A gdy dusza twa skruszy się,
Nie przybędzie na pomoc twój Anioł Stróż,
Będziesz wiedział, że zostałeś sam.
Została ci tylko pustka i ból.
Ready to jump off the curb -
tam başardım derken neden tercihin gitmekten yana ?
i yearn the feeling
the feeling of belonging
i yearn feeling
other than taking
and mimicking emotions
that are not mine
when i am alone with
nobody or nothing
i become nobody, nothing
i am consumed by emptiness
i am consumed by thoughts
thoughts that i consider normal
but others apparently consider dark,
but nobody knows
nobody knows because
when i have nothing to feed off
nothing to mimic
i become the real me
the real me who is nothing
a shell of who i am seen to be
you might question how nobody notices
you might think that my reactions to words
are genuine, meanwhile i am forced to give a
reaction to hurtful words like a reflex action that
makes me shut down and runaway
but in the end i am still reduced to nothing
and in the end i believe that, that what i am
Mi vida es un completo desastre, pero a pesar de eso siempre trato de sobrellevarla con una sonrisa, se que atrás de esa sonrisa me estoy partiendo en mil pedazos pero pues agg que puedo hacer:’(
It’s killing me..
It’s killing me slowly and precisely..
It’s killing me alive.
It’s killing me like the Sun kills the Moon every morning..
..maybe just a bad dream..
When I was a child
fear was manifest,
it took the shape
of a man’s hand,
of words hurled in anger,
and the rules lay stretched
like barbed wire fences,
comfortingly solid as they
tore your hands up.
Now that I am grown
fear is a ghost
it is the shadow of his hand
and the echo of their words,
where the rules now cut
as well as caress in unequal measure.
It is because fear is always
much more fearsome when not understood,
that I long for the yoke of order:
Such is my debt, and such is my shame.
(Não é um poema)
Hoje estou alegre
Sinto a felicidade que sempre me perseguiu
A felicidade triste
A tristeza que me deia sorrir
Quando zombo dela
Eu zombo de mim
Arrasto-me no chão
O frio na barriga congela
O corpo treme
Porém, eu estou sorrindo
Começo a gargalhar
Rolo no chão
A tristeza oferece a sua mão
Será ela a minha felicidade?
Onde está o sorriso sincero e puro
A alegria descontraída
_Vai me rejeitar?
Em quem, além de mim, confiarás?
(It’s not a poem)
Today I’m happy
I feel the happiness that has always haunted me
The sadness that would give me smile
When I mock her
I mock myself
I drag myself to the ground
Cold in belly freezes
The body trembles
However, I’m smiling
I start laughing
Roll on the floor
Sadness offers its hand
Is she my happiness?
Where is the sincere and pure smile
The relaxed joy
I face unhappiness
_Vai reject me?
Who, besides me, will you trust?
No sé cuánto tiempo más pueda soportar este vacío, esta soledad. Por más que parezca que está todo bien, en el fondo, sé que la tristeza me espera con los brazos abiertos.
Ghost ship of my life,
Weighted down by coffins
On the evening tide
-Charles Simic | Black Butterfly
Sim. Ainda é sobre você. A sensação de náusea, por conta da ansiedade. Aquela dorzinha no peito, que ainda insiste em tirar meu sono. Esse corpo vazio vagando pelas noites em busca de algum sentido. Ainda é tudo sobre você. Ainda sou eu juntando meus caquinhos e tentando me refazer.
You once asked me why I’m always gone when you wake up.
I smirked and gave you some bullshit line, knowing the real answer is too heavy for you.
The real answer?
You twitch in your sleep, and my mind never fully rests when you’re around. One movement, one sound from you and suddenly I’m awake.
It’s an established routine – one that makes me happy and breaks my heart at the same time.
It starts with a dry mouth – reaching over you for the water bottle you keep on the table. I’ll search for my phone in the mass of tangled sheets. I find a few missed calls from my friend, wondering where I disappeared to (and a few ‘get it bitchhhhh’ texts from when she inevitably figured it out). Then I’ll find my clothes - the ones you so carelessly stripped me of the night before.
And then … I linger, crawling back into bed. I’ll watch you for a while, committing every beautiful detail to memory. I’ll indulge myself with just a little more time spent in your arms, my head on your chest – lulled by the deep thump thump thump of your heartbeat.
When dawn comes, I feel pulled toward the door. I always kiss you one last time before I go, and you always kiss me back.
Sometimes I’ll cry when I get to my car. Sometimes I won’t.
Fuck it. The real answer?
I leave before you wake up, because I can’t bear to watch you go first.
It was stupid from me to think that you would still be interested in me after you know all my flaws…I should’ve known that nobody can love someone like me…
This is the last chapter
The unforgettable last words
This is the minute before the end
This is the mark left
For i know iam easy to forget
My name will be forgotten
In a touch of cold wind
my face would be a blur
In a few weeks
My voice would drown out
In the tickling of the clock
This is my footprint on the sand
Which would soon be erased by the mighty sea.
Cry an ocean ,if you want to
And let your salty tears call the sky their home
While settling as fluffly clouds
So the next time you look at the sky
Let the cotton candy like clouds remind you
of what it was once
Of what you could be
How is it possible?
For me to love you this much, to be utterly lost in the depths of you, and you … you’re indifferent to me.
Skin to bear -
The skin I wear is mine to bear
with all its flaws I hate so well
The fat that sits just below the surface
The marks and scars from who knows what
I try to change I try to improve
But it seems this body just won’t let me be
So pardon the trails left by the tears
I just wanted to feel pretty
Was that so much to ask?
I dipped my legs into darkness
in the cold of its blackness
To give away myself to the blues
but then i was dragged away
Away from the end line
By someone as broken as iam
By a shine in the sky
And as he bought us both a drink
i took a sip of hope from the cup
He told me how darkness was his friend
and how it was like to be moon
As I took a sip of hope
While i was drowning in it
“No sé quién; pero si sé que a veces, cuando me examino el alma, la siento un poco quebrada”.