#sarah j mas

[rayna-s]

#acotar memes #rhysand #feyre #acotar #sarah j mas #rhysand and feyre #relatable #booktok

[loveyourownsmiilee]

Resource for Important Buck & Eddie Episodes:

Hello friends! Tis I, back with another compilation. This time I was asked by a lovely follower if there was a list of important Buddie episodes, so I decided to make one because I’m not sure if there are. I also had another follower ask me if I could highlight pro Buddie writers & directors, which I’ve also done. Blue is pro Buddie writers & red is pro Buddie directors. When I say “Pro Buddie”, I just mean that some of their directions can be seen as them angling the romantic route. Again these are all just my own opinions based off what we’ve seen come to play on the show. It just helps you distinguish who can be seen as writing these guys a little bit more than platonic, and who doesn’t. Because this is very lengthy, I have included it all under the cut. I hope you guys enjoy!!

•2.01-“Under Pressure” written by Tim Minear & Brad Falchuk // Directed by Gwyneth Horder-Payton

Need I say more??? Eddie introduced through Buck’s eyes WHILE HE IS PUTTING ON A SHIRT. They have some heated words in the gym while they’re trying to get a rise out of each other. The episode ends with Eddie complimenting Buck and him blushing like a little boy with a crush. SO CUTE! The start of their partnership.

• 2.02-“7.1” // Written by Zachary Reiter // Directed by Bradley Buecker

Eddie is hesitant to tell Buck he has a son for some reason (totally not because he’s worried about what this new crush may think) and to his surprise, Buck is completely delighted. He spends the whole episode comforting Eddie about the safety of his son. Buck literally imprinted on the Diaz boys in this episode.

• 2.03-“Help Is Not Coming” // Written by Zachary Reiter & Tim Minear // Directed by Bradley Buecker

Buck and Eddie working seamlessly during the quake. The most important part of this episode is Buck taking Eddie to pick up his son. It’s so wholesome and the whole moment in which he’s watching Eddie and Christopher reunite is heartwarming. Literally the beginning of the Buckley-Diaz family trio we all know and love.

• 2.04-“Stuck” // Written by John J Gray // Directed by Sarah Boyd

Eddie is struggling with child care because his Abuela ends up in the hospital after watching Chris. What does Buck do?!?! He tells Bobby ahead of time that they’ll be bringing Chris to the fire station. That little cute moment of Chris sliding down the pole with Buck and Eddie helping is so precious. Then he introduces Eddie to Carla because he wanted to help him. Like are you kidding me?!?!! I love this episode so much, especially when you consider how flirty they were throughout it.

• 2.10-“Merry Ex-Mas” // Written by Christopher Monfette // Directed by Brad Buecker

So much goodness in this episode! We get a glimpse of jealous Buck when he finds out Shannon is back and *gasp* is sleeping with her estranged husband. We have that cute Buckley-Diaz family moment with the Christmas elf mistaking them as a family and Buck being all adorable and not correcting her. We get Eddie offering up his marital problems as if he has to explain himself to Buck lol. Sooo much goodness in this episode.

• 2.13-“Fight or Flight” // Written by Kristen Reidel // Directed by Millicent Shelton

I’m only including this for the sole purpose of when Buck was in hospital jail and distraught because his sister was missing, they had Eddie be the one to come in and talk to him. This was like the first real time we saw Eddie be Buck’s person for any and all times he’s needed someone to lean on. I love their moment together in the hospital.

• 2.18-"This Life We Choose" // Written by Tim Minear // Directed by Brad Buecker

Not a hugely important Buddie episode but like Eddie just lost his wife and then has to witness his partner stuck under a whole firetruck. He looked like he wanted to cry so bad. And the fact that a trained medic who could have helped them lift the truck off Buck, sat there and held Buck's hand, providing him comfort was just everything. Don't even talk about how when Bobby comes back and they're all talking about how everything is back to normal, Eddie looks sad when he says, "Almost." THEN THE FIRST EVER BUDDIE HUG!! Buck was in so much pain, still recovering but he could NOT miss Eddie's little ceremony and it was just so freakin sweet I cannot.

• 3.01-"Kids Today" // Written by Kristen Reidel // Directed by Jennifer Lynch

THE INTIMATE BUDDIE HUG!!! Chris making Buck a card while Eddie watches fondly. Then Eddie takes Christopher to Buck’s house to help him get out of his depressive funk. Peak wholesome Buck and Chris scenes that eventually lead to one of the best story arcs of the show!!

• 3.02-"Sink of Swim" // Written by Juan Carlos Coto (JCC) // Directed by Brad Buecker

Buck and Christopher in the aftermath of the tsunami. Eddie thinking they’re ok the entire time. Buck acting like a whole ass parent and jumping into the water to search for Chris. Ahhh I love this episode!!

• 3.03-"The Searchers" // Written by David Fury // Directed by Chad Lowe

Buck searching for Christopher the entire episode. Him crying while trying to tell Eddie he lost Chris. Eddie’s lone tear at the thought of his son being gone. The Christopher and Eddie reunion while Buck crashes. THE ENDING WHERE THEY COME HOME TO BUCK!! “Buck, there’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more, than you.” 🥺

• 3.05-"Rage" // Written by Lyndsey Beaulieu // Directed by Jann Turner

All I’m saying is divorce at the grocery store. “No but he filed a stupid lawsuit and now I can’t even talk to you because of it. You know how much Christopher misses you?! How could you, you’re not around.” LITERALLY HOW IS THIS REAL?!?

• 3.06-"Monsters" // Written by Christopher Monfette // Directed by Tina Mabry

The make up after the divorce. I loved this so much. Their little hug in the end where Buck just wanted to hold onto him a little longer but Eddie was in so much pain.

• 3.09-"Fallout" // Written by JCC // Directed by Marcus Stokes

THE KITCHEN SCENE™️

• 3.10-"Christmas Spirit" // Written by Andrew Meyers // Directed by Alonso Alvarez-Barreda

So many Buckley-Diaz family feels with this one. Buck making gingerbread houses with the boys while Eddie looks in like a lovesick fool. Buck helping his boys be together for Christmas!! Then, them opening presents with their son 🥹

• 3.11-"Seize The Day" // Written by Lyndsey Beaulieu // Directed by Sarah Boyd

“This is Eddie’s house. I’m not really a guest.” NO he’s not because he lives there, duh. I mean who even?!? They’re so married it’s not even funny.

• 3.12-"Fools" // Written by Andrew Meyers // Directed by David Grossman

Buck helping Eddie think of new ways in which Christopher can enjoy the things he wants to. The little family skateboarding scene in the end 🥹

• 3.15-"Eddie Begins" // Written by Robert M. Williams, Jr. & Christopher Monfette // Directed by Robert M. Williams, Jr.

This episode is literal gold. Just everything about it is so wonderfully done. What platonic best friend wouldn’t dig through 30 feet of wet earth while screaming at the top of their lungs for their best friend who’s been buried?!?! Totally platonic behavior right there 👀

• 3.18-"What's Next?" // Written by JCC & Kristen Reidel // Directed by Jennifer Lynch

Buck being a concerned parent over sending Christopher to camp!! I love the little glimpses we get of them coparenting. Jealous Eddie my absolute beloved. No seriously, just an hour of Eddie being so petty and jealous while worrying over his dumb partner. Then, the party after where they take cute pictures and enjoy themselves!!

• 4.03-"Future Tense" // Written by Andrew Meyers // Directed by Marita Grabiak

The entire Buckley-Diaz family scene at the Diaz residence?!? Buck and Eddie acting like coparents while Chris is his adorable self. One of the first episodes in which you really see their coparenting dynamic and it’s wonderful.

• 4.04-"9-1-1, What's Your Grievance?" // Written by Nadia Abass-Madden // Directed by Brenna Malloy

Eddie being the one there for Buck when he’s dealing with the aftermath of the horrible family dinner with his parents. The entire scene where Eddie is comforting him at the station gym and looking at Buck with such fondness will never not be old.

• 4.05-"Buck Begins" // Written by JCC // Directed by Jann Turner

Literally love Eddie in this episode. I know people say he was barely in it, but he was in it in such a profound way. Him reassuring Buck he’s not defective and that it’s not his fault he couldn’t save his brother. Being the first one to grab the line and help Buck save the guy. The whole “No, I know you did”. AHHH SUCH A FOND FOOL IN LOVE!!

• 4.08-"Breaking Point" // Written by Bob Goodman // Directed by David Grossman

Once again, coparenting at its finest. Christopher calling an actual Uber to run away from his dad, to his other dad!!!! Screamingggg!!! And Eddie immediately asking Buck for help when he can’t find him 🥺

• 4.12-"Treasure Hunt" // Written by Bob Goodman // Directed by David Grossman

Some good, peak jealous Eddie in this one. I love how he used his pretty face into convincing Buck to let him team up with him and the reporter. He was also jealous and we love when Eddie’s jealous.

• 4.13-"Suspicion" // Written by Lyndsey Beaulieu & Andrew Meyers // Directed by Brenna Malloy

This will forever be one of my all time favorite, and most iconic Buddie episodes. The shooting scene™️ I can go on and on about the brilliance of this scene. I mean choices were made and I love every single one of them.

• 4.14-"Survivors" // Written by Kristen Reidel // Directed by Robert M. Williams, Jr.

Buck telling Chris about his father!! Buck breaking down in front of Chris!!! Buck staying and watching after Chris!!! Eddie waking up and asking for Buck!!!! THE WILL REVEAL!!! “Because, Evan”!!!! SO MUCH GOODNESS!!!

• 5.01-"Panic" // Written by Tim Minear & JCC // Directed by Brad Buecker

I’m including this because it’s very important to Buddie’s progression. We have them heavily staring at each other like they wanna jump each others bones in the station. Then Eddie has an actual panic attack because of the idea of a ready made family with his girlfriend. Then Buck being a concerned partner and inquiring why Eddie was in the hospital!!! So much goodness.

• 5.02-"Desperate Times" // Written by Lyndsey Beaulieu & Andrew Meyers // Directed by Brad Buecker

Buck basically telling Eddie to break up with his girlfriend by using himself as a metaphor. Mhmmm sure. And then the whole Buck and Chris hug is so precious to me!! I just love it so much.

• 5.03-"Desperate Measure" // Written by Kristen Reidel // Directed by Ben Hernandez Bray

Eddie literally telling Buck he’s gonna go break up with Ana will never not be iconic. And then him telling Ana to go home just makes it more iconic.

• 5.04-"Home and Away" // Written by Bob Goodman // Directed by Brenna Malloy

Eddie being the one who was there for Buck, again, when he needed someone, is everything especially considering Buck had a whole ass girlfriend at this time. Eddie confirming that he knows Buck by telling him he’s the guy who likes to fix things is such married behavior. And the whole “Ice goes on the eye bud” AHHH so much affection in those words.

• 5.06-"Brawl in Cell Block 9-1-1" // Written by Andrew Meyers // Directed by Paula Hunziker

Buck and Eddie literally taken hostage together!!!! The captor immediately going after their Achilles heel and threatening their son. Buck becoming a protective papa bear and getting hit with the back of the gun!! Pretty boy and the kid!!! Buck screaming and running after Eddie because he thought he got shot again!! Brilliance. Andrew always has our back!!

• 5.10-"Wrapped in Red" // Written by Lyndsey Beaulieu & Nadia Abass-Madden // Directed by Brenna Malloy

Eddie struggling with Christopher’s behavior and once again confiding in Buck. Because Buck is his person and he tells him everything, especially when it comes to Chris. Then the ending where Eddie tells them he’s leaving and Buck looks heartbroken!!! Oh the angst.

• 5.11-"Outside Looking In" // Written by Bob Goodman // Directed by Shauna Duggins

The Buckley Diaz family dinner in which Eddie may or may not have positioned his husband’s girlfriend’s food lol. He was so petty I can’t. The kitchen conversation between the two of them where Buck tells Eddie he doesn’t have to pretend with him. Don’t even get me started about the ending scene where Eddie comes, sees Buck and immediately smiles because he’s happy. But then leaves because he doesn’t want to damper Buck’s happiness.

• 5.13-"Fear-o-Phobia" // Written by Andrew Meyers & JCC // Directed by Marcus Stokes

Literally BUCK BROKE DOWN THE DOOR TO GET TO EDDIE!! Because Christopher called him instead of 911 and Buck immediately dropped what he was doing and ran to his boys. I will never get over Eddie allowing Buck to see him at his most vulnerable because that really is a sign of pure unconditional love and trust.

• 5.14-"Dumb Luck" // Written by Taylor Wong // Directed by John J Gray

Buck being Christopher’s and Eddie’s backbone through Eddie’s recovery with his ptsd!!! Coloring with Christopher while Eddie’s at therapy is such a dad thing. The whole “I misunderstood the assignment” thing with his drawn heart. Ahhhh chewing glass. Then the equine therapy family outing. Like they’re a whole ass family.

• 5.16-"May Day" // Written & Directed by JCC

Just Buck and Eddie being partners again as if no time has passed. Eddie seamlessly working beside Buck like he’s meant to be there. Them helping save Bobby is just everything and more. And the scene where Buck chose to stand by Eddie’s side while his girlfriend and the woman he cheated on her with have a talk. Not suspicious or weird at all.

• 5.18-"Starting Over" // Written & Directed by Kristen Reidel

Buck helping Eddie fix up the holes in his walls because he’s the guy who likes to fix things. Eddie helping him out in return with his relationship troubles because at the end of the day, those two always have each others back.

• 6.01-"Let The Games Begin" // Written by Andrew Meyers // Directed by Jann Turner

THE BUCKLEY DIAZ FAMILY DINNER SCENE!!! THE COUCH THEORY!!! SO MUCH FORESHADOWING!! I love this episode so much!!

• 6.10-"In A Flash" // Written by JCC // Directed by Brad Buecker

No thoughts, just Buck getting struck by lightning and Eddie screaming his name 5 times, while running up the ladder to get to him. Let’s also remember that Eddie had also been thrown off the ladder but didn’t hesitate to go after his partner and then tried to PULL HIM UP TO HIM 🥺 Also Eddie calling Buck a cowboy before the lightning hit is so funny because the man was flirting!!!

• 6.11-"In Another Life" // Written by Lyndsey Beaulieu // Directed by Joaquín Sedillo & Jann Turner

Eddie being the one to eventually get Buck’s heart to start again is some soulmate type shit. The iconic “DO MORE” while the doctors are wheeling Buck into the operating room. Let’s not forget Eddie grieving like an actual widow with his all black attire, grown facial hair and the tears. Then smuggling Christopher in to see his other parent and not being able to look at Buck is heartbreaking. His immediate happiness and awkward flirting once Buck is back is typical Eddie being a gay disaster but we love him.

• 6.12-"Recovery" // Written by Andrew Meyers // Directed by John J Gray

Buck going to his safe place which happens to be Eddie’s house to escape all his guests!!! Falling asleep immediately once he gets settled in on Eddie’s COUCH!!! Then the talk about the shooting and Buck being so honest with only Eddie. I mean come onnn.

• 6.13-"Mixed Feelings" // Written by Stacey Rose // Directed by Jihane Mrad Balaa

The Buckley Diaz family scene where they’re helping Chris with his homework is soooo sweet. And the fucking sexy poker date game, whatever you wanna call it. They looked so hot and what for huh?!? Eddie looked like he wanted to jump Buck’s bones the entire night. And then finally the ending scene with Buck and Chris being a literal father and son while they baked cookies!! I mean it’s all there in front of us.

These are the episodes we have aired so far. But I will include the remaining episodes of season 6 with the writers and directors and let you all decide for yourself whether or not those episodes will be good for us in terms of Buddie!

• 6.15-“Death and Taxes” // Written by Taylor Wong // Directed by Greg Sirota

• 6.16-“Lost and Found” // Written by Lyndsey Beaulieu // Directed by Brenna Malloy

• 6.17-“Love Is In The Air” // Written & Directed by JCC

• 6.18-“Pay It Forward” // Written by Andrew Meyers & Nicole Barraza Keim // Directed by Brad Buecker

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #911 on fox #911 meta #buddie meta #buddie resources #911 resources #911 episode guide #i’m back with another deep dive #will I ever learn?!? no #I wanted to include a gif for every episode BUT TUMBLR DID NOT ALLOW ME #also I hope I didn’t forget any episodes but these I feel like are the most pivotal #long post

[mia-nina-lilly]

Bryce X Athalar is better than any ACoTaR couple

After finishing HOFAS, I couldn't help but think about the discrepancy between the dynamics of Bryce X Hunt, Rhysand X Feyre, and Cassian X Nesta. Bryce and Hunt are indeed ahead of the latter two – they are not a perfect couple, far from it actually, but their inconsistencies make them more real because real people make mistakes, real people have fears and desires, and sometimes, some of them are selfish. Bryce and Hunt, despite reflecting reality, are still fictional characters in a fictional plot – nothing less than the heroes of it, and therefore, if the author intends to keep them together, she must make them an example of a good relationship in the eyes of the readers, which indeed SJM did with them, making them support and protect each other, esteem and respect each other despite their difficulties.

However, the same did not happen with Feysand or Nessian. Truth be told, it seems like the author made an effort to hide the many imperfections that both ACoTaR couples possess. So far, since I had read this saga first, I thought Sarah J. was incapable of understanding what a healthy relationship was. After all, Feyre was not only sexually abused by Rhysand but also physically and psychologically tortured by him in the first book, besides having her choice regarding their baby stolen from her, and Cassian, who judged Tamlin so much, never volunteered to support Nesta if it meant going against the Inner Circle, besides, obviously, judging Nesta at every turn and serving as her jailer for much of ACoSF, almost never saying or doing anything to defend her from Rhysand's fury – things that, under no circumstances, should be an example for any reader, especially considering that most are young and may not have the necessary insight to understand that it is not good and should not be romanticized.

That is, reading CC3 was quite surprising. I expected that, given the subplot between Bryce and Hunt, and also given SJM's pattern and history, Hunt would end up taking some improper action towards Bryce. However, that was not what happened. If this means any turning point in the events of the next ACoTaR book, it's a very, very welcome development.

Bryce X Athalar é melhor que qualquer casal de ACoTaR

Após terminar HOFAS, fiquei pensando na discrepância existente entre a dinâmica Bryce X Hunt, Rhysand X Feyre e Cassian X Nestha. Bryce e Hunt de fato estão a frente dos últimos dois – eles não são um casal perfeito, longe disso aliás, mas esta ou aquela incongruência que possuem os torna mais reais, porque pessoas reais cometem erros, pessoas reais têm medos e desejos e, às vezes, alguns deles são egoístas. Bryce e Hunt, apesar de refletirem a realidade, ainda são personagens fictícios em uma trama fictícia – nada menos do que os heróis dela, e, portanto, se a autora pretende mantê-los juntos, deve fazê-los como um exemplo de bom relacionamento ante os olhos dos leitores, o que, de fato, SJM fez com eles, fazendo-os apoiar e proteger um ao outro, estimar e respeitar um ao outro apesar de suas dificuldades.

Todavia, o mesmo não aconteceu com Feysand ou Nessian. A bem da verdade, parece que a autora se esforçou para esconder as muitas e muitas imperfeições que ambos ambos os casais de ACoTaR possuem. Até o momento, como eu tinha lido esta saga primeiro, achei que Sarah J. fosse incapaz de entender o que era um relacionamento saudável. Afinal de contas, Feyre não apenas foi sexualmente abusada por Rhysand, como também foi física e psicologicamente torturada por ele no primeiro, fora ter roubado sua escolha em relação ao bebê deles, e Cassian, que tanto julgou Tamlin, nunca se prontificou a apoiar Nestha se isso significasse se colocar contra o Círculo Íntimo, além, obviamente, de julgar Nestha a todo e qualquer momento e servir como carcereiro para ela em boa parte de ACoSF, quase nunca dizendo ou fazendo algo para defendê-la da fúria de Rhysand – coisas que, sob hipótese alguma, deviam ser exemplo para algum leitor, ainda mais se levarmos em conta que a maioria são jovens que não têm a perspicácia necessária para entender que aquilo não é bom e tampouco deve ser romantizado.

Isto é, ler CC3 foi bastante surpreendentemente. Eu esperava que, dada a subtrama entre Bryce e Hunt, e também dado ao padrão e ao histórico de SJM, Hunt acabasse tomando alguma medida indevida em relação à Bryce. Porém, não foi o que aconteceu. Se isso significa alguma guinada nos eventos do próximo livro de ACoTaR, é muito, muito lucro

#hofas spoilers #cc hofas #hofas #anti sjm #or not yet #anti feysand #anti rhysand #anti feyre #feysand #feysand ins't cool #nessian #nestha archeron #cassian #rhysand #feyre archeron #bryce quinlan #hunt athalar #bryce x hunt #acotar #acosf #a court of thorns and roses

[azsazz]

Book Recs

Heyoooo, since I've finished my reading goal for the year I thought i would share what i've read and what i rated them, if anyone's looking for book recs! :) *Also, these are MY personal opinions so don't come for me if you don't agree*

The Cruel Prince Series (3), Holly Black — ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Psycho Shifters Series (3), Jasmine Mas ⭐️⭐️

Court of the Vampire Queen, Katee Robert ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Bonds that Tie Series (6), J. Bree ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ice Planet Barbarians (1-3), Ruby Dixon ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Helyfyre, Mariel Pomeroy ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Gild (Currently 4 out), Raven Kennedy ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Serpent & The Wings of Night (2), Carissa Broadbent ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Twisted Games, Ana Huang ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Fourth Wing, Rebecca Yarros ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Crescent City, House of Sky and Breath, Sarah J. Maas ⭐️⭐️

Heavenly Bodies (2), Imani Erriu ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Ritual, Shantel Tessier ⭐️⭐️

Throne of Glass Series (8), Sarah J. Maas ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Haunting Adeline, H. D. Carlton ⭐️

A Soul of Ash and Blood, Jennifer L. Armentrout ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Triple Duty Bodyguards, Lily Gold ⭐️⭐️⭐️

King of Battle and Blood (2), Scarlett St. Clair ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Three Swedish Mountain Men, Lil Gold ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Corrupt Series (6), Penelope Douglas ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

My Roommate is a Vampire, Jenna Levine ⭐️

Cruel Seduction, Katee Robert ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Faking with Benefits, Lily Gold ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Nanny for the Neighbors, Lily Gold ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Legacy of God series by Rina Kent ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (the newest book (5/6) is 5 stars I loved it)

King of Wrath by Ana Huang ⭐️

Assistant to the Villain by Hannah Nicole Maeher ⭐️

Credence by Penelope Douglas ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Sacrifice by Shantel Tessier ⭐️⭐️

Icebreaker and Wildfire by Hannah Grace ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Deal by Elle Kennedy ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

To Kill a Shadow by Katherine Quinn ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

#azsazz book recs

[girlmostlikely]

- Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica

- The Stranger by Albert Camus

- Dead Inside by Chandler Morrison

- The End of Alice by A.M. Homes

- Amygdalatropolis by B.R. Yeager

- A Certain Hunger by Chelsea G. Summers

- Hysteria by Jessica Gross

- Bunny by Mona Awad

- Cockroach by Rawi Hage

- A Girl is a Half-formed Thing by Eimear McBride

- Binary Star by Sarah Gerard

- Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead by Olga Tokarczuk

- Girlhood by Melissa Febos

- The Chronology of Water by Lidia Yuknavitch

- Very Important People by Ashley Mears

- Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata

- Severance by Ling Ma

- A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

- The New Me by Halle Butler

- The Well by Elizabeth Jolley

- Milk Fed by Melissa Broder

- Boy Parts by Eliza Clark

- Hidden Pictures by Jason Rekulak

- The Girls by Emma Cline

- Rape Girl by Alina Klein

- The Sluts by Dennis Cooper

- Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke by Eric LaRocca

- Comfort Me with Apples by Catherynne M. Valente

- Gone to See the River Man by Kristopher Triana

- Come Closer by Sara Gran

- Milk Teeth by Jessica Andrews

- Black Swans by Eve Babitz

- Negative Space by B.R. Yeager

- PenPal by Dathan Auerbach

- The Secret History by Donna Tartt

- Sick Fux by Tillie Coke

- I Can Be a Better You by Tarryn Fisher

- Any Man by Amber Tamblyn

- Being Lolita: A Memoir by Alisson Wood

- Woom by Duncan Raiston

- Brother by Ania Ahlborn

- The Slob by Aron Beauregard

- Cows by Matthew Stroke

- Tampa by Alissa Nutting

- The Consumer by Michael Girls

- Talia by Daniel J. Volpe

- Hogg by Samuel R. Delany

- The Troop by Nick Cutter

- My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

- Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk

- The Final Girl Support Group by Grady Hendrix

- Earthlings by Sayaka Murata

- The Idiot by Elif Batuman

[aficionadoenthusiast]

everybody loves you now (1971) - billy joel // heir of fire (2014) - sarah j. maas // hey look ma, i made it (2018) - p!atd // the great gatsby (1925) - f. scott fitzgerald // the barbie movie (2023) - gerwig/robbie // red, white & royal blue (2019) - casey mcquiston // simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda (2015) - becky albertalli // the song of achilles (2011) - madeline miller

on being an idea

#web weaving #billy joel #heir of fire #sjm #aelin galathynius #dorian havilliard #chaol westfall #rwrb #firstprince #acd #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #prince henry #the great gatsby #jay gatsby #nick carraway #barbie #barbie 2023 #barbie movie #greta gerwig #the barbie movie #simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda #simon spier #daisy buchanan #tsoa #patchilles #patrochilles #patroclus #achilles #love simon

[highpri3stess]

The day I see someone reading from an underrated author that is actually good and giving a review on their book instead of reading another shitty CoHo book to shit on it, is the day I will start watching book reviewers again.

I can't even get good recs anymore. It's just CoHo and Sarah J Mas- who gives a fuck? If i read an author once and they're shit, I'll never pick their book again. I'd rather read what I like than make myself miserable powering through a book.

#monica.speaks ♡ #book youtubers cmon

[aroaessidhe]

someone on tiktok following me and commenting like five times on different videos, starting with “omg have you heard of ‘ a court of tho/rns and roses by sarah j ma/as? you should totally read it and do fanart!’ and ending with “i love finding new artists on here, we should all support each other, wanna be friends?”

please send help. I don’t want to be rude but oh god. im sorry i don’t think this will work out

#laya talks #read the room bestie #i am begging you #can i get away with ignoring it

[okeutocalma]

Vi que os pedidos estão abertos 👀👀👀

Poderia fazer uma imagine ou Headcanon (qualquer um está bom) com Aizawa com um companheiro com a peculiaridade felina?

Aizawa Shouta.

[Me referi ao leitor como híbrido tmb]

As aulas demoraram mais alguns dias para voltar. 

Esses dois dias se passaram sem nada digno importante acontecendo, principalmente apenas [Nome] deitado na janela e lendo os livros romances - corte de névoa e fúria da Sarah J Maas - do seu quarto com seu marido.

— Amor! — o híbrido foi tirado de seus pensamentos e rapidamente olhou para o marido. Eles estavam sentados na varanda de seu apartamento.

[Nome] olhou para baixo e notou que ele estava a um pequeno movimento de derrubar seu telefone da pequena mesinha.

 — Desculpe querido. —

Suas pupilas afinadas, a cauda felpuda balançava de maneira calma e descontraída.

O moreno pegou o telefone e o enfiou no bolso. 

— Controle-se. — Ele falou enquanto você levantava a mão. — Não! — Ele rapidamente o golpeou sua mão antes que ela tocasse no rosto.

Shouta levou a mão em sua cabeça e fez um carinho atrás da sua orelha, [Nome] ronronou e colocou a cabeça na mesa. 

— Você é ridículo. — 

· · • • • ✤ • • • · ·

A água estava confortavelmente quente, [Nome] finalmente sentiu seus músculos relaxarem após um longo dia de patrulha.

Felizmente, não havia acontecido muita coisa, para a felicidade do gatuno, e assim eles voltaram mais cedo do que o normal.

Isso deixou o híbrido e seu marido com um raro tempo de inatividade após um jantar.

 Houve uma batida em sua porta. Antes que ele pudesse responder, porém, a porta se abriu.

Imerso confortavelmente na água morna, [Nome] estendeu a mão para alguns sabonetes. 

 

— Amor? Tá ai? — Shouta perguntou quando se deparou com um quarto vazio, já que o banheiro ficava atrás de um biombo do outro lado do quarto. 

O herói Eraserhead, no entanto, não esperou por uma resposta, apenas caminhou mais para dentro da sala. 

— Estou aqui amor! — Você respondeu um pouco mais alto do que normalmente faria. 

Ele olhou para trás do biombo, onde você estava sentado na banheira com uma sobrancelha erguida.

— Oh. — Ele disse sem jeito, ficando vermelho. — Vou me banhar com você… — Aizawa falou voltando a face normal, logo tirando o uniforme dele e entrando na banheira contigo.

Seus olhos acompanhavam cada movimento dele, suas pupilas afinadas , cauda se movendo junto das orelhas felpudas.

· · • • • ✤ • • • · ·

Normalmente em momentos como este, enrolado no sofá com o marido casualmente jogado em seu colo como um gato crescido demais. 

Respirando profundamente pelo nariz, Shouta tentou muito dizer a si mesmo que ele era um herói de coração frio e não havia absolutamente nada de fofo na maneira como ele podia ver as orelhas de [Nome] se contorcendo e a cauda passando propositalmente em seu nariz.

— Você está ocupando todo o espaço. — Ele resmungou, usando a voz mais áspera que tinha à sua disposição. 

Você acomodou-se ainda mais entre as pernas dele, sua barriga cobrindo completamente as coxas do homem mais velho, e virou mais uma página do livro que fingia ler.

— Uhum… Estou. — Ele não parecia se importar muito com a situação que havia criado, [Nome] colocou seu livro de lado… Calhamaço como ele chamava, afinal "Cidade de lua Crescente" é um livro enorme com várias páginas.

 O de fios [claros/escuros] se ajeitou de maneira que ele pudesse apoiar a cabeça no peitoral do outro, os olhos se fechando e a respiração deixando-o em um suspiro satisfeito.

 Shouta bufou e murmurou para si mesmo o quanto o pai de suas crianças é folgado, mas não fez nada para tentar remover fisicamente seu marido - a quem ele não achava nada adorável, por sinal. Claro que não… Quem ele queria enganar? Ele é apaixonado por seu enorme gato.

 Ele certamente não parava de observar aquelas orelhas enquanto elas continuavam se contorcendo e tremendo.

Ambos ficaram igualmente surpresos quando de repente os dedos do moreno se fecharam ao redor da orelha de [Nome], segurando gentilmente a carne [pálida/morena] e passando o polegar ao redor da borda.

— O que te deixou tão nervoso hoje? — Perguntou. 

— Eu posso ouvir o vizinho cantando e ele é terrível…

— Toshinori é horrível cantando… Verdade.

Sabendo o quão sensível era a audição de seu marido, Shouta estremeceu. 

Ele tinha ouvido seu vizinho - All Might- cantando para si mesmo enquanto estava do lado de fora saindo para trabalhar.

 Soltando a orelha em suas mãos, ele deu um tapinha na cabeça de [Nome] com carinho.

 Então, já que sua mão estava lá de qualquer maneira, ele começou a acariciar as mechas [brancas/escuras] e macias de cabelo sob a palma da mão.

— E você?

— Eh? Quanto a mim?

— Existe algum motivo específico para você estar tão mal-humorado hoje?

— Rude. Eu não sou mal-humorado.

— Então não há necessidade de eu continuar deitado aqui. Aqui eu pensei que você poderia estar precisando de um pouco de atenção, talvez até mesmo um pouco de afeto. Se você realmente tem outras coisas que prefere fazer, no entanto, ficarei mais do que feliz em deixá-lo fazer isso.

— Não se atreva querido! — Ele falou, passando a mão sobre seu cabelo, ao ver que você encurvou totalmente como um gato ele soltou uma risada.

— Isso é o que eu pensei. — [Nome] respondeu em um tom presunçoso, o fantasma de um sorriso malicioso aparecendo em seu rosto.

· · • • • ✤ • • • · ·

Shouta olhou o marido andando em volta da cama, olhando para ele.

— Que foi [Nome]? — Ele perguntou, a voz sonolenta deixando claro que seu sono tinha sido interrompido.

— Nada… — 

Assim que o pobre coitado deitado na cama foi falar algo, ele apenas viu a sombra e ao olhar, viu que seu marido ia cair em cima dele.

— PUTA QUE PARIU [NOME] ! — Ele falou de maneira alta ao sentir você cair em cima dele. — Por que você pulou em cima de mim?

— Você tava quieto, me incomodou.

— Mas?!?

#fanfic #male reader #leitor masculino #boku no hero academia #imagine #aizawa x you #bnha aizawa

[mysticalcollectorreader]

"Fourth Wing"

Como vocês podem observar pela data da minha última postagem, eu tenho feito o terrível trabalho em manter esse blog ativo. Mas FINALMENTE estou de volta e para falar dele, do tão popular e comentado no TikTok, o Best Seller de 2023, "Fourth Wing" de Rebecca Yarros.

Eu lembro que a primeira vez em que Fourth Wing apareceu no meu radar, eu não entendi todo o alvoroço, não me parecia absurdamente inovador e eu tava certa. Não é absurdamente inovador, mas não precisou ser. Eu tenho algumas críticas, que eu vou contar mais para frente, mas não muda que esse livro me entreteve do começo ao fim. É um livro de ritmo rápido e leitura fácil, apesar de longo.

De muitas formas, principalmente no romance, esse livro me lembra muito de Corte de Espinhos e Rosas, da Sarah J. Maas. Mas uma falha que eu sempre comento sobre os livros da J. Maas, é que a fantasia nos livros dela são muito ruins (não me odeiem, mas são). Nada nunca vai me convencer que ter um caldeirão como Deus é um bom elemento de fantasia. Posso falar sobre o que acho dos livros de Corte de Espinhos e Rosas em algum outro momento, mas devido ao sucesso de Fourth Wing, é impossível não fazer esse tipo de comparação. A fantasia de Rebecca Yarros é muito melhor.

Dragões e a conexão que os cavaleiros tem com eles são o ponto alto da fantasia desse livro. A forma como ela explica a magia trazida por eles é muito boa e a fantasia na história vai aumentando a medida que a leitura vai progedindo. A história toda tem uma pegada épica e heróica tão presente em livros de fantasia e que eu particularmente amo. Uma crítica porém: o momento que Violet é influenciada pela "luxúria" que o dragão está sentindo me fez quase morrer vergolha alheia. Fora isso, a fantasia fez um bom trabalho em me entreter.

Sinto que em muitos momentos, a história é um pouco boba, mas não me impediu de ficar até 3 horas da manhã grudada na leitura e avaliar com 4 estrelas. Se você é mais crítica e não tão facilmente entretida por romance (nada de errado com isso, por sinal), talvez esse livro não seja para você, mas para mim, foi exatamente o que eu precisava. Para os amantes de Sarah J. Maas e Cassandra Clare, esse livro é para vocês.

A dragon without its rider is a tragedy. A rider without their dragon is dead.

#fourth wing #rebecca yarros #resenha literária #violet sorrengail #xaden riorson

[dd20century]

The New Formalist: Edward Durell Stone

“A great building should be universal, not controversial.” --  Edward Durell Stone

New York Times architecture critic Paul Goldberger wrote in his obituary of architect Edward Durell Stone:

Edward Durell Stone's career as an architect was marked by a dramatic reversal of direction. He gave up a position as one of America's leading advocates of the International Style just as that austere modern style was gaining wide public acceptance, and he began instead to evolve a personal style that was lush and highly decorative, the very opposite of the International Style. (1)

This shift would be influenced by a woman, Durell Stone’s second wife, Italian designer Maria Elena Torch. As Durell Stone said, “Maria's fine Italian hand began to show in my attire and my work. Both began to move toward elegance.”

Edward Durell Stone on the right having dinner with (left to right) architect William Wesley Peters, Stone's then-wife Maria Torch Stone, and Frank Lloyd Wright. Photo credit: Charles Rossi.

Edward Durell Stone’s Early Years

Architect Edward Durell Stone was born on March 9, 1902, in the college town of Fayetteville, Arkansas. Durrell’s grandfather Steven K. Stone was a successful businessman, Durrell’s father “Benjamin Hicks Stone (1852-1942) graduated from Emory & Henry College, in Virginia, in 1873 and returned to Fayetteville to run his father's business” (2). In 1885 Benjamin Hicks Stone married Ruth S. Johnson, an English teacher. The couple “had four children, the youngest..., Edward Durell Stone” (2).

Young Edward showed early artistic promise. His mother encouraged him to take up drawing and woodworking. J. William Fulbright was one of Edward’s childhood friends. Fulbright would go on to become a United States Senator. The two men remained life-long friends. Stone attended the University of Arkansas in the early 1920s but was unsuccessful in all of his courses except drawing. His talent came to the attention of the head of the “university's art department, [Elizabeth Galbraith who] recognized Stone's talent and encouraged him” (2).

At that time Edward’s older brother James Hicks Stone was an architect practicing in Boston, MA. Elizabeth Galbraith reached out to the brother asking him “to take an interest in the boy” (2). Edward spent the summer of 1921 in Boston visiting the city’s architectural landmarks with James. The experience made an impression on the young Edward, leading him to his calling. In 1922 Edward moved to Boston and found work as an office boy at the architectural firm of Strickland, Blodgett & Law while he studied at the Boston Architectural Club at night. There Edward met architect Henry R. Shepley who hired him to work as a draftsman at Coolidge, Shepley, Bulfinch and Abbott. Shepley would become Stone’s most valued mentor. (2)

Edward Durell Stone, Radio City Music Hall, Auditorium, (1932), New York City. Image source.

Stone’s Early Architectural Career

“In 1925, Stone won a scholarship to Harvard University's School of Architecture” (2) and also studied at Massachusetts Institute of Technology. In 1927 Stone won the Rotch Travelling Fellowship which gave him the resources to study in Europe for two years. (1, 2) Stone returned to the United States he moved to New York City, just before the start of the Great Depression in October 1929, where he was hired by, “a consortium of architects designing Rockefeller Center. There he worked on what was to be considered his first major early achievement, the design of the interiors of Radio City Music Hall” (2).

 “In December 1930, [Stone] married Sarah Orlean Vandiver (1905-1988), an American tourist he had met and courted in Venice. The couple had two sons, Edward Durell Stone, Jr. (1932-2009), and Robert Vandiver Stone” (2).

Donald Deskey was one of the architects that Stone worked with on the Radio City Music Hall project. This association led to Stone’s ‘first independent commission in 1933, the Mandel House, in Bedford Hills, New York, built for owners of a prominent department store” (2). Deskey served as the interior designer on that project. (2) “The Ulrich Kowalski House, also in Mt. Kisco” (4) was built the following year. With the success of the Mandel and Kowalski Houses, many more commissions followed, and in 1936 (3) Stone established his architectural firm at Rockefeller Center (2).

Edward Durell Stone, Richard M. Mandel House (1935), Bedford Hills, New York. Image source.

Stone and The Museum of Modern Art

From 1936 to 1939 Edward Durell Stone worked on what Newsweek magazine called, "the first large museum in America to be built according to the streamlined, ultra-modern 'international' style of modern architecture."(5) The project was the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) in New York City. Stone collaborated with Phillip L. Goodwin. Stone served as design architect while Goodwin produced the architectural drawings. (2) During this time Stone was also designing a home in Old Westbury, NY for MoMA president Anson Conger Goodyear. (4)

In 1940 Edward Durell Stone drove across the United States. Traveling to Arizona and Wisconsin, he met with architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Wright’s use of materials and decorative patterning manifests itself in some of Stone’s later work. In San Francisco, Stone appreciated the use of natural materials used in regional architecture. His greatest takeaway from the trip, however, was his disappointment at how extensively Americans had marred the natural landscape. Quoting Durell, “I scarcely encountered a place where land was used wisely and where what has been built is beautiful” (6).

Edward Durell Stone's Service in World War II

As the United States had entered World War II, Edward Durell Stone enlisted in the United States Army Air Forces in the summer of 1942, “and was stationed in Washington, D.C. Stone entered as a captain and was promoted to the rank of major in November 1943. At his instigation, the Army Air Forces established a Planning and Design Section in July 1944” (2).

As chief of this section Stone was responsible for “the master plans for airfields in Alabama, California, Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Texas” (2).  He also designed the Continental Air Command headquarters at what is now known as Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland. (2)

Edward Durell Stone, William Thurnauer House (1949), Englewood Heights, New Jersey. Image source.

Stone’s Post-war Work

After the war, Edward Durell Stone reopened his architectural practice. Most of Durell’s commissions during this time were residential. The most notable were the David Stench House (1947) Armonk, NY and the William Thurnauer House in Englewood, New Jersey (1949). (2) Stone’s homes of the late 1940s ‘indicated the increasing influence of Wright — his buildings became lower, more horizontal, and relied more on the use of wood” (1).

 His non-residential projects included the 300-room El Panama Hotel in Panama City, Panama, “notable for its pioneering use of cantilevered balconies in the construction of a resort hotel” (7). In 1948 Stone designed Fine Arts Center for the University of Arkansas in his hometown of Fayetteville, AK. The center featured works by Alexander Calder and Gwen Lux, friends of the architect. (2)

Postcard photo of Edward Durell Stone's El Panana Hotel (1946), Panama City, Panama. Image source.

Read part two of The New Formalist: Edward Durell Stone.

References

Goldberger, P., (7 August, 1978). Edward Durell Stone Dead at 76; Designed Major Works Worldwide. https://www.nytimes.com/1978/08/07/archives/edward-durell-stone-dead-at-76-designed-major-works-worldwide-a.html

R. L. Skolmen and H. Stone, Edward Durell Stone: Life. https://www.edwarddurellstone.org/

Smart, G., (2024). Edward Durell Stone, FAIA (1902-1978). https://usmodernist.org/stone.htm

Wkikpedia.com, (7 February, 2014). Edward Durell Stone. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Durell_Stone

"The Glass-Temple Museum: Modern Art Display Takes Over Own Building in New York," Newsweek (22 May 1939): 32.

Edward Durell Stone, The Evolution of an Architect, (New York: Horizon Press, 1962), 92.

Britannica.com, (n.d),.Edward Durell Stone, American architect. https://www.britannica.com/biography/Edward-Durell-Stone#ref81069

#edward durell stone #architecture

[alessiazeni]

Capitolo Bonus La Corte Di Fiamme E Argento Feysand

Avviso: Partendo dal presupposto che non ho studiato per diventare traduttrice, quindi ci saranno SICURAMENTE dei possibili errori di traduzione, grammatica, punteggiatura e/o ortografia, questa è la mia versione tradotta in italiano dei capitoli bonus dei libri di Sarah J. Maas.

«Beh, è andata meglio del previsto» ammise Rhys una volta che tutti se n’erano andati, reclinando la testa contro il braccio dell’ampio divano dello studio. Nesta e Cassian erano tornati alla Casa del Vento, dove mia sorella aveva promesso di trovare un modo per iniziare la ricerca del Forziere della Paura. Il mio compagno aggiunse ironicamente “Nonostante il disastro tra Elain e Nesta.”

Ero tornata dalla chiacchierata con mia sorella sul piccolo, il bambino, trovando Rhys sdraiato sul divano, un braccio posato sugli occhi, probabilmente per trovare un momento di pace dopo aver sopportato l’esuberante euforia di Cassian ed Azriel.

Mi sedetti sul divano di fianco a Rhys, alzando le sue gambe muscolose sistemandomi sotto di esse. «Elain ha mostrato un po’ i denti» osservai. «Non me lo sarei aspettato.» O ciò che aveva detto riguardo al suo trauma persistente. Avevo intenzione di parlarne con Nesta, quante volte mi ero concentrata solamente sul mio terrore durante la sofferenza di Elain?

Rhys mi guardò con occhi semi aperti, il ritratto della grazia oziosa. Ma disse lentamente «Come ti fa sentire?» scrollai le spalle, reclinando la testa contro i cuscini «In colpa. Ha addossato tutta la sua rabbia contro Nesta, ma me la merito anche io.»

Elain ed io ci eravamo avvicinate molto dopo la fine della guerra con Hybern. È vero, potrei non essere mai andata a bere qualcosa con lei nello stesso modo in cui lo facevo con Mor e a volte Amren, ma… beh, con un bambino in arrivo, non potevo comunque più bere. E anche se non sono mai corsa prima da Elain con dei problemi o per consigli, avevamo una pacifica, amichevole comprensione. La trovavo una piacevole compagnia.

Mi chiesi se si sarebbe offesa per quel giudizio. Io sicuramente l’avrei fatto.

Rhys chiese «Hai mai visto Elain così?»

«No.» mi morsi il labbro inferiore. Lo sguardo di Rhys seguì il movimento. «Voglio dire, è stata coraggiosa quando serviva, ma non è mai stata polemica.»

«Forse non le è mai stata data la possibilità di esserla.»

Girai la testa verso di lui. «Credi che la stia soffocando?»

Rhys alzò le mani. «Non da sola.�� Osservò lo studio mentre pensava. «Ma mi chiedo se tutti hanno costantemente creduto Elain dolce ed innocente, al punto da spingerla a comportarsi così, per non deludere tutti quanti.» Sospirò verso il soffitto. «Con il tempo e la sicurezza, magari vedremo emergere un altro suo lato.»

«Suona pericolosamente simile a quello che Nesta ha detto sul fatto che Elain stia finalmente diventando interessante.»

«Forse Nesta non ha torto.»

Guardai Rhys in cagnesco. «Credi che Elain sia noiosa?»

«Credo sia gentile, e sceglierei sempre la gentilezza alla cattiveria. Ma credo anche che non abbiamo visto tutto ciò che ha da offrire.» Un angolo della sua bocca si alzò. «Non dimenticare che il giardinaggio spesso risulta in qualcosa di bello, ma serve che le mani di qualcuno si sporchino nel frattempo.»

«E che vengano punte da spine» riflettei, ricordandomi di un mattino dell’estate precedente, quando Elain arrivò a casa, il palmo destro sanguinante a causa di diverse ferite causate da un roseto testardo che le aveva bucato i guanti. Le spine le si erano infilate sotto la pelle, lasciando schegge appuntite che dovetti rimuovere.

Non osai menzionare il fatto che se avesse usato i guanti incantati che Lucien le aveva preso per lo scorso Solstizio, niente gli avrebbe forati.

Sospirai, accarezzandomi distrattamente la pancia ancora piatta. «Concentriamoci sull’aiutare una sorella prima di iniziare con l’altra.»

«Concordo.» biascicò Rhys.

Lo fissai. «Dovevi per forza guardare Nesta come se la volessi uccidere, prima?»

Si mise seduto, l’anima dell’innocenza. «Non so di cosa tu stia parlando, Feyre cara.» Si sporse in avanti, l’aria luccicò brevemente quando lo scudo attorno a me venne abbassato. Le sue labbra mi accarezzarono la guancia. «Non farei mai una cosa simile. Devi pensare al tuo altro compagno.»

«Sì. Quello crudele, iperprotettivo, mezzo fuori di testa.» Sorrisi mentre mi baciava la mascella, poi il collo. Mi si piegarono le dita dei piedi.

«Crudele?» mormorò Rhys contro la mia pelle. «Mi ferisci.»

Gli permisi di adagiarmi sui cuscini, assaporando il suo peso mentre si sistemava sui gomiti. «Sembri felice» disse, il suo sorriso dolce e tenero in un modo che in pochi nel mondo fuori Velaris avevano mai visto.

«Sono felice» dissi. «Sono felice che la nostra famiglia possa condividere la nostra gioia.» A prescindere da quanto fosse diventato difficile il rapporto tra me e Nesta, aveva rischiarato qualcosa nel mio petto quando ci aveva fatto le sue congratulazioni.

«Se credi che sono iperprotettivo» disse Rhys, i capelli scuri che gli scivolarono in faccia «allora aspetta solo che Mor torni da Vallahan. Non lascerai mai la casa senza qualcuno che ti accompagni.»

«Credevo che Azriel e Cassian sarebbero stati quelli di cui preoccuparsi.»

«Oh, saranno tremendi. Ma Mor probabilmente aggiungerà un secondo scudo attorno a te e verrà a controllare sei volte al giorno per assicurarsi che mangi e dormi abbastanza.»

Gemetti. «Che la Madre abbia pietà.»

«Hmmm» disse Rhys, gli occhi luminosi mentre giochicchiava con la fine della mia treccia.

Per un lungo minuto, ci sorridemmo a vicenda. Osservai ogni elegante parte del suo volto, ogni punto che risplendeva di calore e felicità che radiavano da lui. «Cassian ha detto che sei stato lunatico. Perché?» 

Credevo a Cassian, ma Rhys non era stato affatto lunatico attorno a me. Ogni volta che il mio compagno mi guardava negli ultimi tempi, solo puro amore risplendeva nei suoi occhi.

Non mi sarei mai scordata il momento in cui avevamo scoperto che portavo in grembo nostro figlio, quel bellissimo bambino che l’Intagliaossa mi aveva mostrato. Ero seduta davanti ad un cavalletto nella galleria, durante la tarda serata, dipingendo un incubo che avevo avuto il giorno prima.

I bambini erano tornati a casa, ed ero restata da sola, il che era inusuale in quei giorni, e mi era rimasta qualche rara energia in eccesso dopo le lezioni. Le cose che i bambini dipingevano spesso mi facevano piangere, anche se ero sempre attenta a nascondere le lacrime. Ma nonostante la quantità di emozioni complesse che quella giornata di lavoro mi aveva scatenato, si era dimostrato gratificante in un modo che non avrei mai potuto immaginare. In un modo che tutta la mia considerevole magia non mi aveva mai fatto provare.

E l’unica cosa da fare con quelle emozioni era dipingerle.

L’incubo mi aveva lasciata sbilanciata tutto il giorno, restando nella mia mente come una specie di livido. Ero tornata Sotto la Montagna, ad affrontare nuovamente la mia seconda sfida, quegli spuntoni irregolari che scendevano per impalarmi se non avessi tirato la giusta leva in tempo. In qualche modo ero tornata analfabeta, incapace di decifrare i segni sul muro, costretta a scegliere a caso la mia salvezza o la mia fine. Rhys mi aveva salvata, allora, ma nel sogno, lui non c’era.

Solo Amarantha era presente, il re di Hybern un’ombra dietro di lei, ed in qualche modo nessuno sapeva dove fossi, che ero stata riportata lì perché lei aveva capito che la prima volta ne ero uscita imbrogliando, e non sarei mai uscita, mai uscita, mai uscita…

Quello era stato l’ultimo pensiero che ho avuto prima di costringermi a svegliarmi, madida di sudore, il cuore che mi martellava nel petto. Rhys si mosse, mettendomi al suo fianco, la sua ala che copriva entrambi, e nonostante mi accoccolai al suo calore ed alla sua forza, il sonno non mi ritrovò.

Quindi attesi finché i bambini non avevano lasciato lo studio quel giorno, prima di prendere una tela nera e la mia tavolozza. Mi preparai una tazza di the alla menta piperita e radice di liquerizia, poi presi il pennello.

Avevo dipinto quell’incubo per quasi due ore, la schiena rivolta alla porta, quando Rhys entrò. Rimase completamente in silenzio. Non era l’appagato silenzio in cui rimaneva a volte mentre mi osservava dipingere. Era puro silenzio scioccato.

Mi girai verso di lui in tempo per vederlo crollare sulle ginocchia.

E poi si mise a piangere e a ridere e l’unica cosa che riuscii a capire dal suo balbettare estatico fu una parola: bambino. Mi alzai dallo sgabello. Stavo piangendo anche io quando mi lanciai tra le sue braccia, buttandoci a terra entrambi, e mi appoggiò una mano sulla pancia, in meraviglia.

Qualcosa era cambiato nel mio odore da quando l’avevo lasciato quella mattina, forse anche da quando se n’erano andati i bambini. Alla fine la vita si era radicata dentro di me.

Restammo stesi sul pavimento, le nostre risate e le lacrime mischiate assieme e, una volta che ci calmammo, lo baciai. I nostri vestiti svanirono subito dopo e lo cavalcai sul pavimento dello studio, lasciando che la luce dentro di me brillò sufficientemente forte da proiettare ombre nella stanza.

Ricominciò a piangere guardandomi muovere, lacrime silenziose che scivolavano lungo la notte stellata da lui emanata, e quando mi inclinai per leccarle via, venne così intensamente da far raggiungere anche a me l’apice del piacere.

Ed ora, proprio come aveva fatto quella volta nello studio, le sue dita iniziarono a tracciare pigri cerchi sul mio ventre, sui seni, già pesanti e doloranti in un modo che non aveva niente a che fare con il desiderio che stava crescendo tra le mie gambe. Era stato uno dei primi segni, oltre il vomito che nell’ultimo periodo era continuativo: i miei seni si erano gonfiati e facevano male.

Rhys fece un cerchio attorno ad uno dei miei capezzoli, che divenne turgido sotto il suo tocco. Lo osservò diventare un rilievo sotto la maglia, come un gatto osserva un topo.

«Rhys» dissi quando la mia domanda rimase senza risposta. «Perché Cassian ha detto che sei stato lunatico?»

Chiuse la bocca attorno ad un mio seno, i denti che mi graffiavano attraverso la maglia. «Non c’è un motivo.»

«Bugiardo.» gli tirai i capelli, costringendolo a tirare su la testa. «Dimmelo.»

Si liberò dalla mia presa e mise il viso contro il lato del mio collo, abbassando il proprio corpo abbastanza da mostrarmi come sarebbe andata a finire. Non riuscii a fermare i miei fianchi dallo scontrarsi con i suoi. Un altro segno: Ero stata tremendamente affamata. E non solo di cibo.

C’erano state notti in cui avevo a malapena aspettato che Rhys entrasse in camera da letto prima di strappargli i vestiti di dosso, prima di crollare sulle ginocchia per prendere in profondità nella mia bocca il suo membro, o chiedergli di scoparmi contro il muro. C’erano giorni interi in cui scoprivo di avere bisogno di averlo dentro di me, che usai i miei poteri da daemati per chiedergli di incontrarmi alla casa di città per pranzo, dato che era più vicino allo studio, rispetto alla nostra nuova casa.

Quella adorabile, perfetta casa che avevamo costruito, con una camera per bambini che, volesse il Calderone, sarebbe stata occupata verso la fine della primavera.

Rhys fece combaciare la mia interminabile fame con la sua. A volte lo facevamo lentamente, assaporando ogni centimetro dell’altro, l’incarnazione di quello che significa fare l’amore. Altre volte, solitamente, erano pure, rudi scopate. Solo quella mattina, ero stata così assalita dal desiderio che eravamo a malapena riusciti a fare colazione in privato nella nostra stanza, prima che gli andassi sopra cavalcandolo fino a che non restammo entrambi privi di sensi dal piacere.

Chiesi a Madja a riguardo il giorno precedente, se fosse una cosa… normale volerlo così tanto.

«Sì» aveva risposto, con gli occhi che luccicavano. «Molte gestanti non ne parlano, ma ha a che fare con l’essenza alterante del tuo corpo. Non so dirti perché succede, ma è normale. Goditi ogni momento.»

Rhys disse contro il mio collo «Sono stato lunatico perché non ho dormito.» Mi leccò lungo la gola e la sua mano si fece strada nei miei pantaloni. Non lo fermai, non quando le sue dita trovarono l’umidità che lo attendeva. Emise un ringhio soddisfatto. «Visto?»

Sapevo che stava cercando una copertura e lo lasciai fare. Avevo imparato che Rhys mi avrebbe detto cosa lo preoccupava quando sarebbe stato pronto a farlo. Forse Cassian aveva interpretato male il suo comportamento, forse era rivolto verso mia sorella.

Sapevo che era improbabile.

Ma mentre Rhys fece scivolare le sue dita dentro di me, seguendo un perfido ritmo lento, lasciai stare. Era sempre stata una parte della nostra amicizia: darci a vicenda il tempo di decidere quando eravamo pronti a parlare.

E poi c’era il nostro accordo finale, marchiato con l’inchiostro su di noi da quando avevamo sconfitto Hybern… Gli diedi un bacio profondo, la lingua che si aggrovigliava alla sua. Non avremmo passato un momento in questo mondo senza l’altro. Potevo solo pregare che il nostro bambino, un giorno, trovasse un amore del genere.

Rhys mi portò sull’orlo dell’orgasmo e poi la sua mano ed i miei vestiti sparirono. Si sbottonò i pantaloni con tremenda lentezza, guardandomi in faccia mentre liberava la sua considerabile lunghezza. Continuò a guardarmi per tutto il tempo mentre scivolava dentro di me in un’unica, potente spinta, sembrava assaporare ogni mio gemito e supplica senza fiato mentre si muoveva dentro di me.

Come se lo stesse memorizzando, tutto quanto.

Quando fummo entrambi ansimanti, il viso di Rhys ancora affossato contro il mio collo, le mie dita che si aggrovigliavano pigramente nella sua maglia madida di sudore, dissi «Sembra reale ora che anche gli altri lo sanno.»

Rhys sapeva a cosa mi riferivo. «C’è ancora una persona de informare.»

Sorrisi, tirandogli i capelli per costringerlo a guardarmi. Rhys obbedì, guardandomi in faccia. «Vuoi essere te a dirlo a Mor o posso farlo io?»

Lui la conosceva da più tempo, ma io la consideravo la mia più cara amica.

Una sorella, forse anche più di quelle che avevo già.

«Credo che dovremmo lasciare che glielo dica lui» disse Rhys, indicando la mia pancia.

Alzai un sopracciglio. «Come?»

Sorrise ironicamente. «La prossima volta che Mor sarà a casa, lasceremo scendere lo scudo attorno a te. Vediamo quanto ci vuole prima che ti senta. E che senta lui.»

Ricambiai il sorriso. «Mi piace.» Già desideravo avere modo di catturare la faccia di Mor in quel momento. Feci scorrere una mano lungo i capelli setosi di Rhys. «Hai qualche nome in mente?»

Rhys fece un sorrisino. «Oh, sì.»

«Non mi fido affatto di quel sorriso.»

«Perché?» si tirò indietro e con un’ondata della sua magia, ci trovammo entrambi puliti. Repressi la crescente fame che mi si era scatenata guardandolo risistemarsi nei pantaloni. «Non gli darei mai un nome ridicolo.»

«Non ti credo.» Gli toccai il naso. «Il tuo cognome…»

«Non parliamo del mio cognome» disse, mordicchiandomi la punta del dito.

Risi. «Va bene.»

Ma i suoi occhi si oscurarono «E se lo chiamassimo come tuo padre?»

Il mio cuore si tese. «Ti andrebbe davvero bene?»

«Ma certo.»

Dovetti inghiottire il nodo che mi si era formato in gola mentre mi tirai su per sedermi, fronte a fronte con lui. «Magari come secondo nome, ma… no. Voglio che nostro figlio abbia un nome suo.»

Nostro figlio. Le parole erano strane, ma splendide sulla mia lingua.

Rhys annuì, il viso si addolcì, come se le parole avessero commosso anche lui.

Potevo già vedere il padre che sarebbe diventato, lo vedevo ridere mentre lanciava il nostro bambino per aria, lo vedevo sonnecchiare con il bimbo su quel divano, un libro aperto sulle gambe. Nostro figlio non avrebbe mai, neanche per un istante, dubitato di essere amato ed apprezzato. E Rhys sarebbe andato fino alla fine del mondo per proteggerlo.

Sorrisi a quel sogno ad occhi aperti, le mani che già volevano disegnare quelle scene.

Rhys emise un mormorio di contemplazione. «Che ne dici di Nyx?»

Sbattei le palpebre. «Nyx?»

Rhys indicò una delle pareti di libri nello studio. Un tomo rilegato in pelle fluttuò verso le sue dita aperte. Senza dire una parola aprì su una pagina e me lo passò.

Lessi il testo all’interno. «Un’antica dea della notte?»

«Più o meno dei tempi del Forziere, in realtà» disse Rhys. «È per lo più dimenticata, ora, ma mi piace come suona il suo nome. Perché non usarlo per un maschietto?»

«Nyx» riflettei ancora, il nome che riecheggiava nel silenzio dello studio. Mi passai un dito tatuato sulla pancia. La mano di Rhys si sovrappose alla mia ed entrambi sorridemmo alla piccola vita che si stava formando nel mio corpo.

«Nyx» dissi un’ultima volta, e avrei potuto giurare che un potere baciato dalla notte emerse in risposta.

Rhys trattenne il respiro, come se avesse sentito anche lui quel nucleo di potere.

Insieme, guardammo le nostre mani congiunte, il mio ventre sotto di esse.

Insieme, guardammo nostro figlio, ed offrii i miei silenziosi ringraziamenti alla Madre per il bellissimo futuro che era sbocciato di fronte a noi.

#acosf #acosf capitoli bonus #acosf bonus chapters #sjm #capitoli bonus #bonus chapters #feysand #rhysand #feyre archeron

[sarahsmi13s]

Pregnancy Announcement- pt 3: The Seresins

(not my gif)

pairing: jake ‘hangman’ seresin x fem!oc

characters: jake seresin, fem!oc (sarah), the seresins

warnings: language, marrige, pregnancy, fluffy domestic hangman, church (mentioned), im sorry if I missed any

word count: ~1.4k 

a/n: this is part 3 of a 3 part headcannon of Sarah and Jake telling there friends and family of their pregnancy. however they are keeping the twins a secret from everyone other than Alyssa and Rooster  

this is the next part in this oc series, which is inspired by @roosterscockpit ‘s ( @milesdickpic ) story ‘His Little Girl’ and yes the oc is based on me (but is mainly fantasy me lol)

***********

Sarah and Jake called his family the same day, only about an hour after they had talked to her family.

They had sent Jack and Delilah a little pair of boots and a note that said ‘don’t open until we facetime’. And mugs that said ‘memaw’ and ‘granddad’. And a little cow plushie for them to hold onto.

Jake sent a quick text to the group chat and then made the call.

Everyone picked up relatively at once.

A chorus of ‘hello’s and childrens’ giggles in the background greeted the couple before they could open their mouths.

“Hey guys!” Jake greeted them. Sarah smiling and waving at the camera, “Hey, y’all!”

A little gasp was heard before little feet padded across the tile, “Unkie J!” Jake’s eyes lit up, “PJ!! Hi, buddy! Oh you’ve gotten so big.”

Sarah looked up at Jake, seeing the bright smile on his face as his 3 year old nephew talked near nonsense to him.

“Unkie J! Coconuts have WATER in them!” Peyton exclaimed, getting close to the camera.

Jake’s eyes widened in confusion and he looked down at Sarah, “What?”

Sarah laughed, “It’s a Bluey reference, my students talk about the show all the time.”

Addison laughed, “Oh my goodness! This little guy loves that show, don’t ya bub?” Peyton didn’t answer and just got closer to the microphone, “Coconuts have water in them.” He whispered it this time.

“Did he skip his after church nap?” Sarah asked, realizing the kid was probably just sleepy.

“Yes, but he wanted to see y’all.” The blonde boy gasped, “Aunt Sawah!”

Sarah laughed, “Hi Pey Jay!” “Aunt Sawah, did you know that I’m king of the squirrels?”

Jake had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing.

“Wow! Really? How’d that happen?”

Zach laughed, “He was playing outside and Blakely screamed because PJ was chasing her with a squirrel.” “I’M KING OF THE SQUIRRELS!” PJ ran off.

“JAKE DID THAT TO ME!” Paisley yelled pointing at Jake through the screen.

Sarah looked up at Jake, “Did you actually chase her with a squirrel, Jake Thomas?” “I may have…” Sarah’s jaw dropped. “I knew you chased her with a snake, but a squirrel? How the hell did you even catch it?” 

Jake shrugged, “I just kinda-” He made a catching motion. “Wait, how’d you know about the snake?” “Jake, she’s my best friend. We shared a living space for years.”

“You told her?” “Yeah JT, she was telling me about the time her sister threw a Doctor Pepper bottle at her other sister and busted her eyebrow. So I told her about when you chased me with a snake.”

Tilly laughed, “This is why I’m glad I’m the baby.”

Jake shook his head, before changing the subject.

“Okay, did all y’all get your gifts we sent? Everyone should have gotten two.”

They nodded, holding up the boxes they got.

They had also sent things to his sisters and brother-in-laws. Tumbler cups that said ‘Aunt’ and ‘Uncle’ respectively, and their names.

“Can we open them? I’ve been itching to sense we got ‘em?” Tilly asked, lightly clawing at the paper.

Jake nodded, “Yes, but no one says anything until Ma and Dad have opened theirs.” “Rip ‘em open guys,” Sarah smiled.

Jack and Delilah quickly opened theirs and Sarah watched Paisley and Tilly share a look.(both live with mom and dad still) Their jaws were slack as they looked from each other to their cups.

Delilah pulls out the cow plushie, “Oh ain’t that cute.” “Oh, Honey, look, there’s boots,”Jack pulled out the boots. He looked at his son, “Do these go on the cow?”

Jake laughed, “I don’t know, Dad. They may fit the cow, but maybe you should open the other box.”

Jack rolled his eyes good naturedly and opened the other gift and Jake could see everyone fidgeting in anticipation.

He handed the mug with the more delicate font to Delilah and held his out to read it, “Granddad?” “Memaw?” The sisters groaned when it didn’t click right away.

To be fair, Jack and Delilah had five grandkids so they were used to getting things that had those names on it.

“Look at the cow’s ear tag, Lilah,” Sarah suggested. “And check the bottom of the boots, Dad,” Jake said, smirking as he leaned back in his chair and put his arm over the back of Sarah’s.

The cow’s ear tag read “Baby Seresin” and the bottom of the boots read “Aug 2023”

Delilah gasped and covered her mouth while holding the cow close to her chest and Jack looked between the cow, boots, and the mugs. “Wow…”

“Can we cheer now? Ethan might explode if he can’t cheer,” Kassadra asked, holding her eight year old by the shoulders.

Sarah and Jake nodded, “Yes! You can cheer!”

Cheers erupted and Ethan could be seen doing a little dance.

“Congrats you guys!” Carter smiled.

“Welcome to the club Jake!” Zach grinned.

Tilly laughed, “Oh boy I hope the baby turns out like Sarah. Or they may stop here.”

Jake scoffed, “I’m not that bad!” “Jake, may I remind you of how you got that scar on your lip?” Kassandra teased.

“Please don’t-” “He went face first into a stop sign because he was trash talking while foot racing.”

“KJ!” His sister shrugged.

“How old were you?” Sarah asked. Jake shrugged, “I was young-” “You were 16,” Jack said pointedly.

Jake rubbed his face, “Can we stop talking about me? Thanks.”

Sarah rubbed bicep, “But you love talking about yourself.” “Yeah, the good stuff.” He kissed her temple.

They decided to talk about the wedding and brought up the dress situation.

Not too long after the subject change, Kassandra and Addison needed to hang up and get their kids settled.

They talked a little bit with Jake’s parents and the two youngest Seresins.

“Have you thought of names?” Jack asked.

Jake nodded, “Yeah, we decided on Finley Grace for a girl.” “Wait like Memaw Grace?” Jake nodded again.

Jack smiled and nodded back to his son.

“Hey, Sarah?” Paisley got Sarah’s attention. “What’s up PT?”

She held up another box. “I think you sent an extra box. Is this for Tyler?”

Sarah grinned and shook her head, “No, that’s for you. Tyler’s got shipped out Friday, Whitley ran out of vinyl and then her cat knocked the cup off and broke the lid.”

“Um, hey, you think we can talk with Paise in private for a minute?” Jake asked.

The other three nodded, “Yeah, we need to go get some stuff done in the barn and Tilly’s boyfriend just got here so they’re going on a date.”

They bid their farewell and a one last congratulations.

“Okay, Paisley, open it.”

Paisley did so, gently pulling out the cup not looking at it until she read the note.

The note:

“Paisley, when I volunteered to room with you your first year as a Razorback, I didn’t know it was going to change my life. You’re my best friend. You were there when I fell head first for Jake and you watched him fall in love with me. You were there when our story began, and I want you by my side as we begin a new chapter. Will you be my maid of honor?”

Paisley’s green eyes were wet with tears as she picked up the cup.

“Goodness gracious… I wasn’t expecting that. Yes, of course I’ll be your maid of honor!”

Sarah smiled, wiping at her own tears.

“I think if I waited any long to ask you I would’ve imploded,” she laughed. “Thank you, Paisley.”

“I love you, Sarah.” “I love you too, Pay.” She ended the call.

Jake smiled, kissing Sarah on the top of the head, “Now you just need to tell your students.” “They’re gonna respond well, I don’t have to worry about them.”

He laughed, “That’s true.”

“Hey, I’ve got a question.”

“Shoot.”

“Why are teenagers watching a show for kids?”

Sarah sat up straight, “Bluey is a great show, Jake.”

He arched an eyebrow, “Sarah, do you watch a show about a dog family?” “It’s a good show!”

“It’s for kids!”

She grabbed his hand, “Nope you’re watching it now.” He let her pull him to the living room.

They got on the couch and got comfy, and pulled up Disney+.

Needless to say, Jake loved it and cried during the ‘Granddad’ episode, but he will deny it if you ask.

***********

thank you so much for reading!! i hope this was enjoyable!

I do have a pinterest board set up for this, just to help me get into the vibe (one is to help with future parts, one is only for the current parts)

SO

if you want to check it out and get more of a feel for the dynamic going on---- you can click right --->   here

Like mentioned in the last one, feedback is greatly appreciated!

and my asks are open, feel free to request what you would like to see next while i’m working on the next part!

<3 <3 <3

tags <3 (thank you for being here): @milesdickpic​ @luckyladycreator2​

#jake seresin x plus size! fem!oc #jake seresin x fem!oc #jake hangman seresin #pregnancy #the seresin clan #j and s #baby seresin #daddy jake #mama sarah #hangdad #sarah’s FIANCÉ 🫣💍 #jake and sarah #seresin twins #hangman top gun #hangman headcanons #top gun maverick #smart cookie #the promotion #fears #a glimpse of trouble #you were you and that’s all you need to be #his little girl bradley bradshaw x reader #roosterscockpit #milesdickpic #sarahsmi13s

[bangtanitalianchannel]

[TRAD ITA] 230401 POST INSTAGRAM DI JIN:

“Senza trucco, ma sempre bello”

[TRAD ITA] 230401 COMMENTO DI J-HOPE AL POST:

JH: “Lo devo ammettere 👏👏”

Traduzione a cura di Bangtan Italian Channel Subs (©Sarah, ©ImVali) | Trans ©BTStranslation_, ©dalbitbangtan

#bts #bangtan #bangtan boys #ita #instagram #Jin #post #010423

[azsazz]

I just thought it might be fun to share what I’m reading and what I’ve read so far this year if anyone wants to chat about books or what I should add to my list 💙

Current Read(s):

Crescent City: House of Sky and Breath by Sarah J. Maas

Completed Reads (so far):

- The Bonds that Tie Series by J. Bree (6 book series) (4/5)

- Psycho Shifters by Jasmine Mas (3 book series, Cruel Shifterverse Series) (2.75/5)

- Court of the Vampire Queen by Katee Robert (4/5)

- The Serpent and the Wings of Night by Clarissa Broadbent (5/5)

- From Blood and Ash by Jennifer Armentrout (6 book series, 4 published) (5/5)

- Ice Planet Barbarians by Ruby Dixon (2/5)

- The Cruel Prince (3 book series) (4/5)

[swedesinstockholm]

15 octobre

je déteste le weekend je déteste déjeuner avec maman et qu'elle me parle d'assistante sociale et de chômage et qu'elle commence ses phrases par tu dois, je déteste devoir monter sur un nuage et m'élever dans le ciel comme dans la chanson nulle de zaho de sagazan qui passe sans arrêt à la radio et je déteste devoir fermer les yeux pour me forcer à apprécier la chaleur du soleil sur mon visage et le miracle de la vie sur terre avec les oiseaux et les arbres et la musique pour faire partir l'attrait du vide. je fantasme une psy qui me prendrait par la main et appellerait l'assistante sociale avec moi parce que moi j'y arrive pas, comme à la clinique quand lothar m'avait dit de passer dans son bureau pour qu'on regarde ensemble les volkshochschulen. je fantasme une psy à qui je pourrais tout dire de but en blanc d'entrée de jeu, écrire une liste de tout ce qui va pas et la lui lire d'une traite au premier rendez-vous. sortir tout ce que je traîne sans rien retenir et sans la ménager pour voir si elle a les épaules assez larges pour s'occuper du trou noir que je suis. une psy qui saurait exactement quoi faire de moi, qui me culpabiliserait pas, qui me dirait pas qu'à mon âge c'est à moi de m'en occuper, parce que j'ai pas d'âge ok, le circuit de l'âge n'existe pas, comme dans l'object oriented ontology, on émet tous et toutes notre propre temps et ce serait ridicule de vouloir se placer à l'intérieur d'une prétendue ligne de temps ou circuit de l'âge avec des stations et à chaque station on serait censé.e accomplir telle et telle chose parce que d'après le circuit de l'âge déjà établi c'est comme ça et pas autrement.

21 octobre

j'ai réussi à éviter de justesse la soirée queer loox où j'avais pas envie d'aller hier soir en arrivant pile au moment où e. et j. s'apprêtaient à partir pour aller au resto avec moi, top forte, même si j'aurais aimé voir si y avait c. j'aurais du leur demander. j'avais envie de leur raconter ma passion pour elle et sa copine la motarde dj critique musicale prof d'allemand et puis l'idée d'histoire qu'elle m'a inspirée l'été dernier avec un triangle amoureux lesbien qui nait pendant le montage d'une pièce de théâtre dans une église. peut être que ça pourrait intéresser s. et son collectif de théâtre et je pourrais en faire une pièce et ils pourraient la monter et ce serait pas incestueux DU TOUT.

jeudi soir à la conférence sur la santé mentale dans l'art y avait une fille qui racontait qu'elle avait crée une performance alors que c'était pas son métier mais elle voulait absolument faire cette perf et danser alors qu'elle est pas danseuse et exprimer tout ce qu'elle avait à dire et elle voulait tout diriger, tout faire, l'écriture, les costumes, performer, etc. c'était son rêve mais à la fin c'était tellement stressant et intense et laborieux qu'elle s'est dit bon, est-ce que ça en valait vraiment la peine? est-ce que ce que j'avais à dire était important et nécessaire à ce point et surtout est-ce que c'était vraiment nécessaire que je veuille tout faire moi-même? j'avais très envie de discuter de tout ça avec elle mais j'ai pas osé l'aborder. j'ai vu sur ig qu'elle vivait avec sa mère aussi jusqu'à ce qu'elle parte à la retraite au portugal et qu'elle se retrouve seule. elle vit entre ici et bruxelles et je veux absolument lui demander comment elle fait ça. à part ça c'était un peu bof et j'ai passé la soirée à me dire 1. que j'aurais pu participer au panel de discussion en tant qu'artiste à moitié morte 2. pourquoi cette fille a fait une performance et pas moi 3. la comédienne qui joue le monologue de l'adaptation de 4.48 psychosis de sarah kane par s. n'a pas l'air assez deep pour jouer ce rôle 4. la fille qui a fait la performance est assez choue 5. c'est toutes des chochottes ma parole 6. je dois voir une psy urgemment 7. est-ce que georges mon fan numéro 2 assis au bout de la rangée se rappelle de mon texte et trouve lui aussi que je devrais faire partie du panel de discussion? 8. je dois écrire ce livre.

e. et j. se sont assises à côté de moi et à la fin on est allées boire un verre et elles m'ont demandé si je voulais aller au resto avec elles vendredi soir après la soirée queer loox et j'ai dit oui et voilà comment je me suis retrouvée avec elles dans une pizzeria de bonnevoie à écouter des kilomètres de gossip lesbien en silence mais comme je connaissais personne ça rendait les histoires moyennement intéressantes. à aucun moment on m'a demandé ce que je faisais, ce qui était un grand soulagement parce que j'avais oublié de réfléchir à une réponse à donner en cas de besoin. god bless. mais quand j'ai remercié e. de m'avoir invitée à la fin, elle a dit que c'était pour me remercier pour toutes les fois où elle avait fait appel à moi et qu'elle se sentait un peu bête parce que... je crois qu'elle a dit parce que j'étais clairement au dessus? genre ce que j'écris est clairement au dessus de ce qui se fait dans ce pays en matière de littérature queer? je sais pas, mais on va dire que c'était ça comme ça ça me donne moins l'impression que depuis le début elles me prennent pour une loseuse de la vie + une fraude lesbienne. peut être qu'elles me prennent juste pour une bonne écrivaine et c'est tout.

à part ça j'ai passé l'après-midi à la konschthal avec c. pour préparer la soirée de jeudi, j'adore être dans des endroits en tant qu'artiste, après on est allés boire un thé dans une boulangerie et il m'a raconté sa vie d'avant l'écriture, sa crise et puis sa mort et sa renaissance, ses traumas et ses traumas hérités et sa relation avec sa mère etc et moi je l'écoutais et je savais pas quoi dire et je comprends pas pourquoi parce que la mort je connais bien, je maitrise, j'ai un million de choses à dire sur la mort, bien plus que sur le sexe ou sur les relations amoureuses par exemple. mais peut être que ça marche qu'à l'écrit, en tête à tête avec moi-même. on a parlé de paris et je lui ai parlé de j. et de ma découverte de ma lesbianité et j'avais les joues brûlantes. je lui ai dit que je lui avais tout raconté y a trois ans quand elle avait demandé à lire lettres à kristen stewart dans lequel je parle d'elle et il a dit que ça lui donnait encore plus envie de le lire maintenant qu'il connaissait l'histoire derrière. il l'a pas lu parce que je lui avait dit de pas le lire, parce que je voulais pas qu'il voie à quel point je suis seule. ma solitude me fait honte.

#stuff