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#safe to say that my name is dairy and i love dairy products
loliwrites · 4 months
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The One You Need | two
🎶 I spent most my life thinkin' love was out of reach, so maybe just this once, you could be the one I need, if you let me be the one you need 🎶
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pairing: neighbor!joel miller x f!reader  rating: explicit, 18+ minors dni  summary: when you move into town hellbent on keeping everyone at an arm’s length, your neighbor Joel finds his way into your life. warnings/tags: au, neighbor joel, age gap [reader is late 20s/early 30s, Joel is late 40s], hyper-independent reader, a bit of a misandrist mindset, past relationships, men vs boys, sexual tension, dubcon [tagging to be safe] [slight alcohol consumption but neither is drunk], verbal consent received, reader described as female, no other physical description, protective!joel, soft!joel, dare i say ei!joel, no use of y/n. word count: 6.1k part one | joel miller masterlist  a/n: i’ve done my best to tag as thoroughly as possible, but if you think i’ve missed something, let me know. & tagging @hausofobsession because charlie's the best
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It had been three and a half weeks since move in day and a few things had become abundantly clear about your new surroundings.
1. Having your own place rocked. You did what you wanted. You answered to no one. If you wanted to have a one person dance party at two in the morning, you did. No downstairs neighbors hollered and banged on their ceiling – your floor. You could paint the walls whatever color you wanted and tear up the flooring if you had the impulse to. Nothing ever again had to be “renter friendly” .
2. Having your own place was a lot of work. There were any number of things that seemed to break, leak, or hang crooked on any given day and instead of ringing up a landlord and complaining, you could only complain to yourself… And then figure out how to fix the broken, leaky, or wonky thing. And it boggled your mind how dust and grime seemed to manifest out of nothingness. Rooms you don’t even remember stepping foot into had somehow acquired a thin film of dust. You were constantly cleaning something or fixing something, and in the most unfortunate of times, your cleaning of something resulted in you also needing to fix it. If anything, owning a home had reinforced to you that you were indeed the man in your life.
3. Joel Miller was practically the mayor of the neighborhood. Everyone knew him. It was impossible to spend any amount of time in the yard and not be bombarded with Joel Miller, Joel Miller, Joel Miller. While he wasn’t particularly outgoing, he seemed to be there when someone needed help. Whether it was Mrs. Cole with her grocery bags or the young, single mother next door to him who needed someone to put her son’s basketball hoop together. He was an everyman. And though he had helped you in a big way on your first day as part of the neighborhood, you’d spent the past few weeks dodging him as much as possible. 
4. And lastly, you needed his help again. At some point during the week, a foul odor had wafted through the entirety of your home. And short of thinking an animal had crawled up and died within the walls, you began scouring the house with as much disinfectant as your sense of smell would allow. Every inch of every room was scrubbed down, and when that still didn’t get rid of the odor, you figured it was time to call an exterminator. Dehydrated, hungry, and about to snap, you opened the refrigerator and was punched in the face by warm, smelly air that burned your nose more than the disinfectant. Ah, the source. 
How long the fridge hadn’t been working, you didn’t know. What you did know was that all the perishables – namely the dairy products – had certainly perished. And after three hours on the phone with a local handyman you’d found online, his ultimate advice was, “get a new refrigerator”. On a normal day, that was easily said and done. You would’ve ordered one the same day and gotten it delivered the next. Only, you’d spent the week prior throwing an obscene amount of money at new furniture to fill the oodles and oodles of empty space you now found yourself inhabiting.
You had genuinely thought about asking Joel for help that same day. At least to get the fridge out of the house because you were sure the smell wouldn’t leave until the entire appliance did. But when you looked out your window, his truck wasn’t in his driveway. And it didn’t arrive back until late that night. There was no way you were going to burden him so late, so you cracked some windows and told yourself you’d ask him in the morning. But the next morning when you Houdini’d yourself out of bed and made a pot of coffee, his truck was already out of the driveway again. An hour and a half later of throwing everything out and deep cleaning it, the fridge didn’t nearly smell as bad. And after a while, you kind of just let it be.
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Saturday. A day of rest. Except you were standing on Joel’s porch, curling your hand into a fist to rap your knuckles against his door, about to ask him to do a little work. A shred of guilt was growing inside of you. Yes, he had said to reach out if you needed something. He’d been nothing but neighborly. But you knew what you were doing. The thing where you use a boy for your gain but have nothing to offer in return. 
Joel opened his front door, breathing a little heavier than normal with a sheen of sweat over his face and down his neck. He appeared to be completely clothed, but whether or not you’d caught him in a state of undress and he threw this on, you had no idea. From what you’d observed by peeking out your front window, the single mother that lived next door to him seemed to have a little bit of a crush. Perhaps that crush was reciprocated on his end.
“Sorry, am I interrupting something?” You squinted your eyes shut and partially shielded them with your hand.
“What?” He looked down at himself, tugging on his shirt, “no, I just got in from doing yard work out back.” Joel took a deep breath and slowly let it exhale. He remembered when he could be working hard all day and not even feel it. Now there were days when he went up the stairs in his house and got winded. “How ya’ doin?”
“Good, I… I need your help again,”
Joel grinned, something cheeky that you wanted to slap right off his face.
“Don’t look too excited about it. My fridge is on the fritz and it’s too heavy for me to move,”
There was a part of him that wanted to bring to attention that this was the second time in less than a month that you were coming to him for help. Ultimately he thought better of it. The hard line of your lips and narrowness of your eyes clued him in that you were waiting to rebuke anything he might say. Instead he disappeared from the doorway, leaving you utterly confused, only to return a minute later with an old metal toolbox in hand. He stepped out onto the porch and pulled the door shut behind him.
“No, it’s not getting fixed. I’m getting a new one,”
He quirked his eyebrows and looked down at you, “that fridge is only three years old.” He stepped off his porch and started toward your house.
You took a few quick steps to catch up with him, falling in line and then keeping up that pace to stay even with him. It did look like a fairly modern make. “How do you know that?”
“‘Cause I helped Mrs. Wilson get it in her house three years ago. I’d told her to get that fridge because I knew it’d last. Now unless you or Mrs. Wilson did something on it that it’s not meant for, it should still be perfectly fine.”
“What’re you implying?”
Joel shot a wink in your direction, “you have any male suitors over lately? Get a little frisky in the kitchen over dinner?”
Your jaw dropped as you followed Joel up your porch steps. “No! You can see my house from your house. You know I haven’t had anyone over,”
“I don’t spy on my neighbors.” He walked through your door after you’d opened it for him, “are you spyin’ on me?”
“No, I’m not,” you protested, leading him into the kitchen and directing him toward the problem appliance. “But I do know that next-door neighbor of yours, fancies you,”
“Fancies me?”
“Mhm. She twirls her hair every time she talks to you,”
Joel set the toolbox down on the counter and angled his body at the fridge, “does she now?” He wrapped his arms around it, fingers gripping to the sides, and began to shimmy the entire thing out from its little cubbyhole.
The whole display was rather impressive. Despite actively not yearning or searching for a relationship, acts of masculinity did get you going. It was the double-edged sword that lived inside you. Boys – can’t live with them; can’t live without them. Just because you couldn’t rely on men, didn’t mean the desire to sleep with them wasn’t there. But even you knew, that under no circumstances, were you to sleep or have any sort of sexual contact with Joel Miller. Even if he was a rugged display of masculinity. With sinewy muscles that strained beneath his skin when he flexed them. And fingers that surely knew how to wrap around more than just the handle end of a hammer. He was your neighbor. You weren’t going to shit where you ate. But by God if he didn’t look like a delicious meal. 
It’s the reason you picked up so quickly on the tell-tale signs of attraction by Little Miss Next Door Neighbor. She was looking at him the way all women did when they wanted to be swept up by a man. They wanted to be handled, and led, and submissive. Something you could never be. To a man? Absolutely not. 
This argument you were having with no one but yourself was interrupted when Joel called your name with a tone that indicated to you it wasn’t the first or second time he was calling it. You blinked and focused your eyes, finding he was only partially visible – most of him being shrouded by the fridge that he now stood behind.
“S’not working because it’s dirty. Do you have a handheld vacuum?”
Approaching him, you contorted your body around it to sneak a peek at what he was looking at. “It stopped working because it’s dirty?”
“Could be somethin’ faulty inside, but the condenser coils and gasket seals are a mess. My guess is it’s just that,”
“I called some handyman and he told me I needed a brand new fridge,”
Joel peeked his head out to look at you, “why you callin’ some random handyman when you got one ‘cross the street?”
You crossed your arms over your chest, “I was going to but you worked weird hours this week and were never home when I looked out my window.”
“So you are spying on me,” he chuckled. “That’s why you’re jealous of Kelly,”
“Who’s jealous?!” It wasn’t lost on you that your voice rose about an octave or two higher than your normal register. You were sure Joel clocked that, too. “I’m just making sure you know she’s got a big ol’ schoolgirl crush on you,”
“She doesn’t ‘cause we’ve gone out before and it wasn’t a match.”
“Does she know that?” 
“I’d say she does,”
You smirked, having a little fun poking the bear. “How do you know?”
“Because when a woman gets naked and propositions a man for sex, and he says no, it’s usually a pretty definitive sign.”
“Yeah, right,” you laughed incredulously, “no man looks at a woman who’s ready to fuck and says no to her.”
“This man does,” he looked you dead in the eyes and held your gaze. “You got a vacuum?”
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The resoluteness of Joel’s answer had honestly come as a shock. It was something you knew you’d want to circle back on at some point simply because of how insane it seemed. A straight guy turning down sex from a woman? He had to have been the first man in history to do so. The thought kept you busy while your refrigerator kept him busy. Coincidentally, you both became significantly less busy around the same time.
“It works again?”
Joel plugged the fridge back into the wall and stepped out from behind it. He wiped his hands in a rag you’d brought out for him, which just happened to be one of your old, white t-shirts. He didn’t seem to care. Or notice. “Gotta give it a few minutes. See if it’s gettin’ cold,'' he looked up at you, noting how you began to get a little more fidgety, looking around. He wasn’t sure why; perhaps just itching to get him out of your house. “You got any food for dinner?”
“Yeah,” you said half-heartedly, thinking about how you were about to endure yet another day of some sad, canned soup. “I can whip up a can of something,”
He shook his head and waved you off, “come by tonight. I’ll fix you a meal,”
“You just fixed my fridge.”
“Maybe,” he smiled.
“I should be cooking you a meal,”
He shook his head vehemently, “I haven’t eaten chicken noodle soup since I was about nine, and I don’t aim to start up again.” He pulled open the fridge door, set his hands on one of the shelves and decided it was slightly colder than it had been just a couple minutes prior. “It should be good to go now,” he loaded up his toolbox and locked it up. “Swing by around seven. If you stand me up, I’m coming back over here and breaking the damn thing,”
“Joel,”
“Seven.”
With that, he was out before you could protest again. Somehow both of you knew you’d be showing up to his house that night. Annoyance bubbled up at your surface with the realization that not only did you know you weren’t going to disobey him, but he knew it too. The few hours between him leaving and you showing back up on his porch for dinner had been spent sulking. Whatever this was becoming – you weren’t sure what just friendship looked like with a boy because no single, unattached boy you’d ever met only wanted friendship – was getting to be too much. There needed to be a line drawn in the sand. You needed to draw the line in the sand. And more importantly, after the line was drawn, you and Joel needed to be securely on opposite sides of it.
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But curse this man and his ability to put ideas in your head. Horrible, awful, domestic ideas. The sorts of ideas that made you think this image of him: on the back porch with a beer in one hand and a pair of tongs in the other, a dish towel slung over his shoulder for quick access, flipping over and inspecting a couple steaks, chewing on his bottom lip as he pondered how close to medium they were getting… was an image you could get used to seeing.
It was how all boys in the past had gotten you.
They wooed you with their little acts here and there of masculinity. Or their wit. Or just cute looks. They made you believe that they were different. That they were honest, and open, and evolved. And you’d get sucked in and follow the white rabbit down the hole. For a while it’d all be good. You would actually believe that you had found an evolved man that you could coexist with and be happy. But after the momentary bliss, you’d come to realize that the wool had been pulled over your eyes. You’d been deceived and lied to. The boy could not manage his own emotions, let alone understand yours. You’d sit in the anger that you betrayed your sense of self to make room for this boy, and only when you’d talked yourself far enough off the ledge, you’d explode like a time bomb. Afterwards, a tiny piece of you would be the only thing left to go around picking up all the other little fragments of yourself. And you’d put yourself back together with tape and a promise that you wouldn’t ever allow another to break you like that again. That is, until another boy found his way to you and made you think he was different. And thus the cycle continued.
“You have family out here?” Joel looked up from the barbecue and took a sip of his beer while he waited for you to answer.
Taking a step forward and buying some time by swigging down a gulp of your beer, you shook your head. “They’re all in California still. Just had to get away. What about you?”
He nodded and closed the grill, “Sarah’s a few hours away at school and her mom’s ‘bout a half hour away. But my brother’s here. I work with him actually,”
“You must be close with him,”
Joel nodded absently.
“But no wife for Joel Miller,” you smiled, half-hidden by your bottle. “I take it no girlfriend either since apparently you don’t like getting laid,”
He laughed. It was the first real, hearty laugh you’d heard from him. It seemed to shake his whole body and he opened the grill back up and plucked the steaks off it, depositing them on an awaiting plate. “I like getting laid. It might be my favorite thing to do,”
“That’s why I think you’re full of shit. Turning down, what’s her name…”
“Kelly…”
“You’re telling me,” you approached Joel slowly, got right up close to him, and dragged a delicate finger over one of his shoulders and down his bicep to prove a point. “A woman… an attractive woman, I’d say… stripped down in front of you, told you to have your way with her, and you said no thanks,”
Joel watched your finger. His tongue poked out of his mouth quickly to lick his lips before he flashed his eyes back to you, obviously finding great pleasure that his gaze in this close proximity made you avert your own eyes downward. “Exactly,”
You half-smiled and shook your head as you took a step back, “bullshit.”
He shut off the grill and scooped the plate up. “Explain to me why you think that’s bullshit,” he meandered past you and pulled his back door open, allowing you the chance to walk in first before he followed you in.
Instinctively, you progressed into the kitchen, where two stools at the counter were awaiting with place settings. You perched in one while Joel set the steaks down by you and continued to the oven where he pulled out a tray of roasted vegetables. “Because you’re a guy,”
“Man,” he corrected and started placing food on your plate.
“A man,” you mocked. When he finished giving you food and moved onto his, “thank you. And men don’t do that. They chase pleasure. They get their dick wet and they move on down the line, leaving a path of destruction in their wake,”
This time, Joel waited to respond until he was seated next to you. He clinked his bottle against yours, “thanks for coming over.”
“To be honest, I was actually afraid you’d blow up my fridge and I can’t really afford a new one right now,”
“But I’m gonna have to disagree with you,” he focused on his plate and cut into his steak. Seemingly pleased with the degree with which it was cooked, he took a first bite. “Men don’t only care, as you so delicately put, about getting their dick wet.”
“Joel, come on, you know…”
“Boys do. For sure. A boy would look at you, a beautiful woman, and see a direct path to his pleasure. Absolutely. And a boy probably wouldn’t care too much about whether or not you were getting as much out of it as he was. ‘Cause he’s getting his, right?”
You nodded, silently pushing a mixture of steak and veggies into your mouth, enraptured with where he was going to take this conversation. And slightly unable to concentrate past the point of having heard him call you beautiful. 
“Men don’t do that. A man would look at you and see that yes, you’re a beautiful woman. But he’d also see that you’ve got a helluva brain, and you’re witty, and funny, and more than a little stubborn. He’d see that you hold yourself and everyone else to a high standard, and he’d want to meet it. And when he slept with you, he’d want to make sure you were getting more out of it than he was,”
Awe-struck was the only word to describe how you felt. Was a guy actually verbalizing everything you already believed? That there was a difference between boys and men. And that most guys thought they were men simply because of their age, when you knew age meant nothing in defining a man. 
Joel took a deep breath and finished off his beer, “I turned Kelly down because I knew if I slept with her I’d be taking on a lot more than I wanted to with her. And despite whatever your experience with men might be, this one’s not out to leave a path of destruction behind him.”
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What were these complicated feelings inside of you? Someone who prided themselves on being emotionally intelligent and level-headed and yet… you were spinning like a top. On the one hand you wanted to keep everyone a safe arm’s length away, and on the other you wanted Joel to scale the walls you’d constructed and fortified around yourself. For a long time there was an odd sense of accomplishment at how tall and strong you’d managed to build them. Look at how good they were at keeping people out. But now there was someone in front of you that you thought you wanted to let in – only in constructing your walls, you never put in a gate. And that ribbon of apathy, and the moments of enduring loneliness, maybe it was all self-inflicted.
Who knew how to hurt you better than you?
The beer helped dull those thoughts. Finishing off the second as the conversation meandered through Joel’s last relationship. A topic that would’ve given you supreme pause, and yet he recounted it with ease as if he were just a court reporter, tasked with jotting down the facts. He even acknowledged his role in the dissolution of that relationship. His eyes seemed to glaze over and travel to a distant land as he described all the ways he didn’t measure up. How he was never quite what that woman wanted. And how he had no idea how to become what she wanted. On the flip side, he admitted she’d started off as someone that only saw the moon with him. She’d kept some nights from being too cold and lonely. Only when a certain amount of time passed, did she speak up and sort of declare a relationship was there. 
That conversation ended when a third bottle was grabbed for each and moved to the living room. Both on the couch, you with your back pressed up against one of the arm’s of it. Your knees bent with feet planted securely on the cushion. And Joel sitting as close as he could with your legs creating a physical boundary between you. Even his thigh covered your toes, as if seeing how close to the boundary he could get. Despite feeling like this was someone you wanted to let through your walls, however temporarily, your brain still managed to cut off any inkling from your heart – using your body as the vehicle to keep everyone at bay.
“Hmm?” Joel hummed and grabbed your attention back to the present. “‘S’not fair leaving me hanging after I just spilled all my gory relationship details. What about yours?”
You shook your head, trying to appear innocent, “there’s not much to say.”
“Say anything,”
Staring at him, you took a deep breath and a generous sip of your new beer. Then feeling on the good side of buzzed, you stretched forward to move for the coffee table. Seeing your plight and the awkwardness of the angle given that you weren’t inclined to lower your legs to make the action smoother, Joel leaned forward, gently took the bottle from your hands and set it on the table for you.  
“He was nice at the start. A bit older than me. I thought it meant we’d be on the same wavelength for once, y’know? That he’d outgrown the frat boy, tool bag phase and moved into a more evolved one. It got physical quick and it was… awful.” You glanced down at your hands, remembering for the first time in a while about what sleeping with that guy felt like – a trial run with hari-kari, complete and self-inflicted betrayal.
With your pause and sensing obvious discomfort, Joel reached across his body and got a loose grip on your shin. He gave it a soft squeeze that felt like permission to stop if you were so inclined. But it didn’t hurt like it used to; as if you had been able to remove yourself from the equation and were now just recounting the plot of some terrible film you’d seen once.
Shrugging and with a half-smile he couldn’t place, you looked back up at Joel, “he had a good time.”
“Was it ever good for you?” He mumbled as though he didn’t actually want to hear the answer. And because you hadn’t reacted in any way to his hand on your shin, he took a chance and used that grip to lower your leg across his lap.
“No, but I’m a helluva actress.”
He raised his eyebrows and absently took hold of your other leg and lowered that one across his lap, too. Now the literal barrier you’d put between you had been carefully circumvented. “He never stopped to figure it out?”
You shook your head, “he was getting his, Joel. See, it’s hard to figure out when you’re dealing with a boy. They hide it well,”
Joel reached forward and set his half-empty beer next to yours on the coffee table. When he reclined back to his previous position, his hands migrated to your feet and squeezed them with a familiarity of an old married couple who’d been practicing this dance for decades.
“It ended two and a half years ago, so a distant memory,”
He only nodded. You thought he’d have something about that. Something like what’ve you been doing for two years without a man. But maybe he figured you were doing just fine. Probably better. So he only squeezed your feet again before his hands migrated a little further north to your knees, fingers just barely dipping between your thighs that you’d managed to keep pressed together. Finally he asked:
“No fillers in the meantime?”
It made you laugh. Any number of innuendo could be applied to his question. It was also at this point that you felt your resolve fading. The will to keep him at bay becoming less of a conscious effort. “No fillers. Not really my style,”
“Not a one night stand kinda girl?” He smirked and shot a playful glance at you. There was no chance he was unaware that the press of your thighs together had lessened. Any further action of his hand would’ve resulted in him going wherever he wanted, however he wanted. But he didn’t. His hand remained where it was, gaining no further purchase and adding no extra pressure.
“Would you be if sex was never good for you?”
He chuckled and threw his head back against the couch, “fair enough.” He shook his head, absently staring at the ceiling. Only when he’d gathered his thoughts and words did he shift his gaze back to you. “People are simple creatures,” there was a slight pause and though you opened your mouth to refute that, he continued first. “I mean the biology part. It’s not hard to get a woman off,”
“Okay, hotshot. Let me go get a horn for you to toot a little louder,”
He grinned widely, showing off nearly every tooth in his mouth. The look made you smile as well – like a kid getting caught opening presents before Christmas. “There’s a lot of hard tasks in this world,” he pursed his lips and shrugged, “making a woman come isn’t one of them.”
The heat you’d felt rising in your chest and neck after he’d successfully moved your mattress into your bedroom was returning. Only this time, you felt it settle in your cheeks, and you wondered if he was aware of it. Your eyes were glued to him, wide, trying to pick up on as much visual information they could get. What you found was Joel adding the slightest of pressure between your knees to spread your thighs just enough for him to pivot on the couch and face you squarely.
You swallowed down a lump in your throat, eyes flicking over the sight of him: the way graying curls moved across his forehead, or the way his eyes never left yours. Not even for a second. Not even when he was positioning himself closer to you, kneeling back on his shins with his thighs nudging yours upward at an angle. He smiled softly, a gentle thing that instantly put you at greater ease, and leaned in closer to you, planting his hands on the couch on either side of your chest.
“Can I kiss you?” His focus wandered down to your lips when they parted. 
In all your years of life, no one had ever asked that, and it took you aback, scrambling to make sense of the English you believed you were fluent in. But you nodded quickly and assumed that would’ve been the green light. Probably would’ve for most people, but as you were coming to learn, Joel wasn’t quite like most people.
He smiled and bowed his head, taking a breath to gather himself. In the meantime, his hair was close to your nose and the muskiness of his scent was everything you thought and wanted it to be. He raised his head and looked at you again, his eyes practically pleading. “Can we make that verbal?”
“Yes,” you exhaled. But when it didn’t result in his lips meeting yours with haste, you tried again. “Kiss me,”
Like a fire ignited under him, Joel closed the rest of the gap between you. Hands drifting to your cheeks, he cupped your head with the most practiced of ease and pressed his mouth to yours, first with closed lips to test the waters before the next action was the parting of his lips on yours. His tongue searched for entrance into your mouth, finding it when a soft breath was exhaled.
While trying not to talk yourself out of this moment, you also tried to think about the last time you’d been kissed like this. Or kissed at all, period. But like this, with want, and desire, and passion. Like all of Joel was made for this exact moment: to kiss you with the intention of every fiber of his being; to make your brain go foggy and blur out everything that did not add to this need. It was as if he could sense you slipping away from him, focused elsewhere instead of letting yourself buy into this, and he recaptured you with a soft bite to your lower lip. He re-positioned his hands; one at the side of your neck and jaw, and the other gripping onto your hip, adjusting you further until your ass was pressed up against his crotch. 
He forced himself to pull back, slight enough to be able to speak but still close enough to press his forehead against yours. “Stay with me. Don’t go somewhere else,” 
Your instinct was to protest, that you weren’t about to leave, but realized he’d picked up on the thing you were wondering about. The thing no guy had ever picked up on, or cared to, before. The distance your brain was willing to create between itself and your body.
“Joel,” you whispered, sounding slightly more needy than you would’ve hoped. 
“I know,” he murmured back. His hand ditched your hip for a split second and took hold of your wrist. Led it up over his shoulder and to the back of his neck, until the backs of your fingers brushed along the ends of his hair. Without fail, you softly clutched into it. “Stay with me. Right here,” his hand went back to your hip and your lips reconnected. Open-mouthed with his tongue pressing into yours. He tilted his head to the side and groaned into your mouth, sending a vibration down your throat, past your chest, through your stomach, and straight to your core.
You hummed back into his mouth, for once closing your eyes and letting yourself live in the feeling his lips could administer. The heat that had already been living in your cheeks seemed to amplify with the size of him around you. His broad shoulders meeting a wide chest that seemed to dwarf you. Large hands that effortlessly cupped around your hip or engulfed your cheek. He was everywhere at once and when he ducked his head lower to kiss your neck, landing a love bite on your jugular, it took extra measures to keep yourself grounded and there for him.
Your hand slowly released the hair at the nape of his neck, and slid down over his shoulder to his chest, followed the seam at the side of his t-shirt until your fingertips reached the hem at the bottom. With fingers tucking beneath the fabric and meeting the skin at his oblique, you felt him exhale a hot breath against your neck, his hips shifting beneath you. As you ran your hand north, you took stock of the muscles your fingers passed, and how while still present and firm, they’d grown less pronounced with age. A softness to his body that he’d earned the right to after years of hard labor. Or so you assumed by the feeling of calloused hands on you. 
Gauging what you wanted from him as your hands worked their way upward, pushing his shirt up with them, he groaned not wanting to take his lips off your neck, but doing so anyway to sit back. With a swift motion, he tugged his shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor unceremoniously. He wiped his hand down over his mouth and shook his head as if in disbelief as he pressed his hands back into the couch on either side of you, “god, you’re fucking gorgeous.”
His eyes danced their way over every feature on your face as if trying to commit them to memory, before they drifted lower, down to where your hips met his. But all this unadulterated looking sparked a flame of timidness inside you, and your instinct to quell the nerves was to grab for him, urging him back to you. If he was busy with his lips on you – any part of you – it’d keep his eyes from boring holes into you. His lips met yours again with fervor, this time forcing his tongue into your mouth. A helpless moan floated out of your throat and Joel responded by laying a hand at your neck. Fingers around it but applying no pressure.
“Bed. Please,” you whispered so low you wondered if you had wanted him to hear it or not. 
But it was like he was attuned to you and your body more than any previous guy had been. And in hearing your request, he moved his lips back to your neck and you felt a smile spread across his face, pressing against your skin.
“Please tell me you’re not drunk,” he mumbled against your skin. So tight that it distorted his words and had you humming for instant clarification. He lifted his head and looked back down at you, as if his eyes alone would be able to figure out the answer. “Drunk?”
You ran your hands up to his chest, “on two and a half beers?”
“That’s not an answer,” he let out a breath and drifted his hand from your neck, down to your chest where he gave one of your breasts a squeeze. You noticed at the same moment, he reached around to your ass but avoided it to simply adjust himself in his jeans.
“I’d have to be drunk to want to sleep with you?”
“I reckon it’d help,” he grinned boyishly and bent in again for another tongue-led kiss as though he couldn’t help himself.
You grabbed either side of his face in your hands and curled your fingers into his beard. “Not drunk, just want you,” there was a lack of movement on his end and you weren’t sure if he was short-circuiting or trying to figure out if someone your size could indeed get drunk on two and a half beers. Either way, you tapped his ribs, “now, if possible.”
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eyecandyeoz · 1 year
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Emalia
Questions: 1, 6,7,8,13,19 and 20
Aw heck, bestie! Thank you for asking me these questions about my lovely OC!!!!
1. Full Name : Emalia Chatham
6. Ideal Mate: Someone who's dependable, strong and a good listener. A person who takes their time. Makes her feel safe. Someone she can tell a secret to.
7. Turn Ons: Quiet confidence is a major one. Good sense of humor. Patience. Encouragement. When someone shows their protective side with a little excessive force...😏*cough* Crosshair *cough*
8. Favorite Food: Anything spicy and not synthetic. 😅 Emalia has been on a steady diet of nothing but soy protein since she was born, hence why she loads up every meal with fiery seasonings and sauces. Rare commodities like cheese, eggs, milk and even real meat are just that; rare commodities. Since both Emalia and Clone Force 99 know what it's like to only be served bland, tasteless rations through the years, I am planning on writing a scene that talks more about the 'black-market curd cartel' and an opportunity to score some real cheese and other dairy products. Who knows. Maybe she makes everyone a lasagna?
18. Biggest Insecurity: Oooof... That's a rough one and it would definitely be her lack of muscle mass, resilience and strength along with her inability to withstand more than a third of Earth's relative gravity. Life at low G is no cake walk and having paper skin and chalky bones forces her to feel frail and inadequate. In one of my latest chapters of Paradigm Shift, she actually tears her ACL during a vigorous workout because she's trying to drastically increase her BMI so that she can adapt to higher levels of gravity and be able to live on an actual planet alongside her new found family with a real, self-sustaining atmosphere. This setback only shatters her spirit even more...🤕😞
19. Weapon of Choice: It's funny... I created her without the notion of giving her a weapon but she most definitely needs one. I was thinking of saying something clever like "her mind" but that's already a given what with her frail demeanor. In a way, I am right when I say that her mind is where her defenses lie, but not in a traditional sense. Much further along in my fic, I end up equipping my darling Emalia with 3D imaging technology implants in the epidermal layers of her hands and corneas that assist in visualizing and sensing her physical and technological adaptations to blindness.(Yes, Emalia goes blind but all isn't lost. It is well over two hundred years in the future after all. This is just one of many normalized modifications available to humans. There's even a massive penitentiary reserved specifically for persons who went too wild with their mods and are now a danger to themselves and society-much like Cyperpunk!) The decision to go through with these implants enables Emalia to have telekinetic abilities while also having a wandering set of eyes in the form of a hovering drone that she can operate with a single flick of her wrist. This drone can hack into mainframes, mine for data, bypass locked doors and emit electric shocks to stun her enemies. What Emalia lacks in brute force she makes up for in her covert tactics. If I were to explain her role in battle classes, she is most definitely not a tank, but a rogue.🪄
Oh! But when she does happen to have a firearm in her hands, she uses handguns or a classic pump shotty. However, depending on the whereabouts, she has to make certain she has an additional reserve of self-propelling ammunition for when a fight breaks out in deep space. This influences her to primarily rely on her implants.
20. Role Model: Definitely Camina Drummer. She is a pillar of inspiration and hope for all Beltalowda.🛐
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marksollinger · 4 years
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DO YOU LIKE YOGURT THIS IS AN EEMERCENGY
i enjoy greek yogurt a lot—like plain or vanilla greek yogurt because i add honey to it in ribbons to sweeten and flavor it 🍯 and that’s extremely very good. i also like greek yogurt with fruit, esp strawberries.
but what does this have to do with tma, a81, wtnv, or horror genre fiction..?? this might have been a good ask for my personal blog tbh.. 😳
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13uswntimagines · 3 years
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Your Ass Is Out of This World (Kelley x Reader)
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Request: alex or kelley or sonnett x reader where they've been dating for a few years R is an astronaut for NASA and she gets to go to space
Author’s Note: Special thanks to @literaryhedgehog​ cause without her, none of this would have happened. 
Kelley wasn’t quite sure how she had ended up standing next to a dive bar sipping a lukewarm beer on a Friday night. In her defense, Ali and Ashlyn had convinced her it would be fun and had promised to pay for the Uber rides both ways. It had been fun for a while, dancing with them to some old 70s songs on the light-up dance floor, but half an hour ago they had disappeared off into a hallway somewhere, and she had no intention of third-wheeling (she knew she should have convinced Alex to join them). But she also wasn’t going to leave without them, because she wasn’t convinced either of them were sober enough to take any kind of transportation safely (someone needed to be there to make sure they didn’t puke in someone’s car).
So here she was, standing by the bar waiting for her friends’ sexcapades to be over, nursing her drink. The clink of a glass settling in front of her caught her attention. She blinked at the bartender. “I didn’t order another one,” 
The man’s lips ticked up and he shrugged. “Lady on the end paid for it. Said you looked sad,” 
Kelley looked up, following the man’s eyes towards a woman standing a few seats down the bar from her. She was also standing alone but was dressed as though for a different event altogether. Kelley had embraced the 70s theme of the bar slightly, wearing a jumpsuit and a scarf around her head, but this woman had just thrown a white NASA shirt--like the one Kelley got for her little cousin at Target-- over a pair of black jeans. As she bobbed her head to the music she met Kelley’s eyes and smiled. 
Kelley took that as her invitation to approach. Kelley’s eyes traced her form, lingering on the white material. She didn’t know those came in adult sizes...
“You must be a star, I can't stop orbiting around you” Kelley smiled charmingly as she approached you, setting her beer on the bar beside you and settling in the seat to the left of yours. 
“I do believe I was the one to buy you the drink…” you said, your lips twitching as you tried to keep a serious expression. “Shouldn’t I be the one throwing pickup lines here?”
“You bought me the drink, so I get to be the one to woo you. I’m Kelley, are you from Mars? 'cuz I wanna explore you with curiosity.” Kelley said, wiggling her eyebrows at you, enjoying the light blush coloring your cheeks. 
“Oh my god,” you groaned, “that was terrible. I mean really good but absolutely awful.”
“At least I got you to smile, but you still haven’t told me your name.” Kelley laughed, taking a sip of her beer. She was prepared to lay on the horrible pick up lines for your entertainment. 
“I’m Y/n,” you said, putting down your drink and holding out your hand, “pleasure.”
“They call me the milky way...Pleasure You Can't Measure,” Kelley smiled, shaking your hand as you laughed and pulling you a little closer “Why look at the moon, if I can’t touch it? Why look at your lips, if I can't kiss them,” she said, winking so you knew she was completely joking. 
“How do you know so many of these?” You said, shaking your head in awe. “ All I know off the top of my head is ‘do you work for NASA? Because you’re out of this world!’”
“Ah, a magician never reveals her secrets,” Kelley whispered conspiratoryly, bringing her hand up to cover her lips. “but my team and I have definitely had flirt offs for bonding nights,” 
“Your team?” 
“Yeah, I play soccer for the US and Washington,” She shrugged as if it wasn’t a huge accomplishment. 
Your eyes widened and you nearly spat out your drink. “Didn’t they, like, just win a World Cup?” 
“Yeah, No biggie,” Kelley said, side-eyeing you as she took another sip. 
“No biggie?  I’m surprised you don’t have a swarm of paparazzi shadowing you, that’s incredible! Weren’t the USWNT like the most successful US team in soccer?’
“Hm, there’s not enough drama for them, but we don’t mind. How about you? What do you do beautiful?” Kelley hummed. 
“Oh. I work for NASA,” you said, gesturing at the shirt. “I can’t wait to bring some of those lines back to work.”
“What??” 
****
“So do they at least give you a good choice of flavors? So you don’t get bored and stuff?” Emily asked from across the table, licking her dripping I cream cone. 
When your girlfriend decided to introduce you to the team after their match against Colombia, you were quite surprised she had chosen an ice cream shop as a venue. But with how food motivated the youngins seemed, you realized how appropriate it was. 
“I mean,” you said, your spoon suspended in the air as you blinked at Emily, “ice cream isn’t the only thing we will eat. I’m going to be on the station for like 8 months. Ice cream is not a balanced diet.”
“But it’s the only one they sell in the stores. You don’t have to lie cause the veggie lovers are here,” The defender said, leaning across the table, as though it would prevent the rest of the table from hearing her. 
“Babe, you literally love most veggies too,” Lindsey rolled her eyes, using her thumb to wipe a spot of chocolate ice cream from Emily’s nose. 
“Actually, I heard they’re a pretty good selection of dehydrated fruits and veggies and MRE’s and Tortillas and stuff. Plus I get to take a few things from home…” You mumbled, leaning back. 
She couldn’t be serious right? There was no way she thought you were supposed to sustain yourself on horrible freeze-dried dairy products for that long. Not to mention, freeze-dried ‘astronaut’ products for the most part weren’t actually possible to bring to space, with how crumbly they are. You were more likely to eat actual ice cream on the space station (less chance for an errant crumb being inhaled or destroying an important piece of equipment) than that gift shop garbage. 
“Oh yeah, MRE sounds way more likely than just eating the stuff they literally label as being for astronauts…” Emily said, rolling her eyes. “What does that even stand for? ‘Must reject Emily?”
You opened your mouth to answer, eyebrows furrowed, only for Kelley to nudge you softly. 
“It’s not worth the fight babe, trust me. Not the brightest lighthouse if you know what I mean,” Your girlfriend made a swirling motion with her finger next to her temple. 
You leaned in closer so your lips were nearly touching her ear. “She’s not serious right?” 
“I never joke about ice cream,” Emily answered seriously. 
You blinked at her, looking to your girlfriend who just shrugged and raised her eyebrows. 
“I’m, I’m not sure if they have a flavor rotation system for ice cream flavors. We haven’t been… briefed on that yet,” you nodded seriously. 
…...
“Can you hear me?” Kelley said, tapping her fingers impatiently as your face appeared in the video call. 
“He- -utiful,” You smiled through the glitchy computer screen. Your waving was broken up like a bad claymation. You leaned in to make out the fuzzy figures standing behind your girlfriend, assuming she was at camp or something. 
Normal long distance sucked, but literally being off-planet really made things difficult. It wasn’t like Kelley could just text you when she missed you, or randomly call you when she missed you at 3 am. Sure, she could email and you made a tremendous effort to schedule calls once a month, but it was still incredibly difficult (and slightly weird that a NASA tech dude had to monitor each call to make sure the connection stayed up). And sometimes even the best video-calling technology had issues. Like today (when a giant satellite or piece of space trash would block the signal). 
“Are you hav- -un at -amp?” You asked, grabbing your floating water pouch pushing out a sip sized water drop. 
“Yeah, it’s great,” Kelley said, watching you munch on your water. When you first got on the station you sent her pictures of artwork you made out of different drops of colored water- specifically making a giant water ‘soccer ball’ for her. Then you tried to boop it around and ended up losing control, amusing all your crewmates who watched you trying not to run into too many walls. “We’re looking forward to playing against Brazil on Friday, should be brutal.” 
“We’re set to be ov- Florida on -day, so I’ll try and tune into the ga-. Catch a nice - view,” You nodded, wiggling your eyebrows (which looked more like you having a seizure due to how badly you were pixelated). 
While Kelley wasn’t entirely sure what you were saying, she went ahead and nodded. “Let me know what you think!”
“Wh- color -it are you w-ing? Y- look -uper s-xy in the -ue,” you said, floating up in a ‘draw me like one of your french girls’ pose. 
“You’re favorite one,” Kelley said, winking at you. 
“-es!!” You cheered “-ake p-ture -or -“ the screen flickered dangerously for a second. Before a wobbly picture returned. 
“Babe you’re breaking up, I can’t tell what you’re saying. Y/n. Are you there? UGh. I love you! We’ll talk soon.”
“-ove y- -oo” 
Kelley blew a slow kiss to her camera before she heard a deep voice saying “Sorry ma’am. The connection was lost. Y’all still have five minutes on your scheduled call- Want me to try calling again? See if the signal improves?”
“Yeah,” Kelley shifted, rubbing the bridge of her nose as typing sounds echoed through the speaker. How she was going to make it through four more months of this she had no idea. 
“What if like the ship was attacked by aliens or something,” Sonnett whispered from her left, staring at the blank screen with real trepidation. 
“Not possible ma’am,” she heard him laugh. “But I doubt I would have the right level of security clearance to know.”
“great.”
Kelley grabbed a pen and marked a day off the calendar hanging on her wall. So much for ‘phone call with Y/n.’ She sighed. Just a few months to go. 
****
Gravity fucking sucked. It was disorienting and heavy and made you sick to your stomach. Space station alums always talked about re-entry and how bad that was, but you thought sitting in a NASA hospital bed while your equilibrium readjusted was way worse than your fireball craft plummeting into the ocean. 
“This fucking sucks,” You groaned, again throwing your hand over to pull out the IV. You hated how hard it was to move (and how you actually had to hold up a cup of water to get a drink but that was beside the point). 
“Whoa babe, I know you’re a little out of it right now, but that has to stay in. Just try and relax for a little while,” Kelley said, grabbing your hand and kissing the back of your knuckles. 
You frowned at her through heavy-lidded eyes. “Don’t wanna be here. Wanna be home with you.” 
“I know, but you gotta stay here until the re-entry symptoms have worn off a little more,” She said again. She knew that you weren’t going to be 100% when you stepped out of the spacecraft, but she hadn’t expected you to be so out of it. You were sick to your stomach and entirely unable to walk without assistance. 
The doctors assured her that you would be fine (residual effects from not being in gravity for so long and the impact of the landing or whatever), but it was still difficult to watch. It didn’t help that you were a horrendous patient. 
“Just watch the game. The US is even in Blue,” Kelley tried to coax. Even she was beginning to grow restless. But you couldn’t leave until you could keep down solid foods. 
“I don’t want to watch. You’re not in it,” You said, grabbing the remote from her and turning the television off. Then you tried to set the remote in the air, but instead of hovering like it should have done, it dropped to the ground. 
“Alright, commander Y/l/n. It’s dinner time,” one of the NASA hospital nurses said, bringing in a tray for you. Kelley thanked them as they left since you were too dazed to think of it.  
“God this food sucks, I hate jello ” you grumbled, lifting the spoon in front of your face (fully expecting it to float so you could take your bite) and dropping it as you want to open the pudding packet instead. “I just want a big juicy cheeseburger. With bacon and onions and-“ You trailed off, your mouth watering at the thought. You hadn’t had proper food in 8 months, and it had been your major cravings food. 
“A side of diabetes” she scoffed, picking up the discarded remote and spoon, “And are you going to keep dropping things everywhere?” She asked, carefully filling a spoon with chocolate pudding and guiding it to your mouth. 
“Fuck Newton. Things are supposed to float,” 
****
You loved the soft skin behind Kelley’s ear. It was so smooth, and it always smelt like a mix of her perfume, shampoo, and something inherently Kelley. It was a bonus that your exploration of the area always sent a shiver down her spine. You ran your nose along the skin there, nibbling on her ear before moving down her neck. Leaving little kisses along your path. Kelley sighed, sleepily scratching your scalp and tilting her head to the side to encourage you to continue. 
“You,” Kelley said. “ I like you.”
“Hm, I’m glad. It would be kinda scary if you were doing this with someone you didn’t like,” you mumbled against her skin, unwilling to part with it for even a moment. Kelley giggled at the tickling sensation. How you still had so much energy after you had thoroughly worn her out getting… reacquainted she would never know.
 “But what do you like most. Tell me, babe,” You said, moving your lips a little lower, towards where her shoulder and neck met. 
“I love… your ass. It’s out of this world.” She said sleepily, reaching around to grab her favorite asset of yours. 
“Well, it has been,” You laughed, pulling away reluctantly so you could look her in the eyes. 
“Shut up you goof,” She rolled her eyes, grabbing a pillow and whacking you lightly. You fell over dramatically, pulling her so she was on top of you. 
“Hm, I’m your goof,” 
“Yeah. You are. And babe?” She smiled down at you, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. 
“Hmm?” You hummed against her lips. She leaned back to look you in the eyes, one forearm across your chest and her other hand beside your head supporting her. 
“No more space travel for a while?” 
 “Pinky promise,” You said, wiggling your hand so your littlest finger connected with hers. 
“Good. I can’t believe I was dating someone from TEXAS for a while.” Kelley pretended to shudder. “Jus think, one of your coworkers might have been a Houston dash supporter!”
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sorry-i-ship-drarry · 3 years
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33. Cruise to alberobello
Prompt used - tasting the others smile | this is Definitely not how I expected to write it or how I thought it would've turned out, but I do hope you like it or it'd be a waste | immensely inspired by call me by your name | today's post I'd like to dedicate to @littlebodybigheartttt for putting a smile on my face |
Harry recites a story to the wizard travellers in hopes to impress the boy behind the bar
Fanart taken down because of confidentiality.
Fanart credit - @upthehillart
" I've got one " harry raised his forefinger to grab the attention of the fellow mates on the table
" so a few years ago, I had just started my auror training, probably like 2 months in, I got a call from my boss saying harry I need you in my office right now, I've got a job for you. And that 18 year old me so excited to get a job much before than any of my pals, I ran to the office as soon as possible and when I reached my boss guess what he said, harry I need you to go and fetch me these specific files from so and so person. I was shook for a moment that he called me all the way just to fetch some files from other country which possibly anyone could've done for him but I agreed to go nonetheless. The intercountry apparation was banned for a time there so I flew there. I was transported to a small town on South italy, I thought typical place, typical people but when I reached there, the place was goddamn symmetrical, yes not tall and High or pretty place, symmetrical. Everything so conical and guess what I found out, in a population of 11,000 only a 100 wizards and witches " harry paused to take a sip from his champagne glass, a couple of other people joining along over the table to listen to his intriguing story.
" and then blah blah, got boring fetching those files and such so I hit a bar. A muggle bar as I believe. There I was drinking my beer like quite a gentlemen and then there comes a girl, sat down beside me without asking and take my beer and I look at her like excuse me, miss but I think you've taken my drink, but she just shrugs and drink further so I ordered another for me. And then she goes, you see that couple over sitting by the door, I can bet that they are happily married and will definitely divorce the next year. I ask her how do you know and she goes I just know and then the next thing I know a bartender goes to them and says honeymoon special. I was shook but said it's just a simple coincidence but then she tells about 5 more people and only one of them she got wrong. I kept on saying maybe it's a coincidence, or Maybe she knew but then she proved me she didn't. And then we got to talking like I had never talked to anyone. You know the kind of energy where you just hit it off with someone, she was that person, Only she was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes upon, like a Sin city just walking like every normal person but she had no idea how beautiful she was, like a beautiful summer day " and harry stopped eager to see some reaction
" then what ?"
" then we talked. I thought she was all just Beauty but I had never met anyone like her. She talked of things only one could've thought of. So we were talking on the matter of love and she goes it's all complicated and then I ask her to elaborate. So she does, she says the complication in love lies only in its complexity, and then she goes like we often mistake love to be like a summer breeze that is there one day that takes you away and you enjoy it while it lasts but love, actually is like a dagger, it can pierce right through you, leave you bleeding if you get too close but if the dagger points them, you let yourself them fall over it, you stab them just like you do when it points you. So I ask her what does she think of soulmates or the marriage that lasts forever and she smiles at me and went soulmate is a consolation for a weak hearted that there exists love for you which would be devoid of your insecurities. And I frown, I said that what if it's a perfect relationship, and then she says, there can never be a perfect relationship because if it exists, then the love isn't real and I get confused " harry notices the table filling in more, the bartender giving him a small smile, happy for his victory.
" and she says, my love, love is not a summer breeze, love is like a pandora box fill with paradoxical substances. It's a cold breeze that leads you to the Amazon forest, wide and unforeseen opportunities and problems available, but as you go deeper in the forest you realise for every problem there exist a solution. It's like falling on the dagger and bleeding but you should be intoxicated with the love of the dagger, so you will never die. I was amazed, she said so much reality in those few words. Then I ask her so what about people who say love is magical ? And she goes, doesn't magic exist, but if I were I to say, they find themselves ethereal when they fell over that dagger, the dagger in there you see is poisoned just like every other, yet a few realises and few doesn't and the one who doesn't says love is magical. Then out of curiosity I ask her when the clock hit exactly 12, do you believe in love ? She smiles at me very elegantly, the one she hadn't pull off the entire night, and she says I my friend, am the said dagger "
" seems as if we're there aren't we ?" Someone Whispered across the table.
Harry looked at them, gave them a small smile impressively and begin again " I ask her one last question, do you believe in soulmate ? And she shook her head and got off the stool and kisses her beau. I was rendered speechless, and then she says so long my friend and starts exiting the bar, I felt to myself that if I didn't follow her, I'd be damned, so I followed, Just a few steps away and then call out to her, she turns around and I ask her name and she replies with, my name is what there is in one, but only who fail to love doesn't have and then she says, this is Alex by the way, my soulmate. I turn to my side thinking of what possibly her name could've been and then when I raise my head, she has gone. Not like walked away gone, she had disappeared, with her beau and I stood there yet amazed. And then the next day I go to the bar again and ask about the girl to that bartender I was talking to and he goes, sir I do not know who was with you, all know is you came alone and went home alone. I didn't linger on much, and I called this the cruise to alberobello " and harry stops suddenly finishing off the rest of his champagne. He raises his eyes to meet the boy behind the bar, smiling wickedly at him.
" wha- what happened then ? Did you ever get to know her name ? Was any of it even real?" Someone asks in morbid curiosity.
"I always assumed her name to be Alma, meaning soul, with no other meaning and to this day the cruise to alberobello remains one of my most mysterious epiphanies " Harry chuckled. Groaning everyone dropped the story, intrigued by the story themselves.
It was half past 12 when the bar started emptying out, reaching its closing time and harry made himself comfortable over the bar stool.
" quite a story tonight " the boy with freckled eyes says wiping off the glasses with a dry cloth.
" I did. Travellers always seeks stories as such. Something they've never heard before, and leave them wondering " Harry chuckled finishing off his drink and pushing off the cup towards the boy..
" i must admit, I myself am very intrigued by the story" the boy smiles at harry. Harry looks at him warily smiling, he felt proud.
" I get off in 10 minutes, walk with me ?" He asked as he started taking of his apron
" I wouldn't do anything otherwise " Harry replied and exited the front door, the open sign changing to closed by a wand less magic and harry follows to the back door, waiting for Draco like he always does.
Exactly 10 minutes later, draco exits wearing a light Denim jacket over his black shirt and pants.
" shall we ?" He asked as he pushed his hands down his pocket.
They walk home talking about Harry's story, how it seemed almost unreal, however, they both Would've been doomed fools to not admit that the night had an enigmatic aura to it.
Just as they reached Draco's door, he pushes his hands in his pockets tip toeing waiting for Draco to safely reach inside.
" well that's me then " Draco said as he turned around after opening the door.
" I'll see you later then " Harry awkwardly replied.
" okay " Draco smiled
" okay "
" okay "
Harry smiled and started tumbling back his home until he turned just in time to tell Draco one last thing.
" hey, Draco "
" yeah ?"
" you know my cruise to alberobello ?"
" yeah ? What about it ? "
Harry smiled biting his lip
" you are my cruise to alberobello "
And with that Harry vanished in thin air, letting the curiosity killing Draco's cat. Everything Harry had said, Draco used to put it down on little notes and keep it away in a box , a small gesture Remind Draco of Harry if he were to ever be gone but this left him shook. The truth about his cruise to alberobello, was that if the epiphany was even real or not, Harry didn't answer that. The mystery of the story lied within the fact how anyone could've ever remembered something from ages ago, it seemed unreal but harry was a man of many words, anything but a man who would forget. And this Draco knew because of his simple rememberance of bringing him a dairy free product when draco had told him very discreetly that he was lactose intolerant.
Draco tired to sleep it away but the restlessness buried in every nerve of him that forced him to stay awake until he couldn't bear anymore and disapparted to Harry's place.
" Draco, what are you doing here ? It's almost 2 " Harry frowned as he allowed Draco to walk into his own little Land of wonder he called home.
" you asked me on the way back if I believed your story to be real ? Here's what I think, the cruise to alberobello is infact an envisage of an interaction you assumed you had with the girl named Alma who sat next to you on the bar stool with her beau Alex, who you irrevocably found to be like dagger who would pierce you open if you fell for her but you couldn't bring yourself to even try to talk to her, so you imagined all of it. But when you met me, that girl named Alma became me, and I became your cruise you'd want to go on with but are too Afraid of admitting. Correct me if I'm wrong " Draco explained in a breath still standing in the hallway.
Harry frowns before he crossed his arms and smiled " I'm impressed "
" tell me if I'm wrong ?"
" what if you are ?"
" then you would lie because you only said what you said because you knew I'd be the only one who would understand the story "
Harry remained in shock, frowning" I'm thoroughly shook how beautifully right you are "
Draco huffs out air in relief " well harry James potter, then I am asking you to be my cruise to alberobello ? Will you be ?"
" Tomorrow night, 8 pm, Alberta palace ?"
" I'll be there " Draco replied.
" good night then Draco " Harry chuckled.
" Good night" Draco replied and was only About to disapparate when Harry interjected
" one last thing" and with that Harry kissed Draco's lip. There must've been something weird in the air because they both broke out laughing while kissing each other.
" took you this long ?" Draco smiled, his lips still pressed against Harry's and his arms wrapped around his torso.
" I was waiting for you to be impressed with at least one of my stories. I'm not just Beauty you know " Harry mumbled
" well you finally succeeded " and with that Harry softly traced Draco's lips with his own. It must've been so ethereal to be in the moment that draco couldn't stop smiling, and harry was drunk on Draco, and in Prosperity couldn't stop tasting Draco's smile, it could've been kissing but it felt otherwise, Harry was happy anyway.
And next night onwards,he didn't need more stories to attract the boy behind the bar.
This might be considered as a very late submission for @drarrymicrofic " cruise "
Requests open | Master list to all prompts now available
Day 32- reasons to not love Draco malfoy by Harry potter PT.1+PT.2 | Day 34- bath with me
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UC 51.13 - Wolfson, Ox vs Bristol
I am allergic to dairy. Or at least I believe I am. This is different to lactose intolerance in that it has symptoms more in line with your typical bout of hayfever, rather than those of a more gastrointestinal bent that you get with intolerance. In other words - cheese makes me sneeze. 
I first discovered this about a year ago when I had something containing milk after a month of testing out various vegan cheeses (having previously been a cheese sandwich on the daily kind of guy). I was completely wiped out with a runny nose, runny eyes, achy joints, heavy head kind of illness for about a day or so. Now, this is a kind of illness that had been plaguing me for years, but I’d never stopped long enough to think about what the cause could be. I just sort of assumed that I was a person who would always suffer a base level of ‘having a cold’ and would occasionally and seemingly randomly get taken out by an extreme instance of it every once in a while. 
After this first incident last year I conducted an experiment on myself whereby I swore off all dairy products for a month and then consumed in as little time as is physically possible, a large takeaway pizza with extra cheese and a large portion of cheesy chips. The next day I was struck down by the same severe sniffles and was forced into a life sans-cheese sandwiches for the first time in living memory. I called the GP to see if they’d be able to do some tests or something to try and find more out about it, but they basically told me that they thought I’d solved the mystery already - so why would I need anything from them. 
Nearly a year goes by with no further cheese-based indispositions, until last Thursday when, on a work trip, and having not eaten since breakfast, having skipped lunch in anticipation of a larger window for the consumption of a full meal which did not materialise, I bought a superfood wrap, the ingredients of which I had read and believed to be safe. However, it turned out that it contained copious amounts of feta. Realising this only once I had taken the first bite, I resolved to finish it. In any case I was absolutely starving and this was the only food I was likely going to see for the next few hours. How bad could it be, anyway?
Very bad, as it turns out. To the extent, indeed, that most of Friday, Saturday and Sunday were complete right-offs (other than the fact that I was able to binge without guilt the entirety of Squid Game). To the extent also, that I spent a not-insignificant amount of time trying to research exactly what it is that's wrong with me (i think it could be something to do with the fact there is a lot of histamine in cheese, and this messes about with the way my immune system deals with threats… If anyone has any insights on this subject they would be greatly appreciated), in the hope of potentially being able to mitigate the issue in the future. 
Usually when I delve this deep into a subject there is the prospective chance that said research will serve me well in future quizzes. With this in mind, and with the hope that it acts as sufficient justification for this self-centred ramble about cheese, I am really hoping for a three part bonus set on the role of histamine in the immune response tonight.
Anyway, (any usually when I make an apology for my rambling I’m being flippant, but in this case it really is genuine, because there isn’t really any excuse for this level of frippery in the introduction to any blog post), sorry for the gigantic diversion from the scheduled programming; here’s your starter for ten. 
Bristol have made seven University Challenge quarter-finals, without ever making it to the semis, which is quite impressive in more ways than one. Wolfson have never made the semis either, but they only have a sole quarter to their name, meaning they have a ways to go to match their West Country rivals.
Wolfson’s Williams introduces himself with one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen on a contestant, and its pretty infectious. By the time Paxman gets round to asking the questions I’m positively grinning. The jolly fellow himself is the first to get some points on the board, recognising various revolutions before anyone else. They take two bonuses on the words of the acronym TARDIS. 
Bristol’s Woodcock negs the next starter, coming in very early with India, and then rapping his hand on the desk when he’s told he’s wrong. Wolfson aren’t able to pick up the points, and returned the neg with one of their own next time out. Williams takes his second of the night with Shackleton and beams his head off again. They take two bonuses, including one which is a very obvious description of an electron - the kind of question that has no business appearing on the Challenge.
Nowakowski is first to recognise Granada for the first picture round and he bloody well dabs. He pauses for a brief moment and then literally, and energetically, dabs. I don’t know what else to say about this. It is beyond description almost. Brilliant, mind, but beyond description. A third starter for Williams increases Wolfson’s lead, but they can’t capitalise on the bonuses. The next ten pointer goes to Nowakowski too and… this time he raises his glass of water like he’s cheers-ing the crowd in celebration. I really hope this dude has a full set of different celebrations for each time he gets a question right. We shall see…
Following an amusing discussion between the Wolfson team in which Nowakowski says of Chopin, ‘Well, as a Polish man I wouldn’t call him French, but you’re the captain’, Woodcock makes up for his earlier neg and gets Bristol back on the move. They keep going courtesy of Brian on the music starter, as she gets The Shangri-Las so quickly as to elicit some murmurs of appreciation from Paxman. They then take the lead with a bonus set on film titles made of international country codes and pretty quickly they are thirty points clear.
Aggarwal hits back for Wolfson with an early buzz of Ramanujan, but they don’t make many inroads on the bonuses, and Bristol seize back control with a pair of consecutive starters. They take two bonuses on events happening in years in which the second two digits are three times as large as the first two digits - a lovely UC contrivance which initially seems to make the question more difficult but actually makes it a multiple choice guessing game.
I hadn’t realised it, but Bristol are now ninety points clear. I don’t quite know how they’ve done it, because Wolfson seemed like they were doing okay, but fair play to them, they’ve been excellent after a shaky start. The game is over at this point, but Williams gets in a little joke with a guess of Dr Gilssando on a question featuring the word glissando. Good lad. 
Hang on, if Wolfson can get a few more points they might be in with a shot of the play-offs, and Nowakowski is still pretty pumped when they he gets a bonus question right, yelling Uzbekistan, baby. It isn’t enough to get them the 140 points they need to come back for the repechage, but Paxman comments on his enthusiasm at the end of the match, in one of the most surreal exchanges I’ve ever seen on the Challenge. 
He asks Nowakowski why he was so psyched about his Uzbekistan answer, and Nowakowski says ‘Phenomenal country, great people’, to which Paxo says ‘That’s enough from the Uzbekistan tourist board’. Nowakowski then points a finger at the camera and says ‘Poland approved’. This description doesn’t do it any justice, so if you haven’t seen it already do go and watch it (and if you have then watch it again, its really quite something)
Final Score: Wolfson, Ox 110 - 165 Bristol
I’m going to miss Wolfson, and in particular Nowakowski, so, so much. But full congratulations to Bristol, who dealt with the boundless charisma of their opponents most admirably. See you next week for the last first round match!
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maybe you were the ocean, when i was just a stone (7/?)
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xix: i waste my time, friday nights, getting ready
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Another Tuesday comes and goes -
Hayley appreciates being on land more and more. Rebekah introduces her to music - the sounds please her ears, make her body do this weird thing uncontrollably. Dancing, Rebekah calls it, one of the greatest joys of being human.
Elijah and Finn introduce her to dairy products - cheese, milk, yogurt, Hayley adores it all. She thought she’d be more disgusted by the idea of digesting another animal’s milk but, god, chocolate caramel pudding was just too darn good to pass up.
Kol catches her - mouth covered in sweets. She observes him looking at her lips, she recalls their almost kiss and notices how quickly he shifts his gaze away from her.
She wanted to kiss him, as weird as it sounds. She blames Ursula’s spell, one lousy kiss was all she needed and this damned spell would break and her voice would come back. Even if it’s not the most honest kiss, it could still count right?
If she weren’t so shy and meek, she’d plant one on him herself.
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Kol curses himself for watching her while she ate dessert. What a creepy thing to do, he thinks. He’s supposed to only pretend to like her, not actually like her! And to think he tried to kiss her the other day - she’s the one who smiles like the sun. Who swims like a mermaid. Who looks at Niklaus with stars in her eyes.
Right.
She’s not interested in him.
Why would she be anyway?
For the first time, Kol doesn’t feel too confident in himself.
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xx: and try recreate the first date that you met me
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It’s been a while since Mikael has come home this early from work.
Esther is eagerly waiting for him in their bedroom - she watches him stammer around and sometimes, in the smallest moments, she swears she sees hints of the man he used to be.
The one she fell in love with.
“Will you stay, tonight?” She asks - noting that they have not slept in the same bed in years.
He looks over his shoulder, preparing his things for the guest room. “I can’t stand it,” Mikael spits. “Lying next to you, I just think of how another man has touched you, how another man has been with you.”
Esther flinches, putting her head down as she thinks of Ansel. “That was a long time ago,” she notes. “I’ve apologized endlessly for my transgressions, and you haven’t forgiven me since. You even take your anger out on the children - they haven’t done a thing.” She insists as she reaches for his arm.
Still upset, Mikael jerks her hand away. “If you hadn’t brought that boy,” he starts again, remembering how Esther had tried to pass along Klaus as one of Mikael’s children. “It wouldn’t be so hard to forget,” He adds on. “His face, every time I see it, I just think of your betrayal - “
“Niklaus has done nothing wrong-“
“Do not speak his name,” Mikael warns, looming over his wife. “As long as I live, rest assured, you and that boy will never know any peace.”
He grabs the rest of his belongings and disappears, leaving Esther to sob quietly into the night.
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Klaus’ been feeling a bit lonely lately.
When he was younger, if he was ever sad, Elijah would play him songs on the piano. He loved watching his brother tangle his fingers the notes, tap his foot, even hum along. Their father, however, had never been a huge fan of the arts and he had made Elijah quit music for good and study business to be next in line for the family shares.
After Finn, of course.
Klaus lazily taps a finger over a note on the living room piano - he thinks of his brother and then he tries to play a song.
“Sounds bloody awful,” Mikael chimes in, suddenly appearing behind him.
“What do you want?” Klaus asks, refusing to turn around.
He can feel his breath on the back of his neck, the way it sinks into his skin like hot sputters of lava. “You know,” Mikael says. “You truly are the last person I wanted to see, at the moment.”
Klaus doesn’t miss a beat. “You’re not exactly all that pleasant to be around either.”
He never speaks of this but sometimes, Klaus swears, his father could be slightly afraid of him - the way he’s so threatened by any little action of his must mean something.
“Your tongue has been getting sharper lately,” Mikael grits, grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to turn around. “You’d do well to keep your comments to yourself,” he advises, now face to face with his son.
“And allow you to berate me?” Klaus spits.
Mikael grabs him by the collar and pushes him against a wall. “This is my house!” He shouts. “Don’t you forget that,” his grip doesn’t loosen until Klaus looks away from him, like a scared dog.
Satisfied, Mikael lets him go. He takes his leave, disappearing for the rest of the night.
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xxi: and you come around from the town of complacence
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(Klaus feels a cold sweat run all the way down his back.
He swears that it’s pooling around his feet, rising and rising almost as if he’s drowning. His knees are weak, he collapses on the floor, shaking.
Just then -
Ansel’s name appears on his phone again.
He manages to nervously grab a hold of the device, clumsily opening up his messages.
“Hi son - haven’t heard back from you in a while - just wanted to see how you were doing! I’m on my way back from my shift at the bar, came across this gorgeous mural painting of a bird, thought you might enjoy seeing it”.
“[Ansel has sent a Picture Message]”
And funny enough, Klaus suddenly feels like he can breathe again).
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Her dreams - they’re supposed to be pink.
Rosy clouds, pomegranate juice, cotton candy on her tongue. But instead, tonight she dreams in black.
Hayley had woken up to loud noise from downstairs. She rushes towards the front door, spotting Klaus with a large backpack on, heading out.
“So, I’ve been caught, it seems,” he whispers, noticing her presence. “Are you going to tattle on me?”
She shakes her head. Hayley grabs his sleeve, pulling on it in order for him to understand.
He laughs, turning around to take her hand in his. “I understand, you want me to stay, love,” he acknowledges. “But I assume you know how dire my circumstances are in this place, the Mikaelson mansion isn’t as cookie-cutter as it may seem,” Klaus sighs sadly.
Her heart breaks into a thousand tiny pieces - she feels so close to this man before her, she can’t imagine being in this big lonely house without him.
Hayley reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small object for him.
“What’s this? A shell?” Klaus asks as she places in his palm and closes his fingers around him. He can’t help but smile at this small action. “I’ll keep it with me wherever I go,” he assures her.
His hand is in her hair, wrapping around the back of her head and pulling her flush against his chest.
“In exchange, I promise you that we will see each other again,” he whispers softly and she clutches the fabric of his shirt. Hayley inhales his scent. “What do you think? Will you wait for me, until then?” Klaus murmurs.
She nods, finally finding the strength to smile again.
“That’s a good girl.” He hums.
He hears her small sobs into his chest, and he can’t help it, he wants to cry too.
He finally has a moment with her, and it just had to be now. He swears, he has such bad luck.
“Nik-”
And just then, his brother chimes in, allowing the bad luck to resume.
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“Nik,” Kol releases, looking worried as he rushes down the stairs in order to be by his brother’s side.
(It is only later that he realizes that Hayley is in his arms).
“What’s happening? Where are you going?” He asks, voice caught in his throat.
Klaus lets go of Hayley, allowing her to return to Kol’s side as the older brother starts to step away.
“Kol,” he says, now standing a few steps from their doorway, outside their house. “It’s a bit of a shame that I couldn’t offer you a proper goodbye,” Klaus continues, taking one last look at his little brother (one last look at his home). “Or any of our other siblings, for that matter,” he takes more steps backwards, getting further and further away.
“What are you talking about?” Kol shouts, lunging towards the door.
Hayley is close to him, almost in his arms - but he doesn’t event notice.
Not when his brother is -
His brother is -
“Let them know I will be safe,” Klaus promises. “And rest assured that I will keep in touch.”
“Klaus,” Kol tries to run after him. “Wait, don’t do this-“ Hayley holds him back and he realizes that she’s much stronger than he thought. He looks into her eyes, he sees how much she trusts his brother and it almost baffles him.
“Hayley,” he calls her. “You have to let me stop him,” Kol orders.
She shakes her head. She can’t do that, no matter how much she wants to. She’s seen the scar on his face, the way Mikael hurts him.
She couldn’t live with herself if she allowed him to do this to Klaus any longer.
“Brother,” Klaus interrupts. “Hayley, she’s strong but, she’ll need someone to lean on, someone to be there for her,” he says, noticing how tender Kol is towards her. “Do take care of her while I’m gone, make sure she doesn’t get too lonely.”
His cab arrives, Klaus ducks inside and he can see his brother fighting Hayley’s strength with all his might.
“Nik!” When Hayley finally weakens, Kol pushes her aside and runs after the car as it drives away. “Please, we can work this out!” He keeps shouting - running until he is out of breath.
Running until he is chocking.
Klaus looks back until he sees his brother collapse and Hayley run to his safety. She holds him in her arms, a soft glow coming from her fingers as she hovers over him.
“Goodbye Kol,” Klaus whispers to himself, fingers tightly clasped around his chest.
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I have SEVERE lactose intolerance and accidentally ate some on my wife's left-over pizza with cheese on it today. We bought Unos last night and they look really similar.
I haven't had an attack in a very long time because I'm careful to the point of anal, and began researching what I might be able to do to avoid vomiting, pain and everything else. I stumbled across a Quora thread on this issue and the 1st reply was "I'm skeptical of lactose intolerance".
Let's say I was less than pleased.
I began writing a diatribe, but decided that I'm not going to change anyone's mind and I didn't feel like getting into an argument with someone whose brain was smaller than an atom and equalling their empathy, so I'm going to post it here. No one will read it anyway.
<Diatribe>
Hey idiots,
Lactose intolerance is REAL. Growing up I'd get sick for no reason eventually ending up IN HOSPITAL This happened over YEARS. Decades.
Test after test after test and nothing. It wasn't until I'd had yet another attack and went to see my doctor, but had to see another one who happened to SE Asian.
I explained my symptoms and that he asked several questions including spicy foods. I had no problem with spicy and love vindaloo. This got him thinking and sent me for a test at another hospital.
The test is taking a small cup of lactose and they measure certain gases that are produced since your body doesn't absorb the lactose.
I was off the charts at the first check at 15 minutes. I was sick as a dog for 2 days.
There was ONE book on lactose-free info and meals. Even the doctor couldn't give me anything.
After that I had to avoid cheeses, milk, ice cream, &c and been fine, unless I missed an ingredient on packaging such as flavoured potato chips or some breakfast cereals (whey). See this list:
I could eat hard, aged cheeses (parmesan, asiago, Romano) but no others. I couldn't eat yoghurt, cream or cream-based sauces, ice cream, cream cheese… you name it.
Then the Lactaid meds came out. Tried and nope. Why? No idea.
Luckily “lactose-free” products came out (actually with the lactase enzyme added, like Lactaid products. Why these work I have no idea). I found that I could eat goat cheeses and milks because it has a different structure than cow's milk, but this was after hours and hours of research and an intense fear of ending up in the hospital again if it was wrong. I found I could tolerate small amounts of things like half-and-half in my coffee (no, "non-dairy" creamers contain milk proteins) and that awful, fake “cheese” you get on fast-food burgers.
All the vegan/soy/almond/oat alternatives appeared and made life so much easier. Think of someone NOT lactose-intolerant going into a Friendly's, JP Licks or Cold Stone Creamery and getting a cone. It's kind of like that.
So this whole “I'm skeptical” crap is just that: crap. There are people out there that are REALLY gluten-intolerant, not just “oh I had a bun on my burger and I feel a bit meh”. Are you going to shove bread down their throats to prove your point? How about nut allergies or are you sceptical of those too.
I'll tell you what… we'll switch digestive systems for a week. You eat all the dairy you want and when you end up in hospital for the 4th time wretching with nothing left in your stomach, come talk with me. I'll be watching over in the corner eating the slice of cheese pizza I was able to finally just go in and buy without worrying.
</diatribe>
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5lazarus · 3 years
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August Wrap-Up and Reflection
I was very productive this month, because of a few reasons: escapism from my shitty job, covid lockdown, horrible weather, and of course the 50k challenge I gave myself. Here's what I wrote, minus two things for a gift exchange, and my reflections on them:
Dragon Age Oneshots To The Victor The Spoils In the Skyhold gardens, in Adamant's wake, Solas meets Loghain. A character study of two trickster-kings, speaking a little too honestly. As Loghain himself says, "The past is always with us. It’s in our bones and our blood and we wear it on our skin. You can think otherwise, but you’ll never get far without it." This was fun to write, and I enjoyed talking about two out of three of my favorite trickster characters. I played the Dragon Age games in reverse order, and when I finally got to Loghain, I saw the seeds for the character they'd develop for DA:I. What was difficult about this story was writing the perspective of a character who knows everything, talking to someone who views him very much as a minor character in the vast tragedy that is their current battle. But developing their relationship via both of them as soldiers in the same party helped figure out what tack to take for the conversation. I think I relied a little too heavily on dialogue, especially in-game dialogue. I should've had this be busier, focused on the two in battle or something like that, which would have been more unique, more fun to read, and more fun to write. That's the problem with getting impatient with yourself and your writing, I guess. But I'm glad it's done. Love and Red Ink Varric tries his hand at a more literary Bildungsroman about his youth as a Kirkwall bohemian. Bianca tears it apart, editing for his own good. Sometimes love is in the margins, your almost ex-girlfriend telling you--I wasn't that pretty, when I was that young. Again I could've been more experimental with this piece, specifically having the two in bed and Bianca editing his work without him asking, her picking up his work and laughing at it. But in the end, I like this more passive version, because it's truer to Varric's character--the idealism and the disappointment. Got a lot of traction on Tumblr and less on AO3, which was interesting--Varric's more popular on this platform than AO3, maybe? The Domestics Alistair runs into an older elven woman on the battlements, watching the children play in the Skyhold courtyard below. They get to talking: isn't it nice that the mages get to keep their children now? Then, in the course of the conversation, Alistair figures it out.
Alistair says, “I always wondered. What my life would’ve been like, if she could’ve kept me. I always kinda knew she didn’t have a choice. King’s bastards are the king’s, not whoever carried them. If she were a servant and if I’d end up in the kitchens or, better yet, the dairy. I really like cheese. But if she were a mage, I guess we never had any of that. Unless she ran away.” Okay I'm proud of this little fic. It was nice to write something with a happy ending for once, originally I wasn't going to do that, but then the story would've been boring. My favorite part is Dorian resurrecting Blackwall from his snowy pyre as Sera mourns in the background--I think both Fiona and Alistair would be very aware of the way children are playing around them, wanting that domestic sense lost to them both. Especially because they both get their babies taken away. The Bane of Red Crossing In the astrarium cave in the Storm Coast with Inquisitor Lavellan, Cole, and Solas, Sera opens a chest and finds a beautiful bow, named the Bane of Red Crossing. But what is the Bane of Red Crossing? According to the codex: "Ser Yves de Chevac used this bow in the Exalted March against the Dales – specifically, in the liberation of Val Royeaux, where the chevalier famously struck down the elven forces' commander with a shot to the throat at two hundred feet."
Lavellan is not pleased, but does not know how to communicate effectively with Sera. Cole and Solas make it worse.
Sometimes there is no adequate resolution, when you are faced with the instrument of your great-grandparents' destruction. Sometimes there is nothing that disinterested compassion can say. I should've made this story nastier, and it might have been more interesting from Cole's perspective. But I think it works, I think having Lavellan and Sera and Solas like that is interesting, and this is a theme I might explore further in Fen'Harel's Teeth--the very different ways the three of them respond to Red Crossing. So Much Lore! So Much Information! Dorian has a wonderful conversation with the Skyhold Librarian about improvements to the library's filing system and the innovations coming out of Minrathous when Vivienne comes by and points out he's just talking to himself. He's been waxing rhapsodic about the Tevinter equivalent of the Dewey decimal system to a spirit--or maybe a demon. So clearly they must go and investigate.
Featuring Solas singing to keep time as he paints a very time-sensitive fresco, a small child whose name Dorian just can't get right, and a spirit of Wonder. (I wrote this yesterday, so it counts) This was fun! I don't think I quite got Dorian and Vivienne right though, and the most interested part of the story became Solas singing a very old love song--it might have been a stronger story if I took Vivienne out of it, who I struggle to write. She's appearing in a different story. But it was nice to write a fluffy fic--but now I want to write about Solas, Dorian, and that song. Star Trek Oneshots Jane Austen Book Club Dukat reads Pride and Prejudice to help him understand human relations (and fuck the Sisko). He thinks he’s being Darcy but really, he’s just Mr. Collins…and evil.
Garak lends him a copy of Jane Austen and a horrific cravat, and really, it's all downhill from there. Ahh, I love this story. I was really worried the jokes wouldn't land, but I think it worked out. Again I took too long to get to the point, two scenes could've been cut (Kira and Dax, probably, though it does move the plot), but this was a lot of fun. Tear of the Prophet Was prompted by ToasterBonanza to write about Kira Nerys repatriating an artifact sacred to Bajor from Cardassia, and this is what we got!
The Shakaar cell leads a procession after Cardassia returns the Orb of Contemplation to Bajor, to collective joy. Kai Opaka says, "So I say to you my people, the survivors of atrocity and keepers of the wormhole—the Prophets cried for you millennia before you were made. They sent their Tears from their temple as a safeguard as to what was to come. And now that it is safe, now that we have won—their Tears are for all."
Featuring Latha having an Orb experience, explaining why he became a vedek. This was cute, a little facile. I had trouble with this one. I should've taken my time and expanded it. Avatar: the Last Airbender Oneshot Cages Mai visits Azula. It is not easy. God I've never gotten more shit for a story than this one. I like this story! The point is that Azula's end is not nice, and that Mai is not a nice person, and neither is Azula. The ending is supposed to be upsetting. Her end is upsetting. Welcome to the world: bad things happen, all the time. As the summary says: it is not easy. All in all, a good month. My stories were a little too talky, though. For Fen'Harel's Teeth, I need to focus on action scenes. And for the remaining oneshots, a more interesting writing style. And picking up the pace!
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snowdice · 4 years
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Road Trips and Missing Persons (Part 16)
Fandom: Sanders Sides
Relationships: Patton & Virgil, Virgil & Deceit, Logan & Patton, Emile & Remy, Roman & Remus & Janus
Characters: Patton, Virgil, Deceit, Remus, Roman, Logan, Emile, Remy
Summary: Patton was just getting groceries. The next thing he knew, there was a knife at his throat and he was an unwilling uber driver. Virgil’s on the run after the murder of his dad, and it’s not just his paranoia that’s telling him he’s being chased down. He has to get somewhere safe, somewhere he can trust, and all he has is a couple of stories from his dad and a name: “Green Bellow Foods and Dispensary.”
Notes: Secret Agents AU, knives, carjacking, kidnapping, murder mentioned, guns mentioned, pepper spray, blood mentioned, drugs mentioned, explosions, car crashes (more to be added)
This is a fic I’ve been writing on study breaks that you have probably all already seen at this point. I’ve affectionately named it the Goblin Brain Fic because it’s helping my brain actually get motivated for studying. I’ve slightly edited it for wording and grammar, but not for content from my previous posts. Feel free to send in asks to direct it because I’m not 100% sure where this is going and you can help decide if you feel so inclined! You can see the process I went through to build this at this link.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 My Master Post
Remy met the beady little eyes outside the car window with a glare. The cow gazed back at him, a challenge in its eyes. “What are you looking at, future minced meat?” Remy asked.
“They’re dairy cows,” Emile said, head on the steering wheel.
“How the hell would you know?” Remy asked.
Emile looked up at him. “The crashed truck says, ‘Robinson’s Family Dairy.’”
Remy pursed his lips. “That doesn’t mean anything.”
Emile gave him a droll look.
“Maybe they’re the rejects!” Remy turned back to the cow. “I bet you’re too stupid to make milk, huh?”
The cow let out a breath that fogged the window between them.
“Bastard,” Remy grumbled at it.
“You are talking to a cow,” Emile reminded him.
“Oh, like you don’t talk to stuffed animals,” Remy shot back.
“At least I don’t make enemies with them and insult them.”
“She deserves it!”
“She’s just standing there. You’re taking out your frustrations on a farm animal.”
Remy looked back at the cow, his eyes narrowed. Its eyes peered back at him and they did not need to share a language to understand each other in that moment. “I’ll show you a coward,” Remy growled, taking off his seatbelt.
“No, Remy,” Emile hissed. “Don’t you dare.”
Remy ignored him and opened the door to climb out of the car.
“We are on the interstate!”
“Now, you listen here,” Remy said, staring the cow down. “You’ve already caused enough problems for me today. The least you can do is not stare me down in my own…or well my brother’s own car. You feel me?”
The cow stared at him blankly and made a mooing sound.
“Are you understanding the words that are coming out of my mouth right now?”
“I promise you, she isn’t,” Emile offered from the car.
Remy continued to stare the cow down. Finally, after a moment of staring, the cow turned away.
“Ha!” Remy said. “I win.”
“Get back in the car before you get trampled by a herd of cows,” Emile said.
“I’m not going to get trampled,” Remy insisted. “If anything, I’m establishing myself as their ruler.”
“Is this a productive use of your time?” Emile asked.
“Oh, what?” Remy said turning back to him. “And sitting in the car doing nothing is such a better use of my time? Thank you for your input, doctor.”
“Remington, please.”
“Oh, stop with the full name, bullshit,” he turned to cow nearest to him, “no offence intended,” he assured it before turning back to Emile. “You’re not our mother!”
There was a pause. “Remy,” Emile said calmly. “I know you’re upset about Virgil, but...”
“In fact,” Remy talked over him. “I’m older than you! Do you remember who put you through college so you could get that fancy degree you keep using on me tonight? Because it certainly wasn’t our mother because she was already fucking dead! Don’t act like you’re my parent because here’s the thing, I raised you by myself for three years. So, if I’m a shitty dad, you’re definitely fucked up somewhere under that shining topcoat of head doctor crap.”
“I never at any point said-” Emile started, but Remy cut him off.
“Oh, but we both know you’re thinking it!”
“Don’t put words in my mouth, Remy.”
“No, no,” Remy said. “I know exactly what’s going through your head. I never should have been a parent, and I proved that with you when you were a teenager, but I still managed to knock up literally the worst person I could. I’m constantly making horrible parenting decisions and even when I try to be responsible, I mess it up. Virgil’s third word was a curse word and I’m lucky he never developed scurvy because I let him eat whatever he wants. He’s currently on a cross-country road trip with god knows who because I fucked up a covert mission I had no business being on and now he’s being tracked down by the woman who shot me with a poisoned bullet. I’m a horrible person and a worse dad. That’s what you’re thinking.”
There was a second where his brother looked at him with his stupid annoying face. “Have you considered that you’re projecting.”
“Ugh!” Remy threw up his hands and turned to walk away.
“Remy where are you going?” Emile called after him.
“I’m walking to base to go get my kid!” Remy called back.
“It’s over 70 miles away!”
He turned around and spread out his arms. “Then I’ll ride a bloody cow! It’ll be faster at this rate!”
“They’ll be cleared up in a few minutes Remy, come back here!” Emile said. Remy flipped him off. “I am not following you on foot!”
“Good!”
Remy turned back around and strutted off down the interstate, skirting cows and police officers the whole way. He grumbled to himself and refused to turn back even when he was pretty sure by the flow of traffic that the accident must have been cleared 15 minutes later.
This was so stupid. Why was he so stupid and useless? Emile was probably glad he ran off like a petulant toddler so he wouldn’t have to deal with him. He’d probably be more effective finding Virgil without Remy messing it all up anyway. He kept walking.
After a couple minutes a car slowed and stopped next to him on the side of the road. Remy looked up to meet Emile’s eyes through the rolled down window.
“Get,” Emile said firmly, “in the damned car.”
Remy blinked in surprise and then hurried to do so.
Emile didn’t speak again until the car was back at a normal speed. “His first word was ‘dad,’” he said, “and he’s happy. I’m not a parent, but from what I’ve observed, parents are allowed to mess up. As long as they do their best and their kid knows they’re loved, they’re a pretty good parent. If you ask me, you’re a good dad.”
“Yeah, well his second word was ‘pizza,’ so I don’t know if it makes me that special,” Remy grumbled.
Emile glanced at him.
“I mean,” Remy continued. “Thank you and sorry.”
“Apology accepted,” Emile said. “You know I love you right?”
“Oh, god don’t get all mushy on me.”
“I’m serious,” Emile said. “I’ve been angry at you this entire trip because if you’d died today, I don’t know how I would have handled it. You were reckless, and it could have easily gotten you killed.”
“Don’t you think I know I’m stupid.”
“Stop that,” Emile snapped. “That’s not what I said.”
“Well then, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying, why, Remy?” Emile said. “Are you bored? Do you want to go back in the field?”
“No,” Remy said quietly.
“Are you sure?” Emile asked. Remy didn’t answer. “If you do, that’s fine.”
“It’s not though.”
“You’re the one who made that decision and it was 15 years ago,” Emile reminded. “If you want to change your mind, that’s fine, but if you’re going to do it, you can’t just go do it. You have to talk to Logan first, to me, to your kid. Your actions affect other people.”
“I know that.”
“I know you know that, but you just…You get so involved in your head sometimes and forget to think about the consequences. Or worse you ignore them because they’re too hard to think about.”
Remy reached forward and turned on the radio.
“Really?!” Emile asked.
“Chill,” Remy said, turning the volume down, “I just don’t want to have another cow disaster.”
Emile nodded and seemed content to wait for him a few minutes so he could gather his thoughts.
“I’m trying, Em,” Remy said. “Bless their souls, but I’m trying to not be our parents. It’s like walking a tightrope. Go too far one way, you’re an asshole, go too far the other your kid’s running from his mother’s hired guns and throwing out the tracking device you put on him because he thinks you’re dead.”
“It should have to feel like that for you.”
“Yeah?” Remy asked. “And how do you propose I stop it?” Emile looked over at him and opened his mouth. “Yeah, yeah, see a therapist. Do you have any suggestions that don’t require me to bare my soul and talk about my daddy issues to some random person?”
“No.”
“Rats.” Emile chuckled at him.
“If it’s any consolation, they would have hated how you turned out. I mean they 100% would have still loved you and would have adored Virgil, but you’d get so many side-eyes over the dinner table. I mean, a child out of wedlock, Remy?”
“They’d have tried to get me to marry her,” Remy said. “Then I would have introduced them to her, and they would’ve said ‘fuck that.’ Do you think I could have gotten dad to say, ‘fuck that’?”
Emile giggled. “That would have been weird.”
Remy hummed in agreement. Then they petered off into silence. “I love you too Em.”
Want to read more? Click below!
Part 17
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Survey #465
“the old man then prepares to die regretfully  /  that old man here is me”
Did you have a boyfriend in kindergarten? No, but I had a guy who wouldn't leave me alone since pre-k. Did you ever read the Magic Treehouse series? OMG I forgot about those!! I loved them!!! Did you ever watch The Land Before Time movies? AHHHHHHHHH yes!!! :') Did you collect anything when you were a kid? Stickers. My dresser was COMPLETELY covered in them. Who did you look up to most as a child? Steve Irwin, 100%. He was my hero. Did your parents let you drink soda when you were little? Some, yes. I wish they hadn't, with the dependency I have now. Did you ever watch The Powerpuff Girls or Dexter’s Laboratory? Of course! I strongly preferred the former, though. Did you watch Blue's Clues? HOW TIMELY. :'''') I did! My little sister and I loved it. What was your favorite kind of cake as a kid? Just gimme a good 'ole double chocolate cake and I was one happy kiddo, ha ha. Did you ever want to grow up? Sure didn't. I was smart. How often do you listen to classic rock? It varies, really. Sometimes I'm in the mood for it and binge it, other times I want newer music. What about country? Just about never. What is the most amount of money you have ever lost? Not a whole lot. I'm very careful with money. Have you ever hurt yourself just to get attention? No. Whenever I did it in the past, it was always to relocate the pain I was experiencing, and because I felt like I deserved it. Last person to get on your nerves? I'd rather not give it the time of day. Are you in any pain right now? No. Last thing you ate? It was one of those chocolate chip Clif Thins things. I HATE every Clif product I've ever tried until these, so they're a good option if I really want something sweet that's actually decently healthy and doesn't taste like I'm eating pure fiber, like most of their products. Name three things apart from trust and loyalty that you need in a relationship. Open, honest communication, similar interests as well as morals, and pro-LGBTQ+, if I'm just naming three. How far away are you from the place that you were born? Like... not even ten minutes. Do you live near anybody who creeps you out? Nah. Then again though I know pretty much nobody in my neighborhood. Is there anywhere that you are too afraid to go to alone? Where? Hm. If for whatever strange reason I had to, I would absolutely not want to go into a men's restroom alone. Would you be upset if you had a child who decided to make “adult films?” Despite the fact I don't negatively judge porn stars if they are smart, cautious, an informed about what they do and how to stay safe... I think I'd be very, very scared if my child wanted that, especially if it was my daughter, because she can actually get pregnant. Yes, abortion's an option, but... still. I don't want her to have to be faced with that decision. I also would be terrified of my hypothetical son getting someone pregnant, especially because he's then not the one with say on what happens to that child. So ultimately, if I was ever in this situation, I feel like I'd need to be alone with my partner to just cry for a while and then talk with them and look at the situation factually and with regard for my child's happiness. What pizza topping would you never, ever, EVER eat? Sardines. /gag What annoys you most about your computer? The microphone is broken. Do you prefer to read blogs or watch vlogs? I'm not huge on either, but watch vlogs. Do you know anyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas? No. Do you own a snowglobe? I wish I did, they cute. What was the last thing that upset you? It was more disappointing than upsetting, but I was nevertheless super bummed that my bf had to scoot us hanging out a day back today when I was v excited for it. What is something you are behind on? It sounds unbelievable, I know, but I am IMMENSELY behind with Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. Like, I'm somewhere around four episodes in. It's so hard to explain: like, I want to watch it badly, but I don't want to set aside time to sit in front of the TV to actually do it? It makes very little sense. I'll catch up eventually, I just... haven't yet. Who DO you go to for advice when you need it? Mom, Sara, my therapist... Will you go caroling this year? God no. Never have, never will. Would you ever be friends with someone who was suicidal? Bro what the fuck, of course I would. Would you rather have a daughter or a son? Daughter. Did you get bullied more as a child, a teenager, or an adult? I'm very grateful that I was never truly bullied. If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist? FUCK YES. Are you allergic to your favorite animal? I wouldn't know; I've never been near one. :( What’s your favorite country besides the USA? Lol what a presumptuous question. Probably Africa. Did you get senior pictures taken? No, even though I wanted them. :/ I don't remember why I didn't? How often do you like to have sex? I don't care. Whenever it feels right. Are you any good at math? OH MY GOD NO Do you like Dairy Queen? I fucking love Dairy Queen. Ever had their Oreo Cupfection? *chef's kiss* If you had to get advice from someone of the opposite sex, who would you go to? Girt. Or my psychiatrist. Really depends. Does talking about sex make you feel uncomfortable? GODDAMN RIGHT IT DOES. Few things make me MORE uncomfortable. Are you more scared of going to the doctors or dentists? Doctors. Dentists are ezpz for me. At the doctor, meanwhile, I'm scared of them finding something seriously wrong. Do you get along with your significant other’s friends? I've only met one, and that was YEEEEAAARRRRSSS ago. He was chill, though. Do you enjoy the sound of crickets at night and birds in the morning? omfg YES Do you enjoy board games? Not really. Do you need a haircut? I actually just got one the other day. It's shorter than I would've liked, but it's whatever. Hair grows back, and mine does fast. Do you feel bad when you kill bugs? Yes. They've got the same right to be here as we do. What’s the longest stretch of time you’ve spent completely alone? A week or two when my mom and sis went to the beach (I think?) for a dance competition. Have you ever been in a situation where you needed a lawyer? Yes, when I presented my disability case. Do you know anyone who has been evicted? My mom, sister, and me because we couldn't keep up with rent. What’s your favorite macaron flavor? Never tried one. How often do you have friends over to your house? The only "friend" that comes over to my house is my boyfriend. Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? Front flips, yes; never back flips, because I was scared of breaking my neck. What about a flip off of a diving board? No. Does your country have free healthcare? No, but it fucking should. What is your sexuality? Bro I don't even know anymore lmao. I just say pansexual. "Queer" might fit me best, though. I really don't know, but it doesn't really matter. What’s the last show you watched? Attack on Titan w/ Girt! I'm actually keen to see more of it. The darkness and heartbreak of it is right up my alley. How is your road rage? I don't really experience road rage because I'm too engulfed by terror to focus on anything else, honestly. Do you have any facial piercings? Yeah; I have a vertical labret in my lip. Have you ever been to a rehab center? So this is dumb as shit, but all the psych hospitals I've been to doubled as rehab centers. Which made NO goddamn sense because those who are suffering with mental illnesses leading to suicidal thoughts/tendencies are unique from those dealing with addiction; both require individual treatments and should not be grouped, imo. How long did your shortest relationship last? Not even a day. What would your life be like if you had married your first love? That's... scary to imagine. Sometimes, that was all I wanted. But seeing as he left because of my depression... it probably would have been catastrophic. He was the only person I ever wanted kids with, so there probably would have been children involved in all that madness, which no little one deserves. Him leaving ultimately led to my healing, too, so I don't know where I would've been mental health-wise if he stayed. What is the most difficult or time-consuming thing you’ve ever cooked? Would you make it again? I don’t cook. I need to learn, though... Have you ever had a platonic friend that everyone insisted you should be in a relationship with? He's my boyfriend now, ha ha ha. Is there anything about a person’s sexual past that might stop you from wanting to date them? Yes. I'm too lazy to get into that stuff rn, though. If someone asked your closest friends/family members what career path might suit you best, what do you think they would say? I'm almost certain they would all say veterinarian. How did you and your significant other celebrate your last anniversary? Slow down buddy, we haven't even been together a month lmao. Who was the last person to make you a home-cooked meal? What did they make? Mom, but I don't recall the last thing she made from scratch. Girt is doing that tomorrow, though! :') He's making grilled chicken stuffed with jalapenos and spinach and something else I can't remember and it sounds BANGIN'. What’s the weirdest, rudest, or most ridiculous thing a guest has ever done in your home? Hmmm... I'll have to get back to ya on that. Has anyone ever told you you’re manipulative? I think someone has, yes. Do you know anyone who owns their own business? Yep. Who was the recipient of your very first kiss? Jason. Do you prefer shrimp or crab? SHRIMP. Crab is mushy and disgusting. Do you prefer fiction or non-fiction books/movies? I strongly prefer fiction. Have you ever seen an eclipse? Plenty of lunar eclipses, yes. Who is your favourite video game character? Pyramid Head, Spyro, Cynder... I have a lot, those three are just panning out as strong contenders. Are you the type of person who knows exactly what they want in life? lol Do you have commitment issues? Not at all. What was the last thing you felt nostalgic about? uhhh Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad. Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? OMG one time in his prime, Teddy got loose on a snowy night and went on a full-blown adventure. I was SOBBING. My dad had to chase him down. Do any of your exes know each other? Juan knows Jason, Jason knows Juan and Girt, and Sara knows Girt. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? "Vaccines cause autism." Fuck out my face. What was the very first election you voted in? This most recent presidential one.
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softdadcarlos · 4 years
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(You’re) Having My Baby
Masterlist
Fandom: Resident Evil/Biohazard
Pairing: Jill/Carlos
AU: Family Life
Summary: After a couple years of being happily married, Jill and Carlos are ready to grow their little family of two.
Requested by @vgames-lover​ and three anonymous users because yet again I combined requests! The title is taken from the song of the same name by Paul Anka and you’ll see why.
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It was November 2003 and Jill had been suffering from a stomach bug for about week. She was a bit concerned, maybe the take out she had ordered - Carlos was out with Chris and Leon for Leon’s bachelor party - was bad as she had thrown up the next day and those following. Carlos, despite being slightly hungover, was there to hold her hair back as she muttered curses and promises never to order from that restaurant again. However, being very much under the weather meant she couldn’t go on the mission she was scheduled for and she counted her blessing that Claire’s bachelorette party had been the day before Leon’s. But Jill would not let some mystery illness stop her from attending her friends’ wedding, it would take much more than throwing up in the morning to stop her. Carlos, for his part, kept a close eye on her, understandably worried until he noticed something she murmured to herself while getting ready for the ceremony.
“Need to get new bras, these ones are starting to make my nipples hurt.”
Normally, those kinds of statements would be overlooked by someone who couldn’t put two and two together. But Carlos never overlooked anything when it came to Jill, it might have been a result of trauma but he felt the niggling urge to keep an eye on her, make sure she was safe and okay. So it was safe to say he was starting to piece together a picture and, if he was right about it, it was a picture he had wanted to paint for about a year at that point. He felt butterflies in his stomach at the thought of it.
He noticed her struggling to zip up her dress and went over to help, “You know, I think it might be worth picking up a pregnancy test on our way to the venue. We have been trying for a couple of months after all. We should also stay clear of alcohol today, just in case.”
Jill turned to him, a pensive look on her face, “You really think so?”
Carlos pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and gave her a reassuring smile, “Better safe than sorry.”
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Jill was impatient throughout the ceremony, wanting to get to the bathroom as soon as possible. She was happy for her friends, she really was, and it was sweet seeing Sherry be flower girl yet again, this time for her adoptive parents but after what Carlos had said earlier she just had to know. So as soon as the ceremony was over and it was time for the reception, Jill sped away into the bathroom with the pregnancy test in her over the shoulder bag. Carlos was not aware that she was rushing to take the test. No, the poor man was none the wiser and followed after her, worried that she was having another bout of sickness. His concern grew when she locked the bathroom door behind her. He sighed, leaning against the wall as he waited for her to come out. He was stood there for about 5 minutes before he heard the door unlock and Jill emerged.
He grasped her shoulders, worry in his eyes as he looked her over, “Are you okay?”
“I’m more than okay. Carlos, I’m pregnant,” She beamed at him, tears welling up.
Carlos pulled her into a hug, kissing the crown of her head, “Hello pregnant, I’m dad.”
“Seriously? You’re starting with the terrible fucking dad jokes now?” Jill groaned, nuzzling into his neck.
He shrugged, “I’m a dad now, it’s my job to make bad jokes that embarrass my family.”
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Although Carlos said that they both wouldn’t drink, Jill managed to convince him that he should be allowed to drink as they were now celebrating two things. She got a few looks from their friends as she turned away drinks because if there was something Jill never said no to, it was a free drink. Instead, she would either pass the offered drink to Carlos or sip on some sort of soft drink with an excuse of “I’m the designated driver.” But maybe she made a mistake passing drinks to him. Even though they agreed to stay quiet until the next day as not to detract attention away from the newlywed couple, there Carlos was, fucking serenading her.
“Having my baby. What a lovely way of saying how much you love me. Having my baby. What a lovely way of saying what you're thinking of me.” Carlos sang over the sound of the reception, on one knee, cradling her hand between his as their friends stared at them.
He was cut off before he could continue by Claire rushing over to envelope Jill in a hug, “Oh my god! Jill, you’re pregnant?! How long have you known?”
Jill’s face was red under all the attention, “Today… although I feel Carlos had an inkling sooner since he’s the one that suggested I buy a test this morning.”
“This is the best wedding gift! I’m going to be an auntie!”
The rest of the evening was filled with congratulations and getting Carlos to drink enough water to sober up slightly so he wouldn’t be as hungover in the morning. Chris helped to get Carlos home, insisting that since she was pregnant she shouldn’t be lugging her husband around. A husband that was now just speaking Spanish and making Jill very very thankful Chris only knew the basics of the language as Carlos was getting rather… colourful in verbally displaying his affection to his wife. Chris even opted to stay in their guest room as they had “much to talk about” the next morning.
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The following day saw Chris and Rebecca sat on one sofa as Jill and Carlos, who was nursing a slight hangover that wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, sat on the opposite one. They hadn’t been expecting Rebecca to knock on their door at 10am but they weren’t entirely surprised since she had been the one to keep an eye on Jill’s health over the years.
“First things first, I’m going to state the obvious: You won’t be able to go on missions for about one year at the very least. Not only would it be dangerous for the baby for you to still go while pregnant, but pregnancy and birth itself is traumatic for the body. You’ll need time to recuperate afterwards. I recommend a two-year leave. Maybe longer depending on how quickly you get back into a fit state.” Rebecca declared sternly, eyeing up the coffee Jill had in front of her.
Chris crossed his arms, “We knew that already. I was planning to talk about her leave today and have her help me pick out a suitable temporary replacement for the meantime.”
Jill was about to take a sip of her coffee when Rebecca reached her hand out and covered the top of it.
“Sorry Jill, but it’s going to be decaf until after the post-birth recovery period.”
Carlos took the coffee from her and headed into the kitchen with it and his own.
Jill levelled Rebecca with a stare, “Decaf tastes like burnt toast.”
Carlos came back in with two glasses of orange juice, “It’s for the good of you and pequeño. But you won’t have to suffer a coffeeless world alone, whatever you’re not allowed, I won’t have either.”
Jill smiled at him as she accepted the offered juice, hand coming to rest on his knee once he was seated again.
“What else is there ‘Becca? What do I need to purge from the pantry.” Carlos asked, lacing his fingers with Jill’s.
Rebecca reached into her bag and pulled a document from its confines, “It’s all written here but I’ll give you a brief rundown. Unpasteurised or mould-ripened dairy products are a no go. Uncooked meats, liver, any and all pates and game meats are not to be eaten. Liver contains high amounts of Vitamin A which can be harmful to the baby. Raw and partially cooked eggs as well as: duck, goose or quail eggs are dangerous unless cooked solid, no runny eggs.” She flicked over to the next page, “Oily fish is to be limited to two portions a week. Tuna should be limited to 140g a week as it contains the most mercury than any other fish. Swordfish, marlin, shark meat and raw shellfish should be avoided. Sadly herbal teas should be limited to four cups a day if you were looking to them as a replacement for coffee. Fruits and vegetables must be thoroughly washed before eating or cooking. Oh and no multivitamin supplements as they can contain vitamin A. That should be about it.”
She handed the document to Jill who was frowning. Carlos had been nodding along the entire time, Jill could see the cogs working away in his head as he thought about what was currently in their kitchen cupboards.
“Is there anything that needs doing asap?” Jill asked.
“A simple urine test to see how far along you are, then we can try to predict a due date.”
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The due date they had been given was for mid-August and an ultrasound scan during the second trimester revealed they’d be having a baby girl. Carlos had reached out to Barry to help them set up a nursery as well as set up a birthing plan, a fount of knowledge thanks to being a father of two. One thing Jill hadn’t accounted for was Carlos becoming more protective than he had been before. He hardly let her in her office, saying that she might stress herself out and that wouldn’t be good for her or the baby. If she wanted to go out with the girls for a chill night, he would text her every half hour to make sure she was okay. She wasn’t mad, not at all. In fact, she completely understood his behaviour. It was just… a tad much sometimes. The bigger her stomach became the more anxious he became about her going out because “What if something happens and I can’t be there to help.”
So there Jill was, sat between her husband’s legs as she leant against him playing Animal Crossing (a game she had grown addicted to much to Carlos’ relief) on the GameCube he bought her as an apology for his worrying ways. She had started taking to wearing his clothes instead of the expensive maternity they had bought because she just found them more comfortable and comforting. Carlos wasn’t complaining, loving the sight of his rounded wife waddling about in his clothes. He had his arms resting around her front, hands pressed to her belly under his baggy shirt, feeling their pequeño’s little kicks. She was definitely going to be a fighter like her mum, that much Carlos could tell.
As it was August, Carlos had a hospital packed and ready to go as well as Barry on speed dial. They had decided on a hospital birth instead of a home birth just in case there were complications at Barry’s suggestion after all. Jill felt a little bad for the older former S.T.A.R.S member, Carlos had been picking his brains ever since they formally announced the pregnancy.
“Carlos playing this game makes me see why you were a communist. Slaving away to pay a raccoon who does nothing is insulting. Fucking Tom Nook-”
Carlos was chuckling until his wife cut herself off, “What is it?”
“...I think my water just broke…”
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Twelve laborious hours later and Eliza Anne Valentine was welcomed into the world. Sure Carlos’ hand hurt like a bitch but he wasn’t complaining if the small chubby baby in Jill’s arms was the end result. He smiled as he watched the scene. Jill was sweaty, her hair a mess as she tiredly greeted their child, stroking her small round cheeks.
“Hello there Eliza, I’m your mama. I’m going to make the world a safe place for you. I promise.” She looked to Carlos, unshed tears in her eyes, “Do you want to hold her?”
Carlos nodded unable to form words with how his throat tightened. Carefully, oh so carefully, they passed the small bundle of joy from one to the other. And upon seeing his daughter’s face, he started crying. She had his nose and her mother’s mouth. Her hair was dark but matted with embryonic fluids so there was no way of telling its actual colour in that moment. He wondered what colour eyes she’d have when she finally opens them. But no matter what traits she took, Carlos didn’t care. She was made from them and their love. She was going to be perfect in his eyes no matter what.
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A/N: To break your hearts further, the way Jill’s maternity leave works out means her first mission back is the one she “dies” in.
I love hearing from you guys! Please tell me what parts you liked!
Requests are temporarily closed. I'm also on twitter @mxbelmounte.
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hollywoodx4 · 4 years
Text
The Dress
Yes hello I’m apparently not done writing about the wedding, I have a lot of soft feelings. Also, Annika and I are meeting tomorrow and I still can’t even believe it, so have a fic to celebrate. -Danielle
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              They’ve come on a Sunday morning, Orpheus and Eurydice, to the tiny house on a large plot of land. It’s a lazy sort of day, the drive out calling for old songs on the radio to be sung at full volume, the excitement of the news they have to share on both their lips although Orpheus is sure that their Christmas night won’t be such big news to their audience at all. His Amma’s house feels like a safe-haven; there is an immediate sense of peace when they walk up the path made of mismatched, hand-painted brick, covered in snow that’s been carefully shoveled away. Demeter greets them with unmatched joy and ushers the young couple in from the cold, taking their coats and scarves and draping them along the wooden banister of the staircase. A baby goat romps around, its hooves clicking on the wood, and Eurydice bends down to pet it with a restrained, confused sort of affection. Orpheus laughs.
              “That’s Sunny, the new baby.” It’s half an explanation Eurydice accepts, Demeter calling them from the kitchen and wrapping them both in a tight embrace. She looks over Eurydice with careful eyes and the young girl takes the hint, nodding and placing a hand over her stomach in reassurance. Everything is more than alright.
              “We have good news!” Orpheus begins before they can even settle, Demeter bringing them cups of tea. Eurydice holds hers gently, feeling the warmth radiate through her mug. Orpheus sets his immediately on the counter, thanking his grandmother before gesturing to Eurydice with pride.
              Eurydice sits at the kitchen island, grinning wildly as Demeter takes her hand, examining the flash of the little diamond against the light. Orpheus rambles animatedly, a truly lively retelling of the night just a few days before; “I didn’t know what was happening-she said she had something to tell me and I thought it might be something bad but I wasn’t sure, I was mostly just nervous. And then she told me she was pregnant, and I know that you knew it-you always know-but isn’t it amazing?”
              Eurydice chuckles, shakes her head as she watches Orpheus pace around the kitchen, gathering wildly, stopping only to lay his head on Eurydice’s shoulder. He brushes his cheek against hers, gently wraps his arms around her middle.
              “Do you like it, Amma?” Orpheus gestures to the ring, a sort of whispered softness to his voice as he looks at it, in awe himself that it’s on her finger. “I bought it from the guy you said-the one who makes his own bands. He was really nice, he said to tell you hi. He helped me pick it out. I was a little lost, but you were right-I knew when I saw it.”
              Demeter feels the warmth of her grandson’s words, the security that comes from Eurydice, who basks quietly in his embrace. The newly engaged couple, bursting with silent, intimate pride over the anticipation of the daughter she can so clearly see in their future, spend a moment suspended in this pose. She shows her approval by nodding, squeezing Eurydice’s hand.
              “It’s truly wonderful, Orpheus.”
              “And he thinks I’m going to let him ‘replace it with something bigger’ when he can. Tell him he’s crazy, please. This is what I want.”
              “While we’re here,” Orpheus blushes, diverting the subject as the positive attention, while welcome, becomes far too encompassing for his humble heart. “I’m going to get the eggs for you.”
              He unwraps himself from Eurydice and moves to the kitchen counter to grab an old wicker basket, laying an old cloth in it before stumbling nervously out the door. Demeter watches him go-watches Eurydice grin, looking after his retreating figure as he makes his way toward the coop. It’s a task he’s been at since he was just barely able to walk, when Demeter begged for a chance to watch him. Every Sunday morning they’d come, Persephone and Hermes, toting a wide-eyed Orpheus. He’d spend his time trailing after her, running his hands gently along her rows of crops. He’d pluck cherry tomatoes from the vine as soon as they were ripe, popping them in his mouth and puffing his cheeks out.
              Getting the eggs was his favorite job-he’d bend to greet each chicken, the toddler singing songs to them about the names he gave them, or even while he was removing the eggs from their nests. “Thank you for your eggs, thank you for your eggs, hi-ho-dairy-o thank you for your eggs.”
              It’s a song Demeter can still see on his lips before his figure retreats past their vantage point.
              Eurydice shifts in her seat then, a soft smile still engulfing her features in a beautiful sort of peace. She runs her hand gently through her cropped hair, looks around the kitchen with curiosity at the knick knacks that line the shelves, not unlike the strangely sensical amount that Orpheus keeps in his-their apartment. There are little things-the way she seems to speak with the entirety of her heart, the way she makes Eurydice feel immediately at home-Orpheus is surely a product of her in his own way, there is no denying their similarities.
              Demeter moves to the space in front of her, catching her attention as she taps her fingers twice on the counter. It’s a gentle sort of gesture, as most of the older woman’s quirks seem to be. She tilts her head slightly at Eurydice, lets out an involuntary hum.
              “Do you have any plans for the wedding yet?”
              “Not yet,” Eurydice responds, moving her hand to her unchanged stomach. “We want to wait until after the baby is born, give ourselves some time to adjust to it all. Well, he would get married tomorrow if he had the choice. I want to wait-plan.”
              “He’s a rare kind of soul-always has been. I really hope that you know that all of this has made him the happiest he has ever been. He can barely contain himself-if it were his choice, he’d have told everyone he knows by now.”
              Eurydice laughs-yes, she knows this. She can feel it in the way he dances around her, wakes up with his arms around her stomach, caressing the invisible changes. She feels it in the way he kisses her good morning; lingering, unwilling to leave her side without trying his hardest to procrastinate. And when he tells her he’s proud of her, leans on the bar and sends her copious amounts of seltzer as she studies, takes frequent breaks to sit beside her and ask how she’s doing…Eurydice is well educated on his kindness, even when she finds it hard to believe that this open, honest love is hers.
              “Any ideas for a dress?”
              “God no,” she laughs. “The more I think about it, the more I think I should wait. I don’t want to choose something when I know what’s about to happen to my body.”
              Demeter shrugs, a dimpled lift of her lips and a lift of her hand.
              “Why don’t you try one on right now? Nothing major, just a little something I have laying around. Maybe it’ll give you an idea of what you want.”
              Eurydice agrees, takes Demeter’s outstretched hand and follows her up the creaking staircase to a tiny, pantry-sized room holding a sewing machine, baskets of yarn, and curtain rods across the walls to store rows of old clothing. She rifles through the mass of denim and bohemian patterns until she comes across a white dress, sheer fabric mixed with smaller, opaque bits. When she moves it from the rod, holds it up to show it off, Eurydice gasps. Intricately sewn into the difficult fabric is a glimmering gold thread-simple, yet absolutely glowing with the reflection of the sun. They are constellations-gatherings of stars and lines into simple shapes, some she recognizes while others feel foreign and wonderous.
              She reaches out a finger to trace the threading, mouth slightly agape in wonder. Demeter watches carefully, prods her once more.
              “Just try it on-you never know.”
              She does know.
              The moment Eurydice feels the fabric on her body, looks down at the mixture of pure white and soft gold, she feels a tug in her chest, a slight skip in her heart. She opens the bathroom door to find Demeter in immediate tears, grabbing her hands and holding her at arm’s length.
              “It’s yours. I knew it was yours, but seeing it on you…really, it’s something magical.” Eurydice is at a loss for words. She moves down the hallway, an ethereal being, consumed with the feeling of suspension between reality and a dream. When she finds the full-length mirror, Demeter has begun the same sort of rambling often heard through Orpheus’s lips, although hers is lighter and more controlled.
              “I’m not saying that It has to be yours-you can make your own choices. I just felt in my heart while I was working on those constellations that this dress would belong to someone special.”
              “You-you made these?”
              “I did, a long time ago.”
The day is beautiful; mid-spring, the weather just turning to warmth and continual sunshine. The winter’s snow has long since melted, making way for canvas shoes and well-worn sandals. Birds chirp thankfully, and a few soft clouds paint the sky in picturesque beauty. These days are her favorite; Demeter, who walks with an ambling gait down the old dirt road connecting bits of her small town. There is a purpose, but time is not a battle in this life, merely a reminder of when the day will turn dark and the chickens will need feeding.
              The girl, young in the softened features of her face, runs her hand absent-mindedly over her protruding stomach as she reaches the center of town. She isn’t too far away-a spring baby is what she’ll have-the first day, when the earth reaches the point of equity and evenness. Having the comfort of both knowledge and belief in her soul helps the pregnancy pass peacefully helps Demeter connect with the baby that will become her magnificent little girl. It’s been a strange journey thus far; she hadn’t been brushed off by the people in this small community, but she’s been asked, time and time again, exactly what she’s going to do as a single mother.
              “Easy,” she’d reply, with her well-known grin of boundless optimism. “I’m going to live.”
              Living has been simple-peaceful. In the time since she’s known she was pregnant, Demeter has gotten to know herself as more than a single entity, falling into the path she was meant to take. She feels whole, new. The aching in her bones serve as a reminder to her that this is real-that the yearning and the waiting are about to be repaid in a lifetime of unparalleled love. It helps her move forward, sit with the choice of a life without the family she’d grown up with; the mother back in the city, unwilling to move past her own comfort zone and living to shame her for making the same mistake that she’d made. But living this pregnancy at nineteen years old is not a mistake to Demeter-neither is her move to the rural town, or the new command over the tiny farm she’s learning to manage through her nana’s thorough journaling.
              Today, Demeter walks through town with the confidence she’d gained upon meeting its people, making herself known as someone who enjoys the slower pacing of life. She comes across the same thrift shop she’s frequented since she moved to town-tiny, indistinct apart from the racks of clothing brought outside its entrance, meant to draw people in. Demeter doesn’t need the draw-she finds herself here at least once a week, leafing through clothing and books with careful precision. She chats with the owners-an older couple who’d been good friends with her grandmother and in turn take care of Demeter, her spitting image. When she enters the shop, an overwhelming amount of peace surrounds her. She settles herself in it for a moment, humming softly to the baby in her protruding belly, and begins her journey.
              It doesn’t take long for her to find it.
              There’s a dress hanging between a woolen trench coat and an old army jacket, a delicate sort of thing against two harsher fabrics. She feels the light weight of chiffon, sheer and magnificent, and holds it between her fingers as if it will break. She brings the dress out to hold it in front of her, examines the way it falls so gently from its hanger. It’s simple-pure white, flowing sleeves and only a slight bit of shape at the waist. Once Demeter holds it in her hands, however, she can’t seem to let it go.
              “Found something you like today?” The older woman, with white hair braided behind her head, brings a finger to the dress in her hands.
              “There’s something…special about this dress.” She can’t quite place her words, brought to a stunned silence even more so by the simplicity of it all. To her plain eye, it’s just another white dress. But to her heart, there is more within it that she’s yet to place.
              “Why don’t you take it?” The shopkeeper grins, closing both her hands over Demeter’s. The young girl’s eyes widen, and she shakes her head. But before she can say much more the dress is folded and placed in her canvas bag, and she’s back outside the shop. “I’m sure you’ll make use of it yet.”
              The words of the older woman ring through her mind as she continues her errands, the light weight of the seemingly magical dress feeling heavier with the knowledge that it is there. She stops to gather a few more things; nails for the garden bed, feed for the chickens. When Demeter returns home, she finds a small parcel on her porch-a little box, wrapped in cloth and addressed to her with only a card from her neighbor, thanking her for bringing over a small assortment of her own crop.
              “We thought you might be able to make use of this-it doesn’t really have a place in our collection.”
              Sitting on the porch, Demeter opens the box to find the sun shining down on some glimmering gold thread-beautiful, unique. It captures the light and keeps it within itself, radiates its warmth. She holds the spool, turns it over in her hands, entranced by the softness of it all. Where it could be a flashy show of overpowering glimmer there is simply a glow about it-something special, something different.
              She thinks about the spool of thread as she finishes her day’s work-repairs a row of stakes in the garden, feeds the chickens and collects their eggs. When the day is done her feet are aching, her back pinching from the combined weight of the physical labor and the work of growing a baby. She starts a small fire in the woodstove and makes a cup of tea, reflecting on the day at hand. In her lap, she holds the white dress from the shop; there’s no way it will fit her now, not in this state. Looking at it, she knows that it’s not meant for her-no, this dress is not her style, her taste. But the pull toward it was not mistaken, this she believes in the same way that her soul told her she was meant to have this journey of joyful solitude in the country.
              She remembers the gold thread.
              Demeter rises from the couch, still feeling the aching in her bones, and gathers her supplies in a peaceful sort of hurry. The day has fallen so neatly into place, so carefully, that she begins to understand that coincidence has only ever been a disguise for truth in her life. So she sits, dress in hand, and threads the gold through a small needle. She decides to begin at the heart, looking around for inspiration.
              And there, open on the rickety, hand-made side table next to the couch, is the book she’s been thumbing through, open to the last page she’d been reading before bed the night before.
              Demeter finds an immediate release of the soreness of her muscles through this gentle exercise, through the patient work of embroidering tiny stars and lines. She finishes the night by tying off her thread, admiring the handiwork she could still use a bit of practice at. At the heart of the dress, from the inspiration of the latest book she’s gotten from the thrift shop, the Orpheus constellation stands out amongst the white.
              “I would love to wear this dress.” It’s an immediate decision; Eurydice turns in the mirror, the gold constellations-more than the Orpheus it had started with-stand out as stories to be told. “Are you serious?”
              “Of course I am-it was made for you. I don’t believe that pattern over your heart was put there by accident.”
              Eurydice is not one to cry openly-has never been. The show of emotions has been seen only as a sign of weakness throughout her life, and she’d become very good at storing everything away. Since Orpheus, however, that visage has been harder to keep. Whether it’s the feeling of loving and being loved or the hormones within her body, Eurydice finds herself tearing up as she stares at her reflection in the full-length mirror. She can barely look away, doesn’t want to spare a moment away from the reality of it all.
              “Demeter, I.”
              “-Hush, flower. You know you can call me Amma.”
              “Amma,” Eurydice corrects herself, soft alto stumbling over the familial intimacy of the name. “I can’t thank you enough. It’s beautiful.”
              The months come and go in a blur; Eurydice is a victim of time, organizing her life with careful detail so that she does not fall behind on any aspect of her work. Demeter lives slowly. The young couple comes to visit once a week, Eurydice taking in every bit of Demeter’s child-birthing knowledge as she attempts to teach her grandson some skills in handiness. She helps Eurydice find her footing; describes birth plans and various options, keeps an honest forum of open questions that the young, occasionally frightened girl uses often.
              In the summer, just before Melody is born, Demeter offers her house for a wedding venue.
              “It may not be what you’re looking for,” she shrugs, pouring glasses of lemonade for Orpheus and a very pregnant Eurydice. “But it’s home.” They’re sold on this, Demeter bringing up a pad of paper and a pen to draw out ideas for the yard, little ways they can spruce it up to make it fit their needs.
              When Melody is born, their weekly visits to Amma’s turn into time spent at their own home, Demeter making the trek into the city to watch lovingly as Eurydice holds her chubby-cheeked daughter in her arms, cradles her and kisses the top of her head, feels that motherly love driving her to keep her eyes trained only on the baby. The older woman talks her through the little things; taking care of herself, making meals to freeze from her latest harvest so they don’t have to worry about cooking. She’s the visitor who stays; who uses her knowledge as a doula to be sure that Eurydice remains physically healthy, who answers her questions with a sort of truth decipherable through her own sort of cosmic, fate-driven speech.
              It’s the second Sunday after Melody’s birth that Demeter asks Orpheus to run out and get something at the store-she isn’t even sure what it is, or if they truly need it, but he leaves without a second thought. Demeter sits herself next to Eurydice on the couch-the young mother, not much older than she was when she’d had Persephone, looking exhausted yet bubbling over with love for her child.
              “I have something to show you,” She says, pulling the long white dress from inside of her bag. Eurydice gasps; the wonder of the dress she’ll wear in just a few months has not yet worn off-she’s not sure it ever will.
              “I’m not going to do any alterations yet, but I did make a little change.” Truthfully, she’d added the masterfully stitched shape a while back, the day that Eurydice had tried the dress on and she’d known the soul of the chubby-cheeked infant still inside of her. She’s stitched it on the hip of the dress, a placement unmistakable to the bond the first of their children will have with Eurydice.
              The young girl runs her fingers along the artfully-made constellation, tipping her head in an attempt to understand just what it might mean.
              “Leo,” Demeter explains, putting a thin, delicate hand on Melody’s back. “For her. This little one, attached to your hip, the way it was meant to be.”
              There’s a moment of silence-of natural pause, adoration as Eurydice fully admires the hard work that has gone into each pull of thread through difficult, sheer fabric. Then, it comes to her-swiftly, easily, somewhat surprisingly against the lack of tradition in her own heart. With this family-with the feeling of love surrounding her without pause-there is no better time to begin honoring the things she never thought she’d have.
              “Will you walk me down the aisle?” She’s not unsure of the question, but her past holds back the tone of her voice, mutes it to a wobbling sort of whisper. “Persephone already is, but I just-I think I want everyone to know how much you both mean to me, everything you’ve done for me. I didn’t have a woman to look up to for most of my life. I didn’t get that privilege. Now, I have two. And I want my daughter to live with these examples of women who’ve spent their lives lifting other people up-the women who found me and guided me and let me into their family with open arms. I need Melody to know that her family might seem a little makeshift on the outside, but that you all mean so much more to me than blood ever could.”
              Demeter, tiny freckled body and a head full of wild curls, shakes her head yes before wrapping herself around Eurydice and Melody, kissing the cheek of her grandson’s soon-to-be wife and holding the back of her head. This moment-the tender stillness of it all-is something she never saw coming, and something she will never forget.
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socks-nb · 5 years
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💙 Sander 🛡 Sides 👓
🐍 Head 🎭 Cannons 🌩
⚠️*warning, some of these are gonna be messed up and may be triggering*⚠️
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Logan/Logic:
- he’s the most useless gay out off all the sides. When Thomas meets/sees a cute guy Logan completely freezes up, starts shuddering, and literally dies while the other sides try and and get him to focus. Kinda like the old saying “logic had gone out the window”
- he l o v e s glow sticks
- Throws actual temper tantrums when he gets upset.
- Is the tallest side.
- He has rainbow pens. Each color of pen have a different use.
- Logan has the constellations painted with glow in the dark paint on his ceiling.
- Is the mom side.
- Will bottle up all of his feelings until one day something sets him off and months worth of anger, sadness, and regret come spilling out of him in a violent sobbing and yelling breakdown that normally takes about an hour (with the other sides help) to calm down.
- He has the biggest problem with deceit as he is logic and deceits main purpose is to shift Thomas view away from what’s factual. This often results in Logan taking his anger and frustrations out on deceit, only to regret it later.
Patton/Morality:
- is super insecure and uses jokes to hide how much he hates himself.
- He stress bakes. A few times the other sides have had to stop him because if you let him he’ll bake cookies/other treats for hours on end.
- He has no pain tolerance and cries when he dose stuff like accidentally biting his tongue, or pulling his hair while he’s brushing it.
- Is the third tallest side
- Has a small heart shaped birth mark on the back of his neck.
- He keeps a swear jar and makes the other sides but in a quarter ever time they say something worse than “oh my god”.
- Loves plants plants with a burning passion. He has a little army of succulents in his room and has named each of them.
- He is an expert at making flower crowns.
Roman/Princey:
- he’s severely lactose intolerant but he still eats/drinks dairy products anyways because he would rather die than give that up
- Randomly burst into song. Usually at very inconvenient times.
- Is the second tallest side.
- He is extremely passionate about poetry and could go on for hours about his favorite works of literature.
- Absolutely loves wearing high heals and long flowy dresses
- Gets to run around in the dream realm while Thomas is asleep and have his princely adventures.
Virgil/Anxiety:
- Can pick up all the other sides and has no problem dragging them around when he wants them to do something. He can just throw anyone of them over his shoulder and they wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.
- Snorts when he laughs.
- Is the forth tallest side.
- Has a serious guilt complex.
- F R E K L E S
- He is easily flustered.
- He used to self harm
- Virgil knows all the first aid a person would need to know. He's become the local nurse.
- Constantly making vine/meme references.
- Is slightly touched starved.
- Virgil is Asexual
- owns a lot of heavy duty sweaters because heavy sweaters make him feel safe and help his anxiety.
-used to live with the dark sides (but that’s a whole nother post)
Deceit/my son:
- Deceit is color blind and can’t see the color red.
- Deceit knows when your lying. Not only that, but when you lie, he can also hear the truth. For example. If someone says “I’m okay” he knows how they are actually feeling and can literally hear them thinking “I hate myself” or something along those lines.
- He’s really self conscious about his name, so much so that not even the other dark sides know his name and he normally just goes by Dee.
- He’s selectively mute. It normally only happens in really emotionally draining situations.
- When Deceit cries he also instinctively starts laughing because he’s trying to convince himself that he’s fine and he hopes that laughing will cover up how miserable he is. But in the end it just kinda comes out as a really sad and broken sobbing/laughing sound.
- Deceit is the shortest out of all of Thomas’s sides.
- He is afraid of heights, the fact that he is short and often has to climb on top of stuff to reach things dose not help.
- He has a huge pet python.
- Laughs like a classic disney villains when he gets exited. But it sounds more endearing that actually threatening.
- He doesn’t only regulate Thomas’s lies, he looks over the other sides lying as well.
- Has a really detailed and intricate half sleeve tattoo of a two headed snake on his left upper arm.
- Has an eating disorder. Will go days without eating. And when he dose eat it’s normally something really small. He’s also insecure about eating in-front of other people. So when he dose eat he’ll normally just take it to his room.
- He cries when he eats because he’s disappointed in himself and sometimes he ends up forcing himself to throw up after eating.
- Has nightmares a lot and often wakes up terrified and/or in tears. But thanks to his selective mutism he is unable to scream or cry out in his sleep.
- Makes a lot of vine jokes with Virgil
- Is extremely sensitive to yelling and can’t stand being yelled at. A lot of the time he isn’t able to talk when getting yelled at because of his selective mutism and will kinda just freeze up and take the abuse. (Unless it to much for him to handle, then he’ll just start silently crying)
- Is extremely touch he’d starved. It’s to the point that he wants affection, but as soon as he gets it he gets scared and doesn’t want it anymore.
- he has the fluffiest hair but is really embarrassed about it so that’s why he wears a hat
- has had several panic attacks over his scales and has actually tried to pry them of. He’s only ever been able to remove one but it was so excruciatingly painful that he dares not do it again and just settles for scratching at them.
- Deceit can be a flirty motherfucker when he wants to be.
- Will randomly brake out in songs of different genres. (But will change lyrics to fit his sexual preference) Just like
- Deceit: I KISSED A -boy- AND I LIKED IT!!”
Logan: omg sTFU!!!
Or like
Deceit: You remind me of the babe~!! *changes
voice pitch* what babe?!
(If you know that song I love you)
And all the sides collectively just sigh.
@sympathetic-deceit-trash
@devil-towne
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tatyanadyachenko · 4 years
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2020’S Best CBD For Pets – CBD Oil For Cats And Dogs
2020’S Best CBD For Pets – CBD Oil For Cats And Dogs
For the last couple of years, I have been praising cannabidiol, or CBD oil for its remarkable ability to help me relax in any situation. I have tried powerful CBD tinctures, festive gummies and even high quality vape pens. Since using the various hemp derived CBD products, all of my stress is completely manageable. As a direct result, I now sleep much better at night. The improved rest does wonders for my energy level at work. I am more fruitful and content throughout my long days at the office and at home. It wasn’t until a recent visit to the vet that I realized dogs and cats can take full advantage of CBD as well. CBD snacks for pets are amazing.
It’s important to realize that hemp derived CBD is not the same as CBD from marijuana. Although they both stem from the cannabis plant, hemp has less than 0.3% tetrahydrocannabidol, or THC. That means there is not nearly enough THC to give an animal the high that most folks associate with mary jane. Industrial hemp is also legal in all 50 states, thanks to President Trump putting the 2018 Farm Bill into effect.
A consumer must realize that not all CBD treats for cats and dogs is the same. It’s up to every pet owner to do his or her homework and buy trustworthy goods that will keep your pets calm and cool. Maybe it’s in the middle of a nasty thunderstorm or perhaps it’s during a Fourth of July fireworks show. There is plenty of whining, panting and shaking. Puppies hide in the corner and kitties refuse to leave your lap. It is up to you, your fur-baby’s loving parent, to do a little homework and only buy safe and efficient products.
Your CBD oil for pets should work quickly to help them chill out whenever it is raining cats and dogs. Everything should also be made with nothing but organic ingredients. Meanwhile, the CBD treats for dogs and cats should be laboratory tested and manufactured in the United States. You certainly don’t want CBD food or drinks that are made with flavor additives or low quality hemp oil. Otherwise, who knows what potentially dangerous substances you are giving to little Pooky?
Let’s take a good look at 10 of the biggest and best companies out there selling CBD oil for our tail-wagging buddies.
1 JustCBD for Dogs and Cats
Since 2017, JustCBD has been leaders in the CBD industry that has been the winner of the Best CBD Pet Products awards from Hempressa CBD Shop Directory, Vapetelligent Vape Shop Directory and Chill Hempire CBD Magazine. They possess a great reputation for helping men and women, along with cats and dogs efficiently fight of stress. You simply give your little rug rats Just CBD for Pets whenever you have a stranger over, there is a nasty thunderstorm outside, or the neighbor insists on lighting off fireworks.
Every Just CBD product sold is created in the U.S. with domestically grown hemp and ships all around the world from the Sunshine State. The company makes it a point to use nothing but the finest ingredients, including pure oil and concentrates, in all of its merchandise. The last thing you want to do is buy CBD snacks for pets that are produced with flavor additives or low-quality hemp oil. It is also laboratory tested to ensure users’ safety. Just CBD’s packaging is straightforward, and they make it a point to never misrepresent what exactly is used in their goods.
Another one of the factors that makes Just CBD stand apart from its competition is its reputable customer service team. Feedback can be found all over the web complimenting their well-knowledge and courteous team. After sending an email, individuals usually hear back from a representative within an hour’s time. At the same time, JustCBD offers plenty of top-notch promotions for new customers, holidays and more.
Thankfully, JustCBD for Pets works quickly the first time it is used. Unlike expensive pharmaceuticals, it doesn’t take a few days for CBD to work in an animal’s body. Overall, I was very happy with Just CBD Oil for Dogs and Cats. Tails wag and everyone can chill out. While Marley and Charlie may not be able to verbalize how they are feeling, Just CBD oil for cats and dogs can put their worried minds at peace, regardless of any uncomfortable surrounding.
From JustCBD’s Steak Bites, Chicken Biscuits, Liver Meatballs, and Chicken Meatballs for dogs to their Purr Treats and Chicken Treats for cats, all for about $20 for a 100 mg jar, it couldn’t be easier to keep your beloved pets calm and cool.
Check out Just CBD for Pets at CBD Wholesale Marketplace and Love to CBD – CBD Marketplace.
2 Charlotte’s Web CBD for Dogs
Without question, Charlotte’s Web is one of the biggest names in the cannabidiol industry. Working out of Boulder, Colorado, the company was formerly known as Charlotte’s Web PAWS. It was started by the Stanley brothers who created their own strain of hemp in 2012.
According to its business website, Charlotte’s Web CBD for dogs helps their minds, bodies and souls to remain calm. At the same time, it should improve a puppy’s physical and mental well-being, as it supports brain function, vision, healthy hips and joints.
Charlotte’s Web CBD for dogs focuses on staying calm, supporting the brain or easing stiffness in the joints. The powerful CBD merchandise also comes in a couple flavors, chicken and an unflavored Medium-Chain Triglyceride (MCT) oil. Ingredients include vitamin E, elderberry powder, valerian root, chamomile, and Charlotte’s Web’s own hemp extract.
Nowadays, a pet owner can have a field day on the site, as there is a wide range of CBD options available when it comes to potency and strength. A small bag of Cognition Chews for Dogs costs $19.99, and a consumer can pick up a Canine Bundle with both oil and chews for $79.98. There are even combos that mix CBD for pets with calming gummies for their owners. Unfortunately, Charlotte’s Web inventory gets a bit expensive. Buyers also complain about their complicated website, along with Charlotte’s Web slow shipping methods.
Generally speaking, consumers appreciate that every one of Charlotte’s Web’s CBD products is tested. The problem is the assessments are performed in-house and curious buyers, like me, never get to figure out how the testing is being performed. Why can’t I see the laboratory results on the company site? Is there something they don’t want the public to see? Sure, a buyer with a batch number can always contact the customer service department, but why bother? Next.
3 PureKana CBD for Dogs
Centered in Arizona, Pure Kana sells a few different flavors and sizes of CBD for dogs, including the popular Peanut Butter & Pumpkin and Blueberry & Chicken options. A few years ago, the company became one of the most recognized names in the CBD industry thanks to its naturally grown oil tinctures from farms in Kentucky. Today, their “therapeutic and nutritional alternative” to traditional dog treats are extremely popular in domestic households.
Offering numerous benefits to pets, Pure Kana apparently assists with everything from separation anxiety to loud noises, inducing hunger, anti-aging, nausea and elasticity in the skin. They make it a point to use nothing but organic hemp that is grown in the United States.
Supposedly, PureKana has some of the best hemp growers in the world. The Pure Kana team also uses its own technology to extract the strongest hemp possible with just the right amount of THC in every piece of CBD merchandise. PureKana says everything is tested to ensure quality by preventing potentially dangerous toxins being mixed into the CBD treats for cats and dogs.
PureKana CBD for dogs is free of dairy, soy and gluten. There are no artificial flavors or preservatives. Everything is created with full spectrum CBD, meaning they have other cannabinoids, terpenes, and phytocannabinoids. Farm fresh eggs and oat flour are also found in the mix.
A 3.25 oz bag of 25 treats with 25 mg hemp extract for small dogs (up to 40 pounds) costs approximately $30 a pop. The same size selection of 50 mg CBD goodies for larger canines is about $35.
I like how Pura Kana is stringent about only working with certified companies. I also appreciate the fact that all of their CBD concoctions are tested at a third party facility. To top it off, you can easily look at the PureKana website to see certifications and read all kinds of laboratory reports.
4 Green Roads CBD Oil for Pets
Located in South Florida, Green Roads is a relatively small business, but is growing on a daily basis. Back in 2013, Laura Baldwin Fuentes was a pharmacist who created a smart alternative for a friend suffering from a bad opiate addiction. The pharmacist’s work paid off, as her broad spectrum formulas are now sold in thousands of Green Roads stores across the country, as they are one of the most widely seen brands of CBD sold in the U.S.
Nowadays, Green Roads strives to help men, women and pets with the top CBD products on the market. The store offers a wide variety of CBD merchandise, ranging from oils, edibles and capsules to topicals, syrups and CBD drops designed specifically for pets to keep all users nice and calm. Buyers like Green Roads’ big selection of CBD for dogs and cats. All of Green Roads CBD for our beloved fur-babies is produced domestically from pure hemp and is non GMO, soy free and nonintoxicating. Everything is mixed with MCT oil, making it easier for a pet to digest.
The smaller bottles for petite puppies and felines run approximately $20 each. Each bottle holds 30 ml of CBD with 60 mg of total CBD, equaling 2 mg per serving. The medium sized dogs get 30 ml bottles with 210 mg of CBD for up to 7 mg per serving for about $40. Finally, the big dogs that weigh more than 50 pounds get to enjoy 30 ml bottles with 600 mg of CBD, equaling roughly 20 mg per serving, for a whopping $59.99
Shoppers can keep their eyes open for more Green Roads CBD for pet products hitting the market soon, such as baked treats and soft chews. The CBD oil for pets is most effective when used on a daily basis, but it may take a few days for Marley to start enjoying the benefits of CBD.
I particularly like Green Roads’ highly informative website, such as lab reports. Plenty of essential information is not only present, but it is easy to find, unlike Charlotte’s Web. You can even scan a CBD product’s QR code to learn details about the purity and the quality of the goods?
5 HempMy Pet Hemp Dog Biscuits
Like so many of its competitors, HempMy Pet creates everything from naturally grown hemp in Loveland, Colorado. Since opening its doors in 2016, the company and its founder, Marc Brannigan have been on a mission to improve the daily lives of animals with handmade CBD products.
Ingredients include everything from pumpkin, apples and eggs to garbanzo bean flour, tapioca starch, mint and parsley. Each containing 2 mg of CBD, there are 25 biscuits to a bag. A person is supposed to give a pet one biscuit for every 10 pounds of the animal’s body weight. Of course, pet owners are still instructed to test the waters, as every creature is different.
Besides organic dog biscuits, Hemp My Pet sells human-grade CBD oils and tinctures that are third party tested. There are no solvents and zero pesticides. The goods are made with the CO2 extraction process, and everything is gluten free, GMO free and 100% vegan. Besides dogs and cats, their CBD pet products can also be used on horses.
Hemp My Pet offers a variety of CBD infused items, from a $25 bag of pumpkin flavored hemp extract for small dogs to a $99 jar of 500 mg CBD infused jar of coconut oil infused with CBD and a 1 oz tincture with 1000 mg of CBD for $149. An experimental consumer can grab a Wellness Bundle for $118.
What consumers don’t care for the limited number of products offered by HempMy Pet. Also, people can only get their money back within 30 days if everything remains unopened. That means if it the CBD for pets has no effect on four-legged family member, you are simply out of luck. And according to the internet, there are several buyers who have been left with the short end of the stick.
6 Fab CBD Dog Treats
Fab CBD’s dog treats are crunchy snacks that are made without THC. Relying on a top quality formula of hemp extract, there are still dog-friendly cannabinoids present. They may not be the largest CBD retailer, but Fab CBD is continually growing. Since starting the business in 2018, the company has opened facilities in both Tampa and the U.K.
Formulas and flavor options include peanut butter apple to keep a dog nice and calm. The chicken treats are designed to help a pup’s skin and coat, while the salmon flavor is designed to stimulate the immune system. Along with CBD, they are made with the potent antioxidant turmeric, flaxseeds and milk thistle. Unfortunately, feedback all over the web criticizes Fab CBD’s pet merchandise for its taste. Apparently, owners have to hide the goodies in other food, or their dogs will never eat them.
A pet owner should give anywhere from half a CBD treat to two full ones a day to take the edge off a stressed out pup. Every selection for a dog contains 3 mg of CBD. The CBD for pets runs $34 for a 9 oz bag. If you want to get experimental, you can try all three in an $87 bundle pack.
Too bad that user feedback often claims the taste Fab CBD oil for tinctures leaves in a user’s mouth is quite disappointing. On a positive side, the business website is quite educational and impressive. It claims that their powerful CBD is grown naturally in Colorado with a full spectrum cannabinoid blend. The site is also written in everyday language that an everyday buyer, like us, can relate to, rather than trying to impress anyone with fancy jargon and technical talk.
Consumers like me also appreciate all of product photos shared by (what I assume are) real buyers. This provides plenty of color to the site that other online CBD stores lack. A buyer can discover suggestions about how much to use and how to administer their pets’ CBD online, as well as on the packaging.
7 Canna-Pet
Headquartered in Seattle, Canna Pet is proud to say they’re the only CBD company out there making stuff specifically for pets. Since 2013, the hemp nutrition products have been driven by years of research with thousands of animals. As a result of Canna-Pet’s proprietary formulas, dogs and cats get to efficiently manage anxiety, along with sore joint issues, cancer and other ailments resulting from old age. Today, Canna Pet is found in retail stores and vets’ offices around the world.
The product is derived from natural cannabis and uses the popular CO2 extraction method. Everything is free of animal parts, preservatives, dairy, wheat and sugar. According to the Canna-Pet website, they are the only company on the market to make pet merchandise with 25 different and terpenes. What sets Canna-Pet apart from every other name on this list is that its hemp derived goods are created to use with your pet medications and supplements.
An 8 ounce box of Canna-Biscuits for Dogs: Advanced MaxCBD formula costs about $39. Featuring a Maple Bacon flavor, there are about 40 biscuits in each box. Customer feedback seems to appreciate the big discounts that Canna Pet gives to both shelters and charity organizations. They are involved in research studies for various veterinary universities. Consumers also appreciate the 30 day money back guarantee.
I always like reading customer reviews on business sites and posting photos of dogs and cats gives them authenticity. As far as negatives, I don’t like the fact that Canna Pet doesn’t share their test results on their products or on their business website. It looks like they have something to hide. The CannaPet site says its covered by a number of different pet insurance providers. Maybe it’s just me, but I think of pharmaceuticals, not organic treatments, when dealing with insurance providers. No thanks.
8 Fur Goodness Sake Organic CBD Hemp Gold by OmegaPet
Founded in 2012 and headquartered in Charlotte, North Carolina, Fur Goodness Sake is a family business that strives to keep dogs and cats content and healthy by developing the best dietary supplements available. Labeling their product as “Calm in a bottle,” the oil is made with pure hemp seed extract.
Aiming to make anxious pets calm and cool, Hemp-Gold is third party tested, non GMO and grown in the United States with Co2 extraction. One big difference between HempGold and its competition is the fact that it should be administered to a pet on an empty stomach. Then you still shouldn’t feed the animal for at least another 60 minutes.
1 ounce of 300 mg Hemp Gold in a 30 ml bottle sells on Amazon for about $25, and a 500 mg bottle is roughly $35. Feedback often complains about the products’ high prices. The biggest issue that buyers have with Hemp Gold is made with a thick fatty substance. Even if they’re advised to apply the CBD every day, users find the instructions unclear on how much CBD oil to use at a time. Most people have to depend on trial and error to find their ideal dosages.
I also came across a few negative reviews. For starters, there is a very low amount of CBD in Hemp Gold. Also, most folks don’t follow directions and give the hemp oil to their pets with food. Not only does this cause Hemp Gold to have zero effects on cats and dogs, it also makes other animals sick. There are reports of diarrhea and even aggressiveness. Yikes!
On the bright side, HempGold comes with a money back guarantee. Users also claim that regular use improves effectiveness for reducing separation anxiety and seizures. The company even donates 10 percent of their profits to pet shelters, charities and other not for profit organizations.
9 CBDfx CBD for Pets
CBDfx says their pet CBD oil helps dogs and cats enjoy the same calming benefits as humans. Operating in Southern California since 2015, CBDfx is undoubtably one of the most popular names in the domestic industry. Making it a point to sell nothing but naturally grown hemp products on a Kentucky farm, CBDfx now sells everything from gummies and vape juice to CBD pens, topicals, oil tinctures and various other products, including CBD for cats and dogs.
A buyer can choose from three different strengths of CBD oil for pets, 150 mg, 300 mg and a whopping 600 mg for the big dogs. A buyer can choose how to administer the CBD to his or her pup or kitty. Some drop the CBD oil right into the animal’s mouth, and others prefer to place a little on top of a meal or treats. There is no right or wrong way to give CBD to your dog or cat. Whatever you decide, you can purchase the right sized bottle to go with your fur baby.
All of the CBD in the treats for cats and dogs is extracted with care using supercritical CO2 extraction. Besides cannabinoids, the CBD oil for dogs and cats is plentiful in terpenes, amino acids and fatty acids. There are zero toxic elements, or any nasty chemicals used. Rather, every ingredient in the pet CBD oil is completely safe and natural. It has also been tested. In fact, a consumer can read about the products in reports issued by a third party laboratory.
Prices are $29.99 for 30 ml of 150 mg of CBD oil for small dogs and cats, $44.99 for a 30 ml bottle of 300 mg for medium breeds, and $69.99 for 600 mg of 30 ml of CBD designed for large pets. Buyers can experiment here and there before choosing the ideal portion of CBD to give their four-legged family members.
10 Highland Pharms PAWS+ CBD for Pets
Highland Pharms PAWS+ CBD for dogs, cats, rabbits, ferrets and horses relies on organic ingredients mixed with its own hemp extract. Despite the “Pharm” in the company’s name, Highland makes it a point to use zero pharmaceuticals in their high grade CBD products. Since a cancer patient named Luke Johnston opened it in Texas in 2015, Highland Pharms has made Olympia, Washington its headquarters.
Using organic hemp that comes from a farm in Colorado, Highland Pharms CBD for pets claims to be produced in the best natural conditions possible. What supposedly sets Highland Pharms apart from their competition is their full spectrum hemp extract that has all the same cannabinoids and phytonutrients as hemp plants.
The Highland Pharms website claims that ALL of their products for sale can be used for all pets, ranging from dogs and cats to horses and ostriches. I don’t know about you, but I just don’t see myself, or even my Labrador retriever taking the same hemp extract as the Black Stallion or Seabiscuit.
Highland Pharms PAWS+ CBD oil for pets is available in two sizes. The 25 ml bottle of 100 mg runs $24.95. The same size with 250 mg costs $39.95. There is also a total of 60 small cheddar flavored pet treats in a 5 mg of CBD for animals under 25 pounds for $59.95 and a 30 count of large pet treats with 15 mg of CBD for larger animals. The ingredients include dried cheddar cheese, yellow peas, potatoes and cranberries.
Besides the confusing pharmaceutical-like name, what turned me off the most about Highland Pharms is its business website. The pages are anything but user-friendly. Also, I am certain that tinctures are not the easiest way to give CBD to a pet. Why not mix it into an edible and make it fun to give the little munchkin a delightful bite?
Want to know more about CBD treats for cats and dogs? Look no further…
IS IT SAFE TO GIVE CBD TO A PET?
Yes, CBD treats are safe for both dogs and cats. Just look for CBD merchandise with less than .3% of tetrahydrocannabidol, a.k.a. THC. That way, you never have to worry about your little munchkin getting high and experiencing any unwanted psychoactive effects or even the munchies. While you can always read books and trustworthy websites for advice, you should always talk to a vet about what CBD products and dosages to use.
WHAT CBD PRODUCTS SHOULD I GIVE TO A DOG OR CAT?
When shopping for the best CBD oil for pets available, be sure to look for natural CBD treats. It is also important that all the goodies are made in the U.S. with no additives or chemicals, such as pesticides. It is also important to administer the right dose to your cat or dog. While some boxes and blogs give directions, it is best to experiment a little until you find the right dosage for your furry little buddy.
HOW LONG DOES CBD STAY IN A DOG OR CAT’S SYSTEM?
Once you give your beloved pet a CBD treat, it will start to kick in within 10 to 30 minutes. A person can then expect CBD and its positive effects on dogs and cats to last for approximately 6 hours at a time. Regardless, the CBD will stay in your pet’s body for several days. Generally speaking, you should give your pet 1 to 2 mg of CBD on a daily basis. It depends if you are dealing with a 10 pound kitty or a 120 pound Labrador retriever. With a bit of trial and error, you’ll have no trouble figuring out how much CBD oil to use on little Athena and hefty Precious.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO SEARCH FOR WHEN BUYING CBD OIL FOR PETS?
When looking to buy CBD oil for cats and dogs, it is crucial to know where it was made. A consumer can only trust merchandise created in the United States. Otherwise, you could be spending your money on nothing more than expensive water, or worse. Your beloved pet’s safety may come into question. Also, be sure to look for the CBD product’s ingredients on the package, or at least on the company website. If you cannot find them, beware! The manufacturer may have something to hide.
WHAT EFFECTS WILL CBD HAVE ON MY PET?
CBD products for sale have a reputation for helping dogs and cats to relax, whether the animal is scared of a thunderstorm or going through separation anxiety. When you need to get your four-legged monster to chill out, ask your veterinarian about CBD treats to manage stress in your pet.
ARE THERE CANNABINOID RECEPTORS IN DOGS AND CATS?
The brains of cats and dogs have cannabinoid receptors. As a matter of fact, the furry animals possess more cannabinoid receptors than we do. In other words, legal CBD products are often more useful to our pets’ physical, emotional and mental states than they are for men and women.
IS IT OKAY TO GIVE MY CBD OIL TO A DOG OR CAT?
While CBD can have wonderful effects on pets, you should not give any products made for humans to a dog or a cat. Most of the CBD goods for humans are made with much higher concentration of cannabidiol. That’s means you could end up giving your four-legged family member a bit too much CBD. It’s okay, nothing bad will happen. In fact, it is not possible to overdose on CBD. It is just a shame to waste such a valuable product.
HOW ARE CBD TREATS FOR DOGS AND CATS PRODUCED?
The best CBD products available, including CBD for pets, is created with natural hemp, as opposed to marijuana. As a result, the merchandise contains less than .3% THC, which is nearly enough to give an animal the euphoric high associated with mary jane. Meanwhile, all the hemp should be grown organically on domestic farms and thoroughly tested to ensure safety and effectiveness.
IS IT AGAINST THE LAW TO GIVE CBD TO A DOG OR CAT?
No, it is now completely legal to buy and administer CBD products for pets in all 50 states, thanks to the 2018 Farm Bill. You just have to make sure that the CBD goods are derived from the hemp plant, as opposed to marijuana. If not, the pet snacks may have more than .3% THC. Not only is that illegal in many states, but the CBD treats may make an animal high. As long as your CBD items stem from domestic hemp, you and your pets have nothing to fear.
HOW DO I CHOOSE THE BEST CBD FOR PETS?
As a consumer and a caring pet owner, it is up to you to get nothing but the best for your dogs and cats. Fortunately, getting the top CBD treats for your furry little guys and gals couldn’t be any easier. There is a seemingly endless supply of information and products on the internet. That’s why it’s always smart to speak to a veterinarian to confirm that you are getting a high quality CBD oil for a good price. While you certainly don’t want to purchase the cheapest supplies on the market, there is no need to spend an arm and a leg to get exactly what you want and need.
HOW DOES CBD KEEP CATS AND DOGS CALM?
CBD is often extremely effective when it comes to keeping a pet calm and cool. Maybe it is during a terrible storm or perhaps while there are strangers walking around the house. Whatever the case may be, the right CBD treats can help an animal relax by binding to its serotonin receptors. Daily stressors won’t magically disappear, but the right CBD products are known to help dogs and cats relax.
DO CBD TREATS FOR DOGS AND CATS HAVE TO BE LABRATORY TESTED?
Yes, it is crucial that you only buy CBD pet treats that have undergone testing at a third party lab. Look for a laboratory’s name on the packaging, along with the ingredients. You should also make sure that you only purchase CBD merchandise that stems from hemp and are made in the United States. Otherwise, you have no idea what you are putting into your system. Your overall safety can come into question. Thankfully, it couldn’t be easier for you the consumer to do a little homework online to find the best CBD products for cats and dogs.
HOW SHOULD I STORE CBD SNACKS FOR PETS?
It is always best to keep your CBD products protected from light and heat. Store them in a dark and cool setting, like your fridge or freezer. By keeping everything in a controlled environment, the CBD goodies for your puppies and kitties will have much longer shelf lives. While a refrigerator can help the best CBD for dogs and cats last for roughly 6 weeks at a time, a freezer can keep everything potent, as well as tasty for about 6 months.
IS ALL CBD FOR PETS MERCHANDISE THE SAME?
No, the world of CBD retail is full of various products for dogs, cats, horses and other animals. While there are plenty of recognizable CBD brands out there that are respectable, there are even more CBD vendors that simply cannot be trusted. It is up to you, the buyer, to find a reliable CBD for pets by doing a little homework. Make sure everything has the ingredients listed and was manufactured in the United States. Otherwise, your safety could come into question. It also vital that your CBD goods stem from hemp, as opposed to THC-rich marijuana. Don’t be afraid to test different CBD items. What may work wonders on your neighbor’s cat may have zero effect on your dog, and vice versa.
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dogfoodadvisor-blog · 4 years
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Make High Quality Dog-Food at Home
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At the time of writing this article, there has been a HUGE commercial dog and cat food poisoning scare in the USA - from contaminated dog food. Around 60 Million cans and pouches of prepared pet food were recalled. navigate to this website Pet Supplies Plus
Some owners lost their dogs and cats, because a type of plastic called melamine had found its way into pet food! This was traced to a Chinese sourced wheat gluten contamination with melamine. Why pet food manufacturers use wheat gluten in pet food is a mystery - it is a VERY POOR source of protein!
We make our own homemade dog food for a number of reasons - one of them being the unknown composition of commercial dog food!
Why DOES canned or packet food look and smell so similar, no matter what brand you buy?
I was always suspicious, the commercials show lovely piles of beef or even chicken breast fillet and vegetables etc. How COULD they put that in there, those cuts are so expensive?
Well basic economics says they don't! But what makes me angry is their attempts at deception!
We started making homemade dog food, some time after I got an Insiders look at what is called a "protein recovery unit".
I nicknamed it the Beak Factory because this plant used leftovers from a chicken processor - heads (beak and all), feet, feathers and gizzards - and turned it into a foul smelling dirty brown powder destined to go into pet-food!
It stank so bad and that smell got into my hair and on my clothes and I am not exaggerating when I say the smell hung around me for the entire day!
This protein powder is often among the first ingredients listed on the pack or can - and goes by the name meat by-products or sometimes meat meal. It's part of the reason that commercial dry biscuits almost always smell the same! If you're game - try eating one of those biscuits yourself - see what your dog has been putting up with!
But you see because this protein powder undergoes a high temperature process during manufacture, it's deemed to be safe for pets.
But the huge dumpsters of heads, carcasses, feet, feathers etc I SAW were left at ambient temperature for who knows how long - so you can imagine the putrid condition they were in?
I REFUSE to feed this refuse, which is what it really is - GARBAGE - to our dogs! Because while they MAY have killed the bacteria in this rubbish, what they may not destroy are some of the toxins that the bacteria produce as part of their action!
In addition to the bacterial toxins; there may also be toxins produced by moulds and fungi; known as aflatoxins and mycotoxins and some of these are known to be heat tolerant!
Now I don't want to bore you with a lot of technical info on toxins - but I do want you to see that I am not exaggerating!
And that is just one bacteria - there are lots more! Try Googling the words Aflatoxin, Mycotoxin or bacterial toxins for yourself!
Plus there's potentially accumulated insecticide residues in the concentrated bird feathers.....AND I'm not even going to mention the stories we've read about euthanised animal carcasses from vets or abbatoir animals that were diseased - or road kill!
In short - it HAS ALWAYS BEEN potentially contaminated dog food! But even if you totally ignore the contamination issue - it's STILL a very cheap and nasty source of protein!
Because it's labelled as Pet Food Not For Human Consumption - there is far less scrutiny, concern and accountability! FACT IS : they HAVE to label it as UNFIT - ask yourself why would that be?
Why would you feed this stuff to any pet that you care about? We love our dogs - so to avoid food based on rubbish, with added soy protein, colourings and other additives - we make our own homemade dog food exclusively!
And here's the thing - Homemade dog food is not only BETTER FOR YOUR DOG it's also far cheaper than than commercial dog food - here in Australia, we can feed an adult Staffordshire Bull Terrier for about 45c per day!
Now's when the Pet food companies and some veterinarians comment that the food that you make needs to be complete. It's like it's some sort of mystery; as if we are too stupid to do it ourselves! I take offense at their attempts to manipulate us into buying their products!
Dogs have shared human lives for thousands of years (long before pet food companies) - and NEVER became extinct due to malnutrition!
Let me state this - anyone who can read and can cook - can make their own high quality homemade dog food! All it takes is a bit of time and planning and since its easier to make in bulk - a bit of freezer space.
Canine nutrition has also been very well researched and published and now that we live in an information age; this information can be freely distributed worldwide!
Sure there are some basics - when making homemade dog food it's important to remember that dogs are meat eaters (carnivorous). Since meat is almost entirely made up of proteins - protein is therefore an essential component in dog diets!
But did you know that many canned or dried foods are based on plant sources of protein (often Soy beans - and no wonder they fart so much); because vegetable proteins are MUCH cheaper than animal proteins
But vegetable based proteins like those found in soy beans, chickpeas, lentils etc are not complete in all the amino acids found in animal proteins like meat, fish and dairy.
To overcome this lack of complete proteins pet food manufacturers add the the horrible smelling powder I mentioned earlier!
In his book Home Prepared Dog and Cat Diets, The Healthful Alternative, - when speaking about commercially prepared pet food, Donald Stromberg had this to say:
"The cost of pet foods is lessened by using no more animal protein, than is necessary. Using sources of animal proteins not fit for human consumption also reduces the cost. For example, animal meat meals are unfit for human consumption. Some meat meal protein is from animals that died and were beginning to decompose." (pg. 35)
Stromberg gives a figure of 13% protein for growing dogs and 19% for aging dogs. I always aim that homemade dog food falls into this higher protein range.
Since dogs in the wild are predominantly meat eating, most of their dietary protein will come from animal or insect sources - I use animal proteins.
However dogs also can and do eat fruit - foxes are known to eat blackberries and undoubtedly other fruit, for example grapes from a vineyard or fruit from an orchard. Our Staffords love all kinds of fruit - including banana!
I also vary the protein content of my homemade dog food, according to the needs of my dogs.
One of our girls (an Australian Terrier) is now 11 years old and diabetic, so her diet is quite high in protein and very low in fat. Pregnant bitches and growing puppies need considerably more protein and also need more total food quantity.
However when using meat as your source of protein, you CAN cause problems for the dog if the food is not balanced with the correct minerals. Red meat alone; will supply good levels of protein and iron, but almost no calcium and phosphorus for example.
Dogs in the wild forage on a variety of foods and would eat an entire rabbit for example - fur, bones gizzards and all! When they do this they are able to extract ALL of the minerals in the bones and intestines of the animal -- so their diet is more balanced!
When making homemade dog food, it's important to aim for this balance between protein, vitamins and minerals! When you use my homemade dog food recipes you'll see that one of my principle protein sources is skinless chicken necks.
I use these because of their high protein/low fat ratio and low price - PLUS - the added advantage of the minerals like calcium, phosphorus and potassium etc, available in the bone!
AND skinless chicken necks are often available at low cost as human grade fresh meat in the deli departments of many supermarkets or poultry meat stores, which means they MUST be fit for human consumption!
Right here and right now then; your homemade dog food is streets ahead of commercial pet food, because you are using quality, nutritious and balanced protein from clean, safe food sources!
Try making your own Home-made Dog food I guarantee that your dog will love the REAL food that you are giving - instead of the pseudo food that he has been forced to accept until now!
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