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neonweeknds · 2 years

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what a time - chapter eight

*u can read here or on ao3*

chapter eight - one minute left to live

summary - Late-night realizations and heartfelt confessions.

Denali had no idea what she was doing.

As she stared out of the glass door separating her from one of the many balconies of Rosé’s Beverly Hills home, Denali contemplated just locking herself inside. She didn’t know what the fuck made her decide to room with Rosé for a couple of days.

It wasn’t too late to get a hotel, was it?

The snap of a tree branch nearby ultimately gave Denali her answer.

It was just her luck that a fucking hurricane was the cause of a disaster that was bound to happen. Until a couple of hours ago when her flight got cancelled, she didn’t even know that Los Angeles had hurricanes. The news channels were blowing up about it. Apparently, this was a one in every two hundred years type of natural disaster. It hit San Diego pretty badly already and so far, LA was just getting the after-effects with a lot of heavy wind and rain.

Hopefully, it didn’t get much worse than that.

It seemed as though the weather shifted the second Denali agreed to stay with Rosé. When she first left the airport after the original delay of her flight, the skies were cloudy and cool. Then they left the restaurant and it started down-pouring. Denali was wondering if that was the universe screaming at her that this was a bad idea because this was never part of the plan.

Too little too late now.

As if it wasn’t already weird staying with your ex-girlfriend, Rosé seemed to be up to something. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it but after coming back from Mexico, her patience for secrets was little to none.

She just had a headache thinking about the last two weeks, leading up to today: her dad, the cancer, the money and the cherry on top being this cluster fuck situation with Rosé.

They were exes, yet they were acting like best friends. They were awkward but there was a hesitant romance lingering in the air. Neither of them were sure of what move to make next.

Twenty minutes ago, Denali was practically in a relaxation coma due to Rosé’s incredible water pressure in the shower. Now, she was overthinking too much to the point where she was sure her brain would implode if she went on any longer.

She wanted to sleep.

The room Rosé has set her up in was nice. That was how Denali felt about the whole house.

Nice.

There wasn’t anything special about it. It looked like every other Los Angeles mansion you picture in your head for celebrities. Strange architecture, white everything, weird sculptures and absolutely no decorations. The house just felt so impersonal. It seemed like nobody lived here. Denali wasn’t even sure that Rosé did if it weren’t for the guitar displayed by the corner of the crisp white L-shaped couch. The house was spotless, untouched and ultimately, lonely.

When they first pulled up to Rosé’s house, courtesy of her driver, she had given Denali a quick tour before dragging her to the only place that felt like home.

At least for Rosé.

Her music room which also doubled as a recording studio was something that Denali didn’t think she would ever find fascinating, but she was wrong. Rosé had over a dozen guitars littered around the room along with some drums, keyboards and percussions she couldn’t identify. There was a recording booth with some of the awards Rosé had won over the years lining the walls. There was an area where Rosé produced her music…Rosé tried to explain it properly to Denali but the technicalities were too much information after her jet lag. In one corner of the room, there were even a couple of bean bag chairs which Denali had a great time laying on. The thing she loved most about this room was the smile Rosé had on her face while she went and explained every little detail to Denali. Usually, she couldn’t care less but when it came to seeing the pure amount of joy while Rosé simply just talked about making music, what kind of guitar she preferred to use for a specific sound or a funny story that was associated with a specific award, Denali would listen to her all day of it made her that happy.

As promised, Rosé did in fact show her the Blackpink song she was featured on and Denali did in fact almost faint. She didn’t know she could get this excited over a simple song. It was amazing.

But then there was a strange sense of guilt that washed over Denali and her mood shifted entirely. Had she always been this blind?

Music is what made Rosé’s world turn. Music is what made her get up in the morning. Music is what makes her smile above anything else.

How could she ever take that away?

Denali thought back to a decade ago when she had just found out Rosé had gotten her record deal. She hated her. She hated her for leaving, she hated her for not saying goodbye properly and she hated her for giving up the five years they shared together so easily.

It wasn’t fair that Denali was subconsciously pissed at her for pursuing her dreams the same as she did. She was being selfish and she knew it. Granted, Denali recognized that one of the reasons she was mad was because Rosé’s dream seemed to work out perfectly while hers didn’t. Rosé was doing what she had always wanted to and Denali was stuck at a dead-end job teaching kids how to do a two-step.

That wasn’t fair to Rosé.

Denali hadn’t seen Rosé perform for a stadium of people but if it was anything like when she performed for Denali, enclosed in her tiny bedroom with just a guitar, she knew that this is what Rosé was meant to do with her life.

Denali needed to stop holding it against her. She was too caught up in the past to realize what— or technically who, was sitting in front of her, wasn’t going to sit around and wait forever.

God, why was this so difficult. She didn’t know what she wanted anymore.

After Rosé finished showing Denali the song, the jet lag took over her body and she felt immensely tired. Rosé immediately ushered her to the bedroom she was staying in and left her alone with a simple “I'll be downstairs if you need me,”

Denali made good use of the shower and was now trying to go to sleep in the ginormous king-sized bed. She stared at the ceiling for way too long, hoping she could just fall asleep in the mountains of pillows but she stayed awake. Maybe it was the storm outside with the shaking trees and vicious rain that was stopping her from sleeping.

No, she knew it was the storm.

Ever since she was a child, she had never been able to fall asleep while it was raining— it was even harder during storms, especially one that was shaking the house every so often because of the wind. She assumed that she would grow out of it as she got older but she didn’t and nothing seemed to help.

Except for one thing— but that would be asking too much of Rosé. She was already letting her stay here for free so singing her to sleep was not an option. It was also a little embarrassing for her.

Denali physically felt tired but she couldn’t for the life of her, fall asleep. An hour went by and she was awake as ever. How does one person go from extremely tired to wide awake in no time at all? Knowing Rosé was just downstairs made her heart skip a beat.

Fuck my life, she thought. What was she doing right now?

Before Denali could change her mind, she got out of bed because there was no way she was going to fall asleep any time soon. She’ll just go see what Rosé’s doing— there’s no harm in that, right?

Denali’s hair was parted into two messy dutch braids to hopefully keep the frizz down after she showered. Luckily, before she left Mexico, her mom had done her laundry for her so she had a suitcase full of clean clothes. Denali wore some sweatpants along with a t-shirt that was three sizes too big for her.

She left the bedroom door open behind her as she made her way down the stairs to find Rosé. When Rosé said she would be downstairs, she didn’t exactly tell her where. This house was huge and it was a fucking maze and Denali had no idea where she was going. She just kept turning corners, going down some stairs and opening doors, hoping for the best.

She made a stop after going down a spiral staircase which led into a movie theatre. Denali just about rolled her eyes at the sight because of course. What else was she hiding? A bowling alley? A tennis court? An indoor pool?

She sighed and turned back around, heading for the door again but the sound of a guitar caught her ears. She looked around the room and recognized the sound coming from a door on the other side of the theatre. The closer she got, the clearer the sound became.

It was Rosé singing, her voice following the smooth strum of a guitar. The door must lead to the recording studio. As she pressed her ear against the door, she missed it so much. This was different than hearing it a million times through the static of the speaker during rehearsals or listening to three seconds of one of her songs on the radio in the car before she changed it.

This was pure perfection.

Denali felt like a lovesick teenager again, thinking of the times when Rosé would sing to her quietly in her room. Rosé always assumed she was sleeping but Denali never wanted to miss out on the moment.

Was this creepy? She could already hear Mik’s voice in the back of her head calling her a scaredy-cat for staying behind the door instead of opening it and making herself known. Olivia would probably say something rational to Denali that would make her feel better and come to her senses.

But neither of them were here right now and it was just Denali and Rosé.

She didn’t open the door. Instead, she slid down the wall next to it and leaned her head against it. Denali wasn’t sure how long she sat there, listening to the soft sound of Rosé’s voice through the tiny crack under the door. The lyrics were a little muffled but she could still make out some of the words.

Just like ten years ago, she fell asleep with Rosé’s voice lingering in her dreams.

Rosé couldn’t go five minutes without thinking about the brunette sleeping upstairs. After Denali retired to one of the spare bedrooms, she went back into her recording studio.

She was itching to write something and had been ever since Denali stepped foot into her house.

Rosé never thought she would be thankful for a hurricane. Without this storm, Denali would probably be back home in Chicago and Rosé would be here, too chicken to call her. This was the push she needed.

She strummed her guitar and fiddled with the piano until her fingers physically hurt. She had written something— something she didn’t actively hate so much so that she was going to finish it with her producer later in the week for it to possibly be on the album.

The storm outside has settled slightly but after checking the news reports, it looked like Denali would be here for a few more days. The rain was still harping down the glass windows of her home but the house was no longer shaking because of the high winds. It was late— almost ten o’clock and Rosé left the studio because she could no longer ignore the noises her stomach was making, otherwise, she would’ve stayed and played her guitar until her fingers went numb. Usually, she would just order food but that didn’t seem like an option right now. She ventured into her kitchen as she pondered on what she could make to eat. Probably not much because she couldn’t even remember the last time she did groceries.

When Rosé opened her fridge, she was surprised to find it almost fully stocked with all of her favourite foods— and a shit tone of fruits and veggies. She knew that was instantly Utica’s doing.

I need to give her a raise, she told herself as she started pulling out ingredients to make a simple pasta dish.

Twenty minutes later, dinner was served— if you could even call it that since it was almost midnight. As Rosé sat down at her kitchen island, she looked out towards her empty living room, catching sight of a certain girl's hoodie that was draped across the couch.

Rosé had texted Denali letting her know there was some food if she wanted any but she hadn’t gotten a reply before remembering her number was still blocked. She just assumed the girl was sleeping away her jet lag anyways. When she finished eating, she contemplated going back down to the studio but then Symone’s voice lingered in the back of her mind and instead she trudged towards her bedroom to get some rest.

While passing the hallway where Denali slept away in one of her guest rooms, she was surprised to see the door open to the bedroom Denali was in right now. Maybe she was awake. Rosé carefully tiptoed towards the room and poked her head inside, expecting to see Denali on her phone or lounging around but the room was empty.

She frowned and walked further into the room and there was no sign of Denali anywhere. Rosé didn’t want to panic but she could feel the worry rising in her throat.

She left the room and checked the others down the hallway but again, they came up empty.

It occurred to her that maybe Denali left. Would she do that without telling her?

She returned to the living room and realized that Denali couldn’t have left because her shoes were still by the door.

Rosé continued checking every single room in her house— why did she have so many random unused rooms? She headed towards the basement again, where her recording studio was and began checking all of those rooms.

Bathrooms. Empty.

Bedrooms. Empty.

The bar. Empty.

Movie Theatre. Not empty.

Denali was sleeping soundly against the wall right by the door of her recording studio. Rosé would stand there for longer if she didn’t already feel creepy watching her sleep.

It occurred to Rosé that she must’ve fallen asleep sometime when she was in the studio working on her song. It also occurred to Rosé that she had to be very uncomfortable leaning against the wall. Without overthinking it, Rosé tiptoed into the room and carefully picked up Denali and placed her on a nearby couch in the room.

Thank god she was a heavy sleeper and showed no signs of waking up. She placed a blanket over the sleeping body and dimmed the lights, choosing to leave the room so Denali could have a little privacy.

Now that her worry lessened, Rosé sat at her makeshift bar and contemplated pouring herself some whiskey or settling for just water. Tonight, she went for the water though she can’t say she wasn’t tempted by the alcohol. How come Denali was sleeping in the movie theatre, against the wall of all places? How long had she been sleeping there? Because they had gotten to Rosé’s house in the afternoon and now it was nighttime. And how come she didn’t alert Rosé of her presence, all she was doing was writing a song—

The sound of wind outside caught Rosé’s attention. Then it dawned on her. If she remembered anything about Denali from a decade ago, is that she couldn't sleep if it was raining. Rosé was always the one to get her to fall asleep when it rained whether that be by singing to her through the phone or doing it in person.

The thought of her not being able to sleep tugged at her heart. Rosé stood up from her seat at the bar and went back to check on Denali, leaning against the doorway. Though, instead of finding her peacefully sleeping, she was pulling the blanket close to her body as she thrashed from side to side with a frown on her face. Rosé watched as Denali had a nightmare and an instant wave of worry washed over her.

Immediately, she was crouching at her side, poking her arm gently to wake her. Yet, despite doing that, Denali continued to frown and showed no sign of waking up. This time, a little more forcefully, Rosé shook her arm and called out her name, “Nali!”

The brunette shot up from the couch, panting as if she had just run a marathon. One of her hands clutched onto Rosé’s arms tightly and her baby hairs were clinging to her forehead as she looked around the room. “Nali— Nali, hey…it’s okay. You’re okay. It was just a dream. You’re okay,” Rosé whispered, not wanting to startle her.

Denali’s eyes met Rosé’s for a moment but then she shook her head, covering her face with her hands. She was embarrassed, Rosé could tell. She wouldn’t dare to look her in the eyes again. Rosé sat on the ground, by her side, unsure if Denali wanted her to leave or stay. But then Rosé started rubbing her back in soothing circular motions and the way Denali reached down to clutch her hand desperately like she was afraid Rosé was going to disappear, gave her the answer she was looking for.

Rosé wasn’t sure how much time had passed before Denali spoke up, “My dad he—“ she visibly shuttered, “He’s sick,” her voice broke and so did Rosé’s heart.

“I’m sorry, Nali,”

No wonder she had been so down when she returned from her trip. It all makes sense now. She would have to give Denali’s family her best wishes later on.

Denali shrugged, “I only found out when I went to visit…he’s been sick for over a year and I just found out,” she said, “It was too late for him, in the dream…” and Rosé suddenly understood.

“Is he gonna be okay?” Rosé asked and she would be lying if she said she wasn’t scared to hear the answer. Denali shrugged again, “Mom said he would be but even I could tell she was fucking terrified Rosé. I’m terrified that one day, I’m going to get a call telling me he’s getting worse and that there’s nothing I can do—“

“You can’t think like that—“ Rosé tried to cut in.

“Please, don’t give some fake optimistic bullshit, it’s not going to work,” Denali shut down, “I’ve had time— lots of it on the plane. I don’t think I’ve ever spent so much time just thinking and that says a lot for someone who overthinks every aspect of their life. It’s just—“ she paused, “I keep thinking about what would’ve happened if I never found out when I went to Mexico. If that lady never came up to me in the bakery would my mom have told me?…Would it be too late when and if did eventually find out or would I have been left wondering…you know?”

“...Okay yeah but…I don’t think I’m entirely following,” Rosé tilted her head in confusion. Denali then gripped her hands tight and pulled her up to sit beside her on the couch, looking at her so intently and with such focus.

“I’ve spent ten years wondering and I can’t do it anymore and maybe this is a bad time but—“

“Nali, I really don’t understand what you’re getting at. You know about your dad now so—“

“I just want to get it out in the open before I back out and change my mind because I don’t want it to—“

“Don’t want it to what?” she couldn’t help but interrupt. Rosé had no idea where this was going.

“I don’t want it to be too late for us, Rosé,”

Rosé wasn’t sure what it felt like for time to stop but she was almost certain it was this exact moment. “Uh— you…what?” She knew she sounded like a broken record but those were the only things floating around her mind.

“Okay, please don’t interrupt me because I’m really scared to say this right now and I just need you to not interrupt me...please,”

Rosé nodded to show that she understood.

“Fuck, okay...shit— um, I guess it’s like…my entire life, I’ve always had this plan. Grow up, figure skate, go to the Olympics and win gold, retire and open up a non-profit and in the midst of all that, get married and have three kids with a shit tone of dogs— more than we could handle. See! I said ‘we’ without even thinking about it! That’s the thing, you’ve always been a part of my plan since you told those assholes to fuck off when we were kids. I never once doubted that you would be a part of my life...never. But then you left and suddenly my plan wasn’t the same anymore and it just kept getting more off track when I got disqualified from the Olympics for shit I didn’t even do,” she breathed out, “I just think that...after a while, you realize having a plan is stupid because they never work out and maybe that’s why we never worked out...because we weren’t supposed to at the time. It wasn’t a part of the plan. Our plan. But...you know the worst part of it all? I never— not once for ten years did that ever stop me from thinking about you. I never stopped wondering about you, I never stopped wishing that we could work things out,” Denali was staring at Rosé so deeply. She could feel her heart rate pick up speed.

“Seeing you again…I thought I would finally get this closure that I’d been wanting so badly for a decade. Maybe having a plan never works out because that’s part of the plan. Maybe we don’t get to choose our plans. Maybe plans are overrated but no matter what mine were or what I thought they were— I still wanted you. Despite everything, I still wanted you. It hurt like hell when you left...and I didn’t think I would ever be able to get over it. It hurt so badly yet I still wanted you to come back and tell me it was be gonna be okay. No matter how hard I tried to forget you or move on from you after you left— I couldn’t. As bad as it hurt that you left me…these past ten years have just proven that loving you would always come out on top. Because Rosé I love you so fucking much and I don’t want it to be too late before you knew. I don’t want to lose you— not again,”

“Nali…” Rosé was scared that this was all a figment of her imagination. “You’re not going to lose me. Never,”

“Did you mean it?” Denali asked shyly.

“Mean what?”

“When you told me you still loved me,”

“I’ve never meant anything more,” Rosé answered without skipping a beat.

“Really?” she could hear the uncertainty in Denali’s voice and she wanted to scream at herself for causing the insecurity.

“I love you Denali, I do. So fucking much,” she paused to try and collect her thoughts because there was so much going on right now it was difficult to find the words, “You have been the love of my life since I laid eyes on you in that cupcake dress,” she chuckled and so did Denali, “...I didn’t know it at the time but I knew you’d change my life. Things aren’t always gonna be perfect and I’ve fucked up one too many times but I need you to know that I never stopped loving you. You are the only person I’ve ever loved and you’re the only person I want to love. It hurts sometimes— that you think you aren’t worth loving when you’re worth everything to me. And believe me when I say I will spend every single day for the rest of my life proving it to you if that’s what it takes for you to let me in again…so please, Nali, let me in…let me love you,”

“Say it again,” Denali urged, her voice quiet.

“I love you,” Rosé leaned her forehead against the brunettes, “More than you’ll ever know. I love you,” she would never get tired of saying it and she hoped Denali wouldn’t get tired of hearing it.

Now that it was out in the open, Rosé would work her ass off to rid any doubt or uncertainty Denali felt.

Rosé’s lips pressed themselves against Denali’s forehead, shutting her eyes momentarily. When they opened again, Rosé could see the tears slipping down Denali’s bare cheeks. She reached up to wipe the tears with the pad of her thumb, “Honey, please don’t cry,”

Denali scoffed and sniffled, “Shut up, I am not crying,”

Rosé laughed, her hand moving to rest on Denali’s cheek. The brunette smiled, “Can you say it again?”

“I love you, Denali,” she said without hesitation and watched as Denali’s eyes watered once again as she leaned slowly towards the singer. Rosé was suddenly aware that she could smell the coconut shampoo Denali used. Her hand that was previously holding her cheek moved down to rest on her waist. Denali wrapped her arms around Rosé’s neck and she found herself leaning in at the touch. She watched as Denali bit her lip— something she had always done before kissing her.

Rosé had to shake herself out of this trance she was in but it was difficult when her dream girl was sitting in front of her, eyes shining with happiness as she moved closer and closer.

She wanted to kiss Denali, there was no question about it but she knew deep down it was wrong. They still had a lot to talk about and she didn’t want to fuck anything up now that she finally had Denali in her arms again. “Wait,”

Denali pulled back in an instant, “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted—“

“No, no, no, please don’t be sorry! I do want to! More than anything, you have no idea, Nali but…I don’t want to fuck anything up. I know we’re both very emotional right now—“

Denali cracked up, letting out the prettiest laugh as her arms fell from around Rosé’s neck, “—but we still need to talk some more and I really just…” Rosé trailed off, “I want it to be perfect,”

After a few moments in silence, Denali nodded, “You’re right— maybe it’s best we don’t rush things,”

“I promise, I don’t think I can wait too long to kiss the hell out of you. I have years to make up for,” the blush on Denali’s cheek made Rosé cheer on the inside, “How about we just go to bed…it’s late already and I have a hard time sleeping during storms like these…it’d be easier if I had someone by my side,” Rosé smirked, unable to stop herself from teasing Denali a little. Ultimately, it was worth the smile that found its way onto Denali’s face.

“Smooth, Rosie,”

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