#sam: eat all my fucking cereal
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Icorect PJO/HOO quotes from this website :https://perchance.org/incorrect-quote-generator
Thalia: You seem familiar, have I threatened you before?
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Nico: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.
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Percy: So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can’t ‘legally’ be a lawyer if your license is ‘cut out of a cereal box’.
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Percy: Pros and cons of dating me.
Percy: Pros. You'll be the cute one.
Percy: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-
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Grover: Yum, thanks!
Kidnapper: *puts more tape over their mouth* I said stop eating it.
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Nico: My aesthetic is "would be suspected of witchcraft by small town citizens."
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Annabeth in TLT
Annabeth: *trying to buy a Father's Day card at Hallmark*
Annabeth: Excuse me, do you have any that just say "You are my dad?"
Associate: Well, I-
Annabeth: How about "You banged my mom?"
Associate: No...
Annabeth: You know what, I'll just get a blank one.
Annabeth: *writes* You are a father. This is a day. Here is a card.
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Leo: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly."
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Nico: You can't wake up if you never get to sleep.
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Piper, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.
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Hazel: War is heck!
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Jason: I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.
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Frank: Well, needless to say. Uh-oh Spaghetti-os.
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Will: Can we go to a haunted house?
Nico: What’s wrong with the one we live in?
Will: Wh-what?
Nico: Goodnight, Will.
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Percy: Shouldn't get stressed out, it's not good for the baby.
Annabeth: What baby?
Percy, crying a bit: Me.
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*The Squad is playing Chess*
Annabeth: *easily beats everyone because they know how to play*
Piper: *doesn’t know the rules, but wins anyway*
Leo: *doesn’t know the rules, and loses*
Jason: *knows the rules, but still loses to those who don’t*
Frank: Actually, you can’t do that, because I said so.
Percy: They named a board game after cheese?
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*when the Squad drops food*
Annabeth: Eh, oh well.
Piper: FIVE-SECOND RULE!
Nico: FUCK!
Jason: *just gets more food*
Percy: *drops to their knees and mourns the food*
Leo: *eats the food off the ground*
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Leo: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Hazel and Frank's convo?
Piper: Me. I'm in the laundry basket.
Percy: I'm in the washing machine.
Nico: I'm in the closet.
Jason: We accept you Nico. <3
Nico: No I'm literally in the closet.
Jason: Love is love. <3
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Frank: Are you trying to give me a frickin’ aneurysm?
Percy: Pretty sure we all are.
Hazel: I wasn't.
Leo: I was.
Jason: I was trying to stop them, for your consideration.
Nico: I just cause aneurysms naturally.
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Annabeth: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.
Percy: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.
Annabeth: ...
Annabeth: You mean ring bearER, right?
Percy: ...
Annabeth: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.
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Nico: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.
Will: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.
Nico: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??
Will: Is it working?
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BONUS MAGNUS CHASE
Mallory: Nothing in life is free.
Sam: Love is free.
T.J: Knowledge is free.
Alex: Friendship is free.
Halfborn: Self-respect is free.
Magnus: Everything's free if you don't pay for it.
The Squad: ...
T.J: Magnus, that's illegal-
Alex: No, let them finish!
sooooooo yep. Hope you enjoyed
#Pjo#Hoo#heroes of olympus#percy jackon and the olympians#Percy Jackson#Annabeth Chase#Jason Grace#Piper Mclean#Leo Valdez#hazel levesque#frank zhang#mcga#Magnus Chase and the gods of asgard#Magnus Chase#alex fierro#Mallory keen#samirah al abbas#Thomas Jefferson Jr#halfborn gunderson
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hey gorl! idk how cereal you were about headcanons, but can i request something domestic? like what the uncharted boys are like when they're at home and not treasure hunting for once? (can be as clean/dirty as you like hehe)
Hey lovely! Thanks for waiting for so long, and sorry if this isn't what you had in mind, but I've spewed some domestic Sam headcanons into my notes that I think about too often. A lot of them are very random, so if you want something more specific, please let me know 👹❤️
I started writing Nate, too, but honestly, if you want some good Nate hcs, you should ask @nathandrakeisabottom bc she's gonna have them done to a T.
[Masterlist]
Without further ado,
Domestic Sam Drake Headcanons...
Sam likes to rotate his 'at-home wardrobe' between two pairs of ill-fitting jeans, raglan shirts, the odd henley, and a fuck tonne of minimalistic graphic tees with references that he has no clue about. Boots are abandoned for trainers. (- sneakers, for those who are anglo-challenged)
If it's cold-cold, he adds his trusty sherpa-plaid shirt combo.
If it's hot-hot, he opts for his slutty vests and perhaps some track shorts if he's feeling... frisky.
And fucking baseball caps. He wears them lots, and he wears them well. I do NOT make the rules.
Whenever the weather is good, Sam is outside working on his bike. Whether he's cleaning it, fixing it up, or just revving it for the attention, he'll be out there in aforementioned slutty little vest, cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth, tinkering away because he can't sit still for long at all.
When the weather isn't good, he's miserable. As soon as Winter rolls around, he contracts at least one cold a month, and whilst he gets surprisingly over dramatic about it, he also refuses to take any meds for it. Stubborn man.
Untidy- but never unclean. Being stuck in that grotty old prison for so long, it's clear that Sam wants nothing to remind him of his disgusting cell. He always cleans up after himself in terms of dirt and grime, BUT he's also become a bit of a hoarder, which also makes wherever he lives constantly untidy. Books, ugly little ornaments, and also clothes that he buys and never wears are scattered all over the place.
The idea of owning his own stuff remains seemingly overwhelming; he grows attached to whatever he gets his hands on because he's lived for so long without things of his own.
Continuing down the cleanliness route, Sam takes the longest showers you could imagine. The warmth? The privacy? They'll forever be luxuries to him that he wants to take complete advantage of.
Uses some sort of 250 in 1 body wash/shampoo/car brake fluid concoction, and is in complete refusal of the fact that he needs anything else... though once or twice his intrigue and thieving nature have gotten the better of him, and he's left the bathroom with an oddly feminine aroma that's dangerously similar to the scent of whatever it is his partner's using. Not that he'd ever use a girl's body wash.
Sam whistles around the house. A lot. Also sings quietly to himself throughout the day. He keeps it hushed, mostly, but for some reason, he thinks the shower is soundproof. Lucky for any cohabitors, he's got a pretty good set of pipes on him, and it's actually really sweet. ('We Didn't Start the Fire' by Billy Joel is one of his go-to's. He definitely brags about his ability to remember all of the words.)
He's a dab hand in the kitchen. Well. Sometimes. Sam's got a selection of about three dishes that he makes to Michelin star standard. Other than that he's fucking useless, which can be frustrating since he eats like an animal. Guys of his stature need fuel!
Many times has a frozen lasagna or a teaspoon that's been absentmindedly left in the microwave ended up almost burning the house down. Though, his mind is always in about six places at once, so you can't really blame the poor guy.
But those that he's good at? He's really good at. It's not often that he can be found in the kitchen with a tea towel strewn over his shoulder, four different pots and pans bubbling away on the stove, whilst he bops his head along to a crackly radio station, but when he is? You know you're in for a treat.
He can't scramble eggs for shit (he does it in the microwave and insists it tastes fine💀 it does not.) but can poach 'em good. Expect eggs benedict in the morning, or banana pancakes if you've got a sweet tooth. Not the type to eat brekkie? You are now.
Speaking of breakfast in bed:
Morning 👏 sex. Like... more than any other time of day. Sam wakes up with insane levels of energy in the morning, and the first two hours of his day are more productive than the other twenty-two combined. So if he's not out for a morning jog (eugh.) or busy finding out what recipe he wants to try out for breakfast, he's got it in you. End of. Perhaps you used to grumble about the time... but he's got a thing for your early-am laziness, and you've probably woken up with his head between your thighs more times than you can count. I suppose that feeds in to the somnoph1lia he's most definitely privy to.
That, of course, is not to say that he's exclusively into morning sex.
Is verrrry cuddly with partners when they're visiting or living together. Sam craves touch, so even if it's not a super committed relationship, lingering shoulder squeezes, resting his chin on your head whilst his arms are wrapped around your middle, and gentle strokes to the small of the back are staples- half the time he doesn't even realise he's doing them.
Overall, he’s one handsy bastard, and at his cockiest will take any opportunity he can to smack, squeeze, and even bite your ass if it's convenient enough, offering you nothing but a complacent grin when you try to snap at him. Best you save your moaning for the bedroom. He knows you love it.
Hear me out. He has a weird fascination with teleshopping channels. Not because he wants to buy any of it. Moreso because he enjoys criticising some of the ridiculous stuff they try to flog on there. With a mouthful of cereal, he'll be mocking whatever poor sod has a slot to sell their item, calling you to come and watch in hopes that you find it just as ludicrous as he does.
With TV in general, he has a very stereotypical 'dad' stance on it. Does the whole "what's this crap you're watching? Don't you wanna do something more productive with your day?", only to be glued to the screen within minutes, asking about characters and plot alike.
Unfortunately, this also includes Hallmark Christmas movies.
Sam loves loves LOVES 90's-00's british sitcoms (And no, that's not self-indulgent). I genuinely believe he would binge watch Father Ted and Peep Show happily, especially because he enjoys satire and absorbs the dry sense of humour like a happy sponge. He'd try to impress you with the accent too. Doesn't work.
Falls asleep on the sofa more than anywhere. Since he's often up at the crack of dawn, as soon as 5pm rolls around, he's yawning and 'resting his eyes'. That, and the fact that he finds it hard to get to sleep in bed unless he's totally fucked out. Something about being left alone with nothing but the view of the ceiling and his thoughts makes it difficult for him to switch off. Trauma, eh?
When he does sleep, though, he's precious. Definitely fidgets throughout the night, waking up all stiff because he's been in all sorts of weird positions. He doesn't snore... but he definitely mumbles in his sleep. And it's always nonsense.
Never plans a big groceries run. Sam's trips to the supermarket are solely made on an ad hoc basis, and every time he returns with something that definitely wasn't on the list, i.e. he'll go out to buy pasta but returns with a novelty kitchen timer shaped like a lemon, and a new wooden spoon because he doesn't like the turmeric stains on his current one.
Big porch dweller. Will idle away the hours smoking on his porch or balcony when he's exhausted all of his other options, and will draw little smiley faces on the railings with the burnt out end of the cigarette before throwing it away. Awh.
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as a millennial i have an industry mourning backlog.
between all the industries i've seen die and all of the industries i've helped bury over the last few years, i simply do not have the time available to grieve.
therefore, please accept this formal apology on behalf of all millennials to the following entities for killing your respective industries:
sorry cereal industry
sorry wedding industry
sorry honeymoon industry
sorry movie theatre industry
sorry car industry
sorry motorcycle industry
sorry bar soap industry
sorry gym industry
sorry fabric softener industry
sorry cruise industry
sorry vacation industry
sorry gambling industry
sorry beer industry
sorry cable industry
sorry casual dining industry
sorry diamond industry
sorry the lottery
sorry napkins industry
sorry mcdonalds
sorry department stores
sorry suit industry
sorry irons & ironing board industry
sorry doorbell industry
sorry golf industry
sorry beef industry
sorry landline phones
sorry designer clothing lines
sorry fannie mae & freddie mac
sorry mr. dow jones & mrs. nas daq
sorry costco and sams club
sorry cork industry
sorry mayonnaise industry
sorry postcard industry
sorry dairy milk industry
sorry hotel industry
sorry tuna industry
sorry turkey industry
sorry stilettos industry
sorry kraft singles
sorry sunmaid for the raisins
sorry yoplait for the yogurt
sorry gilette for the razors
sorry nfl, xfl, other fls
sorry gucci, prada and anything designer
sorry eating at home (idk where the fuck we're eating)
sorry soft drink industry
sorry bottled water industry
sorry united states federal reserve for not carrying cash
sorry for not visiting canada
sorry for not getting a divorce (sooner) (big L moment on this one) (move past it)
sorry financial planning industry
this is surely not comprehensive. i have undoubtedly left some poor victim off of this list and will inevitably owe them tremendous restitution for the errors of my ways. i am killing inclusiveness industry.
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Handcuffed to my best friend for 24hrs w/ Colby & he constantly makes sexual jokes & flirty comments
"Colby, i swear to God..."
imagine this takes place in the apartment building theu used to live, but it's only y/n who lives there.
btw, i'll stick to y/n being the editor for the boys as in the You're Fucking With My Head imagine, but they're still friends here
Pic from Pinterest
I take my laptop and sit on the couch as i am watching Sam and Colby's uncut video from Cosmopolitan Hotel. I look around me and try to find my headphones, but i see them on the kitchen counter. i sigh, getting up and putting the laptop aside to go grab them. as i lift the headphones off the counter, i hear a knock on the door. I swear there's always something going on when i have to work.
"Hello, Y/N", Colby smiles with his camera right in my face. "What are you doing?"
i raise an eyebrow at him. "Working for you?". i let him inside and notice that one of his hands is hidden behind his back. i shake my head, thinking nothing should surprise me anymore. "Why are you filming?", i smile and wave at the camera.
"Can you help me angle this camera on the counter real quick?", i nod and walk up to him and take the camera away from him, positioning it on cereal box. all of a sudden, when i'm about to turn around and face him, i hear a click and something hanging on my wrist.
"What the fuck, Colby?", i laugh and raise our both hands in the air, seeing them handcuffed together.
"Welcome to my channel and today we're doing 24 hours handcuffed to my best friend challenge. today, we're going to spend the whole day together, we'll go to the bathroom together, we're gonna eat together, who knows, maybe see each other naked", he laughs and i pull him harshly by the handcuffed hand, earning an ouch and the same pull from him.
"we're definitely not going to the bathroom together", i shake my hand and grab the camera to sit on the couch.
"Can we shower together?", my mouth falls open and he just laughs at me. "i'm playing, y/n, oh my God". Colby takes the camera in his free hand while i struggle to lift my laptop with his heavy arm lingering.
"Excuse me, but can you lift your arm for a second? i already have a laptop in my hands, i can't lift your arm too", i laugh and shake the laptop up and down, while his arm barely moves.
"Sorry". he chuckles and pays attention at what i'm doing. "Ohhh, you're working on the Cosmopolitan Hotel!", he realises when he sees Rug on the screen. i nod and start cutting the video and adding subtitles here and there, when Colby would either say so or when i would consider them necessary. when i'm concentrated enough, he pulls his hand, making mine fall off the laptop. because i was working with my right hand, i drag a few already edited frames through the ending ones.
"Colbyyyy!", i exclaim in disbelief that the past 45 minutes work is going to take at least 10 minutes just to find it between the other frames.
"oh shit, i'm sorry", he laughs and i put the laptop aside. i get up and drag him off the couch.
"i can't work with you, let's do something else. let's go brush our teeth.", i drag him along with me and i feel mu wrist hurting because of the tightness of the handcuffs. i give him a spare toothbrush that i have and we both start brushing out teeth, while i curse because my right arm is weighed by his. when we're done, i realise i'm wearing house clothes, which means i have to change before we go anywhere outside, but i'm not saying anything to him yet. i start doing my make up, trying to make his video fun to watch. while applying my eyeshadow, Colby keeps moving his hand, making my brush fall on my cheek. looking like a clown, i start putting make up on his face too, not being too able to move because his leg is cought between my legs. he keeps ow-ing when my hand stretches his wrist when i apply the eyeshadow on his eyes.
"We look very beautiful", he says while looking into the camera and arranging his hair. i chuckle.
"that color matches you very well.", i laugh when he gives me an "are you kidding" look.
"you look better with it. remember when you wore it last week?", he smiles at me and i blush
"shut up, Brock. you don't even know what you had for breakfast. you can't remember that"
"well, at least i tried to see if you believe me", he laughs and gets up, taking me with him. i roll my eyes.
"what's up with you guys, being so asshole-ish? comment down below why you think Colby's and asshole.", he takes the cereal box from earlier and throws it at me. i throw it back and hit his nose.
"ouch", he says and i put my hands over my mouth, thinking i hit him too hard. i approach him and try to take his hand over his nose to see if he's bleeding or anything, but he takes it off and starts tickling me. i drop to the floor with him over me, none of us being in the frame of the camera. somehow, i know he'll want this scene deleted and i'll gladly do that. i try to stretch my arm so my wrist wouldn't be twisted so much by Colby's movements, but i also stretch his arm out and he collapses over me. we both gasp when he hits his chest with mine. "i'm so sorry, are you ok, y/n?"
i nod, but none of us moves. he lifts himself up on his free arm and i take a deep breath when he's off my chest. concerned, he asks me one more time if i'm fine and i nod. the close space between us makes me uncomfortable and i try to get up, but Colby pushes me back down. i frown at him. "Colby, you keep me too warm, i hate it. i have a massive hoodie on me and it's 130 degrees outside. please get up or i'm getting violent."
"i'd like to see that", he chuckles and his confidence annoys me. i flip us on the floor and i'm on top now. Colby raises his eyebrows in surprise at me. i stretch or arms again, as i lay on him the same way he layed on me. "oh wow, it really gets hot", he gulps and i smirk at him, because he got intimidated by our position. i get away from him, but still sit on top of him, seeing how he gets uncomfortable.
"never challenge me at something, boy", he rests his hands on my thighs and i only realise it after a few moments. "oh, wow, the camera's still recording", i straighten my voice and get up to stop the camera. Colby scratches the back of his neck. "i need to change, how are we going to do this?", i ask him and i blush
"don't you have something underneath?", he asks, frowning, as he's really trying to find a solution
"i have a sports bra, that's not the problem, since every girl in LA almost walks like that through the city. my problem is how i take my hoodie off"
"well, i'll uncuff us and just tell the fans we did that because i respect your privacy and it wouldn't be fair otherwise.", i nod and accept the deal. "tho you have to remain in your sports bra", he smirks and his eyes twinkle with excitement.
"you're unbelievable.", i roll my eyes and wait for him to uunloc my side.
"what? i like checking you out"
"colby, stooop", i run a hand through my hair while walking away from him, both of us laughing. i get back from my bedroom and i find Colby waiting for me, smirking already.
"i wish we used this handcuffs for something else", he locks them again and we walk towards my house keys, exiting the apartment and locking it.
"the 24 hours aren't over yet, maybe we'll use them", i smirk at his shocked face and i smile wide as i've successfuly left him speechless twice already. "but it looks like we have a full schedule, so i don't know about that", the elevator dings as we reach the main floor.
"we can definitely cut some things off the list for that.", i hit him with my free hand and we laugh.
we go to taco bell to grab a bite and Colby constantly moves my hand so i drop almost every fry. while talking to the camera and people constantly looking weirdly at us, i tell him i'm not making any more public challenges with him.
"oh, come on, i know you like being tied up with me. i know the real reason why you're mad is because we're not tied up in a bed", i hit him in the bicep, hurting my own hand while our hands tangle because of the handcuffs.
"Colby, you're playing with fire and i'm sure i don't want to tame it. so shut up", i take a sip of my drink and hear Colby chuckle.
"i don't want you to tame it", i roll my eyes and i'm happy the camera isn't recording.
a few more hours pass by and at 10pm we choose to end the video.
"Thank you guys so much for watching, leave a like and subscribe, go follow y/n on her platforms, i'll let them linked down below and until next time, i hope i'll get to sleep on a side of the bed and not on the floor, cause i've tested her limits today", we both laugh
"oh, you're going home", we laugh once more and he turn off the camera. Colby hands the SD card to me and i take it, putting it in a box that i use only for them. "you'll have the edited video in two-three days. i'm still working on Cosmo Hotel, because somebody made sure i don't work today", i smile and look at the tiny key that unlocks the handcuffs. i rub my wrist, feeling it weird after such a long time of wearing it.
"i'm glad you didn't work today, you needed a break. i thought about it this morning and thought i should stop you.", he smiles at me and rubs his wrist as well.
"next time bring the ones with feathers. i like them more", i wink at him and he pulls me into a hug.
"we can pretend these are with feathers and see if they break while we sleep", i push him towards the door.
"Goodnight, Colbs", i laugh and roll my eyes as he turns around and pouts.
"Goodnight, princess"
i wave at him and lock the door when he lives. i walk towards the couch while shaking my head, taking my laptop to continue searching for that misplaced video frame. i laugh when my phone dings and i see a text from Colby.
"it's so dark outside, i can't find my way home. maybe i should come back upstairs.", i laugh at the text and face palm myself. such a dork.
"Colby, i swear to God..."
"Chucky is nicer than you"
i throw my phone away, smiling, and i get back to my work.
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Soup is for nerds
WOW ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE IVE DONE ONE OF THESE!!
Welcome back to the Shaw Pack Mates Super top secret and totally unknown by anyone outside of the group groupchat. (Name trademarked by Angel.)
Whether these are real conversations I’ve overheard/seen/partaken in or not is entirely unknown and shall stay that way.
CW: Crack, Angel needs to learn what boundaries are but not in a toxic way, Sam is asking for a god to save him he’s not picky on which god he’ll even rely on science it doesn’t even need to be religious, Sweetheart please for the love of the universe put the cat down, Baabe why are you just sitting there laughing?
Actual CW: Crack, mentions to others being sneaky link/hoes/sluts but in a friendly platonic way, GN listeners. Any reference to gendered terms is purely for the memes and not to be taken seriously.
<-- Previous _______ Next -->
Redacted Masterlist
Angel: im so disappointed in u all
Sam: Oh dear. What’s upset you now?
Angel: is that lip im hearing
Baabe: if my boss finds out im on my phone right now im so dead. so whats wrong bb?
Sweetheart: Tracking down a covert breaker. Cant talk rn.
Sam: Now I’m actually concerned. Is this genuine, or is Angel being Angel again?
Angel: not one of u said ‘congrats on ur nuptials’
Sam: I wasn’t aware anyone called marriage nuptials anymore, but also if I’m not mistaken you two have yet to have your wedding since you both are still planning it?
Baabe: CONGRATS ON YOUR NUPTIALS YOU SILLY GOOSE
Angel: this is why im marrying with baabe
Baabe: LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS
Angel: ooooooo teeaaaaa
Sweetheart: That’s what he said.
Sam: I think one day I will gather the strength to leave this groupchat.
Angel: oh ill just add u back and then kidnap u to drag u to my basement so u cant ever try to leave me again
Sam: Angel what the fuck.
Angel: HE DIDNT USE A COMMA IM THE REAL WINNER HERE
Baabe: to defeat the huns~
Angel: im so upset rn its not even funny like i cant live laugh love under these conditions
Baabe: aweeee what’s wrong bby?
Sam: Is there something I could do to help? I will if I can.
Angel: hang on i gotta wait for sweetheart to respond so i can get all the attention necessary
Sweetheart: Sorry I was just filming a tiktok with Aggro. Whats up
Angel: perfect all my three hoes are here
Sam: I resent being called that, but I also recognize my powerlessness in getting you to change it, so continue.
Angel: do yall even have any clue how expensive it is to buy a mcdonalds bouncy house
Sweetheart: Why are you trying to buy a bouncy house
Baabe: ngl i’m kinda curious about that too
Angel: well i could just buy it because ur bitch is rich rich but i share a joint account with my mega alpha gigachad of a finance so i cant buy it without him noticing but i wanna keep it a surprise so theres just a bouncy house in our backyard when he comes home
Sam: Don’t you mean your ‘fiance’?
Angel: no i mean finance im just with davey for his money but my real loves is my three hoes in this gc
Sweetheart: Youre so romantic Angel
Baabe: ikr? like just marry me already
Angel: anyways this is my way of asking u to buy me a bouncy house who wants the privilege
Angel: DONT JUST LEAVE ME ON READ YOU SLUTS
Angel: SOS
Baabe: whats wrong sneaky link?
Sam: Once again, I am confused whether or not this is a serious thing or Angel is playing up the dramatics again.
Sweetheart: I can send you a picture of my son if that will help
Angel: yes pls i miss my baby boy
Angel: and also were out of sugary cereal and davey is making me eat his yucky worm food
Sweetheart: WHY DID YOU WRITE SOS? THIS IS A 911 EMERGENCY!
Baabe: dw bb i got u. just ask him why hes giving you his dog food.
Angel: oooo good idea hell take it away then and tell me to just starve and give me the chance to naruto run to sams house for breaky
Sam: Now hold on just a minute. I don’t recommend doing that Angel, also I don’t need to eat food and Darlin isn’t here for me to have any reason to make breakfast. I think you’ll survive a morning without your cereal.
Angel: YALL HE THREW A PLASTIC SPOON AT ME HALP
Baabe: MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Sweetheart: rip
Angel: You’re next. - David
Baabe: oh fuck
Sweetheart: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Sam: rip
#redacted asmr#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted shaw pack#redacted mates group chat#redacted mates#redacted david#redacted angel#redacted baabe#redacted asher#redacted milo#redacted sweetheart#redacted sam#redacted darlin#redacted darling#redacted shaw pack mates
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Easy Like Sunday Morning
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Reader
Summary: In which Sam is thoroughly done with motels, and you and Dean continue to make his life miserable.
Set during season 5, when the angels want Dean to be Michael’s vessel. For, you know, the Apocalypse.
Word Count: 800
Warnings: Implied sex
Around one in the morning, Sam wakes up to someone banging on the wall closest to him.
Loudly, like someone fell, and there's a cry of pain that follows. When he remembers that it's you and his brother in the motel room next to him, his internal alarm system propels him to sit up.
Because for a brief moment he thinks the angels found them again and are trying to take Dean.
And for the first time since you and Dean started dating, Sam thinks:
Thank God these walls are paper-thin.
He tosses the blankets aside and he's halfway out of bed when he hears a low, but feminine moan. He pauses.
"Hmm…wow. Color me impressed," he hears, though it's muffled.
"That's okay then?" Sam hears next, and he knows that's Dean.
Another low, satisfied hum answers the question, and Sam deflates. Embarrassment sets his face aflame and makes him close his eyes, dragging both hands over his face. He sits back down on the bed, heavily.
"Feels nice."
"Yeah?"
"Slow down…"
Sam raises the covers high over his head in an attempt to drown out the noises, but it only serves to muffle it a little.
"Yeah…all the way d—ow!"
"Sorry, it snagged."
"Yeah, I kinda felt it."
"Just relax."
There's a feminine sigh and Sam has to hold a pillow over his head before it all fades away enough to let him fall back to sleep.
Dean comes into his room the next morning with a cup of instant coffee and a wake-up call.
"Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty!"
He sets the cup loud enough on the bedside table that it makes Sam jump, but he's awake now, and glad that there's no Asia playing.
"You look like shit," Dean comments. One of his trademark smirks is in place too fucking early today, and Sam glances up at him witheringly.
"Yeah well, it was kind of hard to sleep," Sam says. His voice is hoarse, and he's probably got bags under his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping that great anyway, with the end of the world being nigh and all that.
"Why's that?" Dean asks. Sam really doesn't want to get into this before he's even brushed his teeth.
"The walls are thin. Dean. Sound travels."
Dean's face scrunches a little in confusion, though there's something in his eyes that Sam doesn't miss.
"What do you mean? We didn't do anything."
Sam raises incredulous brows.
"Dean, you woke me up. I heard half an hour more than I ever wanted or needed to hear."
"Dude, seriously," Dean says, with his "for real" face, though Sam can tell he's hiding something. "Last night was rated E for Everyone."
Sam rolls his eyes.
"Know what? Whatever…I'm gonna take a shower," he says, because he really doesn't feel like going through this song and dance when he's barely even conscious.
"Hey, don't use up all the hot water," Dean says, and closes the door behind him on his way out.
Breakfast is slightly awkward between the brothers as they both eat cereal in Dean's room, since it actually has a kitchen and a couch in the "living room."
"Dean, have you seen my brush?" you ask. You’re finally out of the bathroom, changed from your pajamas into a pair of jeans and a Journey shirt.
"What?" Dean says belatedly around a mouthful of cheerios. You come up behind him and lay a hand on his shoulder.
"My hairbrush, I can't find it since—"
"I dunno," Dean says, but he does glance over his shoulder at you. "Have you checked—"
"Found it," you say triumphantly after lifting the bottom corners of the bed sheets. "Wonder how it got in there…"
You shove the brush into your bag before heading into the kitchen. You come out a couple of minutes later with your own bowl of cereal, and Dean gives you his seat because he's done with breakfast.
You and Sam eat in a somewhat companionable silence once Dean leaves the room, and when the faucet in the kitchen sink turns on, you look over at Sam.
"He just wanted to brush my hair."
Sam blinks, taken off guard. He looks over at you, puzzled, until he realizes what you mean.
"…What?" he still asks, because he can't picture his brother initiating that scenario. You shrug, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.
"Your brother's a dork sometimes," you say, but it's with a warmth and fondness that Sam recognizes.
He quirks a brow. "So…that was…"
"He was very gentle.” You wink at him, and it makes Sam flush with embarrassment.
You then lean toward him conspiringly. "But you didn't hear that from me."
Sam nods and smiles a little.
If this isn’t future ammunition, he doesn't know what is.
Dean Winchester One-Shots
Dean Winchester Masterlist
Main Masterlist
#dean x reader#dean x you#dean winchester#dean winchester fanfic#spn#sam winchester#sam's so done with you and dean#dean winchester x female reader#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x you#zepskies writes
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So how's your version on Nathan and Will?
(Sorry I couldn’t understand whether you meant the blog’s AU or the admin’s lore, plus I’ve yet to make a design for OyM!Nathan, so imma just assume the OG for this one)
Forgive me for my awful grammar, I’m not that good at English-
About Nathan:
•Basic infos, he’s 17, about Kyle’s age— just a month or two older than him.
•Of Brazilian descent but has Chilean blood in him.
•Full name is Nathaniel Frederick Bernadez.
•Has undiagnosed ADHD.
•He has an older sister Lucille (basically Luna from OnC but she’s more normal about CJ than her canon counterpart). They both fan about On Command together.
•Transgender FtM and biromantic with a preferable lean for guys. (Pronouns He/they/dusk)
•Was scared of EteleD shitless, so much that he basically cut ties with Kyle for taking it for a prank, and told everyone on school about it, which lead to them getting bullied for 9 years straight.
Kyle forgives him for it but they’ve made it clear they don’t want anything to do with him for the timebeing. The closest they get to interact is just small talk and hello’s.
Kyle did promise he’d open up to him in the future, he is just not ready to see him as of current.
•Has a crush on Will but is kinda scared to ask him out because of his own insecurities and also since Will’s already seeing someone else at the moment.
•Keeps a heart-shaped locket at all times on himself— a gift from his grandmother, before she passed.
The locket contains a photo of her holding a newborn Nathan, with Kyle’s mom beside them. That’s how he and Kyle knew each other since their birth.
•He is the man that drinks milk before cereal and then eats the cereal dry /j
•Has that friendship-rivalry-thing with Sam as a joke because they used to hate each other in the past, but now are getting along pretty well.
•Basically the cool dad of the group. Also he’s the second tallest after Dan.
About Will:
•He’s 16— only 25 days younger than Sam.
•Of Belgian origin.
•Has three siblings and a cousin— basically the same people Rudolph (OyM) is related to
•Has never been close with their parents for unknown reasons, which means he and his younger sister was practically raised by their 2 older siblings in their absence.
•Their real name is actually Rudolph Forgers, but for confidentiality reasons had to psuedofy himself, so he currently goes by William Roberts.
•Currently figuring out their gender identity but knows they’re omnisexual. (Pronouns they/ey/he/she/rex)
•Does have a big crush on Nathan, but is scared they’d get rejected so they instead tone themselves and pretend he’s crushing on Cooper.
•He used to be jealous of Sam since Middle School because she was better than him in almost everything, and even had a loving mom. It never went beyond taunting and small shoving, though.
They’ve since sorted themselves out and are cool buddies.
•Looks abrasive and brash, but is a sweetheart who’d give their life to protect anybody dear to him.
•Only a tad bit shorter than Dan and Nathan, but taller than Sam, Cooper and and Kyle combined.
•Small fact: They’ve got little fangs. It’s a birth gene.
•No kidding, this dude looks like he’d kill you, but is actually a cinnamon roll.
Wait fuck that’s the same thing as the other point help-
#wii deleted you#wii deleted you ask blog#wdy will#wdy#wdy nathan#wii deleted you fanart#fanart#wdy fanart#wii deleted you nathan#wii deleted you Will#I’m screaming wtf are these HCs why can’t I be consistent-#Apologies for rambling I’ve got plain ass headcannons lmaoo#*sob*#this took me time to draw my bad!!#yea there’s a Vibingleaf reference here#their version of WDY is so cool holy shit#answered ask
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for wincest wednesday this fine week: food as love language & touchstone (tastestone?)
palo alto -- with a 4.6-star shawarma place two blocks north of the first shitty dive apartment he scores, and a two-story ethiopian market six blocks west, and more vegetarian and vegan options than sam's seen in his entire life to date -- is a revelation in gastronomic terms.
sam eats tofu for the first time in his life at nineteen; eats tempeh and seitan and vegan cheese. (sam does not eat sardines on saltines because there's nobody to split the tin with, and he can't eat them all on his own.) sam eats breadfruit and resolutely does not think about mutiny on the bounty playing during abc's evening film slot and dean doing his best marlon brando voice, "not even twenty, and a death sentence on your head". (sam does not head straight for north carolina come september with the single-minded intent to eat enough ripe persimmons to make himself sick, but he knows who'll be doing just that.) sam eats swiss chard and lychees and cempedak, and doesn't miss unbruised pieces of apple served to him off the blade of a pocket knife.
sam eats vienna sausages cold, straight from the can with a dash of tabasco when he's feeling -- nostalgic's the wrong word for it, but a close cousin to that. when he misses the white-noise hum of tires on I-95 and the clatter-clank of the forever-broken air-con and his brother contorted in the front seat to pass sam the gallon ziploc of cherries from the farm stand up the road ("dollar-fifty a pound, can you believe it, sammy? fucking love stonefruit season."), already sweating in their plastic bag.
sam eats off-brand cereal and moon pies and hohos -- "hohos? fuck hohos; swiss roll is obviously the superior snack cake and you know it" -- and roller dogs and funyuns when he gets homesick.
sam hoards plastic pots of coffee creamer and flat-topped single-serve bricks of jelly out of unbreakable habit. concord grape, always; strawberry, usually; marmalade and mixed berry and apple butter and honey in nicer places that serve all-day breakfast; blackberry and seedless red raspberry only if he's exceptionally lucky. (these last two, being both rarest and dean's favorites, were more valuable to sam growing up than cigarettes amongst inmates. many a favor has sam bought himself over the years with nothing more than a fistful of jam packets and a winning smile.)
sam licks marshmallow and coconut from between his fingers and doesn't think about the hostess sno-ball, sweet'n'low pink of dean's tongue.
(later -- years later -- when dean waggles his lifesavers and tortilla chips and mountain dew at sam with overtures of breakfast, sam declines. later, he'll find his favorite pineapple soda and a bag of chili lime pork rinds under the bench seat because of all the people in all the world, the one who's never let sam go unfed is dean.)
MWAH! happy snacking; cilla/mdbp 😈🎉
happy wincest wednesday!!
you KNOCKED IT OUT OF THE PARK!!!!!! GRAHHHHH!!!!!! YOUR WRITING MAKES ME BARK LIKE A FUCKING DOGGGG!!!!!!! gnawing on this ask like a chew toy.
the swiss rolls??? the food in palo alto?? the JELLY????
AND YOU'RE SO RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
i have so much to say about this!!!! i've used "food as care" in my fics before, and as a form of connection between the two (pretty much all of tell me, why are you still so afraid, in the heaven fic, the vampire fic (in a diff way but still!), love potion no. 9, the mall fic, the outsider pov at the diner fic) because it's so true!
we're 800% not the only people to bring up the "food as care" parallels in media, or even spn--but it's so true!!!
you're so right about food being a love language! one of the first things that dean does in the bunker is make a nice meal for them both and wait for sam to eat first.
dean's "crime" that got him arrested and sent to the boy's home is stealing bread to feed sam. his crime is an act of care! an act of devotion! and it's that same devotion that encourages him to leave!
one of THEE sam&dean scenes that i've seen 400x in every edit ever as proof of dean's devotion/care is dean making sam spaghetti-os in that pot, and then letting him have dean's food instead.
dean keeps trying to ply sam with food and things to drink after his nightmares in the first few seasons, grabbing his face and bringing him close and asking if he's hungry, if dean can get him anything
and of course, arguably the most famous food scenes in the show--tuesday! pig n' a poke! what always makes me giggle is that sam never stops dean from eating? not really? he lets dean order his food every day/finds alternative food (e.g., tacos). even when he gets annoyed, he orders dean's food for him. even when sam himself stops ordering things to eat, he makes sure dean stays fed. it doesn't matter, bc they'll live the same day again tomorrow, but sam lets dean eat!!!!! he lets him eat the meal that makes him happy! they end up in the diner more days than not, it sounds like. he's caring for him, even as he gets frustrated and angry and sad and hopeless!
even when dean dies in that same episode, we see sam eating a meal at his motel, and dean's food is also on the table!!! he's been ordering dean meals for months, even though he's dead!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!
dean seems unnerved and tense around sam when eating in S6, because even though he eats, he doesn't find any joy in it, or teasing dean about it. all their shared meals in early S6 are either tense or disturbingly neutral, where they only talk about their hunts/the overarching plot in bland detail.
hell, dean (and the show) frame the leviathans using biggerson's food as a very personal and dirty betrayal--they use food as a weapon
even in IATL, the "thing" that changes about dean the most that the writers told us first and foremost, is his relationship with food! sam--who has been reaching out all episode and rebuffed--asks to go get food with dean after their initial walls-down moment, and dean denies his attempt at care and connection! he's on a juice cleanse!
many such cases!
i have this headcanon that dean stopped eating certain foods after sam left for stanford. suddenly, he can't stand bugles because they taste like sand in his mouth now that sam is not there to fight him for them.
he asks for no onion rings everywhere he goes because sam's long fingers aren't there to sneak them out of his wax-paper lined plastic fast-food basket.
and as soon as sam comes back, they go out to eat, and dean's like 'god, i can't fucking wait. i haven't had pork rinds/cantaloupe/mac and cheese/a reuben in forever!' and sam just kind of looks at him funny because dean used to eat BBQ pork rinds by the pound and sam gave him shit for it every time. and they used to sneak the little soggy plastic containers of cantaloupe from the cooler outside a publix in florida once a week, dean acting as a distraction by helping old ladies with their carts while sam's tiny hands got slick-wet with week-old re-frozen ice.
and one day, two years into stanford, sam thinks he sees a glimpse of short-cropped hair, freckle-kissed skin through the café window sam's been picking up swing shifts at, and sam leaves the espresso machine still dripping, pushing past a bleary-eyed biology professor sam knows from gen ed, and spins in a circle outside, blinking sun from his eyes.
by the time he can see, the person is gone. and sam is standing in the 7/11 after work, buying a bag of hostess powdered don-ettes because dean used to buy them on sunday morning and they would eat them and watch re-runs of 90210 until their t-shirts were smeared white and their fingers were spit-sticky and soggy while everyone else in georgia and alabama and oklahoma was going to church.
food in supernatural is connection and home and reassurance and care!!!!!
your writing is again so good!!!! thank you for this lovely wincest wednesday ask, blessed, darling cilla!!!! mwah! mwah mwah!!
-lizzy <3
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I keep seeing people send you jamie head canons and I want to send you one but idk if you'll think it's weird, but Jamie having food issues? Like eating disorders are about body image but also about control/addictive personality traits/coping/avoiding other problems by obsessing about this one thing and it's sometimes so addicting and then you realise you can't stop and it's like scary as fuck?
But he's got addictive tendencies (he trains so much + addiction issues are genetic and his dads an alcoholic) and I can see it just building into this thing where he's got a really dysfunctional relationship with food
I always welcome headcanons in my inbox! I love hearing about our collective overthinking where Jamie Tartt is concerned.
That said, I have seen takes similar to this pop up around the fandom and it isn't one I particularly ascribe to. (No shade! You do you!) But I can totally see where it comes from.
For any athlete, food has the potential to be a complex subject, as well as broader issues around control, health and bodily autonomy. Particularly if, like Jamie, they've been beholden to nutritional standards since puberty.
I think Jamie maybe had a few hang-ups around food security when he was younger, coming from a low-income background. A growing boy with a single mother and frequent after-school sports clubs probably had to learn to cook basic cupboard/freezer meals at an early age so he could fend for himself. Think being able to heat up canned soup or put fish fingers in the oven when his mum was working long hours.
After he was scouted, he was getting fed better by his school (St Bede's strikes me as a 'balanced, healthy lunch' kind of place, even pre-Jamie Oliver) and by whatever provisions were in place at the Academy.
This in tricky in my headcanoned timeline because I suspect James was the one making sure Jamie got to his training sessions after school and on weekends. Though definitely invested in Jamie's performance, how much he really considered his wellbeing within that is... debatable. So there may have been a good few years where Jamie was getting toast or cereal in the mornings, a big lunch at school, but then nothing until he was dropped back at his mum's at night, where he was likely hesitant to either tell her how hungry he was or to 'eat her out of house and home'.
Once he got older and moved out (either into residence at the Academy or into his own flat at 18), I suspect he was quite relieved to have a guide on what and how to eat because then he didn't have to think about it.
Pre-prepared meals and/or a list of what he could meet his calorie intake with was perfect. He could just eat what was put in front of him - and that continued on through most of his career.
It was maybe not until people like Sam and Richard were horrified by the lack of variety or adventure in his diet that he started branching out and trying new things not explicitly laid out in his diet plan. (Roy noticed but also understood it and wasn't opposed to hyper-healthy eating while he was coaching him.)
Anyway, all this to say that I don't personally think Jamie has addiction issues around food but he definitely lets football dictate his diet. He probably frequently forgets meal times during off-seasons when his schedule is less regimented and it drives everyone around him to distraction.
After retiring he puts on a bit of weight from being more indulgent and exercising less. He has a bit of a vanity-rooted freak out about it and has to ease himself into not feeling guilty about the occasional carb or sugar overload.
In the end, he starts to think of food as a luxury beyond necessity and gets to properly explore what he likes to eat, not just what he needs.
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🎄 Do they have a favorite holiday? Why or why not?
Alex: Yes I do, It's Christmas.
I grew up in a household where Christmas was always celebrated big, with lots of delicious food, cozy decorations, and lots of family stopping by for comfy hangouts and we were all just huddling together in front of the fireplace and Christmas tree, laughing and smiling.
Christmas always warms my heart, and I always try to celebrate it with the people I love.
🎂 When is their birthday? What is their zodiac sign and do they associate themselves with it? Also, ideally, how would they spend their birthday?
Andy: My birthday is 3rd of January, and I'm horny as fuck! *chuckles hoarsely and smirks* Capricorn.
Well... ideally... hm *shrugs*... ideally as long as I get laid... a lot, I'm good *chuckles cheekily*
💪🏾 What accomplishment are they most proud of?
Dalton: I'd definitely say becoming a full-time, professional musician.
It's been years of hard work, stress, lousy gigs and just terrible sleep in fleabag motel rooms *chuckles cheekily* but, well you know, it's been worth it.
👶🏽 What’s their best childhood memory?
Jacob: *Rubs hands uncomfortably* I'm not sure I'm the most qualified when it comes to good childhood memories?
*Forces a pained smile* Uh.... *his smile turning more sincere, though small* ... there was this time, I think we were about 7 or 8, Rill woke me up with breakfast in bed.
Mom had actually for once stocked the fridge, and he had made me this huge bowl of cereal with Nutella, whipped cream and strawberries, it was quite delicious, and we cuddled up eating it together while watching cartoons.
🏞 What has been their favorite family vacation?
Danny: When I was 10 my mom, dad, my aunt, my sisters and my nephew went to this small town somewhere in US, I really can't remember what it was called, but it was so cozy, everyone was super nice. We were camped by a lake, and every morning we ate pancakes with Maple syrup... for some reason, that's the part I remember the most *chuckles soft*.
😤 What’s their pet peeve(s)?
Evan: *Contemplates* ... not a lot of things get on my nerves, I think I have a pretty high tolerance and patience in general... however people spitting their gum everywhere for others to step in, is rather annoying and can really get my blood pumping on a hot summers day!
Have you ever dragged sticky gum all over your car interior and had to clean it?
🛌 Do they sleep with their sheets tucked in or out?
Daniel: *Chuckles amused* I'm lucky if I even have sheets on in the first place!
🧸What makes them feel supported?
Sam: When people listen to and respect my needs. That has to be the most basic way to support me. I don't need much else.
Of course a hug and a pad on the back once in a while, goes a long way too *soft smile*
#No one asked but I wanted to do them anyway#so yeah#here we go#Alexander Thompson#Alex#Andy Shaw-Thompson#Andycorn#Dalton Red#Jacob D'Angelo#Jacob#Jackall D'Angelo#Jackall#Danny Rook#Evan Thompson#Samuel Cullman-Thompson#Sam
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Pairing: F!reader x Bucky Barnes
Warnings: Arguing, intrusive thoughts, angst, fat shaming, stress, anxiety attack mention, crying(kinda), cussing, fluff at the end I promise :)
Summary: You a Bucky always fool around a little to much when y'all have petty arguments, but you are just extra sensitive today.
[A/N]- GUYS I PROMISE I AM WORKING ON PART 2 THESE ARE JUST DRAFTS IM POSTING!! But I'm working my best on it I promise!
You walk into the kitchen, biker shorts and a slipknot shirt on, trying to fully wake up. You had cute little carrot fuzzy socks on over top of your white plain ones. You had pulled out a bowl and the cereal, pouring it into your bowl. You brought out the milk then later poured that into the bowl as well. You got your spoon out of the drawer and then heard footsteps behind you and slight groans turning into grunts of disapproval. "Why are you eating my cereal?" Bucky asked. You knew he was gonna start a argument, or even something drastic to get at you.
"I just wanna have a peaceful day, just leave me alone please" You raised your voice slightly, still groggy from waking up. Bucky took your bowl with a snatch while making eye contact with you. You felt like a nerd trying to grab a book from a jock. You were much shorter than him. He did this on purpose to make you feel small an useless. "Give my bowl of cereal back you stupid bitch!" You screamed as you saw Sam come in the kitchen. "Sam please get me my bowl of cereal, please" you begged. Sam looked at you and then went and sat on the couch. "He doesn't help fags like you" he said with a huge smirk on his face. You felt like crying. "Fuck you! You bitch ass ape!"
"You are so pleasant!" He said laughing. "It's not my fault I'm trying to help you from getting even more fatter than you already are y/n". You stoped trying to get the bowl. Your appetite was gone once he took the bowl anyways. But that hurt. You put away the cereal and milk. You walked away and back to your room. Usually you stayed and argued. But you were sensitive today. You felt like crying at the slightest things. It wasn't your period on the way, since you had it a week ago. Going into your bathroom and weighing yourself. "Maybe..maybe Bucky's right". 135 pounds. You read that as 351. Trying to keep yourself from tearing up you get off the scale and go to your bed.
It was around lunch time and Steve had gotten lunch for everyone. Everyone came to the kitchen to eat, except you. You were watching TV in your room sulking because of how heavy you thought you were. You had been overworking yourself to do more than you can physically and mentally handle in the gym. So it bothered you alot when some one said something rude about your size or weight. You saw yourself as humongous, and other people saw you as cute and petite. Bucky would never blatantly say this but, he saw you as the most gorgeous woman he has ever layed eyes on. Such a cute curvy body, pretty plump lips, beautiful hair color, and those eyes, oh those eyes got him every time. He doesn't even know why he treats you so badly, when he's so madly in love with you. You are the star of the team. Always happy and so encouraging to do better.
Which is why him not seeing you sitting across from him had him worried. After around 10 minutes Natasha asked where you had been. Sam said you had been in your room since this morning and no one had seen you since. This made Bucky worry even more. What if something happened to you after you left the kitchen. What if you had a panick attack like you did once Infront of him. What if what he said fucked your mental state up. All of Bucky's thoughts stopped when Wanda got up and put your food in the fridge and labeled your name on top. "She'll come get some when she's ready" Wanda said with a nice inviting smile. That made Bucky feel a bit at ease with all his thoughts.
Now it was dinner time. Tony had gotten Chinese takeout since no one felt like cooking. Once the food was here a maid had took it up to the dinning room where everyone sat waiting on the bags of food. Bucky hoped you'd be sitting in your seat across from him before he had gotten there. But he was mistakingly wrong. You weren't here for another meal. Was it because of what he said. He had gotten up and grabbed his and your dinner. "I'm gonna go take it up to her. Maybe she's just not feeling well" the rest of the team agreed while Sam had a shit eating grin on his face.
He had knock on your door to find it kind of cracked. He walked and place the food on the table you had. He saw you snuggling into some stuffy's while you slept. Bucky was gonna wake you up untill he saw your journal wide open.
May 15th
He commented on my weight again. I wish all this fat could be cut off. I wish he liked the way I looked. Maybe I'm trying to hard to be liked by him, he's always like blondes, maybe I should go blonde. Bucky is always so hateful to me. Does he want me off the team? Or does he just want me to die?. I wish I could be loved by him.
This broke his heart. He didn't know how to feel. Did he really make you want to change your body for him. He loved your hips, your beautiful torso, and your cute little arms, and little hands. He loved everything about you. He couldn't believe that he made you feel so disgusted about your self. He began to tear up, untill he felt you move a bit. Bucky nudged your shoulder and placed a soft kiss to your cheek. "You are so beautiful sweetheart. Please don't change" he said, his voice low and soft. You woke up startled and a bit scared. You sat up and caught your breath. "Bucky, w-what are you doing?" You asked half asleep still. "Why were you skipping out on meals?" He barked right back. "Because... I wanna lose weight ...I'm too big" this made his lose a bit of breath and sanity. "To big? Sugar you are so perfect it makes me fucking jealous! There's no way your too damn big!". He picked you up and placed you into his lap like your were as light as air. "I know I can go over and yonder but, I love you so much, and not just for your body, I mean for you, sweetness".
You didn't even try and argue you just snuggled up into his neck and smiled. "So you gonna eat your food for me, or and I gonna have to shove it down your throat?" Bucky asked giving you a grin before you answered. "Well that depends on what your shoving down my throat" you smirked and he chuckled." You are dirty, I love you". "I guess I love you too Bucky" you said rolling your eyes while stating a kiss on his lips.
"But I'm serious y/n, don't change, never!" Bucky said looking into your eyes and waiting for your response. "I don't plan on changing anymore..." You looked back up into his eyes and gave a faint smile. He grabbed you by your cheek and kissed you so passionately it made you want to get as close to him as possible. Bucky pulled away and had a genuine smile on his face. "Could you forgive me?" His hand sliding back to your sides. "I already have, just please no more shitty moments please." Bucky placed a quick peck on your lips. "No more of those. But how about in exchange for those moments. You can be mine y/n? What do you say?" You had a big smile on your face and started batting your eyes in a funny sarcastic way.
"Jeez can I get a date first Barnes" you both started laughing before going back into a kiss and laying down and eating y'all's Chinese food.
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Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 09x08 Rock and a Hard Place
“Wouldn’t you get sick of eating all the food from the diner? Oh, she’s giving it to the guy I guess”
“Don’t let the battery go before you need it”
“Don’t stick your head out because he’s going to drop that on top of you”
“right in the fkn sewer”
“in one hole and out the other. Just like your cereal”
“All food waster and liquids must be placed in sealed units for disposal. Prevent contamination: all utensils and kitchen surfaces to be sterilized after use”
“Why is that sign in their lair if it’s supposed to be manned by like 5 people or something? Is this like their home, I feel like I don’t have enough signage in my home”
We can get signage if you want
Laughter
“How is that warm? Is it one of those plug in kind?”
“Is that morgue shit? What’s going on with that wall? Or is this an industrial kitchen thing”
“to be fair, the one thing Sam does really well as an actor, because I can’t look that tired without actually not being tired, but what I mean is how they practice that? It’s hard to get the eyes right. The eyelid thing is almost involuntary”
“that was quick”
“He’s like hell yeah I gotta take lessons. Figure out how to lift an SUV”
“whack a doo”
“he’s super woke alright”
“it’s very white”
“APU also stands for Ass Protection Unit”
laughter “what the fuck”
laughter “that stupid face. Makes me smile every time”
“Oh yes let’s light the room with our fkn zapper-ator instead of Saving that for hurting something”
“going to kill those batteries awful fast”
“what a fkn bitch. Seriously? Goddamn”
“We’d love to hear that Tammy. Just not now”
laughter
“How many times is he not going to use the word awesome?”
“Is he trying to corrupt everyone at the same time?”
laughter
Loud laughter “fkn awesome”
“first fkn purity class or whatever the hell”
“really?”
laughter
“So fkn funny”
“Why and who is she?”
laughter
“Is that the first time they used ‘it’s a thing’ in the show? I think it might be”
“oh Jesus”
“that bra is way too small”
“she needs to get fitted”
“gong to get blue balls all night man”
laughter
Laughter
Loud laughter
“Is this when Dean shows up?”
“this is working out really well for them”
“that was a very low budget effect. Holy shit”
“ya fucked up but now you can drink your own blood”
“hey fresh meat”
“that makes sense”
laughter
“I am the cops” laughter
“Fuck the police except Jody. I don’t think even Jody likes the police. They just needed it for the storyline”
“Don’t get your ass murdered now”
“well shit”
“It’s always the creepy religious ones”
“oh yes let me dig through this box of tools no problem”
laughter
“they fkn did the thing. Let’s go home.”
“Not much Dean”
“just safety pin sam”
“plaid”
“that is some of the worst wallpaper I’ve ever seen”
“woe is me”
“now you’ve got fkn angel spies on everything you’re doing. Fkn weird man”
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Bucky walks into the kitchen of their shared house, not too far from Sarah's, the smell of something cooking drawing him in.
He finds Sam at the stove, humming a song Bucky doesn't know, but that's nothing new. He's got a fork in one hand, poking at something in the pan. With his other, Sam grabs the mustard from the counter, leans his head back, opens his mouth, and then squirts some in.
Bucky has to fight back a gag.
Then if that isn't disturbing enough, Sam grabs a cold hot dog from the abandoned package on the counter and takes a bite, humming to himself as he chews.
It's one of the more disturbing sights he's seen in his life, and he's seen some shit.
All Bucky can do is blink.
He realizes he must have made an involuntary noise of disgust because suddenly Sam turns, still chewing, a touch of mustard on the corner of his mouth. He waves the cold hotdog. "What? I'm making lunch, want some?"
Bucky's eyes flick to the mustard, then to the pan, where he can now see Sam cooking hotdogs, and says, "You got mustard on your face." And he mimes where it is.
Sam grins, then his tongue peeks out to get it off. He says, "So lunch?" As he picks up the mustard, presumably to repeat his earlier crimes.
Living with someone, you learn a lot about them, and what Bucky learns about Sam is that the man is weird. Besides his addiction to mustard, putting the shit on everything, he also eats sugary cereal while sipping wine for dinner.
Sam's a walking juxtaposition, a total disaster that somehow decieves the general populous into thinking he's got it together. He's a mustard loving, wine drinking goblin, but Bucky wouldn't replace him for the world.
Instead of commenting on the repeated mustard injustice, Bucky grabs a bun from the table, walks over, and holds it out. "I'll take a cooked one, in a bun, because some of us aren't heathens. And I'll put my own mustard on, thanks."
"Sure thing, man." Then he squeezes a little more mustard into his mouth with a grin, probably just to make Bucky cringe because he's an asshole like that.
Bucky rolls his eyes, but takes his hotdog.
Sam's got mustard on his chin, and Bucky can't stop himself from reaching out and catching it with his thumb. He pops the digit into his mouth after, licking the tangy substance off.
This living thing, being domestic, isn't so bad. He kind of likes it, enough that he grabs the mustard, opens his mouth, and squirts some in, wanting to see what makes Sam so happy.
As he expected, he gags and sputters, and after spitting it out in the sink, he shakes his head and says, "Yep, you're fucking weird, Wilson. There's nothing good about that."
Sam laughs. "Whatever, give it back if you don't appreciate it then."
Bucky chucks it at him, Sam catching it easily. "I'll stick to ketchup."
#sam wilson#bucky barnes#winterfalcon#mcu#I think I forgot to post this on here#So here it is#snark writes#Mustard#Sam is a bit of chaos goblin but I love him
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chapter 15 cut scene
Word count- 1,500
Warnings- None
Rating: T
Chapter Fifteen
Summary: Leo can't ice skate
Leo clung to the railing, hunched over, desperately trying to regain balance, and quite honestly, looking like a wet cat trying to get out of a bathtub.
"Don't laugh at me," Leo's voice darkened. She glared at Lily, covering her mouth with her gloved hands. Lily skated over to where Leo was struggling.
"I'm not, Leo. I never laugh at you." Lily held out a hand to help her up. Leo, looking reluctant, took it. Lily kept holding her hand. "Just hang onto the rail. You'll be fine."
"Was this the plan?" Leo asked to the air. "To kill me?"
"Yes, Leo. Death by ice skating." Lily rolled her eyes, smiling a little. "I'm starting to think that Jaxon was right. Maybe all you did was get banned from public places and be evil. You've really never gone ice skating?"
"Obviously not." Leo made some sort of face like it was her first time not being good at something. "Ask my sister. When the winter comes, I hibernate like a bear."
Lily laughed, and Leo grinned. "Seriously! I buy all my food and shit in the fall, and stay home during winter. I don't go to school most of the year."
"Logan's going to have a fit when he hears that, you know." Lily began to skate faster when Leo could manage to not fall for over ten seconds. "You're this close to giving him gray hairs whenever you talk about... yourself, for lack of better word."
"Thanks, Lily," Leo deadpanned. "How encouraging."
"We should go find Elliot." A surge of worry suddenly filled her, at the mental image of Elliot laying face-down in the ice like he tended to do when he got hurt. Lily once watched the kid stub his toe and fully face-plant onto the floor without hesitation. She worried about him, most of the time.
On cue, the youngest of the group zoomed past them, screaming a long string of profanities in a blur of purple.
"What did you teach that kid, holy shit." Lily snickered at the sight of Elliot chasing down his brother. People gave him odd looks, whispering something about how he shouldn't know those sorts of words at his age. Lily was... inclined to agree. She thought it was hilarious when Dylan or the triplets (read: Elliot. Ryan and Sam would never) swore. Logan and Cass thought it was one of the worst crimes imaginable.
"I didn't teach him that!" Leo defended, and Lily did not believe her. "Okay, I taught him some of the kinder swears, the rest was all Jaxon. And maybe you."
Elliot went past them again, and Lily frowned, realizing they had barely moved a foot. She was being beaten by a ten-year-old.
They watched with wide eyes as Elliot leaped and landed perfectly, still chasing presumably Sam.
"Bullshit!" Lily yelled after her friend. Leo booed him loudly. Elliot skidded to a stop, and turned around, skating towards them.
That kid knocked over his cereal and spilled it all over the place trying to get the spoon in that morning. He ran into the front door on his way outside that day. Multiple times. He hit his head on the car door on their way here. And here he was, skating perfectly, jumping into the air, on his first try.
Leo told him as such, and he shrugged. "Maybe you guys are just too old. Your bones are breaking."
"Your bones are gonna break in a minute," Leo said dryly. "Seriously though, there is no way you're that good at this."
"I'm naturally gifted." Elliot flipped his hair back, and that was definitely a phrase he got from Lily.
"I ran into Jaxon on my last loop," Elliot mentioned, a small smile on his face, a shit-eating grin, if you will. "He says to tell you that you shouldn't hold hands before marriage."
"Do me a favor, E. Go around, and say fuck you to Jaxon. I give you full permission."
Elliot's eye lit up, and he nodded, skating away. Lily slowly turned to look at Leo.
"Didn't teach him to swear my ass." Lily swatted the back of Leo's head, and Leo snickered.
"I said mostly." Leo's grin fell, to a determined look. "Teach me how to do this properly."
"Seriously?"
"I'm not being beaten by a fifth-grader who fell asleep in the dryer last week."
Lily snickered. "Fair. Okay. Let go of the rail."
"You want me to die." Leo reluctantly let go, slipped, and grabbed onto Lily's arm.
"Stand up," Lily instructed, earning a glare. "Don't lean back. Lean forward. You aren't walking, you're kicking the ice, got it?"
"No," Leo said honestly. She gave a fast kick to the ground, the ridges of the skate dug into the ice, and catapulted Leo forward. Lily moved to stand in front of her, catching her as she fell.
Their faces were close, Leo's eyes were illuminated by the colored fairy lights hanging on the street lamps, sparkling. Lily coughed into her hand, and turned back to where she had been before.
"You're doing horribly," Lily decided. "Just hold on, you'll be fine."
Jaxon nearly knocked Leo over in a hug around the neck. "How goes it, friends?"
"Terrible," Leo mumbled, and Lily nodded in agreement. "Did you see Elliot?"
"Yes!" Jaxon looked visibly stressed. "I fell over, and he looked me dead in the fucking eye and did a twirl. Are we sure he spent five years in that room and not on an ice rink?"
"At this point..." Leo trailed off, rolling her eyes.
"Local Leo isn't immediately good at something, commits a war crime," Lily spoke in a fake announcer voice, to Jaxon's amusement.
"More at six," Jaxon finished in that same voice. "Coming up next, I'm stealing your hat."
Lily didn't have time to process what he said before her hat was yanked off her head, and her brother sped away. Lily glowered.
"Go after him." Leo gave a thumbs up. "I'll be fine."
"Okay." Lily gave one final glance at her. "Find Logan, he can show you what to do. You know, if you're able to move from that spot."
"Shut the fuck up."
Lily smiled, and turned, speeding off towards her brother. A blur of colored lights, holiday music, and a large crowd of people, she was dizzy among it. Little bits of ice flew off from the skates, melting on impact as they hit her ankles.
Lily slowed, and found Jaxon playing a game with Dylan, tossing the hat back and forth. Jaxon threw it to Dylan.
"Dylan, go!"
Dylan took the hat and went off. Lily followed them, and from there, Dylan threw it to Sam, who caught on quickly, and Lily could feel herself starting to lose control over her own speed. Sam threw it to Ryan, who panicked and gave it to Elliot, and that was the moment Lily knew she was fucked, because Elliot was way faster.
He wasn't even that fast of a runner. He literally was out of breath going to the park across the street. How he wasn't having an asthma attack right now was a mystery.
It went to Logan, who calmly gave it back to Lily.
"Thank you." Lily adjusted her hat back on her head. Logan smiled, and nodded, and Jaxon booed him.
By the time she found Leo again, she was standing up and moving just fine without the rail. Lily beamed.
"Hey! Good job!" Lily skated over, lungs burning, out of breath.
"This is overrated." Leo kept going, and grabbed back onto Lily's hand. "I'll pay for some apple cider?"
"Sure." Lily nodded. They alerted Logan that they were leaving, and took a final loop around the ice, as they weren't allowed to go backwards.
Walking back on regular ground was a hard adjustment, as now they actually did have to walk. It was more of a stomp, really, as they tried to figure out where they left their shoes.
Inside the building where they rented the ice skates, there was an apple cider and hot chocolate stand, like a soda machine for the winter time.
Leo paid for two paper cups, and held it under the cider dispenser. Steaming, orange-ish liquid flowed into the cup. A plastic lid closed over it, cutting off the steam. Two of those small straws followed. Leo leaned against the counter as Lily filled her own cup, opting for the hot chocolate instead. She shoved a handful of marshmallows inside.
They found an empty seat around one of the fireplaces scattered around the area, sitting on the bench together. Lily's head leaned against Leo's shoulder. Leo didn't move.
"This is a lot better," Leo commented, voice uncharacteristically softer. "I'm pretty tired. About to take the world's fattest nap when we get home."
Lily hummed. "Let's steal Logan's car."
Leo huffed a small laugh. "It's just downtown... they can find their way home. It isn't too far, is it?"
"They'll live." Lily yawned. Leo's head rested on top of hers. "They've got phones. They can figure it out."
Leo didn't respond. Lily's eyes widened. "Oh my god, are you actually asleep?"
No response. Lily stifled a laugh, and took her slipping cup from her hands, placing it on the ground.
"...I think I'd rather be here, actually," Lily said to herself. This was followed by an obnoxiously fake snore. "You're fucking with me, aren't you? Asshole."
Leo snickered. Her expression softened, eyes closed. "I'd rather stay here, too."
#i havent posted any writing in a while i worry#:(#anyways here's this!!#coming to you live from someone who does not celebrate valentines day#scene was cut because i felt like it was drawing the chapter out#and because i liked how it ended before#leo and lily's relationship was also dropped pretty quick because i cant write romance to save my life#writing#a writing post for the first time in like two months#fun fact i was supposed to be finished writing the second one in march but i havent even finished chapter four yet#leo cant ice skate that's it that's the thing#i dont have a reason for elliot being so good at skating he just Is#also elliot's back!!! for a limited time only!!#missed him#elliot's back and jaxon and leo aren't actively trying to kill each other
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💤- For Sam
Send 💤 for my muse to describe the dream they had about your muse last night.
"Dreamed you got kidnapped by Red skull in a unicorn suite..... I think i should stop with eating lucky charms cereal in front of the weird alien documentaries at 3 am. I mean i take it over all the times everyone i love die."
"But what the fuck is wrong with me...?"
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Found another French press and I’m slowly getting some semblance of normal mornings back, which I’ve missed. I set Howl’s Moving Castle down on the counter, pages-down, so while I wait for the water to boil, and while I let the coffee steep, I can get another chapter in. Leaving the book on the counter like that makes me pick it up when I’m waiting for things to boil. Lots of instant ramen and linguine with scratch-made red sauce to power through lately.
“What a very elegant way of making coffee!” I remember a Radiologist telling me when I explained what a French press was. The kettle begins to whine, stopping me mid-sentence in the book about Sofie’s boldness as an old woman. I pour the kettled water over the grounds in the press and shuffle around for a spoon.
“Damn. I need to stop wasting spoons like this”, as I root around for the last spoon, quickly stir in my coffee, and rinse it off to set it aside for my cereal. “Huh, four minutes, that’s shorter than I originally thought”, the instructions say. I’d usually let the coffee sit for ten. “Well, it’s not like I won’t taste the difference” I chuckle to myself, sparking up a reason why I even crave mornings like these in the first place. Immediate mental damage shaken off.
A silence fills the apartment.
I still can’t tell if I like these kinds of silences or not. The first time it happened was when I had gotten on the phone with many friends that day offering their support I always shrink away from.
"Come over, we'll cry and watch movies."
"Drive up here and stay the night, we'll play board games!"
"This is last minute, but come to my bachelor party at my house!"
After the last friend hanging on the phone said “I just got into work, call you tomorrow?” and hung up, it was there for the first time. I stared down a half-empty apartment. You know the silence, when you’re alone and have been crying over something permanent but your body has just decided it’s over doing that mechanism. You’ve taken that last hiccupped breath, wiped your last tear, and blown your nose for the last time. That silence. What the fuck IS that silence? It’s happened more than once, too.
For a person who remembers hating silences off all kind, trying to fill a room with a record, or just powering through the stigma of making full-blown conversations with themselves. I learned to hate that inner voice. He was so jaded, so negative, so matter-of-fact. He was as sharp as a tack though. He would shield me from disappointment because worse-case scenario; I always knew it would end this way. Best case? I'm pleasantly surprised. It was never a silent moment with you, though. Anything to shut him up.
“No way we have the same exact music tastes!”
“Why do they call him Sterling and not just Archer?”
“If you were a bee what bee would you be?”
I was slingshot back to the reality of my current situation.
Chapter Six: In Where Howl Expresses His Feelings With Green Slime. Setting the book back pages-down, (listen, you'll be FINE it wont LIVE like that, besides-- you don't even want to know what happened to my copy of Catch-22), I root around for a mug, as if I'm not already going for my black and white "Eat the Rich" mug you got me two birthdays ago that I haven't washed since. I take my coffee black, and it's MY mug don't you dare fuckin' judge me! (by the way:
Yes that new Two Door Cinema club record is great, Sam crushes those guitar riffs.
It's a play on 007 where other characters call him Bond and not James.
A busy buzzy bee.)
My whirlwind of a roommate, went off to work after a night of debate of whether or not we need to go to a hospital. It's not that I didn't believe them of their sharp rib pain, it's just not enough to quantify an emergency and we would be stuck in the ER for hours only to be potentially told "we don't know what's wrong, here's some pain killers you can't afford, and off you go!" I don't even know who to be angriest at in this scenario, but I'll always kick myself first. Damn me and not being at the Doctor level yet. Damn me and being smart enough to know that I'm not smart enough to give a definitive answer on what ails them. FUCK me for being unwilling to feel their pain because if I give more empathy it'll complicate their feelings towards me, since admitting they had a crush on me the day before. I really don't need that on my plate right now.
There it is again. That damned silence.
Recovering again from those mental blows to myself, I reflexively go to the fridge to aim for that hazelnut creamer that you liked. Laughing to myself "having a coffee addiction but can't take it black." I touch my temple now from that psychic pain.
"Why do you snowball like this?" I say to myself soon after, switching gears to reach for my own milk for cereal, only to ultimately decide against it and close the door. I take the green book, set my mug on the coffee table and lay myself down on the couch with my left leg hanging over the edge. I look over the top of the book to the same perspective where you'd work and I'd read in absolute silence.
I learned to be welcoming of my own thoughts through the quiet times. I'm still the extrovert and needs to fill the air with noise. I used to make noise to shut up that angrier, self-loathing, inner bastard. This chapter of life though, having nothing going on, and no one to talk to made moments OF talking to friends all the sweeter. You showed me that.
I was emotionally damaged when we met so I remember often, looking up and choking on my own words for fear of letting you know more about me. I just got used to not saying anything when we hung out. I was busy being in my own head though.
I would make myself uncomfortable because I felt guilty that I was just in my head and not actually present with you. I KNOW you were okay with that, more than okay, you loved me more for it-- I just wasn't. The more and more these thoughts cycled in my head the more resentment I grew. At myself. It festered horridly. You ran around cleaning or cooking or working on your art, and I would check in "Need me to do something?" I didn't ask because I genuinely wanted to help I asked because I felt the guilt of being just inside my own head and paying you no mind. Secretly kind of liking it.
I didn't lie about loving you--it just made anything that you did that bothered me all the worse. All relationships have speed bumps, my spiraling made them mountains. Is this how you felt, in those pictures where you're deep in thought and you didn't say anything until the idea of me got away from you and what reality me would actually say? Yes, of course I don't have to move in with you! I know it's too early, but opportunities like this are weird like that in relationships, why have you been holding that in this whole time? You know you can talk to be about anything when it happens? You know with me there's always a compromise, right? You know it's not healthy to be hung up on an ex, right? Do I actually love you, or is it that "idea-of love" trope? Did I actually give in to "the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody" subconsciously? Did I give in to that initial terrible thought when we started dating that you were just a rebound? Sorry I'm freaking out about moving in with you, but it's too soon, yeah? Uh oh, I've had a dream about this, where we are dating but I'm not happy being with you, it's not coming true, is it?! Am I admitting I actually don't see a future with you? Am I subconsciously looking for the next person and refuse to give up what I have and let that jerk voice win? Did I just find someone else? Did I lose a different opportunity because I couldn't get it together fast enough? Again? Why am I like this? Would you have actually done those awful things if my situation was different? You know if you stopped trying to appease everybody you wouldn't be in this mess right? Do you like the drama secretly? Did you invite that chaos because you're bored? You're just a womanizer just like every other guy, aren't you? You try to go against that in every way but you're no different when push comes to shove, right? What could have done different with--?
"Just give me a second to breathe!"
I catch up to my runaway daydream.
That silence returns.
"Shit." I stare at my empty cup of coffee, which usually meant I would have to start the French Press Process all over again, but I always fill the press with water so there's two cups. Whether or not it's a leftover habit is unimportant, anyway. I shuffle over to the kitchen and fill my mug again. I turn my back, mug in hand and lean on the counter. The cold coffee touching my lips.
"Yeah, I've missed mornings like these."
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