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#sad night

sometimes i imagine talking to my younger self and when she sees me, she just falls apart hoping that at least by now, we would be better.

but i’m worser than before and all she can do is cry. i can’t comfort her. i can’t hold her. all i can do is stare and keep repeating the same words.

i’m sorry.

but nothing helps, she continues screaming until she goes numb and her throat becomes raw.

i’m so fucking sorry.

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Night

I turn my back on you

making sure you hear me laughing out loud

I walk with my head held high, leaving you down there somewhere


in the pit that I do not look into

in the pit that I dug up to bury us


and everything is “great yeah I’m really moving on”


only at night


I draw the curtains

howl to the walls

bite my pillow


die of love

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Peaceful

at first I feel coldness and it hurts

then comes the numbness


and I go deeper deeper

last breath taken


I’m gone


and I think I’m crying with happiness but I’m not sure when these salty waters mix


there is a pressure here as well but different kind

this weight in the chest

crushing me

I know it’ll be gone soon


oh how quiet it is


after drowning on the surface

I feel safe underneath

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I’d do anything in my power
To see you just smile
I want you to prosper and come proper
Even if that means I ain’t by your side

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la noche sigue empeorando y no hay forma en que el cansancio nuble la tristeza, quien demonios me dice de qué sirve tener fe en estos momentos…

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