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tylerwritez · 3 years

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OKAY ANWYAYS its 10:57 p.m. Wednesday June 23

I'm gonna start writing my entry now so that later I'm not too exhausted to actually TALK about stuff.

Yesterday Bee gave me a link to watch Supernatural on my computer so later tonight I probably will.

I'm in class right now, we just had a test on evolution (boring) and I studied some of the book State And Revolution by Lenin (I also took notes) (he's 100 percent correct by the way)

I just had a wonderful discussion with my friend on Instagram XD it was kinda funny. I dont have much else to say Yet. I'm having a coffee and listening to Samaris

I guess that will be my song recommendation for today since I'm listening to it right now XD

Also my parents said yes to letting me go to Jay's house to watch Insidious after school, I just gotta be back for supper! I'm excited abt that... cos he is actually like. The best. So in honour of that or whatever I'm giving yall TWO song recs today... also I dont think I gave one yesterday so here is Jay's fave song XD we gave different taste you'll notice,,, if you pay attention to the stuff I reccomend

Like he listens to old stuff XD he liked this weezer song from my playlist so you get the vibes. WEEZER IS GOOD THO omg thank u K (I'm just gonna call him K) for recommending me weezer! I knew a radiohead fan would give me good music lol.

Actually I talked to K a while ago and told him about how insanely transgender the song Bodysnatchers is and he was like wow so true so I figured I'd tell yall to listen to this if ur trans because like I know everyone's got a #different experience but for me I was like holy Shit this is so trans

Anwyays idk it makes more sense if u listen to the LYRICS.

Please I'm supposed to talk about my DAY now we are onto music oh well I guess it happens sometimes plus I'm bored I hate bio class

Okay so now we have come to the thesis that kinks are contagious wow fun times in the insta chat XD

It's now 4:16 p.m. I'm back from school! Turns out I couldn't go over to Jay's cos he has work :( which made me a bit sad BUT IT'S OKAY! We can always hang out another time you know?

I'm just studying right now for my final exam... TOMMOROW

Update: 8:15 p.m.

I'm out biking. We've mildly vandalized a school, I'll attach images after I remove the exit data... it probably doesnt count as VANDALISM tho like it can easily be washed off.

My sister made some new friends her age and whatnot. Idk, just regular stuff.

Update: 10:43 p.m. I was frustrated while studying because some of the questions are stupid and I'm stupid and I cant remember TWO ENTIRE UNITS so that's fun. I got really upset. Idk.

Also Star is kinda being bitchy. Like, I know shes upset cos I dont give her enoguh attention but like... do YOU give me attention? Like, shes always so mean out of the blue, even if I try to be nice or if I'm BUSY AND NOT IGNROING HER, BUT BUSY... and it puts me off and it makes me not wanna talk to her like what's the point in saying "hey how was ur day?" If shes gonna act like a bitch to me :| I just dont understand like if she wants soemthing she should say it outright and PUT SOME EFFORT in jesus christ.

Sorry. I dont hate her and I'm not mad at her, I'm just fed up! I'm tired!!! Okay??? Am I not allowed to be exhausted sometimes?

Whatever. I mean at least I got to drink monster.

I gotta start dieting again cos I'm gaining weight :( and its upsetting me

Anyways this whole thing with Jay and Star is kinda confusing and dramatic and I'm kinda tired idk. Its MY OWN FAULT but I just want to be able to. Idk. Not hurt anyone. Whatever. It's too late now and it's not really worth trying anymore.

I hope Jay doesn't just totally ditch me when he goes to college... :( I would be so sad... it's a good thing I can spam his number and insta XD

Wish me luck on my final exam. I need it.

And if anyone knows any good ways to avoid cutting myself, TELL ME!!! Because DAMN I really want to go spend all my money on a four dollar knife/steal a knife then SLICE MYSELF UP. SO BAD. jesus.

I think I should just die I'm actually a horrible person.

Update: its 11:22 p.m. and my parents are FUCKING ARGUING AGAIN JESUS CHRIST JUST FUCKING DIVORCE ALREADY. I wish my lil sister didn't have to hear this shit... oh well. I'm already a shitty influence anyways so I guess it doesn't matter.

... have you ever seen your parents CRY? Because I have. And jesus christ it's the actual worst thing ever. Especially if you're young. Especially if it's YOUR fault... Especially if it's over shit you could barely even comprehend because of your age. Money. Shit like that. They LOOK at you with this expression, like a fucking wounded animal. It's the expression of someone just totally fucking defeated. The expression of soemone who is frightened. And its fucking scary, especially when it's your fault.

My mom does this every time she sees I've cut myself again. I hate it. Makes me wanna cut more because STOP IT. she always looks dESTROYED. It's the worst.

Sometimes they argue and fight and shit and they yell at you yell at you Yell at you scare you into submission and fuck having angry parents is terrifying because they're suppsoed to protect you and be understanding and gentle with you, the child, the cattle of the shepard, the egg of the black goat... ESPEICALLY WHEN YOU ARE IN PAIN. Every time you cry they get angrier and angrier, every time you wear what u wanna wear they get angrier and angrier, every time you are ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT THEY WISH YOU WERE... they get angry. You start to feel like maybe they dont ACTUALLY love you. There is a disconnect between what you need and what you are given. What you see in media and what you see at home. You start to feel like shit.

Eventually you learn that if you dont want the head of your favourite stuffed animal twisted off or your sisters barbie doll thrown out the window in a moving car or to be verbally insulted or to have them do SCARY things like make moves toward you before they remember they aren't suppsoed to hit you and just punishment that's emotionally fucking damaging all those words that you remember years later but they don't, every time they tell you they wish you were dead.... you gotta be quiet. Shut up. Do as you're told and don't say a fucking WORD. good boy. Upset? Don't tell them. Don't cry in front of them. Say nothing. Maintain the illusion, it'll keep you safe.

Soon enough your entire life is a secret and you need therapy but can't get it and wow, I wonder why I'm like this? I fucking wonder.

They aren't even arguing anymore but I wish they would shut up because I dont wanna hear their voices its making me ANXIOUS...

Sometimes I feel like I never got to develop past a certain point in childhood. Maybe 5, 10, 3, 6, I dont fucking know. Over 2 and under 10. Like my brain is emotionally stuck there and all of my behaviour is stuck there too. Sometimes if shit hurts me in ANY WAY I just sorta allow the bad hurt to happen. I tell myself, endure. Stay quiet, don't say a word. I've trained myself this way and now it's hard to learn to be loud and talk to people and be my own self without being scared. And part of this... is why I appreciate my friends and JAY. Jay, who always makes sure I'm okay. And everyone I know who likes to drop into my messages every once in a while to see how I'm doing... everyone who never forgets about me.

I'm actually so fucking appreciative of all my friends.

I don't know. I just... wish it was easier to sort out my shit but I guess not

Update: it's now 3:09 a.m. and I'm so fucking tired but whatever. I talked to Jay and it's hard to say much because I'm so tired but FUCK I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM JESUS CHRIST IM IN LOVE?!?!?!!! goddamnit it I just wanna be with him constantly...

Also I told him I was worried and he said, with his cute fucking voice, that I shouldnt worry cos he wouldnt just leave me. And. ThaNK YOU JAY. IF YOURE READING THIS, THANK YOU. Sometimes I get this dude's messages and just fucking smile. Hes the best and I love him. His whole self is a thing of beauty that I admire so much hes so charismatic and attractive and CUTE and I always tell him he's overconfident but MAN if i was that guy I'd be such a douchebag from confidence... dont tell him that though, xD like man I'm trying my best but at this point I wouldnt know what to fucking do if he went away. Like I'd cry so much.... I hope he doesnt move on from me too quick.

I'm so. I feel happy. Because I'm looking at everything and I feel so happy I'll cry and so sad I'll laugh. It's like being in a shitty coming of age movie where they play pop punk and the main character has his moment with the hot girl at the school dance or whatever bullshit. I feel like that. But its also like that same main character in his late forties stumbling upon an old photo of him and his highschool girlfriend and killing himself from love.

Here's what I'm listening to now... this plus a bunch of nostlagia inducing songs earlier... I just. Memories. So many. I almsot want to cry. Like. Look at them. Hold them in your hands as if they're these lovely little stones you found on the ground and put in your pockets cos they had cool stripes. Feel their WEIGHT. It's one of those things where it's so happy it's sad. It's so sad its happy. You're laughing and crying all at once and all you want is a hug. Because you can FEEL the human parts of you coming out, seeping out like a styro, starts off white then... blood. Humanity. I am vulnerable and exposed and I leave myself here.

HAN LEID, HAN LEID, HAN LEID,... han varr.

He walked, he walked, he walked,... he became.

I guess I'm still walking. But jesus christ. People affect me so much. So much. These memories, how it was cold or sunset or hot outside or nighttime and dark, how we were there as humans. I'd never be happier than in those little moments but you don't see it until years later. You don't see how important it was until you think of it and cry... fucking hell. Nils, Mark, Gabe, Max, James, Kyle, Liz,, every friend I've ever had. Nothing is better than music and memories because jesus christ I would've loved to have... died.

Died? No. My brain does this thing... I dont mean died. I guess I mean I wouldve liked to be frozen in those moments.

Sometimes I get a similar feeling. It's not the same, but its similar. This thing where you are so happy and grateful and sad because this is a tragedy and wow look. A happy moment in a tragedy. But jesus its happy enough and I want to cry because I really do appreciate the people who's lives cross paths with mine. I cry because I think of every little moment in which I knew that I wasnt alone and every little moment in which I felt their SOUL with mine and every little moment where my heart was touched... even unintentionally and in ways that dont make sense.

There was a girl, I'll call her Jade, I came out to her before anyone else. And sometimes, in the back of my head, I play that moment. In my mind. It was over fucking Skype. But I still felt it.

Oh man... I should proabably tell my coming out story. The story of how I came out to my parents. I was scared. I really was... but I felt like if I couldn't be ME, I couldn't live, or at least I didn't want to.

This was the song I played as I wrote a letter at... around this time actually, 3 or 4 am

I wrote it so spontaneously. I didn't even THKNK. I just wrote it. Because I was tired of crying myself to sleep every night and well... I had camp the next morning. That gave them a solid week or so to think about my letter... that would ensure they would be able to cool off whatever anger it would make them feel.

I wrote on one sheet of sketchbook paper front and back. I tried my best to explain. I tried my best. And that paper is stained with tears and still rests in my moms sock drawer

The whole thing got complicated after that... but in the end it worked out, with a lot of fucking work and persistence on my part.

Soemtimes I hope they look at it and cry themselves like how I did writing it.

Sometimes I just wish things were different. But they're not. I gotta deal with this.

But hey! Hey! We were happy earlier. Because... I dont kNow. I love everyone and I love the planet and i never want anyone to have to be hurt. Okay??? I love. Everyone.

Its hyperbole but still. I just want the best for everyone and I hate when other people are suffering cos it makes me upset. And. I don't know. I feel so... emotional right now. Like right now? I just want to hug everyone. And tell them that I'm here. And that it's okay. Look at me, dude! Look at me. I fucking made it... kinda. You can too! If you're reading this and you feel like shit... pull through. Please. I believe you can. I love you ANF I care about you and if you ever need help, message me.

Whatever I just. I dont know. I feel all like I just want everyone to be happy and at peace.... because I remember SO MUCH and all of it is making me cry a lot because I'm full of love okay? Like. I just care about people. I had to say goodbye to all of them but I don't fucking forget. I NEVER FORGET. It's a curse and... right now? The saddest blessing ever.

I had to say goodbye... yknow, I've never been good at goodbyes. I hope I don't have to say goodbye to Jay for a while. A long time. And when we do... I hope I can listen to his song and think of him and pull out every memory as perfectly as I can for everyone else. I just. I don't know. I see all these people in my mind, in flashes and it all comes flooding back to me. That isnt just a face. That was my friend and now they're gone. That was my friend and now? Not a word from them... that was my best friend and now its awkward. I don't want that anymore.. its painful. All of these people that have forgotten me years ago... who I still remember. Ouch. I dont know. I think I'm being dramatic because tlaking to Jay and being sleep deprived made me all mushy and then I listened to music. So.

Music makes everything feel so much more consuming but I cant live without it.

I dont even know

I'm just happy that I get to experience love.

Even if in the very end I am left alone... even if I'm tormented with memories of a happiness that can only be temporary,,,

I still appreciate it all and I'm full of love and appreciation I'm happy and i want to say THANK YOU to everyone

Signing off at 3:50 a.m,

Jude Shepard

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misterbitches · 3 years

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Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas.

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL.

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers!

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die.

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more. i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done)

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom.

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through.

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao. basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman. anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord.

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop.

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t. beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are.

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid.

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc.

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me)

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex)

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

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cal-puddies · 4 years

Text

meet fletch || pt 6 || ashton irwin

meet fletch || pt 1 || pt 2 || pt 3 || pt 4 || pt 5 || pt 6

Cal looks over at you in the car. “You ok?”

“Yeah… I knew it’d be possible… but I didn’t think he’d do this to me.” You sigh.

Cal rests his hand on your thigh, and he lets you sit in silence awhile. Even when you get back to his house, he lets you be. He doesn’t know what you need right now because he doesn’t know you that well.

But he’s happy when you seek him out. He’s out back with Duke and a beer.

“Sorry.” You whisper, wrapping your arms around him.

“I’m really not sure what for.” He kisses the top of your head.

“Shutting down. It just… caught me off guard, what Fletch said.”

“Remember he’s six, and he has no idea how that sounded to you. But also, it’s ok. People need time to process.” He chuckles.

“I know, but everything with us is both new and potentially temporary. I hate that I wasted that time even if it was just a couple hours.”

“Please don’t think of this as temporary. I know it’s easy too but I’m already thinking of ways to stay in you and Fletch’s lives.” Cal murmurs.

“Cal.” You say pulling away.

“It’s not ideal. And I know you’ll go back to Aus and it will make this infinitely more difficult. But I dunno. You’re worth it.” He shrugs.

You cling a little tighter to him and he takes you to bed.

Something feels a little off the next morning. It’s not Cal, but you can’t pinpoint it, so you have to go about your day.

Cal takes you home and says he’ll come by later for dinner. You do some laundry and a little bit of packing, since the end of the trip is coming up. And then hit up the grocery store and sit down to do some work before Calum comes over.

You check your phone in the late afternoon and there’s a text from Ash.

-fletch seems to be having a bad day

-not everyday is puppies and rainbows with a six year old. What’s going on?

-he’s having a tantrum about eating :(

That gets you worried, Fletch loves to eat.

-is he running a fever?

-dont think so. Kay Kay checked it earlier said she thought it was normal.

-ok. Great. Can YOU check it and let me know?

-Kay Kay is actually really good with him… 36.5 c

-I don’t give a fuck if she’s the best ever. You’re his father. That’s normal. Ask him what’s wrong? You suggest before turning your phone over to get work done.

You don’t check it again until after you and Cal have dinner, and are chatting over a glass of wine when it starts ringing incessantly. You finally pick it up and see that it’s Ash.

“Hey ash. Everything ok?” You ask, making eye contact with Calum.

“Fletch is having a meltdown and just screaming about how he wants his mom. I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t want anything to do with me so we’re on the way over.” He informs you and you can hear fletch screaming in the background.

“Ok… we’ll see ya soon, I guess.” You shrug and hang up. “Fletch wants me.” You tell Cal.

“Should I go?” He asks.

“I don’t think so. Not yet anyway.”

You can hear them coming when they get there. Fletch is still screaming all the way down the hall. “We’re almost there fletch. You will see your mom.” You hear Ashton outside the door. You set the wine down and wait for ash to open the door.

“Momma.” Fletch sniffles, coming over to you.

You pick him up and stroke the back of his head. “Hi bubba. What’s wrong?” You ask.

“I thought you left me because i said I wanted to see dad more and momma I don’t want you to go.” He blubbers.

“Bubba.” You coo, “I couldn’t leave without you. You’re my baby, what would I do without you.”

“Please don’t leave.” He clings to you tightly.

“I wouldn’t Fletch. Or you’d know and understand why and how long before I did. I’m not leaving you, baby.” You assure him.

“We can go home momma, we don’t have to stay. Just don’t leave.” He cries harder.

“Ohh… Fletch I need you to calm down bubba. We’ll figure out whether we’re gonna stay or go, but we’ll be together still.”

You notice Ash is unmoved from near the door and Cal is kind of admiring you a moment.

“I’m gonna go.” He comes by and whispers.

“What? Why?” you ask.

“You two need time together.” He kisses your cheek. “We’ll have time for the three of us soon.” You turn and look for for his lips, and he finally presses his to yours. “I’ll talk to you later. Night Fletch, hope you feel better bud.”

Fletch huffs out a “bye uncle cal.”

“You ok bubba?” You ask, after he’s calmed down considerably.

“Can I stay with you?” He sniffles.

“Yeah bubba, you’ve always been able to stay with me.” You continue to hold him, walking around a little bit, trying to soothe him. You look to Ash, “did you bring any of his stuff?”

“No. I don’t even know why…. he just started screaming for you and I… panicked and brought him to you.” He wipes a hand over his face. You can tell looking at Ash that today had’t’ve been a hard day, he looks worn. You nod.

“Baby, why don’t we get you in some pjs and we’ll snuggle up on the couch with dad and watch a movie before bed?”

“Ok.” He sniffles.

You luckily kept a few extra things for Fletch, and you let him get changed. He’s obviously tired when you head back out to the living room. Ash is sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

Fletch waits for you to sit and he sits right next to you, leaning into you. He taps ash and holds his hand out, ash looks and grabs it, and then grabs the remote. He lets out a breath you recognize as stress right after he turns the tv on.

“What do you wanna watch, bubba?” He asks Fletch.

Fletch looks up at you, “he asked you bubba, not me.” You chuckle.

He only gets a quarter of the way into the movie before he’s asleep. You get about halfway through before you pick him up and put him in your bed.

Ash has turned the movie off and is looking for something else. “Sorry I ruined your night.” He says quietly, watching you sit.

“It’s ok.” You shrug. “Not every day is fun and easy. It’s good you got to see that. Sometimes plans get ruined because the kid comes first.”

“What did you do if something like that happened? There’s no one else to take him too.”

“He’s usually just tired, but since I haven’t been with him, I don’t know what the issue is.” You admit.

“This hasn’t been easy, has it?” Ash asks, looking you over.

“Ha. He told me the other night that he wanted to live here with you and kay Kay and grandma and aunt Lauren would visit him here and I’ll tell ya what… broke my fuckin heart.” You sigh.

“Yeah, Cal mentioned that when he was over earlier.” Ash nods.

“I just don’t think you understand this.” You shake your head, getting up to clean up after you and Cal. “It’s fun for you right? Because you’re getting to know each other and he’s at a super fun age. He has personality and he’s discovering how things work, and he’s curious. But you weren’t there for the hard stuff, when he was a baby and colicky and I was the only one around to take care of him, or figuring out how to go to school and work and still be there for him and get him daycare. Or figuring out how to feed him and also myself, buy diapers… and don’t even say if I would have told you…” you warn.

“I know. I think it was an easy choice for you, and I can’t even say what I would have done if I was in your shoes because I never could be… but I’m here now and I know I didn’t know what to do tonight and truthfully I don’t think I’ve been following his schedule because I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.” He tries to explain, “but I want to know. I want to be able to handle this.” He sighs, “I told you I wanted to be apart of this and that means the good and the bad. Not just with him but you too.” Ash gets up and puts himself in front of you, “but you gotta stop heading me off all the time. I’m cool with whatever you and Cal are up to. I just want you to know I’m here and I wanna help you out and here would be easier but if it’s not right for you then we’ll work it out at home.” He shrugs, resting his hands on your shoulders. “I just need to learn. You didn’t inherently know how to do all of this.” He points out.

“No, I didn’t. You’re right.” You nod. “It’s hard to let someone else in on this though.” You shrug.

“Have you given any more thought to being here? I can help you find a job, you can stay here. I don’t use this place. We can find a great school for Fletch.” He gently tightens his hands. “Please, I just want a more permanent part of his life. And once you’re comfortable with the idea… I wanna be able to tell people he’s mine.”

“For the sake of honesty… my company does have an offer out for me to stay.” You murmur.

“No fucking way.” Ash looks excited, he pulls you in and squeezes your body against his. “I could be in Fletch’s life! What does Cal think? What do you think?”

“Cal thinks I need to do what’s best for fletch and I.” You shrug. “I’m still undecided… though Fletch’s little plea to stay with dad wasn’t my favorite.” You admit.

He sighs, drops his hands. “What is it? Why are you so reluctant? Just let me help. Let me be apart of your lives.”

“You don’t get to just walk in and make decisions Ash! None of this has really been on my terms. I’m constantly giving because you’ve somehow made me feel guilty and the bad guy because I put you first, like I always have.” You're exasperated and you know you need to get away from him. You grab your phone and step out on the balcony, closing the door behind you to make it clear that Ash shouldn’t follow you.

You check your phone for texts and you have one from Cal.

-hope things are going ok and he sent a picture of duke.

You reply with a sad face and your phone is immediately ringing. “Hey.” You say.

“Ya ok, little one?” Cal asks, immediate concern.

“Just getting into it with Ash again.” You shrug. “What are you up to?” You check.

“We’re just watching some Tv before bed.” Cal starts.

Ash peaks his head out the door, “maybe I should go.” He says.

“Of course! Why not? That’s the easy thing to do.” You retort.

“He’s asleep. You don’t want to talk to me…” he defends.

“Ash you have to give me some fucking time ok? I’ve never had to co parent or deal with another adults feelings about things when it comes to fletch, I need some fucking time to process shit.”

He sighs and he realizes, yeah, that’s probably right. “Ok. I’ll be inside.” He shrugs.

“Don’t you need to get home to kay Kay anyway?” You roll your eyes.

“That doesn’t matter right now.” He says simply, shutting the door.

You hold the phone back to your ear and sigh. “Want me to come back by?” Cal asks. “Sounds like you might need a buffer.”

“Nah. No reason to put you in this. I probably just need to get it off my chest.” You sigh, letting your head roll back.

“Ok. Well I wanna see you tomorrow.”

“I wanna see ya too.” You grin a little.

“Have a good night little one.” He says.

“You too Cal.”

You sit outside a little longer to let yourself cool down and then you get to your feet and go back inside. Ash has made himself comfortable, his shoes are off and he’d taken his jacket off finally.

“I’m sorry.” You say quietly.

“No… you were right. It’s a change for all of us and we all need to be patient with each other.” He’s just as quiet.

“You said the right thing you know, about not going home to kay Kay right now.”

“I told you I want him in my life and I have to make him a priority.” He nods. “And I have to keep in mind that you need to adjust too, but having him means including you, and taking into consideration your feelings on things. I’ll stay the night. I’ll be here in the morning if he wants to come back home with me.” He shrugs.

“We just gotta keep talking to each other. I can’t read your mind anymore than you can read mine.”

You end up asleep on the couch with Ash, when you wake up you don’t remember if you fell asleep at opposite ends but you sure as shit woke up at the same end, his arms tucked around you. You push away and stare at him, “what the hell irwin.” You groan. You get up and walk back to the room to check on fletch. He’s just playing by himself on the bed. “Hey Fletch, how ya feeling bubby?” You ask.

“I feel better, mom.” He reaches his arms out for a hug and you give him one. “We should talk bubba.” You say, getting up to close the door. “You really wanna stay here?”

“I wanna be close to dad.”

“Ok but you wanna leave your friends and your school, and grandma?”

“Grandma can visit, dad said so.”

“Fletch this is a really big decision, and I’m glad you wanna tell me how you feel about it, but you know I still have to do what’s right for us, right?”

“Ok mom.” He nods. “Am I going back to dads today?”

“That’s up to you. Dads still here if you wanna go back home with him.”

“What are you doing today?” He asks.

“I was gonna see Calum.” You shrug.

“Could I spend time with you today?” He asks, his curious eyes meet yours, and it’s a little surreal because Ash used to look at you that way. “And I can go to dad’s later?”

“Of course, my love. Calum will wait.”

“He can come too. I haven’t spent a lot of time with uncle Cal.”

“Are you sure bubba?” You check and he nods. “Ok little monkey, why don’t you go tell dad what your plan is.”

You follow him back out to the living room and he’d climbed on the couch with Ashton, who was holding him. “Of course you should spend the day with your mom. I know she misses you.” He whispers loudly to Fletch and kisses the top of his head. Fletch whispers something you can’t hear back and Ashton looks at him in disbelief, “I can never be mad about that bubba.” He assures him. “I love you Fletch.”

“I love you too dad.”

You grin. “Ash can you stay so I can get a quick shower?” You ask.

“Yep. Maybe we’ll go out and get breakfast to bring back.”

Fletch’s eyes light up, “mama loves pancakes!”

“I know. We should get her some.” Ash agrees.

“Alright well if dads gonna take you to get breakfast, we need to get you cleaned up.” You clap, and Fletch jumps right up. Ash helps him in the bathroom, wash his face and brush his teeth. You text Cal and let him know that you’ll be spending the day with Fletch and he was invited.

He easily agrees and invites you over to his so Fletch could play with Duke if he wanted.

When you get out of the shower you can hear the boys are back. “Hey dad? Do you think mom likes Calum?”

“I do bud. I think she likes him a lot… help me set the table, Fletch.” Ash asks, handing him the plates.

“Will that make you sad?”

“No. Mom deserves to be happy and there isn’t anyone better in the world than you and uncle Cal.”

“Do I like uncle Cal?” Fletch asks.

“You get to make up your own mind on that. I like uncle Cal. He’s my best friend.” Ash explains, and you decide to spare him and come out dressed.

“Mama!” Fletch smiles at you, “we got you pancakes!” He’s beaming.

“Thanks love.” You smile and kiss him.

Taglist: @cocktail-calum @1dthewantedlove @september09241994 @youngblood199456 @lustingforwunder @calumsphile @neso-k @rosecoloredash @radmcqueen @justayoungandwisefangirl @itsnotmyblood @slimthicccal @softboycal @lietoash @pushthetide21 @5sosfanficrec @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles @therealmrshale

gc tags: @sublimehood @sugarcoated-pain @5sosnsfw @angelbabylu @aspiringwildfire @irwinkitten @lashtoncurls @myloverboyash @singt0mecalum

masterlist || ashton || calum || luke || michael

wanna be tagged? go here

#cass #5sos #5 seconds of summer #ashton irwin #calum hood #meet fletch #dad!ashton #sfw #requests #requested #requests are open #daddy ashton #but cal

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softforcal · 5 years

Note

the roommate!5sos AU continued with Poly 4/4?

ROOMMATE!5SOS POLY CONTINUED

-you were leaving your job at the coffee shop when you bumped into a guy with bright hair coming out from the stairway leading up to the apartment above

-as he helped you pick up your things you mused that we was lucky to be living above the cafe because it must always smell like coffee

-he casually says, “i mean, if you’re looking for a place, one of our rooms just opened up.”

-you stop and stare at him and he explains that his friend Luke moved in with his girlfriend so the rooms available and he was going to make a post about it online but he won’t even bother if you’re actually interested

-”you know what? yeah. i’m interested.”

-exchanging numbers and the next day you agree to see the apartment after a shift when he and his other two room mates will be there

-showing up with free coffee

-”i like you already coffee girl.” Ashton smirks as soon as he sees your offering of coffee

-you’re kinda shook because you had thought you’d only have to deal with one hot room mate, Michael, but his friends are hot too?!

-part of you is like dont move in because they’re all hot

-but part of you is like do move in because they’re all hot

-its a decent apartment

-like… a four bedroom, two bathroom with an open concept kitchen living room?

-and you were right about the smell of coffee

-and because there’s already three living there its actually fairly well priced because the rent is split four ways

-you’d have to share a bathroom with one of them but that’s not the worst thing

-and its right above your work.

-you hang out for a while, getting to know the guys to see if it would be a good fit

-”i’ll take it.” “really!?” group hug

-Ashton and Calum are super down to help you move all your stuff in but Michael isnt as down, he just chills in the living room and plays video games and yells at the guys about being careful

-when its all finished you all somehow manage to collapse onto the couch together and end up playing video games

-Calum’s actually a great cook?

-the first week is a bit difficult, getting used to people’s schedules and figuring out how to share a bathroom with Michael

-a week in and you’d already helped Michael dye his hair

-you hear a lot about their old room mate Luke and they all seem to be on the phone with him a lot, you gather that his whole new relationship apartment isnt working out

-you first meet Luke when you come home one day and he’s on the couch with Calum and he looks pretty rough

-but he still smiles and says hello

-he seems nice too

-you’re in your room later that night and you hear the other three in the kitchen talking about Luke.

-”i just don’t know what we can do.” “we can’t kick Y/N out.” “so where else can he go.” “i mean, he can stay in my room, its the biggest one-” “another guy living here? we need to talk to Y/N about it.”

-you peak your head out and are just like, “if Luke needs to move back in, i can find a new place-” but they’re all super against it.

-”i have space for him in my room, but having another guy here-” Ashton begins but you cut him off, “no, definitely. i don’t mind.”

-so Luke moves back in and stays in Ashton’s room which does have enough space for both

-Luke’s pretty beaten up about everything so a lot of just hanging out and making him feel better

-Michael spends way too much time playing video games in the living room

-and when he’s not there he’s in his bedroom talking to his team mates on pc games

-Ashton somehow fit an electric drum kit into his room so he can play without it being loud but somehow you can still hear his sticks hitting the pats and you feel bad for any girl who’s ass becomes that boys drum kit

-or jealous. jealous is a good word

-Calum’s pretty quiet but he’s a good room mate, always down to cook for you or listen to your problems

-he’s just a chiller

-Luke sings too loud in the shower

-and this boy could burn boiling water

-he’s kind of a walking human disaster

-movie nights where they all talk way too much

-they talk about making a band but never actually ever do it

-Ashton sometimes walks you to work. which sounds sweet but all he has to do is go down a flight of stairs so screw this guy

-your co workers all being jealous because they’re all so hot

-”thats your roommate?” “no i thought her roommate was that gorgeous blonde guy with the sad eyes.” “they both are.”

-they come down during your shifts sometimes to hang out, especially during the non-busy hours

-Ashton will flirt with your co-workers but Calum is the one you have to watch out for

-he’s quiet but all your coworkers are just so in love with his ‘dreamy eyes’

-they always draw smiley faces on his coffee cups when they make him coffee

-Luke comes down to be sweet and say hi and you’re coworkers call him “angel” because he’s beautifully angelic

-and then there’s Michael. he always knows how to make your coworkers laugh

-”oh my god did you see his smile?” “yes, i live with him.”

-you can never bring boys over because unless you sneak him into your room, the guys will for sure make a deal about it

-and if you bring girls over they’ll fawn over your room mates and that can be super annoying so no thank you

-its so weird when girls are over with them. i mean. they are 20 year old boys

-whenever you go into the living room in the morning to see Luke on the couch its not long before a girl runs out of Ashton’s room and out the front door

-they invite you to boys night clubbing

-on Fridays they do clubbing, you know that because the house is dead quiet on Saturday mornings because they’re all passed out

-finding Calum asleep on the kitchen counter one Saturday morning

-taking care of Michael in your shared bathroom because he’s puking

-watching Saturday cartoons and they all trudge into the room sooner or later

-Calum’s usually first and he likes to lay down with his head on your lap

-Luke likes tummy rubs when he’s hung over

-Ashton always try to make it seem like he’s not that hung over but lets just say cowboy hats and sunglasses are a Saturday thing

-so you go out on a friday

-and you end up being dragged onto the dance floor

-they’re all protective of you which means you somehow end up in the middle of all four

-Ashton knows how to sexy dance… hands

-Michael’s kinda awkward but its all good

-Luke is a puppy who just wants to dance with friends

-Calum looks bored most of the night but he also knows how to dance to the beat

-any guy that flirts with you has to watch out for these four showing up

-the night ends with all five of you just heading home together without any hook ups

-Calum carries you home while the other three drunkenly walk around you

-its so hard for all of them to try to fit through the front door at once

-Calum puts you in bed and goes back into the living room where they’re all kinda just like “are we going to talk about the fact that Y/N is sexy as fuck yet or are we going to continue to ignore the elephant in the room.”

-”we can not flirt with our roommate.” “why not?” “because…. just because.”

-now you’re the hung over one and they all want to take care of you

-Calum’s the first one to show up and you just drag him onto the bed to cuddle onto his chest

-so who’s going to cook you breakfast? Not Luke. that’s all i can say.

-Ashton cooks something and comes and sits at the foot of your bed with you and Calum

-Michael comes and jumps into the bed on the other side of you while Ashton makes room for Luke

-somehow you’re all fitting

-”you guys know you’re ruining my sex life right?” (Luke chokes on his water)

-Calum likes to walk around shirtless

-Michael sometimes walks in and goes pee while you’re in the shower

-trying to do the same thing to him and he screamed

-borrowing Ashton’s button ups sometimes because they are so sexy

-braiding Luke’s hair because with that much hair someone’s gotta braid it

-i feel like Calum and Ashton are the ones who do the shopping. you sometimes go with but it usually ends up with them chasing you around the store and Ashton trying to tell you how much sugar is in everything you’re buying because health is important

-impromptu dance parties with Luke where you both sing at the top of your lungs

-Calum walks in on the dance parties and sits down and watch with a grin, Ashton shows up and definitely makes the dancing more sexual whereas Michael just puts his face in his hands and laughs

-probably getting drunk one night and playing Never Have I Ever and Truth or Dare

-my 4/4 things always get to a point where you gotta choose one and i can’t do that for you so i gotta stop but if people want it i can continue this for each guy

————————————————————-POLY5SOS CON’T HERE

-so never have i ever

-these boys looked into Polyamory because they are so fucking wrecked that none of them can make a move because they made a pact

-”truth.” you say. “you’re no fun.” Michael groans but Ashton shushes him, turning to you, “what do you think about Polyamory?”

-you’re kinda taken aback by the question

-you expected something dirty but no?

-”well uhhhh…. i mean it’s an interesting idea. i think with the right communication it could work really well.” you kind of look at all your room mates because why the fuck was that a question

-the game continues and as soon as it’s one of their turns the question goes back to you again, “i really think you should give someone else a turn Mikey.” you laugh

-”nope, truth or dare?”

-you really don’t want a dare from Michael. like out of all of them he’s the one you’re sure would really try to mess with you

-”truth.” you sigh

-he is visibly upset that you chose truth but sighs, “would you be down for a poly relationship with all of us?”

-oooop. there it is.

-looking at all of them. “you guys totally planned this!” you scream

-”answer the question.” Michael grins

-you sigh, taking a swig of your choice of alcohol that you’ve been drinking this whole time, “well i mean we already all live together and you’re all hot as fuck so yeah probably.”

-you turn to Luke, “okay, you’re turn Luke. truth or dare?” and you know this little fuck is going to say truth because he hasn’t done a dare all night

-”truth.”

-”tell me who came up with this whole Poly thing. spill everything Luke. every. single. detail.”

-he looks at you and gulps then just begins to spill all the goods

-”Michael thought you were cute which is why he offered you a room and when you showed up and you were cute everyone freaked out a little but made a pact not to do anything about it but then Ashton was talking about Polyamory one day and we all looked into it and thought it was a good idea.”

-”so Ashton is the mastermind?”

-”yeah.”

-Ashton is just sitting there with a grin, “i still think its a good idea.”

-so now it’s Luke’s turn but how is he even going to ask anything, they’re all too shook that you would be down

-”umm… Ash, truth or dare?” Luke asks

-and of course Ashton is always down for a “dare”

-”kiss Y/N.”

-of fucking course

-you should have known that would also be part of their plan

-but you never thought Luke would betray you like that. “i mean, if you’re cool with it Y/N.” Luke clarifies. okay. he’s forgiven.

-you sigh and look at Ashton, “okay, go for it.”

-don’t have to tell this boy twice

-he moves closer and cups your face, bringing your lips to his

-his tongue slides against your bottom lip and then his teeth graze it too and you open your mouth slightly, leaning into the kiss

-it lasts longer than you intended

-only ending when Michael says “holy fuck.” and it snaps you out of this little Ashton world you were in

-you pull away and immediately feel yourself flush as Ash grins

-you can’t believe you’re doing this. with your roommates

-your work mates are going to shit a brick

-”so how would you guys want to do this?” you ask

-”it’s not your turn.” Michael laughs

-”screw this game, you guys accomplished what you wanted didn’t you?” you laugh, “seriously, how the fuck is this going to work?”

-having a long discussion about it

-Ash wants to go out and take you on a date but Luke and Michael are too tired, so it’s you, Ash and Cal

-they’re a dream team

-it’s a cute date, holding both of their hands

-getting back to the apartment… and like… they’ve been handsy all night

-ending up in your room

-yeah, they both dom as fuck

-of course the three of you wake up Michael and Luke who show up and are like “what the actual fuck.”

-so of course they join

-and it’s one big mass sex thing but it just works.

-waking up squished between two of them with the other two touching you somehow with an arm thrown over two bodies to get to you

-and they’re all so beautiful all sleepy

-ya’ll need to buy a bigger bed

-they’re all so cuddly

-they all groan a ton too because no one wants to wake up

-the entire pack walking you down the stairs to work

-they all want to be the last one to kiss you

-your work mates are shook as fuck

-they all go upstairs and are just like that was fucking wild

-Luke and Michael meet you after work and take you out for dinner for their date with you

-they’re also super sweet

-Michael teases you about getting some ‘sugar’ when you all get home

-getting there and Cal and Ash are gone

-so Muke threesome

-like, these boys tend to be home in pairs throughout the day and then everyone is usually home by dinner

-so dinners are a thing

-Cal usually cooks for all of you but you guys all try to help

-nudity is chill now that you’re all seeing each other

-like, so much nudity

-so much sex too

-and you’re all together so sex anywhere in the apartment

-Michael is a shower fucker because ya’ll share a bathroom

-Cal likes to eat on the kitchen counter and you’re his favourite meal

-Luke is a fan of the couch

-and Ashton will bend you over anywhere, he aint picky

-they get so used to just sex everywhere

-like Luke gets home and Cal has you on the kitchen counter, his face between your thighs and Luke just is like “hey” and Cal pulls away briefly to be like “sup.” before diving back in.

-Calum asking you and Luke which outfit to wear out while Luke fucks you into the couch, “the blue one or the grey one?” “fuck, Cal, the blue one.” “you like that babe? and yeah, Cal, the blue.”

-like lets be real here. the apartment becomes a sex dungeon.

-it would be hella.

-someone is always down for “the sex”

-hanging out 24/7

-im going to be real. im tired and have been sitting looking at this one for ages. imma stop it here, sorry fam. but sex. a lot.

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Ali & Carly

Ali: [Weds night before her bday] Ali: woman you home Carly: not mine y? Ali: because ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY Ali: and I need to come bearing gifts Carly: now? k then Carly: ill get there before u Ali: you @ one of the lads then? Ali: no rush 'cept I do wanna be the first so like b4 midnight cinders 🎃👠 Carly: i werent born @ 12 tho & u kno that from doing my chart 🔮🌟 Carly: but ur so cute Ali: tru but Ali: i'm excited Ali: can't start the party without guest of honour 7 Carly: aw Carly: i wont take these 15 💊s yet 👼 Carly: we can party together Ali: 🎁? Carly: idk can u call it a 🎁 if u have to give back Ali: Boo 👎 Carly: not what he said when we were done Ali: 🙄 still Ali: not very festive of him Carly: idc its been fun Carly: coulda stayed in w ma & da but its not a retirement party in the works like Ali: for now Ali: but I got better plans than either Carly: yea? Ali: 'course Ali: who am I Ali: who are we Carly: 🐅💙🐇 Carly: i barely knew u on my last bday 😢💔 Ali: it's insane Ali: you're so important and integral to me how did we not get together before then Ali: I'm not the only one with plans tho 🌌💕 Carly: too many lads to swap first ha Carly: i kno my ma has been planning all wk but idk cuz shes learned to be subtle somehow Carly: must b her new man teaching her things Ali: Eskimo sisters for life, baby 😂 Ali: 👀 come thru shaz Ali: sounds promising Carly: 🤞🌌🔮 Ali: not her new man, obvs Carly: hes no cavante tho still only a few yrs older Ali: if I beat you I'll hit her up for the scoop Carly: 🍀 Ali: 😬 Ali: I guess we've got her answer for the age old experience vs stamina Carly: could b where i left her wine drunk in the hot tub still Carly: falls asleep there more than the marital bed Carly: mermaid energy ha Ali: not wine drunk Ali: worse energy than coke rage, I swear Ali: watch out cat lady, protect your children Carly: aw ill look after them Ali: 👼 Ali: I'll take any bday bumps for you 💪 Carly: never liked coke or wine soz ma if thats my 🎁 Carly: still my hero 💙 Ali: those people are the worst Ali: lemme buy something for me and give it to you Ali: no sharon THAT IS NOT 👏 IN 👏 THE 👏 SPIRIT 👏 OKAY 👏 Carly: my gma does that every yr! xmas too Carly: so boring unwrapping that bible each time Carly: good rolling paper tho Ali: 😂 Ali: the lord is in you, it's what she wanted Ali: just in your lungs but you know Carly: ha Carly: what r u bringing me boo? Ali: don't you want the surprise babe Carly: idk last time u really surprised me it was w a divorce so u could get ur man Ali: 😥 Carly: 😂 jk u kno i love surprises Ali: just devastated you're calling me predictable for the last, how many months Ali: cut me deep, birthday girl Carly: i dont surprise easy Carly: y the lads like me Carly: dont b sad baby Ali: never Ali: not when there's partying to be done Carly: yay Ali: and a 👸 to celebrate Carly: ur sweet 🍬🍭 Carly: i dont look like a princess rn Carly: no running away Ali: you always do Ali: even when you running from ogres Carly: ur gonna make me look worse when im crying too Ali: meant to save them for the party Ali: but I'll never tell Carly: ha its been a few yrs since a bday tantrum Carly: really had to wait for that bike tho Ali: and #werk baby Ali: you were as adorable then, how your parents didn't spoil you is a mystery to me Carly: ask them if u do get here before me Carly: but before i was medicated i wasnt as 👼 could b the answer Ali: lecture 'em on how wrong they were, more like Carly: ur a bias little 🐱💙 Carly: & u didnt kno me then even if u do remember i grew into my 👂s Ali: 😂 Ali: well I never grew into my 👁s and my 'tudes no better either and you still love me so Ali: deal with it, Walsh 😜 Carly: aw u were the cutest 👶 Carly: & u get cuter every yr Ali: hey, don't spoil my heartfelt message in your card! Ali: 😏 Carly: im sorry Carly: ill have 1 for the road & forget Ali: I think one of the boys just catcalled me without offering to give me a ride in their white van/carriage Ali: see me struggling here lads, is that part of the appeal? probs Carly: which y? ill threaten to uninvite him from the party Carly: 1* Ali: not the kinda bitch to resort to racism 'cos I'm mildly upset or angered but they really be looking the same behind the wheel of a transit, like Ali: think it was one of Ronan's brothers? Ali: and in fairness, never slept with you so whaddya owe me, kind sir Carly: ha Carly: if he could see & be seen @ the wheel then i reckon i kno Carly: & i have slept w him so he will b 💔😢 if he cant celebrate w me Ali: my hero 💚 Carly: 💙 Carly: been thru every1 old enough in that fam now ha Carly: gonna have to move like Ali: I wish I could tell you the surprise was a hot new fam Ali: alas Ali: wouldn't fit them on my back, like Carly: 😢💔 Ali: I've let you down Ali: how could I Ali: gonna eat my feelings 🎂 Carly: 🍯🐝 no Carly: never Ali: what's the dresscode for this shindig then Carly: idk not allowed to go w bday suits Carly: my da overruled me Ali: gotta whittle down my knock you dead options Ali: even with those stifling guidelines, tah Mr Walsh, I should manage it Carly: i believe in u baby Ali: 👼👼👼 Carly: im back btw Carly: used my wings mayb Ali: damn Ali: was really hopinh for some 1x1 with your ma Carly: she will scoot over in bed for u Carly: not just me who misses u Ali: awh Ali: can we convince her to give you your present early or nah Ali: I say yeah Carly: me too so 2 votes Carly: my da will b asleep too deep to cast his even if she says no weve outnumbered her Ali: 💪 Ali: I'll put the phone down and run Ali: gimme 5 Carly: k Carly: be careful tho Carly: some of the 💡 r out Ali: 👌 Ali: my middle name Carly: fun is ur middle name Carly: how many do u have? Ali: as many as you want Ali: 😉 Ali: but just the one, actually Carly: hot Carly: u can have 1 of mine then wed both have 2 each Ali: are you actually 👑 Carly: my ma wishes Carly: queen of the site tho Carly: ha Ali: I've not bought her a crown Ali: not soz Carly: its k shes got her prom tiara somewhere Ali: memories 🎶 Carly: am i gonna peak before 18 too? Ali: never Ali: only way is 📈 baby Carly: u make me feel really happy u kno Ali: ☀🌻🍓🍯🐝🐰 Ali: it's mutual boo Carly: im crying Carly: & smiling Carly: its the 💊s ma Ali: it's the 💘 Ali: she gets it Carly: aw Carly: yea shes really 💘 w the lad from the chemist Carly: knocking our 💙 off the top Ali: can't be having that Ali: got all weekend to prove we're 🥇 Carly: til ur bf shows up Ali: nuuh Ali: it's all about you Carly: ur so nice to me Ali: you'll see feel and believe it ✨ Carly: 🔮🌌 Carly: r u gonna stay? Ali: can I? Carly: yea Ali: then yeah Carly: aw ur my 🎁 Ali: I haven't copped out that hard, don't worry Ali: come help me Ali: not very gentlemanly of me but I wanna be with you before we've gotta hear about the prom queen's glory days Carly: k Carly: 💪💙

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celestialsxturn · 6 years

Text

The highs and lows|| Daddy x reader

I shouldn't even publish this because it's so bad, but I wanted to show Daddy some love because all anyone cares about is Carol. Again I'm sorry for putting this trash online, I'll do better! [* I had to repost because I left out a bit of it as I was converting it from wattpad]

Epilogue

You saw the way Daddy looked at your new friend, Daya. Giving her special treatment n shit. You remembered when that was you. You used to be a cookie too. A few months back, that was you. You were Daddy's favorite girl, you were special, and you were the one she loved.

Now all of this is not to say that you hated Daya because she replaced you. It wasn't her fault she was so sexy with all those curves and that pretty face. In fact, if you weren't so into Daddy, you'd be all over her. You weren't upset with Daddy either. Daddy is a lion. She see's something she wants and pounces. You were just devastated because obviously you weren't enough.

You knew things were going south between the two of you when you found her slipping Oxy into Daya's shampoo cap. That's almost the same move she used on you. Soon, she would barely touch you, she started treating you just like annalisa and her other girls.

Surprisingly, you found it easy to be around Daya though. She taught you how to draw manga eyes and she was chill. You two talked about your pasts and she mentioned that she had a daughter by a CO from camp. She trusted you and you trusted her.

. . .

With Daddy, you kept your cool and didn't bitch and moan about your loss of attention or how she fucked up with the rats and CO Hellman backing out of business with D Block so the girls went through withdrawal. You were supportive throughout the heartbreak. You watch silently as 2 C block girls jump Daya for the oxy she traded. It hurt to just watch your friend get her ass whooped for fucking pills, but you wouldn't be no help to her after if you got jumped too. So you waited behind a corner till they left then rushed in.

"Fuck, Daya, you okay mama? Shit" you ask her, picking her up.

She groans trying to stand up, "Yeah I'm cool, I'm f- OUCH!" She yelps

"Shit, shit! Here let's go to Daddy, tell her what those cunt block bitches did!" You usher her away to the cell to find Daddy pacing nervously. Even anxious as hell she was fine as fuck. She immediately spots Daya limping as you let go of her.

"What the fuck happened to you guys?! You got the stuff??" Of course, her priorities are fucked

"Nothing happened to me, but they got Daya." I answer the first question.

Gasping for air, Daya adds, "They jumped me. Cunt block bitches."

Daddy faces me "Y/N, Why didn't you help her?"

"I weigh 105 pounds, what the fuck am I gonna do to some fat ass C Blocks?"

Back to Daya "Wheres the oxy, did you get it??" Daddy presses. She needs those pills, Barb is going through withdrawal.

"They took it!" Oh shit.

Daddy immediately spins on her feet, knocking over a cup. "Fuucck!"

You just stand aside watching, knowing that she's in deep shit with Barb now.

"What are you more concerned about? Me or the oxy?" Daya questions her, suprised. After all she is Daddy's special girl.

Daddy removes her hands from her neck, realizing how inconsiderate she sounds.

"Hey. Every one of those bitches gonna get her face carved out," Daddy tells her, face molding into one of concern and support "for touching you."

Wow, you remember when you were that important. It hurt to see how quickly you became just another girl to Daddy, no matter how many times she told you otherwise. Everyone knows there can't be two of Daddy's favorite girl.

You didn't realize, but your eyes are glistening with tears as you continue to watch them, not hearing anything up until Daddy says to daya "That's right. That's a good girl."

You couldn't take it anymore.

Daya looks up and asks you "what's wrong, Y/N?" You shake your head and wipe the tear away. She doesn't know. But you know, Daddy knows. You turn and run before they say anything else. You turn and head to the laundry room and bump into someone. Fucking Badison.

"Aww princess, what's the matter? Your Daddy dont love you no more?" The blonde teases.

"Fuck off, Fatison." You counter. You've done it, you've pissed off the top dog of C block, and no ones gonna save you.

"What did you call me, bitch? You don't wanna mess with me, especially when theres no one here to protect you." Badison threatens, spitting in your face. "Y'know, I heard about you. Sucking off Hellman for drugs, you're nothing but a dirty worthless slut. Girls, get in here, let's show D block who they're fucking with."

On cue, Teng and Akers come through the door, pulling shanks from their socks and waistbands. You realize that your fucked and you can't fight them all at the same time.

. . .

After you're all sliced up, you strain to pick yourself up. "Hnnnnggg, awe shit, fuck!" You whimper trying to walk back to your cell when Annalisa sees you and rushes toward you to help.

"What the fuck Y/N?!" She lifts up your shirt and finds about 30 cut wounds, and sees the shank in your hand. "Who the fuck cuts themselves like that? Just because Daddy replaced you doesn't mean you get all depressed!" You couldn't believe it! She thinks you did this to yourself?

"Wake the fuck up Annalisa!!! This was Badison and her dumbass flunkies! They even stomped my goddamn ankle!" You spit out though gritted teeth. Although it's excruciatingly painful for you to walk, you push her away and limp down the hall and back to your cell, surprisingly unnoticed. You wash your cuts and lay down, eventually drifting off to sleep.

. . .

A week goes by of you laying in bed, skipping work, and yet no one seems to notice. The cuts were healing nicely thanks to the antibiotic ointment in commisary, and your ankle is getting better. You've been listening to Flava To The Max on your radio to keep yourself entertained, otherwise you were crying your eyes out.

The kickball tournament is today and you're planning on hanging around outside of your cell for once since Daddy and Daya would be on the field. Avoiding them has been easier than you thought. But being alone all day with your thoughts was not good for you. All you can think of now is how sad your life is and how you must've fucked up for Daddy to not want you.

Daya approaches your door and wraps her knuckles on the door frame. "Hey, Y/N, we haven't seen you in a while. Daddy thinks you're avoiding her, what's up?"

"Oh, I just hurt my ankle so I've been resting."

"Well here's something for the pain then. And you should tell Daddy, she swears you're avoiding her." Daya tosses you a packet of heroin. That's what's been keeping them busy.

You look Daya in her eyes, "maybe I am avoiding her, but she ain't worried enough to come see me" you told her truthfully

"Yeah, I guess you right, but you can't hide forever. Were going to play kickball, see you after?" She asks

"Yeah, see you." You answer back.

You look at the heroin in your hand. You've only ever done weed and oxy, this is new territory for you. You were scared you'd become addicted. "Ahh fuck it, nothing can be as bad as how I'm feeling now." You pour a little onto the desk and sniff it up. Within a few seconds you shoot up energetically. "WOO GOOD STUFF!" You love the rush and soon, you dump the whole thing and sniff that up too. After a few minutes of hopping around, the energy starts to wear off and you suddenly feel very drowsy. All the memories of you and Daddy being together flood your mind at once. Tears spill down your cheeks as you find it hard to keep yourself awake, closing your eyes feels so good. You know that you're slipping out of consciousness or possibly dying, but maybe that's not such a bad thing. 'No ones gonna care, no one loves you' , you think. Your legs start to give way and before you know it, you're on the ground, winding if Daddy or anyone would care if you just died, and that's when your eyes finally shut.

. . .

Not long after, the kickball game ends and everyone is feeling United. Daya jogs to catch up to Daddy, remembering what you said.

"Yo, I saw Y/N before we came out here. She fucked up her ankle, that's why she been missing. It looked like it hurt bad, so I gave her some H for the pain." Daya tells her.

"Aand? Did you ask her the other thing??" Daddy asks

Daya looks at Daddy with concern in her eyes as they walk into D block, Annalisa listening behind them. "Yeah, she is avoiding you. I ain't ask her why but I told her you were worried and she said you weren't worried enough to go see her."

Daddy's eyes get big as golf balls and she goes "SHIT! Somethings up, I know it! She never gets like this."

That's when Annalisa cuts in, "she was like, cutting herself last week then she flipped the fuck out when I confronted her. She tried to blame Badison, but those Cunt Block bitches know better than to try anything"

That's when Daddy goes WILD. She shoves Annalisa, screaming in her face. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TELL ME??!! ARE YOU BATSHIT?? WHAT THE HELL, I GOTTA GO FIND HER!!" and with that, she and Daya run to your cell.

"Y/N we need to tal- FUCKING FUCK!! SHIT!!" There you are, passed out on the floor, empty heroin bag in hand. Daddy and Daya kneel beside you, trying to shake you awake "fuck, this is all my fault!" Daddy cries.

Daya places her hand on Daddy's back, trying to comfort her. "No it's not. You didn't know."

"It is my fault! I left her for you and I've been treating her like shit!! I should've checked on her!! She's not waking up!!" She continues to cry

Daya's in utter shock. The only thing she can think to do is check your pulse. Thank god you still have one. "Hey, hey. She's still alive, calm down. Let's get her to medical." Shes trying to remain as calm as possible, but her best friend is unconscious.

. . .

You groan as your head pounds, waking you up. All at once it comes back to you, you passed out on heroin. Just then, the doctor notices you.

"Ah, you're awake! Your body was in shock from excessive drug intake, but you are good to go now if you feel okay." He explains. You nod, and he starts removing your IV and the monitors. As you walk back out to your block you see Daya and Daddy, who look like they've been crying, at your favorite table. You walk up and tap Daddy on her shoulder. She looks up in surprise, but gets a smile on her face when she sees you.

"Babygirl, you're okay!!!" Daya looks up too, smiling. Daddy jumps up and squeezes you tight. It feels right being in her arms again. You squeeze back as much as you can. "Baby I'm so sorry I treated you bad. I care about you so much, and I'm glad you're okay! I dont ever want to lose you, I fucking love you!" She cries into your shoulder. Daya gets up and wraps her arms around you both. " I'm sorry too, mama. I didn't know you and Daddy were a thing, and I'm sorry for being a bad bestfriend!" You cry too, but its tears of happiness. It feels good knowing you have two amazing people in your life. "I love you guys so much!" You stay like that for a while, then you all sit, and Daya says, "Y/N I care about Daddy a lot and I know you do too, which is why I would never wanna take her away from you. So I was thinking... maybe we can share." You look at her then at Daddy, asking for approval. "Fine by me, babe. 2 is better than one." You grin widely, overcome with joy and love. You got your Daddy back. And now you have Daya too.

"Alright so now that that's taken care of, let's go stomp on badisons fucking neck. No one fucks with Daddy's girls."

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wolfwhiteflowers · 6 years

Text

ranting on TWD s9 again. :] ... other rants in #*twd or #*twd s9h

uh this is more about recent news, recent filming spoilers. Also FTWD deaths. -Carol, shows, pro-Rick.

‘wait and see’ is hard. I guess I just want TWD AU to be good too and hoping/waiting is hard.

i guess i go rant till next year lol.

vvvv

Lately im just waiting for more info on Carol. I wanna know what Carol will be like in s9, TWD AU or the fumbling dead...BUT the filming spoilers tho...it’s like rubbing salt in my wounds about TWD’s potenial runied/AL leaving over and over.

It’s all just a bummer. I should not read into the filming spoilers that much. ..and omg avoid forum drama.

Like I wanna see spoilers and I can’t help but hope for good Carol spoilers. Like getting spoilers about Caryl (and answers about C/E), Carol & Henry, and Carick/TF. :((( But then I get sad again and again. Idk what’s going on. I guess I assume there’s no good Carol spoilers and no Carick. :(((( Actually it’s just seeing any Rick spoilers is just sad. Also this whole Rick (and Maggie) dying/leaving the show thing is like dragged out rubbed in our wounds all till like when the ep airs their death/leaving. Like November or December. Ugh. I just wanna get it over with it and to know what’s canon. Cry and move on. :\ So then we can make TWD AU fanarts..or do it now. ......I think it’s good to know what’s canon so then we don’t wonder and worry about avoiding it. It doesn’t mean to watch the show live but just reading it and know it and then just let it go and then make fanarts. xP

I was gonna not watch s9 anyways but dang just learning about s9 or what is canon ...is hard. sigh. but in time we will be alright. ...

------------------

TWD s9 speculations ~

so some filming spoilers coming out sounds like the gory comic death scene will happen. The heads on the pikes, killed by Alpha. They’re gonna film a zombie herd soon and whisperers may be part of that, I guess. i think of FTWD s4A and the deaths of Nick and Madison and how it seems like cheap deaths. I guess Rick and Maggie will go out like that... boring. not moving,imo. Doesn't impact the story or..............I’m just bitter. I just really want a good ending for Rick (thee main character). Like he saved his people and he dies and everyones lives without walkers as a threat and they’re safe in a community forever.

Travis’ death was meh (k it was really bad. wtf). ..I know I just won’t like whatever will happen with Rick and/or Maggie. For some reason, I feel like some characters got a good death scene for the overall story. Like Glenn, Sasha and Carl,imo. Their deaths were like they brought a new chapter to the story/show. Idk I liked Sophia and Merle’s deaths too. Anyways, their deaths changed the story. ..Or I guess they changed Rick characterwise in his story. sigh.

Dang it’s like three weeks and AMC still didn’t confirm it or anything about AL leaving news. It makes me think AMC/writers wanted it to be a surprise that Rick dies/leaves the show (like how Nick and Madison died). ugh that’s even more lame.

Dang it’s like AMC/showrunners? doesn’t let fans to trust them or get them excited at all for the story. It’s like some writers/AMC don’t care about the story’s core story and the fans. So blah. I know some fans were disappointed that they were ‘spoiled’, but like that’s way to hard for me to handle that. I’m glad it was leaked and for me to know ahead of time...though the waiting and the dread sucks.

UGH Skybound mailbag thing makes this hiatus worse by dragging the unknown..rubbing the salt..with their vague spoilers. And saying it in a troll way too. It’s cos we don’t know what’s up with Carol and writers made it that dumb way on not making it clear in their lackluster s8 finale (s8 finale shouldve been like s2 finale foreshadowing timeskip and next arc-Michonne/prison). I just wanna know if C/E happens or not, or Caryl be endgame, or will Carol ever have romance, will Carol interact with TF/Rick/Henry, in this TWD AU. geez. ...I want spoilers. I want confirmations and then leave the show-canon alone.

Carol speculations in s9.

- uh it seems like Carol is in Kingdom and just hanging out with Henry and Kingdomers in 9A. idk about Carick but we got a lit bit of something from filming spoilers, in 9x01. meh. :\ Some Caryl moments but how Skybound answered it, idk it depends on how I see it (on tumblr). As long as Caryl still be soulmate-y. Sigh I miss Carol or I miss what the show used to be and the potential.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

AMC is having a bad year/June, huh? lol ..partly their fault, anyways. wtf TWD shows are like destroying itself and then now the Hardwick (TTD) news of him being an abuser. sigh. Damn we really got BTS drama. :\ With the shows losing their leads, is it part of the lawsuits and diverting away from Kirkman’s story or something? idk.

I just wanna say, poor FTWD fans who watched recently. Writers/Gimple/AMC? litterally just scraped off the original storyline of the Clarks family for to focus on newbies, Morgan. So it’s a spinoff show within the show. ( It’s like TWD in s9 will be doing...with changing to Daryl’s) Anyways that’s really awful to the FTWD fans to suddenly to change the storyline. That’s like ..probably something I would just quit the show ..It’s something to feel like I won’t the trust the writers. Gotta have trust in the writers and the writers gotta gain your trust.

---------------------------------------------------

I was thinking about fandom stuff..and reading some posts. i guess i let it slide that the TWD show was going downhill early on. idk when. most say s6 is when it got worse. i always say that TWD was not the best but it was just a fun drama ensemble show for me. Well thats what fandoms do..they want the very best of the show/media. Also fandom is all opinions...it’s best not to read into it too much.

s2 is my fave season...even when I didn’t feel the TF love like on other shows or when I got annoyed with Shane/love triangle. (why is everything relate to OUAT wank. I learned a lot from that show/fandom. maybe just being deep in the fandom. it hurts more.) Ok like s2 or other seasons compared to s6-8 is different.. Different style and stuff-writers/showrunners.., idk. There are some good moments. It’s also like based on the comics’ story. Most say s5 is the best is what comic fans say is loving the Hunters arc. (s3 and the prison arc-tho i dont like this season). So yeah ..kinda depends on the comics and it’s all show business. Kinda hard to compare or not idk, Kirkman’s comic story may be better because it’s original and flows better naturally. There’s more personal intimate moments with like 5 main characters but the show got other good parts too. (better medium story telling) idk. like the show has Carol and other plots went better, but lack TF moments and many dull characters. Also Kirkman isnt the best writer either so...idk what im saying. TWDG telltale game has the best storytelling. tho super depressing but also got realistic moments.

Just idk Oh well. I watched TWD for the main characters, Caryl, Carol. But lately things are not happening like I want or like it was in s5-6. There’s Less TF (like how the comics are..tho s9/after AOW was hopeful but AL and LC wanna leave.)Caryl and Carol/ TF interactions or Carol part of main plot haven’t happened since s6 and Idk if we come back to that. Like will Caryl’s relationship grow and does Carol and TF moment return-like will we have Carick moments? SIGH Waiting and hoping. It’s tiring. do whatever you want. I’m still a fan of Caryl, Carol/TF/Carick, Richonne.

Idk I’m just bummed and having a hard time with s9 and yet Rick and Maggie are leaving. Yeah ..I just wish I have an ending to just end it but I don’t have one. There’s no end...Idk it’s hard to make an ending to stop and to not hope or expect more.

I want to not watch s9 yet I want/hope this TWD AU to end it right..blah. I guess till I get more info ..wait and see...

Whatever this rollercoaster ride continues and I probably rant again soon. :P

#carol peletier #*twd s9h #*twd

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nctmoonstarsun · 6 years

Text

11 question tag

I was tagged by @g-te for the 11 questions game where you answer 11 questions then write 11 new questions! (Thank youu! ^^)

how are you? / Meh lmao

sad ballads or happy upbeat songs? / Depends on my mood really, but right now, happy upbeat songs

fave anime movie? I haven’t watched any haha

dogs or cats? / Cats!!

do you keep stuffed animals in your room? / no ^^

someone you miss? / Honestly everyone is there for me, so no one

describe your phone case? / A black, professional-looking case

favorite lore/myths? / Ooo i dont know..

earbuds or headphones? / earbuds

can I steal your heart? / um you can try..?

favorite thing about your ult bias? / How he is always really cheerful and positive, such a little fluffball honestly ^^

cloud’s q’s

Do you know a ksong by heart? (bc I don’t :x I can hum a trillion tho) / A few (I do karaoke a lot sooo)

When it comes to friendships, are you low or high maintenance? (As in your friends gotta talk everyday with you or you’ll feel like the friendship is dying OR if you can spend days without talking to them yet you still remain close) I can spend days without talking to them yet I still remain close

Do you have a secret that you will take to the grave? (Ofc I’m not asking you to reveal it) / No XD

Recommend me 5 songs (not necessarily kpop songs) / DRAMARAMA (MonstaX), Limitless (NCT), See You Again (Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth), Red Flavor, Russian Roulette (Red Velvet)

What do you prefer?: first, second or third gen kpop songs? / I listen more often to third generation kpop songs

What’s the cheeeeeeeeeesiest thing you’ve done? (one time a former friend of mine was telling me about a problem she had and at the end of our convo I kissed her in the forehead bYE) / Um… honestly I have the worst memory so I can’t actually remember

If you were asked to participate in a variety show, which one of the following would you pick and why? (Pick two!): problematic men, master key, hello counselor, weekly idol, one fine day, law of the jungle / WEEKLY IDOL, Hello Counselor (honestly I love these shows so much)

Your top 10 kpop songs of 2017? / DNA, Mic Drop, Cherry Bomb, Red Flavor, Likey, Really Really, Dramarama, Russian Roulette, Limitless, Rookie

Would you rather live in a huge mansion or a compact studio house? Compact studio house

Tell me a fun childhood story (I’ll start! One time an aunt gave me money to buy ‘papas’ (potatoes) at the grocery store so bc I’m obedient af I went and asked the counter lady how many of em could I buy with the money I had so she went ‘uhh, not many tbh’ so i ended up getting like two and when I returned to my aunt’s house she laughed her ass off and said: I meant ‘papas fritas’ (potato chips) Not those! - and uh yeah this is funnier in Spanish but it proves that I’m such an innocent angel I mean wow) / Well not much happened in my childhood but I remember how before I moved to England (I used to live in India), me and my friends (we were 7 year olds) would practice talking in English because ‘I needed to get used to it’, and now I talk to them about that and we just laugh at it lmao trust me it’s funnier than it sounds if you’ve experienced it.

If you were offered to start a band, would you accept? / HELL YES (even tho I have no talent I still love singing does that count?)

kiki’s q’s

Link your favourite playlist here if you can and if you can’t write out the first 10 songs on it! (Not a question but shh) / I don’t really have a playlist I literally just go onto the group and then pick the song on spotify ahaha

Is your current ult bias your first ult bias? If not who was your first? / No… My first ult bias was Jungkook ^^

Who is your ult bias? / Jung Jaehyunnnnn <3

Who is more likely to hog the aux cord, you or your ult? / Hmmm I feel like neither of us would hog it, more like just take turns or something I guess

Who is more likely to forget an important date, you or your ult? / Ummm… guilty as charged (basically me)

Who is more likely to ask the other to pick them up after work, you or your ult? / Me, just cos I love the idea of him picking me up after work lmao

Who is more likely to write the other a hand written note expressing themselves rather than just saying it, you or your ult? / That will be me… I’m not that good at expressing my feelings in general, but if I really want to, I’ll sit down and write a long heartfelt note

Who is more likely to cry when a dog dies in a movie, you or your ult? / I don’t cry at movies, but I feel like he’ll be upset and then I’d start crying because he’s upset

Who is more likely to almost burn the house down while cooking, you or your ult? / I can cook, but so can he..? So I don’t know

Who is more likely to start a pillow fight, you or your ult? / Probably me, I have a habit of throwing pillows at people if they tease me

Who is more likely to ask the other to come over to cuddle with them so that they can fall asleep better, you or your ult? / Me probably haha

Mir’s q’s :D

If you could travel anywhere, but were completely by yourself, where would you go? / I honestly don’t know because I hate going places on my own

What inspires you? / Stories of successful people who got where they are now by hard work and dedication (esp. those with the same aspirations as me)

How many pets would you have in your ideal future? Any specific names or types in mind? / Just one small puppy

What are you opinions on fedoras / Um, not really the biggest fan of them

how many spoons can you balance on your face at once (picture or video proof preferred (i’m trying to get someone to do it pls anyone)) / They’re all the way downstairs and I’m in bed right now I can’t be asked to move

What is your favorite type of tree? / Willow tree

If you could convince one person to like kpop who would you convert? / My dad, cos if he’s convinced, my mum will automatically be converted too XD

What are three things you are normally associated with and/or what are three things you want to be associated with? / Well, I guess making people happy, but that’s pretty much it

If you were in a kpop group what position would you hold (ie. leader, main vocal, moodmaker, etc) feel free to tag your mutuals and who they would be! / I think I’d be vocal, leader and the 4D member haha ^^ @g-te would be rapper/moodmaker and @thatbubblecat would be the lead dancer and visual

If you could have any wild animal as a tame pet what would it be?? (i’m ocelot loyal all the way) / Probably a lion

What is your opinion on mint chocolate chip ice cream? (for maj) / LOVE IT!!

Gitte’s q’s

What is your (clothing) style? like is it casual, street style, sporty, classy… It really depends on my mood, like sometimes I wear casual, and sometimes classy, sometimes girly.

Would you reather be very smart/intelligent but ugly, or dumb but beautiful? Very smart but ugly

Which languages do you speak/understand? English, Hindi, Malayalam, French

What is your biggest dream? To be a doctor

Do you fold or do you crumple up your toilet paper? (I am curious okay?) Fold XD

Your favourite season? Winter

Do you have a favourite number? If yes, which and why? It’s always been 17, I think it’s my lucky number

Do you prefer, day or night? Night

Do you like bright or dark colours? Both, I usually tend to stick to two colours though; bright red or black

Do you have any habits? Accidently hitting people when laughing (even though I apologise immediately after), covering my mouth accidently with my hand when awkward and mumbling at the same time if I’m talking.

What’s your ideal type? Oo well he's caring and protective, a pure baby but can be manly. Can sense if I'm upset and quickly tries to make me feel better. Empathetic, down to earth and modest, generally cheerful person who is positive and optimistic. A bit extroverted. In general, similar to me, I guess.

Ae Sook’s qs

1. What qualities do you like of your ultimate bias? (Say who he/she is too)

2. What sort of animal would you be if you were to choose one? (your spirit animal)

3. What is your favourite ice cream flavour?

4. Do you like kpop? If so, how long has it been since you’ve been into kpop?

5. What star sign are you?

6. List all the groups/bands you listen to regularly (any genre of music).

7. What is your favourite choreography (kpop)?

8. How would you describe yourself? (positives and negatives, but put mainly positives)

9. Sushi; yes or no?

10. Who is that one idol you can relate to most? (Who do you think you’re most like? - and no, I don’t mean your ultimate bias)

I tag:

@thatbubblecat @taeyongtown @deeimana @g-te (i know you’ve done this, but I want to see what you would put for my question lmao x)

#kpop #tag

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peachiejihoonie · 7 years

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yoon jisung - demigod!au; nemesis

for those who dont know, nemesis is the goddess of revenge, retribution and balance

shocked? same for jisung.

jisung was adopted by a very loving and caring family with very accepting siblings.

no one knows about his family or past; it was the cliche, he was left on rhe porch of the family in basket wrapped in a ducky blanket, something he still dearly treasures since he feels its his only connection to his biological parents.

he was home schooled, so he had a limited amount of friends which meant he was very protective and loving of his family.

he lived a pretty normal life, and since he wasn’t exactly the most powerful of demigods, monsters didn’t really bother to chase him down.

up until he was about to finish highschool with his home school program thing that is

he was at the grocery store, picking up produce for his family since he had promised to cook dinner that night,

he was reaching for the tomatoes when a big burly hand suddenly grabbed his wrist.

slowly looking up he saw a big muscular man looking down at him with the biggest huffs and puffs coming out out of his mouth.

“y-yo-you can ha-a-ave th-the to-to-toma-tomato if yo-you want” he stuttered, gulping a lump down his throat.

slowly, he watched the big man throws his wrist down and the tomato flung out of his hand smashing into the shelf, the force creating a hole through the shelf

luckily the civilians around only saw it splatter onto the cereal boxes because of the mist but many angry customers were watching in disgust

jisung ran over to the shelf and attempted to pick up the tomato but of course in his vision it wasn’t there but behind the shelf

he looked up, about to ask why the man did that but instead was meet with a kick in the gut that flung him into shelf

screams exploded around him and he gripped his stomach painfully

the man had reached his eye level, just grunting and smirking, through his blurry vision, jisung noticed his eyes slowly combining into one and he wanted to scream, realizing he was witnessing a cyclops about to beat him to pulp

instead only tears rolled down his checks and inaudible sounds escaped from his mouth. all he could think about was his family and how theyre going to react if he suddenly died or disappeared

as the cyclops was about to grab him, he squeezed his eyes shut, (causing more tears to spill) expecting to be crushed but instead he heard another loud crash

there you were, all bad ass in just a tshirt and jeans. he had realized you had kick down the cyclops twice your size.

before the cyclops could get back up your frame was already on top of him, your dagger already aligned with it’s eyes

jisung’s sobs erupted as you jabbed your dagger in and quickly jumped off the cyclops, grabbing his hands, pulling up his knees

“stop crying we gotta go okay" you said hurriedly, trying to calm him down

he’s a child; cheeks stained red, eyes shut tightly with over flowing tears and you raise a brow

“I ha-have t-t-to c-co-co-cook din-dinner"

you end up having to drag him out of the grocery store before the cyclops could attack again, you both run blocks until you make it to a parking lot

now he’s panting, sobbing and wont stop rambling about his family

“look as much as you love your family, you’re in danger okay” you’re trying not to rolling your eyes cause honestly what the fuck

you explain to him he NEEDS to bounce on over to camp half blood because monsters are after him since he’s a demigod

he’s stubborn though, he refuses to go with you he just needs to cook for his family

and you both just keep bickering like why can’t he understand he needs to fucking leave he’s in danger

and why cant you understand that family is important and that he can’t just disappear

you guys are having major culture shocks, it just something each of you weren’t used to

you weren’t used to the idea of a loving and tightly knitted family and he wasn’t used to “fending for yourself”

so you guys compromise, he can finish this dinner thing and then the next morning he’ll leave with you with the condition that he can come back and that you’d stop bringing up this demigod nonsense for one night

so you guys go grocery shopping together again, he notices your uptight behavior and constant glances of worries and he tries to ease you by being his good ol happy self, all meme like and jolly

you guys also end up introducing yourselves (finally)

as you guys are the leaving the store, he apologizes about your dagger and you blinked a couple times like “wdym?????”

and he’s like “your dagger ?????? the one you left in the cyclops???????”

“OOH, dw bout it, it’s gonna come back”

he’s dumbfounded, like what the fuck are you saying ?????

“it’s reappears when I need it, it’s name it’s emfanistei"

“oh that’s cute it’s literally named reappear”

and he catches himself, he’s wide eyed

“w HY dO I kNoW THa T?????????????” he freaks the fuck out

and you’re like chiiiiiilllll it’s cause you’re greek u demigod calm down

when you make it back to his place, you’re starting telling him you’ll be back at dawn he has math equations around his head

“where are you going?”

“finding a motel?”

this is also the first time you hear jisung go “what the fuck” and you see him with the most sassiest face that you didn’t think the crybaby happy go lucky boy could pull off

he forces you to eat dinner with his family, they’re all really sweet and all but you’ve never felt so out place

they’re all so sweet and caring it makes you feel bad for intruding

you both somehow bs an explanation and they’re convinced that he’s going to some intern summer camp thing

he insists you sleep on his bed and he takes the bean bag but you refuse, feeling bad for what you put him through all day

you both end up staying up a bit too late, discussing each other lives

he was extremely fascinated by your demigod life

you also learn he’s adopted and that’s why hes so caring about his family

“i mean, i can’t loose two families right??”

he’s the type to suppress all his feelings in order to make other people feel better please protect the boy, hes actually sad deep down

he talked about how he used get bullied for it, how people told him how he was unwanted and useless

it didn’t help that he was dyslexic and had adhd so he just turned to home schooling

he came to terms with it, knowing that he was loved by his family, whether or not they had the same dna and blood

“I live a very happy and wholesome life now and that’s all that really matters right?”

he doesn’t really hold a grudges against his biological parents, but he would just like to know why or what happened

the next, he was all packed and ready to, packed as in just some essentials that he couldn’t survive without (his blanket)

it takes a lot of walking and buses to get to camp half blood, which makes a lot of room for conversations

there were a few awkward silences, good long talks (mainly him) and lots of exchanged jokes (also mainly him)

you guys end up talking about his potential parents and you were honest and said that he was probably demeter’s son but you really couldn’t tell

he realized that he knew nothing about your parentage so he was slightly surprised that you were ares’s child

“isn’t he like mean??? scary????? wAR??????”

and you kinda just chuckle because wow such stereotypes you’ve placed upon me

“but you’re so kind??? quiet??? i’m confused???”

and yall make it to camp half blood!!!!!

as soon as you get there your cabin mates kinda just scoff at him

“you got sooo lucky bro that they found you”

“ya, if we found you, you would’ve been done, you look like a twinkie”

and they snicker at each and you just roll your eyes

“leave him alone, its literally his first day”

he realizes that you’re really not the stereotypical ares kid

“oh shut up reject, this is why dad never sends you off to quests or gives you gifts.”

you’re walking away and jisung follows, trying to comfort you but you end up comforting him

“its fine, ares kids are always like that, just ignore them”

and this happens constantly and everytime jisung would just run by your side

honestly since he’s so cheery and happy, he’s loved by many campers, except for the ares cabin

but he never ever drifts from you, you’re still his top priority

you think he’s just being sweet and nice to you because you sorta saved his life

he always saves you a seat during meals and has your favorite drink already at the table

at the bonfire, he’d always have an extra large blanket for you to share

he even let you stay at his hermes cabin over night once because your siblings were being assholes

(he’s in the hermes cabin because he wasn’t claimed yet)

thats’ the night you realize how fast your heart races when you’re around him

you liked him

something about the two of you just clicked

it takes him a while to get claimed but he does, during a game of capture the flag

you get in a fight with your other cabin mates and they’re blaming you for losing

even though jisung was on the other team, he came over and stood up for you

he cited how unfair your teammates were acting and insisted that they shouldn’t get to use the showers first since they were being assholes

“how does that even remotely make sense? that’s so petty, like showers???” your half siblings complained

“yea, cause you guys are complaining about something bratty, that means you get a bratty punishment”

even mr.d was amused by the solution since he was overhearing the argument

bam, he’s claimed by his mother nemesis

everyone is shook and he doesn’t understand why at first; theres a lot of scattered whispering

you have to explain to him that her children are known for being traitors, and self entitled assholes

it takes him a while to get used to, he’s angered by her because she’s kinda known for being a huge asshole and sorta evil and hes the polar opposite

but overtime he accepts himself like he always does, he realizes that he is a firm believer in balance

he doesn’t believe in irrational punishment and revenge, but he knows when its needed.

so he ends up becoming a referee for capture the flag occasionally when mr.d isn’t available because he’s “busy”

one time during another argument that involved you again, the ares cabin called him out for being your little guard dog

“so what if i stand up for them?” jisung responds “you guys are the ones treating them like shit”

“ya okay, go ahead, go to your little boy toy since you’re such a weakling and can’t stand up for yourself”

and jisung’s sassy side just goes OFF

“look here, you know damn well that y.n can literally beat the both of you into a pulp, unlike you though, they doesn’t feel the need to show off nor waste their energy on such useless statements, especially from low lifers like you guys.”

and the two ares children that were talking are furious but before they attack jisung you kinda just kick them down

“leave him alone okay, hes not my boy toy, I can genuinely for people unlike you inconsiderate assholes”

and as you two are walking away, he realized what you said

“you care for me?” he asked

“ya?” you bluntly replied

“like care care for me?”

“what does that even mean?”

“i like you” he blurts

and yall date,

and you perfectly balance each other ;-)

he’s really talkative and you’re a great listener

he makes you laugh and relax and you keep him check

you’re both protective of each other

he really loves embarrassing you cause you’re still pretty shy about skinship,

he finds you all red faced super cute

hes always sitting with the hermes cabin since he had been close with a lot of them since he wasn’t claimed for a long while and he has no one in the nemesis cabin that he isnt he afraid of

and he always invites you over during meal times and the hermes cabin relentlessly tease you guys

he races you up the lava climbing wall and never wins

you help him with the history of greek mythology to which he always claims is boring and useless

when he sees you during sword fight class and defeating someone he would cheer so loud it almost embarrasses you

“yEES thAtS mY ArES sIGnIFIcaNT OThER!!!!!!” “MY 10 OUT OF 10!!!!” “look did you see them just drop kicked that big guy?? tHEYrE mInE!!”

and he’s all the way across the field near the cabin so everyone can hear him

your first kiss was at the armory while you guys were searching for a weapon for him

ya you both didn’t realize he was playing capture the flag weaponless

“what, i didn’t even do much anyways, i just kinda looked around, and if i found the flag i just told my teammates? besides, i don’t even play that often anyways”

“but yoU WeRE wEAPonlESS???? dEFenSeLeSS??????”

but you guys both find a him sword after sorting through all the too heavy and too light ones

“thanks babe youre the best! :-)))” and he kisses your cheek “perks of dating an ares child !!!!”

god hes such a cutie

and you don’t realize that you’re staring at him, admiring his cute his smile and his half closed eyes

but he does, so he leans in to try to kiss you, but accidentally knocks down the barrel of spears, scaring the daylights out of you

he’s bright red and giggling and you just sigh and you end up kissing him, holding up the barrel of swords that was behind the spears just in cases it falls

you guys are exactly the the unexpected

the two scary mean violent cabins, dating in one peaceful harmony

how ironically fitting

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reticexce · 7 years

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RETICEXCE’S RP PLOTTING CHEAT-SHEET

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

Mun name: birdie OOC Contact: instant messenger and asks ( bc im always on mobile ) or sky.pe and k.ik, if we’re close mutuals

Who the heck is are my muse muses anyway:

alison clair: a fashion designer who used to be a prostitute and has experienced various toxic relationships in her life and still feels the effects of them even now ( self-hate, think she’s inadequate, thinks the toxic relationships are her fault in a way ). has lots of love to give, very creative and artsy, wears a lot of pastel colors and can probably make you an entire outfit if you ask her nicely.

emile clair: ali’s twin brother ( he’s older! ) who is an overgrown boy scout but can’t go outside as much as he wants because he has an office job ( legal aid ). has a soft spot for plants, hates the other two male muses on this blog, awkward af around attractive people, hella gay but has been hiding this fact about himself for years and has only recently come to terms with it ( sort of ).

cedric privett: alison’s first boyfriend in high school; wealthy and sort of bratty but lives more humbly than people might think. is best friends with nate and teased emile for being gay in high school. verbally abusive to alison in high school. is currently a bartender who reads a lot and has to deal with drunken fights at his bar more often than he likes. will probably flirt with you muse a lot.

nate cain: a terrible person. ali’s second “boyfriend” in high school. took advantage of her in high school and her virginity. physically abused her and verbally abused emile for being gay. hates his parents because they treated him like shit and was in foster homes all of his childhood and early teen years. has bipolar II disorder. is currently djing for money and has a fucked up sleep cycle.

Points of interest:

alison: is super nice and bubbly, loves cats and flowers, wears mostly pink, will scrapbook and take a lot of photos, will probably love your muse or grow really attached , can be super self conscious about silly things, pls take care of her.

emile: will probably invite your muse to go hiking or bird watching, loves the rain and succulents, stutters a lot when talking to strangers and does embarrassing things, is tol and can help your muse reach stuff.

cedric: sarcastic, speaks in a proper manner, dresses like he’s all that because he can afford nice clothes, has read lots of books, will judge you on your drink choices, always looks like he’s making bedroom eyes at you probably, is fake af

nate: looks done 97% of the time with life, replies in short sentences and in a monotonous tone, looks tired, probably never awake when you are, makes great music though and will call you out if he thinks you listen to trash, curses a lot

What they’ve been up to recently:

alison: living day to day and trying to recover from her past. picking up a lot of hobbies and trying to keep herself busy and healthy ( though she could always use some extra help with the healthy part ). has just been assigned to work on a new fashion line with her aunt ( who owns the company ali works for ) so that’s been keeping her real busy.

emile: trying to not hate his job but it’s not working but at least his cat keeps him happy. trying to also come out of his shell more and get into the dating scene but that’s also not working as well. he’s learned a few new knots though so that’s pretty cool.

cedric: not on the best terms with his parents but he’s gotta deal with them anyway, is co-owner of a popular bar, is trying not to remember alison and had to deal with nate’s bullshit even more now since he’s back in town

nate: finally freed from high school and has taken a few college classes online but nothing to get a degree. really focused on making music with other collaborators and is hella enjoying the launchpad he got himself a few years ago. internally denies everything that’s happened with alison and is skipping out on therapy that he’s suppose to be going to for his condition

Where to find them:

alison: at her office, at cafes, at fashion shows or charity events, the bar, her apartment, the park

emile: in his office at his father’s law firm, outside in park, at the farmer’s market, in his apartment, at a cafe, rarely at the bar but you can try, at marathons bc this boy likes to run, at the train station bc this boy hates to drive and cares too much about the environment

cedric: at his bar ( the best place ), a bookstore, a restaurant or cafe, at his parents’ place, at a party his parents’ are throwing, at an office party he didn’t want to go to but got dragged into

nate: in bed, at a fast food place, at a night club or a strip club, at a bar probably getting into a fight, in an alley probably finishing that fight

Current plans:

alison: looking for more models for her clothes or for her photography hobby, sketching, trying to not skip meals, and trying to find her prince charming ( or someone to hook up with and make her feel useful and safe ). is thinking about going to school one day to become a nurse but that’ll have to wait when she has more money saved up.

emile: is also thinking about going back to school bc law is now the path for him but who knows what he’ll do ( he’s thinking history ). really determined to get back into the dating scene and meet cute people but social anxiety is an awful thing and he needs lots of patience to overcome it. really wants to get back into hiking

cedric: taking care of nate, trying to please his parents but also trying to piss them off at the same time by having more hookups, is pretty happy with where he is in life though taking care of nate can be real draining

nate: live through the self hatred and make music to keep himself sane, currently in a stable relationship with someone so that’s always exciting. he doesn’t really do much, but he’s living so that’s good for him

Desired interactions:

alison: more toxic relationships bc she always seems to attract people that aren’t so good for her, and i like to cause her pain, old clients or new ones since she does have a harlot verse, gal pals are the best, and ?? really difficult people?? i’ve always wanted to see how alison handles difficult people. oh and one night stands bc a girl has needs

emile: more dates, emile crushing really hard on a male muse and it’s possibly unrequited or emile just hasn’t had the guts to tell your muse yet and one day he just blurts it out, someone teaching emile how to kiss or hike up his flirting game

cedric: be his friend and bitch about things with him, try to be his sugar baby and see how far it takes you, call him out for being so fake

nate: former one night stand coming back and trying to get involved in nate’s life even though he has a gf, someone nate got in a fight with recognizing him and trying to get a rematch, roommates au tbh

Offered interactions:

alison: is super helpful and nice so she’s always willing to help your muse out or keep them company at like a bus stop or something. known to strike up random conversations. will offer to help fix a hole in your muse’s clothes if it ever happens ( like a wardrobe malfunction ). likes to try new foods and see new things so invite her out and have fun!!

emile: will tell you lots of stuff about his plants if you ask ( or just nature in general ), is really good at painting and wouldn’t mind helping you impress someone you like by painting you a picture and selling it to you, has really good taste in coffee and can help you find the right brew, will let you pet his cat if you’re sad.

cedric: he’s pretty good at telling when people have had too much so he’ll shut you down real quick if you ask and he’s certain you’re shitfaced, he has a lot of good recommendations when it comes to books, he probably won’t remember you if you told him you guys slept together but you can always remind him

nate: lmao nate never wants to come out but if you’re looking for a fight or wants someone to play video games with nate is your man

Current open post/s:

open tag is here!! mutuals only please.

Anything else?:

hi a shy bean in central time zone. i love multiple thread with the same person and i dont mind if you send me ten memes, love me

Tagged by: @tiivadvabadust ( indirectly! ) Tagging: idk man this was a long thing to fill out bc i had so many muses if you wanna do it then go for it and lemme see!! i would love to see!!

#long post #outofribbons

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tylerwritez · 3 years

Text

Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m. sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad. But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking about random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude

#JudeJournals #jude shepard #tumblr diary #journal

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marsketti · 7 years

Note

Your turnnn 6,8,9,12,15 (dream color),16,20,31,35(You don't actually have to answer this one),47,50

yissssss

6 - Any tattoos do you want?

It’s been a recent thing with me to draw some stuff but overall i dont think its worth it for now, maybe if there was one more meaningful i would tho

8 - OTP?

In light of recent anime watching, Shirayuki-Zen. Which brings up, basically any shoujo I’ve read. so there’s a possible rabbit hole for you.

9 - Favorite Show?

Steven Universe, Mushishi, and Leverage pulled to the top of their respective categories.

12 - Favorite song?

Why you gotta do me like this friend. And yet, Beautiful by Mystery Skulls. rn it seems to be Neo-SF Strut or Tunnel Battle from the ROM soundtrack tho

15 - (Dream) Hair Color?

kind of a dark pinkish purple is current goal. but also, pastel purple or that perfect mint green we saw on the guy from the donut shop.

16 - Favorite Quote?

“I could eat” said by anybody who just ate until they were full. I couldve sworn for once i actually had a real quote but

20 - Where do you go when you're sad?

if im a little sad ill text you or watch/read something new or that i like, if im really sad ill bury my face in the corner of my bed.

31 - Last book you read?

last one i finished mustve been thorn? ive been sitting on the goose girl since then (theyre both based on the same fairy tale so i was gonna do one after the other) but,, ive read it so much in the past that the beginning seems slow so ive been putting it off

35 - The relationship between you and the person you last texted?

heehee my girlfriend

47 - Last song you sang?

who knows but now ive got close2u by louie lastic looping in my head cos of that vine

50 - Favorite movie?

good fuck my friend. i have 3 favorites for a given genre but lets go with fuckinnnnnnnnnnnnn The Holiday JUST because ive been in such a mood to watch it. last time i wanted to watch it twice in a row. but yeah take like 4 different movies from my romance collection and ill wanna watch them at any given time

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obsessed-withthe-hales · 7 years

Text

Strike Two (Part 9 of Curve Ball)

Summary: An accidental collision. Lucky shoes. Baseball lessons. As much as they might try to deny it, fate seemed to be working to bring Derek and Y/N together. But being in each other’s lives could prove to be more complicated than either one of them bargained for.

Author’s Note: FINALLY! It is here, y’all!!! I know it has been an eternity since I updated this series, but it is finally written and I couldn’t love this part more. I really hope you guys like it, please let me know! Meanwhile, enjoy ;)

As always, a HUGE thank you to my co-pilot on this series, @snipsnsnailsnwerewolftales!!! She is so amazing to work with and always such great ideas!!! I can’t even say thanks enough <3

Warnings: Language; a lot of feels

Tags: @wheresthekillswitch, @urwarriorangel, @palaiasaurus64, @melanie451, @houseofrahl, @life-what-life-i-dont-have-one, @splashofbi, @livinglife-dsa, @miaforeverblue

*******************************************************************************************

“Y/N? Are you even listening to me?” Stiles’ voice broke me out of my stare and I slowly turned my head to look at him, eyes wide and lips sucked between my teeth as I grunted out a ‘hm?’ He blinked at me several times before averting his gaze to the spot I was so tethered to only moment ago.

“Sorry,” I sighed. “I’ve just been...distracted.”

“I’ll say,” he snorts, earning a glare. “What’s up with you lately?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Yeah, that’s bullshit, but nice try. If I had to guess, based off of your intense and somewhat creepy staring, it has something to do with Derek and that girl he’s been hanging around with for a couple weeks.”

“Stiles, can you just drop it?” I hiss, panic starting to set in as I saw Derek walking toward us, the mystery girl’s form retreating down the hall. He puts his hands up in surrender, a quiet sigh of relief leaving my mouth. Derek took his seat and greeted us, Scott rushing in a few moments later and grinning as he slid into his chair right as class started.

“Hey, Y/N,” Derek said, falling into step beside me as we exited the building. “Got a second?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” I asked, trying to push down the nerves twisting in my gut and put on a kind and curious smile.

“I, uh-” he paused, bringing a hand up to rub across the back of his neck. Oh no. That’s not a good sign. “I’m not gonna be able to do baseball lessons this week. I’m really sorry, it’s just-”

“Oh, it’s fine, Derek,” I replied quickly with a dismissive shake of my head. “Seriously. You don’t have to explain. It’ll give me more time to get some stuff together for our project anyway. And I have an exam in another class I should study for this weekend, so. It kinda works out.”

“You’re the best,” he sighed, smiling widely at me. I chuckled at that, glancing down at my shoes in an effort to hide the blush on my cheeks. “I gotta go, but catch you later?”

“Sure. See ya.” With a final wave, Derek turned left and headed down another sidewalk. I watched him go, disappointment settling into my chest. Don’t freak out, it isn’t like he’s your boyfriend cancelling a date or something. There’s always next week.

Except next week didn’t happen.

Neither did the week after that. And by the time that had passed, it was way too cold to be outside throwing a baseball around. Suddenly I was only really seeing Derek in our history class and when our project group met every now and then. Apparently he was keeping his grade up without my help now because the tutoring had come to a halt, too.

To say I was upset didn’t quite convey it...I was just plain sad. Here was this guy, this cute and nice guy that I had a lot of fun with, that made me laugh, that I had actually considered a friend despite our rocky start, and now it was like I just didn’t exist to him anymore. I suppose that’s what happens when he finds a girlfriend.

I just kept telling myself to look on the bright side: I still had Stiles and Scott. And Lydia, of course. So it wasn’t like I was completely alone, far from it actually. Maybe this is what I get for questioning Allison and the damn shoes so much. Way to go.

Time seemed to fly by and before I knew it, finals were just around the corner. Long hours of reading and studying lied ahead, as well as putting the finishing touches on our project for history. Stiles, Scott and I were settling in for another Star Wars marathon weekend as a farewell to relaxation and laziness, the calm before the storm as they say, Lydia even joining us this time. I curled my favorite blanket around my shoulders, finding a comfortable position as Stiles set up the first movie.

“Hey, why don’t you text Derek? I’m sure he’d like to come,” Scott suggested, nudging my arm with his elbow. My heart fell at those words, but I tried not to let it show. That was the last thing I wanted to have to do.

“Uh, can you?” I asked, trying to avoid any extra contact with that kid if at all possible. You’re being childish. But he started it! Oh my gosh, you’re arguing with yourself again, Y/N. “My phone is about to die.” It wasn’t technically a lie.

“Yeah, sure.” I let out a small sigh of relief when he seemed to have bought it, no question in his eyes. As much as I hated to admit it, I couldn’t even pay attention to the beginning of the movie because I was way too focused on waiting for Scott’s phone to ding with the signal of a new message. What if Derek did want to come and he showed up at my door? What if he sat next to me during the movies? Wouldn’t it be awkward? What if-

I was snapped out of my mental rant by a quiet tweeting noise, my heart rate speeding up as Scott picked up his phone and read the message.

“It’s Derek.” I tried my best look nonchalant, but judging by Scott’s bemused eyebrow raise, he knew better. My intense laser beam stare that had been trained on his phone probably didn’t help my pathetic attempt at a ruse. It felt like an eternity before he finally typed out some reply and then gave me that tiny sympathetic grin before speaking. “Says he’s got plans tonight, but maybe next time.” Of course he does. Wait...shouldn’t I be relieved? Get it together and stop being so confusing, emotions!

“His loss,” Stiles mumbled before shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth and earning a curious look from Lydia.

“Hey kiddo!” The deep voice flowing through the speaker of my phone brought a small smile to my lips.

“Hi, Uncle Chris.”

“How are you? Getting ready for finals yet?” he asked, the grin in his tone evident.

“Yeah, I have a lot of studying to do, but I’m getting a jump on it. I don’t think my exams will be too hard, but I suppose we’ll see. Don’t want to jinx anything.” He chuckled over the line, the sound making my heart ache with a tinge of homesickness.

“You’ll be fine. You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for. And you’re a good test taker.” I huffed in acknowledgement, but when I didn’t offer anything else, he must have sensed something was off. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I guess. I just-” How do you tell your uncle that you’re heartbroken over a guy that didn’t even have your heart in the first place? “Just a bit overwhelmed. Really stressed.”

“You’ll get through it, Y/N, don’t worry so much. Hey, how about I come down and visit this weekend, huh? We can go out to a nice dinner, maybe catch a movie. You can fill me in on everything.”

“Uncle Chris, I was just home for Thanksgiving a couple weeks ago,” I chuckled. “You’re pretty much up to date.”

“Still. It’ll be good for you to take a study break. Let your brain relax,” he continued. I had to admit, the offer did sound rather nice. Maybe spending some quality time with my uncle would be good for me. And the offer of food was on the table, so really, who was I to say no?

“Alright, yeah. That sounds like fun.”

“Great. I’ll be down Saturday afternoon.”

“Sounds good. See you then.” Ending the call, I let out a sigh as I fell back against my pillows. Staring at my notebooks scattered around me, I knew I should be studying, but the mere thought of it made my head hurt. I think my bed is really calling my name. Just a quick nap and then I’ll get back to it…

With that, I crawled under my covers and curled into a tiny ball, tuning out the world and my problems. At least for now.

“Do you have anymore finals today, Y/N?” Scott asked as I walked out of the classroom, he and Stiles straightening from where they were leaning on the wall waiting. I stuffed the papers that Professor Yukimura had given me into my backpack before offering a small smile.

“Nope. Just one more tomorrow and then I’m done.”

“And of course, since she’s a freakin’ genius, she’ll ace it and finish out the semester with a perfect GPA,” Stiles said, throwing his arm around my shoulders as we walked and making me laugh.

“Whatever, Stilinski. You’re just kissing up to me because I saved your history grade,” I joked. He only shrugged, not denying or confirming anything. We had just turned in our final project, all our hard work and research over the last several weeks coming to a glorious end.

Professor Yukimura had wanted to give me some information on the position I had decided to take with him next semester, so the guys had waited outside while I spoke with him. Derek, on the other hand, had left without so much as a goodbye wave. Probably in a rush to go meet his girlfriend.

“What about you guys? More exams?” Glancing between the two, I saw two very different expressions and couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I’m done!” Scott answered, a huge grin splitting his crooked face. “Which means that I get to go back to my room and finish packing before driving home tonight for break.”

“Well, you lucky dog! Stiles, judging by your face…”

“I have two more and a paper I still have to write,” he grumbled, earning a sympathetic pout from me. I leaned into his side for a moment, playfully nudging his ribs.

“You’ll be fine, don’t worry. And once it’s over, just think about how much sleep you can catch up on over break!”

“Sleep? What’s that?”

“Is that everything, kiddo?” Uncle Chris asked, scanning the room one more time. Pursing my lips, I did the same, not wanting to forget anything. Mentally going down the list in my head, I sighed and nodded my head.

“I think so.”

“Did you already tell your friends goodbye?”

“Yeah,” I replied, trying my best to ignore the ping in my chest. Lydia had left yesterday, hugging me tightly. Even though we were from the same town, we wouldn’t see each other over break because her family was going on vacation this Christmas. Stiles, Scott and I grabbed dinner together before Scott left the day before last and Stiles had stopped over to avoid studying by talking to me while I packed last night.

But Derek hadn’t said goodbye.

The last time I saw him was when he walked out of the classroom after we turned in our project. The last time we actually really talked, though, was...well, long before then. Pushing down the bitterness, I forced a smile and nodded, signalling that I was ready to go.

“Alright, let’s load up the SUV then!” Uncle Chris announced, turning to head for the door and carrying a couple of my bags. My brows shot up when he kicked something, sticking out from underneath my bed, and almost tripped. Bending down, he picked the offending object up and faced me, a questioning look on his face. “You need this?”

It was the old worn-out glove that Derek had given me for baseball lessons. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I shook my head.

“Nope.”

And I was ready to leave it there, but something courageous and maybe a little rebellious told me to do something else, something I would probably never even think of doing it it weren’t for the little voice in the back of my mind nagging at me.

“Actually...can we make one stop? I forgot I owe someone something.”

I was pretty sure that if I held this glove any tighter, my nails would puncture the leather. Taking a deep breath for what felt like the millionth time, I nodded my head and marched down the hallway toward Derek’s door. My heart was slamming against my ribcage, threatening to break free at any moment. Just get it over with, come on.

Now standing in front of his door, I gnawed on my bottom lip. Was I seriously about to do this? I didn’t even know what I was going to say to him. ‘Hey, I know you’ve been ignoring me and that I haven’t really made any effort to talk to you either, but here’s the glove you gave me. Thought I should return it since you dropped our baseball lessons. Have a great break, Merry Christmas!’ Yeah, like that would go over well.

Looking down at the ground as if it would give me some much-needed courage, I realized that I was tapping the toe of my right shoe against the floor absentmindedly, and sighed. I blame you for whatever...this...turns out as, Allison.

“Alright, you can do this,” I told myself quietly, firmly planting my right foot to stop its incessant nagging, I stepped up and raised my hand to knock on the door. That’s when I heard it. The distinct sound of a girl laughing, Derek’s deep chuckle accompanying it. All my resolve crumbled into the pit of my stomach. Turning to leave in defeat and silently berating myself for thinking this was a good idea, I nearly smacked right into someone.

“Whoa, hey. You alright?” a sweet voice asked. I looked up into the face of the woman I almost plowed over, eyes wide in embarrassment.

“I’m so sorry,” I told her. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“It’s okay,” she chuckled. Her eyes flicked towards Derek’s door then landed back on me, her small smile growing wider. “Are you a friend of Derek’s?”

“Oh, um- I-” Shit.. “No. Well, kind of. I tutored him. That’s, ah...that’s about it, I suppose.” Deep breath, Y/N. As long you remember to breathe, you’ll be fine. Alright, good. No, not that deep. Don’t be weird. Breathe like a normal human. “Are you-”

“I’m Laura, Derek’s older sister. Do you wanna come in? We’re just getting him packed up for break.” This is it, this is your out! Take it, take it now!

“Actually,” I started. “I’m kind of in a hurry. My uncle is waiting outside for me. Could you- could you maybe give this to him for me?” I held out the glove, biting my lip nervously and hoping against hope that she would agree. Thankfully, she did. “Thanks, I really appreciate it.” With that, I started to walk around her, wanting nothing more than to get the hell out of there, but I stopped short. “Can you tell him...well, actually. Just don’t tell him anything.”

Before she could respond, I spun on my heel and made my way to the nearest exit, choosing to ignore which foot I led with. I couldn’t handle all this fate crap anymore.

Sorry, Alli. Not now. And no, I don’t actually blame you.

What good was knowing what fate wanted when it was the one thing it was keeping you from? Putting one foot in front of the other is the only that could change fate. No matter what foot I was on, carrying on with my own two feet would be enough.

It had to be.

I would make it be.

From here on out, I was the master of my own fate. And as far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t include Derek freaking Hale and his perfect freaking smile and that contagious freaking laugh…” I shook my head at myself, exasperated. How in the world did I end up here? More importantly...how am I gonna get myself out? Whoever or whatever made my life cross paths with his is going to get a very strongly worded letter...

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Carly & Drew

Carly: hey Carly: gimme more of what i got last time yea Carly: she had fun on that Drew: Yeah? Drew: tah for the tip-off Drew: doubt she's in the party mood rn though Drew: not seen her for days Carly: ha Carly: heard u need em boy Carly: im bringing the party thats why uve not seen her Drew: who fed you that bullshit like Drew: you still gotta get yours from somewhere Carly: idk 😢 girl @ the other nights party Carly: k so gimme Carly: im not paying tho Carly: u made her sad u make it better Drew: hmm well you know what girls are like, yeah Drew: don't all play nice like yous two Carly: yea & i kno what lads say girls r like too Drew: ain't saying nothing that ain't true me Drew: so I didn't make her sad Carly: dont u kno the truth hurts Drew: better than bullshit though Carly: u like her Carly: u want her to like you Carly: be nice Carly: be fun Drew: how do i know you won't just take it all girl Carly: aw u wanna watch Carly: cute Drew: if it's cute you're doing it wrong Carly: ha Carly: u dont kno her v well do u Drew: I know her well as you do Drew: always up for more Carly: when you run out of drugs you should pick up a 🎤 & try comedy Carly: everyone knows im the one who plays rough Carly: shes sweet Drew: stock is pretty depleted so thanks for the suggestion Drew: reckon you could stock shelves Drew: maccies, maybe Drew: like I said, maybe yous ain't doing it right Carly: ha ty baby 💛 Carly: gimme what i need for free & im good Carly: like i said love that u want an invite Carly: but idk if shed be into it Carly: she dont like ur hair Drew: you expect me to remember what you order? Drew: cute Drew: yeah she does Carly: like u forget anything about her Carly: cuter Drew: where are you then Carly: [sends location] Drew: you together or what Carly: shes on her way if you wanna wait for her Drew: I should talk to her, actually Drew: she's not told you then Carly: that her bro came to you yea Carly: why wouldn't she Drew: so, not total bullshit Drew: just not the full truth Carly: ? Drew: you said she's sad yeah Drew: don't be thick Drew: why would she be sad if he was just getting a few tabs or something Carly: cos he wasnt Carly: im not that thick Carly: i dont need her to spell out his exact order tho not working under the golden arches yet am i Drew: maybe not Drew: maybe if you were paying I'd say different but do you think getting her high is the best thing for her right now Carly: aw u think u kno better Carly: uve got it really bad Drew: so you don't fuck Drew: and you don't talk Drew: what do you actually do Drew: or is it all just for attention like Carly: we do everything Carly: its cute that you think im gonna get graphic so u can wank about it but like Drew: never been shy before Drew: everyone knows Carly: never been in love before boy Carly: everyone knows that too Drew: and I've got it bad Drew: Jesus Carly: this is mutual tho Carly: different vibe Carly: take ur pining to church if u wanna Carly: loves a trier he do Carly: i been schooled on all that Carly: probably keep your hands off yourself tho its a sin Drew: how long though eh Drew: her last didn't last very long Drew: but you know all about that, like Carly: ill take the credit yea Carly: dont be jealous Carly: youre cute too Carly: just not as cute as me Drew: this month maybe Carly: ha Carly: the flavour's 🍓 Carly: what are you? Drew: you already stoned babe? Carly: you gonna be even more 💔 if I am Carly: or that you're vanilla Drew: I know that girl didn't tell you that Carly: do u Drew: like i said Drew: probably lying anyway Drew: idk who you mean Carly: k Drew: you take the piss Drew: no more freebies Carly: after this im not asking baby Carly: relax Drew: yeah right Drew: that rep precedes you too Carly: didnt ask just got Carly: cos yea my rep does Drew: no one gets freebies forever girl Carly: nobodys talking about forever but you boy Drew: you'll still be needing it when you're cleaning up kid's vom from the ballpit Drew: trust me Drew: i know all the types Carly: u get paid for that Carly: be able to afford u Drew: afford my merchandise anyway Drew: my time's a whole other thing babe Drew: speaking of, be there in 15 so be there alright Carly: im there Carly: 💛 Drew: good girl Carly: did that work on the girl from the party? Drew: you wish you knew Carly: ha maybe Carly: but i wouldnt tell u if i did Drew: why not Carly: not me u like Drew: aw don't be jealous Drew: nuff to go round Carly: im not jealous & ur not slick Carly: but k ill try & remember Drew: yeah right Drew: you already told be Carly: what Drew: you so want me Drew: ha Carly: ur pretty ive told lots of people i think u are Carly: so Drew: you're so weird Carly: can be Carly: like you said my rep is well known Drew: yeah Carly: tell me how u like it & ill be that if the day ever comes Carly: but it probably wont Drew: you flirt a lot for someone who's so in love Carly: aw u think im flirting Carly: u havent seen me do it yet Carly: this is talking Carly: im bored Drew: i know Drew: you said Drew: sweet, right Carly: im not gonna tell her ur a good listener Drew: she knows Carly: how? Drew: we talked loads about her brother like Carly: mean then i have 2 ask u to make shit better u kno Carly: shes special u should be trying harder Drew: i can't make her brother not a junkie can i Carly: neither can she Carly: so she dont wanna think about it Carly: feel about it Drew: i'm coming ain't i Carly: u were gonna make me beg tho Carly: least i kno now thats ur thing Drew: this is still my living ain't it Carly: not asking for ur whole stash Carly: bet u gave party girl freebies & u dont even remember her Drew: i bet she didn't need as much as you 2 Carly: ha Carly: if u kno my rep u kno how needy i am baby Drew: ha yeah Drew: not my thing babe Carly: 😢💔 Carly: ur cute Drew: yeah yeah you said Carly: i said pretty Carly: different words Drew: same bollocks Carly: mean Carly: & untrue Drew: i told you that ain't my thing Carly: being nice? Carly: she won't like u Carly: too late to be in her bad boyfriends club Drew: i ain't bad Carly: what are you Drew: wouldn't you like to know Drew: maybe one day Carly: nvm i kno Carly: ur boring Drew: just giving you your chat back Drew: told you it weren't it babe Carly: aw u want my good chat Drew: be less of a waste of time sure Carly: ur one of those lads Carly: cant get hard til ive talked u up Drew: well you ain't paying so Carly: so u want me to fuck you Carly: or what Drew: obviously not Drew: it's a favour for her Carly: so u want her to fuck you Carly: good luck Drew: no Drew: jesus Drew: shut up and i'll be there sooner Carly: be more fun when u are here Carly: so boring Drew: why ain't you with her Carly: shes on her way remember Drew: need a job walsh Drew: no time to be bored Carly: aw u offering Drew: haha Drew: fuck no Drew: you'd be the worst drug dealer in the world Carly: would i Drew: yeah Drew: you can't be doing half the shit Carly: so u never dip in Carly: like i said boring Drew: got money tho ain't i Carly: i dont need money Drew: yet Drew: you've got a few years at best before you ain't young and pretty enough Drew: already told you Carly: i knew u thought i was pretty too Carly: aw Drew: have that on the house as well Drew: you are desperate weren't wrong Carly: never said u were Carly: not here cos i dont want drugs am i Drew: not what i was chatting on but yeah Drew: save some face now girl Carly: u reckon i need you to tell me im pretty Carly: why would i need you to be the first lad to chat like that to me Drew: you're bored? Drew: fuck knows Carly: not trying to get more bored then Drew: me either Drew: g2g Drew: you're next drop Carly: k Carly: have fun

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