* Author's Note *

Major trigger warning ⚠️

My poetry and other writings talk about some pretty deep topics such as self-harm, suicide, suicidal thoughts, depression, and anxiety. Please read at your own risk...

I thought I felt our hearts click, but to you it was just a little flick.

I watch you live your life through pictures on a screen

Through Facebook and Instagram and everything in between

And your number is still saved in my phone

Even though you never call me anymore

I see all the love in your life

And I hope it is all you ever wanted

Even if it feels like a knife

Even if I’m forever haunted

I remember living life by your side

Whether on your left or on your right

Fingers intertwined like puzzle pieces into place

My heart beating like I just won a race

Eating every meal together

From august until November

You asked how I didn’t get tired of eating the same thing

I told you I like having my own routines, with a grin

I watch your life through pictures on a screen

Like all my messages you left on seen

My thought doesn’t cross your mind anymore

But I’m stuck thinking of you more and more

We talk maybe once or twice a year

On our birthdays, or on New Years

And sometimes, even in those you forget

And I act cool, like I have no regrets

I remember signing up to learn to drive together

And we sat in your bedroom trying to remember

The rules of the road before our exam

We walked in together, hand in hand

And all the pretty girls you told me about

Never failed to fill my heart with doubt

You never truly understood the way I felt

Or maybe you did but still, you left

And I still watch your life through picture on a screen

Wondering if it truly is as it seems

And I truly do hope you’re doing well

Even if I’m still under your spell

We don’t even talk once or twice a year anymore

And it’s probably for the best, I’m sure

Doesn’t mean I don’t miss our “could’ve been”

Even if for you it never even began

- another internet stalker

Leave

Ever since I was born,

Everyone has left me

Every acquaintance,

Every friend,

Every lover,

And every admirer

Everyone has left me,

Everyone but him

He’s the only one that stayed

And that is why I love him

I know he treats me bad,

And I know that I should go

But I can’t help but love him

For I know he’ll never leave

Hasta que uno de los dos deje sentir lo que sentimos.

Hasta que uno de los dos se dé cuenta de que lo mejor es decir adiós.

Nuestra historia ni siquiera inició.

¿Por qué intentamos ponerle fin?

No puedo estar contigo, tú no me soportas, ¿cómo evito amarte? no quiero más drama.

Me gustas así, inevitable y efímero, como la última brisa de verano, como las tardes de lluvia en invierno.

¿Estaremos bien? Todo el mundo quiere amor, nadie sufrir por él.

Sacrificios, peleas, pasión, no es fácil, y no somos fuertes.

Déjame ir, antes de que lo entiendas.

I feel like I’m living in my mistakes. Every mistake I have made is being brought up at my lowest point. It’s too much to handle. It’s honestly a slap in the face. My hearty literally hurts... like I can feel the pain in my actual heart. It’s unbearable and I’m alone. The only thing keeping me breathing is my selflessness. I wouldn’t dare hurt the ones I love, I’d rather be weak & live in pain. That’s probably why I’m so hurt now. I’m always making sure everyone else is okay but what about me? Who’s going as hard for me as I am for them? I can honestly say nobody as I am writing this as tears fall down my eyes alone.

August

here with the cold and damp

flashes of the future spring

there in warm and sand

back to where a world

where my mother

was alive and well

my sister and i were

still good friends

my dad and i spoke

a world of pretend;

I've grown numb, to who I've become.

Sometimes the one who heals everyone is the one who needs to be healed the most.

-r. n

Final Therapy Session

this leather chair is cool and uncomfortable

i came to you when i saw no life;

now, i don’t know much of anything

my mind burns, eyes adrift

ocean wide, and unforgiving

insomnia

by- Ermys

i lie awake

looking at the stars that seems so close yet so far

i know that if i went with them i won’t be missed

yet when i lay here with tired eyes

i can't help but think of the possibilities of my disappearance

the thought of leaving you is something that i hope will never come true

i know you hate me

yet i love you.

and if i were to leave would you cry

all the time i’ve annoyed you with my presence

but you never left

you stayed unlike everyone else

and if i can just “suck it up” as some would put it

then i could sleep soundly without the annoying voice calling out all of my insecurities

and maybe i could sleep without the monsters crawling out and grabbing me

maybe i would sleep for long

Yet as sleep cradles me in their arms

I can't help but think the cradle that sits so unsteady on the tree may fall down

Crashing into the leaves down below,

And yet if no one is there did it really happen

What if this is all a dream and I just need to- WAKE UP?

If this was a dream, then i'm glad to be dreaming of you

And still as the dawn slowly approaches,

Sleeps soft hands caress my face as they finally takes me away

Away from my problems, my worries, my sadness

And as i drift off holding their hands gently

I can't help but think about how happy i was to live with you

Im sorry love, but it's my time to go to sleep

goodbye

Overthinking is the biggest cause of our unhappiness. Keep yourself occupied. Keep your mind off things that don’t help you. Be optimistic.

Unknown

Dark HERstory

Her smile is as bright as the sun

Her aura brought you warmth

She made you feel safe

She was so different

Behind closed doors was darkness

Each breath she took fogged the air

Her skin blue

Her shoulders heavy

In one deep breath

It began to rain.

God I wanted to kiss you

To hold you, feel you, touch you

To have you look at me like you once did

Hold my hand, tell me you love me

Even if it was a lie

Please

Just pretend, for me?

You would for her

You do for her

You only do it because you don't know how to say no to her

Please

Just

Love me

Even if it is just a drunken lie

I am still not over @radiocomusic new album. My roommates were way too loud today, and I have this massive headache so I just put them on and was finally able to relax. (Music doesn't bother me when my head hurts, luckily)

LIFE.

Sometimes i wish i had no feeling,

You might think,

What about your first kiss,

The euphoria, the bliss,

I say,

What about the regrets,

The painstaking sadness,

That it was with a boy,

Who showed you no joy,

It was just an action,

For his satisfaction.

I wish i never loved,

You might think,

What about your mother? Your father and sisters.

Who love you so dear, with smiles from ear to ear,

I say,

I'm a burden, a solemn human,

A pessimistic girl, seeing the world without a sun.

I wish i was alone,

You might think,

Surely not, there's a man who will love your every flaw,

I say,

I can't love my flaws,

I can't remember who i was before,

Before i became a vaccuum of sorts,

Draining the life force of organisms alike,

I say, im not meant for feelings, emotions and such,

I'm meant for the numbness that succumbs, when every emotion isn't enough, sadness prevails. It doesnt go away. I want to be numb, even if i have to sacrifice what once was.

And now my memory, seems to be failing me

What once was fantasy, Is all I've ever known

~ Song ; All I've ever known // the Bahamas

The poet inside of me, the happy kid and the woman who's all lost;

this song brings everything in front of me,

as if the song was put together by universe to hit bones of my emotions,

as if it was my own.

So I keep this melody near to my chest, like it was my child or like I was it's child,

every that night when the life in me starts flowing out into the dark sky,

when moon, my only friend and my forever true love; is lost behind the freedom clouds.

Feels like my emptiness is being nurtured.

These voids of sadness, happiness, feelings, emotions and moments, in my head, all seem to be filled with unreality.

Because I don't remember anything, anymore.

Fantasy is all that I've ever known.

- Saachi Pirta//@saachipirta

i am neither good or bad, just person

how do you know if you're a bad person

how do you know if you're a person worth living

do bad people debate their morals

or do only the good ponder about these things

why do the truly good people

doubt themselves

You make me hate everything you like I hate when people say I look and sound like you And every Mother’s Day feels like a chore that I’m not allowed to fail

Llevo meses estando sin estar...