i do not ache with beauty. i do not hurt with grace. it leaves me guilty and it leaves me feeling shame.
i hurt like car wrecks and floods and fires enveloping places you’re told you should feel safe in.
i hurt like your least favorite songs played on the highest volume in a room you can’t escape from.
i hurt like i belong in a hospital bed that will turn into a casket or an urn.
i hurt like it’s the first time, every time, like i’ve never felt such agony.
i hurt like, “how could you do this to me?”
i hurt like, “i hate you and i could hate you forever.”
i hurt like, “i will never forget this.”
i hurt like, “i hope you hurt too.”
- “i hurt ugly”