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arlana-likes-to-write · 1 year

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Lightning Bug - Chapter 12

Master list of Lighning Bug

Warning: kidnapping, mention of human trafficking, character injury, mention of death, guilt, drinking

Word count: 6.5k

“Who are you?” You stared at the man who had an eye patch over his left eye. He was wearing all black with a trench coat over the top. You couldn’t imagine wearing that in the summer.

“The name is Nick Fury,” he walked over to you. His hands were behind his back. You weren’t sure if he was a threat but FRIDAY would have alerted you if there was danger, right? “Got any more of that?” He pointed to the bowl of mac and cheese you were eating.

“Uh yeah,” you said stunned. It was an odd sight, watching the man get himself a bowl of mac and cheese from the pot on the stove. “Wait, they didn’t adopt me. They-” You paused. You had to admit what they did sounded like adaptation minus going to court. “Anyways, what are you doing here?” He put his bowl on the counter and took a bit of his food.

“Romanoff asked me to keep an eye on you while everyone is away,” he shrugged. “I owe her a few favors.” You frowned.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” you said. “I can take care of myself.”

“Not a babysitter, kid,” you gave him a pointed look, you didn’t believe him. He sighed. “I do feel like a babysitter with this group.” You smiled as he put his empty bowl into the sink. “Come with me,” he said, heading back to the elevator.

“You couldn’t add a please,” you said. He glared at you over his shoulder. You sighed, picked up your bowl, and followed him to the elevator. The metal doors opened and you both stepped in. When the doors closed, he pulled out a white badge.

“Welcome Director Fury, shall I bring you to Overwatch?” The AI asked.

“Yes FRIDAY,” Overwatch? You didn’t remember an Overwatch floor. But you kept your mouth shut as the elevator began to rise. Soon the elevator stopped and the doors opened. “Don’t touch anything,” he said, stepping into the room. You followed him. There were two desks. A wooden one pushed to the wall facing a wall that had a counter with a chair and a keyboard. There were other sitting options; a couch and bean bags. A small fridge in the corner with a coffee station. You walked over to the wooden desk and picked up a stress ball. “And I told you not to touch anything,” you looked at him and his back was to you as he typed on a keyboard.

“How did -?” you looked around. “What is this place anyways?” You asked.

“This is Overwatch,” he said, the monitors turned on. They were dark but each screen had a name on the corner. You found Natasha’s and Wanda’s names right away; labeled N. Romanoff and W. Maximoff. “This command center allows myself or other Avengers that aren’t on a mission to provide support.” You walked over to where he was standing. “It is only used when all of them get called away or on big-scale operations.” Wanda said something similar when you asked if it was normal for everyone to be called out on a mission; ‘On a scale this big, yes.’

“Who are they after?” Fury looked away from the keyboard to look at you. You weren’t sure if he was going to tell you but he held out his hand, looking down at the stress ball in your hand. You sighed, rolling your eyes, and handing him the ball.

“Romanoff and Bishop’s primary mission was to follow Andre Orlov,” he clicked a few buttons and a hologram of a man appeared. He couldn’t be more than 20 years old. His head was shaved and he had a tattoo on his neck. “He is working with an organization that is kidnapping kids and young adults.” Your mind was transported back to when you were promised a better life but you woke up in a cell forced to torture people.

“Is it HYDRA?” You asked. He didn’t seem surprised that you knew that organization. He shook his head.

“We weren’t sure what group was behind it. But they found out,” the hologram disappeared. “Meet Petya and Zenya Samarian,” Peta was taller. His head wasn’t shaved but his hair was cut short. But Zeyna had hair past her shoulders. They looked older, in their mid to late 30s or early 40s. “They call themself Sem’ya or the Family. They targeted low-income families or kids who were homeless. But they made a mistake and attempted to kidnap the daughter of a mayor. Local authorities weren’t sure if it was HYDRA or a copycat of the Red Room so we were called in.” The holograms disappeared. “The team is attempting to bring them in and save the kids they’ve taken.” He moved his sleeve up to look at his watch. “Phase 1 should be at 0930.”

“Why did you bring me here?” Instead of answering, he pulled another white card and handed it to you.

“This room is only accessible by one of these key cards,” you took it, twirling the cards in between your fingers. It was completely blank. “I’ll be around.” He walked over to the elevator. You spun around to look at him.

“You still didn’t answer my question,” you said. “Why did you bring me here?” He stopped before pressing the button to the elevator.

“The worst part of being here is when they go on missions and you are left in the dark unable to know if they are hurt,” he turned around to face you. “This room allows you to keep your mind at ease.” You looked down at the card in your hand and back at the monitors.

“How can I help them?” You asked.

“What?” You rolled your eyes.

“You said this room provides support when they are on a mission,” you looked at Yelena, America, and Kate’s names. “So, how do I provide support?”

“You aren’t an Avenger, kid,” you threw your hands to the side. You couldn’t just sit here and do nothing while your fingers were risking their lives to save the world. “Look, with missions like this the best thing you can do is be there for them when they get back.” He pressed the button to call the elevator.

“Nick,” he didn’t turn around to look at you. “Thank you.”

“The name is Fury, kid,” he stepped into the elevator and faced you. “I’ll see you around.” He threw the stress ball at you as the metal doors closed.

You looked around the room and then back to the card in your hand. He wouldn’t have given you this card if he didn’t want you to be here tomorrow morning. You smiled and headed back to your floor. You walked into your room, placed your backpack on your bed, and began to pack it. You didn’t bring much; the walkman with your headphones and a few tapes, a book, and some copy paper Steve gave you. You grabbed a pillow, put the backpack on, and went to the kitchen. You opened a drawer that had a few snacks in it and found a note attached to a candy bar.

‘Just in case you need it - Yelena.’ You smiled at the note Yelena wrote and placed it in your backpack along with a few cereal bars and gummies. Before you headed back to Overwatch you stopped.

“Hey FRIDAY, are there any extra blankets?”

“Miss. Maximoff keeps all extra blankets in the hall closet.” You thanked the AI and walked over to the closet. It seemed appropriate that Wanda had a collection of pillows. You picked a crochet one, the colors were red, black, and white, and it was soft. You smiled, picked up the blanket, and headed back to the elevator. When you stepped into the metal box, you pulled out the white card.

“Shall I take you to Overwatch?” You nodded.

“Yes FRIDAY,” you smiled. You had to admit you felt important as the elevator began to rise, it was like you were part of the team. The metal doors opened and you stepped out, talking straight over to the wooden desk. It had a little cubby underneath that was perfect. You placed the pillow down and laid the blanket on the floor then placed your backpack down. You saw your half-eaten bowl of mac and cheese that you left and stood up to grab it. You sat back down in your little makeshift fort and finished your dinner looking at the screens. You couldn’t be there physically but in this room, you could be with them.

You arrived back in Overwatch the following morning at 8. You weren’t surprised to see Nick, standing in front of the screens wearing his trench coat. Did he own any other clothes? “You're late,” he said, not looking at you.

“Late?” You questioned, walking over to him. “You said it starts at 9:30, I’m an hour and a half early.” He finally glanced at you.

“Still late,” you rolled your eyes, looking at the screen he was looking at. It was a transcript of a phone call between Peta and Andre. It was mostly in Russian but you caught a line in Spanish that you understood. ‘La luna está alta en el cielo’ which meant ‘the moon is high in the sky.’ You felt Nick’s eyes watching you.

“If this group is located in Russian, why are they speaking in Spanish?” You asked.

“Why do you think so?” You looked at the line again, reading it over and over again in your head.

“To send a message,” you said. “If they used a different language then they could send a message easily without drawing attention,” you pointed to the ‘es’ in the sentence. “The sentence is wrong. They should have used esta not es.”

“Why would they use ‘es’?” You sighed, biting your bottom lip as you thought.

“I’m not sure,” you said, looking at him. “The only thing I can think of is direction but it would be southeast, not east-south.” Nick smiled, it was small but a smile nonetheless.

“Not a bad kid,” he pulled up a map. A small building was circled in the southwest part of the town. “Maybe you could be an Avenger. Do you want to be one?” You smiled, sitting down on the blanket.

“I’m not sure about the Avenger lifestyle, Nick.” He sighed, his shoulders moving up and down.

“Name is Fury,” you put your headphones on.

“Whatever you say,” you made sure to leave one ear uncovered so you could hear Nick. You became lost in your music and the sketch you were doing. You were drawing the scene in front of you, Nick standing in front of a wall of screens. It wasn’t good but you weren’t drawing it to be perfect.

“This is Fury from Overwatch,” you paused the song and rested your headphones around your neck. “Turn on your communication devices.” It was like clockwork as all the monitors turned on showing what each Avenger was looking at.

“Woah,” you mumbled. You noticed the groups. Sam was with Kate and Steve. Rhodey, America, and Bucky were together. Tony was standing next to Natasha and Maria. Then it was Vision, Yelena, and Wanda. You found yourself walking closer to Nick.

“Are we all set to engage?”

“Roger, that eye in the sky,” Tony said. You and Nick rolled your eyes at the billionaire. You giggled. They were at two different locations; Sam and Vision’s group were together while Tony and Rhodney were at a different one.

“On my mark,” he pulled up two hologram blueprints. “3,2,1. Avengers engage.” There was so much to look at as they breached their building. Each group did the same plan, those who could fly provided air support outside while the others dealt with the enemies inside. Nick’s job was to stay quiet, observe, and call out things they may have missed. It was so different from watching them in training compared to a mission. There was an extra intensity, which made sense but it was still cool to witness.

You were watching Natasha’s screen when she passed a tall wardrobe. It was for a brief second but something caught your eye. “Nick,” you said. “I think someone is in that wardrobe Natasha just passed.”

“Romanoff,” Natasha stopped. “Go back and check that wardrobe on your right.” She did it without question and you held your breath as she opened it. There was a little girl, sitting down with her knees to her chest. Her eyes were wide with fear. Natasha put her gun away.

“Privet malysh (hey little one),” she said. “Vash seyf (You’re safe).” She held out her hand. “Vash seyf (You’re safe).” She repeated. The girl took the Black Widow’s and pulled her into a hug. You let out a breath you were holding as you watched the girl shake in Natasha’s arms. “Gde tvoi druz'ya (Where are your friends?)” You didn’t hear what the girl said.

“The rest of them are in the basement,” Natasha said, over her coms. “I found one and I’m taking her to Bruce.” You smiled at the interaction.

“Good spot, kid,” Nick said. It was a spot you liked to hide in if the nose became too much and you were scared. You sat back down and continued to watch. The mission was a success. Each group managed to save the kids that were behind held capture. A part of you wished the Avengers found you when HYDRA threw you in a cell. But you were happy for them, they were safe.

“Good work team,” Nick said. “Get these kids to safety.” The screens went dark. Nick turned to face you. “My offer still stands if you want to join them, you're good.”

“I’m not a hero, Nick.” You pulled out the candy bar Yelena left for you. He frowned.

“They didn’t see themselves as heroes either,” you took a bite of the bar. “Just let me know.”

“Do you think Natasha and Wanda would let me become an Avenger?” He shrugged, walking over to the elevator.

“Not really up to them,” he stepped into the elevator. “Good job today.” The metal doors closed. You sighed, laying down. What a weird dude.

Some of the screens turned back on. It was only Maria, Yelena, Natasha, and Bucky. You were surprised that Nick wasn’t back. So you pulled up a chair where he was standing and sat down. They were near water, it looked like a shipyard. They were taking cover next to a shipping container. Natasha was standing in front of Yelena. The blonde looked anxious, an emotion you were surprised to see. She let out a shaky breath and nodded. Natasha put her thumb up. They moved wordlessly around different shipping containers and avoided the people on the dock. You weren’t sure where they were headed but they moved with a purpose.

Bucky held up his arm to stop the other three as a guard walked by. You blinked and Bucky took the man down. Finally, they stopped in front of a container and Maria used bolt cutters to cut the lock. As the doors swung open, you saw the horror inside. There had to be 10 - 15 people inside.

“Vash seyf (You’re safe),” was the same statement Natasha said to the young girl. “My vytashchim tebya otsyuda (We are going to get out of here).” They split up in pairs; Natasha and Yelena and Bucky and Maria. Each pair took part in the group. A small gunfight broke out and you squeezed the arm of the chair you were sitting in. Soon the gunfight ended and they arrived at two vans; Sam was driving one and Steve was in the other. As they got everyone in, the screens went black.

You fell back in your chair, trying to calm your racing heart. Nick said this room would help but the anxiety was racing through your veins. But they were okay. More people were saved and they made it out alive.

“There you are!” Pepper’s sudden voice made you jump and hit your head on the desk you were laying underneath. You rubbed your head and looked at the CEO, her arms crossed and she seemed upset.

“Hi,” you said softly, waving your hand.

“When was the last time you left this room?” She asked. “Wait, how did you even get access to this room?” She followed up with the second question before you could answer the first.

“Uh Nick gave me a key,” you said. Pepper sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Come with me,” she said. “Please.” You scrambled to her feet, looking one more time at the monitors. They were gearing up to raid the last known house. With a sigh, you tore your eyes away and followed the CEO to the elevator. The ride was tense and quiet. You assumed this was feeling when the character you read was sent to the principal office. You knew she was upset with you but you weren’t sure why. The elevator opened to her and Tony’s floor. You wordlessly followed her to the kitchen and sat in the seat she pointed to. Still, she said nothing as she placed a chicken salad in front of you. Your stomach turned into knots as you stared at the food. When was the last time you ate real food? “I’m sorry,” she finally said. She got her salad and began to eat. “Work got busy and I wasn’t available as I should be to look after you.”

“It’s fine,” you told her. “I don’t need a babysitter.” It was the same thing you said to Nick. Pepper didn’t look like she believed you.

“Then why did FRIDAY tell me you haven’t left that room in 2 days,” 2 days?!? That couldn’t be right. During your time there, Nick would join you but a majority of the time you found yourself alone. She held out her hand. “Give me the key card.” It felt heavy in your pocket. You thought about lying, it would be so easy. “I don’t want you going back in that room.”

“What?” You questioned. “No-I have to go back in there. What if something happens and I’m not there?” She lowered her hand.

“And what are you going to do if something does?” You didn’t know what to say. You looked down at your salad and played with your food. Pepper sighed. “Look, I get it. Every time Tony goes away I get worried. There have been times Happy has had to pull me out of there,” You glanced up at her. “It’s not healthy to stress about them like that. It can lead to further damage.” You didn’t say anything as you slowly ate a piece of chicken.

“You don’t understand,” you said, looking up at her fully. “You guys are all I have. If I lose you, any of you, I’ll have nothing. For once in my life I have something I don’t want to lose,” you clenched your jaw to keep your emotions in cheek. “I don’t want to go back to nothing.” Pepper’s gaze softened but she held out her hand again.

“I still don’t want you to go back into that room,” you sighed, pulling the card out of her pocket and putting it in her hand.

“What am I supposed to do till they get back?” You asked. She put the key in her pocket.

“Live,” she said. “Because thinking about the ‘what ifs’ are going to drive you insane.”

“Miss. Y/n,” FRIDAY said as you stepped out of the bathroom after a shower. You listened to Pepper and went on a walk while listening to music, did some much-needed laundry, and took a shower. It was 5 hours since Pepper had that talk with you. “The team has returned.” You put your gloves back on.

“How are they?” You asked.

“Miss. Romanoff was injured,” you felt your stomach drop. “She’s in med bay.” You took the stairs, not wanting to waste time on the elevator. FRIDAY instructed you on what floor to get off of. You threw open the doors as you saw Natasha being rolled in on a hospital bed with Wanda and Yelena right beside her. Your feet become cemented to the spot. You weren’t sure if people came up to talk to you, it was all white noise.

“Hey,” you shook your head and America was standing in front of you. She had bandages on her face; one on her forehead and another on her chin. Her right wrist was wrapped. “Are-”

“Are you okay?” You cut her off. She laughed, rubbing the back of her head.

“I’m okay,” she wasn’t. “I got it a lot better than some of the others.”

“Some of the others?” You questioned. “What happened?” America sat down in an empty chair and you followed her.

“It was the last house we were clearing out, saving some kids that were kidnapped,” she said. “They were our age,” she looked down at the white floor. “The last house was a trap. It blew up, killing Peta and Zenya and the kids inside.” She angrily whipped her eyes as tears fell. “Something hit Sam that knocked him out of the air; he broke his leg. Bucky got a piece of shrapnel stuck in his side and Natasha,” she sighed. “Natasha was in the building when the bomb went off. She had Steve’s shield a lot of the damage. But she was trying to save those kids,” you looked back at the room they brought Natasha in. Yelena and Wanda were standing against the wall as doctors, you didn’t recognize, worked on the Black Widow. She was far too still for your liking. “I should have done more. I could have portaled in there or contained the blast or-”

“Stop,” you whispered. America looked up at you, tears in her eyes. Sometimes you forgot America was just a kid herself. “You did everything you could. Thinking about the million ‘what ifs’ is going to drive you insane.”

“You're right,” she nodded. “I’m sorry. You are here to check on Nat not listening to me rant.”

“No,” she looked at you confused. “I mean yes,” she smiled. “But I’m here for you too.” You remembered what Nick said, be there for them when they get back. You swallowed the pit growing in your throat and tried to keep your hand steady as you raised it. America looked at your hand and then back to you, searching for any indication of what you were doing. You simply nodded your head and she slowly took your gloved hand in hers. “We’re friends.” Your voice was shaky.

“Yeah,” she said, looking at your connected hands and then back at you. “Friends.” You dropped her hand as Kate came and sat down next to you in the empty chair. She had an ice pack resting on her shoulder.

“Has Cho come out and said anything?” America shook her head, leaning back with her arms crossed.

“Nothing yet,” you looked at the archer sitting next to you. Her eye was bruised and she had a cut on her lip.

“How are you, Kate?” You asked. She sighed, her shoulders sagging slightly.

“Ready for a shower and to sleep till I’m 4o.” You smiled and looked forward. The three of you sat in silence waiting for someone to emerge from the room to give you an update. Soon a doctor walked over to you. Kate and America stood up but you remained sitting.

“Her vitals are good,” she said. “It’s just a waiting game when she wakes up. You can go see her just try to keep it calm.”

“Thank you, Helen,” Kate said. The doctor glared at the archer.

“I didn’t clear you for active missions,” the archer looked down at her feet. “We’ll discuss that at another time.”

“Yes ma’am,” Helen walked in the direction of another room.

“Oooo,” America said, sitting back down with a smile. “Someone is in trouble.” Kate flipped her off and walked into Natasha’s room. The sound of America laughing made you smile. “Go see her,” she said once she calmed down.

“What? No, you should be in there,” America shook her head.

“Go, I’ll get my turn,” you looked into the room and saw Kate standing behind Yelena with her arms around her. Wanda was holding onto Natasha’s hand. You didn’t want to intrude. You felt America take your hand in hers. You could feel the warmth through your gloves. She gently squeezed your hand. “You are part of their family.” You smiled at her, squeezing her hand back. You sighed and stood up, walking over to Natasha’s door. You stood in the doorway, your heart rattling in your rib cage. You were surprised how fin Natasha looked. If you weren’t told she survived a bomb exploding, you would have thought she was sleeping, minus the bruise on her head.

Wanda saw you standing there. She gave you a tired smile. “You can come in,” you nodded, unable to trust your voice, and sat in an extra chair in the corner.

“She’s going to be okay, right?” You finally asked. Yelena nodded.

“Cho is worried about her lungs and the hit on her head,” Yelena said. “But Black Widows were given a version of the super soldier serum, that is healing a lot of her internal injuries.” You nodded, resting your elbows on your knees as you leaned forward. She promised she would come home safe. She promised. You folded your hands together and squeezed. She promised.

It was just you and Wanda in her room. Kate and Yelena left to shower and get some sleep. America came in to see how everyone was doing but she also returned to the floor. The rest of the team came and went, Sam even asked you to sign his cast. You paid no mind to any of them, your eyes were trained on the Black Widow as you sat in the chair. Maria brought you and Wanda food and you picked at it as they both talked, not making heads or tails of what they were saying. “How much did you see?” Wanda finally asked. You didn’t answer right away, opting to play with your gloves.

“Pepper found me before you guys went into the last house,” you finally said. “I didn’t see you guys attacked.” Wanda nodded. You stood up and sat down in the chair Yelena was sitting in. “Are you mad at me?” You asked. Wanda smiled, shaking her head.

“No, I just didn’t want you to see it,” she sighed, pushing hair out of Natasha’s face. “She was trying to talk Peta down but it did not work.” You looked at the witch sitting in front of you.

“Why don’t you go get some sleep,” you said. “I’ll stay with her and have FRIDAY alert you if anything changes. She looked exhausted, they all were, and she was still wearing the clothes she wore during the mission. Wanda sighed, taking Natasha’s hand in hers.

“I’m not sure if I’ll be able to sleep,” she said. You nodded.

“She’s going to be okay,” you told her. “But you need to make sure you're okay too,” she didn’t look away from her girlfriend. “Are you okay?” Wanda nodded.

“Yeah,” she said softly. “Just tired.”

“Go get some sleep, Wanda. I’ll make sure she’s safe.” The witch stood up and kissed Natasha on her forehead. She whispered something in her ear that you didn’t hear. Wanda thanked you and told you to get some sleep as well. You nodded and watched her leave. Finally, it was just you and Natasha. You wanted to be alone with the Black Widow since she got back. “I don’t like this feeling,” you said to her, unsure if she could hear you. “I just got you, Wanda, and Yelena, and I know you are Avengers and do risky things to keep others safe. But I need you to be safe,” you sighed. “Just wake up, please.”

It was quiet in the room, the only sound was the heart machine that Natasha was hooked up to. With careful fingers, you hovered over the IV in her arm and outlined each of her fingers. You wondered what her hands would feel like against yours if you held onto them. You imagined they would be rough, her fingers covered in calluses. You stood up and grabbed a bag Pepper brought down to you of the stuff you left in Overwatch. You sat back down, pulled out a book, and began to read out loud.

Wanda stood in the doorway watching the young girl read with a fond expression on her face. She was grateful that she got a few hours of sleep but it was still hard knowing Natasha was down here. “Good morning,” she said. The girl jumped slightly, closing the book. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I brought food.” She walked into the room and handed her a bowl of yogurt and strawberries.

“Thank you,” Wanda sat down and watched her eat. She was eating slowly, picking at the food mostly instead of eating it. Pepper texted them that she found her in Overwatch watching their mission. Wanda was a little upset with Fury but she knew that man did everything for a reason. But the teen sitting in front of her looked exhausted.

“Why don’t I take over and you get some sleep?” Her head shut up from looking at her bowl of yogurt.

“I’m fine,” she wasn’t. Wanda could feel the guilt running through her.

“You couldn’t have done anything,” her jaw clenched and she angrily scooped yogurt from her bowl and ate it. “Why are you feeling guilty?”

“I don’t know!” She yelled. The outburst startled both of them. Wanda saw the lights flicker. “I don’t know but I do and I hate it,” she looked at Natasha. “I didn’t want this to happen.”

“Didn’t want what to happen?” Wanda asked. She looked away from Natasha and back at her. Her eyes were glossy with tears.

“I didn’t want to get attached to you as I did,” she whispered. “Bad things happen to me. I don’t want them to happen to you.” Wanda’s gaze softened.

“Dorogoy,” she closed her eyes at the Russian endearment and a few tears rolled down her cheeks. “Nat getting hurt isn’t your fault. It comes with the job,” she put her bowl down and whipped her tears with the back of her hand.

“It’s not-” she sighed, clearly frustrated with herself. “I’m gonna go shower.” She stood up, grabbed her gloves, and left. Wanda called after her but she kept walking.

You moved in a blur, taking the stairs two at a time. Each step echoed in the quiet stairwell. Your hand rested on the handle of your floor. You let out a shaky breath and had half the mind to go apologies to Wanda but you needed to calm down. You quickly opened the door and ignored America and Kate in the kitchen. They said your name but you opened the door to your room and laid down in your bed, face buried in your pillow. You weren’t sure why guilt ran through your veins.

The other missions you watched and were present but in the one raid you missed, Natasha, Bucky, and Sam got hurt. You weren’t bad at Pepper for dragging you away, just with yourself. You flopped over to your back and stared up at the ceiling.

‘And if something did happen, what are you going to do?’

They were right. You looked at your right hand and twirled your fingers around, mirroring the way a pianist plays the piano. You collected the electricity in the air and watched it dance along your fingers. This power. This gift. You used it to hurt and kill people. You weren’t a hero or an Avenger. Just a monster.

Everything hurt as Natasha slowly opened her eyes. It was far too bright in the room and her throat was incredibly dry. “Moya lyubov' (my love),” she heard Wanda’s voice. She turned her head to look at her girlfriend. “Gave us quite a scare.”

“Sorry, dorogoy,” she winced as she sat up. “Are we back at the tower?” Her head was throbbing. She remembered the bomb going off and she held up the shield to protect herself.

“Yes,” Yelena said. Natasha didn’t realize her sister was there. She looked at the blonde. “You’ve been out for a little less than 12 hours.” She rubbed her head.

“Those kids,” she said, looking between her sister and her girlfriend. “Did they get out?” They didn’t answer right away.

“Some of them did,” Wanda said. “But some of them didn’t make it.” Natasha sighed, closing her eyes and putting her head back. She saw herself standing there with Peta and Zenya. She convinced them to let some of the kids go with Steve and Bucky but there were still others. She tried every trick in the book; appealing to their better nature and turning them against one another. But it didn’t work. Peta hit the button, setting the bomb off. Thankfully, Steve left behind his shield before he took the kids out. She heard Yelena stand up and leave. She opened her eyes and Wanda took her hand. “Don't,” she whispered. “Don’t blame yourself.”

“Too late,” Natasha chuckled. The Sokovian smiled and kissed Natasha softly. She knew she worried Wanda and everyone. It wasn’t her intention.

“Oh,” Natasha pulled away from her girlfriend and saw Y/n standing in the doorway. She had paper in her hand and a pencil. “You're up.” She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “That’s good.”

“Yeah, kid. Sorry I didn’t keep my promise.” Her smile faltered slightly.

“Comes with the job, right?” She stepped out of the way when Yelena came back with Helen. “I’ll see you around. I’m glad you’re okay,” she left as quickly as she appeared. Helen suspended her from the field missions for 2 weeks. She had to be mindful of working out because of her ribs and lungs from the smoke she inhaled. The doctor gave her pain medication and told her not to mix them with alcohol.

“Can I sleep in my bed tonight?” Natasha pleaded. Helen sighed.

“Yes, but I want to evaluate you in 3 days, and if there are any issues come back.” Natasha thanked her and she felt.

“That was weird, right?” Natasha asked, referring to the young girl. Wanda sighed, taking her hand in hers.

“She had a little bit of an episode,” she said ‘episode’ slowly as if she wasn’t sure what to call it. “Don’t stress about her. Focus on recovering.”

You opted out of the team dinner as America invited you but you turned her down. You were tired, mentally and emotionally exhausted. But your stomach was growling. It was a disadvantage of living with the Avengers, your body was growing () to eating. You sighed, getting out of bed and stretching. You walked out of your room with your gloves in your hand and saw Natasha sitting in the kitchen, pouring vodka into a glass. “I don’t think that will help with your physical injuries,” you said, putting on your gloves and walking to the fridge. You pulled the leftovers America brought up for you. Natasha smiled.

“Trying to soothe the metal ones,” you hummed, throwing the taco salad into the microwave to warm it up and leaning against the island.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked. Natasha didn’t hide her surprise well as the microwave beeped

“I’m okay,” you nodded, taking the hot bowl. You let it cool before taking a bite.

“My father wasn’t much of a drinker,” you said, taking another bite. “He was a child of the Lord,” you rolled your eyes as Natasha chuckled. “But there were certain occasions when we found him staring down an empty bottle of whiskey or rum or whatever,” you looked at the Black Widow. “He was trying to soothe those mental scars. It never seemed to work like he wanted, causing more damage.” Natasha stared into the clear liquid she had in her glass.

“Did your father hit you?” She asked. Your heart didn’t skip at the question.

“All the time,” you admitted. “He didn’t have to be drunk to do it,” you moved to pull up a chair so you could sit across from Natasha. “You did everything you could to save those kids.” Natasha finished the glass but didn’t pour herself another.

“It wasn’t enough,” she said.

“You can’t save everyone, Nat,” you whispered. “But even though they did die in their final moments they knew someone cared about them so much they risked their own life to try to save them,” Natasha let out a shaky breath.

“I see myself in these kids,” she confessed. “These scared kids are looking and waiting for someone to save them. I know we saved a lot and every life saved is amazing but I keep thinking about the ones we didn’t.”

“Those ‘what ifs’ are going to drive you insane,” Natasha laughed. “From what I saw, you guys did good.” She raised her eyebrows.

“Fury took you into Overwatch,” you smiled, rolling your eyes.

“You entrusted a man who cosplays as a pirate to watch over a 15-year-old, what did you expect?” Your smile grew as Natasha laughed, throwing her head back. “But seriously does that man own other clothes?”

“I’m telling him you said that,” you shrugged, placing your dirty dish in the sink.

“Somehow he probably knows,” Natasha smiled. “Can I ask you something?” She nodded. “When you saw me at Java House did you see yourself in me?” The Black Widow nodded.

“But not for the reasons you think,” she put the cap back on the bottle. “I saw a girl who wanted a chance to prove she is more than the horrible names thrown at her. I saw a girl who was given a certain fate but wanted a chance to rewrite it. I saw a girl who had to grow up far too quickly and just wanted to be a kid.” You smiled, looking down at the counter. “Are you okay? Wanda said you were pretty upset when I was hurt.” You nodded.

“I’m good,” she gave you a look. “I promise.”

“Promise?” You nodded. “And you’d come to me if you weren’t.” You nodded again. Without thinking you held up your pinky. She hesitated for a second and linked her pinky around yours.

“Now,” you let go of her hand. “I think it's time we both go to bed. I’m surprised Wanda hasn’t dragged you back to bed.” Natasha smiled, washing her glass and putting the bottle away.

“You and me both,” you walked back to your room. “Thank you for tonight. I needed that. Goodnight Y/n.”

“Goodnight Natasha,” you watched the Black Widow open her door and go inside. “Thank you,” you whispered and went to bed. You were surprised by how fast you fell asleep.

Let me know if you wanted to be added to the taglist!

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monstraduplicia · 11 months

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daddy's little girl he broke in thirty: a dean winchester mix

1. abuse me - silverchair 2. adam raised a cain - bruce springsteen 3. alcohol - sisyphus 4. alibis - marianas trench 5. animals - nickelback 6. anyone who knows what love is (will understand) - irma thomas 7. black-eyed - placebo 8. blown wide open - big wreck 9. blunt force concussion - the dirty nil 10. break me - mcfly 11. burn & shine - the posies 12. call of the playground - shudder to think 13. carry that weight - the beatles 14. christian brothers - heatmiser, elliott smith 15. colossus - idles 16. coward's son - the ballroom thieves 17. daddy - korn 18. daddy's daughter - merricat crellin 19. damage control - the dirty nil 20. degenerate - the jesus and the mary chain 21. the devil you know (god is a man) - face to face 22. discipline - nine inch nails 23. don't let the sun catch you cryin' - jeff buckley 24. the drowners - suede 25. father - the front bottoms 26. father and son - cat stevens 27. father figure - george michael 28. father of mine - everclear 29. feel the pain - dinosaur jr 30. fiddle about - the who 31. forgiven - alanis morissette 32. fortunate son - creedence clearwater revival 33. freak - silverchair 34. friends in the sky - the dirty nil 35. fuckin' up young - the dirty nil 36. ghost - sky ferreira 37. girls - the dare 38. good boy - patriarchy 39. hang yer moon - the dirty nil 40. hard times - ethel cain 41. he needs me - shelley duvall 42. i burn - toadies 43. i know it's over - the smiths 44. i'm with you - avril lavigne 45. i need somebody - the stooges 46. infra-red - placebo 47. i woke up in a strange place - jeff buckley 48. judge yr'self - manic street preachers 49. last night i dreamt that somebody loved me - the smiths 50. life becoming a landslide - manic street preachers 51. lightsabre cocksucking blues - mclusky 52. loverboy - you me at six 53. low self opinion - rollins band 54. monster side - addict 55. moodswing whiskey - jeff buckley 56. mr. self destruct - nine inch nails 57. nancy boy - placebo 58. o death - rhiannon giddens, francesco turris 59. oh comely - neutral milk hotel 60. pain - four star mary 61. papa was a rodeo - the magnetic fields 62. please hurt me - the crystals 63. please please please let me get what i want - the smiths 64. prayer - big wreck 65. pretension//repulsion - manic street preachers 66. renegade - styx 67. runnin' with the devil - van halen 68. samarians - idles 69. send the pain below - chevelle 70. sex and violence - the exploited 71. the shining - badly drawn boy 72. simple man - deftones 73. slab - silverchair 74. song against sex - neutral milk hotel 75. story of isaac - leonard cohen 76. (they long to be) close to you - carpenters 77. thoroughfare - ethel cain 78. a trophy fathers trophy son - sleeping with sirens 79. two-headed boy - neutral milk hotel 80. two-headed boy pt. 2 - neutral milk hotel 81. unloveable - the smiths 82. wanted man - ratt 83. the weight - the band 84. western nights - ethel cain 85. what will you say - jeff buckley 86. whipping post - allman brothers band 87. you are a runner and i am my father's son - wolf parade 88. you can't always get what you want - the rolling stones 89. your flesh is so nice - jeff buckley 90. youth gone wild - skid row

#dean winchester #a lot of these are dean/john and sam/dean inspired btw #also i frequently add to my playlists so this is far from the final track listing #mine #mix

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grumpling · 1 month

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jadzia flow

trilithium got me moving transwarp, smoking omega particles, doing donuts in subspace

this quadrant ain’t nothin’ to me, man

wolf 359 was a deal gone bad, broke bitches tried to fuck with my nanoprobe bricks.

took an experimental long-range transporter to pick up some andorian icecutter kush, and now i'm deaf. i don't give a fuck, didn't need to hear the haters anyway

hotboxed a jefferies tube and o'brien wouldn't calm down until i gave him a hit of the shit that killed kahless

blew so much crystalline entity space sherm out the airlock it formed a new gas giant

i'm them. i've always BEEN them. i will continue to BE them. i'm the klingon thempire. i'm a thempath. i'm the themperial guard. i'm a fuckin slug, gender means nothin' to me. if i had a dollar for every time they said i cared about gender, i'd be broke, because i don't give a fuck

had to talk to the ship’s counselor but i wound up selling her cardassian crystal. broke into the holodeck and fucked everything in fairhaven. snorted self-sealing stembolt stims and jacked a runabout. moved benzite bon-bons across the neutral zone until we couldn’t hold all the latinum bricks

filled the transporter buffers with so much strange i couldn’t answer a distress call. my prime directive is pussy

this quadrant ain’t nothin’ to me, man

this romulan ale got me seein section 31 everywhere

this saurian brandy making me want to eject the warp core

sabred a bottle of henny with a bat'leth and sliced my dick off. told the holodoc it used to be longer and have klingon ridges. now all of ops wants on my hog

we smokin' on that triple-cured tribble nibble. i'm communing with the wormhole aliens just to see tomorrow's quadrotriticale market. we drinkin' up double-decker kobayashi maru klonopin caipirinhas

went to risa and the haters tried to fuck with the weather but i got turnt on samarian sunsets and fucked a tornado. i will FUCKING tuvix your men's rights advocate asses

i hope the tal shi'ar transports into my quarters one night, imma fuck 'em

i had the atmospheric controls make nitrous and the whole bridge is dissociating, thinking the klingons violated the khitomer accords

i'm snorting up pakled percs and can't figure out how to use LCARS anymore

i let myself get abducted into a menagerie just so i could get a fuckin vacation

this quadrant ain’t nothin’ to me, man

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#jadzia dax #dracula flow #star trek #jadzia flow #been workshopping this all day #i watch too much fuckin star trek #i'm makin jadzia STACKS #we smokin symbiotes

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gryfflepuffinthetardis · 4 months

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Gryfflepuff in the Tardis' Masterlist

All my Works, characters are colored by which Hogwarts House I think they're in. I am a Primary Hufflepuff, Secondary Gryffindor and I genuinely think Hufflepuff is the best and most underrated house.

Ninth Doctor - Brooding Time Lord Who Tries To Hide His Light with Darkness

Supernova Series/Season One Masterlist (Ninth Doctor/Tenth Doctor) (Delilah "Lillie" Tyler/Princess Supernova played by Katherine Langford)

Tenth Doctor - Hyperactive Time Lord Who Is Always Being Slapped Born From His Love For a Human Who Tries To Hide His Darkness and Trauma With Light

Campbell Bain - Bipolar Nineteen-Year-Old Walking Ray of Sunshine That Somehow Doesn't Do Well With Girls

Sweet Jane Masterlist (19-year-old Campbell Bain x 18-year-old Traumatized Reader)

Metacrisis Doctor/TenToo (My Headcanon is that he chose the surname "Noble")

Fourteenth Doctor - The Face That Returned, now arguably more Hyperactive and Traumatized

Alec Hardy (Broadchurch) - Grumpy and Broody Scottish Detective With a Heart Condition yet a Heart of Gold (Doesn't Know He's a DILF)

Emmet Carver (Gracepoint) - The American Version of Alec

Crowley (Good Omens) - A Hyperactive Drama Queen "Vaguely Sauntered Downward" Angel Turned Only Demon with an Imagination

Barty Crouch Junior - The (Possibly Bipolar) Misunderstood Boy Who Never Got His Father's Love and Was Manipulated By Voldemort (I think I read that he was actually a Ravenclaw but I do see a lot of Hufflepuff in him, his insistence of a fair fight and honesty and loyalty)

Peter Vincent (Fright Night) - Hyperactive Alcoholic Magician/Vampire Hunter with a Heart of Gold

Dave Tiler (Single Dad) — The sweetheart dad with too many children with so much love in his heart who fate was so cruel to.

Kilgrave (I've never seen Jessica Jones, I just feel like with him having the same accent and looks the same, it might ruin David Tennant's Doctor for me, and I love David Tennant as the Doctor.)

Cale Erendreich (Bad Samarian; Haven't Seen This Either)

Steve Harrington (Stranger Things) - The Hair; Nomenee for Mother of the Year

Embers In the Sky (Domnique "Nico" Henderson played Georgie Henley; Alex Henderson played by David Tennant)

Killer Queen (Cassandra "Cassie Dare" Henderson played by Zoey Deutch; Pan Henderson played by David Tennant)

Trauma (Emilie Henderson played by Hailee Steinfeld)

Devil Town (Imogen Henderson played by Katherine Langford)

Isaac Lahey (Teen Wolf) - The Abused Puppy With a Heart of Gold Who Only Wanted the Power to Defend Himself and To Not Be Scared

Embers in the Sky Season One (Milo Stilinski played by Katherine Langford)

Embers in the Sky Season Two

Embers in the Sky Season Three

Embers in the Sky Season Four

Embers in the Sky Season Five

Embers in the Sky Season Six

Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds) - The Genius Pretty Boy

Valentía (Zoe Noble-Valdez played by Selena Gomez)

Braveheart (OFC played by Karen Gillan)

Raymond Wadsworth

Chip Taylor

Kyle Orfman

Lesley Juniment-Smith

Fred Weasley

(All of these are Potter!sister!OCs, most of them are of Harry Potter's twin sister)

The Girl Who Lived (Sadie Sink as OC) (Need of a rewrite. Her name was Violet but since then my cousin had a baby daughter who he named Violet so I'm changing this character's name. I just can't write original characters with names of people I know. It's a rule of mine.)

North Star/Falling Star (Metamorphmagus!Cassiopea Potter played by Katherine Langford) (May change the name to Vega Potter)

The Twins Who Lived (Georgie Henley as Currently Unnamed OC)

Embers in the Sky (Emberly "Ember" Potter Played by Caitlin Blackwood/Karen Gillan) She is also the face claim I maintain of Lily Evans/Potter. (Caitlin Blackwood played young Amelia Pond in Doctor Who and is Karen Gillan's real life cousin.)

Yes, there are a lot of David Tennant characters. I don't want to write for the actor himself, I just feel a little creepy doing that. In my numerous Steve Harrington fics, the more recent ones (The OC is always Dustin's older sister, except in one) I think he is the best Doctor and I think he should officially be titled as the biggest Doctor Who Fan ever. (He became an actor because of Doctor Who, he says he thinks he underplays how much he loved Doctor Who, he became the first regenerated Doctor and the first one to last more than one season on the revived Doctor Who, he met his future father-in-law, like a year before he met his wife, Ty Tennant, Georgia's oldest son and David's now adopted son, in 2008, considered the Tenth to be his favorite, and hilariously, his grandfather was nowhere on the five-year-old's list--then David Tennant met Georgia (at the time) Moffat on the set of Doctor Who as she, the daughter of the Fifth Doctor, played the daughter of the Tenth Doctor, I heard that David Tennant met Ty on the set, and according the Peter Davidson, Georgia didn't even realize that he liked her when they started going out (apparently he was offended when she said she hadn't seen any Shakespeare), then David Tennant counts as the unofficial twelfth regeneration (there was the War Doctor who the Doctors deem as not worthy of having the name of the Doctor), then he adopted Ty Tennant and married Georgia; he returned for the 50th and 60th anniversary (and I hope he never stops returning), now is the Fourteenth Doctor, that's three official regenerations, and Good Omens is full of Doctor Who references. I don't think anyone can beat him for the biggest Doctor Who fan. His life like revolves around Doctor Who in a way that every fanboy/fangirl dreams of.

I have created an OC to be the Henderson!OC and Dustin's father and I always choose David Tennant, he just really gives off protective I-will-kill-anyone-who-hurts-you dad vibe and I have a soft spot for an overprotective dad for his daughter (I never had that. My dad wanted a boy--granted the disapproval that's implied is possibly because my mom told me this--and he is ADHD and was always sleeping and then he moved two towns over which was an hour's drive but seemed longer in my ADHD mind but so he could sleep and I could play video games on the Xbox that's memory wouldn't save the game so I continuously had to start over. Oh, and also, there's the fact that a TV fell on me when I was five/six because I didn't understand gravity and I locked myself in the dryer when I was seven/eight. What, is that not normal? 🙄) I'm not a big crier but a father that's willing to do anything for his daughter is your best bet. Sorry for this rant.

*(Can't pinpoint what house Alec Hardy and therefore Emmet Carver would be in, the only blog I've found on it, discussed how he may be a burnt Hufflepuff (just google it, it'll send you to the tumble immediately) but hiscusses his desperation in season two suggests Gryffindor, also implying his ignoring of his heart condition but he's aware that he has it, so he's gone to the hospital and he takes pills, he's just aware that the doctors told him that he may not survive his surgery to have the pacemaker put in and he feels like he owes it to the families to get the closure they deserve, so it doesn't strike me as impulsive but more dedicated, determined, and "unafraid of toil". Then the blog argues that his need to protect people he views as in his care and how he related to the Sandbrooke case as Slytherin but I don't see that. I think perhaps a "Burned Hufflepuff" is accurate.*

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trapdoorsolution · 7 months

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"i never was the good samartian"

doodled these two because i thought of them while listening to good samarian - the hives

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd sigma #sigma #fyodor dostoevsky #bsd fyodor #fyodor #art #Spotify

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ltcommanderandroid · 8 months

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Open Starter

Data had been still for well over a minute. Not still in the way a biological became still, with the occasional blink or sniff, but entirely still. Even breathing, a system so low in his awareness that it approached what a human would consider instinct, had halted. All his processing power, every corner of his mind, every fiber of his being, had devoted itself to the analysis of his realization. He'd even shut down the exploration of why it hadn't occurred to him before for the sake of grasping onto this tendril of code, this possibility that had invaded his systems, before any of his self preservation systems could tug it away. And they were trying - but for those, he had allowed a small corner of his awareness to refrain from the analysis for the equally important task of preventing the systems intent on keeping him from cascade failure from stealing this away. This, like that first glimpse of sentience that had opened the door for so much more, was worth the risk.

A blink. "Longing is an emotion," his voice was distant in the way only his could be, stilted and more mechanical than it ordinarily seemed. 'Longing' was synonymous with 'want', it was the experience of wanting something so badly, so dearly that it seemed like all of one's being was reaching for it. It was, for example, wanting to be human and, ironically, to feel.

Systems were overheating. Data finally gave in just enough to the warnings to gasp in some air and cool the overworked processors. It was safe now, anyway, he had a program in place, a string of code like a thread in his mind linking that realization with every experience he had which fell under the category of wanting to be human. Longing. He knew longing, had known it for nearly as long as he had existed. He didn't have a heart to ache and yet there had been moments when he had wanted to be other than he was with such intensity that it had seemed like an electric shock.

"Longing... is... an emotion." Gold eyes fixed on the person before him who, he realized, he must have given cause for concern. "I have felt it. I... I am capable of emotion... and it would seem that I owe Counselor Troi a Samarian Sunset," for she had once, in good humor, bet him that, one day, he would be.

#If any Deannas want to answer please just pretend he said 'owe you'.#open starter #Star Trek RP #TNG RP #Data RP

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tough-girl9 · 2 years

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Make Us Stronger (Data x Female Reader)

Mechanical Rose Series Part 4

Mechanical Rose Series Part 1: First Base

Mechanical Rose Series Part 2: Android Mine

Mechanical Rose Series Part 3: Exobiology

Mechanical Rose Series Part 5: Mother Knows Best

Mechanical Rose Series Prequel One-shot: Crush

Summary: After a terrifying encounter, you find yourself struggling to feel safe with your dear android. But you know you can't lose this relationship that means so much to you, and you won't let anyone steal it away, so you and Data begin the journey to reclaim your trust and perhaps even grow far closer than you were before.

Content warning: this story is a bit darker than prior installments of this series. It contains a scene of sexual assault (violent non-consensual kiss done to the Reader), along with conversation about this event and resulting trauma throughout the story. There are also some vague, implied references to rape (which did not occur). The story deals heavily with the emotional and physical trauma following sexual assault.

Rated: T

Also posted on AO3

-------------------------------------------------

You're in your quarters when the Red Alert starts.

You had just finished up your shift for the day in Science Lab Two, had gone back to your quarters, pulled off your shoes and replicated yourself a Samarian sunset, and put your feet up when the siren begins to blare.

A moment later, the Captain's voice filters over the intercom system. "All personnel and civilians, there is a current ship-wide security alert. Please proceed calmly to the nearest room and lock the door. Do not open the door for anyone whatsoever until the Red Alert is canceled. Please remain calm; our security team is handling the issue. Thank you."

The intercom turns off. Setting your glass on the coffee table in front of your couch, you go to your door and lock it, then return to your seat and your drink. This isn't the first Red Alert you've been through, but you'd be lying if you said something inside you didn't still clench with worry. The siren's blaring is impossible to ignore. You take a sip of your drink, set it down, pick it back up, set it back down without taking another sip, then rise and walk over to your window. You're one of the crew members lucky enough to have an "edge" room, a room on the side of the ship with a curved window looking out into space. When you were first assigned these quarters, there was something unnerving about knowing that there was nothing on the other side of your wall except the endless vastness of space. Sometimes it's still unnerving, but there's something soothing as well about standing there and watching the stars flash by.

You lace your fingers together and fidget with them, biting your lip. You hate feeling helpless, and right now that's exactly what you feel. It's not that you don't trust the ship's security, but you hate sitting in your quarters waiting while an unknown danger threatens your ship. You can't help but wonder what's happening out there.

Your thoughts turn to the Bridge and the senior staff. They've all been trained for situations just like this, whatever it is, and you know they'll take care of the problem. But you can't help it if your thoughts linger on someone in particular.

Where is Data? Is he safe?

It's foolish, you know. Data is probably more capable of taking care of himself and less susceptible to harm than anyone else on the entire ship. And when you started dating the android second officer, you knew that his position came with a wide variety of risks. But it still tears at your heart to wonder where he is and if he's in danger.

You pace into your adjoining bedroom, fidget there for a while, then pace back out into your modest-sized living area. The siren continues to wail rhythmically.

Suddenly, your door beeps, causing your to jump and whirl towards it. Someone is at your door. You back away, heart pounding in your ears.

The door beeps again. Your breath is nearly frozen in your throat until you hear a familiar voice calling to you from the other side of the door. "Y/N, it is Data. I require your assistance. Please open the door."

You hesitate, torn. The Captain ordered all personnel to keep their doors locked until the Red Alert ended. But then again, Data would have come from the Bridge, likely on the Captain's orders. He would not have come to you except for good reason.

"Y/N, it is urgent. Please open the door." There is an edge to Data's voice that you've never heard before, something almost sharp.

You make up your mind. Going over to the control panel by the door, you unlock the unit and it chirps softly. A moment later, the door slides open and Data hurries in, illuminated by the eerie red glow of the sirens going off in the hallway. The door hisses back shut behind him.

You hurry over to him. "Data! Are you all right? What's going on?"

He's in full uniform and there's a type two phaser strapped to his hip. Instead of answering you, he strides over to your replicator, his movements quick and graceful. "Biochemical lubricant, two liters," he says, and the replicator whirrs to life. A cylinder filled with a yellowish liquid appears, and Data lifts it and drinks it quickly down.

"Data, what's going on?" you repeat.

He looks over at you and for a split second, you think you see something strange in his eyes. You can't exactly put your finger on what it is, but for a moment something seems off. It's as if his calm golden stare is a façade, and there's a smoldering fire burning just beneath the surface. But the next moment it's gone and you doubt whether you saw anything at all. It's probably just the stress getting to you.

"Y/N?" Data crosses over to you. "Do not be concerned. The situation will soon be under control."

You reach for his hand. "What is it? Are we under attack?"

Data's fingers twitch when you grasp his hand, but he curls his fingers around yours. "I cannot explain at the moment, but there is no need for you to worry. All will be taken care of."

You nod in acknowledgement, trusting his words, but then you frown slightly. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on the Bridge?"

"Captain Picard granted me permission to leave the Bridge and come to you. I…wished to make sure you were safe."

Your frown deepens. Even though you know Data cares deeply for you, it's still not like him to show this level of sentimentality, nor the Captain to be so lenient about his senior officers leaving their stations, and in the middle of a Red Alert no less. Something about the whole situation feels off, though you can't pinpoint exactly what it is.

Perhaps Data sees the consternation and doubt in your face, for his cups your cheek in his free hand, guiding you to look directly up into his face. "Y/N, I must tell you the truth as I am programmed to do. I came to you because…because I love you."

The sense of unease sinks into the background as your heart simultaneously seems to jump into your throat and to float out of your chest. You stare at Data as everything fades out of focus except his alabaster face. Even the blaring of the sirens seems to fade into the background.

"Data…" you whisper, struggling to process the fact that he just said…to you…that he… "Oh, Data."

You reach up and cup his face as well, trembling slightly, then as if drawn to him like a magnet, you raise yourself up on your toes and press a kiss to his lips.

For a second or two – long for Data – he doesn't respond and he seems stiff, almost wooden, against you. But then suddenly he kisses you back, and his mouth his hard and sharp against yours.

Instantly, instinctively, you know something is very, very wrong.

Data is never hard and sharp.

You don't know what exactly is wrong, but you do know that something is definitely not right and you pull away from him. But he grabs your wrist, not hard enough to break bone but tight enough that it is unpleasant, and his fingers twist into your hair, pulling you against him. You make a sound of protest against his hard, sharp kiss, which quickly turns into panic when he doesn't release you. You begin to struggle, trying to pull your hand away from his iron grip, but he turns you and shoves you against the wall, pressing himself against you and trapping you. Data has never, ever used his strength against you. This is all wrong. You are struggling in full now, panic surging through you, because it is Data and yet it is not Data, and you do not know what is happening. You whimper in terror, and you feel his lips twist into a smile against your mouth.

He releases you as suddenly as he seized you, and you quail away from him, your whole body trembling. "Data! What's the matter with you? What's going on?"

Data sneers at you. In an instant, the familiar calm presence of Data dissolves away entirely, leaving behind a being who shares Data's face but everything else about him is wrong. His lips are still twisted into that lopsided sneer, his movements are arrogantly graceful and predatory, and his eyes burn with an angry, scornful fire. Danger radiates off of him.

He saunters towards you, grinning when you cringe away from him, and when he speaks, his voice is no longer Data's either, but lower, rougher, irreverent. "Ah, are you frightened of me, my little doll? You're even more stupid than I'd guessed you would be. The look on your face when I said I loved you! You actually believed it! As if that emotionless tin knockoff even knows what love is. Ha!"

The truth begins to dawn on you, and with it a cold, grasping fear that clutches at your very soul…

"Leave her alone, Lore."

You whirl towards the door. Data is standing there – the real Data – with his hand resting on the grip of his phaser. His eyes are unblinking, his stance tense, but you know this is the right android this time. Your muscles tense with the instinct to run to him.

But you aren't quick enough. Lore springs like a cat and grabs you, dragging you back against him, his cruel fingers tight around your wrist again. When you attempt to struggle, he squeezes until you cry out, and you recognize the warning and realize that he will have no qualms about snapping your wrist if you don't cooperate with him. You see something hovering just out of your field of vision; twisting your head just slightly, you find that Lore has his phaser out and pointed directly at your head. You suspect it's not set to stun.

"Ah, there you are, Brother." Lore's voice is gleeful, though there's a bitter edge underneath the smirk. "I was just wondering if I'd have to go find you myself. Never mind though, I've been enjoying getting to know your little human lover while we waited for you to show up."

You plead to Data with your eyes, your voice having dried up with fear. Data's eyes flicker quickly to your face then back to Lore. His whole body is rigid, his gaze intense. His fingers twitch impulsively against his phaser.

Apparently, Lore sees his brother's subtle movement, for a moment later he laughs. "Go ahead and try it! Our father may not have seen fit to construct me with the care he took with you, but we both know he at least gave us equal speed and strength. Make one move to lift that phaser and I'll vaporize her feeble mortal brain before you even have it out of your holster."

Lore's fingers tighten with the threat and you whimper with the pain that shoots down your arm. Data's strength has always been something you loved about him, but for the first time doubt creeps into your thoughts at the realization of how dangerous he could be if he wanted. Data's eyes quickly flit to your face again at your pained cry and some subtle change flashes through them, a depth as if they could contain the whole galaxy.

"Release her, Lore." Data's voice is harder than you've ever heard it. "It is me you want, not her, is it not? Now that I am here, there is no further reason for you to continue to involve her. Let her go."

Lore laughs scornfully. "All these years around humans and you're still so ignorant about anything to do with emotion. I'm not you, Brother. I have plenty of reasons to keep her involved, not the least of which is to watch you wrestle with that ridiculous ethical program our father installed in you, presumably so you didn't turn out like me." You can hear the malicious grin in his voice. "I'd also forgotten how much I enjoy seeing these creatures scared of us as they should be. You're far too docile around them, Brother."

"I believe you are confusing the term 'docile' with 'peaceful'," Data replies. "They are my friends and companions, not my masters. I hope someday it is a differentiation which you are able to comprehend."

Lore's voice becomes a low hiss. "That is only because you have not had the privilege of seeing the side of them that I have. Am I wrong to treat them like the monster they will always see me as?"

"Yes," Data responds simply. "I do not condone the wrongdoings that have been perpetrated against you, and while I do not regret my existence, I regret that I was brought into being at the cost of our father never being able to repair you. But that does not excuse the atrocities that you committed yourself. I do not wish to hurt you, Brother, but I will if that is what is necessary to protect my girlfriend, or anyone else aboard the Enterprise whom you threaten."

Lore sneers. "Your girlfriend. And I thought you had sunk as low as possible when I first discovered that my little brother had cast in his lot with organisms who wouldn't care less if he was stripped apart for junk metal. But this, this is the lowest I can imagine you sinking! Always trying so hard to mimic them but never able to enjoy any of the experiences themselves. What does it feel like when she kisses you, Data? Does anything happen in your positronic brain other than the calculations of temperatures and pressures? Not that I can say I'm impressed with her kissing abilities, but still."

Data's head jolts up sharply, his lips parting. It's the expression you've seen him make when he's startled but more pronounced. But his lips quickly tighten and his brow creases. "Have you harmed her, Lore?" His voice is lower than you've ever heard it before and somehow darker. For a second, you get the clear impression that the android across from you is just as dangerous as the android behind you.

Lore's grip on your wrist loosens slightly, though not nearly enough to attempt an escape. His voice is taunting now, almost sing-song. "Maybe a little bit, but nothing your brilliant doctor won't be able to fix, I'm sure. What is this, Brother? Concern? Does the thought of me causing her distress bother you?" He shifts a little so that he's beside you rather than behind. You turn your head cautiously so that you can see him in your peripheral. He's grinning, malicious cruelty shining in his golden eyes. "You know what, I had just meant to use her to lure you here, but I like this idea even better. Throw your phaser and commbadge to the other side of the room, and I promise I'll only use the highest stun setting on you so that you don't go calling your human friends the moment I'm out of your sight. But I take her with me, as a little payment for that two-year jaunt in outer space those few years ago. And if you or any of your darling humans come after me, I promise she will be harmed. Very, very harmed."

He tips his head back, teeth glinting, fire in his eyes. "Now toss away your phaser and commbadge now, or I'll start up the fun right here in front of you."

Data hesitates for less than a second, then he reaches up and removes his commbadge, tossing it away. His other hand carefully closes around the handle of his phaser.

Lore's eyes are fixed on Data like a cat on a bird, and you notice he's moved the phaser from your head as he prepares to blast his brother. For a split second, time seems to slow down.

Something tells you that this is the last moment to act. If Lore shoots Data, you don't know if you'll ever see your android again, and from the stories you've heard combined with these last few minutes of personal experience, you know Lore will make good on every one of his terrible threats. Somehow, you know losing you would break Data's heart.

And you can't let that happen.

In that single, long, drawn-out moment, a vivid memory flashes through your mind. Your last date with Data. Your android stretched out on the grass, shirtless, a look of something so very like pleasure on his face as you touch his bare bioplast.

It's not until later that you consciously realize the importance of that memory: your discovery that Data's body has points of heightened sensation corresponding with more sensitive zones on humans. At the time, you merely act on pure instinct.

You've been trained in personal defense, just like all Starfleet officers. And even though you know that you don't stand a chance against Lore's strength and speed, you hope for the remainder of that fleeting moment that the absolute insanity of what you're about to do pays off.

You twist in Lore's grasp, not attempting to break free but enough to face him fully, and bring your knee up, driving it as hard as you can straight into Lore's crotch.

You know that such a move is unlikely to incapacitate an android the way it would a human, but you hope in the moment of contact that it's just enough.

Lore makes a grunting sound, nowhere near the cry of pain that a human would have emitted, but it's not a particularly happy sound all the same. His grip on you loosens fractionally and his hand holding the phaser wavers and drops an inch or two.

Whatever discomfort Lore just experienced lasts only a split second. He curses and his hand instantly tightens around your wrist once again, this time crushingly hard. Tears force their way into your eyes and you let out a sobbing cry as you feel the bones in your wrist start to crack under Lore's cruel fingers.

"Lore!"

Lore freezes, and through your tears and the mist of pain, you force yourself to look up as well. But what you see brings hope swelling back up into your chest again.

All you gave Data was a split second, but for Data, a split second was more than enough time to draw his phaser and level it straight at Lore.

Lore's eyes flick down to his own phaser, the point of which has dropped just enough that it would no longer hit Data without lifting it. Lore is now in the same position that Data was in moments ago.

"Let her go, or I will shoot you." Data's voice is completely matter-of-fact, and somehow more terrifying because of it.

Lore releases you and you manage to stagger far enough away from him that he can't grab you again before crumpling to your knees to cradle your broken wrist.

Lore laughs, though now there's anger underneath the sound rather than malicious glee. "Well done, Brother, maybe there's more fire in you than I thought. Now let's see: will you fry my neural net yourself or will you let your human friends do it for you?"

"Neither," Data responds, "but you will find that your actions have consequences." He backs up gracefully, keeping his phaser trained on Lore, until he reaches your intercom panel. He presses it. "Security to Lt. Y/N's quarters immediately. This is Lt. Commander Data. I have apprehended the threat."

He turns his attention back fully to Lore, but the hardness is gone from his face and instead there's that deep vastness in his eyes again. "It causes me no pleasure to hand you over to Starfleet, Lore, but I cannot take the risk of you harming those I care about nor can I justify releasing you, as a Starfleet officer sworn to protect innocent life. It is no fault of my own that it has come to this, but entirely due to your actions, Brother."

There's the sound of the door lock being overridden, then several members of the security team, headed by Lt. Worf, charge into the room. Lt. Worf looks back and forth between the two identical androids, clearly hesitating over which one is which, but Data inclines his head towards Lore. "Lt. Worf, please remove my brother's phaser and take him into custody before he causes further harm."

Worf looks Data over, then looks down at you, clearly noting the way you are cowering away from Lore. This seems enough to satisfy him, for he grunts and jerks his head towards Lore. The other members of the security team approach Lore cautiously, their phasers all trained directly on him at the highest stun setting. Lt. Worf pulls Lore's phaser from his hand and claps a pair of handcuffs on the defeated android. The dark silver sheen of the cuffs indicates duranium, one of the few substances that Lore is unlikely to break.

As the security team takes Lore away, their phasers still pointed at him, he shoots Data a glare of pure venom. "I guess you've proved once and for all whose side you're on," he spits viciously. "Your darling humans mean more to you than the only other one of your own kind, your own brother. I only hope you don't come to regret your choice on the inevitable day that they decide you are the same threat as me and begin tearing you apart piece by piece."

There is no spite in Data's expression or voice. "It was you who forced me to choose between the two, Lore. If I had my true choice, it would be to live in harmony with both you and my human companions. I do not wish this for you, Brother. In time perhaps we may revisit the status of our brotherhood, but for now I must bid you goodbye."

Whatever Lore might have responded with is cut short by the door hissing shut.

Instantly, Data is kneeling at your side. "Y/N, are you all right?"

You mind recognizes that the danger has passed and the adrenaline drains away, leaving you shaking with all the fear you hadn't been allowing yourself to feel these last five minutes. Nauseating pain radiates up your arm. As you realize just how bad things could have gone and just how easily, you feel your stomach heave, and then you are sobbing so hard it makes you gag.

Data pulls you gently into his arms on the floor and you bury your face in his chest, sobbing as you feel his familiar touch enveloping you. "Commander Data to Sickbay," you hear him say. "Doctor, I am in need of assistance in Lt. Y/N's quarters."

"We're on our way, Data," the doctor's voices comes back over the commbadge before Data taps it again.

"Y/N…Darling…Lore will not be able to harm you again and Dr. Crusher will soon fix your broken wrist. Everything is going to be 'all right'."

But everything is not all right, and you are in no state to explain any of it to Data, or yourself, yet.

It's probably less than a minute before your door opens again, this time to admit Dr. Crusher and her medical team, though it seems like a lifetime. Your face is still buried deep in Data's chest, your mind still numb with the horror of your ordeal. Data's arms are still around you and you want them to squeeze away the pain, but his touch feels nowhere near as comforting as you long for it to be.

Vaguely, you hear Data explaining briefly about Lore and detailing your injury, then there's another hand on your arm. "Lt. Y/N?" Dr. Crusher's voice is gentle. "You're not in danger any longer. Data says your wrist is injured. May I take a look?"

You nod through your tears and Dr. Crusher kneels on the floor next to you and Data. She scans your wrist with a medical tricorder. "Two microfractures and a minor crack in the radius. This will be an easy enough fix. Just hold still and try not to move your hand or arm."

One of the nurses hands her a tool which she hovers over your arm. A blue glow envelopes your wrist and a tingling sensation replaces the searing pain. After several seconds, Dr. Crusher scans your wrist again. "I'm not reading any more fractures. Will you please lift your hand and roll your wrist? Like this?" She demonstrates with her own hand and you mimic the movement without pain.

She nods, seemingly pleased, and packs her instruments back into the nurse's medical bag. "Are you experiencing any other areas of pain right now?" When you shake your head, she purses her lips thoughtfully, glancing from you to Data and back to you. "I'd still like you to accompany me to Sickbay where we can run a full scan to make sure there are no further injuries lurking beneath the surface."

The doctor and Data help you to your feet. Once you're steady, you look at Dr. Crusher and ask in a quiet voice, "Could we have a moment?"

Dr. Crusher nods, first to you, then to the nurses, and they step out of the room, letting the door slide shut. Suddenly, you are alone with Data once again. Instead of feeling comforted, you're strangely jumpy and the room feels too small and tight, but you push past it to turn to Data, though for some reason you can't meet his eyes. "Back…back there…thank you, Data."

"You are welcome, Y/N." Data's voice is soft and serious. "I only wish I had more quickly foreseen my brother's plan and forestalled him from ever reaching you."

"It's not your fault." Your sense of discomfort is growing, like something crawling up your back and neck. The walls press in and everything is too dark. "I should go with Dr. Crusher to make sure…I'm not hurt anywhere else."

"Yes, that would be best," Data agrees. "Would you like for me to accompany you?"

An affirmative answer jumps automatically to your lips, but no sound emerges. Of course you want him there. He's your boyfriend, the person you love and trust the most on this entire ship. Especially after such a terrifying experience, you want him with you. Don't you? So why are you still hesitating to answer and why is there a part of you that wants to run as far from him as you can?

You take a step towards the door and stumble forward, and Data instantly reaches out, slipping his arm underneath yours to support you, and his fingers close around your forearm.

Suddenly in a flash, they're not Data's fingers anymore, nor his body pressing behind you, nor his breath against your cheek. Your terror crashes back over you.

You scream and shove him as hard as you can, and he stumbles back a pace or two. You're shaking again, so violently you think you might throw up. But then the android looks up and into your eyes and it's Data again, soft, gentle, kind Data, but the startled surprise – and dare you say it, hurt – on his face cuts into you. His lips part…

"…and the door hisses back open, revealing Dr. Crusher who is looking at you in concern. "Is everything all right? I thought I heard a scream."

You stumble over to the doctor and she takes your arm. "I want to go to Sickbay," you say shortly, keeping your head down. Anything to get away from this room.

Anything to get away from him.

Dr. Crusher glances up and back into the room as she leads you out, and you know she's exchanging a look with Data, but you can't bring yourself to turn back to him. You're not sure what passes between them, but a moment later, the doctor begins leading you down the hall, talking to you about you don't know what, but the sound of her voice is comforting so you don't mind the kind chatter.

Data doesn't follow.

~o~o~o~

An hour later, after Dr. Crusher has run all the appropriate scans and confirmed that you have no other physical injuries, you're released from Sickbay. For that hour, you've felt shaky and numb but relatively safe, but the moment you reach Sickbay's threshold, fear grips you again. You turn back, wondering if you can come up with an excuse for one more scan so that you can stay just a little longer.

Dr. Crusher must have noticed your hesitation for she stops on her way into her office. "Lt. Y/N, was there something else I can do for you?"

You bite your lip, suddenly feeling foolish. "No, no, Doctor. I don't think there's anything else you can do."

Dr. Crusher's eyes soften and she steps up next to you so that none of the other nurses in the room can hear. "Why don't I walk you to wherever you'd like to go? There's no one else I need to see immediately and my nurses can handle whatever might come up in the next ten minutes." She gives you a small smile and a subtle wink. "I'd be negligent if I didn't make sure my patient can walk properly to and from her destinations before releasing her entirely."

Gratitude rises to form a lump in your chest and you nod, silently accepting the doctor's offer. "I think…I think I'd just like to go back to my quarters for the time being," you murmur. You feel torn. On the one hand, you don't like the thought of being alone in that room. But at the same time, the thought of Ten Forward or any of the more public areas of the ship make you feel equally nauseated. At least in your own quarters, you can lock the door and not have to talk to anyone until you choose.

Dr. Crusher nods and the two of you walk silently back to your quarters.

Once back, you press your panel and as the door hisses open, only then does Dr. Crusher speak. "I don't have any further worries about your physical health, but I imagine you'll be facing things in the upcoming days and weeks that I won't be able to help you with. Please don't hesitate to see Counselor Troi. It's what she's here for." She flashes you a kind smile. "Consider it the doctor's recommendation."

"Thank you," you reply as you step through the door, then it hisses back shut and you are left facing the dark emptiness of your quarters.

~o~o~o~

That night, you toss and turn in your bed, drifting in between snatches of dark dreams and confused waking that is little different from the dreams. More than anything, you long for the day watch hours, even though you're not sure what difference that will make as you still don't feel like being around anyone else and Dr. Crusher recommended you take at least a few days of medical leave from your duties to recover, so you have no work to occupy yourself. But anything seems better than this restless world in between waking, memory, and dreaming. The only thing you long for is deep, dreamless sleep, but the universe doesn't seem willing to grant you that.

Finally, sometime in the wee hours of the night watch, you roll on your side, hugging your pillow desperately to you, and start to cry, from exhaustion as much as from emotion. It's the first time you've let yourself cry since the moment right after, and you'd been able to feel it building up inside you all day. It comes now as ragged, heaving sobs, and your pillow is soon clingy and damp with tears.

You think of Data. He's not working night watch tonight, you happen to know, which probably means he's awake in his quarters running diagnostics or running his dream program, neither of which would he mind being disturbed from. You could easily go to his quarters, ask him to hold you and let you cry into his chest, and you know he'd welcome you without hesitation. You long for the feeling of his arms around you, comforting you as he does so well. You imagine looking up into his gentle face and letting the calm gold of his eyes fill you with the sense of peace that they always do.

But the moment you imagine it, Data's soft expression melts into Lore's cruel sneer. The phantom feeling of his arms constrict until you can't breathe, and the pit of your stomach drops out beneath you, leaving you to feel like you're falling with no one to catch you. No matter how hard you try, Data's face won't return and Lore's leer is unbearable.

As you roll over and sob even harder, you wonder if you'll ever feel safe in Data's arms again.

~o~o~o~

"Take all the time you need. I'm here to talk when you're ready."

You stare around the pristine room, looking at but not really seeing the potted plants, tasteful accents, and the tea set sitting on the coffee table in front of you, anywhere but at the dark-haired woman sitting in the blue plush chair across from you.

It's not the first time you've been in these quarters. All Starfleet personnel are required to take a psych analysis upon being commissioned, and all crew members are encouraged to visit the ship's counselor on at least a semi-regular basis. You've generally never had much to talk about before at such visits, nothing beyond work-related stress or the occasion interpersonal conflict to work through. And you've never found Counselor Deanna Troi to be anything other than kind and respectful, so you don't know why you're having so much trouble talking to her now. At this point, you're probably five minutes into the session already and you've said a grand total of nothing other than declining a cup of tea.

"Perhaps if you're finding it difficult to find a starting place, you can just describe to me what happened," Counselor Troi says. She could probably sense your feelings of helpless restlessness and how at a loss you are, as well as your self-frustration, you realize after a moment. "You may find that telling me a story is easier than trying to talk to me about all the emotions you're feeling right now."

You nod and swallow. "I was in my quarters yesterday when the Red Alert started. I…I heard the Captain's announcement and locked my door. It was maybe two, I don't know, maybe three minutes later that I heard someone at my door. I thought it was Data, so I let him in." Your eyes drop and your cheeks burn at the admission. When you glance up however, there's no condemnation in the counselor's large, dark eyes, and you swallow again. "I spoke to him briefly, thinking he was Data, but then he…he attacked me. Then Data was there and they both had their phasers out. Lore was threatening to shoot me if Data didn't stand down, and then he started threatening to take me with him and hurt me if anyone tried to follow. I think he was angry and distracted by Data, I don't know, but I was able to twist around and kick him. He broke my wrist for it, but Data was able to gain the upper hand. Then…then Security arrived and took Lore away, and Data called Dr. Crusher to care for my broken wrist. So…that's what happened," you end, lamely you feel. You look up. "Does anyone know what he was after?"

Counselor Troi purses her lips. "The last I heard, he's been refusing to cooperate or answer any questions. Apparently, he was on a small Andorian trading vessel that appeared to be adrift and was not answering any hails. Of course, no life signs appeared on the scans. When the vessel was brought into the cargo bay, Lore overpowered the security team that had been sent to investigate and had gotten away before anyone else arrived. The next place he showed up was in your quarters."

You shudder as you remember. "He knew who I was. He called me by my name. I thought he was Data."

"You're not the first one he's tricked with that plot," Troi offers gently. "If I had to guess, I suspect he was back for revenge in some form against Data in particular, and all of us by extension. I guess that he'd been stalking us for a while, gathering information to use against Data if he knew about you and knew to target you. What exactly his plan was remains unclear, but he won't ever be able to enact it now. Last night, we held position until the Bellerophon arrived to take Lore into custody. He's light years away from here now, on his way to Daystrom where he'll be tried for his actions before a council. You're safe from him now."

You let out a pent-up breath that you hadn't realized you'd been holding, and some of your tensed muscles loosen just slightly. Knowing that Lore is no longer anywhere aboard the ship, even in the brig, lessens some of your fear, but there are plenty of other emotions to take its place. You knit your fingers together uncomfortably, once again struggling to look at the counselor.

Troi gives you a long moment of quiet to think, then says, "I'm sensing many emotions from you right now. Perhaps it would be helpful for you to simply name what you're feeling. Don't try to analyze them, just try to give them names. Giving a name to something can sometimes help us feel like we have more control over it."

You stare at the tea pot. It's dark blue and has a pattern of kittens on it. "Fear," you whisper finally, naming the easiest of what you're feeling. You search through the mess of emotions clogging all of your being, stifling your thoughts, trying to sort out one from the other. "Anger. Revulsion, I think. Horror." Your voice sinks down even lower. "Shame."

Counselor Troi nods, clearly unsurprised by any of the emotions you've just listed. "All of those emotions are completely normal to feel after a traumatic experience. You're feeling a lot right now, and you'll probably feel a lot for a good while still as we work through it. Your emotions are not something to fear, though it might seem that way right now. They may feel overwhelming, but that means they're doing their job. Think of your emotions like a computer control panel; when you see blinking lights, you know there's something there you need to pay attention to. Likewise, when you feel strong emotions, it's your brain's way of signaling to you that there's something you need to take a closer look at. And that's what I'd like to do today, if you feel up for it."

You feel exhausted, but at the same time, you can't stand the thought of facing another brutally sleepless night without getting at least some of this off your chest. Even if that's the only thing Troi can help with, it will be worth it. "All right," you say, though not with particular enthusiasm.

"If at any point you feel overwhelmed, we can stop and pick it back up at another session," Troi clarifies. "Now the first emotion you listed was fear. Why do you feel afraid right now, do you think?"

You consider the sensations of anxiety and fear still coursing through you. "I…I don't know. I guess I'm afraid that Lore might break out and somehow come back for me. I'm afraid he'll find a way to still hurt me, or Data, or other people I care about. And I guess I'm afraid of having to go through something like that again, even if it wasn't Lore, that someone else might try to hurt me like that."

Troi nods again, a compassionate expression on her face. "Anger was the next emotion you mentioned. What is making you feel angry?"

You poke at the raw emotion coiled up in your chest and it flares. "I'm angry at Lore, for hurting me, for trying to hurt Data. I've never done anything to him and he still came after me just because I'm important to Data." Angry tears push their way into your eyes and you wipe them away with the back of your hand, sniffling. "Data had told me a bit about him before, that he wasn't a nice person, but he was so much more awful than I ever imagined. He loved that he was hurting me. He loved that I was afraid of him. How could someone be that awful?" You sniffle again, and Troi subtly scoots a box of tissues across the coffee table towards you. You blow your nose and wipe your eyes again. "I hate him. I hate him so much."

More anger erupts in your chest. "And I'm angry that nobody stopped him before he got to my quarters. Isn't that was Security is supposed to do? And I'm angry that nobody warned me that he might try to trick me like that. Somebody on the Bridge could have contacted me to let me know I might be in danger, but nobody did, not even Data." Your boyfriend's name is suddenly sour in your mouth for the first time you can remember.

You swipe at your eyes again. There's a final pocket of anger stabbed through your soul, but this one hurts more than the rest to say. "And I…I'm angry at myself. The Captain said not to open the door, that it wasn't safe, but I still did. None of it would have happened if I hadn't been so stupid as to open the door."

You stare down into your lap, hot tears spilling down your cheek, feeling utterly wretched and furious.

"Y/N." Counselor Troi's voice is soft but serious. "It's not your fault that Lore hurt you. No matter what you did, you didn't deserve to be hurt."

You nod, the movement jerky, acknowledging her words, but you still feel tender and raw. Troi gives you a moment, then moves on with a soft prompt. "You mentioned revulsion next."

Unconsciously, you cross your arms, hugging your stomach. "Ever since Lore touched me, I…I feel gross. Dirty. Showering and bathing didn't help. I feel so disgusting that a being so cruel had his hands on me. The way he leered…His laugh…He was so vile."

You shudder, remembering his cruel grip on your arm, his hot breath on your neck, his fingers twisting violently into your hair, his lips- You cut that last thought off, feeling nauseated. There's a strange conflict within you. "Maybe that sounds weird, considering Data touches me all the time and Lore looked exactly like him…"

"It's not weird," Troi confirms gently. "He may look like Data, but he's an entirely different being. A being that did not have your consent for anything he did. A being who deceived you, then frightened and hurt you terribly. It's very normal to feel violated in a situation like this, regardless of what your attacker looked like."

She lets you wrestle with your thoughts for a few minutes, then continues. "Horror. Where do the feelings of horror come from?"

You shudder, remembering the half-nightmares half-waking imaginings that had played through your mind all of last night. "I keep thinking about what might have happened if Data hadn't shown up when he did, or what would have happened if I hadn't been able to distract Lore long enough for Data to get the upper hand. The threats he made- I believe he would have carried them out and been happy to hurt me even more than he did." You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to chase away the horrible combination of memory, nightmares, and imagination. "Right now, I could have been his prisoner. Right now, he could have been doing all the horrible things he threatened to me."

"But he can't and he won't," Counselor Troi says firmly. "Your fear is entirely real, but it's source is something that can no longer happen. He can't hurt you, Y/N."

Your breathing had increased to an almost painful rate as terrible scenarios flashed through your mind, but you tear your thoughts away from the horror and focus instead on Counselor Troi's words. "He can't hurt me now," you repeat, your voice sounding fragile.

"That's right," Troi says comfortingly. "You're surrounded by friends and none of those things are going to happen."

Slowly, your breathing calms, though you still feel hot and sweaty. But at least now your heart doesn't feel like it's trying to pound its way through your rib cage, even though you can still hear it reverberating in your ears.

"Do you still want to go on?" Troi asks, voice soft.

For a moment, you almost say no, but something in you whispers that if you don't continue now, it'll be twice as hard to get it all out next time. "Yes," you answer.

"All right." Troi links her fingers gracefully in her lap. "The last emotion you said you're feeling is shame. Can you tell me where the feelings of shame are coming from?"

None of what you've said today has been easy, but this, this is the hardest. You feel as if your throat has dried up. Two times you try to begin, but the words simply won't come out. Finally, you manage to start with the easier of the two halves, the one you've already admitted to. "I disobeyed. I didn't know what the full situation was, but I still decided that I knew better than the Captain, and I opened the door. Just because I was worried and wanted to see my boyfriend." A hint of bitterness enters your voice. "He didn't even have to manipulate me all that much; I just opened the door for him. I was insubordinate."

Counselor Troi remains quiet for half a minute or so, then reiterates her prior statement. "No matter what mistakes you might have made, everything that Lore did was Lore's fault. As for the matter of insubordination, I don't think you need to worry. I know the Captain pretty well, and well, I know he believes that circumstances can overrule procedure in some cases. Whether or not this would be one of them, I don't know, but that's not really what matters. You opened the door because someone you cared about and trust was asking for your help, and I don't think anyone would truly blame you for that. I think most of us would have done the same thing in your situation."

You nod, feeling slightly better though still angry and ashamed at yourself as you stare down at your arms around your waist.

"Y/N?" Troi continues softly. "I'm sensing a deeper, stronger feeling of shame in you. I'm also sensing that you have more to say, but that you're holding back. It's all right for you to tell me anything you want or need to tell me."

Immediately, that horrible clogging fills your throat again and your eyes start to sting. You hug your stomach tighter, but no words come out. This time, what has to be at least several minutes crawl past before tears start streaming down your cheeks and you begin to talk in a voice so quiet you aren't sure if the counselor can even hear you.

"Something else happened," you manage to say in a broken voice.

"What happened?" Counselor Troi's voice is gentle and concerned.

"Something else happened," you repeat. "Before Data came. I…I didn't tell anyone, not even Data or Dr. Crusher. I thought he was Data. I thought he was Data." You break down, sobbing hoarsely and hugging yourself as tightly as you can as if that will stop the feelings of disgust and pain. "He was playing with me the whole time, and I fell for it. There were even moments when I just knew something was off, but I ignored the signs because I wanted him to be Data so badly. I wanted to trust him. And-" you choke on the words, "-and I kissed him." Hot tears pour down your burning cheeks. "That's when he attacked me, right after I kissed him. He shoved me up against the wall and-" You shake your head back and forth, utter misery radiating through your whole being. "He wouldn't let go, even when I struggled. He might never have hurt me if I hadn't kissed him first."

"Do you really believe that's true, that he wouldn't have hurt you?" Troi asks.

You don't answer the question immediately. But now that you're talking, you feel like you can't stop. "I knew there was something wrong as soon as I kissed him, but he wouldn't let go. He grabbed me, trapped me, wouldn't let go. And he enjoyed it. He enjoyed how frightened I was of him. And I don't know how much further he would have been willing to go if Data hadn't shown up." You swallow painfully. "I think he still would have hurt me, no matter what I'd done, but I don't know if he would have done that if I hadn't kissed him first."

"May I ask a few questions?" Troi asks.

You nod.

"Did you have any logical reason to believe he wasn't Data when you kissed him?"

"No, just that weird feeling I got a couple times."

"And is kissing your romantic partner an odd thing to do, especially in a moment of high stress or emotion?"

"No, I guess not."

Counselor Troi smiles slightly, but there's a deep sadness in her dark eyes. "You had a completely normal response to the person you thought was your lover, and he took advantage of it. He is entirely at fault for everything that happened. It must have been absolutely terrifying, but you're safe now."

You nod through your tears, though you still don't know how you're going to feel right ever again.

Troi speaks again after a minute or so. "Data was very worried that something like that had happened. Have you spoken to him at all since this happened?"

"No." You pick absently at one of your nails, still staring down into your lap. "Not since Dr. Crusher took me to Sickbay right after." You pause, shaking your head. "There was this moment, right after Dr. Crusher healed my broken wrist, when Data touched me and, I don't know, I thought he was Lore for a moment. I mean, I knew in my head that he wasn't, but everything else was screaming at me that it was still Lore." You blink furiously, trying to clear your sight through the fog of tears. "It kept happening all night in my imagination too. I would try to imagine Data comforting me, but every time all I could imagine was Lore instead."

"That doesn't surprise me," Troi responds. "After having your perceptions prove wrong like they did yesterday with Lore, it's natural for you to start doubting the truth in all your perceptions. Your mind is trying to figure out whether it can trust your senses or not, particularly when it comes to Data."

You squeeze your eyes shut, hands balling into fists, as frustration rises inside you. "But what do I do about that? Does this mean I'll never be able to feel safe around Data ever again?" The burning in your eyes starts up all over again, and you hate Lore all the more desperately than before.

"No, not necessarily. Not likely. Assuming you still want to spend time with him and continue in your relationship with him, there are ways to help yourself start to feel safe around him again. Ways to help yourself trust your perceptions. It might not happen overnight, but it will happen. Am I right in assuming that your greatest fear about being with Data right now is that he might actually be Lore again?"

You nod miserably. "I was fooled once, so I could be fooled again. I know it's unlikely, but how can I ever truly know? How can I ever feel safe?" You lips tremble. "That stupid android is going to ruin the best thing in my life, and I hate that he'd be happy about it."

Counselor Troi purses her lips thoughtfully, then leans forward and pours herself a cup of tea. She leans back in her chair, crossing her legs demurely, and takes a sip. "I think this exercise might be useful for you. When you're with Data, what about him makes you feel safe?"

You pause the flood of hateful thoughts towards Lore to imagine Data instead. You struggle to imagine how it felt to be with him before yesterday. "Well, I guess, I don't know, just everything. I know he's kind and he never wants to hurt anyone. He's always respectful and makes sure he knows what I do or don't want before he does anything. He's so strong, I always felt like he could protect me from anything." You pause, feeling another twinge of pain as you remember Lore's iron grip and your realization that Data could render you that same level of helpless if he ever wanted. You push the frightening thought away. "And his eyes, his eyes are always so calming. And his voice too." You shrug awkwardly. "I'm not sure, he just seems to make everything seem peaceful and safe around him."

You struggle with the feelings and abstract images, trying to grasp what you really mean. Finally, you sigh in frustration. "I guess…I guess what it all comes down to is I know he's a good person, one of the best people I've ever known. I know and trust that he'll do what's right in any given situation."

Troi sets her cup down gracefully on its saucer. "Now I want you to think about Lore, when he first came in and you thought he was Data. You said there were things that seemed off about him. Can you put any of those things into words?"

Despite the pain, you do your best to replay the memories of yesterday. "Well, the first thing I noticed was that he wasn't following protocol. That seemed strange for Data, but I thought maybe it was just because of the emergency."

Counselor Troi's lips quirk distinctly. "Yes, Data does appreciate protocol. What else?"

You frown, remembering. "He seemed…impatient. I've never seen Data act impatient or speak sharply. And when he first came in, it was like he just ignored me. Just brushed me aside, like I was in his way. I've never seen Data treat anyone like that ever."

You dig deeper into the memory, trying to focus on the details. "But once he started paying attention to me, he was almost acting like making sure I was safe was more important than the emergency or the ship. Don't get me wrong, I know Data cares about me, but we both know that his first duty is to the ship. He'd never abandon his post for me, except possibly in the most extreme situation." You swallow uncomfortably. "It…felt good to think that I could be his number one priority, the one he'd break the rules for, so I guess I overlooked the warning sign that he was showing me more devotion than he should. Data isn't selfish; he'd never put me before the entire rest of the ship just because he was worried. I wouldn't want him to, and he knows that."

You search the memory one more time. "Oh, and there was this moment with his eyes. I don't know exactly how to describe it, but for a moment his eyes weren't right. They weren't Data's eyes. Everything else about him was the same, but I'd know Data's eyes anywhere and they were completely different for a moment."

Troi pours herself another cup of tea, nodding as you speak. "If it feels safe, I'd like you to continue thinking about anything else you might have subconsciously noticed about Lore that differentiated him from Data. Then, I'd like you to spend some time thinking about things you can do when you're with Data to help you trust that it's really him. What things can you check that you know make Data truly Data? You don't have to answer now, just think about it. But I think having a checklist of specific things to look for when your mind starts to doubt will make it easier for you to feel safe with him again.

"Now, I don't want you to push yourself before you're ready, but I do recommend that you spend some time with Data in the next day or so. The longer you wait, the more negative anticipation your mind can build up and the harder it can be to break any negative expectations that you might have created, even subconsciously.

"I recommend starting by meeting him in a safe, open space – maybe dinner in Ten Forward – somewhere you aren't alone. It may be easier to demonstrate trust when you know if anything goes wrong, you're surrounded by people who will come to your aid immediately. Once that feels safe, consider meeting him in a more private space, maybe just you and him, or with a friend or two whom you both trust. Again, just be with him without trying to press yourself too hard. And then, once you feel safe in that environment and you feel you can easily identify what makes him uniquely himself when you start having doubts, see if it feels safe to spend time alone with him. And at each stage in the process, communicate clearly with him what you need from him, what feels safe and what doesn't."

Troi sets down her cup and saucer. "This may only take a few days or it could take months. Whichever it is, give yourself grace to heal at the pace that you need it. If something doesn't feel right yet, don't push yourself, but likewise, if it does feel right, explore it as long as it feels safe. Only you will know what your own boundaries are going to be."

She smiles gently at you. "Data cares very much about you. It might not be easy, but I know you'll both make it work. You care about each other far too much for any other outcome."

~o~o~o~

The moment you step into Ten Forward and see him sitting at a window table on the far side of the room, your chest seems to go too tight and breathing is suddenly difficult as a storm of emotions rise up in your throat.

You had gone to Geordi that afternoon for help in relaying your message to Data. You had felt uncharacteristically nervous all the way down to Engineering, fearing that Geordi might be cold towards you for what he might see as you slighting his best friend, or even worse, that he might be pitying. Of course, Geordi was neither. He listened to your request calmly, then nodded and agreed to deliver the message to his friend. Only as you were leaving did Geordi put a hand on your shoulder and give you a little nod that you know meant "It's gonna be all right, OK?"

At this moment, standing there in the entrance to Ten Forward, you hope more than anything that Geordi and Troi will both prove right this evening.

You force yourself to walk forward, past the bar, each step feeling almost dreamlike, keeping your eyes fixed on Data. He's outlined against the window behind him, with the stars flashing past, and you feel your heart skip a beat that you aren't sure is due entirely to fear or anxiety.

But even as the desire to be near him rises up in you, a dark voice whispers: What if it's not really him? What if he turns and sneers at me? What if he's holding a phaser in his hand that I can't see…?

But then he looks up and sees you, and instantly the corners of his mouth lift up in that adorable, sweet android smile. And just as instantly, you know Lore couldn't have faked that expression. This is Data. Your Data.

But that truth brings another fear of its own. It has now been two and half days since everything with Lore happened and you haven't seen or spoken to Data once in those days. The last interaction you had with him was screaming and shoving him away from you. You know this distance is what you've needed, but all the same, a part of you worries that you've hurt Data by avoiding him. You fully believe in his capability to experience emotions, as you've expressed to him any number of times in the past, but right now you're afraid of what emotions he might be feeling towards you.

But there's no hint of anger or resentment as he stands to greet you. You struggle to meet his eyes but force yourself to do it anyway, and you're glad the moment you do. The deep calmness and subtle fondness in those golden eyes wash over you, further reinforcing your security that this is indeed the man you trust and love.

"Hello Y/N." You almost start crying at the sound of Data's voice that you've longed for so deeply these last two days. His voice is tender, with gentle concern mixed with genuine happiness. "How are you doing?"

You almost smile and tell him fine, but you swallow the words. You're not here to smile and pretend that nothing happened, and it wouldn't be fair to Data to put up a façade. You suspect he'd see right through it anyway.

You nod to the table and Data takes the hint, both of you sliding into your seats across from each other. Data tilts his head, watching you intently, but he makes no attempt to rush an answer from you. You swallow, look up at him, then look back down at the table, fidgeting uncomfortably. Finally you blurt, "I'm…I'm not doing great, Data, but it's really good to see you."

"It is good to see you as well, Y/N." There's nothing but pure, innocent sincerity in his words and you almost start crying.

You try to subtly wipe a forming tear away from the corner of your eye. "I'm sorry I haven't been in touch with you at all these last couple days."

Data nods in acknowledgement, but there's no condemnation in his face. "Although I have missed your presence, I believe that I understand. I can only imagine the deeply disturbing nature of your experience, and I played a part in that experience. Though I have been concerned for your wellbeing, I am not offended by your choice to restrict contact with me until now."

You smile a little at his words, but you can't help wondering how much Data knows about your interaction with Lore before he arrived on the scene. You recall Counselor Troi mentioning Data's concern over what Lore might have done, but you're not ready to talk to Data about that yet. Everything still feels too delicate and raw. "I really appreciate you giving me space. Thank you," you say softly instead.

"You are welcome," Data responds. "I have spoken to Counselor Troi two times since the incident, and it was her advice that I allow you time to yourself and wait for you to initiate contact. I will admit, I did not expect to receive a message from you this soon, although I am grateful for it. I was wholly prepared to wait a great deal longer if that would have proven beneficial to your wellbeing."

And…here come the tears again. This is Data, so utterly Data. Not Lore's saccharine display of overt emotion, but that subtle expression of love and kindness. Bitterness surfaces again for a moment as you wonder how you could possibly have been fooled by Lore's second-rate act, but you do your best to push that thought away.

Before you can respond to Data, a waiter stops by your table. "Can I get anything for you two?"

Data looks to you and you consider for a moment. You don't particularly have an appetite, but something to occupy yourself also sounds nice. You reach a decision. "Two root beer floats please." You see the recognition in Data's eyes; it's the drink you introduced to him on your very first date. You hope the taste will bring back the feelings and memories of that evening, now nearly two months ago: the giddy, happy infatuation and disbelief at your wildly good luck to be on a date with the handsome android officer who you'd been crushing on for months.

The two of you sit in silence for the next several minutes, and it's definitely awkward but there's a softness to the silence too. In the stage area, the Enterprise's jazz ensemble starts setting up for an evening concert. The waiter brings your root beer floats.

As you both sip on your drinks, Data tells you about an experiment he and Geordi have been working on to boost matter/anti-matter regulation efficiency. Even though you only understand the bare basics of what he's talking about, just listening to him chattering away about something you know he enjoys and loves makes you feel more peaceful and comfortable. It feels wonderfully mundane.

The jazz ensemble starts up, with Commander Riker up front on his trombone, and you and Data scoot your chairs around side-by-side to both face the stage area. You finish off your root beers, then share a chocolate strawberry parfait as you listen. Occasionally, you glance sideways towards your boyfriend and more than once catch him watching you, doubtlessly observing every minutiae of your body language to determine your comfort level. You look back forward, smiling a little to yourself, pleased to know he's concerned with your safety and comfort.

Perhaps an hour into the concert, you feel the slightest little brush of skin against your hand. Glancing down, you find that Data has rested his hand between the two of you, not quite touching but very close. It's a clear invitation to hold his hand if you want to. You carefully consider how you feel about that. Counselor Troi told you not to push yourself, and you hadn't been sure coming into this meet-up if touching would feel safe. But your skin is prickling pleasantly and you realize you are craving his touch, even something so simple as lacing fingers. And you know that if for some reason it doesn't feel right, Data will let your hand go.

Unless he doesn't, a voice whispers in your mind. But you willfully push the dark thought away. You remember what you said to Troi, that your sense of safety in Data's presence is grounded on the knowledge that Data is an intrinsically good person. You know this is Data, therefore you know he will release your hand if you need him to. You bite down on your lip. Lore is not going to ruin what you and Data had before he came. You're not going to let his cursed memory keep you from the things you want. And right now, you want to hold Data's hand.

You move your hand slightly, placing your palm against Data's, and twining your fingers with his. His fingers curl gently against yours in response. There's no crushing pain of broken bones, just the soft caress of someone who loves you. You slowly relax into the feeling and cherish it.

After another hour, the music is winding down and you are starting to feel the effects of two nights of poor sleep setting in. You and Data stand up together and there's an awkward moment where neither of you is sure what to say. Finally, you uncomfortably link your hands together behind your back. "Well, I should probably be getting to bed. I'm back on duty tomorrow, and I've got a shift first thing in the morning."

Data nods. "Yes, then it would be best if you got the full eight hours of recommended sleep for a human."

Another awkward silence. Data tilts his head forward questioningly. "Despite your statement that you wish to go to bed, you do not seem interested in taking the actions that would lead to that outcome. Does this mean there is something else you wish to accomplish here beforehand?"

You give a little laugh; for all Data's social awkwardness, he knows you so well. "There's still so much I want to say to you, but I don't know how. And I didn't know how I'd feel around you tonight, but now I don't want to leave you."

Data considers this for a moment. "I believe I have solutions to both dilemmas. For the first, perhaps we can arrange to meet again tomorrow evening after both our shifts for the day are complete. I have an idea for a social activity that you may find enjoyable, which would allow us some level of privacy but simultaneously would be less personal than meeting alone. If that pleases you, may I suggest that you meet me outside my quarters at 1800 hours? With the reservation of course that if my idea is no longer pleasing to you at the time, we can change the arrangement?"

You nod. "That works for me, I think."

"As for the second," Data continues, "may I perhaps walk you back to your quarters?"

You can't help the little shy smile that breaks through your anxiety at his gentlemanly offer. "Yes, I think I'd like that a lot, Data."

The two of you make your way out of Ten Forward and down the hallway towards the turbolift. Data walks close to your side but he doesn't touch you as he usually would in moments such as this. The longing for contact twinges at you again, and you reach out and slip your hand back into his. In your peripheral, you see him turn his head to glance at you, but neither of you says anything.

You arrive in front of your quarters, and Data pauses at the door. "Y/N," he says, then pauses. "Darling." His eyes are so soft. "It has been deeply gratifying to spend the evening in your company again. I believe at this juncture, it would be appropriate for me to wish you 'sweet dreams'."

Your heart throbs pleasingly. "Good night, sweetheart." You pause, considering your feelings, then rise up on your toes and brush your lips against his alabaster cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."

You know that cute, boyish smile and the way his eyebrows lift with delight is what will follow you into your dreams tonight.

~o~o~o~

You arrive outside Data's quarters a few minutes before 1800 hours and press his control panel to let him know you're here. Less than thirty seconds later, the door slides open, revealing Data in the doorway with Spot held tight in his arms.

"Hello, Spot," you say, ruffling your fingers between her ears. She makes an indignant mewing sound and squirms in Data's arms.

"I know, Spot," Data responds to his pet's complaints. "I know you do not prefer having your freedoms restricted. However, I would be a negligent parent if I allowed you to run freely down the hallways of the Enterprise. You will have your freedom back shortly, I promise."

He offers you his little smile. "Do you still desire to spend the evening in my company?"

"Yes, I would," you respond. "I've been looking forward to it all day, I really have."

"Then I will be pleased to escort you to our destination," he responds, and the two of you set off down the hallway together, with Spot still held tight in Data's arms.

Ten minutes later, you arrive at your destination.

Data is not the only pet parent on the Enterprise. There are a good number of other cats and dogs, as well as some rarer Earth pets and a mix of non-Earth species. The large room you're in now is similar to the Arboretum, with walkways cutting between grassy turf, shrubs and low trees, rock formations, and even a shallow stream, all designed to give starship pets a place to play, run, and socialize. There's a family with two kids frolicking with their dog in the stream, a human crewmember with a bunny in an enclosed area for smaller, shyer pets, and a Vulcan with some type of lizard-like reptile over by the rocks. An artificial skylight overhead gives the space an almost outdoor-like impression.

You, Data, and Spot head for an area specifically designed for cats near the far side of the room. It's enclosed with a mesh fence, with a wide variety of climbing structures, tunnels, and other nooks and corners for a curious cat to poke in and explore. There are several benches against the wall, along with cubbies filled with cat toys. Data lets Spot down to play, and he and you make yourselves comfortable on one of the benches.

Data was right; there's the perfect balance of privacy and community here. It's a far cry from the crowded bustle of Ten Forward, but there's also no threat of that claustrophobic sensation that you last had when you were alone in your quarters with Data. And even if you don't know if it was his explicit intention or not, the setting reminds you of how you and Data met to begin with: over your combined love of animal life.

Data inquires about your day, and the two of you casually exchange light conversation. As you listen to him, you think of how Counselor Troi instructed you to take note of what makes Data uniquely himself, and you begin to study him carefully. You notice his movements first; he's just as graceful as Lore, but it's more like watching a beautiful bird than a predatory tiger, and there's a cute dorkiness to his head tilts and mechanical movements that was lacking completely in Lore's demeanor. You watch as he picks up a wand with a long string and bauble attached and flicks it about for Spot to chase, and you notice the way he flourishes his fingers and wrist, that touch of an artist's hands. He looks at you and you let yourself sink into his eyes, trying to put your finger on what makes them so different from Lore's. You decide it's the depth of them. Data's eyes are an open window to the soft, kind soul underneath and the complex person they belong to – it's as if they could contain an entire galaxy. Lore's eyes were like looking into a shuttered room; there had been a shallowness to them as if he had been making sure there was nothing visible except the surface level of what he wanted you to see.

Data tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. "During the past eleven and a half minutes, you have been observing me closer than usual. Are you experiencing distress in my presence?"

You jolt a little from your thoughts. "Oh, no Data. It's just something Counselor Troi recommended."

Data nods. "In that case, please continue."

You smile. "I think I have the observations I need for the moment." And indeed, you realize that some of your stiff discomfort has already dissolved away, and this time between the two of you is already feeling more normal…like before.

"Last night, you indicated a desire to speak to me at greater length. If that is still your desire, you are welcome to discuss whatever topics you wish with me."

There's so much you want to talk to him about, but it all seems to fly out of your head in a moment. Your nervousness returns, and you shift uncomfortably, closing and opening your hands as your palms suddenly grow unpleasantly sweaty.

"If you no longer wish to speak with me-"

Data's voice jolts you from your uncertainty. You turn to him and touch his arm, silencing him. "No, Data, I do want to talk. Really." You swallow, trying to find a place to begin. "You mentioned that you talked to Counselor Troi several times. How much…what…"

Data touches the tips of his fingers softly to your lips. "I believe I understand what you are asking. Counselor Troi remained entirely professional and did not disclose anything of a personal nature concerning you and what you might have discussed with her, and I would not have inquired. I visited her first shortly after the incident, after Lore had been locked in the brig and questioned, to ask her advice. I was concerned for your wellbeing and wished to know how I might best support and comfort you, but also concerned that I had in some way hurt you, given your reaction to me after Lore was taken into custody."

You glance down into your lap, abashed. "I'm so sorry about that, Data. There was this moment, when you touched me, when I thought you were Lore again, and I just reacted."

"Counselor Troi explained to me that this was likely the case. I am not offended," Data replies. "That is when she told me that you would likely need time away from me to begin recovering from your trauma and that I could best aid you by granting you the time and space you needed."

You nod, watching as Spot attacks a scratching post like a wild animal.

"The next day, I returned to Counselor Troi and spoke to her for close to an hour. Although we did converse briefly about you, the majority of the conversation was dominated by her and me discussing my relationship to Lore and my feelings towards him following this most recent encounter."

Another little twinge of sad guilt touches you as you realize you hadn't really contemplated the implications of the fact that Data was dealing with his own brother through all of this and how hard that must make it for him. "How did that go?"

Data's lips tighten just slightly before he speaks. "This is not the first time Lore has threatened those close to me, but I believe it will finally be the last. There was a part of me that retained the faint hope that perhaps Lore would change and I would be able to share my brotherhood with him in harmony. And perhaps that may still be so, but I find it unlikely, unless perhaps sometime many years in the future. I believe I did the correct thing in handing him over to Starfleet where he will be tried for his actions before a council. I have also submitted a formal request that he not be forcefully deactivated again, and I hope for his sake that he is able to receive the care he needs while simultaneously being unable to cause further harm. Although nothing excuses the cruelty he has shown towards you and many others, he has not had many of the advantages in life which I have had. He has had little to no reason to trust humans in the short amount of time he has spent activated, and I believe he has learned to reflect the cruelty he himself has received back onto others. Despite his actions, he has always been and shall always be my brother."

You're touched by the sadness and regret you hear in Data' voice; you'd had no idea that Lore meant that much to him. You almost even feel sorry for Lore, despite the anger and revulsion you still feel towards him. But then Data's voice changes, hardening slightly. "However, I do not excuse the cruelty, harm, and pain he has caused towards you. Lore will receive no sympathy from me on those accounts. His treatment of you was completely inexcusable, and I will advocate for a punishment befitting his actions which will keep others safe from his malice."

You shiver a little. "I'm sorry he's your brother, Data, but he was terrifying. I hope I never have to meet him again. I really thought he was going to kill me."

Data gazes at you, face soft and perhaps even hinting of sadness. "Y/N, may I ask a question?"

"Yes?"

"Did Lore attempt to impersonate me before I arrived?"

You had suspected this topic would come up sooner or later. The pit of your stomach drops. "Yes, he did. I let him into my quarters because I thought he was you."

"And after he entered?"

Your eyes drop, and Data nods slowly. "I see. You continued to believe that you were interacting with me. When did you realize that this was not the case?"

You fidget with your fingers and watch Spot climbing up the side of one of the cat trees. You don't respond for a minute. "We spoke for a few minutes maybe, I don't know. Then he attacked me, but…"

"…But you were still unsure whether it was me or not."

You look back at Data, eyes pleading. "I know you wouldn't hurt me normally. I thought there might be something wrong with you, something outside of you influencing your behavior. But then he started taunting me and I realized who he must be, and that was right when you came in."

Data nods slowly, his eyes darting back and forth as he analyzes the information you've just given him. At last, he speaks slowly. "I believe I understand why such a situation would lead to the fear you have demonstrated towards me, separate from Lore. I was unsure what exactly the source of your fear towards me was, but I can see how this experience would lead to your hesitancy to trust me. I have observed the discomfort that you have been expressing in my presence, both last night and to some extent this evening." He meets your eyes again, and his expression is infinitely soft and sad. "I do not believe words are adequate to express how profoundly sorry I am that you were forced to endure such a situation and to have your trust in me damaged."

His eyes skim quickly across your face, searching for a reaction, and his lips part gently. "I realize of course that this is not your fault and you have little to no control in the matter, nor am I disappointed in you in any way. I am merely sorry to be a source of discomfort now, and I am unsure as to what I can do to alleviate said discomfort. It is not my wish for you to be frightened of me."

Your throat clogs up a little. "I don't want to be afraid of you either, Data." You reach out, hesitate, then lay your fingertips on his arm. "I think…I think I just need you to be yourself, to help me remember who you are and how I can trust you."

Data looks down, then carefully lays his fingertips over yours. "That is something I am capable of doing," he says gently and offers you that slightly forced but still entirely sweet smile.

You remember what Counselor Troi said about being transparent with him about what you need from him and you swallow, trying to sort out your thoughts. "You've already been doing a lot of what I think I'll need. I don't like the thought of being touched by surprise right now, but I'm OK with you giving me the option for touching, like you did last night at the concert. And I need to be able to see you, to be able to look at you and know you're Data. And I know you already always do it, but if you're not sure if I'm comfortable with something, just ask me."

Data's gaze is unblinking, and you know he's carefully cataloging every word you say to him. You glance down to your overlapped hands, suddenly shy under that intense android stare. "And if…if I'm suddenly not sure if it's you or not, give me the time and space to reassure myself that it is you."

"Is there anything I can do to aid in this process?" he inquiries.

You consider, chewing your bottom lip, then look back up in his eyes. "I think so. If…If it seems like I'm afraid of you, or I'm unsure, can you please say 'I believe Spot finds your existence acceptable'?"

Data's mouth makes a little 'o'. "Ah, the words I said to you when you first visited my quarters to meet Spot. I recall that it made you laugh though I was unsure why."

You nod, smiling a little. "If you say that, I'll know it's you."

He returns your nod seriously. "In that case, I will repeat the phrase as often as is necessary."

He runs his fingers tenderly over your knuckles, one at a time, as if memorizing them. In a way, you suppose his is, as he commits the sight of them perfectly to his memory cells. He looks back up at you, eyes serious. "May I ask another question, one of a more personal nature?"

Something tells you what his question will be. It suddenly feels too hot and tight in the room, even with as wide open and lit as it is, and nor is it the usual heat you oftentimes end up feeling in Data's presence. You know you don't have to answer and he won't ask again, but the weight of it has been pressing harder and harder on you, and you realize that a part of you had been hoping he'd ask just so that you can get rid of that terrible pressure. "Go ahead," you whisper.

Data twists his body to face you. He squeezes your hand ever so gently. "Lore insinuated that he had touched you inappropriately. Y/N, did my brother violate you?"

The room seems to swim a little before your eyes. You squeeze Data's hand back, a little harder than probably necessary, but you know you can't hurt him and you desperately need to feel grounded. "He kissed me against my will," you whisper. "He shoved me up against the wall and kissed me and wouldn't let go when I fought him." You look up into Data's eyes. "He didn't do anything more to me, Data, I promise. Nothing more physically anyway."

Some of the tension leaves Data's rigid form, and he nods slowly. "I am deeply sorry that you had to endure assault in any form, but I will admit myself relieved that the violation he inflicted upon you was less severe than I feared it might be."

You lower your eyes, suddenly ashamed. "I know it was just a stupid kiss, but I still feel awful. Afraid, angry, disgusted… It was just a kiss, but I still feel…" You shake your head, unable to finish.

"But you still feel violated," Data finishes for you gently. "I have heard Counselor Troi say that simply because an event could have been worse than what it was is not grounds for dismissing the distress that it did cause you."

For some reason, those are the words that break open your pain. The tears that have been threatening to come since last night suddenly start running down your cheeks and you're crying. "Data, he was so strong and there was nothing I could do. I've never felt so helpless before in my entire life." You remember the feeling of his fingers twisting into your hair, his entire body pressed obscenely to yours. "I was so frightened, Data."

You're not entirely sure if it is he who nudges you forward or if you simply fall into his arms, but the next thing you know your cheek is pressed into the front of his shoulder, your arms squeezing around his waist, and his arms are settled tenderly around your shoulders. He rubs your back awkwardly in a way that makes you suspect he's mimicking what he saw someone else doing at some point but it doesn't make the action any less comforting. You squeeze him even harder, your tears turning up a notch further, your sobs muffled against his soft jacket. You feel him lower himself until his cheek is resting against the top of your head.

The moment is interrupted by something butting against your hip and a slightly annoyed mrrrow. You lift your head from Data's chest to find Spot trying to squeeze her way between you and her owner. You giggle a little through your tears. "I think Spot's jealous, Data."

"Curious." Data reaches out a hand and allows Spot to sniff it. "I did not think felines had the emotional capacity for a feeling such as jealousy, but she clearly feels that my attention would be better utilized in her service." He taps her nose softly. "Spot, it is impolite to interrupt. I have told you this before, but clearly further training is required." He gives you a somewhat abashed look. "I am sorry for this rude ending to what one might call 'a moment'."

You smile through your tears. "It's OK." You untwine from one another's arms and Spot instantly claims Data's lap as her own, kneading her paws into his stomach. Data scratches the top of her head, then looks back at you with both eyebrows raised. "Do you wish to remain here longer or shall we 'call it a night'?"

You stretch, feeling suddenly a little embarrassed about having lost all semblance of control in Data's arms. "I think I'm ready to go."

You accompany him back to his quarters. He's unusually quiet the whole way, though you aren't sure if he's processing everything you two talked about, if he's thinking, or if he's merely giving you space. However, that question is answered once you arrive back at the doors to his quarters.

"Y/N," he says, voice grave, "I have been giving further thought to your situation and how I can assist in alleviating your fears. There is something of a highly personal nature that I have decided I wish to share with you when you are ready and if you desire. However, it would require complete privacy between myself and yourself."

You hesitate. You haven't been completely alone with him beyond moments like these in the hallway when no one else is around, and you feel your anxiety spike again at his suggestion. Stopping, you carefully consider your feelings. On the surface, you can feel the fear, even though you're not entirely sure what it's directed towards. But underneath the surface, something familiar uncoils in your lower stomach: a craving desire for the privacy and intimacy of his offer. You ask yourself the important question: if you turn him down and leave right now, will you regret it? And instantly, you can feel in your gut that the answer is yes, you absolutely will.

Besides, curiosity is a pretty standard character trait for anyone employed on an exploration starship, and you have to admit that he has yours thoroughly piqued.

You suddenly feel a rush of playfulness. Tilting your head to the side, you mimic your boyfriend's cadence to the best of your ability. "Ah, intriguing."

Data pauses with his hand on his door panel then bobs his head forward. "That was a joke, was it not? You were attempting to imitate my inflections, delivery, and vocabulary to make your response more humorous?"

You shrug, smiling shyly. "Caught in the act." As Data continues to look at you thoughtfully, you suddenly worry that you might have offended him. "I'm sorry, was that offensive?"

Data quickly shakes his head. "No, I am not offended. I was merely thinking that this is the first time you have said something teasing or joking to me since the incident with my brother. I have found that humans often use gentle humor of this nature only around other individuals with whom they feel comfortable. I am merely hoping that your use or humor is indicative of a stronger sense of security and comfort in my presence."

Fondness swells through you. Only Data would notice something so small and carefully unfold its significance like watching a flower bloom. "I think I am," you answer him. "And the delivery might have been a joke, but I am intrigued. I don't think I want our evening to be over quite yet."

Data nods and softly replies, "Nor do I." He taps in his code on the door and it slides open for both of you.

Data lets Spot down and replicates her a bowl of feline supplement number twenty-seven, while you settle yourself on Data's couch. A moment later, your android joins you.

"You have expressed to me this evening the feelings of fear and helplessness that you experienced in Lore's presence. As I do not ever wish for you to experience such sensations of powerlessness and fear in any interaction with me, I have been pondering how I might alleviate these anxieties for you. Although I do not think it will completely assuage all your doubts concerning me, I believe I can offer you something that I hope will at least help to a small degree.

"Additionally, you have expressed a profound level of vulnerability with me this evening, and I wish to reciprocate by sharing with you an aspect of myself that I do not reveal to many. I have been considering sharing this facet of myself with you for the past week, but I believe now is the appropriate time. Do you wish to proceed?"

Your curiosity has only grown at his words. "Yes, I would," you reply.

He nods once decisively, then, to your surprise, he turns his back to you. "Y/N, will you assist me in removing my jacket?"

Your eyebrows rise further in surprise at his request. That certainly wasn't what you were expecting. A blush creeps into your cheeks as you lift you hand to the zipper concealed at his collar and begin dragging it downwards.

Even though the situation is different from last time, you still feel pleasurably warmth bloom in your cheeks and chest as the uniform peels away, revealing the smooth, golden-white landscape of Data's bare back, and when you let you fingers brush gently against his skin as you disengage the zipper from its track, you'd be lying to say it was completely an accident. Data pulls the jacket the rest of the way off then twists his head to the side so that he can look at you over his shoulder. "Y/N, do you see a groove underneath my right shoulder blade?"

You bend over and look closely at the spot Data indicated to you. If he hadn't pointed it out, you probably never would have noticed on your own, but there is an indent in Data's skin just below the line of his shoulder blade. Even without any indication from Data, you would have known there was something important about this spot; Dr. Soong took such care to make Data's body look as human as possible that there must have been a good reason for him to deviate from his norm. Curiosity overwhelms you. "What is it, Data?"

"It is my deactivation unit."

You pull back from him sharply, looking back up at his face. "Your what?"

"My deactivation unit," he repeats patiently. "In more colloquial terms, you might call it my off switch. It is a device comprised of a simple rocker switch, with which one can control my activation status."

Instantly, you can understand why Data would consider showing you this an act of intimate vulnerability. The power to render him utterly helpless is at your fingertips. A deep swell of affection rises soft within you, along with that welcome warm glow, at the knowledge that he's trusting you with something this important.

Data is still watching you keenly over his shoulder. "There are few individuals aware of the existence of this switch. Geordi, Dr. Crusher, Commander Riker, the Captain, and now you. What is your impression of it?"

You stroke his shoulder blade and around that little sunken line of skin, afraid of touching it directly. You don't know for certain, but you strongly suspect that he's showing you more vulnerability right now than if he'd stripped himself completely naked for you. It is yet another reminder of the paradox that is Data: something that sets him apart as so inhuman while at the same time bringing out the full sweetness of his humanity. "It's a part of you, Data, so of course it's amazing," you murmur. "I think I understand why you'd show this to me. Thank you, sweetheart." You caress his cheek.

His eyes close and he leans into your hand. "Ever since our last date on the holodeck, I have considered whether the timing was appropriate to share this with you," he responds. "As we have grown more physically intimate with one another, the likelihood that you might discover the switch accidentally has grown, and I did not want to alarm you in the case that you were to activate the switch without realizing what it was. However, in light of recent events, I wish for you to know my weakness, as it were."

He turns around, facing you fully again, and takes one of your hands into his. "If I ever were to pose a threat against you, or if I were somehow not myself, or if I became violent, it is my wish for you to hold the knowledge of how to prevent me from harming you." He tilts his head, looking full into your eyes, his face profoundly serious. "Y/N, if you ever were to feel threatened by me to the least degree, you have my full permission as well as my desire to use this device. Do you understand?"

Even though Data is usually serious to some extent, you can tell how important this is to him. You squeeze his hand. "Yes, Data, I fully understand, and I promise I would."

Data maintains the intense eye contact with you for a moment longer then releases your hand and turns back around. "Y/N, I would like to show you something else. Run your fingers over my skin just below the switch."

You do so and are surprised to feel three small bumps just underneath his bioplast. "What are these?"

"That is my activation chronometer. It determines the length of time which I will remain deactivated the next time the switch is compressed. The first button designates hours, the second minutes, the third seconds. To illustrate, if you were to push the first button twice, the second one five times, and the third one ten times, I would remain deactivated for two hours, five minutes, ten seconds before automatically reactivating."

"What happens if no one sets a time limit?"

"I remain deactivated indefinitely until I am manually reactivated."

You feel a touch of sadness. You understand the purpose for him having such a sensitive device – your encounter with Lore has made you all the more understanding why Dr. Soong would have wanted a quick way to deactivate his androids – but all the same, there's something deeply, intrinsically dehumanizing at the thought of Data being casually switched on and off like a toaster. And even though it was installed for the protection of the humans around him, you can't help but consider how easy it would be to use against Data himself in the wrong hands.

"Does the device trouble you?" Data asks tenderly. He must have seen the sadness in your face.

You stroke your hand down his side. "A little bit, but I'm glad you showed me."

"It troubles you." Data cocks his head. "Because it reminds you that I am a machine?"

"Oh, no, no, of course not." You raise your hand to cup his cheek. "It's just sad for me to think of anyone wanting to switch you off." A contemplative silence stretches between you for a minute. "I guess you've probably spent your whole life with people being afraid of you, whether or not they showed it. It must have been hard for you knowing that I've been afraid of you too."

"It was not your fault," Data responds quietly. "It is reasonable to be afraid of a being who is your superior in strength, speed, and intelligence."

"I didn't say it wasn't reasonable. I said it must have been hard for you."

Data closes his eyes briefly. "Yes," he whispers. "Yes, it was…hard. You are one of the few humans who has never showed any fear towards me. But I understand the necessity for it."

"I'm not afraid of you anymore now," you say and realize it's true. All you feel is swelling fondness and compassion for the gentle android beside you.

The corners of his lips lift up, but then his face grows serious again. "If you are willing, I would like your help to provide a demonstration of how my deactivation unit functions."

You frown. "You're…asking me to turn you off?"

"Yes," Data answers simply. "I would like to make sure you know how exactly to work the device, should you ever need to use it."

Your fingers knot nervously. "OK."

"Then set my chronometer to reactive me in one minute, five seconds."

You find the little knobs under his skin and press them the appropriate amount of times.

"When you activate the switch, my hydraulics will cease to function and I will slump forward. You may catch me if you desire to do so, or you may allow me to fall forward onto the couch."

Tender sympathy touches your heart at his words. Even now he sometimes devalues himself, even with you. "I'll catch you, Data," you say firmly, making it clear that you aren't going to let him fall like an inanimate object.

He nods. "All my biofunctions will completely cease for the time that I am deactivated. Once the allotted time has passed, I will automatically reactivate." He twists a little towards you. "Do you have any questions before we proceed?"

You swallow. "Data, while you're deactivated, are you still aware of anything? Do you feel any pain?"

Data immediately shakes his head. "No on both accounts. My cognitive functions completely shut down along with my biofunctions while I am deactivated. I will not be aware of anything between the time that you deactivate me and when my systems reactivate. And I am not capable of processing the physical sensation of pain. If you were to forcibly deactivate me against my will, I would experience some measure of mental discomfort common to most sentient beings upon having their personal agency violently removed. However, in this situation and with you, I am entirely comfortable with the prospect."

"So all I do is press the switch?"

"Yes. You may proceed whenever you desire."

You place your fingers against the groove in his skin and feel the outline of the switch underneath his bioplast. Gently and more than a little nervously, you press down.

There's a soft click.

Data goes completely limp in your arms.

As you promised, you catch him as he slumps forward and lean him back against the couch, then you sit back watching.

Almost instantly, deep unease creeps over you. He's so utterly still and quiet. You've seen him sleeping before, which in and of itself is disconcerting, as his breathing is barely evident and he rarely moves in that state, but this is far worse. To watch your boyfriend go from a living, sentient being to what is essentially a frame of metal and bioplast hits you harder than you thought it would. You love that he's an android, but there is something terrible about knowing that right now the Data that you know and love doesn't truly exist. You hold his hand as the time passes.

It's a long one minute and five seconds.

The first thing you hear is the faintest whirr of his internal systems, then his neck twitches mechanically. You lean forward eagerly in time for his golden eyes to flicker back open. For a moment, his expression is blank, but then he looks into your eyes and you see recognition and fond trust in the depth of his gaze. "Y/N," he says and lifts his hand to touch your face.

You fall into his arms, hugging him close and pressing your face to him. He lifts his arms and wraps them around you in response, cuddling you to his chest. You feel his head jerk more mechanically than usual. "I apologize. After I have been deactivated, it takes approximately ten minutes for my entire system to reboot. Until then, my movements may be less smooth than what you are used to."

You squeeze him tighter. "Don't you dare apologize, you beautiful android."

You hold each other for that ten minutes as he returns fully to himself, stroking each other softly, reveling in being together like this again. After a while though, the high of all the emotions begins to mix with the fact that you are pressed very tightly against Data's very bare chest. You start to nuzzle against his collarbone, but a need for more steadily mounts inside you.

Data pulls back slightly. His movements are almost completely normal now. "Your body language, along with increases in your temperature and breathing, suggest that you are feeling romantically stimulated and that you desire a higher level of physical intimacy than what we are currently sharing. Is this accurate?"

You run a hand up the middle of his chest. "Yes, it is."

He lifts your hand gently from his chest and cradles it. "Are you certain you wish to engage in increased romantic activity with me, given the concerns you expressed to me earlier?"

You curl your fingers around his. "I feel safe with you right now, Data. And if I stop feeling safe, I know I can pull back and try another time and you'll let me. But right now, I want to try."

Data nods and releases your hand. "I will trust your judgment as far as what you deem safe and comfortable."

You smile, dropping your hand back down to his chest, which you stroke sensually as you settle yourself better in his lap. His head tilts back slightly, eyelids sinking almost closed with a flutter of white eyelashes, lips parting deliciously, that look of near-pleasure starting to form on his face. A feeling of mischievous playfulness washes over you and you lean close to him, cheek to cheek, and whisper, "Now that I know how to turn you off, shall we see if I can figure out how to turn you on?"

Data's eyes reopen and he looks at you with some puzzlement, but then his eyes slide off to the side for a moment. His eyebrows shoot up. "Ah!" he says. "I believe that is what one would call 'an innuendo'."

You ghost your fingers over his nipples, causing him to hiss pleasingly. "You know, you're getting better at that."

He cradles your hips and tugs you closer against himself, until the tip of his large nose bumps against yours. His voice is smooth and sexy. "If you desire to proceed, I think you will find that recognizing human figures of speech is not the only activity in which I have gotten 'better'." A moment later, he gives you an adorably earnest look. "That was an innuendo too."

Laughing, you cradle the back of his head. "Yeah, Data, I got that."

Without further ado, you press your lips to Data's.

His responding kiss is soft and gentle. Just as it should be. So completely and utterly Data.

As your android continues to kiss you, you can't help but think. Perhaps Lore wanted nothing more than to see you and Data torn apart, no longer able to trust one another, but right now you feel closer to him than you ever have before.

You feel safe.

---------------------------------

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deepspacedukat · 2 years

Text

Artifice Becomes Substance

So...this is a thing that my brain came up with... In my defense, Alexander Enberg plays two very sexy Vulcans.

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

Taurik (ST:TNG) x Reader

[A/N: Or what happens when you put a Vulcan in a fake dating situation with someone they already have feelings for and have been trying (unsuccessfully) to flirt with for a while.]

Warnings: Fluff, kissing, questionable use of logic to justify a faux dating scenario (blame the Vulcan, not the writer), interspecies friendship becomes interspecies relationship, human/Vulcan relationship, cultural exchange (wink wink nudge nudge), mildly suggestive language, pre-relationship fluff.

~*~

“Why do you remain largely silent when your parents are present, Ensign?” Taurik’s question caught me off guard as he took a seat beside me in Ten Forward. I looked at him over the rim of my Samarian Sunset, but the Vulcan proffered me no more than a curious look.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Forgive my impertinence, but you have never been a very successful liar.” Taurik stated looking as impassive as ever. “The last time they visited, you barely spoke in conversation when they were present, and the same has been true today. Why remain silent when you are quite capable of contributing your thoughts?”

“Sometimes I forget how perceptive you are, Taurik,” I murmured staring at my drink as though it held an answer. “It’s just...well, they’ve never been very accepting when it comes to my decisions. Anything that doesn’t conform with their ideas of what my life should be is instantly wrong to them. The same is true of our conversations. If I try to insert differing opinions or thoughts, they just talk over me anyway, so what’s the point of even attempting to speak up? They’re just going to interrupt me or ignore me, so why bother?”

“You are their daughter. Do they not respect you?” The Vulcan looked thoroughly perplexed.

“I think they still see me as a child who doesn’t know nearly as much as they - the perceived adults - do,” I explained tracing the pad of one of my fingers idly around the rim of my glass.

“You were near the top of our class at Starfleet Academy. You have received commendations and are serving on the Federation’s flagship. I do not understand how they could see you as any less than the accomplished officer that you are,” Taurik stated, but all I could manage was a shrug. “Ashayam, I–”

“There you are. We’ve been looking for you all over this infernal ship. Why you had to join Starfleet in the first place, I’ll never know.” Oh no. The sound of my mother’s voice sent me shrinking in my seat. So much for a few minutes alone with my best friend. Both of Taurik’s hands reached across the table and grasped mine firmly. When my eyes met his, there was, dare I say, an almost mischievous twinkle there to greet me.

What was Taurik doing?

“We were told that yo–oh? Who might this be?” My father asked looking pointedly at the Vulcan who was very obviously holding my hands. Taurik brought my fingers to his lips before releasing them and standing. Offering my parents a traditional Vulcan greeting, Taurik behaved as though they weren’t giving him a once over.

“Sir, Ma’am. It has been a long time, but we have in fact met before. I am Ensign Taurik, though the last time you saw me, I was a Cadet at The Academy,” he informed them as I took a subtle, bracing sip of my Samarian Sunset. “Would you care to join us? We were just discussing our plans for further intimacy later this evening.”

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head, and I barely managed to avoid choking on my drink. Glancing quickly up at my parents, I saw they were faring no better. My mother’s cheeks were burning, and my father looked as though he was going to grind his teeth to dust.

“Taurik, my parents don’t need to hear about that,” I said, and he turned to face me just long enough to toss me a wink.

“My apologies, Ashayam. I simply thought that they would be glad to hear that their daughter’s needs are well met in all areas by her mate.” I bit my tongue hard at the Vulcan’s implication, and my mother cleared her throat.

“W-We didn’t mean to interrupt. We’ll find you later, sweetheart. It was lovely meeting you, Mr. Taurik.” The way she practically fled, dragging my father along with her out of Ten Forward made a giggle burst from between my lips before I could stop it. Taurik resumed his seat once the doors had hissed closed behind them.

“That was extremely presumptuous of me, I apologize. It appeared that the only reason your parents continued to behave disrespectfully toward you was because they felt comfortable doing so. Logic suggested that if I wished to stop them, I simply needed to make them...less comfortable,” he said, and I looked at him with a silly little grin on my face. “As they enjoy belittling you in public, I thought that making them feel foolish would accomplish the task efficiently.”

“Taurik...” I trailed off as I struggled for words. How could I possibly express my gratitude when a ‘thank you’ wasn’t nearly enough? “I-I don’t know what to say.”

“I understand. I deserve your censure for taking such liberties–”

“No! No, you don’t. That’s not at all what I meant,” I said reaching over and placing my hands over his. “I’m trying to thank you, but I don’t think words are adequate. You took a risk to try and help me, and I’m more grateful than I can express.”

“You...are not offended?” The Vulcan sounded astonished even as he turned his hands so that our palms met. Taurik wasn’t usually a very tactile person, and I’d forgotten that for a moment. He didn’t seem to be in any rush to discontinue the contact, though. In fact, he seemed to be encouraging it. His fingers closed gently over mine and he leaned a little closer over the side of the table.

For a moment, and not for the first time, I wondered what it would be like to kiss him, to truly be in a relationship with him. Taurik was my closest friend, but...there had always been a desire for more than friendship on my part. Even now, I was terrified that I might do something to jeopardize our friendship. We’d met back when we were both in The Academy, and we’d gone so far as to make sure we took postings together when we graduated. Suffice it to say that I didn’t think I could take it if I lost his friendship.

“No, I’m not. I promise. I...I should ask, though, wouldn’t your betrothed be angry about this if she found out you were faking a romantic relationship with a non-Vulcan?”

“I no longer have a betrothed to anger. She ended our engagement during the final year of our Academy studies when the revelation of her sexuality rendered our arranged marriage illogical,” Taurik explained in a quiet voice. Vulcans were very private beings. I hadn’t meant to make him reveal something so personal. Hell, we’d been friends for years, so the fact that he’d chosen to hide that from even me proved that it had to be something causing him discomfort. Guilt lanced through me, but before I could express my regret, Taurik’s voice knocked me out of my thoughts. “Ensign, you have no need to apologize. There was no way you could have known. In any case, your thoughts are, as always, loud enough for me to perceive your regret.”

Oh. Oh, right. Touch telepathy was a thing for Vulcans.

“Do not be sorry for that, either. It is...enjoyable to feel your thoughts in such an unguarded manner, as illogical as that may be,” he stated, and I let out a surprised little laugh.

“And here I thought you Vulcans didn’t like chaos.”

Before Taurik could respond, however, the red alert sirens began to blare and the computer called all hands to battle stations. We were both sent sprinting to our stations, all thoughts of mischief and faux relationships forgotten for the moment as we concentrated on our duties.

Hours later when the ship was out of danger and my shift had ended, I managed to get to my quarters and steal a moment of quiet in the sonic shower. Scrubbing the day off provided a modicum of peace and helped recenter me after the chaos of the battle. Wrapped in a soft robe, I put my hair up in a clip just in time for the door chime to sound. Tying my robe a little tighter, I called for whoever it was to come in.

A slightly battle-ruffled Vulcan stood just inside my door when I exited my bedroom. Taurik seemingly froze when he saw my state of dress, and his eyes skimmed the length of my body. Although the robe was the only article of clothing I was wearing, everything was covered, and he’d seen me in less when we were in The Academy. I didn’t know what was stunning him so much, but clearly this was a new experience for him.

“Taurik? Is everything alright?” The sound of my voice seemed to shake him out of his reverie.

“I came to make sure you were alright, and to ask if you would like further assistance,” he said taking a few slow steps toward me. Tilting my head curiously, I leaned against the edge of my desk.

“With what?” Instead of answering right away, Taurik walked slowly over to me and stopped only inches from me.

“On the way to my own quarters, I overheard your parents making plans to come to yours and berate you for your lack of availability and choice of partner earlier in Ten Forward. I wondered if you’d like me to be present to...what is the human expression? ‘To take some of the warmth off of you’?” I couldn’t help but giggle a bit at his attempt to use human slang.

“Close. It’s ‘to take the heat off’ of a person,” I clarified, to which he raised an eyebrow. “Taurik, you’ve already done so much for me. I couldn’t possibly ask you to endure more of their unpleasantness.”

“You should know by now that I value our closeness, and that to assist you in such a manner is in no way taxing for me.” Taurik spoke with such ease, as if he was discussing the weather, not talking about whether or not he should continue to pretend to be intimately involved with me. I’d agreed before I’d even realized I’d spoken. “Then it might be advantageous for you to teach me how to kiss you, in case the skill should prove necessary during our deception. I do not wish for my inexperience in human courting practices to compromise you.”

I blinked in surprise at his suggestion.

“You don’t have to do that. I know you’re not too comfortable with touching and being touched on even a platonic level. I can’t imagine kissing would be any more enjoyable, especially considering the physical intimacy involved.” I didn’t want him to feel he had to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with.

“If you were the one teaching me, I do not believe I would feel uncomfortable,” he said catching my hands in his. “I assure you, Ashayam, I am a quick study.”

Feeling a whisper of anticipation fluttering in my chest, I nodded my head in agreement. I’d wanted to know what his lips felt like for so long, but...was it wrong to take advantage of his offer under these circumstances? It would be immoral to take pleasure in something he’d most likely despise, wouldn’t it? Then again, he had been the one to offer, and I’d finally have the answer to a question I’d been asking myself for years–

“Teach me, Ashayam. Please,” the Vulcan murmured looking into my eyes with an intensity I’d never seen from him before. Blinking quietly up at him, I freed one of my hands and reached slowly up to cup Taurik’s cheek.

“There’s no algorithm or formula for kissing, so just close your eyes and do what feels right,” I advised. He agreed closing his eyes, and I leaned carefully up to brush my lips against his. Taurik tensed up, and I paused, pulling back to put a little space between us. When he showed no signs of changing his mind, I kissed him a bit more solidly. After a moment’s hesitation, one of Taurik’s hands rested lightly on my waist.

A flash of thought that wasn’t my own flitted across my consciousness - broken whispers of soft...more...Ashayam.

Touch telepathy indeed. I couldn’t keep from smiling into our kiss. He wanted more? I’d happily give him what he wanted. I moved my lips gently against Taurik’s, deepening the kiss in a manner that I hoped he’d enjoy. When we eventually separated for air, Taurik looked at me through half-closed eyelids, and he gave no indication of a desire to move away from me.

Somewhere in my subconscious, I was vaguely aware that the door chime to my quarters had sounded.

“Enter,” Taurik called in a low, rough voice. If he’d been human, I’d have said that his first kiss had stirred up some emotions. As it was, though, I didn’t get a chance to mull that fact over for long. The door to my quarters hissed open and in walked my parents.

“...all the impertinence. Really, dear, you expect us to believe that Vulcan at lunch was really interested in y–” she broke off when she caught sight of Taurik and how close he was standing to me. “Oh.”

Taurik turned to face them keeping his hand on my waist. He raised one harsh eyebrow as if challenging her to finish her thought. Seeming to think better of her action, she glanced at my father and cleared her throat.

“I...We came here to invite you - er, the two of you - to a late dinner in Ten Forward.” Dinner with my parents was the last thing I wanted, but it was probably only polite of me to accept. I couldn’t possibly expect Taurik to endure such suffering, though.

“It really depends on what you’d like to do, Taurik. I know we had plans,” I murmured.

“I see no reason why our plans cannot be postponed until after we eat, Ashayam,” the Vulcan answered tilting my chin up so I was looking into his eyes. How the hell could I argue when such a handsome Vulcan was being so persuasive?

“Does she ever cease talking, Ashayam?” The question in Taurik’s voice floated into my mind, and made me blink in surprise. Schooling my expression, I glanced over at the Vulcan holding my hand and he raised an eyebrow as if to give me a subtle nudge toward answering the question. So, I hadn’t imagined it.

“No, I’m afraid she doesn’t. What does ‘Ashayam’ mean, anyway? I’ve been wanting to ask you that for years.” I projected the thoughts his way, hoping he could hear me. With a gentle squeeze of my fingers, Taurik stole my breath with his answer.

“I would not have asked the question if I would not be able to hear your response. The term means ‘beloved.’” I felt my cheeks start burning at Taurik’s implication.

“Taurik, you’ve been calling me that since we graduated. There’s no way. Are you trying to tell me that you’ve been calling me your beloved all this time?” Trepidation gripped me at the possibility that I’d been unaware of something so significant for such a long time. Had he felt how much I wished that he had meant it? Taurik silently brought my hand to his lips.

“I did, and I have been, although, I fear I have not made my position clear. We must talk when your parents retire to their quarters for the night. I have not been as forthright as I intended to be.” Taurik’s grip on my hand tightened just a little, and I took comfort in the physical contact for the moment.

“Are you even listening to me?” My mother’s voice snapped me back to reality, and I replied with a dutiful ‘yes, mother.’ She began to drone on again, and my thoughts drifted back to the first time I’d ever heard him call me that.

About a week before graduation, I’d caught up to Taurik after class. He’d been chatting with Boothby in the courtyard when I took a seat next to him beneath the shade of the tree they were both sitting under.

“Well, hello there, Cadet. I was beginning to wonder when you were going to show up. You and Mister Stoic here are practically inseparable,” the groundskeeper said with a sly smile. “Taurik was just telling me that you both got assigned to the Enterprise.”

“Yes, sir,” I confirmed giving both my companions a little smile.

“You’ll have to tell Jean-Luc that his old friend Boothby said hello.” Jean-Luc? As in Captain Picard? We’d likely never get the chance to speak with him, but I heard Taurik agreeing to pass the message along.

“How was your final examination, Ashayam? It was temporal mechanics, if memory serves, was it not?” Taurik inquired, and I blinked. He’d never called me that before. It sounded like a Vulcan term, but I didn’t want to make myself seem any more foolish than he probably already thought that I was.

“I think I did alright, but only time will tell, if you’ll pardon the expression,” I answered, and Boothby let out a rough huff of amusement. He’d doubtless heard that before. Taurik merely raised an eyebrow in his usual, sardonic, Vulcan way.

“I’ve got some rose bushes to tend to. I’ll see you kids at graduation,” Boothby said as he drew himself to his feet. “Don’t celebrate too hard, y’hear? And Cadet Taurik...think about what I told you. I may not be a Vulcan, but I am an old man who’s seen his fair share of people. Only a fool would let go of something like that without a fight. So are you a Vulcan or a fool?”

“A Vulcan, sir,” Taurik answered as his cheeks went green, and with an approving nod, Boothby ambled away to attend to his duties.

I had always wondered what that comment had been about, but knowing he’d called me his beloved right in front of Boothby...that changed the way I viewed our friendship’s evolution.

Before I knew it, dinner had ended, and my parents were heading back to their quarters, leaving Taurik and I to our own devices. Once we had returned to my quarters, he coaxed me into sitting with him.

“I...thought that given our history together, my intentions would have been obvious given my behavior. As I am not familiar with human mating rituals, I was quite clearly mistaken,” Taurik said looking at me carefully for a reaction. “Over the years of our friendship, I have found you to be singularly diverting. Our hours together have been most enjoyable, and I do not seem to tire of your presence as I do with others. I have been wondering with increasing frequency if you would be interested in altering our relationship from platonic to romantic.”

Was he asking me out?

“Taurik, how long have you felt like this?” I asked as his hands covered mine on my lap.

“The thought first occurred to me briefly several months into our acquaintance and has only gained a stronger foothold since the day my betrothal ended. After which, I attempted to make my feelings known by behaving in a more familiar manner with you than with anyone else. I cannot imagine myself being bonded to anyone but you,” Taurik explained skimming his thumbs over the backs of my hands. “When you kissed me earlier this evening, I found it exceedingly difficult to control my emotions...and, if I may be so bold, your thoughts indicated that you enjoyed it as well.”

“I did,” I admitted barely louder than a breath. “I’d wanted to do that since the day we met.”

“Then would you like to give the new parameters an attempt?” He asked sounding almost hopeful. Biting my lower lip nervously, I nodded my head. With my hands in his grasp, Taurik gently manipulated my fingers until both hands were forming some sort of reciprocal gesture against his. Two fingers were straight and two fingers were bent beneath his. Before I could ask, Taurik touched his forehead to mine and spoke as his two extended fingers caressed mine. “You taught me how humans kiss. This is the Vulcan equivalent.”

Carefully, and a good deal slower, I copied his movements. Somehow this felt even more intimate and meaningful than kissing. After a few long moments, Taurik caught my hands in his and threaded our fingers together. My lips parted to ask if I’d done something wrong with the finger gesture thing, but before I could, he kissed my thoughts away. My heart thudded so loudly in my chest that surely Taurik could hear it.

By the time we separated for air, I was trembling lightly in his grasp. Bracing my hands lightly on his shoulders, I looked up at my Vulcan lover curiously.

“Taurik? What was it that Boothby said to you that day? Not much could have made you blush like that.” Even now, the question brought a flood of bright green to his cheeks.

“He suggested that I...’get a move on’ and ‘snatch you up’ before someone else beat me to it,” he admitted, and I couldn’t stop a surprised laugh. Of course Boothby had seen through him. He’d seen through me easily enough, so why not Taurik too? “Can I assume that I did not wait too long?”

Instead of a vocal answer, I caught his lips in a gentle kiss.

#deepspacedukat fic #taurik #ensign taurik #taurik x reader #fluff #pre-relationship fluff #fake dating #a Vulcan tries fake dating #to try and help his best friend who he just happens to have feelings for

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