i was just thinking. what do you feel when you watch/read the lord of the rings, the hobbit?
I feel hope. not the kind of hope you'd get in a church, or somewhere else like. it's the kind of hope that comes swiftly; something that you realise was always there, but you never notice until you're watching once again lady galadriel say that even the smallest person can change the course of the future.
just think about it for a second. what do you feel when you see those big wargs, scary uruks, ugly orcs? when you hear the screaming of goblins flying from the balrog of moria? the screaming of the nazgul? the darkness of mordor all around? there's so much darkness. so much fear, so much hatred. and then you find yourself asking /the question/, as if you were there: how can the good prevail over such evil?
but you know it can. because you imagine the green forests of the shire, you imagine mirkwood and what's become of it - you know that even in it's darkest times you'd still like to go there and see -, you think of rivendell and lothlorien, of the little shire rivers, of the things that grow. you think of beautiful things and you know that they are real, that they exist in real life, and that they are worth fighting for. that they are worth living for. that all of those monsters we see - orcs, goblins, balrog, uruks, trolls, nazguls, wargs, the dark lord himself, and even a dragon: you know that they represent the dangers of the world, the real world, that we must face even when we feel small. even when we are the smallest of all the small people. even when we are afraid, even when darkness seems to close in. we must fight for the good that are inside of us, for the good that is still out there. for those little rivers and mountains, for those green forests that might not be green for long now.
that's how tolkien's stories give me hope.
sometimes all I wish is to be bilbo baggins stepping out of his comfortable hobbit hole to an unknown adventure; and then I remember im already in one, in more than one, and I'm as brave as a baggins or a took. all of us are. 'cause are there any doctors or pills in middle earth to save frodo from his fears, his anxiety, his burden? is there anything to help sam control his anger? there's only love. love that we also carry. we might have all the science in our pocket, but we also have love. and it's love and friendship that take us back home.
and if frodo and sam can walk from the shire to rivendell and then to mordor, i can walk down the stairs of my building to go to work. if merry and pippin can fight a wizard with water and rocks (and trees), i can fight my own imaginary wizards throwing imaginary rocks at them and screaming fuck you saruman.
aragorn can resist the calling of the ring. I can resist the calling of the window.
legolas can give up his prince life to live on the road with a rider. I can give up the comforts of home to face the world outside. to discover what's out there and what it has to teach me.
just like gandalf told bilbo, the world isn't in my books or maps. it's out there. and I wanna see it, no matter how dangerous it is. there's still beautiful things amongst all this evil - there are still things worth fighting for. and when you're done with it all, when you're sitting in your rocking chair by the fireplace, you'll remember those dreads you faced as something so small, but that made a huge difference. it wasn't as impossible as i thought, was it? I just had to keep walking.
you'll also remember all the good you have seen, experienced and shared with others. then your chest will be filled with warmth, and you'll know that there's nothing you would've done different. you would step out of that door and do it all again if you had the chance, 'cause now you know:
there is always hope.
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