#saawek arting

[saawek]

Long time no hualian on tumblr hehe  You can find the full version here!  (nothing explicit but both are naked!)

#hualian #xie lian #hua cheng #saawek arting #tgcf

[pretty-dianxia]

Hola Amores!!!

This was a year... well... it was, and that is what counts. 

I hope that for this 2023, you are always surrounded by love and care, I hope that you live new experiences, see and visit new places, and make new friends. Thank you so much for sharing your love and hyperfixations in this fandom, for your tags, memes, and beautiful art.

Swear to you guys, I wish I could throw a party where all of us can have lots of fun, all of us in cosplay of our chosen characters (the ones in the wwx/zzs/wkx/sqx/jby will have to take one shot at the entry (and if you don't drink well, the beverage of your choice then,)) karaoke with songs that your character would sing, dance competence for the party animals (all of this at a moderate volume since we care for the ones with sensory issues,) PowerPoint presentations for the ones that want to convince us to read your fave work that isn't famous (10 min tops, maximum of 8 slides), fanfic and official work reading while enacting it (we will ban some scenes of course,) discussions/debates of headcanons... so sorry, stopping now.

Anyhow, my best wishes for this new year 💛 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　

And now... some special mentions 🔥🔥🔥

Thank you @ru-star & @tommyspeck for always being here <333 thank you @31duskballs for those amazing fic recs ✨ Thank you @kikiknits for creating such wonderful pieces (I'm still so obsessed with that little worm and the yellow sweater inspired by hualian art 😭💕 you all take a look at this!!!) Thank you @danhoemei for always feeding us with your incredible humour, art, music, poetry fics, tags and sharing amazing works of art (dear friend!!!! Ilysm!!! 💛) @icarus-suraki the best creator of memes in this hellsite (I'm not kidding, as a matter of fact, reblog this for good luck) thank you for sharing!! @darthvaporwave you have been here for ages!!! LOL, thank you for sticking around <33 @oneiro-nautical Thank you for creating and sharing incredible content!! @birbfeeder2artisticboogaloo BIRB!!! DEAR!! You sweetheart!!! so much love to you!! Thank you for creating and always feeding us with great fengqing content!!! @jadevalentine-writes JADE!!!! DEAR!!!! Thank you for your amazing work!!! They bring so much happiness!!! You all!! Go right now and read their fics!! link here!! @white-flower-blooming Alex!!! Sweetheart!!! Hi!!! I hope we can get more of that cute content you create!!! Thank you for bringing so much joy to this fandom (you all, we need to protect this wonderful person right here at all costs!!) @quilleth !!! Another wonderful person that also is into moshang and cr!!! Thank you for reblogging and always leaving such kind tags for ops <333 @saawek Your fem!HC lives in my mind rent-free!!! Thank you for creating beautiful breathtaking art!!! Swear to you dear, your pieces are museum worthy quality!!!!  

And many more that I'm not tagging or this is going to be more long, thank you 💛💛💛 

Hermanxs hablahispanas!!! Ustedes!!! Lol, estoy haciendo esto para futuras referencias, por supuesto que me acuerdo de sus tags en español @half-eaten-mantou @evangelinedares @moonchild0903 Muchísimo amor y muy buenas vibras (≚ ᄌ ≚ )

#so sorry you all #happy 2023

[unforth]

Alright instead of rageposting about white people perpetuating racism problems in cnovel/cdrama fandoms I've channeled my feels into cleaning up some shit I've been doing a bad job at maintaining and feeling horribly guilty about for months or even years. This is probably a healthier use of my current "fuck it." So, for reference, I've:

deleted the kink meme part of the DMBJ kink meme on AO3. This means that the prompts and sign ups and claims are now gone (I'm sorry I didn't give people time to save their prompts, but the reason I didn't do this months ago was that it had many steps and I was being useless about DOING those steps and as I said in the intro paragraph, I'm now at "fuck it" and like. if I can't do it "the right way" I'm today just breaking and doing it "the wrong way" and here we are). The collection and the ten stories in it still exists and anonymity and such are still maintained for people who wanted it, but new prompts and new fills cannot be submitted.

ditto the above for the kink meme part of the SPN kink meme on AO3. The prompts and sign ups and claims are now gone. I also removed myself administrating the Tumblr, though the other two people involved (fpwoper and envydean) do still have access. I realized belatedly that I really should have offered to just leave and let them have it but, again, today is apparently "fuck it" day which means I'm not thinking through the ramifications of my actions which has resulted in some bad fandom citizenry behavior on my part, and again, I truly do apologize. (I've offered to help them reconstruct the challenge part if either of them wants to run it; fpwoper has already said no, I'll see what envydean says and I'll apologize profusely even more and do what I can do fix things if envydean DOES want to take over and make it active again). The collection and the stories written for it still exist; that's about 40 works. Thanks to everyone who participated.

I left @saawek's Star of Solitude event, which I helped run a year and a half ago. Saawek hasn't really been active on Tumblr, but hun if you see this it's nothing at all about you or TGCF I'm just pulling back from things that even seeing them in my blog list has been causing me stress on the daily.

I formally announced that I'll be consolidating @zhenhunartreblogs and @dmbjartreblogs in @cnovelartreblogs, and I've posted to that effect in all three blogs. If you want Zhenhun/Guardian and DMBJ art content from my sideblogs, unfollow the old blogs and follow at cnovelartreblogs, and just black list fandoms you're not interested in - that's the whole reason I tag everything.

I deleted another side blog I haven't been using.

I'm considering deleting @memesforwriters, which I only update maybe once a month, and honestly just typing all this up has I think tipped me over into "fuck it" and I'm going to delete that too. I expect I'll instead reblog relevant memes to the @duckprintspress account, since I have to maintain that regardless.

My last remaining completely inactive Tumblr sideblog is where I'd posted on translated chapter the 2ha manhua. I really would like to be doing more work like that, though hell if I know when I'll have time; I renamed that blog to @unforthfantranslations, and I have vague hopes to translate more of 2ha and to tackle Lie Huo Jiao Chou (which I've never read any version of and would like to). But tbh I probably won't manage any progress on any of that until the fall.

Nothing like a pile of grief to make me say "I'm done feeling guilty about this stuff, like is too short, fuck it I'm gonna make these changes I've been waffling about for ages."

P. S. I opened another window to check how exactly I'd renamed the translation blog and while I had it opened I decided on a compromise with memesforwriters, which is that I'm exporting it, and THEN I'll delete it. And I DMed the Destiel Harlequin mods that I'm done and think we should shut it down. And I spotted a couple Discord servers I'm going to leave.

So yeah. that's the mood today in a (rather large and overly wordy) nutshell.

Apparently when I said yesterday that I'd be quiet, I failed to take into account how I ACTUALLY process grief. In my defense, this is only the...fourth?...time someone I really care about has died in my entire life. (counts of...Arthur, Gil, my grandfather, yeah that's three...of course other people I've cared about have died but no one who I loved and who I felt "I wish I had more time with this person." Like...I wish I'd had more time with Belle but I didn't love her...yeah I'm just babbling now I'm sorry I'm like this today.)

ETA: okay I just left like 6 Discord servers I haven't been using, too. There's only one I'm still like "maybe I shouldn't..." but I know a lot of people in that server and if I really want back in I can ask for invite.

#unforth rambles #and rambles and rambles and rambles #oops

[callmefoxypepsi]

ORIGINALLY A HUA CHENG BIRTHDAY PRESENT but I always forget I have tumblr woopsies

👘 ENROBED TEMPTATION: In which Hua Cheng tries to distract Xie Lian by dressing into various robes and a calligraphy practice soon turns heated.

Rated: Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandoms: 天官赐福 - 墨香铜臭 | Tiān Guān Cì Fú - Mòxiāng Tóngxi

Relationships: Huā Chéng/Xiè Lián (Tiān Guān Cì Fú)

Tags:

Now with ART by the lovely Saawek (link in the author's notes!)

#天官赐福 #hualian #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #tgcf fanfic #hua cheng #tgcf fanfiction #my writing #hualian fanfiction #hualian fanfic

[curiosity-killed]

tagged by @backtomycorner :D

Nickname: I actually have quite a few nicknames but usually Ellie or, on the webz, Curio

Sign: leo but according to my Astrology Friend my full astrology thingie is extremely balanced. and according to my other friend, it makes a demon summoning circle so. do with that as you will

Height: 5′3

Last thing I googled: ...do all banks have monthly maintenance fees (the answer is no but also many do)

Song stuck in my head: there was none but then I saw backtomycorner’s and now have Don’t Stop Me Now stuck on my head

Number of followers: uhh 2166

Amount of sleep: uhhh like 8? the older i get the more i really need my sleep alas :<

Lucky number: 18

Dream job: used to be photojournalism, then it was my actual previous job, and now it is for my friend to get rich and become my patron so i can lounge around the house dancing, arting, and writing

Wearing: Reebok muscle tee and the oldest shorts i own (probably something around 15 yr old but not sure). also socks

Movies/books that summarize you: oh lord that is. a tall order. Station Eleven (book not show) is pretty high up there, Twelfth Night?

Favorite song: Currently probably The World Ender but the OG and eternal is Peace of Mind by Boston

Aesthetic: uhhh deciduous forests, sunlight through high windows, summer thunderstorms,

Favorite authors:  Shakespeare, Arthur Sze, Ada Limon, Atwood, Mary Oliver....i mostly don’t have favorite authors so much as fave books

Favorite animal noise: I’m particularly fond of the mrrup Baloo makes when she wakes up to me petting her and then immediately goes into hyperpurr mode.

Random: today i realized while on a call with a client that the last time i cut my hair i fucked up and made one side about an inch shorter than the other

Tagging: @apaladinagain @aurumdalseni @gusu-emilu @saawek @givemeunicorns if u feel so inclined

#tag meme #where r my coookies insomnia >:(

[jadedzer0]

The Blorbo Corner (aka HuaLian) of my office is complete! Featuring a statue my husband got me for my birthday last year and gorgeous art from the talented and lovely @saawek (I love you!!!).

#personal posts are personal ish #hualian #blorbo corner

[tgcfartreblogs]

June Round Up (10,000 posts!)

I missed a couple months of upkeep on this sideblog, which meant that tag auditing was a BIG job (about 2k posts worth of errors, oof) but! it's done, and I'm going to try to keep up a monthly tag audit schedule across all my side blogs regardless of current post count, so things don't get quite this bad again. *sweatdrop*

Anyway, have some stats.

Current Follower Count: 1,457 (+91 since 8k post round up)

Current Count of Artists with at Least One Work Reblogged: 2,317 (+382 since 8k post)

Total Unique Tags Used: 3,142 (+552 since 8k post)

Ten Most Reblogged Characters:

xie lian (5,977 works) (no change)

hua cheng (5,609 works) (no change)

mu qing (966 works) (+2 from 8k post)

he xuan (924 works) (-1 from 8k post)

shi qingxuan (909 works) (-1 from 8k post)

feng xin (740 works) (no change)

qi rong (377 works) (no change)

yin yu (318 works) (no change)

quan yizhen (258 works) (no change)

bai wuxiang (178 works) (new!)

Ten Most Reblogged Platonic and Romatnic Ships:

hualian (3,829 works) (no change)

beefleaf (514 works) (no change)

fengqing (367 works) (no change)

xianle trio (167 works) (+1 from 8k post)

quanyin (152 works) (-1 from 8k post)

qi rong is a dad (81 works) (no change)

xianle cousins (58 works) (no change)

qiurong (44 works) (+1 from 8k post)

shi siblings (37 works) (-1 from 8k post)

junmei (32 works) (no change)

The 10 (+2) Most Prolific Artists (+2 is "official art" and "starember"):

official art (250 works) (no change)

checaria (154 works) (+2 from 8k post)

starember (124 works) (-1 from 8k post)

saawek (102 works) (+3 from 8k post)

saltymeat (99 works) (-2 from 8k post)

xieliancore (89 works) (+4 from 8k post)

19silvermirrors (84 works) (-3 from 8k post)

meru90 (80 works) (-2 from 8k post)

fmd-art (73 works) (new!)

kebabcito (72 works) (-2 from 8k post)

Twenty Most Used Other Tags:

eye patch (3,524 works) (no change)

butterflies (2,315 works) (no change)

red pearl earrings (2,161 works) (no change)

neck wrappings (2,132 works) (no change)

ruoye (1,779 works) (no change)

comic (1,578 works) (no change)

bamboo hat (1,305 works) (no change)

flowers (1,276 works) (no change)

laughs (1,218 works) (no change)

red string of fate (1,091 works) (no change)

chibi (1,003 works) (no change)

modern au (948 works) (no change)

san lang (766 works) (no change)

fantasy au (626 works) (+1 from 8k post)

blood tw (611 works) (-1 from 8k post)

mask (607 works) (no change)

god pleasing crown prince (559 works) (no change)

food (520 works) (no change)

lemon (465 works) (+1 from 8k post)

eming (387 works) (new!)

implied hualian (387 works) (-1 from 8k post)

#mod post #tag wrangling

[thebunkerofletters]

A collab between @elnawen (line-animation) and @saawek (colors-postprod) for the Asexual Awareness Week !! <3

#destiel #saawek #elnawen #castiel #dean winchester #supernatural #spn art #gif #animated gif #gif art #ace!cas #asexual!cas #asexuality #life at the bunker #asexual awareness week #saawek comm on this collab : #i'm pretty happy how it came out! #even if elnawen didn't let me use as much particles and gods rays as i wanted :< #elnawen comm: man those flags. #I'm glad I could do something for our week though #I don't have the courage to share my stories but at least I can share my art <3

[bamf-castiel]

Hey! First I'd line to thank you for your reblogs of my latest posts, it boosted them sweetly :) second, i know you had/have problem with caption deleters. What do you usually do against that? I mean deleting caption is one of the rudest thing for me (on art or on photo) and there are so many ppl doing that... i try to keep the blah blah very short but nothing changes!

Hello! Holy cow, absolutely no problem! I love them SO MUCH! Yeah, this is so shitty and people keep doing that. They can literally delete a two word long caption, like? I gave you the art, please take those two words too, is it really that much to ask ? AHhhhh When I see someone doing that, I usually send them a message saying something like “Hey I am the artists whose art you just rebloged - short description of the drawing - and I noticed you have deleted my caption under it ; could you please don’t do that? Thank you!” Sometimes people reply with ‘sure’, sometimes they don’t reply at all, sometimes they delete what they have rebloged, and once I’ve got a message where the person really, really apologized and promised to never do that again ( which actually made my soul ascend to high heavens because holy cow ) Sometimes I am too tired to say anything because really? How many times you can ask people to stop doing that because it’s just.... disrespectful? This is my title for my art, or few words about what I felt or thought about while drawing it. I always feel like shit when people delete it, like those things are worth nothing, and my art is only some kind of aesthetic. Not something I put a lot of feelings into I am sorry you have a problem with it, too :c

#art stuff #saawek #Other #Answering things

[contemplativepancakes]

of mistakes and melancholy

written for the @tohellandbackanthology

thank you to @tibbinswrites and @kingdumbass for betaing, and be on the lookout for the amazing accompanying art by @saawek!

explicit, demon!dean, angst with a happy ending, cw: dubcon, 5k

Castiel feels a void somewhere inside of him, now that Dean is gone. He tries to fill it out—he attempts to help Sam with cases, but Sam doesn’t even have to say anything for Cas to know his bumbling is more of a hindrance than a help.

That leaves him with nothing to do but agonize over his failing grace and fruitlessly search for leads on Dean. He sets up camp at a motel somewhere in Ohio and tries his best to remember how Sam had taught him to search for signs of demonic activity. He does this for weeks, until the days passing seem to blur together, until, suddenly, it isn’t so fruitless. He finds Dean.

The worst part is it isn’t even on purpose.

*

Castiel has had enough of staring at his computer screen, so he leaves the stuffy motel room. He figures his grace was weak enough that he can actually get well and truly drunk, so he goes to a bar, intent on drinking until he can’t feel anything anymore. That plan flies out the window when he sees Dean.

Cas's first thought is he’s hallucinating. His grace is sputtering out, and it’s just showing him what he wants to see most in his final moments. Why would Dean be here, in this dank dive that doesn’t even have peanuts, after Castiel’s spent almost a month looking for him with nothing to show?

Castiel drinks in this picture of Dean—even if it isn’t real, he’ll take what he can get. It’s the thing he’s been yearning for for weeks, after all, but he freezes when he looks a little deeper. There are putrid green swirls floating around Dean’s soul, slowly puffing through the cracks on its blackened surface. The soul that used to be the picture of perfection, that used to be the thing that filled Cas' void. He feels vaguely ill. The closest to this he’s ever seen Dean’s soul is when he pulled him out of Hell, all those years ago.

Dean’s soul had been tattered then, too, but iridescent light still sputtered weakly from within: its feeble attempts at mending itself back together. Castiel remembers the way he had clutched Dean’s soul close, feeling the emanation of its soft energy and reconciling it with his grace before letting it slip back into Dean’s body.

Now, there’s only a dim light struggling to pass the darkened shell, never mind having enough energy for any patch work. He recalls the way Dean’s soul used to reach out to meet his grace, to bridge any distance between them, and he grimaces as he compares it to this new sight, the way it seems to shrink in on itself, trying to get as far away from the holy light as it can.

Cas's eyes drift back to the terrestrial plane, and he’s convinced this vision of Dean isn’t some mercy his grace is giving—it’s cruelty to show him Dean’s soul like this, even if it does mean he gets to see Dean for the first time in what seems like much longer than eternity. It gnaws at him that the brightest thing he’s ever laid eyes on has been corrupted, defiled, and twisted into what sits before him now.

His feet move forward against his will, propelling him towards Dean, who raises a hand to the bartender. By the time Cas drops into the seat next to Dean, there’s a drink waiting for him. He reaches out and downs it.

Dean turns and looks up at Cas through his eyelashes. “Rough day?”

“Rough day,” Castiel echoes tonelessly, “That’s all you have to say?”

“And what exactly do you want me to say, Cas? Long time, no see? You should lose the trench so I can get a better view of your ass?”

Castiel flushes. Now he knows this isn’t his Dean, and it isn’t a Dean his grace cooked up, either. He fiddles with his shot glass and shrugs.

Dean huffs a laugh. “You really tracked me down and didn’t even think of anything to say? Here I was, thinking you were a boy scout.”

“Who says I tracked you down?” Cas counters, even though that’s been his only goal for a while now. He swears he sees a flicker of hurt cross Dean’s face. Not Dean, Cas reminds himself sternly, even though it’s so easy to get caught up in the sight, the scent, and the nearness of this not-Dean.

“So if you’re not here for me, what then?”

In a quiet voice, Cas answers, “I just wanted to forget for a night.”

“Yeah? What do you have that you need to forget? Did Sam start nagging at you to take better care of yourself?”

“I’ve been alive for millennia, Dean. I have plenty to try to forget.” A wry grin tugs at his lips, but Castiel’s not sure if he should give himself the permission to smile.

“In that case, why turn to alcohol? I’m right here, baby,” Dean purrs, so close that Cas can feel the heat radiating off him.

He turns to Dean in surprise, his eyes dropping down to Dean’s lips before he remembers—not Dean. His Dean wouldn’t want this. Dean doesn’t miss the glance, though, and he smirks. “Interested?”

“N-no. It wouldn’t be right,” Cas stutters, and he can’t remember ever feeling so unnerved. Dean’s not supposed to act like this, has never shown this kind of interest in Cas before.

“Yeah? It feels plenty right to me. An angel and a demon walk into a bar… It’s up to you how that story ends.”

Even with Cas's suspicions of Dean being a demon confirmed, he still feels inexplicably drawn to him. Well, maybe inexplicably is a bit of a stretch; Castiel makes it a habit to not lie to himself, and he’s been drawn to Dean from the very start. Despite this, when Dean leans in, Cas puts a hand to Dean’s chest, keeping him at arm’s length. “I shouldn’t.”

“Good thing I’ve got all night to change your mind,” Dean says with a grin that sets Cas on edge. He swallows hard as Dean’s true face flickers into view, strengthening his resolve, but he can’t make himself get up from his seat and deprive himself of this opportunity to just exist in Dean’s orbit again.

As the night goes on, though, Castiel’s determination fractures. He’s not sure if it’s the shots Dean keeps plying him with or if he’s merely intoxicated on the nearness of Dean after being starved of him for so long. Cas doesn’t ask what Dean’s been doing, and Dean doesn’t bring it up. Castiel just wants to be able to imagine that nothing’s changed, that Metatron never killed Dean in the first place. Maybe that’s why Cas finds himself meeting Dean in a tentative press of lips that doesn’t stay that way for long. Dean surges forward, bringing a hand up to rake it through Cas's hair, and Cas stops trying to fight it. Dean’s lips are just as soft and pliant as Castiel has always imagined, but the taste of sulfur gives him pause. Dean doesn’t let up, though, doesn’t give him time for the hesitation to take hold, pressing his tongue against the seam of Cas's lips before he can think too hard. Cas opens his mouth, and Dean takes.

Castiel is lost in the almost overwhelming sensations until a shout drags his attention away. Dean pulls back from their kiss, and Cas looks dazedly at the string of saliva connecting their lips before following Dean’s line of sight to see a man advancing towards them, hurling slurs. Cas has never understood that, humanity’s need to trap each other in boxes and bury them under offensive words. Dean, however, seems to be even less understanding than Cas is. Dean practically flies out of his seat, and then he has the man in a chokehold against the dingy bar wall.

The other bar patrons titter among themselves, but the chattering quickly turns to alarm when Dean hits the man, and keeps hitting him, until his face is a bloody mess, and Cas is sure he hears the man’s nose break with a sickening crunch. It’s a staunch reminder that this isn’t his Dean, but the molten arousal pooling in Cas's gut doesn’t seem to care.

Castiel can hear the tone of alarm in the owner of the bar’s voice in the background, so he steps forward and puts a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “That’s enough.”

Dean jerks his shoulder to dislodge Cas's hand, but he straightens up, releasing his hold on the man and leaving him to sputter on the ground.

“Let’s get out of here,” Dean laughs, taking Cas by the hand. Castiel spares a glance for the man gasping on the dirty bar floor, but he lets himself be led.

*

When they make it through the door of Dean’s motel room, Dean slams Cas against the wall, boxing him in as Dean captures his lips in a sloppy kiss. Castiel can’t help but note the mystery stains that seem to be everywhere in the room and does his best to ignore them. Cas wants to just focus on the pleasure he’s feeling, but the rotten egg taste gets to be too much for him to ignore.

He pushes against Dean, and Dean backs off, but not without his eyes flashing black. Cas recoils, backing even further against the wall. “I changed my mind. You’re not Dean—I can’t…”

Dean heaves a massive sigh. “Afraid I am. Still got all the daddy issues to prove it. Just with less fucks to give and all wrapped up in a pretty demonic package.” Dean shoots him a winning grin, and Cas gulps. “Speaking of wrapped up in pretty packages—” Dean slowly unzips his jeans to reveal a hint of red lace.

Dean arches an eyebrow at the look of shock Cas is sure is pasted on his face. “What? Crowley liked them.”

“Crowley?” Cas echoes distantly.

Dean steps out of his jeans, and Cas can’t tear his eyes away as Dean grinds his palm on his cock through the flimsy red material. “That make you jealous? Does it make you want to do something about it?” Dean asks, shedding his shirt as he steps closer to Cas.

He runs a hand down Cas's chest, his breath hot on Cas's neck as his lips land on the bolt of Cas's jaw. Cas doesn’t push him away, and Dean’s fingers start working on the buttons of Cas's shirt. He bites back a sigh as Dean’s fingers brush his nipple. Dean must be paying close attention to Castiel’s reactions, because he pauses his fingers’ downward drift and rolls the nipple between his fingers. Cas bites his lip, and Dean’s thumb catches on the bottom one. “Come on, I want to hear all the noises I can pull out of you. What do you think it takes to corrupt an angel?” Dean asks with a cheeky grin.

“I think it’s too late for that,” Cas replies, his sentence ending in a higher pitch as Dean plunges his hand into his jeans, squeezing his cock through his boxers.

Cas looks heavenward before swallowing hard and unbuttoning his shirt the rest of the way, pushing it off his shoulders.

Dean tracks his eye movement and grins. “You think one of your brothers is perving on us?”

Castiel winces at the mention of the other angels. “Gabriel and Balthazar are dead, so I doubt it.”

“Their loss.” Dean shrugs before surging forward again to kiss Cas.

This time, he’s more prepared for the unpleasant taste as he opens up to Dean. He kisses him hungrily, choosing to ignore the uneasy feeling in his gut and focus on the desire coiled right beneath it.

Dean shoves down Cas's slacks, leaving them both in just their underwear. Cas's fingers skim Dean’s panties, dragging against the rough lace. Dean grins at him, but it’s more a baring of teeth than a smile. “You like em? You know, if you wanted to get kinkier, I could probably rustle up some rope, maybe a cowboy hat…”

Cas shakes his head minutely. “Too bad,” Dean says breezily as he drops to his knees.

He mouths at the hard outline of Cas's cock, licking at the fabric until it’s damp. “Let’s give little Cas some breathing room, what do you think?” Dean asks as he tugs down Cas's boxers.

Cas swallows convulsively, but his mouth is dry as Dean bends down to kitten lick his cock. Dean takes him deeper, Cas holding back a wince at a slight scrape of Dean’s teeth. After a minute, Dean pops off, grinning at him as he straightens up to kiss Cas again. One of Dean’s fingers prod between Cas's cheeks, and Cas has no misunderstandings that this is going to be gentle.

He’s an angel, anyway, he thinks, trying to keep his mind off his dwindling grace. He won’t mind the reminder of Dean in the morning. Dean brings his fingers to Cas's mouth, getting them wet before dropping back down to open him up. Dean does it roughly, another finger joining shortly after the first, his fingers rotating and trying to spread, forcing his hole to loosen. Cas bites his lip, a moan threatening to escape him as Dean jabs at his prostate. “You like that?” Dean asks smugly.

“Yes, fuck,” Cas groans breathlessly through the pain as Dean finds it again and adds more spit and another finger.

“Now I can add making an angel swear to the list of reasons I’m going to Hell,” Dean pulls his cock out of his panties and stands up, jacking himself as he tugs Cas into a position where the head of his cock can prod at Cas's hole. “Oh, wait,” he laughs as his eyes flash black again, and Cas squeezes his eyes shut.

It’s harder to ignore that he shouldn’t be doing this when it’s so obvious that this isn’t the Dean Cas knows, but it’s too late to back out now. Cas sucks in a breath as the blunt head of Dean’s cock enters him, squeezing his eyes shut at the friction that his spit did little to help. Dean goes slowly at first, giving him a second to adjust to the foreign feeling before starting to slam into him. The slap of skin on skin fills the room, along with their combined breathless grunts.

Dean reaches around to take Cas in his hand, and the friction is just what Cas's neglected cock was craving. Dean nails his prostate again and again with his hard thrusts, and it’s enough to make Cas's vision flash white, enough to see the wretched state of Dean’s soul once again. Cas comes, splattering all over Dean’s hand. Dean chuckles breathlessly. “I probably wouldn’t have lasted long either if I’d only gotten laid once in a billion years.”

He pats Cas's thigh with his sticky hand as he continues to thrust, keeping Cas upright even as he bites the inside of his cheek at the over sensitivity of it all. A few minutes later, the hand turns into more of a claw as Castiel feels Dean coming inside of him. After he softens, he pulls out, grinning at Cas like the cat who ate the canary. Cas feels sick as he collapses on the bed, Dean’s come leaking sluggishly out of his hole.

Cas lays there, looking at Dean heaving breaths he doesn’t even need, and is struck by soul aching regret. Now that his arousal is gone, he doesn’t know why he agreed to this. Having sex with this shadow of Dean didn’t make him feel any better, didn’t lessen the gaping pit he feels pushing against his ribs. He lets himself wallow for a few minutes before he sits up, burning red with shame. Dean’s eyes track him lazily. “Problem, cowboy?” he asks, his tongue poking between his teeth.

“This was a mistake,” he says, pushing the covers off and standing up.

He gathers his clothes hastily, haphazardly buttoning his wrinkled shirt and stepping into his slacks. He steps out of the motel, his untucked shirt flapping in the wind, trying his best to ignore how Dean’s laughter follows him.

*

Castiel stews in his shame for weeks. His gut twists uncomfortably at the thought of telling Sam what happened, so he doesn’t. He hides in motels, never staying put for more than a few days. Over the phone, he hears the way Sam clutches at straws for hints of Dean’s whereabouts. He doesn’t even know his brother’s a demon, and Cas can’t work up the courage to tell him. Some angel he is. The cough wracking his body that won’t go away no matter how much he concentrates his grace doesn’t help, compounded and made even worse by the dreams he keeps having. Angels aren’t supposed to dream.

Visions of Dean’s black eyes and fractured soul haunt him, and he wonders if that’s the reason his grace is so corrupted now. It was bad before his night with Dean, but now it seems like it’s eating away at him from the inside, a gangrenous mass that he wishes he had the strength to sever. He’s tempted to curl up on his ratty mattress and wait for his grace to fizzle out, taking him with it, but a call from Sam disrupts him, and later, a visit from Hannah. Cas heaves himself out of the bed, cursing the enormous effort it takes.

While Castiel is helping Hannah hunt down rogue angels, Sam calls him to say he found Dean. Cas knew that with Sam’s determination this was going to happen eventually, but Cas still hasn’t managed to tell Sam anything about what happened between them, and he fervently hopes Dean won’t mention it. He’s on edge the whole drive to the bunker, half expecting an outraged call from Sam at any moment. Hannah scrutinizing his every move from the passenger seat doesn’t help matters much, either.

By the time he makes it to the bunker, he’s a nervous mess. He rushes down to the dungeons, braced for the worst, but Dean’s already cured. He doesn’t look Dean in the eye, but he revels in Dean’s soul, the way he can chance a glimpse of it now and not feel ill from the wrongness of it all. Dean’s soul might be a little more hunched in on itself than normal, but the casing that had made it so dim before is gone, and with it, a small part of the weight from Cas's shoulders.

Meanwhile, Dean feels anything but relief. Now that he doesn’t have black eyes to hide behind, he has to face everything he did while he was a demon. This was a mistake echoes in Dean’s mind, and he reaches a hand up to tug at his hair, still damp with holy water. “You wanna talk about it?” Sam offers.

Dean shoulders his way past both of them. “No,” he snaps, “I sure as hell don’t.”

He’s barely flopped down onto his bed, content to stay there for the immediate future, when there’s a soft knock on his bedroom door. Dean looks up to see Cas poking his head in.

“You look terrible,” Cas says, and Dean curses himself for the way his stomach flops at the sound of Cas's voice.

“You know, it wouldn’t kill you to lie every now and again. But you, on the other hand, you’re looking good.”

For all that Dean had vehemently not wanted to talk to Sam, he kind of does want to open up to Cas about all the shit he did. Cas has a way of making him feel not so awful about himself, and Dean could really use that right now. But then Cas is opening his mouth and saying, “There’s a female outside in the car,” and Dean fumbles any words that were gathering on his tongue.

This was a mistake.

*

Almost a year goes by, and their night becomes one of many things that gets shelved away, never to be brought up again. Dean thinks Sam might tear up a little with pride if he ever learned that Dean actually does want to talk about this. For all that he tries to shove everything down, this is something that refuses to stay down; it burns like acid everytime it crosses his mind. He swears Cas has been acting more distant ever since it happened, and he gives Cas his space for a while, but after Rowena curses Cas with the attack dog spell, Dean can’t stand idly by.

Cas looks pale and sweaty where he slumps in his chair, and it’s making Dean antsy. Sam went to his room to get some dusty old grimoire, and now all Dean has to do is sit here, wait, and look at Cas shift in the library chair like he can’t find a comfortable spot. Cas shivers like he’s being wracked with chills, and Dean gets up.

“Where are you going?” Cas mumbles.

“I’ll be right back.” Dean rushes down the hallway to his own room to find a blanket. His stomach hasn’t stopped turning since he saw Cas laying on the bunker floor, covered in his own blood, barely able to get the words help me out. Dean pulls a soft blanket from his closet, his hands clutching at the fabric as he tries to center himself.

By the time he heads back out to the library, Cas is slumped over the table, asleep. Dean bites his lip. He doesn’t reckon a sleeping angel is a good thing. He settles the blanket around Cas's shoulders, careful not to wake him. When he doesn’t stir, Dean runs a hand through Cas's sweat-slicked hair.

Dean leans down to brush his lips on Cas’s temple, and he freezes when Cas shifts in his sleep. He pats Cas’s shoulder and beats a hasty retreat.

*

A few weeks after Rowena lifts the curse from Castiel, Dean comes back from a werewolf hunt limping and being supported by Sam, but he refuses to let Cas even look at the wound. “Dean, just let me heal you, please,” he begs, but Dean shakes his head. Cas sends him a frustrated glare, and Dean doesn’t even have the common courtesy to look cowed.

Cas can see it’s causing Dean pain, can read it on his face, and he can’t help but get more and more exasperated the longer Dean insists on this needless suffering. From hushed conversations with Sam, Cas knows it’s weeping pus. He’s not going to be happy if Dean dies from an infection out of sheer stubbornness.

Cas' attention is dragged away from his silent fuming when Dean winces as he settles straighter in his chair, the movement tugging on his stitches. Cas looks towards him, but Dean won’t meet his eyes. Cas grimaces at the spark of pain erupting on Dean’s soul.

He scowls at Dean and gets up to go to the kitchen, determined to be useful in whatever way Dean will allow.

Right before Sam and Dean had left for their hunt, Cas had gone grocery shopping with Sam. He had poked and prodded at everything he could reach, inspecting labels and sniffing the foods. “Cas, stop,” Sam hissed before he got a good look at Cas's smirking face.

Sam cracked a smile and shoved at him in exasperation, shaking his head. “Dean is rubbing off on you way too much.”

Cas was feeling pleased with himself for making Sam laugh until a label caught his attention that made him stumble to a stop. Tomato rice, the soup can proclaimed, and Castiel could remember Dean saying that was what his mother had made him. Sam gave him an odd look, but he didn’t stop him when Cas put it in the cart.

Now, the can stares at him from the cupboard shelf. He pulls it down and sets it on the counter before tugging open drawers to look for a can opener. When he finds one in the second to last drawer, he scrabbles with it briefly before figuring out how it works. His finger drags over the rough edges of the can as he opens it and dumps the contents into a waiting pot on the stove. He flicks at the burner knob until he hears the gas catching alight, then sits back to wait until the soup heats up.

Footsteps echo in the hall outside the kitchen, and Dean calls out, “What’s all that banging? You better not be messing up my kitchen!”

Cas rolls his eyes fondly. “Yes, dear,” he mumbles to himself, and there’s a brief pause in Dean’s gait.

When he limps into the kitchen a few seconds later, his eyes seize on the pot on the stove. “I didn’t think you could cook,” he says gruffly, lifting up the lid to look at the contents.

Cas shrugs. “Your mother used to make this for you, right?”

“I mean, yeah. Thanks, man. This is—this is awesome.” Dean opens a drawer to get a spoon so he can taste it, and his eyes light up. “It even tastes like hers used to.”

Castiel decides not to mention it’s from a can. Instead, he asks, “Why won’t you let me heal you?”

Dean sighs. “I’ve had worse. It’s getting better—you don’t need to waste your grace.”

“It’s not a waste, Dean, I want to,” Cas insists.

“Just drop it, would you?”

Cas seethes, but he doesn’t say anything else about it.

*

Months pass, and things are largely the same. The mark of Cain might be gone from Dean’s arm, but he and Cas still don’t talk about anything important—not with ever-present looming crises to be averted. Castiel is idly flipping through a lore book, searching for anything the angels don’t already know about the darkness, when he feels it. There’s a vicious snap to his grace, and it makes him hiss in pain. He bolts up from his chair, on high alert for what might be wrong, when his phone begins to buzz in his pocket. He pulls it out and holds it to his ear to hear Sam’s shrill voice, “Cas! Cas, it’s Dean. We—we were hunting a wendigo, and it shoved him, and he hit his head, and there’s so much blood, and—”

“Sam,” Cas cuts him off, grabbing his keys and heading towards the bunker door. “Where are you?”

“Um. Olathe. Cas, it’s not looking good.”

Cas forces a tight smile, even though Sam can’t see it through the phone. He thinks he might just be trying to convince himself that everything’s going to be okay. “I’m on my way there now. Meet me halfway? You always say head wounds bleed a lot, right? It’s likely it’s not as bad as it seems.”

“Right,” Sam says, and Cas can almost envision the pained look on his face. “I’ll see you, then.”

“An hour and a half,” Cas promises as he hangs up and rushes out to his car.

His head spins the whole way there, his grace constantly buzzing. It hasn’t been this insistent for his attention since purgatory, and it puts him on edge. His grace has been connected to Dean’s soul since he resurrected him, but the pull on their bond has only intensified over time. He had barely noticed when it had first formed, but it became harder and harder to miss with the way Dean would constantly tug on it. Cas doesn’t think Dean is aware of it, would probably be furious if he knew, actually, but it’s the thing that’s propelling Cas to him right now. The buzzing settles to a light vibration, and Cas pushes his foot down harder on the gas.

*

When the Impala comes into view, Cas flashes his brights and pulls over, Sam quickly following suit. Cas shoves at his door handle, stumbling out of the car and to Dean. His soul is sputtering, burning weakly like it’s a fire running out of oxygen, and it twists Cas's gut.

Cas yanks open the backseat, climbing in to pull Dean’s head onto his lap. Sam watches anxiously as Cas's hands start to glow. He puts his palm on Dean’s forehead, trying not to let Sam see the way his hands shake. Cas pours his grace into Dean and watches as his soul slowly gets brighter and brighter, like those slide lights he can’t help but mess with at motels.

By the time Dean’s soul is spitting emerald fire again, Cas is exhausted. Dean’s eyes flutter open, and Cas is so tired that it only seems to make sense when he leans down and kisses him. Dean’s eyes widen, and Cas pulls back instantly. “Shit, Dean, I’m sorry, I don’t know—” he splutters, but Dean interrupts him with a quiet voice.

“You said I was a mistake.”

“What?” Cas asks, face pinched in confusion.

“When we had sex. You said it was a mistake. You left.”

Sam makes a startled noise. “I’m just, uh, I’ll be over there,” he says, gesturing jerkily before rushing off.

Cas barely glances up from where he’s staring down at Dean. “Why’d you leave me?” Dean whispers, and that always seems to be the crux of the matter, when it comes to Dean.

“I—I didn’t know that bothered you. You were a demon.”

“Being a demon was kind of like looking in a mirror, you know? It wasn’t me, but it wasn’t not me. Maybe I was more of a dick than usual, and maybe I regret some of the things I did, but I could never regret you,” Dean says, panting to get all of his words out.

He reaches up to trail his fingers over Cas's jaw, and when Cas puts a hand over his, it feels like revelation.

“Can’t say that’s the way I wanted our first time to go, though, probably could have used some more mood lighting or something,” Dean laughs weakly.

Castiel shakes his head. “I felt so helpless. I couldn’t even help Sam properly. All I was trying to do was get a drink, and then I saw you. I couldn’t make you not a demon, but I just wanted to be close to you.” Cas clutches at Dean’s shirt collar. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye when you died. Your body was just—gone. It was a second chance, but you wouldn’t let me forget that you were a demon. Metatron slaughtered you, on my watch, and knowing you turned into that because of me? Knowing that your soul was warped the way it was because of me? I couldn’t stay, then.”

“I was looking for you that night,” Dean blurts. “I tracked your phone.”

Cas raises his eyebrows in surprise as Dean continues, “I wanted to see you. Wanted you to reject me, I think. I was looking for a reason to do something dumb, to just go be a demon with a clear conscience, not have to worry about you or Sam.” Dean chuckles and shakes his head. “Demon with a conscience. I really do suck at everything.”

“Shut up,” Cas growls, and kisses him again.

Dean presses a hand to Cas's chest, and Castiel backs off. “Are you okay? What hurts? Do you want me to stop?”

“Whoa, whoa, who said anything about stopping? Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves, here. Just—you’re going to stay, now, right?”

Cas leans back to look at the vulnerable set of Dean’s face. “I’m going to stay,” he agrees.

Dean’s soul sings.

#supernatural #destiel #angst with a happy ending #canon verse #dub con #dean winchester #castiel #contemplative writing #tohellandbackanthology

[saawek]

It took 800 years for Hua Cheng to find His Highness....  How long it must have been, roaming the world to find your most precious person. DO NOT USE/EDIT/REPOST ON OTHER PLATFORMS

#tgcf #hualian #saawek arting

[pretty-dianxia]

Hi there! Is there a place where you sell prints of your artwork? I would love to frame a bunny xie lian of my very own, but don't want to print out your artwork without compensating you in some way - hopefully you have a site where we can buy?

Hello, anon!!!!

I'm not an artist. This blog only shares artworks (and the occasional rambling); my profile picture was created by naixaie!! (they granted their permission to be used as such) you can find their amazing works here.

Also, here is a list of some artists that I love to reblog and their sites where you can buy prints, stickers, and more!!!

xieliancore: tumblr // shop

thunderpot: tumblr // shop

zeldacw: tumblr // shop

saawek: tumblr // shop

dahliadenoire: tumblr // shop

yuyufinale: tumblr // shop

mgtxs: tumblr // shop

foxyjoy-art: tumblr // shop

19silvermirrors: tumblr // shop

kollapsar: tumblr // shop

ashokanspring: tumblr // shop

#asks and replies #this is not a master list; just some of the artists that I can think of with a shop <3

[tinkdw]

Hope u liked the cockles! It was kinda for the "request" from months ago i told u i'd do if i had time/inspiration! :D

ARGH I LOVED IT YOU ARE A TREASURE! :D :D :D

#cockles #cockles fan art #sdcc2017 #saawek

[helianthus21]

You know at the beginning I thought you and @cornerbackcastiel were besties irl. :') I know better now but I still think we are a crazy trio

Haha, no I think I stalked their blog long before they gave me a follow-back:D I love the holy trinity of craziness! xD

#replies #not spn #(it just occured to me i never asked what the correct pronoun is..) #also i adore your art i still can't believe you're following me back ahhh #saawek

[corvikae]

Rules: Tag nine people you want to get to know better. I was tagged by @saawek! Thank youuu! 

Favorite color(s): Red, green, purple, pink and gray! 

Currently reading: I genuinely just finished rereading TGCF today iofdhgoisdhf but that means I continue reading some of the neglected books on my bookshelf :^) 

Last song: He Is - Ghost 

Last movie: Brahms: The Boy 2 (was a lil disappointed ngl :(( ) 

Sweet, Savory, or Spicy: All of them. Esp sweet. 

Currently working on: the most recent WIP I posted! And some personal art that’s a little more horror-esque :)) 

Tagging: @froggonoboggo, @eternalmoongoddess and whoever wants to do this <3 

#tagged #saawek #thank you so much! This was fun! #i haven't done of these in so long doighds its mainly on twitter i get them nowadays ahahah

[tgcfartreblogs]

Tag Audit and Round Up: November

Based on a full tag list pulled on Nov 8. (I'm way behind on things this month, y'all are just posting so much!!)

Current Follower Count: 1,722 (+175 followers since October)

Total Posts: 13,239 (+513 since October)

Artists with at Least One Work Reblogged Here: 2,823 (+91 since October)

Total Unique Tags Used: 3,766 (+116 since October)

Ten Most Frequently Reblogged Characters:

xie lian (7,643 works) (no change in ranking since October)

hua cheng (7,228 works) (no change)

mu qing (1,280 works) (no change)

he xuan (1,226 works) (no change)

shi qingxuan (1,183 works) (no change)

feng xin (1,035 works) (no change)

qi rong (474 works) (no change)

yin yu (415 works) (no change)

quan yizhen (326 works) (no change)

bai wuxiang (220 works) (new!)

Ten Most Frequently Reblogged Platonic and Romantic Relationships:

hualian (4,955 works) (no change)

beefleaf (681 works) (no change)

fengqing (556 works) (no change)

xianle trio (229 works) (no change)

quanyin (187 works) (no change)

qi rong is a dad (101 works) (no change)

xianle cousins (69 works) (no change)

qiurong (65 works) (no change)

shi siblings (54 works) (no change)

junmei (42 works) (no change)

Ten (+2) Most Prolific Artists: (+2 are "official art" and "starember")

official art (329 works) (no change)

checaria (168 works) (no change)

starember (148 works) (no change)

19silvermirrors (143 works) (no change)

xieliancore (122 works) (+2 since October)

saltymeat (122 works) (-1 since October)

saawek (117 works) (-1 since October)

kebabcito (109 works) (no change)

fmd-art (102 works) (no change)

foxyjoy-art (97 works) (no change)

meru 90 (92 works) (no change)

eggsyllent (81 works) (no change)

Twenty Most Used Other Tags:

eye patch (4,563 works) (no change)

butterflies (2,834 works) (no change)

red pearl earrings (2,679 works) (no change)

neck wrappings (2,670 works) (no change)

ruoye (2,272 works) (no change)

comic (2,106 works) (no change)

bamboo hat (1,671 works) (no change)

flowers (1,606 works) (no change)

laughs (1,516 works) (no change)

chibi (1,395 works) (no change)

modern au (1,357 works) (+1 since October)

red string of fate (1,353 works) (-1 since October)

san lang (1,005 works) (no change)

fantasy au (838 works) (no change)

blood tw (774 works) (no change)

mask (762 works) (no change)

god pleasing crown prince (704 works) (no change)

food (676 works) (no change)

lemon (601 works) (no change)

eming (491 works) (no change)

#mod post #tag wrangling