Rot
Don't romanticize me, lover
I taste sweet but
When you bite into me
Beware the rot left between your teeth
Cloying
Clawing out
I've tried to change but I'm afraid my roots are moulded
And the apple never falls far from the tree
The worms have known me longer than any friend
They eat my insides- relishing in my indecency
I've scrubbed at my skin until I bleed
I don't want to be dirty anymore
But I was born in soil
And I've never really dug myself out
My hope has been filled with clouds
I can imagine myself with wings
Yet I still can't walk
The fetus of my mother's grief
I was given legs and no bravery to run
So I try to make myself good with seeds
They grow into something beautiful
Something I pray is not poisonous
Something that covers my face and how twisted it is
Under the foliage
Because I can only be so good
And I'm afraid it doesn't reach
My rotten core
-- Mischa Napier ( dedicated to my partner)
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And if loving you is a crime,
Then arrest me.
I'll spend an eternity,
Imprisoned,
As long as you want me.
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My second attempt at a poem in russian. But i guess it's a poem in english too.
Title:
Боролся, изнемогая, взял, разорвал в клочья и умер с улыбкой. -
Struggling (fighting), exhausted, he took it, tore it to shreds, and died with a smile.
Простите меня, - Forgive me,
за слабость, - for my weakness,
судьбой, то есть. - fate, that is.
Вот как идет история. - Here’s how the story goes.
У вас идет кровь из носа. - Your nose is bleeding
Пахнет так же сильно, как роза. - It smells as strongly as a rose.
Так странно, отчаянно, люблю, - So strangely, desperately, in love,
то есть, стоит стоит. - that is to say, It’s worth it.
Такую дружбу не скоро забудешь. - This is friendship, one which you can’t soon forget. -- A.K.Rx
(ATM i am still using translation tools, i hope to get to the level of not needing them this year though.)
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I’ve had some time to recover from love.
I haven’t needed to write a poem about you for a while now. I haven’t needed it more than air. I’ve had some time to breathe.
I’m not so weighted by the heaviness of the feelings I’ve had for you. But in absence of that weight, I have nothing. Nothing to tether me to the earth and keep me on the ground, rooted deep in the undeniable proof of my soul. I float above it all and nothing feels real.
I’ve had a month to recover from my love for you.
But every time I realize my thoughts aren’t all written for you now, you take over again. I feel that vice around my heart as I’m hastily reeled all the way back down and I remember what it’s like to lay in the earth.
But with the passing time it does let up a little. The moments of love are still as choking as before but they’re fewer and farther between.
I’ve had some time to recover from love.
My month is almost up and soon I’ll have to love you again.
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true love is the one thing i want most in this world. maybe i’m destined not to find it.
maybe true love is a myth
maybe true love doesn’t exist
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Please
Please dont go
Please just stay
Please smile at me another day
I dont know where id be
Without your hugs
Your gentle touch
Id fall apart
Id be a broken mess
More than i already am
Your small hands are my favorite
So is your voice
The list goes on forever
A never ending road
So many have walked it
Perhaps never alone
The difference between me and everyone else
Is i stay
They dont
Because they come with company
And i walk on my own
Your kindness makes me soft
Your kindness makes me stay
Unlike all the other people to walk by
Ill at least smile and wave
Maybe ill do more
Maybe ill say hi
Maybe ill ask about your day
Will you be honest?
Or will you lie?
Who are you as a person
Do i see you correctly
Or is there light that has yet to shine
Or is it simply shadows
Am i supid for believing
That you might be special
Am i stupid for thinking
That your kindness is real
If i stay
Will you leave
Will you run away repulused
Like ive morphed into rotting flesh
Will you run away repulsed before i have the chance to be attached
Or am i already too far gone
How do you see me
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Walking and pacing all night long. Not happy no matter what
Won’t stop talking
Not happy
She wants something not available
Even when no words are returned
I know I cannot help this loved one.
Racist, bigotry, and confusion
She thinks she knows it all tonight
But as she withers lost
How do you calm down someone venting
Listen, listen, comprehend all
She won’t tell a lie
But what happiness can one have when so much dissolution is present
Give it to God
Shes different than the rest
Superior in everyway
Smart and quick beyond her wildest dreams
You can’t get your emotions
- R.D.
- [1/18/2023]
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I Want To Make The Stars More Beautiful For You
I want you to look up after and smile,
I want my last act to be for you.
I want you to see the stars shine,
I want to be the reason the stars shine for you.
-
Before I go,
-
I want to watch the stars with you,
I want to get distracted by you.
I want to see the softness reflected on your face,
I want to be there as you see something beautiful.
-
I want to make it for you.
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Gold
The beating of my heart swallowed
My sadness
My loneliness
Your arms held me tight
Kissed my sadness
Killed my loneliness
My wounds were wrapped in gold by you
But now I’m cracking
And there isn’t anything I can do
But love you
In hopes
That your love makes me gold
Like I once shone
By your likes of you
Your own light was blinding
As you passed me a torch
Mon amour
You will never be forgotten
Never for as long I know you
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Even in the depths of the ocean I’d still try to breathe if it meant you’d be next to me.
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Forbidden
Let me start by apologizing for keeping you up most nights.I wish there was a way I could have less dreams of you.When the world talks about ‘forbidden’, they mean it;I want to tell them about you but it’s forbidden.What do people do with these unreciprocated feelings?Who do I turn to when the world is against me?Neither my head, nor my conscious wants to be a part of this.My heart is playing…
View On WordPress
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"You have my heart as long as I breathe and my soul long after; I would drop everything to watch your smile, soft rains watering the choking garden in my lungs."
-Ode to a friend once forgotten
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I have to hate myself,
More than I can love you.
I'm sorry.
There is something wrong with me,
I'm sorry.
There is something very, very wrong with me...
I'm so sorry.
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Memories or nostalgia?
Don’t you find it odd, how in the end,
we have to heal ourselves from good,
as much as we do bad? — A.K.Rx
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Unspoken
Night skies have been swallowed by your eyes;
But to enlighten you with such demanding cries,
Would seem equivalent to unfathomable cruelty.
If I were to walk simply by your side,
I’d have to fear no more than death.
Though it might be very hard to hide:
It would be your, not my, last breath.
So to keep you from dark sorrows,
I’ll decay simply with a painful hush.
Until the very last of my tomorrow’s,
When I die with my unspoken love.
For that I wish to drown in endless beauty.
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You get to a point where you
Stop looking over your shoulder,
And stop looking towards the next Corner.
You just brace yourself, and walk on alone.
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