#romero…. has a special place in my heart because so weird

[jcqlnsart]

Some of my favourite retainers 😌

#love mercurio. whatta guy #romero…. has a special place in my heart because so weird #my art #art #fanart #vtmb #vampire the masquerade #vtm

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE MY UBER DRIVER

Marcus Alvarez x Reader

Anon asked: Hey, could you do an imagine with Alvarez where the reader is a very close friend of Chucky and once she brought peach pie to the club and he's there for a meeting with Bishop, and she ask him if he wants some and she's overall really kind with him and his boys that he's surprised to see someone so nice to them even if it's the first time they met?

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford ✨

Word Count: 2.5k

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. Gif isn't mine, credits to the author.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

Chuckie and you have been friends since four months ago, when you move from San Diego to Santo Padre. There was no reason to do it, you just feel tired of being you whole life living at your hometown, and you were looking for a change of scenery. You opened a bakery store in the center of the small city and he was your first customer. You thought he was a somewhat weird, until you met him a little more. Chuckie was kind and pretty gentle, so that made easy to turn you two from strangers into good friends. So, when he asked you to go to his birthday party, you didn't surprise. He also wanted to introduce you to his friends, even if you already met one called Happy, who was strangely kind when he tasted your pancakes. The biker with rough look told you they reminded him of what his mother used to prepare for him. At that point, you really stopped judging people by their looks.

Chuckie didn't ask you for a birthday cake, but you thought it would be a good gift cook his favourite one. Peach and cream. 

Parking at the entrance of the car scrapping, you hold the big cardboard box between your arms with a extreme care as if it was a bomb, following the rows made by scrap and the latin music sounding somewhere. You reach a crowded yard with a blue house in the middle of it and a lot of motorbikes around. You have already heard about the Mayans, but it's the first time you're there feeling somewhat small and lost.

“Yo! Man, who's that piece of art?” Angel says, among Coco and Gilly on the porch, watching you looking for Chukie.

“I don' know, let's see, hermano”. Gilly smirks at him, hitting his chest with a soft gesture.

“Can we help you, mami?” With a strong mexican accent, a skinny and tall man comes closer to you, pulling away the long strands of hair from the roots to the back of his head.

“Yeah… Ahm… Chukie?” You reply in a shy mood consuming you. “I'm (Y/N)”.

“He's insi—”.

“Hey, love!” A familiar voice interrupts him behind you.

“Happy! You're here too!” The man places an arm on your shoulders, taking the toothpick from his mouth to leave a kiss on your left cheek.

“Cake, uh?”

“Yeah. It's a present for Chukie”.

“You know her, brotha'?” Gilly asks then, a little bit curious.

“She has a bakery store here. Chuckie's friend, and also mine. Don' mess with her”. Happy's scratchy voice doing that warning makes you feel somewhat safe, even if they don't look as bad as you heard. “Come with me, love”.

Raising your chin like a farewell, for the moment, you let the man guides your steps inside the clubhouse where the music is a little low than outside. The men there are older than the other, sharing beers and laughs surrounded by a lot of girls. Girls that, by the way they have to caress and treat every one, you know what they are. But you don't even care.

“(Y/N)! You came!” Chuckie's excited voice claim for your attention, walking somewhat faster towards him when Happy lets you go, leaving the cake on the wooden bar so you can hug him tightly.

“Happy birthday!” You say before giving him a kiss, pointing after that the cake.

“Smells like peach! I accept that!” He looks like a five years old super excited, holding your hand to accompany you to a large room with a huge table in the middle of.

The men inside looks at you with curiosity, getting up from their chairs.

“That's my good friend, (Y/N)”.

“Nice to meet you, kid. I'm Tranq”. A big and tall one comes closer, narrowing your hand as you show him your best and dearly smile.

“Che Romero to serve you, but you can call me ‘Taza’”. Another man, the oldest one but with a kind smirk on his face does the same gesture.

“Bishop Losa, querida. A pleasure to meet you finally. Chukie talks a lot about you”. El Presidente hold your right hand gentle, leaving a paternal caress on the back of it.

“Yeah, they talk about you all too. I'm sorry it took me so long to finally come”. 

“We know about your bakery store, and that box you brought… smells pretty good from here, sweetheart”. Tranq says supporting his forearms on the top of a chair, making you chuckle.

“Is it yours?” An unknown man, with mexican accent and a light whistle pronouncing every ‘s’, appears at your back.

“Yes, sir”. You nod turning above your sneakers, feeling a soft jump shaking your heart when you focus your gaze on him.

“Marcus Álvarez”. He raises a hand on air, taking you some seconds to react, narrowing it when you start to feel stupid.

“(Y/N). Nice to meet you”. You just say.

“C'mon! I want to introduce you to my north Cali friends!” Chuckie sound so excited that makes you laugh, saying goodbye with a hand to the men smiling at you somewhat warm. 

You can't help but being so obliging with everything. Helping the prospect to take more beer from the warehouse, helping with the barbecue and the music. You just want to contribute at Chuckie's party because he's your friend and you want to make him feel the most special man on earth, at a day like this. You're having a lot of fun going from a side to the other, sneaking with other Mayans, mostly with Angel who looks so interested in dancing with you, in the way to help someone else. They're like a big family around California and some nearby states. And you felt like part of it since you put a foot there.

“Hey, kid, have a rest!”

Tranq has a hand raised, making a gesture to come closer. Leaving the box of Jose Cuervo over the bar, you nod walking towards the men you met at the main room a couple hours ago. Taza makes you some space by his side at the sofa, falling down there actually feeling somewhat tired. Bishop opens a beer for you, offering it before sitting in front of the sofa.

“Are you having fun?” He asks.

“Yes! I've never been in a… party like that. I like it. Reminds me to my family”.

“All drunk and a little high?” Tranq laughs, exactly like you do.

“Yeah, more or less. I'm from San Diego, but my family are from Guadalajara”.

“So you're used to this kind of celebration, but without the bikers part”. Taza jokes a little, making you nod again.

“What about Chuckie and you? Just friends?” Seems like Bishop wanted to ask that a while ago.

“Just friends. He was my first customer. He's cool and smart. And knows a lot of things. But, just friends”. You say then, understanding that they want to endorse their friend.

“Chuckie is a good man. Somewhat weird. But he's loyal”. Tranq ads then, drinking from his beer with pursed lips.

“I assume you're single”. Bishop says leaning forwards somewhat above the table. 

You laugh a little bit nervous and ashamed, covering your mouth slightly with a hand.

“I'm just asking to protect your ass from my dogs”. He assure infecting his laughter to the others, knowing well that he's referring to the first men you met before finding Happy. But you also know there's something else hiding behind that question.

You're not stupid. You have seen sideways Marcus looking at you at four times. And even if you didn't asked him about his gazes, looks like he wants to talk with you and doesn't know how to do it without scare you. Guns, long rides, a lot of risks… Sounds like it's not easy to live with. And, because of their behavior, family is the most important thing for them. Put something like that into a danger it's not an option. But even if it's just your thoughts not being sure if he's interested, you could try. You hear him talking with other women there in a gentle way, taking care about them as only a good man, and also a good father, could do. The work he does, doesn't determine how he is. And you like it. You like him since you heard his voice, feeling that good energy around as soon as he was close to you.

The night passed by, between more beers, tequila shots and pieces of the cake you made. It's been a long time since you had some fun. Everyone is delighted with it and you're more happy than other days because of the alcohol. And because of that, you decide to take a first step, knowing that you probably are going to regret it. So getting up, and pretending you're okay, your steps follow Marcus direction to the room they called Templo. 

“Hey!” You say, sounding more excited than you should. “Did you taste the cake?”

The mexican turns at you, surprised at first because he didn't expect you. Smiling at you, he just simply nods wearing the black leather kutte after clean it with a wet rag, looking shiny than a while ago.

“Good!” You reply feeling truly stupid, not knowing what you can say to continue the talk. But he's staring at you like if he was waiting for something else. Like you leaving, for example. “Well, I just… I'm goin' home and I was asking myself if you liked it, 'cause you don' look seem very talkative”.

“It was a long day”. He says walking closer to your position. “You're not going to drive, aren't you?”

“No, ahm… Chuckie told me I could leave my car here, so I'm gonna call an Uber”. You shake your head, making a gesture with your left hand to take away its importance. 

“Where do you live, ah?”

“Second avenue, next to the post office. It's ten minutes walking, but Angel make me dance too much”.

That's the point. That's the hook ready to fish, and you don't know how the hell you have thrown it in such an amazing move. Marcus doesn't say anything about it, erasing the relaxed gesture from his face.

“It was a pleasure…” Focusing on the vest, you read one of the patches. “Padrino. I hope you enjoy the party”.

He nods in silence before seeing you turn over your steps to walk outside of the room. You say goodbye faster than you would like, promising that you will come back soon, looking for Chukie after that. He's with Happy next to the Mayans bikes sharing some drinks and old memories.

“Hey, guys!” With both hands into the pockets of the jacket, you smile at them. 

“Are you leaving, love?” The taller one asks, giving you back two kisses.

“Yeah, I'm kinda tired and I should work tomorrow”. You say before hugging Chukie tightly. “Thanks for inviting me, it was pretty fun”.

“I'll visit you tomorrow anyway!” He says blissful as always.

“Cool! Good night, guys”.

“Rest, love”.

At least you can walk straight through the hallway of the scrapping, right to the street. Rubbing your face with both hands, you feel like an idiot about the idea of Marcus having some interest, hoping he thinks you drunk too much. By the way, the fresh and cold air of the dawn helps you a little, crossing your arms before reach your car. You look at it, ready to drive it, but doesn't look like a good idea. So you finally leave it there, continuing with slow steps to the outside of the place, until the roar of an engine calls your attention. Turning aside, you find him stopping at your position.

“C'mon, I will take you home”. The mexican is giving you a black helmet, turning off the bike.

“Oh, no, no. Don't worry”. You say with pursed lips, feeling the shame running through your body, pretending you're waiting for the Uber car with your phone in a hand.

“C'mon, chamaca”. He insists moving his arm again, knowing that he'll not take ‘no’ for an answer.

Biting your lower lip, you nod holding it to sit behind him. Wrapping his waist with both arms, you try to relax yourself on your way back home, noticing that he's driving slower than normal. But you're not going to complain about it, resting your chest on his back getting somewhat comfy until he reaches your avenue. Then, the nerves return again when you have to point the building where you live at. Marcus parks there, letting you get up first.

“Thank you”. You just say pretending that everything is okay, while you return him the helmet. 

“The cake was delicious”. 

Raising your gaze from the keys you were looking for, your eyes go straight to the darkest. Now, he is who wants to talk, although he doesn't sound insecure as you did. You smile like an idiot, playing with the key chain and the nose bridge slightly wrinkled.

“I don't know if you are into the date game, bu—”.

“Yeah, tell Angel I would like it”. You're teasing him for making you wait and making you feel stupid for some minutes. And by the way his steps towards you stop dead and the look on his, you know it worked.

“I will”. He just replies back, tightening the gloves around his wrists.

“Really?”

“Sure, chamaca”.

You laugh somewhat funny, taking another step closer.

“You should see the look on your face”.

“I don't know what are you talking about”. He gives you his back somewhat prideful, keeping the helmet you used into a bag hanging by a side of the motorbike.

“You were looking at me”. You finally say licking your lips, after clicking your tongue slightly.

“Looked like you were part of the fam'”. He answers automatically, sitting on the bike with both hands catching the handlebar.

“Was it bad?”

“No. I actually liked seeing you taking care of my boys, when no one asked you to do it”. Even if that sounded a little passive-aggressive at the end, doesn't stop you to come closer enough to face him.

“I would really like to have a date with you, if that it… was you were to ask”.

“What if it wasn't?” Now, Marcus is playing your same game, at least, you hope it.

“Me sentiré aún más pendeja”. (I'll feel more stupid). You chuckle rubbing your nose in a nervous gesture.

The man laughs because of your words, shaking his head for a while. Then, he nods.

“I want it. Maybe I asked mi primo if he could find out what was going on between you and Chuckie”.

“Just ‘maybe’?”

“I'll pick you up tomorrow night. At seven?”

You lean towards him, leaving a soft kiss on his right cheek as a way to accept it.

#mayans mc x reader #mayans mc #mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #marcus alvarez imagine #marcus alvarez x reader #marcus alvarez

[avethegamer14]

DOOM (series) Review

Oh baby do I love First Person Shooters (FPS) and what better way than the granddaddy of them all to fall right into the lap of me, yours truly, to review this masterpiece of gaming history. So if you didn’t know what DOOM is, then fucken play it you scrub. Get off FuckNite and play DOOM. Oh and prepare yourself Tumblr as this review is NOT gonna be a very P.C. one, but i’ll try my best to be, not. Anyways DOOM is a video game series made in 1993 by the company ID Software. Creators John Romero and John Carmack, along with artist Adrian Carmack and game programmer Tom Hall and Dave Taylor with others, created DOOM with the same programming they used for their other game Wolfenstein 3-D( Review coming soon) but better and more detailed. DOOM takes place in a distant future with life on Mars already happening, but instead of people living there it's mainly used by the military for the moment. The military organization is called U.A.C., known as Union Aerospace Corporation, colonized Mars and started to experiment with teleporters. Little did they know it will bring Hell itself to their base and start havoc. Oh and by the way I know that's not for every game of DOOM but not gonna explain each plot line here. You play as a lone marine known as DoomGuy, or DoomSlayer depending on what you like to call him, and your mission..I’ll let you guess for a while before reading on...your mission is to KILL ALL DEMONS, so basically a religious persons wet dream if they were ok with it. Anyways you have to rip and tear your way through anything and everything that wants to kill you. That's the basic premise of DOOM, in order to get a better explanation of each game, well we're gonna get to that in a little, but DOOM isn’t just about killing demons or killing demons, I mean DOOM has a fucken killer soundtrack to get you pumped, which by the way

DOOM soundtrack: (5/5) 

Yeah that's right, although I would never do this for most games, yet DOOM takes the cake for its soundtrack. ID could have put anything for this game, a horror soundtrack oh something weird, but instead they put metal. Just listen to E1M1 and tell me this does not pump you up to go and kill demons with only a shotgun, cause it does 

Anyways should we get to the review itself. Now I do have to clarify that not all DOOM games are gonna be here, just the ones that connect to the DoomGuy. I’ll review the other DOOM games in the future like the RPG DOOM and other modded DOOM games, on with the review 

DOOM (1993): (10/10) 

Ok so for future reviews of DOOM, not all DOOM games are going to have a 10/10 score. Anyways what's not to say about the original DOOM that hasn’t been said. DOOM can be played on almost everything, from a calculator to my 2 year old daughter’s Tickle Me Elmo, DOOM can be played everywhere so thank you ID. DOOM (1993) is so versatile that even a Chromebook can run it. When people talk about the best laptops, just ask “can it run DOOM?” 

DOOM II: (9.5/10) 

DOOM II, the sequel to DOOM (1993). By far one of the best DOOM games i have ever played but i have one minor complaint. That complaint is WHY THE FUCK DOES IT RUN SLOW. Seriously DOOM (1993) ran perfect and yet DOOM II runs sluggish, maybe it's my computer but still, great game. Love the ending (spoiler alert) when I kill John Romero's head, i mean the Icon of Sin, i mean uh…”To beat the game, you must kill me, John Romero.”

Ultimate DOOM and Final DOOM: (N/A) 

Like I said, I'm gonna review these games separately since I’ve been hearing that these have no effect on the DoomGuy story line, plus I haven't played these mainly because I can’t find a copy. By the way if anyone has a copy of games that you want me to review my email is [email protected]. Now back to the DOOM review. 

DOOM 64: (8/10) 

Supposedly the last sighting of the DoomGuy story line, DOOM 64 is a great game with a great story line. Won’t explain it here (or any story lines of the games) but trust me, DOOM 64 is a good game, just go ahead and play it if you got the time 

DOOM III: (7/10) 

Most DOOM fans can agree with me on this score. DOOM III is a weird game to the franchise and some call it DOOM (1993) but with better graphics and a more in depth plot line. DOOM III is a good game, I’ll give it that. It tried to mix a little horror and more gore, but DOOM III was plagued with the times it was released. Most gamers can agree with that. Now i was talking about its original release, the copy I used to have was the BFG version and it made it a lot better. In other words DOOM III was good for its time. 

Any DOOM mobile add on (includes DOOM RPG): N/A 

Same as Ultimate DOOM and Final DOOM 

DOOM (2016): (9.7/10) 

Two words, Holy Shit. ID came back to this series after years of it being dormant. Now most people, including me, new DOOM (2016) wasn’t gonna live up in this day and age of gaming, but DoomGuy, now DoomSlayer, said hold my BFG (means Big Fucken Gun) and slaughtered my whole family. DOOM (2016) was a message to the media, saying fuck you P.C., or cancel culture. Saying fuck you to all religious people that despised video games, said fuck you to everything about what games should be and went with it. DOOM (2016) blew that fucken door and killed everything that was behind it. Now I do have a few complaints about the game. That is its multiplayer mode. Now DOOM has had a multiplayer mode but with DOOM (2016) it kinda sucks. Well no offense who plays DOOM for the multiplayer, that's like saying I play FortNite for Save the World. We can play it but that's not why we want it. DOOM (2016) is good game. 

DOOM VR: (N/A)

Wish i could have played it but I don't have a VR, but you can send me one. Email [email protected] (naw just joking but it’ll be pretty dope though)

DOOM Eternal: (10/10) 

OK so remember how I said DOOM (2016) multiplayer sucked, well Eternal ripped that shit apart and shoved it down the devil's anus so Satan himself can feel the burn. Then Satan took a shit and forced fed it to his demons, who then fed it to ID. Then ID said “fuck this, we’ll make it better” and make it better they did. What DOOM (2016) had was wrong, DOOM Eternal did right. Oh and let me tell you something, DOOM Eternal and DOOM (2016) soundtrack, fucken killer. Thanks Mick Gordon, anyways both games are equally good. Now normally I would wait a while to review games this early, especially DOOM Eternal but I already had the DOOM review ready so fuck it 

DOOM is a great game, it’s an escape for those who want to vent out or just say fuck you to everything and anything that’s happening in our world (looking at you cancel culture). DOOM holds a special place in my heart mainly because it was one of the first games where my mom didn’t care about how violent it was (mainly because i was older). Markiplier, famous YouTuber, loves DOOM because it was a game his father showed him. Others love DOOM because it changed what FPS shooters should be. DOOM is DOOM and I love it for that. Well that's it for this review, this is Gaming Review Avery signing off. Next game review will come soon (Hint: Its DoomGuy’s best friend) 

#gaming #game review #doomguy #doom 2016 #doom

[supercultshow]

ZZzzZZzzz…AH! Huh? Wha? What happened? Where am I? Why am I numb below the neck? Ugh, last thing I remember I was giving my speech for Supercult Classic From Beyond and the next thing I know…oh God. Whelp. Alright then.

Hello Supercult West I’m Bad Movie Professor and decapitated head on a tray Cameron Coker (BS in “Stuart Gordon” with a minor in “Undead Man Ass”) and I’m here to help hype the screening of Stuart Gordon’s second and arguably best film, Re-Animator!

Now you may not know this, but Stuart Gordon has been lurking in the shadows of Supercult’s past for quite some time. Space Truckers? Castle Freak? Robot Jox? All Gordon, all working alongside Charles Band, first at Empire Studios and then at the infamous Full Moon Features.  Some of Gordon’s films are action packed, others are gory, most are sci-fi, and a few are loosely adapted from Lovecraftian horror, but all display a level of rarified earnestness that guarantees his films a place in your heart, even if they don’t find a place on at the awards tables, the Metacritic lists, or the box office. You’d be forgiven for believing that Re-Animator is a cult classic: a critical and commercial flop that wormed its way into the hearts of misfits and cinephiles years afterwards when it was hastily released on VHS to recoup the budget. You’d be forgiven for thinking that…but that’s not the kind of movie Re-Animator is. Re-Animator is a GOOD film.

“Who’s going to believe a talking head? Get a job in a sideshow.”

Hi, I’ll be your new roommate. What’s your opinion on reanimating dead pets?

“How do you feel?” “Youuu Basstaaarrd!” *eagerly takes notes*

You know it’s a good movie when the crew wears garbage bags over their clothes because they’re not sure how large the splash zone is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRWlbX92B3I

“I must say, Dr. Hill, I’m VERY disappointed in you. You steal the secret of life and death, and here you are trysting with a bubble-headed coed.”

The opening credits sequence pays visual homage to Saul Bass’ work in Hitchcock’s Vertigo (1958).

Originally director Stuart Gordon wanted to shoot the movie in black and white on 16mm film to give the film a gritty quality. Thank God they decided against it. Otherwise what would they have done with all that neon green glowstick liquid?

Producer Brian Yuzna described the film as having the “sort of shock sensibility of an Evil Dead with the production values of, hopefully, The Howling. “Hopefully” he says.

Lovecraft never really liked his Re-animator stories and wrote them only because he got five dollars per installment. If we’re going to be honest, the script of this film isn’t worth that much more, but we love it anyway.

  Re-Animator has a 93% on Rotten Tomatoes, a 7.2 on IMDB, a 73 on Metacritic, and at the box office it doubled its money from a $900k budget. Re-Animator was nominated for several awards and even won horror, and special effects awards at a few of the festivals it was screened at, in some cases beating out so-called horror icons like George Romero’s Day of the Dead, proving once again that Stuart Gordon was innovating in horror at a time when the industry at large was resting on its laurels. Even Roger Ebert gave it 3 out of 4 stars writing, “One of the most boring experiences on Earth is a trash movie without the courage of its lack of convictions… One of the pleasures of the movies, however, is to find a movie that chooses a disreputable genre and then tries with all its might to transcend the genre, to go over the top into some kind of artistic vision, however weird. Stuart Gordon’s “Re-Animator” is a pleasure like that…”

Now I could go into some pretty awesome details, such as the fact that the special effects department for the film went through twenty-four gallons of fake blood during production when most films of its type rarely used over two, how this is apparently the first time that glowstick fluid (used for the Re-Animation serum) has ever been used in a film, or how Herbert West was one of Jeffrey Combs’ first lead roles leading to a stellar career in the horror genre, even though he never was interested in working in the horror genre. Unfortunately, there appears to be a random woman just sort of hanging out on this table I’m on.

Uh, ma’am? Excuse me, ma’am? Umm, I’m trying to give a well thought out, informative, and in no way demeaning, distracting, or sexually charged speech about a critically acclaimed film here. Do you mind? OH! OH, DAMN IT! Well, that’s just great, she’s naked! This is so unprofessional. You know it’s things like this that get attractive actresses like Barbara Crampton 57 acting credits and a career spanning 30 years including notable Supercult Classics as Space Truckers, Castle Freak, From Beyond, and Chopping Mall! Geeze!

Ugh, well, I’m going to have to deal with this whole situation somehow…without a body. Anyway, don’t let me and my disembodied head and this scantily clad woman distract you from enjoying a truly fantastic, hilarious film. Supercult West is proud to present, Re-Animator!

So, hold on somewhere between From Beyond and Re-Animator I lost my body, and regained my hair? Now that doesn’t make any sense…

“Cat dead, details later”

      Re-Animator ZZzzZZzzz…AH! Huh? Wha? What happened? Where am I? Why am I numb below the neck? Ugh, last thing I remember I was giving my speech for Supercult Classic From Beyond and the next thing I know…oh God.

#1980s #Barbara Crampton #Comedy #H.P. Lovecraft #horror #Jeffrey Combs #Re-Animator #Roger Ebert #sci-fi #Stuart Gordon

[andresbaylor-blog]

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BOYS

First kiss was age 13 at a Bali resort with a cute french boy. My sister and I both kissed him on that holiday and it was both our first kisses. There was a moment there where I felt like a slut because I was younger than her, yet we both just shared a boy... but i got over this pretty quickly.  Next up was dimples. He was the first guy I really sort of liked, and he really liked me back. I can’t remember what was going through my brain but I remember feeling uncomfortable at parties and at school with him. I just wanted to dance and play with my friends and I guess I just didn’t like him that much. Sort of “broke his heart”- as he says. This was not the end of it though, no way. From this encounter -aged 14- we have kissed and declared our love for each other every year since, but nothing has ever come from it. And I don't think it will. 7 years of an and off affection, it is a little sad. I wish were perfect together and were hopelessly in love and it was easy. But I just don’t think it is meant to be... time will tell. My Tyler the Creator. Now this boy shook my fucking world. He was older, tall, muscular, HOT, had attitude, and sass and I could not get enough.  I was literally overwhelmed by hormones and juices and attraction every time he ever came over. Our hookups were a secret behind my brothers back. I snuck out for him, went to parks and cars and basically lay myself on a platter begging him to show me any small act of affection. I was infatuated. He taught me a lot. It was my first taste of unrequited love and I hated it. But it was so necessary. He killed me, but it meant I could build myself up from scratch. Virginity. Army jacket. Threesome?. Blonde boy from a bully convention. It was shit, but it was the way I chose and I guess in turn it was exactly how my first time was supposed to be. Who knows what I would be like if it was different. I tend to skip over this encounter though because I just don’t want to dwell and think about things that I’m not 100% happy about. But that is life hey.

My sweetheart. After my previous fuck arounds, this boy was a serious dose of happiness. He thought I was the most beautiful human on the planet. He wanted me as his girlfriend from day one. No matter what his friends told him- “that I was ugly and fat and he was so out of my league”-- good times... he loved me and stayed with me and it was one of the best years of my life for self esteem and contedeness. I had this hot as fuck boy who was so in love with me and man did I heal in those 12months. It ended unfortunately, I cried for days but I knew I had done the right thing. At the time. 3 years later and he is a completely different person. It still honestly hurts my heart a little when I see him and I don’t know who he is. There is no spark of any of that boy from our relationship. He is very cold. Very closed. And it is sad to be around. But he is happy.  Mister Romero. In and out of my love life. Always around. Always lingering. My feelings for him came in and out in waves, sometimes overpowering and super upsetting, other times I had total control and made him work. It always seemed to revolve around my body and when I was at my thinnest he was at his most keen. Gained some weight, Romero backed off. Lost it again, it was all hand holding and late night pick ups. Hopefully over for good now, but I still get that little flutter, I want it to just be muscle memory, no hidden deeper feelings. Just history reminding me, Initiate slut phase. Simon/ Matt/ Luke/ David/ Nick/ Charlie/ Cengiz. Who even knows.  Red-Head was like an older, shyer version of Tyler the Creator. He got my hormones going crazy. Was also probably my first official encounter with drugs and someone on drugs. This was interesting. Coming in to the bakery every day for work and me going weak at the knees. Was not a fun time.  Radcliffe brought out some real shit from my previous relationship. He made me realise I was selfish with boys. I used them when i felt superior to them. Made them drive to me, work off my time schedule. This was a big eye opener and I pushed him away immediately because he challenged me. In hindsight this was amazing, but unfortunately at the time I freaked out and cut our little ‘thing’ very short. Mihalis, you have A LOT of growing up to do. Getting punched on my front lawn is not the way to live. However you wedding crashers (+dims-my favourite greek) will always have a weird special place in my heart. The great week of night patio chats will not be forgotten easily.

Django Unchained. No real comment here. He was hot as fuck. He was crazy fun. I had feelings for him on and off and on and off and it was exhausting. I had a weird surge of female empowerment for a bit when I was with him and told him to fuck off because I wanted a relationship or nothing. Don't need no side boy. I went crawling back again the morning after but hey, points for trying. I did officially end it in a strange way over message and he was angry and I was indifferent and it was actually fucking awesome. This was me at my thinnest however, so I felt hot, I felt strong, I had control.

The Big old Teddy Bear Jiggsy. Bartender from years ago reunited. This was nice. He was kind and affection but I only liked him when he was drunk. Pretty boring and sort of dumb sober- fun and sexy drunk. It was sort of another ‘sweetheart’ situation-- he made me feel really good about myself. Healed me, raised my spirits. So thank you jiggs. Then came Indie boys Tom, Liam, Basil, Neil. Attracted to the lifestyle, the fashion, the warehouse parties. Definite change to my normal ‘type’ of guy. But fun and nice to meet new boys, who liked vinyls, wore funky hats and smoked. Hello cigarettes. Let me taste you on another boy’s lips. Sort of brings us to now. Long haired Hub boy with the softest skin, but most nonchalant attitude. You kill me with your indifference and my brain cannot handle it. As with every other boy before you. Honesty is all I ever want. Honesty is kind. And I’ll ride it out but not for very much longer. Your lips are beautiful and the way you furrow your brow when you pull back and analyse my face after a kiss is definitely what is holding me to you right now. But things change, hopefully soon. So then I can move on. I need to grow and flourish in my singularity. Really fall in love with the fucking goddess that I am. Onwards and upwards...right boys?