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#sacred prayer i was there
daughterofcainnnn · 2 months
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me and the girlies praying for a new album or single 🙏🙏
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mswyrr · 7 months
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"platonic soulmate" sounds, to me, an awful lot like doing all the work of being someone's wife and then not getting all the benefits - someone to hold you when you're sad or sick or just need a cuddle, someone to do half the chores, someone who makes you feel special, makes you laugh, takes care of you, listens to you and takes your feelings seriously, who takes your side, who puts the time and effort and love in to learn to fuck you just right
i'm not sure how it's more "feminist" and "pure" to imagine a woman getting a raw deal like that. or why another man or woman (if she's queer) would put up with her giving all of that wife-y care and time and passion (for minimum 14-16+ hours out of 24, six days a week) and energy away to a "platonic soulmate"
how is that more feminist than a woman wanting and then getting what she wants and all the pleasures and costs that come with it? why is only paying the cost and not getting the full deal inherently purer?
anyway here's Wonderwall Sappho (translated by Anne Carson)
because I prayed this word: I want
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mandoalorian · 6 months
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Just between us, I remember it all too well. ✨
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septembersghost · 4 months
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my queue was supposed to run out tonight (11/19) - i'm nothing if not someone who clings to dates and anniversaries, and exactly a month ago, i realized i had enough posts stowed in it to last until today. of all the days. kismet. you know when it's time to go. but i ended up adding some posts from my (still copious) drafts, and no matter how i finagled it, it was impossible to make them all fit by the time today ended. so it gets a little bit of extra time. maybe, in honor of this blog's existence, that's fitting.
you all know this, i've said it, typically in gratitude, many times already. this blog was never meant to last. i came back in november 2020 expecting a couple of months, maybe to be here until the new year. i told very few people, anticipating the goodbye, not wanting to cause anyone undue anguish when i had to vanish again. something i didn't expect was the sheer (admittedly devasting) emotion that would tie itself to those two weeks when i started interacting again, nor that it would have any outreach or impact, but somehow it did. then time kept spinning on, extending itself, gossamer threads unfurling each day. my following kept growing, far beyond what i could have anticipated, greater than i'd ever established on any of my previous blogs. moving around is unfortunately a pattern at this point, every time for reasons that felt quietly catastrophic. not being able to pay bills for a while. angel's death and the ensuing difficult circumstances. so here, i kept anxiously imagining why i'd eventually have to leave, how to plan for it. poverty issues. the homelessness we were facing through the entirety of a couple of years until last august (and my dad having to be the saving grace). worsening health issues. i never knew, i couldn't predict it, i just worried about it. often tried to brace for it. maybe i got too comfortable this year, because this was when i started to think it wouldn't happen, that i really could stay. little did i know. and the reasons...are not reasons i ever fathomed, why would i have? how could i have? i wish it weren't so. (i wish a lot of things.)
i thought sometimes about the words i would leave you with, none of which are suitable now. i almost wrote nothing, yet found that feeling wrong, couldn't leave without something about parting.
thus it turns out i'm leaving before it's strictly necessary, before it's the fear of personal catastrophe coming to fruition, not knowing what i'll do or where i'll metaphorically go, as that is the downside of chronic illness and isolation narrowing this to my sole outlet. (lyrics keep running through my mind, there are always lyrics stuck in my head. no matter where i go, there'll be memories that tug at my sleeve, but there will also be more to question, yet more to believe...teach me to be more adaptive...help me say goodbye). my body is in such a fragile state right now (my mind not far behind) that maybe what i need to do is rest. just rest for a while.
this blog was never meant to grow the way it did, to take asks and have conversations like i did, that was a somewhat new (sometimes scary! often fun) experience for me. it's one that will never be replicated. to my loyal and lovely anons, i'm so sorry that i had to cut you off unexpectedly and couldn't reinstate communication - i know that you weren't able to reach out to me as soon as i did that, and that certainly wasn't your fault, it was a response to the tenor of this website. i apologize for the hundreds of messages i never had the chance to answer. i'm appreciative of the things you shared with me and all the times we got to talk.
i sincerely hope some of you learn to be kinder and wiser and less reactionary and more willing to learn and to listen rather than to attack those who have never wronged you and who do not deserve that. i'm being too nice, but i hope you learn that misusing your supposed social justice to do harm and foment hatred and stew in ignorant cruelty makes any principles you purport to have utterly void. my hope for that is low at the moment, but it's still got to be there. waiting to be found.
to those of you who have never been anything but kind, you are true treasures, the lights in the darkness, the loving and compassionate embodiment of human spirit. some of you have (quite literally) helped keep my mom and me alive, and i can never repay that or do enough in this life to quantify it. some of you have been here for me every single day, to listen and laugh and cry and understand. i don't think i would've bothered to fight through these past three years had i not had your presences in my life. i wouldn't have had as much of a reason. there are times when i still haven't felt like i had a reason, i struggle through so many varied griefs, but then i continued to wake up, and would come on here and find something joyful or beautiful or affirming that someone had sent or posted, and it gave me an anchor. there are passions and interests i shared or discovered here that were so uplifting and enlightening, and i will carry them in my heart always. being here to find those was such a blessing. being here with you to indulge in them was such a blessing. thank you. i pray your continued paths have more of that ahead. look at all the things you've done for me. there are certain things that once you have no time can wear away.
you know that line from the wizard of oz?: hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable. maybe that isn't true, maybe our hearts being broken is proof of something. there are people who hurt me on such a profound level who i know weren't affected by it at all, but i refuse to define my sensitivity as a negative. my softness (too soft for all of it, indeed) does not quite provide me with a weapon, but it doesn't crumple. hearts can be broken repeatedly and still beat, which i've thought about a lot lately. shattered souls just make a new mosaic. it's a different picture than it was before, but the color and light persists. and in the remains of that, a handful of people have shown me depths of caring and resilience that i wouldn't have gotten to hold onto otherwise, which is an extraordinary thing. the precious rarities have to mean something more, don't they? i would think so. i believe it. or i'm trying. i keep trying with all my might.
maybe i stayed too long at the fair. maybe this is a consequence of overplaying my hand, gambling a little too much with time to where it had to teach me something. maybe i needed the reminder that sometimes we have to fight to retain our spirits, and other times we have to retreat. maybe i needed a reminder that all that extra time was a miracle. i don't take it for granted.
whether we've spoken directly, be that consistently or in scattered flurries, whether we've interacted in very personal ways or simply in liked hearts on the dash, i hope there was goodness and light in it. i hope there's a memory i leave here that's sweet. (as long as i'm borrowing phrases, i hope you'll think of me fondly sometimes.) i hope there was something warm and enriching here. i hope you know what you've been and meant to me. i said so many times that this blog was my cozy haunted house - the ghosts will linger here forever, and i know they'll never mind if you want to step in and visit.
with all my heart, i love so many of you so dearly. i am so lucky to have your friendships. please move gently through life. please hold onto the things that illuminate it for you, and provide that where you can. please do your best to repair even the smallest of tears in the world. you are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
there must be lights burning brighter somewhere.
something yet remains. i remain. and i do my best to be brave.
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tinyshe · 6 months
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english-mace · 3 days
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don't mind me just gonna be out here titling the climax chapter of my book 'dominus tecum' and giggling to myself
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emprcaesar · 4 months
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(gripping the bathroom sink) no one hates me as much as I hate myself no one hates me as much as I hate myself no one hates me as much as I hate myself no one hates me as much as I hate myself no one hates me as much as I hate myself no one hates me as much as I hate myself no one hates me as much as I hate myself no one hates me as much as I hate myself
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river-in-the-woods · 1 year
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Perhaps you are dreaming of flowers, when you are still growing your leaves.
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a-queer-seminarian · 8 months
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woke early to spend some quiet time with my mother
ID (also in alt text): an open notebook is propped up in front of a small personal altar dedicated to Mary the Mother of Jesus. It has a teal cloth as its base, with a rosary, candle, labyrinth and Mary statue, some geodes and other stones, an image of Our Lady of Guadalupe, and more. There's also a sticker by artofmarza with a simple image of Mary from the shoulders up, smiling softly; text under her reads "at least mom loves me."
The second image is a close up of the open notebook, dated July 18, 7am. A prayer is scrawled in purple ink:
Mother, Untier of knots, Mary,
My spirit is all knotted up like some garment i've left crumpled in a closet corner for too long.
i am not gentle with myself.
Will you help me? will you take my spirit, unfold and smooth it out, get to work on these tangles
with the same gentleness you had combing out your little boy's hair?
And will you who believed in your son before he believed in himself believe in me?
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ilcits · 4 months
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THE TRIO.
@fkevin073 🐉
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howifeltabouthim · 1 year
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It's so private . . . but then all my love is private, as if it were a secret.
Iris Murdoch, from The Philosopher’s Pupil
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daughterofcainnnn · 3 months
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favourite taylor swift song?
oooof. tough question.
i'd probably sayyy... All Too Well (10 Minute Version) because i slightly relate to it and its my go-to song whenever i just need a good cry or emotional outlet.
i reaaally love that song. it means a lot to me.
thanks for the question baby ♡
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sag-dab-sar · 2 months
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Candlemas Marian Altar
(Candlemas Marian Sacred Space?)
Info post I wrote about Candlemas!
I used my much prettier Bible which is KJV and have it open to the First Sorrow— The Prophecy of Simeon:
"Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.” Luke 2:34-35 KJV
I also placed my Seven Sorrows rosary here. The white candle I planned to put a picture of Mater Dolorosa, to remind me of the 7 day Saint candles I used in Latine Catholicism of my childhood. I have sticker printer paper to do that. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do that nor print artwork to frame it because my printer is entirely broke.
Still it being Candlemas I thought it important to place the intended candle in this space. I obviously can't get any candles purified and blessed at a Church. But it is purified in my heart by its designation solely to Mary and it will never be used in any of my other traditions.
This is literally the ONLY space in my ENTIRE room where I could place these items, every other surface is covered and has been since I moved everything for the potential flood and never moved them back. The blur is because there are other items in the space because its so small. What I couldn't blur is a homemade cloth doll my Yaiyai made for me.
*In Christianity a "home altar" is set up as a place & reminder to pray. Thus "altar" "marian altar" "shrine" "kamidana" have different meanings in my religious practice.
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cathymee · 7 months
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why would you pass on and force the duty of praying to an atheist student........
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touhoutunes · 1 year
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Title: Slightly Responsive
Arrangement: RD-SOUNDS
Vocals: めらみぽっぷ
Album: 記
Circle: 凋叶棕
Original: A Sacred Lot
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tenmissedcalls · 5 months
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FINALLY PULLED WRIO!!
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