I'm just gonna pretend this is a compilation of Dabi and Mr. Compress questioning every decision that's brought them to this point.
I mean, this kinda looks like Compress dropped his cell phone and Dabi's too tired to give him crap about it.
"Coulda just gone home and been a normal kid. Now I'm careening down a highway with a lizard ninja, a guy who’s so desperate to be held that he wears hands, and this mofo who has the audacity to be ordering a pizza right now.”
"We were promised pizza."
*elevator music, no brain cells left*
"No, I know exactly where we are!"
"How's the car sickness?"
"Fuck you!"
"You ready for the 'I told you so?'"
"You are such a brat."
They just look done. They're either tired or constipated or both.
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Okay, but imagine the LoV watching the news and some segment on Endeavor comes up and then Mr. Compress out of nowhere says in the most offhand tone, "You know, a year or so before all this started, I dated that guy's daughter for a couple weeks."
And Dabi has to sit there with his eye twitching and all, Wtf, wtf, wtf, wtf...wait, why do I even care? I don't care. Fuck it. Fuyumi can do what she wants. Touya is dead and Dabi does not care if some second-rate sideshow act wannabe-- "...did...you break her heart?"
"What? No, we weren't really all that compatible, we both agreed the age gap was a little much, I found out who her father was and that terrified me because what sane person wants that for an in-law, she was starting to question whether or not she was even heterosexual at all, so we broke it off like amicable adults and haven't spoken since. Really, young man, what do you take me for?"
Completely oblivious to the small world bs that's happening and the bullet he just dodged.
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The League of Villains get interrogated.
Cop: “So, you’re the leader of this operation, huh? Tell me about your crimes.”
Tomura: “You first, pig.”
—
Cop, hasn’t even spoken yet—
Twice: “OKAY. I confess! I’ll tell you everything. In kindergarten I stole my classmates erasers. They were shaped like fruit and I just wanted to see how they tasted—“
—
Cop: “I wanna know about the arson.”
Dabi: “Which one?”
Cop: “The one that happened on Tuesday.”
Dabi: “Oh, that one… Was that the gas station around like 8pm?“
Cop: “Yes. That one.”
Dabi: “Wasn’t me.”
Cop: “The fire was blue—“
Dabi, lighting a cigarette with a blue flame: “Could have been anyone.”
Cop: “You’re on the security footage igniting the flames!”
Video of Dabi starting the fire then flipping off the security camera plays.
Dabi: “Not sure who that handsome bastard is, but all this useless talking isn’t going to unburn that building.”
—
Twice: “In middle school, I snuck into an R-rated movie, but I got the wrong room and had to sit through an entire documentary about the origins of yodeling—“
Cop, absolutely bewildered.
—
Cop: “Tell me about the crimes.”
Toga: “The only crimes here are your tacky uniform, your lopsided mustache, and my wasted Saturday night.”
Cop, lightly touching his mustache: “Lopsided?”
—
Twice, now crying: “—and then, I offered to walk this old man’s dog for some extra cash. The dog got off the leash. I chased him for four blocks, but he was too fast. I switched the dog out for an identical one and took the money. The old man never noticed. I still think about that dog every day. I’m so sorry, Porkchop—”
Cop, now surrounded by several other cops all bewildered at Twice’s stories.
—
Cop: “Confess your—“
Mr. Compress, holding out a deck of cards: “Pick a card!”
Cop, picking a card: “Uhh… okay.”
Mr. Compress: “Memorize it and return it to the deck.”
Cop, slipping the card back into the deck.
Mr. Compress: “Now close your eyes and focus on your card.”
Cop, closing his eyes.
Mr. Compress: “Open your eyes!”
Cop, opening his eyes to see Mr. Compress holding a gun, his gun missing from its holster: “What the fu—“
Mr. Compress, holding up a card: “Is this your card?”
Cop, smiling: “Oh shit, it is!”
—
Twice: “I went to the self checkout aisle at the grocery store. I had a bag full of bell peppers and one jalapeño. I rang up the bell peppers, but I didn’t ring up the jalapeño. I felt so bad, I broke into the store to put it back—“
The entire station is sitting around listening like a children’s story time.
—
Cop: “Get to talking.”
Spinner: “…”
Cop: “We can do this all night, kid. I suggest saying something.”
Spinner: “Wanna know what my favorite video game is?”
The cop looks away for one second, looking back to see Spinner gone. There’s an open vent on the ceiling.
A second cop enters the room: “Hey, so that Spinner guy punched-out the sheriff, stole his squad car, and yelled Grand Theft Auto?”
—
Twice: “—and that’s everything. I feel a lot better…What were we here to talk about again?”
All the cops asleep.
Twice, standing up and tip-toeing out of the room.
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