closer toward him, almost climbing on his lap. 

They stare at each other intently, not knowing what will happen. Roman's gaze moved from Janus' eyes down to his lips, then back up, before gulping softly. There was a pregnant pause between them, but it was broken when Janus leaned forward, closing the gap between them.

Sparks fly as their lips collide in a kiss, likening it to a fireworks display. All the background noises seemed to quiet down behind them, only the loud thumps of their passionate hearts that seemed to jump out of their chests could be heard. Roman only stared at Janus in shock as he sat there, frozen. His brain was still processing what was happening. 

But before he could, Janus suddenly pulled away. 

“I love you…” He mutters against Roman's lips before moving away to rest his head on the prince’s shoulder.

Then it finally clicked to Roman. He snapped out of his trance and immediately reached to touch his lips with his fingers, trying to feel the bits of the presence of Janus' kiss as his whole face warmed up. Janus kissed him and confessed to him… Janus…kissed…him

.

.

.

.

.

.

JANUS KISSED HIM!

The realization dawned upon him like being hit with a ten-wheeler truck. Did this mean Janus liked him all this time?! No… no, that can't be the case, right? He was drunk. That cannot be true… right? But it did seem genuine.

He was about to question Janus when he realized the other had already fallen asleep while lying on his shoulder. Really? He just kissed Roman and gave him a dilemma then went to sleep!

Roman let out a groan, mentally slapping himself on the face. He did not want his Christmas to start with him overthinking about this. After a long while, he lets out a long sigh, choosing to accept his reality. Maybe Janus did like him. But does he like him back?

He glances at Janus once more, observing his features. Huh, his scales were interesting up close. They shine like emeralds. A small smile creeps up on Roman's lips while he watches Janus sleep peacefully, he really is stunning.

Janus suddenly shudders in his sleep, clinging more to Roman. The personification of creativity notices this and decides to pull the other closer, basically letting his archenemy cuddle him. Roman looks around for the blankets until he finds one, draping it around him and Janus, hoping that would shield them from the chilly breeze.

Roman then queries softly, “Still cold?”. 

Janus then unconsciously shakes his head as a response while he nuzzles the other. The creative facet chuckles softly, wrapping his arms around Janus to keep him warm.

He continues to observe the other for a few moments, watching as he softly breathes and snore. It was cute. This could be good blackmail material for Janus, but Roman wasn't exactly in the mood. All he wanted to do right now was admire him. Roman then whispers to him, pressing a gentle kiss on Janus’ forehead. 

“I love you too, Janus.”

-----------------------------------

Writing Taglist: @cutebisexualmess @extraintrovertedalien (please tell me if you want to be added or removed in the tag list)

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #tss fanfic #roman sanders #roman sanders sides #janus sanders #janus sanders sides #roceit #roceit fanfic #roceit fanfiction #ts roceit #romantic roceit #alcohol cw #tw all caps

[kendallroydefender]

Somewhere only we know - Chapter 10 (Kendall Roy x Reader)

Masterlist

Series summary: You met Kendall when you were six years old. You have spent every summer together and now years later you and him are still just as close.

This story follows Kendall and his best friend through their lives. Will they realize their feelings for each other before it’s too late?

Chapter summary: Rhea invites everyone to Dundee where Kendall has a surprise planned but a few days later Kendall surprises you with even bigger news.

Authors Notes: Thanks for reading 🤍 hope you guys enjoy it? Also: we’re sooo close to a confession

Wordcount: 3.5K

”So you and Kendall are cool again?“ Stewy asks as he sits down infront of you.

”Hello to you too.“ you smile at your friend who pulls an eyebrow up

”Yeah, yeah we’re talking again.“

”So what? You just forgot what he said? Because I can remember you being depressed pretty clearly.“

you take a breath

”We talked and- and he apologized multiple times.“

The waiter comes to take your orders

”Honey, you can’t just take him back like nothing happened.“

”Trust me, I wouldn’t have but he explained to me why he did it and while it was stupid I understand what his intentions were.“

”Oh fuck off, his intentions?“

”Stewy, please trust me with this. I can’t tell you why he did it but it’s okay. We’re working on healing our friendship.“

He huffs a little before looking at you with a look, you know what he’s about to ask

”Do you know why he did it to me?“

You take a deep inhale before you nod

”Yes.“

He nods opening his mouth to say something

”I can’t tell you why. Stewy please, it’s not my place.“

He nods again, knowing that you can’t talk about a friends business like that

”Can you just tell me if it was a good reason?“

”He had no other choice.“

”Okay. Thank you.“ Stewy says, knowing Logan probably had something against Kendall. He grabs his drink to take a sip.

”But I don’t want this to stand in between our friendship.“ you tell him motioning between you. In the past weeks before you and Kendall started speaking again you and Stewy have become closer than ever and you are thankful for him being there for you. Stewy really stepped up when you needed him.

”You know it won’t.“ your friend tells you and you give him a smile.

You and Stewy eat while you talk about anything that isn’t Roy family related. Afterwards you two go to a

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You’re actually exited to go to Dundee. Well, not for the anniversary of Logan but to see Kendall. You’ve last seen him a week ago at the premiere of Willa’s play but other than that you haven’t spent much time with him. You were both busy, he went to Argestes and you went to another state to see one of the new clients of your work live. You hope you can spent some time with Kendall tonight.

You arrive at the Place and check into the hotel. After some time relaxing you meet up with your parents for lunch. You haven’t seen them much either since your father is currently busy tying up ends before he wants to retire. You’re happy for him to step down as a CEO event though he will be acting as an advisor. You’re also happy that he didn’t build the company so the question of who will take over does not include you. This may seem stupid for some people but you’re glad you don’t have to carry the legacy of your father in a field you have no interest in. You’re happy doing what you do.

After lunch you have some time to yourself before you start to get ready. The dress you chose is perfect for the occasion, not over the top but stunning nonetheless.

Your team arrives and you get your hair and make up done. The way to the big venue is short and you meet your parents again in their car.

The first person you’re met with are Roman and Tabitha. You hug the blonde woman before you hug Roman. ”Romey“ you sing, you love to go on his nerves. ”You knew him as a child, right?“ Tabitha asks

”Yes, I did. I can spill all his childhood secrets to you.“ You grin at the younger man, even though you know you never would. His childhood is not something you discuss with strangers like the weather.

”Yeah? Then you can also tell her about the huge crush you had on me?“ he says and you throw him a kiss.

”Hey Kenny.“ you smile as you walk towards him. It’s only now you see the dark haired woman next to him. Your smile falters slightly. ”Oh, hey?“ you say awkwardly, Kendall looks at her for a moment ”Hey… uh this is Jennifer.“ he introduces you to the woman accompanying him. ”Hi, good to meet you.“ you say and she smiles at you. After a few moments of awkward silence you sigh ”Well I’ll see you two around.“ before you head off in a random direction.

You slip out of the door to find some place where it’s a little less crowded to be alone for a moment.

Of course Kendall doesn’t have feelings for you. How could you let yourself fall for him again and expect things to turn out different this time?

You hear footsteps approaching but don’t pay the sound any mind before they come to an halt close to you. ”Can I sit?“ a familiar voice asks. Connor.

You give him a small nod.

”What are you doing here?“ you ask him

”I was on the phone with Willa when I saw you.“ you both don’t say anything for a few beats

”It’s about Kendall, isn’t it?“ he asks with a warm voice. ”It’s not his fault. It’s- it’s nothing.“ you shake your head. After a beat of silence you can’t help but ask

”Am I that obvious?“

”Not more than he is.“ The oldest Roy child had suspected his younger brother to have feelings for his best friend. You give him a look that tells him you’re not believing him. ”Connor, come on. It’s so obvious that he’s not- not.“ you struggle to say it, it would become too real if you heard it out loud. Thankfully Connor understands and speaks again before you finish. ”I don’t know why he’s doing what he’s doing but he will come around.“

”What if he doesn’t? It’s been half our life and we’re still stuck here?“

He gives you a small smile ”Have you thought about taking matters into your own hands?“

You swallow thickly around the lump in your throat ”Funnily enough yeah I have. But.. You know.“ you gesture vaguely in the direction of the ceremony. Connor hums a little.

”Come on, kid. Let’s go inside, the speeches are about to start.“ Connor says reaching his hand out to help you up. Together you walk back into the hall.

Kendall was on the stage about to make a speech.

”Good evening everyone. Thank you for being here to honor my dads life and work.“ he starts

”So when Rhea was planning this thing, she asked me to help out with a tribute of a certain flavor.“

He opened his suit jacket and your eyebrows furrowed, what is he doing?

”Just remember I’m not a professional.“

A beat starts playing and Kendall starts rapping. Your jaw is on the floor.

You can’t believe it. Kendall is on stage rapping a song about Logan. It was absurd but funny and the best thing ever. You pry your eyes away from the stage for a moment to look over the audience. The looks on peoples faces range from shocked to cringing to smiling.

But you genuinely have a good time, the song is catchy, he is really good and most importantly you know how much he likes performing. He always did and he was never able to live it out and seeing Kendall do what he loves, what he’s passionate about just fills you with joy.

”Oh my god. I need to sign you immediately! Ken, you’re so gonna go on tour!“ you laugh at him giving him a hug after he joins the audience again. He chuckles a little.

”Where’s Jennifer?“ you ask when you see him looking at one of the displays on the wall. You wanted it to sound more chirpy but you fear the jealousy in you came through. Kendall notices it too, glancing at you, studying your profile. You keep your eyes fixed on the sign in front of you. He hasn’t heard this tone in your voice for ages. The last time was when you confronted him about Leighton, his college girlfriend.

”Uh, i, I send her home.“

Your eyes snap towards him

”Oh?“

”Yeah it, uh it didn’t really worked. Between us and- and she needed to go back to her play anyway.“

You hum.

”How’re you doing?“ you ask him. He had told you about how he had tried to talk to his mother about the accident and how she’d disappeared the next morning before he had the chance to.

”I’m, uh, yeah I’m good.“

You touch his hand and his finger close around yours. His eyes shine as they look into yours. This feels like an opening. Like it could be the moment you ask him to talk. You want to tell him about your feelings but you’re afraid. But he soon clears his throat. The moment is over.

”So, uh do you wanna get out of here?“ he asks

”Ken, I’m definitely not going to sleep in the same bed you’ve fucked in this morning.“ you tell him pulling a disgusted face.

”You know you slept in my dorm bed in college, right?“ he says with a eyebrow pulled up before he adds ”But yeah, that’s fair.“

”Okay yikes.“ you laugh and he chuckles a little

You think about asking him to your room but then you think you want to have some time to think about your feelings towards Kendall, the fact that you’re in love with him.

”I think I’ll leave now though.“ you say and you watch a look flicker across his face before he nods

”Yeah, uh, sure.“

You don’t want to distance yourself, not after he told you about shiv’s wedding. You can’t, you’re aware how badly it would hurt him. It would seem as if that’s the reason and not your unrequited feelings for him.

But you need to sort your thoughts tonight.

Kendall follows you to the exit.

”I’ll, uh I’ll see you tomorrow?“ Kendall asks sounding unsure, you feel a pang in your chest.

”Of course, Kenny.“ you smile and add ”Can’t get rid of me that easy.“ to assure him.

”But we’re, uh we’re good?“ he asks

”Of course, Kenny!“ you tell him and you quickly hug him.

”I love you, and I want to sent you into a booth immediately so that you can record L to the OG.“ you chuckle, he chuckles too at that

”Yeah, yeah fuck off.“ he laughs before he gives you a squeeze ”I love you too.“

In your room you run yourself a hot bath and put on your favorite music. You slip into the warm water and close your eyes. It’s nice and you can relax for a while but you can’t lie you ask yourself what Kendall’s doing right now. Maybe it’s because you are totally in love with him, maybe it’s because you haven’t seen each other much lately and before that you were fighting but you grab your phone to text him.

'Still awake?'

You ask and watch the message turn to read before the little dots appear

'Of course :)' he texts back

'Want to come over?' You text, knowing you’re in the same hotel

'What room?'

You smile to yourself

'702'

'On my way.' he writes and you jump out of the bath to dry your body and put on some clothes.

”Hey Honey.“ he smiles when you open the door. You two move towards the bed.

”You’re warm.“ he states as you rest next to him.

”Took a Bath.“ you answer as you lay your head down onto his shoulder. He hums, resting his head on top of yours. A bit later his hand slides down your arm until he finds your hand, intertwining your fingers.

”I really liked your performance.“ you say sleepily

He squeezes your hand

”Thank you.“

”Did you write it?“

”Uh-huh.“

You smile

”Can you do it again? Private concert just for me?“ you ask and he chuckles

”Okay now you’re taking it too far.“

”Sorry. But it was really good.“ it’s silent for a few moments

”Can you stay? I’ve missed you.“ you tell him before letting out a yawn

”Of course and I’ve missed you too.“ he lifts his head to press a kiss onto yours. You fall asleep soon after and Kendall watches you for some moments. You look beautiful and so peaceful. He’s so happy that you are his friend still. He pulls you a little closer, his nose in your hair, taking in your scent.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A few days later you meet Kendall at your apartment. You made something for dinner and you sit down with him.

”So what’s new?“

”We, uh we have to go to congress.“

”Oh wow. That’s- yeah.“

”Uh-huh exactly.. It’s really fucking serious this time.“ Kendall says.

”Are you going to speak?“ you ask

”Yeah, me and Dad and then Tom and Gerri.“ you hum as a response

”You think Tom‘s gonna fuck it?“ you ask concerned

”He will get training before… but to be honest… probably.“

”You’re going to ace it.“ you tell him sincerely

”Thank you. Do you, do you wanna come?“ he asks before he adds ”Only if you want to of course. There’s a get together afterwards.“

”Yeah, sure. Just text me the details. I’ll be there.“

You take the plates away and move the conversation towards the couch.

”Uh, I’m kind of seeing someone by the way…“ Kendall says, he has known things between him and Naomi were becoming more serious and usually he always told you immediately when he was seeing someone. He doesn’t know why he put it off for so long.

”Wait, this woman from Dundee?“ you ask confused, you thought whatever they had ended that night

”Huh? Oh Jennifer! No someone else.“

”Oh, okay.“ you say and you feel your heart break a little in your chest

”Yeah, we’ve been seeing each other on and off for a few months, but it feels like it’s getting serious now.“

You feel like crying, you had let yourself fall for Kendall again just to get your heart broken when he got in a relationship again. It feels like the Leighton situation in college again. At least you haven’t slept with him this time.

”Cool. Who is she?“ you ask and force a small smile

”Uh, her name is Naomi.“

You nod until you remember something

”Hold on- Naomi Pierce?“ You ask, you’ve seen her before. She’s absolutely stunning. No wonder Kendall is rather with her than with you.

”Yeah, do you, do you know her?“

”No. No, just from the media and stuff.“ you say quickly

”Uh-huh, yeah but she’s totally different than what ATN wrote.“

You nod, most people are different from what ATN writes about them.

”But yeah, I think it could be something real with, with her.“

”That’s- that’s great. I’m really happy for you.“ you say

”Thank you.“ he says

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

You sit down in the audience seats of the congress hall. Connor gives you a nod and a hello as he sits down in the first row. A few moments Naomi walks in and sits down a few seats from you. You swallow, hard. Eyes going back to the scene unfolding in front of you.

You play with your fingers nervously as Logan gives his statement.

Kendall delivers and you would lie if you’d say you don’t feel relieved. He did great. You glance down to the blonde haired woman who has a proud little smile on her face too. Maybe it’s good that he has her.

Afterwards there’s a come together. Senators, staff, friends.

”Y/n. This is Naomi. Naomi this is Y/n my, my best friend.“ he tells

”Hey, so happy to finally meet you! I’ve heard a lot about you.“ you smile, while your heart hurts.

”Yeah, likewise.“ she gives you a small hug.

You talk to her and Kendall and you hate that you actually like her, she’s fun and exciting and you understand why Kendall likes her.

Kendall’s off to talk to some Waystar people, when Naomi excuses herself to go to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes back to where you stand, you can see it instantly. Her pupils are huge. You clench your jaw, feeling a little frustrated. You’d wished for Kendall to date someone who doesn’t do drugs, who would help him with his addiction. Like Rava did. Like you do. And you really want to give Naomi a chance but if she’s an addict too they shouldn’t encourage each other.

”Hey, you okay?“ she asks and you just nod

”Uh-huh, I’m fine. I- I think I’m just going to leave now. Long day.“

”Oh yeah sure. Should I tell Kendall you left?“

”Im just going to say goodbye to him quickly, but thanks.“

”Alright.“

Kendall is talking to some guy when you approach the too. He spots you and excuses himself.

”Hey, honey.“

”Hey, Kenny.“ you two share a smile

”I think I’m gonna go now.“

”Oh, really? You don’t have to.“

You go to hug him, he presses a kiss to the side of your head.

”Thank you for coming, means a lot to me.“

”Always, Kenny.“ you share a smile

”I’ll call you.“ you tell him and he nods.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••

”Honey, are you okay?“ Stewy asks. You see that he’s wearing sweat pants and some shirt.

”Yeah. Yes… actually I don’t know.“ he gives you a confused look before he says

”Kendall?“ and you nod

”Come in.“ he nods his head towards his living room.

”Do you have anything to drink? Or do you wanna go out?“ you ask and Stewy studies you for a moment. He loves to go out, always ready for a party but you seem different. Kind of frantic.

”What happened?“

”I don’t- I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just have some fun.“ you answer

”Alright, okay let me just change.“

He comes back soon, dressed in a turtleneck sweater. You take your car and go to a bar.

A few drinks in you feel good, you laugh with one of your oldest friends and you’re happy about that.

”We need to make a toast.“ Stewy says slightly drunk

”Oh i know!“ you say excited, equally drunk, before raising your glass

”To Naomi!“ you clink your shot glass with Stewys before drowning the liquid

”Wait, who the fuck is Naomi?“ Stewy says after emptying his shot

”Kendall’s girlfriend.“ you say taking a sip of your drink now. The puzzle pieces in Stewys mind fall into places. This explains you’re behavior. He gives you an empathetic look. He actually feels bad for you. He also thinks Kendall is fucking stupid for getting into an relationship with anyone that isn’t you, since he’s clearly in love with you.

Half an hour later and multiple drinks later you get a brilliant idea as you spot your phone lying on the table.

”I think I should call him.“

”Who? Ken?“ Stewy asks and you nodded eager

”Yeah. Tell him that I love him.“ Stewy grabs your phone from your hand

”Okay Honey, I think that’s enough for the night. Let’s go home.“ he says taking his phone out to get his driver to pick you two up. When his car arrives he takes your hand to lead you through the crowded place.

On the way back, your head is resting against the window of Stewys car.

”It’s not his fault. He hasn’t done anything. It’s just me and my stupid fucking feelings.“ you say. Stewy grabs your shoulder and drags you so your head is resting against his shoulder.

The next morning you wake up in Stewys guest bedroom, wearing his shirt and sweatpants. Your head is pounding and you’re hungover like you weren’t since college.

You check your phone, 10 percent left, it’s only 9 in the morning. You groan and rub your eyes before you head to the bathroom that’s attached to the bedroom.

As you brush your teeth with one of the packaged toothbrushes you swipe through your messages, there’s one from Kendall asking why you called him. Shit. The memories come flooding back to you, you were never as thankful for Stewy as you are in this moment. Thank god he stopped you from confessing your love to your best friend who’s in a relationship.

'Nothing important. Was out and drunkenly called you to talk :)' you type in

'Would have loved to hear your rambling.' He texts back

'No you wouldn’t it’s embarrassing.' You text and think this conversation is over until your phone vibrates again

'It’s cute.' Says his message and you can’t stop your heart from jumping a little.

After you took a shower you walk into the kitchen where Stewy sits looking like he never went out.

”Good morning, Honey. How are you feeling?“

You make a non commital noise. While getting a coffee.

”I’ll leave for Greece tomorrow, you can come if you want.“

”Stewy I can’t.“

”Why not? What’s better for a broken heart than Paxos and souvlaki?“

You roll your eyes while grinning at him

”Can I think about it?“ you ask biting your lip

”Of course.“ Stewy answers you. Maybe it’s a good idea to get away for a few days.

#kendall roy imagine #kendall roy x reader #kendall roy x you #kendall roy fic #kendall roy fluff

[slimepuppied]

thinking about gerri and emotion. one of the first interactions we have with her, that is more than her purely talking buisness is her talking about baird with roman, and she smiles and frowns but she doesn’t "push the emotional envelope", she has no reason to, he’s been dead for years, and she doesn’t expect roman to know or remember. it doesn’t really matter, so she remains stoic, she’s good at that, well practiced.

but later in their interaction, roman remarks how she has always been seen as stone cold, as a killer bitch. and her reaction isn’t negative, or at least she isn’t offended.

as we get to know gerri, we become more accustomed to her, and see more fondness in her displayed toward the kids. we see her unwind with alcohol ( that's a meta for later. )

gerri is always calculating, even when arguing with logan over the fbi visit she remains a voice of reason, raising her voice more likely so that it might be heard instead of out of frustration. ( though i have no doubt frustration plays a part in it. ) we get her again, cool headed but pissed when she calls frank a cowardly prick. still she keeps composure.

but in season four, when she's been fired we see a far more emotional reaction.

the word re-calibrating in regards to gerri and expressing emotion is so important, the way emotions become analytical. it is gerri dehumanizing herself, removing the nature of emotion, of feeling. she is compartmentalizing. she has to pick and choose what to display and how to display it. gerri doesn’t get to feel emotions for the sake of emotions. she can't afford to.

she’s a women in a man’s world, and if she cries or argues, she’s “too emotional.” if she doesn't respond, she's emotionless, she's "too cold." inhumane. and in the world of waystar, that's what's more important. that's what benefits her to be.

she waits until she is alone ( or at least until his eyes are off of her. ) to react. because she can cope.

it's worth noting, the two times she displays ( arguably ) the most emotion are both scenes involving roman, and the loss of her career. gerri notes in s3 that she avoids mess, that the downside to their situationship is that it would affect her job. but he is also one of the only people she's allowed behind 30 years of walls she's built around herself, someone she trusted. allied with who ultimately is the one to stick the knife in her back

( once for logan: her first firing is a punishment to roman, her original firing has nothing to do with her, it is essentially a corporate fridging. she is put on the chopping block because logan can't fire roman. )

the second time, is far more fascinating, because it has so little to do with her job, it has far more to do with personal relationships, ( though really with gerri those two things are one in the same. ) the uncorking of a bottle she's been shoving emotions into since dickpic gate. her own uncertainty of her footing in regards to roman, and his inability to cope with their particular situation. ( emotions from the "betrayal" at the end of s3, as well as her firing at con's wedding. betrayals on both ends. ) it comes to a head because she hurts him, and he retaliates. roman is told he isn't his father, and in return she is told she is not good at her job, the firing is a way to prove the point, to hammer it home.

gerri refuses emotion for the sake of her job, but when that is lost, or in the balance, she lose composure. waystar is so engraved in gerri that there is a certain level of uncertainty to losing it. what is gerri without waystar ? who is she if she isn't waystar royco's general counsel ? how much of her life has she thrown away for it to be ended by a spoiled brat playing king.

#gerri kellman #succession #succ posting . #hbo succesion #succession gerri #this doesn't make sense so don't look at it #but the thoughts are pinging around my head #like a windows screensaver #and it's just hit each corner #long post / #character study . #jayne writes .

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Code Words | Risk Assessment

*materializes into existence* Okay, I don't want to overwhelm you or like, spam you. I've already requested something before that got answered (which was a very cool and awesome fic, btw). So yeah. But if you are taking requests (if not, it okay. Take care), may I suggest some h/c with Logan comforting Roman? Idc about plot. Just a general ask. I just finished the most recent addition to Code Words, so I am still recovering from that entire masterpiece. Anyway, take care of yourself! Have fun :D – oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat

Read on Ao3

Warnings: described past torture, mention of past relapse, some violence, non-explicit

Pairings: none, all gen

Word Count: 5987

    I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. Roman's hands clench and unclench at his sides as he stares at the closed door. It looks so innocuous; it's just a conference room, on the second floor of the main compound building. There's a window on one side. He can see silhouettes through the cloudy glass. He knows exactly what's about to happen. He all but asked for it to happen. There's no reason for him to believe he can't do this.

Footsteps to his left and he turns to see Logan walking toward him. He's all buttoned-up again—slacks, badge, even the familiar dark blue notebook tucked into his hand. The only difference between this and all the other things Roman's seen him go to is there's a soft smile on his face. Something that unconsciously relaxes his shoulders as Logan draws closer.

"Good morning," he says, still speaking in the soft voice from a few days ago, "how are you feeling?"

"Like I just swallowed a bunch of stinging nettles."

Logan chuckles. "I have forgotten how well you use your words in unexpected ways. Despite that, I'm—well, I'm not surprised to hear it."

Roman glances at the door again. As if sensing how much he's trying to make it disappear with nothing but his glare alone, Logan rests a hand on his shoulder.

"You are not being punished, Roman. You will not suddenly become 'in trouble' over the course of this meeting. No one is expecting perfect behavior or complete recovery. You are hurting, we know. This is—"

"To help make it go away, yeah, I know." He hunches his shoulders. "Sorry for interrupting."

"It might be time we retire that one too," Logan mutters, mostly to himself, before he gently bids Roman to look up at him. He cups the side of Roman's face. "I'm here for you. In whatever capacity you decide. It would be best if you spoke for yourself as much possible, but if you want me to say something for you, I will."

A lump forms in his throat. He swallows it down. "Thanks, Logan."

Logan offers him another one of those soft smiles and pats his shoulder. "Whenever you think you're ready."

Roman looks back at the door and with a surge of courage he doesn't feel, reaches out and pushes the door open.

As soon as he spots the three people already seated inside, he wants to run away again.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

"Roman," the man sitting at the head of the table says, smiling, "good to see you. Would you care to have a seat?"

Roman glances around and picks the seat the furthest away from the others with his eyes firmly on the door. He gives a quick nod to the man who spoke and directs his gaze down as Logan comes in too, murmuring a greeting to the others. Roman wasn't quick enough to control himself not to see the mustachioed man in a cargo jacket and Janus watching him sit down. He curls his hands together under the table and picks at his palm.

I can do this. I can do this.

"Well," the man at the head of the table says, prompting Roman to look up again, "just to get us started, I'm Patton. I work in the Psych department. I've worked with Logan numerous times in the past but as of right now, I'm unfamiliar with the rest of you, except by name. Would you care to introduce yourselves, or shall we proceed?"

Roman glances around at the others who are doing a great job of pretending they're not looking to him for cues. He swallows. "Roman. Agent 34689. Level 3."

"Logan," Logan says next, "Agent 7985. Level 8."

"Janus." I'm not there. He's not Deceit. This is what needs to happen. "Agent 1432. Level 9."

"Remus," says the last man, shifting slightly in his chair. "Agent 69420. Level 9."

"Pleasure to meet all of you, though I wish it had been under different circumstances." Patton adjusts his glasses and sets a pale blue notebook at his elbow. "To give you a bit of background, I'm here on behalf of the Psych department to clear both Roman and Janus out of their last mission, and to figure out what happened with the initial debrief to plan an appropriate course of action. Under normal circumstances, of course, much of this information would be Level 6 only, but those restrictions are temporarily suspended for this meeting."

Something catches on his fingernail and Roman looks down to see he's picked one of his calluses down to a blister. He smooths his thumb over it as though that would make it go away.

"Roman?"

He jerks. He looks up. They're all staring at him. Why are they all staring at him? They need to stop staring at him.

"If you wouldn't mind," Patton says, "could you tell us how the mission went for you? From the initial brief to arriving back at campus."

Roman's back tingles. He swallows. "You want—all of it?"

"If possible yet."

"You—um, I don't think—" he swallows again— "I don't think me saying everything Deceit did to me would be good for either of us."

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Janus shift slightly and Remus rubs his thumb against his forefingers. Patton nods. "You needn't go into explicit detail if you don't wish to, but as thorough of a timeline as possible would be helpful."

I can do this. I can do this.

"I—I was told that there was an up-and-coming member of the gang that needed to be stopped. They were—he—the gang was looking to expand their operations into a new territory and was threatening the civilian population. I was to uncover how far they wanted to go and how much they knew about—"

"It's simple," Deceit remarked almost conversationally as the other goons sniggered, "you tell me what you know, and this stops."

Roman grits his teeth, arching at the pain in his spine—stop, stop, stop—

Logan lays a hand carefully on his and interrupts some kind of feedback loop. Roman takes a deep breath.

"How much they knew about us."

Across the table, he hears Remus bite back a curse as Janus fully closes his eyes. Even Logan looks pained.

"What? Why do you all look like that?"

"I believe they're trying to understand why you were assigned the mission in that way," Patton says, drawing Roman's attention back to himself, "would you like to continue?"

"I was given a rough location of where the gang's prospective headquarters were and an apartment in the area they were looking to take over. I was told not to contact the Agency unless it was an emergency or I was submitting the reports at the request of my handler."

"And how often was that?"

"Every few months on a non-schedule schedule. The longest gap was eight months."

Patton writes something down in the notebook. "Alright, thank you."

"I—do I keep going?"

"Yes, if you wouldn't mind."

"I first—um—we first—the first time I saw—" Roman sighs in frustration before turning across the table. "Am I calling you Janus or Deceit for this?"

"Whatever you want, sweetie."

"That's not helpful."

"Deceit, then, for undercover work, and Janus when we're here."

"Great. The first time I saw Deceit, then, was at the Skyrail Bridge. We'd gotten a tip that the gang was smuggling its weapons over the bridge to take root in a new warehouse and I went to stop it."

"Did you receive any direct correspondence to do so?"

"No, I just said I wasn't supposed to talk to the Agency. They didn't talk to me either."

"Why not just follow the truck, then," Remus asks, "to see where the new headquarters was?"

"Yeah, truck chock full of volatile explosives traveling through a heavily populated civilian area, why wouldn't I want that?"

"We're not here to discuss how the mission should have proceeded," Patton breaks in, quietly yet firmly, "Roman, if you would?"

Remus looks not at all chastised and returns to rubbing at his fingers. Roman takes another deep breath. "There was a way to trip the signal tower to shut down the bridge for the night. It wouldn't do anything against the truck if they chose to—I don't know, drive it through the barricade, but I figured they'd want to prioritize discretion over—whatever the hell you'd call driving through a bridge barricade."

Logan turns away to hide a smile.

"As the barricade came down, I saw Deceit get out of one of the cars next to the truck. He looked at me and said something to one of the other men he was with. I saw a car following me as I went home that night. I managed to get through two weeks before they held someone hostage at the bank nearby the apartment and used it as a distraction to get me somewhere they'd jump me."

He shifts in his chair and, despite himself, glances over at Janus.

"That's the first time we met face to face."

Janus nods silently. Patton writes something else down. "And how did that go?"

"I have a new aversion to jumper cables and a few burn scars on my back, that's how it went." Patton just nods and motions for him to continue. "Uh—he wanted to know what I knew about the gang and how I knew about the truck."

"And did you tell him?"

"Fuck no."

Logan doesn't say anything, but he's only had the privilege of knowing that Logan's proud of him a few times in his life. He'd sure as shit known to remember what it feels like.

And so it goes. Despite the way his hands shake and the way the scars start to ache again, he makes it through the painful years. How he'd been captured, interrogated, tortured, over and over not always at the hands of Deceit, but enough to make it known. How every time he'd try to do something to stop the gang, they would always know he was coming at least two hours beforehand. Sometimes that was enough for them to get away clean, other times things got really, really messy. By the time he gets to his capture at the gang's compound, he's trembling.

"I was kept in an isolated ward. I only saw Deceit. I—I tried to escape once but the terrain around the building was—I didn't make it." I'm not there. I'm not there. I'm not there. "There was a raw end to the bedpost."

Patton frowns. "I'm sorry, there was a what?"

"The bed. It was made of metal. One of the edges was still sharp. It didn't—like it was unfinished."

"I see."

"I cut up the mattress to make shoes. I used the springs inside to make them stronger. I tied them onto my feet and ran away in the middle of the night when the coast was clear."

"So that's how you did it," Janus says under his breath. Roman glances up. Janus doesn't quite meet his eyes but the ghost of a smile plays on his lips.

"I laid low for a while after that. I had to figure out how to restock my first aid cabinet, but—"

"Sorry," Logan interrupts, sounding equal parts regretful and suspicious, "what do you mean, restock your first aid cabinet?"

"One of the first things I did when I got the apartment was cobble together an at-home pharmacy, basically. So I had to—"

"You weren't given a safehouse with proper medical equipment?"

"This place barely had working walls and roof, it sure as hell didn't have anything that could possibly be considered medical grade." Logan's mouth tightens. "Why?"

"Sorry for interrupting," Logan says lowly, turning away, "please."

Roman eyes him for another moment before continuing. "So I restocked—I think I may have traumatized the person working at the 7/11 nearby, though."

"How so?"

"I mean, I stumbled in at three in the morning covered in blood asking about liquor and dental floss, probably not the greatest first impression. I don't think I got too much blood on the floor, though—oh, shit, I definitely did. Oops."

Logan pats his knee.

"Um—the next time we met was at the docks."

Janus, who had been listening to his whole spiel, suddenly looks down and away, his mouth tightening. No small part of Roman surges at the sight of him so visibly uncomfortable, after all the times he's sat back and hurt him, watched him be hurt, laughed at him being hurt, how does it feel? How does it feel to get ripped apart while other people are watching? Does it hurt? I hope it hurts. I hope you hurt as badly as I do.

But the smaller part of him, the part that's still curled up on the cold dock floor, swallows.

"Do…do you want me to stop?"

He doesn't respond for a moment, not until Patton prompts him softly. He looks up. "You're asking me?"

"Yeah."

"Don't worry about me, sweetie." Roman just glares at him. "What?"

"Kid's right," Remus says, his voice suddenly softer too, "this meeting's supposed to be for both of you. No sense in you getting hurt here too."

Janus turns to look at Remus with such a vulnerable expression that Roman's skin crawls with self-disgust. As Remus leans closer to whisper something to him, the two of them craft such a bubble of intimacy that he feels like a voyeur, stealing something he isn't supposed to see. He turns and Logan's there, reaching to sling an arm around his shoulders and let him rest his head against his chin. The hand on his back rubs in soothing circles.

"You're doing so well," Logan whispers, his voice a little thick, "so well, little one. I'm so proud of you."

"This is hard. This is really hard. I'm—I can't help it."

"Shh, shh, it's alright. You're doing spectacularly."

They sit in the quiet for a few more moments before they hear the rustling of someone sitting up. When Roman looks over, Janus is nodding with his eyes closed. He looks at Roman and Roman's heart twists at the sudden redness of his eyes.

"Whenever you're ready."

Roman swallows. "There was a ship. It was supposed to come in. It carried thousands and thousands of pounds of amphrilax."

Everyone in the room apart from Janus tenses.

"If it got into the city, it would—even if only a fraction of it was actually used, it could wipe out the entire population in one of the wards in a matter of days and would get into the whole city proper within a week. And it would be almost impossible to ensure the water supply was clean."

He shifts. The fabric rasps across his lower abdomen.

"I couldn't let that happen."

He can still feel the wind on his hair. He can still smell the stench of the harbor. He can still see the massive silhouette of the ship in the dead of night, acrid smoke billowing into putrid clouds. He can still hear the hustle of the gang members as the ship sailed into port, as it drew alongside with its terrible cargo as fleets of trucks arrived to deliver the poison into the city's bloodstream.

He can still feel the hand that grabbed the back of his collar as he pressed the distress beacon.

"They dragged me down by the ship."

The henchmen laughed and leered as the gang member held him up like a mangy dog.

"They beat me."

They took pipes and wrenches to his back. They wore steel-toe boots. They laughed and jeered and spit on him.

"One of them had a knife."

They don't tell you that it doesn't feel like you get stabbed. It feels like you got punched until the fire spreads and you look down to see red all over your hands.

"He just watched."

It was so cold. It's so cold.

It's so

cold

cold

cold

"Roman," Logan's calling, "Roman, little one, you need to breathe."

He is breathing, isn't he? He was talking. Also he needs to breathe so he doesn't pass out from blood loss. Wait. Is he bleeding? He doesn't think he was sitting down when he got stabbed. He's not at the docks. Where is he? Oh, right, he's in a conference room. He's at the compound. Logan wasn't at the docks. Logan is here. Logan's right here. He's in the compound. He's in the meeting. He's…he…

…he can't breathe.

"Look at me. Look at me, Roman." A hand on his face and he looks at Logan. "That's it. Focus on me. You need to breathe, now. In for three…out for five. Good. It's alright, try again, in for three…out for five…in for three…out for five…"

"I'm alright."

"Are you back with me?"

"Yeah…yeah, I'm here." He closes his eyes and rests a hand on his stomach. He's not bleeding. He's safe. He's not there. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize, little one. It's alright. You're doing so well."

It's safer to talk just to Logan right now. He fists a hand in the fabric of Logan's sleeve. "The sirens started and Deceit—Deceit said they had to cut their losses and go. He argued for a long time but eventually they just took a few barrels and left. He—when he was about to leave, he leaned down and told me that I owed him a favor."

He tries to choke back a sob. He fails.

"It hurt so much, Logan."

Logan doesn't say anything, but a hand slides up to the back of his head and cradles him there, gentle fingers carding through the hair at the nape of his neck. He struggles to hold in the rest of the tears and just manages to choke down the lump in his throat.

"Okay. Okay, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good now."

"Let's take a break," Patton says softly, "I need a moment to organize my notes and grab a drink."

"Come, little one," Logan says, beginning to stand, "let's get you a drink too."

Shame burning in his cheeks, Roman closes his eyes and lets Logan bundle him out into the hallway, down past the doors, to one of the bathrooms. The lights flicker on as the door shuts behind them and he can't hold out anymore.

"Hey, hey," Logan murmurs as he all but throws himself into his arms, "shh, I'm right here. It's alright, little one, you're safe now. I've got you. You're doing so well, I'm so proud of you."

"It hurts, it hurts, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't do this, I can't do this—"

Logan just wraps him up in a strong embrace and oh, if this had happened half a dozen times when he was still training, he swears he wouldn't be as fucked up now. Logan is big and soft and warm and he smells like coffee and Roman's getting his shirt all gross and he's a complete fucking mess and absolutely not something to be proud of but Logan said he is proud of him and—and—

He collapses into a heap of tears in Logan's arms.

Logan just holds him. The anchor in the storm, his arms tightly around Roman's shoulders and waist, his mouth pressed near his ear. He lets out soft shushing noises that wriggle into the tight spool of tension in his chest and dissolve it bit by bit. When Roman's sobbed his heart near free from his mouth, he adjusts his grip slightly and begins to whisper.

"Listen to me, now, little one. Just listen. You are doing an incredibly difficult thing right now. This would be challenging for any operative at any level. And you have done it admirably. Shh-shh, you have. Do not hold yourself to the standard of doing this perfectly. There is no perfect way to do this. You are doing it, that is the most important thing."

He pauses before continuing.

"I know in the past I have caused you to doubt my faith in you. My trust in you, the pride in you I have. I will do my best to make sure you never doubt it again."

"I'm scared," Roman whispers with the last of his hitching breaths, "I'm so scared."

"I know, little one. I'm right here."

Fuck it. I'm scared and someone is offering to comfort me. I'm staying here for as long as I fucking want.

So he does.

In truth, he has no idea how long it's been until he can move without feeling like he's shattered into a million pieces, even if bone-weary exhaustion traces every step he takes until he can stagger to the sink to splash cold water on his face. He grabs the paper towels and pats his face dry, wincing at how puffy he looks in the mirror.

"This looks bad—" sounds bad too— "right?"

"It does look as though you've been crying," Logan says softly, "but it doesn't look 'bad.'"

"Well, fuck it."

Logan chuckles softly as they leave the bathroom, stopping for a drink before returning to the conference room. Roman reaches out to turn the handle, but something makes him pause. After a moment, he knocks.

"Come in."

He opens the door and takes his seat, mumbling an apology about taking so long.

"No worries, kiddo. Do you feel up to continuing?"

"Yeah." He glances over at Remus and Janus—the latter of which gives him the smallest of smiles. Remus has one hand dropped beneath the level of the table and it doesn't take any special deduction to figure out why. "Um—so after the docks, I didn't see Deceit until you came by for dinner."

Remus barks out a laugh. "Wait, you're serious?"

Roman nods. "It was December. I went to go visit my family. And then my mom opened the door and there he was. And she invited him to dinner."

"Did you go?"

"I wasn't about to turn down a home-cooked meal," Janus says with a glimmer of amusement, "and I had a feeling she would…persuade me."

"Oh, she would've knocked you out and sat you up at the table, for sure."

"Your mother truly is an excellent cook."

"She wants you to come back, you know."

"Does she?"

"Mhm. She wants to know when your birthday is too." When Janus makes a face, Roman shrugs helplessly. "I don't know. It just—she's—I don't know."

"So," Patton says, getting their attention, "was this…planned in any way?"

"No. I thought—I thought he'd found out about my family and was going to threaten them if I didn't cooperate. But he said he'd just run into my mother at the store and didn't know it was my mother." Remus is still trying and failing to stifle his snorts. "We, um, went for a walk. And then he came to dinner. And then he left."

Remus snorts. Then he starts laughing properly. After a moment, Roman joins in. Then Janus, then Logan, and eventually Patton starts laughing too. It's surreal, really, but then again so was that dinner. They needed it.

"I think I still have the photos in my phone," Roman says through his giggles, prompting Janus to sober a little.

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"Wait, there are photos?" Remus leans across the table. "Show me."

"Remus," Logan says quietly but Roman's already pulling out his phone. Patton leans in as well as Roman finds the photos.

He pauses for a moment, looking at them. They really do look happy in them. A perfect postcard. Unbidden, Logan's words about them getting along if they'd met under different circumstances drift through his mind.

"Don't hold out on me, kid."

"Right, sorry."

Remus peers at the phone. His eyes widen and his mouth drops open. "Holy shit."

"They really are good photos," Janus says as Roman turns the phone to show Patton.

"Would you mind sending me a copy?"

"Sure. Uh, now?"

"Later is fine." Patton writes down something on another line and turns the page. "Was that the last time you saw each other?"

In an instant, the humor fades. Roman goes to pick at his palm again when Logan catches his hand and holds it. He swallows.

"No."

"When was the next time? Or what happened next in the course of the mission?"

Roman swallows again. He just had a drink too. "Gredence Square."

"And what was Gredence Square?"

"Sweetie," Janus says softly, "you don't have to—"

"Don't fucking speak for me."

Janus goes silent immediately and Roman closes his eyes.

"Sorry."

"No need."

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

"Gredence Square was the next place rumored to be attacked. I went to scout the location but I was captured. I was interrogated by Deceit. I was emotionally compromised due to our previous interaction. I was—I was relieved of my misconceptions. Deceit left. The other two gang members tried to kill me. I escaped. I returned to my apartment. I sent off my report."

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't—

"—and I relapsed."

A group passes by the conference room. One of them asks where everyone else wants to go for lunch.

A cloud passes over the sun.

Patton's pen scratches against the notebook.

Logan squeezes his hand tightly.

"We met twelve more times. None of them resulted in my capture. Two months ago I was told the mission was over and to report back to campus. That's it. Until someone told me Deceit was in the meeting room and—we know what happened next."

"I don't," Patton says quietly, "would you mind telling me?"

Anger flares on the tip of his tongue. "Hasn't the gossip gotten to Psych yet? About the stupid fucked up agent who didn't know another agent was undercover? Who got tazed by Security and laughed at? You sure you don't know what happened?"

"You were tazed?"

"Yeah, I was tazed, because apparently bursting into a room when a gang member is in there warrants me being tazed when I don't know shit. And then they fucking laughed at me and I ran away because apparently that's all I know how to fucking do," he spits, "that and fail to kick people out of my room."

Logan's hand flexes in his and he squeezes in silent apology. Patton writes a few more things down and nods.

"Thank you, Roman. I appreciate the time you've taken to go through this for us. If you'd like to leave, I understand, and we can—"

"No."

Patton pauses. "No?"

"You made Janus be here for mine, I'll be here for his. That's fair."

A pained noise comes from somewhere and he only belatedly realizes it's Janus when Remus turns to whisper to him again. Janus shakes his head and waves him off. He looks at Roman. "Only if you're sure."

"We got into this mess 'cause I didn't know shit. I'm not going to make that mistake again." He scrunches down in his seat. "And it's only fair."

He can feel Remus looking at him.

"Janus," Patton says softly, "whenever you're ready."

A shaky breath across the table. "I was given a mission about six years ago to infiltrate the gang to gather intel to eliminate the caucus that runs it. I was given regular drop-offs with other members of the agency, a set of code phrases to use with them should my situation change, and an emergency comm."

You got all of that? What the fuck?

"Integration took about two years. By the third, I was given direct oversight of certain operations. I began to sabotage them carefully in line with the instructions given by my handler but not at the risk of exposing myself. I would regularly smuggle intel back to the Agency. At the end of the twenty-ninth month, I was informed that a safety would be deployed to help maintain my cover."

Roman's stomach sinks.

"I…incorrectly assumed that the safety had been given the same code phrases I was," he continues, his voice growing thicker, "or any code phrases at all. I did not ask my handler to confirm it."

It's your fault, part of Roman screams. He doesn't say anything.

It's the mindfuck of a lifetime, hearing Janus describe everything that happened from his perspective. How he tried to throw the others off Roman's trail, how hard he worked to make sure he wasn't compromised and Roman wasn't taken in his stead. How much it hurt now to know that Roman had no way of telling him that it was too much, that it hurt, that it hurt so much, please, please stop—

He squeezes Logan's hand.

"I told Roman this the other day, but I'll say it here as well—" Janus gives him a little nod— "I had no intention of barging in on his family celebration. Truly I was in the neighborhood for reasons unrelated to the mission and his mother spotted me from her front window. I offered to leave them once I realized the truth but Roman…invited me inside."

"It was a good dinner," Roman mumbles, "and you were…nice."

"I wanted to make up for the docks," Janus whispers hoarsely, "so I…I tried to let as much of the disguise slip as I could. But I let it slip too much and I was pulled in for questioning as soon as I left his mother's house."

He was what?

"Was your position compromised?"

"No. I managed to assure them that I was just there to gather intel on Roman, but the next time we found him, they asked me to…prove it."

Gredence Square.

"I'm so sorry, Roman," Janus whispers, his eyes squeezed shut as Remus shifts toward him protectively, "I thought—I thought that it would be safer for you if I didn't physically hurt you, but the things I said—"

"You said what you had to to keep us both safe."

"Yes."

He gets it. He does. He hates it, he feels it crawling under his skin, but he gets it. He hates himself for getting it so quickly and he hates the world for putting them in this position.

He doesn't listen to the rest of it, despite his best intentions. He's too busy trying to stop himself from drifting back into the cold, dark, wet apartment and so he can't focus on the words coming out of Janus's mouth until he hears:

"I told Roman that I understand if it takes time for him to be alright with me, and I stand by that. Regardless of culpability for everything else, I have hurt him. He has the right to assert his own boundaries."

Roman just nods. Patton writes down one last thing before he sets down the pen and steeples his fingers.

"Thank you both very much. I understand that this is not an easy thing and you both have done it. I can officially end the previous missions—which means you are both out of the debrief period and are once again free agents. With your permission, I'd like to take this and set about moving this investigation forward. No action will be brought without your knowledge and consent, but I would like to begin nonetheless."

Roman nods. So does Janus. Patton smiles.

"That brings us to the end of this meeting, unless you have anything else you'd like to discuss?" Roman half raises his hand awkwardly. "You don't need to raise your hand, kiddo, what is it?"

"The rules about agent-on-agent violence. Janus shouldn't be punished for what he did."

Janus's head whips around and Remus's eyes go wide. Even Logan squeezes his hand a little tighter. Patton tilts his head curiously. "Can you say more?"

"Janus was operating under the assumption of basic competence. If an agent is found to be willfully negligent in basic duties and capabilities, the perpetrator can't be found liable." He takes a deep breath and fights the burning in his stomach. "It's not—it's not fair to him if he's punished for something he didn't know, just like it isn't fair if I get punished under reckless endangerment."

He glances at Logan.

"See? I paid attention."

Logan doesn't say anything, just swallows heavily and squeezes his hand again.

"I'll make a note of it," Patton says, "anything else?"

"N-no, that's it."

"Janus?" Janus shakes his head, still staring at Roman. "Then you're all free to leave. Thank you for your time."

Roman stands up and Logan quickly joins him, holding his hand as they leave the room. He leans against the wall and scrubs his hands over his face. Tipping his head back, he draws lungful after lungful of the artificially cold air until he doesn't feel like he's on fire anymore.

"Fuck."

"Quite," Logan says, his voice a little thick, "oh, little one, come here."

"This level of hugging is really good," Roman mumbles, muffled against his shoulder, "you should keep it up all the time."

Logan's chuckle rumbles through him. He peers over his shoulder to see Janus and Remus emerging from the room too. Before he can think better of it, he taps Logan's arm to get him to let go and calls out.

"Remus?"

Remus pauses, turning as Roman walks up to him. "Yeah?"

Just say it. Just fucking say it. "I'm really glad Janus has you. Thank you."

Remus looks at him for a long moment. He's tall. Almost as tall as Janus, if not taller. And he's built like a brick shit house. Just as Roman starts to squirm under his gaze, he sighs. "Can I level with you, kid?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't expect you. I thought you were gonna be some snot-nosed kid who didn't know how to deal with anything besides screaming and sulking."

"Ouch."

"But you're not." He steps forward and rests a hand on his shoulder. "You're a damn good person, you hear me? I don't care what sort of agent you are, you're a damn good person."

"Th-thanks?"

"And when all of this is over, and we've all had time to get our shit together, the four of us are gonna go out to dinner and I'm gonna tell you every embarrassing thing Janny did while we were trainees."

"Remus," Janus says from behind him but when Roman sneaks a look at him, he's smiling.

"Sound good, kid?"

"Yeah, that—that sounds really good."

Patton smiles as he hears Remus mutter something else to Roman before the four of them part ways. He looks down at his notes and adjusts his glasses, his temperament cooling rapidly as he rereads some of the sections. His mouth sets in a line and he stands, walking briskly toward the elevator banks.

He swipes his card at the last one on the left and presses a button. He watches in silence as the floors tick higher, and higher, and higher, until the doors open.

He strides down the vast hall to the burnished metal door. He presses the intercom button.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Sarah? It's Patton, I need a word."

"Buzzing you in now."

"Thank you."

He nods to Sarah as he steps into the first office, steeling himself before approaching the massive double doors. He pushes them open.

"Virgil, there's something that requires your attention."

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl

#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #fic #roman sanders #roman angst #roman sanders angst #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #patton sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #janus sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders

[tomwambsmilk]

When I was watching live last night my internet cut out just as Roman finished talking to Gerri and only came back in at the very end of Roman and Kendall's conversation with Willa when they get on the boat, so I missed Roman leaving the message for Logan. And then when Logan died and Roman asked about the messages everyone went "oh my god the messages... he thinks he killed his dad with that message" so I thought obviously he said something truly horrible and awful. He fucking lost it. He eviscerated Logan. What else would possibly give an old man a heart attack on the toilet. So to go back and rewatch and discover that the message was basically "uhhhhhhhhh I really hope this isn't like too mean or anything dad but um I think maybe it kind of sucked when you asked me to murder someone I care about and piss in their face? I feel like that was a lot? I don't want to be dramatic or anything please still love me after this but maybe its not cool when you do that. maybe i have thoughts and feelings and am a real boy then again maybe not only if you're cool with it. but also I'm not happy with you right now. but also please still love me okay daddy bye" like holy fuck send that boy to therapy

#i mean it was a HUGE step for roman but. agggggggghghhhhhh #imagine thinking that message was bad enough to kill logan. that boy is FUCKED #succession spoilers

[calethelettuce]

The Sides As ABBA Songs, Because ABBA Slays

I'm on an ABBA kick guys, bear with me- I thought this would be a cool thing to do, plus you get reasons why :3 If you disagree, lmk!

✨Roman✨

Honey, Honey

- Look, it’s as cheesy as ABBA can get. It’s totally up Roman’s alley

- Probably daydreams about Thomas’ crushes to this song specifically

- Knows almost all of the Mamma Mia! lore (Context: A lot of ABBA music was used in Mamma Mia!, a concert-style musical made specifically with ABBA in mind)

- Puts him in the mood to write some kind of romance novel

- Bro is probably obsessed with ABBA an unhealthy amount, to the point C!Thomas starts having dreams about the group members

⭐Logan⭐

The Name Of The Game

- I was originally going to put S.O.S for Lo-gay, but I feel like this one fits better

- Totally jams out to some of ABBA’s chiller songs while reading or while working

- ‘And you make me feel, and you make me show, what I’m trying to conceal’ sounds like somebody is having some funny lil issues hiding something HMMMM???? MAYBE SOME EMOTIONS?????

- Likes to research the members, just to familiarize himself with the artists to better understand

- Probably analyzes every little lyric, but likes this song just a tad more than the others because.. well, he relates in a way.

🌩️Virgil🌩️

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

- The purp man, listening to something OTHER THAN ROCK????!?? Holy shit it’s a miracle

- The most emo song made by ABBA by far

- ‘Won’t somebody help me chase the shadows away?’ C’MON NOW

- Really likes the instrumentals, that’s for sure

- Listens to it kinda often, although it’s kinda just shoved in his 12 hour playlist

- For some reason it calms him down a little when he’s really anxious

- Probably makes up scenarios in his head based on the lyrics

- Not a huge ABBA fan, but tolerates their music a good amount

- Would totally go to a concert tho

💙Patton💙

Slipping Through My Fingers

- I ACTUALLY ALMOST CRIED THINKING ABOUT THIS ONE :(

- It’s just- *sniff* PARENT OVERLOOKING THEIR KID WHO’S FINALLY ALL GROWN UP :((((

- ‘Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture, And save it from the funny tricks of time’ I CHOKED AND DIED :(

- Pat probably listens to this song sparingly, because he might relate just a lil too much

- He does like it, it’s just he’s a very emotional guy

- Honestly, he probably listens to ABBA just because it’s ABBA

- Jams to Dancing Queen tho

⚜️Janus⚜️

Voulez-Vous

- Come on now. The phrase ‘Nothing promised, no regrets’? Literally Janus in a nutshell.

- Not really his taste, but sometimes puts it on as a boost of some sort (Probably in the morning)

- I mean, this song is just a bop

- DEFINITELY plays the Just Dance version with Remus or one of the other sides

- I lied he likes playing all the ABBA songs on JD okay he just does

- Probably quotes the french in this song (Only Roman gets it, and 85% of the time he just doesn’t remember what it means)

🟩Remus⬛

Does Your Mother Know?

- Do I need to explain? 

- This song is just- yes

- Would definitely tease someone interested in him exactly like this song does

- He’s just so silly

- Probably headbangs to ABBA’s more “explicit” songs

- This one though, he likes because of its funny lil’ indications

- Likes Mamma Mia! like Roman, but only because of the dirty jokes and the “funny” content

- Is pissed it’s not on Just Dance

- Most likely changes the lyrics sometimes to whatever weird things pop into his head that works

- Blasts ABBA music in the background when smashing things with his morningstar (need I explain? we all know he smashes things outta nowhere)

BONUS!!!

💤Sleep💤

Money, Money, Money

- You know this dude is about to spend all his money on starbucks

- It’s just- his aesthetic

- Would definitely marry a wealthy man/woman just for the money

- Hardcore ABBA fan, shut up you cannot change my freaking mind

- Knows all the words

- (Begrudgingly) Geeks out with Roman about it every once in a while

- Causes C!Thomas to lose sleep over this fact (Sleep literally just disappears)

- His personal playlist is half ABBA

- Scored Megastar on Just Dance on every ABBA song (Janus and Remus r jealous of his talent)

💗Emile💗

Chiquitita

- The song reminds me of the therapist friend, so ofc the boi himself deserves it

- Prefers to listen to cartoon soundtracks, though will make an exception every once and a while

- He’s such a sweetheart omg

- If C!Thomas and Emile met in some multiverse I feel like this song describes how a later interaction would go

- I forget that Sleep and Emile aren’t sides lolol

- Also really enjoys Super Trouper for some reason even he can’t explain, he just likes it lol

🌈C!Thomas🌈

Angeleyes

- Nico where u at bby gurl :0

- It’s one of those correlations you can’t explain in a simple way

- ‘Sometimes, when I’m lonely, I sit and think about him’ LIKE AWH ik the song is actually about a breakup BUT SHHHH LET ME BE DELUSIONAL

- Probably enjoys ABBA a moderate amount, he doesn’t really have a cohesive opinion

- Is tired of Roman’s bs tho lol

- There is a breakup mentioned in SaSi somewhere, so this song does kinda make sense in a way

- Vibes with Patton to Dancing Queen 100%

#logan sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides #ts roman #tss virgil #ts patton #ts sides #ts logan #ts janus #thomas sanders #ts headcanon #janus sanders #virgil sanders

[loganslowdown4]

I’m gonna attempt to break this down and point out all the stuff in the guys’ rooms for the newest episode because there’s a ton of Easter eggs in here and it’s fun to compile a list!

🧸🧸🧸🧸🧸

And I’m a complete nerd 🤓

Ok let’s start off with

PATTON’S ROOM!

* Ernie plushie (Sesame Street) in homage to LNTAO

* Light blue dad pyjamas

* Chocolate (baby Pound Puppy plushie) from Moving On

* Winnie The Pooh quilt

* Reindeer plushie bean baby from the 80s (I literally used to have these)

* light blue Cat poster

* Orange tabby cat statue (he loves cats, ok?)

* Mrs Fluffy Bottom (bunny plushie from Prince vs Villain short)

* The creepy glowworm from babyhood

* ‘You make me want to die.. of laughter’ misleading compliment card from Virgil from the 12 Days of Sanders Sides (Xmas)

* His glasses

* A plate with a cookie (and a second cookie because he earned it)

* Framed photo of friends (combats the lonely feelings)

* Catholic Youth Bible (from swearing Oath in SvS)

* Braided friendships bracelets in the Roman Virgil and Logan’s colours

* Embroidery thread to make more friendship bracelets in his, Janus and Remus’ colours

* Pizza plushie (from opening shot Thomas saying ‘YouTube Time’)

* Light blue lamp

* The smell of Christmas (in a box!) from Moving On nostalgia episode

* Stitch plushie from opening scene ‘YouTube time’

* Plus the room has the glittery quality that his room did in the moving on episodes

ROMAN’S ROOM!

* Red plush blanket and red silk pillow case fit for a prince

* Red/pink full face cooling sleep mask for beauty sleep

* Wearing his (Beauty and the) Beast onesie from ATHD

* Up poster (part of his 101 Disney poster collection) (plus it mentions ‘adventure’ which is what Roman would want to dream about)

* Glitter/sparkle aesthetic in his room magically flying around; also a soft rainbow glow overlay

* STAR THINGIES (he got them back from the echo-y mind palace)

* Reading Lord of the Rings (TFOTR) (red and white cover!) plus dudes on an adventure with a king and hot elf? It does scream Roman, doesn’t it?

* Plus multiple bookmarks so he can reread his favourite parts (or find parts that the other sides would like)

* Oh hey Katana

* Little Roman fan made wooden dolls

* Pictures from skirt PS, 80s PS, selfie as Prince from vine days

* Sticky notes (red): YOU GOT THIS PAL! (either from himself or Patton); WWLOJD? (What Would Leslie Odom Jr Do?) plus a picture of the man himself (a crush? 😏); Take Dance Classes AGAIN (is this in reference to Thomas can’t dance? ‘I can box step with the rest of them! 5 6 7 8 no need to demonstrate!’)

* Scented candles for sleep

* REMUS omg was I right about them sharing a room? Hahaha he steals a star thingie because he knows Roman loves them

* Roman Youtooz toy from last year

* Lavender sprays for sleep

* Moisturizer for skin care (a prince has got to slay)

VIRGIL’S ROOM!

* Dark aesthetic from Accepting Anxiety episode

* Purple and grey bedding

* Watching a Jack the Ripper conspiracy video on his computer (re: what videos he would make if he had his on YouTube channel from Q&A)

* Green Day t-shirt (specifically American Idiot album) (also featured album on wall in Accepting Anxiety episode)

* Plain purple sleep hoodie (the man cannot be without a hoodie)

* Whiteboard with ‘# of days since last total disaster: 5’ but who knows what his definition of disaster is…

* Black dry erase marker for whiteboard

* Cobwebs on night stand

* MARCUS! Plushie spider

* Patton’s FamILY card

* Huge (almost empty) purple bottle of melatonin (used to aid sleep)

* Book for Grimms fairy tales (decidedly did NOT swear on his ‘bible’ from SvS)

* Nintendo switch

* Not sure what the things standing up are? Maybe candle/lights?

* Also a mood light off to the side

LOGAN’S ROOM!

* The periodic table on the wall with rainbow colours (that’s just perfect)

* Dark blue dad pyjamas and eye mask (probably for a proper nights sleep) plus he replaces his glasses with an eye mask

* Dark blue matching bed sheets because UNIFORMITY

* All the plushies! All of them. I think he needs the most comfort

* Gravity Falls journal #3

* Another self insert fanfic from Roman! (Possibly not the Sherlock one that Roman wrote for Christmas because this is thinner and has different stickers on the cover, but ahhhh that’s so SWEET)

* Blank cue cards for new slang words to learn

* A FINISHED Rubix cube

* His glasses

* A crossword day by day calendar

* A blue alarm clock 11:30pm? (although it’s pretty late, Logan, is that really a good sleep schedule?)

* An empty jar of crofters (because they are so darn collectible)

* A 10th doctor funko pop (and a Tardis underneath all the plushies!)

* A blue mood light behind the plushies

* And he has a Clapper lol

THANKS FOR READING EVERYONE!

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #can plushies improve our health #sides rooms #Easter eggs sanders sides #sanders sides things you missed #sander sides #roman sanders #logan sanders #ts roman #patton sanders #virgil sanders #ts logan #ts patton #ts virgil #ts theories #ts theory #ts details #long post

[prettywordsblog]

PAIRING Roman & gn reader

SUMMARY two friends, catching up. But the topic of childhood memories spark tensions.

WORD COUNT 1.7k

THEMES angst, one sided feelings, Roman being Roman

A/N got inspired when I was reading dog and bone on ao3 (go read it)

You and Roman have known each other since childhood. You, being Logan’s goddaughter, had grown up quite close to all the Roy children, but being closer in age to Roman meant that the two of you stuck together. Luckily, you never endured Logan’s toxicity— directly at least.

You often witnessed his wrath, unleashing on his poor children. It always made your head spin. Often, you’d stay up late, comforting whichever child that fell victim to his anger. And even more often, this was Roman.

The door of your apartment clicks open.

“Roman?”

“Nyello,” You hear his voice behind you. “I always forget how much I love your apartment. I really feel like I’m part of the lower middle class whenever I’m in here.”

You roll your eyes at his snarkiness, but smile. It’s nice to see your old friend.

“You really took your sweet time getting here didn’t you?”

He checks his watch. “Time is relative. I’m basically on time.”

“If on time means an hour late, sure.”

“We’re just hanging out, what’s the rush?” He sits on the couch across from you, slumping down on it like a bored schoolboy.

You raise your eyebrows “Well, if you showed up on time, we’d have more time together. Beer?”

“Yes please, madam” He says ‘madam’ with a certain sarcasm.

You grab two bottles and hand one to him. The two of you drink and talk for hours, like time hasn’t passed since you last saw each other. The conversations go from childish banter, to the siblings and the family.

“Maybe Logan will drop dead soon and you won’t have to worry about it anymore. He’s prehistoric.” You scoff. “I bet he witnessed that asteroid killing the dinosaurs.”

“Fingers crossed. But you know he’ll live forever just because he’s the embodiment of evil, and evil never dies.”

“I guess you’ll be around for a while then.”

“Oh fuck off,” He rolls his eyes. “I’m good. Unlike Dad I don’t have the soul of a sadist lurking under my skin.”

“Yeah, true. You got the soul of a masochist instead”

“Is that why I’m sitting here drinking beer with you instead of someone whose company I actually enjoy?”

You smile. “Yep.”

He takes a hearty sip of beer. “Sounds about right.”

Hours continue to pass. Time with him seems to fly by.

“Oh man, I'm going to hate myself tomorrow morning when my head is banging and I'm remembering everything I said to you tonight.” He puts the fourth bottle down.

“Hey,” You shoot him a look. “Talking to me is a blessing.”

“Hanging out with you like this is a sign I’ve truly hit rock bottom. I mean, I could be out doing something else.” He crosses his arms and puffs his chest out ever so slightly. He thinks he looks cool, but he’s clearly forgetting he’s a tiny, insecure man.

“Uh huh,” You nod, unamused. “Like what? Flirting with women and then getting scared when they wanna sleep with you?”

“Shut up. I have the worst friends.”

“Friend, you mean. There’s just me.”

“Well, you’re a shitty enough friend. I don’t need more.”

You smirk. You know he doesn’t mean it. It’s easy for you to see past the rude comments, despite the fact he hasn’t always been like this. “Glad I’m special enough to be the only one.” You pull your legs up to you, sitting criss-cross on the couch.

“At least somebody likes me. Well I don't even know if you like me actually, I think you just tolerate me because I'm your childhood friend and you've already invested too many years in this relationship to quit now.”

You shrug. “That’s definitely one theory.”

You think to yourself for a moment and chuckle. “You know, when I think about it, neither of us really had other friends growing up. Same with Kendall and Connor and Shiv.”

He thinks for a moment. “Yeah, I guess we never really did.”

“No wonder we’re such awful people”

“Well, I definitely think you're onto something. We're just a sad bunch of lonely little shits aren't we?”

“Roman? Talking about his feelings?” You let out a fake gasp. He’s not exactly talking about his feelings, but it’s rare he’s honest like this.

“Oh, shove it. I just had a thought, and I'm allowed to have thoughts.”

“You know what, it’s actually nice that you’re not having weird, perverse thoughts for once. Maybe this is good.”

“Hey. I’m not as depraved as you are. Whore.”

“Mhm,” You take another sip of beer. “Remember that time you sent your own father a dick pic?”

He groans. “I’ve told you this before. It was for another girl, who just happened to be under Dad’s contact.”

You raise an eyebrow. He left out the part about how it was for Gerri. “Oh yeah, speaking of that. How’s it going in the uh, woman department?”

“Well, it's pretty dead actually. I've just been so focused on trying to avoid my father's wrath recently I haven't had time for any more of my womanizing ways…”

“You could always go for the geriatrics in ATN, since that seems to be your type.”

“Oh yeah, those are the only women who would sleep with me right?”

“I figure you’d like it that way,” You laugh.

“Har har.” He rolls his eyes.

A moment of silence passes. Talking to Roman again had been sending waves of nostalgia all night. It’s only been a couple months since you’ve seen him, but it felt like ages. Your mind wanders down memory lane, particularly to the sweet, intimate moments you shared with him in your youth. You hesitate to bring things up, but decide there’s no harm in it.

“Remember when we used to sleep together all the time when we were little? ‘Cus you were scared of sleeping alone?”

He pauses, and then snickers. “My god, you have some nerve. Are you trying to embarrass me now?”

You scoff. “Way to ruin a potentially sentimental moment. I was just… reminiscing.”

“Reminiscing? Oh yeah I’m sure, you’re just all sentimental about our childhood. Is that what you call it?”

You furrow your eyebrows. “Jesus is it that weird that I think about it every now and then?”

“Well, for normal people maybe not, but for you it is a little weird I must say. You know why?”

Your nose wrinkles as you shoot him a look. “Why’s that?”

“Because you're you. And I know you're not just reminiscing and thinking about the "good old days." I know you're thinking about us and how we used to be and what could've been.”

Your mouth drops open slightly. The sudden aggression makes something in your stomach churn. It reminds you of Logan, in a way.

But you just inhale deeply and turn your head towards the window.

“Oh please, don't you play dumb with me! I know you better than anyone else does.”

You get up abruptly to throw the empty cans of beer away. “You’re such a dick.”

He gets up as well. “Oh, I'm the dick, okay. Because I can see what you're feeling and you're clearly not used to anyone actually reading your emotions so now you're freaking out and getting all pissy at me.”

“You don’t have to rub salt in the wound.”

“So there’s a wound?” He puts his hands on his hips, in the typical Roman fashion.

You narrow your eyes and him. “Yes. There’s several.”

“Oh come on, it was such a long time ago.”

“I would be over it if I wasn’t strung along by you all the time, like a fucking dog. I’m always stuck at your side but you just get to do whatever you want because you’re Roman Roy.”

He groans. “Oh please, don't even start with me. You love being at my side, because I'm the only person you know that actually treats you with a modicum of respect, unlike my father who's a walking pile of dogshit you've grown used to, or Kendall who is just an entitled brat, or Shiv who doesn't even see you as a person. But I still treat you like a human being despite all the crap you've put me through over the years. You just don't want to admit that I'm the most decent person in this whole rotten family.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose and squeeze your eyes shut, turning away from him. “God, you drive me insane.”

“Yeah? Well, welcome to my world.”

You lean against your kitchen counter. You can’t believe his audacity. To bring up the fact you still want him after all these years, to bring it up like it’s nothing. You never even told him.

You always forget how perceptive he is.

“I stick by your side ‘cus I know no one has your back like I do.” You mutter.

“Yeah, that's true. But you know what else is true? The reason you keep sticking by my side is because deep down you still believe that I might return those feelings for you one day.”

Your heart drops even more. You want to say something, something quippy. But you can’t, all you can feel is that burning in your throat, and you know you won’t be able to say anything without coughing up sobs. So you sit there. And sniffle quietly.

His gaze softens, however. He feels panic arize in him, snapping out of his ill-mannered mood. “Hey, wait. Don't cry. God, I hate it when you cry. Hey, hey, don't get all teary eyed on me. You know how much I don't like it when you're upset.”

He walks over to you, placing his hands on your shoulders, trying to present a scrap of regret. “Don't cry, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me tonight. I'm sorry, I am. You're my best friend. You are, and you always will be. I don't know what I'd do without you to be completely honest.”

Seconds pass silently. He stands there, not knowing what to do, other than attempting to comfort you as he watches tears stream down the side of your face.

“…Rome?”

“Yeah?”

“… Can we lay down together? Like I mentioned earlier?”

You feel his grip on your shoulders lighten. “Yeah, yeah, okay. Let’s do that, it’s okay.”

The two of you walk to your bedroom, not a word spoken. You lay down beside him, looking up at your ceiling.

“I can’t remember the last time we did this.” He finally says.

You move your hand on top of his, gently running your thumb alongside his. “It’s been a while.”

“A long while.”

#roman roy x reader #roman roy #succession #kieran culkin #angst

[asksanderssides]

What trait do you like most about the other sides? And, conversely, what trait do you dislike most?

Patton: There are so many things I love about all of them!! But I'll just do one each for now. Roman’s so creative, Logan's really smart, and Virgil has really cool fashion sense! Janus is pretty nice once you get to know him, and Remus... well, he's certainly not afraid to be himself.

Logan: Patton looks after Thomas and deals with all the... icky emotional stuff that I don't understand, and I really do appreciate that. Virgil and I have a lot of similar interests, and it's nice to have someone to talk to about those. Janus is quite smart, although he uses his intelligence to deceive people, and Remus doesn't shy away from the more disturbing aspects of science. And my least favourite thing about all of them is when they don't listen to reason.

Roman: Clearly, none of the other sides are as fabulous as me, but I guess they do have some positive traits. Logan is actually kinda fun to debate with, when he's not being a total stick in the mud. Patton looks after me when I'm sick, and I've actually been having a good time with our resident emo nightmare recently. My favourite thing about the other two is when they're not here.

Virgil: Oh shit are we doing compliments? I'm no good at those, uh... Patton always shows how much he cares about all of us which is really comforting, I guess Princey is pretty fun to hang out with, L comforts me when I'm having a bad day and I appreciate that. I don't think I can say anything about the other two without getting in trouble with Pat.

Janus: Hm... Well, like I said, Patton's not as irritating as he looks, Remus is at least interesting to be around, Logan's pretty boring but I do love a man in a suit. And my least favourite trait in any person is disloyalty, so... figure that one out for yourselves.

Virgil: Maybe people would be more loyal to you if you weren't such a prick.

Remus: My turn! My favourite thing about Ro-bro is that he's really fun to wind up.

Roman: Why you little-

Remus: See? Janus is also fun to annoy, Virgil has that cool double voice thing he does, Logan just needs to stop being so uptight, and Patton can turn into a giant frog which is a good thing in my book!

#sanders sides #roman sanders #ts roman #virgil sanders #ts virgil #logan sanders #ts logan #patton sanders #ts patton #remus sanders #ts remus #janus sanders #ts janus #asksanderssides #im just assuming this ask was for everyone