#rtable and god its always fucking been like this but all i could fucking do was go talk to my friends and continue our avatar marathon

[vampirebitestigmata]

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#so my dad and brother have finally converted to full fledged n@zis #no more denying or explaining from them #and i would literally fucking kill to be able to just get away from them and next year im going to college but #if covid doesnt calm tf down i cant get a job and the economy is shit anyway so im financially dependant on them and on god if i thought #i could survive without them i would cut them out in a heartbeat bc theyre the fuckers who like to threaten violence and im goddamn terrifie #d that one day it wont just be theoretical 'them' and its gonna start with me #and thinking about this brings up trauma i dont even put on my fucking tumblr notes and i cant be in the same room alone as my brother som #times bc its fucking terrifying but he always acts like nothing ever happened or ever will and i feel like om fucking crazy all the time #and i just want to be fucking anywhere but here anf cant stop thinking about dying and all i can do is my math homework #my mom uses my brothers info all the time instead of mine bc she never remembers mine and she has albums and albums of photos of him #but last night i needes some for school and it took 10 minutes to find one of me as a little kid and half the photos have me visibly uncomfo #rtable and god its always fucking been like this but all i could fucking do was go talk to my friends and continue our avatar marathon