the poison in your bones sounds really interesting!!
the basic premise for this one was "song lan's haunted" and then I started writing it and while that's still the basic premise I realized recently that I wanted to go somewhere else with the ending. and I think I'm happy with where I'm going with the ending though I'm a bit worried it's kind of cliche. but oh well we'll see how it goes, hopefully my beloved beta will let me know if it doesn't work and in the meantime I'm having fun writing xue yang's ghost fucking with (a very miserable) song lan
The man was a pestilence. Gone and yet traces lingered in the air, in Song Lan’s unmoving lungs, in his mouth empty of a tongue. As though somehow he still owned a part of Song Lan that would never be free again. Bound together, master and slave, murderer and - murderer, a soft voice whispered in Song Lan’s thoughts, and he tried to let it go. It hadn’t been his choice or his will. His hands and his sword, but he was no more responsible than Fuxue was responsible for Song Lan’s own actions.
Perhaps given time he would find that argument more convincing.
When dreams of Xingchen did come, in some ways they were worse. He wept bloody tears, begging for Song Lan to speak, but no matter how hard he tried no words came out. He turned his back on Song Lan and walked away, and Song Lan watched him go, screaming at himself to stop him but only standing there unmoving until he vanished. Xiao Xingchen in the coffin, untouched by time, looking almost as though he might open his eyes and wake.
Once, in dreams, he did, and smiled, and Song Lan woke weeping, his grief as raw as flayed skin.
It would - not fade, he knew, but ease, with time. A wound healing to a scar that would always be tender, but not with the immediacy of the pain when it was fresh. He would grow accustomed to bearing it. It would become familiar, known, a part of him - or rather, an absence in him. Like empty eye sockets, lids stitched closed.
Like a missing finger.
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I'm watching the flashback sequence at the start of 4.11 Family Business for research purposes (yep, research, mhm) and I paused to write some stuff down, then discovered that this was the frame I paused on:
I've been staring at it for an entirely unreasonable amount of time. The way you can see the shattered shards of his heart in his eyes... Matt Bomer is powerful as hell.
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I know we don't talk and there's stuff we may not agree with. But I am truly sorry you've dealt with a lot of drama over fictional crap. And I'm sorry if my posts in the past ever contributed to that. Hope you have a better day.
Hey... That's all fine, don't worry! After all, it takes a lot of time and Insight to realise that Gehrman is a very gentle and respectful man and Godrick is an absolute gigachad kdkdkshdffhhgfds /lh /lh
But yeah, on a serious note. It was quite frustrating to find out the real motivation under all that... mess was something so pathetic, but at the same time this is what happens when people make engagement with media and fandoms a moral, political act. Not necessarily a problem, after all, I was the one who concluded that the way a fan judges fictional characters and other fans will very well reveal how cruel they are to real people who do something bad, or how much they will forgive based on personal sympathies. And my mad ravings about caring about female characters! I think the problem comes when a fan is so insecure that they have nothing else besides this defence of ideals through fandomry. If your only way to assert yourself is to be a good guy punishing the bad guys, and that mad raving loredigger discovers there is NO bad guy, what is left of you?
This is why it is crucial to have passion for nurturing rather than for undermining! I think if you speak like this, you've found this truth too? This is true that I don't know you very much (mutual-in-law thing), but to be honest.. you didn't poison my fandom experience at all? I tend to never be aware about discourse until someone basically calls me for help fhdhgsdgdfs Can't scout the fandom tag regularly!
But not only it actually was a quite long ago I saw a "negative" post from you, but also I've seen through the posts that my friends liked or reblogged from you that you've actually became very eager person to defend people's passion and interests! I think the post that particularly got stuck with me was when you resented seeing someone's light die after some Redditor asshole "well aktualy"'d a thing they were excited about creating (not exact wording but maybe you remember too)? Like... you are fine, man. At that point I realised that you were a good fan and in the end valued people's creativity and passion over personal preferences. That you never wanted to be THAT guy, even if your interpretation could not be further from someone else's. Coming to terms with what actually matters in fandomry is very mature and I am happy to see this attitude!
I am still glad that you messaged me about this though; I did not expect this, but thank you! I think I will continue getting involved in fictional discourse because my autistic senses cannot ignore factually incorrect takes with a clear insidious motive, and.. eh, sooner or later, I'll piss off the wrong guy again. Don't feel bad for me when it inevitably happens :p I've accepted the shortcomings when I decided to be the debate guy. Simply laughing at some gremlin starting a discourse with the girls in DMs and not stressing over it is only funny until I realise that newer fans could get misinformed right off the bat.
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Sun, 04.06: biology and birthday cake 🎉
So it’s my birthday today….
Anyways I started the day off with some biology revision, I currently have a list of stuff that I need to recap by Tuesday since I won’t be revising day of the exam, I think I’ll be able to do it all it’s just really nerve wracking that I’m gonna be sitting the exam in 3 days times. I also did some maths revision, just some mixed differentiation and I also did some proof questions too. Afterwards, we had some birthday celebrations, my mum was asking me what type of food I wanted and I said greek food and my family (mainly my brother) delivered. I hope everyone had a great week and I wish everyone the best for the following week 💖
🎶 Scott Street - Phoebe Bridgers
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all fun and laughter aside, this is honestly one of the best april fools tumblr has come up with, and is something that has really helped my own personal confidence in realising just how many people are pretty much interested in interacting with their mutuals, we're all just very tired and sometimes words / thoughts mean we go radio silence but that doesn't change a single thing.
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