Next time an exclusionist says aces aren’t lgbtq tell them youre
(photo courtesy of wings of fire series)
Next time an exclusionist says aces aren’t lgbtq tell them youre
(photo courtesy of wings of fire series)
Here’s some information on the term amatonormativity, since I don’t think a lot of people understand what it can mean! (this is how I, personally, understand it, so please forgive me if I got anything wrong!)
Two screenshots from the app, Vent. The username is blocked out in black.
Image one: White text on a black background:
“if you don’t know the word
amatonormativity is the idea that people should be in a "normal” perfect relationship. it’s your parents asking when you’re finally gonna settle down with a nice man and get married. it’s romcoms showing that everyone has a chance to fall in love! it’s the idea and concept that “normal” love being force fed to us from a young age
“normal” in people’s eyes is cishet, white, ablebodied, middle class. it’s damaging and unrealistic because you can’t have a perfect notebook-esqe relationship".
Image two: More white text on a black background, finishing off the last two comments:
“by saying you’re amatonormative, you are inherently subscribing to an ableist, racist, homomisic, ace/aromisic and transmisic ideology”. End ID]
i know that this is the absolute least pressing problem right now, but since its pride month and people are starting to reblog pride posts again PLEASE be wary of tumblrs that make pride posts without the ace/aro flag. take three seconds to search “ace” on their blog, 8\10 times op is an ace exclusionist.
I think it’s great! I don’t personally use microlabels, I find they’re not really functional for how I use labels overall & I thrive more with vagueness, but I’m so so glad folks are doing what they need to better understand and accept themselves.
Not to mention coining new terms is almost always helpful to someone, allows folks to be seen and understood, and gives folks much-needed language to discuss and explain their experiences. The ace and aro umbrellas are both pretty new beyond the original terms “asexual” and “aromantic”, and it’s necessary to expand them as we establish how we understand and interact with asexuality and aromanticism!
*unlike previous lists, I will be comparing to how much I related to and felt connected to the ace experience of the ace characters in the books, and rather celebrating ace rep I’ve been lucky enough to read
(inspired by @anassarhenisch who requested this about a year ago lol)
Quicksilver by RJ Anderson- This was the first book I read with an ace protagonist. I admired Tori’s conviction in that she was ace (and there are times where I have the same assurance in my orientation) and also how unfit she felt with her peers, like she had a mask. Her uncertainty in wanting a romantic relationship resonated with me more than other protags, as she and I exist in the same fuzzy area between romantic and aromantic. Her speech about friendship made me tear up, and I wish for a friendship as special as the one she has.
We Awaken by Calista Lynn- The best parts of this book were about Victoria’s asexuality. Her freak out about being ace was so on point, you have no idea. Only misstep was how short it was, but that has more to do with timing in a book than anything. Also, the fact that someone else brought up the term to her and she didn’t discover it herself was exactly how my experience went. And as much as I love that she gets a romantic love interest who is also ace (whoot whoot), they move awfully fast, which I could never do.
Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann- This book is a bit more dicey with me. Alice is much more adventurous than I am or will be. She also doesn’t trust herself. Many ace people have had sex to either, get it out of the way and see if they like it, or to please their partner. I liked seeing that part of the community represented but as someone who is sex repulsed, my experience is very different than a sex neutral ace. I’m also so glad she was biromantic, I still haven’t figured out romantic attraction but I’m super into aesthetic attraction of all genders. Alice also has some of my favorite quotes about being ace and her analogy about jogging is the best.
How to Be a Normal Person by TJ Klune- I waited on this book because I knew I would love it, and I did!!! This was the romcom of aces I needed. I was as grumpy and lost as Gus, but as confident and loud as Casey. They believed each other and trusted each other and it was just beautiful. I liked that Gus never used a label and I liked how important Casey’s label was to his sense of the world and how neither were invalidated.
Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee- Felicity is so apathetic, it’s hysterical. She’s like, this is me, deal with it. Her aceness is tied to her aroness, which is the case for many people, but the distance of the time period and class made it hard to relate to her. I actually would have liked her ace identity to play a larger part in the book, and not be so easily dismissed by Sim.
Every Heart a Doorway by Seannn McGuire- Nancy literally not fitting into the world and also being ace was a wonderful metaphor. While there wasn’t much content on her being ace, I enjoyed how sure of herself she was and how she interacted with other people from the queer community, although not so much as queer allies, just generally supportive.
Immortal Code by Lilllian Clark- I picked up this book with no idea there was an ace character, but there was Reese!!! She referred to herself as acearo, which was new to me, but hey, language constantly changes, right? Her love story of her friends is lovely and meaningful.
Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Kathryn Ormsbee- I hope everyone gets a Tash book. Tash just fit with me. I adored her, and all her flaws lined up so well with mine. Her flawed mindset, her doubt, her emotions.…her experiences very much mirror my own. She deals with aphobia more, she has wants for a romantic relationship, but also completely lost on how to have one. She found the ace community online and connected to them there, as well as vocalizing how aces are part of the queer community. While she used words like “sexual” instead of “allosexual” and didn’t have other ace friends, found out in high school instead of college, her story all but felt like mine.
I highly recommend these books and have linked my in depth reviews for most of them for more details on my thoughts on the novels.
I think I’ve said this before but I’m so not a fan of the word asexuality to describe my sexual orientation. It’s inconvenient and vague. Like, I use it because I like how it links me to the community and having a word to describe what I’m feeling, although I prefer saying ace.
But asexual already had a meaning before the term was coined for an orientation. It was asexual reproduction and I feel like it makes us the butt of the joke in many ways as well as confusion for learning a new definition for an old word. Obviously, not impossible or unprecedented, but it’s complicated.
That being said, a new word entirely is also difficult. Look at pansexual people and how they have to define it almost every time they come out.
Another thing is the age of the internet, gathering information on the orientation is also hard because with the sites about the community etc, also come the sites about plants. Same with the shorthand ace, which is fun to say and use to describe myself and allows for puns, it is also disappointing and, again, leads to confusion.
I figured it out because I was listening to all my mates (100% Aussie, so they’re my mates not my friends :-)) were talking about their crushes or whatever and I realised I didn’t seem to be having the same experience as them. I was going “Hey, they seem nice and have nice hair and I’d really like to watch a movie and eat popcorn with them and maybe hold their hand” not “Hey they’re hot I wanna have their children”. Later I started Googling and found out that asexuality was a thing. And I just felt so…relieved. I wasn’t weird or unusual or broken because I didn’t experience attraction the same ways my friends did - and it actually turns out one of my closest friends is too. We’re ace buddies and planning on attending Pride in Perth this year :-). I haven’t told anyone else yet, but that’s mostly because I haven’t felt the need to yet. I hope I submitted this to the right place, because I’m still fairly new to the Tumblr thing.
Thank you @scribblybug for sharing your story with us. I’m really happy you and your friend have eachother and I hope you two have an amazing time at Pride! 🥰
You know, I think a lot about these past few decades and the push for a sex positive environment and even though I am a sex repulsed asexual, I think that the honesty that has been encouraged in many ways helped me understand that I was ace. I believe in a different environment that was even more sexually repressive, I would have not been able to understand I was ace and I think it would have had a negative effect on my life.
I don’t think our culture around sex is by any means perfect, but the push to have more honest conversations has allowed me, someone not interested in sex, to be able to realize and properly process that I was not interested in sex.
Asexual awareness week has started! And I thought it would be fun to continue my tradition of asking you lovely folks to share stories about your journey as an ace-spec!
Stories can be about:
Submit it to my blog or send me an ask and your story will be shared with our lovely community! Go forth and write aces!
Let’s share some positive vibes.
“no sex for me” aces, tell me about your dream honeymoon!!
Rose in Golden Girls is ace-spec
Who are allosexual toward their f/o.
Who are acespec toward their f/o.
Who are endcase asexual toward their f/o.
Who have an allosexual f/o.
Who headcanon their f/o as acespec.
Who are in a romantic relationship with their f/o.
Who are in a sexual relationship with their f/o.
Do young aros and aces know about the playing cards and the rings or did the Disk Horse™️ take that from us too
Absolutely fantastic and brilliant people who deserve love and respect
When I talk about ho life and someone questions how it’s possible (eye roll) that a-specs can have sex, it’s not the time for you to chime in about demi and gray sexuals.
I am a r o a c e and I never feel attraction, never will and I don’t need to. You comin in with the bullshit is like you revising my statement. Fycking don’t.
Hmmm… I dont like the idea of having sex, i get bored during sexual activities, and sex scenes kn tv make me uncomfortable. But im sure that doesnt mean im ace!! Ive had sex!!