#s: r/badfaketexts (reddit)

[godsofhumanity]

Hermes: I'm sad.

Dionysus: don't be sad, ok. Sad is for losers, and we're not losers.

Hermes: then what are we?

Dionysus:

Dionysus: we're worse than that.

#oh. #hermes #dionysus #incorrect mythology #incorrect greek gods #incorrect greek mythology #greek gods #greek mythology #s: r/BadFakeTexts (reddit) #queuetzalcoatl

[godsofhumanity]

Aphrodite, texting: Babe, I'm pregnant and you're the father!

Hephaestus, texting back: Seriously?!

Aphrodite: It's a prank HAHAHAHAHA

Aphrodite: Happy April Fool's day babe!

Hephaestus: You mean you're not pregnant?

Aphrodite: I mean you're not the father

#ouch #yeahhh HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY EVERYONE <3 #made this post in advanced: 14/07/2021 #aphrodite #hephaestus #aphrodite x hephaestus #greek gods #greek mythology #incorrect greek gods #incorrect greek mythology #incorrect mythology #mythology #s: r/badfaketexts (reddit) #queuetzalcoatl

[godsofhumanity]

*when Hermes stole Apollo's cattle*

Apollo: We have a problem.

Zeus: What you call a "problem" is an opportunity.

Apollo: Alright... we have an "opportunity" then.

Apollo: All my cows were stolen by your bastard son.

#zeus: alright. i see an opportunity to welcome ANOTHER god to the olympian family! #zeus #apollo #hermes #greek gods #greek mythology #incorrect greek gods #incorrect greek mythology #incorrect mythology #mythology #s: r/badfaketexts (reddit) #queuetzalcoatl

[godsofhumanity]

Hades, returning home with a dog: Look, I got us a puppy!

Persephone: You literally went out to get milk.

Hades, holding the dog up: But he's so cute!

Persephone:

Persephone: We have 23 dogs, Hades.

#LOL #they keep digging up her plants #hades #persephone #hades x persephone #greek gods #greek mythology #incorrect greek gods #incorrect greek mythology #incorrect mythology #mythology #s: r/BadFakeTexts (reddit) #queuetzalcoatl

[godsofhumanity]

Hermes: Hey, so I heard you like bad boys..?

Aphrodite: Yeah, and?

Hermes: Well... not to brag, but this morning I ate 3 gummy vitamins instead of 2.

Aphrodite:

Aphrodite: I'll see you at 6 ;)

#how they actually got together #hermes #aphrodite #hermes x aphrodite #aphrodite x hermes #greek gods #greek mythology #incorrect greek gods #incorrect greek mythology #incorrect mythology #mythology #s: r/badfaketexts (reddit) #queuetzalcoatl

[godsofhumanity]

Set, texting Horus: Turn around!

Horus: *turns around looking for Set*

Set: In the other direction!

Horus: *turns around again*

Set: No! Turn around again!

Horus, texting back: Dude where are you?! I don't see you!

Set: I'm out of town. But the thought of you aimlessly turning around in circles amused me.

Horus:

#horus: *smashes his phone on the ground* #LOL #i think Set definitely would do this #he's still bitter about losing the throne to Horus. go king #set #seth #horus #egyptian gods #egyptian mythology #incorrect egyptian gods #incorrect egyptian mythology #incorrect mythology #mythology #s: r/badfaketexts (reddit) #queuetzalcoatl

[godsofhumanity]

Hephaestus: Hello Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: Yes?

Hephaestus: I've just got my license.

Aphrodite: We're no longer together, why are you telling me this?

Hephaestus: Just look left and right before you cross any road. May the Fates protect you

#okay lmfao i tried to get this blog a little more organised.. but i just.. there's just no more good incorrect quotes #like i just can't find any #and it's getting kinda difficult to make it regularly different pantheons #so i'm throwing in the towel. i'm just gonna post whatever whenever. so if the queue runs out. you know why #anyways.. here's your scheduled let's-laugh-at-what-a-fiasco-aphrodite-x-hephaestus-is joke #aphrodite #hephaestus #hephaestus x aphrodite #aphrodite x hephaestus #greek gods #greek mythology #incorrect greek gods #incorrect greek mythology #incorrect mythology #mythology #s: r/BadFakeTexts (reddit) #queuetzalcoatl

[godsofhumanity]

Aphrodite, texting Ares: See you later, love you xxx

Ares, texting back: Love you too

Aphrodite: Babe I would really appreciate it if you put some X's after your replies xxx

Ares: okay??

Ares: Love you too Calliope, Otrera, Althaea, Terpsichore

#aphrodite: no that's not how you're supposed to play the game! #aphrodite #ares #ares x aphrodite #greek gods #greek mythology #incorrect greek gods #incorrect greek mythology #incorrect mythology #mythology #s: r/BadFakeTexts (reddit) #queuetzalcoatl

[godsofhumanity]

Zeus: What's missing? A, E, O, U... ;)

Demeter: I

Zeus: What's the opposite of hate... ;))

Demeter: Love

Zeus: What's the opposite of me ;)))

Demeter: a successful person.

#savage roast queen #gottem #zeus #demeter #greek gods #greek mythology #incorrect greek gods #incorrect greek mythology #incorrect mythology #mythology #s: r/badfaketexts (reddit) #queuetzalcoatl

[godsofhumanity]

Hades, texting Zeus: Your kid is in my yard again.

Zeus, texting back: Come on, this again?

Hades: He's not wearing anything and he's chasing Cerberus.

Zeus: Boys will be boys.

Hades: Yeah, but Dionysus is 24 and drunk.

#ajdhsjdhad the sequel to my dionysus is 24 and addicted to heroin post #i just like the idea that dionysus pesters hades a lot >:) #hades #zeus #dionysus #greek gods #greek mythology #incorrect greek gods #incorrect greek mythology #incorrect mythology #mythology #s: r/badfaketexts (reddit) #queuetzalcoatl

[godsofhumanity]

Apollo: What are you up to?

Dionysus: Self-care.

Apollo: You're drunk and lying naked in the moss in the backyard again, aren't you?

Dionysus: 100%

#apollo #dionysus #greek gods #greek mythology #incorrect greek gods #incorrect greek mythology #incorrect mythology #mythology #s: r/badfaketexts (reddit) #queuetzalcoatl

[godsofhumanity]

Ares: Hey Dad, I've decided that I'm going to live by myself.

Zeus: Great!

Ares: Your bags are in the driveway.

#zeus: now listen here you little shit #ares #zeus #greek gods #greek mythology #incorrect greek gods #incorrect greek mythology #incorrect mythology #mythology #s: r/badfaketexts (reddit) #queuetzalcoatl

[godsofhumanity]

Lancelot, texting: My King, I'm sick. I want a day's leave.

Arthur, texting back: When I get sick, I just kiss my wife, and my sickness goes. Try it.

Lancelot: Ok.

*sometime later*

Lancelot: I tried it.

Arthur: How was it??

Lancelot: First your wife hesitated, but then she enjoyed it.

Arthur:

Lancelot: Thanks.

#lancelot: i'm actually feeling a lot better now! #asdhasjdahdh real #lancelot du lac #lancelot #arthur #king arthur #guinevere #arthurian legend #english mythology #english heroes #british heroes #british mythology #incorrect english mythology #incorrect british mythology #incorrect mythology #mythology #incorrect arthurian legend #s: r/badfaketexts (reddit) #with some alterations to grammar and tone to suit the chat #queuetzalcoatl