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bemydoctor · 1 year

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The Cold Shadow

Title: The Cold Shadow

Summary: Bucky is sinking slowly. He is overwhelmed by negative thoughts of the worst kind. Trouble is, he can’t climb back up on his own. Fortunately for him, he doesn’t have to.

Characters: Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson

Trigger warnings: sleep deprivation, alcohol and drug abuse, thoughts of suicide and self-harm, mention of blood, depression, PTSD, mentions of nightmares and night terrors

Other tags: Language, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sad!Bucky, Crying!Bucky, Sam Wilson is a good friend, Bucky Barnes needs a hug, Bucky Barnes gets a hug, Bucky Barnes feels

Notes: Dealing with PTSD is a roller coaster. There are ups and downs, good moments and bad ones. This fic is in no way insinuating that he will miraculously get better after an episode like this. It’s just a chapter on his journey to recovery. It puts him on a path that is hopefully forward and maybe we can hope the next drop of this roller coaster won’t sent him as far back down and he will be better prepared to deal with it and ask for help. All my knowledge on the subject comes from TV shows or other works of fiction besides Google and YouTube, and not from any sort of professional qualification or personal experience. Edited by myself. Please message me if you find anything I might have missed.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44369254/chapters/111587995

Words: 4016

>---<

Bucky listed to the side slowly, eyelids drifting close. His sluggish brain’s delayed response was to get his body upright again.

He blinked blearily, feeling like he was glued to the floor, as if gravity had increased tenfold turning his limbs to lead. His metal arm was so heavy it was just a useless hunk of metal beside him. Moving the fingers on that hand too much of an effort to even bother trying. Anyone who saw it would think it wasn’t even properly connected to his body.

Sometimes, his head would start falling, eyes rolling to the back. On occasion he would catch himself, forcing his mind to work for long enough to lift it again. It wouldn’t stay like that for long and gravity would soon resume its course. Usually, however, it was his head abruptly falling forward and almost hitting his bent knees that would get him to snap it up again. Not too much though. There wasn’t enough energy left in him to get him very far.

He tried to keep his eyelids from drooping, to at least keep them a sliver apart. The tiny slit of blue from the wall across from him slowly getting thinner and thinner. No amount of trying would get him to pry them open again.

A particularly sudden fall of his head woke him. He sluggishly raised it back, getting it to a position it wouldn’t take too much effort to keep it up.

If he had the energy, he would smile for finally getting his mind empty enough to make everything go numb. No amount of alcohol, pills or needles had managed that, his super soldier metabolism too fast to let any of that have any effect. For a moment he had even considered cutting himself. Maybe blood loss would be able to get him there. But then the exhaustion from several unslept days made him consider this.

His dreams had gotten bad enough that sleep was even more torture than wakefulness. Of course, being awake meant thinking too much, feeling too much, hurting too much. But sleeping was even worse. Without any barriers, his subconscious would take over and the nightmares were at a point in which waking up was getting more and more difficult leaving him stuck in a never-ending loop of terror. He would wake up with a sob, drenched in sweat, face covered with tears, lungs sucking in so much air it felt he would pass out straight back to sleep.

So he gave up on sleep altogether.

And right now, because of that, he felt like heaven.

His mind could barely come up with the idea of keeping his body from falling down. Any and all thought had drifted away several hours ago. He was floating in clouds. Finally at peace.

Was this what it would have felt like if the needles had worked?

A deep sense of calm overwhelmed him. He wished he could stay there forever. To just drift away and never wake up again.

Finally be free.

>---<

Sam called Bucky’s name again, his banging on the door more frantic this time.

“Bucky, I know you are in there. Open the door.”

He waited a few beats.

He banged more insistently. “You can’t hide from me, I’m tracking your phone.” More seconds passed. “Bucky, if you don’t open this door, I swear to god I’ll kick it open.”

Still nothing.

Sam sighed. His concern had turned to annoyance when Bucky wouldn’t open the door, but the silence brought the worry back, fiercer than before. This didn’t feel right.

Yes, Bucky would ignore him. He would make Sam wait and knock several times. He would ignore him away, then grumble and groan but would eventually open the door, if only to grunt at Sam and tell him to leave.

Sam shook his head, trying to keep his voice level.

“Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he said as a last attempt to ease the worry away.

He tried the doorknob, not surprised to see it locked. He looked around the nearly empty street. He lowered himself and looked under the mat, finding nothing there. He tried the empty pots on the dead garden next to the entrance and under the rocks nearby.

“Shit!” he swore under his breath.

He would imagine Bucky to be the type to have more than one lock, so even if Sam managed to pick the obvious one, there would be others on the inside.

Sam took in a deep breath and decided to try the window. It was higher than he would have liked but he eventually managed to get it open. He looked around again, hoping no one had called the cops on him.

He jumped through. “Bucky?”

He continued across the empty living space not seeing much out of place until he stopped by the kitchen counter. It was littered with empty whisky and pill bottles scattered around. He picked up a rubber tourniquet, the kind used to give someone an injection. He saw the empty syringes inside the sink and ominous thoughts swam through his mind.

He forced his legs to move again, his heart now hammering in his chest. He turned into the corridor that led to the bedroom then rushed to his friend’s side.

“Bucky!”

Shaky hands hovered over the limp form on the floor. For a moment he retracted them, too scared to proceed. He swallowed thickly and took in the sight of his friend. No obvious signs of injury or smells that could indicate he had overdosed. He wasn’t even clammy. In fact, he was still breathing. Not only that, but his breaths were deep and steady, and Sam realized the man was asleep. Really very asleep.

“Hey, Bucky!” he whispered, trying not to touch him. When he got no response, he tried again, this time in his normal tone. “Buck, wake up!”

Bucky hadn’t even changed his breathing rhythm. Sam took in a deep breath, resisting the urge to call an ambulance. He remembered the empty bottles of medicine on the counter. They wouldn’t have worked on him. He knew super soldiers couldn’t keep drugs in their systems for long enough for them to have any effect. Not without an elephant-sized dose on a constant IV drip.

But that didn’t mean the man wouldn’t try. If he was desperate enough.

“Hey, Buck, it’s Sam.” He touched his friend’s shoulder gently. “Bucky!” He shook him slightly.

No response. He let out a shuddering breath.

Sam shook him. “Wake up, Bucky!” he said more loudly.

This time, he noticed a slight change and the dread started to fade away. Bucky was alright. Just sleeping.

“C’mon, man. Just wake up.”

Sam tapped Bucky’s cheeks which seemed to rouse him a bit. He continued tapping away, not stopping even after he saw eyes squinting and a moan escaping his lips.

“That’s right, open your eyes for me.” He stopped his ministrations to look at him.

When it seemed like Bucky would fall right back to sleep, Sam continued slapping the man gently.

“Ngh.”

A pathetic arm movement that Sam could only guess it was Bucky’s attempt at waving him off made Sam grab Bucky’s chin to turn his head at him.

“Don’t go all lazy on me. Open your eyes.” he said firmly.

“Shhh. Go ‘way.”

Sam grabbed the limp man’s arm and forced him to a sitting position. Bucky slumped a bit and Sam pulled him back up again. Bucky’s reluctance was making Sam’s worry climb up his esophagus. He swallowed it back down. When Bucky started relaxing again Sam held him upright.

“Na, uh. Stay!” Sam commanded.

“M not a puppy,” he slurred.

“Then stop behaving like one. Now open your damn eyes!”

Eyelids fluttered for a few moments before slowly prying open. Bleary eyes blinked slowly, seeming to have difficulty focusing on him.

“Hey,” he said softly. Sam lifted the man’s chin and looked into his eyes, one at a time. He didn’t see anything that would normally worry him.

They started to close again.

“No. Keep looking at me.” Sam continued to search Bucky’s eyes for anything of concern.

Bucky finally focused on him. His brows drew together in annoyance. He rubbed his eyes then had to gall to pout his lips like a petulant child.

“What the hell, man? What happened?”

“I was taking a nap! What does it look like?” He waved around.

“Here? On the floor? In the middle of the corridor?”

Bucky shrugged. “Good place as any,” he murmured.

“What about, I don’t know, the bed?” Sam waved his arms around towards the bedroom.

Bucky brought his knees up against his chest and looped his arms around them. He supported his head on them. “Why are you here?” he said tiredly.

“Because I was worried about you. I’ve been texting and calling you for days!” He sat down in front of him. “Jesus, Bucky, I thought you were dead!”

He lifted his head. “Well, obviously I’m not. Now, will you leave?”

Sam sighed and ran a hand over his face. He looked at Bucky, examining him. The dark circles under his eyes, disheveled hair, unkept beard, and he didn’t need to sniff the air to know he hadn’t showered in days. His heart sank.

Bucky huffed. “Why are you still here?”

“Bucky, please, talk to me. I want to help.”

“Then leave me the fuck alone!” He shook his shoulder away from the hand Sam was about to place there.

Sam shook his head. “That’s all you have to say?”

“What do you want me to say, Sam?” His voice cracked and Sam’s heart also cracked a little along with it.

“You need to let me help you, Bucky.”

>---<

Sam moved to sit next to him then just stayed there by his side, their bodies touching. Bucky felt Sam’s body heat and released a shuddering breath, resisting the urge to lean onto him. For several moments Sam was a constant solid presence that wouldn’t let go. “You are not getting rid of me,” he said.

Bucky hid his face on his hands. For several moments, his entire existence was solely focused on getting a hold of himself and yet the vice grip around his chest wouldn’t let go. He felt it tighten and spread all over his body like a cold shadow that turned everything into misery. The pressure inside his head was getting stronger and stronger until it turned into tears that started to sting at his eyes. He suppressed a sniffle and tried to breathe through it but his eyes continued getting wetter by the minute. He started trembling and couldn’t stop himself.

A warm hand circled around his back. Bucky felt himself lose control when the gentle touch pulled him for an embrace. He let himself breakdown for no other reason than the fact he no longer had the energy to hold back. He buried himself on Sam’s shoulder and simply let go. The hand rubbed circles on his back through his tremors, but it only made the weeping turn into desperate sobs.

He gripped tightly and gave up fighting the tsunami of emotions that flooded out of him. He felt himself unable to stop. Every single tear that his body had ever produced overflowed out of him along with all the snot and spit too. He shook uncontrollably and wrapped his hands around Sam.

Sam held him through wails that felt like it would never end. Every single bad emotion that had clung to his chest over the last several weeks, months, years, being washed away.

Time seemed to have stopped. He didn’t know how long it lasted. He felt like he had been sucked into a vortex and come out the other side dazed and muddled. He sniffed away the last few sobs and broke away from Sam, still shaking, feeling a weird sort of disconnect between himself and his body. He was exhausted. Everything moved too slowly. He sat on the floor, shoulders hunched down, mind numb.

“You good?”

Bucky nodded, not trusting his voice to work.

“Why don’t you take a shower? That will help, ok?”

Bucky nodded again, too tired to argue.

Sam stood then an arm appeared in Bucky’s field of vision. He took the arm and gingerly got up onto his feet. Sam held onto him until he was sure he wouldn’t fall.

Bucky walked timidly, still feeling out of sorts. When he got into the bathroom, the water was already running.

“Do you need any help?”

Bucky shook his head and supported his weight against the sink, looking away.

“Okay,” Sam said before he left, leaving the door open.

Bucky shed his clothes and stepped under the stream, the hot water easing the knots he hadn’t realized he had. For several minutes that’s all that he did. He breathed through the numbness and eventually managed to find the energy to scrub himself.

By the time he was finished, he could barely keep himself upright. He put on the clean pair of sweatpants Sam had left for him at some point during his stupor.

He turned his head slowly when he heard footsteps approaching.

“Hungry? I made you an omelet.”

Bucky shrugged.

“C’mon. It’s ready.”

He sighed, too spent to do anything else. Sam had gone through all that trouble; he might as well try. He dragged his feet all the way to the stool behind the counter where the plate was laid out.

He managed to take a few bites before he found himself unable to swallow any more. He pushed the plate away, looking sheepishly at Sam.

“What about the juice?” Sam looked at him across from the counter.

Bucky forced a few gulps down then put the glass down, surprised to find it empty.

Sam rounded the counter. “C’mon. Time for bed.”

“I’m not a child,” Bucky muttered, shaking his shoulder to get Sam’s hand off.

The comment seemed to have no effect because Sam continued to supervise Bucky all the way into the bedroom. Bucky practically collapsed onto the bed.

“You don’t need to tuck me in too,” he mumbled, even though Sam was already pulling a blanket over him.

He really wanted to complain again, but his eyes were already closing and whatever it was he was going to say, he figured it must be less important than the gentle pull of sleep.

>---<

He woke up surrounded by gentle darkness. A faint light came through the window and Bucky figured it must be nearly morning.

He stared at the ceiling.

It was weird. He felt well rested. His body was relaxed, and his mind refreshed. He tried to remember the last time he felt that way.

He couldn’t.

Then, memories came back to him. The bottles, the pills, the syringes. Sleep depriving himself for days in the hopes of a short reprieve. The thoughts of maybe not waking up again.

And Sam.

He shuffled to the edge of the bed and placed his bare feet down, standing up. He realized his bladder was nearly bursting so he made his way to the bathroom.

After he was done, he followed the faint light and stepped into the living room, finding Sam sitting on the lone armchair in the middle of the room, reading his copy of The Hobbit. Upon hearing Bucky’s footsteps, he looked up, putting the book down.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” He stood. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” he said, failing to contain the annoyed edge to his voice. He shouldn’t be annoyed. Sam was trying to help.

He walked over to the stool and sat down, noticing that all trash had vanished from his place. He also saw that his sink was empty and that the marble had been scrubbed clean. His shoulders sank.

“You didn’t have to clean up.”

Sam walked over to him. “Yes, I had. This place was disgusting.” He moved over to the fridge. “Hungry? I can heat up the rest of that omelet.”

Bucky scratched the back of his head. “What time is it? How long was I out?”

Despite Bucky’s lack of an answer, Sam had taken the omelet out of the fridge and was putting it in the microwave. “I don’t think you want to know the answer to the second question, but it is now sunrise.”

Bucky’s eyebrows rose. “You stayed here all night? Where did you sleep?”

“Don’t worry about that.” Sam shrugged and placed the food in front of Bucky.

Bucky slumped his shoulders, guilt and shame seeping into him. “I’m sorry. You didn’t have to do any of that. Shouldn’t have.” He looked down at the steaming plate, the smell making his stomach growl. “Not for me, anyway,” he continued softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Of course I had to. You’re my friend, Bucky.”

Bucky looked up at him finding it hard to find any words.

He looked down again. “Why?”

Sam chuckled. “What do you mean why?”

He sighed. “Well…” He looked straight at Sam. “The first time you saw me, I ripped the steering wheel off your car before crashing it with you still inside. The second time, I tore your wing out then kicked you down to what should have been your death. Then the third time, after blowing up a tunnel on top of you, I knocked you out, trying to escape custody.” He ran a hand over his face. “Do I need to continue?”

Sam laughed.

The man actually laughed.

“Yeah, but that wasn’t you.”

Bucky shook his head.

He grabbed the fork and started to pick at his omelet, suddenly finding himself too hungry to continue the conversation.

“C’mon. After you finish up, get changed. We’re going out.”

Bucky whipped his head up. “Where are we going?”

Sam waved at his fridge. “You need stuff. Besides three eggs, all you had inside was an empty carton of milk. An empty one. What kind of animal puts an empty carton back into the fridge?”

Bucky decided his eggs were more interesting and was in the middle of stabbing it with a fork when an alarm went off. He looked at the direction it was coming from, seeing his phone next to the TV, blinking and blaring at him.

“Ah, yes. I took the liberty of setting up a few alarms on your phone.”

“What for?” Bucky asked making his way to silence the damn thing. He unlocked it and saw a series of alarms programed into it, all with different names. This one was for waking up. The next one for breakfast. There was one for cleaning, showering, cooking...

“So you don’t forget to take care of yourself.”

Bucky continued to scroll through, finding his entire routine loosely timed out for him. He ground his teeth. “How did you even unlock it?”

Sam smiled. “Did you know you are a very heavy sleeper?”

Bucky slumped back onto the stool and tossed his phone aside.

“Look,” Sam started. “I just want to make sure you don’t spiral out of control again. Keeping a routine might help. And if you hate it, you can always change it to something you like.”

Bucky let go of his fork, suddenly having lost his appetite.

“Keeping busy is a great way to stop thinking about things you shouldn’t be thinking about,” Sam continued. “Keeping a stocked fridge, having stuff inside your place, doing something you like.”

“I don’t need stuff,” he mumbled.

“Yes, you do. You need shelves.” He waved at an empty wall. “Then you need stuff to put on the shelves.” He pointed at an empty space on the floor. “You also need a couch. You know why I didn’t sleep? Because you got nowhere for me to.” He paused. “You need a coffee table. Some magazines to put on it. A side table over there.” More pointing. “And then some more stuff to put on it. Some pictures on the walls would be nice. Some plants that aren’t dead, knickknacks, throw pillows, I don’t know, whatever it takes to make this place feel like it’s yours.” He walked closer to him. “I can help you with all of that. You don’t even need to ask.” He tilted his head. “In fact, I insist. And if you don’t go shopping with me, I’ll go by myself and buy everything on my own and have it delivered. Possibly choosing the worst possible color.”

Bucky finally looked up at him.

“When you wake up and open your eyes, you will find yourself somewhere that feels like it belongs to you. Not an empty shell.”

“What if I can’t stop thinking, Sam?” His tone was quiet, defeated. He slumped even further onto the stool.

“Then you can talk to me.” He took a deep breath. “If reading a book, going to the movies and cooking dinner won’t work, you call me. Talk to me, yell at me, doesn’t matter, just don’t keep everything in then try to pour it out in all the wrong ways.”

Bucky suddenly felt his chest constricting again and had to breathe through several times to get himself back under control. “I don’t know how.” His voice still sounded hoarse.

“Then I’ll help you. Because that’s what friends do.” Sam placed a hand on his shoulder. “You are not in this alone and I’m sorry if I made you feel like you were.”

Tears started to sting at his eyes. He blinked them away. He still felt like he didn’t deserve any of it. He certainly didn’t deserve Sam.

He sniffed and wiped away the tears. He was tired. He was bone tired of always feeling like his body weighed a hundred tons. That every step was a chore and that every moment that he lived was one he didn’t deserve. He was tired of thinking, he was tired of feeling, he was tired of being miserable. He looked up at Sam.

“Can you try that for me?”

Bucky shrugged a shoulder. “Don’t know.”

“C’mon. Get dressed.”

Bucky looked out of the window. “It’s too early.”

“You’ll be surprised how early some places open.”

He didn’t know that was true or not but he knew there was no fighting him. Sam would keep bugging him and bossing him around so he just complied.

“Fine.”

>---<

The door closed behind him and Bucky made his way to the kitchen. Sam walked over to the counter and placed the shopping bags down, Bucky following suit. There were too many things, in way too many bags, what seemed like an excessive amount of food for someone that grew up during the Great Depression. Bucky placed his hands on the counter and just stared.

Sam started to take packages out of the bags and spreading them around. “Are you going to help or not?”

By the time they were done, cupboards were full and the fridge fully stocked. Everything from canned foods that could feed him for a year, to just enough vegetables to last a week.

“I still don’t think it was all necessary.”

Sam ignored his comment, talking the items that weren’t food over near the armchair. He looked back at Bucky then let go of the stack of books and magazines on what seemed like an imaginary coffee table. The items scattered across the floor.

There was something about the scene that almost made Bucky chuckle, but he resisted the urge.

“Come on. You thought that was funny. Admit it.”

Bucky glared at him. “Hilarious.”

“Yes, it was.”

Sam was now grinning, his unwavering smile lighting up the room. Bucky failed to keep his lip from quirking slightly upwards. He rested his hands on his hips and shook his head, lowering it until his chin touched his chest.

“That was so fucking stupid.”

Sam raised a shoulder. “Whatever works, man.”

Bucky let himself finally smile. It wasn’t a grin, and it didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it was the smile from someone that was finally feeling warm air after weeks of being freezing cold.

“Thanks, Sam.”

>---<

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megamindsecretlair · 10 months

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Megamind's Secret Files

Formally posted on MegamindsLair.

All fics are Black/Fem coded. All fics are consensual.

Rules and Navigation:

Welcome! Thank you so much for being interested in my blog! I want to make this a safe space for everyone. Please heed all warnings on all my posts. Consider changing your icon and header to prove you're human. Add ages so I can be sure minors are not interacting with my blog.

Anon asks are turned on but don't abuse it with slurs, insults, or demands. Don't make me act out character because you have a stick up your butt. Scroll, move on, or block me. Simple as that. This is where I go to act up and I will not be bullied in my own safe space.

This is for GROWN-GROWN folks. I post adult content and it's incredibly rude to ignore my multiple warnings for minors not to interact.

Requests are tentatively open but please know that I have a hectic home life, a squirrel brain, and multiple issues that prevent me from getting to requests quickly. If you submit a request, I have the right to refuse, deny, or take my time to let the story marinate before writing it. I am not a machine. Please be patient with me.

My tags are all over the place. But generally, you can find:

#Megaminds Updates - general updates about my fics or life in general

#Megaminds Asks - useful for anon asks

#Megamind Be Watching - tv/film recs

#Megamind Be Reading - fic recs/book recs

#Megaminds Musings - my unhinged takes on things currently occupying my brain

#Megaminds Reblogs - not sure about my stories? You can find reactions from lovelies who took the time to reblog and comment

Likes are always appreciated, but it's hard to know if you liked the story based on that. Please consider reblogging and commenting to support writers! Liking it means you like it and you're the only one who gets to see it. Reblogging it means you want others to read it too!

How to get on my taglist!

The Secret Loki Files

The Secret Bucky Files

The Secret Nomad Steve Files

The Secret Sam Wilson Files

WARNING: multiple uses of the n-word. Coded for Tyrone/Los Angeles

The Secret Tyrone Files

The Secret Isaac Files

WARNING: multiple uses of the n-word

The Secret Franklin Saint Files

The Secret Kane Files

Warning - can turn dark but always consensual. When not stated otherwise, Ghostface is usually anonymous and coded Black.

The Secret Ghostface Files

The Secret King Ghezo Files

The Secret Tre Files

The Secret Javier Pena Files

The Secret Big Stunna Files

The Secret Kevin Atwater Files

The Secret Lamont Files

The Secret David Kane Files

The Secret Jatemme Files

No Big Deal Original Writing

Thank you so much for being interested. Happy reading!

How to get on my taglist!

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pray4saint · 8 months

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i think most of my favourite characters, if not all, are neurodivergent even when they're just that 'quirky' character

and they are ALL my spirit animal

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carcrash429 · 7 months

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wait

hang on

Sam Wilson is from Louisiana and his codename is FALCON

...

*jots down a football joke to throw into a story sometime*

#carcrash rambles #sam wilson #atlanta falcons #new orleans saints

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blacclotusss · 6 months

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Author Question Tag

Thanks for the tag @sygoflyy 😘🖤

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

I currently have eleven works up!

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

68,809

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I mostly write for Interview with the Vampire. I have a work under TFATWS, Chevalier (2022), and Mayfair Witches, but they tie in with IWTV.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

In Fashion: Louis de Pointe du Lac

Man of My Adoration

The Maternity Monologue

Love to Love You Baby

Is This What You Want?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Of course! I think I've responded to every comment I've gotten and it's because it's so funny that people are reading my little fics. Brings a smile to my face every time!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Even though it's not finished, the lastest chapter Man of My Adoration is very angsty and it's a cliffhanger.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I write fluff so most of my fics have happy endings!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. I write rare pairs so a lot of people aren't reading them in the first place.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I write gay smut sprinkled in with a hint of blood play *giggles*

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've written?

I've written a few crossovers. It's not crazy but I wrote a Sam Wilson x Louis de Pointe du Lac crossover simply because they're from the same state and I think they look good together.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. I hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not at all!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, but it's anonymous *blushes*

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

The reason I even read fan fiction in the first place!

15. What's a WIP that you want to finish but you doubt you ever will?

I only have two WIPs, but I definitely think I'll end them; already have the endings in my head.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think world building is one of my strong suits, mainly because I'm a visual person and I like reading stuff I can imagine in my head exactly how it's written.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I have trouble keeping the reader on their toes when reading. I feel like some of my stuff is predictable and I want to change that.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

It can be a bit difficult, especially since most languages have their own formalities and informalities, but I don't mind it at all. Adds a little something extra to the writing.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Specifically, the show.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Letters to the One I Love

So bittersweet but I adore it so much!

#iwtv #sambucky #chevalier de saint georges #louis de pointe du lac #sam wilson captain america

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chxrryhansen · 3 months

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౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ Cherry’s Cevans One Shot Rec List

here you will find all of my favourite chris evans + characters fanfiction recommendations, i have many more to add and will continue to update this list. Please don’t forget to reblog these amazing writers fics as they deserve so much love!💘💘

Walk On The Wild Side - @hansensgirl

you just wanted to go for a stroll down the road—but he wants you to take a walk on the wild side. (Dark!Chris Evans)

You Better Not Pout, Better Not Cry - @hansensgirl

they know if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake. (Dark!Multi character) - i would add every single one of her fics to this list if i could💘

Sinful Devotion - @evansbby

Lloyd promises to let you go, but he demands a depraved repayment. (In other words, Lloyd pops your cherry)- my favourite writer in the whole universe💘

Smothered With Bliss - @whereireid

Is it hard being married to the most influential man in America? You most certainly think it is. — Steve Rogers: Captain America, the heart of his nation, the soul of his country. After returning home from a particularly bad day at work, Steve finally snaps, deciding you need re-educating on how to be the perfect housewife.

The Night - @misshoneybee

Working as the Barber family's nanny is a piece of cake, but what happens when the dad you've been tip-toeing around all year comes home late one night to find you asleep in his bed, wearing his favorite sweater?

Little Miss Red - @anika-ann

Ransom’s looking for a good time tonight, when you walk through the door, he knows he’ll get it. And you? Oh you’ll get it too. He's going to make sure of it.

Unholy Errand - @buckets-and-trees

You're caught in the crosshairs when a hit goes out for your boss. (Dark!Lloyd Hansen + Dark! God The Bounty Hunter + Ransom Drysdale)

What A Shirt Can Tell - @justalonelyslytherin

5+2 times Colin asked 'Is that my shirt?' plus the one time he got asked it. Aka a look through the journey of Colin and his girl, each in which his shirts play an important role.

Start Again - @wkemeup

A chemical spill, uncontrollable desires rushed to the surface, an unbridled need, and the consequences in the aftermath (Steve Rogers)

Daddy’s Little Pet - @sinner-as-saint

You and Steve are the epitome of ‘opposites attract’. He is the American hero, a super soldier who is known for his bravery, and righteousness and for being the one leading the Avengers. You, on the other hand, are a well-known fashion designer in the city. Creator and owner of your own brand, and elite boutique. At first glance, it doesn’t seem like you and Steve would be compatible. But you surprisingly are. And behind closed doors, in secrecy – you two are each other’s solace, each other’s definition of home. He’s your strong, loving and caring man. And you, his lovely, little pet whom he adores more than life itself.

Good Girls And Skype Calls - @youre-deadangel

chris gives you a treat for behaving.

Afternoon Delight - @christowhore

you're steve's live-in housekeeper and find your boss and his friends having a bbq on a heatwave stricken afternoon. they invite you to join them and show you all the pleasurable ways to cool down from the sun. (SoftDark!Steve Rogers + Sam Wilson + Bucky Barnes)

Got You - @hispeculiartreasure

The two of you had grown close over the last year; first as teammates, then as friends. You had been distant at the start, just as he had. Slowly, agonizingly - blood, sweat, and tears were definitely involved - walls were dismantled. A current of trust ran between you, one which caught Steve by surprise. As dense as he could be about matters of the heart, suspicions of his blossoming romantic feelings being mutual had proven true with a simple kiss. (Sex Pollen, Steve Rogers)

Golden Boy - @bucksfucks

you’ve always called steve the golden boy, but he snaps one night and decides to show you he’s anything but. (Roommate!Steve Rogers)

It Must Be That Old Evil Spirit - @vonalyn

There’s something unsettling about his demeanor but you can’t quite put your finger on it. As if there’s something hiding beneath the surface just waiting to pry its way out of the tight shirt across his broad frame and tear your throat out. Maybe it’s your general unease around others when you’re traveling alone, or maybe it’s just him. (Jack-O-Lantern!Ari Levinson)

Stupid Kitty - @onsunnyside

Your father wrongfully entrusted Lloyd to care for you—it’s too bad he’ll never get you back. (Lloyd Hansen x Cat-Hybrid!Reader)

Manners- Or Lack Of Them - @rogerswifesblog

Ransom wants you, the sweet girl at the bar…but you’re not what he expected you to be. (Sub!Ransom Drysdale + Mommy!Reader)

Shadow Boxer - @mypoisonedvine

you’re stuck in the same destructive cycle with ransom, but maybe you don’t want to get out of it. (Angst + Smut, Ransom Drysdale)

It’s Not A Challenge - @gagmebucky

His jaw ticks. “It’s not a challenge, doll,” he bites out. “It’s a warning. If I tried to get inside you, I’d split you in half in the process.” His eyes flicker down, and your nipples are pebbles against the thin, easily-rippable fabric—you’re testing him, and he’s failing. “Goddamn it,” he hisses underneath his breath. “That - that shouldn’t turn you on.” Bristling, he drops his hand and pedals backward—he’s on his last thread, and it’s his sole chance to make a clear-headed decision. (Boxer!Steve Rogers)

Pretty Princess - @frostironfudge

Andy Barber gets jealous when he presumes you shared a room with one of his associates.

Over And Over - @frostironfudge

Ari Levinson is a possessive man, he'll punish you till you apologise.

Such A Good Boy - @lilacevans

You and Ari attend a business meeting, and at the beginning the other boss you're meeting with just assumes that Ari is the one in charge; however, that's not the case. While you look dainty, angelic, like you couldn't even hurt a fly, you're the one who runs the family and will not hesitate to fuck up anyone who stands in your way. (Puppy!Ari Levinson) - one of my favourite fics EVER.💘

Breathe - @buckyownsmylife

The one where the new co-star is obsessed with the idea of making Chris hers, but he makes sure to show her you’re the only one for him.

Justified - @dbnightingale24

Ransom has always been the center of your world you’ve always been the center of his. However, when he can’t change his ways and you’re tired of the heartbreak, is it really so bad if you think it’s best to walk away? Ransom thinks so. - one of the sweetest most talented writers i have ever met💘

My, My, My - @1800jjbarnes

Stevie couldn't help it. Every time he saw you, he felt himself grow heavy in his slacks. You were everything he needed. And he needed you now.

All The Time - @geminixevans-stan

He is one of the most powerful men on earth but there’s more worse than him (Dark!Lloyd Hansen + Dark!Nick Fowler)

Snack - @katherineswritingsblog

he just wants his snack- which is you.

Watchful Eyes - @espinosaurusrexex

When your best friend gets you a new job, cleaning the apartment of the most successful man in New York City, you don't hesitate to accept. The pay is more than good, and the man himself is better than any eye candy you have ever seen. Unbeknownst to you, you've caught his attention just as much. Steve can't keep his mind off you, so much so, that he drives everyone around him insane with his grumpiness when you aren't around. It seems like he has to take matters into his own hands when he realizes, you're too shy to take things further yourself. (CEO!Steve Rogers)

Cherry On Top - @dcllbows

you’ve found your favorite way to help your daddy with his grownup work. (Ddlg, Daddy!Andy Barber)

Voracious - @arilevinsons

The first time he set eyes on you; you were his sudden infatuation. (DarkProfessor!Ari Levinson)

Best Friend’s Dad - @imyourbratzdoll

you've been pining over your best friend's dad and decide to take your chance, knowing he's out and your best friend is asleep, you be a little bit naughty and touch yourself on his bed, not knowing he's coming home early.

The Breeding Ground - @fl0werfae

To others, Ari’s house was a breeding ground for him and his omega, but to him it was just fulfilling her purpose of carrying his pups. (Alpha!Ari Levinson)

My Sweet Pea - @mavsstar

Mr. Levinson lives right next door to you, the sweet, innocent college girl. Little do you know that you're Mr. Levinson's favorite neighbor. He's there every chance you need the slightest of help, maybe a little too much. (Trailer Park Au)

Like A Movie Scene In The Sweetest Dream - @worksby-d

Johnny’s always been on your “no” list, but you've finally agreed to work with him. (Pornstar!Johnny Storm)

Easy As Pie - @navybrat817

You bake pies for Andy, but you're still his favorite treat.

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans fanfic #chxrrys fic recs #fic recs #chris evans fic recs #steve rogers fic recs #steve rogers #ransom drysdale #chris evans smut #andy barber #lloyd hansen #ari levinson #johnny storm #steve rogers smut #ari levinson smut

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thesiltverses · 8 months

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[Description; a woman stands on a rock, staring out to sea. The caption reads, 'This is the war's one successful conquest - and nobody living will ever benefit from it.']

The Silt Verses Chapter 31 has arrived.

In Glottage, Adjudicator Shrue attempts to pave the way for the legalisation of the Parish of Tide and Flesh. Far to the north, a Peninsulan battle-saint makes her mark on the enemy.

Warnings: This episode features moderate body horror and bloody violence.

This episode features Alex Nursall as Sam Kincannon, Felix Trench as Adjudicator Cross, GM Hakim as Private Tainsley, Marta da Silva as Val, Sarah Griffin as Adjudicator Shrue, Yinan Shentu as the Radio Exec, Daisy McNamara as the TSV Dealer and CLS Police Officer, Rhys Lawton as Press Secretary Carson, and Dave Wilson as Sergeant Loughton.

Additional voices by AJ Fidalgo, Alyssa Petrie and Steven Zivic.

Directed by Muna Hussen; writing and sound design by Jon Ware

Transcript: https://www.thesiltverses.com/transcript-chapter-31

#the silt verses

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thisphantomlife · 3 months

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Songs Hozier has covered

Bowie - Changes, Young Americans (see also Trinity Orchestra section)

Prince - I Wanna Be Your Lover, Raspberry Beret, Jungle Love

James Carr - The Dark End Of The Street

The Beatles - Blackbird

John Lennon (Donny Hathaway version) - Jealous Guy (at the goldenplec block party with Zaska)

Ariana Grande - Problem

Warren G - Regulate (mashup with Problem)

James Blake - Retrograde

Tom Waits - Strange Weather

Florence and the Machine - Cosmic Love

Stevie Wonder - Living for the City, As

Sting - 7 Days

The BeeGees - To Love Somebody

Lauryn Hill - Doo Wop (that thing)

Amerie - One Thing

Skip James - Illinois Blues

Muddy Waters - Catfish Blues

Van Morrison - Caravan, Sweet Thing, Domino, Brown Eyed Girl, Saint Dominic’s Preview

Bill Withers - Ain’t No Sunshine

Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know

Demi Lovato - Sorry Not Sorry

Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love

Fun - We Are Young

Paul Simon - Bridge Over Troubled Water

Sam Smith - Lay Me Down

Destiny’s Child - Say My Name

Britney Spears - Toxic (snippet)

The Band - The Weight

Otis Rush version of Willie Dixon and the Big Three Trio - My Love Will Never Die

The Talking Heads - Burning Down the House (Instagram live messing around with friends)

The Staple Singers - Let’s Do it Again

The Weather Forecast 🤪

Ed Lewis - I Be So Glad When the Sun Goes Down (Instagram snippet)

Mavis Staples - Eyes on the Prize

Jackie Wilson - (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher

The Meters - Just Kissed My Baby

Christmas Songs - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Winter Wonderland, Santa Claus is Coming to Town (with others at the Xmas Eve Ball 2015)

Traditional Irish songs - My Lagan Love, The Humours of Whiskey, I Am Stretched On Your Grave, The Rolling Wave (on the low whistle), The Parting Glass, The Lonely Jig (on the low whistle)

(Live) Collabs - that are not Andrew’s own songs

Alvin Youngblood Hart - Illinois Blues

Maren Morris - The Bones, My Church, Girl, The Tree

Annie Lennox - I Put a Spell on You (Screamin Jay Hawkins cover)

Tom Odell - Another Love

Noah Kahan - Northern Attitude

Allison Russell - Requiem, Stop Dragging My Heart Around (Stevie Nicks & Tom Petty cover)

Brandi Carlile - The Joke, Walk On (U2 cover), The Weight (The Band cover)

Jamala - Walk On (U2 cover)

Mavis Staples - The Weight (The Band cover), Keep Your Eyes on the Prize (with Our Native Daughters, Jason Isbell and Phil Cook)

Boygenius - Salt in the Wound

Alana Henderson - Ae Fond Kiss (poem by Robert Burns)

U2 - When Love Comes to Town

Tori Kelly - Blackbird (the Beatles cover)

Mumford and Sons - Guiding Light, Awake My Soul, With a Little Help From My Friends (Beatles cover, with other artists)

Lake Street Dive - Everyday People (Sly and the Family Stone cover)

Rachael Price - Rental Love

Victoria Canal - Swan Song

Elwood (his dog) - Don’t Go Breaking My Heart (Elton John and Kiki Dee cover, Insta snippet)

All the artists at Love Rocks NYC 2022 - Like A Rolling Stone (Bob Dylan cover), Feeling Alright (Traffic cover)

Brian Kennedy (and others) - I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel to Be Free (Nina Simone cover)

His Dad - The Weight (The Band cover at MSG)

Zaska, Wyvern Lingo, Loah - Sir Duke (Stevie Wonder cover)

Eabha McMahon - Bright Blue Rose (Jimmy McCarthy cover)

Christmas Eve Busk 2015

Bono, Glen Hansard - When Love Comes to Town, Every Breaking Wave

Glen Hansard, Imelda May - The Dark End of the Street (James Carr cover)

Christmas Eve Busk 2017

Glen Hansard, Coronas, Imelda May, Liam O Maonlaoi - So This is Christmas (John Lennon cover), The Aul Triangle

Music Groups

Nova Collective - (original songs) Tuile, Closer, Quick Bossa

Zaska - (original songs) In Your Own Sweet Time, Different Light, She Gunk Gunk Dunk A Funk, Oh Yeah

Anuna - with Andrew on lead vocals: The Raid, La Chanson de Mardi Gras. With Andrew in the choir: Jingle Bells, An Uaithne

The Wiggles - Cherry Tree Carol with Anuna

Trinity Orchestra - songs covered with Andrew on lead vocals

~ Queen - Somebody To Love, Don’t Stop Me Now

~ Arcade Fire - My Body is a Cage

~ Pink Floyd - Time, Breathe, Comfortably Numb, Shine on You Crazy Diamond, Money

~ Michael Jackson - Earth Song, Black or White, Smooth Criminal

~ David Bowie - Heroes

*This list may not be complete. It only contains songs that can be found online.

Please let me know if any songs are missing so I can add them 🫶

I’ve not included the songs he sang snippets of on that Song Association interview

#hozier #hozier covers #hozier collabs #list of songs Hozier has covered

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intrepidacious · 7 months

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🍁 september reading ☕️

fall is finally upon us, and thus the season in which i finally return to reading a lot of awesome fics on here, apparently <3

it's been very fun to keep track of all of the reading i'm doing on here for the stardust reading challenge, thank you again @liraketo for this marvellous idea!! i might continue doing something like this in the future. we'll see. until then, enjoy some truly magnificent writings by some amazing authors, and as always remember to heed each fic's warnings!! happy halloween season 🧡

✩ Ransom Drysdale

ink and intimacy by @eloquentreverie

murderer monday by @littlelioncub43

✩ Bucky Barnes

always. by @nickfowlerrr

i loved you in secret by @sinner-as-saint

soft hearts, gentle words by @rookthorne

my first and only by @buckyalpine

a lonely night by @marvelouslizzie

love bites by @fandoms-writings

blood sweat and tears by @treatbuckywkisses

replace me by @/fandoms-writings

heaven on earth by @navybrat817

co-parenting pt. 2 & pt. 3 by @malum-forev

where did the time go? by @/navybrat817

petrichor by @thornsnvultures

as he sees fit by @/navybrat817

sunshine by @imaginearyparties

the rumour (ao3) by @sidepartskinnyjeans

✩ Curtis Everett

the stars don't compare to you by @/eloquentreverie

✩ Eddie Munson

the saddest thing you will ever read by @/thornsnvultures

rockstar!eddie by @aphrogeneias

no more tears by @/aphrogeneias

✩ Sam Wilson

dancing's when i think of you by @targaryenvampireslayer

✩ Steve Rogers

wrong number by @marvelettesassemblenow

maple latte by @sarahwroteathing

apples and cherries by @/sarahwroteathing

behind the picture by @rogerswifesblog

the expedition by @scrumptious-delusion

✩ Jake "Hangman" Seresin

uncle jake and auntie ace by @demxters

motel california by @/demxters

✩ Nick Fowler

partners in crime by @/navybrat817

an easy deal to make by @witchywithwhiskey

✩ Dick Grayson

ready to catch them by @sanguineterrain

✩ Headcanons and misc.

cevans characters and babies by @brandycranby and @ronearoundblindly

cevans characters and being sleep deprived by @/brandycranby

in his name: the heroes by @/brandycranby

in the spirit of magical co-operation (ao3, dramione) by @pellucid-constellations

wait and hope (ao3, dramione) by @mightbewriting

#stardust reblog challenge #fic recs #intrepidacious

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vogueman · 1 year

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Ross Lynch photographed by Sam Wilson for Wonderland, Spring 2018. Ross wears shirt and neck tie Saint Laurent by Anthony Vaccarello, jeans Dior Homme and trainers Converse

#Ross Lynch #fashion #aesthetic #menswear #style #saint laurent #dior #converse

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valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn · 4 months

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Hey marvel, here’s an idea, maybe you could highlight other characters or you know upcoming characters who will be an important part of the upcoming projects, like you know SAM WILSON

I honestly find it horrible that they’re pushing so hard for the white Mary sue CCz, who can do absolutely nothing wrong 🙄 when we have a Captain America that should be explored further, who has absolutely deserved his spot

Sam was given the shield five years ago. FIVE. And we've seen him once since then. But Saint Maggy? Oh, she's been in Season 1 of What If, MoM and almost every ep of Season 2. She even got some lame-ass line about how little girls in Russia dream of being like her (because why would they want to be like Natasha Romanoff, right? British S.H.I.E.L.D. founder Saint Maggy is totally someone Russian kids would idolize 🤦‍♀️).

S.H.I.E.L.D. looked elsewhere when it came to Isaiah and now Marvel is doing the same with Sam. He's there in the shadows, to be used only occasionally, but when it comes to having a Captain they prefer their Saint Maggy who apparently can withstand any and all power thrown her way: stones, Hela's helmet, the Infinity suit... but Carol hardly made it to EG because she was too OP? 🤔

They should look at how Sylvie was received in the fanbase to realize doing this doesn't work. They think giving the helmet, the green suit, the magic and a tragic backstory told in ONE line is enough to make us love Sylvie like we've loved Loki for a decade + giving the shield and even the catchphrase to Saint Maggy is going to make us love her like we loved Steve, as if we loved both those characters for something as superficial as that. Ask a Steve and a Loki fan what they love from them and the helmet/shield is going to be pretty far down the list.

#anti peggy carter

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ao3feed-irondadspiderson · 7 months

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Written in the scars

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50168434 by Dorthea “Peter, could you tell me about what’s going on in that head of yours?” Sam tries to distract from the stitches, from the necessary work, that would allow the wound to heal. But he also needed to know what had happened, why it had happened, how he could help, how he could prevent it from happening again. “I can see the gears ticking in there. What has you so wound up?” “I-“ Peter stops himself. Sam watches carefully as Peter takes a deep breath, giving the kid space to center himself, to calm himself. “I… I didn’t mean to,” Peter stammers out, eyes still glued to the floor, “I just, but then… I-“Then the first sob echoes from him, and tears stream down his cheeks, leaving wet trails behind. “Please, I… don’t tell dad… don’t tell Tony I-“ “Hey, hey” Sam snaps his fingers in front of Peter’s face, attempting to get him to look up at him. Meeting him at Peter’s level. “You did nothing wrong, okay? You’re okay. No one blames you for this, it’s okay. You are safe here. Alright?” Words: 2481, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 5 of Bad Things Happen Bingo 2023 Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Peter Parker, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Tony Stark Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Sam Wilson Additional Tags: Peter Parker Calls Tony Stark "Dad", Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Peter Parker Lacks Self-Preservation Instincts, Medical Procedures, Protective Sam Wilson, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Mental Health Issues, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Therapist Sam Wilson, Awesome Sam Wilson, Sam Wilson is a Saint, POV Sam Wilson (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Peter Parker, Peter Parker Whump, Bad Things Happen Bingo read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/50168434

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #iron dad and spider son #spider son #iron dad #peter parker #tony stark

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megamindsecretlair · 7 months

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It Started With a Whisper - Chapter 7

Chapter 6 Chapter 8

Pairing: Sam Wilson x Black!Fem!reader / Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+. Minors DNI. You are in charge of your own reading experience. Some sentences are intentional AAVE. Cursing, Angst, mentions of violence, medication for anxiety, guilt. Hurt/Comfort, some fluff. Sorry if I missed some!

Summary: You are the front desk clerk who started a few months ago and you have a major crush on Sam Wilson, the handsome and sweet trauma counselor. You witness some of the battle at the Triskelion and you fear for Sam's safety.

Word Count: 3,022k

Masterlist

A/N: Sam still makes me SICK!!!! He's so adorable. LOL. Likes are always awesome. Please consider commenting and reblogging to help support writers! I love hearing your thoughts!

Taglist: @multiversefanfics @chaos-4baby @leahnicole1219

You didn’t know what you would do without Ariel. For the past two days, she had been by your side. The irony wasn’t lost on you. You needed supervision just like your mom did. You tried to be less needy, less worrisome, or less in general. You were no stranger to putting your needs on hold to make everyone around you feel better.

“Stop it,” Ariel said. You were folding laundry while sitting on the couch. She had thrown on a trashy movie and you were half paying attention.

“Hm?” You asked.

“You haven’t taken a proper breath since you spoke to Sam. It’s okay to miss him,” she said.

“I know. I’ve said I missed him,” you said. You didn’t know what she was on about.

She snatched the shirt out of your hands and pinned you with a glare. “You always disappear in your head when you’re feeling some type of way. Then you start piddling,” she told you.

You opened your mouth to argue but no words came. She was right. You hated being a burden. You were the one who took care of others, not the other way around. Your mom was napping upstairs and despite your protests, your dad had gone off to work anyway. Your siblings were in school so the house was as quiet as it was going to get.

“I can’t help it. I feel useless just sitting here, waiting for news. I can’t ask him to update me every minute of the day just because I’m worried,” you admitted. You had facts to fall back on to combat your growing panic. They were trained soldiers. And you were just a lowly civilian who didn’t even know how to throw a punch. What could you possibly do to contribute?

“No, but it’s okay to talk to me about it. You’re not alone,” Ariel said. You sighed. Per usual, she was right. Annoyingly so. You put the shirt into the laundry basket and placed it on the floor. You sat back on the couch and folded your arms. This felt so weird but you were determined to “relax”.

You made Ariel tell you about what’s going on in her life. It had been your show for the past few days and that wasn’t fair. She was an incredible friend. An amazing friend with the patience of a saint.

She told you about the new woman she was seeing and she was hopeful that this one wasn’t crazy. You snorted with laughter. Ariel lived for the drama and that extended to her significant others as well. Male or female, Ariel attracted crazies like bees to flowers.

Ariel took a call while you focused on the TV. “What?!”

Ariel snatched the remote from the couch and flipped the channel to the news. There was shaky camera work pointed at…three enormous ships floating in the air. What kind of sci-fi shit was this? Aliens didn’t like the defeat in NY, so now they’re back?

You prayed that your mom was still asleep. If she woke to this…there would be no calming her down. Your dad was the only one who managed it and it took its toll on him.

The news was reporting a massive dump of information from SHIELD, a spy group used to protect the world from otherworldly threats. So much for that. They couldn’t even stop those aliens.

They were reporting more news about Steve being a fugitive but already, they were mining information about his missions and how he was still a hero. Fancy that. The news were reluctant to say they were wrong. Clearly it was because they received false information from Hydra. Clearly.

The camera was blurry as it tried to catch all of the action. You saw fighter jets flying and shooting at the ships, helicopters, and some kind of…bird thing flying around.

“Shit! Girl, I think that’s Sam!” Ariel shoved her phone in your face. Some idiot on the internet close to the battle was live-streaming it and providing stupid dude-bro commentary. But, the bird-like thing looked like a man. Like a familiar Black man.

“He can fly now?”

“Hell if I know!” You fought the urge to pace. You were not a pacer. You will not turn into your mom. Sam wouldn’t be in that thing if he didn’t know what he was doing. He had so much explaining to do when he made it back. And he will make it back. You believed it.

“Are…we sure Sam is a good guy? Tangling with whatever this is?” Ariel asked softly. It had to be asked. But fire roiled in your chest. Sam was the epitome of good. He would not be part of a racist organization. You didn’t pay too much attention to the Steve exhibit when you went, but you knew Hydra was a splinter from the Nazis. The exhibit smacked of further good ole boy propaganda.

You believed Steve really did those things. You believed he was a hero. But you also knew that there was more to the story. You were content to let everyone believe in the fantasy. But now that you sort of knew Steve, you wondered if he’d be open to questions. You just wanted them for yourself. You wouldn’t blast it to the internet.

You watched out for Sam as much as you could but the guns on the ships started to turn. They were going to shoot? Shoot at what? The news was no help. They were too busy drooling over SHIELD private files. And the guerilla journalism of civilians on the street were rife with unconfirmed reporting, guessing, and some outright lying. The racist idiots were praising Hydra. Praising them.

The guns started to fire on each other. Sam was still somewhere in there. Your throat went dry as you watched. Fires exploded on the ships. The screen cut to the news anchors who shuffled papers, looking solemn. They said it was too graphic to show on screen.

You watched more from Ariel’s phone but debris started to rain down so people were starting to run for cover. You made a strangled noise in the back of your throat. Ariel idly rubbed your back. She told you that Sam was fine.

You sure as fuck hoped so. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to get hurt. Help Steve and Natasha, sure. But not like this. Not endangering himself like this. Again, you were helpless watching and waiting. You hated this feeling. You wanted no parts of it.

Did that mean you’d have to give up Sam? The thought alone made you sick. Physically ill. Your stomach churned and flipped. Your hands shook. In a short amount of time, Sam got under your skin. He consumed your thoughts. You didn’t want to give him up. But you didn’t know if you were strong enough to endure not knowing.

The news flipped back to the battle. The ships had fallen. The three sided building had collapsed. The death toll and casualty rates were starting to roll in. You didn’t want to see Sam’s name on it. You turned the channel and Ariel tried to distract you with more drama about her love life.

You felt like you were out of your body. It felt wrong, like it fit wrong. You picked at your nails and your leg bounced. It was going to be a long fucking day.

Later in the evening, Ariel had to run out but promised she’d be back. You told her that she didn’t have to but she knew you. Your siblings were sent home due to the events that happened at SHIELD headquarters. The stupid teachers actually showed it on TV. How was that appropriate? They weren’t babies, they were nearly adults, but still. You were an adult and you barely stomached it.

Then again, the teachers turned on 9/11 for you as a kid. It wasn’t a smart decision but after everything that’s happened the past few years, you were worried what would happen to this generation. Would they be desensitized to the violence? It seemed like it was constant now. Was it any better to bury their heads in the sand?

You didn’t have the time nor energy for philosophical debates at the moment. You got dinner started. Your dad came home and he was relieved that you managed to keep your mom from the news. It wasn’t hard. She passed out all day. On the off chance that she actually took her meds, they usually evened her out. Which meant she was finally ready to sleep.

You lost yourself in the mundane task of taking care of your family. You listened to your siblings talk about their day, careful to avoid the huge battle. Poor kids. They shouldn’t have to protect their mom like this. It was supposed to be the other way around.

Your phone rang and you looked at the caller ID. It was a hospital.

“Hello?” You rushed to answer.

They confirmed your name. “Sam Wilson directed us to contact you. He’s stable and awake,” they said.

“Oh, god,” you said. You told your family that you were leaving. You had no time for thinking, just moving. You shoved on your shoes, grabbed a jacket, and headed out to your car. You texted Ariel that Sam was fine and you were going to see him.

You didn’t care about obeying traffic laws. The streets were a mess. Emergency vehicles were screaming down the street trying to deal with the aftermath of the battle. The dark streets felt like an omen. But you shook the thought. Fuck that. The hospital said he was awake and stable. And he asked for you.

You made it to the hospital. It was insane. There were emergency workers clogging up the place. A new ambulance rolled through every three minutes. The staff were harried as they directed everyone around like drill sergeants.

You managed to get a nurse at the front desk to notice you. You told him you were there to see Sam. “Relation?”

“I’m his…” You sighed. What were you to him? Friend seemed too small. Not after the incredible night you spent together. “I’m his girlfriend.”

The nurse nodded and told you his room number. You took the elevator up and went to his room. The room was dark and you wondered if he fell asleep while you were on your way over.

“Hey gorgeous,” he said. His voice was strained. But he was there. In the flesh. Where you could reach out and hug him.

You pushed into the room and half closed the door to block out the frantic chaos outside. You fought yourself, hard. You wanted to crush him. You wanted to slap him. You wanted to kiss him until your lips were swollen and numb.

You crossed the room and caressed his head, his cheek. He had darkening bruises on his face and a few nasty cuts. But he was here. You smiled at him and leaned down to hug him. “You bastard,” you said.

He chuckled and then groaned. “Oh, don’t make me laugh. God, I missed you.” His voice was muffled in the crook of your neck. You didn’t want to let him go.

He must’ve sensed it because he scooted over in bed and patted it. “You’re joking,” you said. That little ass bed was not big enough for your big ass and Sam’s bulk. You folded your arms. You didn’t always want to call attention to your weight, but you were not some dainty flower that could scoot in anywhere you wanted. There were limits.

“Lay down with me. I’m hurtin’,” he said. He gave you puppy dog eyes. “You wouldn’t want to leave me hanging, would you?”

“You can’t lay it on any thicker?” You asked and giggled.

“I could try if you really want me to,” he said and grinned. It only drew attention to the cuts on his face.

You sighed and put your purse down on the nearest chair. You climbed into the bed with him and he scooted over to the other side to allow you more room. You still had to throw a leg over him. But he never grunted. He never complained. He just wrapped you in his arms and sighed. It was a deep sigh that communicated a thousand words.

You breathed him in. He was still him underneath the faintly medicinal scent and cleaning products. You were on his right side, but you still dimly heard his heartbeat pumping away. Keeping him alive and in your arms.

“You scared the hell outta me, Sam,” you said.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I worried you,” he said. He kissed the top of your forehead. You closed your eyes. You pretended that you were back at his place, in his bed. That he had only left you long enough to get food from the delivery driver and he had slipped back into bed. You could almost picture it in your mind’s eye. The heart monitor was nothing more than his air conditioner. Right.

“I’m just glad you’re safe,” you said.

“Hey, I’m always coming home. Always.”

“You can’t make that promise,” you told him.

“Yes, I can. If you’ll have me, I promise I’ll always come home to you. Hell or high water,” he said.

If you’ll have him…that was the million dollar sentence. It took all of your willpower to not be a coward. To stay pressed against him. This was supposed to be casual but there was nothing casual about what you felt for Sam.

From the moment he whispered to you after your first few days at the VA. You had your back turned. In his soft, deep voice, he whispered so he didn’t startle you. It still startled you. You were so nervous, trying not to mess up badly. You had been having a shitty day. You couldn’t get the copier to work and it was spitting out weird ink streaks all over the paper.

But that whisper. Ever since then, you wondered if your reluctance to go out with him had to do with you knowing on some level that this was bigger than just you two. You didn’t believe in that love at first sight crap. But you knew that he was important. You just didn’t realize how important until you thought he was gone. Ripped away from you forever.

“I’ll hold you to the hell or high water, Sam. Otherwise I’ll have to find you myself,” you said.

He sighed as if he were waiting on your answer. He chuckled and lifted your chin to look into your eyes. You stared into his warm brown eyes. He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. Reverent. Like you were precious glass freshly cooled from the furnace.

“I’ll be here. You won’t get rid of me that easy,” he said.

“Good. You’re not getting rid of me that easy either,” you said. It may be a stupid decision on your part. You had a chance to end it right here and now. However, there was no other place you’d rather be. Being in his arms was the safest you’ve ever felt. Truly safe. Like nothing and no one could touch you. He wouldn’t let them.

You stayed in his bed for quite a while. No one came to bother you while you were there, talking and getting some clue as to what he’d been up to. He promised to tell the whole sordid affair when you had some privacy. Some things, he wasn’t comfortable sharing where anyone could hear. You understood that. Even though you were dying for answers.

“How quickly do you think I could make you cum before another nurse checks on us?” Sam asked, after a lull in conversation. You tapped his chest and he grunted, but you got the feeling he faked it.

“Absolutely the fuck not! I’m not having sex with you while you’re lying in a hospital bed!” Did this man ever not have sex on the brain? Maybe he hit his head too badly during the battle.

“Come on!” He groaned. “I missed tasting you. It wasn’t enough last time.” His voice dropped into a seductive whisper, tickling your ear. Your body instantly reacted to him.

“No!” You said and giggled.

He sighed. “You’re no fun.”

You laughed and shook your head. “Why don’t you hurry and heal and then I can show you exactly how much I’m glad you’re okay,” you said.

Sam looked at you and grinned. “Where the nurse at? I’ve had a full recovery.”

You snorted with ugly laughter as Sam moved as if he were going to stand up. You pushed him down and he playfully tried to get up again. You moved until you were practically laying on him. He peppered you with kisses. You were still worried about him and you were sure it showed on your face.

“I’m fine, I promise. Just a little ass whuppin’,” he said.

“Yours or the other guys’?” You asked.

“His! I was winning that fight. ‘Till the damn helicarrier came crashing through the building,” he said.

You squinted at him and he laughed. “I’m serious,” he said.

“I believe you,” You said in a tone that made it sound like you didn’t believe him. He tickled you until you relented and yelled out that you really believed him. Once settled, you took note of his furrowed brows, sweat, and his heart rate increasing.

“You in pain, baby?” You asked and caressed his head. It was on the tip of his tongue to deny it. You could tell because he smiled. But it was more of a grimace. He nodded.

You moved to get up but his arms tightened on you. “I don’t want to let you go yet,” he whispered.

You kissed his forehead. “I’m not going anywhere, Sam. It’s you and me,” you said.

This time, he did smile for real. “I like the sound of that.”

You liked the sound of it too.

Masterlist | Chapter 6 | Chapter 8

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