wanting to cut my arms in a daily basis is so fucking overwhelming. i want to cut every part of my body, show everyone all my scars.
but i feel scared. i dont even know what im scared of, but i am.
i wanna see blood dripping from my arms, wrists, legs. i want to hurt myself so bad. because this life just so bad already.
it feels like hell to be alive
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I dont understand why sh is so cozy...
Being in control of my body
Sh being the little secret I keep between me and my walls
Being surrounded by people and feeling my wounds
Seeing my fucked up body in the mirror
Feeling my scars when I rub my arms
Hurting myself
Taking care of myself
Hurting myself and then taking care of myself
Idk it just feels like home
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i want to rip my skin open and bleed out. i crave the hot feeling of the cut, the adrenaline of knowing i got myself really good. the ecstacy, the freedom. i need to go deeper.
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Alone
Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x reader
warnings: fighting, caps, swearing, yelling, mentions of sh (cutting).
please don’t read this if it will make you cut <3. This was semi based at how badly I wanna yell at everybody I see-
my dms are always open <3
“Seriously? A blade, again?” Natasha stormed into your room, hair messed up, holding your… special box.
“Nat, I haven’t been using them, I- they’re just for in case-” you pleaded.
“Bullshit! We threw them out, you said you were done!” She slams the book onto your dresser when she says done, making you flinch.
“And I am! I’m not cutting, I swear!”
“I don’t believe that- I CANT to believe that! You’re a liar, you’re just like everybody else!” Her face is red from yelling, and she’s shaking.
“Nat,” you pleaded, tears running down your cheeks, “I’m not. Please, baby, you have to believe me.”
“Then show me.” Her aggressive tone faded and she stood there, waiting.
“I- I shouldn’t have to show you, you’re my girlfriend! You should believe me!” You said defensively.
“I can’t believe you, not until I see.”
“Nat, please, I’ve changed!”
“Show. Me.”
“FINE, I’M CUTTING AGAIN, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?” You screamed.
“WHY?” She yelled back,
“BECAUSE I FUCKING NEED IT. BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE IT. BECAUSE I. CANT. DEAL.” Tears started running down your face, your fists balled up at your sides.
“THEN WHY DID YOU STOP? WHY DID YOU CHOOSE ME, IF YOU LOVE THE BLADE MORE?” She screams.
“YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE MADE ME CHOOSE! I’M A LIAR, NAT, YOU KNOW THAT!” Silence rings after your words, Natasha’s expression morphing into a shocked “o”.
She stumbles back, hurt flashing across her face. “I thought I knew you,” she whispers, “but I guess I didn’t.”
As soon as she left, you collapsed into sobs.
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