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#romance i've felt is like so different if it exists at all
genderkoolaid · 21 days
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i don't know if i'm aro or ace or both or aspec, but i've been thinking about it lately. can aromanticism and/or asexuality be something that is chosen? so much of what damages my self worth is the idea that i'm unlovable and untouchable. i've mostly only had experiences of abuse when it comes to romance and physical intimacy, and when that wasn't the case i felt deeply uncomfortable with "performing romance" and "performing love". i often tell myself it's just because i haven't found the right person, but then i think about how that person can't possibly exist because of the every thing about me. i just want an escape from it all. this is killing me. whether or not i'm aro or ace or both, amatonormativity is killing me.
This may be a Hot Take, but in my opinion, it can absolutely be a choice.
The thing about all identity is that it is chosen to some degree. The feelings/experiences we base our identities off of might not be, but how we make sense and express these feelings to ourselves and others is something we choose. We, even queer people, tend to conflate the labels we use with the experiences we use them to express.
I'm sure there are some people who will see "you can choose to ID as aro/ace because of trauma" and insist that's the same as encouraging people not to heal at all. Which is not true. What is healing for you and how you go about that is your business, first of all, and you may never decide to engage in these relationships and still have a meaningful life.
Secondly, it is absolutely fine if one day you decide not to ID as aro/ace any more. Identifying as aspec (or any kind of queer identity) should be about what best helps you make sense of your experiences, express them, and/or find community/resources right now. As you said, amatonormativity affects people regardless of if they are aspec. Accepting that you deserve to be cared for and have value regardless of your ability to perform sex/love is good for anyone. If these terms work for you right now, there's no good reason for me to tell you not to use them. Like I said, one day you may feel differently, and as a result you may use different words to express that. There is nothing wrong with that and you should never feel any pressure to stick with a label just because its what you've been using.
Thirdly, it is of course possible for someone to both be traumatized and aspec. I have issues with vulnerability and just don't feel any romantic attraction or desire for marriage. These things can co-exist, and the distinction may not matter to you as much as it might for someone else.
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felassan · 1 year
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Some DA facts collected together, from recent tweets -
GhilDirthalen: "the frostbite engine didn’t do ending slides, so the slides you see in DAI are actually paintings that quickly spawn in your bed room. You can zoom out during the end with fly cam" John Epler: "i remember when we were trying to do these and we're like 'hey can we display still images' and the answer was 'uhh it's a lot more complicated than you think' so this was the solution. i set up all the cameras, and I THINK level design handled all the scripting logic" JE: "anyways videogames are basically held together by magic and hope and it's a legitimate miracle anytime one gets finished"
JE: "When you 'sprint' on a horse in DAI it doesn't really do much because frostbite couldn't stream in levels fast enough, so we just added speed lines and changed the camera so it felt faster. JE: "i've carried the guilt of this for years. guilt is an ocean, and i'm tired of drowning." "feels like I just murdered Santa Claus in front of many of you" [source], "feels like i just declassified Area 51" [source]. "i'm just glad the truth is finally out there" [source] Seb Hanlon: "ME1 did it first" JE: "just to be SUPER clear, riding a horse is faster than being on-foot, but the difference between normal horse run and horse 'sprint' is non-existent except for making it look faster". "the base horse speed is faster than unhorsed run speed, but horse sprint doesn’t move you faster than normal horse speed" [source] JE: "there were three days on that project where my entire job was ‘try to make horse sprint feel faster’" User: "I swear to god John I knew it, I fucking knew it, none of the mounts have different speeds, either?" JE: "i actually don't know the answer to that one, i just set up the gameplay cameras and did what what i was told." Seb: "but they have different sounds /screams in Red Hart" JE: "no one believed that's what a Red Hart really sounds like but they are fucked up animals."
Seb: "The save system in DAI loads with all doors in the area closed. This is a problem if there’s a door between you and a party member when the save happens, because they can’t open doors. If they can’t path to you, they get teleported to join you before the fade-up from black." Seb: "This “system” was rigged entirely in Frostbite Schematic logic quite late in development once we realized it was a problem." JE: "i vaguely remember that the first time we really saw this problem was when we were putting together the Redcliffe demo for... whatever event we showed Redcliffe at." Seb: "Yeah I think that was the map I tested the teleport-fallback in. Dorian was there in those saves for sure?" JE: "yeah 100%. it was when you first end up in the future and you're fighting your way to the locked-up followers. i think we were playing it in Hanged Man or Neverwinter and we discovered 'oh shit our followers can't get to you'"
Seb: "Zither’s first-pass ability icons originally echoed a broad swath of iconic album art. The UI art team made me so happy. Why didn’t it ship? Ain’t nobody chasing down those IP clearances for an April Fools DLC."
JE: "in DA2 Mark of the Assassin, if you let Baron Arlange live after the first encounter with him, he shows up very deep in the background of several scenes, creeping on Hawke and the party around stalagmites and around corners." "no one asked for this but i put it in as a little treat because i thought it was very funny. i still do. oh the scene where you get captured in the vault by Prosper and his guards, that's the same 5 (6?) guards just cycled through multiple times." [source, two]
JE: "i've told this story before but the reason Iron Bull's romance scene takes place in a separate tower is because the mocap for everyone walking in on you assumed that there was a doorway, and the player's bedroom ended up having stairs. so we moved the scene to the Sex Tower"
Seb: "DAI: To enable party followers’ AI to use their defensive abilities (dodge/block/parries), enemies spawn a “telegraph volume” as part of their ability wind-ups. This tells the party AI what kind of reaction it can use to counter (if it’s not on cooldown and it can branch in time)." "“Parry” telegraphs are the ‘weakest’ (can activate block, dodge, or parry abilities); “dodge” telegraphs are the ‘strongest’ (dodge or get fucked). There’s an all-abilities AI cooldown on these responses; before this was added, I saw Cass perfect block for minutes at a time." [source]
Seb: "the Qunari Ashaad in Trespasser is the only combat creature I personally implemented; and the only one intentionally plays both ranged and melee. and it was great fun watching play-testers climb a ladder to close and shut down his range attack—and get kicked off by the sweep"
Seb: "I’m still personally pleased that the Red Templar faction in DAI has such a strong overarching principle: “power corrupts”. The more elite the creature, the less human they are."
Seb: "Both the Children in DAO Awakening and the Harvester in DAO hide their extra body parts *inside* their torso mesh before they appear."
Seb: "Varric in DA2 is the most specialest snowflake; he’s not like any other dwarf because his rig includes all the Bianca animation bones."
Seb: "DAI’s Emerald Graves was the map where we hammered out the conceptual balance of using abilities based on the enemy composition and position."
Seb: "There’s an animation-driven movement mode in DAI that’s only used by a handful of large creatures; the dragon and the Red Templar Behemoth are the ones I remember."
Seb: "“making two combat creatures at melee range face, and not slide past, each other when they’re playing attack animations” took a surprising amount of problem solving on DAI; most of the basic-attack animations have both moving and standing variations for this reason."
Seb: "30 seconds of good combat gameplay takes more-or-less the same development effort as 10 minutes of good combat gameplay. Which is more than you’d think. IYKYK."
Seb: "The original concept for the Grand Fear Demon at the end of DAI’s Fade was a “level boss” - instead of a single big combat creature (like a dragon), the idea was it was so big it would attack out of the darkness with “limbs” (creatures) that shared a health pool. Cut for scope."
Seb: "The core combat ability animation/effects/branching system in DAI is called “CSM”, for “combat state machine”. It’s the third generation spiritual successor to the first system called CSM that I worked on, built for a project called Revolver…"
Seb: "The “impassable” purple fire zones in Trespasser were a tremendous pain in the ass, because both: - making them do enough damage fast enough to be a lock-and-key for invincibility powers as intended - keeping party members from following you in and getting bug-zappered" User: "I hate to tell you this but my first time through, I was determined to get through and I did not know that invincibility powers were literally down the stairs so I spent 10 minutes and eventually managed to get through with some mage shenanigans" Seb: "by the time we got to trespasser there were so many abilities you MIGHT have that MIGHT JUST get you through that we gave it our best shot and said “good enough”" User: "I died at that thing SO MANY TIMES until I realized there was an invincibility boost, lol" Seb: "clearly signaling “THIS IS A THING YOU WILL DO LATER” without saying it, especially if it’s a mechanical systems thing, can be surprisingly difficult"
Seb: "during development on DAI someone made a staff that, when used (hit the ground with the butt animation) spawned a bunch of nugs that ran off in all directions. for checking pathmesh bounds, obvs"
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green-enby · 8 months
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Heyo! Have you watched Koisenu Futari (恋せぬふたり, Two people who can't fall in love) yet? It's a great series, just 8 episodes long! I binged it in one day :) [smiley]
It focuses on two aromantic asexual people living together. This is a little appreciation post, containing some thoughts that it evoked in me as an aroace.
If you don't want spoilers, please don't read!
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It's so relatable how Sakuko keeps blaming herself all throughout the show… Insecurity stemming from societal expectations that dictate romance is for everyone, and that people who don't date are somehow "failing" in life; I think this affects allos as well.
When I broke off my romantic relationship, I too felt like it had been my fault, for not having been a good enough partner, for not being able to love them in the same way they loved me.
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To finally learn that you are not "defective", that there's other people like you…! I love how the two MCs don't grieve their lack of attraction; Sakuko is perfectly happy discovering she's aroace. She and Takahashi are living their "best life" together.
Sure, many aroaces do wish they were allo, and that needs to be represented too, but this series to me really shined a light over why they want that: it's because amatonormativity is rampant in the world, not because lacking attraction is inherently sad. The main conflicts in the series stem from the clash between allo society and the aroace experience, after all. I think that's neat! It gave me a good dose of aroace joy—while still showing the hurts that come with it, realistically—and I really needed it.
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I didn't expect her to come out to her family so soon, but whoa, that was intense. Her mother's negative reaction is what all people who exclude a-spec people from the LGBTQIA+ community should see, to understand that we face the same issues they do.
I haven't come out to my parents as aroace yet, and watching this made me realize how awful it actually feels to be in the closet. I somehow hadn't realized I am. I've always felt safe coming out to them as other things, as bisexual back in the day, and as trans non-binary.
It might be because my confidence disappeared when they reacted badly both times, but this coming out feels almost impossible.
Comparing it to coming out as bi, it's really not that different: if you're bi, you're promiscuous and date too many people; if you're aroace, you're a prude and cold-hearted. If you break away from the status quo, you're wrong either way.
But at least, most people do eventually understand the bi experience, if they understand same-gender attraction, and fuse it with straightness, even though it's a flawed method.
With aros and aces, instead, it's such an alien concept for an allo, which makes it way harder to come out and have to explain to them how to deconstruct allo-amatonormativity. It's exhausting. Thankfully, there's people like Kazu who are actually willing to learn about us. That gives me hope.
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I feel like it's super eye-opening to find out the concept of romance didn't even exist in the past. Pretty sure that in Europe, it originated during the Middle Ages from the ideal of chivalry. So it's really just a social construct, and opting out of it shouldn't be so controversial!
It's just a set of pointless, annoying rules like having to kiss eachother, having to say "I love you", and doing it all a set amount of times, otherwise it's not good enough. What if we don't want to? What if it doesn't come natural to us? If it's just a social construct, fuck it, I'm not adhering to that! We do whatever makes us happy!
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Even in the series itself, Sakuko too goes through a heartbreak, even if it's not the romantic kind: she valued her friendship and future cohabitation with Chizuru above all else, but Chizuru abandoned her, because of romantic love. It's not true that aroaces have it easy.
Like our MC, we have to deal with fear that we'll come off flirty when we're just being friendly, confusion over concepts that we feel we should understand, shame over the fact that we're different, fear of loneliness, frustration and pain that we'll always come second to our friends' romantic partners, or even trauma from a relationship or sexual encounter that we didn't really want. I could go on and on.
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These last scenes really got to me. Especially the second one… I admit that I cried, when she had to turn her down, and it seemed like her aromanticism had ruined their relationship. It hurts that the way I am could seriously harm someone I care about. It hurts that most people work differently and that they can't help it, and that we can't help it either. I don't like being put in that position, to cause someone a heartbreak. I have with my ex, and had to watch them spiral down… It was horrible.
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Still, I wouldn't change my orientation for the world. I'm confident in my identity, I love being aroace.
In the end, we can all reach our full potential, reach a point where we feel fulfilled and that we're living our best life, find ourselves a family if it's what we want, have our dream job and house. Being aroace doesn't condemn us to a life of unhappiness. That's what this series left me with by the end; it gave me so much hope for my future.
(I'm aware I'm coming off as a bit toxically positive here haha, sorry if I'm striking a bad chord; I'm just in a really good period right now, and riding this wave for as long as I can! Hopefully I can rub it off someone else as well.)
That said, I really loved this j-drama, it was funny and relatable and emotional, I wished it had lasted longer! It seems like the author isn't even aroace herself, so I'm amazed at how good the representation was! So much thought and research has gone into it, and it shows; the result is amazing.
Thanks for reading my scattered thoughts about this! 🧡💛🤍🩵💙
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impostoradult · 2 years
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Heartstopper is different because it takes pleasure seriously
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Since I watched Heartstopper, I've been trying to figure out what about it made it feel so different from other stories similar to it. When you just describe the plot of it, it sounds like something straight (har har) out of Glee or Sex Education or Elite or SKAM or Skins or Degrassi, or...you get my point.
But it felt so different to me, and I realized yesterday what it was. Hearstopper takes the pleasures of queer romance and eroticism as seriously as it takes the pains of it. By which I mean, it gives an incredible amount of screen time to the excitement of it, the thrill of it, the visceral good feelings of it. Pleasure drives Heartstopper, in a way that is still incredibly unusual in mainstream queer media.
In most other stories like this, the pain and the angst and the ambivalence and the negative social ramifications of the premise take up like 90-95% of the screen time. The pleasure aspect typically exists as minimally as possible to catalyze all the negative or difficult parts that are the 'real' story. And while Heartstopper doesn't shy away from those things, it gives a roughly equal amount of narrative and screen time to the two leads getting a lot of pleasure out of their relationship, too. The amount of time the show invests in showing Nick and Charlie enjoying each other romantically -- throughout the story, not just at the very end -- is just absolutely decadent (and I mean that 100% positively).
The first kiss is a perfect example. In any other TV version of this story, the boys would have kissed that first time for less than 2 seconds, and then IMMEDIATELY been interrupted by the other boys. Instead, Heartstopper lets them kiss once, take a breath, and then have a second, very extended kiss enhanced by animated embellishments designed to emphasize just how incredibly enjoyable this is for them...before finally disrupting it again with Plot™.
And the amazing thing is, from a pure narrative standpoint, you don't need the second kiss. It's completely unnecessary to the plot. You could completely eliminate it and the plot would hold together exactly the same. The second kiss is there exclusively to emphasize the intense pleasure of this experience for them. That's all it does.
Heartstopper is serious about foregrounding pleasure, and how important pleasure is in all of this. Which frankly, is a thing you usually only ever see in romance novels and fanfic.
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One of the reasons I was hesitant to watch this show initially is because I have limited tolerance for coming out stories that are so focused on the unappealing parts of the experience. It's not that those things don't MATTER. But there is such a cultural allergy to making the pleasures of the experience a serious focus, particularly (yes I'm going to say it) the sexual pleasures of it.
Hearstopper, blissfully, refuses to shy away from pleasure, and from making it important.
It's not just that my tolerance for queer pain in media is limited (although admittedly that's true). I also grow so weary of popular culture treating queerness as mostly a political identity upon which we simply moralize about tolerance, and engage in self congratulatory yarns about ~being yourself~ and loving yourself. It's not that I think any of those things is BAD. But a) I've seen that story many times before and b) there's an ENORMOUS piece of this experience that we're still mostly skirting around the edges of because we're still very chickenshit about it, to be perfectly frank.
We, as a culture, are still scared as fuck to really say, very bluntly: queerness feels fucking good.
In the midst of this, Heartstopper does something wondrous. It says to the audience, in no uncertain terms: Queerness feels fucking good...so, let's spend some time actually talking about THAT for a while.
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utilitycaster · 7 days
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Do you think that Laura and Marisha are deliberately making their relationship somewhat toxic and unsustainable or do you think they see the relationship as healthy? It is just so different from all of the other relationships they have been a part of and not really in a good way. Would love to get your perspective on it if you have one
I am honestly unsure. I would like to say it's deliberate. Prior to it becoming canon, in fact, I, and a lot of other people who were less than enthused by Imogen and Laudna's romance and weren't entirely sold from the start, made the case that we expected they would be talking to each other and would put together a compelling story, not the dull fluff so common in fanon. While whether it's compelling is a subjective judgment, we know for a fact they didn't talk to each other. We know for a fact Marisha was surprised by the question of "Can I kiss you," and Laura was surprised by the answer. We know from a 4SD not long after (4SD #16, Kiss and Tell) that several episodes later they still hadn't talked. We know that Marisha perceives Laudna as holding Imogen back (and that Laudna perceives herself as doing so) from the Rose City Q&A. We know that from 4SD #20 (Episode Twenty) that Laura doesn't like conflict in narrative and Marisha does, and that Laura was thrown by Laudna's regression following Ashton's attempt to absorb the shard (4SD #19, Shard Candy).
I don't know if it's deliberate or not; I don't have any extra insight that isn't public knowledge any fan can easily access. But man, it doesn't feel like these are two actors on the same page about what's going on.
I've touched on this before but mostly in tags or whisper posts but I've always felt ill at ease with a number of for lack of a better term "fandom-approved opinions" and one of the ones that has baffled me the most is this idea that Marisha and Laura have exceptional chemistry. I watched Campaign 1 knowing the endgame ships but deliberately avoiding the fandom, and Vex and Keyleth did not even once occur to me as a thing. I watched the first year of Campaign 2 without a ton of fandom interaction because I was avoiding additional C1 spoilers and it seemed crystal clear that the obvious ship was Beau and Yasha; it felt like Beau and Jester only even had enough potential for me to multiship it as my general "whomever Jester picks" for like, 30 episodes. And yet people - people who didn't even ship either of the above ships and in some cases disliked them- would just say "oh man I can't wait until we get to a campaign where we can finally explore Marisha and Laura's incredible chemistry!" and it's like. I feel like I'm the kid in the Emperor's New Clothes on this! I understand that chemistry is to an extent a matter of taste and subjectivity, but it just increasingly feels like people looked at two campaigns of tables where Ashley was frequently absent and said "well, if I want an F/F ship that's between two of the women in the cast, I guess this is what I have to work with" and repeated to themselves that a flat pamplemousse La Croix was a Piña Colada until they started to believe it. I mean if someone wants to explain it to me in good faith I suppose be my guest and I will try to take it in, but it feels like people just treat this as incontrovertible fact and if you doubt it they're like "don't you have eyes" and it's like, well, pretend I don't. Explain like I'm eyeless and five because I have never understood this. They both have more chemistry with every single other cast member; it's not all romantic but man, I didn't even buy Laudna and Imogen as platonic best friends of two years. I have never had this problem with any other pre-existing character relationships Marisha and Laura have played, platonic or otherwise. It's literally just them. I just never feel like they're quite on the same page.
Back to the relationship between Imogen and Laudna onscreen, this was easily the best conversation since the start of the gnarlrock fight, and it is my hope it doesn't fizzle out the way that did. You can't keep kissing Laudna whenever she fears she's lost forever to Delilah, Imogen. Or you can, but that won't fix the problem. Again: are you disgusted? Do you feel betrayed? If you're not, why did you say that? If you are, how will you move past it? Do you want to be with someone who never feels like they're good enough for you? Laudna, do you want to be with someone who, no matter what they say, you feel you're holding back?
Early in the campaign, my feeling was that of our current situation, switched - Imogen felt her powers were a burden and a curse and Laudna kept referring to them and to her glowingly. It's just...ships passing in the night, no pun intended here. I hope it's on purpose and whatever comes from it is a good story - and either a tragedy or a happy story could be a good one. But I have a nagging sensation that Laudna wants out but is afraid to say no, and Imogen is afraid to let go, and I honestly don't know if the actors have realized this impasse and how the characters might resolve it, one way or another, besides the insufficient bandaid of a kiss whenever the conversation gets too uncomfortable.
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ashesbreadandbutter · 27 days
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~ Alastor x Lilith! Reader x Lucifer - Part 1 ~
Word Count: 2, 920 words
Warnings: None, yet ;3
I happily write requests but if you commission I'll finish your story first and I'll be quicker with it ;3
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Summary: You decide to finally confront your husband and his arch nemesis on their rivalry and the three of you manage to come to… a solution of sorts.
Corrections will be made later and marked when fully done.
Also... I haven't caught up on the new season so no spoilers or you will be blocked ÙwÚ all I've seen was moments and scenes.
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There was something that you tended not to look forward to and as much as you loved your husband you couldn't help but be annoyed at the current situation.
The radio demon just happened to be working with Charlie on this plan to make hell better and being the mother that you are of course you wanted to support her endeavors even if you yourself didn't see much reason to this one in particular.
Months ago Charlie has decided to open up this…hotel, a reserve in a way for souls of hell to redeem themselves in order to hopefully reach heaven. As silly as it was, you loved your daughter and so of course even as Lucifer, your darling husband, made his little comments about it here and there, you both loved your child for the work she's put into it.
What you didn't love was watching Lucifer as he bickered with this man, fingers being pointed and eyes being rolled. They did this every time they ran into each other which was why you could only be so grateful when you weren't in the middle of such arguments.
Alastor's eyes lands on you for a moment and there's a second where the way that your eyes connect sends a spark rushing down your spine.
You glance away, there was…history there. History you didn't tend to bring up often, at all even and said history revolved around many, many long years ago where you and the said radio demon had a bit of a click. Ever since meeting Lucifer you've been able to somewhat move on, pushing what seemed to be millions of memories down and into a vault within yourself, refusing to remember and yet and refusing to fully forget.
They way he looks at you while looking over your husband makes you slowly glance away, raising a hand and lightly clearing your throat.
���Hey!” The blond ruler suddenly growls and Alastor, even with that everlasting grin on his face, manages to show displeasure as she returns his crimson gaze back to the big boss of Hell himself.
“What are you looking at?...” Lucifer now glares and you knew how he could be, knew how he was and you now carefully approach, moving to place your hand on his shoulder and he immediately seems to calm, going from baring his fangs to looking at you like you were his entire world which of course you was. There's a look on Alastor's face as he watches the exchange with narrowed eyes, a look of…bitterness as if he bite right into the ripest of grapefruits and sadly didn't have the privilege of spitting right back out. He almost looks disgusted… as if he's watching something that simply shouldn't exist.
Alastor has never went into deep detail about it but just spending all these years in hell and with them on display for all the denizens to see has always irked him, had secretly always made him want to rip his own hair out or even cut his own tongue off whenever he had the privilege of being in the presence of their affection for each other. It's the way that they speak to each other, the way they caress each other, the way they hold each other that makes Alastor think of things he shouldn't. Things he didn't want to think about like the way they probably kissed and smooched with so much romance and lust behind the mighty closed doors of their castle or the way your skin felt against his when you'd reach out for that blond fuck… or even the way that Charlie came to be.
Alastor wasn't no fool and though he felt little to no attraction for anyone there had always been something different about you, something about you that drew him in and made him want to hold on for dear life and after so many years of running from such emotions he's found that… he's in fact, not as content as he once was. Not nearly as content as he hoped he'd be after all this time.
If anything...
He's starving, itching for so much more.
“My love, my dear…” you say to your husband in the sweetest of times as you move your hand from his shoulder to his cheek, cupping it before caressing his skin and missing the way Alastor's ears pinned down is displeasure and the way his eyes narrow further.
“As humorous as it is to watch the two of you go at this do we always have to do this when you to run into each other?” You ask and honestly you're not against receiving the answer from either man. Why did they always have to do this? What could possibly be the beef they had to make their relationship this hostile? You couldn't help but wonder, couldn't help but think if there was a way to bring it to an end sooner even if just temporarily.
They both look at you for a moment and then slowly back each other for a moment longer only to look back at you with… interesting gazes. The gaze that Lucifer gave you was one that you had seen far too often now, that look of curiosity, of primal interest and you feel yourself pause for a moment. It's a look that you know all too well and yet you start to feel your cheeks grow warm.
Why was he looking at you like that right now out of all times?
You chuckle a second after, quickly turning your gaze away from him only for your eyes to catch Alastor's and you truly freeze at seeing… a similar look.
Your husband was the prince of sin himself, of lust and wanton hunger and so after all those years you had grown to understand the look well. To love it with every piece of your soul and body. What you hadn't expected was for Alastor to hold the same gaze, as if he was one step away from losing all control and for… what? For you?
Suddenly it all clicks into place and against your better judgment you manage to blush, cheeks growing warm and bright with blood. It's not the first time you've been forced to face this realization, forced to realize that while you loved your husband dearly, there was something about the radiodemon that you just couldn't shake off even after all these years.
You loved Lucifer and he loved you and you were happy, content with him. However, Alastor seemed to somewhat… haunt you at times, like an ever lingering ghost of memory who always managed to stir up emotions in you gut that you weren't necessarily ready to face.
“I think I know how we can settle this actually…” Lucifer slowly says after a moment of silence between the three of you and you feel your heart skip a beat as his voice comes out in a low coo, as if he was a snake that was currently actively whispering in your ear. You shudder and Alastor's eyes fall shut as if he's preparing himself for what's to be said next, sucking in a breath through his nose and slowly releasing.
“My love…”
You start to say…
“Since you're obviously still upset about the fact that you lost, how about we make another deal?” Lucifer hums out and there it was, the words that changed the frequency of air around you three for the rest of the day. When Lucifer made deals it was best for many not to give into them, he wasn't known as the great deceiver for no reason but there seems to be a… glint in Alastor's eyes annoyance blending in with curiosity.
“What's the terms?” He replies quickly and with what seemed to be little thought and while you're a bit confused they seem to look at each other as if speaking a secret language that only they seemed to actually understand. Your brows furrow as the continue to look at each other and just as you open you mouth to make a joke on how ‘gay’ this was Lucifer chuckles slowly and raises his hand to the radio demon with a cocky grin and Alastor takes it, roughly grabbing hold of it as if he just barely avoided the thought of breaking it and leaned down to tower over the other man even if it didn't scare the other.
“Deal.”
A gust of wind and magic swirls around them the second their hands touch, brilliant golds and crimsons filling the air around the three of them and you raise a hand, squinting and shielding your eyes a bit from the sheer power of the light.
Whatever deal they had just made was purely made off of emotions.
Pure, unbridled emotions...
You could tell, could practically taste it in the air…the blends of hunger, need, jealousy and oh it sent a harsh shiver up your spine. Something was starting to tell you that today would be a long and tiring day. You sigh softly at the two men, crossing your arms over your plush chest and tapping your nail against your arm.
You were completely lost and even so, you knew this meant nothing good.
Suddenly they both turn their gazes to you and you feel your heart skip a beat. There's a… scent in the air, one that you also knew well, one that told you that not just one… both both of these men were looking at you as if you were a female in need of companionship. You feel the light blush on your cheeks suddenly growing worse.
Lucifer breaks the silence with a chuckle, walking over to you slowly but surely, carefully pacing around you in a way that made you feel like he was examining a precious jewel, something that was so fine and so worthy of love that he just had to admire and get closer to. Just like the two of you when you first met in the garden of Eden.
“My love,” he says, practically purring and the way he sounds seems to make you feel similarly to a cat getting scratched behind its ears. “We've come to a conclusion.” He states matter of factly as he continues to walk around you before going in, wrapping a small but powerful arm around your waist and pulling you close and snug against his side.
You lift a brow and can't help the little smirk that graces your lush lips as you look down at him.
“And that would be?” You reply softly and Lucifer looks up at you like the charming man he is, those eyes looking at you like you were both his world and universe and you swoon. He's just so cute, and so handsome and… your thoughts come to a halt as a hand carefully reaches out and captures your chin, fingers gentle and firm at the same time and there's a moment of confusion until Alastor lifts your head, making you look at him now and he's allowed, had it been any other man right now Lucifer would have definitely splattered his blood against the ground you all stood on. Alastor looks at you with a gaze you don't see him with often. His everlasting smile was still on his face but strained in a way that made you blink. There's something there, something needy.
“Best man to make you cry out the loudest wins.” Alastor says in a hushed tone and you stand for a second, then two before your eyes wide.
“Make me… what?” You say as if astonished, as if not hearing him correctly. As if he had just spoken to you in a whole other language and Lucifer lets out a laugh, haughty.
Did Alastor call that an attempt at already starting this war? Please… it was practically laughable.
The blond haired man now squeezes you just a bit closer and even though he's quite a bit shorter you were reminded as you always were of why you were so in love with him. One reason out of so many others that practically shined at the forefront of your focus like a golden star. He gently caresses you now, fingers running over your hip, petting you just the way he knew you liked it.
“Make you scream, darlin.” He repeats before Alastor can beat him to it making the taller man send him a harsh glare which he ignores with a smirk.
“Best man to make you scream wins.” He practically purrs as he repeats the words as if having to explain carefully.
He looks up at you with the fondest of smiles and you're starting to feel the blush creep to your ears. Had they really made a deal on what you were starting to think they did?
Well, it wasn't like they were being shy about it and you realize that they very much are serious, the looks on both of their faces…the cheeky grin on Lucifer’s and the hopeful one on Alastor's tells you everything you need to know. Usually you weren't someone to get so flustered so quickly, so easily but somehow you managed to find yourself in the middle of such a predicament and neither man seemed like they were joking or like they wanted to let up. Even with Lucifer's grin you can tell by the way his eyes sparkle, the way he squeezes your hip, that he's very much interested in doing more than a few less than holy things to you and surprisingly Alastor seems to be running along a similar wavelength.
Just as you open your pretty mouth to ask more questions Alastor seems to lean in and you perk up, eyes connecting with his as he slowly approaches because even though there's a want, a need, he knows you are a woman who loves being able to make her own choices. He knows that even with Lucifer's ‘permission’ that you don't like fast approaches but instead ones that make your heart rush and Alastor was a man who was practically known for having such charm.
As the space between you two becomes shorter and shorter you feel like time has managed to slow down, the noises of hell dialing down to nearly nothing as he closes in.
Before you can really understand your various, rushing thoughts and emotions, you lean in with him and the second your lips touch a spark seems to explode between the two of you. You gasp softly, pulling back for a moment, looking at him with wide eyes and Alastor returns the gaze but it's… gentle, hopeful and it's a look that you've seen only very rarely on him. There's a moment when your breath seems to hitch a little and before you know it you're going back in and this time it's longer as one kiss turns into two and then surprisingly into three.
There's a distant taste of blood on his lips and being the demoness you are, the queen of demons infact, how could you not feel even more drawled in by such a taste?
He hums against your lips, taking the time to reach a hand up and grip carefully at you chin, holding you still as his tongue slowly slips out and slides over your lip.
As if the blush on your cheeks weren't bad already, they seemed permanent by the time the two of you pulled away from each other. Your mind feels foggy as inklings of excitement rush over every corner of your body.
Alastor pulls away a few kisses later and you stand there for a moment as if trying to understand just what had happened and then there's the hand on your hip to leads you to look back at your husband. You perk as if caught in the middle of doing something bad, distasteful, and it distantly reminds you or the garden. Back to when you and Lucifer had just met and when you had turned your back on God.
You remembered the feeling, the way something in your heart seemed to clench and the way your heart rushed in… fear.
But just like those many times before, Lucifer gives you a fond smile and looks you deep in your eyes and you understand that… this is okay.
They may fight but he was fine with this, fine with Alastor tasting you and fine with your conflicted emotions towards the relationship the three of you had together. He was content and you see a similar gaze on Alastor's own face, as if the two of them had come to an understanding for the first time in what seemed to be... Well, ever.
“You want this don't you my love?” Lucifer coos airily sending shivers up your back.
“For us to touch you?..” Alastor says right after as he steps just a bit closer, reaching out to brush his fingers over your cheek.
“To kiss you?” Lucifer says now as his grin only grows while his hand runs over and along your hip with what seemed to be a clear goal in mind before stepping behind you and happily wrapping his arms around your waist.
“To hold you down until you can't take it anymore?” Alastor breathes, leaning in to look you in your eyes like he simply was holding on to a glimmer of control and even though you were the Queen of Hell… The Goddess of Sin herself, you feel like a virgin being quite literally between the two of them and without much other thought you let out a shaky breath.
“Yes, I would like that… all of that, very much so.” You say and both men seem to perk at your compliance like two happy dogs before grinning.
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daydreamingyuta · 8 months
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Haechan #1 and #11 pls! Maybe a friends to lovers scenario???
Listen to Me | Haechan
Genre: Romance, Fluff, Angst
Word Count: 925
Prompts: #1 "I couldn't be more in love with you." and #11 "It's two in the morning, why are you here?"
A/N:  Thank you for requesting!! I feel like I haven't wrote a Haechan fic in forever and I've missed it! I hope you like it <3
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As you've just finished washing your face, your phone lights up with a call from your bestfriend, Haechan. He knows how long of a day it's been for you and he's calling just so you can rant to him about everything.
"Hey Haechan." you say as you answer the call.
"I wish you would listen to me more y/n." He says. He's told you this a thousand times and every time you wish you had actually followed his advice.
"I know." You say quietly, holding in your tears the best you can.
"I can spot a horrible guy before you can, you know that. Please y/n, next time I tell you not to start seeing someone, please listen to me. I hate seeing you get hurt like this."
Of course you knew this to be true. He had told you about this guy months before you started to go out with him, but still, your heart got the best of you and you didn't listen to your bestfriend once again.
The thing was though, you weren't even serious about this guy. You're not even that hurt about the whole situation. What's really bothering you is that you know Haechan is always right about these kinds of things, and you still never listen. You're so tired to getting yourself into these situations. And for some reason, hearing him say this to you again, was hitting you so hard this time.
You start to vent all of these feelings to him. It's really what you needed at the moment, and he knows that. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you, and Haechan is always there for you.
"I just don't know why I always do this. I wish I didn't feel so unloveable sometimes. And I wish I didn't put myself in these situations time and time again."
Talking to him always makes you feel better, but for some reason tonight was a little different. The whole time you just felt like crying. You never cry in front of him, you never cry in front of anyone really. So when you felt the tears coming, you knew you had to end the phone call.
"Haechan, I think I'm gonna go. But thank you so much for always being here for me." You hang up before he could say his goodbye, the tears already starting to fall.
Haechan could hear it in your voice that you weren't alright. And you hanging up was very odd of you to do.
He went back and forth in his mind about how he could help you. He knew that you were fully capable to taking care of yourself, and sometimes all you need is to be alone, but the fact that you called yourself unloveable wasn't sitting right with him.
If you only knew how he felt about you. If you only knew just how loved you already were. This is what causes him to finally decide to go to your place, and be with you in person.
You've almost fallen asleep when you hear a knock at your door. You almost don't answer it, but then you get a text from Haechan asking you to let him in.
You open the door, but don't let him in right away. "Haechan, it's two in the morning, why are you here?"
“I just need to make sure that you’re ok.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just needed to vent.”
“You’re not unloveable y/n.”
It takes you a minute to process what he's saying. You don't really know how to respond to that. You nod your head a little, but you're not making eye contact with him and he can tell that you don't believe him.
"I love you y/n. You have to know that by now."
"Yeah, I love you too Haechan, you're my bestfriend."
He makes that face he always makes when he gets a little frustrated as he walks into your apartment. "I just wish you would choose guys that see how amazing you are."
"Me too Haechan, but I swear guys like that don't exist."
“...I do.” Haechan says, closing the gap in between you two.
“Yeah but you could never like me. I don’t even come close to the girls you go out with.” You say, quietly because Haechan's sudden closeness is making you question what you just said.
“no.. y/n. You’re so wrong. I couldn’t be more in love with you. So don’t even think that you’re unloveable because I’ve been crazy about you for so long now.”
You don’t know how to process this new information. Everything he's saying is sudden, but at the same time not sudden at all. You've always secretly longed for Haechan, but you have never allowed it to become more than just a silly little daydream. But now, Haechan's so close to you, looking at you with those eyes, and it's making the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.
He's not going to make a move until you do, the decision is yours. Your heart is racing but your mind couldn't be more clear. Maybe he was expecting you to kiss him, but instead you wrap your arms around him in a hug. You almost think that he’s not going to hug you back, but then he wraps his arms around you and comforts you in the warmest hug.
His hugs have always been special to you. Given at just the right time, when you need comfort the most. Both your minds might be racing from what was just said, but for right now all you two wanted to do was be in each others arms.
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celestie0 · 2 months
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notes on kickoff ch.7
hellooo if you're here thank you for taking the interest! i just had some creative notes i wanted to get off my chest with the release of ch.7 lol i felt compelled to do so with this one i'm basically journaling here. you can read this after reading ch7 here!
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I. on gojo's feelings
as for why didn't gojo just tell reader how he felt at the end of the chapter, and instead only says what he does. i think i rewrote this ending like five different times, he was never supposed to tell her at this point based on my story planning, but i did explore the idea of a dramatic confession here regardless, and it didn't fit for lots of different reasons for one, i think he's finally able to put himself in reader's shoes. it's true he's pretty dense and obviously has commitment issues/valid fears that keep him from opening up, but that still doesn't mean he hasn't hurt reader in a lot of different ways already. he realizes, whether intentionally or not, he's led her on and to do a complete turnaround within a few hours while she's already trying to process rejection as she is clearly withdrawn from him i believed would've been selfish on his part, and could possibly cause even more hurt over the fact that he could come off ingenuine. gojo is finally emotionally aware of her enough to recognize it, but he's not a perfect person so it still slips through that he's distraught at the thought of never seeing her again. in general i'm of the opinion that if someone asks for space, you respect that unless they say otherwise of note, just because he realizes that he has these feelings, doesn't necessary change his fears, as no single moment can undo years of trauma, so i think that's why he bites his tongue too. i'm not keen on making this a "woman fixes man" story but i moreso want to embrace the sentiment that you don't need to resolve every single bad thing that's ever happened to you in order to embrace love or happiness.
II. on gojo's commitment issues
i know it was brought up in the first gojo pov that he has issues committing to just one woman, but i wanted this chapter to reveal that it's really just his fear of opening up to people due to the still raw loss he feels of losing someone he loved. i aim with his pov to be more of a stream of his own consciousness rather than from an omniscient observer, which may explain the ambiguity. he's not sure if he's able to open up to a person in a way he knows is normal and healthy, so he settles on shallow connections instead. just wanted to clear this up, and say that it won't be any sort of plot point in which he struggles to be sincere or faithful when he seriously wants to commit to someone as he has no issues with that if he truly wants to be with them (unlike the whore he's been so far in the series lmao)
III. on strawberry vanilla soda
btw i've never had this flavor of soda i'm not even sure where i came up w it loool or if it even exists. i was kind of toying with the idea of gojo seeing reader's message on the can during the match, and that would maybe help him get more focused on the field (sooo sports romance cliche but i still love it haha) but i settled on him seeing it afterwards to kinda parallel the clumsiness he's had with reader so far. for some reason, the universe just doesn't want him to get his timing right with her lol
IV. on angst/conflict
i know ch7 was a bit differentttt less gojo x reader and more just gojo lmfao, it was also a bit angsty. it definitely won't stay angsty throughout the remaining chapters. this was just gojo's lore drop chapter LOL. there will still obviously be angst here and there, but i've got a lot of fun, cute, tense, silly, passionate, messy scenes still planned similar to ch5&6 because i prefer writing those kinds of scenes haha. ultimately this story was always meant to be a full-circle romance, so ch7 was to lay some of the emotional groundwork that gets brought up as the story builds to its climax
that's all i have to saayyy if you actually read this whole thing i love you?? lol. ch7 really emotionally resonated with me as i wrote it, both as someone who understands how gojo feels but also as someone who understands how reader feels, and if it resonated with you too then that makes me very happy and that's ultimately every writer's dream haha. was very cathartic to share these thoughts. i hope to see you in the next oneeee <3 have a wonderful rest of your day!
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sunthyme · 2 months
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LAST PART!!! WE'RE IN THE HOME STRETCH, BOIS! Thank y'all so much, I know I keep saying it but I really appreciate y'all sm. The next post I do will feature my Yuusona or Prefect design and some headcanons featuring it. After that, I'll give y'all some options to see whatcha'll want. Now for...
🌹Diasomnia🌹
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The disclaimer from Ignihyde is still in effect here, most of my headcanons are either because it looked cool or sounded cool lmao.
First up is...
🐉Malleus Draconia🐉
(he/she/they/it any basically) Agender - Panromantic Asexual
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*giggles, kicks feet, twirls hair* Mal... Anyways! Some of y'all probably been waiting for this one! My silly fae prince, whose identity may or may not be based on my own. Sue me, this bitch is hella relatable.
- So, onto the headcanons, I felt like Mal wasn't all that intimidating when he first popped up outside our house. Idk, I see a cat-type personality and all my self preservation is thrown out the nearest window. She's just a big meow. But I wanted them to actually look rather intimidating, making his bangs cover his eyes a bit more, darker makeup, whatnot.
- I know Mal is canonically taller than the rest of the cast but Imma make her even taller. Its 6'6" without the horns and like 6'11 or 7' with them. I want them to be a cryptid!! Also the height difference with Lilia bout to be crazy.
- I like the idea that my prefect made her some lil Howl's Moving Castle earrings, even though it obvious doesn't exist in their world. Or maybe it does??? Who knows.
- *scientist voice* The autism is this subject is astronomical. *cough* Yeah, it's also not up for debate. The gargoyles, the general demeanour. Yuu is their favoured person.
- Malleus and my prefect would probably interact a little differently than Yuu does canonically, as we're both silly little autistic people, but I'll save that for my Yuusona post lol.
- Really tempted to throw in that it has a forked tongue. Does have fangs but Mal and Jamil probably both have forked tongues, j st for funsies.
- Loves to read sappy romance novels, is giggling and kicking her feet at soulmate stuff in particular. Has a whole list of little date ideas in a notebook (totally not saying this because /I/ have one or anything)...
Not mush else to say give I've only canonically interacted with her like three times but now for everyone's favourite grandpa!
🦇Lilia Vanrouge🦇
(he/she) - Bisexual
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- Teehee! So I saw someone headcanons Lilia as Indian and I was SO here for it, though I think he's be half Indian, half Mexican or smth.
- Gave this girl SO many piercing. I feel like she got them 'cause she was bored. Idk, 500 years is pretty old, ya gotta spice things up some how.
- Some scars from 'ye old days'(tm) and I made his hair a bit wavy and added a green gradient to the ends, just to mimick Malleus' hair. Also, this bitch stands a proud 5'3" on a good day (aka with heels).
- He's the kind of dad that makes his kids wear matching pjs during the winter holidays and while he knows his kids like the back of his hand, chooses to give them silly gifts most of the time. Also, he spoils Mal and Silver rotten.
- Absolutely tries to get Malleus to properly flirt with MC but it never works out like he plans. Silver just watches with mild amusement.
Speaking of Silver,
🗡️Silver Vanrouge🗡️
(he/they) Demiboy - Achillic Asexual
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- Yes, I was mad he doesn't canonically have a last name. I figured that Lilia would have officially adopted him at some point or another and typically you need a last name for a lot of things so I just gave them Lilia's.
- I think that Silver's gray hair is natural and once it gets to be a certain length, it just becomes gray. Additionally, Lilia's a cool dad so Silver got dyed ends and piercings too.
- I actually headcanon that Silver's blind and has narcolepsy (though that's pretty much canon). It was likely from birth or manifested early on and as a result, Malleus is a bit protective of Silver (and Sebek is too but he'd never admit it lol). He has a service dog, which is probably a cute golden retriever named Aurora, and records lectures to listen back to. He, Kalim, and Ruggie have little study groups as second years. Also, Silver's autistic. Lilia really out here collecting autistic children lmaooo.
- He really likes to knit. Don't ask why but I think he'd enjoy the rhythym of it. (He's made Ruggie and Kalim scarves and both treasure them a ton) He likes to make blankets for Malleus and Lilia as well as himself. He loves to work with the chunkier and softer yarns, especially because it makes keeping track of the stitches easier.
- Owes SO MANY plushies. His bed is half dedicated to them, most probably give to him by Lilia for birthdays and holidays. He loves soft things so all the plushies are like squishmellows and stuff.
Ah, I love Silver. Onto our last canon character,
🐊Sebek Zigvolt🐊
(he/him) - Achillic
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Oh boy, this design was such a pain. I literally had to redo it because I didn't like it. Though, in the end, I think it turned out pretty neat.
- On with the physical stuff, I fucked around with his skin tone a bit because it did not look right with his hair in my og design which had a more lime, yellowy green instead of the mint. I made it warmer and ditched the yellow green for the original design's mint, just darker. Finally, I thought I needed a kick of something so I gave him some violet streaks and eyes and BOOM! A Sebek!
- I gave him a bit of a rounder face, I feel like he wouldn't have outgrown his baby chub yet, and a single dimple. I thought it'd be super cute, sue me. Cute lil freckles, the works.
- One thing I am super proud of was his Lichtenburg scar (I believe that's what it's called, I've only really heard in in TMA oops). While I certainly didn't do it justice here, I'll be fleshing it out at some point. I think it's a cool addition to the character based on lighting, maybe his magic accidentally hit him or damaged him at some point idk.
- He is, wait for it... also autistic. Shocker, pun intended. He's actually AuDHD to me and has issues with volume regulation, which is real idk. Would actually also be sensitive to loud noise, as backwards as that sounds. Has noise-cancelling headphones courtesy of Idia. Malleus is his favoured person and he looks up to him a lot.
- Grew up loving dragons and thinking they were like the coolest fcuking things then met Mal and was in awe. Was a totally nerd about dragons as a kid and still has figures and posters and whatnot.
God, I love the Diasomnia characters sm omgggg. It's time for my ocs!
🪡Thumbelina Souster🪡
Third Year - (they/she) Genderqueer - Pansexual
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She looks like Zelda. I know... but she's pretty!
- Thumbelina is 'twisted' from the loom in the story of Sleeping Beauty. IF EPEL IS LITERALLY AN APPLE, she can be a loom. Anyhow, I made her a fae as well, likely one of the craft fairies, just taking on a more human-sized form. She takes a ton of inspo from the og story of Thumbelina, as a tiny little fae she got separated from her kin and raised by human parents. That's why she doesn't have the 'ick' about humans that most fae have.
- When she got accepted to NRC, Crowley gave her access to a potion that changes her size so she'd be able to attend school easier. Her parents were tailors and so she grew up around sewing but could never do it because of how tiny she was. When she changed sizes, she immediately wanted to try her hand at sewing, official joining (or maybe founding) the sewing club.
- After intially joining Diasomnia and seeing Lilia's piercings, they piqued her curiosity and she got some.
- As a fae, she loves to be outdoors and tends to a garden outside of the dorm. She also rather oblivious when some expresses interest in her as she's not familiar with human courting. Lilia adopts yet another autistic child lmao.
For another character based on something mildly abstract...
🥀Munkh Sarnai🥀
Second Year - (they/he/she) Genderfluid - Asexual Aromantic
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- Munkh is my character for the thorns that encircled Aurora's castle. Minorly abstract but hey, cool ass character design.
- They're Mongolian and I wanted the spikey aspect to really shine through, giving them liberty spikes thanks to my friend's suggestion! Wanted to go really punk especially because I haven't really done so in a character design before and I LOVE IT!
- She was originally going to have a Maleficent colour palette for the spikes but it was getting too close to some of the other designs so I made it black and red to emulate roses.
- He's a part of the music club as well, likely a vocalist or drummer. He loves the energy and the people are really cool, plus obviously his vice housewarden's there.
- They're also on the athletic side and enjoy various sports, namely Spelldrive. Also, she does own her own blastcycle and immediately bonds with Deuce over a shared love of them. Deuce and Munkh like this 🤞.
Last but not least...
⏰Kyra Delano⏰
First Year - (she/her) - Sapphic
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Pspsps... TMA fandom... pspsps Delano...
- Kyra's my oc twisted from Tick Tock, the alligator(?) from Peter Pan. I gave her the yellow-green from my original Sebek design and it looks way better here.
- I think as a reference to the clock and like 'ticking', she'd have Tourette's. It sometimes flares up more than others so she has an agreement with the teachers about class times where it's acting up.
- I think she'd have like mild beef with Josephina because they met on a wrong foot during orientation but it's not a huge deal. Probably sleep-deprived Josephina said something insulting Diasomnia and Kyra was like, "What the hell?". They have a friendly competition going on now, every gym class.
- She's a part of the track and field club and is one of the fastest on the team. That being said, she's not a huge fan of physical activity and prefer to read in the library or study.
Head's up, I lied. This isn't the last post. I have to do the staff and extra character like Neige, Che'nya, and Cheka. Plus Grim. I tricked you >:). Mayhaps it'll be up tomorrow... love y'all!🩷🩷🩷
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elitadream · 4 months
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your post about Luigi being more asexual is unique; even if you don't draw alot of Luaisy art, it still sets up a unique journey for Luigi and Daisy's relationship, and to eventually falling in love.
It's a nice coincidence that you've mentioned Daisy, because I've recently been toying with the idea that she and Lou would basically become ace besties in my version! 😁✨️
Hear me out: what if both Daisy and Peach had felt the same sense of social pressure when it comes to romance and courting growing up, and it had impacted them differently? For that specific concept, I've imagined that it would make Peach long for a sweet and genuine man as opposed to some vain and self-centered royal, whereas Daisy would eventually come to the realization that she's just- not feeling it. That she's completely indifferent to all that mushy stuff and would actually much prefer to rule alone like the confident and self-assured badass that she is. x3 💪
Like Peach, she would have no care nor interest towards a man seeking to woo her for clearly political reasons (or even trying to gain her attention at all 😝), so when she would meet this meek and unassuming man who's minding his own business and is just trying to exist in peace, she would take a sudden and amused interest in him. Feeling instantly at ease in his presence, with Luigi being SO very unlike those flirty and nauseatingly smug bachelors who would always send her ridiculous gifts and portraits of themselves. When they would end up talking about it at some point and he would timidly admit to her that he isn't feeling inclined to pursue a romantic relationship with anyone, Daisy would be absolutely delighted and very relieved by this, feeling an even stronger affinity towards the man than before. 😊🧡
If I were to draw them again in my art, it would be as platonic friends, but very close and affectionate ones. 😌💫 But of course, you're entirely free to ship them if that's what you prefer! A lot of people view them as a romantic pairing, and I can definitely see why: on some level, they are indeed quite compatible. 🤭
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noaltbruh · 4 months
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hi! could i request narancia who has a crush on his best friend? and how he would feel about it and how he would eventually confess. thank you!
Can I just say this was one of the best requests I've ever gotten? I've been looking for an excuse to write something like this for such a long time, and you're giving me the opportunity on a silver plate.
Hope you enjoy! 😊
Puppy love 🍊❣️
Many were the virtues that Narancia lacked, or so he thought, at the very least. Self confidence, despite his bold personality, was a rough spot for the young one. After all, it was no secret that those whom he crossed back with in his life did nothing but pushing him under the bus, taking advantage of his good faith and heart of gold.
Manipulation, betrayal and disappointment, in contrast with the boy's cheerful attitude, were an undeniable part of his past, and one that had cut deep in his mind too. So deep that, eventually, Narancia grew to believe that if those around him kept on leaving him behind, perhaps he deserved such treatment.
...That belief was, however, challenged by Y/N's eventual arrival in his existence, as his feelings for her cut even deeper than those past scars in his heart, acting as the softest and kindest bandages for the aches of the youngster. The girl gave him something he had craved for the longest time, perhaps a bit childish too, but that was really all that he needed from a close one: safety. In the wrecking mess that his life had been, and kept on being with all the troubles that came from his profession, there couldn't have existed one thing that made him more joyous: the knowledge that someone out there would never leave him, would never judge or expect too much of him, that they genuinely enjoyed his presence and wanted to keep him close.
At the end of the day, no one would have been surprised that he had chosen her as his best friend. He was certain that as long as she was willing to stick with him, everything would have been okay. In return, she could be sure that no matter what she was dealing with, he would have been around to lend her a helping hand or simply to keep her company. It almost physically hurt him when he had to be away from her for even just a couple of days because of a mission, it genuinely felt like a whole part of who he was stayed behind with her.
The two of them had shared such and many sweet moments and conversations, it was unimaginable to tell or remember all of them...That's what one would have thought, at least. But for Narancia, every single day, hour, minute or even second spent in her presence was a fundamental core memory, one that would constantly replay in his mind whenever she was not there for whatever the reason might have been.
All the times she defended him in an argument with Fugo, all the times she encouraged him to keep on with his studies deplete his difficulties, all the times she listened to him vent without ever thinking less of him because of it, all the times she agreed to join him on his crazy idea and adventures...I could go on for hours, if given the chance.
But the point I'm trying to convey is that Narancia was utterly in love.
Darling and with his heart on his sleeves, it would be easy to assume that these feelings for him would have been simple to accept and express. Nonetheless, the reality was far far different, almost impossible to see for how further it was...And just as impossible for him to see the way he felt for the girl.
After all, surely it must be quite troublesome to identify something one has never dealt with, let alone felt before. Of course, he loved the gang, the ones he considered his own family...But the relationship between them was an entire different story. He was a hopeless romantic who, ironically, had never gotten the chance to experience the passionate sensation that came with romance. When a disease hits one for the first time, it is no easy job to discern what it exactly is.
In the same way, for the longest time, the boy thought that these feelings were the normality, she was his dearest friend, was she not? Of course he'd want to be with het all the time, of course he'd remember every little thing that made her happy, of course he'd stay up thinking of that one compliment she unexpectedly caught him off guard with just the day before, he had everything under control...Didn't he?
...Indeed, it wouldn't be incorrect to assume that his apparent blindness came from a great amount of denial as well. As already mentioned, the young one did not think highly of himself, for reason that went past his personal traumas as well. No matter the struggle to hide it under his cheerful nature, he was very well aware that he was far from being a respectable person.
He was childish, loud, clingy, short, stupid and weak compared to his other friends. Why on earth would such a girl, perfect in his eyes, ever choose him above anyone else. He stood strong, despite how much it hurt him, by the conviction that he simply...Did not deserve her, that she was too good of a person for him to ever have a chance at professing his feelings for you. He would have just made a fool out of himself more than he already was.
There was no point on trying to fly too high, unless you want the sun to burn you. It was better this way, to remain in his little comfort zone, with you being his closest, most treasured, adored...Friend.
Unluckily for him, or perhaps not, the heart he aggressively tried to keep his under his sleeves was pounding with the desire to explode, to yell in Y/N's face just how much she meant to him, and how deprived of purpose Narancia's life felt when she was not around.
No matter how fast you may be, you will always get tired from running away. Delaying it simply takes away the energy to deal with it in a positive way. Unsurprisingly, the one that prompt him to stop running was whom he considered his mentor: Bruno.
In fact, the gang could read the young one like an open book. He was so open and spontaneous, even without realizing, that not even a blind person could have been able to not see just how deeply he had fallen for the other. And while most of his family would just tease him for that, only pushing him to hide away his feelings even more, Bucciarati, the sweet and caring man he had always been, eventually decided it would have been a good idea to take him aside and have a proper conversation regarding the matter.
He saw the bright, purple, blatant and enormous heart eyes the boy used to look at her, they warmed his heart too. He had truly never seen Narancia so happy with anyone so far, and despite how he knew it was not directly "his business", he could not resist standing by the side and watching him avoid the problem.
After the girl had left in order to go attend some errands, the older one silently called the other in the kitchen, a soft smile on his lips, as he could tell that his sudden request had intimidated him. They sat around the table, right in front of each other.
"W-What is it, Bucciarati? Did I do something wrong? Do you have a mission for me? Do you want me to catch up to Y/N and handle those errands with her?"
A small chuckle escaped Bruno's mouth as he looked at the other, shaking his head.
"Hehe...Not exactly. Forgive me if I sound sudden with my question but...You think about her quite a lot, do you not?"
He was right: he had, indeed, caught him off guard with such a direct input, enough to get the dark haired one to direct his gaze away from him, looking down at the table.
"Y-Yeah...So what? I mean- it's normal, right? Like- of course I think about her often, she's my..."
"...Best friend?"
He concluded, in an uncertain and subtly provoking tone, as if he was telling him "I'm not going to buy it".
"That's right...Best friend"
"Narancia...You do know I'm quite good at telling when someone is lying to me or not, don't you?"
"Urgh...Don't remind me"
He frowned.
"Last time I said the pistols ate our leftovers, you licked my entire face"
The blue haired one smiled, hearing him relieve that episode.
"I admit, I may have exaggerated that time, but my point still stands. So, if I were to ask you something, you'd be honest with me, mh?"
"O-Of course...You know you can trust me, I'm not a liar!"
The boy's mind was already imagining anything he might have done wrong to make him so suspicious, but could not find anything. Yes, he was a prankster and annoying from time to time, but he was very respectful towards him and would never do something to anger him.
Such uncertainty, mixed with his apparent good faith only confused him further, as he watched Bruno crossed his hands.
"I don't mean to spy into your personal life, but I really cannot bear seeing you act like this anymore. I've figured you would have taken actions by now"
"Take actions? Wait- act like WHAT? None of what you're saying is making sense!"
"What I'm saying is...Do you have feelings for Y/N, Narancia?"
The silence that followed his little inquisition was am almost...Funny one. Or rather, ironic, you could say. After all, it was curios to see the bubbly and happy go lucky boy incapable of even forming a sentence. It was as if his brain hadn't really taken in what had just been said to him, maybe because it couldn't, or maybe because it did not want to.
"...What?"
That was all he was able to reply after an entire minute of reflection. The man looked unfazed, as if he was expecting this answer.
"You heard me"
"I- uh-! I don't- W-WHAT SORT OF QUESTION IS THAT?!"
He stood up from the chair, trying to use anger as a way to change the subject and brush it off as soon as he could. Of course, it wasn't actually necessary for him to say it, but it was an excuse for Bucciarati to dive deeper in the topic.
"For someone as open as you, it's rather odd to hear you deny this, of all things...Why is that?"
"...I don't wanna talk about it."
Narancia looked down, very aware that, if the discussion were to continue, what he actually felt and his insecurities would have eventually come out. He knew it was a stupid motif, but he didn't care: he had his reasons and insisted on not changing his mind.
"You said I could trust you, and I do, I really do"
Seeing him agitated, Bruno got up from his own chair, approaching him.
"But you should know you can do the same with me. I've figured it was obvious by now"
"I- I do trust you! But..."
The young one grabbed the edges of his skirt.
"...I dunno, I always feel...Weird when I think about her"
"Weird?"
"I mean- she makes me happy! Like- a ton, I'd let myself get fucking tortured if it meant seeing her content, but...I don't get it, at the same time she..."
"Makes you nervous, doesn't it?"
"...Damn, am I really that easy to read?"
"Well...Some people are better at hiding themselves but...I've known you for quite a while, of course I'd notice this sort of thing"
The older one soon realized that he seemed to be struggling to speak back, so he continued, in a soft tone.
"Are you afraid of rejection, Narancia?"
Of course, the answer was a simple nod and an expression of sorrow. Feeling compassion for him, Bruno gently patted his head.
"You really have no reason to worry this much, you know?"
"Well, it's easy for you to say! I'd like to see you try to get with some woman when you're a literal grown up child!"
"That's...Not true"
"Yes it is! And don't try to deny it. I can't tell her, do you just want me to get humiliated?"
He strayed away from his touch, clinging to his own arm with one of his hands.
"Just because you haven't finished school doesn't make you a kid"
He gave him the space he wanted, without losing his composure.
"And, excuse all of my assumptions, but I'm quite sure she'd gladly agree on being your partner"
"...You're just saying that to make me happy"
"I don't tell lies, just like I don't let anyone tell them to me. It wouldn't be fair otherwise"
It was just for a second, but hearing those words gave the boy the smallest hope, in his heart, that they may have been true, before he went back to thinking that it simply was not possible. He started to imagine her, what she could have been doing in that moment, her sweet voice, her look, her thoughts...
Which were, most definitely, not directed at him.
"...I don't wanna, I just don't. What's wrong with what I'm doing right now? We're close and I don't risk making an idiot out of myself more than I already am"
"You're just seeing things the wrong way. Y/N likes you too, and a lot. Doesn't all the time you spend together give it away already?"
"...Maybe she just likes being around me"
"Maybe. Or maybe you ought to stop being so blind and accept she may just feel the same way. I'm sorry for my rudeness, but aren't you being a bit of a coward running away from this problem by now?"
"Hey!- I'm...I'm no coward, don't call me that!"
"Then have the courage to face her, just like you face those stand users"
"...This is far scarier than a stand battle"
"But with a far sweeter victory too"
"And what if it's bitter instead?"
"I don't recall you ever failing so far"
Bucciarati gave him a reassuring look, one of those that seemed to, somehow, always ease to other's nervousness, perhaps at least a small bit.
"You've always been one for taking risks. Do what you've done so far, and everything will be okay"
"...Heh, you believe more in me than I do"
"Well, who knows..."
The man softly placed his hands on his shoulders.
"Maybe this will help things change"
"...Yeah, maybe it will"
Finally, the black haired one gave a smile to his friend and looked up at him. He still was not very faithful towards the outcome of this whole situation, but he had figured that, at the very least, Bruno was right about not telling him to run away from such situation anymore. It wasn't easy, especially not for him, but he found the confidence to at least take a stand.
Even so...
"...I still got no clue of how to tell her though"
He admitted, embarrassed.
"Trust me, the planning process is the hardest part. Once you're actually together, everything will be a lot more natural"
"I hope you're right, man"
This time, he sat on the table itself, fidgeting with his fingers without even realizing it. He couldn't help but feel a slight headache just trying to cope up with something. He just wanted everything to go smoothly, to actually look...Charming for once, to make her believe that he could be a worthy boyfriend to her.
It was just do hard when, no matter how hard he tried, none of what he imagined was good enough for someone as perfect as she was.
"I just want it to be special, ya know?"
"I know, just do what you always do: take it as it goes. After all, surely you don't want to win her over by being someone you are not"
"Nah...That'd suck"
"I'm glad we can agree on this"
With a sympathetic smile, the eldest approached the door, briefly turning around before making his exit.
"Good luck, although I'm quite confident you won't be needing that"
"...I wish I had half of the confidence you have"
Muttered the young one under his breath, left alone with nothing but the urge to run up to the girl and just kiss her until his lips went dry. Needless to say, that alone was enough to make him drown his burning face in his hands, making it even harder to think rationally.
"God, I'm so fucking screwed"
~~~~~
The passing week, Narancia had barely gotten any sleep, his mind chastising him for being incapable of finding a way to convey what seemed like a waterfall of feelings, in a small bucket.
He was never good with words, he was perfectly fine with the idea of telling she that he liked her, he truly did, it was everything leading up to that moment that overwhelmed him. He didn't care about the build up, be wanted to get to the point, to be direct, but he couldn't. She deserved better than that, and he was very well aware of it.
That was, however, until (at least at first sight) a perfectly ordinary and standard night, one of those one would not think in too deeply, that would let go by without probably realizing just how far time is already passing, and would perhaps look back the day after and think "I had a good time".
One of those that Narancia loved so dearly, where he could simply chill and dedicate himself to whatever he preferred.
And of course, that was Y/N.
Predictably, his shyness around her had not gone untoticed by the young one. She could tell how he seemed to blush more easily each time she'd initiate physical contact, how he'd avoid her eyes when she'd turn around to look at him, how he kept on losing at every game they played together no matter how easy she'd go on him.
She had considered calling him out for such behavior, but eventually decided to let it go, assuming that it would have passed before she could really think about it further.
She was just going to spend that time with him as she always does, maybe nothing had changed and she was making it all up.
Although, she had to admit, it was quite the curious coincidence, how everyone in that exact moment had decided to go on a date with their respective partner: Bruno and Abbacchio, Giorno and Fugo, Mista and Trish...
...Oh well, a chance to have the house by herself, right? Why rummaging over it, now?
Boredom was quick to take over her, as she cyclically watched everyone leave, said goodbye to them with a smile and went back to playing Final Fantasy on her Gameboy.
She hadn't seen her best friend for the whole day, spending the entirety of her Morning helping Trish with her newest song, being distracted by Mista's weird theory during the afternoon and, once she had finally some time for Narancia, finding out he had gone out for...Reasons.
Weird, he'd never leave the house without telling her where he was headed to. Surely he would come back soon, would he not? She... Did not enjoy being alone for long.
The smell of freshly baked pizza called out to her stomach, but she brushed it off, refusing to have dinner before he came back. She assumed that Bruno had prepared it for the two of them before leaving, and she had even thanked him for it, but it was as if he hadn't heard her.
"Heh, he was too busy thinking of how he's going to break the bed tonight to pay attention, I suppose."
In the middle of an unexpected Boss fight, the strategy she was coming up with was immediately blown away by the sound of the door opening. The small console quickly hit the sofa's soft cushion, as she sprinted to the entrance to finally greet him.
"Nari! Where hav-"
The embrace she was waiting to give him, however, was interrupted once she caught a glimpse of the bouquet in his hands.
"Sorry! Sorry, I'm sorry...I didn't wanna be away for long but, uh, I forgot it's Sunday and most shops are closed and-"
"W-What- What are these?"
She commented in amazement, staring at the perfectly arranged flowers.
"I uhm- I got them for you! You know, they're your favorite, I thought they looked nice..."
He awkwardly extended the bouquet in her direction, his usual toothy grin not leaving his face, hoping with all his heart that he had picked the right ones.
The girl was about to ask more questions as she made a mental recap to find out if she had, somehow, missed some important date or event, but nothing could cross her mind. Despite this, noticing the nervousness in his tone, she figured it would have been better not to add any more gas to the fire.
"They...They indeed are"
She grabbed them gently with both of her hands, looking at them as a smile curved on her lips.
"Thank you! You're sweet as ever, Nari"
"I-It's nothing, really, just a little surprise"
He took a moment to admire the sweetness she was looking at him with, his gaze softening in return.
"I'll go put it in my room, be right back!"
"Alright! I'll see you outside?"
"Outside?"
"Yeah! In front of the house"
"How come? Do you want to go on the swings?"
"Kinda...Eh! Come on, you'll see!"
As she understood it was best to play along if she wanted to find out, she just smiled once more and turned around. She was fast to disappear into the hallway, but making sure not to let a single petal fall off as she did so.
Briefly fixing up her hair from the short run, after putting the flowers on the desk in her room, Y/N headed out as she was asked to.
"You were fast!"
"I didn't want to keep you waiting"
Narancia contained a small laughter, as he gestured he to follow him in the back of the villa.
"You gotta check this out!"
"Now you've made me curious, Nari"
"Well..."
He slowly stopped on his track, and just as calmingly got closer to Y/N, just enough for their fingers to intertwine.
"Let's not waste any time then, right?"
"...Right"
She repeated, her glance falling on their hands, feeling relieved from the warmth of his against her frozen surface. While they had never done this before, the gesture felt natural to her, probably because of how they'd always cuddle and cling to each other without even noticing.
Once they got to their apparent destination, the young lady was surprised at what she was met with, especially since she could have sworn she knew every centimeter of the house, in and out.
There was a ladder leaning against the wall, big enough to reach even the top on the building, or at least she thought...It was a bit hard to see from down there. It seemed hand made, but very resistent nonetheless.
Her grip on him surely was resistent as well, as the idea of climbing up did not exctite her in the slightest. Fear of heights can be a pain to deal with, and it surely did not enjoy befriending ladders.
Noticing her nervousness, the boy began to gently rub her palm with his thumb, as he moved her a bit closer.
"Afraid?"
"Y-Yeah uhm...You know I don't sit well with heights"
"It's alright!"
He approached the ladder, taking the first step.
"Come on! I'll help you up, okay?"
Reluctantly raising her eyes, she was a bit taken aback by his comforting expression. Not in a negative way, of course, it was just... Out of the ordinary. After all, she was accostumed to his silly grin and sparkly eyes.
But there was just this reassurance that told her that she was safe, if he said so, and she was not going to miss out on this chance.
"Okay, I guess I'll...Give it a shot"
"Awesome! Here, just...Hold on"
Taking her own first step on the ladder, she mase sure to keep her head high, keeping the ground under her right out of her sight. It was fine, she was fine, she just had to focus on...The unusual softness in his voice, the little dimble on his cheek whenever as he smiled, that fluffy, dark, messy hair...
Yeah, she really was fine.
Once they finally reached the roof, Y/N let out a sigh of relief.
"Hehe! You're so brave!"
"I...Really am not, but thank-"
Before she could finish the sentence, she couldn't help but notice the tempiting smell she had spotted in the house beforehand. The boy had set up a nice little dinner up there, the home made pizza laying nicely on a tablecloth they probably had never used before, and everything illuminated by a small candle.
"S-So? Do you...Uhm, like it?"
He asked nervously, slightly intimidated by her lack of response.
"Sorry, maybe it's too cheesy, I just thought we could have done something a little different and-"
But soon, he was shushed too when he felt a hand on his cheek.
"And you did it magnificently"
Bashful, he looked down, his excitement being impossible to hide.
"Well...Do you want to sit down?"
"Gladly"
As they took a seat, the girl instinctively laid her head on his shoulder, as she'd always do whenever she helped him study. Remembering the advice he had gotten from his immensely reliable older brother, Narancia took a deep breath, sneakily (or at least, he thought so, but let's ignore his shaking) putting an arm around her waist, prepared to take it off as soon as he saw her ever so slightly uncomfortable.
Instead, she snuggled in closer.
"So? Is the view here better than from your balcony?"
He asked, in an attempt at building up even a bit of atmosphere. It's too bad Y/N did not have the patience for that anymore. She hummed in response, slightly lowering her dear Nari's head until they could touch foreheads.
"The best I could ask for"
There was a moment of silence between them, as both the young ones did not know where to look: the other's eyes or lips.
"It's only fair...You deserve the best"
"Heh, do I really?"
"Absolutely"
His fingers shyly made contact with her hip, slowly moving up and down.
"That's why I...I really don't know if I should do this"
"Why not?"
"Y/N, you're..."
Contemplating each of her feature for a second, he continued.
"You're perfect. I just want to make you happy, to protect you, to hold you my entire life"
Y/N couldn't do anything but listen to those sweet words, the ones she had already played in her head a thousand times, even though she was not so open about it as him.
"...No, scratch that: you are my life, but I understand if you don't-"
With a little push from the girl, their lips soon followed their foreheads' example. The boy soon let all thoughts or speeches he had made out in his head disappear, as every part of his body was taken over by that idyllic sensation he had so desperately longed for. He refued to pull away from her, it didn't matter if he was starting to hardly even breath: he would have taken her taste over air every day.
Eventually, just enough to undo the touching, she pulled away, taking small breaths and taking in that moment she didn't know that she needed so much, but to whom she couldn't resist once she felt it coming.
"...W-Would it be alright if I said I've been dreaming of this moment ever since you visited me in t-the hospital?"
He coyly stuttered out.
"Only if I can do it again"
"Please...Do"
The kisses they shared were more than the stars that watched over the two, giggling between some of them as Narancia had to resist the urge to pick her up and spin her around. Like children falling in love, they couldn't help but just let it happen, give in to the comfort the other offered, the feeling that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't simple puppy love.
But, for the youngsters' amazement, a bond that, for the first time, could actually last.
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shadale-s-safe-space · 5 months
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I don't know much about you as a person, but from what I can gather you've had a long journey with art, but still have the motivation to continue even when its rough. I'm sure you didn't start out making masterpieces, so if its not too much trouble, do you have any advice for a 16 year old artist losing motivation? i feel like im stagnating right now and its awful
Idk man, all I can say is, draw watchu want without the care who's gonna see it or what they gonna say , commit to new ideas and care less about pleasing everyone, because I know that way too well, I started learning by drawing animals, flowers and nature, "you should draw something else", switches to furries " No you must do human portraits", draws humans *no one fuckin cares*, and I felt miserable drawing what I didn't want all the damn time just trying to please everyone and be liked, hell, I still do that sometimes cuz I'm a dumbass. When in reality, when you do your own thing is when you're the happiest, this internet bullshit? Yeah don't trust the likes and favs, people like what they find relatable, no one really knows how much time you've spent on your drawing or how much you love it, when a 5 min doodle you did could do more than a painting that took 2 whole days to complete just to be scrapped in a new speedy record, paint what you love for yourself and you only.
Don't be shy to learn new things, I have tons of stuff I don't post here cuz I know people wouldn't care about it, but here for this post, have this that I practiced when I felt too depressed to think of anything good and wanted to step back from the MD artstyle
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You'll see, you'll thrive when you draw what you want, and get yourself a drawing buddy! That way you'll stop focusing on the internet and more on each other, and each other's improvement. Tbh I struggled with that one. Since everyone I had were not into art irl, I somehow managed to find someone after 10 years of drawing alone. I honestly wanted more people to join in and make an improvement circle, but unfortunately that never happened.
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I found myself twice as productive now than ever, even though I'm not active here as much I am still drawing and making things, ofc giving you more comics! And other fun things in the future I hope.
If you're struggling to draw something just do it, man commit, i was uncomfortable drawing men and male characters for years, I've wasted so many years being "too uncomfortable" and draw a naked person like yeesh who fucking cares, it's for studying.
And ofc if you feel like you're not improving at all please, please experiment with your artstyle and try something new, please refresh your mind, I was stuck for years doing the same thing over and over, same colors, same 2px brush, drawing like a machine same shit over and over, I felt so stuck and lost, but also afraid to do something new, idk why, I guess I never felt good enough or deserving of it. I also didn't go to art school, I am NOT a professional, nor will i ever be in my opinion. Hell, me feeling like I'll never be good enough left me afraid to try and apply for art school, they were asking for sculptures, different mediums all that scary stuff and I was like, I don't.. know.. how to do those things... I can't build a portfolio in less than 3 months?!?! I don't even know how to use half of what they're asking for!!
In reality at the end of the day, art is what you make of it and no one can stop you, search for inspirations and don't be afraid to try, yes you'll fail fist 2 or 10 or hell even 100 times, but you'll come back with more knowledge than ever.
For ending I give you the most confusing drawing to ever exist [dw he's just sleeping on top of her and she's just ghasping for air but awe romance or sum lol] is it weird? Yeah but I had a fun time making it hahaha
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Idk I'm bad at putting my thoughts together, but hopefully some of this helps.
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tdjustess · 6 months
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Rating all Trent ships I've ever came across
Trent×Gwen - The only canon ship and for what it was, I liked it. It always felt like just a summer fling and them being each others manic pixie dream girl/boy is a detail I highly appreciate. It was the most artsy teen romance of all TD ships and should stay as only that 7.5/10 cause it does make me cringe nowadays
Trent×Justin - I don't know who was the first person to come up with this ship but holy shit their brain. And even if you're too good to fall for the trope of "two guys amicably standing next to each other", these two would be the Larry of the TDverse, which you have to at least admit it's funny as shit 10/10
Trent×Duncan - Listen. I've also been a 15 year old girl, I get it, but this is shit. They either forget about each others existence or actively hate each other. Even the fanfics I used to read back then had to jump through hoops or make them ooc to even get them to stay amicably in the same room 0/10
Trent×Geoff - The better version of Duntrent. They still ignore/hate eachother but there's literally no reason for it which is so funny. They're both pieces of shit and the only time it was justified was when Geoff was trying to protect Gwen over the breakup. Read the TDA bios, they're still trying to poke at some rivalry we never see on screen. AU writers I beg of you, write a enemys-to-enemys fic of their fighting backstage 3/10
Trent×Cody - Oh boy. Oooooh boy. I hate to play this card but they're brothers. Maybe if it's one sided like Cody having a crush for 2 weeks tops but yeah. Brothers energy 0/10
Trent×Courtney - Listen. Don't look at me like that and listen. It's two possibly unmedicated mentaly ill upper middle kids with dreams of success in performing arts that go about it in two extremely different ways. Like. I want to keep this short but they'd be so bad for each other while being the only ones who can understand the others devotion, they'd destroy each other. I'm tearing a phonebook in half with my teeth, shout out to the Ballet AU i'll never write 6/10 realistically but 9.9999998/10 in my heart
Trent×Leshawna - I was really surprised when I first saw this ship cause I'd only ever seen them as sort of "friends-in-law"? But now that I sit down and think of it, it could work?? Leshawna is assertive but also laid back, kind and has a lot of goofy moments. And Trent is a certified wife guy™. I'd never thought of this ship myself but it could work 9.4/10
Trent×Noah - Once again, would have never thought of this if I hadn't read one of the best ship-centered fanfics this fandom has to offer. But I think it works better in that specific fanfic than realistically speaking. Trent isn't the exact type of pathetic (positive) Noah hangs out with and in the long run they'd both be too messy. If Gwent is the cuter side of teen romance, Trent×Noah would be the depressing side. I never watched the show, but from what I remember from "2015 grunge tumblr", it's giving Skins vibes 4.8/10
Trent×Anne Maria - I appreciate the mediterranean representation but no 1/10
Trent×Scott - How. Why. Walk me through this one without making them ooc 0/10
Trent×Zoey - Only in a Doey AU where Duncan keeps throwing dogeballs at Trent in PE everytime he tries to talk with Zoey about british pop 2/10
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sailorblossoms · 3 months
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Baz can't be trusted here (on unreliable narrators and the comphet of it all)
Something very notable to me is that time the author (when talking about how she approached the "love triangle" in CO) said that “it's normal to date people you’re not even attracted to” because yes. I immediately agreed with that when I read it, I've seen it in real life... but it kind of blew my mind anway, because you normally don’t expect a romance author to say that when talking about her characters, and you especially don't expect to see that portrayed in their work. It's not the expectation ("I can see Agatha and Simon are not into each other, but they must have been at the beginning" it's an assumption and an expectation." They never actually express that! "It wasn't always like this, it used to be good" it's never what's said! When Penny talks about their relationship seeing better days, she likely means their friendship, because she says "I don't believe they're in love." They express feeling like they're supposed to be with each other, that they're supposed to want it) (I can and have elaborated before but not here, that's not where I'm going right now) I think this is very important to identify and acknowledge because once you start with “not in love and not attracted, then why the hell they dated?” you arrive at so many answers about who these characters are and what they're looking for. About how a relationship that existed partly because they were trying to find a place in the world makes them feel more lost than ever, and how that's a good thing, because it means they're asking questions they never even imagined existed before, questions that will help them figure their shit out (and figuring it out what they don't want, which is what they had, it's also progress).
But what brings me here right now is Baz. When people want Simon and Agatha to be "real," (as in romantic and/or sexual) the arguments they bring up (it's normal to have romantic or sexual feelings for different people at different stages of your life, which is true, but it's not what's happened with them, we don't have to insist it is for their experience to be valid or to matter, comphet is a real thing that exists etc) are things Baz has very present. I mean, look at his family. He has heard the stories about their parents, and despite her aunts' best efforts, he sees his dad's relationship with his stepmum as valid and even good for the man. He expects Simon to have had romantic feelings for Agatha, and to have been attracted. Even when Simon it's voicing how wrong it all felt (including not feeling shit when he should probably had) Baz still assumes he must've been into her at some point. But note that these are assumptions to Simon comes to find upsetting, that he fights against when Baz voices them when it would be easier not to. I think the most telling part it's when Simon practically looks at the camera in the style of the office and says "what I liked about her is that I didn't like her" – it's comfortable that she didn't awake anything in him. It's safe that he didn't experience romantic or sexual feelings with her ever, because those feelings are too overwhelming to him, too dangerous. Note how he was always losing his shit around Baz, how he comes to believe, when he finally identifies those feelings, that Baz would be the death of him. Very telling too is that while Baz hears and accepts Simon's "nothing compares to you," what Simon reveals here (which can be sum up with "this is part of why he calls himself a baz-sexual") it's shocking. It's likely also hard to internalize, because Baz has programming he had to work against, which includes seeing himself as monstrous and undesirable.
Which brings me to the point about comfort: Agatha is comfortable because she didn't awaken anything in Simon. It's comfortable that he doesn't have to manage or process shit around her, he's perfectly chill in her presence (which is certainly not "baby is in love" or "baby is discovering attraction" behavior) (especially given Simon isn't known for restraint and being chill) (his behavior around Baz, however...) She's comfortable because she's a childhood friend, she's familiar and trusted. She's also uncomfortable. We could make a list of moments that reveal Simon's discomfort with her, which is less about her and more about just not really being comfortable with going through the motions of being her boyfriend (because he likes the idea of it, what it represents, but doesn't actually like being her boyfriend, hence him being "shitty" at it while being aware).
I have compared how Baz sees Simon comfortable beside her vs how he didn't see the discomfort that was very present between Simon and Agatha in a previous scene. I think the gist of it it's discomfort at being reminded of/being perceived as a couple vs comfort at being able to simply be friends again. Again, many reasons for Agatha to be comfortable (childhood friend, familiar, trusted, etc). It stands out but "the guy who's on edge 24/7 can be at ease around a childhood friend" it's probably not something that should stand out that much. It shouldn't affect Baz, and yet...
Here I'm reminded of a recent post where the author mentions Agatha and Simon's friendship won't ever be fully relaxed again (which I find easier to believe than the alternative). In that goat scene, there's comfort that's specifically about them being able to feel like friends again, free from outside pressure and influences... while, at the same time, we're reminded of the pressure, the optics that pushed together in the first place with Baz's thoughts. The framing alone makes it so it's not fully comfortable... and what are the current standards of comfort for those two anyway, given that they have been used to discomfort while dating? Given that this very moment is followed by some level of discomfort when both have their version of "what happened there is nothing to be jealous of, it's just a moment of friendship" with Niamh and Baz? How can we know if there isn't an undertone or some lingering awkwardness that's sort of brushed aside or pushed through in this particular moment? (Simon is shirtless until he gets close to Agatha, he's fully clothed then).
I've spent so much time noting the discomfort between those two (because of the comphet of it all) that it always stood out to me that Baz highlights comfort (hence that long ass posts) and while I don't think he's entirely wrong (for reasons already stated)... he's actually not someone who can be trusted to assess shit when it's about Simon and Agatha. Every time Simon processes or reaches conclusions about how wrong he felt dating her it's in Baz's presence (because he wants Baz to understand, even when he himself doesn't) but Baz is still affected. The wounds are still fresh. At this point, he has spent a longer time believing Simon was destined for someone else than he has spent believing Simon wants to be his. It fucks with his emotions and perception, even if he logically knows he should know better. There are years of programming he has to go against. He might be good at reading others in certain circumstances (clocked Shepard's deal with Penny pretty quickly) but the "golden couple" and interest in himself are huge blindspots. Note that he thought they were happy together even when Agatha explicitly told him otherwise (when Penny was observing the same thing and essentially saying "this isn't it, please go back to being friends" – granted, she was looking more closely, but still). Note that in this very moment, Baz is looking at them and being affected by the optics of them standing together, and how that very much would fuck with him (notable that that's how Simon describes the relationship too, optics! when he should be talking about feelings! as "a picture where I look like who I am supposed to be" and what are the feelings? "feeling like a fool" and expressing discomfort) (Niamh seems affected too, but she doesn't seem like one for nuance, or to be trusted in her perception either – doesn't she still calls Simon "her boyfriend" to Agatha despite being corrected?)
Baz links the image of them standing together to the sun. He has to look away. It burns. If you can't even look at something long enough... you won't notice the details.
So how can he be trusted in his perception of how comfortable Simon truly is, about the type of comfort he's feeling (because there's the bad type, the "turning off my brain and not pushing myself to figure out what actually want" type) and where that's coming from? If there's a struggle Simon is pushing (or attempting to push) through would he even notice? Or would he be too blinded, too burned to look closely?
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absolutebl · 9 months
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Hi!
I love your Blog and love to read your takes in everything. So thank you so much for all your Posts and thoughts about the industry etc.
Here is my question: i came across one of your posts where you wrote "actually gay, not bl gay" (it was a Post about Jojo and Only Friends) and while I FELT that I TOTALLY understood what you meant and instantly was like "yes 100% clear" Id love to read and learn more about what this means exactly and why some bls feel quite heteronormative while some dont. Would you mind explain the take on "actually gay Not Bl gay" a little bit? And why some Shows feel just more queer than others (besides the unbelievable stupid "gay only for you" trope lol)
Thank you so much and I hope you will have a nice day!
actually gay, not bl gay
There's actually quite a discourse on this right now mostly originating with @waitmyturtles and @wen-kexing-apologist (Post @killiru references above is here.)
I tend to mostly talk about this in broad brush strokes as a queer lens.
But there's a great ven diagram (which of course I've lost the link to) that approaches the idea of and queer lens by tunneling into its approach and intent:
about queers
by queers
for queers
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How do different BLs intersect in different ways with these three elements?
When I said "actually gay, not BL gay" I was alluding to this discourse. Specifically the "about queers" category of BL.
There are characters in BL who read as genuinely gay (as in belonging to the queer family of this terrible reality we live in) and then there are those that seem more performative (to exist in a bubble of fantasy were sexual identity is almost unimportant, only the romance matters, everything is safe sweetness & light). For some queers this can read as manipulative or even exploitive (because it is inauthentic to most queer experiences). For me, it's fine... even desirable. I like the safe bubble. I enjoy the utter delusional escapism of it. Sometimes I will call this sanitized gay. (Since it is designed to make gay palatable to non-gay identified folks e.g. seme/uke.)
A sanitized gay BL may be unintentional but it is nested in origin yaoi and mm romance whose target market has never been the queer community, and whose authors have historically not been members of it, either.
Let's be frank, we queers are generally a terrible target market, we don't have enough spending power - especially not for a piece of pop culture as niched as BL. And as creators we really want our voices to be heard (obvs), which makes us produce content that those unsympathetic or uncaring find uncomfortable. (Yes, I know, fuck them, but also, they have all the money and the entertainment industry is a numbers game.)
So in the arena of office romances, just as an example:
actually gay = The New Employee
sanitized gay = Our Dating Sim
actual gay = Step By Step
sanitized gay = A Boss And a Babe
All of the above have the same tropes, archetypes, and premises. All of them are BL. Some are just... queerer feeling than others. And the characters in those shows (Step by Step and The New Employee) read as more "actually gay."
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This has nothing to do with the actors, chemsitry, or how much we may personally like the show (Our Dating Sim is one of my absolute favorite BLs). It has to do with how closely those CHARACTERS intersect with the reality of queerness as we inhabit it today. It will be lots of little touches given to the drama by director and script:
language use,
surrounding friendships (and friendship style),
mannerisms and physicality (specially body language around straights vs other queer characters),
makeup & wardrobe,
facial expressions,
surrounding queer-coded behaviors by side characters,
layers of story nuance that indicate a complicated queer-driven back story.
Markers of specifically a queer identity are given to the leads.
These kinds of BLs are satisfying the "about queers" category. ("By queers" can be difficult to extract because IRL outting is involved. "For queers" is the rarest kind of BL, because making something specifically for us often alienates the majority of the rest of viewership/market. I could be argued that SCOY did this.)
I'm sure I've missed things, but I hope that kinda makes sense?
By/For/About discourse from @wen-kexing-apologist here:
Parts 1
Part 2
Part 3
I'm indebted to them for the links!
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More Queer Stuff from Yours Truly
BL Linguistics & Queer Identity - I Am Gay versus I Like Men 
Will BL Get More Honestly Queer? 
Queer lens (from the director) and chemistry (from the actors) in BL (A Tale of Thousand Stars)
Touch & Daisy in Secret Crush On You - Queer Coded Language and 3rd Gender Identity
BL in Taiwan & Gay Marriage
Debating Queerbaiting in BL ( + Devil Judge... is it queerbaiting?) 
BL Actors and the Assumption of Queerness - outing actors, coming out, being out, more:  Is that BL actor actually queer?
So is it really fetishization? straight women loving bl 
Some BL fans are sasaengs, and it’s a problem in this fandom 
BLs That Highlight How Society Treats Queers
10 BLs That Are Honest to a Queer Experience 
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(source)
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Something has been bugging me lately; why is it that so much of the ASOIAF fandom hates romance? Like, this is a problem I've noticed and it's honestly kind of weird. To be sure, George's view on what is romantic is, uh, dubious at best, but to outright be so against it the way I've seen some people be against it is quite bizarre, to say the least.
Rhaegar and Lyanna? Of course there's no romance there! Rhaegar clearly was just using Lyanna as a baby factory to produce a super prophecy child because that's all there is to his character!
Jon and Daenerys? They won't be getting together like that dumb show! And if they are, it will be purely a political marriage! No lovey dovey stuff there!. After all Dany likes "bad boys" (which somehow translates to "evil men") so why would she like a strong, assertive man like Jon? And why would Jon like her? Not like he likes strong fiery tempered women!
Those are the two biggest examples but there is more. Daemon Blackfyre and Daenerys Targaryen are more ambiguous since they are historical characters, but a lot of people are convinced it was 100% unrequited love.
I've even seen fans complain about the line from Barristan where he thinks about how Bittersteel and Bloodraven's rivalry over the affections of Shiera Seastar caused the Blackfyre Rebellions. Like sure it wasn't the only reason, but to think that jealousy and romance didn't have an effect on those rebellions is a bit weird.
Yes, I am aware these are some problematic pairings, not least of which because most of these are pretty incestuous. However, the complaints about these romances do not stem from a moral quandary. In the case of R+L, you see people calling Rhaegar a groomer and pedophile (see my post on him on my full thoughts there), but the majority of it is simply "well it's stupid because they told no one and caused a whole war, the selfish brats" (bonus points if someone specifically targets Lyanna).
Okay, setting aside the fact that, like with the Blackfyre Rebellions, Robert's Rebellion was caused by far more factors than their elopement, why does making it an abduction Rhaegar did simply for a magic messiah baby make it a better story than the fact these two were in love and desperate to escape situations they felt trapped in, leading to shortsighted decisions that had an unexpected affect on many people?
With Jon and Dany, the backlash is "but that's so cliche! George wouldn't do something as cliche as two of the biggest protagonists falling in love." As if George doesn't constantly engage with cliche storybeats as often or even more than he subverts them. Even when the evidence for the two getting together is literally so overwhelming that you'd need to be willfully ignorant to ignore the foreshadowing (plus the fact George literally said that their union is "the point of the series").
And again, I must ask; why is Jon and Dany marrying to secure a political alliance without any real love between them a better story than an epic, doomed romance between two people who have gone through such similar struggles and have such similar personalities? What does R+L=J even exist for if they are just a couple of convenience using each other?
I'm not saying you have to love and ship all these people together. Because we sometimes forget our little fandom bubble, most people are not okay with even fictional incest ships. That's okay. Sometimes it's not even incest ships, but again, that's okay! We are all different and have our preferences! Some might not even care much for romance.
But the way a lot of this is criticized doesn't read like that. It's always focusing on the negative aspects. Especially with Dany's love interests. I'm not a fan of Daario and Dany, personally, but it is a bit uncomfortable how she is targeted so heavily for thinking and getting horny about him. Like... let a girl be horny and infatuated? Lol, I don't know!
With Rhaegar and Lyanna, Prince Duncan the Small and Jenny of Oldstones, the "problem" is that their disregard for political betrothals and following their hearts makes them stupid monsters who are directly responsible for the deaths of thousands. That is absolutely not the way we should take these romances.
These doomed, tragic affairs aren't about how people are selfish. It's about the power of love. The way love makes people act rashly. The way love consumes someones thoughts and feelings. Love is powerful, it is transformative, transcending. That is the point. Even in spite of the death and chaos occurring around it, the love these people have for each other is something that cannot be broken.
I feel like the fandom has taken the wrong approach to this series tone and themes. I'm not George's biggest personal fan, to be quite honest, but he is a self described romantic. Turning Rhaegar from a lovestruck prince to a selfish crazed maniac is not romantic. Turning romance or potential romance into cold political maneuvers is not romantic.
The point of all this is that, yes, the world is dark. It's scary, it's cruel, unforgiving, and cold. But in that darkness, there are pockets of light that shine and make you feel safe, and warm, and happy. It makes you forget all the troubles around you. That light, that warmth, that love, is worth fighting for, even if it's all that is left, even if it doesn't last.
I am of course, slightly biased in my assessment, lmao. You could say that me, being a bisexual polyamorous transfemme, is maybe a bit of a big fan of romance and love! Yet, it still saddens me that people try to keep romances from just being romances, and try to make the story and world more bleak as a result. We already have Ramsay, Joffrey, Gregor, Euron, Randyll Tarly. We have people who use love against others for their own gain or outright reject it violently. We don't need more of that.
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