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rose-icosahedron · 3 years

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reunition au lore dump

this is a lore dump for a hermitcraft/dsmp au that i brainstormed through asks on @petrichormeraki‘s blog.

So, philza ends up having an affair with a watcher named Ochav (hebrew for star, if you're curious) which results in wilbur and grian who are twins. After disputes between the couple Phil takes Wilbur and leaves, but not Grian because Ochav predicted that might happen and just didn't tell Phil about grian.

This causes Wilbur to grow up with a very strong hate of his mother to a point when his wings grow in the same color as his mother’s, he has techno cut them off. On the other hand Grian also ends up with a fair portion of issues, because watchers are predictably not very good parents. Wilbur grows up hating his mother for abandoning him, grian grows up wishing he could have grown up with his brother and dad.

(part of why watchers aren't very good parents is because players and watchers are fundamentally different beings. Watchers are both very magically powerful, and perfectly content just watching the world go by, often lacking creativity or a drive to create. whereas players while not usually very magically powerful have very strong desires to create. A player raising watcher will not run into many problems, aside from the kid being fairly anti-social, whereas a watcher raising a player will end up not giving the kid anywhere near enough space to express themselves.)

Also, lore on magic. Magic is a natural resource/power source. Any given being is powered by some combination of chemical, magical, and electrical energy. Beings powered by magic have a theoretical ability to manipulate/use magic that is proportional to how much magic they are powered by. Different worlds spawn in with different amounts of magic in them, its basically generated by the world, but at different speeds.(also the watcher home world has next to infinite magic, and how magic works is not really know outside magical communities)

Grian grows up, eventually leaves the watcher homeworld, makes friends with Taurtis, and eventually joins hermitcraft(a world with a lot of natural magic) after a short detour back to the watcher homeworld after evo.

A note, watchers aren't supposed, or really able to get hurt or die. Because of this wilbur and grian should theoretically regenerate from any injury. (that includes wilbur cutting off his wings.)

Wilbur and the rest of his family join dsmp, which happens to be on the low end of the magic spectrum,how low?the collective magic generated by it would be just enough for a watcher. However, wilbur is in fact not the only being who consumes magic on the server. Most humans consume a small amount of magic,not to mention beings like Dream, or angels like Phil or Tommy. Not to mention the fact that Wilbur's body is trying to grow back his wings.

When entering the server, Wilbur notices that something feels off, but because he doesn't know anything about magic, he just shrugs and moves on. Wilbur ends up pulling a lot of the server’s magic, which is still not as much as he needs. This not only causes there to not be enough magic for tommy’s wings to grow in, but its slowly driving wilbur insane.

After Phil kills wilbur, he is now pulling even more magic, now trying to regenerate his entire body, as well as his sanity, when there is barely enough magic to keep wilbur in existence, causing his memory to deteriorate in his ghostly form. In addition, wilbur is now trying to pull so much magic that the outer edges of the server start to deteriorate. Meaning that later when Tommy runs away from Logstedshire he’s actually able to reach the place where the world simulation messes up and he falls right through, ending up in the deep end, where Xisuma finds him.

Tommy spends some time on hermitcraft, healing both from the psychological and physical effects of the war, but also recovering from the effects of magic deprivation while in his childhood, including his wings growing in.

He ends up spending a lot of time with grian, partially because he’s the only one who can teach him to fly, but also because he feels strangely familary, though Tommy can't place why. While Tommy does occasionally talk about his brother Wil who went a bit insane and is now a ghost, and grian does mention looking for a long lost brother and father, neither of them ever share enough to make the connection.

After a year or so, Xisuma is able to find the server ip that tommy came from, and grian goes to take him back. When tommy logs back into dsmp, phil obviously shows up, happy that of his three sons, at least two of them are alive.(comes running to tommy would be more accurate)

After this, he turns to grian to thank him for bringing Tommy back to him. Grian sees phil and ghostbur, recognises them from the few photos his mom kept around, as well as being able to feel the lack of magic and understand what it is, and responds to this with:

“actually, i think i brought two of them back, and might have an idea how to get Will back as well”

After much explanation, ghostbur eventually agrees to come to hermitcraft, where he finally starts to regenerate. After much discussion and catching up, Phil does end up going to Ochav and gives her a piece of his mind about not telling him about one of his sons.

That's all i've got for this au so far.

actually, part 2

#uh #hermitcraft #dsmp #au lore

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inkribbon796 · 3 years

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It’s Not Rabies, It’s . . . Ch. 3

Summary: Lunky gets to meet some more of the family.

A/N: This was a suggestion-request from the anon Nightfall on AO3. Which resulted in this story and since this one was getting a bit long it inspired a bit for the Visitation Day on Sunday which will be a lot less angsty.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3

Chapter 3: Meet the Family

Bim was on stage when, apparently, Dark had contacted Wilford, saying to come to the Manor when they both finished up at the studio.

Which Dark tended not to do unless it was something serious. Usually he ordered Illinois and Yan to jump at his command.

But Wil took him home and they found Dark’s office empty. Which was strange because all his important meetings with them were in there.

There was talking in the living room and Wil quickly poked his head out of the room and let out a delighted gasp.

“Now who is this delightful little configuration of being?” Wilford threw open the door and Bim followed more hesitantly.

Bim stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Dark with a child in his arms. He looked at that kid and he could feel his hackles rising.

“Hello,” Wil leaned in close to the child, bracing his hands on his knees. “Are you lucky number seven?”

The spawnling screeched at Wil.

Wilford chuckled, absolutely delighted. “Is that so?”

The madman looked up at Dark with a huge smile, “Their hiss sounds a bit like your echo, Darky.”

“They’re Kay’s child,” Dark told Wil. “Their name is Lunky.”

“Really?” Wil’s enthusiasm didn’t dampen, he clapped his hands on his knees and stood up to look around. “Where is that boy?”

“Hey dad,” King smiled and waved at Wil from where he was sitting in an armchair.

“Congratulations my boy,” Wil moved to his side to clap his hand on King’s shoulder. “Who’s the lucky partner I’ve never met?”

“No one,” King told him. “I got stabbed by a soul splitter and almost died. It gave me a kid instead.”

“That sounds fake as shit,” Bim told him.

Lunky made a little screech.

Wilford roared with laughter, “Learn quick, don’t you?”

King surged up, “Are you teaching my kid to curse, I have to deal with that later.”

“Kid’ll learn sooner rather than later when Anti shows up,” Bim defended with a huge smile on his face as King stomped over to him.

Before King could shake or punch his younger brother, Dark spoke up, “Let’s not Kay.”

The animal magnet threw his arms up in the air, and glared at Bim, “Next time I get you alone you insufferable brat.”

Bim gave him a sharp toothy smile, “Try it Dolittle.”

“Bim, if you keep antagonizing him, you might not win,” Dark warned.

“So to clear the air, this is my nephew?” Bim asked, walking over to the spawnling who maintained eye contact with Bim and both of them began a low warning growl as Bim approached.

“Bim,” Dark warned, shielding Lunky with his aura. “They’re not competition, leave them alone.”

“That’s not why I’m growling,” Bim growled defensively.

“Then why are you growling?” Wil chuckled, leaning his elbows on the back of the couch and resting his chin on the palm of his hands.

Bim glared at Wil before huffing in frustration at Lunky.

“To answer your earlier question, no Lunky is not your brother. You were, to quote Beauregard, a “creation of pure science” and since I killed the other scientists it’s not happening again anytime soon. Besides there are already six of you, and you are all grown adults. Having another child would serve no purpose.”

“I could get a sister,” Yan called as she ran from upstairs with a binder of colored squares and started holding the colors up next to Lunky’s face. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some quality girl time around here?”

“I don’t control that,” Dark reminded her, neither he nor King moving Lunky away from her.

“Come now Darky, we’d get to have another angel running around the house,” Wil pouted.

“That’s what grandchildren are for,” Dark reminded.

“Yes but we have to give them back,” Wilford frowned sadly. Then he seemed to think about that. “We could not give them back.”

“Dad, I am right here,” King reminded. “We don’t live here.”

“A shame,” Wil commented, then he held his hands out. “May I hold them, pretty please?”

“Just don’t kidnap them,” King allowed.

Dark passed Lunky over to Wil, Lunky made an unhappy screeching cry and tried to hold onto Dark’s coat.

Wil chuckled, “Don’t worry, I’ll give you back to him.”

Lunky was suddenly very quiet, going completely limp, their eyes large dark orbs as they started devouring Wil’s aura.

“What a little delight,” Wil smiled. “Can they talk to animals too?”

“No, it’d be so much easier if they could,” King sighed.

Dark walked over and lessened the spells keeping Lunky 3-D and they popped back into their actual form. Wil almost dropped them but Dark caught the spawnling.

Lunky quickly stretched onto the wall and started investigating the room.

“Huh,” Bim commented, “weird gift, do they sleep on a drawing of a bed or an actual bed.”

King let out a bubbling, uncomfortable laugh, “They don’t.”

“What? Sleep?” Bim asked.

“Yes,” King answered. “I’ve barely been sleeping.”

Dark pulled a scroll from the Void and passed it over to King, “This is what I used to use on all of you.”

Looking Dark dead in the eye, King said, “You are the best, if this even works half as well as it did on me.”

Dark smirked at him.

The conversation kept going and Bim went off to hunt again and Wil raced off to the attic with Yan to find something. Leaving Dark, the Host, and King alone with Lunky in the living room. The spawnling seemed to be resting but King knew it wouldn’t last and he would actually go to sleep.

Lunky was resting against Dark’s shoulder, still a flat image, and Dark was just sitting in one of the armchairs, watching them rest.

“You know,” King commented. “When they’re like this, I kinda forget they can be an absolute nightmare.”

“Hopefully that spell works for you,” Dark replied.

“How long did it take Bim to start talking?” King asked. “We came in when he was already talking and walking.”

“We got Bim when he was eight months old, he was walking before he started talking. Wil accidentally said the word “fuck” and that was his first word. I was furious. He started talking when he was almost two. Lunky is a little bit more developed than Bim was. However, Bim was completely artificial.”

King made a face that showed that he wasn’t too reassured by those words. “Okay so should I be doing something?”

“The Host should suggest that there is a strong possibility that Lunky could never be able to fully speak,” the Host warned.

The room went quiet.

“Is that caused by something in their aura?” Dark asked.

“It is something within Lunky’s nature,” the Host reported. “There is a possibility that the Host is wrong, but the Host doubts that.”

“Okay,” King said.

Dark frowned, “A large portion of the heroes can sign, you and Illinois can sign, so can I, Wilford seemed to be able to read his mind. Communication shouldn’t be an issue. It would be a shame if we wasted their time and sanity trying to push them to communicate in a way that makes them uncomfortable.”

“Yeah,” King was very quick to agree, taking in a huge breath and nodding, looking more resolute by the second. “I can talk to birds and dogs. Humans are just another animal, right?”

“Some more so than others,” Dark offered as a barbed comment.

King looked nervous as he looked at Lunky, “I just don’t want to hurt them. I want them to be happy and safe.”

“You’ll do fine,” Dark reassured.

“Because you raised six kids?” King tried to smile.

“Well experience certainly helps,” Dark smiled. “But I meant to say that you won’t be trying to raise this one in secret like I did with all of you.”

“How did you manage that, anyways?” King asked. “We went to Disneyland one year. Dad broke an entire rollercoaster and killed fifteen people.”

“I used the Anomaly to perfectly replicate areas we wished to take you,” Dark answered. “I even replicated police involvement to keep your father entertained.”

“You absolute ass,” King cursed. “You took us to bootleg Disneyland?”

The Host chuckled at that.

“I will have you know it took a full year to investigate the entire park, including how character actors and crowds reacted,” Dark defended. “Did you expect me to bring Wil, Bim, and Arthur to an actual theme park and have nothing happen?”

“Fair,” King grumbled, and then groaned as he checked his phone. “Alright let’s get back to the base.”

“Before you leave,” Dark held up his hand and a necklace with an eye design on it. It swirled with a myriad of colors. “Something I had to learn the hard way. Spawnlings require aura to survive and grow. Like physical activity for a human. Their own will not feed them. So you have a choice: human or demonic aura.”

“To eat?” A pit formed in King’s heart.

“Yes, a new spawnling can strip all the aura from a human and render them a hollow, dry husk, matured demons have more control over it,” Dark warned. “What would you like to feed your child?”

“Uh, how do I get demon aura?” King asked apprehensively.

“Well now that depends, either an older, more experienced demon can donate their aura to a younger one, helping that spawnling grow stronger,” Dark explained. “Or you could kill a lesser, weaker demon and take all their aura to make oneself more powerful.”

That alarmed King instantly. “Demons can actually die?”

“Not from a single hit or even a volley of hits, killing a demon is a drawn out process but if the lesser is significantly weaker and the other demon is significantly stronger the fight is almost not fair. I have to kill some upstart every couple of months who tries to wander into Egoton thinking they can just take over. Typically I can just run them out and if they’re smart they won’t come back, other demons not so much. Why not put all that energy to good use?”

“O-Okay,” King allowed.

“I figured you would side with the humans so I took the time to mix my own aura with another demon’s that I recently subdued,” Dark told him. “At Lunky’s current appetite this should last him a couple months.”

King moved to put on the necklace but Dark stopped him. “Try to avoid putting it on, we wouldn’t want Lunky to associate you with food, now would we? You have far less aura than I do.”

“Right,” King pocketed the necklace and King took Lunky back who was upset to leave Dark’s arms and aura, but was quieted when they were given the necklace to chew on. Wil and Dark said their goodbyes. The Host took Lunky and King back to the base.

A calm settling back over the city.

#Superhero AU #Masks and Maladies #Markiplier #Darkstache #King of the Squirrels #Yancy the Prisoner #Lunky #Darkiplier #the Host #Wilford Warfstache #Bim Trimmer #Yandereplier #Domestic fluff #discussions of demonic cannibalism

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kreweleaderbuuru · 4 years

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Part 3 baybeeee i realised that the babies I use more often these days werent included. Annoying elaboration that doesnt matter under the cut

Sex

Self explainitory

Gender:

Self explanatory

Build:

Singrid: The most in-shape member of her family. She’s very enthusiastic about honing her skills with her hammer, carving canoes with her bare hands, and punching sharks in the face.

Grunt: The grunt has been working on building muscle, but her years of starvation and abuse have left her permanently stunted.

Algor: Despite being absolutely fuckall massive, he’s not too interested in honing his physique. He’s got some scholarly chub on the way.

Poom: Actually more muscular than you’d give him credit for- though still malnourished and spindly. His baggy clothes are in part to hide a very embarrassing hourglass figure.

Height:

Singrid: Just a few inches shorter than her brother, much to her dismay

Grunt: Shorty due to malnutrition

Algor: Fuckall massive

Poom: Comes from a pretty tall family, but just so happens to me the shortest member of that family. He thinks he’s shorter than he actually is.

Handiness:

Self explanatory

Intelligence, Scholarly:

Singrid: While Singrid was offered the same education as her brother, she struggled with even the most basic concepts. At a certain point she decided her job was just to carry heavy equipment. Living proof of nature vs. nurture.

Grunt: Scouted by inquest recruiters as a child. The Grunt was subjected to the standard foot soldiers ‘education’ within the Inquest. It wasn’t all that great, but it wasn’t like she could leave.

Algor: Personally tutored by his adopted asuran father- surpassing the potential of even some asuran peers in Rata Sum. Living proof of nurture vs. nature.

Poom: Got along okay in school, enough to Graduate Dynamics with above average grades. His true passions lie in paranormal investigation, which isnt as revered in Rata Sum. People just assume he’s crazy.

Wisdom:

Singrid: Would look a grenade launcher down the barrel as she’s trying to figure out how to fire it.

Grunt: What the Grunt lacks in formal education, she makes up for in sheer experience. She’s worked on just about every Inquest base the Megakrewe allows such a low-ranking agent, and tangled with more bizarre magical creatures than most norn hunters will in their lifetime.

Algor: Algor began making supply runs in greater Tyria when he was sixteen, allowing him to come into his own as a traveller and genius.

Poom: Easily distracted and has a nasty habit of sharing his conspiracy theories to the members of the organisations he suspects. Common sense is not amongst his strengths.

Education:

Singrid: Technically a ‘drop out’, seeing as her father gave up on teaching her alongside her brother. However, the special attention Ruffik can give Singrid while Algor is away has convinced her to give his lessons another go.

Grunt: Didn’t so much as ‘graduate’ as she was drafted to punishment detail. Her propensity for disaster and mayhem did not make her school days enjoyable.

Algor: Greatly exceeded his father’s expectations.

Poom: A decent student, but easily distracted by his true passions.

Social Ability:

Singrid: Dreamed all her life of leaving the Far Marina Base to party all through Tyria, only to suffer from extreme social anxiety. She’s since found happiness on the peaceful ice caps, content with her few friends and family.

Grunt: Pretty amicable, if you can get over the whining and increased likelihood of the bar burning down.

Algor: Still relatively uncomfortable in his own skin, but growing out of it.

Poom: A highly contagious affliction and subsequent quarantine has given an already antisocial oddball agoraphobia. Poom has slowly been taking steps to be more comfortable with people, and can at the very least venture outside without a panic attack.

Perceptiveness:

Singrid: Sensitive, painfully sensitive, so sensitive she becomes overwhelmed in large gatherings. Is one of the few people who can really understand Ruffik’s emotions at any given time and could be mistaken for a mind reader when it comes to people she’s close to.

Grunt: Despite her attempt at an aloof bounty huntress persona, the Grunt is mostly in wilful denial. She knows whats going on, why it’s going on, and how things will probably end. She’s very bad at pretending not to care.

Algor: His time outside the Far Marina Base has taken him from clueless hermit to what is average teenage boy. He still doesnt understand girls, though.

Poom: Absolute dogshit at reading social signals, to the point of being near debilitating. His friends have to intervene to keep him from being beaten up half the time.

Readability:

Singrid: There are two Singrids: The one who is comfortable and knows the people in the room, and the Singrid who is in public and trying to keep from crying. You wouldnt expect the firey young norn from the FMB to wilt so easily in a crowd, and you’d be wrong.

Grunt: Any attempts to hide her emotions are humorously in vain. Its lucky her partner, krewemate, and totally-not-boyfriend is painfully dense.

Algor: Can put up a pretty convincing stoic front. It’s when he opens his mouth the youthful bravado comes spilling out.

Poom: His high anxiety and odd mannerisms make him an open book. An open book in a language you cant read, but nonetheless open.

Introvert/Extrovert:

Self explanatory

Sexuality:

Singrid: Straight

Grunt: Straight

Algor: Bisexual

Poom: Pansexual with a male preference

Romanticism:

Singrid: Straight, Monogamous

Grunt: Straight, Monogamous

Algor: Biromantic, Open to Polyamory

Poom: Panromantic with a male preference, Monogamous

Romantic:

Singrid: Has a massive crush on her childhood friend, but he’s painfully oblivious.

Grunt: Hopelessly in love with her partner, friend, and krewemate, Anakk. Even though they live together, work together, provide each other with emotional support, and sleep together exclusively, they insist they are not in a relationship.

Algor: Would do anything for a partner to share his intellect, but is still too insecure to ask anyone out. There’s also the size factor- none of the other apprentices so much as reach his knee. That ‘tragedy’ is a bit romantic in its own right- according to him.

Poom: Is oblivious to romance, and hasnt had the best track record. His last relationship ended in nothing short of catastrophe, he’s still too ashamed to face his ex to stay long in Rata Sum. This has kept him rather guarded when it comes to relationships.

Affection:

Singrid: Very touchy. Will shamelessly pick up and snuggle anyone she cares about.

Grunt: Has a pointed distaste for ‘mushy stuff’ and goes out of her way to avoid any intimacy that could be construed as romantic.

Algor: Mostly only hugs his sister. Was more cuddly as a kid, but since the growth spurt he worries about accidentally crushing people.

Poom: Has gone three years without touch due to his affliction. Avoids touch like the plague so as not to become overwhelmed.

Disposition, Outwardly:

Singrid: Whether she’s in full swing or shyly hugging the wall, Singrid comes across as a friendly, if not rough around the edges- young norn.

Grunt: Affable and friendly until things go wrong. They’re usually going wrong.

Algor: Knows how to be polite in public. Snarks on occasion.

Poom: Absolute bastard of a man. You know this. Why even ask.

Disposition, Inwardly:

Singrid: Pretty neutral on people as a whole. Gets irritated easily, and doesnt have any kind words for people who make her uncomfortable.

Grunt: Is far more effected by her past than she lets on. The grunt is generally distrustful to strangers and spiteful to those who hurt her- even a little.

Algor: Has a healthy dollop of teen angst.

Poom: One of the more kindly people you’ll meet, once you get past his eccentricities. Genuinely doesnt want to upset anyone, and is a die hard pacifist.

Petty:

Singrid, Grunt, Algor: All petty little drama queens.

Poom: Will put up with a lot of bullshit, so long as you dont press one of his triggers. Can only really muster the energy to hate one thing at a time. Usually tries to solve ‘misunderstandings’ when they come up.

Sanity:

Singrid: Crippling social anxiety

Grunt: PTSD

Algor: He’s fine, honestly.

Poom: Autism, PTSD, Depression, Social Anxiety, Agoraphobia, probably more.

Freindliness:

Singrid: She knows who she likes, and isnt particularly eager to make new friends.

Grunt: Finds it relatively easy to get along with people, especially if theres alcohol involved. She has a strange habit for attracting the affections of much larger and more powerful beings. Anakk, her skyscale Mr. Bastard, and the hulking inquest abomination Brukk, to name a few.

Algor: Able to chat up strangers so long as he’s not feeling too self-important. He’s growing out of that bit, though.

Poom: Absolutely desperate for validation. Can and will join a cult if he’s not claimed.

Stoicism:

Singrid: Will break pretty easily either from her anxiety or by getting too excited about a cool rock.

Grunt: Attempts are made at stoicism. They are laughable.

Algor: Is prone to teen melodrama. He’s growing out of it, though.

Poom: Will go home and cry for stepping on a bug.

Grace:

Singrid: Her training in the harsh Far Marina conditions have made her an adept warrior.

Grunt: Prone to disaster.

Algor: Is actually quite a talented dancer when no one’s watching. One of the ways he tries to stay in shape between studies.

Poom: If he’s not knocking something over, he’s putting his foot in his mouth.

Stubbornness:

Self explanatory

Bravery:

Singrid: Despite her issues with crowds, she’s run after icebrood twice her size with nothing but a dagger. Has wanted to cultivate an epic legend ever since she was a kid.

Grunt: Complete snivelling coward.

Algor: Will run from conflict as easily as he runs from a spider.

Poom: An almost destructive lack of self-preservation.

Loyalty:

Singrid: The few companions she has, she aims to keep.

Grunt: Wont die for the ship, but will save her favourite pirate.

Algor: Still has somewhat naive opinions on teamwork in a krewe. It’s almost a good thing he’ll likely never be in one.

Poom: Not a lot of people understand him, those that try are greatly appreciated. Even people who dont try, he’ll gladly meet half way. Even if you dont even like him at all he’s got your back. Even if you’ve just spit in his mouth he’ll-

Lawfulness:

Singrid: Does what she wants. If that means breaking some heads, she’ll do it. If it means drinking tea and brushing up on her knitting, thats her glitching right!

Grunt: Rules are for people who don’t regularly get hit by lightning.

Algor: Painfully naive.

Poom: The rules suck, but he gets in trouble enough as it is without provoking others.

Attitude:

They’re all edgy assholes lol

#singrid #algor #poom #the grunt #guild wars 2 #gw2 #norn #asura

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thensuburbia · 3 years

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Under The Volcano review

Under The Volcano is a stream of consciousness novel that traces the fatefully sewn lives of its four protagonists, consisting of Geoffrey Firmin (referred to as the consul), Yvonne (his wife/ex), Hugh (his half-brother) and Jaques (a childhood friend).

Though its subject matter may at first seem dark and disconcerting, Under The Volcano counterintuitively traces the all too human fallacy of finding joy in misery, a state of being most easily recognized by anyone living in modern society.

Lowry's novel magnifies the human condition. It doesn't try to explain things so much as provide context that the world can be an unkind place, regardless of positive intentions. He vividly illustrates throughout the novel how humans all too often daydream about the past, while failing to understand the present in order to focus what little energy they have on planning for the future. Plans that we human beings are all too often unable or incapable of communicating to those that matter.

Lowry provides each of his characters with their own hopes and dreams as the plot traces their interconnected histories on this doomed Day Of The Dead. At the novel's close, we, as readers, understand how each life has, in its own way, all too often achieved some modicum of success with bleak results. You see, each protagonist is an artist: a failed Director, a failed Author, a failed singer-song writer/adventurer and a failed actress (Yvonne's back story in particular feeling like a short Richard Yates novel).These people are neither successful nor rich. Though in no way outwardly evil or mean-spirited, their lives have in some way or other let them down and marked others in ways that cannot be healed.

This is a deeply felt, heart-wrenching tale of alcoholism and the perils of miscommunication. Thought the style is not 'easy' to read, I often needed to scan the paragraphs backwards having caught myself daydreaming about life reading his labyrinthine sentences. That being said the novel is never boring and the characters never anything other than captivating and realistic. Strong recommendation.

Quotes:

'I know...you may never return the book, but suppose I lend it you precisely for that reason, that someday you may be sorry you did not. Oh, I shall forgive you then, but will you be able to forgive yourself?Not merely for having returns it, but because the book will by then have become and emblem of what even now it is impossible to return' (29)

'He felt rather like someone lying in a bath after all the water has run out, witless, almost dead' (30)

'...by this time the poor consul had already lost almost all capacity for telling the truth and his life had become a quixotic oral fiction' (35)

'Time is a fak healer anyhow' (42)

'All mystery, all hope, all disappointment, yes, all disaster, is here, beyond those swinging doors' (53)

'She had a little chicken on a cord which she kept under her dress over her heart' (53)

'Ah, a woman could not know the perils, the complications, yes, the importance of a drunkard's life' (89)

'Nothing in the world was more terrible than an empty bottle' (90)

'Hugh put one foot on the parapet and regarded his cigarette that seemed bent, like humanity, on consuming itself as quickly s possible' (105)

'we have fallen inevitably into it, it is as if, upon this one day in the year the dead come to life, or so one was reliably informed on the bus, this day of visions and miracles, by some contrariety we have been allowed for one hour a glimpse of what never was at all, of what never can be since brotherhood was betrayed, the image of our happiness, of that it would be better to think could not have been' (111)

'What was life but a warfare and a stranger's sojourn'( 113)

'if only it were not so absolutely necessary to go out and hang oneself' (117)

'a little girl was playing with an armadillo' (117)

'Yet his thirst still remained unquenched. Perhaps because he was drinking, not water, but lightness, and promise of lightness-how could he be drinking promise of lightness? Perhaps because he was drinking, not water, but certainty of brightness-how could he be drinking certainty of brightness? Certainty of brightness, promise of lightness, of light, light, light and again...' (132)

'You do not wish merely to drink, but to drink in a particular place and in a particular town' (136)

'There was no one you could trust to drink with you to the bottom of the bowl' (150)

' yet how interested would the doctor have been in one who felt himself being shattered by the very forces of the universe' (152)

'the intolerable impact of this knowledge that might have come at twenty-two, but had not, that ought at least to have come at twenty-five, but still somehow had not, this knowledge, hitherto associated only with people tottering on the brink of the grave and A. E. Housman, that one could not be young forever-that indeed, in the twinkling of an eye, one was not young any longer.' (157)

'I have no responsibilities. And how can I be escaping from myself when I am without a place on earth? No home' (160)

'And yet there was something youthful and beautiful about her, like an illusion that will never die, but always remains hulldown on the horizon' (174)

'Yet in life ascending or descending you were perpetually involved with the mists, the cold and the overhands, the treacherous rope and the slippery belay, only, while the rope slipped there was sometimes time to laugh.' (190)

'How loathsome, how incredibly loathsome was reality' (216)

'Weary of liberty he suffered himself to be saddled and brides, and was ridden to death for his pains' (223)

'this feeling belonged to yesterday, to the months of lonely torment behind him' (224)

'an awakening from a dream in a dark place, in which, as you see, are present the means of escape from yet another nightmare' (236)

'If your mind is occupied with all things, then you never lose your mind. Your minds, your life-your everything in it' (237)

' I have no house only a shadow. But whenever you are in need of a shadow, my shadow is yours' (240)

'Never mind, old boy, it would have been worse than the windmills' (258)

'Nothing in the world is more powerful than one of these strange silences' (281)

'Nothing is altered and in spite of God's mercy I am still alone' (300)

'I love hell. I wan't wait to get back there. In fact I'm running, I'm almost back there already' (327)

'Why am I here, says the silence, what have I done, echoes the emptiness, Why have I ruined myself in this wilful manner, chuckles the money in the till, why have I been brought so low, wheedles the thoroughfare, to which the only answer was- The square gave him no answer' (355).

'What is there in life besides the person whom one adores and the life one can build with that person? For the first time I understand the meaning of suicide...(360)

'What is a lost soul? It is one that has turned from its true path and is groping in the darkness of remembered ways' (360)

'Do I sound mad_ I sometimes think I am. Seize the immense potential strength you fight, which is within your body and ever so much more strongly within your soul, restore me the sanity that left when you forgot me, when you sent me away, when you turned your footsteps towards a different path, a stranger route which you have trod apart...' (380)

#under the volcano #lowry #streamofconsciouness #review #book #novel #classic

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tellmevarric · 7 years

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I Wanted To Pretend I Could Actually Have You

And here is my fic for day 2 of Stormpilot Week. It’s a modern AU and unlike my modern AU from yesterday, BB-8 is a corgi. :D Anyway. The theme is:

Day 2 - Fake married/Fake dating

This was the worst idea Finn had ever had. Because while Poe might not be the best flatmate, he was the perfect fake boyfriend.

This can also be found over on AO3.

Finn stared at the email currently open on his computer with a growing sense of horror. Rey had been his best friend and surrogate sister since they’d ended up in the same foster home at the age of thirteen. They’d stood up for each other all the way through high school and when they’d gone on to their respective universities, they’d promised to keep in touch and had emailed or texted each other practically every day. That had continued after they’d graduated and gotten jobs on opposite sides of the country.

He loved Rey dearly and she was the best thing that had ever happened to him but he’d be the first to admit that she could drive him up the wall sometimes. And if he told her that, she’d be the first to laugh and tell him he was right. He’d always appreciated her concern but sometimes her efforts to meddle had not exactly ended well.

Though he couldn’t really blame her for this one. He’d gotten annoyed with her constant questions about his mostly non-existent love life and told her he was seeing someone. When she subsequently bombarded him with questions, he’d looked around in desperation and his gaze had settled on his flatmate.

Poe Dameron was not the perfect flatmate but Finn had never expected him to be. They worked together and when they’d both ended up looking for a place at the same time, Snap had been the one to suggest they could share costs and move in together. Finn had agreed without much thought and that, he supposed, had been his downfall. If he’d thought about it just a bit more, he might not be in the position he was now.

He’d been nursing a small but manageable crush on Poe since they’d first met on Finn’s first day but though they worked in the same department, Poe was further up the career tree than Finn was so they didn’t work together much. That had helped keep his crush to manageable proportions and he’d been fine with that. Then they had moved in together and Finn’s crush had gone from manageable to completely out of control.

Poe was not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination, while Finn definitely was. But he loved watching Poe, all rumpled and disgruntled first thing in the morning as he tried and failed to be a functional adult before he’d inhaled his first cup of coffee. Poe had a dog, a little corgi called BB-8, who was the most opinionated and wilful dog Finn had ever encountered. He’d have gotten frustrated ages ago but watching Poe dote on the dog was one of the most singularly adorable things Finn had ever seen in his life.

Finn had found himself looking fondly at everything Poe did and when he realised what he was doing, he’d wanted to bang his head against the wall. He was completely and utterly, head over heels in love with the man but if Poe’s behaviour was anything to go by, he only saw Finn as a friend. He certainly treated Finn no differently than he did Jess or Snap, his other friends at work. It made Finn want to scream or pull his hair out. He’d even thought about moving out for the sake of his sanity but then Poe would smile sleepily at him and he knew he wasn’t going anywhere.

So when Rey had pestered him about his new boyfriend, he’d ended up telling her all about Poe, though he’d been careful to never actually mention him by name. It had seemed perfectly safe. She was on the other side of the country and her job meant that usually he travelled to see her. She’d never know Finn was pining very ungracefully.

Except now she would. Because she was coming here. She had a conference in town and she wanted to catch up with him… and his mysterious but adorable boyfriend. Finn knew Rey far too well. Unless he could get Poe out of the entire damn city, perhaps even the country, while she was here, there was no way of avoiding the whole mess falling apart.

A hand was waved in front of his eyes and he jerked backwards in his chair. He whipped his head around to find Poe standing next to his desk with a look of amusement on his face.

“Hey, Finn. What’s wrong?”

“Uh, nothing,” Finn said hurriedly. “There is nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing. Why would there be something wrong?”

Poe’s eyebrows went up and he headed into the kitchen. “Because you looked stricken.”

“Stricken? Who uses the word stricken these days?”

“Me,” Poe said with a quick grin. “So?”

Finn looked down at the email again. “It’s nothing. Really.”

BB-8 trundled into the kitchen and ran in circles around Poe’s ankles until he leaned down and patted her. She sighed in satisfaction and flopped down on his feet.

“Right,” Poe said dryly once he’d appeased his dog. “That’s why you look like the doom of all men is looming down upon you.”

“It kind of is,” Finn said thoughtfully before he could think better of it.

Poe laughed. “Okay, now you have to tell me.”

Finn hesitated. “Um, actually… can I ask you for a favour?”

“Sure,” Poe said easily. “What do you need?”

Finn swallowed hard. “Would you… I mean, could you… that is, I need…” He sighed and buried his face in his hands with a low pained groan.

Poe extracted his feet from under his dog, much to her obvious disapproval. He came over and patted Finn on the shoulder. “Come on, it can’t be that bad.”

Finn didn’t raise his head. “Fine. Would you pretend to be my boyfriend while my friend is in town?”

Silence greeted his question and when it continued, he slowly raised his head and looked up at Poe. The older man was staring at him as though he wasn’t sure if Finn was joking or not.

“Um, what?” Poe finally said.

“Rey… I’ve told you about Rey, right?” Finn began.

Poe nodded with a snort of amusement. “Many times.”

“Right. Well. She’s going to be in town and I… may have told her I have a boyfriend so she’d stop pestering me about my love life or lack thereof.” Finn scrubbed his face with one hand, feeling more weary than anything else right now. “Now she’s going to be here and she’s going to want to meet my fictional boyfriend and if I don’t have one…” He shuddered. “It’ll be horrible.”

“So you want me to pretend to be your fictional boyfriend?”

Finn nodded and started babbling. “Um, I mean, you don’t have to if it’ll be weird. It’ll be weird, won’t it? Oh god, what is wrong with me?”

“Okay,” Poe said with a shrug, derailing his increasingly panicked reaction.

Finn stared at him for a moment. “What?”

“I’ll do it,” Poe replied.

“Are you sure?”

Poe shrugged and grinned. “Sure. I mean, how bad can it be?”

Finn stared at Poe and that stupid gorgeous grin of his and realised what pretending to be boyfriends was going to mean. Oh, it was going to be so very, very bad.

*****

It wasn’t bad, it was horrible. It was awful. It was the worst idea Finn had ever had. Poe might not be the world’s best flatmate but he was the perfect fake boyfriend.

Rey had asked whether she could stay with them in order to save on costs and Finn hadn’t thought anything of it when Poe agreed. But then he’d realised that meant that they would have to share a bedroom… and a bed. The day before Rey had arrived they’d moved enough of Finn’s things into Poe’s bedroom to make it believable but it was only after Rey had crashed the first night after she arrived that Finn had to face the enormity of what he’d agreed to.

He had to sleep with Poe. Or he had to sleep in the same bed as Poe. Poe, whom he was madly in love with. Whom he had jerked off to fantasies involving enough times that it was embarrassing to even think about it. Who looked utterly adorable and entirely kissable when he was tired and sleepy in the morning and having to lie next to him a bed was going to kill Finn. It really was.

He lay in the bed on his back, stiff and unable to sleep. Beside him, Poe lay on his side, facing him, fast asleep and looking adorable. His curly hair was all askew and Finn desperately wanted to run his hand through it. He wanted to lean in and kiss Poe’s forehead. Maybe wake him up and kiss his lips. And maybe kiss some other places while he was at it.

Finn groaned and crawled out of bed as quietly as he could. He made his way out into the kitchen, glancing at the half-closed door to what was normally his bedroom. Rey was fast asleep as well with BB-8 sprawled over her legs. The little corgi had taken an immediate liking to Rey, which Poe had laughed at and thought was hilarious. Finn had been a little disgruntled since it had taken a few weeks before BB-8 had warmed up to him. His mood had eased when he’d seen how happy Rey looked as she cuddled the little corgi. She’d always wanted a dog but their foster parents hadn’t liked the idea and Rey’s current apartment didn’t allow pets.

He slouched out the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. As he stood at the sink and drank his water, he heard footsteps behind him and then there was a warm body leaning against his back and a face pressed into the back of his shoulder.

“Why’r’you awake?” Poe slurred and Finn closed his eyes, feeling something almost like despair at the intimacy in Poe’s stance. He wanted this to be real, dammit! Was that really too much to ask?

“Couldn’t sleep,” he said and then winced at the sound of his own voice. The weary despondency was blatantly obvious.

“Hmmm,” Poe murmured, his arms coming up and around Finn’s chest.

Finn turned around and then sucked in a breath when Poe just used that as an opportunity to snuggle closer.

“Poe,” he began, his voice hoarse and pained.

“Hmmm?” Poe said, nuzzling against his neck. He still looked and sounded more asleep than awake.

Finn drew in a breath and set the glass aside. “You don’t have to… Rey’s asleep…”

Poe hummed sleepily again and then Finn felt Poe’s lips against his neck. He shivered and gasped and Poe seemed to take that as encouragement. With a series of little drowsy, contented noises, he dragged his lips up Finn’s neck and along his jaw line and Finn felt himself getting hard.

Finn made a small noise then he swallowed. “Poe,” he pleaded. “What… what are you doing?”

Poe abruptly stopped and Finn did not whimper. He really did not. He cursed himself for making Poe stop but then immediately wanted to know what the hell was going on. If Poe was teasing…

“Shit,” Poe said, sounding a lot less sleepy and a whole lot more awake. He started to pull away. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Finn.”

Finn swallowed around the lump that was forming in his throat. “For what?” he croaked before he could think better of it.

Poe stilled, as though that wasn’t the question he’d been expecting. He wasn’t slumped comfortably against Finn anymore but he hadn’t had a chance to move back too far either. For a moment Finn wasn’t sure if he was going to say anything.

“For thinking this was real,” Poe finally whispered.

Finn felt like he’d been punched in the chest. “What?”

Poe raised his head and Finn saw the uncertainty, the worry, the fear lurking in his eyes. “I…” He licked his lips and seemed unable to go on.

“Poe?” Finn said carefully. “Why did you agree to be my fake boyfriend?”

Poe looked down. “Because… I wanted to pretend I could actually have you,” he said with the air of a man going to his own execution.

Finn could only stare at him for a moment then he started laughing. Poe looked at him with an offended expression and started to pull away properly. Finn wrapped his arms around Poe’s waist and pulled him back tight against him.

“We’re both idiots,” he said cheerfully.

Poe frowned at him. “What?”

“The fake boyfriend I told Rey about for months?” Finn said, still grinning. “It was you. I mean, I never told her your name but everything else was you.” His grin softened into a fond smile. “Because I wanted to pretend I could actually have you.”

“That was my line,” Poe said weakly. He looked like he was trying to understand what was going on.

“It was a good line so I stole it,” Finn said with a grin and a laugh.

Poe still looked bewildered. “You… you like me?”

Finn snorted with laughter. “Poe… I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for months. I didn’t think I was actually being that subtle, though Force knows I was trying to hide it so I didn’t make things awkward.”

“Oh,” Poe said. “I… thought I was reading too much into it. Seeing things that weren’t there, that I just wanted to be there.”

“We are both definitely idiots,” Finn said happily.

Finally Poe started to laugh as well and he let his forehead thump down onto Finn’s shoulder. “Yeah, I guess we are,” he said, his voice a little muffled. He raised his head. “I want… can I...?”

“Yeah,” Finn breathed. He didn’t know precisely what Poe was asking for but he was pretty sure that whatever it was, he wanted it.

A second later, Poe was pressed up against him once more, only this time, he was kissing him properly. Finn made a low sound of want and pulled Poe even tighter against him as he kissed back. This was as good as he’d imagined… in fact, it was better than he’d imagined because it was real and Poe was warm and here in his arms, squirming against him in a way that very quickly had Finn hard and panting into Poe’s mouth. He’d have been embarrassed but Poe was in very much the same state.

“Gah! My eyes!”

They jerked apart, though not very far, at the amused screech from Rey. She was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, looking at them with exasperated amusement.

“Really?” she said in a teasing tone. “You two have been together for, like, nearly a year and you’re still kissing like it’s the first time. Ugh! Get a room.”

Finn looked at Poe who grinned back at him. “I don’t know,” Poe said with a shrug. “I like her suggestion.”

Finn laughed and tightened his grip around Poe’s waist before hoisting him up. Poe laughed and wrapped his legs around Finn’s waist.

“Ugh,” Rey said, waving them away with a fond smile. “Get out of here, you two. You’re disgustingly in love. I hate you both.”

“No, you don’t,” Finn said smugly as he carried Poe out of the kitchen.

“No, I don’t,” Rey conceded. “You two are adorable.”

Poe laughed as Finn shut the bedroom door behind them with a shove of his hips. “So,” he said, cradling Finn’s head with his hands. He didn’t seem at all inclined to move from where he was. “Are we ever going to tell her the truth?”

“No,” Finn said firmly. He walked over to the bed and lowered Poe into it, following him down immediately. Poe’s smile was addictive and he leaned down and kissed him.

When they finally parted, Poe’s eyes were wide and dark and his smile was full of lust. “We do kind of owe her our thanks.”

“Uhuh,” Finn said absently as he stared at Poe’s kiss-swollen lips.

Poe laughed and pulled Finn down on top of him. After that, there was no more talking, though Finn did take a moment to concede Poe was right. He sure as hell did owe Rey a lot.

#stormpilotweek2017 #stormpilotweek #stormpilot #finnpoe #finn x poe dameron #fic #writing

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