#sam is an animal lover that's just the facts

[hauntedwitch04]

Just a Mirror

Sam Winchester x plus size!Reader

Words: about 6.3k words

Warning: saddy sadness, and some allusion to sexy time, eating disorder, hating on your own person, please be careful if you sensible about this themes

REQUEST: Hi :) I saw that your requests are open, and I was wondering if you could do a Sam Winchester x plus sized reader; an angsty fluffy friends to lovers that has some smut and reader hating herself in the mirror and possibly problems with eating

Author’s note: Hi love! Thank you @desicroft02 so much for your request. I felt really inspired by your idea love and I hope you like how it came out, if you don't find yourself with what i wrote, feel free to say it to me and I'll write to you a new one !

p.s.I got very caught up in the topic, since it is something I feel very close to. I was never the skinny girl, but with the years I've grown used to feel different to others girls, and even if sometimes I really hate what I see in the mirror, I kinda arrived to the point that I see both the flaws and the strenghts of my body and I love both, but some of my closest friend and this kinda of disorder and I tried to help them the way aI could so this one is for them too.

In case you need someone to talk to, I am always here, don't be afraid to seek help because often having someone close by to remind you that the volume of that evil voice we hear inside can be lowered or eliminated is important.

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Why?

This is the only question that floats in your mind, while, with thick tears in your eyes, you try to read the enormous book about whatever monster you are hunting with your friends in this little city, forgotten by God.

You and your childhood best friends are hunting some monster that you still haven't been able to figure out what it is, despite the fact that you are reading yet another list of monstrous animals in the story, while Dean and Sam are still out at the bar where you had decided to spend the evening, and from which you had decided to escape as quickly as possible, without giving any kind of explanation to the two hunters, holding back tears and trying not to meet their confused gaze

You and the boys have been friends since you were six and they were seven and eleven. You met on a rainy October day when you were still living at Bobby's house, after your father had died in a hunting accident after leaving you with him, and being his friend and seeing him almost as a brother he couldn't help but welcome you and raise you as if you were his own daughter.

Dean and Sam had just been left in the rain on the narrow dirt road by their father when you looked out and saw these two cold, sad, and at the same time angry children. You could see the resentment they felt for the man who looked less and less like a father and more and more like an army general, ready to train soldiers and not raise children. Immediately you went to Bobby and told him of the presence of those two unknown children who were in your driveway. He had immediately run to get them and brought them inside the house, worried that they would get sick from standing in the rain, and wondering why their father had left them there, without saying anything.

"He said he didn't have time to explain and that he had to get there as fast as he could, but that he would call you this evening." Said the older of the two once they were seated on the couch in what must once have been a beautiful dining room, and was now more like an ever-growing mountain of books. It is to your adoptive father that you owe all the culture and ability to read texts on the supernatural that most hunters would not even know how to open.

As he spoke you could see the blond child trying to hold back the sadness within himself and show himself as a big boy, almost pretending to understand why his father abandoned them like that without saying a word; in contrast, the one who was supposed to be the smaller of the two, with unruly brown hair, looked more like a beaten puppy, as he wetly moved his feet lazily on the floor, listening to what his brother had to say, but not hiding his sadness and anger at his daddy's decision.

"Baby, couldn't you get Sammy a glass of water for him while Dean and I go make a call for a minute?" Bobby then asked you suddenly, and you realized that you were lost in thought as you watched and studied those boys. You nodded quickly, trying not to let it show that you had spent all that time staring at them, as you heard Bobby's voice and that of the blond boy, apparently named Dean, drift away, only to hear the front door open and close.

After a few minutes you returned to the living room with a glass in your hand, and walked over to the brown-eyed boy, who was now looking at you and smiling shyly. You handed him the glass with a beaming smile, and he could do nothing but blush a little and retract his body a little, letting shyness take possession of him as he took the glass.

"Thank you." He told you in a faint voice.

"You're welcome." You replied as you sat next to him on the sofa.

"My name is Sam." He said, only to freeze and blush again as he held out a hand for you to shake, just as grown-ups do. You told him your name, and he commented that it was a very nice name, and that he liked it a lot, before going back to being silent and staring into the sad void.

You not being able to see what you considered a new friend feel so bad, you shamelessly asked him why his father had left him there and if that was why he was sad. He turned to look at you, and unknown how, he burst into tears, while with his hands he covered his face, not wanting to be seen as weak with someone he had just met, but you didn't give a damn.

Immediately you hugged him and listened to him talk about how his father was behaving with them, how his brother was struggling more and more to hide that he was tired of his parent's behavior, and how he was lonely and sad, constantly changing towns and seeing nothing but his family. That poor seven-year-old seemed to be thirty years old because of the problems he was telling you about, and as much as you were even younger because you were only six, you felt like you could understand him, because for a while that had also been your life before your father passed away.

You remained thus cuddled on the couch and fell asleep, lulled by the warmth of the fire slightly away from you and the new friendly presence that had entered your lives that afternoon, so much so that when Bobby and Dean returned after trying for a varied amount of time to contact John, and finally once succeeding in being insulted and put down by him, they both smiled at the sight of those two small and defenseless children embracing each other, as if to protect each other from the world. But no one knew that night before you fell asleep you had promised to protect each other forever, no matter how, when or why you would always be there for each other.

That was how you got to know the Winchester brothers, and the hatred for their father also began.

You awaken from your thoughts when you hear the motel door open and close, realizing that another time had gone into the whirlwind of memories and you were lost in remembering again when life was easy. You hear someone coming toward you with heavy footsteps, so you wipe away the tears you didn't know were there on your cheeks, which like small streams had almost made a furrow along your skin by now.

You sense right away who it is, but you don't have the strength to turn around so you continue to cry silently as you feel two arms wrapped around you, and Dean's warm body resting on your back as he leans down so that he can put his head in the crook of your neck and hold you better. Ever since the two of you met it was immediately like big brother and little sister between the two of you, and even now despite the fact that it has been a long time since you were children and in your spare time you enjoyed stealing cherries from the neighbor's tree, there is still that complicity and understanding between the two of you that once existed.

He knows exactly why you escaped so suddenly from the dive bar you were both in a few hours ago. Sam had seen a beautiful girl, the classic cover model of some magazine, slim and with all her shape in the right place, taking a drink at the bar, looking seductively at him as she put the drink straw between her lips. Sam's hormones had not let him repeat twice that clear call to fuck directly in the bar's bathroom, a bathroom from which you were coming out as he was sticking his tongue down the throat of that fake and at the same time perfect babe, who in his arms looked so small and yet in the right place, toned against his strong muscles, as opposed to how you would have looked with your shapely body. You couldn't stand there and watch the boy you love for so long now make out with someone else, so without explanation you left and went back to the motel where you took two bedrooms for the case. Usually you take two rooms only when Dean wanted to find someone to take to bed, unlike Sam who kept his sex life much more private than his brother, but since he and Cas had come out a few months ago you had not taken the second room, having practically grown up together and thus having no problem sharing space. That night, however, when you had arrived in the small town Sam had insisted on taking a second room, and stubbornly had not told his older brother why when he had asked him, and somehow your heart was preparing for what would happen, but in fact nothing would totally prepare you for what you would see in that bar and how your heart would break.

Dean squeezes you tightly, as if he is afraid you will disappear at any moment, and that heartfelt squeeze only makes you break the weak dam you had built when you saw him come in, and you burst into endless weeping.

"I know baby, I know." That's all the blond man can manage to say to you, as he gets you up and carries you toward the bed, so you can lie down and take off your shoes, before coming close to you and holding you in his arms, until exhausted, you fall asleep safe in Dean's strong hold, while he whispers soothing words to you.

The next morning you wake up with the sun gently caressing your face from over Dean's shoulder. You smile for a second, imagining what it would be like to wake up in the other Winchester's arms, and soon after your heart, as if pierced by an arrow, bleeds at the memory of what happened last night. You get up, shifting your friend's arms, and go to the bathroom to wash and freshen up, when you hear the door to your room open, and a male voice, known even too well, shout to your still sleeping friend.

"Dean, wake up!" Sam yells, and you behind the door hold a hand over your heart, just imagining her beauty after her usual morning run to stay in shape. Her long dark hair tied back in a light bun, her forehead sweaty and muscles still tense from exertion.

"I'm awake, you asshole." Dean replies, as you hear him get up and go get some coffee. "You could have deigned to make less noise last damn night, you know there were people here who wanted to sleep."

You hear Sam snort at his brother's words, then respond to him in an aggressive, cold tone.

"Well then there are people who wouldn't want to see you run off to fuck wherever we go, hold hands all the time or make love wherever you are. And you know something else too Dean, I thought you were a better person. Why her? Come on you've had a lot of girls, and it wouldn't cost you anything to find a thousand more, why did you have to choose her!?" Says the younger brother, before leaving the room, slamming the door behind him.

You close your eyes and try to control your breathing as you feel yourself lacking oxygen. You feel tears coming to your eyes, but you try with all your strength to push them back down. You take a few minutes to control your emotions as all you want to do is fall to the floor on your knees and scream until you can't hear yourself anymore, but you stay strong and open the door to see Dean immediately in front of you, looking pained and guilty, seeing your state.

"You didn't tell him." You say in a calm, quiet voice, not asking, but stating that your best friend had not told about his new relationship with our angel friend.

"I never found the right time." Dean tries to say, then looks down. "I never had the courage, every time I seemed to miss the words."

"Sam would never judge you, and you know that." You say as you feel a pang inside your heart, remembering the words the man you love had used a few minutes earlier. You feel your clothes sticking to your body like glue, too tight, so tight that you feel as if they have pre torn. You feel how the floor gives way under your feet, you feel how a billion eyes are on you ready to judge you, you feel something inside you break, but you can't let anyone but yourself see how mere words have hurt you, so you grit your teeth and continue to look at Dean stoically, as you feel a single and only tear escape down your face.

"I know, but I'm afraid in the same way, I don't want it to end like last time." Dean confesses, still looking at the floor, but crying clearly, as his words take you back to when you were nothing more than kids and he had come crying to you one night, confessing that he had fallen in love with a boy he had met during his last case, and that his father after finding out had beaten him so badly that his scars remained, and had forced him to watch pornographic movies, reminding him how "a real man acts." No one had ever seen you as angry as Dean, and Bobby when he heard you scream and came to watch that night as you swore to heaven that you would kill John Winchester. Dean had never told Sam about that episode, not wanting to worry him since he had just run away to study at Stanford, and asked you to do the same. It has been so long since that night, yet the memory of that pain and that man still frightens the wonderful person in front of you.

"But I swear I will. He has no right to think such things about you! I-I will tell him-" He begins to say, as he tries to wipe away the tears running copiously down his face. You, moved in turn and knowing that like you he too was remembering that fateful evening, take his face in your hands and bring his eyes to gaze fixedly into yours.

"No, you won't do it now, you will do it when you feel like it." You comment chuckling as you caress his face. He looks at you unconvinced and you see his inner battle inside whether to accept your proposal or to be as always too good and allow the world to kick him in the balls.

"Please be selfish for once. And if I serve as your cover, so be it, not that I would have had any chance with him anyway." You continue, smiling at him as you feel your heart slowly shatter. You see Dean ready to retort, but you have already disappeared back into the bathroom, crying silently. Once the bathroom door is closed, you stop to look at yourself in the mirror and realize how disgusted you feel about your body.

There is not a single thing about you that you like: your thighs, your arms, your stomach, your chest.

The more you look at yourself, the more you want to break that all-too-truthful mirror, which tells an unfiltered reality, a sad truth that for so long you had tried to ignore, but which now that Sam had spit it in your face you could no longer pretend not to see. So you decide at this very moment that everything was going to change, you don't know how, but it was going to happen.

So weeks go by, Sam still won't talk to you, and slowly you continue to sink into the stupid realization that he doesn't because only he, like you, can really see your body, and that he hates you for it, so now convinced that you have to change your body to be loved, you begin to eat less and less and more rarely, and what little you put in your mouth to make Dean happy, who sees you getting sadder and more tired, is rejected from your stomach just moments later when no one is looking at you. This situation hurts your body and your heart, but you do it so that you can look at yourself in the mirror without wanting to punch him, but things seem to get worse and worse. You look at yourself and you never fit, before you saw a body you didn't like, now beyond that you see a person you don't like.

Dean is getting more and more worried about you, seeing you getting paler and paler and thinner, but every time he tries to talk to you, you put on a smile and pretend that everything is going well and that the only reason your shirts now look huge on you is that you are working out more, but he knows that you never liked sports and that is why he knows you are lying to him. He tried to talk to Sam about what was going on, but all his brother managed to say by pouting was that if he needed relationship advice to go somewhere else and that he didn't want anything to do with the two of you.

Dean was on the verge of smashing the plate he was holding in his face and yelling at him to open his eyes and see that you love him more than Dean does right now and that he is fucking in love with their favorite angel, but then he had seen Castiel's face and knew he couldn't let him down after he asked him to keep a low profile and let as few people as possible know about their relationship.

Dean had never felt so lousy as deciding between the love of his life and a friend in need, but he knew that if you found out what he had done you would insult him, so he played it cool and moved on, as if nothing had happened, while he continued to try to take care of you, with little success.

It's been almost a month since Sam had said those horrible things, and you're not getting worse and worse, but in order not to show it in front of your friends, you keep doing the same things as before, trying to have the same cheerfulness.

You are now hunting a werewolf in a remote town in a state you don't even remember. Your body is weak, you haven't eaten anything Dean has brought you in the last three days taken at the various fast food restaurants and bars he had found along the way, and what little you had put in your mouth had gone down the drain shortly thereafter, hating yourself just for having the idea that you could eat something. You feel your eyelids as heavy as shutters, the muscles in your body are nonexistent, and what few are left ache from the mere effort of standing and walking, while your head throbs incessantly.

In this you are scouting around where the last victims had been killed, to see if you can find any more information, but so far you have not had much success, so you decided to split up.

You are barely holding the flashlight in your hand, too heavy for you, when you feel a sudden dizziness that forces you to lean against the wall. You stay a few minutes trying to catch your breath, eyes closed, breathing in the cool night air around you, when you hear a noise coming from a short distance away from you, like a dog growling. With difficulty you open your eyes and see before you a sight that is frightening to say the least: the werewolf you were looking for is looking at you ravenously, while a dark laughter rumbles from his belly to his mouth. Quickly you try to pick up the phone to call Dean or Sam, but unfortunately your mind is so clouded that you can't even do simple things like this and the phone slips out of your hands to the monster's feet.

"The Winchesters' little friend!" He says, seeing who you were trying to contact. "I've heard a lot about you, among the monsters you are known as their true weakness: so small and helpless, you wouldn't even survive my bite, I'll do you a favor and eat your miserable heart." He continues as he gets closer, and you do whatever comes to your chin at this moment, as you feel death coming slowly but comfortingly too, like an old friend you haven't seen in a long time. You scream Sam and Dean's name as loud as you can, hoping that at least one of them can hear you, your lungs aching from how much breath you had to use and your throat burning from the effort as you feel your strength failing.

You lean back against the wall again, this time with your back, and let yourself slide down to the floor, as your vision goes completely black and your ears become plugged as when you go too deep underwater, and the world seems more and more distant. You have one last flicker of life before you pass out completely in that dark alley, at the mercy of that monster, and you hear Sam's voice call out your name for a moment.

Your heart loses a beat, and then completely dark.

You awaken with a jump and a gasp as you sit up on the bed on which someone has carried you. Your head immediately begins to spin like a spinning top, and your vision fails again as you feel a warm hand settle on your shoulder and bring you back to lie down.

"Relax, you're safe now. It's okay." Says in a low, soft tone a rough voice, leading back to Sam. You, shocked to know he is there next to you, open your eyes with difficulty and find yourself lying on the bed in your room, in the bunker, as you see him kneeling beside your bed. His face shows the weariness he feels, but in his eyes shines a strange hope as he looks at you mixed with sadness. You place your gaze on the rest of the room and see your favorite chair, where you usually sit to read your books or do your research when you are tired of sitting in the library, covered with blankets and pillows, making you realize that your favorite giant has been sleeping there for what seems to be even more than a couple of days, otherwise everything looks the same, unchanged, and strangely everything now seems to make more sense with the presence of Sam and some of his things in the room. Immediately you slap yourself in the face at that thought, reminding yourself that he hates you, and that the reason he is here is because Dean will have had better things to do than watch you sleep.

You're about to tell him that he can leave, and leave you alone, knowing that he doesn't even want to be in the same room with you, as he has shown recently, and that in case his brother asks you, you won't tell him, but he beats you to the punch and starts talking.

"First of all I want to say I'm sorry, you don't even know how much, and I certainly understand if you never forgave me in your life, because I wouldn't forgive myself." Sam says, as you see tears forming in his eyes. You try to stop him, confused as to why he was making that speech, but he stops you in turn and begs you to let him finish.

"We found you just in time, by "luck," if you can call it that, that asshole had decided to torture you a bit before eating your heart, and we got there before he could do it, but when Cas touched you to treat you he said he didn't know if you would survive anyway because your body was too weak since you hadn't eaten for too many days. Dean insulted me and even beat me up a bit before explaining the matter from his point of view." You can't help but widen your eyes, and Sam chuckles seeing your expression, as two tears run down his face, and he darkens a little again before continuing, without looking you in the eye.

"Yes, he also told me about Cas, and also about that affair with our father to make me understand why you decided to cover for him."

You close your eyes for a moment, expecting a series of insults, but you only feel his lips rest on your hand, so you open them again and see him leaning over the bed, as you feel his tears coming hot to contact your cold hand.

"Thank you." The boy confesses in a whisper. "Thank you for everything you did for Dean, thank you for always taking care of him when I couldn't or was too blind and stupid to, I don't deserve to have you in my life."

You can't find the words, and so you do the only thing you can think of this moment, and you take his hand and squeeze it, while barely smiling at him.

"We will always have helped each other, you remember. Then Dean will be your brother, but it's like he's my brother too." You say as you pull his face up and force him to look into your eyes. You see him cry even harder, a few sobs escaping his lips, as he squeezes your hand even tighter.

"I'm sorry, I promised I would always protect you, and instead I was so stupid and jealous that I didn't realize what I was doing." He tells you again, only to stop for a moment and look at you this time with a resolve he lacked until a few seconds ago. "Why did you stop eating? How come you covered your mirror in the bathroom? Dean found the remains of the one from before in the garage, thought you didn't like it and got a new one, so he changed it for you."

Immediately you remember, one night in a rage after looking at yourself in the mirror for the umpteenth time, you had started punching it until it had become nothing but stardust under your bleeding fingers, and the next day when you had returned from your walk with the dog, you had found a new one, with a note from Dean who had said that seeing that you had taken it off, thinking that you didn't like it anymore, he had bought a new one, so realizing that you couldn't escape that vicious cycle and knowing that if it happened one more time it would arouse even more suspicion, you had simply covered it up, and hoped that no one would ever learn of that dirty secret, and instead, here it all was for all to see.

You look at Sam in those damned puppy-dog eyes of his, and burst into desperate weeping. He, seeing you in this state, instinctively picks you up and holds you in his arms.

"I disgust myself Sam." You finally manage to utter those damn words, and immediately you feel as if your soul lightens as you feel his arms grip your body even tighter as if you could disappear at any moment, and at the same time he does it with an innate delicacy, as if it were a precious crystal figurine that can be broken under his gaze. "I'm disgusted by my body, I'm disgusted by every single thing about me, and you're disgusted by it too, don't lie to me. I thought if I lost weight things would get better, but they don't, I feel worse and worse." You continue, while somehow trying to get away from him.

"In what sense would you disgust me? When would I have ever said such a thing?" He asks confusedly as he looks at you, tears have dried on his face. His eyes range and seem to want to imprint your every little detail in his memory. His gaze makes you blush as you try to find the words to tell him how his words have done nothing but unleash a storm that had long been locked up somewhere inside you and was just waiting to be released. So you take a deep breath and tell him everything, while he looks at you attentively and astonished, his arms still around his body, as if he needs reminding that you are there beside him, and that you are not just a product of his mind.

You tell him everything, every little thing you had felt hearing his words while you were locked in that damn bathroom, your feelings and emotions in the month to follow, along with all the thoughts and all the actions you had put in place in the hope that he would no longer hate you, and that maybe you would hate yourself less, too. He starts crying again, and hides his face in the crook of your neck.

You stay a few minutes clasped to each other, in silence, after you have poured your heart out in front of him, ready to suffer the consequences, when he takes your face in his hands and stares at you steadily with those chocolate-colored eyes of his, and for a moment you feel your breath short.

"Don't ever think of such a thing again. Never. You are perfect exactly as you are, there is nothing I would change about you, there is nothing I don't love about you." At his words you stand still, as if petrified, afraid that a single movement of yours could mean the breaking of this beautiful illusion. "Yes, I am tired of holding all this in, I love you, I love you so much that I am sick just thinking about not having you near me for a second, I love you so much that I would have been ready to kill my brother for stealing the girl I love all my life, I love you so much that I would be ready to climb the highest mountain in the world and scream it to everyone!" He continues as he stands up on the bed, and begins to move his arms quickly, just enough to make you laugh. At the sound of your laughter he turns to look at you, and smiles even more, to return next to you on his knees and cup your face in his hands. "I love every little, tiny thing about you madly. I'm crazy, crazy in love, and I was a fool because I was so convinced that getting away from you would be better for you, that I didn't realize that you were suffering because of me, and I'm sorry. On the one hand I would like to let you go and make you happy, but on the other hand I am an extremely selfish being and I only want you for myself." He continues as he rests his forehead on yours, whispering the last words. "I love you, and I'm sorry."

You look at him, and not even realizing what you are doing, you take his face in your hands and bring his lips to yours. The kiss you exchange arises as sweet and gentle, like two flames dancing in an elegant dance side by side, testing each other's reaction, in the same way your lips move over each other, slowly tasting that new sensation. You feel her soft lips caressing yours, until neither of you has a single breath left.

"I love you too if you hadn't realized it idiot." You comment making him laugh. "I love you, and for so long I would have preferred not to because it made me sick, yet I could do nothing but love you. The only reason that kept me alive was my love for you, even though it was also my poison." You continue by looking into his eyes, and you see the pain in his.

"If you forgive me, I will do everything to correct what I have done." He looks at you, with a penitent and pleading gaze, as he takes your hands in his, before you release one and place it on his right cheek, and he instinctively leans into your hands, seeking that simple contact.

"I've already forgiven you moron." She laughingly comments, before throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him again, but this time the air in the room is different. The atmosphere becomes more erotic and intriguing. You feel his hands carefully explore your body, running his hands down your sides from your breasts to your butt, where he rests his large, warm hands, before slipping them under your T-shirt and caressing the skin of your back, making you shiver. You feel his hand rise higher and higher to the level of your bra and undo the hook that held it, but then he stops. Parting your lips he looks into your eyes for a second.

"If you don't feel up to it it's perfectly fine honey, we can stop here-"Sam says unsure, but you stop him.

"Afraid it's too much for you Winchester?" You ask as you raise your eyebrows, and see him smile, before resting his lips on yours, then creating a trail of kisses from your mouth to the chest exposed by the shirt you are wearing, down your neck.

"God, how I've missed you." He comments between kisses, but then stops again and looks at you seriously. "Anyway, I wasn't kidding myself, if you don't feel comfortable we can stop here."

You look at him, in his eyes only the pure affection and love you feel for him, and then put an end to all his doubts.

"I want to do it Sam." You say in a whisper as you take the bottom of his shirt with your hands and slowly slip it off, thus also dropping the bra he had unfastened a few minutes ago. "I want to do it with you Sam."

He looks at you and doesn't let you tell him twice, and he resumes his attack on your neck, leaving obvious signs of his passage, and then moves on to your breasts.

"God, you're perfect." He whispers before teasing one of your nipples. You moan softly at that sensation, feeling his teeth clench, his lips kiss and his tongue lick every single inch of your body, worshipping you like a goddess, a queen, tasting every inch of your skin.

This wonderful moment is interrupted, however, by the unannounced entrance of Dean, who, seeing the scene of his brother splayed across your body as he kisses your breasts, and with one hand explores the rest of your body, while you clutch his long hair in your hands, moaning his name shamelessly, lets out a small scream, before closing the door again.

"Damn you guys could warn." Comments the older brother, as Sam with speed grabs a blanket to cover you.

"Should we announce? You're the one who entered the room unannounced!" Sam replies in turn, making an expression that makes you laugh. "You can still come in now jerk."

"Bitch." Dean retorts, to open the bedroom door again and have a stupid grin plastered on his face. "So, I see Sam hasn't exactly figured out how to talk and resolve a situation, usually the mouth should be free to talk, not busy sucking-"

"You try to say one more Winchester word and I'll tell everyone about Christmas with Cindy McWood." You threaten him, and see him whiten, before his smile returns to its former self.

"Well what can I say in that case guys, good conversation and be sure to use protection, I'm not ready to be an uncle." He says closing the door behind him, then opening it again. "Not that I wouldn't make a great uncle, but I would say I'm too young and then-"

"Out!" You and Sam scream in unison, and the only thing Dean does is give you the finger before walking away. The two of you stand still for a moment weighing what just happened and burst out laughing, before Sam's lips find yours again.

"Where were we?" He asks you next, and you can't help but smile and moan at feeling his lips on you again.

It's shaping up to be a very interesting night, long but interesting, and you know that in the end maybe by tomorrow morning you can slowly look at yourself in the mirror, seeing the reflection of the man you love behind you supporting you.

TAGLIST

@supernatural-lvr @itzdarling @newtdumbledoorstarksoot @evansstan-akya

#hauntedwitch04's writing #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x reader smut #sam winchester smut #sam winchester x plus size reader #sam winchester x reader #dean winchester x plus size reader #dean x castiel #supernatural x reader #supernatural #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #sam winchester #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester imagine #becky's favorite #castiel x dean #castiel novak

[bubblergoespop]

My Top Porter Quotes

a lengthy list bc this man cannot stop spouting literal gold (and i love him)

“Your friends suck.”

“Don’t worry treasure. I only bite when people ask nicely.”

“Gods above, you taste good. I can taste you right through the skin.”

“Sam landed you? How did he manage that? Did he finally learn how to dress in the last four years?”

“Wine gets better with age. Food rots.”

“The fact that I only took a swing at you after all that is a sign of respect where I come from.”

“He didn’t side with you, you twat!”

“Princeling.”

“Well if you want an animal… then that’s what you’ll get.”

“You heard me. Run.”

“Unfortunately for you, I find humour just as appealing.”

“I don’t suppose I could show you just how pleased I am all over this house?”

“Rest easy tonight, Switzerland, you’ve maintained the fragile peace.”

“My new lover. Met them two days ago. They’re unempowered.”

“Hm. I’m infuriating. There’s a difference.”

“Oh darling, as if I have a gag reflex.”

“Well I’d realised I’d left the stove on four years ago when I left, I needed to come check on it.”

“My apologies your majesty, but my internal chronometer is still in the shop.”

“To make an alibi for us both. Obviously.”

“I drove. Obviously.”

“Everything’s coming up Porter. I’m practically ecstatic as a result, can’t you tell?”

“I don’t need to talk. I don’t need to sleep. I don’t need anything but you.”

“My treasure. Sleep. And in your peace, I might find my own.”

#porter i miss you #come home bby #redacted audio #redacted asmr #redacted porter #bubbler’s top quotes

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Semifinals

Every Supernatural Woman

Supernatural is so mean to women and committed to queerbaiting but it still gives Sam and Dean lovers to kill. The writers kill and villainize them and the fans get the few that remain

wincest and destiel shippers cannot handle the idea of their blorbos having a Woman THREATENING their SHIPS god FORBID

It literally used to be a running joke that if a female character got introduced you knew she was going to die soon because fans would react so negatively to her "stealing" one of the boys away from the big ship, whether it be destiel or wincest

Misa Amane

she gets treated in-canon the way fandoms treat female characters that Threaten an m/m ship. it's like, "oh why don't you go sit in the corner and be pretty, misa, while the Men have intelligent conversation and pretend they aren't ten seconds from fucking each other, doesn't that sound nice?" it's infuriating. and MAYBE it's better now but i remember her getting treated the same way in fanfiction too, like we all need to do just as badly by our female secondary characters as fucking tsugumi ohba, but with the added insult of making her be alternately oblivious of the relationship between light and L or actively trying to sabotage it—incompetently, of course, because god forbid misa be allowed dignity or moments of cleverness.

she's one of the first characters I think of when I consider old school fandom misogyny. The annoying bitch and clingy crazy gf allegations were AFTER HER ASS. She's also a lot more intelligent than people gave her credit for, but most seem inclined to take the Very Biased word of our unreliable, narcissistic narrator and his homoerotic arch nemesis and claim that just because she's bubbly and into romance that she's also a complete moron. Which is blatantly untrue. Everyone was afraid of Misa girlbossing too hard. Killing people and devoting yourself to the deranged twink of your dreams even though you know he'll never love you back??? Having a hardcore goth aesthetic and being so Hot even literal Death Gods are into you?? God forbid women do ANYTHING!

Not only is she the victim of yaoi culture, she is the victim of early 2000s misogyny by an author that wanted to introduce a girl character because he knew his male rivals were getting too homoerotic. She is a goth bimbo icon who portrays what I think is one of the few callouts for stan culture and what parasocial relationships can do to both the stan and the idol. The fact that she is a toxic fan of Kira and also hot, funny, sociable is tragic in its own way, which I think the author did try to touch on but was too misogynistic too really get through. Of course, she was reduced to villain status by the fandom and anime alike because she got in the way of the supposed romance in their psychological horror anime.

#poll #round 5 #supernatural #cw supernatural #misa misa #misa amane #death note

[shallowseeker]

Optimism freeform meta

Jack, Harper, and the folly of pursuing of immature, illusory Perfection as the antidote to life's many disappointments.

///

Okay, here it comes. It's our rambling, group Optimism meta from discord that I promised once upon a time I'd post here. Apologies ahead of time if I get your Tumblr names wrong.

Harper's flat is decorated in ooey-gooey symbols of love.

Green for growth (though Harper's growth pattern is certainly arrested), and red for passion. We have the green-Italian amore in the symbolic kitchen of life, and a bright red heart near the entrance.

BEWARE: You're entering Harper's heart. It's black and bloody.

We also see that her home is full to the brim with books and stories. She clings to them, hoping they'll bring her life meaning. The blood-red-pink-purple color theme continues in the form of her array of romance novels.

Harper herself is clothed in red, in a Sayles-coded corduroy, perhaps a mate to the hunter's anorak jacket. Her little scarf is certainly Scooby-Doo-Daphne-esque, but it's also a RED BANDANA calling to mind that she's an OUTLAW, like Dave Matthews in the Tombstone episode.

///

But her bedroom is more serene, stuffed with zen colors, serene green, and a bedful of childish stuff animals. It's dominated by strong protector-types like lions and elephants.

via @honeyedwhiskey: okay so I got intrigued by the fact that she has these particular stuffed animals. the lion, symbolizing stalking her prey, elephants for their memory and their brutality (maybe a nod to wanting community) and the tiger for her actual isolation. the puppy seems to be an older addition, maybe from childhood, and the smallest and most vulnerable one is being protected by the dog which seems to be a bear cub? reference to maybe a mama bear that protected her? the three at the top are what interest me the most though because harper is represented by the heart and the color red so the mouse is her, and the two pigs seem to be her parents, with one being a combination of colors and patchwork looking. so it seems to me that one of her parents was zombie-fied, maybe from a young age.

I like the symbolic nature Whiskey acribed to the stuffed animals above a lot!

I too think her reaction to abandonment and Vance speaks to something really fucked up in her necromancy family, like maybe a necromancy-coming-of-age-trial that went REALLY REALLY badly and wound up with her being totally alone.

Maybe it's like how Sam jokingly told Charlie: "You're not really a hunter till you've come back form the dead." Or like Cas told Jack of his own death, "It's something of a rite of passage around here."

Maybe you're not really a necromancer until you've killed and brought your family back and ofc Harper failing that test would fuck her up forever.

//

I noticed the teddy bear, too! There's a tee-tiny nod to the teddy-bear lovers' symbol above her bed, same as Marvelous Marvin has a red heart on his chest in season 15's Gimme Shelter. (And Dean's I Wuv Hugs from a million years ago.)

[The stuffed bear is] a simultaneous motif...of sexual intimacy and The Lover, it's also representative of The Beloved Child resulting from their contact.

(Jack is Marvin.)

///

Here's love in the corner, illuminated by two lamps. Harper is getting Jack a book, a book about her little beloved hometown, McCook.

Deep down, Harper is lonely, and unlike her disdain for her other suitors, she's a little different with Jack here: she wants to be understood.

She wants him to understand her and her hometown. Just a little. She's prodding at the niggling, unusual, UNFAMILIAR feeling. So, she sits down and invites him to sit, to learn more about her.

By this point, it's possible she's figured out he's a hunter, which opens up the possibility of revealing her true self, for better or for worse. It's an intoxicating thought for Harper.

Jack hesitates, clearly interested but also a little bit "!!!!"

He's framed by the heart on the wall. Indeed Jack, like Dean and Mary, is a "heart" character. He's even clothed in one of Mary's key colors: dusky orangey pink. (Aside// You'll notice Connor also wears this color in Gimme Shelter.)

///

Unlike in Tombstone, where Jack wasn't (via script) all that interested in Athena and Dave's relationship, now Jack's clearly grown. He's even interested in physicality.

Even though his emotional core can be kinda prickly, like Dean and Mary, he's at root a very affectionate character, interested in experience affection/connection with others:

So, he sits. Perseveres through he awkwardness. And lo and behold, Harper is as weird as he is.

They talk about having a positive outlook, even though they've had and terrible pasts, have done terrible things. And hey, look--she's getting the lamp treatment! How lovely.

They sit on the blue couch, as Harper tells him more about her past, subconsciously seeking his acceptance. The blue of the couch mirrors the blue color of her past, of her prom dress. We see her little prom queen crown, and we wonder...Harper is so awkward...

...does she really seem like the Prom Queen type?

I suspect it was fake. That she manufactured her own popularity with bit of magic. To meet the perfectionistic obsession with her romance tales. She is at core a fearful character, fearful of messing up, or being imperfect, of not living up to The Dream (TM).

///

Jack makes a quick getaway. In this shot, he's effectively the trope of the divine masculine, fleeing from love, "amore."

It's interesting that the kitchen, a bit like the bedroom, is earthier in tone, filled with more "valley" colors: of browns, greens. The kitchen is about the imperfect strivings of every day life, divorced from the high-dollar reds of Harper's romance-novel decor.

In the bathroom, Jack is clearly interested in exploring "love."

To Dean, he says, "Just in case (she is in love with me)...tell me everything you know about sex. Go!"

Jack is a curious-and-courageous character, too. He's prone to experimentation, which is also why he so often gets the drug ("I like cocaine!" and The Who) motifs. Like Cas, he's maybe a little scared, but he's going to go-for-it no matter how silly and awkward he might look.

That courage is probably something Harper senses in him. It's attractive to her, like the symbolic stuffed-animal lion-and-tiger protectors she has in her bedroom. She wonders:

"Is he strong enough to love the real me?"

In THIS sense, the thing with Vance isn't completely "a naughty nurse game." Deep down, at her root psychological base, Harper is testing the potential lovers' strength. Very classically mythical, really. And she's disgusted by her suitors because they keep failing and failing.

No one is like Vance. Not even Vance is like Vance. Her idea of Vance was never real, and she was never prom queen. But admitting that to herself is so painful, she constructs this horrible pattern of death and destruction.

///

"Her apartment has a lot of wallpaper/furniture from the 50’s! Or with that general aesthetic!" -Cal (@13-01)

It's so interesting, because this 50s retro theme is something that Jack, Dean, and Cas carry a lot, especially in terms of their "old-school" button-up pajamas and dressing downs. (Cas himself, with his overcoat, could be plopped in the middle of Mad Men tv series and fit into the surroundings, haha. And although we rarely see Sam carry the motif, but he dips into it in Peace of Mind as well.)

At the end of this episode, we'll see Harper seated in her own retro cafe with the same 50s vibe as well, a Charming Acres-sort of feeling. To me this symbolizes a backwards-looking illusion of perfection, that everything used to be simpler and better, and with enough effort, it can be simpler and better again.

Also there are dragonflies in her bathroom, a bit of a parallel to the lonesome fly plot that Sam and Charlie are on (in this same episode).

This too is the backwards-looking motif, of holding onto the illusory idea of Happiness (TM) so tightly that it becomes tragic and destructive.

///

Since even her idea of Vance isn't real, it's become like Amara's illusory idea of love. It can never let her down. "It can never hurt her."

#harper sayles #spn optimism #jack stuff #jack kline #spn season 14 #spn 14x06 #spn steve yockey #jack relationships #jack discord #honeyedwhiskey #cal

[onyour-right]

I'm gonna have to rewatch this episode a few times cos 'um, excuse me what the actual fuck????

Cate, Catey, Catherine. We're on a break right now. Like, I just can't with her right. I was with her freeing the kids from the woods & telling the security guy to eat his hand, and her point about Marie (and supes) being a product was true; but the whole 'supremacist' speech and then whatever the fuck she was gonna do to Jordan?? Yeaaaa, I'm feeling some kinda way towards her and it's not good, lol.

Although it could be argued that the real fault lies with the adults who were imprisoning, torturing and running experiments on college students, so...

Also the fact that Cate and Sam were the ones who started the whole massacre and yet they're somehow the new guardians of Godolkin ??? Ty-pi-cal. And the fact that the poc were blamed and imprisoned when they were the ones tryna stop the rampage??? One simply has to laugh because otherwise...

Andre's scenes with his father got me. I'm very interested in where they'll take his storyline; the fact that the more he uses his powers the more he's damaging/killing himself. I wish they would have shown more scenes of him struggling after using his powers though, which would explain why he wasn't as useful as others this season.

Emma and Sam. Sam had a bit too much bass in his throat when he was talking to Emma which I didn't like at all. He knows damn well she's been looking out for him when she didnt have to at all. It's giving ill fated lovers - not that one of them necessarily has to die just that I don't think they'll end up together in the long run.

Marie and Jordan. I'm a ride or die for these two; their scenes together were few but impactful. Jordan not stopping Cate/Sam because wifey shook her head?? Love to see it. Marie giving people heart-attacks and blasting off Cate's arm to protect Jordan??? Fucking delightful. Jordan sitting on Marie's hospital bed and waiting for her to wake up? They're married your honour!!! Also can we talk about Jordan dillydallying while walking over to Marie??? It reminded me so much of Rickon in GoT running in a straight line (but at least he fucking ran 🙄) like Jordan????? At least jog a little no?????? Although the way they looked at each other in that scene was fucking cute though. ALSO, Marie did some Katara level blood-bending y'all, I can't wait for her to grow even more into her powers...

I'm not a 'The Boys' watcher so I don't know who that guy at the end was. Is he a good guy, a bad guy??? Either way he feels like someone very important.

Homelander laser beaming Marie and calling her an animal? He needs to die already, he needs to be tortured nice and slow and then die.

#g's thoughts #gen v #marie moreau #jordan li #marie x jordan #limoreau #andre anderson #emma meyer #cate dunlap #sam riordan #i cant believe we're at the end already :( #what am i gonna do with my fridays now????

[starlitangels]

Power Play (Not that Kind)

Star's back? Star's Back! (For at least one one-shot anyway.) 1.6k words

Spoilers for the new video, obviously

—

Porter missed nothing. Years of living—of fighting for survival—as a vampire had taught him to observe everything.

He didn't miss the way Sam's shifter tensed every time a voice was raised. Even Sam's. He didn't miss the way they positioned themself partway between him and Vincent's partner. He didn't miss the scars on their exposed arms glinting slightly in the light of the living room.

He'd heard of them, of course. Living in Dahlia as long as he had. He knew the Shaw Pack's reputation. He'd heard of their sledgehammer. Their... tank. He wasn't in Dahlia, but he'd kept tabs on the city while he was gone. He heard of the single shifter who took on the 50-year-old progeny of an Old Blood and live to tell about it.

He hadn't expected them to be that attractive, though.

Porter missed nothing. Shifters were humans who could change into an animal form. But that didn't mean instincts of the animals they could become didn't linger. Wolf shifters had a reputation for fierce loyalty to anyone they considered pack—legal or not. And apparently the Shaw Pack shifter in front of him had nearly killed themself to protect a friend from the vampire they'd fought.

Porter missed nothing.

This shifter was a protector.

They didn't tense because they didn't like the sound of raised voices or as a trauma reaction from their past. This shifter tensed because if punches started to flying, they were going to protect Vincent's partner.

And given the fact that Vincent's partner didn't seem to notice, the shifter was going to do it without their knowledge or coordination.

Porter missed nothing. He didn't miss the shifter's muscles rolling under their skin. He didn't miss the fury in Vincent's face—though, honestly, it wasn't subtle. He didn't miss Samuel fighting to keep his fangs from extending defensively, even as the man tried to... mediate the situation.

Porter noticed everything. He noticed the confusion on everyone's faces when he announced the Plus One he was bringing to the summit. He noticed that, strangely, the shifter's face was the one to turn from confusion to anger first. They'd remained fairly impassive of expression the whole time. The tension in their body being the only thing that gave them away. Their face had been neutral as stone. He wondered, as he blasted away from Sam's house, what set them off before the others at the mention of bringing his new lover.

—

Vincent and his partner were well out of earshot on their way home by the time I let out a growl and tore a log in half out in the backyard.

Sam was standing on the back porch, leaning against one of the supporting beams with his arms folded, and just watched. I could tell he wanted to ask what was wrong, but he was keeping his questions to himself.

I ignored the axe in the tree stump next to the pile of wood we chopped for the fireplace (usually to blow off steam) and ripped the next log in half. By the time I dropped the pieces of it in the woodpile, I realized I was half-shifted. My nails had become claws, my teeth were too big for my mouth, and the seams of my clothing were straining.

I took several deep breaths. "Bastard," I muttered as the magic eased out and my body went back to normal, full human.

"What're ya thinkin', darlin'?" Sam asked.

I sat in the dirt, not even bothering to go to the back porch steps. "It's a power play," I said. "Bringing an unempowered human to the summit before they have the informed status."

"Mmhmm. I clocked that," Sam agreed. "He's doin' whatever he can to get under... everybody's skin, probably. But especially Vincent's."

I shook my head. "It's not that. I don't think, anyway."

Sam scrunched his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I doubt it's just about pissing all of us off. It's a power play but it's almost a dare. Saying no one can touch him. No one can stop him from doing whatever the hell he wants." I swallowed—hard. "I've seen moves like that before. Taunts. Dares. Begging someone to try to stop him so he'd have an excuse to lash out."

Sam growled low in his chest. His boots thudded down the porch stairs. He sat on the last one. "You never mentioned Quinn did that."

I raked a fingernail through the dirt with a bitter scoff in my throat. "Oh it wasn't Quinn. I had a string of bad partners. Not just him. Quinn was wholeheartedly the worst, but I'm not talking about him this time." I drew another line in the dirt. "I'm talking about Raphael."

Sam cocked his head.

"He was another vampire. Passing through Dahlia on business when I had just barely turned eighteen. He was from a clan up in Washington. That's why I listened to him in the first place. My parents live there. I spent part of my childhood there. He was turned when he was like twenty-one and had only been a vampire for like three years when I met him." I kept doodling, refusing to meet Sam's eyes. "David thinks I didn't fall into a bad crowd until right before I met Quinn. David could fill an encyclopedia with the amount of stuff he doesn't know about my life. I've always been... solitary. Introverted. And for a wolf shifter it's a real pain in the ass to be introverted. Pack members always shove their way into your life when your social battery is at its lowest and expect you to reciprocate.

"But anyway. Raphael seemed nice. But he was definitely part of the shadier... underground vampire scene in the city. The one William managed to mostly wipe out. But not completely, back then. And... I don't know how exactly, but Raphael knew I was powerful, for a shifter.

"He..." I took a deep breath.

"Darlin', you don't have to keep goin'."

"It's okay. This is water far under the bridge." I cleared my throat. "You heard of the gang-drains, right?"

"Several vamps feedin' off one human, usually unempowered. Yeah. Had to heal a couple-a the victims back before I turned. William's still fightin' that fight on gettin' the ban on those enforced."

I nodded. "Raphael took me to some of them. We weren't together long and it ended in flames. But there were three that he took me too. Y'know. A wolf shifter. Who a lot of vampires are well aware of the old feuds with."

Sam scrunched his eyebrows. "Why? What was the point?"

"He was daring the other vampires to confront him about my presence without saying a word. He was showing he had all the power in the situation because none of them were ever brave enough to tell him to have me get lost."

"Why you?"

I shrugged. "I was there. Right magic at the wrong time. Naïve teenage wolf with no self-preservation." I paused. "And... I like to think that he knew if things did go south, I was a wolf that would be able to protect myself. He was a jerk but he was nowhere near as sadistic as Quinn was. I think he just liked to flex."

Sam chewed on his lower lip in thought. "And you think that's what Porter's doin'."

"I think it'd be wise to entertain it as a possibility. We all knew it was a power play the second it was out of his mouth."

"And you looked about ready to rip his fangs out of said mouth before the rest-a us even processed what he said," Sam observed.

"He's needlessly endangering an innocent unempowered human who probably didn't ask for any of this bullsh—" I cut myself off with a hiss. "It's not that I don't trust the Old Bloods and their retinues that will be at the summit not to control themselves. Hell, David and Asher are bringing their unempowered mates." I growled—animalistic and furious. "But if he met them two days ago, that poor human is in far over their head and has no idea what they're walking into. Any explanation he might give them will never do justice to what they could actually experience and—"

"Your friend that Quinn attacked," Sam said softly, his eyes on my furious doodling in the dirt. "You're tryna avoid a repeat performance. Innocent unempowered fallin' victim to a vampire tryna use 'em for his own gain. That's why you got pissed at him before the rest of us even realized what he was sayin'."

I slumped. "I clocked that Porter is a bit of a bastard with his head somewhat up his own ass the second I answered the damn door and he made a pass at me at your expense. But if he's enough of a monster that this goes the way I'm praying it doesn't, you won't stop me from protecting that human he's bringing. Even if it means a giant grey wolf in formalwear rips his arm off in front of every Old Blood in the country."

That almost got Sam to smile, but his expression was still grim. "I wouldn't try, darlin'." He took a deep breath. "You should tell Vincent some of that. Not the whole thing if you're not comfortable but... I think he'd appreciate the insight."

I sighed. "Maybe tomorrow." I pushed myself up so I wasn't sitting in the dirt and brushed off the seat of my jeans. "I'm gonna go for a run. Wanna join?" I moved to start taking off my clothes so I could shift.

Sam was on his feet in a blur of movement. "'Course. If it'll help you blow off some steam. I'll be right by your side."

I kissed him. "Thanks, Sam."

"Always, darlin'."

—

Tag list: @zozo-01 @thegoldenlittlerose @shellssstuff @darlin-collins @pinksparkl (figured I'd add you just to say hello! <3)

#Redacted ASMR #fic #Redacted Porter #Redacted Darlin' #Redacted Sam #Redacted Audio #Starlit Fic

[hugsandchaos]

Okay, so I’m not the biggest fan of the mlp x dp crossovers, but I’m still going to rant about both versions of this very neat idea. And when I say “both versions”, I mean the idea of Danny turning into a pony and the very few fics where he doesn’t.

Idea A

Danny keeping his regular human/ghost form leaves so many unexplored possibilities in my opinion, specifically how he’s introduced. It could be a good ol’ accidental summoning or he could be a new friend of Discord’s. With the first one, it could take place anywhere, which means that we could plop him down in the Everfree Forest, the Crystal Empire, Canterlot, Appleloosa (I think I spelled that right), anywhere! With the second, maybe he was trying to escape the GiW as usual and Discord helped him, or maybe he decided to introduce him to the princesses after it was decided he’d be the king of the Ghost Zone in the future, essentially making him a prince in the meantime. And I can’t stress enough how much I love, love, love this one, but how cool would it be if he had ties to the Everfree Forest because of his existence as a Halfa?!

I’ve always had the idea that a human character would have very small and subtle “ties” to the Everfree because some of the stuff that happens in there happens in our world. Like how when Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Applejack all mentioned that clouds moving, animals taking care of themselves, and plants grown all on their own is unnatural. Knowing this and yet still seeing creatures made of, heavily relying on, or having magic hints that it’s a place that follows some of the laws of our world and some of the rules of their rules, but not quite leaning more towards one of them. Can you see where I’m going with this? Danny’s existence as half dead, half alive, both and neither at the same time is like a more sentient, “living” example of the Everfree Forest! Can you see where my excitement is coming from?!

Idea B

Not exactly as excited about this version as Idea A, but I still love it! I’m going to take this chance to ramble about my own ideas for Tucker and Sam being there, too.

Staying true to the “goth” look she seems to love, I’d love to see her as a bat pony! We’ve already seen what the body outline would look like thanks to Flutterbat, and one of my favorite little details that I want to keep is that her bat wings were twice the size of Pegasus wings. Her coat is obviously black, along with her hair, but her mane and tail would have a pink and/or purple streak. Surprisingly, this new form doesn’t bother her too much because she liked how she looked, but getting used to it was a pain. Unfortunately, this also involved having more sensitive hearing, smell, and eyesight, which gave her more than a couple headaches and sensory issues. No, the fangs aren’t for tearing through flesh, they’re for fruits and veggies. She’d somehow gain the ability to better tell which fruits and veggies are safe for consumption even if they look fine, and even separate the sweetest ones from the rest. I can’t remember much of her, unfortunately, so for now I’ll say her cutie mark is an image of a few vegetables or the recycle mark?

Tucker would be an earth pony, and as a meat lover, he’d have half a meltdown over the fact that he can’t digest it. At least not much at once, or without it being very carefully prepared. Sam laughed, Danny tried to comfort him. Surprisingly, though, they’d come to realize while only meat isn’t the best option for his health, he can apparently digest more than the average pony, and a few of his teeth were slightly more built for this as well! So while his new diet his largely fruits and veggies now, he can still enjoy a few ribs. He’s also considered very intelligent because of his knowledge about handling technology. His cutie mark is an old phone with green wisps circling it.

Finally, Danny. Just like as a human, he has a living form and a ghost form. His living form resembles an earth pony with a tan coat and a black mane and tail, but his ghost form is an alicorn as a symbol of his status as both a halfa and prince of the Ghost Zone. His living form doesn’t have a cutie mark, but his ghost form has a black crown with green flames on his flank. This is a silent hint of how the incident changed his existence. When he’s in his ghost form, the terrifying creatures of the Everfree Forest and pony urban legends recognize his power and back away from him, so he’s starting to use that form a lot more often to keep his friends safe. Now for a couple extra headcanons!

•The whole “terrifying creatures of the Everfree Forest and pony urban legends recognize Danny’s power and back away from him” thing applies to both idea A and idea B, but they’d be more wary of him in idea A because they’ve never seen a human

•With idea B, Applejack might not let Sam into her orchard at first because of the vampire fruit bat incident, but later gets confirmation that she’s not exactly vampiric

•With idea B, Sam seems to be very, very slowly slipping towards a more nocturnal sleep schedule

•In both ideas, they get a bunch of stares from ponies for obvious reasons (in Idea B, it’s because Sam is a bat pony, Tucker eats more meat than most ponies, and Danny either doesn’t have a cutie mark or is in his alicorn form)

•In idea B, Sam and Danny would practice flying at the same time and Tucker would set up a tarp or something underneath

•In idea B, the trio might feel a little stupid for asking questions like how to do magic or fly when they’re almost as big as the mane six, but they’re surprisingly accepting of them asking for help since they’ve told them that they don’t remember having anyone to teach them how to do these things until now (Twilight and Rainbow Dash especially love to each them)

•In idea B, when Twilight casually mentioned having a couple experiments for Danny (because of his two forms), he froze in terror and Tucker immediately jumped in to protect him (Sam wasn’t there), but then she said something like “I’m just going to put a thermometer in your mouth and see if there’s a difference between your forms” and they both calmed down, but now they’re a “little” worried about worse experiments happening to Danny

•In idea B, Sam was also “experimented on”, as in they’d test her senses and discover how they’re better than the average pony’s

#mlp x dp #dp x mlp #mlp #mlp Danny phantom #Danny phantom #sam manson #danny phantom and tucker #Danny Fenton #Danny phantom and Sam #alicorn Danny phantom #bat pony Sam #earth pony Tucker #small ramble #Everfree Forest

[dreamsclock]

clinic duty is taking care of all the pets hurt (which is. a lot. given how the server is)

i know this song technically even a prompt but goddamn i couldn’t resist writing something ;—; no matter what au he’s in, apparently c!dream is always an animal lover!

warnings: trauma, physical injury from torture (mentioned), chronic pain (mentioned), wounded animals (they’re okay!!), infections (mentioned), dead animal (mentioned)!!

“There’s another group of injured horses,” Bad says, apologetically, “Sam wants you to help ‘em out.”

Blinking grit and sleep from his eyes, Dream turns. “Good morning,” he says, dryly, only half awake, “nice to see you too.”

Bad winces. “Sorry! Didn’t mean to be cold. It’s— It’s been a long night.”

“The nights are… always long.” With a grimace and some effort, the clamber to his feet is less awkward and painful than usual. Maybe today will be a good day. “They’re the exact same length every night. In fact, they’re pretty short, I dunno. I feel like I only just fell asleep.”

He does. Every muscle in his body protests against his hobbling movement; his leg creaks under him, and Dream pats the metal absently, reaching with his free hand for his cane. His leg is due for repair — overdue — but the idea of going to Sam for help makes his flesh crawl.

“Where are the horses?” He asks tiredly. There’s an ache in his head already. “Don’t I have any actual patients?”

“Nope.” Bad pops the last sound. The dark circles under his eyes are more pronounced than usual — since escaping from the Egg’s clutches (well, Dream knows escaping is a polite term for what happened) he’s needed more sleep, and it doesn’t seem like he’s getting it. Stifling a yawn, his old friend sinks down into the chair Dream had just stood from, sighing gratefully at the moment of respite. “Server’s been pretty quiet recently. Not much of anything going on. Other than… Ooh, yeah, Ant got some egg vine in a nasty looking wound, but Sapnap took care of it. But other than that, things are peaceful!”

At the front of the prison, the nether portal particles ticking the stubble on his chin he’s get to care enough about to shave, Dream pauses. Something sick and sour rises in the back of his throat.

“…I wish it wasn’t,” he says, before the portal whisks him away with a purple glow and soft hum. He doesn’t bother saying goodbye to Bad. With his luck, he’ll see the other again soon.

The server is peaceful. Only injured animals, which, for Dream, is somehow worse. It’s hard to keep up any kind of act when his only audience is a group of innocent, oblivious animals — when he sees the horses, all of them young, inquisitive, his shoulders slump.

“As annoying as the actual people on this server are, they’re at least easier to diagnose,” he mutters aloud, well aware of the petulance dripping from his voice, “I’m not an animal doctor. I’m not even any kind of doctor, technically.”

One of the horses, Callie, whinnies softly. Her mane is tangled with a dark substance. When he looks closer, it’s dried blood, surrounding a painful looking scrape on her back.

…For just a moment, Dream’s gruff demeanour vanishes entirely. Face softening, he runs one hand over her side, eyes closed.

Callie reminds him of Spirit. He misses them.

When Dream opens his eyes again, it’s down to business. Maybe he can persuade Sam to take on more of his clinic animal hours — as much as he hates his Warden, it’s getting easy to guilt him into things. They’re both going through character development, though he’s not sure either of them are for the better.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he tells Callie, before glancing round at the other horses with a resigned sigh, “and it’s gonna be a long few hours.”

send me apple a day au asks to answer!!

#> au: apple a day #dreblr #> sparrow’s writing !!

[profoundbondfanfic]

☆ Destiel + Curses

Don’t we all wanna know about the crazy hunts? Don’t we all wanna learn about Dean and Cas turning into kids, still determined to “fight baddies”, or about Sam’s time as a woman? And what about Dean’s struggle to deal with his feelings for a certain blue-eyed guy right in the middle of all this strangeness that is their normal life?

--All fic links go to our tagged reviews--

Angelhawke by almaasi [Explicit, 407k words]

A Dean/Cas Fantasy-Drama AU, set in a medieval world where two men are separated by a curse: every sunrise and sunset, both are eternally bound to transform into animals. Every night when darkness falls, Dean Winchester becomes a wolf, and his human mind is lost until the dawn. As the sun rises, his lover Castiel becomes a hawk. Their story has been the same for five years - until the day that a young thief named Sam stumbles into their twisted lives. Without even realising it, he becomes a part of their destiny, their paths entwined in prophecy and fate. Together with a few old friends, they set off on a journey to break the curse, but it won’t be easy. To pass the time, Dean and Castiel take turns to recount their past to Sam, narrating the tale of how they met, how they formed their profound bond, and how they found themselves wanting what no man should ever want: the touch of another man. ‘Angelhawke’ is a saga of forbidden love, friendship, and magic - but above all, family. Partially based on the 1985 movie ‘Ladyhawke’.

Cursed by Destielshipper4Cas [Explicit, 17k words]

Dean’s dick has been cursed and Castiel, best healer witch this side of the woods, is the only one who can help. Only lifting the curse turns out to be more difficult than expected.

Cursed or Not by Ltleflrt [Explicit, 110k words]

While experimenting with magic when he was a kid, Sam accidentally cursed Dean. Now, Dean is forced to wear a spelled amulet constantly, or he’ll turn into a random animal. For a little over a decade, he’s learned to live with the curse, and has even found it useful in some cases, but he sure would be happier without it. When he meets a witch named Castiel, he’s offered a deal. Instead of assuming all witches are bad, Dean can spend a season getting to know him. If at the end of the season, Dean still thinks he’s evil Castiel will send him away with his memory wiped of the whole experience. But if he learns that Castiel is not the monster Dean assumes he is, he’ll lift Dean’s curse. It’s an offer Dean can’t bring himself to pass up.

He’s Kind of a Hairy Fairy by almaasi [Explicit, 24k words]

Dean agreed to help Sam run this summer camp, but he didn’t know he’d have to share a cabin and a bed with his own best friend. No biggie, though. It’s platonic. Except Cas goes and confesses his love for the sake of honesty. Dean’s not ready to say it back. The only way anyone’s getting an “I love you too” out of him is if some meddling witch curses him with fairy wings, and in order to break the spell he has to give in to his heart’s true desires. And THAT’s not gonna happen at a perfectly normal forest camp in Idaho… right?

Just Your Heart, In Exchange For Mine by noxsoulmate [Mature, 46k words]

Dean owns a bakery and Castiel loves his pie. This could be such a cute little bakery love story – if it weren’t for the fact that one was a retired hunter and the other one a powerful witch. There’s also the matter of the black little cat Dean finds in front of his bakery one cold and rainy night. Not to forget the crazy witch on the loose, ripping out other witches’ hearts.

Moonflower by K_K_TiBal [Teen, 18k words]

Castiel is not a very good witch. He’s just not. He struggles with potions, illusions, divination - everything that makes a witch respectable, and his familiar - Dean - definitely deserves better than him. When Dean falls under a curse that seems to affect his shape-shifting abilities, Castiel and Dean begin to run out of money, and Castiel decides the best thing they can do is go after a rare Moonflower to help get themselves back on their feet. The journey could be dangerous, especially considering Castiel’s less-than-ideal abilities and Dean’s curse, but with a little luck, it will all be worth it in the end.

Okay, Let’s Go by Nejinee [Explicit, 25k words]

Sometimes a hunt goes awry and turns into something bordering on the insane. Sometimes, shit just gets weird. These are the excerpts, the hunts no one ever talks about, because Dean doesn’t like to reminisce about the time he was toddler-sized. And Sam’s just gonna bury the memory of the time he was female for a hot second. And Cas is such a dork sometimes, maybe Dean just wants to keep that nugget to himself? Not every hunt is perfect, but who the hell ever expects them to be?

Sparks by vipjuly [Explicit, 21k words]

The creepy house on the corner has been abandoned for years, everyone says. It’s ramshackle and decrepit, the yard overgrown, the wrought iron fence bent and broken in some places. The adults in the neighborhood have asked the city to do something about that eyesore for so long, but the city insists that someone is paying property taxes on the house, therefore they cannot do anything about it. So, everyone ignores it and pretends it doesn’t exist. They definitely don’t go anywhere near it, either. Dean, though. Dean is drawn to it as if by gravity. Little by little, Dean repairs what he can. The monster inside the house ain’t so bad, either. Y'know. For a monster.

The Lover’s Song by FriendofCarlotta [Explicit, 48k words]

Running an independent bookstore in one of the less glamorous California towns doesn’t make you rich, but Dean Winchester’s life is pretty much perfect anyway. He’s got amazing friends, a whip-smart brother and a husband he loves more than anything: novelist Castiel Novak. Then one night, driving home from work, Dean accidentally runs over a cat. The cat’s grieving owner curses Dean: his beloved will lose all memory of him, and Dean has only a year and a day to bring the memories back. Of course, there’s no such thing as a curse. Is there?

The Purple Shield by blackimpala [Explicit, 69k words]

In Spokane, Washington, Dean and Castiel finish a case with a powerful witch. Ready to go back home, they start driving back to the bunker, only to find that a big purple shield is blocking their way, not letting them leave. Forced to remain in that town, Dean and Castiel go to a cabin, where they will have to stay until the two of them find a way to break the spell with the help of Sam and Eileen, who are in the bunker, unable to reach them. In normal circumstances, Dean wouldn’t mind being stuck in such a lovely place with his best friend, but he is secretly in love with Cas and there is only one bed, so things aren’t going to be that easy for Dean.

What Has Eight Tentacles and Isn’t Allowed to Eat Pie? by Annie D [Teen, 16k words]

Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting. Or, the one where Dean gets turned into an octopus.

#destiel #group rec #halloween #curses

[tweltchy]

Well, hello. I haven't been tagged in one of these things for literal years! Was tagged by @c-n-i-d-a-r-i-a-n to fill out a sort of "get to know me" meme. Thanks so much!! To keep this going, I'll tag some beloved mutuals.

@rye-satchel, @kaykayfranco, @lottafuckingshit

3 ships:

Not much of a shipper and the ones I do like are kinda strange, but I got a few that hold a place in my heart. It's not three, tho. Ye get two.

Rarity x Applejack (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

The MLP Resurgence on this website is a gift from above. I get it now........... they are so cute and we stan gay horses. Iconic butch/femme couple....... I don't think I need to say more than that.

Sam Winchester x Castiel (Supernatural)

Feel like i need to justify myself here.

Listen........... i know the show is dumb and stupid and it's over now, but I still think about it. Tbh, I shipped it out of spite at first, but then I kinda started to see potential in it, and now it's one of my OTPs. They are both queer in some way and i will die on that hill. Big sucker for the Friends to Lovers trope, and and and...... idk I just think they're sweet, especially given their growth together in the show. plus Sam doesn't abuse Cass like Dean does so that's a plus lolololololol

IDK. I just think if Cass confessed to Sam, Sam would have at least shown strong emotion. Probably would have tried to sacrifice everything to try and get him back.

first ship:

Zack Fair x Aerith Gainsborough (Final Fantasy VII)

Again, not really much of a shipper, but I remember the first ship that I reeeeeaaally got into was this one. They are just...so perfect for each other.... it's hard not to love them.

last song:

The most underrated as well as the darkest song the band ever made. I think about it constantly and adore it.

last film:

Ginger Snaps (2000)

It's one of my absolute favorite movies of all time. I saw it was free to watch on YouTube and watched it twice in a row. It's so good and a unique take on werewolf stories. I recommend it if you have an interest in werewolves. It is free to watch in English on YouTube, but it's only available to watch in the USA for some reason. It's blocked everywhere else, INCLUDING Canada. ??? That's dumb as hell. Snag a VPN and watch it.

Regardless!! Good movie.

currently reading:

-Lots of TTRPG corebooks/rulebooks.

I love tabletop RPGs!!!!

-Tender Is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica.

Jules Dapper on YouTube sold me on this book, and it's one of my new favorites. Very dark and depressing, but also very compelling!

currently craving:

A BIG sandwich with every vegetable ever.

fav color:

All shades of purple!

relationship status:

Not single.

last google search:

"halifax glove guy"

The fact that this dude is actually real and not some weird urban legend fascinates me more than it should. Stay safe out there, guys.

current obsessions:

-TTRPGs

-BIRDS!!!!

-Kingdom Hearts (my forever fandom and favorite game series ever)

-Final Fantasy series

-Animation and art

Thanks for tagging me!! :D

#meme #tag game #ill be honest. the reason this took so long was because i couldn't think of 3 ships. again. im not much of a shipper anymore. lolololololol. #butbhere it is!! thanks again for tagging me ur so nice ;; #random #long post

[alcamcat]

Try this food

It's the brothers' first time eating at a restaurant. They choose a pizzeria.

-I don't own the game or the characters-

James:

He's prepared, of course he is. Even before they chose a restaurant, he dealt with how to behave in a restaurant, what he and his brothers can and can't do in order not to draw any attention to them. And he is pleasantly surprised. The chair is comfortable, they can all sit together at a table, and the conversations from the other tables are just loud enough for him to comfortably overhear to pick up more information about humans and their behavior. The fact that they are being served inevitably makes him think of the castle. Except that he actually has the choice of what he wants to eat here. And that his brothers (even Damien) get to sit at the table with him. He's previewed the menu, of course, but he's reading it in his mind so Damien can choose. He also keeps an eye on his brothers, James doesn't want them to misbehave.

He orders a shrimp pesto dish.

Erik:

A nice place. As he quietly looks around and takes in everything, he soon realizes that eating out is something he and his brothers should be doing more often. It's quite an experience! Almost all the tables in the room are occupied and Erik is once again amazed at how different people dress. Even when seated at a table together, people don't seem obligated to dress alike. He quickly gets the hang of which tables are being celebrated at and what other reason the visit is based on. He likes the background music and unconsciously tries to listen carefully to perhaps be able to recognize which instruments are being played. Of course, he helps James keep his brothers in check. Good behavior at the dining table is not a problem for him and the fact that he sits in such a way that the waitress occasionally accidentally brushes against him suits him very well. So, he gets two meals for the price of one. He completely ignores the evil eye of his older brother. After all, James would do the same if given the choice, wouldn't he?

He orders a Pizza with extra cheese.

 Sam:

Hungry! Almost starved! These are his thoughts as he enters the restaurant behind his brothers and is led to their seat. It smells good, he has to admit, and the food he sees on the other tables makes his mouth water. He's not picky about food per se, but just being handed a card and apparently expected to read it, makes him wince. Of course, he doesn't show his discomfort, but do people really assume that he can read? And even worse... does he have to be able to read to get food? He listens to Erik, who mumbles softly as he reads part of the menu to Matthew. Doesn't sound so bad, maybe the food makes up for the fact that James keeps admonishing him with his looks. Yes, he will behave! Even Sam realizes that revealing their secret by showing their powers could be dangerous!

He orders a Meat Lovers Pizza.

 Matthew:

Oh wow, such variety of food that he doesn't know... And one dish looks better than the other on the surrounding tables. It's great that people appreciate good food so much! Like Erik, he looks around the restaurant, but is visibly more nervous than his older brother. The fact that it is largely due to the fact that he does not want to show his brothers that he can already read is of course adeptly hidden. His brothers assume he's just over the moon and he lets them think so. He quickly decides on a pizza and spends his time carefully analyzing and understanding his surroundings. He clearly enjoys being around humans and still thinks it was a wonderful idea to get James and Erik to go out to dinner together. After all, sooner or later they have to come into contact with humans, and not just to get energy. A child at a neighboring table hugs his stuffed dog tightly and Matthew catches his younger brother's gaze. Maybe he should create Damien a stuffed animal like that?

He orders a pepperoni Pizza.

 Damien:

Damien really likes the atmosphere in the restaurant! People sit peacefully together and enjoy delicious food and drinks, there is no shouting, no fighting. People's thoughts are relaxed and quiet, there is no danger and being able to decide for himself what he want to eat is a great feeling. Being able to sit at a table like this with his brothers is like a dream come true for him. It's only half disturbing that he can't read the menu himself, but relies on his eldest brother to read it to him in his head. Sam seems to be bothered a lot more that he can't read. Maybe he'll be able to persuade his brother to learn to read and write with him after all? A child sits at a neighboring table and reads the menu to his mother. The child is visibly proud that it was able to read these few lines on its own. Damien would be proud too! The fact that people can and even have to learn to read and write from an early age still fills him with a small pang of jealousy. He is so thankful that he came here with his brothers.

He orders a Pizza Margherita with extra spice.

#seduce me #seduce me james #seduce me erik #seduce me sam #seduce me matthew #seduce me damien #seduce me hc #Headcanon #just thinking #seduce me the otome

[azulashengrottospiano]

yuusona time!! its literally just me (i used the toon picrew again HELP i cant draw)

Name: Auburn

Pronouns: She/They

Species: Human

Dorm: Ramshackle

Class: Class A, No. 9 (Shares a seat with Grim)

Birthday: April 3rd.

Age: 18

Height: 174 centimeters

Dominant Hand: Right.

Homeland: Unknown.

Best Subject: Alchemy

Club: Mountain Lovers

Hobbies: Writing stories.

Pet Peeves: Leaving dirty utensils on the counter.

Talents: Playing music.

Favorite Food: Any kind of cheesecake.

Least Favorite Food: Onions.

Unique Magic: None.

Other Funky Stuff

She didn't think she would be that good at alchemy but was very curious about it. It ended up being her best subject.

They've recently gotten into doodling their classmates and has even painted some of them, but only Grim knows this.

(Brief discussion of their anxiety disorders) Had really bad anxiety the first week of being in Twisted Wonderland that caused them to be physically ill and panicked. Managed to adjust after a while with help from Heartslabyul (minus Ace LMAO) since they were her first real friends here.

Helps Ruggie run errands for Leona because they love to help out with anything and everything. In fact, they feel worse if they aren't helping. This caught the attention of a certain cephalopod.

They really didn't notice Azul until he (kind of) opened up to her at the museum. She realized they have a lot of things in common and got very irritated (lovingly!!) when he thought she was flattering him.

They shrugged it off though, and ultimately decided to let him judge their character as he saw fit since they're not only a terrible liar but are very animated. Then a raging crush hit. Oops.

She was a bit wary of the Leech twins at first because of what everyone said, but once she got to know them she was very open!! She's on good terms with them.

They often have to try to tell Kalim to chill out with his parties because he puts too much pressure on Jamil. He usually doesn't listen and they feel too guilt to stay for long.

They sneak Epel snacks because they cringe at the thought of spending one day in Pomfiore. it's not that they hate Vil, it's just there's no way they could keep up with him.

At first they thought they could be friends with Idia, but the second he opened his mouth they were annoyed. (Know-it-alls being their second highest pet peeve sigh.)

Makes an effort to invite Malleus over as often as possible and has even set aside a room for him when he wants to stay in the ruins he used to find so calming. (They actually feel a little guilty for taking away his safe space.)

They clean up Ramshackle in their spare time because they can't STAND living in a dusty, dirty environment. Grim appreciates this because he doesn't have to help, the demon.

Sam is their favorite faculty member and they always give him a high five after a shopping trip.

#🐙! auburn's yuusona <3 #i'll expand on Me later my hand hurts HAGSFD

[unmaskthemagic]

15. The Devil

Left: the Blood Moon tarot © Sam Guay @samguayart samguay.com

Right: Rider-Waite deck

Element: Earth

Planet: Saturn

Numerology: 15 represents the material and spiritual, i.e. the Magician and the Hierophant and, together, the duality of the Lovers.

Keywords: shadow, dependance, sexuality, impulse, tunnel vision

Quotes: "The Devil is God as he is misunderstood by the wicked." Paul Foster Case; "Shadow owes its birth to light." John Gay; "Sexuality is one of the ways we become enlightened, actually, because it leads us to self knowledge." Alice Walker; "One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar." Helen Keller

Symbols: The creature in the middle is Baphomet, representing the balance between good and evil, male and female, human and animal. Baphomet or the image of a half goat half man has come to represent the Devil. The creature has wings like a bat, symbolic of the vampire bat or sucking blood from its prey, which in turn is symbolic of what happens when we succumb to raw desires. The creature has a hypnotic stare, drawing all towards them. The inverted pentagram represents the dark side of the occult. His right hand is making what is popularly known as the Vulcan salute from Star Trek, but before that it meant a Jewish blessing. The couple in front are a callback to the Lovers. The man and woman are naked and chained up and appear unable to leave, but at closer glance the chains are loose. Their small horns represent them becoming more like the Devil the longer they stay. Their tails represent their animal instincts and the grapes and fire symbolize pleasure and lust.

"The natural man is an enemy to God." That's what I've been taught almost my entire life. Control those evil impulses, wear a bra, we are more civilized than animals, you're being a drama queen. As an autistic child I took those things very seriously and built a strong mask. As I got older, though, I started to question it. The natural man is what keeps us safe, what makes us curious, and it brings new life. Why is it an enemy to God? This card exemplifies what I've been realizing for years now. Natural is NOT evil. Sexuality is NOT shameful. And our shadows do not have to be scary.

I highly recommend the Between the Worlds episode on the Devil. They go over how this card can represent evil, depending on what your version of evil is, but it can also represent nature. They talk about the Devil being the gatekeeper and I think that's my new name for this card. I also love the artistic interpretation on the left, because it can represent that the Devil is inside of us. I always hated it when people would use the excuse, "The Devil made me do it," or "The Devil is really tempting me today," because honestly this was just them shifting the blame from themselves. The snake is a symbol of fertility and creative life force and the snake in the Garden of Eden simply pointed out the shadow that was already there. The patriarchy labeled the snake a symbol of evil, just like they labeled the human body, instincts, and femininity evil.

But really the Devil or the shadow within us is neither good nor evil. It simply is. The Devil stands at the gate and tells me I need to face them, my shadow, to move onto knowledge and enlightenment. They are not a liar, though, and they give me all the options. They also tell me I can succumb to my shadow, the addictive path, or I can avoid and ignore them for a time. The thing is, I'm scared of my shadows (for a good reason, because they can get me into uncomfortable situations), but they aren't inherently bad. In fact, they are a part of me and help me see the depth in life. They bring life, pleasure, beauty, opportunity. Once I acknowledge them and accept them and possibly even love them, I can become a higher self. It's just like Joy accepting Sadness in Inside Out. She isn't going to let Sadness take over the controls at the end, but it's a balance between all the emotions.

So, in a summary of my longwindedness, the Devil may come up if a darker part of myself needs loving. Or maybe I need some distance from a shadow part. Maybe a darkness is coming into my life. I might need to get in touch with my sexuality or trust in my instinct a little more. Or I might need to evaluate a time where I did something impulsively and regretted it. The wild side of me is not flawless, but that doesn't make it evil.

As part of my study, I use the Tarot Card Meanings Workbook by Brigit Esselmont, biddytarotcard.com, brainyquotes.com (I use the card’s keywords to search for quotes that speak to me), Pinterest to look at other artistic interpretations, and Between the Worlds podcast.

#the devil #the devil tarot #autism #tarot #tarot witch #patriarchy #wild #sexuality #beginner witch #witch #witchblr #witchythings #shadow work #shadow

[kinocomix]

Untitled project Devlog #2: Heavy metal is not a single landmass, and it’s actually quite wholesome

When I listen to the doom soundtrack, there’s a part of me that’s always tempted to just do housework. say what you want about Doom’s ability to motivate or energize, but the reason I do it is because the image of someone cleaning their house while blasting all they fear is you is quite amusing to me.

As it turns out, that image I had of someone doing the dishes to Doom being hilarious isn’t that far-fetched, seen as the metal scene takes itself seriously, but the appropriate amount. I think the early 2000’s and what I was personally exposed to may have slightly tainted how I viewed metal. Despite being a lover of the genre myself, I wouldn’t consider myself a metalhead by any stretch of the imagination; I’m far from having the encyclopedic knowledge of metal that others have.

Ronnie James Dio in Metal: A Headbanger's Journey, directed by Sam Dunn

up until a couple of years ago, had you asked me what metal was i would have replied Marilyn Manson, Evanescence and Are you dead yet by children of Bodom– to note I to this day have not heard any of Marilyn Manson’s music nor have i listened to anything else by Children of Bodom. So as you can tell the scope was very narrow. Thankfully though I've since expanded my repertoire to include many other subgenres and bands and I've been very surprised by how vast of a genre it is. This week, I spoke to some wonderful people including the wonderful lads from Fall of Eden, Prominentia and some wonderful folk over on reddit. My goal was to understand their relationship with their music, but also people’s relationship to metal in general: so let's talk about that.

I think it’s important starting out to have a general framework with which to operate in, so by “Metal” I’m referring to any genre of music with big distorted guitars, bass, drums and vocals with a focus on being bombastic and in your face. that includes stuff like Jazz metal, swing metal and fusion metal. we’ll be talking about themes and subject matter in a bit, i’m aware that affects if something falls under certain genres or not.

The first thing I wanted to know about the musicians I spoke to is: why metal? A broad question, definitely, that could easily be answered with “because it’s fun” but it did lead to a lot of informative answers. One thing that came up often is the fact that people discovered the genre at a young age; often this is coupled with the fact that they shared it with someone, be it a friend, sibling, or parent. This is somewhat to be expected: one thing I’ll mention later in this devlog is the fact that humans are naturally social animals so it makes sense that people who love a genre that’s historically and still is to a lesser extent falsely labeled as violent would have fallen in love with it at a young age– partially because people tend to have less prejudice as kids, and because a lot of kids enjoy the naturally loud and rebellious idea of some genres of music.

Another idea that comes up often is catharsis, self expression and the notion of seeing yourself through the music. 

To quote Charbel, the lead singer of Fall of Eden: 

“the extremes you can go to in order to express yourself, it can be simple and complex”. 

Sometimes this is very straight forward, you write a song that evokes themes of sexual assault despite the fact that it’s not necessarily intended:

Korn, Freak on a leash

or you write a song describing how hopeless existence is; how absolutely dark and bleak  and meaningless it is to pray but at the very least, you have a loved one with you, and that makes it suck a little less:

Lamb of god, Walk with me in hell

or maybe you write a song about finding strength in hard times, when the word “human” begins to overlap with the meaning of “unity”:

Gojira, Born in winter

other times this is much less obvious:

Alestorm, Keelhauled

MUCH, much less obvious… 

Cannibal corpse, Evisceration Plague

My understanding is that while the metal scene is very welcoming, it also doesn’t seem to care much if you don’t get it. which is fair, who am i to question that having written entire sections of my comic in a cipher…

keeping in mind that music changes based off of the social fabric it’s built on (we’ll be discussing that as well as the themes and subject matter in a later devlog) it makes sense to consider metal music as outsider culture, despite the fact that it doesn’t fit the textbook definition of “uneducated naive artist discovered after their death”. Metal music isn’t trying to be weird, it’s just trying to be itself, which happens to be weird. Let's go back to that cannibal corpse song I mentioned earlier. it wouldn’t be too far-fetched to say that people listen to that do so for the same reason they watch horror movies: there’s something mystifying about the weird, the scary, the horrific, the morbidly curious. It’s in our nature to seek those out but better yet– to build communities centered around the enjoyment of these things, and that’s honestly beautiful. There's this very evocative video about outsider music that I think explains well why this makes metal fit into that category:

Another question I asked was regarding the artistry itself. As artists you either blow up and get suffocated with people’s attention, or you make peace with the fact that you have a couple of buddies that love what you do. I was pleased to hear this translates to metal musicians too. All too often I see the stereotype of the artist or musician frustrated that no one is looking at/listening to their stuff and I've known one or two musicians myself that fit that description. fortunately that does not seem to be the case in real life– though any musician or artist will tell you that it’s never a bad thing if people interact with what you make. One of the most common answers to “what’s the highlight of your career” is always something regarding being acknowledged or validated which I relate to.

left to right: Sergio from Prominentia, me, Bachir from Prominentia. Also my friend Alaa is there peeking up from the table.

As it turns out, a lot of metal musicians are very chill and extremely nice people. Obviously as is the case with all communities there are the inevitable sour apples, whenever anything gets big you inevitably lose some control over what’s happening on a granular level but that’s to be expected. There's something that Sergio said that stuck with me. When I asked him why he became a musician, he talked about how he wanted others to experience the same fun, freeing music that he did. And honestly I can respect that. 

When asked about what other genres of music they’d do if not metal, the answers were very diverse. it ranged from everything like synthwave, techno, punk to folk, jazz blues and classical music. It should come as no surprise at this point that metal is actually a very complex genre musically, but you don’t need me for that. There are plenty of online resources that can teach you about that, far better than I could possibly hope to.

While I agree that in some media the aspects of communities built around the enjoyment of art might be presented as a little overblown. I do think they’re inevitably still present.

I’ll leave you with this quote from Bruce Dickinson, lead singer of Iron Maiden:

My intention as the frontman is to try to find the guy who’s right at the back of the 30 000 [attendee] festival and sort of go “Yeah! You!”

devlog updates weekly on tuesdays.

goodbye for now!

#graphic novel #comic #devlog #metal #heavy metal #kinocomix #korn #iron maiden #gojira #lamb of god #alestorm #cannibal corpse

[invisiblegarters]

GAP Episode 10

Oh hey, did the title song change? I think it did.

I love when the credits songs change with the mood of the piece. I would love knowing if -

🎵"So please marry me"🎵

-oh. Well there's my answer. The lyrics definitely have to do with what's going on in the episode, ha.

Ah, okay, I get Mon's worries about the money and class differences. Then there's The Worst Grandmother.

Ugh, Kirk. Just ugh. Why did you go straight to The Worst Grandmother? I can't believe that he didn't know that she'd be The Worst about Sam deciding something on her own. I want to like Kirk but he makes it so difficult.

Aw is this a double date? Mon, Sam, Tee and Yuki? Yay!

Why do Cher and Sam together amuse me so much?

The lanterns are so pretty.  And Mon's little proposal was adorable. Too bad Kirk was already busy Kirking everything up.

Sorry, I feel like we're careening towards the 11th Episode of Doom and it's making me grumpy. I can feel it hovering over our heads here, and it has the face of Worst Grandmother. I'm betting she guilts Mon into leaving for Sam's own good, and I'm preemptively annoyed about it. I want Mon to remember her backbone but I fear that it will fail her.

Neung!

She looks happy. The fact that she even asks about Worst Grandmother makes her a nicer person than me. But I do appreciate her giving Sam some tough love. She's spot on about Worst Grandmother. I do understand Sam wanting to blame Neung for what happened with Song (although I think if we're going to go around blaming people there is one a lot closer to home we could start with), but I also agree with Neung that if she didn't go off and live her own life she would have suffocated. And that Sam will suffocate too if she lets her grandmother run hers.

I know it is easy for me to say that she should tell her grandmother to piss off - but ugh. I do wish Sam would realize that she actually has some leverage here. She's literally the last of them who is willing to put up with her grandmother. What's she gonna do if Sam walks away, too? Leave everything to the cats (she doesn't strike me as a cat person, or really an animal person at all, but let's go with it)? To Kirk? She's already cut off or indirectly killed everyone else (yes I am blaming her for Song's death. Why not, they're having a good time passing it around already).

Were Kirk and Sam ever lovers, Worst Grannie? Because I definitely get that impression at all. More like you want to try your hand at being a puppet master but you keep breaking your puppets when they don't do what you want.

I say again, Kirk you are a weenie.

With all the focusing on that ring we're doing, you know that it's gonna come off at some point. Probably at the end of the episode. /doomy doomy doom.

Man, if you told me at the beginning of this that Nop would be speaking sense I would never have believed you. Remember when Mon pushed him down while the sprinklers sprayed him and I thought it was hilarious? Good times. And now here he is actually being the kind of friend that Kirk was supposed to be to Sam. And he's not actually wrong about anything he's saying. AND he's encouraging Mon to find that backbone that we all know she has and talk to Sam and work through it with her. He's being great.

Okay, Sam, I love you but your jealousy is not warranted here. Nop's actually being awesome right now.

I'm lad Mon told Sam. I know that there's gonna be drama and I love it, but I really want them to face this together. I have little doubt that they will in the end, but trying to do it alone, either Mon or Sam, is not the way. Although the end shot standoff is pretty great, visually.

End credits song is different too, isn't it?

*sigh* welp, here we go into the episode eleven doom stretch. And it looks like my loathing for Kirk will continue to grow unimpeded.

I was ROOTING for you, Kirk. We were all ROOTING FOR YOU.

#gap the series #episode 10

[tonystarkbingo]

TSB Round 6 Roundup - Weeks 11 & 12!

Collaborator : hereandnowwearealive Card Number: 6044 Square Filled: R4 - AU: Anime Title: Demon Slayer AU Link: Tumblr Pairings: n/a Word Count: n/a Rating: Gen Major Tags/Triggers: Art fill Summary: A picture of Tony wearing the uniform of a character from the Demon Slayer series, and a bonus picture of that same character wielding an Iron Man gauntlet

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Collaborator : scottxlogan Card Number: 6038 Square Filled: A3 - Free Square Title: The Invitation Link: AO3 Pairings: Tony Stark/Bruce Banner Word Count: 3878 Rating: Teen Major Tags/Triggers: Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic Tony Stark, Awkwardness, Awkward Crush Summary: Fresh out of rehab and trying to get his life back together again, Tony spends his time with Bruce on Tony's private island working to finish a project they started together. When Bruce works up the courage to ask Tony a favor, Tony is met by mixed emotions until Tony sees that perhaps the things he's been secretly thinking about Bruce might not be so one sided.

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Collaborator : PoliZ Card Number: 6019 Square Filled: S3 - S3 - Writing Format: Fairytale-style Narration Title: Flowers for a Dragon Link: AO3 Pairings: Bucky & Morgan (& Tony) Word Count: 566 Rating: Gen Major Tags/Triggers: Fairy Tale style, Recovering!Bucky, Not Endgame Compliant, Friendship, Tony/Bucky if you squint. Summary: Bucky tells Morgan a fairy tale about a king and a dragon.

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More under the cut!

Collaborator : PoliZ Card Number: 6019 Square Filled: A2 - A2 - KINK: Alpha/Beta/Omega Society Title: A Not-So-Mere Relic Link: AO3 Pairings: Steve/Tony Word Count: 827 Rating: Teen Major Tags/Triggers: a/b/o society, collars, alpha!Tony/omega!Steve Summary: Tony examines a distasteful piece of his inheritance; Steve shows him a different way to look at it.

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Collaborator : PoliZ Card Number: 6019 Square Filled: R5 - R5 - Takeout/Pizza Title: Hit Me With Your Best Shot Link: AO3 Pairings: Tony/Clint (IronHawk) Word Count: 2375 Rating: Teen Major Tags/Triggers: IM2 - Canon Divergence, Celebrity Crush, Flirting, shared meal Summary: When Phil Coulson gets called away on an urgent mission, Agent Clint Barton gets brought in to keep Tony Stark focused on solving the problem with the arc reactor. The fact that Clint has a huge crush on the billionaire genius shouldn't matter... right?

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Collaborator : Marveler Card Number: 6010 Square Filled: S1 - Peter Parker Title: Moving In Link: Tumblr Pairings: Tony Stark/Steve Rogers Word Count: 600 Rating: Gen Major Tags/Triggers: Moving In, College Moving In Day, Tony Stark Needs A Hug, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's biological kid Summary: College move-in day is always a stressful one for not only students but families as well and it’s sweet.

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Collaborator : scottxlogan Card Number: 6038 Square Filled: R4 - Dad!Tony Title: The First Time Link: AO3 Pairings: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark Word Count: 5610 Rating: Mature Major Tags/Triggers: Polyamory, Romance, Falling In Love, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia Summary: Falling in love for the first time took Steve, Bucky and Tony down different paths to finding their heart. Falling in love for the second time opened the door to forever love in ways that no one expected to experience once fate brought them all together again.

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Collaborator : Marveler Card Number: 6010 Square Filled: K4 - Steve Rogers Title: College Days: Ch1) Bias Link: AO3 Pairings: Sam Wilson/Steve Rogers Word Count: 1052 Rating: Gen Major Tags/Triggers: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Heartbreak, And they were ROOMMATES Summary: Sam is just a column writer who graduated with a degree in journalism and he writes the sports column at Stark Media, that’s it. Steve Rogers on the other hand is a masterpiece on the American Football field, but that’s not it.

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Collaborator : Startrekkingaroundasgard Card Number: 6005 Square Filled: R1 - Sunrise/sunset Title: Sunset Link: Tumblr Pairings: N/A Word Count: N/a Rating: Gen Major Tags/Triggers: Digital art, sunset palette Summary: Digital drawing of Tony smiling using a sunset colour palette

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Collaborator : Girl Back There Card Number: 6021 Square Filled: R4 - Kink: Deep Throating Title: Aperture Link: AO3 Pairings: Tony/Steve Word Count: 4705 Rating: Explicit Major Tags/Triggers: Dominant Tony, Submissive Steve, Power Imbalance, Humiliation, Safe Sane and Consensual Summary: When the handsome Mr. Stark offered Steve his card and said to call him, Steve found himself interested in the idea of being looked at and made into something Mr. Stark would want to photograph. If it would have been anyone else giving him their card, Steve would have brushed it off and not thought about it again. But something about Tony Stark had Steve curious and accepting the job offer being made to him.

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Collaborator : Marveler Card Number: 6010 Square Filled: A4 - Coffee Shop: AU Title: New York Coffee Link: Tumblr Pairings: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Word Count: 585 Rating: Teen Major Tags/Triggers: Implied Sexual Reference, Kissing Summary: Days in New York are hard, they’re filled with paperwork and meetings and Obie breathing down his neck anytime he says anything of any nature, coffee helps with all these things (or at least most).

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Collaborator : Marveler Card Number: 6010 Square Filled: T2 - Pepperony Title: Smiling Hard Link: AO3 Pairings: Tony Stark/James "Bucky" Barnes, Tony Stark/Pepper Potts Word Count: 1816 Rating: Teen Major Tags/Triggers: Dead parents, Fake relationship, Pinning Summary: Bucky likes Tony so it’s unfortunate that Tony is dating Pepper, or is he?

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Collaborator : rebelmeg Card Number: 6001 Square Filled: K4 - Avengers Title: In the Childrens Ward Link: AO3 Pairings: N/A Word Count: 5500 Rating: Teen Major Tags/Triggers: kid fic, implied/referenced child abuse, hospital, injuries, developing friendships, angst/fluff/humor Summary: Stuck together in the hospital for a couple of days, a group of injured kids start to get to know each other.

#tonystarkbingo #tsb6 #tony stark bingo round 6 #tsb weekly roundup #tsb week 11 #tsb week 12