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hoshigray · 3 months

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𝐈 𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐃𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰 | satoru gōjo

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: Gojo isn’t one to mess with other people’s relationships, especially yours, the widow of his best friend, Geto. And now, when celebrating the anniversary of your late husband’s death, you’re most definitely off limits…when alcohol isn’t involved.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: Gojo x widow fem! reader - explicit content; minors DNI - kissing/makeout sessions - thigh riding - grinding/dry-humping - breast fondling + sucking + nipple play - missionary + spooning positions - clitoral play (swiping and pinching) - pet names (angel, baby, babe, cutie, princess) - overstimulation - creampies - unprotected sex (psa: wrap it up or get the fuck up) - the reader is the widow of Suguru Geto + mother of Nanako and Mimiko - implied usage of alcohol - Gojo and the reader are pretty terrible together, to be real - expressions of guilt/shame - mention of sweat and tears - bittersweet ending - will fully proofread l8r.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 6k

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: would y'all believe me that this idea came to me literally last night? wrote it all in 9 hrs total, lmao. enjoyyyy, and tysm for 4.8k !!?? love every single one of yas!!

“—Pffthahaha, why did you drink so much? I thought you hated alcohol!”

“I do!! But that guy at the bar kept buying you drinks even though you told him not to—Hic, Ahh fuck…”

“Oh God, Gojo, you better not hurl on my white carpet! Drink the water and eat your slice of bread!”

You and Gojo are in the warmth of your home, lying on the floor of your living room and laughing the night away. The two of you just arrived from a fun evening with old high school and college buddies, and, from the looks of it, you two seemed to have a ball hanging with the old company. Poor Gojo got the short end of the stick, being the lightest of lightweights of the group, and is now fighting a massive headache and being tipsy at the same time. Luckily, being the kindest friend, you took him to your home and gave him his favorite hangover food: slices of sweet bread!

“I know, that dude just wouldn’t quit,” you take a sip of your glass of water to ease the tipiness. You giggle while reminiscing about the events that happened tonight. “Nanami was about to stop him, but you went ahead and just took the shots given to me.”

“Well, excuuuuse me! For being your great buddy on both ends,” he points at you with a piece of bread between his fingers, heavy laughter spewing from your stomach. “I helped make sure his money didn’t go to waste buying shots for the prettiest person at the bartop, AND help you not get any drunker than you are now.”

You say in snickers, “I didn’t know you were the prettiest person in that pud.”

“Oh, shut up.” He couldn’t tell if the alcohol was making his cheeks rosier or if it was the sound of your laughter filling his eardrums.

Gojo has known you since sophomore year of college. You were in the same dormitory tower with him and his best friends, Suguru Geto and Shoko Ieiri (she roomed with you the following year, along with Utahime and Mei Mei). The four of you didn’t quite know each other until Geto had a class with you, and the two of you were assigned a presentation. From there, you were invited to his dorm and met his roommates: Gojo, Nanami, and Haibara. Then, you were requested to come over and play video games with the boys or eat with them whenever the group went to the dining hall. And the next thing you knew, you upgraded from acquaintance to friend in a matter of weeks, fitting right in with the odd bunch.

The group cherished you and your presence — especially Satoru Gojo. The white-haired fellow would treat you as if you were his closest friend. He’d find you in your classes through the windows and make faces that you’d try to hold your smile at, knock on your door to come to hang out with you whenever he wanted to see you or if he and Geto had a fallout, point to you whenever he’d make a three-pointer during the basketball games, or come from behind you to hug without you knowing because he loved how you’d squeak from surprise and try to squirm out of his hold.

It wasn’t long before he realized he had a crush on you until the second semester of the sophomore year when you considered transferring schools, which everyone was sad about but respected your decision. However, Gojo was more upset about it than the others. He didn’t like that he made a friend, and you two were returning to being strangers in different worlds. Sure, there was calling you and texting, but it wasn’t the same. He wanted to see you smile, see you laugh, see you around with him. And the realization didn’t hit him until the first week of junior year when you called him one night and said that you decided to stay. He knew then and there that he cherished you more than the others, becoming a treasure he wanted to protect from harm.

However, he wasn’t the only one who adored you as much — if not more. In the summer of his junior year, Geto told his best friend he had feelings for you. And Gojo’s world was crushed for five seconds as his dark-haired friend confided in him. But when he responded, he quickly swallowed his pride and said, “That’s great, Suguru! I’m sure they’ll like you back.” And with that, you did, accepting his confession and spending your final year as a couple. And it didn’t stop there; many years later, Geto would go down on one knee for you, move in, and have two beautiful daughters with you.

Gojo bore witness to all of this, seeing his two friends become the happiest they could be with each other. It felt a bit painful — okay, that was sugarcoating it; it was excruciating, enduring hiding his feelings for so long. However, if it meant seeing the two of you happy, who was he to rain on your parade? So, instead, he was your biggest cheerleader, wishing you all the best for the two of you and your happy life. And seeing as though he’s now in your home, drunk, and sharing laughs with you, it was the best move he could ever make.

You took a nice big stretch against the couch behind you, yawning, “Thank you for taking me out. I really needed that. Do you know how lonely it is having two teenage girls who wanna hang with their friends more than their own mother? I was about to buy myself a crochet kit to keep me busy.”

He laughs at your comment about your daughters, Nanako and Mimiko, who’re now dead asleep upstairs in their room. Gojo lies down on the carpet, “No problem~. Nanami mentioned a nice restaurant that opened up recently, and I figured we could all use a night out.”

“You thought right,” you agreed, swaying from side to side, something you always do when you’re tipsy. Gojo thought it was cute. “And with, you know…the anniversary and everything, it took my mind off it…Thanks for coming with me to the grave today. The girls really appreciated it.”

He hums, taking off his sunglasses to rub his eyes. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Ah yes, the anniversary. Today was significant for the two adults in this living room, the teenagers sleeping soundly, and the friends you spent with tonight. It was the anniversary of Suguru Geto’s death. A dear friend and husband died in a car accident, trying to save a child from an upcoming car that wasn’t stopping at a crosswalk. The news came so suddenly to everyone, Gojo being the first to hear about it. He remembered the day all too well two years ago, knocking on your door to which you welcomed him with a smile like always. But you knew something was wrong; he could tell that his lack of response made your beaming light dwindle by the second. And when he told you the tragic news, the light completely disappeared, substituted with tears and gut-wrenching screams.

The funeral was depressing, of course. Many tears were shed, many kind words were said, and many rose petals covered the coffin when dropped and buried with the earth. Gojo was the only one who noticed you were the last to leave Geto’s side, trembling hands with nothing to do or hold on to. He was hesitant, but the tall man walked behind you and pulled you into an embrace. And like a flipped switch, you cried into his arms, finding solace through grief with the person closest to you.

That wasn’t the least time you cried with him, but those are memories meant for the two of you to share. There’s no need to delve too deep into another heart-rending episode, not after such a fun evening with everyone.

“You know,” Gojo leaves his imagination to turn to you from the carpet, seeing you twiddling with the rim of the glass. “I think we would’ve loved tonight. I remembered before the accident, he texted me saying he would kill to have a beer with Nanami and Haibara again.”

The tall adult scratches his brow with a chuckle, “Yeah, I’m he’d love tonight…If anything, he’d be astonished by how many beer mugs Haibara can take compared to freshman year. The kid couldn’t even handle three glasses.”

“I know, and—pfft. Poor Ichiji and Mei Mei, having to deal with a drunk Utahime now after her drunk ass almost pounced on Shoko to kiss her. You think she’ll remember any of that?”

“Pssh, no, but you can bet your ass I’m making fun of her about it first thing in the morning.” The manchild barks a laugh when you kick his shoulder, making sure not to make a mess with his bread and water.

“You’re one to talk, Satoru,” the named man giggled harder; he loved when you used his name as you scolded him. “For someone who puked a waterfall after one shot from his junior basketball team party, I don’t know where you got the balls to take the shots that random dude was buying for me.”

“What can I say; I’m a ballsy guy.”

You suck your teeth, taking another sip of your water. “You’re so annoying…Although, I know you did it to look out for me. I’d probably be wasted right now if I had those many shots. So, thanks again.”

Gojo lifts his sunglasses to wink. “Anything for you~” The sing-song tune of his voice makes you your eyes, but you continue talking.

“And thanks for all the times you’ve been available to help me. I know you and everyone else are busy, so I always feel bad when I ask—“

“Don’t be. I’ll always be here if you need me because I care about you.”

“Always?”

He looks in your direction to see that your eyes are fixated on his. Gorgeous eyes that captured his entire being the first moment he met you and now make him weak whenever they land on him. Darling eyes that were the prettiest things he’d ever seen, and that’s saying something because he’d been told countless times that his pale blue orbs were the most beautiful in the world. Alluring eyes that await his answer with patience. And so he says, “Always.”

You give him a soft smile, “Okay…I care about you, too.”

The two of you keep staring until you realize you have been gazing at Gojo for too long and avert your gaze downward. Gojo takes the hint and mentally slaps himself for it. Fuck, why did I do that? He stands up, groans, and covers his face in shame for that slip-up. You don’t know that he has a lifelong crush on you; everyone else knows. They’ve always known. The Gojo Satoru fell in love with the lover of his best friend. Correction: his dead best friend.

Anyone would see the problem in this situation. A best friend’s lover that you’re also close with? Don’t even think about it, Gojo, he curses himself. He knows all too damn well that you’re out of his field. You were the forbidden fruit that he couldn’t indulge with anymore. It was bad enough that you looked good tonight, wearing that cute halter top with long sleeves and those leggings that shaped your lower half beautifully so that he couldn’t keep his eyes off you all night. And he wasn’t the only one like that fucking old bastard at the pub buying you drinks. It made him sick, honestly.

“Ya know, Satoru,” he hears a glass hitting the wooden floor; you probably put your water down. He couldn’t see because his face was still covered, but his ears listened to your voice inching closer to him. “Remember that last home game we had at the inner arena of sophomore year?”

You remembered that? “Yeah, I remember.”

“And when you missed the winning shot, making the game stuck in a tie?”

“…Yeah.”

“Well, I, uhh…” he heard the carpet moving around — you were moving around. “I went to Hime and Koko about it because you looked out of it, and I was worried.” Hime and Koko: those were the nicknames you referred Utahime and Shoko. “…Wanna know what she told me?”

Finally, the man removes his hands to look. And he sees you on your hands and knees, your eyes catching him instantly. Thank God that his sunglasses were on because it would be pretty bad if you found his orbs wide at you. He could faintly smell the perfume coming from you. It was intoxicating and drove him crazy. He can only hope you wouldn’t notice the blush creeping up on his cheeks, thinking it was just the booze. “Wh…What did she say?”

“She said,” You sit on your knees, using your hands to take off Gojo’s glasses, and his breath hitches when you do so, putting them on the side. “You were upset that night because I said I was thinking of transferring.” You bring a finger to swipe his white bangs to the side and scoff. “Hehe, now, I can guess why you took my drinks.”

He gulps, yet it hurts to swallow. “Y/n..I—“

“Did you like me back then, Satoru?”

“…I’ve always liked you, Y/n. We’re friends—“

You shook your head. “No, no.” Come on, now. This wasn’t college anymore; you’re both adults now. You weren’t no fool. “Satoru, did you like me? More than a friend?”

Oh, fuck. He didn’t expect this to happen. Not in a million years. Gojo was never one to be nervous about things. But you? You were his exception, his one weakness. And it sucks even more that you’re aware of this fragility. He’s caught up now. He can’t lie, not to you, of all people.

“…Yes.”

He noticed your brow twitch, fucking hell. “…Do…Do you like me now?”

Fuck, Y/n, why would you ask that? He knows you deserve the truth, but it was painful to give it.

“..….I’ve always liked you, Y/n.”

And there it was: the truth, finally out for your judgment. Gojo’s face felt so hot it was unbearable. He needed something to happen, anything, please! His dignity and shame depended on it. It was too much to bear. The pounding in his head was a pain that never had happened to him in this extreme degree, and it hurt so damn bad. God, end me already. I don’t care anymore.

But he did care because why else would he still be looking at your face? He wanted to know what you’d do with that knowledge you received from him. Would you discard him? Never speak with him? He needed to know. Whatever happens to him is undisputedly deserved for being the dumbass who confesses to the spouse of his late best friend.

And then, like an answer to a prayer, something does happen. Gojo felt the coldness of your palm when you put your hand on his cheek, your forefinger brushing the lobe of his ear, and the skin temperature contrasting against each other until there’s shared heat.

Your eyes were locked in with his, honed with soft sternness, and your face inched forward hesitantly. Holy shit, he knew what you were about to do. It was a bad idea all around. If he really respected you as a friend – for both you AND Geto – he would intervene right now. He’d put his arms up and refrain from doing what you were about to do, no matter how much the inner, darker part of his soul wanted it.

However, we wouldn’t be telling this story if nothing ever happened, if Gojo didn’t let you put your soft lips on his plump ones, the two meshing together to signal the first union between you two.

The kiss was slow, filled with doubt at the start, as if you were hoping he’d push you away. But then you kissed him again after the first, and then the second. Three kisses was all it took to solidify Gojo’s next moves, daring to put a hand at the back of your neck. Which you allowed, you moaned at it. It ignited him, putting his other hand on your waist to suggest intimacy. And when you crawl further in his direction, there’s no going back.

You move to sit on his thigh that he propped up, cupping his face to keep him in your direction, grinding your lower half onto his jeans to create friction. Gojo follows your lead, moving his hands down to your ass, the flesh of it massaged by his slender yet firm fingers.

Whimpers kept egging him on, wanting to touch you more. The kiss becomes steamier, exchanging and swirling each other’s tongues, and he playfully sucks on it to hear you whine for him. “Ahhnn, don’t tease me, ‘toru…” Oh, don’t say that. Because now that’s precisely what he wants to do, slamming his lips into yours with a moan.

Your arms come around his neck, your legs grinding down on his thigh involuntarily to ease the aching commotion that’s brewing inside between your legs. His hands come to your waist, urging you to hump him more like this. The feeling of you on his leg felt so gratifying, arousing him to move his hips on their own.

This was so bad. No, it was tremendously bad. What was he thinking? Touching you and kissing you like this as if he were your lover — your Suguru Geto — and on the anniversary of your late husband’s passing, too. Did he finally lose his mind?! Even if it was the alcohol that was deranging his thought process right now, he still was conscious enough not to bring this predicament to a stop. Oh, this was beyond terrible.

It was just as terrible as you pulling your face off of him to respire, panting heavily, and wiping the tiny bit of saliva that stuck to your lip. Gojo knew he shouldn’t think like this, but he wanted to kiss you again, to pull you in once more, and have you mewing for him. You smelt, tasted, and felt so good for him. It would be a crime to leave you alone like this now.

Icy blue eyes examine your expression, taking in every feature of your beautiful face that he finally has on top of him like this. You look down at him with your hands returning to cup his hot cheeks. He always knew you were an angel, and now he has proof.

“You care about me, right?” You ask him with your half-lidded eyes that glowed softly under the warm ceiling lights. Gojo nods slowly, and you carry on. “Stay with me tonight, please…”

It was hard to swallow when you requested that. The night was already ruined — you were ruined — by him. There’s no way he could make this even worse. Nevertheless, the thought of saying no to you was contradicting his actions as he pulled you in for an embrace, kissing you down your neck and sucking your collarbone.

And damn him for feeling any excitement and joy from this…

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Gojo felt like the worst.

No, correction: he is the worst.

Ignoring all these years of his inner, bottled-up feelings have finally erupted and burst into shards that pierce his skin as punishment. All those side glances, all those handholds, and all the cheering from the sidelines; every single memory that’s been stacked within this glass now feels like needles to the heart. Needles to his entire being.

He felt like shit. There’s nothing about that sentence that feels like an understatement; he was an utter shit. He knew it and felt really bad about it.

…And yet, having you under his bow like this, saying his name in soft whines and your fingernails scraping on his pearly, sweaty skin only pushed him into feeling terrible even more.

Gojo was now in your room, a place he only imagined to be inside his dreams and personal thoughts, away from the judgment of Geto and others. This room was never for him to step in — it was your room. The only people who could be in this space were your late husband and his children, no one after. So, being here, lying in your bed with his clothes on the cold bedroom floor, was like a shank to the gut.

Plus, it didn’t help that the girls’ room was across from the room he was in; if worse could come to worst, they could walk in and see that their mother was nude and a disheveled mess under the presence of another man. It would sicken them, having them defy anything that they hold to their heart. They’d deny Gojo’s existence for such an act; they’d reject you for indulging along with him. He wouldn’t forgive himself. He doesn’t forgive himself now…

And worst of all, the thing that was hard to accept in the first place was you. You, who allowed him to even place a finger on you after letting him confess to you; you, who wrapped your arms around his neck when he put his plump lips on yours, the faint taste of alcohol being a reminder of the events they partook prior and has led to this; you, who looked at him with such gorgeous eyes full that struck his heart, eyes full of subtle wanton and need that he couldn’t ignore. He’d be the biggest fool if he ever did — hence the man claiming your lips with hesitant reluctance and having you to himself. Finally. After all these years.

Now, the snow-haired man is on your bed, mind still a bit tipsy but aware of what he’s doing. How could he not be? What he’s doing now is what he’s always longed for — his deepest, darkest secret.

Pistoning his cock to and fro into your wet cunt was a sight worth keeping in his mind forever. Its warmth, the tightness of your walls around him, the tip of his dick poking your sensitive spots and evoking the prettiest, cutest, and most vulgar noises he never, in his years of living, would think he’d hear leave your mouth. Good, he could die tomorrow for this crime – he should be – and he wouldn’t mind. Because this was such a treasure to his eyes, his death would be worth it if it meant having you like this. It was a terrible thing to think of, no question. And he’ll criticize himself later for not caring.

“Ohhooo, ahahhh, Satoru,” His sky-blue eyes took you in, your eyebrows furrowed with eyes sewn shut, your hands gripping the satin sheets of your bed, and your body recoiling with every thrust the Gojo threw your way. The image of your breasts bouncing with every rut was such a beautiful thing to see, Gojo bringing a hand to grope one mound while taking the other to his mouth. The tweeze of your nipple and the light grazes of his teeth as he sucks your bud makes you wail even more. “Oooohh, ‘toru, don’t suck so hard…Nnmaahh!!”

He releases your nipple from his lips, giving it tantalizing licks while hammering his length into your slit, and your shrieks were forbidden music to his ears. His pelvis coming at you hard and bumping into your clitoris was too much for you, your hands finding purchase on his shoulders. “Ohhh fuck, oh Jesussss, Satoruu, mmmph!! I’m gonna cum, I’m about to cummm,” you’d tell him with pleading, watery eyes.

“Hnngh! Shit, shit, let it out, baby,” Now, who the hell gave him the right to call you that? He was treading in deep waters he wasn’t supposed to swim in, calling you pet names as if he were your husband. Who does he think he is? Gojo doesn’t know anymore. “Let it go, cum on this dick…Aishhh, fuckingshit…” He’d take your breast back into his mouth, his tongue giving the nub an onslaught of teasing bites and aiding licks. Meanwhile, his free hand would snake down your abdomen and thighs, finding your unattended clit and giving it the attention it deserves, using his fore and middle finger to apply circular motions on the delicate bud. And your orgasm comes crashing down when he gives your clit a pinch, the walls of your chasm contracting around his cock with an ecstatic howl from your puffy lips.

Gojo watches it all play out – you in your climax – for the second time tonight. He feels it in your nails scraping the flesh of his back, your vagina clamping onto him until your high comes to pass, the arch of your back bringing you closer to him and exchanging heat. Your elated expression was frame-worthy, something he’d want to look at until the end of the Earth. And yet, witnessing it wasn’t a privilege given to him.

The trembles of your legs simmer down, and your whimpers go hushed as your back returns to the dampness of your bedsheets, releasing your fingers from the flesh of Gojo as your figure takes in oxygen to even your breathing.

The man towers over you, wiping cold, stray tears that trickle down your warm cheek. “That felt good, angle?” Again, calling you names he would never dare call half an hour ago. And yet you don’t ridicule him for it, nodding to him with a pleasant hum. Gojo kisses your lips, along with another and another. He knew he had no right to have your lips on his like this – had none whatsoever. But you tasted so good, felt so good. You were addictive; he knew this all too well. And here he is, a fool throwing himself into the fire.

He lets go of your bottom lip with a tug, maneuvering himself onto his side to spoon you, lifting your leg to make sure his hips have a clear way through as he inserts his length back inside you. He ruts into your wetness again, and the sensation sends a sharp tingle up your spine. You cry out, “Ahahhnn!! Sa–toru! D-Don’t! I’m still sensitive—Mmmm!! There…”

“Shhhh, I got you, princess. Let me take care of you, okay?” Gojo coos to your ear, making you purr and arch towards him.

And then his hips go back to pushing and pulling, his dick thrusting in and out of your creamy cunt. You breathe in hushed pants, letting the rhythm of his ruts churn your insides. You say his name in a beautiful whine, having him kiss under your chin in response.

Plunges to your vagina feel so good for both of you, finding comfort in each other’s warmth in this intimate position — a position that is meant for lovers. Something that Gojo knows that you two aren’t. Yet here he is, stuffing you with his shaft until your southern lips meet his balls as if he was your mate for life.

He says your name to your ear, his face buried in the crook of your shoulder, the perfume you wear making him dizzy. And when his cock grinds against the wall of your vagina and hits your precious spot, your eyes shoot wide, and your scream comes out in broken sobs. “—Ahhh!! Haahh!! Satoru, Satoru—Oh, God, ohmygoood!!”

“—Gahhh!! Hahhh, heh, you okay?” He smiles at your reaction, his free hand coming from behind you to capture a breast. “That’s a cute face of yours, angel. Wanna see more of it…”

And he makes sure of it by bucking into your chasm with haste, going at an irregular speed, and more massages to your walls have you sobbing in pleasure. The stimulation overwhelms you and your worked-up nerves so wickedly that you grab tufts of his frosty hair. He presses his forehead to yours, sharing exchanges of groans and moans in the limited space you two have to breathe.

Gojo is aware of this entire situation, aware that this charade will change absolutely everything. His relationship with you can never go back to what it was before. College friends, trusting buddies, asking for advice, sharing jokes and laughs, being shoulders to cry on — all of that, and more, changed the moment the man first took your lips in the living room. It’s a ginormous price he’s forced to pay for one night of passion and comfort, to be in your loving arms like he’s dreamed of.

He could never look at himself the same again, and he wouldn’t blame you if you were to do the same. Shut him off, ignore him, having no meaning in your world anymore outside of a betrayer and an unforsaken friend…However, if this is what his life will be like when he wakes up, he might as well see this night through. Let him have you through it all before the world tears him apart for it.

“Hooohh!! Ohhh!! Noo, aahhnnn,” your keens go higher and higher, twitching with every jab to your inner walls and a tweak to your nipple between his finger and thumb. “It’s coming, it’s coming again, Satoruuu—“

“—Hahhgg!! Ahhh, shit, shit, shit…cum with me, baby,” he has his hips go at a relentless pace, pounding harder to your slit, prompting more strangled gasps to fill the room along with the sound of skin slapping against each other.

It doesn’t take long for the both of you to come together, Gojo taking your lips in to drink your moans as his member spills his load into your fluttering folds, taking sharp breaths to stabilize your heaving, sweaty bodies that sink into the sheets. Jerking figures cuddled up together as you two experience your own set of aftershocks until the waves of orgasm wash out and leave you air to calm down.

Although, even with the climaxes gone, you two continue to kiss each other. Your hand nestled in his hair at the back of his neck, bringing your other hand to take his from your chest. Your fingers intertwine with his, grasping and uniting them like lovers — like soulmates. Again, something that Gojo is not. And probably will never be to you. But tonight, he is yours, and you were his.

Your plump lips withdraw from his with the removal of his member, him leaving a trail of kisses from your lips down to your shoulder. “Thank you, Satoru,” you sounded tired, blinking at the ceiling of your bedroom. “Thank you…”

He doesn’t say anything, not wanting to ruin the moment. He’s done enough damage now, hiding his face with the warmth of your neck from reality. He doesn’t want to think about it. So he closes his eyes, distracting his gnawing guilt with images of you flashing behind his fatigued eyelids. Your smile, your laugh, just you. That’s all he wants to think about in this moment…

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Gojo woke up but did not move.

He was awakened by birds of the early morning when everyone else would be sound asleep. But that’s not what he deserved — he doesn’t get to have this pleasure this morning – or any morning – from now on.

Because what kind of man who wakes up to the bosom of his best friend’s widow thinks he deserves to sleep soundly ever again?

Gojo knew the guilt would be the first thing that’d hit him when he woke up. He was hoping for something different — maybe Nanako and Mimiko walking up to their mother’s room and slapping the man who stained their father’s bed with the seed of another man. But no. Instead, he was awake for three more hours. And what better punishment endowed to him than to use those three hours to contemplate what he’s done?

Three hours of looking at the sunrise from your bedroom window. The gradual transition of the darkness turning into the light, unsheathing the pitch black curtains of the night and welcoming the beginning of a new day. But Gojo preferred the night; it protected him with the vision of his shame. Now, with the morning sun coming out into the sky, he felt naked – exposed to his sin for the eyes of many.

Three hours of silence. Nothing but silence. The only noise that tormented yet blessed his eardrums was the light snore from you, the rise and fall of your chest coming and going. He could’ve counted your breaths but didn’t. It was the only “good” thing happening around him. Being between your legs and listening to you sleep was something out of a dream — a dream he never thought would happen. And yet here it is and in the most horrific way possible. He took advantage of you; that was the lowest of the low, crossing a line never meant to be crossed. So, for that, he reveled in the silence. It was the most merciful thing that happened since he opened his eyes.

Three hours of being in your embrace. Your arms wrapped around him, making sure he knows what he did. It’s not what you meant to do, maybe wanting to keep him warm by being close to you. But for him, it was another invisible lashing. The hand on his shoulder felt heavy, as if he could morph into your body at any moment. The hand on his head gave faux consolation, the air from your exhale lightly pushing it down. It all felt so wrong, the twinge in his stomach becoming more and more distorted with every passing hour. It was so foul, being intimate with the partner of his dead best friend. Unbelievable…..but the false comfort had him grounded from shutting down.

Three hours of what happened last night replayed in his head nonstop. It was his own form of punishment. Every recollection of you under him, crying for him, holding onto him, and being vulnerable with him was one arrow after another.

Three hours of this all occurred before him until you woke up. He knew you woke up when the sudden halt of your breath stilled your figure, and it made his heart drop to his feet. You took long, slow breaths as if you were scared to move. You were scared. You had every right to be. And Gojo didn’t say or do anything until you spoke after an entire ten minutes moved by.

“Satoru?” You said it in a whisper, afraid that someone else would hear it leave your mouth, like a slur to this bedroom.

He doesn’t reply with words. He hums instead.

“…Good morning…” It was the first time ever he heard you say such a careful good morning. It broke his heart hearing you be so afraid to handle this situation.

“…Morning…” Because there was nothing good about it. You were doing what you always do: looking out for him because, no matter what, you were his friend. And like any friend, you knew you were in the wrong, too. So, it was better to savor this moment — this — together than have Gojo take the whole burden.

Despite the good intentions, it only fueled his sorrow. Because he knew he didn’t deserve it. Any kindness spent on him right now would be wasted. What was warranted, however, was what was on the nightstand in front of him.

There stood a picture frame, displaying you smiling ever so happily in the embrace of another – and that would be your late husband, Gojo’s best friend, Suguru Geto, the rightful man to make you smile and hold you so dearly.

Geto was staring into the camera as it was taken — probably the one who took it himself. What was then a wonderful memory for you to reminisce served as a silent lesson for Gojo. Another chain of guilt to be added to his shoulders, and it was the heaviest of them all. The purple of his eyes branded Gojo as if he was damning the snow-haired man for tarnishing his spouse and home. Like he was in heaven, making sure that his “friend” knew that he was doing his part in requesting a special seat in hell for him.

And honestly, that was the only thing in that entire morning that felt right to Satoru Gojo.

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