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#sam is a dumbass
cl0wn---cat · 2 years
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My opinion on stardew valley bachelor's
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Alex
Not that attractive tbh (don’t hurt me Alex simps)
He feels just like a average jock and nothing else
I’ve literally never taken the time to know him
Hes ok ig
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Elliot
He is so pretty on god
His comments about having to brush his hair are relatable 
Cheesy poet man
He probably smells really good and if you were to ask him how he'd say it's the ocean breeze. No, he actually used perfume but wants to feel special.
Will marry him. Is marrying him
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Harvey
I always forget he exists
HE IS NEVER THERE WHEN I NEED MEDICINE
He is running on coffee
Probably doesn't follow his own medical advice
Average but still nice
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Sam
Loveable dumbass
The idiot we all got but don't deserve
Probably gonna go for him next
Sadly he plays mobile games
His hair looks like it was really windy and he was too lazy to fix it
Probably doesn’t know a single thing about how farming works until you become his friend
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Sebastian
I love this man
My first husband in the game
Also his mom is hot
Emo freak 
Please sir get some sunlight
100% had a phase when he posted cringy sad whispers
Touch starved man # 1
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Shane
Touch starved man # 2 
Deserves all the love and affection in the world
Relate to him a bit to much
Please sir stop working at jojo, i'll just give you money each week
Spent all my gold on beer for him, look I needed to get close
Getting married to him in another playthrough
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fishnchip3011 · 2 months
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average solarian session at seb's
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drulalovescas · 1 year
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That's it. that's Castiel.
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I think Danny Phantom fandom is absolutely sleeping on the sheer dumb bulshittery Danny, Sam and Tucker generate on the regular and it’s a fucking shame. Like, the three of them have exactly one (1) single braincell between them, and the only one to use it at least semi-regularly is Jazz. You literally can’t leave them for five minutes without them stumbling into some new bullshit every single time. Granted, a lot of times bullshit finds them first instead of the other way around, but by god will they make the situation worse. They run into the situations with the same reckless abandon the cockchafers fly into any solid obstacle in their way, and you’d think that at least one of them will be the voice of reason, and you’d be dead wrong.
Danny? He thought pranking a murder happy millionaire with a vindictive streak the size of Grand Canyon was a great idea. And then, like a moron, he decided to use equally murder happy government agency with a huge prejudice against ghosts and a vendetta against him, personally. Absolutely nothing that could go wrong with that, obviously!
(spoiler alert, things did go very wrong very fast)
Tucker? A valid choice at the first glance, except he is always down to commit crimes for either his friends or just for funsies. Remember that time he ran an obviously illegal babysitting scam business? Or that time when he brainwashed and then dimensionally displaced the whole school into Ancient Egypt setting? Another notable instances of Tucker being a menace, in no particular order: organised o pro-meat protest in a few hours, tried to shoot a ghost with his phone as a projectile (and succeeded), sold Sam out to a ghost out of sheer pettiness, gave Skulker an alarm-induced ptsd, almost killed Danny that one time (don’t worry, Danny was fine) and in general committed to being bullshit-enabling gremlin.
Now Sam would seem the most grounded and reasonable out of three of them, but it is what SHE wants you to believe. She is just as, if not more, unhinged as the boys, she just hides it better. Remember that time she trashed the castle and antagonised a few dozen of armed guards, while having no back up, no weapons, no allies and while being in some shithole in the Ghost Zone? And then basically told a tyrannical asshole with op dragon powers “fuck you and your entire kingdom” in the face? And then rode another dragon who put said asshole through a wall? Good times.
They all seem like perfectly reasonable people at the first glance, and then Tucker and Danny would dare each other to lick that weird glowing green rock, and Sam would roll her eyes and groan about how stupid boys are, and then Tucker would dare her to lick that glowing rock too, and Danny will say, “Come on, Tuck, it’s okay if she’s too afraid to do it-”, and yes, Sam and her mother have many disagreements on a lot of things, but both her mother AND Granny did not raise a fucking bitch, move over, Tucker, or so help her the spirit of Pandora-
They all end up absolutely miserable in ecto-containment units sick as hell with ecto-flu and on all questions answer that no, they don’t know how this happened, maybe it was ghost attack last week, they did get blasted by that green goo, after all, but really, they have absolutely no idea, honest. Jazz suspects something, but she also has no proof and therefore can’t prove anything. In the end, it was one of the worst weeks in their life and they all ended up swearing to not do it ever again.
(they do end up doing it again two months later)
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tongjingnian · 2 months
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Jody: giving girls the talk
in the meanwhile, Sam and Dean, as in, wincest: start thinking about their underage, barebacking, protracted, high quality sex life, which continues to this day
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this is so entertaining
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faeriecap · 6 days
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mcu releasing cacw like: “sorry mackie ur character who is actually a crucial part of the cap storyline historically can’t get any significant screentime in cap 3 yeah we know it’s the final movie sorry we had to have an endless fucking montage of maria stark trauma porn bc it actually wasn’t already clear tony was emotionally unstable and had mommy and daddy issues followed by the wandavision cooking special for,,,,,, reasons,,,,,,,,,,,, and oh yeah did we forget to mention this is actually another avengers movie and the first spiderman??? best we can do is a scene where sam’s mean to bucky lol …… what about steve rogers??? wait whose that uhhhh is he even in this script?”
(it’s bc they didn’t care about developing sam at all until he was their “only” option for cap and could safely not be shipped with steve if they ever actually interacted wait what huh who said that)
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shallowseeker · 8 months
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Cas being mean to Sam is hilarious, really
So. This is what happens when Cas is alone with Sam, and Sam starts pushing.
Cas does the Cas equivalent of "Shut up, Sam."
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Sam gets annoyed by Cas's annoyance. And that makes Cas even more annoyed, so he uses smaller words and simpler metaphors—a little dig at Sam's approach, I think.
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13x18 Bring em Back Alive
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dearly-befuddled · 3 months
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That's all folks
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homicidal-slvt · 8 months
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The autistic urge to set fire to anyone who disrupts my morning routine for it is the only thing that allows me to even remotely function and not absolutely perish into the pits of hell.
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lea-andres · 14 days
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Fuck it, Joja can have a story from when I worked retail.
I will leave which shop specifically this was out of this, but our regional manager was... Not super intelligent. One day, totally out of the blue our store manager got an email with pics of some corporate party with the caption "We're drinking the Kool-Aid here at [Company]!". He proceeded to show us, because HOW CAN YOU NOT, and it quickly became an in store meme for like a month.
Imagine, it's slow in JojaMart, and Morris calls Shane, Sam, and the cashier into the back and they all stand there dying of laughter over a "We're drinking the Kool-Aid at Joja!" email some dumb corporate loser emailed out to every store in their jurisdiction.
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Whose instructions will you follow...?
(OC explanation under read more btw)
So I wanted to make a hypothetical "Selathiel Ending" where you follow its instructions. I would not really call it a "good ending" per se, at least compared to the secret(?) ending where Kinito is deleted (which in itself has some negative consequences if you believe Kinito isn't 100% evil).
My interpretation of Kinito being deleted, including the worlds where he has trapped others who downloaded him as shown in the deletion sequence, is either one of two things: 1) the users are somehow returned to their bodies they had before getting trapped in the digital world; 2) the users are dead but this allows their souls to pass on to the afterlife instead of remaining stuck in their own worlds.
With Selathiel's plan, it would basically be an exorcism to remove Kinito and/or whatever Presence he's got associated with him (assuming the hide and seek and bed scenes aren't just like, dreams or something? I don't know, you clearly don't die because you log right back onto the computer. I suppose something could haunt your dreams, but that's besides the point). However, both due to technicalities with the ritual AND because Selathiel sort of believes all who ended up trapped in Kinito's worlds are basically damned, the souls of the previous people are either flat out removed from existence or sent to purgatory/hell/The Bad Place/what have you. Selathiel is of course fine with this. It set out to remove evil, or what it perceived as evil at least, so this is the best outcome to it.
Selathiel will be mad if you choose to grant Kinito administrative access and will basically declare you beyond saving (see earlier point with damned souls), leaving the computer and locking you into the personalized world ending. With the secret floppy drive ending, it will sort of just be...neutral, I suppose? Kinito is gone, it still thinks you should have done what it told you to do, but the result was the same, so it leaves as it has no further business.
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Phic Phight - Dal′ton-izm
@tourettesdog
Danny should not be trusted with self care and clean up duty, especially if he couldn’t tell the goddamn difference between ectoplasm and blood.
Danny growls down into his arm, struggling a little to keep all the skin more or less together. Damn, he hated getting nastier injuries, it was always a freaking pain... literally and metaphorically. He’s busy using the other arm to fire off ecto-blasts and make shields to block the return fire. Stupid Skulker and his stupid homing missiles. Stupid ghosts destroying any sense of a normal fucking sleeping schedule. Ugh. 
“I will wear you down eventually! And when I do! Then you’re mine!”. 
Could he at least get some new lines? Danny snapping back, “tha oni ‘ay ya be owl ta cah eee ‘ine’ is ‘hen Ine ackin’ as a ‘and ‘ine fah ya!”. That wasn’t his best line and it was probably impossible to understand him, but his arm is in his mouth, so he’s kinda focused on things other than puns right now. 
Skulker sends off another rocket at him, unsurprising. What is at least slightly surprising is that right when Danny puts up another shield Skulker gets shot by what’s borderline a freaking taser. Danny glancing down at a smirking Tuck peeking out around a corner and congratulating himself. Danny making quick work of capturing the ghost after that and landing on the ground with his arm still in his mouth. Sam popping out in a second and pointing at the ground aggressively. 
“You better sit down or so help me”. 
Man they were both always so aggressive about making sure he got patched up as quickly and cleanly as possible. It was both touching and annoying, sometimes he still had ghosts to chase! Or he just wanted to go to bed instead of dealing with being bandaged up or stitched or wiped down. Granted the stitching was usually a little more necessary, like it definitely was right now. 
So he floats himself down to the ground, back against a wall and opening his mouth to let Sam inspect it and get to work doing patch up. 
“Zone Danny, way to really fuck up your arm”.
Danny pouting, “hey blame Skulker, not me. I actually tried to protect myself pretty well I think, it’s not my fault he managed to spear a goddamn grappling hook through my arm”. The guy nearly took his arm off entirely with that shit, dumb jerk. Though that was probably part of the point since the dude wanted trophies and shit, he could absolutely see Skulker freaking mounting his arm on a wall or something. 
Sam sighs, wiping his arm down overly thoroughly, “I know I know, it’s just a pain to clean up this level of damage and I’m allowed to worry about your dumbass; also, nice fang marks”. 
“Worrying about my ass is fair, sitting on this hard ground is gonna make it go numb”. She smacks him over the head for that one before getting to work on the stitching. 
Tuck’s off spraying some of the ecto mess on a wall, that dissolve crap Danny’s folks made works like a freaking charm, like well enough that he’d be legit worried they’re could get away with murder. All three going still for a second at the sound of a hover board, Danny turning him and Sam invisible while Tuck goes and crawls himself under a dumpster. Val/Red doesn’t do more than fly by at least, good. Danny grumbling quietly, “you know, if we didn’t stick around alleyways for cleaned up time, we wouldn’t have to worry about that so much”. 
Tuck crawling himself out, whisper hissing, “dude, we can’t leave your mess everywhere. The other ghosts are one thing, you’re different”. Sam only huffing and working a little more quickly on her stitch work, it looked like she was nearly done at least and fuck is he glad his pain tolerance could solidly kick ass these days. 
Danny whisper hissing back, “I don’t see how? Even if my parents, so called ghost experts, stumbled upon this, how would they even tell my stuff from any persons or ghosts stuff? My folks aren’t nearly thorough enough to take literally millions of samples”. 
Sam pausing a little, “don’t be stupid”.
“I’m not being stupid. Like yes I’m sure stumbling across massive messes and stuff would be very upsetting for the towns folk but people have gotten used to weirder. I mean, I’ve overshadowed Jason, like, eight times now and the guy isn’t even surprised anymore”. 
Tuck, scrubbing the edge of a newspaper stand, chuckles, “okay yeah that guy has terrible luck with you, didn’t you also accidentally set his water heater on fire?”, shaking his head and looking underneath the newspaper stand, “and it’s less about people freaking out and more about them wondering why there’s freaking human blood mixed in with the ecto”. 
Okay now Danny just goddamn confused. Glancing around at what little remained of the mess as well as looking his -slightly messy again- arm over without moving it, “the heck you talking about? Everything’s glowing, why would anyone think any of this was human”. 
“Okay sure, yeah, your human blood glows too but it’s clearly human blood, man”.
“No? It’s not?”. Literally the only difference between ghost ectoplasm and human blood was wether or not it glowed. If his human blood glowed then how would literally anyone know its wasn’t ectoplasm unless they went around sampling literally every drop they could find. Even then if some traces of human blood showed up in an ecto sample it could just be written off as freaking transfer or whatever. 
Sam looks up at him like he’s stupid, while grabbing out the wrapping, her pausing at Danny pretty clearly looking goddamn legit confused. “Danny... are you seriously saying you can’t see a difference between your ‘mess’ and everything else?”; she sounds actually worried about him. 
Well that was concerning, is he not seeing something they are? Because of the half dead thing? Sure, obviously goddamn dying changed his body, like duh, but he’d like to think he didn’t really lose anything a fully living human had. Or maybe it was because of the life long ecto-contamination? Danny shaking his head results in Tuck rubbing towels in some of the mess in different spots and holding it up at him with a head tilt. 
Okay Danny’s going to guess that the towels, or the mess that’s on them anyways, look different to the guy. Still don’t to Danny... “if you’re trying to ask me if I think those towels look different from each other or something, they don’t”, tilting his own head, “how the heck do they look different to you?”.
Tuck drops his arms and the towels right on the ground, fully gapping at him, “dude”.
“Okay now you’re starting to worry me. They’ve both got a glowing mess on them so obviously ecto, the glow is literally the only difference between ecto and blood”.
Sam buries her head in her hands and actually starts laughing, “oh- oh my zone- no, Danny. Oh- ha!”. 
“Sam stop laughing, damn it, you’re gonna make me laugh and this should be serious”, Tuck snickers a little anyways before clearing his throat, “Danny, man, Zone, how can you not tell they’re two completely different colours”. 
Danny blinking owlishly, “what”. Tuck just losing it at that, sitting on his ankles and laughing into his hands. Wait a minute, Danny blurting out, “are you saying I’m fucking colourblind and just didn’t goddamn notice?!!?”. How???
Tuck wheezes a little more while Sam struggles to contain herself and actually clamp Danny’s wrapping in place. Tuck walking over while fiddling on his pda, shoving it in his face, “okay okay, we, ha, should definitely make sure this isn’t a half-dead thing”, wiggling the pda. “So what numbers in the circle?”.
Danny blinks at the screen. Oh damn it, screw him. There’s no damn number at all, he is so totally colour blind. Groaning and rubbing the hand that isn’t attached to an injured arm down his face, “ugh”.
“Well?”.
Danny sighing, “it’s just a circle, dude. Fuck my half life”. Rubbing his face some more as both of them snicker at him mockingly but also clearly in pure goddamn surprise. Well, at least it wasn’t a dead thing. Yay? Dropping his hand and then using it to gesture at the somewhat still there mess, “so all of this doesn’t look all the same?”.
Tuck laughs, shaking his head and then snorting, “no, man. It’s mostly ectoplasm, which is green by the way. But there’s also splatters and swirls of your human blood, which is red”, he chuckles again, “those two colours are about as different as yellow and black”.
Danny winces, okay so it was noticeable. Shit. Sam patting his shoulder, “you’re patched and at least now I know why you suck at cleaning and were always so lax about it. You would be so screwed without us”.
Okay that Danny can’t help laughing at himself, “oh yeah! my blood and ecto mix would have gotten found out in a month!”.
“Try three days, you combative little shit”.
Danny absolutely sticks his tongue out at Sam for that, but watching his two friends get up and start cleaning the area again; occasionally shaking their heads in disbelief or snickering some more. At least they usually didn’t try and make him help since he was usually supposed to be spending his time healing aka not moving around a ton. Tuck actually left him his precious pda so Danny fiddles with it looking up random colourblindness tests.
He doesn’t seem to have any other issues but he fails every red/green one horrifically. Even the ‘super easy’ ones. The universe must really goddamn hate him to make him extremely colourblind but literally only to basically his own blood/ecto. Stupid body, stupid eyes. Wait, him blurting out, “holy shit does this mean that Vlad doesn’t have the same eye colour as me?!?”.
Both of them burst out laughing and fall over each other, smacking each other and random things. Tuck wheezing, “NO!”. Sam snickering, “oh that is too good! I mean it’s sad but ho!”.
Danny sticking his arms out to the side, pda cradled in his lap, “but that means we have literally nothing in common physically? Who would want a son that looks zero percent like them?!?!?”. Their laughter only gets louder and eventually he’s laughing again too.
“What is going on here?”.
All three still, still goddamn laughing though because shit you can’t just stop that shit on a dime. Danny snorts, coming up with something on the fly before Red -fuck is her outfit even actually red????- decides to start shooting him, “I, ha, am apparently fucking colour blind and, ha, these two citizens decided to absolutely lay into me for not realsing there was human blood here”.
“I just flew through here! I thought someone got hurt and was looking for them! You jerk!”, she actually sits down on her board, “so this is how I find out that the only other remotely decent sorta coworker in this town can’t tell if something blood or ectoplasm. Zone that’s stupid and I hate it”.
Danny snorting while Sam and Tuck continue making half assed laughter-fuelled attempts to clean. “What? You gonna give me a way to beep you in case I ever stumble upon a mess again?”, and chuckles to himself.
She groans loudly, “i hate that that’s a good idea”. Which makes Danny bark a loud laugh, “oh man is being fucking colour blind what gets Red to stop ridding my ass! Ha!”, clearing his throat and tilting his head at her in a way he hopes looks puppy-like, “is your suit even red? I will whole ass admit to thinking you picked your colour because the ecto blended into it”.
He can tell she’s staring at him, “I’m going to kill you a second time, Phantom”.
“Been there, tried that. Do something more original”.
Red goes from glaring bloody murder at Danny to looking at the teens who’ve basically cleaned everything, meaning that Val won’t realise the RED human blood had been glowing. “Will you two care if I end the town menace?”.
Sam glares but is still too amused for there to be any real bite to it, “this is the funniest shit I’ve ran into all week don’t you dare sully that”. Tuck just giving an agreeing thumbs up while snickering and wiping off a storm drain.
Red sighing, “that’s fair”, pointing aggressively at Danny, “it is red and ectoplasm does not blend in, zone I hate you”, gesturing at random bits of wall and ground, “now is there an injured person or not?”.
All three shaking their heads immediately, Tuck giving the crappy excuse of, “bad nose bleed plus sudden ghosts plus face-planting into a wall. I’m fine”.
Red scowl could be heard in her voice, “good, now I’m going to bed”, her moving to fly off with a grumbled, “my suit was supposed to remind him and the town of my human blood, stupid ghost jerk”.
Okay fine that is hilarious, eventually Tuck comes over and gives him a high five, “congrats on not getting shot”. Sam shakes her head, “I’m more impressed she’s chilled out even remotely”, pointing at both boys, “but you know that excuse will never work again, right?”.
Danny blinking and smirking, “so what you’re saying is I should start being super cautious and just constantly send photos of murky liquid for a colour check?”.
“As much as I have no problem with you filling my phone with gore, I don’t want the cops to one day question me about that”.
Tuck elbows her, “eh I can set up a fully secure time deletion. Start lowkey stealing all snapchats users after I release it on the masses”.
Danny stretching and swatting Tuck one, “that sounds like you’re attempting to take over the world big brother eye in the sky style”.
“I totally could”.
Sam rolling her eyes, “I don’t even disagree”, her glancing around before nodding to herself, “looks like we’ve dealt with everything. How’s the arm?”.
Danny gives the limb a shake before grinning, “healed as fast as ever. And no seepage on the bandages so no, you don’t need to redo it”.
She puts her hands on her hips, “i don’t think you should ever be the judge of that. But fine, I guess it looks fine. Meaning we should get outta here before someone changes their mind”.
“Yeah yeah yeah”, rubbing his neck, glancing around, and changing back human. Eyeing his arm for changes and shrugging when he doesn’t see any olive murky liquid, “is my blood always a weird mix of colours?”.
Tuck patting his shoulder as they all begin to move out of the alley, “yeah, hence why we always try to hide you or cover it all the time. Did you just think we were being weirdos?”.
Danny rubbing his neck and glancing around, “I mean, yeah? More overprotective than weird”. They both shake their heads and chuckle at him and his generally stupidity.
In the future Danny did absolutely become just as cautious of others seeing his blood as his friends were, much to their relief and amusement.
End.
Prompt: Danny is red-green colorblind. This never caused him much trouble before the accident, but now, well... It would have been nice to know beforehand that his blood was the wrong color.
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cafe-smut · 8 days
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Whenever Sam says that he got a tip from his "friends in the shadows* I know he means his magic cause of who he's based on. . . However I fully believe that it's just Yuu texting him quietly whenever shit goes down and he can make some big bucks. They get 40% of whatever Sam manages to get off of Crowley with the item already upped 60% from it original price.
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figsclove · 8 months
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GUYS
It's Dropout because you drop out of college(humor)
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eyeaesteria · 2 months
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let's talk about (and i mean watch me fawn over) supernatural s5 ep11 (Sam, Interrupted)
10 min into the chapter and the good doc's already showing why he's a good one cause the way he spotted the winchester's codependent relationship in only a few hours??? Not only that but he actually said it was "dangerously codependant", i mean he's right but ouch and then we have that talk between dean and his not so therapist, which is actually worse when u re-watch it KNOWING it's dean and his crazy mind. He's having a therapy session with basically HIMSELF and (screams) ofc he's asking himself all the right questions. i mean she started that convo asking 'bout his sleep (he survives w only a couple of hours(and idk if that's the correct word im drunk)) and HIS DRINKING PROBLEM and we got the tell me about ur father thing
AND IN THEIR SECOND CONVERSATION SHE ASKS why is he the one who's gotta save everyone? why it can be anyone else? how is that fair? How many people does he have to save to call it a day? AND the crushing realization that it is horrible. the weight of his duty is crushing him. he can't save everyone.
then the third is the charm and the not so therapist is showing her true colors saying "Did you really think that you, Dean Winchester, with a GED…and a give-them-hell attitude, were gonna beat the devil? Please. The world is gonna burn, and there is nothing that you can do." AND it´s not her saying those horrible things, it's Dean's mind. Those are Dean toughts, that's how he sees himself.....
I CRIED
So they kick ass and save the day, go all c r a z y and almost kick the bucket BUT WE ARE NOT DONE YET cause Sam's mind is in shambles (a-fuckin-gain) and he can't not be honest, not when his crazy mind has told him about how his lies were the cause of all those deaths, not when he finally has a clue of what's happening to him, what was always inside him (it's ANGER) and Dean- Dean says "You're gonna take all that crap and bury it. You're gonna forget it, because that's how we keep going" It's an awful advice, zero healthy, the absolutely wrong thing to say, to even THINK. But that's how he has always been. So Sam shuts his mouth and gets into the Impala, doesn't go against Dean's word, even tho i really think he really WANTS to cause he has most of the winchester emotional intelligence, because, and i repeat, HE'S IN SHAMBLES. Im gonna kword myself UGH i hate them !!! i love them!!! End of the communicate i just wanted to put my very disorganized thought into words lol
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