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floralguccistyles · 3 years

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trigger warning: This chapter mentions sexual harassment. It does not go into detail at all, but be warned

wildflower :: chapter four

...and takes you on a date

I was halfway through a salad when Niall called me.

“Don’t eat anything, I’m taking you out to lunch,” was my only greeting. My hand, positioned halfway between my bowl and my mouth and holding my fork, paused.

“Niall, I’m halfway done with a salad,” I said through a mouthful of lettuce.

“Well, stop eating it and come out to lunch with me. I was gonna stop by that smoothie place you like and grab some for us. And maybe a doughnut too.”

I set my fork down and swallowed my mouthful before answering. “What’s the occasion? Smoothies and doughnuts are celebration foods.”

I tried to remember if there was anything we were celebrating. Our birthdays were the twelfth and thirteenth of September, respectively, and it was only teetering on the end of May. He would have told Lily and me if he was up for a promotion, so I knew it wasn’t anything related to his job.

“I just want to see my Rosebud. Is that a crime?”

My eyes travelled to the salad I was eating. It was filled with spinach and kale and was definitely healthier for me than a smoothie and a doughnut, but it also looked limp and sad in comparison. “Alright, but only because this salad is making me sad now after the promise of Matilda’s sweets.”

He laughed, the sound sending a little thrill through me. I loved making people laugh, but making Niall laugh was better somehow. His full-bodied laugh made me feel light and happy, like by making him laugh I was doing the world a favor because it meant they got to hear it.

“Deal. I can be at your place in ten?”

“Sounds good. I’ll be ready.”

Lily was working most of the day with her coworker for a big case, so I figured Niall was just lonely. He hadn’t been by this morning to drive to work with her, and I felt the absence of him just as much as I felt Lily’s absence. It was funny how Niall had weaved himself into our lives so completely that I felt the loss of him when I didn’t see him for a everyday.

I had managed to shimmy into jeans and a cardigan and fix my mess of tangled hair when I heard Niall’s key in the door. “‘M here, Rose!”

“Hi,” I managed to spit out through the rubber band in my mouth, held with my teeth. I had half my hair up in my hands to try and put in a semi-presentable messy bun. “Almost ready.”

“Matilda’s gonna be happy we’re visiting her,” he said, walking over to me and holding out his hand. With a gentle movement, he took the rubber band from between my teeth and held it for me. “You look nice.”

“I’m not wearing makeup and my hair is atrocious.” I raised a brow at him, reaching out to take the band from him so I could secure my hair. “But thank you. That’s sweet of you.” After my hair was situated, I was able to take him in fully, noticing that he was wearing the pretty blue color I always loved seeing on him. “Hey, you’re wearing the shirt I love.”

His cheeks tinged pink. “Figured I should look nice when you were going to look undoubtedly beautiful.”

“He’s got the compliments flowing today,” I joked, poking his cheek with my index finger. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

The drive to Matilda’s shop was spent listening to Niall’s favorite band at the moment (this week it was a group called Bad Suns) and absentmindedly tapping the little rose charm necklace he still had hanging in his car. He grinned at me every time my finger touched the edge of it, commenting that it was his “good luck charm.” I rolled my eyes, but there was an emotion that swelled up in my chest and threatened to burst out, like a balloon filling and filling until eventually it popped.

“Welcome in, you two! I was hoping you’d come back soon.” Matilda’s shop smelled of freshly baked maple bars when we walked in, and the old woman leaned over the counter. “Fresh. Want one?”

“We’ll take two, please. And two glaze twists.” Niall reached in his pocket to pay for their doughnuts.

“If you’re buying the doughnuts then I’m buying the smoothies,” I said when he inserted his card into the chip reader. “I feel bad you’re always paying for my stuff.”

“Don’t be. I just got a bonus at work.”

“Look at you, Mr. Moneybags.” Feeling a little nervous to ask, I picked at a loose thread on the edge of my shirt. “How is work? After...you know.”

Something dark crossed his face, and I couldn’t help the sharp shooting of sadness that struck my spine. I wanted to reach out and grab his face in my hands until he smiled again. When Niall smiled, all was right in the world. I shoved my hands in my pockets to resist doing just that, lest I look like a fool in the middle of a doughnut shop.

“He’s off the team and has lost his scholarship to the school. They’re thinking about expulsion. The counselor at the school wants her to press charges, but you know how the security is...they’ll say she needed to report it sooner. It sucks, Rose. It makes me want to put you, Lily, and Violet in a bubble and never let you out.”

“Put some of Matilda’s doughnuts in there and I’d be set,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. The corners of his lips turned up and he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me in close as if he never wanted to let me go. Lily had done the same when I had first told her about Kent. She had pulled me in close and had walked around with her arm in mine every time we left the house. It made reaching on the top shelf of the grocery store to get my macaroni and cheese hard, but I never complained because it was nice to be taken care of by someone I knew cared about me.

Matilda handed us our doughnuts with a big smile and a forceful “you’d better come back here!” Niall handed me one of the maple bars, the dough still warm in my fingers as we exited the shop and walked across the street to the smoothie place.

Equipped with our doughnuts and smoothies (that I paid for, thank you very much), Niall suggested we walk down the strip of road. There were two antique stores, a little locally owned florist shop, and a travel agency building. I took him into the florist shop first, since I didn’t think the antique stores would let us in with our food and drinks. “What’s your favorite flower?” I asked absentmindedly, touching the petals of a pretty mum flower.

“I’ve never really thought about it. I know your favorites aren’t roses. You used to stick out your tongue at Violet whenever she picked out some for you for your birthdays.”

I laughed. “I liked the rosebuds you got me,” I defended.

“What is the Rosebud’s favorite flower, then?”

I thought about it for a moment, taking a sip of my smoothie. “Tulips. Pink tulips. They make me smile.”

“Then I like them, too. Whatever makes you smile is my favorite flower.”

My heart gave a little flutter. What was going on? I never reacted to Niall this way, in the way I imagined Lily reacted whenever she saw him. Is this what it felt like when she saw him coming to pick her up for their daily lunches? Heart taking off in her chest, stomach dropping with anticipation? I turned to look at pretty white hyacinths to avoid looking at him. I could feel my face heating up with the knowledge that had just presented itself.

I thought Niall was handsome. He was kind and funny and always made me feel safe. And now that I thought about it for more than two seconds...the thought of him with Lily made my skin crawl, like it was something that should never happen.

“I see sunflowers!” I shouted, startling him. I needed a distraction, something to take my mind off these new thoughts swirling around in my head. Bolting towards them, I managed to put some distance between us.

As long as I put distance between us, I could take a moment to clear my head.

Fancying Niall was, for lack of a better word, stupid. He was destined to be with Lily. He loved Lily. And Lily loved him. Even though they hadn’t realized it yet (or at least, hadn’t admitted it to themselves yet), this was a fact. It was like saying that humans needed air to live and the grass was green. It was an inevitability. The sun would rise in the morning, set in the evening, and Niall Horan and Lily Fairbrough were meant to be together.

“Rosebud? You ready to go to the antique shop?” Niall appeared by my side, and I couldn’t help it.

I screeched.

It wasn’t loud enough to embarrass myself totally, but it was enough for Niall to grin and start laughing, bending over at the waist. I wanted to beg him to stop laughing, not because I didn’t want him to laugh at me, but because his eyes became more blue and his laugh sent a fluttery feeling through me. “Jesus, didn’t know I would scare you, Rosebud.”

“I’m fine,” I stammered out. I then noticed he had disposed of our doughnut bag (because we had eaten them in less than a minute) and was holding something in his hand. When I processed what they were, I felt lightheaded. “Did...did you get me pink tulips?”

“Sure did. I’ll hold them while we hit the antique shops, if you want. You done with your smoothie?”

Okay, so I had three options.

Option one, I could act on these weird new feelings. I could randomly just step up to him right now and ask to kiss him (because obviously, I wasn’t going to kiss him without his consent). If he said no, which he would, I would back up and tell myself that he didn’t want me. Even though I already knew he didn’t want me, I would let this new knowledge wash over me until my little crush on him shriveled up and died.

Option two, I could wait it out. These feelings obviously couldn’t last forever, right? I knew he was Lily’s. Shouldn’t the knowledge of that make my heart turn away the thought of being with Niall? Surely I just had to wait for these feelings to go away. How long could they last, really?

Option three, I could beg Lily to finally confess her feelings to him, and beg Niall to finally make a move on her. Seeing them together and so in love would make these feelings disappear in an instant. My eyes and brain would go, “see, they belong together” and tell my heart to shut the fuck up.

“Y-yeah,” I said, stumbling over my words and I handed him my smoothie cup.

He smiled and took it, tossing it in the nearest trash can before gesturing his head towards the door. “C’mon, then, you numpty. What’re you just standing around for?”

I was helpless to him as we walked to the first antique store. I had gone shopping here when I had first moved into my apartment. I was pretty sure I had a couple of old records and a couple of accent photos that I had gotten here. Niall immediately hitched a right and went to the furniture, looking through ugly but fun velvet yellow couches and creepy looking porcelain dolls. “Let’s play a game,” he suggested.

“Please don’t say that while you’re standing next to a doll that looks creepier than Jigsaw.”

He rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “Let’s look around and pick out something for one another. Meet back here when we’re done?”

I wondered if he knew how much I loved things like this. I liked going to locally owned shops and seeing what people’s imaginations had come up with. Even if I wasn’t particularly interested in what they were selling, the business and marketing major in me could appreciate when someone was passionate about what they were selling. In fact, this was a perfect date for me.

Which, naturally, made me want to hyperventilate. I had just discovered these pesky feelings for Niall and he was already unknowingly taking me on my version of a perfect date? Still, I had a hard time saying no to Niall. I agreed to his little game and watched in amusement as he shot off to the right, headed towards the section of the antique store that sold glass figurines. I decided to start with the basement level, figuring they might have some old magazines about sports teams. However, my mind wasn’t into this like I would have been on any other day.

Even Niamh and Patrick believed Niall was going to end up with Lily.

But there was one person who hadn’t.

Making sure no one was around, I pulled out my phone. Luckily, my sister was glued to her cell and she picked up on the second ring.

“Hello? Why are you calling me?”

“Nice to hear from you too. About the Niall and Lily bet—”

“Christ, I thought you had something important to tell me.”

“This is important!” I hissed out, making a poor old woman who was browsing some records jump. I sent her an apologetic look before continuing my conversation with Violet. “Why did you bet that they weren’t gonna end up together?”

“Why?”

“Because I want to know.” Shouldn’t that be answer enough?

I heard her let out an annoyed sigh on the other end of the line. “I don’t know, Rose. It’s obvious he doesn’t fancy her. They’re just...friendly.”

“But can you give me a specific example?”

She was quiet for a moment. And then she said, “Has Niall said something to you?”

“What? No.”

“Of course not. Not sure why I thought differently. Anyway, this is a pointless conversation and I’m trying to study for biology. Can you have an existential crisis later?”

“You’re a twit.”

“Whatever. Bye.”

I was met with the dial tone and I cursed Violet, shoving my phone back into my pocket. What did she mean, asking me if Niall had told me something? Were he and Lily together? I’d like to think he would have told me if they were dating, and if he hadn’t, Lily definitely would have. And then there was that night when we were talking about the girl he liked. It described Lily perfectly.

I halfheartedly searched through the old books and magazines until I found a cool baseball book that discussed Jackie Robinson and had a fun looking baseball card taped to the inside cover. He could put it on that empty space on his shelf in his office. I hooked it underneath my arm and meandered back to where Niall and I had agreed to meet.

He was standing there already, waiting happily with my tulips in his hand. When I made it back to his side, I couldn’t help but smile even though my heart felt like it might collapse. “You’re already done?” I asked. I had expected him to take longer than I had.

“I am. You first.”

I handed him the book. “I saw that empty spot on your shelves in your office when I was there and thought this might fit pretty well there.”

He smiled. “Thanks, Rosebud. It’s perfect.”

His object was a golden desk nameplate, with the words “Best Manager Ever” scrawled in decorative script in dark black calligraphy. I raised an eyebrow, but took the nameplate from his hands. “Thanks, Ni.”

“You’re sweet for pretending you know what it is. They obviously didn’t have one that said marketing team member, so manager was the best I could get.”

I laughed. “Thanks, but marketing team member would have been false, too. You should have found one that said receptionist.”

“That’s actually why I brought you out for lunch today. Remember that meeting I had with that athlete? The one who wants to create an eco-friendly line of equipment and uniforms?”

“Yeah! It sounded really cool. Did it go well?”

“It went fantastically. So fantastic, in fact, that he was offered a start-up donation and needs a good marketing team to spread word about the products when they’re out. And...I maybe told him that I had an amazing friend who was aces at marketing. If you want it, you’ve got a job.” He must have seen the stunned look on my face, so he continued in a rush. “You can finally quit the hotel and do what you love again, Rose. I know you’re great at it. You would be amazing. I know it may not be the exact business you want to work with, but it’s a good alternative for now, yeah?”

I was so shocked that I barely registered the door opening behind me, the little bell above it letting out a tinkling sound. We were standing in the middle of the walkway, so I looked at the patron to apologize.

The words died in my throat.

“Rose Fairbrough.” Kent Tanner had not changed in the year since I’d seen him. In any nightmares or late-night fears, I had imagined him looking more threatening and scary. But he was still just an average looking man, with his straight brown hair and dimpled-chin. He had maybe put on a pound or two, but not enough to make much of a difference in his stature. “Nice to see you.”

My throat went dry. Niall knew Kent as the guy who had fired me from Barkley’s, so he narrowed his eyes in Kent’s direction. If he knew the whole truth, he would probably have Kent bleeding on the ground in five seconds.

“How’ve you been?” Kent asked, leaning against a bookstand next to him. It was incredibly arrogant and entitled and screamed Kent. “Where are you working now? Barkley’s sure does miss you.”

He reached out to put his hand on my shoulder in what I’m sure was a friendly pat, but I flinched away and moved closer to Niall. I felt Niall’s welcome embrace around my waist, pulling me into his side and looking down at me to make sure I was okay. “It doesn’t matter where I’m working,” I said, wanting my words to sound fierce and powerful, but all they did was shake and stumble.

“Well, if you ever want a job at Barkley’s again, let me know. We miss you, Rose.”

I heard the implied words. If I wanted a job at Barkley’s again, his proposition was still open. It made me shudder even closer to Niall. “I’m fine, Kent. Excuse me.”

Quickly placing Niall’s nameplate for me on the bookshelf, I rushed out of the antique store. The air outside seemed to clear my mind a little, sending waves of cool to my overheated body. The wind felt nice against my arms, like Mother Nature was doing her best to tell me that she supported me.

“Are you okay, Rose?” Niall asked in a worried voice, but I would have known he was concerned just because he hadn’t called me Rosebud. “What a dick. He’s such a pompous arse.”

It all came crashing down when Niall reached out to rub my arm comfortingly. Still surprised and taken off guard by Kent, I winced and moved away. Niall’s eyes widened in surprise, and I knew why. I had never shrugged off a touch from Niall before. “Sorry,” I immediately said, my voice coming out rougher and more emotional than I’d wanted it to. “Sorry,” I repeated.

“That’s not a normal reaction to someone who fired you, Rose. What happened with that guy?” His voice was soft, but firm. I knew that we wouldn’t be leaving here without me telling him what truly happened with Kent. Either that, or I could continue the lie and have Niall never trust me again. And that simply wasn’t an option. Crush or not, I couldn’t deal with myself if Niall decided I wasn’t someone he could confide in.

“Can we walk and talk?” I asked gently, wanting to put as much distance between Kent and I as possible.

“‘Course, Rose. C’mon.” He was careful to not wrap his arm around me like he normally would, and it brought tears to my eyes. While I wanted his touch, I appreciated that he understood I couldn’t handle it just yet.

The farther and farther away we got from the antique store and Kent, the easier it felt to breathe. But it was hard to talk through the lump in my throat as I explained to Niall why I had really lost my job at Barkley’s. I was careful not to focus on him, but I knew his hands were curling into fists and his brow was furrowed in frustration.

“That’s why Violet and I were arguing in the kitchen at our last movie night. She thinks I should go to her school psychiatrist.”

“I think so, too.”

“I don’t want to go to a psychiatrist,” I said helplessly, wanting Niall to see things my way. “If I go to a psychiatrist, that means I’m not...normal Rose anymore. Besides, I know it could have been a lot worse than it was.”

“That doesn’t matter, Rose!”

I had never heard Niall yell at me in frustration before. I had heard him yelling across the bar to me when he was blackout drunk, I had heard him yelling at me from down the hallway to come look at something on his laptop, but I had never heard the tone he was using with me now. I stepped back in surprise, nearly tripping over myself.

“Knowing that he did that to you...that absolute piece of shit. I don’t care if he didn’t touch you, Rose, it’s still despicable and is gonna leave insecurities and shit that you can’t physically see, but you’ll carry around with you. And I think instead of letting it fester, you should have someone clinical talk to you about it. Someone who you aren’t personal with.”

“Well, thanks for your opinion on how I should handle my own sexual harassment, but I’m going to handle it my way.” I stubbornly crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. “God, you’re being just as bad as Violet. I didn’t tell you about Kent because I wanted your advice, Niall. I just needed someone to listen.”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t tell you how to handle it. That’s not right of me, and I’ll apologize for it. But Rose, can’t you see that Violet, Lily, and I are trying to get you to do this because we care about you? I mean Christ, you...you don’t even know.”

“I know how much you guys care about me. I appreciate it.” Reaching forward, I squeezed his arm with my hand. “And I love you so much for it, Ni. But let me handle things my way, okay?”

“But will you? Will you handle it? Can you at least call Violet’s psychiatrist?”

Hindsight is a funny thing. If I had known how this conversation was going to go down, I might have changed things. I might have tried to de-escalate things. But suddenly I was getting annoyed with him again, and in my frustration I didn’t act the way I should have when he told me what he had.

“Jesus, Niall, stop it. Stop trying to play the hero. I’m fine.”

“Don’t tell me you’re fine, Rose. You have to sleep in the same room as someone because you’re terrified of sleeping alone. You turned into a mess when he walked into the store, and sometimes you flinch away when I pat your shoulder or Patrick tries to hug you.”

Hearing the things that were wrong with me, the things that made me a burden, hurt. Hearing them from Niall made it ten times worse. Hearing them from Niall when I had recently discovered these pesky little feelings for him made it a hundred times worse. So, I did what I always did. I pushed. “You aren’t my boyfriend, Niall. Stop acting like it.”

I wished I could take back the words as soon as they left my mouth. He looked absolutely defeated, like I had just crumbled him into a paper ball and put him through a shredder. “No, I’m not your boyfriend, Rose. I’m just someone who has been in love with you for over ten years. But I forgot. God forbid someone actually gives a shit about you.”

And then he was gone, shoving cab money into my hand to pay for my way home before he disappeared. He wasn’t walking back in the direction of his car, so I could only assume he was walking to clear his head. I found the idea as appealing as he did, but I couldn’t move.

I’m just someone who has been in love with you for over ten years.

The only thought my brain could come up with was, what?

I might have called an Uber, but I don’t remember it. My brain was on autopilot, going through the motions of getting back to Lily’s apartment. All I knew was that I had, somehow, hurt Niall so much more than I’d realized. And I’d never wanted to hurt Niall.

“Hey,” Lily said when I walked into the apartment. She was sitting on the couch in her comfy clothes, so she had to have been home from work for at least an hour. She had a ritual. “Niall told me you were coming home. He asked me to text him that you made it home safe.” Her voice was cautious, and I wondered how much of our argument Niall had talked to her about.

“Did you know?” I asked helplessly.

For once, Lily didn’t have all the answers. Or, at least, she didn’t have the answer I wanted to hear. Her lips clamped shut and she nodded slowly. “He’s...he’s been in love with you for a long time, Rose.”

“And no one told me?” I mumbled, feeling like my entire body was going to crack open and sink into the floor.

“Rose...you push people away when they love you. Mom, Dad, Violet, even Pat and Niamh. The only one you haven’t pushed away is me, and sometimes I still feel like eventually you will. You tell me everything that happens to you, but you never tell me what you’re feeling. You only let people see the surface of you, Rose.”

It was my fault. That’s what she was saying. It was my fault that no one really knew me. I was too hard to open up, too slow to be vulnerable.

“How about you come and we watch a movie?” Lily asked, worrying her lower lip. “You look like you need some rest.”

“I do,” I agreed halfheartedly. “But not here.”

And then I turned out of Lily’s apartment and got in my car.

I turned through the familiar winding streets, past the park, past the record store. There was a parking space right in front, like it was fate that I would be there. I put my car into park and made my way up the front steps, pushing my key into the lock.

The lights in my apartment were off, but I didn’t bother turning them on. I just made my way over to my bed, the bed I hadn’t slept in for over a year, and sunk into the mattress.

I didn’t sleep one bit.

#wildflower #wf #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan au #1dff

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floralguccistyles · 3 years

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Long time no post! Things in my life have been crazy, from health problems with both myself and family members, to the deaths of both my grandpa and my cat, and work/school has been insane. I hope y’all forgive me and I hope this makes up for it. Let me know what you think!

wildflower :: chapter three

...and brings you flowers

Considering my morning started with having to deal with a customer whose key card didn’t work to get into their room, I could assume today was going to be a rough day.

Things only continued to spiral downhill when I had finished getting the key card situation handled only to walk into the kitchen and find the coffee machine was broken. One of the chefs jokingly told me to make myself a cup of tea, but I think he got a little scared when my lower lip jutted out and started wobbling in frustration. I wasn’t going to cry, but that didn’t mean the tears wouldn’t stubbornly well up behind my eyes.

If that wasn’t enough, on my break I had stubbed my toe on the corner coming around from checking up on one of the rooms. I had sworn very, very loudly in front of a family of four with two kids under twelve and the parents had glared at me. I hoped they had the decency to see that I was having a bad day and wouldn’t tell my supervisor.

All I wanted to do was curl up in bed with a good book, a rom-com playing in the background, and maybe some soup.

My day was only made worse when I saw Violet walking through the lobby doors as I was leaving.

“Great,” I muttered under my breath, letting out a huff of irritated breath. She had her book bag thrown over her shoulder, holding onto the strap on her shoulder so tightly it was a wonder it didn’t break. “What’re you doing here?” I asked in a whisper, not wanting my boss to hear me talking to anyone the way I was talking to Violet. Unfortunately, my boss Clara was an only child and wouldn’t understand the sister love-hate bond Violet and I had.

“Nice to see you too.” Violet looked frustratingly put together, as she always did. She had definitely sucked up the good looks that had obviously skipped the poor middle child (me). Her long hair was curled delicately and though she didn’t wear much makeup, she had never needed it. She had eyelashes models would kill for. “I was wondering if we could go get coffee or something.”

“Coffee? We don’t do coffee.”

“Christ, Rose, is it really that much of an inconvenience to hang out with your sister?” she asked incredulously, rolling her eyes at my reluctance. “I thought we could talk, hang out, get some coffee out of it. It’s not the end of the world.”

I had obviously done something to piss off whatever higher being existed because the icing on the cake to my terrible day was dealing with Violet’s snark. To simply stop her from complaining (because she was world-class at it), I sighed. “Fine. But you’re buying.”

“You’re the one with the full-time job!”

“Do you want to get coffee or not?”

“I’m regretting my choice now,” Violet said simply, but gestured towards the door of the building. She had an old car Niall had actually helped her find when she had started college, so we piled into it. I didn’t know what coffee place she was taking us to, but I decided I didn’t care. I hadn’t had any coffee this morning, and I was in desperate need. Plus, if Violet had a hundred dollars to make on the bet with Lily and Niall, she had enough money to buy me a four dollar cup of coffee.

She pulled into a little coffee house that was close to the campus Niall worked at. I wondered briefly if he frequented it when he worked. When we walked in, the smell of coffee beans hit my nose and gave me a small reprieve from the terrible day. “What do you want? Their caramel stuff is really good.”

“Whatever you get is fine.” Though Violet had questionable taste in most things, her taste in coffee was impeccable. She nodded and walked to the bar to order while I found us a place to sit, close to the window in case I needed to zone out and have something pretty to look at if Violet got too annoying. When she returned, she set my coffee in front of me and took a seat, her chair scraping loudly against the floor and making the both of us wince. I took a small sip of the coffee (something caramel, as she had suggested) and instantly felt ten times better. “This is the only good thing to happen to me all day.”

Violet rolled her eyes, mumbled something about me being overdramatic underneath her breath. “Lily thinks I need to apologize.”

“I think so too.”

“I don’t.”

I gestured to the coffee shop. “Then what’s the point of this?”

“You bit my head off when I was trying to explain last time. I was hoping you’d sit and actually have a civil conversation with me about things.” When I didn’t respond, just gestured for her to continue, she did. “I didn’t get you the psychologist’s number because I think you’re pathetic or that you can’t handle shit. I got it for you because no woman should ever be propositioned for sex and it’s absolutely disgusting that the prick tried to do some sort of quid-pro-quo and got nothing more than a slap on the wrist. And if I’m feeling that, as a third party, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling about it. So I got you her number in case you wanted to talk.”

“But you didn’t ask me beforehand. You went behind my back.”

“Because that’s what people do when they care about you, Rose!” Violet exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Christ, if I thought it would be this much work, I would have just saved myself the trouble. I just think it’s shitty he’s getting away with it, so I thought maybe you’d want to talk to someone. It’s not a problem that you can’t sleep without someone there, but don’t you think you need to analyze why? Especially because you never had a problem with it before. And you’re still paying too much money for rent in a flat you don’t even live in anymore.”

There was no point in arguing with her because she, frustratingly, wasn’t wrong. It was shitty that Kent was getting away with it and I probably was stupid for paying money for an apartment I wasn’t staying in. But I had gotten that trademark Fairbrough stubbornness, and I wanted to handle things my own way, as I had always done in my life.

“I appreciate it and can understand where you were coming from.” The words felt like lead on my tongue because I was a prideful person. “But I honestly don’t think I need to talk to someone. If I do think I need help, you’ll be the first person I’ll call.”

“We both know that’s a lie. You’d sooner call Lily or Niall before you’d call me,” she replied in a snarky voice, taking a sip of her latte and staring out the window.

I didn’t bother correcting her.

“Look,” she said after a couple of moments, all of which were spent sipping at our drinks and not talking to one another, “will you just take the card? You don’t have to do anything with it, but it’ll make me feel better if you just take it.”

“Fine. But only because you bought me coffee.”

When I returned home to Lily’s flat, the psychologist’s number in my bag, I toed off my shoes and flung myself onto the couch. I wouldn’t nap because then sleeping tonight would be even more difficult, but I did just close my eyes and rest there for several moments while the bad day crashed over me. Distantly, I heard the sound of Lily’s front door swinging open and groaned out to her, letting her know I was on the couch.

“Rosebud, you okay?”

I turned my body around at Niall’s voice, nodding my head slightly. “Hi, Niall. Where’s Lily?”

“One of her clients called. They’ve got to meet her at the prison.” He moved my feet, sliding his body underneath before he deposited them back on his lap.

“I had the worst day,” I answered his question a little late, sighing out as he gave me sympathetic eyes. “I think I might meet with my landlord next week. My lease is up next month and...I mean, I’m basically living here. I just don’t know if I want to let it go yet. It was the first apartment I rented on my own. And I don’t know if Lily wants me around forever…”

“Lily will let you stay with her as long as you need, you know that.” He reached forward and started massaging my calf, causing me to close my eyes sleepily underneath his touch. “Why was your day bad?”

“People at work. Then the coffee machine was broken. Then Violet came in.”

He laughed, but it was faraway. I was slipping into unconsciousness, and I knew if Niall didn’t stop massaging my leg, I was going to drift off. “You’ve got to stop,” I told him, pulling one of my legs away to poke him with my toe.

His hands hesitantly left my other leg. “Why? Uncomfortable?”

“Too comfortable,” I corrected, shaking my head. “I don’t want to nap and have a shitty night of sleep tonight.

“Just nap, Rosebud. You look like you need it. Do you work tomorrow?”

I shook my head, because thankfully I had tomorrow off.

“Then, c’mon.” He moved my feet again and stood up, holding out a hand for me to take. I groggily grabbed it in my own, allowing him to pull me to my feet and lead me to my room. I flopped myself onto my bed and smiled as he tucked me in, patting down the blankets so they would stay put. It was only when I was underneath my covers that I realized how much the day had taken out of me. Any morning without coffee always exhausted me, but meeting with Violet had just done me in.

“How was your day?” I asked sleepily, reaching out and lacing our fingers together. He squeezed my fingers. “Are you feeling a little better from the sexual assault situation?”

He sighed. “I’m never going to feel good about it, Rosebud. The fact that any of my athletes could do that to someone...it tore me up inside.”

I decided Niall needed a nap almost as much as I did. I patted the spot next to me, inviting him to rest with me on the other side of my bed. He sent me a small smile, pushing off his shoes from his feet and lowering himself onto my bed, over the covers since he didn’t get nearly as cold as I did.

“Rest with me,” I requested softly. “We could both use the sleep.”

He stared at me for a few seconds. “You’re one of a kind, Rosebud.”

I smiled, snuggling closer to him. His arm came around to rest on my waist, pulling me closer to him until my skin was pressed against his skin.

We must have only napped for an hour or so, but I woke up before Niall did. He was knocked out onto my lavender pillow, a tiny bit of drool sneaking out of his open mouth. At least he didn’t snore as much as I apparently did. His entire body was curled, crunched up like even in sleep, his tension wouldn’t leave him. I realized when I stretched that our legs were slightly tangled together, his hand still on my waist. My skin was warm where his fingers touched.

Niall was truly, unfairly attractive. Now that I could look at him without the awkwardness of him realizing I was staring, I could easily admit that to myself. I had always known Niall was a handsome guy, but he was always unattainable. He was Lily’s. I had no business thinking he was attractive.

But his brown hair was fluffed on the right side where it pressed against my pillow, and he had an adorable sleeping face and I admitted to myself right then and there that Niall Horan was beautiful. The fact that he basically belonged to Lily didn’t change that, and it probably never would.

“Stop staring at me,” he said softly, his lips curling up at the corners.

I jumped, not expecting his voice since I still believed he was in the middle of sleeping. “Jesus, don’t scare me like that. How’d you know I was staring?”

“I felt in my soul that there was a pair of beautiful big brown eyes on me, and look at that,” he said, opening his own beautiful big eyes and grinning, “I was right.”

“You’re full of shit, is what you are.” But I found myself leaning back down on my bed and quietly taking in the silence with him. Silence was never uncomfortable with Niall like it was with other people. “Thanks for napping with me.”

“Hopefully it made your bad day a little better.”

“It did.”

My phone buzzed on the nightstand and I sleepily reached for it, reading the text from Lily.

Getting dinner with Carmen. We’ve both had a shitty day and have to discuss some things about the case. Feel free to use anything in the fridge for dinner tonight!

“Want to go get some food?” I asked Niall, showing him the text from Lily.

“Sure. I can go pick up some Nando’s, if you want.”

I groaned, leaning my head into his shoulder. “You are my knight in shining armor. The wind beneath my wings. An angel among us mere mortals.”

“You’re more dramatic than usual today. The chicken pita like usual?” He stood from the bed, readjusting his shirt that had been slightly wrinkled in our nap. As he ran his hands through his hair, I found myself distracted by his forearms, which were showcased by the rolled-up sleeves he was sporting. I’d never really noticed Niall’s arms before, but they were as gorgeous as the rest of him.

Had I mentioned how unfairly beautiful he was?

“Yes, please. I think I have some soda and ice cream. I can make us some floats?”

“You’ve got root beer?”

I wrinkled my nose. “I think so?”

He laughed at my uncertainty, leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to the top of my head. “Alright. I’ll call in and go grab it really quick. See you in about thirty.”

“Thanks, Niall!”

“Anything for my Rosebud.”

I took the time he was gone to tidy up around the apartment a little. I wasn’t a messy person by any means, but with my bad day, I had left a little trail of Rose-messes on the couch and in the foyer, where I had deposited my shoes without a care in the world. The last thing I wanted was for Lily to come home and see my mess and decide she didn’t want me living with her. It was bad enough I still hadn’t found the necklace she had given me. Niall had scoured his place trying to find it, so I wondered if I had drunkenly taken it off at the bar that night with Niamh and Pat. Leaving her apartment a mess just felt like another strike against me.

Niall returned about forty minutes later, ringing the doorbell because his hands were full of food. He grinned as I opened the door, reaching out his arm to hand me the food in the Nando’s bags. It was only after I had the food in my arms that I realized he was carrying another bag.

“What’d you get?” I asked, kicking the door shut with my foot as soon as he walked into the apartment. I set the food on the counter and got my phone out. “How much do I owe you? I can Venmo.”

“Put your fucking phone away,” he said, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. “I got you something.”

His hand dipped into the bag at his side and pulled out something green and leafy. It looked like flowers, but I couldn’t see any blooms. However, when he handed them to me, I could suddenly see the tiny little buds at the end of some of the stems. “Rose buds for my Rosebud!” he exclaimed happily. “I know you were having a bad day, so I thought—oof!”

His breath left his body when I crashed into him, hugging him around the waist so tightly I thought I might pop him like a balloon. I was embarrassed to feel tears well up in my eyes at the sweet gesture, but the truth was, he had already made my day ten times better just by hanging around. And no boy had ever bought me flowers before.

“Don’t cry,” he said when he pulled away, giving me a smile and wiping underneath my eye with his thumb. “They were supposed to make you smile.”

“You’re just…” I trailed off, unable to find the words to perfectly describe the boy in front of me. “You are everything,” I decided, pulling him back into my arms, content to just hold him there for a little longer.

He chuckled, his breath stirring the hairs on my head. I felt him squeeze my shoulders, reminding me that this was real and he was here. “Not everything,” he argued softly, “just someone who cares about you.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

I nodded towards Niamh, who was currently freezing her ass off outside of my apartment. We had met up with my landlord to discuss me not living there when my lease was up. However, every time I thought about giving up my own little apartment, the first big purchase I had made as a working adult...it filled me with dread.

“You know you’re welcome to stay with me for free, Rose,” Lily added. She had found out Niamh planned to accompany me and had invited herself. It wasn’t a problem, since Niamh and Lily got along fairly well, but after Lily’s recent schemes with Violet to get me in to see a counselor, I was a little wary of going through with this while Lily was here. Mostly, I didn’t want her to see me burst into tears and then turn around and make a plan with Violet to kidnap me and take me to the therapist. “You don’t have to give up your place.”

But I did. I hated staying there at night, because I felt an uncomfortable crawling on my skin, like Kent was watching me somewhere. It was irrational of me to feel that way, but it didn’t stop the fear when I was alone at night. “It’s a waste of money,” I replied, and wondered if Lily and Niamh could hear the reluctance in my voice. “Giving it up is smart.”

“You want to at least go inside and start packing some things up?” Niamh asked. I could hear her teeth chattering. It wasn’t particularly cold outside, but Niamh always ran a little chillier than the average person.

I probably should. While most of my stuff was at Lily’s now, it would still be nice to go in and see what things I still had in my apartment. The pretty jewelry holder my grandmother had given me was there, along with some shoes that I didn’t wear everyday. The orange lamp my mom had given me for my college dorm was sitting on my nightstand, with the cute little pink mosaics on it that I loved. But seeing that stuff would make me sad, especially because I didn’t want to give up that little space yet.

Just because something was smart and right didn’t mean it was easy.

“No, I’m fine. Let’s just go to lunch.”

They shared a look with each other, but luckily didn’t push. Niamh because she wasn’t that kind of person, and Lily because she still felt bad about the whole Violet thing.

Niall and Pat were meeting us for lunch, effectively making me the fifth wheel. However, if it meant I got my money, Niall could join us for every meal he wanted to; Pat was fun to have around. Niamh called an Uber to the little deli she often frequented when she was done with work and when the driver pulled up to the restaurant, Niall and Pat were already sitting outside.

“Morning ladies,” Pat said happily, pulling out the chair next to him for Niamh to sit. She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. Niall had two open seats on either side of him, so I slid into one. “We already ordered your food.”

“You know my order?” I asked Pat, raising my brow.

“No, but Niall does.”

I gave Niall a surprised look. Sure, he knew my Nando’s order because he usually picked it up for Lily and I, but I assumed he had only committed Lily’s order for the deli to memory. “Thanks, Ni. Did you get your usual roast beef?”

“You know me well,” he said, smiling. “I also got you some orange juice.”

Orange juice was my comfort drink. I liked having it when I was sad or nostalgic. When I gave him another surprised look, he shrugged.

“I know seeing your flat probably made you upset, so I figured you’d want some orange juice.”

Smiling softly, I reached over to give him a one-armed hug. I caught the tail end of a look that Niamh and Pat gave one another, their eyebrows furrowed as if they were trying to figure something out. They did this often; I joked that they were so in-tune with one another that they were of one mind. Before I could ask them what their looks meant, however, the server was setting down our drinks and food. Niall had been correct in my favorite sandwich, a turkey with Swiss cheese and extra oil and vinegar. He had also switched out my fries (or as he called them “chips” and playfully rolled his eyes when I said it wrong) for sweet potato fries, which were another weakness.

“Thanks, Ni,” Lily said when her own food arrived. She gave him a small peck on the cheek and I swore I saw dollar signs flash before my eyes.

There was something else, though. Something ugly that clawed at the front of my chest. I didn’t know what it was, but I’d never felt that way before, especially around Lily and Niall. I took a bite of my sandwich to distract me from it.

“How was the flat?” Niall asked.

I tried not to flinch at the thought of it, but a sour expression must have taken over my face. “It’s fine.”

“Sorry, Rosebud. I know you’re sad about leaving it.”

It was stupid to be getting so worked up over nothing but brick and wood, but I had put my all into making that little apartment feel like home. The canvas art that I had purchased at a little family-owned gallery hung perfectly above the tiny little fire place. Lily’s apartment didn’t have a fireplace for me to hang them over. Then there was the macrame plant holder that I had bought on Etsy that made me smile whenever I woke up to it because the sun from my window was always shining on it when my alarm went off.

It was the first place that had been all mine. I didn’t mind sharing things with Lily, and I didn’t even mind sharing places with Violet. But that apartment had been Rose Fairbrough’s and no one else’s.

It felt like I was losing a part of myself.

Niamh seemed to notice the expression on my face and quickly changed the subject, prattling on about something else to keep the group occupied. I shot her a grateful smile. Freshman-year-me sure got lucky with Niamh as a roommate, and twenty-four-year-old-me was lucky that Niamh still wanted to be my friend. And through Niamh, I had met Pat, who never made me feel like a third-wheel when we all hung out. Though Niall and Lily were my people, Lily was my sister and Niall had been Lily’s best friend first. Niamh and Pat were, like my apartment, my own friends that I had made myself.

“I promised Violet I’d take her home from school and go shopping with her,” Lily said, looking at her phone after we had all finished eating. Her eyes caught mine. “I’m assuming you don’t want to come.”

I think I would rather have thrown myself off a bridge, but I didn’t tell Lily that. “I actually went to coffee with Violet earlier this week, so I’ve filled my quota.”

I felt better about denying this outing with them when Lily’s eyes lit up. “You guys got coffee this week? That’s wonderful!”

“It was fine. No big deal.” I had gotten free coffee out of it and Violet had only talked about the therapist for the first five minutes, so the trip actually hadn’t been as terrible as I had expected.

“That’s a huge deal,” Lily said, smiling widely. “We’ll have to do another sister night soon.”

Niall covered his laugh with a cough when he caught the look on my face.

Lily said her goodbyes, kissing both mine and Niall’s cheeks before she was off. Niamh and Pat only stayed a couple more minutes before they followed behind Lily. That left Niall and I at the table by ourselves, finishing up our lunches.

“What’s on your agenda for the rest of the day?” he asked, giving me a charming smile. He collected our trash and deposited them into the bin, and I strangely watched his legs move as he did so.

“Just hanging at the house. You?”

“Meeting with one of my athletes. He’s got an idea for eco-friendly sport equipment and he wants to run it by me.”

My eyebrows raised. “Wow. That’s incredible.”

“Yeah, I’m excited to hear about it. You need a ride home?”

I nodded and he led me to his car, a modest Toyota that he had bought as soon as he got the job at the college. When I slid into the passenger seat, I noticed something hanging from his rearview mirror.

“Hey! You found it!” I said excitedly, leaning forward and touching the tiny butterfly charm.

“Oh yeah, I did. I put it up there this morning to remind me to give it back to you. I like having it there. Makes me feel like you’re watching out for me when I’m driving.” He gently removed it from his rearview and handed it to me with a smile.

“Thanks. Help me put it on?” I unhooked the clasp and wrapped the two sides around my neck. His fingers on my skin made me shiver, but I filed the reaction away for a time where I could dissect it later.

He didn’t pull his hands away for several moments. I felt his breath on the back of my neck as one of his fingers softly poked at a spot on my flesh. “Hey,” he said softly, “you have a birthmark here. It’s shaped like a tree.”

“You’ve never noticed?” I asked, trying my best to clear my throat. My voice sounded suddenly throaty, like I had something caught in it.

He chuckled, pulling away enough to have me feeling like I could breathe again. “I think I learn something new about you every time I see you, Rosebud. It’s impossible to know all of you.” I felt the car engine rumble as he started the car and pulled away from the curb.

“You know me better than most people do.”

“Yeah?” he asked, reaching out and tapping my knee. I found myself smiling at the gesture. It was so...Niall.

“Yeah.”

And it was true. Niall knew me better than nearly everyone in my life, except Lily. The fact that he knew me better than Violet and my parents was something I held dear to my heart. It was just impossible to not unveil your soul to Niall. He was open and honest and caring. The world needed more people like him.

Too quickly, we were pulling up to the apartment. I wasn’t quite ready to leave, but I knew he had the meeting with his athlete and probably had to get going. “Thanks for finding my necklace.”

“Of course, Rosebud. I know how much it means to you.”

I thought about what he said, about feeling like I was with him when he was driving. Without another second to think about it, I unhooked the rose necklace I had worn to lunch today in my other necklace’s absence. “Here,” I said softly, leaning forward and wrapping it around his rearview mirror. “So I’ll always be with you when you’re driving.”

His finger gently touched the charm, and a slow smile spread across his face. “A rose to help me think of my Rosebud?”

“Always.”

He chuckled, and in a move that surprised me, pulled me over towards him so he could press a kiss to my forehead. “One problem, Rose. I’m always thinking about you. A necklace doesn’t change that.”

#wildflower #wf #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan au #1dff

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floralguccistyles · 3 years

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oh my goodness guys, this is the last chapter of wildflower before the epilogue. I will gush over all the feels in the epilogue, so please enjoy this chapter until then.

wildflower :: chapter five

...and kisses you

My eyes were crusted with sleep, even though I had probably gotten only an hour.

My apartment still held enough stuff for me to sustain a healthy-ish habitation for about three days. Eventually, I would have to go back to Lily’s apartment and get some work clothes and my makeup products. For now, however, I just cuddled deeper into my blanket and stared at the window.

I knew my phone would have a thousand and one text messages and missed calls from Lily. I knew the responsible thing to do would be to let her know I was okay and safe and that everything was going to be fine, but the truth was...I didn’t know if everything was going to be fine. Seeing Kent had shaken something in me, but what was even worse were the feelings of betrayal and stupidity.

I’m just someone who has been in love with you for over ten years.

That meant every school dance, every family movie night, every trip to Matilda’s doughnut shop, he had been hiding his feelings. And I felt betrayed. Not because I had suspected he would end up with Lily. But because I felt...dumb. I felt oblivious for not knowing, especially when my sisters seemed to. I felt betrayed because it was like everyone was in on it except for me.

And I felt betrayed because maybe if I had known earlier…

I groaned, rolling over to stare at my ceiling. I didn’t want to focus on the what ifs. The damage was done. I had a crush on Niall, he may or may not still be in love with me, and all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry.

Eventually I pulled together enough willpower to pick up my phone. As expected, I had thirteen text messages and six missed calls from Lily. She seemed to have told Violet as well, because even my younger sister had texted me with a hesitant, you okay? But the one thing that made me sit up in my bed was the voicemail notification from Niall.

“Hey Rose. Lily’s freaking out. She doesn’t know where you went. We’re trying to give you space, obviously, but could you just confirm where you are? Violet thinks you’re at your flat, which is fine. Just let someone know, yeah? I’m...we’re worried. I get it if you never wanna speak to me again. I just...I’m sorry, Rose.”

I replayed it back. And then a third time.

And then I grabbed my purse and dug around in it until I found what I was looking for, crumpled at the bottom and sprinkled with what might have been biscuit crumbs. My hands shook when I held it, but I took a deep breath.

“Premier Health Services Center, how can I help you?”

I had only been to a therapy office once.

It was shortly after we had moved from America to Ireland. I was a little too young to know what was going on, but my parents had wanted us to see a therapist just once to make sure we were adjusting well. From what I remembered, he was a very nice man who smiled a lot. I’m sure four-year-old Rose talked his ear off and he reported back to my parents with full confidence that I was adjusting just fine.

Somehow, I didn’t think this appointment would go the same.

The office itself was nice. It was decorated with muted shades of navy blue and white furniture. I imagined this relaxed some people, but all I could think of was that this place needed some color. My knee bounced up and down and I stared at the clock. My appointment was scheduled to start in two minutes, and I suddenly wished I had scheduled an early morning appointment so I would be too tired to try and escape.

Doctor Hildegunn’s door opened and an older man stepped out of the office, holding a tissue in his right hand. I assumed he wasn’t Doctor Hildegunn, considering I had seen a picture of the therapist and she was a tiny Swedish woman. I found her walking behind him, giving him a gentle smile.

“Have a good day, Devon,” she said to the man, her voice soothing and soft. I wondered if that’s why people liked her so much. “Rose Fairbrough?” Her eyes cut across the space to me, and she smiled again.

I nodded, ceasing my knee-bouncing and standing up. I took hesitant steps into her office, which thankfully had more color than the lobby of Premier Health Services Center. Her chair was green velvet, like one of those couches straight out of the 1970’s, and I found myself relaxing a bit. Books littered her wall behind her, ranging from psychology books to what looked like William Shakespeare.

The couch she gestured for me to take a seat on was the same green velvet of her chair. I gingerly moved the throw pillow so I could sit, returning my leg to it’s knee-bouncing. “Um, my sister recommended you. She’s a student at Dublin University.”

She nodded. “Violet. She’s one of my clients. She told me she was going to ask for my card for you.”

“Right. And,” I gestured to her office, “here I am.”

“And what do you want to discuss today?”

I raised a brow. When I had made the appointment, I had specified that it was because of a sexual harassment that I thought I needed to work through. At my quizzical look, she grinned.

“This appointment is about you, Rose. We can jump right into the sexual harassment, or you can talk to me about your family. This is about you.”

“I don’t want to talk about my family,” I said, shaking my head. “I just...I want to get over this whole thing. I ran into...my harasser, I guess...two days ago. I just froze.”

“Do you feel comfortable sharing the details of the harassment?”

“It’s not severe or anything. I think that’s why I was so hesitant to make an appointment in the first place. I know people have been through worse, and I didn’t want to make it seem like a big deal.”

“If it’s affecting you and your daily life, it’s a big deal, Rose,” she said softly.

And it was affecting my daily life. It had been affecting my life for the last year. So I told Doctor Hildegunn about Kent’s proposal, about not feeling safe at my job and the shitty response from Human Resources, and I told her about seeing him outside of the antique store. I told her that I was afraid to sleep alone, so I hadn’t slept in my apartment for a year.

But then I started talking about other things.

I spoke about how I was sad to give up my apartment, and about how I felt about Lily and Violet going behind my back to try and get me to a therapy appointment, and about how I pushed away the people I loved and who loved me.

I didn’t dare mention what had happened with Niall. I didn’t think my heart could take it at the moment.

Doctor Hildegunn listened as I spoke so much my mouth went dry. She retrieved a water bottle from a fridge she had hidden behind the little desk in her office and I took three big gulps as I waited for her to say something.

When she did, it wasn’t what I had been expecting her to say. “Do you genuinely think therapy is going to work for you?”

“W-what?” I stuttered out.

“You said you were hesitant about therapy because you still wanted to feel normal. Do you feel abnormal sitting here in a therapy setting?”

“Yes,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I know therapy will help, but I just feel wrong sitting here. Maybe it’s the guilt. I mean, the girl at Niall’s school—”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty about being affected by what happened to you, Rose. You know that, right? Your feelings are valid.”

I didn’t say anything, just picked at a thread on my sweater.

“At Dublin University, there’s a sexual assault survivor’s group. They meet every Monday at 5:30 PM. I think, if you’re open to that, going to it could be very beneficial. Sexual assault or harassment is a big deal, even if you don’t want to believe it is. There are people in there who feel the same as you. That someone has it worse, so they shouldn’t complain. But this group will allow you to complain, Rose. They won’t judge you. They’ll understand. I’d like to see you once every two weeks, but if you aren’t comfortable with that, we can work something out.” She set aside the little notebook she had been writing in. “Going to therapy and attending these group meetings...they don’t differentiate between what you call ‘Normal Rose’ and the Rose you are now, here getting help. They’re just going to help you transition into a new normal.”

A new normal. The idea of a new normal scared her. She was so used to bottling up how she felt for the sake of others. She was used to staying in the receptionist job because it was secure and safe.

And she was used to how things were with Niall.

“Here’s the information for the group,” Doctor Hildegunn said, handing me a bright yellow sheet of paper. “Try it out, see if you like it. And if you’d like, we can schedule an appointment here in two weeks time.”

I left the office with a therapy appointment in two weeks and the bright yellow sheet of paper tucked underneath my arm. I put it in my car’s glove box for safekeeping, knowing that the time and place of the meeting was seared into my brain.

My phone beeped with a text. I was expecting it to be Lily, since I had blearily texted her yesterday morning before I had made an appointment with Doctor Hildegunn that I was safe, but to my surprise, it was my younger sister’s name that popped up.

How’d it go? Doctor H is really cool.

On a whim, I pressed the green phone button next to her contact.

“Rose? You good?”

“I have a favor.”

“Yeah, I’m good too. Got a ninety-seven percent on that biology test I was stressing about. Thanks for asking.”

“Do you want to go apartment hunting with me today?”

It was silent on her end. “Flat shopping? You...you aren’t gonna live with Lily anymore?”

No, I decided. No, I wasn’t. “No. I need to get my own place. And maybe giving up the apartment I have now is a good thing. I need someplace fresh. So, will you go with me?”

“Wouldn’t you rather go with Lily?”

She tried hard to mask it, but I heard the hopeful lilt to her voice. I never called her out of the blue to hang out with her, and I definitely didn’t include her in big life decisions. It was always Lily I ran to. And while Lily was still my rock and would be until the end of my days, when I heard Violet sound so hopeful, I knew I had made the right choice.

“Nope. I’ll pick you up in twenty. We’ll get some coffee.”

“Okay,” she said, and I heard the barely contained excitement. Then, a pause. “But I bought the coffee last time so you’re buying today.”

“Deal.”

The second I stepped into Lily’s apartment, I was enveloped in her arms.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly, pulling me in close. She backed up and put her hands on my shoulders, then did a double take when she saw Violet behind me. “Vi?”

Violet waved. “Hey, Lil. We’re starving. Do you have those take-out menus in that kitchen drawer still?”

Lily gestured in the direction of the kitchen with a confused look on her face, like she was still trying to piece together why Violet was at her apartment and why we had come there together. Violet went off in the direction of the kitchen, rummaging around in the drawer as Lily pulled me over to her couch.

“Are you feeling alright? Why is Vi here? Not that I’m complaining, but it was kinda the last thing I expected.”

“She was helping me go looking for apartments.”

Lily’s brows furrowed. “You went apartment shopping? But....but Rose, you know you’re more than welcome to stay here.”

I did know that. And I loved Lily for it. “I know. But I’ve got to get out and start living my own life again. I think getting a completely new place might help. Also, I went and saw Violet’s therapist today.”

“Oh yeah, how was Doctor H?” Violet asked, coming back into the living room with the menu for a Vietnamese restaurant in her hands. “We all good with pho for dinner?”

I told them about the appointment. “She also suggested I go to this support group. She thinks I might like it better than therapy. I’m going to try going once every two weeks to meet with her, but I...I don’t know if therapy is right for me. I know you guys want me to go, but I’m just gonna try this group. Can you live with that?”

To my surprise, it was Violet who clapped my shoulder in an encouraging gesture. “Yes, Rose, we can live with that. We just want to make sure you’re talking to someone. You don’t really talk to us about this kinda stuff, and I know it’s shitty for you to keep it all in.”

“Woah,” I said, unable to stop myself from lightening the mood, “someone’s getting philosophical.”

She grabbed one of the throw pillows and hit me across the face with it.

“Now the next order of business,” Violet added, looking towards me, “what are you gonna do about Niall?”

And that was the question, wasn’t it? What was I going to do about Niall? “Lily you’re...you’re sure you don’t love him?”

“I never did love him, Rose. And I can assure you he never loved me. Nothing past how best friends love each other. If I did like him in that way, I can assure you it would have been squashed by the amount of times he talks about you when I’m with him.”

“He talks about me with you?”

Violet rolled her eyes. “How have you not noticed? The man doesn’t shut up about you.”

“I never noticed. Maybe I just didn’t want to notice, because the idea of liking Niall like that was off limits to me. I thought he was going to end up with Lily.”

“Well, do you think you could like him?” Lily asked.

I did think I could. I think there was always a small part of me that had, buried somewhere under the surface. It was why I always felt lighter around him, like the weight of the world transferred from my shoulders when he walked into a room. “I don’t know if I love him as much as he loves me. Not yet. And I don’t want to hurt him.”

“He’ll understand that, Rose. He sprung it on you. You just need to talk to him.”

But did he even want to talk to me? I hadn’t outright denied him, because he had left before I could process his confession, but I had hurt him. I had so carelessly uttered the words that unknowingly hit their target; he wasn’t my boyfriend.

Lily’s phone buzzed from the coffee table, and we all stared at it. It was her ringtone for Niall, so there was no question about who it was that was calling her. She reached for it, answering it and bringing the phone up to her ear. It was so silent between the three of us that I was sure I could hear the trees shaking in the wind outside.

“Hey, Ni,” Lily said, looking towards me. “Yeah, she’s here. She spent the night at her apartment the past two nights.” She paused, listening to his response. “I’ll ask her.” Pulling the phone away from her ear, she put her hand over the speaker so she could whisper to me. “He wants to talk to you.”

I held my hand out for the phone. Violet leaned in to try and hear what Niall would say, but Lily slapped her arm and gestured for me to go into the other room. As I padded across the hardwood, I listened to Niall breathing on the other line. “Hey.”

“Thank Christ you’re alright. No matter how mad you are at me, please don’t ever leave without a word like that again, okay? You had Lily and I worried sick.”

I smiled a little at his worrying. “Alright, Mom, I’ll check in next time.”

He laughed, and the sound sent a trill of longing through me. The chuckles tapered off, though, leaving us in silence again. “And are you? Mad at me, I mean?”

“Niall, why would I be mad at you?”

“Because I pushed. I should have respected your boundaries. I was just so...fucking disgusted about what that asshole had done to you. I took it out on you, and I shouldn’t have.” I heard movement on the other end, and I could imagine him running his hand through his hair. “And then I sprung what I did on you—”

“Can I come over?” I interrupted.

“You...you wanna come over?”

“Yeah. I just think we should probably have this conversation in person.”

He took in a shaky breath. “Yeah, okay. You can come over.” It was impossible to miss the nerves in his voice.I could envision him standing in his living room, destroying the perfect hairstyle he’d constructed himself because he kept nervously tugging at it. “I’ll see you in a few, then.”

“See you in a few.”

I hung up the call and handed Lily’s phone back to her. Looking between her and Violet, they were both looking at me with questions in their eyes. They wanted to know what the hell was going on with Niall and I. But if I were being honest, I wasn’t really sure what was going to happen either.

“Well...are you going to change? Because you look rough,” Violet said after a few quiet moments. Lily reached out to slap her arm again, but I oddly found myself grinning.

“Yeah, yeah I’m going to change. I’ll be right back.” I started walking to my room only to hear Violet shout something about me needing to look sexy, which resulted in a cut off grunt when Lily hit her with a pillow.

Dressed in a white cropped top and red flared jeans (that made my butt look amazing, if I said so myself), I walked back out into the living room and let my sisters approve of the outfit. Lily was quick to toss my keys at me, promising that she’d drive Violet wherever she needed to go so I didn’t have to rush home.

As the two of them sat on the couch and argued over whether or not I should wear a sweater, I was filled with affection for the both of them. I knew things wouldn’t change overnight, but seeing us hang out like this made my heart warm. “Hey,” I said softly, interrupting their bickering. “I just wanted to say thanks. For worrying about me. I...I know I might not show it much, but I love you guys.”

“Gross. Who are you and what have you done with Rose?” But Violet was smiling as she said it, rolling her eyes when Lily stood up and immediately hugged me. “Well now I just feel like a bitch if I don’t join in the group hug.”

Hugging Violet was a new experience. Of course, as her sister of twenty years, I’d hugged her before. But this felt different in a way I couldn’t explain. When we all pulled away, I flicked her in the forehead and laughed at her protest.

“Now go and get your man! Your butt looks great in those jeans, by the way!”

I wasn’t really sure which sister had yelled it out to me, as I was already halfway out the door by the time it reached my ears. I hopped down the steps in front of Lily’s apartment, slid into my car, and drove the road to Niall’s place. As I loomed closer, my heart started pounding wildly in my chest.

I knew there were consequences. What if I told him I wasn’t quite at love yet with him, and he rejected me because he’d spent too many years waiting? What if he realized, like I had, that I pushed people away and he decided it wasn’t worth it?

My car slowed when I passed by his apartment, but my heartbeat didn’t. He was already waiting outside, standing on his porch in jeans and a light purple shirt that looked amazing on him, just as every piece of clothing he owned did. He was watching me with those incredible blue eyes, filled with wariness.

“Hi,” I said breathlessly when I got out of my car and walked to meet him.

“Hi.” He frowned at my arms. “Christ, you cold? C’mon, I don’t want you to freeze.”

“I’m fine,” I said, but he wasn’t listening. He was fidgeting to try and get me inside, to prolong the inevitable. He led me to his couch and made sure I was comfortable before setting a little coffee cup in front of me. I swallowed, my breath catching in my throat when I saw the words written on the side.

I’m sorry, Rose.

“I am sorry. I know I probably ruined everything. I hurt you by demanding you go and see the therapist, and I handled the whole thing in such a rotten way. I’m just—”

I didn’t let him finish, leaning forward and throwing my arms around him. I pulled him close, impossibly close, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted him to sink into my skin and melt into my bones. “It’s not your fault, Niall. I don’t want you thinking that.”

His arms were slow to wrap around me, but when they did, his entire body relaxed in a sigh. And despite my worries, I knew that we were going to be okay. If we ended up something more, I would be ecstatic, but if we didn’t, I knew we would survive. We’d push through, just like we had with everything else. Because Niall Horan was not something I was willing to lose.

Still holding him in my arms, I pulled my face away from where it had tucked under his chin and briefly pressed a small kiss to his cheek.

“Don’t,” he whispered, his voice rough. “I can get over these feelings, Rose, I swear, but you’ve got to give me time.”

“What if I don’t want you to get over them?”

He drew me away from him, eyes wide as he stared at me to see if there was any hint of joking on my face. I didn’t know if he was satisfied with what he found, but I continued on.

“I like you, Niall. I’m not going to lie and say I’ve liked you as long as you have me, but I need you to know that it’s not one-sided. When you said you...you loved me...I was caught off guard, but I was never angry with you. I was angry with myself because I didn’t want to hurt you. And I did, even though it was the one thing I wanted to avoid more than anything. You always feel things so much, and I think that’s always scared me. I’m terrified because you love me, and I just don’t know if I’m there yet. These feelings for you are new and I’ve barely had time to adjust to them myself, and I don’t want to hurt you by not loving you as much as you love me. But I can, Niall. I can love you that much, I promise. You just have to let me try. You can’t give up on me. If you don’t want to, if this is too much work, I understand.”

He was silent for a moment. His eyes were on mine, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. The color had always been beautiful to me, but now there was something else there. An emotion I realized was pure happiness. And then, feather light, his hand raised and tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear.

“But...you do have feelings for me?” I mutely nodded and was completely unprepared for the smile that grew on his face. “I’ve been waiting ten years to hear that you love me, Rose. I can wait a little longer.”

My nose wrinkled. “Don’t call me Rose. It feels weird. It’s Rosebud or nothing else.”

His laugh was loud and clear, the kind that I realized I had only heard around me. It was his Rose-laugh. “I can live with that.” Some of the mirth left his eyes, but he was still smiling at me. “Can I...can I kiss you?”

I grinned. “You don’t have to ask, Niall.”

“Yes, I do.”

I brought my hand up to his face and smoothed my hand over his cheek. “I know you do. And I really, really like you for it. Now shut up and kiss me, Horan.”

“If I’m not allowed to call you Rose, you are absolutely not allowed to call me Horan.” Before I could protest, his hands were on my cheeks and his lips were on mine.

I don’t think I ever thought about what kind of kisser Niall would be. Even in my little short fantasy at the antique store, I hadn’t really imagined what it would be like kissing Niall. I had just imagined that it would happen. However, as his lips slanted over mine, I was happy I hadn’t imagined it.

Nothing I could have thought up would ever hold up.

His hands were on either side of my face, his thumb running back and forth across my cheek. They moved to my neck, tipping my chin up and giving him better access to my mouth. His lips were smooth and soft, moving against mine lightly. But I didn’t want lightly. I wanted him to kiss me like he meant it.

I moved my own hands to his hair, pulling him closer and leaning up on my knees on the couch. He let out a breathless laugh against my lips, his arms moving to wrap around my waist. My mouth pressed incessantly against his, never drawing too far away from him before he pulled me back. He ran his tongue along the seam of my lips, and the feel of it made me sigh out, so incredibly happy that I didn’t know what to do with myself.

“Did I mention,” he asked between nips and bites and licks, “that your arse looks great in those pants?”

“That’s what Violet said.” I continued kissing him, unwilling to stop. “And that was kind of the point.”

“It’s not really fair.”

I shrugged, pulling away long enough to press a kiss to his throat. He groaned, leaning his head back against the couch. “That was also kind of the point.”

“I mean, you’re killing me.”

“And you’re not getting it.” Another quick bite to his lower lip. A moment where his hands slid lower on my hips. “The point.”

He grinned sweetly, pulling away from my mouth. “You kill me no matter what you do, Rosebud.”

“How about when I accept the job offer? Do I kill you then?”

“You’re accepting it?” He laughed, wrapping his arms fully around my waist before standing from the couch. A rather unsexy squeal left my lips and I clamored against him, trying to hang on to his shoulders as my feet suddenly left the ground. “I’m happy for you, Rosebud. And yes, even then, you kill me.”

“I will legitimately kill you if you don’t put me down.”

“No can do, sorry. I just got you in my arms, I’m not letting you go anytime soon.”

Even though his words were incredibly cheesy, I couldn’t help but smile. “Dork.”

The look on his face, the lightness in his eyes. I caused all of those things. I was the reason for them. The knowledge of this sent a thrill up my spine, and had me smiling softly at him, unable to resist reaching out and touching his chin, pulling him towards me for another mind numbing kiss. “Thank you for loving me, Niall.”

“It’s the easiest thing in the world, Rosebud. You know what won’t be easy though? Giving Violet her five hundred bucks.”

My eyes went wide. “You knew about the bet?!”

“Your family is very bad at keeping secrets. I reckon it worked out though, yeah?”

I stared at him, focusing on the happiness I felt. “Yeah, it worked out.”

He silenced my thoughts with another kiss.

#wf #wildflower #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan au #1dff

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floralguccistyles · 4 years

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wildflower, coming soon

Everyone expected Niall Horan and Lily Fairbrough to get married. Friends since birth, their parents had already envisioned what their wedding would look like, how many kids they would have, and where they would live. They had so much confidence in Niall and Lily’s relationship that the entire Fairbrough and Horan family had taken bets on when the two of them would get together.

I had a hundred bucks on Christmas of 2021, so as Lily’s younger sister, I was expecting her to get this show on the road

A novella about unexpected crushes, obliviousness, and a bet riding on a hundred dollars Rose Fairbrough is all too happy to lose.

#palak and rory convinced me to do this #so here it is #wildflower #niall horan au #niall horan fanfiction #1dff #this is gonna be a mini fic #probably like 6 or so chapters

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floralguccistyles · 4 years

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Hello all! While I am very happy to share this chapter with you, I am also aware that a lot of my social media feeds and timelines have stopped highlighting the BLM movement, which is so much more important. This fight is not over. It will not be over until there is justice for every single black mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, friend that has been killed by police brutality and violence. Please don’t allow the people we follow to sweep this under the rug. If you do not have the means to protest, there are several other ways you can donate and raise awareness to this issue. Here is a Twitter thread of donations that still haven’t reached their goals. Here is a compiled list of petitions you can sign, numbers you can text, and causes you can donate to. Here is a Twitter thread of Youtube videos you can watch that gain ad revenue and donate all money made to the BLM movement. Please do what you can, especially my fellow non-POC users, to help with this issue. It is so, so incredibly important.

wildflower :: chapter two

...and stays up with you all night

There was a tradition between the Horan-Fairbrough clan that once a month, we would all try and get together and have dinner. It usually ended up with Greg’s son Theo falling asleep while I held him and Violet spewing on about something she learned in college before we all settled down to watch a movie. We had an ongoing rotation on who picked the movie, and this month it happened to be Niall’s turn.

Which was why I was so shocked that it was a horror film.

I didn’t like scary movies. And neither did Niall. But when he sat between Lily and I (on the floor since our parents took the couch while Greg and Theo took the loveseat), I realized his intention. Lily hated horror films even more than I did. And when the first jump scare came around, Lily hid her face in Niall’s side and squealed a little.

Smart boy, that Niall.

“You’re an asshole for picking this film,” I told Niall as I held the popcorn bowl between us. Niall and I hadn’t spoken since last Monday, when he’d dropped off his stuff at my house. Everything had been in a nice neat pile except for my necklace. When I had inquired about it, he had told me that he hadn’t seen it, but he would look again. I think the look of panic on my face told him how serious I was about that particular piece of jewelry.

“Why would I give up a chance to hold both my Fairbrough girls while they scream bloody murder?”

He wasn’t wrong. I found myself jumping right alongside with Lily whenever something frightening happened, so Niall just grinned at me, called me a baby, and then offered his hand for me to hold.

I gripped it like it was my lifeline.

The day had started off normally, waking up in Lily’s bed to her arm strewn across my neck, quite close to choking me. Though I may have snored in my sleep (according to she and Niall, I was still doubtful), Lily tried to kill me in hers. Her alarm went off approximately three minutes after I untangled myself from her comforter and I went to work on making us coffee and breakfast while she took a shower. I was expecting Niall to show up at around seven-thirty, since that was normally the time Lily was done taking a shower and I was expected to keep him entertained. When the door opened and I saw him in a salmon-colored dress shirt, I smiled.

“Morning,” I said, blinking against the bright smile he gave me. “Want a cup?”

“God, you’d be an angel.”

“I’m always an angel, what are you talking about?” I stuck my tongue out at him, but started to work on his coffee. The eggs were frying in the pan, so I quickly added some garlic salt to them (because I knew Niall liked it) before I poured his drink into a to-go cup. I watched him sit at the barstool, tossing his sunglasses on the counter as he watched me make breakfast. “So, it’s your pick for movie night tonight. Any contenders?”

He shrugged. “Hadn’t thought about it much, to be honest. I’ve been dealing with some stuff at work.”

Rummaging through some drawers, I found a Sharpie and uncapped it. “What’s up?”

He sighed. I didn’t like this look on Niall, the defeated kind of look that made him look at least three years older. He looked like he was carrying the weight of something heavy on his shoulders. “Hey,” I said quietly, reaching across the counter to grab his forearm in what I hoped was a comfort. “What’s wrong? Tell me.”

His other hand reached to grab my fingers, moving my touch on his arm to hold my hand. His fingers interlaced through mine, examining them for a moment. “One of my boys...a girl came forward and made a sexual assault claim yesterday.”

I tried not to freeze. I wasn’t sure if he noticed when my hand suddenly went limp, but his eyes were still locked onto our hands as if he were contemplating much more than just how large his were compared to mine. “Oh. Shit, I’m sorry, Ni. What...what’s happening?”

His nose wrinkled. “They’re getting him off the team, that’s what. I’m not going to have someone like that representing our team. He’ll go to the dean next week to talk about expulsion.”

“And the girl?” I asked softly.

“I don’t know, Rose. She’ll have to...Christ, she’ll carry this around for the rest of her life. I’ve assured her that his place on the team is nonexistent, but she didn’t look like she believed me.”

“So you didn’t think...she was pathetic or anything?”

“Pathetic? Jesus, Rose, no. I just feel like shit that she was even put in that position at all.”

I squeezed his hand tightly. He didn’t know why my fingers turned from a caress to a grip, but he squeezed my fingers back even so.

The truth was, his words meant more to me than he’d ever know. But it also made me sad. For the girl, for me, and for anyone else who ever had to deal with something like that. I knew I didn’t deserve to place myself on the same caliber as the girl Niall was talking about. She’d been assaulted, and all Kent ever did was corner me in his office to exchange a promotion for sex. Still, knowing how Niall felt about it made things a little easier. There was no question on whether the player would still be on the team. He would just be...gone. No questions asked.

“You’re a good guy, Niall,” I whispered softly.

“It’s not a matter of being a good guy or not. It’s a matter of being a decent human being.”

Lily appeared in the kitchen before either of us could continue with our conversation, which was probably for the best. “Morning. Smells good, Rose,” Lily commented, coming over to stand by Niall. She wrapped her arms around the back of his shoulders and gave him a squeeze, kissing his cheek. “You smell good,” she mentioned to him.

He didn’t blush, which was weird because Niall always blushed when someone complimented him. He just grinned and let out a little chuckle. “Thanks, Lil. You’re dripping all over me.”

Lily usually let her hair air dry while she ate breakfast and then ran the dryer over it. It locked in enough of her curls to make it stylishly wavy, but not dry it enough so that they straightened out. She had it down to a science. “Sorry,” she said sheepishly, pulling away and lovingly wiping off a bit of water droplets from Niall’s shirt. The salmon color darkened to a burnt coral with the water, but it would be dry in a matter of minutes, so Niall didn’t look like he minded terribly. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Eggs, coffee, and I was going to cut up some of that fruit,” I announced, grabbing said fruit from the fridge. Lily usually kept her fridge pretty stocked with fruit, so she had several berries and a couple of assorted melon slices.

“Where’s the bacon?” Niall groaned.

“We have some microwaveable bacon, but I doubt you want that.”

He wrinkled his nose. If there was one thing Niall hated, it was the shitty pre-cooked bacon Lily bought. I didn’t mind the taste of it, personally, and appreciated its convenience. Niall was a firm believer that bacon should take time and love. “I’m fine with eggs and fruit.”

“That’s what I thought.” Cutting the fruit and not cutting my finger proved to be a task, but I accomplished it and put all the berries and melons on a plate. The eggs, which had been taken off heat during my fruit-cutting, were still warm, so I put them onto individual plates and handed them off to Lily and Niall. “Bon appetit.”

“A meal fit for a king,” Niall exclaimed. He was always too generous when describing my cooking. I wasn’t terrible and my food was almost always edible, but I wasn’t going to become a chef anytime soon. “Thanks, Rosebud.”

The morning continued on as usual, with Lily leaving Niall and I to keep each other company while she went about her morning routine. There was no more discussion on the girl that had come forward about Niall’s student athlete, but I could tell by the duller color of his eyes that it was still weighing heavy on his mind. Which was why when he was looking away and getting things situated for his day at work, I took the Sharpie and scribbled out “you’re a great role model for the students” with about a thousand x’s and o’s underneath it. He grinned and pressed a kiss to my hair when he saw it, and claimed “he’d keep the cup until the end of time, Rosebud.”

But Niall couldn’t hide his disappointment and sorrow. Which, in retrospect, might have been the reason that he had chosen a horror movie. It was probably a last minute decision.

I wasn’t sure what the title of the movie was, but it was some gory and bloody thing with demonic possession. Our families had varying reactions to the film. Greg was falling in and out of sleep, while his parents on the other side of him were cringing at the film. My parents, who had grown up with horror films, seemed to be genuinely enjoying it, letting out little ohs and ahs when something interesting happened. Violet just stared at the screen with the indifference of a Gen Z child, typing away at her phone whenever the plot got too boring for her to handle.

It was only about forty minutes into the movie when Violet nudged my foot with hers and gestured towards the kitchen with her chin. Things had been back to normal between the two of us, the vulnerable night of sleeping by her side long forgotten. I was honestly thankful for the usual attitude. If she started treating me like some frail thing, I might have burst into tears. I had always prided myself on being a strong person, and I was obsessed with Violet and Lily seeing me in the same light. So when we had woken up the next morning, Violet with drool down her chin and my hair in a wild disarray, I wished she would say something normal.

I believe her exact words had been “Jesus, you have bad morning breath,” before she had promptly rolled over to face away from me.

Still, I followed her to the kitchen, Niall’s eyes on me questioningly when Violet and I walked away from the family. I shrugged my shoulders, unaware as to what Violet wanted as much as he was. Unlike Lily and Niall’s apartments, my childhood home had a kitchen separated by a thick wall, so maybe Violet wanted some advice on Selma and Eric and needed privacy.

When we arrived to the kitchen, however, I did not expect the turn our conversation took.

Without saying anything, she walked to her purse and pulled out a slip of paper, handing it to me.

“Am I supposed to know what this is?”

“It’s the health specialist at my university. She has a practice outside of the school, so I asked for her office number.”

I stared at it, a little more than confused. “Alright. Cool. What am I supposed to do with it?”

“She’s a psychologist.”

The paper suddenly felt like a weight in my hand. I gaped at her, mouth open like a fish as she stared at me, almost daring me to give it back to her. Which I tried to do almost instantaneously. “I don’t need this, Violet. Save it for someone who actually does.”

“Seeing a therapist isn’t a bad thing, Rose. She can help with the whole Kent thing. She’s been helping me a lot and I really like her, so I think you will too.”

“I’m sure she’s a wonderful lady, but I don’t need to see her.” I crossed my arm over my chest, only after setting the unwanted phone number on the countertop. “This was a little invasive of you.”

“It wasn’t invasive. It’s me trying to help. You’ve got some shit you need to deal with, as do I, and she can help. I mean, she’s no miracle worker, but it would be nice to talk to someone about what happened.”

My mouth went dry. “Violet, nothing happened. People have had it much worse than I have.” I thought about this morning, about Niall’s defeated face when he told me about the girl at the college. “He didn’t...he didn’t assault me or anything. He just made some lewd comments. It isn’t enough to see someone over, trust me.”

“Rose, you’re nearly twenty-five and you have to sleep with someone else in the room.”

I knew deep down that Violet was coming from a place of love, just like all her other jabs and pokes did. But this felt too personal for me to brush off. I had opened up to her that night at Lily’s, and she was throwing it back in my face. “You didn’t have to come into my room that night,” I said defensively, and I wondered if she could tell my voice was ten times icier than it had been before.

“I’m not trying to attack you or anything—”

“That’s what it feels like.”

Lily must have sensed that Violet and I in a kitchen alone would stir some trouble. She came in only seconds later, raising an eyebrow at the two of us. “Having a party in here without me?”

“I gave Rose the therapist’s number and she’s refusing to take it,” Violet commented.

“Keep your voice down,” I hissed.

“You gave it to her in the middle of the Horan-Fairbrough family night?” Lily asked incredulously. I was happy that she seemed to be as confused as I was, but then her words actually caught up to me.

“You knew?” I asked, turning to face my big sister. “Did you tell her what a bad idea it was?” Lily looked at me, her lips pressed together in a thin line. When she didn’t speak for a few moments, I knew. Maybe it was stupid to feel the stab of betrayal, but I did. “You told her to do it.”

“She was mentioning how much her therapist has helped her with college and I thought it might be beneficial to you. I didn’t know she was going to give it to you during family night.”

Lily never went behind my back. About anything. She and I were always open books with one another. So hearing that she had gone out of her way to ask Violet do this made me feel like shit. “I thought you were fine with me staying at your place?” I couldn’t keep the childlike whine out of my voice. I had never thought that Lily disliked having me in her apartment, but maybe she did. Maybe she had asked Violet about this because she wanted to get rid of me.

“Of course I am, Rose! That’s not the point of this,” Lily was quick to assure me. “I just think talking about it might help.”

I felt like someone had just pulled the rug out from under me. They were asking me to see someone, like I was a giant burden. I would have expected this from Violet, who was always blunt and truthful, but I would have never expected it from Lily. Lily would have sat me down, brought it up, asked my opinions, and then let it go when it seemed like it was something I didn’t want. “Right. Well, I don’t think it will, so let’s drop it and go watch the rest of the movie.”

“Okay,” Lily said, reaching out to rub my shoulder comfortingly. “Yeah, we’ll go back out.”

“No,” Violet mentioned, her posture hard and defiant. “I’m not letting you walk back out there until you take the phone number. Lily may baby you about this, but I’m not going to.”

“Violet,” Lily chastised.

“You let her get away with so much shit, Lil. And then the one time we dare request she do something to help herself, you act like her word is final. You’ve got some serious shit going on, Rose. You need to let it out before it eats you alive.”

“Right now, all I need is to exit this conversation. A conversation, might I remind you, that our parents and Niall don’t know about,” I snapped angrily.

“What don’t I know about?”

Perfect. When I turned, Niall was standing in the kitchen, hip leaning against the counter with the empty bowl of popcorn in his hands. His hair was tousled, most likely from Theo running his fingers through it playfully earlier on in the dinner portion of the night, and he was wearing a flannel that looked soft to the touch. He also looked adorably confused at our conversation.

“Nothing, Ni,” Lily commented, sending a quiet look towards Violet to remind her to keep her mouth shut. Violet huffed impatiently, but luckily shut her mouth. “Need me to get more popcorn?”

“Yeah, Greg’s fat arse ate most of it.” Lily took the bowl from him and got another bag from the pantry, placing it in the microwave. “What are my favorite girls discussing?”

“Rose’s job,” Lily deflected, sending a blinding smile towards Niall, as if that was going to stop him from asking questions. “The hotel’s offering her a couple of free rooms and she was going to use them for our parents’ anniversary. She wanted it to be a surprise, so you can’t tell them, got it?”

“That’s sweet of you, Rosebud. I won’t tell them, promise.”

“Thanks, Ni,” I breathed out. Violet rolled her eyes.

I knew this conversation was far from over. Violet was glaring at me and Lily was looking at me like she was apologetically about to burst into tears, but all I wanted to do was curl back up on the floor and finish the stupid movie. I knew there would be no more getting scared tonight, due to the fact that I wouldn’t be paying attention to the rest of the film, so I was safe from any nightmares I might have had about a possessed demon child. But the tension hung from the three of us like albatrosses, and it continued as we slowly made our way back to the living room.

“Need me to hold your hand again, Rosebud?” Niall joked. I mustered up a small smile, putting the popcorn bowl between us again. I ignored my sister as they sat back down, Lily for once not cuddling up to Niall’s side. He stared back and forth between the two of us. “Something wrong?” he whispered towards me.

“Nope.”

“That wasn’t very convincing.”

“Drop it, Niall.”

He seemed taken aback by my shortness. His jaw ticked, a sure sign that I knew he was either embarrassed or annoyed, and nodded at me, leaning back against the couch. He didn’t look in my direction for the rest of the film, and while I felt shitty about being so snappish, I couldn’t bring myself to stop. My sisters had somehow ruined my night in one fell swoop.

There was a reason I didn’t talk about what happened at Barkley’s. On top of me being completely done with the situation emotionally, I was also incredibly embarrassed. How had I not noticed that Kent seemed to favor me simply because he thought I was cute? All of the times he had complimented my work ethic, made me feel like I was one of the best employees, and the consecutive months of being employee of the month (which wasn’t a feat because there were only three of us and the other three hardly made their goal sales), he had just been doing it because he wanted to have sex with me.

It made me feel useless.

And if there was one thing I hated most in the world, it was feeling useless.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered to Niall, trying to keep my voice soft so my parents wouldn’t overhear. “You caught me in a bad mood, and I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

“No,” he agreed, “you shouldn’t.” But he held up his palm, an invitation. I relaxed immediately, threading my fingers through his and cuddling up against his side.

He didn’t let go the entirety of family night, his little reassurance that we were okay.

I was willing myself not to leave my bed.

Like usual, I had woken up about three hours after falling asleep. The apartment was quiet and a little chilly, so cuddling up next to Lily’s side would have solved all my problems. But my head continued to revolve around the conversation with Violet and Lily, and now I felt like I was just going to be a burden if I went into her room and bothered her.

The ride back to the apartment from the Horan-Fairbrough family night had been quiet. Lily had kept the volume low so I could talk to her if I wanted to, but there hadn’t been anything to say. Knowing Lily as well as I did, I knew she was feeling guilty. But I couldn’t bring myself to talk about the night’s events with her.

Now, sitting alone in my bed, I wished I would have.

I shifted my weight, moving so I was laying on my side and facing the door to my room. In the year that I’d been here, I’d made it my own. I had pictures and plants on my shelves, I had brought in a bookcase, and there was art hung on my walls with command strips so I wouldn’t have to put a nail through the wall. This room was my safe space, like nothing bad from the outside world could ever get me when I was in here.

Violet’s words rang in my head.

My hands were on my phone before I could really process what was happening. I scrolled through the Facetime app until I came across Niall’s information, clicking on the silly little photo I’d set as his contact photo. On bated breath, I waited for Niall to answer the phone call. I should have known better than to feel nervous. Niall was the type of guy to always answer, no matter what time of night it was.

Which was why I was staring into a grainy version of his bright blue eyes only seconds later.

“Rosebud,” he grumbled, groggy from sleep. His hair was mussed, his eyes half closed, and he was shirtless. I couldn’t see much because the blanket covered most of his chest, but I still grew a little warm. “What time is it?”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, shaking my head, feeling incredibly foolish. “I shouldn’t have woken you up.”

There was something in the tone of my voice that had him sitting up, eyes opening a little wider. A cute yawn escaped his mouth, but he looked more awake than he had when he had initially picked up the phone. “Don’t be stupid,” he said softly, “what’s up?”

“Has...has Lily ever talked to you about not being happy I’m at her place?”

Niall’s eyebrows furrowed. “No. She loves having you there.”

“You don’t think I’m a...a burden?”

“Rosebud,” he said, and his voice was so soft and sweet that it made me want to cry. “You could never be a burden. Where is all of this coming from?”

The tears came faster than I thought they would. I hated crying in front of people. I could probably count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times I’d done it and all of them had been in front of Lily. Lily, who I knew wouldn’t judge me for it. Niall wouldn’t judge me either, of that I was sure, but I still felt like a stupid little kid when the first tear spilled over.

“God, Rose, please don’t cry. I can’t handle it when you cry.” At the look on my face, he let out a small laugh. “Not because you’re a burden, Rose. Just because seeing you cry honestly breaks my heart.”

“I’m sorry,” I managed to stutter out.

“Don’t be sorry, Rose. Just dry those big brown eyes and talk to me. What’s going on?” I couldn’t answer for a few moments, still trying to stifle my cries so I wouldn’t wake Lily up. I saw Niall start to move on his bed, before I heard his voice. “I’m coming over there.”

“No,” I said immediately, shaking my head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t call to bother you.”

“When are you going to get it through that thick head of yours that you aren’t a burden to me?” he asked, rolling his eyes. “I won’t come if you don’t want me to. But I’ve got to know what’s going on, Rosebud. You’re worrying me a little.”

Once I calmed my tears a little, I sniffled so I wouldn’t look like a complete fool with snot dripping down my nose. “In the kitchen earlier, Violet made a subtle dig that Lily might not like having me here. Like I’m a burden to have. I just...I know you know her better than anyone, and maybe she felt like she couldn’t share her real feelings with me. So I wanted to ask you and see if she’d said anything. You know Lily. she wouldn’t tell me to my face if that’s how she felt because she’s too nice.”

“She is too nice. But she wouldn’t lie to you about something like this, Rosebud. I know for a fact that she doesn’t hate having you there, though. You’ve got to know that.”

I nodded hopelessly, rolling my eyes at myself. “And I just feel so stupid because I can’t sleep unless I’m with someone. That’s why I asked you to stay at your apartment. The idea of sleeping alone terrifies me. But Violet has me paranoid that Lily doesn’t want me here, so I don’t want to wake her up and bother her.”

“Lily won’t mind,” Niall said softly. He was leaning back against his pillows. Sometime during my crying, he had turned on his lamp and basked in the soft yellow light. No one looked good in that awful yellow light, but somehow Niall managed. “But I could stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep, if you want,” he continued.

“I don’t want you to pity me or think I’m pathetic, either.”

“Rose, I don’t think I’ve met anyone stronger. You take everything in stride and still have a smile on your face. It’s more likely that I’m going to be in complete awe of you.”

My breath caught in my throat, stuck in the center like I needed to swallow it down. His words filled me with the kind of reassurance and comfort I needed at this exact moment, and I sighed when the warmth of his words hit me. “You always know what to say, Niall.”

He laughed. “Not true. I feel like I’m a bumbling mess around you most of the time.”

Frowning, I shook my head. “You’re one of the most eloquent and well-spoken people I’ve ever met. I always value your opinions and advice.” I moved myself back against my pillows, laying on my side and propping my phone up on my nightstand so I didn’t have to hold it up while I conversed with Niall. “You’ll make someone a very happy girl someday.”

I saw the way his eyes softened, like he was lost in a memory. They were the color of the sky in the morning, right when the sun was rising and it was cast in a warm yellow glow. “I don’t know,” he said, raising a hand to the back of his neck. His cheeks, like they normally were when someone complimented him, were an endearing pink. “There’s...there’s really only one girl’s opinion I care about.”

I wanted to sit up straight and demand he tell me more, but I refrained. I knew that acting suddenly might spook him into not telling me. “I didn’t know you liked someone.”

“Like…” he trailed off, shaking his head and letting out a little laugh. It sounded like the word wasn’t sufficient enough for what he was feeling. “Yeah. Yeah, I like her.”

“Tell me about her,” I encouraged, my voice as soft as I could make it.

“You don’t want to hear about this, Rose.”

“I always want to hear about what’s going on in your life.”

He groaned, running his hand through his hair. “I shouldn’t have even said anything.”

“Don’t make me pull the Fairbrough puppy dog eyes.”

“Not the Fairbrough eyes,” he gasped dramatically, clutching his hand to his chest as the both of us let out small laughs. Then, he sobered up, his smile turning a little more soft and caring. “She’s great. Driven, strong, stubborn. She’s got this crazy loyalty to her family, like no other. And she’s probably the most gorgeous fucking girl I’ve ever seen in my life.”

He was describing Lily almost perfectly. I felt the smile growing on my face. As Lily’s sister who wanted the absolute best for her, I knew that Niall was it. He was kind, almost to a fault. He would never hurt her intentionally. The way he revered her...it was how I’d always wanted someone to look at me. “She sounds incredibly special.”

“She is.”

The question was burning on the tip of my tongue, begging to be asked. But these things took time. I didn’t want to scare him away from his feelings for Lily by discussing them, so I let the subject drop. “She’d better get ready to be a babysitter for Horan-Fairbrough family nights. I think Greg passed Theo onto me the second I walked through the door. How that man became a father, I’ll never know.”

He laughed, but there was something off about it, like he was disappointed in the subject change. “Must be because you’re so good with kids.”

“I’m shit with kids. Greg’s just fucking lazy.”

That seemed to bring the smile back to his face and he let out a chuckle that sounded like melted chocolate and sunshine and everything else good in the world. Lily would never be lacking in the husband department when she and Niall got married (because let’s be honest, it was an inevitability). He was the entire package, gifted in every area. He would be the kindest, the handsomest, the funniest.

I didn’t expect the pang that went through me.

I’d always wanted what Niall and Lily had. The easy friendship and the fiery passion (I imagined there was fiery passion, I’d never personally seen it) and the desperate longing. I wanted someone to look at me the way they looked at each other and talk about me the way Niall talked about Lily now. It was how Patrick and Niamh looked at each other. It was how my mother and father looked at each other.

It felt so impossible, so far away for me, that it made my heart curl in my chest.

“Tell me what’s going on in that head,” he whispered, and he must have thought I had fallen asleep by the look on my face. I blinked, giving him a soft smile.

“Just thinking.” I heard another voice, something grainy and staticy and narrowed my eyes. “Are you watching TV? I didn’t know my company bored you so much.”

Niall shrugged. “It’s Dawson’s Creek, Rosebud. You’d do the same thing.”

I laughed, snuggling up further against my pillows. “What episode?”

“The one where Joey and Pacey kiss for the first time.”

“Okay, but the car kiss or the fireside kiss?”

“The fireside, obviously.”

“That’s not technically their first kiss,” I pointed out.

“It’s the one that matters,” he countered. “Can you believe there are some idiots who would prefer Joey with Dawson?”

“The horror,” I agreed, rolling my eyes. “Say some of the lines for me so I know what’s going on.”

“I’m not going to talk over one of the best scenes in television history.” He took one glance at my pleading face and groaned. “I hate you, you know that?”

“No you don’t. If it’s the fireside scene, I have this one memorized. You be Pacey and I’ll be Joey.”

He rolled his eyes, but turned back to the television. His voice came through just seconds after Pacey’s did. “The only reason that you don’t have the answers is because you’ve been too scared to ask yourself the right questions.” I recognized the line right away.

“What are you talking about?” I replied, grinning when he gave me a look, as if asking do I really have to do this?

“Look!” he suddenly exclaimed, making me laugh and stifle it into my pillow so I didn’t wake up Lily. “I know how I feel. You know how I feel. That much is obvious by now. But during this whole process, we’ve managed to miss the point. Because the point is not how I feel, it’s how you feel. So how do you feel?”

“It’s so obvious she loves him back.”

“Oi! If I have to do the lines, you have to do the lines too.”

“Awful!” I copied his exaggeration and heard him chuckle. “That’s how I feel Niall—”

“We’re supposed to be Pacey and Joey!”

“I’m adding flair! That’s how I feel Niall, I feel awful.”

“So do I. When I was kissing you tonight, I don’t think I’ve ever felt better and worse in my entire life. I mean, the very idea that...who should be Dawson and Andy?”

“Patrick and Niamh.”

He raised a brow. “Hopefully Niamh and Patrick aren’t cheating on each other with the two of us.”

“Just finish it!”

“The very idea that Niamh or Patrick could find out about us is killing me. It is tearing me up on the inside to have these feelings for you, but I can’t get rid of them. I can’t keep on kissing you, Rose.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean just that. I can’t keep on kissing you. Alright, I’ve done it twice now! I can’t be the one who’s always initiating this. I can’t be the one who’s always giving you all the answers. Look at me, Rose.”

“Shit I forgot the next line.”

“What a shit Dawson’s Creek fan you are. I thought you knew all the lines.”

“Shut up,” I laughed, pausing the Facetime so I could look up the exact scene lines. “I can’t,” I said dramatically, finding the lines easily and returning to the Facetime so I could see Niall giving me a deadpan look.

“Please,” he recited. I went to go find the script again but he protested. “You’re supposed to be looking at me! You’re not a very good Joey.”

“It’s your line anyway.”

“If you felt even one shred of what I feel for you...then we wouldn’t be standing here having this conversation.”

There wasn’t another line for me to reply with, as Pacey and Joey had finally kissed, so I looked at Niall with a grin on my face. He was staring at me, something unreadable in his eyes. I knew that our game of reciting lines was over in the way that his eyes burned and his mouth turned downwards at the corners. I wished more than anything that he was here so I could reach out and embrace him, reassure him that there was no possible way that Lily didn’t love him back. He didn’t have to be heartbroken anymore.

“Unrequited love is a bitch,” I said in a whisper.

“I thought you said it was obvious that Joey loved him,” he replied.

“It is. I just meant...in general. It’s a bitch. But we should still tell the people we love that we love them. Life’s too short.”

He swallowed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

It was silent between us. I didn’t ask Niall to recite any more lines and he didn’t ask me to join in. He just sat and watched his TV and I just sat and watched him. Eventually, my eyes slowly closed and I drifted off into sleep.

I heard him whisper a “goodnight, Rosebud,” before I completely fell.

I woke up, for the first time in the past year, alone in my bed.

When my eyes opened, I blearily glanced at my clock. If waking up by myself hadn’t surprised me enough for one morning, then I would have been surprised at how late I had slept in. Most days I was up around the same time as Lily, since I could never go back to sleep if she started making lots of noise. Looking at my clock now, my eyes widened a little bit when I saw it was just four minutes past nine, which meant Lily and Niall had already been at work for an hour.

I allowed myself only five minutes to stay cuddled in my blankets before I stood, rubbing my eyes and making my way to the kitchen. The coffee was still out, though it was probably cold. Since I usually didn’t eat much for breakfast, I just popped bread in the toaster and poured myself a cup, shoving it in the microwave to heat it up.

Since Lily and I hadn’t really gotten a chance to talk about what had happened, I regarded the little pink Post-It note with hesitance. I knew that she was apologizing. But I still felt a little sad. The betrayal and anger had left me last night, as I was falling asleep with Niall humming something in the background. I was still furious with Violet and probably would be for the foreseeable future, but it was hard to be mad at Lily when she meant so much to me.

Dinner on me tonight. We’ll hang out and talk. Stopping by the bundt cake place after work and getting white chocolate raspberry. Your fave!! Love you.

I set the note back on the counter and retrieved my cup of coffee. I didn’t have much to do today since it was one of my days off, but I felt too antsy to stay in the house. Deciding to get ready for the day and see where it took me, I headed back towards my room with my plate and coffee cup in my hand.

I wondered how Niall was doing. Today was the day that they were meeting with the dean to discuss the expulsion status of the sexual assaulter. Knowing him, he would be incredibly stressed and worried about the whole ordeal.

Which was why I found myself standing in the donut shop thirty minutes later.

“Rose!” The owner, Matilda, said. She was a larger woman with pretty dark skin and incredibly white teeth. “Nice to see you. Day off?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“You here for Lily and Niall’s favorites?”

“Just Niall today. I’ll get four of his favorites. He’s meeting with the dean at his job about a student and I thought he could use the pick me up.”

Matilda grinned at me. “You are too sweet. Niall’s lucky to have you.”

“I’m the lucky one,” I responded. And it was true. I was so incredibly lucky to have Niall in my life.

She walked back towards the display cases, grabbing a vanilla cake with chocolate frosting donut, sprinkled with coconut shavings. Niall could devour three of them in a minute. As she loaded up the to-go box with the donuts, she added in a maple bar for me. “How long have y’all been together?”

It took me a moment to process her question. I blinked at her, giving her a confused smile. “Oh, Niall and I aren’t together. He’s in love with my sister, Lily.”

Matilda’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “No shit? I could have sworn he was all moon-eyed over you. When you used to come in here with him back when you in school, he would stare at you with the most adorable look on his face.”

I laughed. “Knowing him, he was looking longingly at the donut I was holding. He and Lily are soulmates. Our whole family has a bet on when they’re going to get together.”

She handed me the box, accepting the tenner I passed over the counter. “You know, my David just got married. Nice girl. They moved to New York, so they’re too far away, but I just found out she’s pregnant.”

“Grandma Matilda. It’s got a ring to it,” I joked.

“I could have sworn he was going to end up with his childhood friend, Zoe. They did everything together when they were younger. They’re still super close. In fact, she and Clarissa, the new wife, hit it off. Zoe was the maid of honor.” I didn’t really realize the point of her story, but I didn’t care. I could listen to Matilda talk for ages. She was just someone you wanted to listen to. “If I had made bets on Zoe and David, I would have lost.”

“I might lose because of the timing,” I countered, shuffling with the change she handed me, “but they’re definitely getting together.”

Matilda shooed me out of the shop with a wave of her hand and a threat that if I didn’t come visit her soon, she’d drag me out of the apartment by herself. I just grinned and got another Uber to take me to the college.

Niall’s coworkers knew Lily like the back of their hands. They were always wondering who it was that Niall was taking out to lunch. However, they didn’t know me. Which was why when I walked into the athletics building of the college and asked to see Niall, the secretary looked at me a little strangely.

“Sure,” she said hesitantly, like she didn’t think Niall knew anyone else besides Lily. “Just fill out this sign-in sheet and let me print you out a visitor sticker.” I filled out the sheet and handed it back to her. The second she saw my last name, she understood. “Oh. Fairbrough. You Lily’s sister?”

“Guilty.”

“He might still be in the meeting with the dean, but feel free to wait in his office. If he is still in the meeting, it won’t be long. Ten minutes tops.”

Offering my thanks, I made my way through the building. It was decorated with sports jerseys from the college, as well as professional jerseys. I realized I had never been in Niall’s office before, so when I walked in, I was a little surprised to see how open and spacious it was. Obviously I didn’t think he worked in a tiny little cramped space, but there were large windows on one wall and his desk only took up a quarter of the room, meaning he still had a good amount of space for filing cabinets and things of the like. I sat in one of the chairs on the opposite side of the desk, admiring the pictures and little knick knacks that littered his space. Just like in his room, the frame he had next to his computer had pictures of he and his family and my sisters and I.

The door opened and slammed shut. Niall hadn’t noticed me yet, but he was pinching the bridge of his nose and looked like he had the headache of the century. I heard him let out a tiny curse before he opened his eyes and all anger melted away from his face, leaving only confusion.

“Rose?” he asked softly, like I was a figment of the imagination.

“Hi Niall!” I greeted cheerily, ignoring how wrong it felt when he didn’t call me Rosebud. “I brought donuts.”

He ignored the proffered white box, instead marching forward with purpose and wrapping his arms around me. A surprised grunt left my mouth, but he clutched me like I was a lifeline and I immediately wrapped my arms around his back. I let him cling to me, sensing it was something he needed. Honestly, I probably needed it too. It was nice to be held and know that Niall wanted to keep me safe from any harm.

“That bad?” I whispered into his shoulder.

“They had us talk to the girl afterwards. She had a meltdown. It was horrifying to watch.” His grip on my waist tightened.

“I figured it would be bad. I brought donuts,” I said again, weakly.

“Don’t need donuts,” he stated, “just need you.”

“I’m here.”

I couldn’t begin to fathom the moments we stood there, just gripping onto one another. Occasionally, his hand would move from my waist to my hair, tangling there and drawing me even closer, like he couldn’t believe I was there. My forehead pressed into his shirt, a pretty lilac color. One of the many things I loved about Niall was that he wasn’t afraid to wear color. The purple soothed me a little bit, even though I hadn’t come into his work wanting to be soothed.

Eventually, he pulled away. His eyes were red and he looked on the verge of tears. “What’re you doing here?” he asked gruffly, his voice low from emotion.

I reached out and grabbed his hand, not wanting the contact between us to end. He laced our fingers together immediately. “I knew today would be tough. And you were so supportive and...there for me last night that I wanted to do the same for you.”

“You don’t have to pay me back for last night, Rose. I wanted to.”

“And I wanted to help today,” I argued, shoving the box of donuts at him once more. He smiled and took them. “Matilda has threatened to come hunt us down if we don’t come in more often.”

“I don’t need to be seeing Matilda on a daily basis unless she wants to roll me out of the building.” He sat at his desk, across from me, and dug into his donuts. I wondered if he had been too nervous to eat anything that morning, despite the fact that Lily made them breakfast.

“I realized I’ve never been in your office,” I commented as he ate. “I love it. It’s bigger than I expected.”

“Yeah, it’s a pretty decent setup. I can give you a tour of the campus later, if you’d like.”

I nodded enthusiastically. Though I’d known Niall nearly all my life, I’d never really been around the campus he worked at. I’d been once or twice for a class that they offered when spots at my own college were limited, but that was it.

He reached into the box and handed me my maple bar, along with a couple of napkins so I wouldn’t get his desk sticky. We ate in comfortable silence, him looking over some documents and me just enjoying being in his presence. Once I had taken my last bite and he had shuffled his papers around, he cleared his throat and gestured towards the door.

“C’mon, we’ve got a pretty decent coffee place and I know the pot was probably cold when you woke up. Microwaved coffee is shit.”

“It was fine.” I shrugged. I hadn’t minded it that morning, more focused on my plan to comfort Niall.

“Bullshit,” he said, giving me a grin that for some reason did weird things to my heart. Holding out his hand, I laced our fingers together as he led us out of his office. The secretary’s eyes nearly popped out when she saw us together, leaning over to whisper something quickly to a coworker that was sitting at the front desk. It made me a little uncomfortable, but Niall pulled me along quickly so I didn’t have time to dwell.

The college was gorgeous. I could admit that. It was even prettier than the own college I attended. When Violet had been applying for colleges, this had been one of her main contenders because of how gorgeous it was. Ultimately, it didn’t have a veterinarian program like the college I attended. Therefore, she was at my alma mater. Still, as Niall pointed things out with the hand that wasn’t holding mine, I made sure to comment on how pretty the layout of it was.

“Hey, Mr. H!” I heard someone shout when we started walking towards the little coffee stand outside of one of the buildings. Niall blushed a little at being called “mister” in front of me; it was as endearing as every other time he blushed when he was complimented. The kid walking towards us waved his hand enthusiastically.

“What’s up, Jordan?” Niall asked, grasping Jordan’s hand and pulling him into that guy hug I’d seen him do many times before to his brother. “Aren’t you supposed to be in Styles’ class right now?”

Jordan was a muscular kid with shoulder-length brown hair and pretty dark brown eyes. “Nah, he cancelled today. My girlfriend and I were going to get some coffee and then see a movie. She’s technically got Payne in twenty minutes, but they’re just doing an optional extra credit quiz.” I saw his eyes wander over to me, wondering who the girl with Mr. H was.

“Jordan, this is my friend, Rose. Rose, this is Jordan. He’s probably one of the best baseball players this college has seen in a while.”

I didn’t know shit about baseball, but I smiled. “Nice to meet you, Jordan.” His hand engulfed mine comically when he shook it. “I’ll give you a tenner if you call him Mr. H again. He got so red.”

Jordan laughed. “We call him Mr. H until he tells our coaches to push us harder. Then we call him names behind his back.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Niall said, waving off Jordan’s comments. “What are you and Poppy getting? I’ll buy.”

“Mr. H, you don’t have to!”

“It’s pointless arguing with him,” I told Jordan, shrugging. “I usually just relish in the free stuff.”

Jordan laughed. “In that case, just a vanilla latte and a caramel macchiato.”

Niall didn’t bother asking me for my order, since he knew how I took my coffee. He stepped forward to the cart to order, leaving Jordan and I a little ways back. “So, what’re you studying?” I asked Jordan.

“Kinesiology,” he responded. I was impressed. I could never get into the big sciences. “You?”

“Graduated a couple years back with a business major and marketing minor.”

“Cool. You’re lucky to be such good friends with Mr. H. He’s one of the nicest guys I’ve met. Told me he’d give me a letter of recommendation for my masters program in the fall.”

“Sounds like him,” I agreed. And it did. Niall wouldn’t hesitate to help his athletes. Plus, I imagined for Jordan’s sake that a letter of recommendation from the athletics director of the school was nothing to scoff at.

Niall returned with our coffee, handing Jordan his two drinks. “We’ve got to take off, but come visit me sometime, yeah? Have fun with Poppy.”

“Thanks, Mr. H. I’ll see you later.”

Jordan walked off, leaving the two of us to enjoy our coffee as we made our way through the courtyard of the school. “You really make an impact in these students’ lives.”

He shrugged. “A lot of directors are removed from the teams. They let the coaches do all the work. I want to be involved in the careers of the athletes. Feel like I helped them in some way.”

I grinned, taking his hand and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He squeezed me into his side. “You help everyone in every way. It’s pretty much impossible to meet you and not be affected in the best of ways.”

That blush came again and I smiled at the sight of it. “You’ve got to stop complimenting me. It’ll all go to my head.”

He wasn’t expecting the shove, but after he finished being dramatic about how I could have killed him, he wrapped his arm around me again and I caught him smiling.

I realized I hadn’t thought of the situation with Kent, my lackluster job, or my sisters once.

#wildflower #wf #1dff #niall horan au #niall horan fanfiction

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floralguccistyles · 4 years

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wildflower :: prologue

here’s the thing...

My sister Lily and I had a weird relationship.

From the moment I was born, Lily had been my person. When I had cried, it was her that I wanted and not my mother. She must have spent countless hours curled up on the couch, holding me in her arms. She had only been three at the time, but I was her baby. My mother couldn’t even remember us fighting. Every time there was a toy we both wanted, or I thought Lily’s food looked more appetizing than mine, she always shared.

In fact, the only time I think we ever argued was when we moved to Ireland and she had met Niall Horan.

My father had gotten a good job in Mullingar, one that he had applied to at the request of one of his friends from college, Bobby Horan. We had moved from Michigan to Ireland when I was only four, Lily seven, and my mother pregnant with our younger sister Violet. Since we didn’t know anyone, Bobby had invited us over for dinner our first night there to introduce us to his family, since he had two sons. Greg was fourteen at the time, and therefore too cool to hang out with us little kids. His brother, the only sole reason Lily and I had ever fought, was seven.

This meant he and Lily were instant friends.

I wasn’t jealous of Lily for making a new friend so soon after the move. I wouldn’t be going to school for another year, and therefore I probably wouldn’t have any friends until I did. Besides, I would have baby Violet to look after soon. More so, I was jealous of Niall. Lily had never had anyone else to take her attention away from me. Now there was suddenly another person in our little duo, something I didn’t like too much.

So I had screamed and told Niall I hated him. Which, in turn, made Lily call me spoiled. Lily had never dared to call me spoiled. I’m pretty sure my mother’s jaw dropped when the words left Lily’s mouth. They were entirely true and looking back, I was rather a spoiled brat, but hearing Lily say something negative against me had made me burst into tears.

I had apologized to Niall almost immediately. Anything to get that look of disappointment out of Lily’s eyes.

And thus concluded my argument with Lily and started my respect and hesitant friendship with Niall Horan.

We were never as close as he and Lily. As we grew and went through school, the two of them were glued at the hip. He helped her with homework and she encouraged him to try out for the soccer team (I could hear Niall correcting me, “footie, Rose, you aren’t in America anymore!”). They stayed up for hours talking on the phone and texting about people from school. I had never seen two people click more than they did. One would never see Lily Fairbrough without Niall Horan and vice versa.

Which was why I wasn’t surprised when I woke up, hungover and bleary eyed in Lily’s apartment, to a grinning Niall Horan standing over me.

“Morning, Rosebud!” His voice was entirely too cheery for the morning. I blinked against the sun shining behind him, groaned, and proceeded to throw my body back against Lily’s couch, tossing a pillow over my face. His laugh, one of the most familiar sounds in the world to me, filtered through my ears. “Rough night, huh?”

“Can you...lower your volume?” I whispered, pleading.

“I’m whispering, Rosebud.”

“No you aren’t. You’re, like… incapable of whispering,” I countered.

He gave me approximately five seconds to wallow in my self-pity before he gently moved the pillow from my face. I was pouting at him, lower lip jutted out in a way I knew he couldn’t resist. If there was one thing Niall Horan was incredibly terrible at, it was resisting the Fairbrough puppy dog eyes. He was a sucker for it every time.

“Don’t give me those big brown eyes, Rosebud. I got you coffee,” he said, and it was only then that I noticed the cup he had in his hands. His finger was hiding the writing on the cup, but I knew once he moved it, I would find his scribbled handwriting. It was something he did when I was still in college and crying at two in the morning because I had to study for finals. He would drop by with a coffee and a sweet little message on the cup, like you can do this, Rosebud! or you’ll kick the arses of these finals! Even though I was two years out of college, he still liked writing those little notes on the cups.

“Brought you coffee and not me,” the sweet voice of my sister said from the kitchen. I blearily pulled the upper half of my body into a sitting position and saw her, standing at her breakfast bar and preparing an egg sandwich. She was ready for work, hair in perfect ringlets and makeup done to perfection. For the moment, she worked as an assistant in a Dublin attorney firm, but the second she finished up law school, I knew she would get her own practice. There wasn’t much that could stop Lily when she set her mind to it.

“That’s because I’m getting you lunch,” Niall commented. He worked across the street from her firm at the college there as the athletics director. Not a day went by that Niall didn’t buy or bring Lily lunch, because that’s just the kind of guy that he was.

Also, he was madly in love with Lily Fairbrough.

This was common knowledge among the Fairbrough-Horan clan. Ever since their first meeting, my mother and Niall’s had basically been planning their wedding. I think Maura had a heart attack every time Niall kissed Lily’s cheek, and my father cried whenever Lily looped her arm through Niall’s. It was such a sure thing that we had all made bets on when the two of them would stop ignoring their feelings and end up together.

As I had bet on Christmas 2021, I was hoping it would be soon.

“True,” she said, coming around from the breakfast bar and giving him a quick kiss on the top of his head. “I’ll never starve with you around.” She thrust the breakfast sandwich in my direction. I would like to say that I did not devour it like a hungry bear coming out of hibernation, but that would have been a lie.

Niall handed me my coffee obediently when I made grabby hands in its direction. Now that I could see his little note, I eagerly read it. Even with horrific drunk morning breath, you look beautiful, Rosebud! I narrowed my eyes at him and he let out a true belly-laugh, holding his stomach while I took a sip. He magically knew my coffee order, like he had for the past fifteen years of my life. If Lily didn’t exist, Niall Horan was definitely the person who knew me better than I knew myself.

“You ready, Lil?” Niall asked, standing from the couch and wiping his trousers for any crumbs that might have stuck there. Unlike Lily, Niall didn’t have to get too dressed up for his job, but he was still clad in a sky blue button down and dress pants. I thought it was hilarious that the two of them had accidentally coordinated outfits, since Lily was wearing a blazer that was about the same color as his button down, but that’s what soulmates did. They bought each other lunch, wore matching outfits, and took their sweet time getting together even though their younger siblings bet money on their relationship.

“Yep.” With her briefcase in hand, Lily leaned down to flick me in the forehead. It was gentle enough to not hurt, but I was hungover and therefore groaned. “You can stay on the couch as long as you’d like, but you’ve got to get up eventually. If you make a mess in the kitchen, clean it up. Ni and I will be home around ten to six for dinner.”

“Is Niall cooking?” I asked, mouth full of egg sandwich.

“I can if you want, Rosebud,” he answered, reaching his finger out. He quickly swiped his thumb across my chin, where I was sure bits of English muffin were sticking. “You want steak and potatoes?”

“You know me so well,” I replied, giving him a bright smile. “Have fun at work. I make no promises that I won’t spend your money and rent ten movies.”

“I figured,” Lily replied, “We’ll be home later then since we’ll stop by the grocery store later to get dinner stuff.”

I held my hands out and Lily grabbed them to lift me off the couch. It was silly and childish, but I couldn’t let Lily go to work without giving her a hug. It had been that way since she had been sixteen with her first job, and it was that way now. She smiled and pulled me into her embrace, squeezing me close in the way only she could. There were few things that meant more to me than hugging Lily.

“Where’s my hug, Rosebud? I’m hurt and offended,” Niall pouted, jutting his lower lip out much like I had moments ago. Rolling my eyes, I moved away from Lily and threw my arms around his neck.

Few things meant more to me than hugging Lily, but hugging Niall was up there.

Niall Horan was an amazing hugger. The first time he had hugged me, I think I had nearly fainted. Not because I had feelings for him or anything, but because his hugs were like puppies and unicorns wrapped into the embrace of a single person. The second my arms came around his neck, his came around my waist and he was pulling me closer to him, squeezing me tightly but not tight enough to be painful. Since I was significantly shorter than him, he lifted me up slightly so my feet left the ground. I was pretty sure I was getting egg on his shirt, but he never cared.

In reality, Lily and Niall were both too good for me.

“There, whiner. You happy now?” I asked, my face squished in his shoulder. I was glad I wasn’t wearing makeup so I wouldn’t smudge it on the pretty blue material. I felt him laugh, his shoulders shaking and I pulled away so his muscles wouldn’t bump my nose at an awkward angle. It was then that I noticed his eyes, bright and shining and so incredibly blue that it could have taken someone’s breath away.

Lily sure was a lucky girl.

“That color looks good on you, Ni,” I mentioned offhandedly and I pulled away from him even more. “Brings out your eyes.”

“A compliment of the highest order from the Rosebud.” His cheeks went pink, despite his joke, like they always did. Niall always went pink when I complimented him, like he wasn’t used to it. “See you later,” he promised, giving my shoulder one more squeeze before he and Lily linked hands. It sent my heart aflutter with the butterflies of someone who had six hundred dollars riding on simple gestures like this one.

The two of them left Lily’s apartment while I took a long and deep gulp of the coffee Niall had brought me. And then I promptly flung myself back onto Lily’s couch.

Once upon a time, I hadn’t lived with Lily in her apartment. I had graduated college, gotten a posh job as a sales representative at a jewelry store, and had a small studio of my own. That was before my boss decided he wanted to offer a raise in exchange for sex, and I had kneed him in the groin so hard I was pretty sure he’d never have kids again. The funny thing about kneeing your boss, though, was that he would inevitably fire you. I had a sexual harassment claim that had been processed and sent to human resources that provided me with enough money to keep myself afloat for approximately six months.

It had been a year.

Now, I worked as the front desk receptionist at a hotel. It wasn’t my dream job by any means, since I was genuinely great at selling things, but it was enough for now. But I was still childishly afraid to sleep on my own, in a studio apartment quite close to the jewelry store. Though I had gotten compensation pay, my boss hadn’t gotten fired. Just a slap on the wrist. And for some reason, when I was alone in my studio at night, I imagined him getting drunk and paying me a visit.

When I had told Lily of these fears, she had demanded I move in with her until I found a place of my own. Lily was just good in that way. No one was perfect, of that I knew. But if anyone came close, it was my sister.

Knowing that my sister was generous beyond belief, I did try to keep my presence in her apartment not well known. Which meant that because I had spilled copious amounts of crumbs on her couch while eating my breakfast, I would get out the vacuum and clean them all up. I also saw that she hadn’t had time to clean the pan she had fried the egg in, so I vowed to do that as well.

As soon as I moved from the couch.

Just as I was mustering the will to move, I heard my phone buzz. It was still on the coffee table, where I had tossed it last night before flopping onto Lily’s couch. I had my own room, but apparently drunk and stumbling Rose couldn’t make it through the small hallway Lily had in her apartment. Lifting it gingerly (and hoping there were no cracks in it), I opened up the text message from my younger sister, Violet.

I want in on the Niall and Lily bet.

I eyed the text message for a moment, completely flummoxed. Violet was no stranger to the inner workings of Lily and Niall’s friendship, but she had never really taken an interest like the rest of our family had. To her, it wouldn’t matter if Lily and Niall stayed friends forever or if they got married tomorrow. As long as Lily was happy, Violet would be happy.

Do you even have a hundred bucks? I texted back, still a little hungover and confused.

Unlike you, I can properly save.

My nose crinkled. While Lily and I had never fought, Violet and I were more stereotypical sisters. Meaning I’d die for her in a heartbeat, but if she stole my lipstick I’d kick the shit out of her.

Fine twerp. What’s your bet?

It took her less than a second to text back.

They’re not going to end up together. It’s obvious they don’t fancy each other.

I snorted. Violet, while twenty years old and a very smart college student, was making a huge mistake. Quite a way to waste a hundred bucks, Vi. You’re on.

Lily and Niall were endgame. That’s all there was to it.

#wf #wf prologue #1dff #niall horan au #niall horan fanfiction

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