I had declared war on myself..
Bloody battles raging for years..
I sat in the middle of the killing fields..
savage; dirty weapons in hand..
victims lying around me..
but deep down I was broken..
people would come& they would go..
& I barely noticed them..
until you came wondering in my path..
you crawled through the landmines..
& dodged my grenades..
& you patiently sat with me as things exploded..
you were fighting your own battles..
you gave me your coat..
and wiped away my tears for awhile..
& it wasn’t nearly so lonely there anymore..
I never thanked you for that..
for keeping my company..
when I was trying so desperately to destroy myself..
I hope wherever you are now..
you have fought all your battles..
& won your war.
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Kissing Kissies All Over You
Baby boo, I'm kissing you
Kissing kissies all over you
Baby boo, I'm licking you
Hee hee haa Haa hee hee who
Then I sneeze, achoo achoo
Baby boo, what did I just do?
Now you're covered in my goo
Oh no, this poem took a wrong cue
Now I'm feeling quite taboo
Sorry, babe, I didn't mean to do
But I guess that's the end of our cutsie muse
Goodbye, my love, I bid adieu
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Teach me how to Touch
She’s a poisonous tree
Who hates every hug 🫂
I’m a poisonous ivy
Who hated being touched. 👈🏾
xi.gwa
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He told me he knew I wasn’t okay. he told me even through my vacant smile and my dismissing wave, he could see a fear behind my eyes. And it was then that I almost let myself cry, and I felt I could fall into him. Because someone looked past my skin, he saw my heart beating and my mind thinking. He could feel how cold I was without even touching me. He made me realize I’ve never been truly seen before.
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Brief Immortality
A time-lost wanderer stuck on aspirations
Of knowing that this moment is brief.
A few familiar faces linger around,
As time remains constant for them
While my moments here are brief.
The curse of immortality makes the years into seconds,
A small blip of existence that gets forgotten.
They’ll be gone when time marches on,
And why should I get attached to someone so fleeting?
I’ll remain longer than them when the clock strikes midnight.
A body turns to ash then earth,
I stand near their graves in silence.
Unable to cherish something so impactful
When they disappear in a cosmic second
And getting attached means more pain when the bells toll.
Wilted ambitions for cheerful banter,
Faded desire for small talk.
I can’t get the feeling of a connection,
Suppress the butterflies and keep the heart’s pace
So that when the dust settles I won’t grieve their memory.
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You swallowed my sun. And crushed my moon to dust with your hands. Then blew out each star, one by one. Until all light was gone. And now years later, you suddenly notice I’m still here. And you dare ask why I sit alone in the dark.
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Mars
He waited at the back door, green lights shards on his eyes, overlapping those colourless irises. He lost his light at the tapping ground, busking at the subway, it was a sunny but pallid afternoon upon. His name was Mars.
And he knew nobody but himself.
28 December 1019
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One smile when we met
And i become thoughtless.
i forgot every word
That I would have said
So i hugged you tight
and held my breath.
Only You understood
The words from my chest
“I knew I was in love”
-xi.ivy
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